Sex With Emily - The (S)ex Factor with Sheila Kelley

Episode Date: March 10, 2018

On today’s show, Emily is not only taking your calls, but she’s bringing you a live conversation from S-FACTOR founder Sheila Kelley to talk about how women can connect with their erotic selves. Emily and Sheila discuss how transformative feminine movement can teach women how to truly love their bodies and be their sexy selves, no matter who they are. Then, Emily helps callers to channel porngasms into owngasms, ways to keep hygiene hot in the moment – especially when it comes to back-to-front play, and how to know when to put a fork in the relationship. Thank you for supporting our sponsors who help keep the show FREE: JO, Promescent, Magic Wand, We-Vibe Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily. On today's show, I'm not just talking about sex relationships and everything in between. I'm also excited to share a conversation that took place at S Factor Live with my friend Sheila Kelly. More about this in just a few minutes. Today's show gets into how a transformative feminine movement can teach women to truly learn to love their bodies and connect with their erotic selves. How to know if your own dating rules are holding you back from finding someone, channeling that porn gasm into your own gasm, ways to keep hygiene hot and sexy,

especially when going from front to back door play, and how to know when to put a fork in that relationship because hey, it's done. All this more, thanks for listening. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man.

I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. I'm not a man. You're kind of cute. The girls got to ever stand. Oh my! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common all the way? What do you mean like laundry?

It shrinks. Can we not talk about sex so much? Are you kidding me? Oh my god. I'm off here. I'm gone. Being bad feels pretty good. But you know Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with.

You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex, relationships, and everything in between. For more information, you can subscribe to the podcast. We do two podcasts a week. You'll never miss them again. I also love when you comment on iTunes. That's amazing. When you review the show, I do read all of your comments and they're really, really helpful.

Also, check out our website. We've got some great blogs there. And as always, God, I love hearing from you on social media. It's at Sex with Emily on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Twitter. Love hearing from you guys there, so you can always message me and check out, we always post when there is a new show, and you get to see some behind the scenes at Sex with Emily. It's all a good time.

Speaking of a good time, you guys, we've got a fun March contest. So this month, we're doing a... Oh, ahhh. Oh. fun March contest. So this month we're doing a oh, aah, oh, of March contest. So like an o's of March contest. You know those o moments when you finally figure something out that everything just makes sense like the whole world comes together and I'm sure you've had a few of those in your sex and dating life. Okay, what do I mean here? I'll give you some examples. So like maybe you finally found that spot on your clitoris that makes you crazy. And you're like, ah, that's the spot. Or you just just come for a brand new origin of zone. Or maybe you just figured out, ooh, Emily,

toys aren't just for women. You're right. So there's a lot of different ways I want to hear your aha or your own moments. You can send them to feedback at sexwithemley.com by April 10th. And we're going to pick four of you to win super sexy prizes. That will have you going, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, all year long. Oh, I'm so excited to bring you this interview with Sheila Kelly, the founder of S Factor. If you're not familiar with Sheila, she's a remarkable woman, really inspiring. She started this transformation movement to help women connect to their bodies with a

very specific practice. I'm a huge fan of Sheila and her work that gives women permission to own their robotic energy and teach them how to feel more comfortable in their bodies. And if your interest is peaked, I know it will be, you can learn more about S-Factor at sfactor.com and don't forget to click on the Retreats tab and get the details on our next live experience, vibrantly sexy, 2018, taking place this April 12th to the 15th in San Diego.

Enjoy the interview. Sex with Emily! Yay! Yay! So Emily Morris is a doctor, Dr. Emily Morris, and she's a sex expert and a relationship expert. So Emily Morris has offered to do her podcast here with you guys. And if you have not listened to her podcast, sex with Emily, it's brilliant, it's informative, it's hysterical and

It's one of the top rated podcasts on Amazon, right? iTunes come on in baby Emily And she's an S woman Yes,, everyone. I'm so excited. So, okay, so this is a podcast. This is going to be a podcast. We have like two million listeners around the world.

And I wanted to bring S-Factor to and Sheila to my listeners because I'm a huge fan. So last year was my first year here. And I had never been. And I'd been, I've been hearing about S factor actually. So I started a podcast in my living room 12 years ago. And my awakening, we talked about awakening earlier, was I was like, I was having really bad sex. I was like, life is too short for bad sex.

How do you have better sex? So I started this podcast, and I just started interviewing people about sex and relationships. So that was my journey. So what it's really about is the podcast is I just started interviewing people about sex and relationships. So that was my journey. So what it's really about is the podcast is I, you know, I teach people how to understand their bodies, what makes them feel good, how to ask for what they want, communicate with a partner. And then I came to S Factor last year to SK Live.

And when I first heard about this, when you started like, 16 years ago, I thought, 87 years ago. Pull dancing fun, so you get a pull, and then you do a lap dance for your boyfriend or something or for your partner. Like, that's what it is. And then I came here last year, and I was here for about two minutes.

I didn't really know. And I was like, oh, oh, I get it. In your body. It was like this missing piece, this aha moment. And so, Sheila, you've done an amazing thing, and you are goddess, truly, and an inspiration. Thank you. And let me just set the scene real quickly for my listeners, is that I'm sitting in front of a room of like hundreds of Ballista women from all walks of life in all different stages of life

All the other wearing like lingerie and workout clothes and you know Like you're all just in like from the second you walk in and I'm like is this real that people get dosed But that's something happy before they got here It's real and if you've all been to the S-Factor Studios, you know it's real. But I think that there's one commonality here. And that is that everyone's in a state of bliss. And that we're all sort of searching and trying

to get more into our bodies. And so my aha moment was that one of the top questions I get asked, especially from women, I think one of the biggest challenges we all have with having great sex is that we're not really confident in our bodies, our sex skills, like we don't know what we're doing and we don't feel embodied, if you will. And so through movement and through this kind of work, I feel a lot of women get there. Well, listen, I have a quote from you. Before she founded this seven years ago, she was like a lot of women and she says,

not only did I transfer my body as she created us, you also deepened your marriage and healed your soul. So maybe we can talk about that where you were 17 years ago and where you are now. Okay, that's a great question. So, I think, what? It takes me while I get that. When I think the planet we live on has a dysfunctional relationship with the female body, dysfunctional because we love it, we hate it, we hate that we love it, we love that we hate it.

