Sex With Emily - Sex And Emily Pt. 1

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Buckle up: Today’s show is one you’ve all been waiting for…and spoiler alert, it’s all about me! I sat down with my good friend Falguni to flip the script and spill the tea on what sex with Emily is actually like (pun intended)! Tune in to hear me get up close and personal about my sexual journey, why I faked my orgasms until my 30s, and sex trends that I see making a comeback in the near future.  In this episode you’ll learn:   How I stopped having performative sex  How to push past the pleasure thieves for fulfilling sex  My go-to positions and products for the best orgasms Show Notes: Get your tickets HERE for Sex with Emily LIVE! SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | Twitter | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com.

Do you ever get tired of talking about sex? I've been asked that question a lot over the years and I was always like, no, I love talking about sex because I really do because I talk about sex because I like helping people with sex. And I know that every time I talk about sex, there is always somebody who has never heard anyone really talk about sex in a healthy way without blaming and shaming. And that every day people are starting on their sexual journey. So I know it's of service. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your

pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex. Well, today, today's exciting. I'll be kicking off a two-part podcast around sex and Emily. That's right, I'm talking about my sex life a bit and my learnings over the years. And you know, for a long time now you have sent in questions wanting answers about my own personal life and journey. And yes, I've shared information here and there, but it was never in a concentrated format. So today's show you'll hear about sex in my 20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond. The toy that changed my team's life, and which sex trend I wish would make a comeback, and so much more. My

deepest desire is to connect with you more this year personally and in person. And I'll be doing a lot more of that this year. I just had my first show in San Diego, which was a total success, so look for more. Oh, and if you stay tuned for both episodes, you'll see I really don't hold back. So Oh and if you stay tuned for both episodes you'll see I really don't hold back. So don't forget to stay tuned for part two of this podcast which will release next week while I'll be answering your questions. My new articles, six ways to use cannabis for sex, a guide, how to hand play like a pro, and six embarrassing sex questions you're afraid to ask but you did

anyway are all up on Sex with Emily.com. And please, please, please remember to rate and review the show wherever you listen. It really makes a difference to get this show out into more people's hands. Attention pleasure seekers, what if I told you there was a toy that was so iconic that it practically set the standard for all my favorite products? Allow me to introduce or reintroduce to you the Magic Wand. Dubbed the Cadillac of Vibrators, the Magic Wand is more than just a toy. It's a cultural icon, a symbol of power and unapologetic pleasure.

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all of them have the same powerful orgasmic rumble that made the original so popular. So if you're ready to make some magic, visit sexwithemily.com slash magic wand and discover why the magic wand continues to cast a spell on the world. Magic Wand, not just a vibrator, an icon of pleasure. Hey everyone, I'm so excited and to be honest I was a little nervous about today's episode

because I'm the one in the hot seat. But my dear friend and executive producer from Vice TV, Falguni Adams, doesn't let me off the hook. We have a raw conversation about my sex life, my daily routine, and all the things that heat me up. Emily, today is the day that everybody has been waiting for. We want to hear about your sex life. When we had like our Zoom, I was like, I bet you she's fun and bad. Yeah, I have to say,

because I don't take it so seriously. When I'm intimate, it's not like, okay, we're here to have sex, and this is what we have to do. It's like, let's just see how we're feeling together and what we want to do, what comes up for us. And it's all free flowing and talk about it. And that's the problem.

Anytime we take something too seriously, we focus on it too much, we set up taking the joy and the pleasure out of it, which is ironic because sex is supposed to be one of the most pleasurable things in the world. And then we kind of mess it up by obsessing about it, worrying about it, not understanding it, never taking the time to learn who we are as sexual beings. Probably getting in our head, right? Yeah, we get in our heads a lot.

I think that we cockblock ourselves throughout our lifetimes, because we are in our heads so much, worrying about everything. And anxiety and pleasure do not live in the same moment. They can't, because when you have a spike in cortisol, you can't actually allow arousal to move through your body. Have you always been this way about sex?

No. What started me on my journey, my sex journey, was that I wasn't this way about sex. I was in a very performative place and all the sex I was having was more about my partner's pleasure than my own and making sure that they felt good. I equated my partner having a good time with sex being great. After a while, I just got tired. I'm like, this seems very not equal. How do I make this so I should also be having fun?

