Shawn Ryan Show - #17 Mikal Vega - Navy SEAL / EOD / Call of Duty Director

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

Mikal Vega, a man of many accomplishments who has earned a substantial number of different titles. A Navy SEAL, EOD (explosive ordnance disposal), Actor, Director, Producer, Screenwriter, CEO of Vital Warrior, and Master of Self Awareness, just to cover a few. We cover his childhood, his military time both as an EOD Tech, and an Operator at SEAL Team 8, his transition into civilian life, and finally his current career both in Hollywood and Directing for Activision's Call of Duty franchise.  Mikal Vega Links: https://www.instagram.com/mikalvega https://vitalwarrior.org https://www.imdb.com/name/nm3819620 Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website - https://www.shawnryanshow.com Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/VigilanceElite TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnryanshow Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/shawnryan762 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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at WoodhouseHundayOfOmaHaw.com You're an EOD guy, explosive ordinance disposal, a Navy Seal, an actor, a director, a stuntman, a video game director, and a master of self awareness. Rumor has it, and I want to know if this is true. Rumor has it, somebody hit you in the face with a baseball bat and you took the baseball bat and resolved the issue. Is that true? That is not true. That's not true? It was a stop sign, Paul. We went in the Sotter City.

That was one of our big ones. I had guys on the Zarkawi hit. When you go into a place where a guy is chopping off heads, setting it on the neighbor's porch, and then threatening them that they're next, any day, and they don't know when it's coming. When you go remove that cancer, it's like this dude, like way the way the hell down there and I'm like he's like peeking out from behind this car and I'm like there's a dude right over there you need to keep eyes on when he pops his heads up, pop it.

I was like, that's exactly what the fuck you're saying. I was like, what makes you think that we can go down range for years and take life for a bunch of people that obviously don't give a flying fuck. And I wouldn't do ten times more for those closest two. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Sean Ryan show. Over the past few weeks, we've had a tremendous amount of support show up on Patreon to support this show. I want to say thank you guys for the generosity and I hope you're enjoying all the behind-the-scenes

and exclusive content that we put over there on Patreon for you guys, our best supporters. Also, I want to say thank you for everyone that left us an iTunes review. If you haven't left us an iTunes review, please hit the link down in the description, head over there, and just leave us a one-word review. That really helps us get to where we want to be with the show. Thank you for that. With that being said, let's move on to our next guest. Our next guest is a former EOD technician that's explosive ordinance disposal, basically a bomb technician. He's a former Navy SEAL, he's an actor, he's a director, he's

a writer, he's a producer. Among many other things, he is a master of self awareness. If you want to donate or support to our next guest, you can go to vitalwarriors.org and you'll find him there. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome 017, Mr. McCall Vega. I want to take a minute to tell you about Vigilance Elite Patreon. Patron support is what makes this show possible and gives me the ability to bring these one of a kind stories to the public.

Go to patreon.com, slash Vigilance Elite, and support the Sean Ryan show today. McCall Vega. Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. And I've been looking forward to this one ever since Capone's brought you up what probably about six months ago. And we connected and it's just been, I've been really looked forward to this one. Yeah. I think I'm gonna get a lot of, I learned something every interview that I do, but I think that you've got a lot of wisdom to share and I plan on just being a sponge,

this entire interview. So, but just for the audience, I started trying to research you and you're involved in so many damn things that it's impossible to kind of get it encompassed all of it in a decent amount of time. So usually have mapped out exactly where I want to go. And this one I have a general guideline, but I have a hoping that you hit a couple of specific topics and that's where I'll interject and we'll go explore a little deeper into that.

But just for everybody, so you're an EOD guy, explosive ordinance disposal, a Navy seal, an actor, a director, a writer, a producer, a stuntman, a video game director and with what you're doing with the nonprofit and the meditation and all that stuff, I don't know what to call it, so I put it a master of self-awareness. You run a nonprofit called The Vital Warrior. You've been involved in, from what I can tell, at least 28 different major motion pictures or productions to include SWAT, Dallas, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, and I believe this is the most popular, most successful video game franchise of all time, Call of Duty by Activision. So it's kind of cool. Holy shit, man.

Especially when I look at where it all started, man. It's like, it's been a hell of a ride man. I'll say, but I start off, everybody gets a present. Oh shit. When they come on, so it's Christmas time. All right, opening it up. Go ahead, open it up. Holy moly, what are we gonna hear?

Gummy bears? Those are the best gamma bears. You have your own gummy bear line? Absolutely. Holy shit. I didn't have breakfast, so I'm gonna crack it right now. We got a lot of them. My daughter is gonna be happy too. I love gummy bears.

These don't have like THC or anything. No, they're not the good kind, but they are pretty damn good. But yeah, Merry Christmas, yeah I'll take one. They gotta be soft. They gotta be soft. Otherwise it's just, it's not the same thing. Not bad, right? They're fucking great though. That's awesome, man. Thank you.

I'm glad you like them. I love coming bears. I use them when I'm working out. You use gum. I've heard that there's like a triathlete thing. What they- Bro, my trainer, his name's Austin Uku. He's like, he's a genetic freak.

But he's a really good friend of mine, but he swears by him too. He's like, use them right after working out. It gives you the glycogen storage, right? You're acting them. Really? I'm gonna have to start doing that. Yeah.

I did not know that. I pretty much just eat them all the time, but. Nah, well now you have, now you have, this has benefitting me. I am, I did not know that I pretty much just eat them all the time, but now you have now you have a This is benefiting me. I am yeah Helping my body with these gummy bears now. I have a reason but so Your name came up As you know, we went out to dinner the night before the interview and I pretty much with all the guests

I take them out to dinner the night before the interview and pretty much with all the guests I take them out to dinner just kind of call them the nerves and get to know you a little bit better and so your name came up when Marcus and Amber Capone came out and They asked me if I'd known you McCall Vega and I said no I've never heard of that guy and And I hadn't. And then they said that he was, they said, well, I thought you were at Silti Mate. And I said, I was at Silti Mate. I said, well, I think he used to go by Hooch. And I was, my face just dropped.

I was like, like Hooch, like Dave Fritch. And, and and and they that's exactly what they did. They started laughing. They said, if you could describe Hooch in one word, what would it be? Without hesitation, I said monster. It's monster. And so they started laughing. So you kind of have that reputation from the past if you didn't know that. So when I showed up to teammate, we were impromptu.

There wasn't a whole lot going on. Most of the people were, most of the operators were on leave. You weren't. And there was a couple of guys that I had known that were that had graduated. Here we go. Buds in front of me. And they had said, just, you know, like everybody seems pretty cool but watch out for this fucking guy who's. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm like, oh fuck, well, alright, whatever the hell that means, you know. And I'm like, what's the deal with this guy? And they're like, well, rumor has it, and I want to know if this is true. Okay. Rumor has it. Somebody hit you in the face with a baseball bat, and you took the baseball bat and resolved

the issue. Is it, is that true? That is not true. That's not true. It was a stop sign pull. It was a stop sign pull. It's like a piece of pipe from a stop sign. Do you want to go into that at all? It's just a street fight. Yeah. You know bar stuff. Somebody wrote bar somebody who's a bar fight who does a fucking stop sign pull up? I don't know the fucking thing was laying there in the street or some shit Dude and this guy fucking hits me with this thing and I just fucking I Turned around Rat and grab it and just look, pop, pop, pop. Holy shit.

So it is true. Yeah. It was a stop sign poll though. My bad. Baseball bad. Stop sign poll. Virginia Beach. Yeah.

So right now down in the Virginia Beach. Yeah, down anymore. But, um, so then fast forward, we were doing a water o-course. And that thing was fun. Yeah. And exhausting. That too. That's a rough forearm blaster.

And so we did a monster mash, the PT, we're on around the base. Did it, I think it was Ocean Swim, the whole Shabang, ended on the Oak Horse, and there was, there was one older guy in my platoon that was, he wasn't on leave, he wasn't in schools. Turns out he didn't, he didn't deploy the first time, not a head-on or anything, but he was always up all of our asses. And, and I'll tell you later.

Okay. And I don't wanna dive about on the show, but sure, sure. But we had run the O course two times and I tried to do it a third time. And I just, my fucking, you know, that thing where it's like, you got the rings, swinging, you know, I don't have's like you got the rings swinging.

You know, I don't have that fucking far of a breach and I already did it two times. No, wait, no, no, it's not just rings. It's the ascending rings. Yeah, they go up. And you know, if you don't get it, then you fall in the pool and start over. That's great.

So I already did it twice. And I think we only had to do it once and this guy was all up my ass. He's like, you fucking get your ass over there and do it again. And I was like, I'm a new guy. I'm like, yeah, okay. And it just wasn't happening. And I was like, dude, I'm not doing it again.

I knew this guy had not deployed. You know, the first time and I was like, all right, I'm a new guy, but this guy's basically a fucking new guy. I knew guy too. And so I told him, you know, I just told him, I said, fuck off, dude. Like, I know you didn't fucking deploy. I'm not gonna listen to you.

And so he got all but her. We're back in the cages, you know, where we keep all our shit for those listening all, we would have a basically a room. When you're silly of so much gear you need a room which is basically a chain link fence and every operator at the team has a cage. So I'm in my cage working on my gear or changing my clothes you know getting ready to start the workday and I hear this guy behind me and he's like, that's him.

