Sex With Emily - Love, Sex, and Success with Gabby Reece Pt. 2

Episode Date: June 28, 2024

Have you found yourself fascinated with what's masculine or feminine, especially in the bedroom? On today's episode, volleyball star, Gabby Reece, redefines the modern day versions of these roles and explains why it matters in her marriage. In this episode you’ll learn:  Gabby's definition of masculine & feminine in her marriage Why younger generations may not be having as much sex Which sex toys Gabby is into Show Notes: Take the SWE Listener Survey Here! More Gabby Reece | Instagram | Website | Podcast SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Shop VIIA Today and use code "EMILY" at checkout for 15% off your order. Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.

Be wise in your choices and be strategic and be thoughtful. And also if we're afraid, because love is scary and relationships are scary, if we're afraid and we're operating from that system, it doesn't matter what we have going on, it's going to be tough because we're scared. So I think it's also making peace and that's something I did within my marriage. I didn't come into it with that. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate

the conversation around sex. Welcome back to part two of my conversation with volleyball legend, Gabby Reese. On today's episode, we get into some really fascinating stuff from defining what masculinity means in her household to why young people aren't having a lot of sex. And of course, the juiciest part, she helps me answer a ton of listener questions. This is a good one. Thanks everyone for tuning in.

Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. It helps get the show out to more people and it just takes a few seconds. You can do it right now. You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter or X and Facebook. All of it, all of it is at Sex With Emily. Check out my new articles, how to know if you're good in bed

and how to have long distance sex. Those are up on sexwithemily.com. All right everyone, enjoy this episode. Question for you, have you been wanting to connect more with your partner, but no matter what you do, you just feel further and further apart? Well, I've got a suggestion for you that worked for me and my partner. So to be honest, we were in a bit of a rut recently and we both felt like we're just going through the motions every day is the same and we weren't getting anywhere in these

conversations. But then we discovered this really fun app called Paired. And Paired is all about making time for genuine conversation and fun activities together every single day. You just download the app, you pair it up with your partner and Paired gives you these really like thought-provoking questions and super cute games

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called your kinky sex bucket list. So we went through all the kinks and all the suggestions that we wanted to try, we matched it up and it was really fun. We have a lot to do on our sex to do list now. Whether you're just a few dates in or have been together a really long time, you gotta find the time to connect with your partner

and nourish the relationship. The paired app makes it just super easy and fun and it only takes five minutes a day. Just head to paired.com slash SWE to get a seven day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Just head to paired.com slash swe to sign up today. That's pair.com slash swe. The summer heat is rolling in so let's talk about something that can turn up the heat in the bedroom.

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you just want to feel more aroused and turned on, you got to check out their arousal gel. Visit permessent.com slash Emily for 15 percent off your purchase. That's permessent.com slash Emily for 15 percent off. P-R-O-M-E-S-C-E-N-T dot com slash Emily. Discover Permessent's arousal gel, you'll never look back. look back. Female athletes are new role models and for good reasons. Gabby Reese is a former pro volleyball player, a model, a mother to three daughters, an entrepreneur who owns Laird Superfoods and podcast host of The Gabby Reese Show and so much more. You have a really successful business together, Laird Superfoods and three kids.

Like, how do you guys work? How do you make work? I tried to work with someone. It didn't go well. A partner. How did you do it? It is tricky. I think we, this is where our difference is good.

So our values are the same and our differences show up better because it's like, okay, that's you. Oh, that's okay. Gabby's going to handle that. Yeah. I'm, I'm, you know, there's, there's things. I'll give you an example on the way the way here, before I came here, I had a meeting and we went in separate cars

and they sent him the email. I always schedule and do all the thing. And he's like, well, do you know about that? I go, oh, that email didn't come to me. And I don't have, and the way he was coming at me, I was like, yeah, okay. It was kind of rude. And I go, oh, that has nothing to do with me. And I just went like, like this. And he was like, yes, it does. And I was like, yeah, no, it was kind of rude. And I go that that has nothing to do with me. And I just went like,

like this. And he was like, Yes, it does. And I was like, Yeah, no, it doesn't. And so when we were going, he goes, you just seem really calm. And we had to leave. And I go, Yeah, but you know, you were frustrated because you got an email. And that frustrates you. And you should have gotten the email and it's just that's not his strength. Okay, details. And like they were asking, what do you want to eat? And I was like, that's a whole hour away. By the time we get there, they're going to order and it's going to take 30 minutes.

But the way my brain works and his brain. So he goes, you seem like la de da. I was like, because I've learned being amped about things when you don't have to be doesn't help. This was a small detail. Yeah. So it's us knowing who is doing what and having systems. There's a lot of trust, boundaries around the conversation.

Yeah. Do you cut it and say like, we can't talk at dinner, we won't be talking. I just think it's become intuitive because when it just bleeds over into everything all the time, I used to also make the mistake of bringing up, and I think women do this, anything around hard things, like, oh, the kids did this right before you're gonna have sex sex because you're alone. So don't do it. Wait till after. Yeah.

Because then they're just sort of, they're putty, they're cool. They're like, yeah, great. But I've also learned not to be like, oh, and by the way, we've got that thing tomorrow at three. Fill out the thing that you want for lunch. Okay. And he's like, uh, what? So I have also learned to control because I'm like, oh, we're alone. So, oh, I had this on my mind, you know? Exactly, I got you, I got you to myself. Yeah, so I've learned like, oh, pin it, pin it for later. Yeah, no, that's good.

Listen, to anyone who's in a relationship that they want to be in, it's not that it's, make it as easy as you can. Make your life as easy as you can. That's what I always say, like anything that I can do to make it easy for myself and for the people in my life, I will don't make it harder. Like how so they like just don't sweat the small stuff.

