Sex With Emily - Your Brain on Sex

Episode Date: October 4, 2011

Emily's new crusade to end the rise of excessive female promiscuity, Menace's crazy Nyquil sex dreams, iPhone apps to save you from scandal, Menace uses Emily's moms financial advice, sex clubs in Sea...ttle, Stanley Siegel, author of "Your Brain on Sex: How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life", talks about using sex to find "The One", bringing fantasies into relationships, sexual chemistry, and Emily talks about her most recent sexual experience. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, Evelyn! You got a boyfriend? Because my man E here, he just got his heart broken, he thinks you're kinda cute. The girls got a hair standard so much! The women know about shrinkage. Isn't it common, though? What do you mean, like, laundry? It's shrink? And we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me? Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:00:31 I'm so, so, so, so. Being bad feels pretty good. You know, Emily's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to Sex with Emily. We're talking about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithemily.com. And a lot of you are there right now watching and listening to the show. We so appreciate it. about sex relationships and everything in between. For more information, go to sexwithamily.com. And a lot of you are there right now
Starting point is 00:00:46 watching and listening to the show. We so appreciate it. And I just want to thank everyone for becoming friends with benefits members and you get to see the show four days a week. Watch it, listen to it on demand, whenever you want, special prizes, special attention. There's so much you got.
Starting point is 00:01:01 So thanks everyone for checking out the show. Hey, Menace, what's up? What's going on? Happy Tuesday? Happy Tuesday Happy Tuesday Everybody around me is getting sick really. Oh be too a few people have texted me right there sick So it's kind of like getting on to me, right? So no, I'm not sick. I'm like kind of just getting over it Okay, I've been fighting it right because I ain't a bitch. I ain't going out like that. Right. You know, but.
Starting point is 00:01:25 I ain't no bitch. For the past couple of nights, I've been taking nightquil. Oh. And I've been having these crazy dreams, sex dreams. Awesome. Like what? Tell me everything. Let's dig go.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Let's figure you out. Because I've always liked my sex dreams. Something always happened and I never have, I never actually have sex in my dreams, ever. Okay, so it's like a life, so dream, dream, same, same, same, same, same, and I just wake up and nothing ever happens, all right? But for the past two nights, I've been hopped up on Nike
Starting point is 00:01:57 and it's like full on sex dreams. But it's like past, it's like X-core friends. Okay, so you know me, I never fantasized about celebrities or anything like that, just like X-Gorferns. Okay. You know me. I never fantasized about Celebrities or anything like that just past the right Yeah, and it was just last night. It was just crazy. It was with one of my X's and we're at this We're at this house and we're having sex on the couch Like crazy. What does that mean crazy crazy? How do you do that? It was full on like a really aggressive?
Starting point is 00:02:24 Right, you know, it was really hot Like her on top I'm on top all this crazy stuff and then I was like, oh, you know, I got to go to a work party and it was very bizarre and where I go into this warehouse And there's all these all like my co-workers and They were bowling okay, it was that's so weird. Oh stick to this night. bowling. Okay. It was so weird. It was so weird. She'd stick to this nightclub there. Yeah, it's so weird.
Starting point is 00:02:48 And then the night before that was with another ex-girlfriend. And it was just, it was very bizarre. Now, are they women that you still aren't touched with? Or not last night. I haven't talked to her in a couple of years. Like, do you wake up? No, I don't have like nocturnal emissions or anything like that. But it's just it's just really it was really bizarre because you know dreams you don't know what to dream. Right. You think it's real life. Exactly. That's
Starting point is 00:03:17 awesome. So it's like you've been getting laid the last few nights. Yeah. Nightquels. That's really cool. I should take some like well I don't have a lot of sex dreams maybe because I like talk about sex and think about sex all the time But I'm sorry you're getting sick my end-term are sick yesterday people are getting sick Don't be sick. Don't you can be sick tomorrow because we're not here But you should we are here. There's a show playing tomorrow, but don't be sick on Thursday Friday because we've got great shows I haven't called in sick. Oh, all right Ever since 2001 right that's crazy. That's crazy. I guess I have an either because I've worked for myself. Never a sec.
Starting point is 00:03:49 No, but okay, today's show, I'm very excited. We've got author Stanley Seagulls on the show. He wrote a book called Your Brain on Sex, How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life. And some of the things we're going to be talking about is, and I love these topics, is about chemistry, like how, why we experience chemistry with certain people and how we can actually find those people in our life that we can get have chemistry with, what your sexual fantasies mean, how you can find, how can you sex to find the right life partner rather than the other way around so people find a partner and the sex isn't good, but how you can actually use sex to find the right. So anyway, he's got some good things.
Starting point is 00:04:25 What is your past life? Have to do a sex now. Should you act out your sexual fantasies? So awesome, we're gonna be talking to him a little bit. And then tomorrow's show, Sex Myths Debunked. And then we've got our number here. You can call us at 415-9927-392. If you have any questions or comments for us,
Starting point is 00:04:42 you can always leave it on our voicemail or you can call us during the show That's for one five nine nine two seven three nine two and we'll play your message on the air if it's good and interesting comments questions Points that you'd like to make yeah, and don't forget about free Fridays. I show us free to all on Friday and our latest poll are we have to give you the results of our most recent poll and I don't I'm sort of disappointed because I'm going to give you the results of our most recent poll and I'm sort of disappointed because It's sort of is aligned with what men as things so I hate when men is right, but I can admit it because I'm a strong woman
Starting point is 00:05:14 Do you talk about your sexual exploits with your friends? 15% said I'm a man and my buddies and I talk about I'm a man and with my buddies I talk about it 15% said I'm a woman and I don't kiss and tell 27% of women said I'm a woman and that's all we talk about. And 45% said, I'm a man and I keep it to myself. God damn right. They're probably lying. I don't think like guys always talk about this, like, but you're right, maybe they just talk about it to me.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, every guy I know, I know about a sex life. I know guys, and this is probably inappropriate, to be honest. But I know about their sex life like I know guys and this is probably inappropriate to be honest But I know about their sex life with their wives like my guy friends who are married They probably tell me way too much, but that's because that's my job because you're the sex chick. That's why I'm the sex chick That's the better for us because guys, you know, what else are you gonna conversation about? Exactly. I know people are like, oh my god, so my wife I really wanted to try it a lot of it is like How can I get my wife to do this certain thing? How can I get her to have a threesome?
Starting point is 00:06:09 How can I get her to give me oral sex more? What kind of conversations are you having other than sex and relationships in your daily life? A lot. I talk about work and business. Is it in your work and business? Oh yeah, it is about sex. I talk about the weather. The weather. Clothing your work and business. Oh yeah, it is about sex. I talk about the weather.
