Sex With Emily - How to Use Toys During Sex

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Sex toys have exploded in popularity in the past few years, but there’s one situation where they still tend to be forgotten: sex itself. Using a toy with a partner can feel intimidating. That’s why I’m devoting this episode to beginner-friendly toy play, with ideas for oral sex, intercourse, and even anal play. Listen, you don’t need all the bells and whistles to get a lot out of sex toys! So I kick things off with two essential toys and all the versatile ways you can use them: bullet vibrators and penis rings. Next, I talk you through three sex positions and how to use a toy in each one: missionary, spooning, and cowgirl/cowboy. Finally, I answer all your sex toy questions, including when it’s harder to climax after giving birth -- which toy and techniques can bring your O back? See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.Show Notes:5 Steps to Your Happiest, Healthiest Vagina7 Signs of Sexual CompatibilityMagic Wand Mini MassagerSHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $69)Grand Bullet by Le WandWe-Vibe Tango XJe Joue MimiWe-Vibe Touch X Clitoral VibratorPjur Original Silicone LubricantWe-Vibe Pivot Cock RingScreaming O Two-O Double Pleasure RingHot Octopuss ATOM Plus Vibrating Cock RingWe-Vibe Chorus Wearable VibratorArticle: Top 6 Sex Positions to Use With a Sex ToySex With Emily: Home Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A lot of penis owners, if they haven't seen a viberator in the last 15 years, 10 years, they might think you're about to whip out a vi that's larger than their penis. And if you show them that you've got this cute little bullet or the handheld vibe and even show them on their palm or their inner elbow or trace it over their neck, show them what it feels like, I've found that most partners are pretty receptive to saying, let's go, let's try it, can't wait. You're listening to Sex with Emily, I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

We're talking about a few of my favorite things today and that is sex toys. Specifically, two kinds of sex toys that you may already have, but not to worry if you don't and you want to get them, they're not going to break the bank. Because even the most basic accessible toys can deliver so much pleasure when using creative ways, such as the sex toy hacks I'll be sharing today. Please rate and review sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show, my new articles, five steps to your happiest, healthiest vagina and seven signs of sexual compatibility are up on SexWithEmily.com. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode.

Today, I'm talking about creative ways to use sex toys during sex. Whether you're planning to use a toy for masturbation or partnered sex, which I highly recommend, you really don't need all the bells and whistles, especially if you're just starting out. So that's what we'll be talking about today. How to get the biggest bang, literally, for your buck.

And I really wanted to do this episode, because as you may have noticed, sex toys have become much more common and normalized in recent years. It has been a journey because when I started this practice two decades ago, if you could see sex toys back then, they came in boxes with adult film stars on the box.

They were like cardboard boxes. The toys were mostly battery operated, made of the opposite of body-safe silicone. To be honest, a lot of this material was really not good to put inside of you and The toys were made mostly by men and as a result of that they were all FALICSHAPE because men making toys for women assumed that well, they of course want penises. That's what we want Okay, so the evolution of the last 20 years has been incredible if you haven't even ventured into this world The evolution of the last 20 years has been incredible. If you haven't even ventured into this world,

there are so many toys made by so many different brands at all different price points, and it is a requirement now that these toys are made of body-safe materials, really good silicone, and most of them are not battery-operated. They're rechargeable, they're waterproof, they're easy to clean,

and the interesting evolution also has been a lot of them are handheld. They're like these like pebble vibes or bullet vibes that I'm going to talk about more in a moment, but they're not a lot of insertion toys. They're really made for vulvas and a lot of incredible women have gotten into this field. It's just really exploded with the development and research and quality of toys. So I really just want to bring you up to speed on what's happening because there's so much available, you might be overwhelmed. So now what's happened is people are like, I don't know what

toy to get. What do I do? So that's why I'm actually really excited that we launched the store this year, which has also been about two decades in the making. It's like my dream. I just want to have a store that makes it easy with all my favorite products that I've tried and tested so I can make it easier for you. So that's all available and that's exciting. Everything I talk about today actually will be available in my store and if it's not, I'm going to let you know. Maybe you already know that and you have toys but you're only using them for masturbation. I'm speaking to Volvo owners here because listen, I know a lot of penis owners really have not ventured in toys yet and we're gonna get into that as well But listen if you're a vulva owner

