Sex With Emily - How To Be Sexually Confident w/ Serena Kerrigan

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life. On today’s show, I am joined by Serena Kerrigan, the ‘Queen of Confidence.’ Serena talks about what she has learned from going on over 50 online dates with men, how to make the “whoring twenties” fun, and her passion for masturbation. Plus, we answer your questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what. In this episode, you’ll learn: How to build unshakable confidence through self-love, manifestation, and daily affirmations. Why approaching dating with curiosity (and a sense of humor) can completely change your experience. The connection between knowing your body through masturbation and feeling empowered in the bedroom. Show Notes: More Serena Kerrigan: Twitter | Instagram | Website Try VIIA Today! Head to https://bit.ly/viiaemily and use code "EMILY"! Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.  SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website  Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube Let’s text: Sign up here Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

If you got in front of your mirror and said half of the shit that you're thinking about yourself, you'd be like, oh my God, that is so fucking mean. You would never. So that's why I'm like, get in front of your mirror. Like even when you're having a bad day, even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you like get fired, anything, get in front of that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens. You're listening to Sex with Emily.

I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Confidence is everything. It affects the way we perceive ourselves, how we interact with others, and definitely shapes our sex life. You want to be confident in the bedroom as well, right? On today's show, I'm joined by Serena fucking Kerrigan, the queen of confidence. She shares the power of confidence, intuition, and manifestation for shaping the course of your life. She talks about her passion for masturbation and what she's learned from virtually dating over 50 men and how to make the whoring 20s fun. Plus we

answer your questions like how to feel confident after hooking up for the first time and how to feel sexy no matter what. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Subscribe wherever you're listening. That really helps us. It just helps get the show, subscribe wherever you're listening, that really helps us. It just helps get the show out to more people and help everyone, people just like you. And you can find me at all social media, Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, threads, X,

it's all at Sex with Emily. My new articles, Meet Your New Kink, Footplay, and How to Mess Your Cowgirl and Reverse Cowgirl are up on SexFamily.com. Okay, real quick, before we get into the episode, are you looking for the perfect holiday gift that keeps on giving and you don't have to wait for delivery or anything like that?

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And they have a money back guarantee. So give yourself the gift of health this year and kickstart your new year routine early with Just Thrive. And for a limited time, you can save 20% site-wide at JustThriveHealth.com with promo code SEX WITH EMILY. That's JustThriveHealth.com and code SEX WITH EMILY for 20% off. Today's guest is Serena Fucking Kerrigan. She's created the first ever Instagram live reality show, Let's Fucking Date. The show streamed Serena Fucking Kerrigan. She's created the first ever Instagram live reality show, Let's Fucking Date.

The show streamed Serena's virtual blind dates to her audience of followers. What started as a way for a single 26 year old to entertain her followers in quarantine was immediately dubbed by the Today Show as Quarantine's new must watch. Hey Serena, welcome to the show. Hi.

Tell me about yourself. Tell me about Serena fucking Kerrigan. So I'm born and raised in New York City. In February 2020, I quit my job and decided to really build my brand full time. And then a couple of weeks later, the pandemic hit and I was alone in my apartment isolated, but really fixated on the fact that I was single. And my whole brand is, I'm the queen of confidence. And I saved a seat for you at my throne. My whole brand is about empowering women.

And I was fixated on the fact that I felt so alone. And it really complicated my identity and my narrative of not needing anyone but myself to be happy. So I started talking about this a lot on my Instagram, my content. I started going live every day drinking a bottle of wine on my couch because I had nothing else to do. And then I set out to normalize virtual dating. And I started dating men on Instagram live every Friday during the pandemic. And I dated a total of 50 men over the course of a year, I did three seasons, sold it out to sponsors. And I dated a total of 50 men over the course of a year, I did three seasons, sold it out to sponsors, and I created two card games from the show. Let's fucking date and let's fucking fuck.