Starting point is 00:06:26 The weather. Clothing sometimes. Not often. I'm not a big shopper, but a lot about sex in relationships with my friends and their work and my work. I don't know. What do you talk about? The iPhone or S. Oh my god. The 4S, yes. What's up with that? Why? Why 4S and out of 5? Yeah, people are kind of disappointed. I guess they weren't ready to lay out a huge upgrade. So they did smaller upgrades. But I'm ready, right? You think I should get this one.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Yeah, I'm really, I'm really excited about this one because it has some options that I've been waiting for. Like what? The biggest part is. I'm not gonna care. I mean, I'm not gonna, is it gonna be different to my life? In my, because you like shooting video,
Starting point is 00:07:04 you can shoot high definition videos. No way. Well, you can already do that, but the only thing that's been bothering me, there wasn't stabilization. Okay. So the camera would be kind of shaky. You know, you're the flip camera
Starting point is 00:07:16 that you love so much that I hated. Yes. Well, that didn't have stabilization. So that's why it was so shaky sometimes. Oh, okay. Now this new iPhone 4S has stabilization, which I'm really, that's I'm excited about it. And it's twice as fast.
Starting point is 00:07:30 Okay, that's awesome. Yes. And then, and it comes out the 12th. Yeah, what are you making the new? Oh, I just made a note of something that can't be framed. Well, I was telling you about the iPhone 4. Now, I was listening. You were listening.
Starting point is 00:07:41 I was listening. I multitask. I've ADD. Do you know that I was reading about ADD and how to deal with it? And it's like it's okay to multitask. It's okay to like be talking on the phone and cleaning your house and stuff like that. Like yeah, you're supposed to. I'm totally in the right. It's not good for me though, because I tried to think I feel when you're on your phone the whole time. I'm reading the news. No, because I can listen to you like that. But I'm just saying if it's a chick that I'm really into, it's very hard for me to multitask and talk to them.
Starting point is 00:08:05 It's hard. But last night, we're talking about all these sexy photos and all these things. You don't want the photos to get out and all this stuff. I was looking through the App Store last night, looking for some new fun apps just to play with. I found this really cool one. It's a 360 photo app, so you can take a photo and I'll do a 360 photo all around you
Starting point is 00:08:27 It's really cool. That's cool. We're talking about you're afraid of the photos getting out Well, they have apps that are hugely popular that you can lock all your photos into. Oh the sexy photos Okay, so they're like even past even more password protected. Okay, and your phone already So if you take sexy photos you just upload them to this app somehow even more password protected than your phone already. So if you take sexy photos, you just upload them to this app somehow. Yeah, you're able to delete them off the library of your phone and you can put them
Starting point is 00:08:53 and save them into the app. And then the app has a password and then you put the password into the app and then the photos come available. Oh, okay, that's good. You should do that with all your sex tapes in your photos. Not only have like sexy, any sexy photos, but no. I thought girl sent you sexy photos.
Starting point is 00:09:09 No, not really. I'm not really okay. I still have it. I'm holding out. I mean, you know that one day I probably will, but I still have never sent a sexy photo before. If you have sexy photos sent into me, feedback isexcelamy.com.
Starting point is 00:09:20 Yeah, send me your sexy photos. Feedbackitsexcelamy.com. If you want to share your sex photos, I won't sell anyone, but my audience, maybe. You know they're safe with me. I'm not going to put them anywhere. I wanted to mention too that at the beginning of the show, if you're all watching, you know you can watch the show, not just listen.
Starting point is 00:09:34 I was showing you my book. I'm really excited because it's coming out October 11th and today is the fourth. So that's like a week. And it's called Hot Sex. Over 200 things you can try tonight. You can buy it pre-order on Amazon right now. Just search for Hot Sacks and Emily. It'll come up because there's another book called Hot Sacks
Starting point is 00:09:52 from years ago that is not my book. And I'm having a book party this Thursday night in San Francisco, six to eight PM at Good Vibrations on Mission Street. And then I'm having two parties in LA next week. If you're in Los Angeles, Wednesday and Thursday night, Wednesday night is at the, I can't remember which night is which,
Starting point is 00:10:08 but it's all on my sex with Emily Facebook page. So go to my sex with my Facebook page and you can see the information. Wednesday of next week. Wednesday of next week and Thursday of next week, I've got two parties in LA. I wish I was there. I wish you were there too.
Starting point is 00:10:19 You can come. And one night I'm teaching a workshop. 40 things you can try. So I gotta, I'm teaching, actually, I've never done that before, really. Like, I guess I feel like I teach during the show, but I haven't done a real workshop and for some day, I'm doing a lot of stuff.
Starting point is 00:10:31 And then we've got Treasure Island Music Festival coming up. And that's next weekend in San Francisco. And Madison, I'll be there doing a show from there. And we'll have a really fun booth. We're doing this cool interactive booth, this new concept, which I need to share with you, Menace. And that's October 15th and 16th in San Francisco.
Starting point is 00:10:45 So we'll be sporting our new sucks to the MIT shirts, including yourself. Yeah. Yeah, we're getting you one. OK. You have to wear it. All right. OK, cool. Yeah, anything else that you have to say before I do other stuff?
Starting point is 00:10:58 No, download those apps for your iPhone. To save your sexy photos. Because I contend, and I guess my poll was my pull show that 43% of men keep it to Themself, but I think that men do show other people their pictures. No Whatever I have never had any of my guy friends who Believe or not gay Kate laid constantly with freaky chicks. They'd never show me any photos Do you ask no? No, okay? I just do he's- I don't want to see him anyways. I'm not interested.
Starting point is 00:11:28 My friend is banging the chick. That makes her off the market. So I'm not interested. Yeah, I feel like I don't want to see her, right? Not interested. I'm care if she's super hot, I don't care. Right, and it's hard for guys to send sexy pictures. So I feel like this is all on the women, right?
Starting point is 00:11:40 Like guys, I don't want to see a see, I don't want to see a guy naked with a boner in my phone when I'm in the middle of the day. But okay, I just don't. see a, I don't want to see a guy naked with a boner in my phone when I'm in the middle of the day But okay, I just don't so also what else can say okay? I guess it's all we can get into some sex in the news all right because this first story is very interesting Why are women more promiscuous than ever? Because and Paris Hilton no right exactly. She was the first sex tape deval right Before Kim Kardashian. Yeah. Yeah, she was those are for one of the first big ones
Starting point is 00:12:10 I mean, that's why she lost her career. Oh, yeah, Pam Anderson Okay, a new study found that more than 25% of women are having sex within the first week of dating someone In the past men had to woo and pay for dinner to get some action. Those days seemed to be long gone. Men are doing very little to get the sexual gratification that decades ago would have cost them time and money. They found out that only 30% of young men's relationships don't even involve an ounce of romance and no courting, no candles, no standing outside of windows and boom boxes, just sex.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Wow. I know. For one, gender equality comes into play with the balance between men and women, evening out the workplace and financially women are behaving in ways that were once stereotypically male. How about that? Yeah. It's actually been studied now. So and US colleges 50% of the students are women. And there's more women competing for men's affections. I feel like in college, I definitely held out like for a long time. But I guess students aren't. Now, I don't know. I should held out like for a long time, but I guess students aren't now
Starting point is 00:13:05 I don't know I should ask my interns because they're all like no none of them are holding out anymore Really? No, you would know because you date women that age so so they don't hold out No, they don't like a week is like a diamond That's like a diamond do you find in a mountain somewhere and it's almost like would you do appreciate if a woman does hold out? Yeah, I told you about I think I don't like this mountain somewhere and it's almost like would you appreciate it for woman does hold out i told you i think i don't like the this is very disturbing to me because i think that women should hold out the ones that i uh... that i hate
Starting point is 00:13:33 it because there's there's a quite few of the ones that act like total sluts like they talk and i think they're all right all talk and then they don't they're like like total virgins and curious like Don't act like a slut if you're not a slut. Right act like that's annoying Yeah, that's an annoying trait, but just don't be a slut or act like a slut Don't do either way. There's no reason to rush into sex. I do not see any benefits to having sex I think it all let's do with alcohol. I think you blood one two drinks. I think it's a lot of this
Starting point is 00:14:04 And I hate to be one of these people that hates the media because I work in media and I love it and I love all these crappy reality shows. But I think a lot of it, people are not smart enough and they glam, it's glamorized. Like it's sex. It's yeah, it's glamorized as it, it's okay and it's fun. Right. I'm laughing at these people, you know? Yeah, I think it was better.
