Sex With Emily - Red Flags & Therapy w/ the Stallone Sisters

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

I’m joined by the hosts of the Unwaxed podcast, Sophia and Sistine Stallone. Find out what really happens on the dating apps, how to spot red flags and why a bad first kiss doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. I encourage them to make time for masturbation and we discuss if watching porn is considered cheating. I also take your calls and answer a bunch of your questions. I cover prostate play, adult virginity, partner toys and what to do when your partner takes too long to orgasm. In this episode, you’ll learn: The secret to turning a bad kisser into your perfect match. How to unlock your sexual confidence through self-exploration. Game-changing tips to get what you want in the bedroom—without the awkwardness. Show Notes: More Sophia & Sistine Stallone: Unwaxed w/ Sophia & Sistine Stallone | Unwaxed Instagram | Unwaxed YouTube  | Sophia Stallone Instagram  | Sistine Stallone Instagram  Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. Yes! No! Maybe? List & Other Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.  SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website  Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube Let’s text: Sign up here Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com

People can actually improve upon kissing and they might be kissing you like how they kiss their last girlfriend and their last girlfriend wanted a lot of tongue and some weird swirly things that you don't want. Oh, I never thought of that. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Today, I'm joined by hosts of the Unwaxed podcast,

Sophia and Sistine Stallone. We talk about how to get the most out of dating apps, how to spot red flags, what to do after a bad first kiss. Because they happen. They also asked me for my top masturbation techniques if I believe porn watching is cheating. Also on the show, my inbox, I get so many questions from you, either through Instagram, which is SexWithEmily, or you email me, feedback at SexWithEmily.com. And I was like, I want to get to all of you, I do.

And just so you know, we are working towards that. We will be able to get to so many more of you. Please rate and review Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. Subscribe wherever you're listening, that really helps us. It just helps get the show out to more people and help everyone, people just like you. And you can find me at all social media,

Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, threads, X. It's all at Sex with Emily. Be sure to check out my new article, How to Sex Detox on our website, sexwithemily.com. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode. Let's get real. It's 2025 and we're all about leveling up. Let's get real. It's 2025 and we're all about leveling up. So why leave any part of your self-care routine behind?

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Sophia and Sistine Stallone. Hi ladies. Thanks for being here. Hi. Thank you so Thanks for being here. Hi. Thank you so much for having us on. You joined the podcast world and your sisters doing a podcast and you're living together. Well, we're 24-7 on top of each other. Not like we couldn't live more close with each other. Now we're going to work together. Yeah, it's great. It's going great.

I know you said you listened to my podcast before. What's the sex like? What's going on? Nothing. But I was saying this to Steen. I was like, the one thing I want to know from Emily is like the basics. I feel like everyone forgets how do we flirt? How do we make the first move?

Kissing tips? I feel like- Or how do we even initiate the kiss? Like what do you do when someone's a horrible kisser? Like do you X them out? That's a great question. No, let me tell you about that. We could start with kissing.

Because let me tell you this, is that dating is a muscle, flirting is a muscle, sex is literally a muscle. And if we've gone months and months without that, it is awkward at first to be on a date and you're like, oh, I'm just used to being home with my sister and my sweats and now I'm with a guy. How do you flirt again? So, you know what's so funny? I always get that asked this. I used to believe that if someone's a bad kisser, it was like grounds for dismissal

because you're like, well, clearly. That's what I do. Okay. Let me give you another way to reframe this. People can actually improve upon kissing and they might be kissing you like how they kiss their last girlfriend and their last girlfriend wanted a lot of tongue and some weird swirly things that you don't want. Oh, I never thought of that.

Yeah. So what you could say to them is like, let me show you, this is a little trick, like, I want to show you how I want to be kissed, and then show me how you want to be kissed. And then, like, if you get into a relationship with them, then you like work it out, and then couples are like, oh, it's like dancing. And then it becomes like am a relationship with them, then you work it out and then couples are like, oh, it's like dancing.

And then it becomes amalgamation of both your kisses. So it's a deal breaker. I like should not good kissers into good kissers. They're just nervous the first time. Yeah. But okay, so do you have any go-to moves yourself? Is there any like, yeah, like any sensitive spots or like, do you have like a move that you always use it like guys?

Yeah, give me some new moves. I need something. I'm excited for like a fight. I love this. And people are like, I don't, I need more. I feel like I don't have enough ammo. God, we have so many erogenous zones on our body and not just like the ones that you think about like our breasts and our, you know, penis, vagina, but our, our neck, like the

nape of our neck and our ears and our lips. So I think sometimes we get, just get into the kiss and you want to make sure it's fun to bite their lip and like blow in their ear and kiss their neck and use your hands, right? Kissing is about your hands. So you're not just getting into, getting turned on. You're making me miss kissing right now. I haven't been with a guy in like months. No.

