Sex With Emily - Sex, Porn, & (Erika) Lust

Episode Date: March 30, 2018

On today’s show, Emily hosts Erika Lust, an award-winning indie adult filmmaker who is changing perspectives on porn by focusing on ethical production values whose erotic films are all super sexy. Emily and Erika talk about how she portrays female pleasure in a whole new way, as well as showing people of all races, body types, and sexual orientations. They also discuss the alternatives to mainstream tube sites – which aren’t for everyone – as well as what a Sex With Emily podcast porn might look like. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: Sportsheets, JO Stimulants, Ritual, Womanizer Find Erika Lust:Website Instagram Twitter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm hosting Error Coloste, an award-winning adult filmmaker. She's changing our perspective on porn, and she focuses on artistic storytelling, ethical production values, making super, sexy, erotic films. While her films have something for everyone, she portrays female pleasure in a whole new way. We talk about the alternative to mainstream tube sites, which isn't for everyone, as well as what a sex with Emily Porn might look like. All this and more, thanks for listening. I'm not a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I Oh my God, I'm so proud. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between.

For more information, check out everything on our website. I've got Debbie DeJami here to tell you about some awesome blogs. She's in charge of all that, and our website is killing it. Hello, hi, Jamie. Yes. If you didn't hear Emily talk about it all the time

on the podcasts, she has an amazing site and I'm fortunate enough to be able to curate some of these blogs up here. And one that we were really, really passionate about that Emily herself was like, you know, I really want to get this on the site. I want people to know the history of sex. We need to go back to the history of things to really understand where we came from and where

we're going from there. So we have a blog up here. It's history of sex part one because there's going to be many parts. Anciently turned on. Right. So in this blog, we kind of go through just some of the ancient civilizations, like the Romans, the Chinese, the Greeks, the Egyptians, and how these sexual taboos that we have today weren't always around. And somewhere along the lines they developed and it's really interesting to see how open society used to be. So you should definitely go and see what is that in that direction. It's always an option. We don't have to stay where we're at now, actually. Right. And there's so

much beautiful art. I know. True that, Jamie. Thank you. And also have a good sex party. Yes. One of our lovely volunteers, she wrote it. It's great. It's about, you know, just different places like because people email us where to find these sucks parties. Where do we go to find these things? And she gives you a bunch of different ways to find it, which also can actually help you find if you're looking for a third or a fourth or a couple to swing with or any of those things. It's really informative.

So if you're looking for that, definitely go to our site. Thank you, Jamie. Thank you for your epic work. It's amazing. Also, you guys, you can subscribe and review the show and comment and iTunes. I love reading your comments. In fact, this week, one that was a great comment was

compassionate, fun, and nothing I've heard before. It was a five-star review. So thank you to CLCLCL101. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, thank you for your review. We appreciate that. Also, you guys sent up for our newsletter. If you haven't yet, you know, we do give great emails. People say they like it.

We still send it out once a week. As always, you can follow me on social media at Sex with Emily on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter, and also on Instagram, you should follow our hashtag sex with Emily because that's fun because now you can follow all the hashtags you want and I love hearing from you we've been doing a lot on their Instagram lives it's a good time we decided one of today's show so I hope you enjoyed my discussion with Erica

Lust I had such a good time I'm so energized I'm literally gonna fly to Barcelona and maybe start making porn who knows enjoy the show okay I'm so energized, I'm literally gonna fly to Barcelona and maybe start making porn. Who knows? Into the show. Okay, I'm talking to Erica Lust. And Erica Lust is an extraordinary woman who started changing the way we all see porn. She's making porn that's, how do you even say, okay, so I used to say here when I started,

female friendly porn. But that doesn't even work. I feel like that does deserve it because I want everybody to watch her porn. So ethically consumed, eth friendly porn. But that doesn't even work. I feel like that does deserve it because I want everybody to watch her porn. So ethically consumed, ethically created. Yeah, all is okay. But then also I've been through so many different kind of words or say that I've been trying to use during years.

I also kind of started out saying porn for women because I felt that we were, as you know, when a woman were left outside the mainstream porn. So I kind of started that way and then I got more into the say of feminist porn because it felt like, no, but I'm a feminist and it's really about, you know, women behind the camera and how we, you know, participate in this and how we represent women. And then it got more and more popular to talk about, you know, alt porn, alternative porn, indie porn, vanguard porn, artistic porn, ethical porn that is starting to become...

But I think all of these, they are really expressions of, you know know people's needs to find a new way of defining porn because we have been so used to the tubes online and nowadays it's like that's what we really think about as porn but there's hundred and thousand types of different porn that's outer there. And I guess the best way of collecting all would be under like some kind of Indian adult porn label, you know? Indian adult ethical. I just feel like when you start putting things like female or ethical people like, I don't want to watch it.

Like porn, like that don't mean like ethical. It's like, and with the feminist porn, the funny thing is that when you say that to people, they go like, what is that? That's like a bunch of women with a lot of hair under their charms. And they put on the strap on, you know, and they're like, this army ready to fuck the men. And you go like, no, that's not it. Oh, the feminist porn. I can tell you it is super sexy, a hot porn that I could have thought of the kind of porn. I wanted to see before I saw your porn.

It is the exact porn that I would make, that I would want to watch, and I even sent one to this guy that I guess I'd come up. So this is a hard time, he's my boyfriend. I'm really not right. So, and he was like, yes, I love a rata-sized porn. I'd be so into watching this with you because I just got your site, which is amazing.