I thought something was wrong with me though, so then there's shame. No, it wasn't this way. I think I covered it by being a performer and then I had shame that something's wrong with me because I wasn't able to have as much pleasure and I didn't really know what I was doing. So I had to go on the journey to learn. And that's when I started the podcast because I was looking for answers

and I really couldn't find any. So I thought I'm gonna talk to the people. I started talking to people about their sex life like what's really happening in the bedroom. So you're just like interviewing people. Yeah. Like, hey, talk to me about your- Yeah, that was my first podcast the first few years.

That's what inspired me to go back to grad school and get my doctorate in human sexuality. But the first three years or two years, I was just talking to people, experts that were available, you know, people who were like in open relationships or tantric experts or sex educators or people who like just doing alternative things sexually but also just real people like people who are in long-term relationships people

were dating what they thought a great sex so that I realized that so many people were looking for these answers and it just inspired me to make this my life mission. It's interesting that you just use the word inspired you because as you were talking I was thinking like I find it so inspiring that you're able to honestly like almost casually like someone will say oh Emily I'm having trouble in this and you'll be like okay so your pleasure you get from Clitoral and the way you say it it's just so many people are still so squeamish I mean including myself at times yeah yeah and honestly even just

being around you and hearing it each time I hear it, the more I just feel comfortable. I think that is inspiring. I think you're doing your life's mission in many ways, right? What, in your mind, in your sort of big picture goals of life, right? You've come so far.

You've done so much. And you've done the work. And I've heard people on your own podcast who are like, I've written this book and they've done the work and then they've written the book. What would be your like ideal in the next 10 years of how you want to see sex taken? I'd like sex to be considered as an overall part of wellness. That it can't be something that you put off to the side thinking that one day you're gonna figure it out and you're gonna get back to your sex life. I would love people to see how important it is to integrate it into your overall

wellness. That's number one. And number two is to learn to whatever you have to do to move through the shame or the stress or the trauma that's holding you back from having the sex life you want. Like put that on your list, make that a mission because those are the things that are blocking you. I call them the pleasure thieves. And then people just understanding that talking about sex is an important precursor to having sex. The best sex you're gonna have is when you feel safe

and comfortable talking about it, and knowing your body. I've been learning so much. Like, and that's what the exciting part of being around you, listening to you talk to other people. I like this whole connection. What got me was sex and creativity. We were talking about this yesterday.

And I didn't even realize that was something that's such a hot button topic for you. And I wanna learn more about that because there are so many creatives out there and sometimes we have blocks and sometimes we have writer's block or whatever block. Well it's all part of the same source like your you know if you want to call it your is it your sacral chakra where you have creativity and where you have like birth energy and where you have your sexual energy and it's all sort of in the

same place. So that creativity, sexuality, sensuality, expression, birthing a new creative idea, birthing a baby, it's all related to the same energy. So creativity and sexuality are part of the feminine energy and the flow and part of our, all of us, all of our essence. I think that they do serve each other. When you masturbate and you're more connected to yourself, you're really getting in touch with that sacred energy of sexuality that it does converge with creativity. If you cut one off, you're going to cut the other off. Do you ever get tired of talking about sex? I've been asked that question a lot over the years and I was always like, no, I love talking about sex because I really do because I talk about sex because I like helping people

with sex. And I know that every time I talk about sex, there's always somebody who has never heard anyone really talk about sex in a healthy way without blaming and shaming, and that every day people are starting on their sexual journey, so I know it's of service. But the way I'm talking about sex

and the things I'm talking about, I think as I'm heading into my 20th year of the podcast, there's going to be a shift and a transformation that's coming soon. What do you think, Pettie? I'm in the creative incubation process right now, so it's really hard to say, but a lot of my ideas are around real authenticity and sex.

Whatever it means, whatever it looks like for people, there's a lot of people giving tips and tricks and answering questions, but I think the authentic conversations about what our last time we had sex, like what did that actually look like? What do we really like? What don't we know?