Yeah. And also, like, if I see something that I know is really gonna piss me off or irritate me, I'm not running full speed towards it. You know, like a situation or circumstance, I'm like, Oh, yeah. Do I need to do I have to? Why do I need to put my teeth in that that's going to just irritate me. So I think it's it's learning how do I make this as easy even like, re not repurposing repeating, like a some bullshit thing that happened to you before, like somebody did something to you and then you a friend calls you

go, Oh, and guess what, you know what happened? da da da? Why am I reliving this thing that already irritated me? How do I think about it? Be really clear about what where it plays? Do I need to confront them? Do I not? Am I not going to? Am I? Do they need to apologize? Do I need to apologize, whatever it is, and then move on. So I think also finding these ways to make it as simple as possible has really, that's really, I think, helpful. But what I wanna say to someone is if you have a partner

and you think you wanna be with them, appreciate them because it's so easy to let all the details of life make it that you don't appreciate them. And, you know, the people close to you. So if you can be reminded, I take a lot of distance from Laird. And I'm reminded about like, this is a person I really appreciate, and I value and I respect. And I do that on a regular basis. And

so do I know he's got really badass intentions? He does. So he's gonna get a lot of passes for me because he has some little temper tantrum because he doesn't like emails. It's like, whatever. Exactly. You know what you're might have been saying that,

do you know that saying when something's upsetting you or you're about to get you up in a tizzy, you say something like, is this gonna matter in one week, one year, 10 years? Or what's the impact of like one hour, one week, one year? And then you think about it like, oh, it's really, if I let this go, it's really not gonna pick my life. If you're like, oh, it's really gonna be bad in an hour,

then you're like, that's how you kind of measure does this thing matter? And like, I didn't really care about this at this time. What is the impact of this silly thing? Cause I find myself doing like, this email wasn't right or whatever. And like, what does it matter? Like, does it really matter?

Is it a big deal? It's like choosing your battles, like letting shit go that really isn't a big deal. You guys are so, it's like you guys are so rational with this stuff. Or maybe you're the rational one. I am the rational one. I feel bad about you.

I'm glad you see me. I have a question. I know, I totally see. But he's the heart. That's the thing. I know, I know. He's the heart. Yeah, that's good.

We need it all. We need it all. So you've been talking about your directness in the bedroom, for example, but's the heart. Yeah. That's good. We need it all. We need it all. So you've been talking about your directness in the bedroom, for example, but in the bedroom and such. So it folds into, I'm thinking about defining the masculine and the feminine, which things have changed so much over the years,

but it is a very buzzy topic right now. So what do you think about that? How would you define the masculine, the feminine, and how it works? I think we house, all of us house both. And so it's actually, I think, building a good relationship with both sides. And that doesn't mean, I would like to say, if you're a female, that you have to love to cook. Okay? That's not what I'm talking about femininity. Okay? It's just the essence of there's sort of a nurturing and a recovering element. You know, someone said to me,

sometimes men are the sun and women are the moon, where it's like everyone comes in and rests, and then they go out and they go again. So if it's a family and friends or lover, whatever. So develop whatever version of that doesn't have to be my version within yourself. So you have a relationship with both, and then decide as a couple what works when who picks what but the my understanding is also that you once you sort of establish you don't get to flip and flop. So for example in my house, I'll use my house, I have taken on the feminine role. Now, I do a lot of masculine things within that. But in my nature of how I dress Laird and our roles, and he's taken on a very masculine role. Okay, if we get into a

disagreement, I don't turn to the masculine, because they it's sort of like a change of laws. Now, if we if we go in the evolution of our relationship, and something flips, that's okay, too. But just within the dynamic, So I, I even though I communicate probably pretty directly, it's not that emotional. It's still not aggressive, usually. So what I what I'd say to people is get a relationship with it, the both elements, because you need it all to live life. And then decide what feels good for you as a couple. I can't tell you. I just know that I sort of practice so much mass, you know, kind of masculine energy in my day to day that I personally enjoy the kind of, you know, Larry calls me lover and like, I like it, I feel protected. It doesn't mean I don't have my two legs.

I just enjoyed that expression. Yeah, no, it's a balance too. I feel like I'm in my masculine a lot. Running a business, running the home, all the things and being the boss and driving the career. But I really, that was part of me for play because I know that the feminine is about creativity and exploration and play.

And I'm never gonna be one that cooks or cleans or any of that stuff. I mean, I try to do the best I can, but for me, it's more about like a letting go, being in nature and that's the thing that I kind of plug in. Well, we've made a mistake in the definition. So let's start there. Feminine isn't weak, masculine isn't the overseer.

So within that, I never mean that. I never mean that for either one. I actually think feminine's the most powerful. So somehow we have gotten the definition weird and I personally have always thought feminine energy is the most powerful. It is, it's the life force too. It's creativity, it's birth to everything.

Creativity or a baby. And it is the energy and then the masculine is the container. So especially when it comes to the sexuality, it is the container for which the feminine can run free and do her thing. It's funny, I was at this, someone's house the other day, this really beautiful home and they had this clock that kept, it was like all these beautiful birds were singing

all these things with them. There was like this clock that went off every hour and at first it was like ding, it was really kind of annoying. I was like, what is, I don't need to know that it's one o'clock and then two o'clock and then I was able to like rest soon and go, oh, like that's the masculine structure. And I was like, oh, that's okay. Like clear example to me of like the structure in my frolicking on the beach and doing the same with my friends. It was like a way of saying like,

that was like the nod to the structure when the feminine can run free, but you gotta be with people who make you feel safe, who actually are on the masculine front. It was interesting. Well, and that's it. Make a choice that is a good choice for your life. And then within that, can you let it go a little bit?

But be wise in your choices and be strategic and be thoughtful. And also if we're afraid because love is scary and relationships are scary, if we're afraid and we're operating from that system, it doesn't matter what we have going on, it's gonna be tough, because we're scared. So I think it's also making peace, and that's something I did within my marriage.