And I'm like, what the fuck does this dude want now? And I turn around and there you are. Looking at me from outside my cage. And I'm like, that's gotta be fucking hooch. And then the cage door locked and you gave me a little spiel. You were nice about it and then disappeared and I sat in my fucking cage locked for the next couple hours. Oh my gosh.

But yeah, so that's how we met. And then. I'm fucking no handshake, nothing. I couldn't get my arm through the cage That's From that point on I just avoided you everywhere. I was like, you know, I'm not fucking going over there That guy's over there, and I don't like being locked in my fucking cage Yeah, but anyways, kind of I don't remember it Head trauma is real. Yeah, well, there's a lot, I don't remember it. Head trauma's real.

Yeah, well, there's a lot I don't, I still don't remember. I'm probably not the only new guy that you that fucking locked into the cage. Probably true, too. No, you know. Well, you know, I got all of them. I don't want to paint the wrong picture, though. Like, like, okay, so, so in all fairness,

I was a pretty fair guy. I always, at least I feel like it. Like, like, it was just when guys got out of what my sense of, you know, left and right flanks were on what's acceptable behavior on predicated upon experience in the teams, where those types of things would occur, you know. And but I was pretty fair, if the guy was like, completely squared away, I wasn't the guy that was just like beating up on new guys or anything like that.

It was just, I was showing them when they were outside the boundaries of what I thought at the time was where people should be. Yeah, so. Well, that was probably actually the nicest lesson What I thought at the time was where people should be. Well, that was probably actually the nicest lesson an older seal taught me because after that it was all fist and fleet, you know, and and and riggers tape. Yeah, there's like, you know, see, yeah, and taped up. But anyway, so there's my

seal teammates story when we met. So what do you wouldn't tell me that it didn't real last night? Yeah, all right, thank you. But so, man. So you, so they told me, you know, back to Capone's, you know, they told me about you and how you had, you changed your name and how you had gotten into the meditation and it sounds, if I remember correctly, the Capone started their entire Vets organization. You kind of, you're responsible for that, essentially.

Or maybe not responsible for that. I was a key player. I was a key player in that evolution of Marcus and his wife. You showed them the light, I guess is what I'll say. It's the way it sounded. We provided it an opportunity that they the part and took down the road. You want me to go into that now? Sure.

It's a long story to get there though. Let's start the interview from childhood, but I was just fascinated with the whole thing. With the eye-bagane stuff, and I had really researched some of the science behind that on how it blocks the default mode network and forces the brain to use other avenues to pass information that it doesn't normally do. And after seeing here in their story what it did for him and actually a lot of guys that have been on the show, as I heard and learned more about it, I just got more fascinated and research in you, man, I'm just,

I'm so happy you're here and... I'm so happy. I'm really hoping that I know I'm gonna learn a ton, and so is everybody listening, so thank you again for being around. Absolutely, man, it's an honor to do so. So one of the big things, like as a default for anybody listening is, is there may be things

that you don't understand that you hear today, that you hear me say today that you won't understand. It's fine. It's fine. There's going to be different levels of listeners out there that are on different levels of the spiritual journey that will understand exactly what I'm talking about. And in those that don't, maybe when they engage upon that path, later on those seeds will grow and they'll be like,

oh, or they can reference this show and go, oh, that's kind of what I'm experiencing now that I've been doing this for a while. I can, I get it now. You know, so it's the why, I think it, I personally feel that that being able to convey my journey and the way that it can be replicated in others is why I'm still here. I was always given just to the edge of, you know, the end, right? I always had just enough, like so, so IED blast and like completely blow us apart,

you know, bullets deflected by, you know, machinery and a minigun. You know, it's like all in the armor and it's, you know, incoming mortar fighter, all the type of stuff that, like it just doesn't, I was protected. I was protected. I got, enough would get through to where I could have the experience and relate to people that weren't completely protected, the IEDs where people are losing legs and arms

and, you know, these types of things. But I can relate to people somewhat. I mean in a I don't want to paint the wrong picture here, but somewhat I can relate to oh this is what it would be like to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I don't know how those people, I don't know how they surround that that. You know, it's types of things. Like when you, when losing a limb, I, I am in loss of them. I don't understand what that's like having to overcome, you know, and, and that type of adversity. But what I do know is that it doesn't matter what the experience is.

It's that experience that completely shifts us, that is going to project us into a place of absolute prosperity and joy if we learn how to focus that beam in that direction. So we can turn the channel from negative to the positive. And those are the types of things we'll talk about today. So being able to share that life experience on a platform like yours is an absolute honor and directly in line

with the reason I'm still alive today. So I can't wait to take you. Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome. Let's start with a, I told you a little bit ago that we have a Patreon network basically that it's a subscription network they get behind the scene stuff and their support is actually what funds this entire operation with everything from the film crew to everything and so I give them an opportunity to I tell them who's coming on and they get an opportunity to ask a question, I pick a couple of questions. And this question is from Fox Trot 1. And when we tell them who the guest is, a lot of them do their own research and dive in and and kind of see what you're all about. So his question is, being into providing

psychological treatment for wounded soldiers and veterans, what do you think about the role of military psychologists or shrinks, which were part of the forces overseas to maintain combat abilities of vulnerable or already traumatized soldiers. Handing out prescriptions for benzoes, opioids, antidepressants, sedatives, etc. Not to heal the patient, but to prolong the exposure by maintaining combat readiness. So, at the beginning of that, it says that I'm involved with the psychology. I'm not, I'm not, just wanna be clear, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a psychologist,

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I have an extensive experience of working with those doctors. And so for me, I didn't find benefit. Okay, so we have to go into this a little bit. So which is going to kind of cause a piecemeal type of thing once we get flowing later. But I'll keep it succinct. So for me, it's been the initial, if they don't have extensive experience

in a combat environment with special operations forces, that's where we start getting into issues, right? And then I wanna, this is rubbing on the chair. And I also wanna delineate, there's a very clear line between psychology and psychiatry. Okay? Psychiatry is the ones doing the pills, not psychology.

The problem with the medications and these types of things is that there's never an exit strategy. There's a time and place for medicine, right? But I feel we turn to it much too quickly before analyzing hormone panels, seeing what's going on, you know, physiologically with the system and and and and And then you know being diligent on ferriting out and using the medication as a last resort That's what we should be doing in my personal opinion having walked the path that I've walked Again, I'm not against medicine. I'm not against these types of things. And there is a time and place for them. But we jump into it far too quickly, especially on the end of that. You know, we're in a reactive state. When we don't have to be, we can be in a proactive state.

But in regards to this particular question, my feelings around that are just that. We, psychology for me was the better route. You know, no pharmaceuticals, let's talk about these types of things and then, you know, formulate a plan on, you know, gaining some type of foundation we could even stand on after these events. As far as using these types of medications to keep us operational, I can see where there's certain instances where it's warranted, depending on what the mission is. And I mean, we're sacrificing a lot. There's a big cost that people don't hear about by doing that. And I think that at the end of the day, mission specifically, if you have to stay up for 48 hours because you're trying to hit a certain target or you're providing critical intel so people don't get killed, Yeah, I'll bear that.

I'll bear that. No, you know, absolutely. I'll bear that. But it's where there has to be, and I think where we fall short a lot of times is there's no back in plan. Okay. There's, there's not, there's not proper monitoring on, okay, this guy's been on this for about this much time.

We're certain to hit addictive type levels that he's going to have some type of withdrawal symptoms and these types of things. And we don't have a plan in place. At least they didn't, again, these answers are all based upon my experiences, not the conjecture of anybody else's. Okay. So for me, there was not a solid plan in place for what to do after that. And invariably, that very same system as people. And inherently, I feel like people are trying to do the best they can do for us with an unknown type of entity. An unknown situation, and they're trying to figure it out.

Unfortunately, that's at the cost of the lives of many veterans. So what I found through this journey now is that, again, going back to what I had said earlier is that now I can use the lens of hindsight, which is 2020 at all times, and I can see where I'm at now and where I was then, and I can understand how critical those components were so that I can even have this conversation right now to hopefully awaken the very same chain reaction in somebody else. Yeah. That's the purpose. That's the mission. That's the, that there's no greater purpose for me. Yeah. You know, then, then being able to relate to somebody going through that because I've experienced it, or I've had at least a dose of it.

Might not be as bad. Everybody's got a different story, but I know how to come out of it. I know how to come out of it. That's huge. Yeah. We can recover from these things. And if we can successfully do so, not run from the past, incorporate the past, own the past, because the past is our power, because once we start to realize those breadcrumbs of the past, let us to where we are now, and gave us the strength to step upon this spiritual path, this path of enlightenment, whatever level of that is for you, the practitioner, that over time with diligence and consistency, we are going to have progress and we are going to gain an understanding of the why these things happen. And in overtime, as we progress, we'll start to be able to have new experiences that are foundationally related to those that were before, like, a negative type of mindset when we associate to that past

Right, yeah becomes the the negative mindset becomes a type of groutuity That we have because we went through it. I'm sure you've experienced stuff I have yet and see that's, we have, again, this is why I say we have to learn how to hear. Then we have to learn how to listen because that is the frequency. That's the tone of how that teacher within talks to us, right?

You're already hearing it. You're already seeing it and you're, and you're kind're already here in it. You're already seeing it. And you're kind of like looking at it. Now you have to learn how to explore it. Now you have to learn how to get away from judging and replacing with observation and compassion and these types of things, right? Makes sense.

