Sex With Emily - Episode 267 - Why She's Faking It

Episode Date: August 6, 2011

Emily welcomes special guest Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex - The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm. She explains the benefits of Orgasmic Meditation (OMing), and how 15 minutes a day can lead to better sex. Nicole provides us with a map to the clitoris, discussing the benefits of stroking, how to tell she's faking it, and the stroke to make her fall in love. Then, it’s onto topics like infidelity, why we love free porn, breaking down your fear of the vagina, and the joy of sex without orgasm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, you're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about sex with Emily, go to sexwithemlee.com. You can listen to our podcasts. It's kind of our mailing list. Take the latest poll. Listen to a blog and get the best sex advice around, really. So thanks everyone for becoming friends with benefits members.

We so appreciate it. And it's like 15 cents a day and you get podcasts every day and you get sex tips. And you get all of your questions answered. If you're friends with benefits member, we answer your emails. They go right to the top of the list. And today we've got some great emails. And I'm really, really excited for today's show. Menace is out of town. But we've got an amazing guest here at Nicole Daydone. She wrote a book called Slow Sex. The art and craft of the female orgasm.

And I'm so excited because she's based in San Francisco. She also runs an organization called One Taste, which we've gotten. A lot of people are curious about this. And I'm orgasm and I'm so excited because she's based in San Francisco. She also runs an organization called One Taste which we've gotten a lot of people curious about it and want to know what goes on with One Taste. We talked about this a few weeks ago. Also we went to her orgasm pop-up store which was just like the scent orgasm central in

San Francisco for a few weeks and so we're going to get into all that later. We're going to teach you all about the female orgasm and what you can do to enhance your sex life because I know that you're probably you can do to enhance your sex life. Because I know that you're probably listening to the show because your sex life is, yeah, I'm going to be so great right now. You might be having some issues. You know, or maybe it's great and you want it to be just take it to the next level. That's what we're going to do today.

We're going to take it to the next level with Nicole. So I'm so glad she's here. And first, okay, we got to talk about, we're going to do some sex in the news and we're going to do some emails. And that about, we're gonna do some sex in the news and we're gonna do some emails and that's what we're gonna do. Okay, so let me get into that, some sex in the news first. Okay.

Dally pardon apologizes to lesbian couple kicked out of Dally would. Apparently, oh right, sorry, one thing I have to do is that it's free, okay, I knew that I was gonna get this. This is so important. It is free Friday. We pay every single day, you have to do is that it's free. Okay, I knew that I was gonna get this. This is so important. It is free Friday. We pay every single day, you have to pay, right? Pay for the show, every single day,

the Friday show is now free. So we've got free Fridays. It'd be free to everyone, we have to read. So just you get the show. Everyone's like, we sue one show a week and now you're getting your free show Friday. Also, we've got a Facebook event that is awesome. Everyone who's liked my Facebook page,

which is Sex with Emily, we're giving away a free three month, not to everyone, we're gonna pick a person who has liked the page and they're gonna get a free three month membership to Sex with Emily. You're gonna get three month podcasts and we're gonna pick out someone

so go like the page right now and you might win because every day for the month of August, we're doing that. So important, go like it now, sex with Emily. It'll feel good, I promise. Okay, anything else? We good, Erin? I got everything.

Okay, so sex, the news, Dolly Parin apologizes to Lesbian couple kicked out of Dollywood. Apparently there's a place called Dollywood, which I didn't even know until today in Tennessee, which it reminds me of like Elvis Wood or whatever Elvis's place is called. And they kicked out a lesbian couple.

They were denied access to Dollywood. So they were, they were wearing a t-shirt. One of them was wearing a t-shirt that said marriage is so gay. And they got kicked out. And we also had lesbians kicked out of the Gertrude Stein exhibit at the Jewish Museum. So what is the deal with kicking lesbians out? I don't know. But Dolly, Dolly Parton says, I'm truly sorry for any hurt or embarrassment regarding the gay

and lesbian t-shirt incident. Everyone knows my personal support of the gay and lesbian community. Dali Wood is a family park. And all families are welcome. I can't imagine that Dali Wood is a family park. But I think of Dali Parton. I think of her boobs. I think of her boobs and her plastic surgery and whatever.

And I don't know what kind of family values values there, but that's whatever Dali would. So that's what's happening there if you didn't know. Insurers will soon be required to cover birth control. We talked about this a few weeks ago, but now Obama administration, this is amazing. He announced on Monday that health insurance plans must cover birth control with no copays among other reproductive health care services.

So this is amazing. They're going to be giving free birth control. I mean, it's not free. Everything's nothing. Everything comes to the price, but this is a great step forward for women. So it's very exciting. It's expensive birth control. And there's a lot of people who just use that as an excuse for not using birth control. So now, you know, you're no longer using it. So you thank you to Obama. And it starts on August 1st, 2012. That's really soon. It's very exciting. Okay. Oktomom, Nadia, mom not yet soon and talk sex people need sex but i don't i have zero sexual

interest yes thirty six-year-old mother fourteen stripped down to black bikini and the cover of step-and-out magazine she says she has an sex in twelve years uh... i think that people who don't have sex the longer you don't have sex you talk yourself out of sex and you think you don't need it Oh, yeah, and you get more and more righteous about it and you get grumpy or grumpy or from not having sex Exactly!

The damage furthest like your boat just begins to drift further and further and further from the harbor, right? Exactly! That's what sets was happening. She said I've only had one boy from my whole life and I never loved him. Actimom's gonna like going on. She's got a lot going on. But probably she did like a sex practice, like one of Nicole Daydone's Oming practices we're gonna get into, maybe that would help her. Yeah, well did you read this article, the Erica Jung article in The New York Times,

where she said that the buzz word, she's the feminist right? Right, where he was going. She said that the buzz word of her time used to be freedom and now it's control. And again, and again, and again, that's what I find with women. It's like we're so proud of ourselves that we can control our appetite. We don't eat very much, we don't sex very much, we don't want very much.

Look, we're great women and we're really tight and we're really grown up. That is so interesting that it's controlled that we have to be the perfect person. We have to do it all with the feminist women who has brought that to us. We actually have a lot more on our plate yeah that's a good point yeah we can run on fumes we're proud of the fact that we need so much help you help so many women to call and soon yeah she's getting to the pointy blanket get saturated warm oh my god I love it okay so infidelity is linked to sexual personality a recent survey has a thousand people to report their involvement in a monogamous sexual relationship lasting from three months So infidelity is linked to sexual personality, a recent survey asked a thousand people

to report their involvement in a monogamous sexual relationship lasting from three months to 43 years. 23% of men and 90% of women reported to participating in infidelity, but the cause is for infidelity deferred at drastic rate. Men who were easily aroused and men who suffered from performance anxiety were more likely to be unfaithful. Well, that's interesting. That's interesting. What do you think about that?