Maybe you're only using your toy for masturbation and the idea of using one during partner sex might just feel like Terrifying because you know that it's vulnerable. You're afraid your partner might judge you You don't want them to see that orgasm face and you're also feeling So you don't want them to see that orgasm face and you're also feeling some trepidation because you're thinking to yourself, I don't orgasm with my partner and I only can with a vibrator. And so you just have just decided to leave it in your nightstand just for yourself. Maybe if you're a penis owner, listen, you might be intimidated by sex toys and feel threatened or concerned about your partner's sex toy use. What I've heard

from you is that the fear that a toy is going to replace you. We're going to replace the sex that you have with your partner. It's going to replace your penis that you'll never be able to compete with a robot essentially with a battery operated toy. We used to call it Bob's or battery operated boyfriends years ago, but now they're not even battery operated. So you're afraid to get it replaced you. I think you're going to realize by the end of this episode is that what toys actually do is they enhance intimacy. They make you feel more connected to your partner.

There's fun for everybody. Like there's just as much fun penis owners can have as vulva owners. And just the act of trying something new with a partner or something that brings immense amounts of pleasure, it's gonna be something that enhances your relationship and your sex life, just come along in this journey today. Will you, and if you have any questions after this and you're still concerned, the toys gonna replace you

and you're still concerned that it's not for you, then please, please, please, send me an email, send me a DM and we'll keep talking. My hope is that this episode is going to put all that to rest. My dream is that I never have to talk about that again. I never have to assure a penis owner that, no, it's not going to replace you. It can't cuddle. It's not going to be able to take her to the farmer's market or home to meet the family over Thanksgiving like a toy is not going to replace you and it's going to be additive. So let's just hope I never have to have this conversation again. All right. And for penis owners also, maybe you're unsure how to even approach sex toys

because they've mostly been marketed to vulva owners over the years, and maybe you didn't realize there's so many sex toys for penises now. And all that, we're going to talk about it in a minute. Today, I'm going to cover this. Two kinds of accessible beginner sex toys and creative ways to get the most out of each, plus how to use these toys during penetration with specific techniques and positions. Because you know I love positions. I'm also going to be sharing some of my favorite tried and true toy recommendations, which you could find in my

site. Like I said, it's shopsexfemely.com and this will be in the show notes. So these are just some of the top tried and true favorites today, and after 20 years of basically trying every sex toy out there, I know the ones I stand behind. But if none of them speak to you, totally find this episode where you get the most out of the toys you already have or that you wish to add to your collection. All right, there's gonna be a lot more pleasure gonna have after this episode.

Let's take a quick break and we come back. I'm talking sex toy hacks and the hottest sex positions to try with toys. Sleep is essential for our best sex, but let's be honest, around here we use our bedding for more than just sleep. Well, Brooklyn is having a 20% off everything Labor Day sale, and I know from personal experience that their bedding turns your nest into next level luxury Here's why Brooklyn was founded by a husband and wife team whose mission is to provide customers with hotel quality Luxury bedding and they've nailed it truly. I've got Brooklyn in on my bed right now and can honestly tell you It's like being in a spa cool off with their crisp classic percale weave or try their best selling buttery smooth, luxe, satin sheets.

With over 100,000 five star reviews and best in class ratings from WireCarter and Good Housekeeping, Brooklyn is the betting of your dreams. Investing comfort that will last with 20% off everything at Brooklyn and during their Labor Day sale happening now. Shop in store or online at Brooklyn and dot com. That's a B-R-O-O-K-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Miss the sale? Visit Brooklyn dot com and sign up for emails to be kept up to date on exclusive offers, new products, and much more. Let's talk about beginner toys for a partner play. If you missed my most recent Instagram story, I have combed through all the sex toys I've

accumulated over the years. It was a lot of toys. I put them all on the bed. I grouped them by dual stimulation toys, penis rings, aka cock rings, literal handheld stimulation toys, butt plugs, it was hilarious. And I was like, okay, which ones do I love? Which ones do I most attracted to? You know, which ones would I don't want to tell you guys about?