Like real conversations with just real people and what's actually happening in their lives. And I've noticed that since the pandemic, people are really craving in-person interaction, as am I. Because really, after talking about sex in a podcast studio for just so long, I'm ready to take the show on the road, you know, to college campuses, comedy clubs,

eventually sell out stadiums, maybe the Sphere in Vegas. Have you guys been to the Sphere in Vegas with all the digital, it'd be like clitoris, vulva, penis, and people will just be sitting around wherever it is, it could be college campuses, and they are openly talking about sex. They're asking questions, we're having a good time, we're laughing, because another thing I figure out

is the best way people learn about sex is to ask questions and to listen to people's other questions and then the answers that follow. You know, I just find like people don't want to be lectured about sex. It's just so personal. So by providing more of like a live town hall meets comedy meets education, you know, that's part of the new idea I have. So more on that soon.

Well, I think you're starting it with yourself. I am. And I mean, I it's very rare that people do this. And so I'm really I admire you for for that because the reason why people want to know about your sex life and how you handle things or what you do or what your journey's been like is because you talk the talk and walk the walk, right? That's authenticity at its finest. What have been sort of your peaks and valleys? Of my sex life?

Yeah. Well well what else? What else? Anything like what? Peaks and valleys, I would say a peak was when I first started doing the show almost 20 years ago and it was like discovering this treasure box of wisdom and secrets and knowledge about my sexuality that I had kept hidden for so long but I also didn't even understand the possibility that lied there in that knowledge was so rich and so exciting. So that was a peak. So when I first

started, I went on this journey of like, you know, trying all the things. I would get all the toys sent to me and go to sex parties and practice talking about sex with my partners and practicing what I preach and being like, oh no, I'm not gonna fake it. Like I'm gonna ask for oral sex. I'm gonna tell my partner slow it down. So really when I was able to take charge of my own sexuality and realize that it was in my own hands, I think that was some great peaks. And then some valleys have come when I think when I'm really in a stressed place, even though I know what to do, it can be really hard to prioritize my own

sex life, even though I'm like, masturbate every day, do it in the shower, it's really easy. I've had times in my life where I do do that because I know it feels good, but then there's times where like I just, I can't settle into my body, it's really hard right now. But when I come out of that valley, I realize that, oh yeah, of course, masturbation and sexuality and touch and intimacy is one of those things that helps lift me out. Sex begets sex. So even though I might not want it at certain times,

I try to find other ways to get to it. And when I'm talking about sex, I don't just mean like penetration. I mean touch or intimacy or even orgasm without penetration. Just I try to be in touch with my sensuality. It's sort of like a yawn makes other people, it's contagious. I like that. It's like that contagious yawn of sex though. Right now you're saying sex and like everyone's going through sex right now. Going like rabbits. Oh and another valley to speak to my

earlier point is that during the pandemic I just felt more isolated and cut off from daily interactions like everybody did you know with work but I really felt it isolated and cut off from daily interactions like everybody did with work. But I really felt it from my listeners. I'd been doing this Sirius X Ebb show live. I really enjoyed the live callers and going into the studio. And it was just less inspiring to do it at home, which is why whenever I can talk to y'all in person or on the phone, it makes everything a lot more interesting and I think better for you too. You talk a lot about sexual positions and moments and techniques. Do you have a favorite? Oh must I choose? I honestly don't have a

favorite but I do like spooning position where you just kind of roll over. That's like the I'm just chilling position. You're cuddling if you're watching Netflix or something and then you can just sort of have sex. You be like, I'm a little spoon. Partner's a big spoon. That's just like a surprise one that I always like because then I have access to stimulate myself, my partner. Like I can do it. I like missionary and I like being on top. Is there a toy or lube that you often like to bring out of your sex arsenal? I would say my go-to is always the Magic Wand Mini. It's always been the Magic Wand for years, but now they have the Mini, which I love so

much because it's a great wand-style vibrator. It just has great pressure sensations. It's like the sure thing. Everyone's going to feel good with it. And I also love the Jeju Mimi. It's a little clitoral vibe that fits in the palm of your hand. It's M.I.M.I. And I love the WeVibe Melt is a suction vibe. One of the original ones and it has this suction. It's like indirect clitoral stimulation and I swear to God that toy, the first time I used it, it was in my

old office five years ago when they came out and my whole team got one. And the next day we were doing a show about this one vibrator that we all tried and we didn't talk about it until we got it on the air. I'm like, okay, what do you think? And I was like, oh my God, I'm like this toy, it like sucked things and stimulated nerve and anxiety. I didn't even know I had.