And I don't know if you saw Rachel Maddowes interview with Hillary Clinton this week, it was phenomenal. When she talked about how misogyny just got an upper hand and how when you're given permission to hate something as vulnerable and radiant and beautiful as the feminine being and the feminine body, that's not new. That's not new. The fact that we're all seeing it now

is actually a good thing. It's actually a good thing that this state of dysfunction that shuts the feminine body down is being named, is being seen, is being identified. Because when you name it, when you see it, when you identify it, like your first offense story, you own it. When you don't name it, when you don't have words for it, you live in this place what I call the black void of adolescence that never ends. Because all of a sudden, you go from being a child, a female child to a young woman,

with sprouting breasts, sprouting pubic hair, curves in your body, and no one tells you how to live in it. Holy shit. Well, that's no one tells us. And that's what, okay, so I wrote down these quotes here that I had my notes from last year, like 50 pages of notes. And today I've already taken like 20.

And these are just, and I want people to get this, because again, a lot of people might, I know you guys are all in this, but for example, you know, feeling emotions through the body is the point of S factor. And that our emotion is the fuel that's been shamed into our body, and that the body needs to say things that the words cannot express and that we feel stories in our body, right? So that's all sort of part of the same, and that just hits, it's like, what is that mean? So if someone's listening to this going, yeah, I can't get that.

And this practice gets us into our body. Yeah. And can we talk about some of the first steps maybe if someone's, yeah. But we just have. Yeah, if you listen, when you're born into a female body, you're born with certain gifts. What I call the five feminine geniuses.

You're born with curve of movement. You can, anybody here have a baby girl? Anyone see her whittled her little ass, and anyone see her touch her and grab her vulva? Hello, Janelle. So we were just talking a little bit to your old, is like my vulva, and hold on to it. We're not, we're told, we're, and yet, like I said earlier, my son grabbed his penis at

the age of two and still hold on. Whereas we are conditioned not to because it's not safe for the female body to be as free in our eroticism and sexuality as it is for a male, so our society thinks you would think a society, a civilized society would actually be the opposite that the female would be free and be safe. And that's why safety is such a big, big issue for me because of what I'm saying about the female body shutting down. You go, I'm going to go back to the question you asked me earlier. So my body was shut down.

And not just my emotions were shut down, but my eroticism was shut down. I had thought was a great sex life. And no, it wasn't. I mean, it was fine, but it wasn't what it is now. And we're talking 27 years with the same man, because as I awoke every single cell in my body and got every single cell moving and fluid and delicious again, I could connect to him on a level that I couldn't

possibly connect to him before. The thing about this movement is that it's very specific. So people are thinking, well, I exercise, I do spinning. You were exercising your dancer, but this movement is what transformed you and hundreds of thousands of women who have done this. That's right. So I would call this a feminine movement practice. I would go so far as to call it a transformational feminine movement practice. I would go so far as to call it a transformational

feminine movement practice. Yes. Who's transformed? Yeah. Yeah, because it will transform you. And it's not about moving. It's about embodying the body you have. It's not about trying to spin faster

than the guy next to me or the girl next to me. It's not about being on the beat, like the chick over there on that pole or the chick on this pole. It's about looking at where you live in this glorious erotic creature and saying, okay, baby, how do you move? Let me explore how far you can stretch this way. Oh my God. And how far you can stretch this way? Oh my God. And how far you can stretch this way?

Oh my God. And now I'm getting really erotically turned on. Wow. Shocking. Because you are living fully within an erotic being. We are, by definition, erotic creatures. And we live in an infantile world. That's like, oh, like erotic?

I mean, I say the words wholesome erotic energy, and people are like, those, what you just fucking fried my brain. Because wholesome doesn't go with erotic, but it does. And in the age I believe we're moving into, which is the age of authenticity and naked truth, we're going to get there. Yeah, we are getting there. We're getting there.

Well, I think about the wholesome erotic energy, and just the erotic energy in general, what I think, I'm pretty tight. I'm pretty stressed out a lot. Let's only just say that. And I meditate and I do yoga and stuff. But what I really, and I'm doing a factor, but what I've taken away from it, there's a lot of things.

But it's just that we were talking earlier about, even when you're at right aid, you're at the grocery store, you're at the dentist office. How do I, because I catch myself, I'll be walking down the street on my phone and I'm like, wait, and I stop, and I breathe, and I get in my body, and I move, and it's a practice, but I don't remember it every day,

but that's the kind of change. You're not always, we're not gonna always be able to be here with you for two days, unfortunately. But it's like taking it home. How do you remember that? How do you keep reminding yourself? And it's a powerful practice. It's a powerful practice, and I'll tell you, the magical mind, which serves the magical

body will change your life. And I've been trying to find for 10 years that phrase. I have it now. I'm giving it to you. Have that spread. Break it down. The magical mind will serve a magical body. The critical mind will control an obedient body. And you can choose which way you want to live.

I want to be magic. I want to live in magic all the time. And you're absolutely right. It is constantly consciously cultivating it in a very, very masculine world. You know, I believe that women on this planet are a lot like the ugly duckling. We were born into a tribe of ducks, men, and we're trying our hardest to fit into be a duck man. And we're actually these extraordinary fucking beautiful, graceful, glorious ones. But we don't fucking know it.

We know it in this room, but women don't know it. They don't know they're trying to be a duck. My favorite noun is true. I think that's as factor does give your whole practice, it gives you permission. Yeah. I think it makes it okay to move in the world and own your eroticism and say, you know it? It's okay that I'm in this body. And then you realize when you start to embody yourself and accept yourself, your confidence does go up and you see that you are attracting

the kind of people that you want to be, that you want to attract and you're the kind of person that you want to be. So with the feminine lives in the body and the masculine does not or they're not, you know, the masculine doesn't know what the hell to do with the feminine lives in the body and the masculine does not or they're not. You know, the masculine doesn't know what the hell to do with the feminine, right? So we all come home, like, so what do you tell women, like, we all come home from here and we're like in it, but how do you work with men? I love men. I like worship men.