It was actually great to kind of have all this years of research laid out. After looking at that pile of toys, it became really clear to me that there's two categories of toys that I think are a great place to start. Now, you might already have them or it's easy to get your hands on. And that is bullet vibes and penis rings. Two solid toys that are going to enhance your pleasure

and all your sex play without causing much confusion. Right? I'd be like, where does this go or how do we use it? And most importantly, these categories are definitely on the affordable and accessible end of the sex toy spectrum. I've literally seen bullet vibes in vending machines. Here's some creative ways to use these toys beyond their box descriptions to make these beginner accessible toys feel more advanced. Alright, bullet vibes.

Just remember this, evolve and penis owners have nerve endings deep inside that are hard to reach with a hand or even a penis during penetrative sex. So the thing I love about bullet vibes is they're really powerful, they're really easy to use. There's like no fuss, some of them are just on and off, they're small, they're powerful,

they're less intimidating than a lot of other products. You can fit them in their purse. So these vibes also have pointed tips, which make it easier to target different body parts. And also, I want to make the case for handheld oval shaped vibes. They're also called clitoral stimulators or clitoral vibrators. But again, I don't think we have to limit a toy that vibrates to any body part because we're all covered in nerve endings that feel great when stimulated. So I'm moving away from labeling toys

as just for one body part gender, any of that. But if you Google them, they might be called clitoral stimulators, but let's just talk about things that fit in the palm of our hand, which is bullet vibes and these handheld vibes. So I wanted to dive into bullet vibes today because they're likely easier to get your hands on.

And a lot of people, that's their first vibrator. I know my first one was a pocket rocket that was battery-appered, it took one AAA battery. And I actually still have one, because you know, I don't know, what electricity goes out, right? You still want to have it. I know for many people that is their first vibrator

is a bullet, but I have to say that oval shaped vibrators are my personal preference. They're flat, they fit in the palm of your hand, and are the size of the palm of your hand. They've rounder edges, and they cover more surface area. And what I mean by that is, well, a bullet vibe is like pinpoint shaped like your finger, literally shaped like a bullet,

these flat vibrators stimulate more clitorial nerve endings, which make sense, right? Because they're flatter. They stimulate more clitorial nerve endings around your labia, your pubic mound. They're more versatile where bullets are more pinpointed. And I also like these because they're great for penetration, stimulating the vulva while you're being penetrated by a penis, a dildo, or a finger. And since our labias, our clitoris, our pubic bound have so many nerve endings, if you lie one of these toys flat on them, again, that's the surface area I'm talking about,

you're just gonna be able to have a lot more stimulation. But I did start with a bullet. Remember, everybody part is different, and everyone has different preferences. This is why I want to lay it all out there. You will find a bullet camp who's like, I don't like those kinds. So I'm giving you all the ingredients here and then you get to decide what makes up your own pleasure recipe. So moving forward, when I'm talking about using a bullet vibe, know that you can use any of these handheld palm fitting vibrators as well. And I'm also going to give you some specific wrecks later in this episode.

So these kind of toys, whether you're using a bullet vibrator or a handheld oval shaped vibe, they're best for external use on the clitoris and the vulva. For vulva owners, bullet vibes help wake up those deep nerve-riding quicks. So why these are also great penis owners, if you're with a vulva owner, is because this quick part of it. So let's say you're rushing, you don't have a lot of time or you don't have time to go down your partner for 20 minutes or to use your fingers,

rather than what happens a lot is you just stick one finger inside or you go down on your partner for a minute and then you stick your penis inside for penetration. Bullet vibes help vulva owners get turned on quickly. It builds a rousal, it encourages blood flow and can help with orgasm because I want you to know this at the average vulva owner reaches orgasm in about eight minutes while masturbating with a toy. Without a toy or with a partner, this number is more like 20 minutes or 40 minutes. But bullets can feel good literally anywhere on your body,

particularly other rod and his bones that are packed with nerve endings, like the nipples. Nipple stimulation targets the same regions of your brain as the genitals. So vibrations here feel amazing, particularly if you add a little loop. Now for many vulva owners, particularly those with sensitive nipples,

this can feel amazing. And as soon as I think we just forget that, we forget to ask our partner for a nipple stimulation. We forget to see weave in like nipple stimulation. Start with a light touch and play with the pressures. You can use the bullet vibe to gently circle the breasts and ariola with large strokes. And make sure you tease the whole breast before sort of diving into the nipples, right? The nipples are the clitoris of the breasts, so you want to play all around and just sort of get the area around, turn on and just kind of check in and see how it feels. And baby even want to wait to turn on the vibrations until after you