I didn't come into it with that, and that's why we almost broke up. I hate to, you were so young too. Yeah, of like, oh, this is scary, I'm scared, I wanna self-protect, and one of the ways I'm going to do that is do that. And you realize if you're really going to kind of try, there's a part of vulnerability that I certainly don't love. But it almost feels essential that both people are in for that risk. And, and that's why it's so great. Yeah, it is great. And the vulnerability is a key part,

I think, where people suffer in relationships so much when they're with someone and they're like, oh, they're not emotionally available or they're not involved. They don't tell me what they're thinking or feeling. It's because we don't have experience being vulnerable. But I love your story of like, I wasn't there until you had to be like, I want to be with this man, but I can't be vulnerable. But the fact that you were able to come back to the relationship and learn it and grow

is such a beautiful example of like, no one's taught to be vulnerable. In fact, how we grew up, no one was like, cry, show your feelings. It takes 90 seconds to run through an emotion. Like they were like, shut up, don't cry, do it all on your own. Like, I don't know, that's how I was, right?

Well, and it's all risk. Loving anyone is all risk. So do you wanna risk it or not? And there's a great book by a woman named Kristen Ulmer. She wrote a book called The Art of Fear. And in the book, that guy was talking about a kid who was going to a roller coaster. And the scary roller coaster.

And the kid goes, oh, I'm scared. And rather than say to the kid, hey, it's okay. They wouldn't let people ride it if it wasn't safe and blah, blah, blah. He goes, yeah, it's scary. And then he said, the question is, are you in the mood to be scared? And so I think with love, it's like, the question is, do you think this is the right person that you are in the mood that you're willing

to be vulnerable with? And that might be it because it is scary. It is scary. And it's also, is it the right person? That's always a thing too, I guess. But there's also ways. I think it's something that you feel safe with. Or at least to try. I mean, you know, sometimes we don't know what happens. We try, it doesn't work out. It's exhausting. But it's cool, we try.

We gotta try, that's what it's here, to laugh and to be vulnerable. Totally. I'm really good with my friends doing that. It's harder in relationships sometimes. Okay. Well, you might know too much, so that's the problem. I know, I do know too much.

You've seen it all, and you're like, ugh. Seen it all, I've done it all. I've studied it all, I'm like, I know our issues before they too much. You've seen it all and you're like, ugh. I've seen it all, I've done it all. I've studied it all. I'm like, I know our issues before they even happen. I wanna talk to you about the athlete, being an athlete. I'm curious how you would say being an athlete, like how that enhances a person's sex life. And I wanna know also about Laird Superfoods,

any help with our sex drive. Well, I mean, you've got caffeine, so hello. Right. No, so I think being athletic, I mean, it's interesting when I was competing and training a ton, sometimes I was a little more tired and that was actually even harder. I was like, oh, one more physical thing to do.

So you'd be surprised, it does boost your testosterone even if you're a female, but it can be also this weird blend of like you're also more tired. I think movement in general and just overall kind of harmony with mind, body and spirit, I think it probably gives you more life force or chi, which probably boosts your libido, which is helpful. And as you get older, I am always a really big advocate,

and we talked about earlier about getting your blood work, getting your hormones checked, making sure, because sometimes it isn't about muscling through it and gritting through it. People shouldn't have to do that. So I say also that we, you know, you want to have a, if it works for you as a couple, you know, sort of your version of a sex life,

whatever that looks like for you as a couple, but you shouldn't have to muscle through it. So, you know, maybe it's important. It is, right? Just being healthy overall. If you exercise, you eat the foods that make you feel good. It's, you're gonna have a strong sex. Yes, and I love that.

And I was joking about Laird Superfood, but it does have healthy fats and we have caffeine and we don't use natural. We don't even use natural, nevermind artificial flavors. So our whole thing is, as eating things as real as, as close to the source as possible. If you're a vegetarian, you know, we plants and animals pretty simple diet. I only eat till I'm full. I try not to overeat. I obviously look out for added sugar. But certainly, layered superfood is just what we say with that is,

if you're already drinking coffee, we've got opportunities, we put we have all kinds of things. So the brand really came out of habits that we were doing and turned into this. Okay, that's great. It's been such a success, I see. Yeah, you have 10 failures before you get the one success. I know, everyone's like, there's no overnight success so many failures.

I can show them the graveyard if they want. I know, right? Yeah, totally. Oh my God, I'm like, God, there's so many failures. That's how we learn. You gotta keep going. It's how fast you get back up. One, it's also, it's part of it.

It's the 20, what is it? The 21 door theory, right? You're gonna knock on 20 doors and then it will be the 21st. So they're not even failures. They just are part of that process. They get you to wherever. And good luck. That's it, good fortune.

That's the thing about also about, I think of the wisdom of getting older, when I get into this place, if it gets to get to work or not, I'm like, okay, I can look back and look at all the experience and being like, things have always worked out. It wasn't easy along the way.

There were things that were failures, but they always ended up, it worked out. It's gonna work out. I try to tell younger people, I'm like, no, it's gonna be fine, you're in this phase, but you can't just say that to people. No. But there's a certain trusting in the process that to get anything that you want

and that you really believe in, it's gonna be a little rough along the way. Carving on path. It is, it's going to happen the way it's meant to happen. And so what are the lessons? Great, pocket them, let's roll. Yeah, one more thing about health, gut health. What's your take on that?

I've been going deeper. It's everything. It is, right? Yeah. In fact, your sexual health, your mental health, your physical. It's everything. It is, right? Yeah. In fact, your sexual health, your mental health, your physical. Big time. So is it just, how do you deal with gut health? Is it just part of your overall wellness?