So let's back up and talk about why your porn is different. It's cinematic. It's so just beautifully shot. There's stories, but it's just real. And the women are portrayed as very authentic. Human beings. Not us, you know, blow up dolls. And the men are not portrayed as this kind of penetrative sex machines going on aggressive

There to punish fucking destroy all women on this planet But that is one of the things that I feel many times with mainstream porn especially when I you know Sometimes go to the tube sites and I start, you know Navigating around and I get pissed off when I see the kind of language that they are using. It's so sexist, so racist, many times even homophobic. It's like dividing people into these fetishized little groups. And, ah.

So what do we do? Is it kind of like if you can't fight porn and make good porn? Like I feel like that's what you're doing. And part of me is like, I really am watching your stuff and getting ready for your show and thinking about it, like I think I wanna leave and go off and make one of your films because we don't wanna direct something.

Yes, just like everybody needs to in a way because what you're saying is we're trying to fight this huge machine, I guess, of who are the men that are making all this porn? That's a very good question. It's a very good question and I think it's interesting and interesting point of view because most of these men, because obviously it's an industry driven by men. And sometimes you know people, they say, no, poor, the poor industries are their feminist

industry because women are more money than men because they think about like five names of very famous porn stars that earns a lot of money. But then, be realistic who earns the money in this business. I mean, it's their companies, it's the producers, it's the distributors really. And if you think about the people making porn, then you realize that it's... they are quite similar even if they live in Budapest or Barcelona or Los Angeles or Buenos Aires or whatever, but it's the same kind of man, you know, a man that's interested in boobs and ass and his drinks and his cars and getting into the VIP room with a big bottle of, you few, let's say film directors, artists,

people with visions and ideas. So my question is, is it like the tale is wagging the dog or the dog wagging the tail? In the sense of, if more people were able to see the porn that you made and that was the porn that was out there, do you think that would change the way men and women like learned about sex? Because we know that that's how people are unfortunately learning about sex right now. I hope so.

I mean, I hope it would change their mind, not that I hope that they would learn from what is out there. But do you know what I'm saying? Like I'm wondering if that's why like all I know in the 13 years I've been doing this, like no one ever asked me about anal before or squirting or meant, like just the things that came up that I know is directly related to porn and we know that it's how they're learning.

But it's because it is very influential as a genre point is becoming very influential. They are talking about so high number as a third of all the internet traffic during, you know, some hours of the day, not always, maybe of the night, but depends on where you live, you know, but a third part of all the internet traffic, that's huge numbers. And obviously, I mean, I know that you are into sex education. I think sex education is the best answer we have at this moment. We need to start sex educate the masses, all people out there. School's need to take in great sex educators and to help them explain the world to people growing up. Because sex matters to them. Sex is one of the things that matters most to them. Exactly. And I love, well, you grew up in Sweden.

Yes. So you had like the sex education that's hailed around the world as the best sex education. Right? So you learned it. It wasn't just like one class for an hour. It was like an ongoing discussion. On going conversation since I was a little kid until, you know, a grown-up adult. Totally. We talk about sex as something quite natural. First, it starts with the body, learning about our bodies, different body parts, how they serve us, and how we get pleasure out of them. I talk a lot of times to people about the learning curve

when it comes to sex. Little boys are starting to touch themselves,, little boys are starting to touch themselves, and little girls are starting to touch themselves. And what happens so many times is when boys does it, people kind of laugh and it's like, cute, like he's touching his little dicky. That's normal because he's a little boy, right? So he's trying out his masculinity. But when girls does it, they get this kind of, don't do that. And many times from the people most close to them, their mothers, you know, that's their first message they get about their vagina is no, it's private. Don't do it. It's dirty. It's

wrong. And no one tells them, okay, now's the time to go have pleasure. They were just shut down at four or five when they were masturbating in the kitchen and told to go to their room. So that's right. And imagine how it would change if their mothers would tell them, I know that that feels great, but maybe you should do it in your room instead of in the kitchen or in the living room, you know? Exactly.

But encourage not not shut them down. Exactly. And then whenever it lifts them back up again, and then the next thing they see is porn, and then they're having sex with some guy, making some weird noises that it wasn't even coming from them or originating because they thought that's how they had sex. Exactly. But also that poor guy growing up, you know, nobody talks to him about sex and he has a huge sex drive and

and then he's been watching hundreds of hours on porn online and suddenly he has an opportunity with a girl and he's getting in there and he thinks that he has to behave as a porn stunt literally because that's what he's seen. So he goes for choking her and she, you know, gets crazy on screen so it's like, hey, what are you doing? Why are you choking? Right. Totally miscommunication. And much of that is not, I wouldn't say that it's because of porn, but I would say it's because nobody tells them that The porn they are watching is an exaggerated fiction of sex, but it's not the same thing as having sex, right? Sex takes a lot of time and takes time to get to know your own body and not a person's body How you connect together? That's ours, that ours is a work in trying and you know, figuring it out. And porn is like, bam, bam, bam, four minutes.

