Sex With Emily - Hotline Calls: Squirting, Toys & Threesomes

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

We all want to grow and become better versions of ourselves. And no where is that more true than our sex lives. That’s the mission of today’s call-in show. I answer your questions all about picking up new sex skills. From a fun-loving couple who wants to incorporate others into their play but can’t find the right candidates, to a twenty-something who wants to learn how to squirt on her own - these brave callers’ questions offer something for everyone to learn from.  In this episode, you’ll learn: How to find solid friends with benefits Masturbation techniques The anatomy of the vulva! See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com. Show Notes: The Psychology of Your Kink How to Squirt (For Real) Promescent.com/Emily (use this link to automatically save 15% at checkout) Playground Lube Je Joue Mimi Je Joue Hera Magic Wand Insertion Toys Dual Stimulation Toys #Open SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

Sex with Emily is looking for a new senior podcast producer. We are sorry to say goodbye to Erica, but she is leaving to pursue her music career. And I know she's going to have much success. We are looking for a senior producer right now that can start and help us with content production. You have technical expertise. You know how to manage a team. You can collaborate and you have experience working in production with audio or podcasting and video. And you're also familiar with the content

because you're listening to the show. Send your cover letter and resume to jobs at sexwithemily.com. We'd love to have you join our growing team, and we have a good time over here. Thank you. To me, he did you a favor, because you're like, oh, well, then you're clearly, yeah, you're right, you're not gonna be the guy. Like, you don't wanna quit her. No, no, absolutely not.

Like, it's too important to me. I was just curious, like, you know, I guess in previous relationships too, like guys usually wanna go for the toys quickly because they do make me come faster. But like, I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me, you know, have an orgasm themselves and like, not always have to use toys." You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation

around sex. We all want to grow and become better versions of ourselves, right? But nowhere is that more true than our sex lives. Well that's the mission of today's call and show. I answer your questions all about picking up new sex skills from a fun loving couple who wants to incorporate others into their play but they just can't find the right people to a 20-something who wants to learn how to squirt all on their own. Well these brave callers questions offer something for everyone to learn from. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show.

Just takes a few seconds and it truly helps get this show out to more sex positive people like you. My new articles, the psychology of your kink, and how to squirt for real are up on sexwithamily.com. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. You're listening to this podcast, so you're probably looking at Spice of Your Sex Life, am I right? And while there's no magic bullet that's gonna change it all, there is the magic wand, one of the first ever iconic

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because everyone deserves a Plus One on their journey to self-love. We have Ava 27 in Boston. journey to self love. We have a 27 in Boston. How could I help you? What's going on? So basically to like, sum it up. So I've had, let's say, but 10 partners in my life, only two have made me finish, which I feel like is a pretty low statistic, although I know it's easier said than done and everyone's different. But the main thing that I don't like is so I've been relationships all my life. And now it's like the

first time I've been really single. And I hate the fact that if I want to squirt, it's up to a man. I have to find a man. I have to have him know what to do. I have to rely that he knows what he's doing. And it's just like, for so many reasons, I don't want that. I wish I, you know, could take that power and be able to do it myself. And also, like, when people ask, they're like, Oh, how do I do it? I'm like, I wish I knew, you know, the two people who have helped who've done it. I don't know what they did, you know, so I just don't like that dynamic. Got it. You don't want to be reliant on, okay, well, thank you so much for sharing that. Well, first, I want to say this is that it's actually pretty common to have been with two partners, three partners, several partners where they're not giving you an orgasm. partners, three partners, several partners where they're not giving you an orgasm because you're responsible for your orgasm.

Right? We got to figure out what we like. So you have to figure out, well, what feels good to me and then have to like take the time and explain to these guys like what you actually like and what feels good because I am only telling you because I was the same boat as you. I used to be like, that one didn't make me orgasm. He sucked. It didn't make me orgasm. And then it wasn't until I was like in my 30s and I was to be like, that one didn't make me orgasm. He sucked, didn't make me orgasm.

And then it wasn't until I was like in my 30s that I was like, oh, I don't even know how to do it myself. I used to believe that like men were shipped off to some secret school where they learned everything about like my body and they knew like they, he knows what to do with stuff. It's all life. But they don't know.