Men who were easily aroused and suffered from performance anxiety. So obviously, men who were easily aroused, maybe they have higher testosterone, but I would think the ones who perform a anxiety, they probably are blaming their partner that they're having a poor. So they're like, oh, I'm going to go sleep with as many women as I can and prove myself that I don't have this performance anxiety. Yeah, well, it's also interesting you know, it's also interesting. You remember this study that was done at Stanford with the kids with the marshmallows?

No. And they would, so they had marshmallows in front of the kids and then they would say, okay, I'm going to go, but if you don't eat the marshmallow, you get a second marshmallow. Oh. And then they showed that people who, the kids who didn't eat the marshmallow, and it was so cute, they were showing them like licking the marshmallow and everything. Right, right, right. And they were showing like the kids who could't eat the more in it was so cute they were so they're like licking the marshmallow and everything. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn't. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn. I didn.? It's like, oh my god, I'm hungry. I need a burger. I need it now. I need to get this hunger.

But then you never actually fill up. And I think the same thing shows in our sex lives. All right, I think you're right. I think you're absolutely right. So how does that translate though into your sex life we're supposed to hold it? I think it's not a control. That's kind of a way of controlling yourself.

Well, I think these guys don't learn how to actually nourish themselves with the women that they're with necessarily. And so what they learn is volume rather than quality. And I think that we aren't taught how to do that. We aren't taught how to actually get nutrients from our sex. Right. And that's what you teach, right?

It's what I teach. I love it. Okay. So we're all in the shot now. Cool. Okay. And we're all in the shot now. Okay. So the women who cheated,

happiness with their long-term sexual partner was paramount. Women who felt sexually unsatisfied were more likely to cheat. How compatible they felt with their partner and shared sexual values was also a predictor for cheating. So for women, it's the women who are sexually unsatisfied. There's a lot of women out there that are sexually unsatisfied. So it's man who is so interesting interesting people always want to know why people cheat So that's that's what we got for you. That's our sex in the news Okay, we can get into some emails now and I picked out special emails for Nicole so Nicole they don't my guest She wrote oh, yeah, let's take it let's take it

Okay, Erin how do we look you can watch us now. Do you realize that? You used to only be able to listen to sex with Emily, but now you can watch sex with Emily, which is just so much more fun, I think. This is her book, Slow Sex. Do you know what Slow Sex is? We're going to talk about it. The art and craft of the FEMA orgasm. This isn't a call.

She's awesome. And okay, so we're going to get into the mean buzz. But first, I want to say, okay, our new poll is up. What's your favorite role play scenario? Go to our website and vote. Teacher and student, nurse and patient, police officer and civilian, boss and employee. What turned you on? Which one of those?

If you had to do any kind of role playing scenario, what would you do? Let us know. And also, I need to talk about our sponsor, Fire TV, because I was never a huge porn person. I got to say, like, I wasn't, didn't watch a lot of porn. Fire TV has changed my life. They gave me a set top box. I've got 20,000 titles. And it's like the Netflix of porn.

If you're into porn, it's a Netflix of porn. And a lot of people are into it. You can start by any category you want, and you can buy it. You can buy minutes. You're like, I want 30 minutes of Fire TV. I want to have it. Also, everyone who signs up becomes a friend's, if it's a member gets 30 minutes free of fire TV, I want to have it. Also, everyone who signs up and becomes a friend's friend, if it's a member, gets 30 minutes free of fire TV, so you can check it out.

It's FYRETV.com. For all your poor needs. That's brilliant that they made it. You can get free. Because I think everyone has a desire to kind of open it up and check it out, but you know, crossing that threshold the first time and paying away, that's brilliant. Exactly. So it's free fire TV and it's like literally like their navigation, the way you can find

porn, like anything under the sun that you're into, whatever your fetish or your kinks or your desires or whatever turned you on, you can like sort by that and find any porn that will go with that. So we love them. Okay, emails. Hey Emily, love your show. I listen to it every day and I take a lot of your advice when it comes to my own sex life.

I've been with a guy for almost four years and we have amazing and we've had amazing sex. The only problem is he doesn't really like to give me oral. He says he has had bad experiences with past girls being gross down there. That doesn't really bother me because like I said we have great sex. But is there anything I can do to cure his fear of going down? I personally love giving him oral sex so I can't really understand where he's coming from. He says he is willing, he's willing,

so I just need some help. Thank you so much. This is from Angela. She's a premium friend with benefits member, so we're answering your email right now. Okay, Nicole, what do you think about that? Men who don't, I mean, she's the orgasm queen here. But men who don't like, I think there's a lot of men.

I always say there's men who love the vagina, and men who don't love the vagina. And I think with your work, you're trying to get more men to, on the other side, to love the vagina. But I feel like there's a lot of it i always say there's many love the vagina and then you don't have the vagina and i think with your work you're trying to get more men to and the other side to love the vagina but i think there's men who just don't they don't get it they don't like it they had a bad experience and they're they want it like they want to have sex with your vagina but that's all they don't want they don't want to like get into it they don't want to know it they don't

notice if you got it if you got a wax or they don't want to like get in and look at the lips like there's some man who are like let me you want to flash light they want to get in there and And then those guys are like, I just don't really want to go down there. So how do you convince a man? I always say it's like if the food you don't like, if you don't like tomatoes, I'm like, there's like people who don't like tomatoes.

If you don't like tomatoes, you're never going to like all of a sudden I think learn to like a tomato. Although you talk about tomatoes in your book, I do talk about tomatoes. I always use tomato allergies too around sex. I'm like, some people just don't like it. But how do you get men to get to like it? You know, I think it's interesting.

There's a great David Whitebook, and he talks about the fact that Herman Melville was afraid of water, but his greatest success came from writing about Mobe Decking in the water. And I think the same thing happens for a lot of men. The men, I find that the men who have the most fear around the pussy, yeah, say that if you want. That's it.

Okay, so the many of the most fear tend to be the ones who are actually the most interested in intrigue but have it locked behind that fear. So I think it's a matter of unlocking it. And so what I would say is make every single element part of the sex act. Have him bathe you. Have him look down there. Make that into the whole experience.

So that he takes ownership of it, because my guess is that he has a lot of desire. And something happened where he had a, I bet it wasn't a negative experience. It was that he had a lot of desire and somehow that desire got shut down. And it can just be like one time. It's like, it's a good high school.

One woman was like, had something like a grossed matter. Like she said, he had a bad experience, or he was grossed out, she said. Or where he was turned on and she felt ashamed, right? Usually it's something like that. And then he picks up on that shame and then he's like, oh that's bad, I can't have it, I can't want it. So she has to unlock this.