And then she screams. And it was only like penetrative, vaginal sex. And that is nothing like for you. And the most women I know, they need some clitorial stimulation to come right? Exactly. And we're not getting that at all. And then I think it's a disservice because perpetuating what more and more men and having sex growing up thinking like, yeah, they don't understand the clitorial. So let's talk about the porn that you're making though. It focuses more on the emotional connection with sex and so much as much. I mean, of course,

it's physical, but how do you even explain it? Like, it's just like, yeah, that's what I want. I want you to, I guess, of course, it's physical, but how do you even explain it? Like, it's just, like, yeah, that's what I want. I want you to, I guess it's the plot, but it's a story. I mean, it's also a romantic remake. We're kissing for a while, like, you're touching my face, and then you could get into whatever. Yeah, it's that. But it's kind of, I used to say that it's all of it.

I mean, the difference is really, if you compare it to mainstream porn, then it would be like comparing fast food restaurants to a little family restaurant. The whole treatment is different. It's different when I go to the market and I buy my ingredients and I think about what do I want to make and how do I want to set up the table and you know all of those small details and that's how I work. It's not only me I work with a kind of big crew. We are around 15 people behind the camera. 15 or 15. Yeah. Most of us women because it's something that I'm really pushing for. I think we need to have more women behind the camera, more women on set, more women taking decisions.

What could we do? I've just trying to think if they're some kind of, if they're watching porn anyway, that could be educational porn for younger girls. I mean, I have three nieces. I know you've two daughters. I'm sort of been on this obsession. Yes, but it's always difficult because obviously I am not allowed to promote porn for people under 18. And I don't know, maybe here in America, it's even 21

right you know and there we have this problem again that you can drive a car when you're like 16 and you can go to the army when you're 18 and you can drink alcohol here I think 21 yeah but in Europe you can do it at 18. Yeah I know it's much more liberal views towards sex. So my question also is we have women behind the cameras. What about the female talent that you work with? How would you say that that is different, the way you direct them and the way, and also your new steer,

well, no, it's been around 10 years, 10 years of X Confessions. Five years of X Confessions. 10 years of my whole career. Of your whole year. Okay. 10 years, okay, got it. That's how long I'm so honored that you're here

by the way, because I've been hearing about you for so long and talking about your films to my audience. So having you here as a gift for five years the ex-confessions. So we're gonna talk about that, but first let's talk about directing female talent. Like do you ever have women who have been in other forms like on the tube sites and they come to you?

Explain to me your process. How would be different? Well, it's different for women and it's different for men, or both because we are women. For men and for women, how is it different? And I do work with people who work also in the mainstream porn industry. And I guess what is very different is the whole process,

because when I make a movie, it's more like any indie movie. It's the same kind of ambient and the same kind of of of set. And then what I hear a lot from my female stars is that they feel very secure at my set because they are surrounded by so many other women, you know, because that is something that they feel a lot in in the mainstream porn industry is managed by men. So most of the time they go to a set and there's only men around them. If they're lucky, there's a makeup artist. Right.

It's like, so in my set, they have this kind of sisterhood feeling going on. They know that me and my crew, that we will look after them. We will see if something is not right, and then we will act on it. And that I think is very comfortable and feels great. But it's all about really the ethical production process and that should be a standard whether we are talking you know feminist porn, indie porn or mainstream porn. It should be a standard in any business out there even if you're making buildings or, you know, you're being ethical or whatever. You should be an ethical person with ethical values.

And when it comes to filmmaking and porn business, I mean, what are ethical values? Well, it's informing your actors before shooting what will happen. So they are getting the script sent weeks before the shooting. They can give me feedback on that. I asked them with whom would they like to perform to make sure that they are together with a partner that they trust and that they are track that too. Because that's like the whole difference when there's good chemistry between people. And most people who work in the porn industry, they have favorite co-workers, people that they really like to work together with. Then we talk about all the details.

We do the STI testing. Obviously, before the shooting, actors always have the right to look at the other person's paperwork so they know that everybody is in the best conditions. We talk about condoms use, is that something they want to use or not? We talk about lubricants. Are they allergic to anything? What do you want to say? No, it happens. Why, sorry, I'm full, then we talk about their boundaries and their limits. Is there something that they don't want to do, something that they don't like?

Is there something they like particularly? This is what every couple should do, by the way, before they get together. Like, or at least on the first or second date. It's an obvious discussion. I know it's so obvious. And it should be easy to have this kind of conversations with people about sex, because that is when sex works,

when you can trust that everything has been taken care of and then of course I always tell my performers that if they feel uncomfortable during a shooting they can always cut you know they can always tell me I need a break I need to go to the bathroom I need water I need a towel you know this standard kind of things and they know that I will never push their boundaries. I will never say to them, what do you think about now if we could do a little more? Maybe if we have agreed on doing vaginal sex, I would never ask them to do anal sex, for example, that is a totally no-go. I would never tell them, there's a third person

and I'm thinking would be interested if they were interested. I'm sure I'm gonna turn on, so why not? I'm like, but there's kind of things they do happen sometimes. I mean, the actresses and the performers, they are telling me about this kind of stories. I also have a lot of male performers telling me

that sometimes they are in trouble because they are having trouble to maintain their erections. So what do you do with that? Well, what I do is that I give them time. I give them time and security, so hopefully that won't happen. But sometimes when there are regular shootings, they get very very pressured and then many of them take the kind of Viagra drugs they need to to make it happen. And if they can't do it, sometimes I heard stories about producers who want to pay them who say like if you can't do it then you know I'm

not going to. And that is definitely not a ethical behavior. I get how to be clear realistic port to so what if the guy loses a Raction would you keep that in the film was she gets me hard again? I could I could Stop and make a sandwich where you get hard again. I could definitely do that because I don't see it really As a problem. It's real. It's real. It could happen It depends always on the film that you are doing and what you want to, you know, communicate. I mean, I did shoot, for example, a three-some where one guy had had trouble for a while and he went away to the bathroom the other two were going on and then after a while, he was good again and then he came back and you know like there you are, it was flowed, like a real three-some. Someone's got to get up and go to the bathroom at some point. Exactly. What inspired ex-confessions?

