Sex With Emily - Episode 288 - The Concept of Swinging

Episode Date: September 7, 2011

Emily needs more guys in her dating rotation, all life decisions are driven by sex, Emily and Menace like to be dominated in bed, how to hang out with a co-worker without it being weird, do women prefer metro sexual or retro sexual men, how nice guys can finish first without being a jerk, Emily gets invited to a swingers party, why women are attracted to powerful men, What it really means when a girl says, "I don't want to sleep with you because I really like you", and Emily and Menace don't see eye-to-eye on the concept of swinging. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, everyone. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information about Sex with Emily, go to sexwithemlee.com, which is your new favorite website. Okay. There's so much happening on SexWithEmily.com. And one, explain to everyone what's going on.

We have a new website. We have a Friends with Benefits program, and it's free for a month. You can check it out. You will love it, and you will become addicted. Just be like you've been addicted to all the other Sex with Emily shows. I get emails all the time. People are like, when you're going to do more shows, when you can check it out, you will love it and you will become addicted. Just be like you've been addicted to all the other sexual family shows, I get emails all the time, people are like, when you're going to do more shows, when you can do more shows, we are doing weekly shows every single day from one to two and it's always for everyone in the world free from one to two streaming live and you can also still listen to it as a podcast.

And we're just asking people to support the show by joining, you can join for a month, you can join for a year, you can give it as a gift. And we just just asking people to support the show by joining. You can join for a month. You can join for a year. You can give it as a gift. And we just really appreciate your support of the show. Been doing it for six years for free, started in my living room. And we just appreciate, you know, you download a song for $0.99. We're doing 290 shows a year now. It's $0.15 a day.

And we would just appreciate your support so much of the show. This is what you're going to get. If you're friends with benefits member, you get access to me. I answer your emails above everyone else. We have exclusive videos, podcasts, so many things going on for you as an exclusive, and we've giveaways every week.

You're gonna get six toys, lots of things. Hey, menace, what's up? Hi, how you doing? I'm good, how are you? I'm good, sorry I was tweeting. I was letting everybody know to watch. Okay, everyone should watch. And soon you'll be able to see menace. Soon. It? Hi, how you doing? I'm good, how are you? I'm good, sorry I was tweeting, I was letting everybody know to watch. Okay everyone should watch and soon you'll be able to see menace. Soon.

It's not that he's not cute, it's just that we don't have a camera yet. Oh no, I'm not cute and I need to get a tan. I always tell you about that. You were the tan, I'm gonna buy you a tanning gift certificate. I saw a video of me the other day, really pale. And I took a bunch of photos last weekend, pale. No, you're not pale. I'm pale.

I'm pale. Compared to me. I live in San Francisco, it's never sunny, I'm not like laying in the sun. You look like you not pale I'm pale compared to me I live in San Francisco it's never sunny I'm out like laying in the sun you look like you want to the Bahamas compared to me okay maybe maybe so tonight minus it's Friday happy Friday yeah so tonight I'm having drinks with Greg yes some Fernando and Greg and you're invited are you coming I believe I'm coming we're gonna get drunk in the cast row I know that's my face to get drunk I know right it'll be so fun we're gonna go in the castrow. I know. That's my first place to get drunk. I know, right? It'll be so fun. We're going to go in the castrow district, which is predominantly the gay district in San Francisco, it's near our house. And we're going to get drinks. It's

some fun place. I've never been to. Yeah. Blackberry. Yeah. Greg knows how to drink. Does he? Yeah. He can, he can drink. I've, I've gotten drunk with him before because we, we were for the same company. So we got a company party and stuff like that. So he's a joy to be around. I believe that he's a really popular radio show called Fernando and Greg in San Francisco and he was on the show a few months ago. Yeah. You can probably find that show somewhere on the website. No, it was a really good show. It was a really good. People love that show. He's hilarious. When are you going out on a date without a gay man? Without a gay man, I'm not.

I don't have any dates set up for this weekend. No way. It's where to go. No, a cabin getaway. No cabin getaways. No dates for this weekend. The guy that I went out with from LA last week called me yesterday.

He called me. He did not email me. He did not text me. He said he might be in San Francisco in a few weeks and then we're going gonna go out again. He seemed nice. It was like a very brief conversation, but at least it's called.

I appreciate when a man calls these days. You didn't say, oh, I can maybe go to LA. No. You didn't? Well, he did ask if I was gonna be in LA anytime soon. And I do need to go to LA, but I'm not gonna go for him. I mean, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not. I mean, I don't know, how about you, any mean, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I mean, I don't know.

How about you, any dates? Oh, no, not this weekend. Next weekend? I got a clean. I got a dinner at a cleaning house. Oh, because you've been so busy. I've been busy in my place as a mess. Right.

OK, well, last night I was visiting with a friend of mine, visiting, hanging out. And I wanted to see what you think of this. She was laughing because she's dating a guy who's 10 years younger. So he's in his 20s. She's in her 30s. And he said to her, my mom told me that it used to be that girls didn't call boys.

Is that true? And because he was like, girls, go, he's called guys and guys always call girls. But don't, I don't know. I think I, you know, my issue. I don't call guys right away when I'm dating. I'm not going to pick up the phone and call my L.A. date So I would all think people care anymore, but we are still like But I'm still in that like generation where I'm like I don't want the guy to call me the first two times

But then I got in that debacle a few months ago with that guy I was dating for three months And apparently he pointed out to me that I never once called him first Yeah, and so I guess I still have this thing in my mind like a man. I want to thrill the chase and blah blah blah and hook his hook is it. It's not that I wanted to thrill the chase. I just was like, you know, I still wasn't sure that we were to get. I don't know. I just, I don't know. So I was just wondering like, how do you feel of a girl called you?

I love it. Oh, she likes me. Yeah. No, I, well, I assume no one girl likes me because that's how I stay. That's how I stay out trouble. You know, that's how I don't waste my time. Okay. But I just believe it's good that girls call guys now because you know, we are raising a generation of pussies with the internet where we're becoming socially awkward and please

women call guys. If you're into them, call them. Don't say, oh, I want him to chase me because he's not going to chase you. All right. I think there's a little bit like, let him play with the beginning. And then you're going to end up being some guy that you don't like. OK. Well, that's a good point. That's going to bring me to the topic of today's show.

OK. Today's show is we're going to be reading your emails that you sent to feedback at sexualdemo.com. Or right now, it's so easy on my website. You can just hit Q&A and you can fill it a form. And you can, there's the Q&A section. And you can email me that way as well. And some of the topics in your emails today include

asking people out, metrosexual versus retrosexual, swingers being open sexually after divorce, vaginal suction pumps, women orgasming early and what happens when your friends start dating. But then the topic that I thought you'd find interested is our

sex tip topic is how nice guys can finish first without being a jerk. And then I added like menace. No, I'm kidding, but how but we were talking yesterday about how you know you think guys have to be a jerk. Yeah. Guys you think that guys can be asshole. And I'm gonna talk about how guys can be asshole like but still get the chicks and be the nice guy And we're gonna get into that did I say that I say that's the easy way that's the easy way out But there is other tactics and I express those other tactics. Okay, we're gonna get into more tactics Listen, I don't listen to you. We're gonna get into that later. Um, so yeah, that's what there's nothing

There's nothing else next week. You're gonna do no other plans. I got I get next week Let me look at my camera. It's too far and it's too too way too far in advance But next week I have no dates. I need I need some new people in my in my day in pool. Should I date online just for fun? Yeah, everyone's doing it my friend on J date that I talked about she's got like a hundred dates lined up of course because there's a Million guys to everyone girl on those things. I know it's could like a hundred dates lined up. A horse because there's a million guys to everyone girl on those things. I know, it's could be a good thing. I'm trying to think like like I don't have my guy in LA, my ex that I sleep with

has a new girlfriend, so we're not like hang out. Oh, what's this new thing that I keep on seeing advertisements for? It's called the, it's just dinner. Oh, it's just dinner, it's just lunch. Yeah, it's just lunch. I actually know a woman who does that. So that's a dating program in San Francisco.