Starting point is 00:14:27 It was pure. You got to know somebody. It's like, I've said this the last few weeks, and when I think when my mom was on the show, we were talking about this too, it's like, we become a trap because when you have sex, it's not just like you shouldn't because then I'll respect you more.
Starting point is 00:14:38 I mean, that's true, I think, and you'll respect yourself more. But also, once you start having sex, then sex becomes the thing, the chemistry, the attraction you have, the chemicals in your brain going crazy. And you really just start, women, especially, have the oxytocin, which rises, which is the cuddle hormone they call it. And after you've sex with someone, you become more attached to them.
Starting point is 00:15:00 And so you actually are becoming more attached to this person who might be totally wrong for you. But since you've had sex with them, this person who might be totally wrong for you, but since you've had sex with them and his penis was in your vagina, you stop looking at like maybe the red flags or the things that are wrong with this guy. And then because you had sex too quickly, so people should hold out. I'm going to start a crusade, just like I'm bringing back the hand job. Yeah, the wish is never going to happen. So you should start this new crusade. So how's it going to go? I think that that women should I think I'm going to have them wait at least a month before sleeping with someone. And that you should write to me. You should listen to me. Listen to what I'm saying. You should wait at least a month. How many
Starting point is 00:15:37 times is a guy hanging out with you that month? What? How many times? One to twice a week. Okay. Cool. Because you know, they said, oh, you got to sleep with a guy by the third date or something. That's what's common. That's what our webbed, when we did a poll a few weeks ago, I think it was by the third date people were saving together. Which is crazy. Because back then, it was just like, you can't even have sex until you were married. I know.
Starting point is 00:15:59 That's what my mom was saying. That was the first guy she slept with was my dad. It's crazy. But that didn't work out that marriage. So, I said, I don't know. I'm not saying, I'm not against premarital sex. I'm against sex too quickly. And it also says that such these statistics
Starting point is 00:16:13 are making men quicker to have sex in our relationships these days and slower to commitment and just plain pickier. So they're like, I'll have sex with you, but I'm not going to commit. And I'm going to be more picky because there's a lot of other women to bang around here. So just women, you should think about it before you see it by someone right away. Of but I'm not going to commit. And I'm going to be more picky because there's a lot of other women to bang around here. So just women, you should think about it before you see it for someone right away. Of course, he's going to try.
Starting point is 00:16:29 He's always going to try to see it with you. Just wait. Okay. Seth Rogan and Lauren Miller's non-stop fun wedding. Seth Rogan, 29, married his longtime girlfriend writer Lauren Miller. At Kunde Estate in Sonoma, California, over the weekend, they've been dating since 2004. When they both worked as writers on the HBO's to Allie G show, did you know that?
Starting point is 00:16:51 The wedding was more laughs than anything else. Every other line was a joke and the crowd couldn't contain her laughter. It was non-stop fun. That sounds really cool. I know, right? Seth popped the question in 2010 and appeared on Conan O'Brien to reveal all the details.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Literally, I felt like someone had given me a truckload of heroin to hold on to, he said, I felt like the feds were gonna kick my door a second. I couldn't have a conversation with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the ring when he proposed to her. So that's good, they just had a wedding, congratulations. That would be a really fun wedding. If you think they produced these movies for a living,
Starting point is 00:17:18 I'm sure the wedding was like a production of just comedy of fun. Yeah, he's a really fun guy, so. Yeah, you just met him, right? Yeah, I've seen pictures of them together. They seem like a happy couple. I like happy couples. How long were they dating again?
Starting point is 00:17:35 Since 2004. 2004, that's a good one. Seven years. Seven years is a long time. Yeah, I've never done that. Have you dated someone for seven years? Seven years, no. What's your longest relationship? I've had two, three year relationships. Well, that's good. Good. And one. And you've lived with checks too.
Starting point is 00:17:45 One year. Yeah. Yeah. It's good. I'm easy to get along. Long with just, don't be crazy. That's all good. You just date the wrong women who are crazy.
Starting point is 00:17:53 No. I hope I've taught you stuff. Like, I hope you listen to me when you're picking these checks. You're like, oh, she'll be the psycho one who doesn't let me work. No, they're not. It's not like they're psycho and they're crazy and all that stuff. They're just crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:03 They're just crazy. They're just crazy. Yeah. You're like, oh, she'll be the psycho one who doesn't let me work No, they're not that it's not like they're psycho They're crazy and all that stuff. They just they're just weird because they want to spend more time with me I know how annoying is that? I know. I know. I know I know I thought that too with men that I've dated who have wanted to They didn't understand that my work came first Which it always does I just like it when, but when we are together, like we're together and we're having fun. It's on you make time for her.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Yeah, I just don't, I hated like the time that I actually had time to hang out. It's like we're fighting because I don't have time. I know, and you had that pattern over and over again. So you're not gonna do that again. Okay, Anna Ferris on her number. Anna Ferris has some pretty solid romantic advice. Being the romantic advice, being the moment, love your partner, and whenever you do, don't ask the
Starting point is 00:18:48 question, she says, with her trademark rusty laugh. The Durable Anna 34 plays a young woman named Ali Darling who figures her number of sexual partners. 20 is way too high in a vow not to hook up again until she finds true love. She sets out to revisit her exes and find out what went wrong. And if one of them is in fact the one. So, don't ever tell your partner how much we've slept with. We have this conversation a lot on the show and I say that. Don't ever, he's going to ask, she's going to ask, it does not serve you well. It never ever serves you well.