Well, stories... And tell me about it real quickly. Yes. Stories by people, ex-confessions is a project, really a crowdsourced project, where people from all around the world are sending in their fantasies, there's sex stories, kings, things they want to do, things they have done, you know, all these sex stories. And we gathered them and then I read them and I picked two every month and I make them into short films. That's the whole kind of

idea of the project. And I was wondering, are there any, were there common themes around people's fantasies that they said, CEO Confessions, what I want to know with it. Of course, I mean, they are coming in every day, really. So this is an ongoing project. It's been going on for five minutes. I believe you received. Oh, every day, around 10. OK. Yeah. I mean, we do contest.

I'm like, we ask people to send in your fan at the college to send in to you. We have people to send in their fan. You could ask people, and maybe I can make a film. Yes. Oh my god. A listener. A track of fan.

It's a track of fan. I would be so excited that I listened to her fan. I see, OK. I just got really excited. And sheels, can we do that? Yes, we Lister fantasy. Okay, I just got like really excited and chills. Can we do that? Yes, we could do that. Okay, guys, feedback and sex with Emily.com. Award winning extraordinary filmmaker, Erica Lust,

would make a sex with Emily Lister's fantasy and to a porn email us with your, do they have to go to your website to submit? Yes, they would have to. I think it would be more you can send it to me also. I get send it to you, okay? Are there parameters or they just write out? Well, it shouldn't be too long.

I mean, we're not looking for books. We're not looking for novels. So what's the word limit? We won't read it over. I don't remember right now what is the word limit. But a few paragraphs. A few paragraphs, you guys. I think people, they go to your website, they can watch one for free, right?

I have not watched tonnaporn lately because I haven't been as into porn. I've found anything, I think people, they go to your website, they can watch one for free, right? I have not watched a ton of porn lately because I haven't been as inter-porn, I haven't found anything that I loved, and I'd watch a porn in the past, and I'm just so into it, I love it all. It's all, it has something for everyone, and like, my God, people aren't just into it, when they see what else is out there.

It's like, you could keep eating burger king, but then you go to a store, and they have an amazing burger that's farm-fed, or whatever the hell would've good meat is. And then you're like, and they have like an amazing burger that's farm bad or whatever the hell with good meat is. And then you're like, oh my god, I've never got a vegan burger. Whatever your idea of amazing meat is or an amazing meal. And you're like, oh, this is what it can be. I get it.

But also, I think it's very interesting for me as a creator to challenge people when it comes to sex because there's so many people just like, you know, into their category kind of. So they like big boobs. And then they always go to that category. But then Sunday, if I challenge them and make them think outside their own sexuality, they will probably be surprised by things that will turn them on, that they wouldn't have expected. Like, you know, I do want to get back to my question about the common fantasies, but ask us. I have two wonderful examples. For example, foot fetishism. That is something that a lot of people would go like,

oh, that's disgusting feet. I wanted to be into that. But suddenly, you see this wonderful film. I'm made of film, but I love so much. Totally your favorite. It's called Dirty Feet. And it's really, really cool. And I know for a fact that it changed the minds of a lot of people out there saying like oh my god

This is the coolest thing ever. No, I want to see more films with feet in them right or I I mean on our site we have a diverse kind of sexuality so we even have some films with gay sex of course on our side right? Right because different body types to are ones talk about that. Yes, and then this is all of it. Because I think that we need to have hair. We will have hair and it's okay not all of them if you're not in a hair to worry about some. But it's the diversity that matters. And we can all be represented. It's not just like the very skinny, very young white chick.

You know, it's all of us. Right. Okay, now we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. You know, it's all of us. Right. Okay, now we're going to give a shout out to our sponsors. Thank you everyone for listening and supporting them. Supporting the show will be right back. So, comment-finity is I would think for women, it's a lot of like gang-bang groups, X. Oh, yeah.

Gang-gang-gang. gang-gang-gang. I mean, it must be the most popular one, but there are a few definitely. But groups sex, yeah that's a go-go-go for a lot of people and free sums. Free sums, you know. I mean, the typical couple wanting a third party, that is that we receive a few every day. Sure. And then BDSM, I mean submission, domination, there's quite a lot of power, power, power, power, power, power, totally and infidelity. Right. Like I'm cheating. My mistress, yeah, we get it. I totally get it. And I loved your

brunch. It was like the sex toy brunch. Yes. I love that because first of all, it had all my favorite toys in it. It was all, it was like, I didn't even know that, that's the other thing. A lot of them, I didn't even know that they were my fantasies or kind of planted new fantastical seeds in my brain. That was like, I want to have a bunch of hot women over

and show them how to use sex toys, and then we can all have sex together. Like, I was like, that was so beautifully shot. And it was like, they could have been my friends a bunch of hot women over and show them how to use sex toys and then we can all have sex together. Like, that was so beautifully shot and it was like they could have been my friends sitting around the table and they go into the bedroom and there's the magic wand, the womanizer, some wifib toys. I got out my womanizer. Multi-Orgasmic brunch.