warmed up yourself or a partner. Now when you turn your attention to the nipples, use a bullet vibe to add even more pleasure to your usual nipple play routine. Now of course you can stimulate the nipple with the bullet vibe itself, but you can also keep stimulating the breast with the vibe while you suck on the nipple or pinch and twist it with your other hand. This is really hot and be a huge turn on for many. But you can also spread the love to a partner. We're gonna talk about sex positions in a minute and specifically how to incorporate toys

during penetrative sex. But you know what I always say? Communication is a lubrication. So before you test drive your bullet by with a partner, particularly if you're sleeping with a penis owner, ask first. It can be simple as, hey, I heard a couple of toy play ideas on sex with Emily, and Dr. Emily says toys

can feel amazing on anyone's body. Would you be open to experimenting the next time we have sex? If you get a green light, that's fantastic. If you've got hesitation, that's okay too. Remember, you're planting the seed for sexual and experimentation and giving them ideas to think about. So I want to remind you that what else might work is just showing them, like not making this whole mystery because again, a lot of penis owners, if they haven't seen a vibrator in the last 15 years, 10 years, they might think you're about to whip out a

vibe that's larger than their penis. And if you show them that you've got this cute little bullet or the handheld vibe and like even show them on their palm or their inner elbow or trace it over their neck, show them what it feels like. I've found that most partners are pretty receptive to saying, let's go, let's try it. Can't wait. But let's say everyone's on board.

Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. We're all on board. Let's go, let's try it, can't wait. But let's say everyone's on board. Welcome, I'm so glad you're here, we're all on board. Let's play. Here are two oral sex hacks you can try with a partner using a bullet vibe. So let's say you're giving oral sex to a penis owner. While your mouth is on their penis, you can run your bullet vibe along their perinium, the stretch of skin running from their testicles

to their anus, and you might know it as the taint. It's rich with nerve endings, but this also indirectly stimulates their prostate gland. And that's a gland responsible for deep internal orgasms and penis owners, similar to the G-spot orgasm involved owners. You could also stimulate his testicles with the bullet vibe, just make sure you're asking your partner first if they like their balls played with. You can also run it around the shaft of the penis and see how it feels.

I highly recommend when you're playing with the vibrator and a penis to start on a lower setting. And then you can always go out from there. I have found with Volvo owners, we usually like it a little higher setting, penis owners usually a little bit lower to start and then ask for feedback. Now if you're giving oral sex to a vulva owner,

you can brush a bullet vibe along their vaginal opening because there's so many nerve endings everywhere. You can even insert just the tip of it while performing oral because that way you're gonna be accessing even more nerve endings. Last weekend, our handplay episode, we talked about how combining oral sex with handplay

or fingering specifically can feel really, really good. And then you add vibrations to the mix. Oh my god. Wow. Next level. So like I said, we're going to be hitting some nerve endings and these are the nerve endings that are specifically involved with orgasm. So I feel like this is going to be a real crowd pleaser. You have to let me know, actually, if you're listening to this and you're inspired and you go home tonight and you're like, we tried it, I want to hear out those. So please message me. That's oral sex hack number one.

Here's number two. When you're giving oral sex to a penis owner, place your bullet five against your cheek. This effectively turned your mouth into a rumbly wet sex toy. You can also alternate between the toy and your mouth if your jaw needs a break. Running along the shaft ahead of their penis, which is often the most sensitive part, let's not forget that. They're inner thighs or their months pubis, and that's the rounded mass of fatty tissue lying over the joint of the pubic bone. It's the part where the pubic hair grows and it's loaded with nerve endings. Lastly, if you're engaging in anal play,

either by yourself or with a partner, bullet vibes can feel incredible around the anal opening. So remember, anal sex, it looks like it's an anal sex. I think that this really intense penetration, but there's a lot to be said for anal play. So using the bullet vibe to tease the anus, warming it up before penetration of any kind.

And maybe that's just the main event. Because this vibration sensation can actually mimic the feeling of anal rimming, you know, or having a partner lick your anus. So remember, all these nerve endings externally feel great stimulated in the anal area. And if you are your partner, not quite comfortable with that idea yet, of rimming with your mouth, using a bullet vibrator can give you the same kind of pleasure.

