Sex With Emily - We’re All A Little Kinky

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

What does it mean exactly, when someone says they’re a voyeur? A sub? A cuckhold or an exhibitionist? Well folks, we are getting a kinky education today! On today’s episode, I’m walking you through your sexual fantasies to see where you land on the kink spectrum. I’m talking submission and domination, exhibitionism and voyeurism, even a little humiliation, if that’s your preferred kink flavor. But because kink is play, I’m also giving you some specific ideas for how to explore these fantasies IRL – and, bonus, I’m taking all of your kinky questions.  In this episode you’ll learn:  HERE HERE HERE Show Notes: SHOP WITH EMILY! (free shipping on orders over $99) The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SWE  Shopify.com/swe Want more? Sex With Emily: Home Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok  Let’s text: Sign Up Here Want me to slide into your inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. See the full show notes at sexwithemily.com/live.

Both partners agree to consensual non-consent. So they're agreeing on established set of rules. And this can get really tricky, but you want to do with a partner where you trust each other. You need the most excellent communication. I want it to be an all-time high, which is also why, side note, this kind of play, any kind of the play I'm talking about, really enhances relationships for many because it helps you improve your communication You're listening to sex with Emily I'm dr. Emily and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex So what does it mean exactly when someone says they're a voyeur a sub a cuckold or an exhibitionist and folks?

We're gonna kinky education. So on today's episode, I'm walking you through your sexual fantasies to see where you land on the kink spectrum. I'm talking submission and domination, exhibitionism and voyeurism, and even a little humiliation affects your preferred kink flavor. But because kink is play, and it really is play, I'm also giving you some specific ideas for how to explore these fantasies IRL. And bonus, I'm taking all your kinky questions. Please rate reviews Sex with Emily wherever you listen to the show. It's so easy to rate the podcast. You can do it right now. It takes

two seconds and it helps get the show out to more people. We appreciate when you do that and we read all your reviews. You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, all the places. It's all at Sex with Emily. My new articles, four quick arousal hacks and how to have long-distance sex are up on SexWithEmily.com. Alright everyone, enjoy this episode. The summer heat is rolling in so let's talk about something that can turn up the heat in the bedroom. Promessence Arousal Gel for Women.

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Discover Promessant's Arousal Gel. You'll never look back. Question for you. Have you been wanting to connect more with your partner, but no matter what you do, you just feel further and further apart? Well, I've got a suggestion for you that worked for me and my partner. So to be honest, we were in a bit of a rut recently, and we both felt like we're just going through the motions, every day is the same, and we weren't getting anywhere in these conversations. But then we discovered this really fun app called Paired. And Paired is all about making time for genuine conversation

and fun activities together every single day. You just download the app, you pair it up with your partner, and Paired gives you these really like thought-provoking questions and super cute games that are tailored just for your relationship. And the best part, I love this part, you can't see each other's answers until you both answered honestly. It's like a judgment-free zone to just really open up.

And through paired, I learned things about a partner that really surprised me after all these years. So one night paired had us play this game called your kinky sex bucket list. So we went through all the kinks and all the suggestions that we wanted to try. We matched it up and it was really fun. We have a lot to do on our sex to-do list now. Whether you're just a few dates in or have been together a really long time, you got to find the time to connect with your partner and nourish the

relationship. The Parrot app makes it just super easy and fun and it only takes five minutes a day. Just head to Paired.com slash SWE to get a seven day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. Just head to PAIRED.com slash SWE to sign up today. That's Paired.com slash SWE. Alright everyone, welcome back. And remember, no matter where you fall on the kink spectrum, I'm doing this to help all of us understand a really misunderstood area of sex. So why do I think it's so misunderstood? Because sometimes kink gets stereotyped in darker, much edgier ways. Kink is play. Kink is play.

Kink is fun. It can be fun. And kink is where we allow our imagination to merge with sex. Where we discover the sexual behaviors that are truly erotic and exciting for us. And where we get a little more exploratory with the psychology of sex. And sure, it can be edgy and it can involve pain play and involve leather and whips and all that stuff, but it can also be very simple.