Like you're like, was it internal? Was it external? I don't know. But this vibrator is amazing. You know, you this fiber is amazing. You know, you got me into lube. First time I ever used lube was because of you. Had that.

I mean, not with you. How was that for you? No, not with me, but. I mean, you never know. Jinx. It was great. There was a lot of shame around it. And so I feel like you're bringing lube back.

Oh yeah. I think I have brought lube back on the mat. My dream is a lube on every nightstand. Have your lube, have your lamp, have your tissues, whatever you have, but have lube there because it takes you off track during sex. I can't find, even this morning, my exercise instructor was like,

I have the lube you gave me, but I forgot to use it this weekend because it was in the nightstand. I'm like, girl, take it off the nightstand because it's another step. When you're caught up in the moment sexually, I gotta make it easy for you everybody, just at the flip top, use playground, I love it.

But the thing is, is that they're shame. But everyone could benefit from it, no matter if you're already wet, because our wetness level doesn't last as long as we need it to, it's sort of fickle. It might be wet at one point, not wet another times a month, depends on what like your cycle, what medications you're taking, if you're sick. It changes. But if you don't

have enough lube, you can have tears, you can contract like STIs. So it's just best to be safe. Like it's like wearing sunscreen on a cloudy day. It's like a burn, but you want to have protection. So I see lube as like protection and also enhancement of pleasure because your nerve endings have just enough wetness on them that's consistent that will allow you to have orgasms more regularly. Wow, so like lube is the sunscreen for your vagina. Yeah, exactly.

Okay, there you go. It's a great tagline. I like that tagline. Is there a sex trend you wish would come back? Maybe just the trend of slowing down and not rushing just to sex because you have to, because you think you should, because you got to figure it out right away. If this person's good for you. It's like, I really love the more drawn out courting, getting to know somebody phase,

playing around, not, you know, just sort of, yeah, exploring. But I don't know if that was ever a phase, but it seems like times were a lot more innocent when we are a lot different before we had porn on our phones and sex became more about what we see in porn rather than what we actually want. It allowed us to make our own choices about what feels good and we thought we were going to follow a script all of a sudden. Like it's more imaginative play. Yeah. Like making out and writing. Yeah. Yeah. Necking, like all of that. All the stages.

Heavy petting. Heavy. That's right. Second base, third base. We'll be right back with Falguni and some more questions about my sex life after this quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Emily.

I know you know me from my podcast, Sex with Emily, which I've been doing now for almost 20 years. But listen, it's time for something different. I have an announcement to make. I'm breaking out of the studio and coming to a live theater audience. I'll be in Phoenix, April 18th at the Desert Ridge Improv. I'm going to get into all of your sex questions because come on, I know you have sex questions, relationship questions like how do I get my partner to try something new?

How do I experience role play? How do I use a toy? How do I really use these dating apps? We're gonna laugh, we're gonna learn, we're gonna play games. There's gonna be so many giveaways. Because listen, let's make sex fun again. Who doesn't wanna improve their sex life

with some new friends in the audience? So whether you're single or in a relationship or somewhere in between, this event is for you. It's gonna be evening where your curiosity is celebrated, your questions are answered, and while laughter, that's on the soundtrack. So mark your calendars. Phoenix April 18th, Desert Ridge Improv. Just trust me, you won't want to miss this night and I can't wait to see you there. Bring your friends, bring your partner. We're gonna put links to purchase the tickets

in the show notes. You can also go to sexwithemily.com slash live. That's sexwithemily.com slash live. Are you in? Can't wait to see you. I want to break down sex by the decades. Okay. Okay. What was sex like in your 20s? Sex in my 20s was ample. There was a lot of opportunities for sex. I had a lot of sex, but it was mostly performative as I mentioned earlier. I was a seromonogamist

in my 20s pretty much. I would date someone for two years and then break up because I wanted to be single and know who I was without a man But I was having sex but as I mentioned I was faking orgasms till in my 30s So it was I love connection and intimacy and touch is a really important Expressor for me love language. So I just love touch and connection and sex So it was a lot of sex it was more frequent but it wasn't the most satisfying because I I just didn't know what to ask for and how to enhance my posture.