So before we go too far down this road, let's start, I know your dad was a seal, let's start childhood. What was. I had a lot of, I started to develop a lot of anger when I was younger. How are you young? Probably around first grade or so. And I think that just comes from being in the environment. That is really young. Yeah. Yeah. And that anger turned into... I created...

So I was literally a glee club kid, like we had briefly discussed earlier. And full-on glee Club, quick. I was like, maddacles. It's called maddacles. That was like- That was like- All my club? All that.

All of it. I was doing musical theater. I was singing, you know, dancing, hot pink vest, top hat, putting on a ritz. I'm serious. I'll show you pictures there, you'll be like, what? But when you see this child that I'll show you in these pictures, you can see that it, I was frail.

I felt that, I mean, my build was frail. You know, I was very much 100% a creative. I still am. I still always was. I always have been, right? Even in combat. I was very creative. So as I grew up, I was bullied a lot. There was a lot of abuse. You know, my dad, my dad was a seal and, you know, I'm so grateful that I had that type of powerful figure to kind of show me away, right? There's no coincidence there. That was, that was by design,

for sure, in hindsight being what it is, you know, again. But you know, it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy. Dad was going all the time. He was a team guy. Yeah. Going all the time, ten months out of the year at least, you know, the force very young. You know, I think I was four or five when they divorced before I even started school. Didn't get to see him a lot, you know.

And I understand it now, having become a seal and have sons and daughters of my own, and I understand now. And so much so, in fact, that like, I'm, and we'll get into this, but, you know, it hampered my relationships with my children as well. How can it not? You know, I see these guys that like, you know, and I'll come back, but, but I see these guys that do this perfect blend, like they have this it seemingly this really strong

relationship family relationship as they're gone all the time in the teams. And I never understood how they did it. It's because I was never shown how to do it. You know, it's why I learned. And that's no hit on my father or my mother or anything like that. That's just, that's just, they did the best they could with what they had and what their experiences are, right? At the time, I didn't understand.

And at the time as a child, I was like, this is a shit show, this sucks, I'm like fucking, it was horrible, right? And so there was drug use when I was a kid, and there was all kinds of stuff going on, you know, sexual stuff and like all these types of abuses happening. Did you live with your dad or?

I lived with my mother. I lived with my mother. I was alone. What did your mother do? She had to work multiple jobs to support us. You know, so she was gone all the time. I come home from school, a lot of times walking home from school,

and I'd be alone, you know, until late at night, where I'd see her in the morning, or I'd be at some babysitter's house for a couple of days at a pop. Sure. And, or in the summers, I go live with my grandmother. And my grandmother imparted to me like even more a deeper creativity. And she's the one who's established and taught me about God and as a Baptist.

And so I always felt I had a special connection to God. And it was always in direct opposition, my experience of that in that relationship was always in direct opposition to what the church was saying and doing. It was like, that doesn't feel right to me. You know, it doesn't feel right that that, you know, my version of God isn't the one that's like burning people down to the ground. I always feel peace and love in this connection when I would sit alone as a child. Wow. Like very young, like six. I'd go to church camp and stuff like that and you'd learn more and not really fit in

with anybody there and kind of be on my own, not making many friends, you know, and, and it was, it was just because I think it was because I couldn't relate. And, and I don't know, I don't, I know now why, but, but at the time I didn't know, I didn't know why. I was very awkward, you know, but at the time I didn't know why. I was very awkward, you know, but the place that I felt at home and open was when I was creating. But then somewhere along the line, you know, my desire to fit in with people

started to get stronger. The desire to be more accepted, started to get stronger, and invariably I wasn't. It was the opposite. As I grew up, there was more bullying, as you get into high school and these types of things. I barely got through high school. I barely got through high school. I barely got through high school. And I think a lot of it was, when I started doing really well, it was around 9th grade or so.

I was like getting A to B's or all that type of stuff. And then that's when, that's when, like, some heavy, you know, bullying type stuff came in and, you know, people just, it was bad. It was bad. And, um, in the pain that I felt when I went home, I didn't want to be around anymore. Because of that connection to God, I kept praying. I kept praying, can I please come back?

Can I please come back? I just want to come be with you. That's the connection I had. And so when I was 11, one time, I was hunting. I was with my stepdad. I was 11. And we went hunting and I had an M1. And I remember praying. and I was sitting there. I didn't want to hunt.

Remember the kid I am. I didn't want to hunt. I didn't want to kill a deer. That wasn't me. I didn't want to do it. I was doing it to fit in. You know, nothing against hunters out there. You know, I have since hunted many times and not always stuff on four legs.

So a lot of things changed. But at the time, I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to be out in the cold. I just wanted to keep performing and doing my thing. Video games were a big part of my world then too. So we'll get more into that later, but. And then drawing also, you know, all kinds of stuff. I'll show you my stuff later.

Cool. But I'm sitting there and, and, and, and all these hunters, it was kind of a proverbial straw. And, and all these grown men started fucking making fun of me and shit, right? fucking making fun of me and shit right? He's grown men like making fun of me like tormenting me and my stepfather at the time let that shit happen because he was weak you know. Yeah. Yeah. So we went out and I was I was already in anguish because of a whole bunch of other types of abuse that were I was already in English because of a whole bunch of other types of abuse that were holding all this stuff. Who do I talk to?

Who could I talk to? I had nobody. There's nobody to talk to about this. And I always thought that if I did talk to my father or mother about it, they'd be ashamed of me. Because somebody else abused me. What the fuck? That's how abuse works right yeah, and so

I'm sitting there and I'm sitting on this log Yeah, I remember I started praying and I was like it was it I'm sitting there I take the M1 I put my forehead on the barrel and I said a final prayer. I started squeeze the slack out of the trigger. I was like, God, if this is not okay for me to come back to you right now, please give me a sign right now. Crack. I look and there's a fucking buck standing like from here to your fucking corner.

Just staring at me. No shit. I just start crying. Damn. And I'm looking, I'm like I'm so sorry. It's like, but the pain is so deep. And I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

And I tried to shoot the deer and I missed him. You know, but, and so then they do a shame thing where you got to cut off the bottom of your shirt if you missed the fucking deer and all that type of stuff, right? There's a part of me that wonders if the deer was even there, you know, but But that's the story that's this that's the last time that anything I Think and I think now literally right here as I sit here, I think that's probably why I didn't kill myself after combat. That's a big sign. I mean, I think inherently like, but I had forgotten like as time goes,

you forget. And it doesn't become the forefront of our thoughts. But it's a massive sign, right? And but I think that's what kept me from even consider. I never, after combat, I never thought about, I never made plans to kill myself or anything like that. But I knew, but I really understood why people were. And I think now literally having this connection thing happening while I'm sitting here,

having told that story, I think that that was one of the necessary experiences I had to have so that I didn't do it later. You see how the timeline type up, those types of things work. That's interesting. But time goes on, I go through high school, I want to create a'm in Virginia though, between Virginia and Ohio. And it's like, well, what do I do? There's not any like great acting outlets at in Virginia Beach in 89. Yeah, you know what I mean?

There's not a lot of great acting outlets in Bath, Ohio in 89. Yeah, you know, so I'm like, I don't know what to do. My dad's like, well, maybe you should join the military. Yeah, I'm like, okay, maybe I'm going into the Marines. I tried the Air Force first,

I tried the Air Force first, and they were like, get the fuck out of here kid. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! And, uh, and so then I was like, well, they said no. I wanted to be a pilot. I think I wanted to be a pilot first. I remember that now. I was like researching Embry Riddle University

and all these types of things. And I was like, that'd be really cool to be a fire pilot. And my dad's like, yeah. Okay, go for it. And then the Air Force was like, no. He didn't go, hey, the Navy's got a flying program. Yeah. He was like, he was like,

I was like, what about the Marines? What if I go be the Marines? It's like, fuck that dude, they treat you like shit. Don't go to the fucking Marine Corps. They're gonna treat you like shit. Join the fucking Navy and go into explosive ordinances to expose them. If you want to do something like that, I literally remember asking this question, I was like, can I use my artwork? Is there a way to use it? Is there anything in the military where I could use my artwork to do it? Like to, like, that's my job.

You know, and he's like, uh, we could be kind of like an MP or something and maybe like doing the, the profile sketches. He's like, he's like, I don't know of anything that you can use your, you know, art ability. Um, but, um, but he goes, he goes, no, no, go, you know, art ability. But, but he goes, he goes, no, no, go, you know, I was like, well, what about what it is you do? What if I go do that? Seal teams.

He's like, uh, no, no, no, no. He goes, go EOD first. If you really want to become a seal, go become a seal after you do the EOD thing, it'll make you a much better seal. You'll have the explosive knowledge, you'll be a real force multiplier in the seal teams as an explosive sex expert type guy. And I'm like, that had logic to me. Right? It goes and then like, you're probably going to fuck up a lot when you get in the Navy. And I don't want you to do it over there instead of in the sale teams.

And I did, I fucked up a lot, a lot. People thought I was a rock and I wasn't. I was the other way around. But it was like, but when it came to the job, when I finally got there, I went to EOD school, joined in 89, went to EOD school, went through it. They had an assistant program at the time, EOD assistant, 5331. And so I went to debt Norfolk and I was shit show, dude.