So maybe bathing together is what you're saying. Bathing is huge if there is, you know, when everyone women are concerned about how they smell and how they taste and so yeah, taking a bath and like, sudsing each other up and doing that thing, okay? And then just kind kind of how would she get him to initiate getting over that just have her maybe she shows in the mutual masturbation she shows them what feels good to her yeah oh my god I think there's infinite ways to go about it I think the biggest way though is to begin to take all of that that negative charge that he's feeling and make it positive. So this isn't necessarily the best metaphor, but you know they say that you know like heroin addicts actually come to love the feeling of the needle.

Right. So this thing that they thought was negative because what followed was amazing. Right. So you can begin to make your pussy into something that's really positive for a guy by ensuring that what happens after immediately following him putting any attention on your pussy, any positive attention at all, you make sure what happens is amazing. And you incrementally increase the amount of attention he puts there and how amazing what happens is.

And then, oh my god, I just don't, we're going to get into it. I think this foot like guys are simple. Yeah. You know, it's like you have a group of human beings who are approval deprived. Like they're just, they're dying for approval. And we as women think that all of those barbs don't get in there.

All of those subtle criticism don't get in there. I think you simply say like, oh, that feels so good. And you let him feel how good just his attention is. And then you watch him glow. And then you stop there. And then you do it again the next day, only you increase the amount of time that you do it. And you let him feel that just his attention.

Just his attention to it is good. And then you're positive reinforcing and you're erasing all the negative imagery that he has. That's good, I like it. Thank you. OK, I love that you're here. I love that I didn't have to answer that. So we're taking it great.

Emily, here's topic that's on my mind and likely the minds of other men. It has to do with the mysterious female orgasm. I've been married for 20 years. My wife and I have sex three to four times a week regularly. On occasion, my wife will let me know that she doesn't care if she climaxes. She just wants me to enjoy myself.

What? That makes no sense to me to enjoy myself. What? That makes no sense to me as a guy. You see, for men, an orgasm is perhaps the most powerful, most pleasurable function, our body generates. Nothing comes close. It is inconceivable to engage in intercourse without following through to climax. However, in your podcast, I gather that it's not an uncommon female response.

Thus, it seems that women treat an orgasm as a nice to have, well, men tend to treat it as a must have. It always feels strange to me that my wife would be okay letting me climax without experiencing the same thing herself. Can you please explain this to me further, is a female orgasm not as satisfying as a male orgasm? Thanks, E, from the OC.

Well, I have to say that I think the female orgasm is satisfying as a male orgasm, but she might not be able to reach her she's might be feeling pressure from you or from the situation that she's not able to orgasm so she's created told herself in her mind that it's not that important but really it is important it that but it doesn't have to be everything like i think sometimes

that sex can be so many things so i don't think she's lying to you by saying it's not important to her but i think there are ways that we can learn to give her more orgasms and to increase her pleasure right because he's concerned about that it does bomb guys out it does I mean when men out and they're like why can't she I did it I I know orgasms she doesn't but don't you think there is some truth that that women we still enjoy sex if we don't have orgasms or do that's something that you don't believe I think it's multi-fold right okay go what's your answer you know on't believe? I think it's multi-fold.

Right? Okay, go. What's your answer? So, you know, on the first, I think, well, it's two-fold. So the first part is, I think, so many of us women have been trained, like I said, to not have an appetite. And that the thought of asking a man to shift position even is so overwhelming for so many women. And, you know know I just was working with a woman last night and she said suddenly I'm in bed with him and I don't know why but I can't speak.

I have no way to tell him what I want because I don't know how to tell him what I want to even start. Right. So then she said I just kind of lie there and take it and I actually can't wait for him to climax to get it over with and I think that is such an unbelievably prevalent viewpoint that's so prevalent right so prevalent so that's the first part but the second part and this would be the higher version of it is that there is a kind of orgasm oh

so good and so deep and so rich that a climax actually feels like A disappointment by comparison and this is the work that you do This is the exact work that I do and you know and climax can be part of it But it's like you are out there and you are coasting you know in the the place where you wouldn't want to move an Inch because it's so good Wow And then the thought of climax would be like no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no What's the video where we find it? The URL is where. The WinTaste. Got US, WinTaste.us, and the video is called How to Own. And really, what can happen after a period of time is the minute a finger goes down on her

clitoris, all of the signs of orgasm show, all of the contractions, the ejection, at the instant of contact. Oh my God, that's amazing. I can't wait to get there. We're going to get there soon in this show. I mean, personally, and on the show. OK, OK, Emily, I've been seeing this guy.

I grew up with Phomas eight months, and he's wonderful. But I feel like now we want different things. Well, Clay and I got together. I was very clear about what I wanted. Just fun. I made it very clear that I didn't want marriage, kids, or anything remotely serious. But here I am with this wonderful man

who won't stop talking about marriage in kids. Any other woman would love to have my manager fee, but because of this constant marriage and children talks, I'm thinking of breaking this off. As a man wanting to marry you, a deal breaker? Rhonda from Atlanta, Georgia. That's a brilliant question. I know it is. I love you.

It might be a deal breaker, just because everyone else in the world, maybe it's prematurely, he's asking you for marriage. I don't know. You've been seeing it for eight months. Eight months is a very long term to be like talking about marriage and kids. I almost feel like when a man is or a woman has such an agenda like that, like after eight months, it's like marriage and kids. It's almost like he's on a track, but he's not paying attention to what track you're on.

It's like he's totally... it's clearly you're not there yet, and he keeps talking about it so where are you guys not communicating? Yeah, I mean, yeah, definitely. I feel like that's one possibility. I feel like there's this other possibility where he's actually asking for something, and he doesn't have the words to ask for what he wants. And I think, I think, really just wants a blowjob. I'm just kidding. Likely. No, you know, my guess is there's some kind of deeper connection that he wants, and in his mind, the only way he can have it is through marriage and kids my guess is there's some kind of deeper connection that he wants and in his mind the only way He can have it is through marriage and kids. I think there's a way that we have this law

Like and we assume okay soon as we are walking down the aisle that intimacy will descend on us And we will suddenly know that you know like do you think they like? You know as soon as you have a baby you're gonna know how to be a mother We've discovered that just is not the case as soon as you get married You are not necessarily gonna be intimate. Exactly. My guess is he wants a deeper kind of intimacy, and that's how he knows how to ask her.

That's a really good, that's a great point. So maybe it's not what he wants, but he's wanting something more from her, from you, Rhonda, like that is. Because I think there's nothing wrong with not wanting marriage right now after eight months together. You might never want marriage, but yeah, maybe you need to have a talk with him about what he really is he thinks and when you guys got

married what is it that he thinks that's gonna elicit and then maybe you guys can try to create that right now in your relationship with alpha marriage and I think there's this other thing where you know as soon as we start talking about marriage and kids everything gets so serious and we forget to play and you know I mean what you can do is you can just play house for a night. You can actually begin, you can turn that into a fantasy. You can make that into a whole experience for him where he gets to taste it. Right.