50 men. That's like so many more men that you probably dated during the pandemic than most single people. Let's just say that. 100%. You know, I think like the main product of the show was to every date was blind. So I'd go on two dates every Friday. And I did this on purpose. I had a pretty straight a whole team that I like quickly hired because I feel like when we go on dating apps, we have a really preconceived notion of who that person is. We stalk their Instagram, we Google that maybe a friend knows them, we eat their photo, they're

wearing sunglasses or holding a fish. Oh my fucking God. No, right. Don't wear the sunglasses. We want to see your eyes. What the hell? Please. We need to see it. So I felt like it was important to not have any idea of who was on the other side to really go in with this just open mindedness and this curiosity. And granted, this was live in front of thousands of people in front of my parents, family, exes, you name it, live commenting during the episode. But what I, what, exes, you name it, lie commenting during

the episode. But what I loved about it was that I really did go in with an open mind. And I didn't know, I don't like when people say, what's your type? I know what it is now. Yeah. I always see people like, first of all, I think your twenties are not for getting married. I mean, if people do, that's amazing. But I think wait till your thirties the dating figure out who you like So I'm thinking 50 men like what what did you learn about who's who's Serena fucking? Kerrigan wants to date who wants sleep so much you know someone who's super ambitious like myself great personality Great sense of humor, but drive is really important to me dry I also like this cool factor which I can't really quantify But like I grew up like born

raised in New York City. My mom is an immigrant from Argentina. Like she's a TV producer now that had a development like I like I'm fucking cool. So like I need some money, you know, but also major like some of the feedback I got from my producer and from Pacific Boats. So it's like, you're very intense. You're very intimidating. And that was always something that I like was trying to shrink myself to appease what the man would feel comfortable

with. And I realized over the course of the show, the main draw that 50 men came on my show, I mean, it was intimidating for them, right? Was the confidence, was the fact that I was unapologetically myself and that I should not tone myself down and the right guy will not be intimidated because he won't be insecure. Right. 50 dates. Any second dates? Yes. We had a villain season one. Season two, we had a really great guy in LA. And then season three, the last episode of the show, the winner, there's never been a winner. Okay. Season one, I picked myself as the winner. Season two was like, whatever,

because I don't settle and I'm not going to do the bachelor thing where I'm going to just like have him like, no, that's not me. Just like you said, not your, not what your twenties are for. And I really wanted to challenge that notion of like success in dating. Why does it always have to be marriage or this commitment? Like my parents got divorced when I was two, live a block away from each other, best friends. So that's success to me versus being romantically together. Right.

And that was something I really was trying to show my audience. And then season three, I did decide to let the audience vote for a winner. And I actually ended up having feelings for the winner. What happened? OK. She surprised me in New York. It's like we were supposed to go live, like our last date. And like there was a knock on my door at the start of the day and he was there.

Okay. And we spent the weekend hanging out together and he was like, this is the start of something amazing. And then I got to LA and I've never revealed this before, but I feel like I gotta do it with you. Do it. He would not fuck me. Why?

Did you guys hook up when he was in New York? We made out, we held hands. Like, you know, I have to say, I learned something recently, which is like, paid so much attention to that first real date, not the virtual. Like, what are they saying? Because they're gonna tell you so much.

And I remember, wow, I'm spilling so much tea, like, enough time has passed that I feel like I can't do this to you. I remember we wow, I'm spilling so much tea, like enough time has passed that I feel like I can use you. I remember we did the show and she wasn't like very touchy with me on camera, which is fine. Like you just flip me out, whatever. And then we, the show ends and then we go out to get a drink and then we're walking back to my apartment and we're making out in my lobby.

And I was like, you know, he's not from here. He's never been, this is his first time in New York. So I was like, come upstairs and I'll call you an Uber. And he was like, we're in my lobby and I was like, you know, he's not from here. He's never been this his first time in New York. So I was like, come upstairs and I'll call you an Uber. And he was like, we're in my lobby, like when I'm in bed and I'm just like, I'm not going to sleep with you. And I was like, was he joking? Because I've had guys go, don't you think I want to sleep with you? Nope. Like very like this isn't going to happen.

And I was like, I wasn't going to sleep with you either. I was presumptuous. And I remember like I went home and just had like the worst like feeling in my stomach. Like something isn't right. That's the moment that that's not right intuition in the moment. That's the stuff we listen to, but we don't.

We override it all the time. You don't wanna believe it at all, at all. You're like, oh, what's that pesky feeling telling me? It's no. And I was like, you know, you know, he wasn't from the United States. So maybe he was different culturally. He's younger than me. And also so valid that you don't want to sleep with someone the first day, especially if like, you know, sex is whatever.