So 30 and people go, oh, that sounds like so many. It does, but let's get excited. The fact that, you know, beans count, nuts count, you know, spices and herbs count, but every week I get as many colorful forms of fiber and a variety of fiber that you can to support your gut health. And people don't give it enough credit. And then they go, Oh, good bacteria, bad. It's so confusing. It is don't take it on too much fermented foods, kimchi, sauerkraut. There's so many good things, things like medicines and

advils and Tylenol and alcohol. They're tough on your gut and nobody likes to hear that. And I think we don't think about it. They can perforate the gut lining. But the other good thing about the gut is within 24 hours, it starts to heal. So we can really make progress quickly. So I don't like people to think well I it's not too it's never too late and you know managing stress and sleep is so imperative. I take a probiotic, Just Thrive probiotic, I love them. They have a gummy. I love a supplement as a gummy. They have like this special like strands that I've studied that's like they weed out the bed bringing the good bacteria all the things but I focused on it now when I think more about what I'm putting

my body because of what I've learned about the gut. Okay how do you pros like body image and peer pressure around sex with your girls? Oh yeah. How do you talk to them about that? Body image or peer pressure or sex? Does it come up? Because also side note there's all these studies now that kids aren't having sex. I know it's weird. So I know. You see in Japan, 30% of people under 30 are virgins. They're virgins. You're trying to... Yeah, they gotta be having sex.

I know. No one's having sex. So what about with your... We try not to put voodoo voodoo around sex in our house. Good. I'm not my daughter's... I mean, they're getting older now, so it's different, but I never am their friend.

I try to be their mom and be a person who that they kind of rely on. Somebody told me once they want you to be the, they want you to be in charge, they don't want you to be in control, right? So I try to be a good example. I think Laird and I display a healthy amount of affection. And certainly we've had open dialogue.

My youngest daughter is certainly the most conservative. But she's confident, but just I can tell she's a little more conservative. So I have conversations, I always say the car ride. Listen in the car ride. And they'll talk to you and what I do is I'll say, can I ask a question? I'll ask, can I say something?

And I just will drop off one thing. I love it. And one kid is wants to engage more. And there's a back and forth and one kid is a little more timid or uptight. So you just go just food for thought and you put it out there. And then I back off. But really modeling. Modeling and having a conversation to them, right?

A lot of listening. What about, it is a lot of listening and asking questions and bringing it up again and realizing it's not a one-time conversation, just knowing that you're there for them. Yes, and empowering them to do things because that is their desire, not because they have pressure

or they're trying to please somebody at their young age. This is what I like, I'm like, well, they're not having sex, I've been doing a lot of deep dive're trying to please somebody at their young age. This is what I like. I'm like, well, they're not having sex. I've been doing a lot of deep dive and trying to figure that out, but it's better than the alternative of just having sex to please somebody. Right, so it's like, hey, if you do decide,

like you feel like it's a healthy age and everybody thinks that's different, every person's different, but because the other thing is I don't want them to almost go so long that it becomes like a weird thing. So it's like, hey, whatever age that it's becoming, because that's what you desire, you feel cherished and respected, and you'd like to explore that next step with somebody and you're interested. Those are the types of things.

And what about that makes sense? well how does mental health tighten this? Because it's also been so brutal since the pandemic and all this talk about mental health. How is that going with your girls? Is it something that you also talk to them about? Well they're also different. So my oldest daughter actually had her hardest time way later.

And that's interesting when you have a young adult going through a hard time. So that's a whole other set of rules of you have to ask to assist. Where when they're younger, you can plow in there because you're a parent. My middle went through very heavy times at about 13. And it was sort of like really having to get other tools,

me as a parent, not just her. One thing I heard is like, oh, you wanna go to a therapist and drop your kid off and go, hey, fix them. Yeah, no, no, no, everybody's gotta get fixed. I love that you said that, you can't. Everybody has to get fixed. So that's where I got introduced to Katie. And then my youngest, she doesn't have sort of some

of the heavier, darker stuff that my older two navigated, but she's more vulnerable to the phone. Okay, social media. She's super social, she's self-regulated, she'll say things like, I need to change my sleep patterns. She'll self-regulate. So I see she's dealing with it,

but I do see she's more susceptible to how she feels about the way she appears based on the phone. So we just keep a dialogue going. It's great. It's a lot to keep going. Well, it's also learning their languages. Right. Because it's different with each kid. They have different languages and some it's like, what's the latest thing you learned? Like what language wise? It's so hard with the phone because I it's hard to understand everything that she's seeing. Right.

Oh, right. That language of just like, you know, whatever's coming up for her. So it's about getting her to remind her to focus on the things that are good and positive in her life and about her look and how she looks and to be grateful for and then to utilize the tools of, hey, listen, the reason I'm jamming on about you getting to bed and turning off the thing is I do think it does rattle you. And she's reasonable and she'll say, no, yeah, okay. So, and then it's saying I'm here,

but then it's watching her put tools in place and she does. But listen, listen, let me tell you. You go over here, you should have gone there. Oops, sorry, you go there, you should have gone there. So I wanna say one thing about parenting is you never lands on the bullseye. The job is showing up and knowing you're never gonna get it right

and having peace with that and being the best possible example that you can be and loving them for who they are, not who you think that you hope they should be or whatever. Because that is, you know, nobody ever talks about parental disappointment. They hand you a baby. Wow, the future is open to every possibility. And you realize that no, actually, this is a person who has certain likes, certain traits, they're going to be who they are, it might be really different than what you would hope for them. And you feel a moment of like,

oh, I didn't know it was gonna go like that. And then you go, great. Accepting them for who they are, it's all beautiful, all meant to be how it is. Yeah, but you gotta grow up as a parent. And yeah, it's impossible. And it's fantastic. It's the impossible job, right?

Yeah, it's- Impossible job. So much love and impossible. And it's fantastic. It's a job. So much love and impossible. And one last thing I would say, because I don't I try not to give parental advice. If your kids are getting older and they're teenagers, actually pray and encourage that everything weird that they do, they do it while they're living with you. Because you're there. Yeah, you don't want to send them off to college never having dipped their toe into anything right because who's looking out for them So somehow find the balance between age-appropriate freedom So that you see how they manage freedom on their own

So you're right there That's really healthy. I know just like explore here. We're safe. Yeah, and I'm not saying hey I'm buying you the stuff right and like have your friends over and every I'm not talking about that, but I'm saying an appropriate amount of freedom So you see what they do? What are their choices? Yeah, I don't track my children on their phone Yeah, no, because if they lie I'm like listen if you choose to lie, I will find out eventually Now if you're going to some country and you want me to, that's fine. But my point is, is like, I'm not gonna be up your colon because I'm not gonna live there.