So I've designed this episode to give you lots of ideas for play. In today's episode, we're looking at the various flavors of kink and BDSM out there and how to figure out what you might like to try. So I'm talking sub,dom dynamics and so much more. So let's have some fun and get into it. Alright, first, what's the difference between kink and BDSM?

First, quick review. The word kink is used to describe any sexual act that's considered unconventional. But what is conventional? Think about it. What's conventional sex? Is it missionary sex? Is it just making out? Both of you fall into the bed, have an orgasm, sex is over. Like a lot of us just, when you think about conventional, it's pretty basic. And that's what most people think, but really you get to decide. Because not many things fall under this conventional definition. So if you look at kink as not some big scary thing, but really something that's just outside what we think is conventional.

And if you look at kink as a way to experiment sexually and simply to add excitement and variety and more thrill to your sex life, you might start to look at kink a little bit differently. So let's start with a formal definition of BDSM. It stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Now, if you think about these terms, what you see is that BDSM is about polarity, tension, power dynamics.

And I'm gonna get into dominance and submission shortly, and bondage and discipline sort of falls under that as well, this power play. And then there's sadism and masochism. Basically, sexual masochism is defined as taking erotic pleasure in receiving pain. So when you receive pain, that gives you pleasure. And sadism is somebody who takes erotic pleasure in inflicting pain on others. So why should you explore kink and how do you find out what you're into?

Well, a word on the psychology of kink and your personal preferences and going back to core desires, I talked to you all about sex educators, Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Harrell, who teach courses based on this theory called your core desire. It's essentially your core desires involve both arousal and an obstacle. And a lot of this was patterned during your childhood or early adulthood. But it's not just Celeste and Danielle who've discussed these theories. They've been around for years and years. But when you think about it, the reason why we're talking about the psychology of it

and why it's important is because the core robotic desire is a feeling that you closely associate with sex and with pleasure. And that feeling is so tied to how you get aroused and turned on. It's such a part of who you are that it might even be hard to think about not having these desires or that other people have different desires. It's like your own love language, but for sex. It's like how you get turned on. So when you're really attuned with this and what your desires are,

it can make your sexual experiences even more pleasurable. So that's what I'm talking about, getting attuned to it, learning to accept it. A lot of us kind of know these desires are there, but we feel bad about it. We feel guilty, we feel shameful. And this show and what I'm all about is helping you guys get to the root of it and feeling good about it and accepting

that it's just part of your desire. So these desires are gonna get at the core of what you really want during sex. Is it being loved? Do you want to be worshipped? Cared for? Do you want to be dominated? As we're talking about this episode, do you want to feel connected? Out of control?

Do you want to be taken? Do you want to feel irresistible? If you don't know what it is, and I asked you, think about your hottest sexual memory. What happened? So, from there, you could think, oh God, it was a surprise, or I felt really worshiped, or I was vulnerable, I was dominated, I was dominating, right?

So there's some kernel in that that might help lead you down this path of figuring out what that is. So for example, let's say you have a core desire around being the center of attention during sex. You wanna be worshiped, you wanna be adored. You know, your presence alone makes your partners feel unbelievably aroused. You wanna be worshiped, you wanna be adored. Your presence alone makes your partners

feel unbelievably aroused. They can't get enough of you. Well, this core desire could be a response to having a childhood or an upbringing where you didn't feel like you got enough attention. So you may have craved the presence of your parents and your caregivers, but experience an obstacle in their lack of attention.

And then during sex, you just want this feeling of being worshiped and taken. So that's just one example and taking the time to really discover these desires and what you yearn for sexually can be super rewarding and what I love about getting there and figuring out your desires is that kink and BDSM are a great way to get acquainted with this deeper side of ourselves. It also BDSM and Kink can help your relationships because it truly helps build intimacy and trust,

really helps you with communication, and it's just a deep way to explore each other in this erotic power exchange, and it's also really hot. All right, so how do you get started? Well, Kink, there's an endless world of possibilities. But for this show, let's look at a few common kink fantasies, see if they sound interesting to you, and it will give you some clues about how you can go about trying them out. And just remember, do not judge yourself, don't judge others.