But when I was actually doing the job, it's because I didn't know how to act in my off-time because I was so messed up in my personal life. But doing the job itself, I was really good at it. I was really good at it. And because I could retain I retained all the knowledge, the job itself actively working as an operator, I was solid. And that's I think that's why they kept me around. And I had a big heart. I had a big heart. I had a huge heart. You know, it was just, I kept fucking up in an out-and-town fighting, trying to find my

weight, like more and more aggression started coming out. And I started turning it into what you saw in those pictures and everything. And I think that whole thing was, so it was not just a byproduct of our training and everything like that, but it was also a get the fuck away from me. No. Protection of who I was still always was inside. I was always that sensitive kid inside, you know, and but I had to build up like nobody else was going to take care of me. I'm going to take care of myself. You know, and that

that's what drove me. And so that I started cultivating aggression, destruction, destruction like violence, you know, and and it served me really well in the teams. When we were working, you know, you know what I mean, but out in town, that stuff's happened in like all the fucking time when you're like, fuck, man, can you stop? Fuck, man, can you stop? If I stop drinking maybe. Yeah. You know? So fast forward, EOD, nine years, screwed up a lot. I tried for six years to go to Buds.

You tried for six years? Six fucking years to go to Buds. What took so long? Well, I'd follow my own sword a couple times, you know, getting alcohol-related incidents. But then it was EOD. And I got to say, and if there's some EOD guys out there right now, you know what I'm talking about.

Be nice to people when they want to go outside the community, because they weren't to me. They called me a trader. When they found out I was like at the time, it was a four-row sailor thing. And I'm not playing a victim here is I get it. A lot of, at the time, there was a lot of guys in the EOD community that I don't think that's a case anymore.

I don't think they're allowed to like cross-pollinate anymore. Like they were in the past where you could jump from one warfare to the other, you know, what I mean. But there were some people there in positions of power that were pretty abusive when they found out I wanted to be a seal. And again, it wasn't all of them. I'm not saying it's all of them. I gave them plenty of ammunition to say no. So, plenty of ammunition to say no, I'm owning that. But my message here is if you're a new year to guy listen to this and you have a guy that is in the community that wants to go do something else,

support him. It's okay, support him. Yeah, don't call him a betrayer and a traitor and then give him all the shit jobs because he wants to go do something that you maybe wanted to do or tried to do. And couldn't. Yeah.

You know, given their shot. What was it about becoming a seal that appealed to you? Because it was my aggression. I knew because we started, we started, that's when they started embedding EOD guys in the platoons. It was, it became really definitive. I had a lot of you got to understand I had a lot of deep ties to the teams too because I grew up in them right. These guys would come over and and and it never left. It was like if I'm gonna go do this I want my

dad to me was like and you've heard me say this before because it's my story. And my dad to me was like Batman. I not see him for tons of time. He'd show up in the middle of the night and he'd be there the next day and then gone again. And you know, often times where like he'd be standing right behind me out of nowhere and not having seen him for four to six months.

And then all of a sudden, he's there typically when I'm giving my mom a really hard time. And then I'm like, and he's right there behind me with no sound. It's like that kind of shit growing up with that. And then the guys he'd bring over, Danny Chalker, all these types of dudes, it's like, I mean, those are fucking super heroes.

To a kid like me, to that kid I described, they're like super heroes, you know? And so over time in that when my dad was there, I think that planted that aggressive momentum that started happening. Thankfully, it really set a balance that I'm grateful for. So, as I was in the EOD, going back to your question of why I went from the EOD into the teams is, I think that seed was there. Originally, I wanted to, I remember, I was with the platoon, Delta platoon on the Roosevelt. We were doing it, and that's when team guys

were still doing six-month deployments on aircraft carriers, right? And I remember, I just felt so at home with them. I felt so, I understood the balance too. Like I knew I wasn't one of them, but I was welcomed by them because of my mentality and what I was into, I was starting a box and, you know, and just training with them and it was just a fucking blast,

and being with them. And so I remember I walked into my EOD Detachment Cage. I told him, I was like, I want to go, I want to go be a seal. I want to go into the seal teams. And, and I, I handed them my package and they tried for a week to talk me out of it. And then they got violent. They got violent. They got violent. So throwing shit at me told me to get the fuck out of there that would probably kill somebody and you know you know meanwhile that whole week they're telling me how phenomenal of an EOD tech I am. And this is a real story. I'm just telling the facts. And so I did, I they go go

fucking muster with the platoon. I'll get the fuck out of here. I was like okay. And so I did. They go, go fucking muster with the platoon. They'll get the fuck out of here. I was like, okay. And so I went down and muster with the platoon. The platoon chief was like, yeah, no problem. I told him the story. He was like, yeah, no problem. I got it. We're good.

And I was like, okay, I'm your guy. They wrote me up. Oh, sure. They wrote me up for being unauthorized absence and, you know, fucking no fuck your package now and all that shit. Damn. It was, that's what I mean. It was, it was rough. It was rough. And don't get me wrong. There are a ton of phenomenal fucking dudes in the EOD community. Oh, there's such, there's some solid, solid humans in that community. It's just one or two

guys that tried to go to Buds and couldn't make it or want to do and didn't, you know, have that, you know what I mean. And that's, I'm sure there's a lot of organizations out there that experience these types of things. And so I went on, you know, carried on smartly, I finally stopped drinking. I was like, I'm never gonna go do this thing. If I keep drinking, I was like, I was on, carried on smartly, I finally stopped drinking. I was like, I'm never gonna go do this thing if I keep drinking. I was like, because weird shit would happen, right?

When I drink, weird things would happen. That could absolutely happen when I was sober, but they never did. You know, like a car coming around and hit me with a fucking rear view mirror or something, you know off the sidewalk You know, it's like it just never happened You know Shit falling off something and hit me and because I had blood alcohol content now. It's an alcohol related incident

Yeah, but I could have been sober and the same thing happened You know what I mean? It was it was just it never happened. But you're really sober. What's that? I'm guessing but you're rarely sober. But, well, no, I was. You were? I was, yeah. I wasn't like a major alcoholic yet. But, but I never was. I don't I don't feel like I ever was a major alcoholic. I could just drink a lot. Yeah. I could drink a lot. And then I could not drink.

And I know that they put all those different type of categories of alcoholism and all these types of things. I get it, I get it, I get it. But for me, I even bought into that for a little bit. And I was like, I am a recovering alcoholic. I did all that. And I went down those paths and it was like I am a recovering alcohol like I did all that and I went down those pads and and it was like I'm saying in doing this stuff but there's a different way. I don't feel like this

is this is me. And so I just stopped. I just stopped drinking. You know and every once in a while I would drink at like every special occasion, something like that, and it's fine with it. But then shit would still start happening only when I fucking drink. And I'm like, okay, fuck it, I'm done. You know, and then I drink again. You know, and it wasn't until I started my spiritual practice

that it really stopped. Stop, stop, because it was just too much of an energetic cost to recover from that mindset state. You know what I mean? It just, there was too much of a, as you start to practice in this, you could feel the difference in your ability to focus and joy and all these types of things.

It's just a distinct difference. It was like an anchor, a spiritual anchor. I mean, it's a depressant. Right? The depressant. And I'm trying to do the opposite of that. So why am I going to bear that extra load while I'm trying to do the opposite of that. So why am I gonna bear that extra load while I'm trying to, you know, ascend. You know, so I stopped.

And so, fast forward, went the buds, class 2, 2, 4. We started with, I think, 183, something like that. Graduated 11 originals. Damn. You were an original? Yeah. Yeah. My swim buddy was too, Mike Koch.

Michael Koch. And remember the story that I painted when I tell you this, this experience in bud. So I'm sure from people listening to your show, they know when a swim buddy is by now. Right? You want to just go into it? Okay.

Swim buddy, it's the opposite of COVID, right? It's the opposite of social distancing. You have to be within six feet of your swim buddy at all times as you go through this training. That person learns more about you than you probably know about yourself. You know, and you get through things together. Case in point, I was in third phase with my swim buddy,

and we're all doing fast-roping and repelling, right? In third phase. And they had this 80-foot repell tower, and we're going through the hellhole. Hellholes like a you got to understand I was 238 pounds when I went through buds right. So and I'm going through the hellhole which is about this being and I was a first class pedy officer. I was a senior EOD tech father's a plank owner of damn neck my So I'm sitting there and we're standing there and and I remember one of the instructors come up in a war in office her

He's like hey fridge That name's really familiar and you look like a lot like a shooting buddy of mine Oh, and I'm like and I'm like here we fucking cuz I had kept it under the wire And you look like a lot like a shooting buddy of mine. Oh, shit. And I'm like, here we fucking, cause I had kept it under the wire. Nobody had figured out that you're doing it. Nobody had figured it out until like, I think after Hell Week.

Holy shit. It was after Hell Week. Nobody put it together. And then he's like, you wouldn't happen to be related to Fred Rich, would you? And I'm like, maybe. He's like, yeah, that's what I thought. You know, it's coming out, right?

It was game the fuck on, dude. It was, no, actually it was right before Hell Week., actually it was right before Hell Week. I think it was right before Hell Week. I think Hell Week was the fourth week and this was probably the third week that that happened. I can't remember exactly, but. But it was that kind of thing that like you're like, fuck yeah, bring it bro, let's go.