And the other thing I did in my 20s was I would date someone for a year or two and then the sex life would die. Even though I wasn't having orgasm, so I was still, I wanted it and I craved it and I craved the connection, but we know that's like a biological stage. The chemicals in our body, the attraction chemicals and all the things that change after, you know, six months to two years. And I, no one told me that. I didn't know at the time that this is a natural cycle of relationships, that you move from one stage to another stage of a relationship. And I really didn't have knowledge of that. I'm like, well, if you don't want to

sleep with them, what the hell are you doing with them? It was just right now that seemed so silly, so I would leave. But then I started on this story, so I would say that was my 20s, was just sort of figuring things out, dating nice people, but I just, my goal was never really around getting married and building a family. It was much more about creating a movement and working and being with friends

and having adventures and freedom and all the things. So when I would date someone and inevitably they would want to take it to another level, let's move in together, let's get married. I was not as interested in that move. Now I've had so much therapy that looking back on it, I do know that maybe there was something there in me, some attachment issues or some intimacy things

because I had a lot of stuff growing up that didn't make attachment as easy. You know, I'm at a point in my life where I've processed my upbringing and realized at my core I've always had the intrinsic drive to explore the non-traditional path of relationships but also like this was the non-traditional path of life. Yeah that was my 20s. Okay 30s. 30s were great because that's when I started really becoming a student of sex and of my body

and exploring my body and figuring out how to give myself pleasure and how to give myself orgasms. And I actually decided in my early 30s that I wasn't going to be in a monogamous relationship, that I was going to take some time off from dating and committing and being really transparent with my partners, that I was looking to just sort of have intimacy, have a friendship, but I wasn't in a place to be a full-time partner, but I was also honest about that with people that I was seeing. So that was really new for me to be able to express that and practice that. Hmm, okay. Your 40s. 40s. My 40s were a little bit more experiential.

I think I had fewer relationships. In my 40s I didn't really even have any longer term relationships. I think I had, well that's not true, what did I have? I don't remember. 40s are a blur. Was there like a level of confidence that came with yourself? I think that as I got into my 40s I had a lot more confidence sexually in my body, what I wanted. I mean, by that time I'd been working in this field for almost 10 years and I just

was so confident about my choices, my sexuality. I no longer felt that I had to give into sex or do anything I didn't want to do. I think I mastered the art of connection and really great sex with people that weren't necessarily people I wanted to spend a lot of time with. I say sex is a skill set and it really is a skill set that anybody can learn and it's not only about positions or moves or lube or even toys or saying the right things or dirty talk. Sure all those things can help with intimacy and connection. Being great at sex and having that skill set is about everything I write about in Smart Sex. It's those five pillars of sex IQ or

sexual intelligence. It's knowing like am I in my body or am I thinking about something else? How's my health, my physical health, my mental health, my spiritual health, you know, paying attention to all of those things that I know that I could make any situation if I'm in those places, if I know if I can check myself. So how's my health? How well do I know myself in this moment? How well am I communicating with my partner? And how well I'm accepting my body and my experience where I'm at that if I could pay attention to those pillars before I go into any sexual situation, I know how to collaborate. I could have great sex with this mug. Lucky mug. I mean

it does take two to tango but I think when I know... Yeah I mean I think great sex isn't that hard to have if you have a willing partner who is open but that's so hard to find. I could train people. That's what I was gonna say. You could be like you're like the sex whisperer but no but it also sounds like what you're saying is that it's about the pillars of your book and like your brain and your body and your sexuality is all connected and sort of being one with yourself while you're, and being liberated.

Yeah, being liberated. Empowered to bring my entire body and my entire self and my entire presence into sex. I'm very, very present during sex. I'm in, I'm not thinking bring my entire body and my entire self and my entire presence into sex. I'm very, very present during sex. I'm in. I'm not thinking about other things. I'm not performative.

I'm just like, this is what's happening in the moment, and I'm present to what is and to the energy that exchanges happening with someone. But also, if it's not going in a flow, I can stop it and be like, so what's going on? I know how to kind of work any situation, so everybody leaves pretty satisfied. Did we talk about today? Sex today? Sex today you know honestly maybe the best yet. See if you become a real student of sex and prioritize it it can get better with every decade and you don't have to wait I mean you could start wherever you're at now and to be honest in the 50s sex changes because a lot of things because of hormones because of work and life.