Starting point is 00:19:18 No one needs to know the number. It'll only make him think of all those penises in the room. I always picture that. If I gave you a number, you'd be like, wow, that's some penises like I can't get out of your mind It doesn't help. I mean, can you think of one scenario? Why that's helpful? No, never is it don't do it Don't have the question, but I love that there's a movie about it Okay, Jason Biggs wife bottom of sex worker for his birthday Jason Biggs from American Pie. Yeah, his wife Jenny Mullin bought the star a hooker for his 33rd birthday
Starting point is 00:19:44 What no the American pie star spouse has written a blog for playboy from American Pie. Yeah. His wife Jenny Mullen bought the star a hooker for his 33rd birthday. What? No. The American Pie star's spouse has written a blog for Playboy revealing she wanted to treat bigs and spice up their sex life by hiring a sex worker. But she details one disastrous incident when the couple tried to hire a positive only to realize the woman was a professional masseuse. Oh no.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Eventually, they did get a hooker named Keisha. I wonder if that's her real name. And she detailed the experience online. So she said the chick was wearing five-inch heels and it had tits that seriously could have knocked anybody under six feet tall unconscious. There was no way she was passing for anything other than maybe Barbaralla.
Starting point is 00:20:17 In other words, she was hot. I took my cues from the previous disaster and cut to the chase. We want you to go down on him for $600, she perglaimed. What? Yep. She didn't bat an eye. Wow, so this is pretty adventurous.
Starting point is 00:20:30 She watched. She watched it. She watched it. She watched it, directed it, and hired the prostitute for Jason Biggs, his wife. She's a writer for Playboy. That's a kind wife. You think? Would you want to do that?
Starting point is 00:20:42 Uh. If your girlfriend said to you, menace, I'd like to get you a prostitute to give you a performer all sex on you tonight. And she's gonna be hot. What do you say? Not a prostitute. How about... If it was something like, I'm gonna find a chick, maybe I go, yeah, fine, whatever. Really? If she's down with it?
Starting point is 00:20:58 Yeah. But if it was the other way around, oh, I know, I want to get a dude to go down on me. Of course not. I'll not going to have him. Noggin' Avenue. That's really cool. I wonder how long they've been together that she did that. I just, I'm just really old. See, I think that's cool. Some people probably think that's insane.
Starting point is 00:21:13 I think that you've got to do a lot of things to spice up your sex life. Dramatic. That's why my book over 200 things you do at night. There are really our tips in here that you can change your sex life with. What are you going to do? What am I going to do?
Starting point is 00:21:24 Pick a page. I should do that. I What am I going to do? Pick a page. I should do that. I've been meaning to do that. Pick a page. Okay, there are so many pages. This pick one right now. Okay, ready? There you go.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Okay. Well, not every sex session absolutely has to end with an orgasm. It's certainly a nice bit of punctuation at the end. The big bang may occur as a result of penetration, but you may want to experiment with a range of other techniques. Oh, I love this page that I picked. You can explore vibrators, dill, those, and other sex toys. I picked the sex toy page before, but don't forget to hold your hands and even your feet. You can enhance your sex life and celebrate your connection with every part of your body and then some. So this page talks about using your feet for orgasms and sex toys.
Starting point is 00:22:05 Oh, wow. Speaking of sex toys, if you want a sex toy, you can go to adamneave.com. And you can get any sex toy you want under the sun. I recommend the high-touchy magic wand, the rabbit, or a vibrating ring, which is for your partner and you to experience together. If you go to adamneave.com, use coupon code Emily at checkout.
Starting point is 00:22:23 You get 50% of most items, three adult DVDs, free shipping, and free gift, which is such a good deal. So go do that today. And then are you going to somewhere else for the book signing? Or is that New York? This New York. Yeah, but that's at the end of the month. I want to go to New York.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Do you? I really? Come with me. I love New York. I know I'm so excited to go to New York at the end of month. I'll come back with details about that. I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing, but I'm going to be doing a lot of radio shows and stuff like that. I love New York too. Okay. UK model Katie Price ditches Lee and Lee Andro
Starting point is 00:22:55 for lack of sex. Katie Price has dumped her Argentinean toy boy because he could not keep up with her sex drive. The son can reveal. The model 33 paid a translator to break it to Leandro Pena that he wasn't satisfying her. So obviously they weren't communicating sexually or really. She had to hire a translator to dump him. She also got that, why would you hire someone to, why would you date someone you couldn't speak to?
Starting point is 00:23:22 You'd think that the reason you were together was because the sex was so amazing. Yeah. She also got the hired Spanish speaker to tell Leo, 25 that she was bored with their seven-month romance and they had nothing in common. A family friend said they had an homosexual relationship for some time and it drove her crazy. She's a normal sexual appetite and he wasn't the one
Starting point is 00:23:40 that could keep her interested. So you just had to have somebody along? Should have someone dump him? That makes no sense to me. But then they always had to have somebody like there just to communicate with each other. Yeah, I guess so. That's weird. And you're not having good sex. Like I would date someone like I've hooked up with guys that didn't speak English very well when I was traveling, when I was doing my thing. Your adventurous thing. My adventurous thing through Asia, but I, but yeah, the sex was always good and I didn't care if we talked, but this is sounds like there was not a win-win here at all. Yeah, would you, would you date anybody that didn't
Starting point is 00:24:16 speak English at all? They're like super hot. They're like a chisel band. Can I tell you why I probably wouldn't? Why? Because I'm so attracted to the male mind and how a guy talks and- I know how is he going to give you compliments? How is he going to give you compliments me and tell me all the things I need to hear about myself? Yeah. I don't understand.
Starting point is 00:24:41 That was a dumb question. Yeah. But what I was going to say was not necessarily about the compliments thing But just that I love the dialogue with the guys what turns me on and so That would be lost. I actually tried I was in Italy one summer and there was the hottest Italian man. He was dating Miss Italy and I got fixed up with him with someone and he was so hot and he had a yacht And I was on another yacht and he came like racing across the ocean and his boat picked me up It was a amazing thing and I was like another yacht and he came like racing across the ocean and his boat picked me up It was this amazing thing and I was like oh my god
Starting point is 00:25:06 He's coming to get you and he was the hottest guy in Italy seriously and we met up and he didn't speak English very well And I when I was boat and maybe dinner it was beautiful and I just He didn't speak English didn't understand me and I was not trying to do anything like I almost I would have had sex with him probably What yeah, but I didn't even kiss them because I was like, I don't understand. So probably the answer is no. I need to know someone. I need to communicate with them. I have a friend in Italy and I was reading a lot about Italy today.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Why? Do you know they have two small countries within Italy, the smallest country in the world? What, Sicily? You know, like, yeah. I was reading so many facts about Italy today. And do you know how they have over 58 million people that live there? Yeah, Italy's amazing. Have you been? No. I'm thinking of it. You should go. Because you know, I have love to country. I just don't know how to get it. You need to take vacation. Have you ever had vacations in 2001? No. Yeah. No six days,
Starting point is 00:26:01 six days of no vacation. No. Yeah. But I, yeah, I've been thinking about it. You should. I know. It is amazing. It's very romantic. I don't know how to get there. I don't know what airline to take. I'll help you.