But it just felt a little like I felt predatory. Yeah. Would he fool around? But he would like hook up and he wouldn't have sex. He's like, wouldn't. What do you mean he wouldn't fuck you like you stand there going like yes like exactly like that naked I'm naked and I'm gesturing towards my vulva right now that's what I was thrusting it essentially into thin air what part of this naked sexy woman is not your jam and then what did he say he said I don't have a comment which like that's what my prom date said I mean mean, that's, I was like,

I flew all the way to Los Angeles, got a fucking nice ass hotel for you to not bring a condom when you know you're seeing me for the weekend. Like it just felt so like, okay. And then it went to, and I said, I was like, you know, I'm on birth control. Like I haven't had sex in forever because we're in a global pandemic. And like, I know I'm safe, but I can go downstairs and ask for the front desk for a condom. Like that's not getting a condom is like not like a hurdle. That's the problem. Right.

And then it was I don't want to get you pregnant. And I was like, with all due respect, I don't want to be pregnant with your child. So so immediately like barrier up. And also like it's ironic because it's like I'm usually the one on the other side to the guy being like, no, I want to take things slow. So all of a sudden it was like, you can convince someone to want to have sex with you. Like it's gross. It's a gross feeling and it makes you feel extremely unwanted. And I felt very duped, to be honest, but I'm a very caring and understanding person and I'm not someone who's

going to pressure someone to have sex with me. From New York to LA, there was a lot of FaceTimes and texting and he sent me flowers on my birthday. And I thought this guy was like fucking boyfriend. And then I just remember that feeling of like, all of a sudden that intimacy, we could never get to the next level.

He blocked me beyond and I was like, this isn't going anywhere. It doesn't sound like a healthy person. Yeah. Right. Or not a healthy person, but not a great communicator. And that's what you learn. Confidence is so important.

We'll get into your confidence platform. But what about, in what areas do you feel not confident? It's not that I'm insecure. It's that I'm, I get it. I have moments of insecurity. Does that make sense? I'm not an insecure person because I see myself like my best friend. Like I really look at myself and I'm like,

you are my best friend. Are there days that like the same way my past roommate, like she comes in, she's kind of annoying me, yes. But do I stop loving her? No. Are there things that I want her to improve? Yes. Like myself, there's always ways to improve yourself.

I think that I grappled, you know, I became Strainify Can Carribean, the Queen of Confidence because this persona really helped me with the fact that like, I didn't feel like I had this body type that maybe was marketed towards us in the Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mara Kate Olsen era. You know, I wasn't stick then I had curves, I'm Latina. And that was something that I really struggled with for a while. But, you know, the more that I just talked myself into that relationship with myself, like I would say the things that I get insecure about are more career. Like, I believe that I should have like in

destined to take over the world, but should have done it like yesterday. Like everyone should know who I am because the message that I have is so important. So sometimes I get insecure. I'm like, why isn't this happening faster? And then as much as I know not to tone down my personality, I feel like I have to. Like when people, when if I go on a date with a guy and he doesn't know anything about the show or anything about who I am, and he asked me what I do for a living, I say I make card games.

Right. Because can a woman be successful and have as big as a personality and her name milling be fucking? And a guy's gonna be like, for sure. Yeah, cool. Yeah, but let's say I meet someone out. I'm like, I don't wanna get into like the sex thing

because immediately they're like, what do you say? I'm a producer. Exactly. That's what I say. I'm like, I produce, I work in media. What do you do? And then I bring it back.

Because then the second you say sex, they're like, but I think that confidence can be like that as well. Like, oh, you're so confident or you know what I mean? I could feel like they could be super judgmental in that way. Did you get that? Yeah. More about the fact that like I had a dating show.

It's like that's the thing because it's like they get to if they want to snoop, they can see me dating, but it's under this. It's like a television show, right? It's like it's a produced thing that I did. Right. So it's not, you know, and it's authentic and vulnerable. I tried to be on that show. Ultimately, it was entertainment.