Do they pay women? Because they were talking about making money. I think I saw it on Facebook or something like that. No, I know. It's just lunch is a dating program where you just have lunch. They fix you up. And I think it's a table with like six people. So it's like three guys and three girls.

Yeah. And then you get to all meet each other and have lunch. And it's just lunch like no pressure. No pressure. No pressure just lunch. I don I don't like I don't like that how it's how it has three people okay maybe it's four no no I just don't think you can pick you're like oh that guy's hot that yeah but then I feel like I have to you know sell myself in front of all these other people you can do but you would just sit there be quiet be be cool guy. No, I don't, I don't know, I would have to feel the vibe. Right. But I'd rather just be one on

one because then I can probably win them over. Right. There might be a one on one. The wall of the dating, there's one on one. So my friends doing all these coffees with guys, she's not doing dinner. She's doing like coffee, coffee, coffee. But she canceled on some guy yesterday because she's kind of a big counselor. And he's like, thanks a lot for making me waste my night. But she canceled five hours guy yesterday because she's kind of a big counselor and he's like thanks a lot for making me waste my night But she canceled five hours early and he was pissed for coffee No, they were gonna go out for dinner. I think actually no, they were going out for it early

Like no, they were going out for coffee because she only drinks coffee and they were gonna go out for like a 630 coffee And at noon she canceled and he's like center really pissy email like you messed up my night And good, so I was like forget it. You just learned this guy's not, because she suggested another date, like another time. What did she end up doing that night? She was going out the another guy. Yeah. Yeah.

See, how do I know? You women are so scandalous. She's going out the guy that she's dating, but she's also dating on J.D. But he doesn't know that. Why? Why? Because she's not so into the guy that she's dating.

Then stop dating him. She's like some sort of, you know how that is. You just kind of hang out with someone for a while until you don't just someone else comes along. So bad. It's not that bad. That's life.

It's terrible. I've done it. I don't do it anymore. We're made out of gypsies in the devil. That's why I was. We're made out of the devil and gypsies. Yeah. What are men that?

That are households and jerks and liars. Just kidding. I love men. They are none of those things. Okay. So what else? I'm trying to think what else? Did you see the clip I sent you? What's the clip? Can we talk about that?

I don't know if Kenny, it's your thing. But I feel like everything is real. And I feel like you guys can all follow me along in this process of it. And I don't think there's a problem talking about it. You sure? I mean, did you talk to, did you say it was okay? Yeah, sounded kind of interactive, done.

It's cool. It's cool. It's going to be in the news or today. It will be in the news like next week. Next week, then we should wait. Okay, we're going to wait. Okay, click here. I won't mess it up.

Okay, but there's some exciting stuff happening with sex. Yeah. I know friends with benefits is super exciting and I'm really excited about that, but there's going to be even more exciting things that are happening soon. Okay, okay So and we've got new videos on the site every day We've got like four new videos up there and we've got a poll Which I will get into in a second, but we could get into some sex in the news

Okay, is it more weener talk? No more weener talk because anything else happened with him in the last 48 hour 24 hours. No, nothing's happened I haven't like I hadn't keep up with it. Okay. Okay. Okay, controversial judge may lose his job from distributing condom stuffed acorns. Condom stuffed acorns. I don't really get it.

Isaac Stulfus, a judge from intercourse pencil. I didn't even think about it. This is not real. This is not real. It is real. It is real. It is real. It is real. It is real. He's a judge from intercourse, Pennsylvania could lose his job simply for promoting safe intercourse. He lives in intercourse, Pennsylvania. Hold on. Can we have one in terms of look up? Make sure they did look it up. They found it for me. Intercourse, intercourse, Pennsylvania.

Yeah. He claims to hand out condoms in his courtroom all the time to help emphasize how important sex is In preventing unwanted pregnancies and STDs He should be considered an empowering role mile even if his way of destroying them is a little nutty Besides what are all these uptight people doing living in a city called intercourse anyway? It is totally true Imagine if you're the only person in intercourse, Pennsylvania. That's not having intercourse I know how much is intercourse. I know. How much is that suck? I know.

In Michigan, there's a town called Climax, and we used to always go past and go, we used to always drive past him, like cousin Lizzie and I, and we would, who was on the show the other day, and we go, we were going past the night. Wow. That was really funny.

Lots of tons of weird names. So you know, he's handing out, I don't why are people so upset that people hand out condoms? It's like, oh, I, you know what? I wasn't even thinking of having sex, but now that I have a free condom, I'm going to go do it. Yeah. Yeah. Hand out free people need more condoms. I'm actually out of condoms like me. I used to get free condoms at me all the time. Like I need condoms. Everyone needs condoms. Someone can give me free condoms. Yeah, because they

expire too. Do you know that condoms expire and you have to check the expiration date? Yeah. You just find this out? No, but I'm just telling people as a thing. Like do you know that condoms expire and you have to check the expiration and you just find this out no but i'm just telling people as a thing like if you've had condoms forever maybe even got laid in a few years like throw away your condoms again new condoms yeah you got to get those seventy five dollar condoms i know we talked a few weeks ago someone's making like seventy five dollar comes to we need a condom sponsor i'm just putting it out there if anyone's listening trojan i'd love condoms

of the directs pleasure pack oh Oh my God, totally direct. The pleasure pack. The pleasure pack. Remember that Sean Dorf. Sean Dorf Gartos from my pleasure.com. Yeah, he designed something for directs. Exactly. Remember, he's your way in.

I know. You're right. Get him up. Oh, got to call him. Write that down. Okay. We need condoms. Okay, we need condoms. We need to make a rain condoms. I want to suck them in the condoms and sexual them in lieu.

That's coming soon. It has to be high quality though. Because I see those ways. I do anything not high quality. Yeah. I'm the most high quality chick there is. Okay. Right? Yeah.

Yeah. Totally. It meant it's like a year's so classy. Lady Gaga tells teenagers not to have sex. What? She says her teenage fans should abstain from having sex for as long as they can. Although she is comfortable talking about her own sexual

experiences and bisexual tendencies, the born this way singer doesn't want to hear her teenage admirers just jumping into bed with anyone. Instead, she wants her fans to remain chased until they're completely comfortable with losing their virginity. So she's meant that. Yeah, I do too.

I think young kids should wait as long as they can before they have sex, and they should use protection from the first time to the last time. But I'm not afraid to talk about sex. Sex is not wrong, sex is real life. I don't see sex a bad thing. It's to be a bad thing. And what I love, my famous, her, the best quote in here,

is that she says, and this is what I believe, and this is one of my main reasons why I do this show. So Lady Gaga and I are like on the same page. Gaga believes sex is a driving force behind everything in the world and behind music. And she says it sex is an inspiration for all of her songs. Like something sexual. And I believe that people don't look at how sex permeates our culture,

but it's like why we buy a certain car or why you wear that shirt today. You're like, this is a good looking shirt. Maybe I'll get laid. I mean, I really, like, everything, all the decisions that we make in our life, a lot of them are about sex and sexual tension and sexual tendencies and just like wanting to be desirable, wanting to be desired by other people. I think that, you know, sex is the... I think that's what everything leads to, to agree with you. Because I've tried to express this to my friends before. I'm like, why do you guys want to make so much money?