Like what marriage would be like and all that stuff. Yeah, because the underlying thing he wants with you is love and relationship. That's right. Really what he wants. So then you can make all these things into adventures. Right. I love it. Do you think that some men are some men say it because they think that that's what she wants

to hear? That's what she wants. So he's saying it too. I don't know. It's interesting that you said I have a lot of men. This is really interesting. Yeah. That's a great question.

Come to me. And all of a sudden they have this realization that oh my god they are talking about marriage because they think that's the only way they're going to have sex. They have been trained by their mothers. They have been trained to fall in love with the woman every time and when they discover like, oh wait a minute, actually, it can be with my friends. Right. Right.

Yeah. I think you're totally right. I think that so much of what this is is unwaring these messages that we get from childhood, from early ages from society. Yeah. I'm taking off. Take it off. Just strip it all down. Okay.

Okay, let's see. We've got... Okay. Let's go to this one because this comes up a lot and I want to see what you have to say about this. Okay. Emily, I'm a 24-year-old woman and I was recently prescribed a low dosage of zooloft for depression and anxiety and I didn't think there were any side effects until recently. I started seeing a really great guy but whenever we

have sex I just don't find my body responding very much. I'm totally attracted to him and the sex is a potential to be great but I feel like it's me who is keeping it back from happening. I keep a bottle of luke by the bed which helps a little but after about after a while I feel like I'm just going through the motions for his sake. I've never been able to orgasm with a guy so that's nothing new, but this is beyond frustrating. Before I was on Lexapro, a different antipresent and had slight side effects but nothing like this. I cannot take my medication, I cannot not take my medication, but can you think of anything that can get you to counter up the side effects? Thank you so much, Anna. So she never had orgasms with a guy before and she said, I, that's really common that people have the side effects from SSRIs.

And so I think a lot of people are on SSRIs that are prescribed that don't need to be, but it sounds like you need to be taking them. I think that there are medications you can take that counteractors like well butrin, which is another, which is one that has less side effects. It's still for depression, but it's, it can counteract the side effects. But I would touch your doctor. You could also go down. You might be taking too high of a dose. And also, what were you gonna say? What? I burped.

Oh, you're basically... I was being lady-like. I covered my mouth. I got you back in the morning. I'm like, don't say. So, I think that there are things you could do. I would just talk to your doctor. I'm not a doctor, but I know that there are ways you can go down in the medication. A lot of times when we're in our two high of dose

or right before you, if you know you're having sex, like since the weekend you have a lot of sex and you're seeing your partner. You could go down on it. You could take less of a dose. But you could also, there are other medications they can add in. If you feel like you need to take the medication. Does this cut?

And she's not had an orgasm with a man before either, anyway. But central, yeah. So I just come up a lot too, the medication. I think it would probably be my second most common question. Oh, she's so good. So what do you, mine too, lately? Yeah, it's very common. And I just did a great video with Dr. Sarah Gottfried.

And if you can find her, call her. Okay. I've got to have her on the show. We've connected before. She's so fabulous and so real. We were talking about this very topic and we were talking about the fact that that often these are the exact symptoms. You know, often what we call depression are the symptoms of a woman who doesn't have orgasm in her body. She's lacking oxytocin, she has high cortisol, all of these different symptoms begin to develop. And the, at the root cause is a lack of orgasm.

And then you take this pill that decreases your, your highs and your lows and makes orgasm that much more elusive. Right. And so we were talking about how to work with this. And one of the, one, my suggestion always and the doctor agreed, is just add oam. Just add an orgasmic practice. As often as, and I would even say for you daily, a daily practice.

Today can overcome the side effects with an oam practice, which is orgasmic meditation, which we're going to get into like in a second. Because the nature of a practice is you don't have to be turned on to start. That's like, when I go to yoga almost every day, It's not like I before going to yoga I'm like, I'm just dying to get to yoga. It's like, yeah, you know, I, you know, pack my little bag, I get my little booty in there and I go. And then I'm in there and then like, oh, thank

God I did this. That's what, that's really how practice works. Right. So if you take on an orgasmic practice on a daily basis, just add home. Just add an orgasmic practice in such a way that you begin to shift internally your hormones and you may just find that a lot of the symptoms fall away. And that either one of two things can happen in both are positive. Either your desire for the actual antidepressant can fall away. Okay. Or you may desire to stay on the antidepressant, but you can find a doorway into your orgasm, even with the... Wow.

That's amazing. That is amazing. It's like a cure-all. Yeah. Let's get into that now. I think you should get into it now. Okay. So if you're just joining us, Nicole, they don't, is a...

The author of Slow Sex, the art and craft of the female orgasm. She also started this revolutionary place in San Francisco. It's a company called One Taste. And One Taste was founded in the summer of 2004, so you've been around for a while. And it's a place where sexuality, relationship and intimacy can be discussed openly and honestly, and she teaches courses.

And they keep, everyone knows, like, have you heard One Taste? I'm thinking of taking a class, I've taken a class. So it keeps coming up everywhere. And we met Nicole. We've taken a class so it keeps coming up everywhere and we met Nicole We've met a few times. Yeah, and I've spoke at one taste and I went to your when her book launch She had an orgasm we talked about this in the show an orgasm pop-up sort which was so creative and clever And it just had orgasm is it had these big sheets of paper and everyone can come in and describe what an orgasm is to them

Which I thought was just brilliant because what is so many things is so many people. And so congratulations on that. Thank you. Revolutionary and so cool. So we're talking about oaming which is orgasmic meditation and many people might not have heard of it yet, but you will. So can you talk about, well first let's just back up and tell me about your background and where you are.

Okay. Okay. So how you get into this? I about your background. Great. Great you are. Okay. So how you get into this? I fell into it. I tripped in it. I tripped in it. It's not something I do. It's not something I knowingly would have walked back to. So I was teaching.

I think that's probably the best place to start. That's where the first seed got laid. I was teaching at San Francisco State. I was teaching in the graduate teaching associate. Okay. And I handed out this questionnaire, I was teaching human sexuality and communications. I handed out this questionnaire and in the questionnaire I said, what do you want to know about sex? So these, it was to women at the time. Okay, and I was a young butting feminist. I was so proud that we had our sexual

liberation. Right. And every single one came back with some version of what's wrong with me. And I, I was devastated. And I was like, where did our sexual liberation. And every single one came back with some version of what's wrong with me. And I was devastated. And I was like, where did our sexual liberation go? What do you mean what's wrong with me? Give me an example. I can't climb out. What's wrong with me?