I want to remind you of two things. If you're gonna use a bullet vibrator for anal play, the first is I would not recommend you insert a bullet vibrator into your anus, because when using an anal toy, you wanna make sure to stick to toys that have a flared base. This prevents any toys from getting lost up there, and this happens.

You do not want to be the person saying, sex at me to the ER. You don't want to be that guy. The second is that if you're going to use your bullet vibrator for anal play, make sure you clean it properly before using the same toy on a penis or a valve again. Okay? We never want to go from back to front, whether it's penetrative section of the penis or a toy. So that's my case for investing in a bullet vibe. So if you want to try one, love the grand bullet by LeWand. You can find that at shop with Emily. It's powerful, it's discrete, it's adorable. It almost looks like a

tube of lipstick when it's closed up Take the top off and the vibrating part has these fun raised edges so you can experiment with texture while you play I also love the wee vibe tango bullet because it's affordable vibe that's petite and really powerful and for a long time I had it in my shower always ready to go because like you never know when you're gonna wanna get off, right? For me, a lot of times it's in the shower. So the Weviptango is like durable, adorable. I love it. Now, if you want to opt for a handheld oval shaped vibe,

I recommend the J-Ju Mimi and the Weviptouch. Those are my go-to. If we're friends, I've probably gifted you one of those. All right, let's turn to the other beginner sex toy I recommend. And that, it's a vibrating penis ring. Hear me out, it is also multi-use, even if you don't have a penis in the picture. As a reminder, your typical penis ring, aka cock ring, is worn around the penis, stretch around the base of the shaft, and sometimes we stretch around the testicles as well.

They're primarily used to help penis owners maintain an erection. That's how they were first invented, a lot of them made of steel, they were made for this purpose, because they keep blood trapped inside the penis during sex so that it stays hard during for-play and penetration. In recent years, vibrating penis rings have hit the market and they're primarily used as a couples toy. Now the main bonus is that when positioned accordingly, the vibrating motor comes into contact

with the clitoris during penetrative sex. And because 80% of vulva owners are primarily going to orgasm through clitoral stimulation and not penetration, vibrating cock rings enhance pleasure for everybody. Now, you might already know these things, and perhaps you already have a vibrating cock ring yourself. So now it's time for some hacks to take the successful toy to the next level. And if you listen to the recent Ham Play episode, which you guys are loving, you might remember one of my favorite sex toy hacks for this kind of toy. You stretch the penis ring over you two fingers and slide it down your fingers as far as you can.

And if you're with a vulva owner, insert the top part of your fingers inside their vagina while the ring vibrates against their clitoris. Well, now your partner gets the same dual stimulation as wearing a cock ring during penetration but you have even more access to their G area if you're using your fingers. Plus, as we made for a case last week, fingering or hand play deserves more time in the spotlight, especially for hetero couples. Now if you and your partner have been dabbling in anal play, you can use the same technique while performing an anal massage. With the ring stretched

over your two fingers, resting at the base, use the top part of it for your fingers for gentle anal penetration. Remember always lots of lube here as an anus is not self lubricating. The skin around the anus is very thin and we do not want a tearing, just add the lube. I highly recommend using silicone loops when engaging in an O play. Silicone loops are not always great with silicone toys. The industry recommends that you don't use silicone loop with silicone toys, so I'm going to stick with that recommendation, but I could also say if you wash your toys right after you use them with a mild soap or a

sex toy cleaner, you should be okay. So now when your fingers are inside of them, rest the vibrating motor against their anal opening. This is going to wake up all the sensitive nerve endings here and make anal ham play even more pleasurable. Even though clock rings are primarily thought of as a couples toy, I've found they're also great for solo sex. So if you're in a relationship or your casual sex partners don't mind sharing toys and you're just looking to invest in one vibrator,

a vibrating penis ring could be a great option. I mean, I love using clock rings as a personal vibrator during masturbation. Like, sometimes I look at my drawer, that's the one that's charged right now. Kind of reminds me of a handheld vibe with like the middle's cutout, right? So when that middle part is cut out,

I put my fingers inside of it, and I still have a vibrating motor that feels great. And this goes for little stimulation or using the same hand plate techniques for solo finger penetration or anal play. Now you know why vibrating penis rings are so helpful and so versatile. So if you're looking for a quality one, I love the Wevi Pivot Cochering. It's snug, it's stretchy, you can position it just right for sex, also waterproof, which means you can submerge

it and have fun times during the pool or hot tub sex or in the shower. We will link that in the show notes. Scubio has a bunch of penis rings and a lot of them are disposable, so you can check that one out. And hot octopus has the Adam Plus vibrating cock ring. Love that one. So now I've just given you some great hacks for using these accessible toys during solo hand and oral sex, but if there's one thing I know about you, you love sex positions.