My brunches are like bottomless mimosa brunches but they're not multi orgasmic branches, so that was very inspiring. Do you use a lot of toys in the films? Do you feel like? Sometimes it depends a little bit on sometimes I'm more in the mood for toys Sometimes not Right. Your sex life changed doing films and being in the industry. I guess seriously that I have totally opened up. I feel a lot more comfortable around just naked people. Or even when you see so many people being

great with their naked body, just being happy and comfy and not really shaming themselves or hiding themselves, then you feel this sex positivity going on, right? And then also I think it's been very interesting for me to see so many women orgasming in different ways because the female orgasm is really so different. For every woman, right? Yes. And I think that we are kind of used to see men orgasm, because we see it in porn, you know, and they always come, and it's like on screen, and it's out there, but so much porn have fake female orgasms.

Right, and you ever have fake female orgasms? Yeah, of course. You have to write? I do, like, everyone. Right, I mean, I used to tell people, it's like in your real life, sometimes, sometimes you, but you know sometimes you fake it or you make it, sometimes you start kind of

faking it because you feel like mhm this is the moment and you want to help yourself and then maybe it doesn't come but it looks like it and how are you? it was a false start and sometimes it works so you don't know it's so true I see also this technique with a lot of actresses that they kind of they start faking it, but then suddenly it takes over, you know, because of the briefing, because they are

getting the briefing into the mood, then suddenly it comes, you know. Can you tell if they're faking or not afterwards, you have to say is that real or not? Sometimes. Even we can't tell it's women. Yeah. But I tried to look for the typical things, you know, the eyes, the pupils opening, the red and the short, the chest, those things that kind of makes you believe that it happened. Exactly. Right. That's right. How about squirting?

Some people, some, I've seen women doing it. Exactly, like a scene of how to. It's real, right? You get a lot of fans. I even have one shot, it's the motion. It's, you do which film? I want to watch that later. It's called Don't Call Me a Dick. And it's a wonderful film. It's poetry.

And porn, at the same time, shot with a phantom camera. This is an amazing camera for slow motion. And the film is just fantastic. It's not shot by me actually. It's shot by a guest director. Okay. That's also something I would like to talk about.

Well, let's talk and tell me about that. You're going to start helping people. Funding films. Tell me. Because I want more women to make films. And it's difficult for women to make films because there's not many opportunities out there. And now I came to this level where I actually, you know, I have more audience than I can handle.

That sounds amazing, right? But I mean, we are in next confessions. We are releasing a new film every two weeks. And from July, we're going to start releasing a new film every week. so the site will get twice as good from filming. I'm so impressed by what you've done. That's a lot. I mean, these are serious films, they're beautiful works. I know what it's like to make a film and the fact that you're doing... But right, I can't...

But I can't talk about it. I can't talk about it so many, of course. But because I can't continue with the quality that I'm doing if I'm gonna deliver 52 films a year. So I realized that I can only make 12 a year myself. So the rest I'm offering to other female directors all over the world. I want diversity. I want different countries. I want different ethnicities, different personalities. Please come join the project, join the revolution. How do they find you? It's on arachulas.com slash open call and what I'm looking for is people really sending

in their ideas. They could go to X Confessions, pick a confession and base their film idea on that confession or they can write a confession by themselves if they have something that they really want to shoot. And then what we do is we help them to build the project, you know, we help them with the casting, we help them with the funding, finishing the film, with, you know, all the graphics that we need and... That's a really good... I think that's... This is going to get a lot of people interested. And it's very beautiful to the world because that's a really good, I think that's, this is gonna get a lot of people interested. And it's very beautiful to the world because that's what is so difficult many times. I mean, it's how you have to read it.

So people have, they can only find it on your site, right? And it's, they to pay for it. Yes, because I do believe in the formula, pay for your porn, you know. I do offer a lot of free screeners for people they can watch trailers, they can watch a free film, etc. But then, I mean, to make these films come on, they cost money. I want to pay my crew and my cast. I want to pay a pay them as well as I can. I want to make a great website where you can

watch the film in high quality, high definition with subtitles if you need it in different languages. I'm shooting making off. So I'm shooting interviews with performers. You need it in different languages. I'm shooting making off some shooting interviews with performers. You need more than 15 people. Yeah, no, the 15 people is the film crew. It's the film crew that I shoot in film. Then I have 18 people in my office. I'm going to say hello now. I've never been to Barcelona. No, you have to call.

I know. I can't believe I've never been to Barcelona. You should come and do my live from a shooting. I would do 20. would do so in. So when we pick the section that may confession listener, I will come to Barcelona. We will make the film. We'll hang out in party in Barcelona. Yeah. That's a good dream. I've been everywhere in Europe, not never to Spain. Oh, it's a lovely country. I don't even know how I've missed it. Yeah. Yeah, and the Mediterranean. I know. And the food that come on the vegetables we have,

they are crispy and juicy. Oh, wonderful. Everything's just juicy and sexy and hot there. It's been a lot of time in Italy and I've spent not a lot of time in, no no time in Spain. No, okay, so that's done. You guys get in your submissions

because there's a lot going on here. We're gonna go more. Yeah, and we need you women out there. We do female filmmakers to help changing our visions of sexuality. It's really a question about the female gaze because I mean almost everything that has been made has been made. Let's talk about the difference between the male gaze and the female gaze.