And that's how I work with men. They know I worship them and they will do anything for me. They do. Anything. My husband is on a new TV show called the doctor. He was on West Wing. He didn't do that alone. It's all I'm gonna say. Right. He didn't. Okay. I'm gonna say. Right. Thanks. He didn't.

Okay. I loved him there. Right. But you knew how to, what he needed. Yeah. Worship. I have worships you. You honor him.

Yeah. I have five rules to the most epic relationship in the world. Ah. Number one. You do you. And then shut the fuck up about it. Can I swear? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Number two, stop bugging him.

Stop trying to turn him into a girlfriend. Worship the magnificent stallion he is. And he will become more of a magnificent stallion. Number three is choose him. Stop looking over his shoulder for the next guy that you think might fit better. Number four is the 40% rule. You're only ever going to get at most 40% of your needs met by him. Seriously, come to me for the day. I'll come to your girlfriends, come to me! Come to your girlfriends, come to your tribe. That's the way it used to work.

Come to your tribe for the other 60% or 70% or even 80%. Richard really fills up maybe 20% of my needs. And that's okay. I love that. This is amazing because I think we all try. We want to be our everything, right? Our best friend. We want him to go shopping with us, help us with our problems, pay the rent,

change a light bulb, the whole thing, and we're like, why? Like, just do a few of those things, it's okay. Yeah, you want to castrate your relationship, get them to change the fucking light bulb. Exactly. But it's like, so it's almost like these changes can happen instantly.

Instantly. Letting go of all these expectations that we have that are kind of, you're never gonna get met. Kill them. Expectations to me is just another way to spell disappointment. It's true. So, this is real.

Go, 5, 5. King him. You wanna be a queen? You better fucking king him. That's all. King him. How do you king him? You were saying earlier you text you king.

How do you king? How do you king? Worship. And you get back. I wake up every day and instead of going, what do I need? I go, what could I do to make him happy today? How could I make him love me more? How could I turn him on more? How could I elevate him?

How could I make him feel like the fucking king? And the reason why that is so evolved, like it's such an evolved way of thinking about it is if you go back to the 50s or something you'd be thinking, well you sound like a such an evolved way of thinking about it is if you go back to the 50s or something you'd be thinking, well you sound like a stay at home, how is my wife? How can I serve him? Should I make him dinner? We're not talking about the energy. We're talking about your serving him and you get it right back and he's serving you. That's right. And what I love about this also is that what you do is it's not about words.

No, it's not. It's about being in your body and feeling it and kind of bringing that energy, which is why, at a podcast, I've had, you know, I'm really trying to bring a lot of this stuff to my listeners to be like, I know that you can't see me moving in what we're doing here. I wish we could. They just come take your class. Can you video it? Yeah, we could.

Yeah, especially else we're doing it. Here's the other thing I want to thank you for is that we did an exercise earlier, the bliss meter. But you guys think of the bliss, we need to write down all the things that make you happy. I love this exercise. And then you have to put how many hours a week you spend actually doing those things. We're all free agents, right? You think I should probably spend a lot of time having sex, for example, or breathing, or walking, or smelling flowers. And then you're like, like last year, so I've

to, so it was amazing. And then you do the formula. I could put this on my website as well. How you figure it out. And it's like this, whoa, I'm spending, because that's how you sleep how many hours a night, seven hours. It was like, let's say it's 120 hours a week. And then you divide that by the hours that I'm blissful in a week. And last year, I was like 7% bliss. Whoo! It was not a good day. Not a good number. But this year I was up. I was like 28% bliss. So high five to you. That's huge. And you know, Emily, that's actually, I want to kind of tell, I want to speak that because I don't,

Actually, I want to kind of tell, I want to speak that because I don't, people need to know that this is an incremental journey. Right. And you earn your way into full ownership, full bliss, full, and what I call the magical body and the magical life. And if you just think, oh, I can come for a week and I can listen to Emily once or twice and I'll be better, no, it's a journey. No, no, it's a journey. And it's a journey of self-investment and in development

and growth. And it's so incredibly worth it. We go to college, we think we're done. I'm done growing, I'm done learning, I'm going to go get a job now. And then you slowly just go, oh, fuck, what did I do? There's the ground explode, I'm hitting, you know, it's a crash.

You never done. That's right. Turn for hitting, you know, it's a crash. You're never done. That's right. That's right. Yeah, and it's really important to constantly, consciously cultivate a magical body with a magical mind. Why do you think it's so hard for women to experience their bliss and just to do some of these things that are just, we don't take the time for ourselves.

We don't do one of these things. Like, what do you hear to me, like, Chris, we're caretakers, because we don't think we deserve it? I think it's, honestly, I think it's many women don't think there's a problem. Many women don't know how depressed they are. Many women don't know how shut down their bodies are. And they're going to say, listen to this and go, I'm not telling me. That was my question for you. So if you're listening, how do you know it? How can

people know that their body shut down? You know your body shut down. If you're sitting on a bus and you hear my voice say, touch your nipple and you don't. Okay. People have listened to this when they're commuting a lot. I mean, honest to God. I know, I'm not, I know it's funny, but I'm actually not trying to be funny. I'm trying to let you know that your someone has told you a false truth that you may not touch your nipple. It's not yours. That's bizarre to me. And you should see me on a bus.

I'm constantly like, oh. And I'm grabbing. I'm not surprised. For those of you on the pod, I'm grabbing my breasts right now. She has. And it's amazing. And it's not that I'm turning myself on.

I'm like, these are mine, and I fucking love them. And they're triple D and yay. They're there. She's spectacular. Thank you for growing. But it's funny. Well, earlier we talked about the first offense. Yeah.