Yeah, cool. They want to have, you know, nice, like, electronic things and stuff like that. But they do want to be flashy to attract more women to get laid. Everything, everything that men do... Is about getting laid. Is about getting laid at the end of the day.

And it's true, and that women that women biologically evolutionarily speaking we are programmed to look for men who can be caretakers So we're obviously attracted to men who have more money and who have you know some women are 9% of them nine mode a lot of them are they want men who can be the caretaker and they want of babies and they want to you know The guy to stay home. I'm not necessarily that woman, but I say that most people are just all your friends. Just all my friends. No, my friends aren't actually. I love how I love when women talk about other women. They go, it's not me, but I know a ton of girls like that.

Dude, I did it guys with so much money that I know I'm not talking about the money thing. I'm just talking about stuff like in general. I'm like, oh, I know a ton of girls, I'm not a slut, but I know a ton of girls that are sluts. Like they always say, I know people like that. Right, my friend. My friend. Yeah, exactly.

But I think that the money thing is interesting and I do think that a lot of men, and I think that we do look, here's my thing about guys with money. Because even like the older you got, it's like, it's not even that they have money. I think it's more of like successful, like just women are attracted to money. But I think there's something about success and about a man who owns who he is and he owns

his job and he loves what he does and he's successful and he's powerful and that is just attractive, like a guy who just like owns his life and owns his work and has, is responsible and all that stuff is just attractive and that if that Me happens to mean he has money while bonus, but usually it does like it correlates. Yeah a guy who's you know the older you got successful Like you know in your 20s like guys you're dating like are you know don't have jobs or they're whatever not always but sometimes yeah Yeah, so lady Gaga and then she says yeah, it's an inspiration for everyone. I love her. I really do I think that she's she's doing amazing like people that don't really Yeah, so Lady Gaga and then she says, yeah, it's an inspiration for everyone. I love her. I really do. I think that she's really amazing.

She's doing a good, she's amazing. Like people that don't really know a lot about her, they'll blow her off as like some weird old pop star. But if you really like look into the core, do some research about Lady Gaga. She is pretty amazing. Yeah, I think so too. And I know, I always say I meet celebrities and they're awesome. I'll tell you when a celebrity is a dick, but I've hung out with her before and she is

She came by my work and hung out and just before like she was she like I'm Couple singles out. She wasn't huge. No, she just came to hang hang out with and she was cool She all dressed up crazy. I'm not too crazy. There's a picture of it on my Facebook. If you want to go Facebook.com slash white menace. Find me that. Come friends with menace white menace.com. And you'll see me there with her. Everyone should go to white menace.com. I know. It's huge. I have so much non-sex related things. We got to connect your website to my website. Put it on less. Yeah. Done. Unfortunately, mine's a corporate website. So you have to pay to be on my website. Really? But I'll figure out a way. You have to pay to be on your website. You have to pay to like put banners on my site.

Oh, it costs a lot of money. I cost a lot of money. I know you do. But I'll, I can't afford you. I'll see if I can work. I can't afford you. I'll see if I can work something. So that's why like, why do I go? I actually had to listen to one time from Sex of Emily. Ask me why I don't have. I did. I did on my old site. Right, I remember that. But then I had to go to my corporate one and my corporate one, you got to pay to pay. Well, we're gonna do like a little photo shoot and have a menace Emily page.

Cause we're so cute together. We're kinda photo shoot, hey. I don't know, what do you think? I don't know, how I'm skinny. It could get fun. And interview, you just wanna make a sex tape. No. And interview with the hooker teacher.

Okay, if you read the news, you know, it's not all that uncommon. A school teacher turns out to be a sexually active woman with a history of sexual activity and promptly loses her job for it. So there's been all this stuff in the news lately about like, you know, former stripper, former pinup girl, you know, former playboy model,

or a woman who sleeps with her students, like that's a little separate, but you always hear about teachers losing their job. But this woman is a hooker. They're calling her the hooker teacher because in 2010 she wrote for the Huffington Post about the time she'd spent as a sex worker. Two weeks later, she was on the cover of the New York Post under the headline, hooker teacher.

And now more than eight months later, she lost her job, can't get another job. She's got two master degrees and eight years of work experience. and she's been subject to an intense slut shaming campaign and cannot find a job. Well that's cool but she was still hooker. Like years ago she wrote that. That's awesome that you have all those degrees but you're still you still let people sleep with you for money. Just like the guy in real world who did porn like people do things for money. That's cool but you know you don't have to go to the Huffington Post and tell them about it.

I know what you don't want. I mean, it actually wasn't a brightest move. Like if she's a teacher and she's that's really where she's all about and she got the master's degrees, I would let that leave. But in this day and age, it's like everyone wants to express everything they do online. Yeah.

I can't imagine why. No, I do that. Check us out at sexelomely.com. sexelomely.com. Have you been there lately? Have you seen my new sites? Tell me everyone, I want to hear what you think of the new site. Do you get it? And if you have any glitches or any issues with it, you have to let me know because we're fixing it every day.

Like browsers, I know certain browsers had issues. They should be, I'm sure they were fixed days ago. I killed me. What? No, that's just because the site was only like a week and a half old. But I emailed back with them and everything's all good now. Okay, good. I hope everyone understands the whole

friends benefits thing and all that stuff. Okay, and then we have a, okay, so we have a poll, we have some emails too that we can get into. That's our sex in the news today, unless you had any sex in your own news. Okay, we have a poll that we put up on the website three times a week. So here's our latest poll.

What is the sexiest place to be surprised? Oh, did I read this when yesterday to be surprised by a hat-quickie? This is the final result. No, I'll let you proofread that but I want to I'll let you see Okay, but I do have sex in news you just remind me the Did you know about all the the the playboy club houses you know, back in the day in the 60s and stuff like that. No. So Playboy had all the Playboy clubs all over the country. You can join like, you can join like, you can join like, the models would come on.

Yeah, and you have the business people come by and all that stuff. Well, now they're doing a TV show based around those times. The original one was in Chicago. Right. So what you did was you paid to be part of the club and you can take, you know, if you had, you know, a business meeting or whatever, you can take your clients with you inside the club. You got your own key and the bunnies would just hang around and in their bunny outfits and serve you drinks while you're having a meeting.

So they're resurrecting that or it's a fiction. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's going to be a TV show based around this time. No, it's not a real show But they did they had them all over the country They did close them down and they reopened one in 2006 in Las Vegas, but it's not really You know, it doesn't really go to the the actual times and right, you know where it was really classy You know you just had and you know who was one of them that worked in the New York one what a bunny was the girl from Who sings the song about the pussy cat?

Long time ago Blondie Blondie really yeah, Blondie was original bunny So if you Google Blondie and the playboy bunny club, okay, you'll see like she was beautiful. She wasn't blonde at the time. She had, you know, black hair. She wasn't blonde. Yeah, she wasn't blondey, but check it out. It's really cool.