So you gotta teach them. But as far as squirting goes, so what I'm hearing is you're asking me like, how, how do I squirt? What do I do? It happened in the past. Well, do you remember what happened in the past? Yeah. So what I, as much as I know, I, I know, again, everyone's different, but for me, personally, it's like the exact G spot. So up and curved, I know that the tricks and everything I have yet to be able to do it I've used toys and they don't help I also from what I recall I don't like the feeling of vibrations, which I know I'm in the minority of that

Maybe I just haven't had a good one or I haven't had a good experience But from I've tried a few times they're years ago But like I just remember not liking that feeling. And it's also like the clit, I feel like a lot of people, that's where it's at. For me, I'm like, yeah, for a little bit, but it's mainly just penetration and penetration only, and specifically fingering. And what's interesting, I know my body so well that if I like, I love this. Yeah. So if I squirt from fingering, I will be able to squirt again from penetration, but it needs to happen from a finger and it will happen like many times after that first

time, but that's how. So what you're saying is vibrations don't feel as great. And this is also common too that for some Volvo owners, vibrations like they're almost too sensitive, it's too much. But what you're saying is that most of your pleasure and your orgasm, you're coming from penetration from either a finger or a penis inside of you. And you actually have an orgasm. And sometimes you've squirted with that orgasm. Okay, cool. Well, that's the thing. So that's the other thing that I didn't know. I didn't know if

like squirting and orgasm were like hand in hand, or they square and circle like that. They're hand in hand. You can orgasm and that's squirt. You can squirt in that orgasm more like hand in hand, or they square and circle like that. They're hand in hand. You can orgasm and that's squirt. You can squirt and not orgasm. But there are cases where you orgasm and squirt at the same time, which is just wonderful. But they all, yeah, they're not mutually exclusive. Yeah, so that's why it's even more confusing because I definitely know I've squirted,

but I honestly don't know if I if ever had an orgasm then. Uh-oh! Okay. I don't think so, but I know I've squirted. So I feel like I've gotten at least close or maybe it's been some overlap where there's been a case I orgasmed and squirted, maybe, but I don't know. Okay. Okay.

This is good. Okay. So you would probably know if you orgasmed, but you're saying you tried a vibrator and it was too sensitive. It was just like, it just wasn't doing it for me. Then again, I just maybe wasn't doing the right, like one or like the right way. This was many years ago. So I don't really really remember. Okay, well, let's, let's just forget the vibrator for a second. Have you ever masturbated? Have you tried on your own? Yeah. With your fingers and some lubricant and just like sat down and you're like, I'm settling in,

I'm gonna try to do this? Yeah, and I'm definitely still like in the very early beginning stage of it, just because since I've been in a relationship on my life, I don't know how to do it very much. I have zero experience with it. So I'm still figuring it out. I have a toy that doesn't vibrate and that helps but it's still like I can't get that

You know exact spot that I know will help me the come hither motion the come hither motion Says that you would dildo because dildos are don't vibrate So how you do it is with the finger is it's about two and a half inches inside and it is or an inch and a half to Depending we're all different it is stimulating the G spot with it a come hither motion, right with either one or two fingers like towards the belly button. And what really helps first is to be really aroused and to have a clitoral orgasm first, which where I would recommend is basic masturbation practice where you are setting aside time to just sort of breathe like a little mindful masturbation practice

where you're just kind of breathing and you take time to turn off your phone and you just sort of focus on the sensations on your body that you feel just with your hands and making sure that you're using lube and you want to start like outside if you don't go right for your clitoris, but externally like the labia,

labia majora, the vulva, the external part, your inner thighs, and you start to like use a light touch with your fingers. Oh, maybe this is a good time for our world of puppets. So there's your clitoris, right? Your clitoral hood. So when you get a rouse, this goes back. But I'm talking like this kind of sensation where just like using fingers and you're teasing yourself like out or labia inside and you're touching like really light, like it might even be over the fabric of your underwear. And you always want to use lube, just saying. I love Playground Lube.

They're a company that I'm just obsessed with. But water-based lube and just start to use your fingers and then just to see like, get curious. What am I feeling right now? Does that feel good? Does that feel bad? And then you want to start to like escalate the touching and you'll start to, you can even helps to

tend to relax your pelvic floor. So you're, do you look like a kegel or a few of those? Because that's stimulating it. And you just kind of breathe and start to see if you can get sensations. And because how you're going to find the G spot in Squirt is when you're already or around. So it helps to already have a clitoral orgasm

before you go inside and try to have another orgasm or squirt. So that's why I'm saying like, let's just start you teasing on the outside, play with the clitoris. If you want to try another toy, maybe you could get like a vibrating toy that just is like, you know, most of these days have a bunch of settings that like maybe it's like a really lower setting toy that you need to use. I love Jeju products. Like one of my favorites was the Jeju Mimi that I was like my first toy ever and it fits in the palm of your hand. And for me, that was one that I like really learned my body on.