I want you to enjoy this exploration and make it less fearful for you. And have fun. Remember, this is all about play. So as with everything I talk about, if you're partnered and you're new to a kink or BDSM, it starts with a conversation. Okay, let's start with a few examples. Let's start with power exchange.

And within power exchange, we're gonna talk about two different types. That's submissive and dominant and CNC consensual non-consent. So first submission. So submission probably makes you think about someone being tied up. And if your fantasies had to feature you in a quote unquote powerless position, you're

tied down, you're being told what to do, you're being asked to give up power. Well, those are all signs of a submissive or a subtype. And if this is you, here's some ideas to explore submission. You might want to have your partner take away one of your senses or abilities. So taking away your sight with a blindfold. You could also relinquish your physical control with bed restraints or a leg spreader or having your hands tied in some way.

A great place to start with some fun accessories like handcuffs. I'm giving you ideas here for behaviors, but really what makes a sub-dom dynamic hot is the overall vibe. It's about the consent and the chemistry building. This can help you experience that delicious feeling, if this is your turn on,

of being under someone else's control or controlling someone else. So you could also create a situation where your partner makes the rules and you have to follow them. For example, like you can't come until they say you can come. And a lot of people use these dynamics in other areas of their relationship.

It's not just sex. So let's shift gears to dominance. If your fantasies tend to feature you in a quote unquote powerful position, you're barking orders, you're teaching someone, you're tying someone down. Well, these are signs of a dominant or a dom type. So here's some ideas to explore dominance if you're partnered. You can dominate through text. You can build tension leading up to the sexual encounter.

And we've got a great article on our site, dominated through text, which you can check out. We'll put in the show notes. So this is where you would tell your partner exactly what you're going to do to them. Like when I get home tonight, I want you to be wearing this certain thing and I'm going to tie you up and I'm going to blindfold you and I'm going to spank you. So if you want to practice this in the moment when you get together, then if you're the dominant, you can restrain your partner using examples I discussed in submission like bad

restraints, hand ties, a leg spreader. So essentially this dom sub relationship is a lot of the things that maybe you think about when you think of kink or BDSM, spanking, being tied up, but it also could be words telling your partner that you want them to do something or say something or be something. So it doesn't have to even involve pain or handcuffs or blindfold or any props at all. It could also be words. And there are couples who also practice this as a lifestyle. Like they are dom-sub in everywhere in the home, you know, they just the way they talk, the way they text, all the time they live 24-7 dom-sub.

But for these purposes, we're just talking about bringing some fun, some play, some power dynamics into your current sexual relationship. And then we'll talk about CNC. There's a lot of interest in CNC play, consensual non-consent. I also have another article on my site that talks about this flavor of kink. But just so we're clear, this is a fantasy about forced sex. You have consent, you've consented with a partner,

but they're gonna force sex upon you. Either you're not gonna know when they're coming over, you've agreed ahead of time and consented to them, forcing their way to having sex with you. It's a little bit rougher. But here's what you need to know, is that there is consent given before any action starts. But there's also an acknowledgement

that your partner might say no during the actual act because it's forced, right? So that's why you need to have a safe word that's not no. You just need to have a safe word. So this is why both partners agree to consensual non-consent. So they're agreeing on established set of rules. And this can get really tricky, but you wanna do with a partner where you trust each other.

And listen, you need the most excellent communication. I want it to be at all time high, which is also why side note, this kind of play, any kind of the play I'm talking about really enhances relationships for many because it helps you improve your communication. So like I said, you wanna have a safe word. And just so you know, safe word is a tool in BDSM

that can help protect either one of you from going too far. And it's agreed upon ahead of time and means a full stop of all sexual activity. And if you don't know where to start, a lot of people just use a traffic light. Red means stop, yellow means like proceed with caution and green means go. So you just wanna start tonight, use a traffic light.

Now we've covered these ideas. There's a theme here. There's a lot of communication. And you might be hearing this for the first time and maybe these sounds really extreme or difficult to understand, but on this show, I just wanna encourage you to, you know, open your mind. Maybe you wanna dip your toe into this world of play.