So that's my sex in the news. Thank you, Matt, it's fair on sex in the news. I appreciate it. I don't have any sex in the news of my own. All right. I have an head sex. And oh, and one more thing speaking about Vegas, I really want to do a show from Vegas.

Okay, let's go. Because I was, remember, can you make this all happen in Vegas? I, we really want to do a show from Vegas. Okay, let's go because I would remember. Can you make this all happen in Vegas? I would have to do it like a recording. Oh, but I do know studios out there. Yeah, I can make a call. I know studios are too. I can make a call.

I was on a show there once. Yeah, okay. Because we're recording at Stitcher.com, sorry to get off an entangent. We're recording at Stitcher.com, which is they let us use their studios every day. It is an app that you can download for your smartphone and you can listen to our podcast. And also who's on here is Kevin Smith. Now remember I was telling you like a couple weeks ago I want to do a show from Vegas, right? Well guess what Kevin Smith's doing? What? He's going to start recording a podcast once a month in Vegas, starting in August. So can we go beyond it? Or we do our own. I don't really do. I don't really have a personal relationship with them.

Okay, so you're just saying he's doing one of Vegas. I'm just saying he's doing one of Vegas because it would be super fun. So my, we would have a little last time. Yeah, we so wasted. Oh my god. So wasted. I think we should go. We keep talking about our live shows. We're gonna be drinking and doing it. We haven't done it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. We'll let calendar. We'll calendar the whole thing. Okay. So our new sex poll is what's your favorite fantasy? I want everyone to go vote on this right now. Watching your partner have sex with someone else,

having sex in a public place, being dominated during sex or three sums. What's your number one fantasy everyone? Go to my website and vote, and we'll be reading your results on Monday. What's your number one fantasy? My number one fantasy is watch your partner have sex with someone else. No, have sex in public place.

Don't that. No. Be dominated during sex. I like to be more dominated during sex. Yeah. Yeah. Putting your place. Three sums of done.

I mean, if I have to pick, yeah. No, yeah, I like to dominate. But I like to, I like to, I like to dominate, but I like to, I like to, I like to be, to dominate sometimes too, but I think I like to be out of all of those if I had to pick, because I've done the three sums, I've done sex in both ways. And I, I actually, I don't want to get into it, but yeah, so I would say being more, more dominant, because I'm, I'm dominating my day to day life, so like to be dominated is the hot, I think.

Cool. What about you, Menace? What would you choose on that list? I'll pray I'll probably pick Dominated really then probably three some okay, right three some. I mean, there's every guy wants a three So every guy wants a three some I know yeah, so those are that that's our pulse Don't go to our poll every day. We're gonna have a new every three days. We were gonna have a new poll And I got a new blog post up and all that stuff. So what's up in the mail?

My favorite. I want to hear what people have to say. OK, man. Eight months ago, I started a new job. There's a girl there who I'm interested in. I want to ask her out, but I don't want to embarrass myself if I get turned down because I still have to work there. And I don't want to be that guy.

Yeah. We've had small conversations, enough convoes to be nice and not to look like I'm interested. I need to get to that next level because I'm suffering over here. How can I break the relationship ice without looking like a perv? PS, love the show and Kaggle Camp. Kaggle Camp is my app for the iPhone, which you should all download now. And that's from Stan.

Okay Stan, I think that you should just start talking to her. I mean you just got to, you can't overthink this. Like, I think I think either I'm into this girl or I'm not into this girl. And if I'm into this girl, then I need to act a certain way. I just, just treating her like a friend, just be normal. Like, just don't overthink it. And you want to know if he has to ask her out,

he should just be like, hey, we should go grab a drink. Don't you think? Well, menacely, it's with everyone in his office. So he could say. Yeah, but I wouldn't. I wouldn't make that. Like, we should hang out, type thing. I don't do that. I just wait. You just wait for them. I wait for them to say something. So every girl to be safe. So you're sleeping with everyone in your office.

And you're saying that they've all come to you. I swear, yeah. Then you're a pussy. Why am come to you. I swear yeah. You're a pussy. Why am I a pussy? No, because I don't because to be safe. Well, this is wrong. There's so many like sexual harassment suits out there. It's very hard for a guy. Well, of course, he's got to be careful in the workplace. That's true. Yeah, it's I'm assuming their colleagues and he's not our boss. Yeah. So and he said enough conversations to be nice. And I think that the next level is that he's just going to say, do you want to grab a drink? Hey, we do have to work.

Let's go. Have a lunch. I'm going to do sandwich on this too. It's going to stay on much. It is. Okay. Lunch could be kind of lunch. You can say, oh, what are you going for lunch?

You want to go on a lunch? Yeah. Oh my god. They have the best Thai food that's star. That's a joke. And then they get star. And then they get star. For like the after work special.

So let's just stand. So let's just stand. stand, ask her to lunch. Every day we got to take a lunch break, except for me, I don't take lunch breaks. But most people do. And I think lunch, just like casually, hey, let's get lunch. That to me is benign. That doesn't say like, I want to fuck, I want to have sex with you right away. That says, let's get a grab lunch and be friends.

And then see what happens. See if you can act, see if there's a love connection. But don't, but it's also. But you have to make it like it's not, he's freaking out, he's freaking out, he's nervous. So you gotta make it like it's not a big deal. Exactly. Like the lunch is not big deal.

Oh, yeah. You gotta be like totally quiet. Like I'm going in the lunch, you wanna roll the one, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she goes, now I'm like, all right, cool. And then it's no big deal. Right, exactly.

That's what I'm gonna do. That's how you gotta be. But yeah, no, because look, the way I play it like that is because it's so hard for a man because you can get busted for anything. If you're doing that, you can have a sexual harassment lawsuit filed on you, like nothing if you're a guy. Yeah, but not if they're going out for Thai food for lunch. I know.

That's why we recommend that. So that's why I don't say, oh, let's go have a drink on a Friday night, right? You know don't do that don't do that Okay, play it safe with the lunch get a feel of how you know how far you can go with this shit Exactly. Okay, I think that's good good advice. Okay, I stand no more I'm not worried so you have no people get fat But why isn't it usually when it's like there's subordinates and it's like the boss and the support like what if you're no it's yeah it's colleagues I know colleagues that have gone fire. I'm surprised you've gone fired yet for that because I told you how I do it yeah wait for them to say hey you could get a psycho chick

bunny boiler who pretends she didn't come to you and what do you remember bunny boy okay do you ever see fatal attraction? The movie? So I'm I'm bringing up a movie reference. All right. So in the movie, Glend Close plays the boss of I think they were she works with Michael Douglas and then at the end, she becomes totally psycho. And she like, they have this affair. And then he tries to end it. And she goes to his house. They have a pet bunny rabbit for their kids. and she boils the bunny. What?

So I, we, my friends and I always joke like, oh, she's psycho, she's a bunny boiler. That's pretty disturbing. You never heard that you never tell me that's good movie. But yeah, you should watch it, Matt, because you might have some bunny boilers in your future. I don't know, dude. I ain't getting down with no bunny boilers. Okay, you think she's, you didn't think she was a bunny boiler Yeah, she was like cool and she's boss. Yeah, but that's any that's any

Any chick that's any chick though. It doesn't matter if she's at work or you or do I know dudes that I think they're super cool And then they the get one drink in them and then you think they're like the unibomber Yeah, I know. I know. You're right. You're right. You never know. Be careful. Be everyone. Be careful out there. Hey, Emily, I'm Reeze. 19 years old and live in the UK. I've been listening to your podcast for some time now. And I love them. Your show offers a great insight into a subject that often

isn't discussed socially. And for that, I want to say thanks. I know you've touched on the subject many times, but it's still an issue for me. Recently, I've grown more confident. I have no issue in approaching a girl I want to talk to. I mean, what is there to lose? My problem is in the bedroom. I love foreplay and I love teasing and pleasing a woman, giving oral sex as a big turn on to me.