Let's go, I'll earn every I'll earn every fucking bit of this shit and I want to yeah, I want all of it. Give me the extra shit You know what I mean? Yeah And so so they did and it was it was it was game on. And my swim buddy got to bear some of that with me. He was like, God damn it, dude. I'm like, hey, yeah, but it's better this way.

You know, it's better this way. You want this. This is the, you want to know that you earned it. You know what I mean? You know what the easy course. You know what I mean? You don't have to easy course. You know? And so fast forward to third phase, you know, the story ripples on and these guys are like, okay, Fritchard's gonna demonstrate some, you know, repelling and and how it's done. And they hit me fucking Walters gloves.

And I'm like, I'm like, thanks. And they're like, what? You don't like the gloves we gave you? Everybody else is in repelling gloves. I get Walters gloves. They're super fucking thick. Like getting them the fucking clothes. I'm going through the hellhole. I'm 238 pounds.

I'm scraping the sides of the hellhole as I'm going through. And they're pulling a bunch of line out and I'm going dynamic, showing off for all and tits and purposes. And everything's fine. Everything's fine till it's not. One of my runs, I jump through the hellhole, catch a loop of the slack on the deck,

rips my fucking break hand out. The blame and thinks I'm still going dynamic. Straight into the fucking ground. I hit so hard this orange jelly came out of my fucking nose. I'm like, I remember the dust settling on my face. I start to sit up and the quorum is like, no! Lay back down! I'm like, okay, and my right knee is fucking boom boom boom. I'm like, fuck. Systems check, not just my right knee. I don't have any broken bones or anything.

Not just my right knee. I don't have any broken bones or anything. I don't think. And so he comes up, he checks, I forget his name, but what a great dude he was. He checks, he goes, what knee is it? What knee? And I'm like, it's this one. This is this one.

But I'm like, it's this one. This drama class is paying off. I'm like, fuck. He's like, it's this one. This drama class is paying off. I'm like, fuck. And he's like, yeah, feels okay. I don't feel any, he goes, and he looks at me and he's like, let me check it against the other one. And then he checks the other one. And I'm just like, you know, and he's like,

he looks at me and he's like, just take the role, dude. I think we were in third week of third phase. Yeah. He's just take the role, dude. Go heal them, come back. We're about to get on the fucking mountain, you know. Because then you're gonna have to do all this shit again.

It's nine weeks, especially when you get out to the island. I'm like, I'm good dude. He's like, okay. Get up there. We're doing fast rope next. Shit. I go around the corner and I'm like, fuck. You know, just like sick dude. I'm like sick. This thing fucking hurts so bad. I get up there and I'm like burning my fucking palm is going down the fast rope. You know, because I'm squeezing so tight. And I do a run and I'm kind of like, keeps recycling back to the back of the line type thing.

They know, they're fucking smart, they're watching. You know, go again, get a couple runs in, just try to drag it out as much as I can. We start form enough to take off, I couldn't keep up with the class, I'm like, fuck man. I can't run. And so I was paying out a pocket to go out in town and get my knee worked on every night after I was secure. And it started working. Like I fell my next time run. And but then I started getting back up on step.

I go out every night, I do all the work on the knee, the injections, all that type of stuff. And just click here. And into this day, that thing's bugging the shit out. type of stuff and you know, just click here. And, into this day that thing's bugging the shit out of me. But, but I was doing okay. You know, I was getting back upon step,

I was doing fine. And then we went and did land warfare. And I couldn't go out and get those treatments every night. I couldn't do all the work on my legs. And so me and Mike, we had a system in land warfare. We hauled last to the next point. One dude would take a break while the other guy ran up and grabbed the point. Yes,ed last to the next point. You know, one dude would take a break while the other guy ran up and grabbed the point.

Yes, we broke the six-foot rule, but it was quick. You know, we were turning around quick. And we, and most times we could keep lying to sight. You know what I mean? We'd try to keep lying to sight. You know, so one guy could rest up and it kept our overall time. This is back when that, it mattered.

Like you had to pass that shit, right? Well, after about the third day of that shit, I started slowing down. I couldn't do the treatments and it was wearing on me and I couldn't keep up. And we got to one of the hills. It was my turn to do the thing and, and he's like, let me go up there and get this.

And I was like, it's my turn, dude. Let me go get the fucking take your break and joy it. And I'll be right fucking back. And he's like, he's like, dude, we're fucking slowing down. Let me just go get the fucking point. You can get the next one. And I was like, look, dude. And he's like, dude.

Everybody saw you fall off that fucking repellent tower. Nobody thinks you're fucking weak. Is that what you fucking think? Is that what's going on right now? Let me go get the fucking point or we're gonna fucking fail. And I'm like, my ego, my pride, I'm like, he goes whatever, as I go, fine, go.

Felt like shit, right? We don't want everyone to be in that fucking position. Felt like shit. And he goes, whatever you do, don't fucking leave here. Don't, no matter what. I was like, just go, fuck, I got it, we're good. He goes up, he's gone an hour two hours three hours I'm freaking the fuck out dude shit I'm like this dude fucking fell off a

fucking cliff like I didn't move I didn't want to go look because if he came back and and I wasn't fucking there he now we're really fucked, right? You know, so I'm like, fuck it, starting to get dark. He comes fucking, fucking coming out of the bushes. All right, let's go. I'm like, where the fuck have you been, dude? And he goes, I was like,

I'm getting all the fucking points. And I was like, you motherfucker, I'm, wait, you got all the fucking points? And he's like, he's like, yeah, but now you got a fucking sprint. So we're sprinting down the fucking side of the mountain and we made the fucking time just barely. And for everybody out there that doesn't really know

why that's such a big deal, is because had we been caught, we were both absolutely being kicked to fuck out for safety violations. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And this, so he did the whole damn land navigation course.

He did, yeah, we're, yeah. Did the whole fucking last piece of it for us. And had he been caught? It was the first time it was the first time anybody, and I get this way every time I tell this story because it was so profound for me. It was the first time I got to remember where I came from, right? It was the first time anybody ever truly sacrificed anything for me. It was the only time up to that point that somebody put their dreams on the line for me, for us, it was the first time I ever truly understood team and what it meant, what it really fucking meant. And so when he died in Iraq, doing what we do, it was really hard. Because you know, like you always think you have more time.

You always think that you're going to be able to see that guy again. You don't think, I never, in combat, I never thought about death, about that possibility. I was never, I never experienced fear, in combat. Like I never, I was never afraid. And it wasn't from a lack of fire fights. It just wasn't there. Never. Ever. And I remember falling down in turrets and I've had the slow down and all that type of stuff like where I'm in a turret

and like it seems like the opening of the turrets, like way the fuck out there. And it's like why am I still laying here? You know, and it's like, and you gotta fucking, it feels like you're pulling your whole body through to force it to move again. And then everything speeds back up. And even then, it was just like what the fuck just happened, type feeling. You know what I mean? Not fear. Not like I don't want to go in there or do these things, you know.

I don't know. And it wasn't, I don't know. It just, I wasn't wired in that time frame. Maybe it was because I didn't care. Maybe it was because I didn't care. Maybe it was because I didn't care about the death thing. I knew I was good. I don't know. To this day, I don't know why. I didn't experience that. And we've experienced a ton of death.

Like we've experienced so much death. And, and, you know how, you know, I caught myself this one time. Do you know how you know that you've seen way too many funerals? When you turn after it's done, when you turn to your buddy, you know, like that was a good one. And in mics, that was heavy. It was a heavy up to that point in my life that that was the the biggest sense of loss that I had felt because he was truly gifted. Like, as an operator in Olythera, it was just...

It's like God put all the pieces of the ultimate operator, a home. And that was him. Like, anybody that knows him will tell you so. Yeah. Yeah. And... tell you so. You know, and I was just honored to call in friend and brother. They happened at a time when it happened at a time in my life when everything was going sideways on me. I couldn't sleep for four days at a pop. I was starting to go in the metabolic syndrome and shit. They had started to put me on the medications and all these types of things. They weren't working. I had to take emergency custody in my son because his mother abused him horribly.

How old was it? Six. I was two months away from another deployment. I had done another workup. This would have been my fourth deployment at Silty Mae. I did one U-com and then two tours to Iraq and then this was gonna be, it would have been my seventh deployment in the Navy.

In two months prior to that, that's when I had to take emergency, custody of my son. In that situation, the state appoints what's called a guardian ad-litem, and they look after the best interests of the child. And I had just gotten married to my wife. She's from the Czech Republic. And I remember her asking me, she's like, how much were you gone last year. She's like, okay, how long have we gone the year before that? And I was like, I see where this is going. And she's like, it's okay, I just need to know. That I'm like 10 months. She's like, okay.

She's like, well, we don't see how it benefits the child for you to have custody if you're gone to months out of every year. I was like, there's a war going on. I'm a seal. I was like, he won't be alone, he'll be cared for. My wife has been in his life since he was two.

You know, been more of a mother to him than his actual mother. or my wife has been in his life since he was two. Been more of a mother to him than his actual mother. And she's like, yeah, but because of her language, the language barrier, we're not sure if his school work will suffer in these types of things, I was like, so what are you telling me? Well, we have facilities we can put them in while you're away. And I'm like, what like a fucking home?