And if you want to learn more, like I said, I have great articles that we're definitely going to put in the show notes. So let's talk about some other flavors of kink. And then I'm going to get into your questions that are less about the subdomin dynamic, but they're more about a feeling of transgression. So the first one will be voyeurism.

Okay, what's voyeurism? Well, if you're fanatical of watching other people have sex, maybe you have be voyeurism. Okay, what's voyeurism? Well, if you're fanatic about watching other people have sex, maybe you have a voyeur streak. Because being a voyeur is one of the most common fantasies out there for good reason, because there's that thrill of getting caught. For a lot of us, it's enjoyable to watch our partners in their elements when they don't realize we're there.

Like it can just be hot to watch your partner at work. I'm looking at them across the room. So it's sort of as the basis of that. But this is more in the sexual realm. And some ideas to explore voyeurism, with consent of course, is watching your partner undress or shower or bathe, watch your partner masturbate. You can either sit in the room or watch them secretly,

like in quotes, where again, they would know you're doing this. You know, watching through a crack in the door. You could have sex in front of a mirror. So that's voyeurism. So the flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism. If your fantasies involve being watched, you know, there's a thrill of getting caught, you know, doing the act, you're having sex outside in a car, you might be an exhibitionist. So some ideas to explore are sex outside. It be somewhere private like your backyard, somewhere more bold like sex on a hike while you're camping.

A lot of this is illegal, I'm just saying, but people are gonna do what they're gonna do. So you wanna be careful. I wanna mention though that this can be fun and hot, but it does involve people looking at you. There's onlookers, you know, be courteous, choose your spots wisely. Having sex in the car could be a little cramped, but sexy.

You could try the Lotus position with both people in the passenger seat, receiving partner sitting in the lap, the giving partner. So there's some ideas for your exhibitionist streak. One more point on the kink spectrum, and that is humiliation. Now listen, I get it. If you don't share this kink,

you may be listening and think like, what? Why would I ever want to be humiliated during sex? We talk about core desires that we don't choose them. And they're shaped by experiences in our formative years that combine arousal and obstacle. And so we get an opportunity to use some of those emotional ingredients like being humiliated to create a more positive and potentially erotic result. So I've done episodes before on cuckolding, but let's do a review. So what is cuckolding? So cuckolding typically involves one partner consensually stepping outside of a partnership to go have sex with someone else. And for the cuck, the one who's not stepping outside,

there's an emotional thrill of being quasi cheated on. And cuckolding, listen, it can take all sorts of formats. A common one is hearing about the outside sex from the partner after it's happened. Another one is watching the outside sex between their partner and the bull, that's a nickname in cuckolding for the outside partner. But do know that cuckolding

does not always involve humiliation. I received a call not too long ago from a guy who explained that he loved being the cuck, but not out of a sense of humiliation. Rather, what he experienced was compersion. And that's the opposite of jealousy in that you actually feel happy and you feel pleasure in knowing that your partner experienced pleasure. Now cuckolding is just one way to scratch that humiliation itch and it's definitely a more extreme way.

But if your sexual fantasy is involved being teased, being mocked, lighter examples of humiliation, you could also play with your partner by bringing that into the bedroom. That could be mocking your partner for wanting to cum so badly, teasing them for being turned on. It's a form of dirty talk, but a very specific form of dirty talk in that we're deploying some degradation to create a light humiliation vibe. So those are all the sexy vibes. So now you know the difference between kink and BDSM. Perhaps you even added more words to your sexual vocabulary and you know different types of kinky play.

So I hope you've enjoyed this deeper dive into kink and BDSM as much as I have because I get so many questions from you about this area and I just thought let's do a deep dive and you can let me know if you have more questions. So just head to my site, sectsw.com, click ask Emily in the upper right hand corner, ask me your questions, can't wait to hear from you. And let's take a quick break and then we get into all your questions. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. And now I'm selling my favorite products on my e-commerce store. And it's so easy because I use Shopify.

Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage. All the way to the did we just hit a million order stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout, up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms. And some more with less effort thanks to Shopify Magic, your AI powered all star. What I love about Shopify is no matter how big you wanna grow,

Shopify gives you everything you need to take control and take your business to the next level. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash SWE, all lower case. Go to Shopify.com slash SWE to grow your your business no matter what stage you're in shopify.com slash sw because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. This is from Karina. Hey, Dr. Emily, I love your podcast. I need some advice of my own finally.