Dang it. Well, tell me then, I want to know from you guys, what was a bad kiss? What happened? This guy was chewing on my lips like chewing gum. And I had, remember I came with purple and blue. I was bruised. It looked like I got insane filler. Was he hungry? That's bizarre.

I don't know. We just ate. So I was confused. It was terrible. And mine felt like he was blending a smoothie in my mouth. It was like sloppy. Like the tongue was going like around and around. When you have to wipe your mouth after a kiss, I think that's a bad kiss. You know, it's like they forget that it should go into like a progression, like tease a bit and then use the tongue and then go back to it. Well, I love that you said that because let me tell you this, the best everything, whether

you're going down on someone or you're kissing them, is the tease. You start slow. You kiss them, you pull away, you kiss their ear, you bite their lip a little bit, you don't eat their lip. So you can also set the pace too if you you find that someone it's okay to in your most seductive way would just be like, hey, like, hey, let's just slow down. I want to enjoy this. I've been thinking about this or however you would say it in your language.

And then I used to let the guy set the pace for everything because I just, first off, I didn't know. I thought that that's what it was about. That if he had pleasure or I was following along, then it was like, I was a good partner, I was good in bed, I was good at everything. And then I realized that they don't know either, like the dudes don't know. And so-

No, they really don't. No, right? They don't. Did you guys ever think that? Did you think that guys would just kind of know what made you feel good or that, you know, like- Oh yeah. Totally.

Well, because I feel like the biggest problem was like, we didn't know what made us feel good ourselves. And so you put a lot of pressure on the guy. You have to figure it out or like how am I supposed to figure it out? I think you have to figure out yourself first before you can even ask. Yeah. But then, and then sometimes you're like, oh, they should have known to, to tease or they should have known to, you know, do foreplay and all this stuff, things that you already know so then you automatically judge them like a bad kiss.

Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm telling you, they do not know. And not only don't the guys your age know, guys in their 30s and 40s and 50s, many of them do not know. I thought that you'd get out of the zone, you'd be like, okay, well, at least now someone knows in their 30s or they've been married for 10 years and they... Right. Most people have never thought that's right. So how, Emily, I have a question. at least now, you know, someone knows in their 30s, or they've been married for 10 years and they, nope.

Most people have never thought that's right. So how, Emily, I have a question. So that's how do you drop a hint? I've done this with my ex before and he didn't know how to do something and I didn't know how to straight up just tell him what I wanted. So I put on a movie that actually there was a scene

that instructed exactly what to do, with like Jason Sudeikis explaining it. How do you drop a hit without having to... Without having to like pull out the movie, you're like, wait a minute, I've got it. Come here, we're going to play this movie. It's an art because a lot of times we just, we don't say anything or we say it in a way that's like annoying,

like, could you just learn this already? Or why don't you ever go down to me? So the art to it is casually, when you're chilling and hanging out, when you're not in the bedroom, because having a sex conversation in the bedroom most often doesn't work. Because when you're turned on and aroused,

or like if you have an erection, you're like not in your mind, you're like in another place, because you literally have hormones and things that are raging. So you might be more enraged by something, you might interpret it differently. So when you're hanging out and it's casual and you're having a drink, you'd be like, oh, I want to, I can't stop thinking, you know, again in your own words, but the tone is casual and curious.

So I was thinking about, you know, last night, you know, that was hot when something's good. You have to need something good. Like when you... That was a hot make out. Like I love, we were so turned on when we were making out. Like I was thinking about that this morning. And I've been figuring out my own body and what feels good. And I've been like, I have something that I've learned about my body and I want to show you. Here's what feels the best to me. And again, it's like a compliment sandwich.

It's a sexual compliment sandwich. This is what I And again, it's like a compliment sandwich. It's a sexual compliment sandwich. This is what I always say, it's the sexual compliment sandwich. So you say to them, here's a good thing, here's something I love, here's what I need. Like, here's what would be great. And then you wrap it up with, yeah, and so I think it'd be really hot and I'd love you to tell me, what do you want? Like, I want to learn from you. Right. Now, this is also something that we have to practice because you probably haven't had

those kinds of conversations with any guys you've dated. Most people haven't. I think I just get too nervous. I'm pretty vocal about it. The difference is Sophia has long-term relationships whereas mine are like one month to three months and then they just never really stick. Well, it kills all the other. It's harder in shorter term relationships. I mean, it shouldn't be.

My goal is that if you're having sex with someone, talk about it. Be the woman that teaches them that this is what it's all about. Because there's a movement now. And we should lead with the pleasure, because I'm telling you, they've been watching porn. There's no conversations about what people are into. It's made by men for men. And that's how most guys in your generation have learned about sex.