However, when it comes to having sex, I always seem to end far too fast. Therefore, even though technically I'm not, I still classify myself a virgin as I've not enjoyed or had steady intercourse. I've been given the advice to just bite the bullet and go straight for intercourse, which I've tried and failed every time. Plus it's not that hard to skip the build up and expect her to start having sex with me straight away. I've been to doctors, tried a penis-ring, tried breathing techniques, but nothing seemed to work. I want to go out and join myself, but this is a huge issue for me. It is what stops me from doing more than just talking

to women. I've lost my confidence with talking to women, taking women back to my place. What should I do? Reads from the UK. Well, it sounds like you've gone to a doctor that's great. And I think a lot of when men have premature ejaculation issues in me, isn't that what he's saying, he, I think that a lot of it is psychological,

that it happened once, and he's creating this to be this whole drama in his life and it's freaking him out. So one thing I would recommend is there's a great book, and I know this has helped many men, and it's like the most recommended book, it's called the Multi-Orgasmic Man. It's by Montaccia and Douglas Abrams. And it's a really, really popular book.

And I know men, personally, and a lot of men, a lot of sexist, sociologists recommend this book. It has a lot of techniques for you that you exercise that you can do that can help you and gain your confidence back. Because it sounds like you've gone to a doctor and done on the subject, I appreciate. But you also have to just like re-training your mindset

because you've created this, that it's become this whole drama And I think that um check out this book and see what you think and just don't be so hard in yourself And just because it happened if you once or twice doesn't mean it's gonna always happen and you're you're young You're still learning he's 19 Don't let this be your thing. Don't let this become a book. What you're about? I think also that You should Don't let this become a book what you're about. I think also that you should try a test You know how we do the 36 day challenge type in yeah

Maybe should master beat every day. Yeah for 30 days. I think so too. I'm trying to build up a tolerance Well, that's what the book is about. Yeah, the book the book teaches men how to get to the point where they're about to orgasm But they don't actually orgasm and they learn to train themselves to stop at that point. Yeah. It's a really, really good book. It's been around for a while and it's just, it's helped, you know, thousands of men, hundreds of millions. I don't know. It sold so many copies. It's been around for like 15 years, 20 years, and it's a great, great book. And I would recommend it. Pre-game, and buddy, pre-game. Menace, pre-games. Pre-game.

What if you don't know you're gonna have sex and you didn't pre-game, though? Then you're screwed. No Then you know maybe have a little nip of this a little nip of that you want the alcohol men I'm just saying I promote alcohol alcohol is a wonderful thing unless in moderation Do you really think you better sex in your drunk? Do I have better sex I enjoy sex more when I'm drunk. Have you had sex sober? Of course.

But I enjoy it more when I'm drunk. Do you remember it? Of course I remember it. Sometimes you think you have a great sex when you're drunk, but you're actually drunk. I think it feels better. You don't think so? I don't get that drunk. We're not promoting for people to get worse. No, no, no. I think I mean, I've so many sober friends. For some reason, I have a lot of

sober friends and they think sex is so much better when you're sober. They just can't handle their shit. That's why. I know. But that whatever, they don't drink anymore. And they're like, sex has gotten so much better since I've been sober. I think they have to say that. No, it's true. You become more sensitive to it. Well, they probably were blacking out and they can't remember. See, I think maybe use alcohol because you're nervous and it gets your, you might be, it gets, it lessens your inhibitions. It makes me more into it. Okay, man, that's whatever works for you. It's longer than sex. That's good. Hey, Emily, I've listened to the show for a few months

and I finally got a question for the show that I've never heard discussed. I'm a sophomore at Madison and recently been struggling with this identity problem. I feel that today's men can classify their masculinity on a spectrum. On one end of the spectrum is the metrosexual. By metrosexual, I don't be more fashionable

but also better at expressing their feelings. These are the nice guys that sometimes lack confidence, romance and other dominant but attractive traits. Think Michael Sarah or Jesse Isomer. Then there's the retro-sexual, a return to more classic values in which the man is confident, sexual, and romantic, but doesn't believe in expressing all of his feelings all the time. Think Don Draper for Mad Men or Han Solo. Okay. I understand that the vast majority of men are some kind of hybrid between the two.

However, I'm interested in knowing which of the two camps do you think girls prefer? Do you think this world needs more sensitive guys or more confident guys? P.S., I love when you call men as honey at the beginning of a statement. It only happens once and where I'll but the sentence that fouls the honey

is always entertaining. Keep up with the great work on the show, Mike. When and where all, but the sentence that fouls the honey is always entertaining. Keep up with the great work on the show, Mike. When you say honey, that means you're pissed, I mean, for something. When do I call you honey? When you're mad at me for something? You're like, no honey, honey, listen, listen. That's how you do it.

I do? I don't even know, is it? No, that's okay. That's okay, good, fine, what apps. Okay, so I think, no, okay, your question is a great, actually, I think this is a very well-written, great question. And I don't, I think that he's going through a identity problem and he wants me to answer it for him. And I don't think that that we, the world needs one or the other more sensitive guys or more confident guys. I think

that you need to figure out who you are and what kind of guy you are and you shouldn't try to be like anyone else. I think that the secret to life and the journey in life is becoming more of who you are by just accepting yourself and doing work on yourself and figuring out what kind of guy you want to be and being that guy. I don't think that there's a demand, a spectrum, some women, guys who are more sensitive. Some women, I always dated, I went through period-right-dated guys who were super sensitive because I wasn't as much, so in my 20s I was like, I would date guys who were more, I always dated, like I went through period where I dated guys who were super sensitive because I wasn't as much. So like in my 20s, I was like, I would date guys who were more,

like people always laugh, that they had, they let, they, sometimes we date people that compliment, like what we're missing. So we tend to like date, like I wasn't as much of a typical female, like I didn't cook, I didn't, I wasn't as nurturing. I think I am more so now, I don't cook so, but I'm more nurturing and more. So I would say guys, that were super sensitive.

And I think you just kind of like something that fills in your gaps, kind of like what you lack. But I'm not gonna give you an answer here, what women want more because I think that's what makes the world go around, there's someone for everyone. And I think that your work is figuring out what you are, like what kind of guy you are. But I think that's in your 20s, you go through, I've done any crises in college.

And I remember being in college and thinking like, ah, am I more of the hippie chick? Am I more of the athlete? Am I more of the sorority girl? Because I was in the sorority. So I remember, like, you feel in your 20s, I remember this thing that you have to kind of choose. But then the older you get, you just sort of realize you are who you are and you just kind of fit into whatever. And so I think that you just rather than looking at that way, just kind of start working on yourself and figuring out

who you are. Yeah. I started, I don't know. Honey, what? I don't know if it's a confidence thing that girls like, but I started making the statements lately that I've, I think I'm in the happy state of like what I'm doing that I just I don't care to impress people anymore. I don't care if people like me, I don't care if you know I have to do certain things to get girls to like me. Girls have been girls have been seeming to really dig that attitude that I know it's

confidence. We're going to get into that in a minute. So, so coming up is our segment that is how nice guys can finish first without being a jerk like menace. Yeah. Oh, really. Now, but how nice guys and I think that it is there's so much, I mean, the number one thing that I think that women always say they find sexiest in a man is confidence. And so you're in a really good phase in your life, like your career, you're taking, you know, is booming, you're super successful.