She's like, yeah, I'm like, let me get this right. Like, let me get this right. Because I volunteered to go step in Hans way with men beside me and stand in front of the bullets intended for you, you're gonna put my son in a fucking home. She's like, that's not what I'm saying. I was like, that's exactly what the fuck

you're saying. I was like, what makes you think that we can go down range for years and take life for a bunch of people that obviously don't give a flying fuck. And I wouldn't do 10 times more for those closest to me. She's like, you gotta remember what I look like. She's like, are you threatening me? And I'm like, no, I'm not. Don't worry about my fucking job. My command will take care of me. I'll find something. So, I took, I made it, I had to choose between two families. The fucking one of the hardest things, I made it out of the fuck. I had guys defer their favorable for green team

because I was gonna be their platoon chief and deploy with them, because they had just come back from combat with me. Damn. And then I had to leave them. Damn. That's tough. That's real fucking tough.

That's real fucking tough. I had the fucking talk. And there's no winning that talk. There's like people that don't have kids, they don't understand. People that don't, people that, that child needed me. I wasn't there for myself. Yeah.

But I knew I had to do this. I had to, I had to, you know, and that's how I wound up on the West Coast, right? I had to care for him. I couldn't make the same. I didn't want to replicate what happened to me. You know, when I was a kid, because that's what was happening. When I got that call, when I got that call that he was abused like, again, it was, I was

two weeks back from combat, dude, I wasn't even mad. It was just like, let's go. Who's abused on him? I don't know. Alright. Some people are bearing a load right now that are better of their own design. I don't want to add to it. I understand that.

So, let's take a quick break. Okay. Let's take a quick break. Okay, let's take a quick break. Okay. Hey guys, let me tell you about this subscription service that I've been working real hard on, called Vigilance Elite Patreon. Basically on Patreon, we haven't broken up into three different tiers. We've got tier one, tier two, and tier three. Let's dive in. Our tier one patrons get all the behind-the-scenes footage of the Sean Ryan show.

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Taking custody of my son. Yep. Guardian had light on. I saw him. Yeah. Guardian had light on. So, so that was one of the of what I call the perfect storm shit that that I was going through at that time. The other one was, I was starting to have neurological symptoms to an ID blast. I had to be honest with you, I don't know if it was just the ID blast or if it was a now because of the data

that's coming out of close proximity explosives and stuff like that, I've been working explosives my entire career. That was my theme. That was what I absolutely love doing was explosives, explosive horn and disposal. Breacher, Breacher RSO, lead preacher, all these, preacher. You know, all these, that was my thing. I love doing. And, and so, so who knows truly is probably an accumulation of all of those different things, but the one that the doctors attest to the big, the big contributor to the issues I was having with my cervical spine and, you know, vestibular damage and all these types of things is when there was a roadside IED that had gone off on my vehicle during my first tour to Iraq All of the events that I've talked about thus far with my son and everything was after my second tour to Iraq

which was a very heavy combat tour, right? and the first tour, we were returning from an op, West Coast was running it, and it was funny, man. It was like, they went down a route that they thought they could get away with, it was a black route, and they thought they could get away with, it was a black route and they thought they could get away with some stuff and they didn't.

Do you want to describe what a black route is? So a black route is, at the time, a black route is one that is probable for either some sort of an ambush or an attack and you should avoid it. Pretty, right? and then you can just hand-bush or an attack and you should avoid it. Period. Right? So it was a black route and we were only going on it for a very short amount of time and I'll tell you this and I was just augmenting

because we were doing the PSD mission during that first deployment. Yeah. There was a lot of things I learned during that deployment, which was great, and to put it in perspective, to take a break from the PSD, we'd go do DAs with the West Coast guys over at the ad buy-up, right? In the Grom.

With the West Coast guys, develop a lot of good relation shifts with those guys. You were working with the Polish? The Grom. How was that? It's fantastic. Yeah, it was great. Those guys are phenomenal.

They're really good at what they do. I thought, personally, my experience was great with them. I love the Polish people. They're hard charging and there's no nonsense with them. They just work really hard, really smart, really hard driven people from what I saw. And of course that appeals to me. I wasn't like core to those operations. I try to get over there every chance I could with the PSD mission. I made a deal with the command master chief like, hey, I'll train

these guys in PSD. I'll stay here longer to train these guys with PSD. If you let me stay with the guys over a biop for three months so I can do DAs. I kind of work deals with my CMC so I can, you guys aren't going to be back till here. I'll be ready to take the platoon. It'll be fine. All these types of things, right? I was still a first class during that first deployment. I think I made chief somewhere

after that. Yeah which was amazing. So but we were coming back from this operation it was about three o'clock in the morning I guess and in a roadside IED one off on the vehicle. I was in the turret and I remember we're driving down the route and I'll tell you this. And anybody that's probably been in an ambush or anything like that can attest to, you can feel it coming. And that's gonna be key later

when we talk about some things. You feel it, you get a sense of it. And in this particular sense, I had turned my head and I look straight down It's pitch black. I look straight down as we're traveling down the route and I looked at the IED It's pitch black, but I saw a flash. I remember I remember distinctly seeing a flash and the next thing I remember is me yelling down at a dude to stop punching me in my fucking leg because he was trying to get my attention. And he's like, hit me in the leg and I'm like,

stop fucking hit me. He's like, well, damn dude, fucking answer me. Are you okay? And I'm like, well, I'm just going out for a minute or something. You know, and I'm like, yeah, a couple scratches, but I was good. I felt like I was good. My ears were ringing and I remember like being kind of dazed and I'm like, why is my barrel pointed at this freaking wall?

And I turned around and like everything kind of came back and, oh, we just got attacked. Nobody's fucking there, because it didn't even down our vehicle. It is loaded. And it was like a pulp fiction moment, dude. This thing was packed. We had indigenous forces in the back of the vehicle. We had the Humvee was packed inside

and there was quarter size holes through the vehicle and the breach of blankets and nobody got hit. Damn. That's the kind of protection stuff I'm talking about. Yeah. And it's like, holy shit. And I've had stuff in the past that has been the same thing, getting pinned by an LCU in the North Carolina post hurricane, current surf zone, like being pinned

against the bottom of the ocean is these things been slamming down into the bottom of the ocean floor, but not getting me there, getting sucked into the propellers of a fucking aircraft carrier. And then the buddy line gets hung on something and we're like, you know, just kind of like, you know, both of those were with EOD, by the way. And and and now this.

And and so we had gotten back to the back to base and And I remember like I started getting this gnarly gnarly ERAG dude it felt like there was an ice pick in my face, dude And I kept going up to the corny like you do like we'd only been there a short amount of time at the time It was relatively new, you know, and I mean a couple months maybe and and I go up and I'm like Hey man, check out my fucking ear. There's things, something's jacked. He's looking in there, he's like, dude I don't see anything man. There's nothing wrong with your ear. And I'm like, fuck something. You

know and that went on for like six weeks dude and and they go do you want to go to the top of the hill and take a look? You know, so and I'm like, no dude, you know, cuz in there they'll send me out of here, you know, we finally got in the war. Yeah, I mean and so I just Like taking like give me something are we going out tonight? No, okay, cool, give me some painkillers for this fucking thing. And I just went on that way, and in the nights we were going on,

I strap on the 12 pound helmet and just, I'd be like drooling on myself, dude, like seriously, because it's like fuck. You know, and it was, it was, I thought I had pulled like all the muscles in my back and my neck or something because that was all spasming and everything and none of us put two and two together. None of it was after the IED. None of us put on anything together. And in over time, you know, us being quiet, we just kind of went on and it went away, you know, over about six weeks or so, like it started to fade over that six weeks.

And then I was okay. I felt okay. And we continued on. And then did the second tour, which was And then did the second tour, which was a heavy, you know, we got to do a lot of good work, you know. And this was when Jocco was in Ramadi, we were on the buy-up. And I was with the Iraqi Special Forces Unit as one of the senior and less-dited advisors. I landed that dream job because I made chief and I didn't have a platoon. So I was a free agent. And it just aligned that they needed to, they broke it into four groups, ABC and D. So alpha, platoon, bravo for these irackies, right? And so they'd have different senior and listed advisors

for each one of those, and there just happened to be a free seat. How were those guys? I've worked with a couple of them, and I don't know if they were actually special forces. It seems like sometimes things got interchanged. I was not impressed at all, but I've also heard really good stories from these guys too.

It's kind of a double-edged sword, right? You get what you get and you have to treat them like what they are. And you got to understand these guys are operating in their backyards. They're familiar with everything. They know exactly where, think about it, like just going around your neighborhood and you're operating in that. You know where everything's at. You know, I mean, you have that comfort level. You know where the threats are. You know where the bad guys are kind of hanging out. You got up these things. We're not privy as much to that inherent knowledge, right, until we've been there for a while. And so, for me, it's a different thing, man.

You gotta treat them with kids gloves. They're very sensitive people. You know, they're very passionate people about what it is they do. They love one another deeply. And so, for me, I learned the hard I had I had a great LPO that came in because it was my I was Bravo. And so I was the technical commander for Bravo with the this unit, right? And so what I had done is I took one of the existing

team eight platoons and they split that platoon into two and made a fire team here, fire team here, and I was the chief of that second fire team. So I did the full chief platoon workup after the full platoon chief deployment. I did it backwards, you know what I mean? So I got the deployed chief and then I got the full work up with the one

I had to step out of, right? Now, those guys were phenomenal. Now, those guys were phenomenal. They're actual platoon chief did a fantastic job with those men because I could absolutely trust them to carry out what my vision was for the battlefield. And that's why I was good at it. I could see, I was pretty average as a seal. And we talked about this a little bit last night.