So no woman's ever talked to them about it. I guarantee it. And then you're afraid about it because you're like, I've never seen this before. So if you start with like, this is how it's done, like she comes first. This is what I need. This is what I like. And you do it earlier, even with the guys that you're like, I don't know if I'm really that into them, practice. You know what they always say, take every job interview,

even if you don't want the jobs, you can practice. Practice makes perfect. Yeah, exactly. Just tell them, you're a job interview, I'm just trying to get to the bigger picture. Exactly. You're just like a second, yeah. Practice talking about your sex life,

but I really feel like we get all these calls from people all ages who are like, how do I ask for what I want? What do I do about toys? I want to ask you guys that what is toys like with your age group, your generation? Are people like using toys? Are they into it? It's so interesting because most of my friends don't and they don't, I mean, I'm still shy about it. Like I still don't even know what I'm doing really, but all of them say, all my girlfriends, absolutely not. We don't touch a vibrator. It freaks them out. They say it's

intimidating. Yeah. None of my friends use it. And I actually started in the beginning before even like considering using it. I would buy it for all my girlfriends as gifts for their birthdays or Christmas or just something just because. And I would say, Oh, it's a gag gift. Like as a joke. But really they all end up texting me like two months later going, thank you so much. It was sitting in my corner and I just kept having it stare at me. And I, and it's kind of funny now all my girlfriends use it. Do you talk to your friends about masturbation?

Like do you guys have orgasms? Do you have pleasure? Yeah, well, it's so strange. I think it's just my girlfriends are very uncomfortable about talking about it. And it's weird because I'm an open book with them, but I'm not going to, you know, spill on my beans if they're just going to sit there in silence. But it's funny, I'll just bring up a thing. I'll be like, oh, yeah, like, when was the last time like you had sex?

Like a general thing. Right. It becomes like the topic of conversation over dinner for like hours and hours. And everyone loves to contribute. And it's I think that was like the fact that conversation over dinner for like hours and hours and everyone loves to contribute. I think that was like the fact that I really need to see that open about talking about it, especially with each other, was having one another. Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Some people still think it's really awkward to talk to your sisters about it or even your

family, but I think that we are having said there's really no sex education in schools right now. And mostly when it does have sex education, it's like, don't get pregnant, don't get an STD. But we never talk about pleasure and your clitoris and your body parts. None of that. Nothing. So what about like, what about you have a younger sister too? Help her.

Yeah, I mean, we try, we always try to do it what we kind of learned at that moment, like what we felt like we, she needed to know at the time. When she ever has conversations that she wants to bring up to us or like topics, we're more than happy to explain it to her. But she's lucky. She's got two sisters. Yeah. But I'm the oldest. I had to figure it out on my own. I have no idea what I'm doing. There's still stuff to figure out, you know, I think you're never really done with it. You're never done learning. If people choose to be on a journey to understand their bodies and what makes them feel good,

because that's what I want for you. And I want that for all humans and definitely like women in their 20s, that it's the time, I wish I knew. So how can I help you? I know you're not having sex now, but this is a great time to prepare for it when it happens, because it's gonna happen.

Right, yeah. I find it hard to sort of get in the mood time to prepare for it when it happens because it's going to happen. Right. Yeah. I find it hard to sort of get in the mood when I don't have a significant other with me. What are some ways to sort of like jumpstart that engine? Make time for it and say, you know, you make time to like work out or to meditate. It's like, this is my time.

I'm going to have my own. I know you guys live together, but maybe you could each go into your separate rooms and have time. But you know, I mean, I know you guys live together, but maybe you could each go into your separate rooms and have time. But you, I mean, it brings me like, you need to be around my door's locked. I can't even picture this one. Like, Sophia, I need my time. You need to leave the room.

I would die. This is what I'm saying. It's hard because you're like, people, my parents could come home, or my sisters, or my roommate. But what gets me in the mood mostly is when I'm, I work a lot. I know you guys, I was listening to your show too. Like,'re workaholics, you work hard, you're anxiety, people are having anxiety more than ever now.

When we're anxious and stressed and busy, we're not going to get turned on. So it's almost like keeping sex top of mind, we have to keep our own pilot light lit. So making the intention that like, I'm going to make my sex practice part of my like practice. Because the more you get to know your body and all that, you're gonna, you're gonna just be more in the mood for sex, the more you masturbate, the more orgasms you have, you're also learning about your own body. So for me, I just start to like, I have my toys out, right? Like my toys out of my nightstand, like I'm thinking about it, right? I also make sure that I... I have

a steam shower, right? That's been a game changer. I never used to have time to use my steam shower because I was working all the time. Now I'm like, and you may have a bath. For many women, that's it. It's not just... People think you take a bath and it's like, oh, it's self-care. No, it actually calms your nervous system. If you're anxious and stressed, you get into a warm bath even for 10 minutes, you're like, ah, and then you're in there and you're breathing because it's our breath that keeps us from not being connected. And I go in now and I know it's like part of it. Like I go in the shower, I breathe, I come out and I'll just like listen to like an audio erotica app. There's these really cool because for me, I'm not a huge fan of

some porn I am. But I was going to say, yeah. Ethical porn, like I love Erika Lustmix porn that's by women, foreign women. So a lot of porn is like made by men from the male gaze, and it's not actually anything that turns us on. So I don't know, like it's really just like thinking thoughts that turn you on and then just start to experiment, touch like use lube lube is like a game-changer Is not only like it gets you in the mood because it's slippery and it feels good You start to rub it on yourself the friction like on your clitoris that that'll get it going and use a toy and just start