Maybe for many people they've been in longer term relationships and it's just not the same. Although that happens to people in shorter term relationships. But really when I do have sex, it's always satisfying and what I need in the moment. Because I know how to advocate for that. And I really do walk my walk and talk my talk. I communicate a lot about sex with my partner. There's no weirdness or shame or hesitation. It's very safe and open.

And we talk about sex effortlessly and there isn't pressure, you know, will or will it happen or won't it happen tonight. We really have a dialogue around it where we're getting our needs met in a way that just works for both of us. I realize that sex isn't really about sex per se as it is about connection and intimacy. And so I've learned how to connect with my partner in ways that is satisfying for both of us, but it might not be just like sex. Like it's all the things I talk about in the show. It could be a massage,

it could be mutual masturbation, it could be like just eye gazing and telling each other, you know, how much we love each other and what we love about each other. It's intimacy. Now that the sex doesn't happen because we all want to get out, I want to get off and feel good, but it's okay if it's not always that. There's like permission to be more connected than it is about sex, but I don't even know if that's a, this time, I think this is a maybe, yeah, I don't know if it'll always be like this, but I feel like feel like I yeah this is where I am now. Permission to just have a lot of ease around sex and to be present with it and see where it goes. Okay I lied I want to ask you a couple more questions these are funny. Do you ever when you're making your videos you know about erections and

squirting and whatever do you ever start making those videos and want to giggle at all? Do any of these things make you want to giggle? No, not anymore. I mean, nothing gets me embarrassed. Nothing makes me giggle. It literally is like talking about the weather or like I'm a dentist. You're like, tell me about your upper left mold or, and have you been flossing and you know, what kind of toothpaste do you use?

Like, honestly, it's my job. Doesn't even faze me. It's not funny. And no one's problems are weird or bad or shameful. Like I really feel like I'm here to help people feel better, solve their sex problems, make peace with themselves so they can move past the hurdles. Okay Emily, this section we'll call Sex and Emily and Life. Okay. Tell me what your routine is in the morning. Like you wake up and then walk. I wake up, I drink water and I work out. I really prioritize working out pretty much every day of the week because it gets my brain moving. The days that I don't, it's really hard for me to think and focus and so yeah I do

something every day. I get outside. What are your workouts? I do Pilates, I do yoga, I hike and I see a trainer. How many days a week do you see training? Two. For weight training? I do weight training and I do Pilates a few days a week and yoga and I try to hike on the weekends. Well that makes sense. That makes it the seven days. Yeah. You don't have a rest day? I do. Usually weekends is a rest day because I found that literally the days I don't work out during the week I really have a hard time with work. Like I have a hard time with work.

Like I have a hard time getting oriented into the work. It sounds like that's the only time you really take for yourself, right? Yeah, that's true too because the days go on and on. Okay, so you work out, you do some sort of exercise. I do some exercise and then I come back and I usually try to breathe for two to four minutes. I have like a breathing app. I do a little journaling, writing down the day. Then I'll shower, walk the dogs and feed the dogs and then make a matcha.

I love Chroma Matcha. K-R-O-M-A. They are not a sponsor, but I'm obsessed with their matcha now. So I switched off coffee and I make a matcha. I stir it up with a little whisker thing. What's it called? Like a frother? Yeah, frother. And I have that and then I get to work. Whatever it is. Meetings, podcasts, Zooms, lunches, I don't take enough lunches. I'm in my house a lot working, but that's my day. What is something that people don't know about you? You know what I mean? That's a good question.

I'm interested in wellness, overall wellness, and optimizing our overall wellness and actually sexual health too. I'm just really interested in being a good friend, really having a solid community. So I spend a lot of time with friends because that's really important to me. My friends are my chosen family and I also do see my family. So I prioritize trips with my family too, my nieces and my mom and my stepdad. That's really fun, that's important to me. And I do a lot of thinking, creative writing, I do a lot of just like ideating.

Well I think, can I share something I feel like you are not thinking of, that people, that I learned about you? You're super nerdy actually. Really? In a good way, like you hear like brain and your gut health and you're like, oh my god, I'm like so jazzed about that. I'm like okay. Like you know. I love learning

about the how the body works. I mean yeah I do. I love brain health, gut health. I want to know because I feel like for so long especially as a woman our bodies were so shrouded in mystery. I mean the clitoris wasn't on the map until 1998. Women you know all these things about women's health care and women's bodies it's like it's such a there's so much to learn. So when people say, are you ever tired of talking about it? I'm like, we are never done learning. And so, yeah.