Seriously, every time I post about sex positions on my Instagram, you all blow it up. So I'm going to dive into how to use these sex toys during penetrative sex with a partner, whether it's PV sex, anal sex, or you're using a dildo. And what positions are easiest and most pleasurable for each toy. If you want to follow along with these tips visually, I have a brand new article Top 6 Sex Positions to Use with the Sex toy about this very topic. It's got pictures that come back from my book Smart Sex, which of course you can find online and at every major book retailer.

So first let's use the bullet vibe. So let's say you're in this spooning position where you're laying down side by side with the giving partner penetrating the receiving partner from behind. You are in a fantastic open body position to apply a bullet vibe right to your clitoris. You can also of course touch yourself with your hands in this position. But with a toy, you just don't have to think about it as much. The vibrations do the work for you. It can also be had to hand your partner the bullet vibe and have them wrap their arm around you and use it on your clitoris while they penetrate you. Side note, this position comes with so much amazing skin to skin contact, which

can feel incredibly hot and intimate. So having this extra arm wrapped around you can feel even hotter plus you got the vibrations. There's just a lot to be said for this position. Next, let's talk about a vibrating penis ring. This is a great option for cowgirl, cowboy position. You're face to face of this position, right? Someone's on top, someone's laying on the bottom, so you can communicate easily and give each other a feedback.

So at this point, you're gonna stretch the penis ring over the base of your shaft and angle the vibrating motor so it touches your partner's clitoris and or anal opening. Then when the receiving partner is on top, they can grind their clitoris or anal opening on the motor itself, calibrating the pressure and rhythm to their liking. Now this is one of the most intuitive couples toys out there,

because you can pretty much see what's happening in the moment and make adjustments as needed. And now in addition to bullet vibes and vibrating cock rings, I wanna highlight just one more kind of toy while we're talking about toys and penetrative sex. C-shaped or wearable vibes are also great toys to use during partnered penetrative sex.

These shut the market. They're sea-shaped with an insertion arm that goes inside the vagina and a larger external arm that rests on top of the clitoris. So once inside, there's still enough room for a penis to penetrate so that the two of you are getting vibes everywhere. This is why it's called wearable. You're wearing it during penetration. So for above honors, you're feeling vibrations inside your vaginal walls and you're feeling it externally and you're clitoris. And penis odors,

you're feeling vibrations all along your shaft during penetration. A very popular go-to toy with this is the chorus by Weebib. It's completely adjustable, so you can make it super snug against your body. It also comes with remote control so you don't have to mess with the buttons or the toy itself while your partner is inside. So with this type of toy, you can go with a classic sex position like missionary. It's a position that probably feels familiar which is nice for sex toy experimentation, but adding a C-shaped vibe can make this classic position so much more exciting. So this is where I recommend a lot of foreplay and warm up first so that your genitals are

fully engorged. Now, if you're above an owner, that blood flow in a rousal is going to make it easier to insert the toy itself and accommodate a penis. So maybe try this one after oral, or at least after a little bit of ham play, making sure you're warmed up and aroused. So using lube, you're going to mindfully insert the smaller arm and squeeze and adjust it so it fits firmly against your clitoris. From there, the penis owner will penetrate, and here's something so cool.

The penis is actually going to slide in under the toy itself, pushing the vibrations up against your G area. Now you can see why it's so popular. Okay now you are fully equipped with toy playdeas and specific product wrecks which you can mostly find on my website and you can find in the show notes. Don't toy around too long because when we come back I'm taking all your sex toy questions. Sleep is essential for our best sex. But let's be honest, around here, we use our bedding for more than just sleep.

While Brooklyn is having a 20% off everything Labor Day Sale, and I know from personal experience that their bedding turns your nest into next level luxury. Here's why. Brooklyn was founded by a husband and wife team, whose mission is to provide customers with hotel quality luxury bedding, and they've nailed it, truly. I've got Brooklyn in on my bed right now,

and can honestly tell you it's like being at a spa. Cool off with their crisp classic per-cal-weave, or try their best-selling buttery smooth, luxe, satin sheets. With over 100,000 five star reviews and best in class ratings from WireCutter and Good Housekeeping, Brooklyn Inn is the betting of your dreams.