Breathing and give yourself time. It's a multi sensory experience Like planning a date for yourself lighting your favorite vanilla candle Like so your senses are going your favorite playlist So you need to sort of get all of your ducks in a line and then okay then the magic happens I have a lot of porn related questions because you're wrong. Okay I guess I'll start with the first one a lot of my girlfriends Don't let their boyfriends watch porn because they consider it cheating which I think is Like, I think that's insane because this girl on the screen looks nothing like you. I mean, do you, what do you think about that? Yeah. Well, I think that it's really common that

a lot of women think that. I love that you're bringing it up because listen, people are going to masturbate in a relationship, out of a relationship. It's the most natural thing in the world for, we all accept men watching porn. And I understand that, but just because I understand the jealousy, because for a lot of women it's like, oh, I assume that I want to look like that. He wants me to look like this girl in porn and I don't. But I just say, take all that energy of obsessing that it's cheating and go back to like, well, you deserve pleasure as well.

You go home and get your masturbation on or go find out what turns you on. But it's not cheating. It's a release. Men do it in relationships. They do it out of relationships. And that's why I said my revolution that we're all starting here, the pleasure revolution, that women, the more that we could just stop worrying about that and understand that it's a release, it's pleasure, you're understanding yourself. Yeah. It's just a feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Because that's what you talk about.. Yeah, it's just a feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Is that what you're talking about?

Okay, I have another question for you. Yes. I got another one. I got a bag full of tricks here. Most of my girlfriends, and I know Safiya can attest to this, don't enjoy male-female porn. They're all straight females, but they do enjoy two women's lesbian porn. Yes, two women.

Yes, very common. Why is this such a popular thing amongst straight women? Yeah, it's really, I would say that's the most common type of porn for women. It's because it's about our pleasure. It's with a partner who knows your body. So you're watching a woman in ecstasy being pleased by another woman. That's what we all want. Not necessarily the woman, but we want a part.

If you're with a man, we want them to be like ravishing us and into us and know what we want. And we don't have to be awkward or weird and like ask for it. They just, it's, I think it's beautiful. We all kind of agree that women's bodies, many, you know, it's amazing to watch, but it's relatable. It's not threatening. We don't have to be like, it's another job.

I should be giving a blow job right now. So to this active receiving and ecstasy. Yeah. Right. I mean, that's, oh, that's okay. I never thought about it that way. That's yeah. Okay. Yeah. So they would always bring that up to us and we're like, oh, okay. Like that makes sense. Is that what you guys like? Is that what you guys like? I don't watch. I don't watch porn. It just, it's too, I don't know. I just don't, it doesn't do it for me. It doesn't do it for me. Maybe I haven't explored anything. I think I need to explore more options. Yes, try this Ann Jane app. There's also one called Try Quinn, Q-U-I-N-N. And you go to these apps. It's actually, Try Quinn isn't an app yet. Ann Jane is an app. And it's like,

they have like woman on woman scenes, they have women and they're like reading like a 10 minute story or there's like a guy reading a story and you just are listening because I don't know why you... Stories, how does that work with stories? How does that work? You listen to like, so be like, oh, so I came home from work and I was waiting for my boyfriend to come over

and then, you know, I just took a bath and I got out of the shower and he came in and I was so you know he came in and he just said you know lay down I want to give you a massage and you know you just hear them tell a story like that like an erotic story. So you use your imagination. Yeah and you just lay back because I think it's really sexy to hear someone else just talk about that also gets me in the mood. You guys, thank you for being here. Sophia and Sistine Salon, where can they find you?

Everybody, tell them. You can... Sophia Salon, Sistine Salon on Instagram. On Instagram, Twitter, all the platforms, at Unwaxed Podcast. Emily, thank you so much for having us. Thank you for being here. Stick around. After the break, I talked to Sherry, whose partner takes a long time to reach orgasm.