And also when it goes to health, like I want to know what's the best way to, what are the best things to eat for longevity, the best ways to move for longevity, because I think that healthcare is also changing that it's not just about treating a disease or an illness, but like prevention, like how do you live the healthiest life you can you know while you're here on this planet? Like what can I do to you know feel strong, be clear, you know be connected with my community, give back, all the things. So I think that's cool. I mean I I find nerds attractive. I like it when you when you get into that mode. I'm like oh my, that's so amazing. I love that.

Because like I nerd out on puzzles. Like that's my thing that people don't. Puzzles, real puzzles. You sit and do them? I do puzzles. Or online puzzles. Both. All day long. All day long. Like Wordle and stuff like that? Wordle, Connections. I mean I've been on puzzles. I listen to puzzles all day long. Like that's all I do. I didn't know that. I'm so nerdy about puzzles. I didn't know that about you. I was like on NPR, I got chosen with Will Shortz and I meet celebrities all day long. I geeked out so hard seeing him on the Zoom. I didn't know I was going to that I was beside myself. He's like 80 something years old. And I was like, Will Shortz, it's you. But I freaked the fuck out. How did you get into that, you think? I think that my brain

like likes that too. Like I like seeing connections. I love it. I think like yeah. I like studying people and like the you know all the love languages, the enneagrams. I love all that stuff. I love personal self. I love personal growth. Oh that was the other thing I learned about you. Okay sorry I'm gonna tell you because you probably it's for you it's every day right but I also learned like the other thing that I think is like a huge turn-on for you or like that you geek out on or whatever is when a man is so self-evolved. Like that he's done the work and he's so self-evolved like you really enjoy talking to that person. I love people who have done their growth and learned

along the way. I think there's so much and I think the human being human is such a gift. We are sort of mammals but we still now we have a mind we have the ability to make decisions and to think and we're constantly evolving and learning how our brain works and I find all that fascinating. People who really think about why they're here and how to be a better person and how to contribute and how to be a better communicator. I just, in my heart, in my soul, I'm here to learn. And I'm a teacher.

I seek, I think I teach what I need to learn and I don't think I'll ever be done. Well, I guess you have to learn to teach, right? Yeah. Where do you refuel? Like, where do you like to go to refuel? Nature, getting out, hiking, walking my dogs, getting in the sauna. I love my

higher dose blanket. It's amazing. It's like a sauna blanket. It looks like a, you know, sleeping bag and you get into it and sweat because I think when you're sweating like that and it gets so hot, you can't, I gotta, it helps me get out of my head and into my body. I refill with friends. My friends get, make me live. We have to remember that you actually are getting an exchange of dopamine and chemicals. When you see a friend, you get that connection, that oxytocin, it just, it's so, I don't know, I think that's where I go to refresh.

I just go to a friend's house, hang out with my people. Yeah. Emily, I'm gonna ask you your quickie question. Okay, the five quickies. Whatever comes to the top of your head, don't overthink it. Okay. Biggest turn off? Presents.

Not gifts, but like presents. No, presents, like a presence. A grounded presence. Biggest turn-off? People who have a scarcity mentality. What makes good sex? Collaboration, connection, and lube. Something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships? You're not broken. Take time to figure out yourself and your own body and it's gonna be awesome. What's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex? It could get better if you prioritize it. Thank you Emily. Thank you Faggy. Thank you. That was really beautiful and so loving. Thank you for this beautiful interview and for taking the time and holding space and for being such a good friend. I appreciate you. Listen, this is what everybody wants.

I guess so. They really do. And I'm glad that you want to be your authentic self for your listeners. I want to share, you know, I think I've shared things over the years, but not really in depth and not lately and not where I am now. So hello, this is me. Don't forget to tune in for part two, where I'll be answering all the questions you had about my sex life. Hope you enjoyed the episode. That's it for today's episode. See you on Friday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. Be sure

to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. You can find me on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter at Sex With Emily. Oh, I've been told I give really good email. So sign up at SexWithEmily.com. And while you're there, check out my free guides and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life,

dating, or relationships, call my hotline 559-TALK-SEX. That's 559-825-5739. Or go to SexWithEmily.com slash Ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at SexWithEmily.com.