And then I would like tease yourself with that. Then once you have that orgasm or beat your brows, then you can go inside with the finger or a toy. I could give you some recommendations for some dildos that might hit your teeth, but better. Yeah, that was the other thing I was wondering. I didn't know if there was like specific shaped toys or like generalized toys that I should like aim towards

for this specific purpose, two square. Yes, so there are G-spot toys. I would recommend the HERA, H-E-R-A, it's by J.Z. It's like the rabbit simulation to do the internal and the rabbit stimulation. So you have the internal and the external stimulation. It's like made of like body safe materials. They have like deep rumbly sensations. I totally recommend that one. And being patient because it takes some time to figure out your own body.

But then once you get inside, either with fingers or a toy, you just continue to, when you're aroused, apply pressure to the G-spot, like straightforward pressure, and then that's where the release happens and where many volva owners squirt. Yeah, it's crazy because like the time that I've squirted a lot, it's violent. Like the amount of like, how fast and how hard you have to go. I swear people are like scared to go that hard because it looks and feels like something, I'm being hurt. Like I don't like how aggressive it is. It doesn't have to be that aggressive. So I understand why because they're hitting the spot and it's going really fast and I totally understand what you're saying, but that's just because the experiences you've had with a partner. But the great news is with one

of these toys, you won't have to go that hard. Okay. It'll be much more like gradual. And here's another tip, like, I don't know if this will work for you. Because again, everyone has to remember this, that literally every single Volvo owner is different. And so, like, I know they've worked for many people, not just me. So I feel good about my recommendations. So Magic Wand has been around forever. They have this mini vibrator. It's called the Magic Wand Mini, which the Magic Wand is a very powerful vibrator. And now they've made it mini size, but either model that you get the bigger one or the smaller one There's a lot of women who have reported squirting. It's an external toy But when you place it over your pubic mound externally

There's indirect stimulation to your g-spot and a lot of women are squirting because of that toy as well because the vibrations are so incredible, intense, and deep that it can stimulate you and hit your G-spot and you can squirt that way. Very common. And then you got to call me back in a month and let me know about all your squirting and orgasms. Yeah, I hope there's plenty to report. But be patient with it. Just keep communicating. Awesome. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. Of course.

Bye. Eva, have a great night. You too. Slot. I always recommend remember that you are responsible for your own orgasm, you do your own work on that. And yeah, remember toys, fingers, hands, penis, however you get there is all good. Just keep trying.

Keep getting to know your own body because you're going to become the expert of your own orgas to know your own body because you're going to become the expert of your own organism and your own body. We have Alex and Autumn and they're calling from Florida a couple. I love them couples call together. Tell me what's going on. We are looking to open, I guess, our sex life up with maybe partner play, free sums and more sums and more sums. Yeah.

But the other, I guess, aspect that we also want and we're struggling with is we also want like friends. That makes sense. We want more of a friendship first, then have fun in the bedroom. Yeah. We were on SDC. We had some luck there, but then it kind of got rocky. We started a group chat.

We thought things were going well and great. And then we set up a date to go have drinks. And then it kind of went downhill going into that week. They're kind of pushy and I'll let Autumn explain more. Very, very pushy. There was like a clear question of boundaries and what boundaries were to be set and observed. And those boundaries were constantly being pushed

by the female half of the couple. I've already suffered from anxiety and it had just become so much more at that point where I said, I'm just not comfortable going and spending time with these people. Like, I don't even want to continue conversing with them. So I talked about it to my husband when we got home and he said, Oh, I'm so glad you feel that way. Cause I feel the same way too. Let's just kind of call it quits. We did that. We had another couple actually just ghost us. We were in a group chat with them and they just kind of dipped.