Investing comfort that will last with 20% off everything at Brooklyn and during their Labor Day sale happening now. Shop in store or online at Brooklynin.com. That's a BR-O-OK-L-I-N-E-N.com. Miss the salebrooklinon.com. That's at www.broklinon.com. Miss the sale? Visit www.brooklinon.com and sign up for emails to be kept up to date on exclusive offers, new products,

and much more. I hear from so many penis owners who are frustrated about unpredictable erections. I always recommend talking to your doctor to find out the root cause of the problem. But listen, if you're looking into medication, I've got a safe and easy solution for you. Promescent is now offering generic biagra and seale treatments to qualified patients living in the US. If you've listened to my show for any length of time, you know I love promescent and recommend their products constantly.

But now, they let you order this medicine right from their website. Here's how it works. Go to promescent.com, take a three minute survey about your health, and have a free online visit with a US license physician. That's it. Once you qualify, approvals take as little as 12 hours, and promess and ship your medication free, right to your doorstep. You can do a one time purchase to try it out or sign up for quarterly plan, getting

your medication delivered once every three months. Here's a special offer for sex with Emily listeners. Enter Emily 50 at checkout and get $50 off your quarterly plan. That's Emily 50 at checkout for $50 off your quarterly plan. When you visit promessant.com, again that's p-r-o-m-e-s-c-e-n-t.com, promessant, better and bad. This is from Tyler 39 in North Carolina. Hi Dr. Emily, my wife and I have been married for 11 years.

Considering the ages of our kids and both of us working 9 to 5, our sex life is great, no complaints. However, variety is a spice of life, and I wanted to mix things up. Recently, based on your podcast, I introduced the Magic One Mini into the scene. This is our first toy, and the first time my wife has ever used a toy. We've been intimate three times since the recent purchase, and have used the Magic One two of those occasions. I am the one who suggested the toy both times.

Based on her reactions, the wand is a hit. We had to change a sheet each time, which I love. My question for toy novices, how often is too often? We are almost exclusively using the toy on her, which was my intent, but I don't want her to feel like this is the only way I enjoy sex going forward. Thanks for all your help. Alright Tyler, love this. Love that you've got the kids and you're working and your sex life is great but you just wanted to mix it up and the magic one mini is a fave. I can understand why it has been a good time for you guys. So I want to say this, if your wife's having pleasure and you're having pleasure still, I don't think it's ever too often to use a toy. Toys can enhance intimacy.

Remember that. It's something new, you're experiencing together. It feels great, but have a conversation with her. What does your wife feel about it? Does she feel like it's too much or does she really enjoy it? It's not going to make your partner go numb. It's not going to take away other kinds of pleasure. It's just additive.

It's an enhancement, not a detriment or taking anything away. Also, I want to tell you this. You said you only use it on a her. You just might really enjoy the magic wand on your shaft, on your balls, your perineum. I would just turn it down to a lower setting and see what it feels like for you. Because magic wand mini can be a fun toy for everybody,

no matter what your body parts. And if you guys want to get on Tyler's plan and you want to get the magic wand mini can be a fun toy for everybody, no matter what your body parts. And if you guys want to get on Tyler's plan and you want to get the magic wand mini, you can get it at shopsexathomelie.com. Miley27 in Nebraska. Hi Dr. Emily, I'm a longtime listener. I recently had a baby body year ago and I've noticed it's way harder for me to orgasm. I seem to only be able to orgasm with a vibrator, and even with that it's becoming difficult. For example, I love Doggy Style and my husband used to get me every time with that.

Now even in that position I can hardly feel the vibration or my fingers playing with my clip. It's getting to the point where after intercourse we break out a toy to get me off, same with masturbation. I will work with my fingers but just feel nothing. I've been doing my kegels, but I'm thinking it's time to maybe purchase something from your website. Any suggestions for that? Am I becoming more dependent on my vibrator that my fingers or oral isn't cutting it anymore? I just want to orgasm easier.