Just because people, let's say they've never heard of it and guys are rolling their head going, oh yeah, female gaze. I want to talk. I want to talk. Why can't, what do you mean? So let's break it down if a guy is listening, like, what does that mean? What would we see? What does it mean? It means giving an opportunity to half of the population, even a little

more than half of the population, to start telling their stories and how they see the world and how they see sexuality. What do know how they see sexuality and what do we fantasize about and what do we dream about and how do we live you know in our bodies as women. That is really what it is what we want to see. It's a turn you know to do this and I what I can see is one because people always want they, but tell me something concrete. Like, what is the big difference? And then sometimes I say, it's the, you know, where you put the camera, because I can see it,

that if I have a man behind the camera, he shows what he finds most attractive. And that is if he's a heterosexual man, probably the woman's body. So you have a lot of footage of the woman's body. It's her boobs, it's her ass, it's her boobs. All the time, yes, that's what they're going for. But if you have a woman behind a camera,

then suddenly she finds him interesting. She goes for his butt and his arms and his expression and his eyes and his smile. And you have a lot more protection. Of men kissing in the dark. And going his hands are going over her body. Right, right, because in the end when you shoot sex, it's really like shooting a dialogue, you know.

I say something or I do something and you react to that, right? And what I need to make it work is shot river. It's shot kind of, you know, if we're getting into the technical way of filming it, I need to understand what you are doing and how you are reacting. And that is when it feels completing to me, right? But I really, when I shoot sex, I'm not only into showing you what it looks like having sex, I want to communicate what it feels like having sex. I'm after that, those emotions, really, how you connect to each other,

the intimacy, that amazing, powerful feeling of, being together with someone in total, like, right, you capture that true connection and intimacy that I think so many of us crave that we don't even know that we crave. Like again, you guys, I've watched plenty of porn, I'm not saying they're all terrible, but it's so vacant if you turn on typical porn,

there is not that intimate, erotic, the realness connection that, no, it's, it's not, it doesn't have it, there's some, of course. I mean, the realness connection that... No, it's... It's not one. It doesn't have it. There's some, of course. I mean, we are not complaining about all porn out there. No, porn out there. Mainstream porn will keep on existing. And that's okay. The same way as McDonald's will probably keep on existing.

Right. But I prefer to be a vegan. But it's my personal life, you know. That's my choice. And at least what I'm trying to do here is that alternative for other people who wants another vision of sexuality. And then at least I think that we can influence some of the standards in mainstream porn. I would like to believe that we can influence them to do a better ethical production process. And I would like to believe that we can influence them to do a better ethical production process.

And I would like to believe that we can influence them when it comes to stop using this sexist, racist, homophobic way cinematographic cameras and, you know, work with art department for weeks before shooting. That's okay. Not all porn has to be super artistic and beautiful, but some can at least be. Right, exactly. Even when you started, your first experience was seeing porn that you felt was like, what's, and I had the same experience like, I'm not blonde with big boobs and I don't understand why my boyfriend's watching this porn and it was so confusing and just what he wants for me and oh my god. Well, that was like, probably 20 years ago when I first saw it. But now, since I've started doing this 13 years ago, my show and you even, it's even changed.

Like it's almost like we need you so much more. And like when we first do first came in, you're like, we need more sex educators. We do because that's, if that's how kids are everyone's learning right now. If nobody else is talking to them, then of course that's what they're gonna use to learn about sex. And they're gonna believe that that is how it's done.

They're gonna go out there, they're gonna replicate it. So if you had to say there was three things in porn right now that you've seen in the last, let's say, 15 years that have, that you would like people to unlearn, that they've watched in porn, or that you're seen in the last, let's say, 15 years that have, that you would like to people to unlearn, that they've watched in porn or that you're like, oh, again, what would that be? Well, that, that all women like, uh, punish fucking, right? I would totally say, no, that's not, I would like, I could engage in a power play, but that would be under other kind of circumstances.

I would have to consent with you. Have a safe word. Have a conversation. Have a safe word. You know, agree on the rules before, but don't come here and try to choke me with your dick and make me vomit. You know, that's not what I want. Right, deep throat. Right. Okay. Right, I get it. Number two. And number two, number two, what would I be?

I would like to stop the racism in mainstream porn, the way that they are really like trying to fetishize on different groups, you know, it's all about, it's the Asians, it's the Ebony, it's the Latinas. I think it's tiring. I think we could just, you know, juice people ask human beings and stop that. And then what, what else could it be? A third thing. I just wanted to show four play more four play like more four play like more like yes Just like and also for me a lot of the needle way to way without ever getting prep Right

Any prep singing loop singing it's obvious. We all need prep for say I mean it's it's If you're right on it then it's because you have already been, you know, horny for a while. There's something happening, you know, and then you go like, I don't know. But when you have more fun, then do your porn, then they're learning what would you help? What do you hear the most people got? I think that people need a lot of, that they are kind of craving their hungry for conversations about sex, how to communicate when it comes to sex, not only to see what they are doing.