It was kind of like a pick collector and I was like, okay. Like really put like a bad taste in our mouth and we're trying to figure out how to navigate like, I guess that dynamic of what we were trying to look for, what we're looking for and looking to see if you can guide us in that aspect. Okay, yeah, absolutely. Well, first I want to say, I think it's awesome that you both are being really closely communicating about it, because usually if you got a weird vibe about someone, you got one, like it's good to say it. And mostly, and that goes for life too. Like our intuition is very strong and a lot of times we override it. So if someone's giving you drama and you're looking for a play friend, like,

we don't need that in the bedroom at all. So maybe you could paint a picture for me again. Like what's the vibe? Like you also have times where you just hang out, but there's no sex. Right. Correct. Yeah. Like a friends with benefits type situation, we're not going into it where it's

just we're looking for like a one night stand or just some random fun. We'd rather have a friendship first for the foundation and then to build from there. With a couple, right? Not just with a single woman. Okay. Preferably a couple. Yeah. Okay, preferably a couple.

I'm just curious, do you have any close friends that you guys go out to dinners and hang out with already? That's the other part of our relationship is we work crazy schedules. We don't really have that. Capability of going to dinner on a whim. And I guess we don't really feel comfortable doing that with work partners, if that makes sense. Yeah.

We spend eight hours. Yeah, we have a good reputation with friends from work. Yeah, you don't want to bring this into work. You can set that boundary. Another boundary you don't want to cross. Yeah, that makes sense. We're not there yet in this world that we can all talk about at work. Okay. So what I'm hearing is that you're looking for the friends with benefits,

but in your real life, you don't really even have time right now for friends, which I get it. We've all been, I've been there at times where I'm like, what happened to my friends? All I do is work. So the dynamic, this dream scenario of like a friend that you can hang out with, you might not really even have time to, because that takes, you know, you make good friends usually as you spend time together, right? Repeatedly, consistently, whether it's like you talk to them once a week or you see them once a month. And so that would have to be like a carve out time that you guys make time for.

You're like committing like we want this person to be in our life. Like what does that look like for you? Is it once a month? Is it, you know, once a week? I mean, I know it's going to depend on the person, but it's really thinking about that, like, and then making space for like everything in life where we put our attention on, it's good, it's really what we're going to manifest what's going to happen. It's so fun to do that. I know like manifesting or just knowing, but missing that word. So like, you're like, what do you mean, man? If that

we're going to dream about the couple and they're going to drop down the chimney, but just getting clear, they might, the clearer you clearer you get and like these are, this is what you want. This is what the person's vibe, like this is what they look like or what we do with them. Like there's another app I worked with a few years ago called hashtag open. They were a sponsor and I really liked the people who started it. They had really great intentions around it. So I think it's just like a numbers game, like everyone is like, I'm on the app. So I can't find anyone like a numbers game, like everyone who's like, I'm on the app, so I can't find

anyone who's cool to even date. You guys have had a few bad experiences, but you're going to learn from all of them and just saying like, where else can we expand this network? I think some couples also use Bumble and Tinder, but that's mostly I think for a third. I'm not sure if people do couples, but maybe they do. I actually don't like have a specific rec for that. But what I can say is like, what's the friend's part you're going to do with this friend? Are you going to go to movies? Are you going to play tennis? Yeah.

I think it's all aspects of that. We live fairly close to the theme parks, as we're in Orlando. So we could always do theme park dates. We could do movies. We could go shopping, grab coffee, grab ice cream. There's a lot to do. It's just. Okay. The other aspect is because we live so close,

we get a lot of transit on the app. Yeah. So like, well match, but then they're like, oh, we're only here until, you know, X amount, X date. And it's like, well, you know, that's not really something that we're looking to do. So that's the other struggle that we're having as well. Okay. Well, what do you guys mean?

Maybe some good goals for your relationships to like start things outside that we're like on the do. So that's the other struggle that we're having as well. Okay, well, what do you guys mean? Maybe some good goals for your relationship to like, start things outside that we're like on the weekends, what do you guys do when you're not working? Do you guys like? We spend time with family. Yeah, spent a lot of time with family. Takes up a lot of our time. So I we live well, I live for my family, I live about an hour away.