Across the board, like, I was an average runner, average shooter, average, you know, for seal standards, right? I was middle of the pack type guy. Running, not so much middle of the pack. I was, I was 200. At that point, I think I was 248 pounds. You know, just, you know, serve me well though. And so, so my running wasn't, like,

I could get down the road, but very dangerous over short distances. You know, and so, so, at a quick sprint, but the long runs, I wasn't as fast. But, but average, you know, as a seal across the board. Personally, for, for me, I felt like being able to see and communicate and, and kind of know what the the tone is on the battlefield and being able to look at a target and identify Actions on really quickly. I I felt like I was really good at that. So for time-sensitive targets and these types of things I felt like that was

absolutely right in alignment with every purpose like that I was designed to fulfill at the time. And it made it really easy having those types of men that were so capable because I could just tell them what I wanted to do and they go do it. And then they had the initiative to, you know, and then all I had to do was corral this in the space, right, through comms, visual acuity. I'm a very visual person. I'm an artist. So that creative side, right? So I could see, I can, in my mind's

eye, I could see everything on the battlefield. It was really satisfying. Fast forward through that deployment, we did a couple of operations where we went in the solder city. That was one of our big ones. I had guys on the Zarkawi hit. We did a lot of tier one stuff with Keg. And so they had so much work during that that we get a lot of tier one targets. And it's a very purple unit.

So I had CCT, I had SF, I had the commandos, I had the Iraqi guys, I had the, you know, it was like, it was just this big mix of just military force. We're doing TF Knight hits. You guys were all operating under one holy shit. That's a lot of. It was bad ass. It was not to include air and all the other. Did you guys have air?

Yeah. Damn. Yeah. It was bad ass. We didn't have, we didn't have our own, like it's not like a, it wasn't a tier one, like dedicated air for us. Unless it was one of their targets

and then they'd push air to us. We had no problems getting assets. It was the priority, right? Because a lot of times you'd be doing these operations and they had to have the Iraqi face on them. So we're literally... I don't know if we could say this. I'll tell you off like. But so a lot of time they had to have that I write. He faced on it so that's why we were there as a senior and listed advisor so that we could facilitate that combat. And that's what I do. We go up, we'd plan out the stuff for him so that it was tactically sound.

And then, and then we'd roll up. And basically, my fire team leaders, depending on what phase was on that evening for those operations and how we were recycling. And we'd pick the target and we'd let those guys, you know, kind of let them go. You know, and we'd run the breaches and stuff like that with, and we'd bring them in and kind of show them how it was done. And, you know, invariably, so that we could build up that force so that they could take care of themselves and work out so well. But, but that was the intent at the time, right? So, so, so? So it was a lot of great, great work. And I remember just feeling, I was

really satisfied with everything that we did. And again, that protection thing, going to that protection thing, one of our targets in solder city, we rolled up to it and we'd switch. So it'd be alpha, Bravo, alpha, Bravo, alpha, Bravo, you know, night after night, who's running the operations. So the platoon chief for alpha would run the operations one night and then we'd augment them while they're doing that. And then next night they'd augment us, you know, so, but I'd be running the operation, right?

So, and so, so, I remember, I remember on this one target, and this is the only reason I'm telling this right now is because of this protection thing that I'm going to talk about later that we kind of talked about last night. And we're on this target and it's tight. Like I'm in the top, I'm in the Humvee, I became qualified on the one that won 34, I think, the minigun. qualified on the one that won 34 I think the mini gun and so did the training on that because how can you not if if you're there and you get to man that thing

because it's fucking awesome. A Humvee mounted mini gun. Awesome. What a great asset. I never have to feel the whole Humvee rocks back when you shoot the thing. So, oh man, that's awesome. And then those bullets are so close to each other that like it causes a vacuum. And so it'll suck all the dust up off of everything when you fire these rounds down. And so, so I'm like, I'm basically the line of death

So, I'm like, I'm basically the line of death going down this road, right? Anything comes onto this road, we know it's hostile, right? So, and we had air in these types of things, but my guys were going into this target here to pull these guys out. I had a guy literally right here like that had a weapon and like he's just hiding behind this wall here. I'm like, hey, there's a dude over here. This is how I was.

It's like there's a dude right over there you need to keep eyes on when he pops his heads up, pop it. And he's like, all right, you know, he starts throwing crash in there. Cooch, cooch, coo, dude, crawls back into the house. And then him and his buddies start coming around and trying to, you know, cut across that road. It was just like, and I couldn't see. And I'm like, so I'm locked on. And they're like, what are you shooting at, Hooch? And I'm like, we had a couple of guys

that were technically moving on our team. And then I go, and there was like this dude, like way the hell down there. And I'm like, and he's like peeking out from behind this car. And I'm like, and I gotta tell you, I thought, like, you gotta understand, all these shots are calculated, that's what we do. And I'm like, does he have a weapon or is he just scared shitless?

You know what I mean? And then I saw it, I saw the fucking weapon and I was like, I'm sorry dude. Boop, lit him up. And then, then rounds start coming in on my armor and and I hear it. I hear it hitting the armor and then I saw these these other guys come running across and You just keep opening up, you know and and and And then there was a guy standing in the street and this is this is a testament to the to the

Metaculous nature of not just our guys, but the SF guys the the CCTV guys Across the board. This is what I saw is is like there was a guy that came out You know, and he's like crying and everything at something he saw behind the car that I had lit up. And I'm like, I don't see a weapon. I don't see a weapon. I was like, and do you see a weapon on this guy? And they're like, I was like, there's a dude in the middle of

street right now, because it was down there a little bit. And he's like, I don't, I don't, I don't see one. And we didn't do anything. You know what I mean? Yeah. It was like, it was like, okay, just keep eyes on him. Let vampire know that we, you know, that we got that guy and keep it high on him. Let them have him. This was a date still. Yeah. Yeah. He made. Yeah. I heard the CEO over there at that time was just fucking phenomenal. Oh No, yeah, yeah, Paluso

Sarah Donnie Sarah. Yeah great to I had Paluso. I had Sarah. I mean both of those dudes were Neil Geinen I remember like they were just, it was just amazing. Amazing. You guys were Sutton. Sarah was, Sarah was before. Sarah was when we were doing the PSD thing, I think. Okay.

I remember herein, because I got switched over to Tango. I know Paluso. I think Paluso came in after Sarah, and he was the one on this deployment. So. I remember here and you guys were setting up, basically, targets where it looked like a fake ambush. It looked like you had just had been ambushed,

like maybe a burning humvee, set an humvee on fire, lure these fuckers in. Yeah, we do all that kind of shit. That's awesome. We do hits on, like low level targets. And then I don't want to talk about tactics. I don't know if they're still using them. You know what I mean?

Let's not talk about it. Yeah, I don't know if they're still actively using that stuff. So, it makes sense, I don't know if they're still actively using that stuff, so it makes sense, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, but I can confirm there was a lot of really cool stuff like that going on. Cool. And we could talk offline about it. But it was just like a dream, it was a dream deployment. It was like, I had screened twice for damn neck, right? And long story short, I was told no twice. They said I was too high of a risk because of the fighting stuff and my history of fighting in alcohol and all the stuff. It had been like five years, but it still

was a factor because of the culture over there. So which I understand, in hindsight, in hindsight, it was kind of good because, because I got to go do that deployment, I wouldn't have been on that deployment, I wouldn't have gotten to do that, I wouldn't have got to do some other really cool shit, I'm sure, but that was my path. So, um... So yeah, I came back from that deployment, and, you know, you're like a lion on the Serengeti. Man. And there's tons of stories that can be told there, but it's like... You're like the absolute purpose.

When you go into a place where a guy is chopping off heads, setting it on the neighbor's porch, and then threatening them that they're next any day and they don't know when it's coming. And they're actively helping you as an American. You know, when you go remove that cancer, for me there was this woman that had come out and she was trying to give me anything she could, anything she could, like bread, like just anything from her house, like and just weeping after we got done. And it was like, and when you, for me, it was, I locked with this person. And it was like this. It was beautiful.

It's the beauty of war that you don't get to see. It's like, you always focus on the violence and the destruction and all these types of things. But again, remember Glee Club kids still rolling around in there. I had completely forgotten about them, but still rolling around in there. And I locked with this woman and it was like this experience of death and life and hope and like that human experience of we just did this and they experience what we've done and there's such a profound gratuity that we did what we did. You know what I mean?

And it's so justifying and it's so liberating. Like it emeliorates any type of self-conscious am I doing the right thing mentality when you experience something like that? At least it did for me. Yeah. And so when you realize that there's no greater sense of purpose than that, that you're absolutely doing specifically what God created you to do, you are the hammer that you prayed to be for God's work. That's what I wanted. Like originally I had prayed to be

God's shield of God as EOD. Help me make it through this. I want to be the shield to protect the innocent. I can't protect themselves from these weapons of war. But I didn't, but that was only part of my equation because I didn't quite fit in there. It didn't fit, you know what I mean? I knew I had to be with the other men that make up that spear. And then that's when everything made sense, right? Not necessarily so much in my personal life, like I said, it was still chaotic. You know, I'm still, you know, I was still coming out of

all of that. Wasn't drinking or anything like that. But I'm still coming out of all of that, right? And to have that type of experience and that sense of purpose, and then you go home. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? What do we do? Now what the fuck am I gonna do with the rest of this? One Africarican? What?