I can't climb out. All of these places where I could feel deep-seated shame in this area that was supposed to be free and sexual. Right. You know our power, man. And so that stuck with me. And then what stuck with me is I also had a sitting meditation practice at the time. And I knew that there was a way that you could have a practice that was outside of the realm

of theory that gave you relief. But I didn't have any relief to offer to these women. I just had more books for them to read and more recipes for them to follow that didn't address the fact that they didn't know how to feel. Right. And then, you know, several years later, I was getting ready to move into the Zen Center. I was in the Pasinum meditation. I was really going down that so I totally got it. Yeah. Okay, so you were going to move into the Zen's right, which is funny, you know, it seems diametrically opposed, but when you get down and you're not saying it's almost like having a practice.

Yeah, and I met a guy and he said, I want to introduce you to a sexual sexuality practice at a party. I said, a party. This is so embarrassing. Right. And, and he said, you'll take your pants off. I'll have all of my clothes on. It will be for 15 minutes. You won't have to do anything in return. We'll talk about it before during and after and the lights will be on. And I... You're like, how about what my name is in my neighborhood? I live in. You know, people ask.'s so funny though, is like every single one of my objections that I would have made, right? He answered all of them in the request.

And so the next thing I knew, I was, you know, I was lying on my back, right, right, with my legs butterfly, open the lights on you know and I said I mean I was there and I said this is so strange and then he started the practice and the only practice he started stroking me and you know I was where I always was I was in my head right and I think you like like do I like this guy? Am I fat? Are we getting married? All of that stuff. And then what happened was that chronic chatter. All of a sudden just stopped for a minute. And I felt something. Wow. And I, and there had been like this underlying sense, you know, it's, it's this underlying thing that made me reach out and seek into Zen Buddhism, it made me shop, it made me drink too much wine,

maybe too many cupcakes, all of these things. And it was like for the first time in my life, like that place got touched. And it hit me like, oh my god, this is what it's supposed to be like. Wow. This is so- How was your sex before that? Your sex life before that? I would say that my sex life would have been A nine or a ten on anyone's scale on the scale that I mean it was like I had climax every time Right, I had you know hot sexy make-outs It was like all of the stuff you were told it's supposed to be and this wasn't even this it's like it wasn't like it went from like You know And this wasn't even, it wasn't like it went from like, you know, you know, a nine to a ten.

It was like it went from a nine to a whole other, like, body to a whole. I don't even recognize that last set Nicole from the past. Yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing. Who I was on the other side was a completely different human being. Okay, and then did you get together with the sky or? I, well, I didn't. Okay.

Whatever. Whatever the idea is about. So now, okay, so what then, let's talk about it then. So he owned you. Right. Okay, so what is the name? We owned. We owned.

We owned. So it's really simple. And I'm so glad that you know the Post-Nix. I can use the basic terminology. The Post-Nix is a kind of meditation. Yeah, okay. Right, so I'll describe it and It'll be in this scenario to be a man and a woman. Okay, the woman will be being stroked and so she would lie down

She would butterfly her legs open and there would be pillows underneath Both of her legs he would put one leg underneath her knees one over her belly He would rest his thumb at the base of her in Troidus. So the and troidus is the area where you to enter in intercourse. Okay, right? So he would just rest his son there and then put his hand underneath her behind to secure her. He would then take lubrication. Okay. And he would stroke the upper left hand quadrant of her clitoris. So if my clitoris were a clock and then 12 o'clock position were my belly button, it would be the one o'clock position where the stroke. Got it. Okay. Which is amazing that men can... I've always amazed men can even find the clitoris. Now we're like,

but now you got to break it into quadrants. But this is what you teach. But you know how you'll say like, a little bit left. A little bit right. This is where we're, right? But you know how you'll say like, a little, a little left hand. Ah, a little to the right. Exactly. This is where we're trying to direct him. So now we actually have a map. We're just starting the whole thing. And you're like, that's so wrong.

Yeah, and he's like rubbing. Now you can actually give him precise instructions on the location. OK. So then he would just stroke up down, up down, on the left quadrant first. On the left quadrant. No more firmly than you would stroke the eyebrow. down. On the left quadrant first. On the left quadrant. Okay.

No more firmly than you would stroke the eyebrow. Okay. And both people, most people, both people would keep their attention on that point of connection for all 15 minutes. So you just have to breathe and focus on that part only. Exactly. Exactly. And then what happens?

Yeah, there you go. So, now it doesn't have something. It sounds nice. It sounds, but doesn't it sound deceptively simple? Yes, like silly. Like silly? Right, great. Well, I can pet my cat too.

That's great. Now, I think it's simple in the same way that breathing meditation is simple. Like, okay, you're just sitting there, focusing on your breath, and all of a sudden you're rocketed to the outer stratus for fears of the universe and if you haven't had that experience there is no way you can describe the places you can get to just focusing on your breath. Right. My experience is it's the exact same with Oming. It's like I have almost 10,000 hours of practice.

If you do. If it were just like, you know. Right. There would be no way I could continue. No, but it's amazing. So you do it every single day? Well, I happen to, right. So now I stroke.

That's the thing I use to stop people. Okay, so now you're the Stroker. Stroker. Stroker. So you see, you're in my back. Exactly. Oh my God, lucky, lucky woman. So now you teach the classes to men and women.

Right. Right. So what would you say then are the benefits? Like what are the immediate benefits that someone will feel after they do it? Great. So I think we actually have this malady. And the malady is very similar to when we had scurvy, which isn't a very beautiful way of putting it. But there was scurvy, it's this disease.

They couldn't figure out why, but all of a sudden, all of these people who were on ships and happened to eat limes, didn't get it. And then all of a sudden, they located, oh my god, it's the vitamin C inside, and then you get rid of this ailment. Okay. Well, I think we have an ailment in our culture, and it's basically, it's called tumescence, and it is the build up of sexual energy inside of a woman's body.

And so all of these different things that underlying hunger, right? What I call the Western women's mantra, I eat too much, I drink too much, I diet too much, I self-help too much, I give too much and still I can't feed that hunger. That feeling actually gets nourished. And when that happens, all of these other things, all these compensatory behaviors begin to fall away, right?

Sort of like, our idea of a woman begins to drastically change because we see women often as like manic or dramatic or we see her as controlling and tight. And all of that falls away, right? Because she actually gets nourished. So that feeling, if you've had a great make out, right? Right, love it. You know, and you've just had that make out and some

massive great make out too that goes away after getting some for a while. You've got to bring it back though. I think kissing is the first thing that goes that I always say. All right, I think we can work on it. We can work on it. That's what we're trying to do. Yeah, okay. So the, um, okay.