Right. But you're going on dates now. I have a date tonight. Tell me, how'd you meet him? How'd you meet this person? I had to be set up. The dating apps don't work for me. One of the prompts on my hinge is

dating me is like, and I respond, not like my Instagram, you can judge me IRL smiley face. But this is the thing. It's like, that's what people do. They make these assumptions on the apps. And that's why I don't think now, I think during the pandemic, they're great. Right. Because I really wanted to normalize FaceTime dating and that you can still create connections online, which is true. I did create a lot of connections with the men in my show. That being said, I want to meet people spontaneously organically and I want my

friends to vouch for me and that the number one thing I get from people is like, Serena is actually way more chill in real life. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So I get that. I mean, there is a persona, you know, for sure if you're doing content all the time. Also, I'm wondering with your confidence, like how does it transfer into the bedroom? Oh my, so I'm not only confident, I'm an Aries. So I've been masturbating since I was, as soon as I could like stand up, I guess.

I'm an only child, I had a lot of time on my hands, clearly. A lot of walls to stare at. And I literally masturbated so much as a child. Like the point that like, you know, the teachers like were like, Serena is literally humping chairs, surfaces, tables, and doing my little O face when I'm four years old, not giving a fuck. That has been who I am since very little. My parents are super liberal, super open. They're like, listen, we love this. Get in touch with yourself, but you literally cannot

do it if you have to do it in your room. But I've always been very in touch with yourself, but you literally cannot do it if you have to do in your room. But like I've always been very in touch with my sexuality and to answer your question, like in high school, I was desperate for intimacy because of my insecurities and not feeling beautiful and wanted and whatever. So I thought that that meant just having sex with someone like that was that that gave me that confidence. And it actually ended up making me feel pretty empty because when you just have sex with someone that you don't have feelings for who doesn't care to get to know you beyond that, it's pretty, pretty shitty. It doesn't feel great. Yeah, it doesn't feel great. And I remember my psychiatrist in high school was like, you need to get to know a guy like with your clothes on first.

And I was like, I don't really understand. I'll get it short. And so now like I keep a list. It's called groceries, obviously. And I have all the guys slept with and like, it's interesting. Like it literally every year just gets tinier and tinier. Like in high school, it was like, that was my mode of feeling confident. I really did gain confidence myself. Now I'm very picky in terms of me being in the bedroom. Like I'm a bad bitch in the bedroom. Like I know, like I'm just a sexual person. And I know that's not definable, but like I watched tons of films growing up. I love sex scenes. Like I was a horny kid, you know, sex in the city. Like I never felt more connected to a character than Sam Jones. And in high school, I created a Twitter account called Sam Jones' daughter.

And I would tweet like her. The fact that I'm 15, 16 and I'm that connected to Samantha Jones. I mean, like, that's insane. Yeah, it's confidence. Like, I know I'm sexy. I'm not, you know, I get a lot of messages from women and girls being like, I'm scared. Like, I'm like, I'm how do I be confident on top? I'm like, that's how I come. Like, I better be on top. This motherfucker better switch lanes with me because I'm one, I'm how do I be confident on top? I'm like, that's how I come. I better be on top.

This motherfucker better switch lanes with me because I'm one in control. So you, that's what you do when you say a bad bitch, you're like, I'm getting on top. You know how to have your orgasm. I will always orgasm. If the guy can like keep up, you know, like, it's like when they like get all like Jack hammering

and switch positions, I'm just like, let's calm down here. But yes, I know exactly how to make myself orgasm. It's literally because like I hum tables from like 98, like 2000. Confidence is just, how would you describe it? Yeah. Like it's a, it's a state of mind. It's the state of.

It literally spills into every facet of your life. And that's why it's so unfortunate that like we live in this capitalist society that is predicated on us feeling insecure. Cause when we were insecure, we buy shit. Like makeup, late-loss products, and women, especially, it's just thrown in our face. And we were born with confidence. But if you really begin to treat yourself like your best friend, that same kindness, it's not like you don't always love your best friend. You can not like your best friend one day or disagree with them or think that they can

have done something better. But regardless, you will never be nasty or demeaning to your best friend. You'll always try to make them feel better. Whether they're getting ghosted, you'll be like, fuck that guy. That kind of dialogue is something that I literally say to myself in front of my mirror. I mirrors everywhere. And that is really how you do it. And it will spill into everything because when you're your best friend,

if she came in and was like, I'm not like feeling sexy. Like, what would you say to her? You'd be like, yeah, you're not sexy. It sucks. You probably suck in bed too. No, you've never said that. You'd be like, okay, how do we get sexy tonight? Like, what should we do?