And yeah, that's hot. I mean, I think, and you're comfortable in your own skin. I mean, that's the thing, it's like the guys that aren't quite comfortable in their own skin yet, like it's just not as attractive to women, the women who guys who are like, I know what I'm about. I got my stuff together.

Even if you don't, you fake it till you make it. Yeah, of course. Right? Yes. Like that. So what are you looking for now? What type of those ones? What are you looking for?

I'm looking. Okay. Confidence or... Confidence. Confidence. Um, I'm looking for a hybrid. Pushes. Pushes.

What? I'm looking for a hybrid. A hybrid. I think I'd like the hybrid guy. I mean, I want everything. I want a guy who is super What? I'm looking for a hybrid. A hybrid. I think I'd like the hybrid guy. I want, I mean, I want everything. I want a guy who is super confident, but I also want a guy who can like do with like sensitive things. Like if I'm having issues, I can talk to him about it.

And he's not going to be like, really are we talking? How much, how much talking do you have to do? You, I love when you want me to quantify everything. Men is always like, okay, so how long is the four-play? How long is the thing? How long is the talk? Not, I'm not a needy chick. How long is the talk?

I'm not needy. I don't need it that much. But when I want, when I do need it, I want, I want it. Like I want a guy who can like listen and be sensitive and not try to fix. That's what men do. They're like, oh, she's got an issue. So all of a sudden, they're fix it hat, their little construction hat goes on. They're like, must fix the situation. And a lot of times women, we just, we just really want you to listen Okay, if I listen if I listen do I get to have sex with you afterwards? Yes for sure. Oh my god You know, yeah, but well, I mean it's a guarantee if I sit there and listen to you blah blah blah blah blah blah Are you gonna have sex with me? Yes, because I'll be so turned on that you were so sensitive and warm. Oh, okay

My needs yes Just you just have no desire warm. Oh, okay. To my needs. Yes. Does you just have known desire to listen to a woman? I mean, they... What? They go on and on. What? They're annoying. Let's go on and on and on and give them advice and tell them. They don't listen. They don't listen.

It's just so annoying. You know what it is? We don't want... This is so the crux. This is one of the major crux of the male female men or from ours, women or from Venus. Women, we just want you to listen. We want you to, like, we'll tell you about our bad day

or our shitty boss or bad boss or whatever, and we don't want you to try to fix it, but men go into fix them out. We want you to listen and we want to know that you hear us, but we don't necessarily need you to fix them. And men like, your brains are all about fixing the problem. So women want you to listen. Can you get naked while you're talking? Sure. Yeah, this is being. I'm always naked. I can naked. Yeah, I'll get naked.

And I would talk about that. That would really help the situation. Maybe that's a good compromise. Right. But then never have the conversation like in bed though, like after sex, bad times of a conversation. I know. Ben feels so trapped. I know. They're like, oh man, I just want to go to sleep and watch sports at her get down a serious Conversations in bad after sex, but before sex maybe or you know hold different time at brunch perhaps Brunch family of men as a brunch. I have brunch. I know you don't have brunch. No, I don't have time for brunch We're not lunch lunch I know. You don't have brunch? No, I don't have time for brunch. What about lunch? Lunch?

I had my buddy was visiting from Arizona and he brought a burrito to my work and that's the only reason I had lunch. I usually don't have lunch. Ever? Ever. So maybe like, I probably won't eat till like three in the afternoon. Okay, got it. So, but brunch is a weekend thing.

I took brunch on the weekend with my friends. That's amazing that you have time to do that. On the weekends, I barely do, but I like to, I actually have a group of my cabin friends. We go for brunch a lot on Sundays. I actually have a brunch this Sunday with some relatives. How about that? I love that.

I brought this lunch. Brunch is my favorite meal because you know why? Why? Because you get, okay, I love brunch. Do you still have lunch if you have brunch? No, no, no, no. Because it's a brunch, it's breakfast and lunch. You don't have like brunch and then lunch.

So it's one meal for two meals? Yeah, but it's a big one. So this is what I love. I love that you can add- No, brunch is appetizers. No, it's not. I'm gonna swear to plan it. I thought that's what brunch is.

No, brunch is eggs and bacon and toast and- That's breakfast. Yeah, brunch is more like a bigger breakfast and a smaller lunch. I'm all about brinner. You know what brinner is? It's breakfast dinner. You can do it every want. But you know, I love breakfast food or brunch food is because it there's so many different things. There's like the toast and the eggs and the bacon and the potatoes and then the orange eggs and the bacon and the potatoes. And then the orange juice, the coffee and the water.

And I love having all those choices. It sounds just like this thing called breakfast. It's like a brunch. It's called a late breakfast. Yeah. Hey, Emily and Menace, I just heard you mentioned my email about swingers and them not all having ponytails. Lies.

My husband will never have a ponytail. His job won't allow it and they are tacky. We've been into swinging for two years. Yeah, but when you're at your swingers party, you are rocking the leopard skid pants and the extreme v-neck shirt. Not necessarily. We only...

And you're overly tan. We only soft. And he's you're overly tan. We only soft and he's wearing a earring. Why are you doing this? I'm just breaking down. He may not have ponytail, but he has never met a swinger. Yes, I have. Many of it. Plenty of swingers. I hang around you. Hey, I got invited to a swinger party this Saturday night. I you think we hang around me. I got invited to a swinger party this Saturday. How do you get invited to a singer party all the time?

Because you hang out with swingers. Some. Yeah. And I see your swinger friends. They're cute. That one girl's cute. No, she's not. What?

Okay, what else? Okay, listen. So can I finish this? I know a lot of swingers. I live in San Francisco, whatever I do a sex show. They come around. Do you have a lot of them? God. And there are the only thing about the swingers is Francisco, whatever I do a sex show, they come around. The scooters in San Francisco. A lot of them. God.

And there, you know the thing about the swingers is, you think that swingers like menace, the stereotype, they all have ponytails? No, no, swingers are your dextra neighbors. They're the ones you're swinging. The ones that you've released, the people that you least think are swinging or swinging. Why do they, all the swingers I meet, they look weathered.

You know what I'm talking about? No. Like they've been through some shit Well, because they've been through a lot of sex. Yeah, I don't think you're right What do you you don't think I'm right, but I am right honey? You're not right. Okay. Well, let's get some swingers Then I'll show you the email for a second all right, okay, and I'm not begging on this email I'm just talking about everybody else. We've been into swinging for two years Yes, we only soft to swap and there's more normal everyday people that swing than for two years. We only soft swap and there's more normal everyday people that swing than you can imagine. With the

hell of soft swap. I don't know. We'll make it out. We meet all different, we met all different swingers when we went when we went to hedonism two different times. They were it's think that's a place. A hedonism is like a resort maybe. They range from cops, teachers, military bankers, doctors, et cetera. Swinging actually brings a little spice to the relationship. It's not an everyday thing for us. More so summers when the kids see Grammy invocations. Not sure what kind of swinging update you want,

but I'll be glad to share whatever you want to know, a loyal listener, Alison and Virginia Beach. Thanks, Alison. I want to get more swingers on the show. I go, I have had swingers on the show, and I mean, we've want to get more swingers on the show. I go, I, I have had swingers on the show and I mean we've done 200 and gotten a lot of shows. If you're a swinger, why be married? Why put a label on things, you know, why, why put

your status on Facebook if you're a swinger, if you're hookin' up with other people, why even, I mean you have your partner. There's a lot of people want more of that. Yeah, you've heard her, but why even having like, you know, it's the human condition that you're gonna want to have such other people. I know that you think that you're not gonna want to. No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying why even get married.