So my husband and I have been married for 15 years. Our sex life is amazing. And somehow in the past year, it's gotten even better. We're exploring new things. We've opened up to an even deeper line of communication. I've known I'm bisexual for a long time and he knew as well. And he's come to terms and realized

that he too was attracted to men and women. Long story short, we had long conversations about what it means to each other and if it's something we'd like to need to potentially explore and agree to be okay with talking about it and get to the point where we can figure it out together. Now for my current issue and question. My best friend, who's a woman, has been spending a lot of time hanging out with both of us for months now. We all three have become really close and consider us all three best friends.

We joke about it being more and people question us all the time about being in a poly relationship. We're very comfortable joking and don't mind people wondering about it at all. My husband started to feel uncomfortable with his feelings getting stronger for her and doesn't want to upset me or make her uncomfortable and run off. He has urged to kiss her when we've been drinking together and we both legitimately love her and are totally fine with being just friends if she doesn't feel the same way but we're worried if we ask her about it she might not be comfortable staying friends if she doesn't feel the same. We don't want to cause distance we care about her so

much. How would you handle this thanks in advance? Alright Karina thank you so much for your question and I love that you and your husband are 15 years are opening up and you're exploring and you sounds like you've done all the steps of talking about it and thinking about it and thinking about your feelings and you know, just being really open and honest. So to get to your question about the friend. Now I understand that you are worried about saying something to her because what if she runs away and the friendship ends but I found that when there are feelings this strong about a friend and whether it's in your situation or just someone has a crush on a friend but they don't want to

tell them I think we have to tell them because they first of all they know okay they already have a sense it's not such a surprise they already know typically and also to be true to your friendship and I think friendships are about honesty and vulnerability you owe it to them to be true to your friendship, and I think friendships are about honesty and vulnerability, you owe it to them to be honest about the feelings that you have. And so, I feel like you have no choice but to let her know. I would also say that she probably knows, in this case for sure, you guys are drinking together, there's three of you. And I do believe if you have a true friendship, like a really deep, beautiful friendship, which it sounds like you do,

it can endure all kinds of conversations and have it work out. I would recommend having a conversation with her when you're not drinking, because you said that your husband always wants to kiss her when you're drinking. And I also want to say that, how does he feel when you're not drinking?

Because sometimes we only want to do things when we're drinking. You all have those people that we just want to hook up with more when we're drunk, which sometimes you don't always make the best choices. So I would have a conversation with her before you're drinking, when you're just hanging out and say, we really want to have a talk with you. Maybe you could take her to dinner, have her over and just let her know that you guys have been exploring this in your relationship.

You're both really attracted to her and you want to know if it's something that she would be interested in and that there's no pressure and that you want to know if it's something that she would be interested in and that there's no pressure and that you want to really respect your relationship and your friendship and see how she feels about it. And then you guys could see, you know, where it goes from there. Now, if she's more of your best friend, maybe you want to do it just the two of you, you know your dynamic better than I do. But I think that it's really important to just be curious and open about it and just say, hey, you know, we've been thinking about this and I know that you know that I'm bisexual and I feel attracted to you and I just want

to see what you think about it. And I think if she's your best friend she would know that you would still really respect her friendship but of course you can let her know that and say I really care about you and our friendship and it's the most important thing to me. But if this is something that you don't want to, I understand that and I still love you and cherish our friendship and it's the most important thing to me. But this is something that you don't want to. I understand that. And I still love you and cherish our friendship. So I think you have to do it with a lot of boundaries. I don't think you just jump into it that night.

Make sure that you have boundaries. You talk about it and you always, always, always put your friendship above everything else. Okay. I want to hear how this goes, Karina, keep me posted. And you guys, let me remind you to put your age on the emails and where you live. Super helpful. Okay.

This is from Brian. Hey, Dr. Emily. I'd like to watch my girlfriend be with a woman. She says she's curious and will be down. However, says I can't join. Question is, can I convince her to let me join? And if so, how can we all practice safe sex? PS, tips on pleasing during a female-female-male threesome?