Should we put on some lingerie, listen Beyonce? So that kind of support you need to give to yourself. And it's exactly right. It's not about experience. I think that that's a question I get a lot. I'm not experienced enough, so I'm not confident. I'm like, it has nothing to do with that. Because I wasn't experienced in starting a business

or a card game, but that doesn't stop me from doing a great job. It's about having the confidence to do it and believing that you will get the hang of it. Right. What was your steps then? You said like looking in the mirror and when those negative, because the limiting beliefs is part of the human condition, negative self talk.

And I think, you know, the suffering, most of the suffering comes from our thoughts. I would say in the, I agree with that. And it's about verbalizing them because if you got in front of your mirror and said half of the shit, you're thinking about yourself. You'd be like, oh my God, that is so fucking mean. You would never. So that's why I'm like get in front of your mirror. Even when you're having a bad day,

even when you're not believing in yourself, even when you like, you know, get fired, anything, get in front of that fucking mirror and talk to yourself like your best friend and see what happens. That's stuff number one. And this is something you have to do every day, every night, all the time.

If I'm like walking by like, you know, anything with a reflective surface, it can be a water bottle. You bet your ass I'm winking. It's a puddle on the street. I'm winking at that girl, right? Because I would wink at you or say hi to you. If you were, you know, on the street and I recognize you. So why aren't we giving that same attention and love and recognition to ourselves? love and recognition to ourselves. One, two, you can never speak badly about yourself. The way that you speak about yourself becomes who you are. So when I, I used to say I'm the queen of confidence and any press article from two years ago would have been like, Serena Carrigan, the self-proclaimed queen of confidence. Now you look me up, it's Serena Carrigan, the queen of confidence, because I manifested that for myself, that I literally, people will just react to how you present. You really do write the script of your life. And so if you're like, I'm the baddest bitch in bed,

you become the baddest bitch in bed. That's just how it is. So when I hear like my apartment, like my company, like no one's allowed to speak about themselves. You can say a feeling, because feelings go away, they're temporary. So do you teach them the difference you're telling them, saying like, I'm feeling a little bit.

Well yeah, bloated, I'm not feeling sexy, right? Feelings, feelings go away, they're temporary. I'm feeling sad, right? Like you're not feeling sad yesterday. But when you say I am, that's it. Like that's it. And I think it's so funny, because growing up I heard that phrase like,

sticks and stones may break my bones, but words won't ever hurt me. I'm like, who was, what, what were they smoking? Because words carry so much weight. I mean, like we're storytellers, like that's what human beings are. So the way we verbalize things and especially ourselves is how the world will see us because we decide it's us. We are the baseline. Like there's one person that has been with you your entire life and guess what, bitch, it's you. And that's it. So that is the one. Like there's one person that has been with you your entire life. And guess what, bitch, it's you. And that's it.

So that is the one. Yeah. That's the one. That's true. So what is the difference between you when you were doing the dating show and then if I'm on a date with you? I'm there to make people entertained.

We're not doing the usual like, you know, deep conversation. Like I think I was trying to get them to talk about sex, talk about, you know, the worst sex they've ever had, or like, you know, like when have they masturbated in public or like shit like that, because that's what keeps people, you know, entertained, but that's not me on a date. So you're not gonna talk about,

when do you talk about sex with someone that you're dating? I'm so open about sex. That's why I knew I was gonna love you. It just bothers me how puritanical this country is and how we're supposed to feel so ashamed. And I found a journal entry from when I was 12 years old. Was it 12? Yeah, it was 12 years old. And I gave a guy a hand job for the first time. And the guy told everyone, like he was my best friend at the time that I had feelings for. I said, please don't tell anyone I'm not going to school tomorrow. But of course, for the first time. And the guy told everyone, like he was my best friend at the time that I had feelings for. I said, please don't tell anyone I'm not going to school tomorrow. That course

is what everyone principles found out. They called my parents. My mom literally looks at me. She goes just use a condom. Bless love her. But I remember writing in my diary and I have it. It's incredible that I wrote this at 12 years old, but I literally said, I don't understand why everyone is calling him a pimp in a good way and me a slut in a bad way. Right. Like that, like noticing that double standard when I'm so young and had the first exceptional experience from anyone in my grade, I noticed immediately, I was being treated very, very, very differently. And so I feel like it's kind of my duty. Like I'm sure maybe you feel too, to normalize it.