So what are you gonna choose for yourself? I think that's good. I mean, that's really, it's like giving them the tools to make the agency exist over their own choices. I think that's better than like I'm being tracked because if the verse was out is that the kids don't feel like they can go out and have an adventure. They can't go out and live their own life.

They need to play. They need to like, they need it. They require it. And it's the temptation is so wild to just be on them because you can fight it if you can. I love that you don't do that. I think that's great. I mean, my parents like they didn't know what the hell it was.

They couldn't find it. You know what I'm saying? No, of course. Yeah, I think in a way. But if you need, if you might be up waiting. Yeah. And you might be like, take a look at them when they get home. And that's okay too.

That is part of parenting. But I have found that I wanna know who are you left up to yourself. Yeah, I love it. I think that's great. That's the independence that you wanna bring back to kids today. Yeah, they need it.

We'll be right back after a short break for our sponsors. But first, I gotta tell you about Vaya's High Love Gummies. These are the ultimate libido gummies. There's a lot of libido gummies out there. I keep going back to Vaya's High Love Gummies and like, why are these the best? Why do I love these? You don't feel like you're really high. You get really into your body. You do feel more turd on. You feel happier. You feel lighter. This is all true. And I was like, what makes these so different? So Vaya has THC, THC-V and CBD. So you know that CBD has been having a moment the last few years, but CBD really works best when it's activated with THC.

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We got so many, so I'm going to ask you rapid fire. Like, I'll be sure. I'll be sure. No, because it's going to be kind of a fun ending segment. I think it's going to be like, okay, Gabby, like what's, I'm going to go these in our what's a single most important exercise you can't live without. You can't do without. If there was one thing.

Oh, single as a, I mean, listen, any form of squatting is gonna be great, but also we do need to hang a little bit here and there because you don't wanna lose total grip strength. So you wanna be able to squat. So the idea of like when you're 80, you get up and down from a chair independently and you don't wanna lose grip strength.

Okay, love it. This is gonna be hard to answer quickly, but what did it feel like to be on display as an athlete to millions? You know I think you are thinking about the ball and your opponents more than millions. I mean pressure is an interesting thing when you play sports but you you know it's sort of like you learn it in stages and so really you are focused on the task at hand. The only other thing I would say about that though is using the energy of the people around you,

hopefully if they're for you, to your advantage. And conversely, I know athletes who do this very well, where if they go into an arena, I have a friend who played in the NBA and he used to talk about like was wildly hated in certain arenas. And he said he would just take that energy and use it as fuel.

And you let it total success. Yeah. Okay. How do you get confident in your own skin and how were you able to transfer that to the bedroom? Well, okay. So I was six foot three at 15. And I had to make a decision.

Are you gonna be okay with who you are? Or are you gonna just be tortured that you're not a size four? So I think I learned that lesson. I'm not a person who likes to bang their head on the wall too long. And then what I've learned about confidence in the bedroom is somebody said to me years ago,

and this is saying if you're in a relationship with a man, I don't know that it would be even different with a female. Men only see what you project. They're not going to need the surface thing. Does she really mean this? Is she not? Well, not only that, what size is she? Oh, is Gabby a little loose in the,

is that cellulite? I think when we're in a relationship with a person and you're in the bedroom, I think a willingness to be there and that they look and they think, oh, they're excited to be here and be with me and the passion. I think that is what we're the only ones that see these, you know, imperfections that we all have.

We're the ones our partner loves us. And if we're in the bedroom and Larry and I joke to, he's like, we joke like that's what light switches are for. But maybe that's for when you're like 75. No, but they're not going like, oh, what's that mark on your thing? Or you're like left- Maybe she gets some entomology, sweetie. It's like, come on. They're not. So I think we are the only ones who torture ourselves.

That's true. They're with you naked. Like they're happy. They love you. They're not looking at it. They wanna be there. And you know, I do it to a degree, but if I could encourage people to

to a degree, but if I could encourage people to just know that you are beautiful. And we have this definition of beautiful. No, being with somebody you're there, there's love, there's intimacy. This is such a beautiful thing. And so to experience that in its wholeness and not to be like oh my this my that it's like you know we make sex so complicated we make sex so hard we're really at the end of the day it's like this beautiful thing you're with someone you're both naked get out of your head into your body i know go under the covers if you really need to and just feel it then just experience it's a total sensory experience i love it um i think we already answered this but maybe you'll say something else this time. Who knows?

Easiest way to keep it interesting after all these years. Oh hell, I don't know. I'm so like boring that way. We have it scheduled so. I think it's willingness. Like I want you, I would like to be with you. That feels good. You know, like you feel good.

I don't have a ton of tricks. And by the way, I have other friends that they do, you know, they have games and toys and it's great and it works for them. I'm pretty much like, again, I've kept it simple enough that the experience of it is nice. Well, then the next question, do you own any sex toys? Do you think it's important for women to own sex toys? Somebody gave me one of those when we were in Austin, a la faire, remember the little, the looks like a flower. Okay.

It's a pretty little. Oh, it was probably like the plus one, the rose toy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's quite good. It's kind of fun, right? It's quite good. Yeah, it's fun.

To the point. It gets right to the point. Right to the point. It's kind of fun. I'm a to the point kind of girl. Yeah, yeah. It's quite good. It's kind of fun, right? It's quite good. Yeah, it's fun. To the point. It gets right to the point. Right to the point. It's kind of fun. I'm a to the point kind of girl. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It makes things efficient. It's efficiency.

Yeah, look at it. Is that sad? No. I'm like, let's go to it. I'm a huge fan of sex toys. You kidding? Get it done. It takes a long.