Starting point is 00:26:13 I don't know how to get it. You get miles on an airline? No. We got to talk. You got to get miles on airlines. Why? Because then you get free trips. Your credit card should get you miles.
Starting point is 00:26:24 You should have a credit card that gives you miles back. I don't use credit cards. They get you in trouble. They'll have you out there. Okay, so this is not gonna be useful. Well, you do not. I have a job. I can buy an airline to you.
Starting point is 00:26:35 That's true. You should do that then. Go to orbits and then search Italy flights. I'm trying that. This will work that well. Oh, it is. And I don't know how to get a passport. How do you get the passport thing?
Starting point is 00:26:46 The US passport agency is on Hawthorne Street down like a right or on the corner, because I went there once years ago. See, this is where you can help me. You know how I, I, you know how you helped me with 99% of my life? Yeah, you know how I do all the electronic things and I press the buttons and all this stuff?
Starting point is 00:27:00 I love how you do that. Let's take me to get the passport thing. Yeah, totally, done and done. You gotta go to like wall greens or something and get the photos taken, those little photos. And then you go to the passport agency and you fill some paperwork out. I'll help you.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Sweet. Promise just for me. Send me an email. All right. A text. OK, we've got some speaking of which. We've got some emails. We could get into that.
Starting point is 00:27:22 OK. A few emails. I love hearing from the people. I know. I love hearing from the people too. And then we can call our guests in a few emails. I love hearing from the people. I know, I love hearing from the people too. And then we can call our guests in a few minutes. What's our guest again? Our guest, oh, let's thank you.
Starting point is 00:27:31 I will tell you who our guest is again. Our guest is Stanley Siegel, and he is, he wrote a book called, Your Brain Unsex, How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life. And I can't wait to have some. Sounds sexy, being smart and junk. No, it's being smart about the sex that you have and how the sex that you have can help you find a partner.
Starting point is 00:27:52 How can you sex to find the right life partner? Why do we feel chemistry with some people and others? Like that alone, why do we feel chemistry? Like don't you feel that you, there's just some people that you're like, think that you're gonna be an amazing chemistry and you don't, don't you always wanna know why? Like why? Why are you attracted to some people and not others others like they're really like a hot chick and you guys hook up and you're like
Starting point is 00:28:09 Oh, there was no chemistry. Have you felt that they're boring? Are you always drunk? But if you're not drunk, do you know anything? No, because it's just it's all about the conversation though Yeah, do you think that it too? Yeah, of course it is. Oh good menace. I thought it was about her breasts or something No, come on. You know know I'm not like that. I don't know anything about you. Okay, I have a comment about your podcasts. I watched your show with your mother on Thursday, which was great. It was great to have a guest who would talk about financial issues and relationships.
Starting point is 00:28:40 I've never heard your show address these issues other than not being cheap on first dates. For younger people, financial issues are becoming such a big part of sex and dating. Can you imagine two unemployed people trying to have a baby, especially in these tough economic times? That's what I'm saying. Friday's podcast, Free Friday, with Ever Mark Cats, was great. He offered so much dating advice. The best insight was to read and apply how to win friends and influence people by Dale
Starting point is 00:29:04 Carnegie. That's from Edwin and Palmetto Bay, Florida. Thanks Edwin. I totally agree that those were two great shows last week. So if you missed them, Thursday, my mom was on the show. And she didn't talk about her sex life this time, like she did last time. But she did give, she's a financial planner, a successful financial planner. And just what she said was that couples, the biggest thing in relationships are sex and money. Couples don't talk about sex, and they don't talk about money and that
Starting point is 00:29:27 is what can either demise. And that couples really need to talk about money. Some people are spenders, some people are savers, some people are cheap, some people aren't. They should, they have separate bank accounts. So I thought it was a very interesting conversation. And then Friday was our free Friday show. You can check that out on our website right now. Anyone can listen to that with Evan Mark out about dating and He's a great dating coach. Yeah, he helps people with so many issues I'm gonna get advice from your mother. I made me reevaluate some things what you get money just
Starting point is 00:29:57 You know there was some things I wanted to spend some money on and like And you know maybe start up and like invest kind of. And she's like, your mom was like, oh, well, she was using an example. Well, you got to make sure all your debts are paid off first before you start thinking about that. Yeah. And I still have like very small debt, but college guy. Yeah, that's right. I should pay that off first before I go around and spend. And she said to you, when she was leaving, she'd give you free financial advice. And she's helped a ton of my friends. If you ever just want to shoot an email,
Starting point is 00:30:29 she's really smart with that stuff. Yeah, it was really cool. So I got a lot from it. But she helps my friends a lot. And I, yeah, so I opened up, but actually for my travel, because I travel a lot just within the United States. So I have another account that I'm just putting money into for travel. So I have another account that I'm just putting money into for travel.
Starting point is 00:30:45 So I don't screw myself because sometimes a lot of these music festivals I go to, they're like back to back. So the next thing I know, I've already spent like $6,000. Does your company pay you for it? They cover just beginning into the festival and all the other stuff.
Starting point is 00:31:02 No travel. No travel. No travel expenses. So the next thing I love radio. No travel expenses. So like next thing I know, I spent like $6,000. Jesus. It's crazy. You need to raise or something. They should, I hope they appreciate you a lot.
Starting point is 00:31:13 They dare, don't they? Hopefully. OK, Emily, my wife and I are interested in going to sex clubs, but we don't know any, we don't know of any in our area, Seattle Tacoma. Is there any website that we can go to for information or do you know of any places? Thank you, Ty and Steph, from Pulliop, Puyala, Washington.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Oh, right. Okay, here's some local Washington spots. Well, one is SexPositiveCulture.org is a great website, SexPositiveCulture.org. It's a great place for events like sex club events and adult festivals for the Seattle community. Their goal is to produce experimental, experiential events where members can explore their sexual interests in a physically and emotionally safe environment. These forms include such topics as rope-bonded,
Starting point is 00:32:01 you can actually use. And then there's another one called original circles, and it's a social intimate dance club for open-minded sex positive adults. So I would start there. I would start at those places. It's a little research. Every town's got their sex club. Yeah. Just ask me I'll find them for you. No problem. And I'm trying to think should we call our gaspil-klar gaspil-k our guys in a minute. Okay. Hey, Ian menis. Hey Ian men He said wow. Yeah, you're getting a little nicknames in her. Yeah, Emily When are you going to get on Google plus so I can friend you have a good one your friend from Michigan Ken Are you on Google plus? I am on Google plus. So he's probably your friend in that mind. What I would I do I don't even know
Starting point is 00:32:42 I love this shows like sex and Tech with Emily Menace. I don't know. Yeah, it's a Google Plus, I use it. I use it maybe every other day. It's just, it's another social network. I don't like a Facebook, it's just not as popular as Facebook yet. Like I need another social network like a home I had.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Yeah, the app is just, the app is not too fast enough for me yet. For me to get super excited. I really want the app integrated in a lot of tools that I use. I'm talking geek right now. Yeah, I'm tuned out. Thank you. I would be really hyped off Google Plus if it integrated with Hootsuite.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Because Hootsuite is something that I use daily to manage all my social networks. And it doesn't And it's doesn't Google plus doesn't have the API with who's sweet yet, so I'm not using it as that as much. Okay. Should you be on it? Yeah, of course you should be on it You should have a profile. Okay. Thank you. I appreciate it. Google plus. I'll do a can can from Michigan Okay, let's call our guest. I'm really excited to talk to him Let me get back to you. M be. Here's the phone number. Oh, do you know something else that I'm gonna be dying this but we're gonna be talking while I'm dying? What is I post it up on my
Starting point is 00:33:54 on my blog white menace calm today was The most female dominated cities in America. Where are they? the most female dominated cities in America. Where are they? Gotta go to your blog and find out. You got it on my blog, yeah. Are we in San Francisco? No, we're not. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:34:11 New York. No, it's a lot of cities that you, probably no one heard of. No, I don't know. No. Okay, check out your blog. Everyone go check out his blog. Wait, Minus.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Wait, Minus. You can find me on Twitter too in Facebook, sex with Emily. I don't plug that enough. I haven't plugged in a really long time. Do you have it? Sex with Emily, Twitter, Facebook, follow me, ASAP. Do whatever. All right. Be my fan of my page.