Yeah, sorry, go ahead. So, um, so you know that that way is all of a sudden it's like you've had this great make out and it's like you have these different kind of 3D glasses where you're a little bit in love with everything. So you know like after you have this make out he's eating and you know a little bit of food dribbles on his chin. That's so cute and you lick it off. You know where it's like before the make out if that would would happen, you'd be like, that is so disgusting. Right. You know, so as women, we have like these really critical kind of tight minds. You know how it shifts after our make out.

Now imagine if you had that kind of sensation in your body all the time. Right. That's what I practice. So that's when you talk about, you talk about the practice of like, you're always in a constant state, like orgasmic mess, right? Right. So I remember, how do you, it's so hard to explain right? You just have to do it. Okay, so here's what I have to tell you. Okay, good. So what's your pop up store? Okay, great. Her

orgasm pop up star. And we're just so you know if you're just joining us we're talking in Nicole De Don't. She's the author of Slow Sex. They aren't craft of the female orgasm and she's legendary in this area and everywhere now what she's doing for for women and for orgasm and for men and women improving their sexuality, helping people with sex. I mean so many people are challenged sexually or just having issues and they don't have to overcome it. And this is really a practice.

It's like a simple practice that you can take you to a whole other level. So that's what we're talking about today. And it's free Friday, so the show is free. And you're also, thanks everyone for becoming a friends of benefits member and it's 15 days a day, which is nothing. So if you, okay so I was, okay so I go to your orgasm pop up store which we had the best time. My insurances were like in the confection, the desire booth.

And there was like, or everyone wrote on the wall, we have a video on our website which you can check out. Or all the orgasms, orgasms, and means to them and it was so cool. But while it was there, I was approached by a few gentlemen. And it was so easy. Yeah, so it is. And I was approached by people like, what are you doing here? Are you part of one taste?

One taste is the organization is the company that you run. Right. Nicole started this really successful company that teaches sex and sexuality. And what do you say it teaches sexuality, relationships and intimacy. A redefinition of orgas Okay, we redefine the orgasm. She's like are you part of one taste? I'm like well, I've been there I'm not I'm here like love Nicole lover work that I don't really know like well. I'm looking for an oaming partner So I three guys emailed me and called me since then

Uh-huh, and I'm and at first I was like I'm so curious about it like I've talked to you I've read your book I've had some of your some of your one-taste people on my show like five years ago. So it's always been about back my mind. And like I should home. Why don't I own? I gotta own.

I should own my van. So anyway, if you call me and I didn't get back to home. So then one evening, he's like, okay, I know I should probably take this as a rejection, because you haven't gone back to me twice, but I just want to find out. And I was like, you know what, this is a sign. I got to do it. So I'm meeting with him today

I Not only but we're having coffee And he's one of your like you know one of you say in your class and he needs a partner And I think I might do it So I think I'm so I'm nervous and whatever he's like well, should we just start doing it? No, no, no, let's be for coffee first. So we're gonna meet and I'm gonna and I thought I mean they were all really They have just all great vibes like I don't just give out my number, but they all seem cool So now I got a that a pick, but he was when they felled up three times

Problem How many women I have who come to me and say what if you don't have a partner? I don't think you could ever get Oh my god So I'm sorry. Oh my god. So I'm done. I'm gonna go there. Turn on woman. Of course you do So I should do this. I just feel like it'll be a good thing. So I met a major story. I'll let you know how it goes But what else what other the other one I just offer you a you know if this one doesn't work out You can I'm happy. I would love for you to have a session

For you to be fully trained to the depth of training that you want, I would love to have that of course. I would love that! We gotta go! See ya! I wanna do it now! Really Nicole, that would be amazing! Of course!

Because then we get like, yeah! Oh my god, that's what we're doing! I know, I know, and you're already turned on, so you're actually somebody who can get the nuance of it. Why'd you say you were? You could get the nuance of it, right? Yeah. And lately it's funny because a bunch of my friends of it. Why do you say you want? You could get the nuance of it, right?

Yeah. And lately, it's funny, because a bunch of my friends have been like, have you heard about that? I feel like it's like, well, as your book came out, and it's just like in the atmosphere right now. So what are the other things that I mean? So what is the difference between a woman orgasming and climaxing?

How do you check out the difference between those two? Because it's not about, we think orgasms were like, I remember you describing this, or you people who work with you, about going over. Right, going over. Do you still use that? We do. Or actually, I'll just say climax at this point, I've distinguished between the two.

So, you know, really what climax is, for most people, right, is, well, it's two things. So the first is, you're feeling kind of stressed out. You want to get rid of that feeling of stress in your body. And so you have a climax and you get back to normal. Or you're with a partner and you're feeling all this build up of turn on. And then you know it's like, oh, you can't take it anymore. I have you. And then you climax and then you lie together and take a nap.

And how that happens is you progressively increase pressure. And then you pull everything up. and then you hear the bell ring, and then, chew, you would spell it, right? And you'll notice like it's kind of violent in your body. Right, right. It's like, oh, yeah. And it's kind of exhausting, right? Yes. But the exhaustion feels good because usually we're so tense, we have so much tension that the exhaustion by comparison feels good. So that's what a climax is to me. What I'm talking about orgasm, what I'm talking

about is almost the exact opposite. I'm talking about cultivating sensation. I'm talking about progressively, instead of like seeing the goal and racing for it, you know, like most like going to a symphony and only listening to the last note, you know, like going just for the cymbal, boom, right, and slowing down and feeling every single stroke. And when you do that, what happens is instead of just having the surface level climax, it goes all the way down, it sinks all the way down into your bones, into the single. And you have your bones. There's only woman who's like, sorry, I tried it, didn't work. This really works on every woman.

It works on every woman. I mean it's like, well I mean it works on every practice of that. That's the way they, yeah the same way that yoga works on every way. Yeah that's what we're built for. We're built for that kind of deep saturation sensation. As women, you know I have every woman it feels like not every woman

But it feels like who comes to me says I just like my sex life is great or my sex life sucks one of the two Right, and I just feels like there should be something more And I think we have an ascension our bodies of what it's supposed to be like like it's not it like it's great is that Is afterward. Do you kind of feel like? Yeah, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, is that, Yeah, does this add climate? Who don't climax right who don't climax right that's I say another one of my top questions I get asked is like my women who can't have orgasms right so this would I think would be a great great amazing it's amazing I think Well, it's interesting because women who see themselves as not climactic often End up being the practitioners who have the deepest practice wow because they haven't attuned themselves to racing for that goal.