Well, they have kids. Uh-huh. Because that's always a good reason to get married. No, but yeah, it is a good reason. So if you want kids, listen, man, some people want to have kids and they want to sexual love You can't have kids without me married you can but what so what you can be married and just

I'm making your brain next for it. Stop talking for a second I think that's I keep on winning the conversation You're not winning you're just talking about it because you're talking over me. No I I prove the point you can have kids without being married, correct? Right, but you're having a problem with their choice of being married I'm not having a problem. I'm just saying why that's not saying because people want to get to be married But there's nothing they're mutually exclusive. Why could why can't you want to be married? I love this person my primary partner, but I want to bang the neighbor to What's wrong with that?

If they all agree? It's my partner. You see, you said partner. Well, okay. My primary partner, why is it just be partner? Why go through the whole ceremony? There's nothing wrong with being married. That too is part, and then I'm just out banging other people.

It's not even doing it all the time, these people. This is my main effort. Listen, if we talk about the sex, is the main thing that we just earlier talked about. Sex is like the driving force of everything. Lady goddess, that's so too. It's a main force of everything we do that for people, for some people,

to say that, till death is part, you're gonna be the last person I bone for the rest of my life, just doesn't work. It's not realistic. That's why people cheat. That's why the numbers are up for cheating that when and when and each cheat, like 50%. It is possible though to what to have a normal marriage

and not bang a horse. I'm not telling people that all you should go on bang. A lot of most people don't. I'm saying if you're gonna do that then just don't get married. Okay I hear you I hear you opinion. I don't agree. So you should get married and then go bang other people. It's too big. Sometimes he doesn't have to wait. If you just look at the money factor, I think it's a waste of money to have this big ceremony where it's supposed to be this lifelong commitment. But, but, but menace, I can be committed you for life without being married to you. But they're mutually, you can be committed

to life. They're mutually exclusive. How are they mutually exclusive when they're outbanging other people? Because they're married. It doesn't matter. You can be committed to life. They're mutually exclusive. How are they mutually exclusive when they're outbanging other people? Because they're married. It doesn't matter. You can be married, but you can also be being other people. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't mean like you shouldn't be married

and being other people. Did I, again, I didn't say they shouldn't be married. I'm just trying, I'm wondering why, why even do that? Because they want to be married. I think that's the part. Just because they really, really want. They love this person.

They want to be with this person. But eventually you're married for a while or whatever. Maybe when I love people, I go and being other people. That's when I, that's how I should. I really love that. You've been with anyone long enough that you want to be in other people. Maybe what's your longest relationship?

Two, three year relationships. Okay. Did you ever cheat? No. Good. Good for you. Okay, should we get in some sex? Have you been a relationship where you haven't cheated? That's what I'm saying.

I have been in a relationship for haven't cheated. I was a, I'm okay, I wasn't even a number four. What? We should go to next email next email? I'll let you gather your words and we'll give it Okay, I see that's what I'm saying don't commit anyone never be called the cheater That's what they are. Yes. I used to cheat. I cheated. I've never been caught I did cheat in my past. I do not cheat nor do I commit right now. Yeah, so then you can never be caught there.

But I'm going to commit when I do commit, I won't be a cheater. I'll just be a singer. Okay. All right. I'm trying to think if we should get into some sex tips. I think we should, because we got 10 minutes. All right, ready? Yes. Does everyone notice that our friends with benefits shows are now an hour long every single freeing day? And their video podcasts. And their video podcasts right now, you might be listening to this on iTunes, but if you go to my site and you sign up and you become a Friends with Benefits member, you will

see this show, everything that's going on. You can see me, eventually you'll be able to see Menace. And we just, I mean, just if you support the show and you like it, if you've ever gotten one sex tip from the show that worked for you become a friends of an offensive member. It's five 495 a month 495 a month 15 cents a day less Yeah, but I'm just I'm just thinking it's just 15 cents a day one sandwich for

For Emily I say this every day one sandwich for Emily nothing for me. I was thinking this morning It could be like a sandwich or it could be my muffin and my coffee. I get every morning. Yeah. Because not every not even every morning once a morning. I'm once a month. Once a month. If everybody who's listening bought me my coffee and muffin or sandwich once a month, I'd be psyched. That's all I want. Yeah. And if you can't pay 499 a month, 95, 95, 95 a month. I'm dead serious. If cannot pay that then you shouldn't be listening to this podcast you should be focusing on Other things, okay, I don't think that's a wrong statement. No, I think that you should Not be sitting around and listening to a podcast. I think you should be working on other things to better your life And then come back to the podcast when you only have the 495 exactly

to better your life and then come back to the podcast. And then come back to the podcast when you have the 495. Exactly. Appreciate it. Okay, and soon I think they're gonna be getting paypal. That'd be easier for everyone to write your notes. Kind of hard. Okay, how nice guys can finish first without being a jerk. All right.

Like menace. I added that. But I didn't mean you're a jerk. You're not a jerk at all. No, I don't think you're a jerk at all. You hate my guts today. I love you. Why is the nice guys finished last?

Why do nice guys think they need to be jerked to get girls? There is some truth to women wanting the bad boy. Well here's how you can be a nice guy and finish first. First let's look at what bad boys are like. They can be unpredictable, fun, mysterious, spontaneous, and most importantly show a lot of confidence. Wow, that doesn't sound like a guy you would want to date at all. They only rule, the only rules they obey are their own and they don't let anyone control

them. These are like what sounds like a bore. No, this is what matters. I am just commenting on what you're reading. Don't get upset. Those are some stats. Those are like what bad, those are like traits of bad boys. Okay? Some reasons girls give women give for liking bad boys. Women feel safe and protected. He's not boring, never a dull moment. Bad boys are charming and lustful. He's no mama's boy. Makes women feel incredibly beautiful during sex.

Brings out the true dominant and submissive roles men and women are biologically programmed to display. He's robust and competitive. Bad boys do not come across as desperate. So those are some typical traits that girl women are attracted to in men. Okay. So do you have a list on why you shouldn't date them? No, no, no.

Okay. Here's some tips for how nice guys can kind of adopt some of these traits without being a bad boy and they can finish first. Okay. Number one, be spontaneous. Try suggesting activities that you don't normally do. For example, try something new that you always want to try or someplace you've never been and experience it with her for the first time.

So that kind of keeps it exciting. You're like, hey, let's go to the, well, I don't even know what would be spontaneous and fun. Let's go to the, let's go to the, Because you got to freaking, uh, what are shows? My first day, no, nobody hears one thing. My, I had a guy once and I thought it was kind of cool. This guy, the guy that I go to the cabin with, my ex-boyfriend, but he's now like more and I best friends.