And they're always like, well, why don't you come over for dinner? And usually on the weekend, I'm off and she's at work. So that's the other struggle is trying to get on the same schedule. Yeah. Listen, I think another reason you had mentioned why we were interested in exploring with a couple is because if I'm always not available, there's something to do, something for someone for him to spend time with as well. So that's another aspect of why we would be more interested in building a friendship

first and then progressing from theirs because we have people that we can spend time with when we can. Yeah. Outside of our norm. Yeah. Got it. I mean, I think meetups are the best place to go for some of these things. And just like thinking about like, how would you make friends if you were going to

make friends? Because that's where like, you know, they always say like, we also meet some of the best partners for us when we're out doing things that we already like doing. There is also like what other might be a great thing like find a play party or like a swinger party near you, because you don't necessarily have to swing. You could go to these parties or play parties as they call them now. You don't necessarily have to take your clothes off for sex with anybody, but you might have fun kind of exploring and you might meet a cool couple that's in your area because these parties are more exclusive and I don't know who it is in your city, but usually you can find it

through the apps or just Google Play parties in your town. Like, okay, we just found this. My poochers found Poly dating Florida Orlando polyamory All right. Yep. I've got that Orlando polyamory, right? So if they have groups or lunches or whatever like go to one of those events and meet those people and see if you like anyone And that's a great non-threatening place to do it like you're not walking in there and everyone's naked There's want to meet other cool. Yeah, that's the other part too We've been asked to go to an adult club or a lifestyle club, I think is what they call it.

Lifestyle club, yep. That's been kind of intimidating, at least for me, and I don't know, maybe you. We haven't really gone down that path, but intimidating for us, because we don't want to get that bad experience that we first had where they were pushy and wanting us to go into a room.

And yeah, it's kind of like intimidating, I guess, would be the best way. Oh, I have no problem saying no. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of like intimidating, I guess, would be the best way. Oh, I have no problem saying no. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go. Okay. So I feel like you should try it again because it just, I've been to some fun lifestyle parties. I've been to some that I'm like, no, there's no one in here. I also, and those I've not with couples and it was early on in my career, I was like, research and then I've gone with partners times. We just want to check it out

because it's kind of hot. So there's really no pressure, I think, in a lot of these places, and you just kind of like have boundaries. Just be like, we're not interested. And then you'll start to get your confidence because you realize, like, oh, there's no pressure for us to perform. And I found that most of these places that you go in and people are also pretty like there's strict rules and people usually do follow boundaries, but that's just where I've

been in California. So I'm not sure how it is there, but I would just kind of like how you know the people you want to hang out. You'll get a good vibe from them. Cool. Cool. All right. Definitely check it out. Yeah. Okay, good. You got this. But don't, you know, I understand why you're discouraged, but just, you know, keep trying if it's what you want. You'll find those people. Why not explore? Menagame is great for majority of couples, but for some it's just not. And we don't see great examples in our culture about how you can have a different kind of relationship. It can be really discouraging. So it feels good to me that we are just hearing now from couples who are much more open to seeing what else is out there. Don't hang up. I'll be right back

with more hotline calls after a quick break, but real quick, I want to tell you about one of my long time partners, Promescent. Promescent makes the one and only delay spray that I recommend. Truly, it's the best out there and I recommend it to any penis owner looking to delay their orgasms because it helps penis owners last up to 64% longer in bed. It's really long lasting, it doesn't transfer to your partner, you just rub it on at the beginning of sex, wait a little bit, and boom. It's perfect for anyone who struggles with premature ejaculation or they just want to

practice edging or having longer sessions. They also have this incredible warming arousal gel for vulva owners, which I love. You just rub it on your vulva, you also wait a few minutes and you start to feel this really cool tingly sensation. And it just helps you get ready, your rouse turned on in the mood. I put it on before partner sex, solo sex, or even during the day. It's awesome. If you want more pleasure for both you and your partners, go to permessant.com slash Emily to save 15% off your order. That's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T dot com slash Emily. Or just click the link in the show notes and get 15% off.

All right everyone, we'll be right back. We have Kelly, 27 in New York. We have Kelly 27 in New York. Thank you so much for calling in. Thanks so much for having me on. I feel a little star struck me and all my friends listened to me for years. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. It's so nice to meet you. I'm glad the show's been helpful. Tell me everything. So I'm not seeing this guy anymore, but I'm still just so curious because I feel like it's happened to me like before in the past too. So I was dating this guy for a few weeks and sex was like good and all, but like I wasn't having an orgasm yet.

So I took your advice on like tone turf timing and like I brought it up when we were like having some wine and and dinner on the couch, like very calmly and was just like, you just like, I gave all the compliments. I was like, I really like you. You turn me on. Everything you've been doing so far feels so good. But I haven't come yet. So I really want to do that. And gave some tips on what I think that I need.