I get a lot of emails from couples who are watching my films together and who are telling me that wow, Erica, thanks because this movie made us talking, you know, because suddenly we hadn't really talked about it. I hadn't communicated what I liked. We saw this film and then we started, you know, a conversation out of it. Exactly. That's in the same thing with my podcast, same thing with your films. I always tell couples, like, go watch porn and then I say, go to watch your porn because then you're really going to be able to get that dialogue,

because it is very hard for couples. Like, it's the, they're just like, I want to talk about it. So if you use something like a film or a podcast, people are afraid because they feel, they feel that they are crazy perverts sometimes, you know, because sometimes, let's be honest, sometimes things turns us on that we don't like or that we don't shake back. Then we feel shame and we are afraid and then you don't want to tell anyone about it. But maybe if you do so or if you watch a few films and you see other people with the same kind of, you know, tendencies, then you go like, oh, so it's okay because other people

feel the same way. And that was, for example, one of the amazing things happening when I go and I have events and I do screenings and we watch the films with a huge audience and like 200 people in the audience. And I hear people starting to laugh and how they get, how they get, I hear people starting to relax and how they get more and more comfortable. Right. Because they suddenly trust the other people. So they go like, so if other people likes this,

then it's okay for me to like it. They kind of want that per mission. They do, they do. Are you going to start showing? Because I was bummed that I missed your ex-confessions here in LA this weekend, but is it going around literally going to other theaters? Yeah, we are touring a little, but it's, you know,

now next thing is that I'm going back to Barcelona. I get to go back to Barcelona, make more films. So, no, I won't be able to do it. Okay, so people are going to want to miss it. But I'm probably coming to New York in November for another big screening. Ooh, I would love to come to that one. Because I wanted to be there. This has been amazing talking to you about everything.

So, we're going to do emails. Okay, this is from Breeze, she's 28 in Brooklyn. Hi Emily, I'm interested in the impacts of porn saturation in our culture today because porn is so easily accessible and pleasurable people obviously view it often. Personally, I prefer not to watch porn. I found that when I do, what happens is the video sticks with me almost like it's imprinted in my mind and it keeps coming back. After having a few short relationships with men who were subject to watching porn regularly, our sex was redundant, I felt distant and disconnected. The relationships did not work out, and the sex sucked. I wish for the present and future that our youth and people could have sex

without a screen or media influences between them. To feel kinky when I'm rolling solo as an alternative to porn, I'll rub myself down with feathers, suck my fingers, use my vibrator on my clip, et cetera. I'm also very turned on by sensation and energy, so this works for me. Do you have any thoughts on the impacts of porn in our society? Also, do you have any ideas for educating people

on other outlets to explore more intimacy and creativity, which I think we just talked about this a lot. I love your show. You and your guests keep me in great company on the G-Train. On the G-Train in New York, I got it. So yeah, so she's thank you Bree so much. This is Fitzright into our conversation. So yeah, she's realizing the impact that porn's had on her relationships and she's taken into her own hands literally to masturbate using other sensations. We know that we've talked a lot about the impacts of porn in our society. and her relationships and she's taken into her own hands literally to masturbate using other sensations. We've talked a lot about the impacts of porn in our society and what about educating people on other outlets for intimacy and creativity? Also through porn.

You're kind of porn, but yeah, I'll add her outlet. I mean, we get back to the subject of sex education, obviously. But then also, I mean, there's obviously not only porn that educates. It's also television, magazines, fashion, advertisement, cinema. I mean, it's images that we see all around us in our society that shows us how we relate to each other sexually, right? I mean, I think exactly. There are other outlets, but I'm thinking like, I think a lot about it too lately about education and how to do it because I feel like the schools are failing,

but it's not really their fault in the sense of, we get a lot of teachers, for example, they talk to me and they say that they have troubles with parents because when they start talking about sex in school suddenly they have troubles with parents because they when they start talking about sex in school suddenly they have a lot of parents coming up to them saying hey I don't want you to talk about this with my kids. So what do they do? I feel like you need more peer programs. I always keep thinking that there should be a way that kids that are a little bit older than you students and they get trained in sex because I don't feel like kids necessarily want to hear

from their parents or even from their teachers. But this is more about, I'm thinking about the couples too. How would you, I don't know, I guess I do it on the podcast. The couples listen to this or they watch porn or they read books or if there's like retreats you can go to with different people. The couples retreats where you're actually learning how to connect in a more intimate way. I think some of those exist in the world. I know they do.

That'd be really fun to teach. Connecting with other people through internet. I mean, that's obviously a great thing forums online when you could talk to other people about sex. But also, I think just, you know, reading other people's fantasies can help a lot to see what they are thinking about and how they are doing it. For me, in that sense, I think that my films are quite helpful because I think that they are used by a lot of people that feel insecure. Then they see my actors in situations, these characters that I have created, and they can relate to them somehow. And that can help them to understand how they can operate in their own sex lives. Yeah, it's true. I think that Bri would really benefit from going to your site because I feel like you'd realize

all the subjects you have, like, when you, there's hundreds of films on that, right? Yes. There's like, like, 125 films on this. I've never been to a site that has some films that I wanted to watch, all of it. Like, they all seemed interesting to me, which is bizarre, because I have a lot of different interests. And also, what I think is very cool is that we are really making films that talks about sex

in a positive way, because I feel many times that, I mean, we've been already criticizing mainstream porn for obvious reason that is sexist, that is, you know, negative towards sex many times. But then also when it comes to the whole kind of indie cinema, you know, many times they are talking about sex, but they talk about the dark side of sex, how people are disturbed sexually and they have difficult it is for them to connect. And I feel that we need much more of like positive energy around sex where people just can feel like they can have fun together.

I keep saying, let's make sex great again. Sex has become problematic. I mean, it's become challenging in so many ways that very few people are like, I've got it nailed. My sex life is perfect. So I just want to take the weight out of it and make it fun again. However, we can do that. And I love that because some of my films are more like comedies somehow.