PS, my husband, I have great communication and toys do not bother him. Thank you for your question, Miley, and thanks for listening to the show for so long. I appreciate that. Now, let me just say this. It might be harder to orgasm after a baby. This is very common. You just had a baby come out of your body. Plus, there's hormone shifts and our body changes.

And I just want to remind you that we don't often just don't tell women after childbirth what's going on, but things tend to move around. Whether it's vaginal or C-section delivery, that movement can make more of our genitals a sense of areas of our body, either it moves to a better alignment for some or a different alignment, so really we just need to learn our bodies where they are now and how things have shifted, okay? So get to know the new location of your pleasure centers. There's just, this is the work that we got to do. It's our bodies always changing too, whether we have babies or not.

Remember though, you've got it about the kegels, demands of pregnancy and childbirth can certainly weaken your pelvic floor muscles. And since orgasms result from a buildup and release of tension, if you have weaker pelvic floor muscles, it can be difficult to orgasm. I always recommend if it's becoming a problem and you're doing your caggles

and you don't see it working, you can see a pelvic floor physical therapist. A lot of times they're more equipped to address our pelvic floor than even our gynecologists. So I recommend that. And also, if you wanna get something that makes your caggles even easier, I love caggle balls.

They're basically weights for your vagina. You can also find those on our website, shopsexwithemily.com. When I was working on this, didn't have a baby just want to strengthen my pelvic floor. I wear these balls when I'm working out, when I'm going for a walk. I just leave them inside me and the cool thing is

they're basically doing your kegels for you while you're walking. You don't have to sit and think about it because a lot of us just don't do them correctly. And to be honest, it's just hard to remember to do them. So I love a hack. I love just putting them inside me ahead and buy my tennis shoes before I went outside and I put them inside, walk around and my pelvic floor got a lot stronger. So really, just this is what's happening. Our body changes. You might want to play around with different kinds of vibrators, different positions and get to know who you are right now, what's going out with your body,

Miley, after a baby. And that's part of the work we have to do. And there's no shame in using a vibrator, okay? Not at all. So, if it's what gets you off, use it. Get a few of them. See what makes you feel good, okay? Thank you, Miley, for your question.

I appreciate you. And congratulations on the baby. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter at Sex with Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at sexwithemily.com and while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating or relationships, call my hotline 559 Talk Sex. That's 559 825 5739.

A go to sexwithemily.com slash Ask Emily. Special thanks to ACAST for powering the Sex with Emily podcast. Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. I hear from so many penis owners who are frustrated about unpredictable erections. I always recommend talking to your doctor to find out the root cause of the problem. But listen, if you're looking into medication, I've got a safe and easy solution for you. Permanent is now offering generic biagra and seale treatments to qualified patients living

in the U.S. If you've listened to my show for any length of time, you know I love professing and recommend their products constantly. But now, they let you order this medicine right from their website. Here's how it works. Go to promesson.com, take a three minute survey about your health, and have a free online visit

with a US license physician. That's it. Once you qualify, approvals take as little as 12 hours, and professing ship your medication free, right to your doorstep. You can do a one-time purchase to try it out or sign up for quarterly plan, getting your medication delivered once every three months. Here's a special offer for sex with Emily listeners.

Enter Emily 50 at checkout and get $50 off your quarterly plan. That's Emily 50 at checkout for $50 off your quarterly plan. When you visit promescent.com. Again, that's P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T.com. Promescent, better and better. Sleep is essential for our best sex. But let's be honest, around here, we use our bedding for more than just sleep. Well, Brooklyn is having a 20% off everything Labor Day sale. And I know from personal experience that their betting turns your nest into next level luxury. Here's why.

Brooklin was founded by a husband and wife team whose mission is to provide customers with hotel quality luxury betting. And they've nailed it. Truly. I've got Brooklin and I my bed right now and can honestly tell you it's like being at a spa. Cool off with their crisp classic percale weave or try their best selling buttery smooth luxe satin sheets.

With over 100,000 five star reviews and best in class ratings from Wirecutter and Good Housekeeping, Brooklyn Inn is the betting of your dreams. Invest in comfort that will last with 20% off everything at Brooklyn and during their Labor Day sale happening now. Shop in store or online at Brooklyn and dot com. That's a BR-O-OK-L-I-N-E-N dot com. Miss the sale? Visit Brooklyn dot com and sign up for emails to be kept up to date on exclusive offers, new products and much more. and much more.