I need more foreplay. I need you to play with my clip more. And his response, his his tone wasn't like angry or anything, like it was still a calm conversation, but he was so adamantly saying that he would never be able to make me come. And I was like, I don't understand why you feel that way. Like we're still getting to know each other.

Like I know we can get there. And he was just so adamantly saying that he could not. What do you mean? He was like, back off. He was like, you're telling him, you're like, this is what I need. He's like, I'll never make you come like that. Like, I'll never be that guy or like, I'll never be able to do that for you. Like, you're always going to need toys or something else. Like, it's just not going to be me. I know that I won't be able to make you. It sounds to me like he's had a previous experience where he wasn't able to make someone

come or his partner wasn't giving him great instructions or he felt inferior in some way. It probably was not about you. I just side note. I want everyone to know this, that when you're dating someone and these things happen or maybe they go astray, they decide not to see you anymore. It's typically not because of something you said. It's typically because of their past history. But anyway, yeah, like I don't know, like to me,

he did your favor because you're like, oh, well, then you're clearly, yeah, you're right, you're not going to be the guy. Like you don't want to quit her. No, no, absolutely not. Like it's too important to me. I was just curious, like, you know, I guess in previous relationships, too, like guys usually want to go for the toys quickly because they

do make me come faster. But like, I want the person that I'm with to be able to make me, you know, have an orgasm themselves and like not always have to use toys. I'm not really sure, like what I can be doing differently to just be more direct about what I'm looking for because I feel like I already kind of am. That's a great question. I'm fortunate to be with someone who's open to feedback and who's open to talking about sex. It sounds like you checked that out a few weeks with this guy and he wasn't your guy. But I think that going forward, it's like, I mean, it's really, it's practice. But just first finding out early on, like, is this someone who's going to be comfortable

like talking about sex or they into your pleasure? And then when you're talking to him, you're like, you know, I, people always blame me. I listen to sex with them. And I've decided that like, in my next relationship, I want prioritizing sex to be really important. Like I want to know, I want to make you come in a way that you've never imagined. What do you can say? I want to be like your best lover. And you're like, yeah, and I want that too. And so, yeah, would you be open to that? Are you cool with that? Like let's talk about things that make us feel good. You could say, so I really wanna figure out how to organize them with a partner.

Would you be down with like exploring with me and I can show you some things I like? What's your fantasy? What turns you on? And so it just can be more like, I guess this is more casual, it's a give and take. And that's the vibe though. It's like, hey, like, would you want this?

I would want that. I mean, sometimes perhaps when you give specific feedback about sex, people do go into their fight-or-flight mode. I think oftentimes, because people think, like, I'm a bad lover, you're going to reject me, it's really hard for people to take feedback sexually. So I think the more chill and neutral you can make the conversations and then kind of get into the specifics,

it's always better. Maybe this happened with this guy, but I think showing him what you like and saying, like, would you be open if I moved your hand and showed you what I meant to? Yeah, it's always a little awkward when you're just beginning to date somebody to have these conversations because you're not really sure. You're still getting to know each other in so many different ways, but I was just so taken aback that this guy was so adamant. And I was like, this cannot happen again. Yeah, that is so strange to me that he was so adamant. All I could think of was a past, it was a past experience, or he just, I don't know what, like it triggered him in some way. But and I know it, like this is the other thing, but I like want this so badly for your generation. Like I just, I know that it's awkward and weird. And I know

that nobody's talking about it in the second date. No one wants to be that girl or that guy because it's like, uh, but like, why not? Like, why not find out? Like, do you have a growth mindset around sex? Like, what do you mean by that? Listen to sex with that? Like, do you want to talk about it? Like, do you think sex is important? And I think by your age, like you're right, 27, like your dating people, maybe who've had one relationship. And I just hope that they know enough right now in 2023, that like talking about sex is how you're going to continue to have great sex and understand each other. Partners on a mind reader, everyone's different. You're not going to orgasm the same way as their last partner.

Their penis doesn't want the same thing as your last partner. Like, I just want this to be like, let's not make it so awkward so we can find out if we're compatible so we don't spend the next year together. then we talk about it and then I know it was a waste of time. So I don't know the happy medium, but you seem super cool and I feel like Kelly, you could probably be the one who does this and just start and be like, I know, and you can even admit it. I don't know people assume like she's really into sex.