Starting point is 00:34:34 Australia. Okay. So we're calling Stanley Seagull. His book is Your Brain on Sex, How Smarter Sex Can Change Your Life. Stanley is a psychotherapist in New York City. He's an international lecturer in former director of education. He's written to it.
Starting point is 00:34:52 Are you dialed? Has been changed? All right. OK, let me make sure I wrote it down right. I am. Night one. Yeah. We look at this.
Starting point is 00:35:02 Make sure this is I could have messed up. All right. I only try it again. Okay. So anyway, he's written book and he's often described as the therapist to the celebrities. Really? Wonder which celebrities he's because usually they kind of keep that private. All right. Let's try it again. Okay, I want to know which celebrity you see. I guess that's an appropriate. Hello. Hi, is this Stanley?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Hello. Hello. Can you hear me? Yes, can you hear us? I can hear you very dimly. Okay. Are you on a cell phone? No, I'm actually on the landline.
Starting point is 00:35:44 Do you want to be a physical way of turning the volume up? Hang on one second. Okay, thanks. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. I can hear you fine. Can you hear us? Okay, it's kind of dim, but we'll do our best. Okay, great. Hi, how are you?
Starting point is 00:36:01 We were just talking about you Stanley. We're so excited to talk to you. How are you? We were just talking about you Stanley. We're so excited to talk to you. Your book is your brain on sex. How smarter sex can change your life. Where can people find this book right now? The book can be bought in most bookstores and also online on Amazon or from the publisher at Source Books Online. Okay, great. Actually, can we call them right back to make sure we can get a better connection? We don't have a great connection, we're gonna call you right back. Okay, thank you.
Starting point is 00:36:30 Thanks. Freakin' Skype, I swear. Can we get another? I don't even actually, I don't even use Skype anymore. Why don't we just call from like, we know we never used to call your friends from the phone near it, didn't it? Didn't you do something different? No, it was the same thing.
Starting point is 00:36:47 Yeah, we're not happy with Skype really, either. I've been, uh, do you know who I've been using? Who? I use, uh, Gmail. Oh! That's what I use to do like video stuff and all that. It's way better. Oh, God damn it.
Starting point is 00:37:08 For some reason, effing Skype, dude, when I go to call somebody back, it defaults to somebody on, I don't know how they got added to our page, but it defaults and calls them, and then that guy is going to message me in like three seconds ago. Oh, did you just try to call me? No, I didn't try to call you, Jeff. I never try to call you. It's an accident. We'll delete it.
Starting point is 00:37:33 We'll go in and clean up Skype. Right? We could do that. Hello? Hello? Hi. I think it's better. Hi.
Starting point is 00:37:41 It's not breaking up. Can you hear me? It's kind of still kind of low. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, we can, so you're on a landline right now I'm on a landline. Yeah, okay Does it sound a little bit better? slightly better. Yeah, okay good. I'm gonna have to listen really hard. Okay Great. Well, okay, so tell me now. Why did you write this book your brain on sax house? Smarter sax can change your life
Starting point is 00:38:04 So what would drove you to write this book? Why did I write it? Yes. Well, I wrote it because over my 36-yard years of practice, the subject of sex inevitably comes up in therapy. And I made certain discoveries that I wanted to write about and tell people stories about. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:27 Among them is that if we really pay attention to sex and try to understand what our true desires are and where they come from and what they mean, we can really use sex to change our lives. We can use it to choose better partners, partners with whom we're sexually and even otherwise compatible. Partners who we can not only have great sex with, but who we can trust and respect and
Starting point is 00:38:54 feel generous towards. So how do we do that? So what was the problem and then why was this the solution? Like people were just getting married or committing to people but they weren't having good sex and you're saying you sex to find that person, which is kind of the opposite, right? Well, how we do it? Well, I describe in the book kind of roadmap
Starting point is 00:39:13 which, or a process which I call intelligent lust, which begins with an honest exploration of our fantasies. an honest exploration of our fantasies. We really go through the process of examining what we think about what truly gets us off, or what images we have, what stories we tell ourselves. And then once we understand that, we need to do something extremely important and something we don't often think about in relation to sex, which is to go back and maybe dig a little
Starting point is 00:39:51 bit around in our childhoods to see the relationship between what we sexualize and what our childhood experiences are. And the reason that I suggest that is because I really think that our fantasies and desires, and this is one of the discoveries over all these years, I think that these desires grow out of some unresolved childhood conflict or some unmet need, that we eventually eroticize usually during the heightened sexuality of adolescents or young adulthood. What seems to happen is our minds convert those painful feelings that associated with a past unresolved conflict or unmet need, and turns those feelings into something pleasurable, by linking it to sex. That's so interesting. Yeah, that's what that's.
Starting point is 00:40:47 The mind attempts to help us heal from those painful feelings, just like the body produces immunities to help us heal from some wound. So I'm saying something very significant, and probably unusual, maybe even radical, is that our desires and our fantasies grow out of these childhood comes i mean i've definitely heard that before i've heard that about fetishes like when people like fetishized certain things but i have heard that about fantasies can you give us like a comment like an
Starting point is 00:41:15 example uh... of a common fantasy and how okay thanks here's here's one uh... let's say we've grown up in a family in which we were deeply criticized. By the time we reach adolescents or maybe young adulthood to cope with those feelings that we felt which were probably humiliation, we probably will sexualize them and encode them in the stories of our fantasies and desires.
Starting point is 00:41:49 So that when we are sexual, we begin to think about or even seek out sexual experiences in which we are equivalently shamed or verbally or even physically humiliated in a way that we're actually turning those painful feelings from child into pleasurable ones through these sexual acts which we're now in control of. So we go from that childhood criticism to feelings of humiliation which we are ratified to acting out those in fantasies and in real actions. So is this something that's like, would you say that's a help?