And so their capacity to just keep sinking in and sinking in and sinking in. And then that's why we had the orgasm is stored. That's why it was so important. Because the definitions that we have for what sex is supposed to be do not actually suit a woman's body. So you can have this woman who has this unbelievable I mean like unbelievably deep orgasm right? Like we're massive contractions are happening and it jacket is pouring from her and she's and she'll say oh there's something wrong

with me. I'm an orgasm. I'm frigid. And that has just happened to her and she still thinks that. Right, because she adapted to it. Because it isn't the big kind of explosive climax that is actually suited for a man's body. And we as women can do it, it can be part of our repertoire, but it isn't the whole of what we're capable of. And she'll actually just be, you know, on the bottom notes of her piano keys, she'll be in a different part. And it'll be so beautiful.

So a lot of our work is just going back and saying, oh wait, no, that's beautiful, that's orgasm, no that. And then she'll say like, oh, but it's not working, it's wrong, and I'll say, well, did it feel good? Well, yeah, it felt good, but you know, it just isn't right. Oh, because they're so used to the, to the, exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. Retreating your mind again and retreating your body about what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I love when you say that what you do is you, you, you, you, you spent your career redefining orgasm from a woman's point of view.

Right. So this really is all about women. It's orgasm. Well, men, but I want to talk about the male role. Like, so if you guys listen to this and he's like, okay, great. So I can get her out. Where was it for me? Right. So I just want to talk about the mails role. So if a guy is listening to this and he's like, OK, great, so I can get her out. Where was it for me? Sorry, just wanted to say it for a minute.

I want to say it's funny, because Mance never asked me that question. A Mance never said what's in the movie? No, no, no. OK, go ahead and get it. And I can tell you, what's in it for the guy is on multiple levels. So on the first level, it's the fact that he actually gets instructions that he can understand on how to be with a woman's pussy. You know, here's this poor guy, right? His entire identity depends on how well he can do this. Right, and he's supposed to know how to do it in the dark under the covers without talking. Right, right. And the new woman and even though his last girlfriend did it this way, this new woman,

he's got to figure it out in the new body body each time and even though all these men have been so horribly trained by our faking orgasm yes you know we're actually reinforcing faking it exactly so so just like his confidence level period of actually feeling like okay wait a minute I've been asked to do something and I have the instructions as to how to do it and I can do it well right right I think though there's this other element that we as women just do not get, we just don't get it because we're not conditioned this way. See, a man is conditioned to be productive, to bring home the bacon. To give her pleasure. And so that gives him a kind of gratification that we could never, as women, we know, we're just minks.

We know we can just roll over that thing it'll feel good that's great but we don't have a lot attached to how well we do it right we are we're good right right but but for man oh they're so tight up and like I I've been with guys where I remember I didn't orgasm and he was like so upset like did something wrong and this was like just like a few months ago this guy was a he was, I'm really upset you didn't have an orgasm on that. Like as I had before with him, he's like, I'm just, I don't know why he's wrong. And like, are you gonna see with me?

Like, it was so, right. Because it's like they want to achieve like certain goal of my stomach. Exactly. I felt, I felt with my family last night. I was like, now it's fine, it's cool, it's cool, it's whatever. So this would be, so this practice really empowers men

to get it finally. Because so many men just don't, yeah, they don't get it. They don't know it. So you teach them, you break it down. Like the, like totally break, I them, you break it down like the, I totally break, I mean I break it down. You break it down, to quadrants. I mean to quadrants, like I'm the cycle,

they know the clitoris exist, which many men don't and then it's like quadrants. So then, so going back to the oaming practice then, it's a 15 minute practice every day or you start with every day. And then the man, so you starts with the, the left quadrant. Right. And then you move to the other quadrants. And you will have to start 15 primary spots in the clitoris. And this is actually- I know there's like thousands of nirvani, so it makes sense that there would be quadrants.

Right, so when we were talking about what the guy gets out of it, I can tell you that the next thing he gets out of it is the level of mastery. One of the things Carlos Santana said, I think it was Carlos Santana said, after a period of time of playing the guitar, the guitar begins to play you. Right. And really he gets to see, have you read this book, Flow, the psychology of optimal experience? No, no, but I've heard of that. So you know the basic concept is that the time when a human being is the happiest is in a deep state of absorption. Okay. And he can take on a practice to the extent that he can get so deeply absorbed in the practice and he can play her clitoris like an instrument and get it at such a deep level of mastery that then he gets to

sink in to that state that you get in yoga or meditation. She gets to sink into that state that you get in yoga or meditation and they actually get to be there together. Wow. The only way that I know that two human beings get to sink into that state that you get neuro-gay or meditation and they actually get to be there together. Wow. The only way that I know that two human beings get to be in that state together. That's amazing. And it just happens instantly because you're in this, like if you have a meditation practice that way through, so they get into this together. But it takes time, I would think that it would take, doesn't happen the first time or

it does happen the first time. That's so doesn't. I mean, that's the thing. We were joking about it. So doesn't you say? Yeah, it doesn't. I mean, it's just hard to market it. It happens for the first yoga class, you're not whatever,, doesn't you say? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's just hard to market it.

Nothing happens for the first Joe class. You're not whatever, and you know, we're not worth on in a day. Right, exactly. Totally. Okay. So, what else can we learn about this? So, what about Oming for men?

You talk a little bit Oming for men? Great. So, one of the things, Charlie Glickman said this great thing about how many men ejaculate, but not every man is orgasmic. And this is, when he said that, I was like, oh, thank God. So one of the things that's really key to me is that first we get our women orgasmic. So some of the statistics show that in their last sex act, 76% of all men climaxed and only 26% of women did.

So if you imagine that you're going out to lunch and he's eating 76% of his meal for years and she's eating only 26% you can feel that she has a hunger. So the first thing we do is we feed her. Well then the shocking thing, lo and behold, what you discover is that when she's full, all of a sudden you step outside of the context of obligatory sex. Right. And all of a sudden she's full and she's pouring her desire over on to him. Okay.

So this releases, so you're the only releases all of this. Right. It sounds so amazing. Like everyone should be doing this. I totally agree. So how do you get people? I mean, what about the skeptics? We're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do you, you can learn it by downloading it on your website. You could buy your book. Would you recommend the first thing is to take a class if they're in San Francisco? Do classes in other cities too? We do. In fact, we're going to do a class in Boulder, I believe.

And then we're doing a class in Los Angeles. And so we do classes throughout. But we also do Skype. We do a lot of Skype. I know, it's all're doing a class in Los Angeles. And so we do classes throughout, but we also do Skype. We do a lot of Skype. I know that's all at onetaste.us. Exactly. You can find it. It's a great website.

You can see all the stuff that you can download. So if someone's listening to this and they're like, okay, so the Oming practice is really, and then what about the intercourse? Do you find that people are matched in the classes and then do they have intercourse? Or is it really you just focus on the orgasm, but does it lead to sex usually to intercourse? Do you find that people are matched in the classes and do they have intercourse or is it really you just focus on the orgasm but does it lead to sex usually to intercourse? That's a great question. So you can use it however you want. In my mind it's like all of a sudden we are filling your bank account.