And I remember this from last year, you told the story about how the first time you remember, and I think we all have this time in our lives when we realized that it's not OK. Like our bodies are something to be ashamed of. Our bodies are something to hide. And I think that's the other kind of work that women, when they don't realize they're shut down

to think about, well, is there something that I'm, is it, does it make me uncomfortable to touch myself? Maybe in a bus I get it in our major city. But if you're at home right now, even, and you're like, I don't know, we're not there yet. That was President. That was President. But what was interesting is that early,

you started that exercise. You said to somebody, you're a touch of vagina. And you like, because you're so good, you're like the body whisperer or the vagina whisperer. She lived out and you're like, you pointed to somebody and you said, you're an, I knew you weren't gonna do it. And it's true, like even in a room of women

that are like, I've never been in such an accepting, open, authentic group of women who make you feel like everything. You guys are amazing. That's you mother fuckers. But yet, even here, I love these, it's amazing, these women. I would fucking die for this one. I fucking love you women. I'd really do.

I know, this is, it's, it's, I mean, I feel like I want every woman to experience this. I want every woman to be a beauty woman. I want every woman on the planet to be you. I want them to make the investment they make. I want your readers to meet these women. How do they meet? How do they find you around the world right now? L-A-L-A-S-T-E-O come to a studio. And that's not just studio.

Yeah, thank you. And you've video stuff on your site, thinking that. Yeah, videos, absolutely. But the deeper learning of what we're talking about is at the retreats and at the SKL. Yeah, it's so worth it if you want to. I feel like in my life, all the transformations I've done, again, still on the journey, is always when it's the

emergence, it's weekends, when you go away. And that's my back. And I've gotten even so much more already. And we're not even through the first day yet. So let's talk about erotic energy real quick. And then you have all the erotic creatures. We can't't get through all of them right now we have a few minutes left but let's talk about how this kind of practice and embodiment helps women with their getting in touch with what they want sexually. Let's talk about it let's talk about it. I think

that when we were pre-word pre-alphabet if you look atphabet. If you look at an animal, if you look at an animal getting what it wants, it will use every cell in its body, including its erotic energy, every single muscle in its body, move towards what it wants, and it will move it towards that desire. We have gotten so disconnected from our bodies. We live from the armpits up with these stupid things that we push with our thumbs all day long. And we get trapped out of our bodies. And so for me, my passion is getting people freed back into the body so that they can use

that extraordinary erotic energy to take them where they need to go, what they want to get in life. And when you're able to use the energy in your body and focus at the erotic energy, especially, I mean, it's... I mean, this is what informs it because I can tell people, and I know that the podcast helps. I talk about figuring out what you want, it makes you feel good, communicating that's your partner. Here's some ideas, but a lot of times what I hear from him

is I don't actually know what turns me on. I don't really know what feels good to me. And so what I love is that here, we're not there yet, but today, there are some ways that you, the tools that you have that help people get to that point of like, oh, that's it, because you can't think your way into eroticism, you can't think your way into having better sex, you can't, you have to feel it.

And so that's what I love about your work. Absolutely, and so much. You have to know, if I may say this, you have to know who you are as an erotic being. Where do you come from? What is your emotional core? What do you, once you know you, you can know what you want. You can't know what you want before you know you.

Exactly. It's always about that. And that's what we do. We skip over to what do you want? I don't fucking, okay, touch me here. I think touch me there. I don't know how do you want me to touch you. I don't know.

What is a DC? You better fucking touch me with a lot of aggression. No. Well, right, the different kind. Right, but we don't know. It's a experiment. You try. It's got fun journey. Like, because there's, I used to think that something was wrong with me with, you know, hence the bad sex, when I started my show. Like, I was like, why didn't I get the memo of what I like? And I thought that like my partners or men were shipped off to some like secret school, like when they were like, kids and they learned about the female body, then that would be with them and they would know

how to please me. Because I didn't know, like I didn't get the manual. And so this is sort of that manual, I guess, being here is like how we unpack all of that. 1,000 times percent, absolutely. And that's what it was beautifully said. Thank you. This is beautiful. Thank you everyone for having me here. What was beautifully said. Thank you. This is beautiful. Thank you everyone for having me.

Thank you for the podcast. Thank you. I love it. Thank you very much. Alright, let's give a quick shout out to our sponsors. Thanks for supporting them and thanks for listening. I'll be right back. Hey, how's it going? SteppyDjemy here, part of the Sex and Family team, and I'm going to tell all of you awesome and sexy listeners out there had again touch with Emily to get your questions answered live on the show. Emails are great, but we get it.

Some questions need a little bit more context, so we've made it very, very easy to ask Emily question. So your first option, you're gonna text, which is always easy. Text ask Emily all one word to 7979, 7979. You're gonna get the short form where you can enter your question in all your contact details. So that's ask Emily ASKEMILY27979,

fill out the form and there's going to be a little box where you can click, yes, I would like to be called because I need help. Then next option for you is going to be submitting a question from the sexethemily.com website via the AskEmily tab. The form is super easy to fill out. Same thing. Just click that you'd like to be called. That way we will know that yes, you would like to speak personally to Emily. Also, we love, love, love when you include your information. So your age, your gender, where you live, and how

you listen to the show. And we get at some of you a little nervous, some of your friends, or your partner maybe are listening to the show. So we can give you a fake name and change your location if you would like us to. So just let us know. Unfortunately, though, we cannot change your voice. So unless you have a really good accent, you can't be deep through. Sorry, no pun intended there. But here we go onto the calls. Okay, we have Elizabeth. She's 45 in California and she wants to know is age just a number. Hi, Elizabeth. Hi. Hi. Thanks for calling in. So tell me what's going on. Well, I'm married for about 24 years and then just recently started getting into the 18th school. I fortunately have good genes and take care of myself. So I look much younger than I am. That is my age. Do not look like I look. And so now, and most of the time that I do go out,

it's the younger crowd that's attracted to me, and I have a problem with dating anybody that's in their 20s or early 30s, since I have a child that isn't here. Okay. Yeah, that makes sense. So, how about a little older than early, there? How about late 30s?