I probably won't last long lol. Thanks in advance. Alright remember, you can't convince someone to do anything sexually. You're not going to get your girlfriend to do something that she doesn't want to do. You're just not. What you can do is communicate with her and get on the same page. What is it about being with a woman that turns her on? Ask her why she doesn't want you to participate, then listen to the answer and ask the question in a very open, curious, non-judgmental way. Find out more about her fantasies. What is interesting to

her? What are your fantasies? What actually happens during a threesome? So this is how you could get you both to have a threesome together, is when couples take the time to break down what it looks like. Like why do you want the fantasy? Do you want to watch her with someone else? Are you picturing you having sex with both of them that night? Are you just watching? Are they getting off?

Are their orgasms happening? Is their penetration happening? There's just a lot of things that couples have to discuss before they just jump into it. I would continue to have the conversations, find out more about her arousal and desires, find out what both of your fantasies are when it comes to being with another person,

and you just wanna communicate it and you want to listen to each other. And how you practice safe sex during a threesome, you have to use protection, change condoms between partners, communicate boundaries and consent with your partner and the third person prior to the encounter. And after, aftercare is really important as well.

All right, thanks for your question, Brian. Be safe and have fun. This is from Linda 46 in Michigan. Hey, Dr. Emily, I recently started sleeping with a new partner and we've been having very exciting kinky sex. I find that I have very little inhibitions when it comes to wanting to be adventurous with him and try new things. However, he really wants me to urinate at him and I just can't get myself to do that and I frankly do not understand the fascination with it. Why do some

people find this so arousing? How can I satisfy his desire without doing something I find gross? All right, wonderful question. We hear a lot about golden showers in this fantasy, and there's a lot of different theories about where this fantasy can stem from. My friend Justin Lehmeler, who's also a sex educator, writes about this a lot. And here's a few things. Attraction to urine could come from a broader interest in BDSM. You might find it arousing to urinate at a partner as act of dominating them. Or maybe

some other people feel it's hot to be urinated on, right? They're more submissive. And some people just think it's something new. It's novel. It's just, wow, that's extreme. Let's try that. Some people might try it because our disgust response lessens during sexual arousal. So things that you might think is gross in day-to-day life doesn't seem as unappealing when we're super turned on. So when we're turned on, anything can happen sometimes because you're in a different state, you're in a different mental state when you are aroused, your different physical state when you're aroused. Some people might have associated urine with arousal. So something about the sight or the smell or the taste of it, we're talking about things that have happened during our formative years.

There might have been some link up where you were in a bathroom masturbating, you smelled urine and that kind of got linked up to your arousal. Some people just find the act of wetting themselves arousing too. So there's a lot of different reasons why, a lot of theories why. But for you, if you want to satisfy his desire, a great way to practice this is if you really want to please him and it sounds like, why not, is try it in the shower.

Because you're in the shower, maybe you're gonna pee anyway. You can pee on him and wash it off and see how that goes. So that's how we get started. And again, remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. And I love talking to him about it outside the bedroom. You can check out my three T's of communication

on our website. I have a great guy that talks about how to have these conversations, but it's important to do it outside the bedroom and find out more about like, tell me more about this fantasy. Do you happen to know why it turned you on? I'm so curious.

Hearing a partner's share in like a heartfelt, deeper way about their turn-ons and arousals might appeal to you in a way that also becomes part of your turn-on or your desire to please him. So let's see how it goes, Linda. Keep it posted and thanks for your email. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to Sex with Emily and be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. You can find me on Instagram, YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, or X, and Facebook. It's all at Sex With Emily. Oh, and I've been told I give really good email. So sign up on SexWithEmily.com, and while you're there, check out my free guides

and articles for more ways to prioritize your pleasure. And if you'd like to ask me about your sex life, dating, or relationships, call my hotline, 559-TALKSEX. That's 559-825-5739, or just go to SexWithEmily.com slash AskEmily. Was it good for you? Email me, feedback at Sexwithemily.com slash ask Emily. Was it good for you? Email me. Feedback at sexwithemily.com.