You want to order it? Sometimes I also like take the edge off. Yeah, exactly. I mean, what are we talking about? No, it's true. Like I'm telling you, it's like the biggest stress reliever. I know. Help with focus, concentration, help you fall asleep. Just, you know, take care of it. Exactly. It's

better. Okay, good. I'm a fan. Okay. Fan of sex toys. Okay. Well, what's your least favorite thing about sex? And then they vote seriously. So they want my least? Yeah. I wouldn't say I pin anything least around. Yeah. I mean, okay. The time. Yeah, but even that, it's like, what other thing in that moment could I be doing better than my time than being with my partner?

So I have not attached anything. It's like saying the least thing that's bad about a sunset. It's like, you know what, take it in. Yeah. We, without much intellectual compatibility, can a new relationship thrive? This was just a joke. Ooh. Without much intellectual compatibility, can a new relationship thrive? This was just a joke. Not in the long, long.

No, I don't think so. I mean, if it's like boom bang, I mean, listen, we all have had one of those when we were younger, it's like, shh, you know. Just- I know. They're so pretty, look at them. Look good, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's only gonna be- It gets old. Quick. Real quick. Super quick. Especially for someone like in my brain, it's like, ah, I'm just going. Okay, how often do you masturbate?

I'd say maybe two times a month. Great. Yeah, nothing, I mean, I have a pretty healthy. Okay, you got, you're already like, I don't know how you'd have time for that, but. No, but sometimes like, you know. Cause it's still a sex. Well, sometimes, yeah. Yeah, if you're not getting maybe that one week that you weren't having an orgasm.

Yeah, or just good for your own. I believe it's important just to have that relationship with our body. I think so. That's good. Yeah. Work it in. Okay. Don't be scared.

Yes. And that's how we learn about our bodies. Yeah. That's how we learn what feels good. A little time between you and you. All right, where can people find you? Listen to all the fun things you're doing, the podcast and all things. Oh, really, you're so wise.

I love listening to you. I really got on the Gabby trail and was listening to all your things. I just, I'm just such a fan of all you've done, how you continue to evolve and do it so openly and share wherever you are in your life. It feels like you're always sharing what you're going through in a very real way.

And I admire that. Well, I think it's, I think we're all going through something really similar, so let's not be afraid of it. The Gabby Reese Show and everything is Gabby Reese and if people want to try Laird Superfood, it's at lardsuperfood.com. Producer Fragne, this is the part of the episode where we talk about the episode. Yeah. Break it down. And you share your turn-ons from the episode. Yes.

So I have to say, I know that it's been what, seven years since you have seen Gabby and you were on her podcast, right? What was, I mean, what was it like? Like, how was it different? Well, I just remember that I really, really enjoyed meeting her back then. I think that she's such a powerhouse, but she's so disarming and so thoughtful and really

authentic and she asked these really great questions. It really was a wonderful interview. And I just thought, this is someone that I really respect and I'd love to see her again. I hope to see her again sometime soon. So I really liked revisiting again today and going a little bit deeper about, you know, where she is in her life. Cause now I got to interview her.

Well, I think what was great about it is that you both came from a place of such like you were equals. And so as you were interviewing her, I felt like I was just listening to this conversation with two really sort of wise grown ass women. I felt that way too. It was great. And you guys definitely had that like chemistry

that I think we do as older women. Like when we're, you know what I mean? We just lived. We've lived and we know, we're like, we get it. I feel you. I mean, there's something about that just age does bring this wisdom that people always would tell you, but now you get it.

Like if you've lived enough years on the planet, you've been through so much, especially if you're somebody who believes in the work and does the work and looks at your life and is a seeker or somebody who's always, you know, working to become a better version of ourselves as we evolve. I think it really sets us up for more deeper connections and we find our people we know.

And the mutual respect. I mean, I think we both, what, after she left, we're like, we just wanna be her BFF. She's just so great. So great. So let's get into it though. What would you say were your turn-ons from this episode? I had so many great turn-ons in this episode

because I love that Gabby and Laird have been together for decades and the way she was just dropping nuggets of wisdom about how they've worked through certain things and they're a little like, I love the flower and farmer, basically saying that how sometimes, either one of them is the flower, the other one is shiny, they're essentially the talent.

They are bringing their skills to the world and the other one is the farmer and supporting them. And how do we make this flower grow and be safe and flourish in their best selves and how they sort of, it seems effortlessly or how they just intentionally, I suppose, switch those roles. And I like thinking about that in all relationships,

how we can have our moments of shine and make sure that our partner supports us and vice versa. I was thinking about it because I know you made a joke in the episode and I always love it when you're like, you disarm someone and you're like, that's not a sexual thing, is it? But like, it can be, you know? I mean, I think that these roles always translate

into the bedroom, right? Of like, sometimes someone is the receiver and someone's the giver, because that's essentially what it is, I feel like. Yeah, it truly is. I think that is the thing about everything that you share in a relationship. I think that is a problem in relationships too,

when resentments build, is that someone always feels like they're giving and someone's always taking and then someone doesn't feel appreciated. So to feel that you have this, I guess even in this flower and farmer example to kind of look at, make sure that it feels equitable is important.

But yeah, I do think in the bedroom, you certainly wanna be somebody who can receive and give. And I think that people who are in a very like, in a relationship where they feel like they're doing everything, I would guess that they probably also feel that way in the bedroom. Like, I'm always initiating, I'm always doing everything.

And so I just think that this might be a really light bulb moment for somebody listening to this and think, oh, have I been receiving enough? Have I been asking for what I want enough? Have I been getting the support I need? And I think for some couples, this could be a great way to explain it. So listen to this episode with a partner.

Some of the things she talked about too, right? I find aspirational. It was like, yes, you know what? Maybe not every moment in your life is like sexy or exciting, but again, like holding onto a long-term relationship where you actually still like the person to me is, you know, it's underrated. Yeah, totally is underrated.