It should be so normal. It should be. Like what the fuck? Yeah. What's bad set? Like what's a scenario where, yeah, where you're with somebody and you're like, ah. The jackhammer move? Like what the fuck? Yeah. Whoa. We've been, we were so anti-jackhammer.

Whoa. Because they don't-Jackhammer. Whoa. Because they don't know because of porn and that's what they show, you know? Oh, also the making out for three seconds and then just sticking it in. Yes. Do you say no or you like stop? I mean, I obviously do.

And hopefully they've listened to my show. So I don't have to deal with that anymore. Where's I say no? I say, first of all, where's the fucking condom? Like, whoa. And like, it's just so elementary. Like, it's just like, are you a kid? Like, what, like, what, like?

Yeah, people don't know this, because they watch porn, and that's what happens in porn. In met, like, a lot of porn, that's where it happens. Correct. So. And I think, like, you know, just, I grew up screaming, penis, penis, playing the penis game. Like, when were vaginas talked about? Like, when was that? Never, we weren't like one more vaginas talked about like when we

Masturbation wasn't talked about I love that your parents didn't shame you I think this is probably part of it being confident that you don't have those Issues that what I'm talking to people about all day long and like I would like haunt my coffee table And my mom would be like doing her work and I I'd like, like, like, like. How do you masturbate now? I have vibrators, you know, I'm not gonna lie. Like I still like furniture. Like, I'm sorry, I grew up that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pillows, furniture, people, no, people. Like I love a table. How do you do it on a table? I'm serious, it's hard. It's like. You're gonna normalize this because you're not the only one is what I'm saying. People are like, I hump a pillow.

It's like this. So it's the corner of the table. It's the corner of the table and people are like, that hurts. And I'm like, it literally like it hits your click like right. It's just a really good pressure point. I, well, I'm just revealing so much, but you're like, I'm like, why is it? Why is it a big deal? It's internalized misogyny.

It's killing me. This is it. I know this is it. Bring it out. It's killing me, but it's like every one of my fans is like, what vibrator do you use? And I'm like, um, like I have them here. I just- You got your thing. I grew up humping tables. So why would I stop?

Yeah. You just go to a key or something or maybe restoration hardware, right? Oh my God. Imagine it would be my heaven. And honestly, like when I was like, I just moved into this apartment and my interior designer was like, I'm thinking a round table for, and I was like, oh, round table, we don't do round tables here. Corners only bitch. We'll be right back after a short break, but first I have to tell you about something

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They are curated to make your holidays even hotter and way more pleasurable. You've got toys, accessories, fun gifts. There's truly something for everyone to explore and enjoy. Head over to shopsexwithemily.com for your perfect gift. So you call it your whoring 20s, or we're all going into the whoring 20s. Let me just like paint a photo for you.

Like a painted picture. Last Wednesday, I threw a party called the whoring twenties or we're all going into the whoring twenties? Let me just like paint a photo for you. Like a picture. Um, last Wednesday I threw a party called the whoring twenties. Then like out all night, best night ever. Like on a Wednesday, like no one who parties on a Wednesday, people are partying. Thursday I take an ice cream truck, like literally I'm riding an ice cream truck to Marquis to see Tiesto. Okay. I walk into her bathroom.

Fun. I meet a girl there. She brings me to her table. I ended up going home with a guy. Now not sleeping with him. Okay, no judgment. No, no judgment, but I do, like there's some degree where I do wanna,

there needs to be like more like a- We want the emotional connection sometimes. Are you a good guy? Are you someone that I actually wanna be with? Am I really drunk and making this decision right now based on that? Correct. Then the next night, I was with a bunch of friends, make out with someone on the street. Literally don't care. Making out is like, whatever.