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That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash Emily, zockdoc.com slash Emily. Let's talk to Sherry 58 in California. Hi Sherry, what's going on? Hi, yeah. Hi Emily. Hi. Sherry58 in California. Hi Sherry, what's going on? Hi Emily. I started dating someone recently and we've had sex a few times but when he first started he couldn't have an orgasm. He said well he hasn't had sex for a while so maybe that's the reason. So we keep trying and he still hasn't. I'm giving him blowjobs

like crazy and nothing's happening and he won't give me any feedback about what I'm doing wrong. I never experienced this with anyone else. So I know it's not my technique. At least normally. Okay? But I asked you if it won't take, you gotta tell me what I'm doing. I'm down here for like a half an hour, 45 minutes.

Then like, it's like quiet as a church mouse. It's a grind. It's a grind. Sherri, it sounds to me like he's like quiet as a church mouth. It's like, what's going on? It's a grind. It's a grind. Sherri, it sounds to me like he's a delayed ejaculator. That's why the blowjob gets a bad name, gets a bad rap. Cause you're like, this is a fucking job. Sherri, I bet you he's a delayed ejaculator. And that means that that's a condition that men have.

It's like premature ejaculation. This is the other side of it where you actually, and it's for men who last typically, I don't like to put time around it, but it is about 30 minutes to an hour. They just really cannot ejaculate and delayed ejaculation There's a lot of different causes for it. We don't know exactly a lot of things It's mental it it could be something physical But it's actually one of these conditions and it's very common for men. Actually I hear about delayed ejaculation

Yeah, it's pretty common. I was with a guy once too, Sherry, same thing. And I was like, what is the problem? I'm really good at oral. I know what I'm doing. Am I not? What happened? And I come to find out that like this was something that he's like, oh no, it happens, whatever. And then my friend happened to date and just remembering this now, my friend had dated him like two years earlier. And one time I was like, what's the deal with Bob? I'll call him Bob and she was like, oh my God, he never comes.

But see, but that's what it is, so Sheri, yes, so I would say to him, so is this something that's, you know, I'm curious, so tell me, has this been something that happens to you often? Because it's really, Sheri, we all worry when our partner has an orgasm, it's our fault, and typically it's not. Unless you're actively not trying, youry, we all worry when our partner has an orgasm, it's our fault, and typically it's not.

Unless you're actively not trying, you know, to satisfy your partner. No, I'm trying. Okay. Right. I hear you. I hear you. I'm exhausted for you. 45-minute blowjob.

You got a nap. You know, you need to take the day off work. That's a lot. A lot. So, I mean, Sherry, this is- Wait, you know, he did mention to me that he said said it's happened before, but like we've been trying this for like a couple of months now and nothing has happened. Not on an everyday basis, but you know, once or twice a week or whatever, you know, on

a regular basis and nothing's happened. Does the orgasm during intercourse, during penetration? No, no. Oh, none of it. You haven't seen a drop. No, not, no, not of it. You haven't seen a drop. No, not with me. He told me he said he's masturbating his orgasm Yeah, masturbation But not with me that well, it could be also

It's not your fault. I would Sherry but I am telling you you have the doctors certified It's not your fault seal of approval here. It's not your fault seal approval here it's not your fault and nothing to do with you and he's a delayed ejaculated now you could if you're in the sky try a vibrator on his penis try maybe he's in the prostate play you'll get a cock ring that vibrates i have to like what what what you've been applied about like we can try i'm pretty open like i wanted to i a m you know

anybody about like we can try. I'm pretty open like I'm willing to try anything you know. And he wouldn't even tell me. He said to try. What am I going to do to you? Yeah I know. I think that he doesn't have the experience. I really like him. I know. Well you know Sherry this is why I'm here. This is why I have a job. Most people have never talked about it. Whether you're 58 or 18 nobody ever talks about it. So he's probably had and I'm going to be honest is he in his 50s as well? He's probably had this for his lifetime. And I'm going to imagine, 51, yeah, I'm going to imagine that he's never talked about it to anybody and that it's always been a source of shame for him.

And he doesn't know what he likes because he hasn't maybe had healthy sex relationships because it's always so much stress for him because he can't come. Well, I know he has two children. He's come twice. He's definitely exactly twice. I don't mean that, but I mean like he doesn't mean yes. I mean he's probably has, I don't mean that he's never come, but I think that this problem maybe since his divorce or since he's been with someone or maybe his wife was used to it. Maybe it was an onset when in his 30s or 40s. But it is an issue. I mean, it could also be other health problems. He could be taking medication right now that could impact it. There are some things that could impact it. Like if he's on an antidepressant, I would get more information.

No, he's not. He's not on any medication. This is like, we've never, he's never ejaculated. We've been together. We've been together, I know, at least has sex at least 10 or 15 times maybe. Oh that's a lot of times. How about for you? Are you having orgasms and pleasure? Yeah it will go down on me and it's very loving and you know attentive but like I feel like I'm I totally feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't want to say wasting my time, but I'm not using my time productively. Yes, the 45-minute blowjob to somebody who does not ejaculate from oral, I would say also not efficient. However, is he having a good time? I'm not really sure because he's not verbal.