But our first day, he was like, let's go to the driving range. I was like, okay, I've never done that before. Like, I'm not bad at this. The gun range? The driving range. The driving range. The boring. The gun range. No, hitting, hitting golf balls. Yeah, but look what about take your no take her to the gun range screw golf golf balls

Take her the gun range then you look like a badass Girls don't want to shoot guns like really do some yeah, you're a chick's not mine Imagine I thought that was cool because he wasn't like let me take you dinner He was like I'm like here's a guy who's clearly interested. He's like let's go the driving range And that was cool because he wasn't like let me take you dinner He was like I'm like here's a guy who's clearly interested music. Let's go the driving range And it was cool and then he like puts our ramen show me how to hold the the stick. What's it called the pot the pot Driver the driver. Yeah, it's hot. Okay. Try waiting a while before you call her. This is a move Let her keep guessing whether you'll call or not It's what I'm saying don't show them too much attention and you're shooting me down yesterday.

In general women love a challenge and they don't want a man that's too easy for them to catch, but don't wait too long. You're not actually trying to be a jerk. So don't call every day. Like okay, here's an example. My friend who's done J.D. went out with a guy last week. They had coffee. It was good.

She's not sure how she feels. He has texted her every single day since their day. And she's done. She's like, why are you texting me every day? That's overkill. But if you called her once and asked her out again, maybe if you waited a few days and called her, that would be good. But that was overkill. So there's kind of a middle ground here, okay? So maybe you don't call the next day, but you call like a few days later. Be the man. You wear the pants when you're on a date, take charge, but don't push it. Remember to plan ahead so you can always have a backup plan in case something goes wrong, always be adaptable

to different situations, for example, if she hates a certain type of food. Be the man, take control. Okay. Be fun and generous. Remain lighthearted and upbeat about things are basically even more open. Don't act like a nervous or needy guy. Even if you feel that way, when you're on your date, the key is to not let it show. So I'm not telling you to fake it, but in a way I am. Fake it, tell you make it. If you're nervous, don't let that show.

Nervous, it's like, it's like, like women can I can tell when a guy's nervous. Like some guys have these habits when they're nervous and they I I have a joke with my friend that my best friend who's the one on J8 that we always like think that there's some guys have this nervous on. Like when they're talking to you in the phone, they're so nervous and they're like, yeah, I'm just saying it out of the day. And it's like this nervousness. Like we can tell when you're nervous. So just practice being confident. I want to go back.

This is kind of like a confidence thing is never ask them, so what do you want to do? What should we do? Exactly. Never do that. You'll never get an answer from the everywhere. You'll never, ever, ever get an answer. It's so true. Okay.

Pay attention and communicate. Nearly all women prefer to communicate verbally and love a good listener. This is where most guys, nice guys shine. You'll impress her by remembering important things about her. For example, favorite color, pet's names, favorite song. If you're looking to meet a woman online, check over a profile to come up with questions you can ask about what interests are. This is huge. Okay, let me tell you about this. I had a boyfriend and he's still at the max, the LA guy that I don't sleep with anymore

that were friends, whatever. He always, he has this knack that he always remembered little things about me that made me feel really good and he'd be like, you know, he'd buy something in his house that I liked or he'd say, he just would remember my stories that I would tell him. He'd say like, oh yeah, like that, he's like, yeah, like when second grade, when you did that thing, like I'm like, you remember that? And he

just always had these little things that made me feel special and that he, like, was listening and that he remembered. So to, like, pick out those little things and it's not like you're, like, stocky or you're like, I remember everything you say, but he would just do funny things. He's like, hey, why are you, like, you know, like we went to a movie once and I can't sit still in a movie as you know. Yeah. Because we went to movie once, menace and I once and I can't sit still in a movie as you know. Yeah. Because we went to a movie once, menace and I and I didn't sit still in a movie.

And you never, you didn't shut up. You were like talking through the whole movie. It was the worst movie ever made. Yeah, but you don't talk in the movie. I know, but it was bad. I don't care if it's bad. I know. You don't talk.

Menace and I haven't gone to a movie since. Yeah. But anyway, he was like- You're embarrassing. It was embarrassing It was like a pressing people know what I was things about me He was like oh my god You've now you moved around the whole time like I you were like a jumping beat like he just always I can't explain I'm trying to explain it here that just like the guys that pay attention to you and who you are and they point out things about you Little things about you that they're like that's cute how you Rinkly all knows I you can never find your phone for example

I lose my phone like ten times a day and knows. You can never find your phone. For example, I lose my phone like 10 times a day and he's like, can't find your phone again. I don't know, just notice things. Yeah, I had a girl who told me like nine years ago that the Pixies was her favorite band. She only told me one time. And now what? Then the Pixies came to town

and I got our tickets to the show. Is this the girl that you told her? And now only three years that you said it? No, no, no. This is a while back. Pixies came town and I got our tickets to the show This is a while back and like a couple days before like oh, I got you tickets to the Pixies because I know you like them and then she like couldn't believe that I remember because Make me feel so good. Okay, here's an interesting fact the older get, the more they want to date the nice guy. What do you think about that? And also standing up for yourself.

Dating a woman doesn't automatically mean you just stop doing what you love. For example, if you already planned on going out with your friends and she wants you to do something with her, instead it's okay to go out with your friends. So don't dump everything. Don't drop all your plans for her, okay? Can I ask you something real quick? You want a few minutes left? Yeah.

Yeah. Because I think this kind of goes into the to the nice guy thing. Is this real life? Does the chick really want to sleep with you when she says, I don't want to sleep right now with you because I really like you because you're like a nice guy, you know. What do you mean? Do they really want to sleep with you eventually? Are they just saying that just so they don't have to sleep with you right then? Because you hear the about that all the time.

I really want to sleep with you, but I really like you. Well, guys say that the girl's all the time too. Like I think what? Well, guys. Guy is not sleeping with a girl. Are you saying that? That, no. I've heard that before.

That's pretty good. Okay, you're saying if a girl says that is she just blowing you off or is she really like you? Maybe said you get cased by case basis. Maybe she really does like you. I mean, maybe she likes, but my friends always say, so you're saying, if I was a asshole right now, then you would be sleeping with me. But since I'm a nice guy and you really like me, then I'm not getting late. Well, I think a lot of women and men should and do delay sex when they really like someone. They're like, oh, I really like this person

and maybe you can go somewhere and there's no reason to rush that. We need to switch the wording around, though, when women say that. Okay. Because it really throws guys off because then it makes guys say, then like, oh, I'm the nice guy.

Yeah, and she's not into me. Yeah. I think that you probably means and doesn't want you to like blow her off if she's stuck with you in the first night. Mm. That's what I think. Okay, means and doesn't want you to like blow or off if you step with you on the first night Mm-hmm. That's right thing. Okay, then we got a few Social we posted this on Facebook today and Facebook and my Twitter, which is sexual Emily and we got some responses from listeners About what they think about nice guys finishing lab the question was do nice guys always finish last? What do you think? Let me know okay, so someone said no

Morris Maurice, no, only the ones who have that have no love for themselves and hide behind the mask of being nice. You are what you think. Loving myself doesn't mean cockiness. It's just an aura that you walk with. And at the same time, you are kind and the real nice guys finish first.

Another person, Jack says, a great deal of energy and focus goes into finishing last. I would think that should be considered nice. Yes. And then DJ X 911 says, not always, asshole card and the nice guy card, both usually have success, depend on the girl. Got to know how to play the game. For real.

For real. You gotta play the game. Where at a time? Thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Family. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithamlee.com. That was a good for you.

Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com.