However you want to spend it as a shoe. There are people who, you know, I have artists who come and they use it for their painting. And then I have people who take it and they use it to have their career feel more like you know being creative rather than Efforting then there are people who use it in their deep meditation and awakening practices It's however you want to use it. It's a plastic in that way So tell me about some of the success Tell me about some of the befores and afters I'd love to hear like is there someone six out of your mind like a student who was like super skeptical came in or a woman

Who's like I've never had orgasm. I don't like like sex. I mean does there any person that comes to mind over all these years you've been doing it or just explain it yeah. Well I mean so what I said to skeptics is I would have been one too. Right. The only thing I get it like that ever would have convinced me was trying it. So just try at the worst thing you have to lose is 15 minutes. Exactly. Right.

So you know I do I have this fun couple that they were married for 28 years and they hadn't touched in 18. And that was like, they hadn't even touched, like it was like, they would brush each other and it would feel awkward and uncomfortable. And just the experience of watching them progress, it was like watching something melt between them and really watching her face melt. Amazing. It had sort of frozen into this. I'm never gonna get what I want. Expression. And then just it was so sweet like

watching. It's like almost like there are movies where you watch someone's smile for the first time, you know, and should be like so awkward in her display. I love with him and coming back into relationship. And then seeing the glim- like it was like I could watch the glimmers of who they were when they first got together. Oh, they had a love dish. Which is like another top question we get asked is, we used to have at-sacks.

We've been together for a year, 10 years, 20 years, how do we get back to it. So it sounds like Oming would be a great way for couples at no matter what state even if you're not a couple but for couples if you're a what's your relationship it would be a great practice to invest in to to just kind of bring that spark back to your sex life that's exactly it is it so that you're your sex life can get exponentially better for the rest like the woman I know who's been oaming for thirty years right like it's like it, her practice only gets deeper and better on a daily basis.

Now, can women teach this to men or is the man have to be trained in it? Like, let's say, okay, so let's say I meet with this dude today. Oh, I don't even know. I don't even know. Or, you know, and then like, is it the kind of thing that I could teach a partner and really the guys

have to go in for their specific training? You know, you can. And, I'd rather not. And and when I'm thinking about it. Right, I want him to know I want to lay back. See, that's the thing that we offer men. We'll say we'll show you how to handle her pussy better than she knows how to handle her own pussy. I love it! And I think that's as women what we want, right? We just want to not be able to have to give constant instruction.

We want to let go. And so we expect them though to be mind readers and so what we do is we give him the mind reading lessons okay so that when he enters he knows exactly what to do and so that you know for example my stoker all all think I wish he'd turned to the left and write it as I'm thinking it his finger moves because he can read your body that way. He can read my body. And that's what you're doing. So that's we should get into that for a second. Because we have a few more minutes here.

But how do we get into that? Talk about that. That experience, how you can, you learn to read each other's energy because so much about sex. I'm always talking about like, well, men are like, I don't know if she likes it. I'm like, well, what did her body do? Did she breathe?

Did her breath quick in? Did she pull back? Did she? So this practice teaches you how to really read a woman, right? Right? Because you're in there and you got to subtly like watch. So he knew that you wanted that because of the way the energy that you were giving off. He has a very subtle and nuanced capacity to sense. But I think, you know, the first thing, we, I do the very hard work of, oh, this is so hard. I train men how to not listen to women because we as women are trained to perform.

And so we will scream louder, move our hips harder, we do all of these things to show him and convince him that we're getting off in such a way that we actually distract him from whether or not we are. Right. Totally true. So he'll be listening to her mones and I'll say, ah, no, don't listen. Do not believe that mone. I want you to only, you know, first thing I have to do is look at the actual physical involuntary signifiers of swelling of contractions in a jocolid. Because that's something she can't fake.

Right. So that actually gives a man power. You know, as women, we're kind of mad that our performance doesn't work for a while. But then we are so grateful that he actually, he has his own measuring stick as to what's happening in your body. And this is something that a man can take with any woman that he's with.

I mean, it might be different. Her practice, but just the starting out and the way you do it is a practice that he becomes fine-tuned through your classes. It gives him the tools for himself that he brings with him wherever he goes. So what happens in a classic? What's your most popular class for men? For men? Well, we have a non-line class that's amazing called Goldfinger. And it actually is. That's online.

It's awesome because our listeners are all over the world. Yeah and I mean the testimonials we get are you know like oh my god I know what I'm doing. Wow man. You're doing it, please do this. We give them the cartography of the clip, we give him all of the points of sensation. We show him how to do like for example there's a stroke that makes our feel like she's in love. There's a stroke that makes her feel like she's in love There's a stroke that makes her feel like she's reverent. It's a high light stroke on the tip of the clip There's a deep abiding sex stroke that you can get when you go back behind the hood It's all of the locations on her body. Oh my god. And what you're feeling on the g spot She's getting Aaron's getting my interns getting turned on I think it is an amazing example of the back of the clip.

The G spot. Do you do any work around that? No. No. You've got to focus. Right? The glitters also, they say that G spot orgasms, if that is your thing and you're into it, you have to be turned on first through your clip.

Right. Exactly. Okay. I love it. Any other final words, people, that we need to say that you want to impart any word with them? I'm like hot and excited and I want Nicole really so many women women women women own women women well it depends you know it's up to them right totally it's up to work gnostic in terms of what people do okay god I love it it's so

cool it's really this is so revolutionary so slow sex is the book the art and craft of the female orgasm. Increase pleasure and deepen intimacy through the practice of orgasmic meditation. And I feel like everyone needs a little deepening of their intimacy. Because we're all like, we're all on cruise control. We've all had sex the same way. For all these years, you do the same thing over and over and over again. And how, and it ever wants to have better sex.

So this is really like a tool if you, if it does work for you, it doesn't work for you. But it seems like it works for most of everyone. Like, you have nothing to lose by learning. And I've wants to have better sex. So this is really like a tool if you, if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. But it seems like it works for most everyone. Like you have nothing to lose by learning. And I've nothing to lose. Please, like go learn about the clitoris. Like I think every man, like it should be required. It should be. That's what Tim Ferriss said.

We're required education for every man. It should be. Yeah. It should be like like done. Like every single guy I would, I almost want to go back and do overs. Like I wish they knew this. So, okay, in your website, one website one taste that you ask okay the whole they don't thank you so

much for being on the show. It's so much fun. Okay and we're going to oh we're going to have so much fun together okay everyone thanks so much for listening to Sex with Emily and this is free show Friday so enjoy it was it good for you email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexualtomel.com