Like, no one are honestly like have the sniffles, but whatever. It's fine. And then it's post covid baby. And then Friday went to a lava, which is like a club. I hadn't been since high school to see DJ Polly D. Like then I hooked up with a guy made out with a guy that night. Walk me through you hooking up with these guys. Do you go up to them and you're like I'm Serena fucking Kerrigan we're making like how do you how do you do that? How do you go up and just start making out? No I don't. I don't go up to these guys. I don't make the first three prizes. Don't

chase winners. So. Do they come up to you? Yes. I'm telling you confidence is so fucking sexy. Tell me let's get into this. So what? I think there's something about approachability like I'm telling you, confidence is so fucking tell me, let's get into this. So what I think there's something about approachability. Like I'm smiling like I am one of the most positive people I know. I'm the girl that's going to guarantee be happy. Not to say I don't have my downfalls, but like when I'm in a party environment, like I'm smiling, I'm very social, outgoing. And I think that because they're feeling insecure, maybe and guarded, they reject before they can get rejected.

So they reject the environment. They're like, this is like so, like, ugh, like what? Right, because they're afraid that if they were like smiley, that's when you'd be like, who are you? Get out of here. Which by the way, doesn't work. That's not how it works. Like if you're smiling, you're having the best fucking time

and you're just dancing because you wanna dance and you don't give a shit about what anyone else is doing people Just become obsessed and people like are obsessed with me. Sorry, but it's true I'm not even apologizing because I I'm there to have fun for me, right? I'm not there right if you're not having fun, right? You can have fun wherever you go, right when you show up there like be in the moment That's my that's my pet peeve when I hear like get all these questions We're like, how do I get a boyfriend. Like, how do I get a boyfriend?

Like, how do I get a guy to notice me? See, that's the thing. It's like, you're going in with a subjective to get validation from externally. When your validation should come from within, you should be noticing you. How much fun are you having? Are you with your friends? Like, are you feeling good in your skin and what you're wearing? Like, that is all that's in me. like, are you feeling good in your skin and what you're wearing? Like that is all that that's in me. Happiness comes from within from you, but more importantly, beauty comes from within. That's what my mom always told me. He said like the most beautiful person, if they're not happy with themselves and then as a result, like they're not fun to hang out with, they're negative, they're nasty. They put others down. They're cocky, but they're really insecure. They're not

that beautiful. I have a very low tolerance, very low tolerance for women that are very insecure. Like I just don't want to be around it because it just sucks the life out of everything. It really does. Like it's like, they just, they're like, I'm sorry for, like, I just like, I shouldn't have said that. Like, like, oh my God, that curls over there.

Like, whoa, dude. Like when you are happy with yourself, you're just happy with everyone else and you want everyone else to be happy. But if you're not happy with yourself, you're gonna fucking tear them down to lift yourself up. That's what it's about. Right, exactly.

So where do you start? If people are listening, they say, well, I wish I could be, I wanna be happier, but if I only lose 10 pounds or if I get this job, I get the guy. So how do you, what would you, where would you start with people? Look at yourself in the fucking mirror

and tell your best friend that you love her. And the other day, someone gave me being like, I'm scared. I'm like, you're scared? You're scared to look in the mirror? You don't way scare your shit. Taking the SAT is so scary. Having a baby is scary. Go on this podcast.

No, it's not really scary, but there's so many things that are so scary. And the fact that you can't confront your own image of this consistency in your life, the only one that's guaranteed to be with you your whole life, that is very problematic. And that is something that you need to just fucking work right through. There's a lot of things that we don't want to do in life. I don't want to do any taxes. Like I don't sometimes want to suck dick, but like we do it and we do it with smile. So you're going to do it. Well, it's funny when you're talking to them

looking in the mirror, you could say, and while you're there, you should just kind of move the mirror down and take a look at your, between your legs. I love it. So it's like, I know, I love that. Full view. Literally do the work, please, when you're talking to them,

cause that's what I'm saying all the time. They won't, they won't look at their face. Now I don't feel as bad that they were like, I can't look at my vulva. They didn't even look at their face. They won't even talk to themselves in the mirror. We got a lot of work to do here, Serena. I've heard like comments from like younger men, like I'm talking like 24, 25 being like

commenting on vaginas, the way they look and like, it's the worst. So vagina shaming. It's so disgusting to me, the shaming. I don't know if I have a pretty objective, I don't know, but I love that practice of like, you see when you look at your face and say you love the body. Let's do it. It's the one you have. I'm spreading my legs after this. See, this is good. This is great. I love this, Serena. But I think like it's that and like really being as disciplined with that. And like I've had 150

clients that I confidence coached ranging from 14 to 60. And like I've had 150 clients that confidence coached ranging from 14 to 60. And the women that it was the majority were women that really did this became confident and happy. And we're like, whoa, they saw completely different women. And it sticks, they stick. That's awesome. And then we're moving.