Well, late 30s does the same thing too, but I could deal with that as well, but right now my problem is that in the late 30s, there's a bit 30 going through their divorce or there are recently divorced and they don't have anything after such divorces is ravaged their savings and whatnot or their own disease issues and my kids are pretty much grown so it's kind of like I'm trying to find that happy to meet

them and I'm not looking for a permanent relationship since I was married for over 25 years now so you're just looking for a fine option is a yes or yeah okay so then what's that what you could have casual sex friends that benefit relationships you don't have to I mean if that's what you're attracted to right now and you truly are not looking for a relationship, then maybe age only is a number. I think it's, you know, you're not like, traips to come through the house with your kids. If that's what you're attracted to and that's what you're finding and you truly are just looking for some sex and some fun right now, I mean, I get it.

I look a lot younger too. I get younger men, you know, I go out, I mean, I kind of draw the line. I wouldn't date a guy that's 20s now, but 30s, you know. If you feel okay, within your both in the same page? So basically I did have a one I found and I found out that this morning that the kid and I see kids because I have one his age is 27 and I felt so full of it.

That's why I decided to find a way to get over that. Hey, just so- to okay let it go. Yeah. But I put myself in that somebody's kid. Right, no, I understand that. But you're two consenting adults. There was an attraction. And I understand that.

You're like, he has a mother and a father. And how would I feel? But the truth is, if you're not doing anything morally wrong and you're, again, honest consenting adults, it's just going to be a practice for you. I think that that's totally fine. It's fine to do that if you feel okay with it. Now, if it's eating you up and you have this terrible guilt and you can't get past it,

I can tell you that it's safe and it's okay and that you're doing the right thing and you're not blinking any laws. But if you personally feel like it's just more conflict, then I can't tell you how to get over that, but I'm just telling you that it's more common than you think that you know a lot of women you know that dating younger man dating with a attracted to so maybe that just fell to young for you i get that too i think that's what happens now also how are you meeting men

how am i meeting them uh... uh... different website or just when i go out to the relax i always attract people and they always seem to be way younger than I am. Right, yeah, I get it, because that's kind of who's out. I want to show up or something. Yeah, well, I mean, and if you're not looking

for a serious relationship right now, what's your concern is that it's wrong? Like you're going to be, tell me what that feels like to. Is it some messages from the past? No, I didn't think to get out of my head at that time, I'm a mom of somebody about the same age, and I'm thinking there's no way I should be dating somebody that's possible to be my son, but these guys don't look like my friends. Yeah.

They look older and I'm younger, and I'm not trying to take them home to mom with them. No, I'm giving you permission then. No, Elizabeth, I'm giving you permission. I'm giving you permission to go out and make choices and date men that you find attractive. And you're, again, consenting adults, men always date women a lot younger than them. I don't think they have as much of a conflict.

I'm just saying that, I think this is something you can get past, especially if it feels good to you to go out and have sex. You're not looking for anything serious right now. After being married for so long, I think it is a good time to like go out and have sex. You're not looking for anything serious right now. After being married for so long, I think it is a good time to just go out and date and kind of figure out who you are and get as a single woman. So I think that you're just.

I'm running a lot from the younger. Yeah, you learned a lot. You're actually more mature than me. Well, right. Yeah, that was the funny part that I told this guy. I'm like, oh, you're such a young person, a kid, and actually he taught me things that I never even knew where out there. So there you go. See? You love the youngsters now. Who's the youngsters now?

I love it. So see, just remember, they're actually doing you a favor. You're doing them a favor. And I think that you just got to get out of your head and have some fun. You deserve it. You really do. You've been a mother or five children. Go have some fun. Learn some thing. Take some notes and you know, who knows what you're being like, even six months from now, but just don't be so hard on yourself and you have my permission. Go for it, use protection.

Okay, by-laws, thanks so much. Bye. Bye. Oh, God, you guys, the age thing, sometimes it is only a number. I mean, yes, it depends what kind of relationship you're looking for. If you're looking to get married, have kids,

long-term relationship with somebody, it helps to be, you know, they say, there's some study that came out a few months ago, like eight years is the ideal age, you know, the spread that seems to work the best. But if you're like looking to be casual and have fun with somebody, I think that we're all just so hard on ourselves.

Here's the interesting thing about Elizabeth is that I think a lot of us do this, and I'm not sure, it can come from a lot of different places in our lives from society, religion, our family, but she's creating like this artificial barrier for herself, why she can't experience happiness and joy with someone. It's because he's too young or because of the children. And I think we do that sometimes. We stop ourselves from really having the most pleasure or the most you know productive lives because we I don't know we're in our heads and we're hard on ourselves. So if there's anything messages that maybe you're thinking right now that aren't serving

you anymore, this might be a great time to kind of examine them where they came from and set them free so you can go out and live the life that you want to live. Okay, we have Brielle. She's 35 from Florida and she's afraid of becoming addicted to orgasming to porn. Hi, Brielle. Hi. Hi. Tell me what's going on. Hi, well, thank you so much for taking my call first. Of course.

Okay, so I've been married for a few years and I've never really been successful with reaching orgasm either through penetration their penetration, world sex or anything. Okay. And so, I'm sorry, ever in your life, I'm sorry, ever in your life, or just with your new partner. Ever. Ever got to be one else. Okay.

And so, after listening to your podcast, I've been trying to do a couple things like masturbating lure and practicing to mindfulness and getting myself in the mood. And so I've been able to orgasm through pornography. Okay. Awesome. Yay. Okay. Success.

Great. Okay. Yeah. But it hasn't really translated anywhere else. And so I can't have an orgasm without the pornography either by myself or with my stuff. So I feel like I'm kind of just stuck now. Okay, so tell me what you're doing. So this is when you're masturbating on your own.