Starting point is 00:42:28 I mean, that is the process, but would you say that's cathartic? That's a way of dealing with it? Or are you saying there's like this other step after that? Like, once you figure out that that's what you do? Yeah, well, it's not only that's the psychological process that we go through. The process of continuing the healing is really using those desires and fantasies to guide us to people with whom we're sexually compatible. What I mean by sexually compatible is that the other person will enjoy our true desires and they have desires of his or her own that complement ours.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Okay. And doesn't necessarily mean that we need to have sex to find someone with whom we're compatible with at least not right away, but what I recommend is that we begin to have conversations about sex in which we openly and honestly and discuss each other's fantasies and desires. Absolutely. I mean, that's what I'm always telling people. I'm really early on in dating, I would recommend. Pretty early on in dating. Okay, so how early on in dating? I'm sorry, I missed that. Oh, no. I think I agree and I think that so many couples don't talk about their fantasies.
Starting point is 00:43:47 And so you're saying even early on and dating. So how early on do you think? You know, I think very early on, I think, you know, too often we see couples in their eight or ninth year no longer having sex. Right. Or suddenly one of them has this great desire which they've never discussed before, and it disrupts or even ruptures the relationship. So a part of the process of intelligent lust is really talking very early in the dating
Starting point is 00:44:17 process. You know, just as we're discovering things about people's families, social backgrounds, economics jobs, we should feel the same comfort in talking about sex. Exactly. To be able to say to someone early in the dating experience, what was your best sexual experience? What was missing from past sexual experiences? What would your ideal experience be?
Starting point is 00:44:45 Why shouldn't we ask those things? I have value sex in fashion. What if people say, well, some women say, for example, I don't have any fantasies, or I don't fantasize. What would you say about, do you think that everyone fantasizes or has a capability or should be fantasizing? Well, that's an interesting question. I think sometimes fantasies happen so quickly.
Starting point is 00:45:06 We don't even register them. Right. And I think if we stop and really think about what really does get us off, I mean, for instance, if you go through the exercise of masturbating, it's pretty unlikely that you're not having a fantasy, you know, or an image, or a story that's happening very rapidly on your mind to get you off. And sometimes that even happens, you know, during sex, sometimes we're much more in our thoughts than we're actually in the physical activities that we're engaging in. So I think people who say they don't have fantasies probably do, but they just go unrecognized.
Starting point is 00:45:52 And most of us have fantasies that are different from one another. And that's because it's really based on our own unique story we create from the conflicts and our needs and our childhood experiences. Right, I think that's, yeah, I mean, that's definitely a theory that I've heard a lot. That's where it goes to. So a lot of people have shame around their fantasies. So how do they get over that shame and feeling like the partner, this new person is going to judge them?
Starting point is 00:46:18 Because what you're asking is, I mean, a lot of people don't even talk about deeper issues around work or around family. And then to say, well, you should talk about your sexual fantasies. I mean, how do you do that? What do you suggest to couples? How do they talk about it? I think if you're in a long-term relationship or ready, it's different than when you're
Starting point is 00:46:37 just courting someone and seeing whether they might be the right partner for you. But if you're in a long-term relationship, I think you actually set aside a private time with your partner, and you say to them, you know, I'd like to talk to you, I'd like to talk to you about sex. Let's set up a time for that and make a very, very specific date, and stick to that date, and then with a lot of, you know, sensitivity and respect for your partner to begin to talk about sex. Right.
Starting point is 00:47:13 You know, what do you feel sexually? How is it going between us? Are there things that are working out? Are there things that are not? Are there things that desire that you have that you really want to express. So it's almost like a questionnaire or something, like you should have a questionnaire that you fill out and you can just read the questions to each other, your answers. I think it would be helpful to have a questionnaire or something that you just fill out and share with each other. In the book, I have a question here and even a scale in which people can independently rate their partner in terms of how they feel, in terms of sexual compatibility. And then once done, people can share that information and start a very real conversation. I think that's great.
Starting point is 00:48:06 Whether they're competably sexual or not. I think sometimes people find out that actually we're not. And then there's a decision about what to do. Exactly. But at least the issue is out in the open, where maybe it hadn't been, where maybe there was just kind of silence or maybe there was anger that was about sex but gotten expressed in other ways.
Starting point is 00:48:33 But some of the things that people do are interesting. I mean, sometimes someone will say, well, I don't really share your fantasy, but I really care about you and I want you to be happy and I don't want you to feel deprived or resentful so I will go along with your fantasy. That's one solution. Another solution is some very challenging one in which some people decide to have other sexual partners in which they open up their relationship and negotiate the details of each of them having sex with other people because they say, I care about you, I don't want you to spend the rest of your life not having sex because I'm not interested in
Starting point is 00:49:19 what you like to do, nor do I want to spend the rest of my life not having sex. Now, that's a very, very unusual and difficult situation, but I've seen people successfully navigate that. Yeah, I mean, I was gonna ask you that because that is something that I've recommended and I live in San Francisco, so there's a lot, I know a lot of people in open relationships, which is not as typical
Starting point is 00:49:39 in the rest of the world, I guess the rest of the country, but you have seen it work that in your practice, couples who have successfully opened up their relationship. Yes. Yes, but it takes, yes, tricky. Definitely a process that takes place over time in which you have to deal with issues of jealousy and rivalry and especially respect.
Starting point is 00:50:02 But I think the thing that makes it work is that over open conversation and also the deep respect for placing the relationship first, so that regardless of what happens, whatever the needs of the relationship are at a particular moment come before maybe the individual sexual needs. So I've seen people say to a partner,
Starting point is 00:50:22 I'm really horny tonight. I want to have sex. And the partner says, you know, that doesn't feel good to me tonight. I'm like really worried about work. And I can really use just some comfort from you. So I would rather you not do that. Right. Just a matter of opening up dialogue.
Starting point is 00:50:40 I think respect, I think, which makes it work in those situations. Yeah, they have to talk about it. Couples just don't talk about it couples break up right you know they discover after nine years things that they should have been talking about you know before they got married exactly this is the thing they have to talk before they get married
Starting point is 00:50:58 uh... what about chemistry why do you think we feel chemistry with some people now others how would you describe sexual chemistry did you say texting you describe sexual chemistry? Did you say texting? Chemistry. No, sexual chemistry. Chemistry. I'm not sure. I'm not missing you again. Chemistry? Like the chemistry. Sexual chemistry? Like a chemistry? I'm sorry, this connection is so terrible. I'm having such a good time. I am too chemistry. Like a chemist. am too, chemistry. Like a chemist. Like a chemist, who mixes chemicals?