You know, and people are having fun and they are laughing together. And even while they are having sex, they are, you know, they love that thing. Which is normal, that happens. I love that. I love having crazy, and sometimes, you know, crazy things happen. I love how it's gonna happen. Exactly.

There is no right way to have sex, and I think that that's what you show through your work and what I throw at my podcast is like, I think a lot of people want to know, is it normal? So they can watch your program, oh, I had that fantasy. Oh my God, look at all these opportunities. Like, look at all these options for pleasure that people never thought about because they might have been having sex the same way their entire lives.

So thank you, Bri. That was an awesome question. I love our listeners in Brooklyn. So shout out to Brooklyn. This is from Lee. She's 29 in San Diego. Emily, I've been listening to your show over the past few months. I wish I'd heard about it sooner. I lost my virginity when I was 18 and now 10 years later I'm still trying to figure it out. I've been in therapy working on my low-cephasteme, figuring out why I've used my body as an object, used to please men and why I put my own pleasure and happiness last on the list. I've made a lot of progress and I'm thinking I'm ready to get back into the dating world, but I'm feeling anxious about having sex and choosing the right person. What is your advice for women to be more confident and vocal about what they want and what pleases them?

Of course, being self-confident is a huge part and I'm getting there. So that's from Lee 29th San Diego. So we talk a lot about women building confidence and being self-confident in the bedroom during masturbation, learning your own body, what makes you feel good. And that's a huge part of building sexual confidence. But what would you say about how women can just be comfortable being vocal and in their bodies and building confidence? Well, it's difficult because the only thing I would like to say is like, speak up. Say what you want, just say it out there, you know, but then you're in that situation, and maybe it's not so we see. Obviously, it's a lot about the person you pick that you have to trust that person.

You have to feel great around that person. And you need to know that he will listen to you. Right. It's hard when you feel like you have to be the teacher too because how it's so strange and usually totally, totally. It's like, but I feel that a lot of women feel that at this moment. Like, we have to teach them how to behave because obviously they don't know how to behave. They are lost and we are tired of giving service to them because I hear this a lot.

I mean, she's talking about that she feels great when she's by herself and her vibrator and in her world that she manage. And then when she has sex with other people, it's like she has sex for them instead of sex for herself. Which is what I was brazed that I believe that that's how sex was. It was all about pleasing the man and it wasn't about me. So I've had to unlearn that. And so it's a process.

So Lee, when you're with someone and you just do it and it could be clunky and uncomfortable and I know the thoughts going through your head, might be like, well, what if he doesn't like me? He's not your guy. No, exactly. I think that's what women have to start doing in that moment when you're with someone

and you think, oh, wait till next time to tell him I want this. Don't please, don't wait. Don't make him please you. Don't do exactly. You come first. You come first in every way. You really do. So, Lee, all I can tell you is the more you ask for what you want,

you'll realize that you're going to get it. And when you don't get it, you walk away. Exactly. Sounds great. Yeah, everybody should do that. I feel like it's like this female army. Yeah, I know. But I love Matt.

We need you guys and we're here to help. No, it's okay. It's exhausting, but I'm ready to help. Happiness, and there's so many of them who are willing to learn and who wants to learn and who wants to share a wonderful relationship with a woman. Exactly, and it's not their fault, because here's the thing, I'm telling you that I was raised,

Lee was raised, she's 29. You know, I was raised that it was oriented towards men and men were probably going, shit, a lot of young guys were like, we're getting, you're waiting for us to know, we don't know what the hell we're doing, like a 20 year old guy's like, I don't know, but so it's been tricky for men and for women. Yeah, and they're still getting on that.

And just waiting for the men to make it happen for them because that's what they've seen. That's what I've just lay around waiting, you know, and then it doesn't come. So yeah, definitely ask before, first learn your own body, and then try to communicate it, even if it's difficult, and maybe the first time you will feel very strange. But little by little, it will get better.

It does get better. And then it becomes, and then it becomes the point where you realize, I can't believe I didn't, I can't believe I never asked for it. Like how could I even don't with not asking for Mike? Right, and then things to be like, if you would eat something every day that you didn't like and you wouldn't say anything about it. That's just stupid.

If you don't like it, don't eat it. Don't eat it, yeah, don't eat it, and don't take it and don't do it if you don't want it. Actually, and I'm not saying you guys again, to be like fine, you didn't like it, don't do it. Don't do it. Yeah, don't eat it and don't take it and don't do it if you don't want it. Actually, and I'm not saying you guys again to be like fine, you didn't do it. I'm out of here. That was pretty aggressive from even my language, but I'm trying to get the point across that it's just I really want women to just ask for it and not worry about what it means and with the judgments.

And for the guys, ask her. Start asking women, you know, do you like this? Is this how you want it? Do you want another rhythm and another intensity? More, less? If you don't know, let's figure it out together. Right. It's fun. This is the fun part of sex when you guys are working together in unison. And I think that this is the intimacy that a lot of people crave or don't even know that they crave.

But once you realize you're communicating about it, it sucks. It's so much better. Thank you, Erica Las. This is a good time. I'm all happy. I'm super happy to be here. It's been a wonderful conversation, really. Oh, this was a fun show.

You guys, I so enjoyed this show. I'm all riled up. We should go home and watch some more porn. Thank you, everyone. Thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our volunteers, Shannon, Jenny, Sarah, producer, Lark, and Michael. And thank you for subscribing, reviewing the show. Was it good for you? Text Ask Emily to 7979. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