Are you using your hands or you're using a toy? So I mostly just use my hands and I can just rub over my pants or whatever I'm wearing. So it's not really any touchy-filly type thing because I'm really not comfortable with that yet. I'm just trying to get warmed up. But I also just recently bought the intensity. And so I've been trying to work with that. That's great. Yeah, that seems to help save along much quicker. Right, no,

that because you're the intensity, build your keggell muscles and it does it for you. And I had the same experience. I did it every day for a few months. I mean, I still do it now for maintenance, but my G-spot orgasms became so much stronger. Okay. So now it's easier to orgasm. That's good. Yes, but like I said, I can only do it if I'm watching pornography. Okay, well the good news is, it's only been a few months, right? Since you've started watching porn

and connecting to orgasm. So that doesn't mean that's a truth, right? Right now it feels that way, but this doesn't mean that this is your only gonna have to only be watching porn to orgasm. So you're not addicted at all. In fact, you're calling me the perfect time. This is all good. So, and you, have you. In fact, you're calling me the perfect time. This is all good.

So, and you, have you talked to your, is it your husband, right? And you, have you talked to him about this or that you're okay? Yes, totally aware. And we've actually one time, or two times, have tried to watch pornography together and tried to do things that we've turned it off beforehand. And then it just has not been successful. Okay. So what kind of porn are you watching? Is it the same kind of porn as a certain genre? We actually started watching the show that you had two of the girls on the other day.

It's kind of like 50 shades of gray. Yes. Skin dive. Okay, right. Okay, good. And that's that. Okay, great. And then just random pornography as well. Okay. There's no like friend or anything like that

that we watched together, just male and female that we're doing. So that's okay, so that's good that you guys are trying to do it together. Now when you said, I wanna back up to something that you said. You said that you're not really comfortable yet, touching yourself, except for over your pants.

So that's where I'm going to start because I'm not going to be so concerned with your husband right now as far as you being comfortable with your body. So what's not comfortable about it? What does that feel like when you're nervous? So, if I touch myself, I feel like I'm just touching my arm or, you know, like, it doesn't, I don't really get any sensations or anything like that. The only thing that really gets me the mood is if you know like I watch pornography or even like my husband and I together I get excited and whatnot but I can never reach

the full orgasm. Right. So I'm running through a few things. Could be fun for you guys to like do mutual masturbation where you're both watching porn together. So he's kind of like closer to you in the room and then you're used to masturbating, making your orgasm face or maybe there's some fear, you know, some thing about intimacy that you're uncomfortable with because you're with your husband. So I would recommend that because that's kind of like a bridge

that you're both in the same room, but you're masturbating. But also it sounds like, what if he, have you guys ever played with any role playing or dirty talk or anything? Because it sounds like, what if he, have you guys ever played with any role playing or dirty talk or anything? Because it sounds like you were really great active imagination and that you're visual and you like, you know, the story. So maybe he could narrate some stories to you and some like dirty talk about like I'm picturing this right now.

And so it just sounds like it's the words and that that's getting you there. So I think you guys could sort of bring some of these elements into your own sex life. Yeah. And it sounds like a great recommendation. Yeah. You can talk about that. So I think you guys get sort of, sort of bring some of these elements into your own sex life. And- Yeah, it sounds like a great recommendation that we've all about that. Yeah, there you go. Because sometimes just even them narrating it,

like saying, hey, it's really hot and picturing this and these kind of telling you back what the scene that you guys watched, and I think that just, you sounds like you need some more of that stuff and that would be really help you get there. Because you're so close. You've come so far, but you're all so proud. I love it, so try that and then let me know what happens.

But you're not addicted to porn, you're doing nothing wrong in vector, you're doing everything right. I so love that you called and best of luck to you. You got this, you really have to let me know because I love this story. So I'm following you along, I'm this journey. You're welcome, bye for you, I'll have a great night.

Bye. I love it. I love when I give you orgasms. I mean, you know what I mean? Not specifically, but through the show that makes me so happy. And I think this is interesting because it's like what I always say you guys Just because we orgasm in one way Does not mean that is the only way that we can experience pleasure this goes for men and for women So to constantly be expanding your sexual repertoire by trying new things, if you feel like, yeah, maybe I am addicted to porn, then just try, you know what, I'm going to watch porn for the first five minutes and then turn it off, or I'm actually going to read a

rata-ka, or I'm going to try, you know, incorporating other things. It's like everything. It's kind of like cross-training your sex life. So you don't get stuck in one place with it, one kind of orgasm. If you just keep mixing it up, it's a more fun and you're getting that variety that you want. But B, you'll realize how much potential you have for not only so much pleasure, but so many different kinds of orgasms and ways to get there. Okay, our next color is Jim. He's 50 from Washington. And after years of ups and downs, his wife wants to have sex with others. Hey, Jim, thanks for calling. Hey, how are you? I'm good. So tell me a little background here. What's going on? his wife wants to have sex with others. Hey Jim, thanks for calling.

Hey, how are you? I'm good, so tell me a little background here. What's going on? Well, I met my wife 14 years ago. When she was 28, I'm 10 years older. She was just coming off in an abusive relationship with a guy who was 30 years older than her, by the way. And so when I met her, she was having

a come to Jesus moment, surrendered herself to God and the whole thing. And when I met her, she wanted to find a godly man, godly marriage, which is what I was into then, and which is what I wanted. So all during our marriage, she had a very, I was like a lack of an appetite of sex. And I thought it was due to the past relationship, the past abuse. So I kept it really low-key, sensual, as opposed to sexual. In other words, boring, okay? All of a... Okay.

All of a... Okay. You're a great lover. It's all about you. It's, you know, it's... I just want to please you. I don't have those desires anymore. And then about a year ago, she threw God out of her life, she threw religion out of her life, and she feels emancipated. And what I found out is all those years, basically, she's just been lying to me. She has told me that I've wanted sex all along. It's just been boring with you. I've been lying to myself. I've been lying to you. Now I want to go off and see other people.