Let me tell you, when we do have sex, he's so quiet. That is so hard. I hate when someone does that. Yeah, that's tough. Okay, well we have now we have a whole we have some things to discuss the next time you see them. You could say I want to talk about our sex. Yeah, I don't have any I don't have any clues, you know, nonverbal clues that you got to tell him you got to say to him. Right. Yeah, I've asked you., well tell me what to do.

Tell me how you like it, what you want. And he's coming a little bit, but it's not like enough. And I can't pull it out of him. I'm trying to pull it out of him, but I don't wanna make him feel bad either, you know? Yeah, I think that another way to approach it was to say, hey, when you guys are hanging out and it's casual and you're having dinner,

not when you're in the bedroom. Remember timing, turf and tone, not in the bedroom, outside the bedroom, very casual. So you know, I've been thinking about our sex life and I want you to know it's all good. I know that if you don't ejaculate, it's still a good time for you. But I just have some more questions for you because I can't help get out of my head that there's something else I could be doing. And I would just love to know more about this because if you tell me that it's totally that I'm not, maybe because you could say maybe you're feeling like I'm pressuring you, but if you actually are telling me that it's, let me know if there's something else I could

be doing. And if not, I'm just going to assume that we're good. Make it casual. Let's just say, let me know. Maybe he's nervous the way you brought it up because it makes him feel more anxious that he's... Because he probably knows that he disappoints women when he has an orgasm. So let's just say the next case scenario is that he says to you, yeah, you know what? I actually got to be honest with you.

This has been the case for many, many years and I actually just love watching you come. It still feels amazing to me. I'm not as attached to ejaculation. I love this relationship. Then could you just say, let it go maybe and be like, okay, he's not going to come, I'm not as attached to ejaculation, I love this relationship, then could you just say, let it go maybe and be like, okay, he's not going to come, but I am and it's fine. It gets you kind of rubled. You're right.

I want, yeah. Okay. But if you can make peace with it and you get more information that this is just where he's at at this point in his life, and you could still be with him knowing that that's just going to have to be the next decision. But let's get some more information from him get a little bit more details and then decide but it's gonna be a new thing you know you're gonna have to think about yeah let me know I'll be here talk to him can

we do what happens thank you bye Sherry let's talk to Mary Kate 24 in San Francisco. Hi Mary Kate thanks for calling. Hi Emily. Hi. Great to be heard. I definitely wanted your input on something. So I just recently moved to San Francisco from Southern Illinois and due to moving I broke up with my boyfriend. So my issue is I'm trying to like be young and fun. I'm 24, I'm trying to get back into the dating world and it feels so forced. And when it comes to like any sexual attraction, these guys that I talk to, they're like nice

and they're cool, but the only time I've felt sexual gratification is like when I'm thinking about my ex. Yeah, Mary-Kate, well, that sounds like exactly the condition that happens when you're used to being with one person for a long time, and now you're in a new city and you're in a new place, so everything's exciting and new, but yet you have that, it's like, it's intimacy,

it's familiarity, it's, so that's not so much that you have to be with your ex again. It's more like having new experiences. And I think you're doing all the things that you need to do. It's just gonna take a matter of meeting somebody else to replace that thought. But also it's like your condition now, like how long were you with your ex boyfriend?

So I, we had kind of a complicated relationship, but I was also only with him for about, you know, the starting the end of last year. So this is about the time we got together. Got it. It was honestly my first, my first like real relationship. And I definitely felt like that intimacy with him. And you know, I, I meet guys out here, they're nice. We get along really well. I have great conversations. I even tried to date a guy for about three

months, but he even noticed like, he was like, you're not into PDA, you're so standoffish. And it's because I really just can't picture or like get myself to sexually desire anybody else. Okay. And are you still talking to your ex? Is he still present in your life? So we kind of chat off and on. We kind of move. Well, I mean, we broke up due to me moving. Okay. So we still are like friends and we've tried to move it into kind of a friend relationship. So we still talk on and off sometimes, but I probably haven't spoken to him in the last couple of weeks.

Okay, because I think the sooner you can get away from that, I get that he's a comfort, you know, to you, but I think it's really hard to move on when you're still talking to your ex. But I would also say give it time. I mean, you just when did you move there? You just moved a few months ago. Yeah, yeah, I just moved at the end of July kind of on, you know, on a whim. I'd never lived in the city before, but some recommendations for some good friends, it

just seemed like I needed a change. So what a great place though. I mean, first off, I mean, you sound like me because I moved there when I was 22 from Michigan and I didn't know anybody and I moved there in September. Yeah, that was my place and it was so exciting. But it took me a while to find my people, to find a boyfriend, to find... I had a boyfriend from college I was still talking to. And so I think it's a process. So it's like having patience with yourself

and knowing that it's not a problem. It's just sort of a condition you have. He's the last person you associated with intimacy and romance and you probably felt safe with him. So now you're with someone new and you're thinking, well, I don't want to hold your hand. I barely know this hand. And so you don't have the emotional connection yet. And I promise you, Mary Kate, it is going to happen.