Was there anything else you'd say? So I really liked when she said that Laird is all heart. If with the daughters, they have three daughters and that Laird is just there, shows up with his heart, wants to feel her more, that he was so in tune that she said whenever she does a look or a tone, which I could also relate to that, you know, you have a tone with your partner

and maybe we all kind of wish they'd be like, what did that mean? What do you mean by that? But they don't. So the fact that like she might say something that's just showing that to Lair that she's annoyed with something or want something else. He's like, wait, back up. What did you mean? Stop certain tracks and makes her talk about it.

And I think we could all use that in relationships and friendships at the office. Like, don't let things fester. If you read someone's cues, it's OK to say, can I check this with you? I'm getting a sense that last comment you made means that you might be having something else in your mind. Is there something else you want to say here? Like that's never going to offend anybody. I guess what I love is that we all pick those things up, but a lot of times we choose to skate over them, ignore them, because we don't want to pry or maybe we're wrong or we don't wanna get into or something deeper. So I love that he's like, you're not leaving,

back up, what did you say? And I think that there's a safety there, right? Because I agree with you, I think that oftentimes it leads to so much miscommunication because you yourself might have a whole story around it. Like, oh, maybe Emily had that tone because she's mad at something I said two weeks ago and I didn't realize, you know,

and then all of a sudden you're like, wait, no, that never happened, but I didn't know. And I didn't think to ask you. I love it. That's such a great example because what happens is when we don't think of all the times we rebuild stories that are had for, cause we don't address things. We create a whole thing.

This is how the drama starts sometimes. And so it's such a great practice for life. Nip it in the bud. That's it. But I used to think it was nip it in the butt, but it's nip it in the bud. Me too. I just got corrected recently, like this year,

like in my 50s. Yeah, in the butt, not in the butt. And I'm a writer, but somehow I didn't know that because I don't know the expressions. I don't know all these American expressions. But I guess it all means the same thing if you nip something in the butt. Well, maybe not though.

Do you just think about butt a lot? I do. I think I always think people are talking about sex and they're not. It goes with your brand. Okay. I feel like we both were like, oh, oh, when she was talking about her morning routine.

Yeah, I love the morning routine that they sit there and they are like, we're not necessarily gonna talk about the kids. We're gonna have our cup of coffee. We're going to just connect. And I think why I love that example is because so many couples just move through life. They move through the home

and they're like just ships that pass in the night. And they don't take that moment to just, even if it's five minutes, like this is our ritual. This is our morning thing. And I don't know, do you have that in your, do you guys have a morning routine? Or any routine? We do, we do a coffee thing too, so I could really relate.

But you know what we don't do, because sometimes I wanna like, I'm prioritizing like my meditation or my this or my that. And I, after hearing her, I'm like, okay, Richard definitely brings coffee to me in bed, which has been our routine since we were dating, you know? So like 20 plus years. And he will sit there and we'll have a couple,

we'll exchange a couple of words, but we will, we'll get into business too because I'm in business mode if I haven't meditated yet. And so I did after I listened to that, there were two things. I remember once you also said, and this is what this reminded me of where you were like, in the morning you just have to like do like little touches.

Do you remember saying this? And you were like sharing this with the guests and I was like, she's so right. Like you have to all day long day long have a little pat. So I've started doing that. So before Richard is, if we're both sort of lingering in bed about to wake up, I'll just caress him so that I've started the process.

That's great. That's a little foreplay. Got that from you. When we say foreplay all day, that's what we mean. You don't have to finish everything. What's foreplay? It's like that's touch. Yeah, I did not finish it.

No time to finish it. I was waiting for my coffee. Right. But. Here babe, go get my coffee. I'm gonna touch you extra. Exactly. But you know, it's a little bit of like you said, because you're right.

You are two ships in the night. And like that's probably the most direct face-to-face communication we'll have until maybe the evening, unless one of us falls asleep, you know? So I did like that too. Oh, that was sweet. Okay.

All right. Okay. So what do you wish you had fleshed out more on the podcast? Well, I love that she shared about her 48 hour sex role that she'd written about her in her book almost a decade ago. So I was wondering if there had been any updates to that

or if it's like now 72 hours or now it's more flexible. And that rule again was that within 48 hours, they always have sex. They don't let two days go by without sex. And that sort of set up initially when I first read about it, some truly alarm bells for me, only because I thought I don't want anyone to feel

that they have to have sex if they're, not that Gabby was saying this, but in general, if they're not enjoying the sex or if it's just, it becomes a duty. Because this is when sex can become so challenging for people, is when it just like, I'm going to cross off the list, I'm going to close my eyes, hope for the best, is it going to be over? I'm looking at the clock. But in Gabby's case, I like that she's like, no, I'm still going to do it. Sometimes I'm not always in the mood, but once I do it, I'm glad I'm doing it. And it seems like they've got their routine down. But for others, I don't know that this would work unless both partners, at

least the one who's making sure they stay in the 48 hour container and there's one partner who might not really be liking the sex or enjoying the sex. If you find yourself in a place where you do feel it's a duty, then I would just encourage you to find out how you can make it more of a pleasurable experience. And then I would ask you to figure out what that looks like to you, whether it's a conversation with your partner or getting to know your body better through some solo sex.

So I just wanna say that I don't think that's a standard situation that would work for everybody. I think that's fair. I think she, in a lot of ways, would couch things that way, right? Like, which I appreciated too, where she's like, this is not for everyone, but this is what's working for my marriage,

or this is what's working for me. And that did track for me because I do believe sometimes, like when you're tired or whatever, you're like, and then when I'm in it I'm in it and I'm enjoying it right so it's kind of going to the gym yeah and your shoes on and you know what it did what it does take away because I went home and I was like talking to Richard about that you know and he was like oh wow he's like even the Laird needs like a 48-hour rule he really liked that part of it because you know it's Laird Hamilton and he's gorgeous and. He really liked that part of it because, you know,

it's Laird Hamilton and he's gorgeous and he's this and he's that. And you know, what it does take out of the equation, I think is this idea that someone is being rejected or someone is feeling rejected if they're always initiating after you've been together for so long. So.