And that's where I am. Jam, I'm so sorry. That sounds... Yeah, you've been through a lot. That sounds like it was. It's been a rough year ago she came to you and said this. About a year ago, she stopped going to church. She stopped reading her Bible, which she did every morning. And then the sex between us was very different. It was like this volcano came out and then it would go away, back to normal, little to murder, girl, and then a couple months later, same thing, and then back to normal. And finally, I came home from a trip and she said, you know, I want to be separated. I need to explore myself.

I need to identify myself. I need to identify myself. I want to have sex with other people. I don't know where I am right now. Okay. So, so what's happened and how did you react? So what's happened with you too since then? So we're separated and I'm having trouble with the idea of her wanting to go out and have sex with other people. When Emily, I thought i was giving her what she wanted all those years and she didn't know what you wanted i know i want to go to the support of people uh... i'm so sorry because this is not an easy situation but it sounds to me like she's been on this

she's been seeking right so she had religion and she gets rid of a religion and she's back into it sounds like there's a lot other things going on with her right now. And I don't think you could have changed this. Like this has not even though this probably feels like a gem. It really doesn't have anything to do with you, per se, because it sounds like she's doing all the thing. And I really think it doesn't. And I know that's so hard to take in because you want to like, I want her to see that I'm the one and I made all these efforts. And I've been for 13 years. And oh my god, how dare she. And I get it and you're allowed to be angry and to be upset and to and all this stuff.

But this I feel like it sounds like it's been little tumultuous for a while and the fact that she's just able to up and leave and she's telling you one thing and she's been lying to herself. It sounds like she really does have some serious personal work to do. And it might not be just the healthiest fit for you. So in a way, while it's painful, I feel like she's doing you a favor, even though it hurts right now. And whatever you can do now to kind of heal from it and move on, were you feeling throughout this that you were very satisfied? Like you thought you were doing everything right for her. And I'm actually more drawn to it.

You haven't even satisfied, though, not a lot of the scenery that go Jim. I wanted to be sexually exactly. Exactly. So Jim, it's so right, takes two to tango, right? There's two of you in the relationship. And you're being the pleaser of the great husband, doing everything that she needs.

But I want to know, Jim, like it sounds like you weren't getting your needs but as you're saying as well. No, not at all. That's a hard part. Now, I know she's this sexual person who I always wanted her to be. I feel like I'm out of my sexual change now. Like, I get it. So this is like anger, this is frustration, this is like how dare she.

I can't believe it. This isn't what I wanted. She's changing, and that's all really legit. I'm over it now. I'm actually going to stand back and let it run. Of course, I just don't want to feel like, you know, I'm an idiot for doing that. Right. Well, your friends are saying, hey, show her the door. I'm actually willing to be her friend right now. That's what she wants me to be. And I'm willing to take this journey with her. You know, but what are you getting from this journey right now? Like,

are you still are you starting to get your needs met? I think she's very screwed up right now. She's got a lot going on. Sounds like it. I want her to know that I'm her friend. And if we're going to come back together again, I think we can use this trial to build an even better relationship, a more open sexual relationship. If she sees me stand by her now, I'm thinking it could pay big dividends

for the future. Yeah, but Jim, I think if she sees you take care of yourself and start to ask for what you want, that will pay big dividends for both of you. But to me, to say that you're going to hang out and wait for her right, she's just been back and forth and lying to you and all these things and she's confused. We don't know. She's the wild card here. We know about you, Jim. We know that you're caring and that you're thoughtful and that you're good husband and you're a good man and you have discipline and you care and you have a big heart.

And you can still wait with her and be her friend, but I really want you to take some of this time and really focus on Jim and what you actually need from a relationship and how you can give self, okay? So tell me, tell me what you're doing. I'm involved in new activities, so I'm a lawyer. I'm involved in a lot of stuff. I'm doing more pro bono stuff outside of my work.

I got some new fitness challenges. I'm involved in a lot of volunteer stuff. So I'm not clinging to this and then fix it mode anymore. I wasn't going to be good at that. That's not hot. I'm trying to. I need right now. She's loving it too. She's seeing a different sort of deal going on.

That's good then. It sounds like, well, then you sound like you're at a healthy place for it with it. That you guys are changing. So that sounds good. So was there any other specific question? I think you got this. And your friends, no one's going to understand. Our friends are going to say, oh God, she's crazy. She's doing that. And I'm not going to say that to you. I think you got this. And your friends, no one's going to understand. Our friends are going to say, oh, God, she's crazy. She's doing that. And I'm not going

to say that to you. I'm carrying about you. And what you're doing, it sounds like you're taking care of yourself. I feel like you're in a good place with this. You're not putting all your ex on this mask. I'm going to give it. I'm going to give it a certain timeline. And, you know, I'm not going to wait forever. No, you shouldn't because she's already showing you that, you don't know what's going to happen back and forth. So as long as you keep taking care of yourself, surrounding yourself with people who are actually good and supportive of this, it sounds like you're doing the right thing. I support you.

Keep me posted, okay, Jen? Let me know in the comments. Thank you. I love your show. Thank you. Jim, so good to talk to you. Best of luck. Bye.

You too. Bye. That's never easy to go through a breakup and when our partner is changing and we know that relationships do change and evolve and grow over time. The most important thing is to look at your part in a breakup or in a relationship. It's so easy to blame our partners.

But once you can get clear on, hey, there's two of us here. What's my responsibility? And to kind of readjust, take care of yourself. I was happy to hear the gyms doing that. And I hope that some of you listening are like, oh, wait a minute, I'm not going to keep blame my partner. There's something I can learn about myself.

How can I move and change and be stronger in my relationship or my next relationship? Okay, we've Megan, 24, from Denver, and she wants to know how to have anal vaginal sex without risking infection. Hey, Megan, it's a great question. Hello, Emily. Thank you for having me on the show.

I'm really huge for you. I love your project. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you're having me on the show. I'm really huge for you. Oh, I love your project. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you're listening that you found us. How can I help you today? Tell me what's going on. OK, so my boyfriend and I have been together for about two to three years now.