If I thought of myself with that college boyfriend still, God, are we different people? But we tend to get just attached to what we have in the past. So the other thing I would say that would be helpful in the meantime is first, take the pressure off yourself. I love that you're dating. I love that you're just going out there and meeting people, but it's okay if you're not feeling that yet. But also I want to say, how's your own intimacy game?

Are you giving yourself some self-love? Are you masturbating? Are you having other, are you in a sexual place at all with yourself? Because then you're also linking that up to the ex. He has that power over you. Yeah. And that's definitely something I've kind of come across when it comes to like my own personal pleasure and things like that. I really can't focus on anything because I mean, like I was in the game. I was dating other people. I was like casually dating and casually having sex, you know, like when I was in the game, I was dating other people, I was like casually dating and casually having sex,

you know, like when I was younger in college, and then this was my first real relationship. So I've definitely had that, but I have no desire really to hook up with anybody. And I even like sexually myself, I'm either like not interested, not interested in masturbation, or it is all mentally focused on him or memories with him.

But see, Jeff, this is exactly your 24 years old, your experiences with sexual, there's a little bit limited right now, because that's what you've had. And it's a, you know, I had my greatest first love, you know, when I moved to San Francisco at 20, you know, 23, I think we met, like we get linked. It's a new experience.

So it can be even more powerful, the relationships we have in our, you know, earlier, like in our twenties. So I think for you that I'm gonna give you an assignment because it's kind of like with masturbation and it's a new practice as well. But the more you can just do it and be more mindful of it and pay attention to like what you're feeling in the moment,

you could think about how it, like explore your body with your fingers, using a toy. And like really, if you focus on your breath and what it feels like to touch yourself, you can kind of stay focused in that moment. If your mind starts wandering to your ex, you could just try to bring it back to sensations because that's what's going to allow you to figure out what feels good to you. Turn yourself on. I hate to say that masturbation becomes like exercising, but it is because I don't know

if you work out, but sometimes it's really easy and sometimes when you take a break, it's not. But once you start doing again, you always feel better after. The same thing goes for masturbation. So like a mindful masturbation practice where you're just like, okay, Emily says to do this, I want to keep going. And then have an orgasm and feel that in your body and like start to focus on that and not beat yourself up if you're thinking about your boyfriend. But maybe you could even replace it with someone you went on a date with that you weren't that into.

See, that's the thing. It's that you can't picture the intimate. You might have liked one of these guys or maybe you could have, but it was not familiar. So could you try to just, if you keep going towards your boyfriend, maybe just picture one of these guys that you're not going to be with a picture of their face instead or a celebrity crush. This is, you have my permission to do this just to replace it. So your intimacy and your sex life isn't tied to the ex still. And again, it still might be. It still might be for a little bit. Because I know when I'm in a good practice, I'm walking around, I'm feeling much more turned on, much more sexual. But when I go weeks without masturbating and touching my, I'm like, oh God, I'm dead inside. I don't want to do it. I'm tired, you know? So it's just, I'm just reminding you of little steps

you could take and then also not be hard on yourself because he's someone you loved and it only ended because you moved. So it's not like he was an asshole or anything. It's harder to hate the nice ones, but yeah, I think that could definitely be something I could kind of try, you know, move things from ex-boyfriend to more so like George Clooney or Brad Pitt.

Exactly. Brad Pitt, George Clooney works every time. Sure. Okay, well, yeah, definitely think I'll, you know, maybe focus on myself a little bit more and being more in charge of like my pleasure as opposed to like thinking about somebody who used to be in charge of this for me. Exactly. That's it. And then you're going gonna feel when you're with someone new, you're gonna know, you're gonna feel like, oh hello body, like you're already gonna be in your groove. And then it'll be, you'll be more open, your sexual energy will be more open to actually find the person that you're attracted to, who gets lucky

enough to be with you. That's, we have some stuff, it's true, it's true, I mean it. Mary Kate, you in San Francisco. I wish I could go back and live that right now. It's a wonderful city to move to. And so I would also say we've got a lot of great stuff at SexWithEmily.com, like, you know, beginner masturbation or mindful masturbation practices just to give you a, just to give you a little push.

So let me know how it goes. Oh my God, well, thank you so much. We appreciate it. Always been a big fan of you. So finally I got to call it and speak with you. I love it. Thank you so much. Call anytime. Yeah.

I'll be here for you, Mary Kate. I'll be thinking about you there. Thanks for calling. Appreciate you. Have a great night. Super excited. Dr. Deborah, 56 in Massachusetts. Hi, Deborah.