You can never speak out about yourself. The feeling, not like the being, you know, like you can say how you feel, whatever, because feelings go away, but you can't, you just can't, you have to, you can't. So we got a few questions on Instagram. So someone says, how can I not feel awkward after hooking up with someone for the first time? Like, like in the morning? Yeah, she's like, yeah, how can I not feel awkward? She probably woke up in the morning, felt awkward. I think, well, what I think the really the question is like, what is making you feel awkward?

What is awkward about sex? Like, you know, I mean, personally, this is what I do when I wake up in the morning. I don't look like this. I don't look like this when I wake up in the morning. I like I'm like a chameleon. Okay, like I just like I don't look I maybe look a little more different. Not that different. I get very insecure about my breath and just like my drool and like that. So I, I, this

is so funny. I haven't shared this either, but like I wake up and I'm like, I got it. Go to the bathroom. Like I just got to like get there. I'm like that. Like it takes me a minute to get comfortable to like we go on out. But when I do like that is kind of my way of like not feeling like getting rid of that awkwardness in the morning maybe like after you've got like you kiss like go to the bathroom, find that Listerine. And if you find toothpaste, you can go like this. It just makes it makes me feel more confident, right? Wash your face, brush your hair if you can find one. I don't know what three and one shampoo that guy has, but whatever. That's what makes me feel better. And then there's the kind of like that break already where it's like, okay

That was at that and and then you can see from there and I think you can go in the mirror talk yourself You're like, I'm fucking awesome. He's lucky. You know got to fuck me. What helps you feel sexy when you do feel down How do you feel sexy? I mean to be honest with you like I believe fully and like getting out that like outfit or lingerie or like getting dressed up to go see your friends going out like putting on that outfit makes you feel really good. Blasting Beyonce throwing on lipstick and dancing in front of your mirror like and just being

the hottest bitch at the club. Look at me like that. That's really what does lift me up and what really did for a while like I had videos of me in like college like doing that so yeah no it's true yeah put on music touch yourself get to know yourself masturbate bring circulate the sexual energy sorry master ratings like a knowledge a happens all the time so like yes master rations for maybe that's why also it helps you because I just I'm such on the masturbation but I'm I'm always telling people bad the more you masturbate the better you're gonna feel sex because like it just sex is just like I know what I'm such on the masturbation. I'm always telling people, the more you masturbate, the better you're gonna feel. Sex begins sex.

And the more sex, like sex is just like, I know what I like. Yeah, you go to the club, you've just masturbated, like you're feeling in your power, you're circulating that energy. For a lot of people, they're waiting for their partners to give them an orgasm. It's like, give yourself the old orgasm.

Yeah, we're speaking the same language here. Serena, thank you so much for being here. Serena fucking Kerrigan, I'm going to ask you the five quickie questions we ask all of our guests. OK, here we go. OK. What is your biggest turn on? My biggest turn on?

I love a backwards baseball cap or calves or arms or a big dick. I don't like too big though. And like whispers in the ear. Wow, I'm getting horny. Does that happen on your podcast? Yes. All the time. What's your biggest turn off?

Turn off Trump. What makes good sex? Communication. What would you tell your younger self about sex and relationships? K-mass rating, bitch. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? That it's the least shameful thing ever. And it is the one fucking reason we're on the planet is to fuck. Wow, good. Thanks, Serena. Serena fucking Kerrigan, how can people find you? Serena Kerrigan on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, you name it and let's fucking date. If you want

to buy my card game, let's fucking fuck. Congratulations on all of that. We'll also put this in the show notes, a link to all of your materials and your information. Thank you so much for Serena for being here. I had so much fun, literally so much fun. Such a good time. Good luck. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X and Facebook. It's all at Sex With Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on SexWithEmily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739

or just go to SexWithEmily.com slash Ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedbackatsexwithemily.com.