And throughout all sex partners that I've had, he and I have the best sex relationship so far. And hopefully it stays that way. Great. But recently we've been slowly getting into anal sex so you know some days we'll try the penetrate a little bit day by day and see how like how further and we can get into it. And eventually we reached full penetration and it was the best sex we ever had.

Great. And recently we tried doing vaginal and anal sex like they do in porn. So like, I had a trait in the vagina and then they finally showed you the anus and back and forth. Right. And it felt amazing, Emily. Like, my boyfriend and I have never worked out them so fast at the same time.

Wow. Yeah, magical. I love it. OK, so that's all good. And we talked about it after, and we just talked about how we felt. And we were just so happy that we were on the same page after all this experimenting with anal sex

for, I want to say, I I could get three to six months. And when it happened, it was like, sure, the next day I was experiencing a lot of pain and pressure down in my vaginal area. And I wasn't sure what was going on because I never felt this sensation before, but it was very unbearable. Okay. So, we went back to my boyfriend's house, and his mom, though, is I wasn't feeling very comfortable.

So she asked me what kind of symptoms I was having, and I told her I felt like I had to pee like every three seconds, and I wasn't hearing anything. And so she told me I would possibly have a UPI. Yep. So I went to my boyfriend and took me to the pharmacy. And we got a test trip. I did a test trip in the bathroom.

And I came up positive for a UPI. OK. So I ended up buying medicine for it. And within my less than 30 minutes, people are gone. OK. And so I brought it back. And I'm thinking to myself, what could have caused me to have a UPI because this is my first UTI thing?

Right. And I thought about it. I was like, oh, we had unprotected vaginal. Yes. You went back and forth. Talked to you with the other about it. Yes. So I told him, like, this is, in a way, it looked unsatisfactory, but at the same time, it was

just in the moment. Right. It sounds amazing and they do it in porn. Right, so here's what happened. You got some bacteria in you. So what happens is when you go back and forth which they don't show you this in porn, this is why I love porn,

but what they don't show you is that you actually, like for example, if you're using condoms, you'd have to change the condom before you went into the vagina and then into the anus and back and forth. You always have to, but since you're not using protection, you're in a relationship or maybe you're into the vagina and then into the anus and back and forth. You always have to. But since you're not using protection, you're in a relationship, or maybe you're on the pill or something, you have to at least make sure that you're clean. So I think that's exactly what happened.

You got some bacteria, and then that is what caused the urinary infection. So to prevent that in the future, what you're going to have to do is maybe you could do some stuff in the shower, have shower sex. Make sure before you have anal, though, too, that you're clean, that you've urinated, that you've emptied your bladder, that your hands, both of your hands are clean, and that you've gotten rid of, you know, that you've just, you've cleaned yourself all over because there still can be some feces, some bacteria met me, it just, you know, that's what happens with sex. There's a lot going on down there.

So you want to make sure that you're clean and that you wipe off in between. And I know that's not hot, but it sounds like a tube you could make anything hot. Yes. So like me and my wife talked about it again, and we really want to try it again soon, just in like, we need to be more cautious about what we're doing next time. But yes, so far we've been doing like vaginal sex and anything off an anal sex, and it's just absolutely amazing. It sounds amazing. It's an other advising, give me for cleanliness and... Yeah, I think it's all about cleaning this. Like it really is. It's all about being clean.

It's about your hands being clean. It's about making sure that your bowel is empty. You know, you don't have to like do, sure do an enema. Some people do that. You really don't. You know your own, like when you're healthy and you've already released your bowel movements and stuff like that.

So I feel like if you know your body will be pretty safe, but you really always want to just, you guys can shower together and make sure that in between again, like he washes out, you go to the bathroom and then you can start again. And I know that's not sexy and they don't show you that in porn, but that's because that's not sexy and porn, but you guys could jump in the shower, the bathroom, you baby wipes. Yeah, you got, you have to, like that's just the best way, but you guys could jump in the shower, the bath and use baby wipes. Yeah, you have to, like that's just the best way to be clean and just pay attention.

Like have I have I clean is everything, you know, is everything clean and pristine so I can keep moving forward. But that's what it is and also urinating after sex is huge for everybody. Like you should always go to the bathroom after sex because bacteria, even if you're using condoms, things get stuck up there.

We got a lot going on. So that's what you got to do. But just keep going with some more precautions towards being hygienic. All right. Yeah, definitely talk to my wife and about the whole bathroom idea because most of the sex that we do have is in his bedroom. Right. And he's filled with a family.

So I wanted to pick up and think about is going to the bathroom coming back and then going back to the bathroom just to clean off. But I'll definitely talk to him about trying to get in the bathroom and cleaning. Yeah, and then you could also clean it out. Exactly, I get it because it's tough with roommates and family.

You could also have like baby wipes or have like a washcloth with some soap on it, but that's a little messier, but you could do that. Like if you use a several baby wipes and you get cleaned off and you're bedroom, you'll probably be okay with that too. But shower sex is always a good time. Just make sure you're clean and have fun with it. I love it.

I love that you guys took it slow and that you went along. Thanks, Megan. Okay, I think this is a great question you guys. There's two things that brings up me. First of all, you guys porn is meant to entertain you. It is not an educational tool. It's not specifically showing you how to upset. So the second, you're copying things in porn like this.

For example, it's not always going to bow well for you and your sex life. So remember, you always have to go to the bathroom after sex, men, and women, and just, you know, you want to be clean. And this goes for all kinds of sex. Make sure that your hands are washed, fingernails, and especially for anal sex. If you're using

condoms again, you have to change condoms if you're going from the back to front to back. That way you can avoid your unattractive infections for the best of your ability and keep on having amazing sex and incredible orgasms. Okay guys, hope you enjoyed this show. That was a good time. I had fun. I hope you had much fun as I did. Let me know, I always love hearing from you and thanks to my amazing team, Ken, Jamie, our volunteers, Shannon, Jenny, Sarah, our producer of Lark, Michael, and Sybil. And thanks everyone for listening, was it good for you? Text Ask Emily to 7979-7979.

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