Thanks for calling. Hi, Emily. How are you doing? I'm so doing well. I'm excited doing well. I'm excited for your call. Tell me everything, how can I help? Well, my husband and I, Bob, and he's here with me,

and we have you on speaker. Hi, Deborah and Bob. We have been listening to you for the last couple of years. We've been together for 33 years and married for 31 and we're experimenting with some of the things you've suggested. Right now I'm interested in exploring prostate play and we haven't done any of that and I'm wondering if you can make some suggestions on how to get started. Yes such a great question. Now wait you're interested Deborah is is Bob

interested? Yes he is. Okay I love I love when you guys are calling in together. So what we're talking about is the prostate just for everyone listening. Men have a prostate inside of them and the anus I'm sure you all know this but it can also give you intense pleasure and there's a lot of stigma around it, right? You've heard like, oh, does it mean that I'm gay or it's only for exiting? No, it just means you have part of your body that can feel amazing when you stimulate it. So a great way to start is just to start with some external. Have you ever done any external touching, Deborah? Like with your finger and some lube just externally just so you can get used to

what it feels like to have some stimulation? Well we've done some of that and we've got some anal plugs that we've played with. Great. I don't have long nails but I have short nails and he worries about my fingernails. Yeah, that's a thing. You could wear a glove. The thing is the nails, it's very thin tissue internally. So, you can, even if you have short nails, it could still, they have to be really short. I always tell people before you're going to do it, for men, trim your nails, make sure that they're clean, all that stuff. But

if you have even have a little bit of nail, you know, you could also put cotton, if they're short, they're okay, but you could also put little cotton balls at the end of gloves too. Like if they're little, for people with longer nails, so the nails don't poke through the gloves. Yeah, that's cool. So I recommend that, you know, use a glove and then really you just, now do you want to start with your fingers or do you want to use a toy, Deborah? Bob, what are you thinking? Well, actually we ordered a toy. It hasn't arrived yet. Okay. But we used,

what's her store? We've used your store. On my website? Yes, and we ordered a toy but it hasn't arrived yet. Okay, perfect. So let's get you started then. So what you do is you insert a finger, you know, it could be your middle finger or a finger finger, the pointer finger. You just want to make sure that you know that Bob is relaxed and he's laying on his back and then you just you insert a finger, you know, you go slowly inside and you want to use your finger in like a come hither motion towards the belly button, much like how you would stimulate the G spot internally. So it's just sort of, and then when you're doing that, you'll find this spot, and it's like a rough area, kind of like a, like a peach pit.

And then you just want, you just want to start to tap it with a finger like it's a tapping, okay? And then Bob's going to be giving you feedback about how it feels. And it's really just, it's like a tapping or it's applying pressure with a finger. Like you're just sort of, you know, you could try going faster or a little bit slower, but it's kind of different for everybody. So you're using the, you know, it stroke too so you're not poking I'm trying I haven't described this in a while so you're stroking it right so once you find it with that come-hither motion it's like a really slow come-hither. A slow steady rhythmic come-hither where you're applying pressure. Okay. And and then you go slow and you could go slow or a little bit lighter, following Bob's

his response and how he's feeling. And then you could also try a tapping, the tapping like I said. And then just see how that goes and you want to make sure that you can also circle around with your finger. Much like how we all, I tell everyone to kind of figure out their G spot. We spend a lot of time talking about internal pleasure or the G area, as I call it. And then just kind of- Yeah, we spend a lot of time on that.

We just haven't done that with him. Exactly, Debra. Right. This is the same kind of thing. It didn't... The first time you were with Bob, Debra, I don't know if you just kind of found your spot. Oh, he found it. So it takes a little bit of time. He did.

That's why you've been together for so long. I love it. So really just like a constant pressure, your fingers inside, and then you just want to kind of take it out slowly. So you're not going in and out. I think that's another misperception that you're pulling your finger out and putting it back in. I mean unless he you know he's into it but I think it's more of a you know a come-hither a gentle little rubbing. Okay. Was that helpful? Okay. You want to make sure that you just are sticking to one thing. There's no place to get advice to get started. So I really appreciate this.

Of course. I'm here for you. Will you guys let me know how it goes? You know what? We will. Okay. I love it. I'll be here. Thank you.

It was lovely to talk to you guys. I love getting you off of this mission here. Thank you so much Dr. Emily. You're so welcome. Have a great night. Bye Deborah. Thanks for calling. And of course you need to use a lot of lube

and reapply as needed. And by the way, a lot of you took our survey. Thank you. But what I found you need to use a lot of lube and reapply as needed. And by the way, a lot of you took our survey, thank you, but what I found in it was that a lot of you aren't using lube and you just, you gotta use lube. Thanks everybody. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe and give us a review

wherever you listen to the podcast. And share this with a friend, or a friend you know, and we'll see you next time. Bye. That's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok,

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