It's like, no, I'm into like quality sex. I'm into efficiency. So that's the energy around it. But I think the sooner you do it, the quicker you're going to find out if someone's a good match. Yeah, definitely got it that conversation happened earlier on in the relationship. Then yeah, you know, it hurts at the time, but then you're like, Oh, good favor, down to the next, like you did amount. So how are you finding people now in New York? How's

it going? I haven't gone on another date since just like taking some time off for personal, you know, life just always gets in the way, but baby apps is really just like where it's at. I mean, just got to keep going out trying to meet people in real life. Like, I don't mind the dating apps. Okay, good. They're fun. They work right? They were at so I was telling people, like, you got to just going out, trying to meet people in real life. It's cool. I don't mind the dating apps. Okay, good. They're fun.

They work, right? That's what I was telling people. You got to just keep trying them. And one more thing I want to say, though, Kelly, going back to this is that, so another great thing in this time that you're just dating is to spend more time on your own figuring out like, how do I orgasm without a toy? Or how do I think, like next time you're masturbating, how would I explain this to a partner? So it's just a lot easier too like think like pretend there's someone here

with me. What am I doing and how would I explain it? So when the next lover comes your way, you'll kind of be practiced more and be like, let me show you this cool thing I learned. Like it's really fun. Like for me, like I'll show partners I'm with like, look at this, like I'll show you like how my clitoris swells or my vulva does this. When I touch it here, like, look at a rousal, like, get them into it, right? Yeah, I feel like mutual masturbation is probably like a really good idea with a partner. So show them exactly what you're looking for. Exactly. Huge fans. Do that early on. Then they'll learn, right? You don't just use the words. They'll see what you do. You're watching what he does and then it's all

information. Great. This is so helpful. Well, I'm so glad. Yeah. Keep me posted. I'm so glad that you listened. Say hi to your friends. Thanks so much. Okay. Have a great day. Thanks. Bye. Kelly. All right. I love when people show you who they are early on in a relationship, so you don't have to spend too much time with them. So first, while it can sting and you're thinking, why doesn't this person want to be with me or why wouldn't they want to try for my orgasm? It hurts for like a little bit, but then you have

to look at the big picture and go, okay, on to the next. And so what can we learn about this case communicating about sex? And I think the more we actually think about what we want, how we're gonna explain it, everyone right now, like think about it. If you are, it's a matter of your relationship or you're looking for a partner, how can you have a healthy conversation about your sex life today?

Or, you know, if you're in a relationship, like what are you not saying right now? What are you hoping saying right now? What are you hoping your partner's just going to figure out because that doesn't happen? And then if you're dating someone new, what are you waiting for? I think if you're naked with someone, you've already been naked, which is really friggin' intimate, it's probably time to start talking about what you like doing when you're naked. You don't sit in a restaurant and not talk about the food.

You're like, oh, how was that? Would we want to get Italian again? Would we want to get Italian again? Would we want to get dessert? Or dessert doesn't really sit well with us sometimes. Like, just like, you talk about everything, but sex, we're just like, let's wait until there's a problem or let's wait until like I'm miserable or resentful.

No, like, do it now. Great time to do it is when you've already been intimate with someone or if you're brave, do it before. Find out if they are someone that you is actually interested in being sexually healthy. And being sexually healthy is all about communicating about sex and your desires. So let me tell you about Magic Wand. It is the original wand style massager and Time Magazine named it one of the most influential gadgets of this century. Okay.

If you don't know about the Magic Wand, you gotta check it out. There are a few products. There's the original that's the one you might have heard of when it plugs into the wall, but then they made the rechargeable, which is cordless. And I believe it just as powerful.

It has the silicone head, multifunction, variable speeds. They also have the Magic Wand Plus, which has the plug-in power. But let me tell you about the Magic Wand Mini. I'm obsessed with the Mini because the Mini has all the power of the other Magic Wands, but it's mini-er. It's great for couples play,

no matter what your body part, and it is a massager. So you can be giving your partner a massage and use it all over their body, and it also feels great on all those fun nerve endings. Check out the Magic Wand. Go to sexfamily.com. I have an article about all the ways to use the Magic Wand, which you're going to love to get you inspired. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. inspired. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides

and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739. Or go to sexwithemily.com slash askemily. Was it good for you? Email me, go to SexWithEmily.com slash AskEmily. Was it good for you? Email me.

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