Yeah, absolutely. That happens in long-term relationships, short-term relationships, eventually somebody, like everyone's gotta do the initiating every now and then. So, and then when you say no, yeah, you do it builds up, resentments build up from the rejection. So having clear conversation about it, I think is fabulous.

I like it. Okay, so was there anything from this episode that sort of had you thinking, like you walked away and you just couldn't, you know, you kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about the fact that her marriage, she was so honest when her marriage almost ended because she said that she was more stoic

and which means that she in rare, it was like wanting to talk about things and probably wanting to go deeper and share emotions. And she, you know, basically said she didn't like confrontation, but Laird taught her to be confrontational, ask for what she wants, and basically to be more vulnerable, even though it's hard.

So the fact that she or she was in her late 20s, she was gonna walk away from the relationship and that she was able to at that time, not be like, I can't believe this guy wants me to do all this stuff and feel all the feels. She was like, oh, it's time, I can be vulnerable. And vulnerability is a skillset. Most of us have spent our lives protecting ourselves so we don't have to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is a skillset. Most of us have spent our lives protecting ourselves

so we don't have to be vulnerable. But being able to be with somebody where you share, you say the things you think you cannot say, knowing that you will be loved and accepted is just really a beautiful thing to behold. That she knew that that was the turning point for her. Think of how when you will walk away from relationships because they don't wanna do that.

And she's like, nope, I'm going back in. Yeah, I mean, you run scared. You're like, I don't need this, forget it. Let me just keep going through life that way. It's so much easier. Okay, so what about, okay, I will say to you, when I heard this part of the conversation, I completely thought of you

because you and I talk a lot about people pleasing. It's like become our brand, we're recovering people pleasers because we're lot about people pleasing. It's like become our brand, we're recovering people pleasers because we're actually still people please. But I like this idea of like being good versus being nice or you know. Kind versus nice. Yeah, that's what it was, kind versus nice.

I really like that too. I've heard that before. I've heard that distinction before and I'm glad she brought it up again because I actually just heard it recently and I was like, whoa, am I nice? Not kind, am I kind, not nice? I think I'm both,

but sometimes the people pleasers are more nice. I'm being nice because I want everyone to like me. And like she said, not everyone's gonna like you. I mean, that's not like the, I don't know anybody. No, I don't know anybody everyone likes. I do feel like people like me, but whatever, they probably don't. Just kidding. You think everybody likes you? No, I don't know anybody everyone likes. I do feel like people like me, but whatever they probably don't. Just kidding.

You think everybody likes you? No, they don't. Even your dogs? I know for sure they don't. My dog's mad at me right now. See, your dog doesn't like you. I would keep me her some treats from her. No, but yeah.

I mean, it probably minimizes, but I guess the point is that I think the kindness is one thing. I don't think it's us being nice that's making people like us or not, right? And I think that's the lesson that took me a long time to learn. There's a great distinction, I agree.

It's a very, and the difference how to describe it is that the kind means that you are still advocating for yourself. You're setting boundaries. You are not rolling over and saying yes to everything and being nice, but you're kind in the way you handle the relationship. If you set a boundary,

you do it with kindness and you do it thoughtfully. You're not doing it from anger or despite or passive aggressiveness, right? So I love that signature of like, you can still be strong and state your opinions and get your needs met by being kind. But nice would just be like, oh no, it doesn't matter.

But kind would be like, this is what's important to me. And I hope you understand. It would be more of like a dialogue and it would be, you no, it doesn't matter. But kind would be like, this is what's important to me and I hope you understand. It would be more of like a dialogue and it would be being an active listener, all the things. I do find it really amazing to hear women who have, and like you and Gabby aren't the first two people of your caliber that I've heard have this conversation of like not liking mean girls

and really leaning into kindness as something that's sexy, that's something that's actually an amazing trait to have. I'm really loving it because this is pretty new. Like I don't feel like a lot of women, I don't hear a lot of women talk about that together, like the importance of kindness. I don't hear it as much, you know?

And it's underrated. It is the most underrated quality in my opinion. So I loved it. I think you're right. I think it is true though, this whole like trope that women are catty and mean and talk about each other. I don't think I've, I personally don't have anyone in my life like that,

because I can't, I don't have the constitution for it. But again, I think that goes back to your upbringing. Maybe you grew up in a place that was more contentious, or you saw your mom being that way with her friends, or your dad. But it just, for me, my whole body shuts down when somebody is not unkind, or mean, or talks about other people.

I'm done, I'm out. I don't deal with that kind of stuff in relationships, and I know you don't either. She said that too in her like turnoffs, right? Like she doesn't like mal-intent, like she doesn't like someone who's, because it is ugly, it's unattractive. So unattractive.

For men and women. Like I just, when I see a, I could see a beautiful woman. And if she starts to act like that, if she's mean to a waitress or whatever, I'm just like, peace out, no thank you, ew. Done. And you know they're gonna do that to you too.

If they're mean, they're talking about their friends, they're talking about their whatever, like they're angry. I think there's always like two kinds of people. There's probably more, but in this category, I feel like there's the people who maybe are more hard on themselves and they work on themselves and they sort of are more inward, but they're more kind to others.

And there's people who I think, this is not so black and white, but they haven't done a lot of work on themselves, and which meaning like they're not really that aware of their challenges, and so they constantly are criticizing other people around them, or maybe they make themselves a victim, which is just another protection layer

from not having actually having to look at themselves and the work they have to do to grow. I like that. Yeah. That was awesome. I've loved, I love this whole episode and I'm excited for both parts. Yeah, thank you so much, Balguni. This was fun, Emily.

See you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok,

Twitter, or X, and Facebook. It's all at Sex with Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on SexWithEmily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739 or just go to sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at sexwithemily.com.