Starting point is 00:51:29 Oh, yes. Chemistry. Oh, chemistry. Yes. Okay. Well, chemistry, chemistry, I think, is really interesting, and it's not so mysterious. I think chemistry is the process of which we filter through our minds very rapidly, those people or through their characteristics that really could potentially meet our sexual desires and fantasies. So, you know, we may be someone who, let's say,
Starting point is 00:52:08 are ratified being dominated because we grew up in families in which we were dominated more or less. And to survive that, we sexualized those feelings eventually so that what was really horrible and painful for us is something that we become as pleasurable. And so we look for the symbols of that in someone. We might look for someone with a strong muscular body, someone with an extremely masculine face if it's a woman, because these represent to us those things that may really reach these deep desires. Right. Okay.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Because that's always a thing. Like, we always wonder why you've chemistry with one person and not with another. I think that's a good question. And I think that, you know, if my interest is to be submissive, then I'm gonna look for very different things in people. And that person who tells me through their body language, through their physicality, through how they speak, that they're going to be dominant.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Right. Then I'm going to respond to that. If I meet someone who is soft and sweet and tender, that's not really going to give me a sense of chemistry. Exactly. My deepest desire is to be dominated. Right. Well, I think it's a really important book you wrote that because it shows that people
Starting point is 00:53:50 really should pay attention to their sex life and their fantasies and what's going on because I have a lot of friends who are sort of in the zone now that are they've been married for 10 years, 15 years, and the sex has just gone away. They've never talked about it and it's like it's a conversation that you have to have. So your book really forces people to take a look at it. So I think that's a really important book that you wrote. Thank you. I mean, that's one of the most common problems. That sexual interest leaves a relationship or a marriage, and I really believe it's because people aren't really knowing who they are sexually, knowing their deepest desires
Starting point is 00:54:32 and certainly not communicating it with them. Exactly, they gotta learn, so they gotta read your book. They gotta find out how to talk about it. It's called your brain on sex. How smarter sex can change your life and they can get it on Amazon? Yes, you can get it on Amazon. Yes, and you can read more in the psychology today column.
Starting point is 00:54:53 I write psychology today.com. It's called Intelligent Less. Okay, and I have a quick question for you. How come you say you are a therapist to the celebrities? I lost you again. Oh, it says you're a therapist to the celebrities. I lost you again. Oh, it says you're a therapist to the celebrities. Oh. It's in your bio. Well, I've had the good and bad fortune, I guess, over the years of having a fair number of well-known
Starting point is 00:55:18 non-patients in my practice. And that's the kind of thing that happens by word of mouth. All right. Okay, you can't say you any are, right? Because it's all confidential. No. We just have to believe you.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Okay, Stanley Seagull, thank you so much. We'll put this all on the website. And this is great, great information. I think every couple should read this book. Every individual. I think it's great. It's important work that you're doing. So thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:55:43 Have a great day. Bye. That is the biggest issue. I can't tell you minus so many of my friends. So thank you very much. Have a great day. Bye. That is the biggest issue. I can't tell you minus so many of my friends. I told you this. The last few days, last few weeks, been with their partner for eight years, 10 years, and they're like, we're not having sex.
Starting point is 00:55:55 What do we do? Can we get it back? This is a really good book that people can read to help them get it back. It helps you break it down because I'm like, talk to them about sex. They're like, we can't talk about it. We even talked about it in 10 years.
Starting point is 00:56:04 Now we're going to talk about it. So this book will kind of break it down for you and like, talk to them about sex. They're like, we can't talk about it. We even talked about it in 10 years. Now we're gonna talk about it. So this book will kind of break it down for you and help you talk about it with your partner. He doesn't find you attractive anymore. That's what's going on. Shut up. That's not always the case. That's not always the case. Oh, I'm so you admit that it is some.
Starting point is 00:56:17 No, sometimes you just fall out of lust, but I think you can get it back. Says Stanley Seagull, you might have to open up the relationship. You never know. Okay. Everyone. What do you love? I'm gonna say something so brutal, but I'm gonna skip it. To me? you can get it back so Stanley Seagull you might have to open up the relationship you never know. Okay everyone. I was going to say something so brutal but I'm going to skip it. To me? No, just in general.
Starting point is 00:56:31 Tell me about your last, because I've been riveted by the past 18 minutes with a guy on the phone. Tell me about your last sexual experience. There's something storming that out there because I want to live it. I was riveted. You weren't riveted. I wasn't riv it I was riveted you weren't riveted I wasn't riveted. I know because you weren't talking. Huh? I thought I was really interesting. I was listening I was I was blown away by all the facts. Okay, um my last sexual experience Which part of how to go it was awesome? Yeah, he performed oral Sex Emmy for a good amount of time, which was-
Starting point is 00:57:05 Which you love. Which I love, and it was awesome. And then we had sex, a lot of sex. You need to learn how to break down your sleep. To articulate it. Okay, so we had Oral Sex, then I performed Oral Sex, and then we- I was in top, use and type- How did the Oral Sex happen? Were you already naked? Or did he take your pants off? We had oral sex, then I performed oral sex, and then we, I was on top, he was on top, and he was on top.
Starting point is 00:57:25 How did the oral sex happen? Were you already naked? Or did he take your pants off, and then this, go down on you. He took my knee on dress me. Where were you? His house, your house. My house.
Starting point is 00:57:38 My house. My house. My house. And then the time before that, though, it was in the hallway, and it was hot hot. Oh no, this is where what okay This was recently My butcher block table in my kitchen Really and that was really hot we like moved everything off the table and he like threw me down on the butcher block table
Starting point is 00:57:57 And we had sex and it was friggin hot Was the dog there the appin away dog was in the kennel. Dog was in the um... Where he stays all the time now. No, she doesn't always stay in the kennel. No, she doesn't always stay, but that's what you gotta do when you're having sex because the dog's just gonna see they're staring at you, licking his... sniffing your butt hole. Yeah, sniffing her butt hole. And so, what was your last sexual experience, I was. You don't remember. Yeah, I was kind of wasted last time. Okay, whatever.
Starting point is 00:58:28 It's so boring, man. No, I ate my last sexual experience. Yeah, I was kind of wasting. Okay, awesome. Thanks. Okay, we're done with the show. But it's sex with Emily, I want to know your sex life. I'll tell you more tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:58:39 Tomorrow, you promise you're going to break it down Thursday. You're going to describe things, not to say we just had sex. Yes, I just described the butcher block table. Barely. It's gonna be better on Thursday. We're gonna Better on Thursday. I'll work it up. I'll work on it. You're gonna work on it. I got it. You're gonna take notes. Yep. To say okay, so it was it was around several o'clock around TV and then I saw You know Kim Kardashian and then I was feeling kind of horny because maybe I want to make out the King Kardashian Oh, then I went over and then I started making out with the partner next to me I'll tell you about it. No, I'm just giving you examples on how to lay it down and then slowly he unbuttoned my pants
Starting point is 00:59:21 I'm just like a radical with Emily. Yeah, I don't usually break down my sex life, but since you're asking, I will do it. Good. Okay. That's what people wanna hear. They don't wanna hear about, okay, whatever, it doesn't matter. Okay, thanks everyone for listening to Sex with Emily.
Starting point is 00:59:36 Was it good for you? Email me feedback at sexwithemily.com. Tom.

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