You do your best, you know? And then you, well come to find out, I kept having these spasms in my back that would like literally make it so I couldn't turn my head for two weeks. Like because everything is knotted up and like so I'm going in for injections to get you know for pain management clinics and these types of things. Again, though I put in two and two together and and so fast forward through that next workup, unaventful, not lackluster.

I'm having more and more problems sleeping. I'm up for four days at a pop, literally. More and more medications are starting to be put on. And all the while, I'd just taken custody of temporary custody of my son. And I was going in and I was going to these meetings with these attorneys and his mother, You know, it was, it was, it was a painful time in life. So I got custody. Literally, I got that whole thing with my son happened like two weeks after that deployment.

Right. Should it was that fast? It's that fast. Damn. Two weeks after that fast. It was that fast. Damn. Two weeks after that deployment, so I'm going through that lack of a sense of purpose, so naturally protecting this child became the purpose. But I didn't know how, really.

My other two children had bored the brunt of my service. They barely saw me. I didn't have much of a relationship. My daughter wasn't speaking to me. And, and I understand where she was coming from. I really do, you know, because I didn't understand what was going on with me, nobody understand what was going on with me,

nobody understood what was going on with me. Or also, I should say, because I know I wasn't alone. You know, and even when I was home, I couldn't be there. I don't know, you know, all these types of things started adding up, you know, the disassociation from the pills and injury that we didn't know was a thing at the time. And, and, you know, it all kind of started to become this amalgam of a perfect storm that I alluded to that, that we're really just now tapping into. So, everything that's going on right now is I can't sleep. My son, I've got custody and they're threatening to put them in a home if I don't stop if I deploy.

I'm getting ready to deploy. And so, I have to go to the CMC and go, hey, they're threatening to put my son in a home if I deploy again. He's like, well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what to do. Because of that choice. And, variably, I chose my son. We always say family first. We always say family first, right?

But when I made that choice, it didn't feel like that. It didn't feel like people believed that. Yeah. Like I'd say that. You know what I mean. Yeah, they said they understood, but you can feel it. You know, you can feel like, oh, now you're going to leave us here with this and you can feel you can feel the disappointment, you can feel the guys were fine, everybody was fine. Everybody made through, I didn't have to bear the weight of like somebody getting killed because

I wasn't there. You know, and somebody making a bad call. Yeah. You know. Thankfully. Still tough. It was still. To this day, like, I haven't spoken to many of those guys. Not I don't think it's anything because of that. I think everything would be fine. I really do. It was just I never I never really ever looked back. You know I never really just tried to hang on to those to the past. It's like and that's been true with every a lot of relationships in my life. I never go back and like, like if I'm, the momentum's going this way, everybody there that's there for that ride,

I enjoy that. I enjoy the richness of that and developing that for as long as I can. You know, don't get me wrong. Like, everyone's one of those calls and you know, we catch up and stuff like that, but it's not like I have to I don't feel like

I don't know I just I just developed the new The new in the now I guess that is the best way to put it But now I'm getting ready to move over to the West Coast having made that decision. I was the ops chief while the guys deployed and I managed everything and got, you know, just worked the desk job, you know, in preparation for moving over to the West Coast

and trying to figure out what the hell it is we're gonna do, right? And so they agreed to send me over to buds. You got to understand, I've been on, I'd been on, I'd never taken short duty. And I was at like, what, 15 years? Some like that. I never took, well, the EOD debt Norfolk was short duty, I think. But that was like at the beginning of my Navy career. Short duty for those who don't know that's basically a job where you don't deploy, you stay home.

Right. You stay home, do training, and we were area response in the EOD debt Norfolk. I messed up a lot of stuff over there. But yeah. So once I went to EOD Tech School, that was it. And that was in 93. So from 93 to 2008, I never had Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of ripple in. Yeah. So, or training, you know, some of it was buds, some of it was, you know, EOD school. And, but yeah, it was all C-duty. Until the end, which was instructor duty. So we're not the buds to get as I,

as I was in that transition, I started to really notice some stuff going on with my body, right? Like I was gaining weight and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't, I was still having problems sleeping and I didn't know what was going on. And so, I wound up, once I got out to the West Coast,

I started to, I was a third phase instructor, demo instructor, and that lasted all of about, I think, what, a year max before they fired me. What did they find for? I still think it was a great trading thing, but to be quite honest with you, I went in there and having the explosive experience that I had, I wanted to make things better. And at the time, that's not what they wanted. They just wanted somebody that was gonna go in there, run the demo program as is, and not just run the demo program. Don't make any waves. Just keep it going.

Just let's just keep this going. We've got a good, you know, humming along type of routine here. Don't make any waves, you know. And so, got out to the island and again I couldn't sleep, remember? And I've got my boy with me and I had two properties like back on the East Coast, remember it's 2008, that the mortgage is had inverted. And so, like, I couldn't fill them, no wife rent, no wife, you know, and so I had a declared bankruptcy. You know, so that's going on as well.

My son is having really bad symptoms of trauma, right? And he's doing things at school that are inappropriate and and so we had to We had to we had to dress all that so for a while he was a special needs case. That's how bad it was damn Yeah, and so I I promise this has a there's a pot of gold at this black rainbow. This this there there truly is. And this isn't a woe is me story that I have to paint this. I have to paint this picture in this way so that I can reach the people that are in this situation now, that are feeling this now, so that they know that there is absolutely a way to come out

of this. And it doesn't use a lot of pills, it doesn't use, it's, you can do it under your own power. And, and, and it's to establish hope and light in the darkness is what it is. So, so that's why this is the way it is. That's why I'm telling this story. I just for some reason felt like I needed to tell it, say that so that you have it. So, I got fired from HUDs because there was two students sleeping on watch. You got to understand.

Third phase is designed to be treated like it's a fob, a forward operating base, right? That's the whole point. I've gone out there. Is that you're learning how to operate outside of a fob, you know, and then come back and that's kind of developing that in the psyche. So when we go do what we do, we kind of get it, right? Oh, this is familiar. You know, so that's what we're doing.

Well, these slipknotts, one is on his iPhone, like at four o'clock in the morning, three o'clock in the morning, I'm coming out of the hellbox and I see and I look and I go, One's asleep and one's on his phone just kind of doing whatever. So it's like, okay, so I go back into the hellbox, which is the instructor's, you know, area. And I grab, I grab an M4 paint rifle, blue barrel, and I light them up, right? Painting attention to their eyes and all these types of things. I shot them in the back of the calves, kept everything low.

There was a desk, so any ricochets wouldn't hit him in the face. I wasn't just completely, you know, so, so, but, but I let him up and they're standing there. And I'm like, so, what's the most expensive thing that you guys are protecting right now? You know this is a fog, right? And you're not, yes, chief. And I'm like, okay, this is a fog. And what's the most expensive thing you're protecting on this fog? And the guy's like, one guy goes, the weapons. And the other guy's like, the demo, I'm the demo instructor, the demo. And I'm like,

guys, we have absolutely failed you. This training has absolutely failed you. I'd be pissed. What about those guys that are sleeping in that fucking hood over there in case harm's way comes? that are sleeping in that fucking hood over there in case harm's way comes. What's this stop me from going in there and killing every one of those dudes? Sound? Oh, sound? Really, sir?

I grab a sharpie, I take the lid off, I gotta follow me. And I can draw a line across every other dudes next while he's asleep. How's that go try it. See how easy it is when they trust you. It's like, I don't want to do that. I was like, no, you need to do it to see how easy it is and you'll never forget it. He goes in, he does it.

I was like, well, he's like, you can see the weight of it on him. And I was like, all right, go on. Go to the beach, grab your shit, go to camp stupid. You know what I mean? Yeah. Grab two other dudes, put them on watch. Without saying shit to them, without saying shit. These kids put watch on the watch with a radio.

They set an OP on the watch so that they could, now they're thinking like seals, right? They put watch on the watch so they could see and report what's going on. They put early warning devices on the doors and windows of the barracks. So if you come in like knock shit over and like wakes everybody up without telling them how? You know? Invariably, you know how the... anyway.

So... So... Those dudes were excited about that training point. They were like, holy shit, they were talking about it. I thought all the buds was gonna be like this. I thought it was gonna be like this the whole time. This is full good awesome, right? Well, one of the other guys heard it.

And now understand, I'm not easy to be around at this point. I'm not and I know it. I knew I was a ticking bomb. It was only gonna take the... that's why they stuck me on the fucking island. I just put them on the fucking island. You know. I was a ticking bomb. I knew it. I could feel it. All it was going to take was the wrong indiscretion. Somebody grabbing a woman or doing something. It was always towards that. It was never like, I'm just going to go nuts.

It was always towards injustice type stuff, like crime and these types of things. Like, you know, people, it was always in a protecting type of thing. That was the biggest thing. It was always like, I always wanted to protect. And, and that's what drove all of it. Might not look like that, but it was. And so, so, and, and my way of training people, yeah, it's outside the box. To this day, I still thought that was a really good training point.

I think it is. Yeah, but I feel like, because I think outside the box on how that training went, I feel like we can have, we can have a better product at the end of the day and that just didn't fit, you know, at the end of the day, it just didn't fit with what was going on around me. And that's on me, my situational awareness on

how to be more additive to what was going on was not there, you know, it's like it should be like this. You know, let me show you. You know's like it should be like this. Let me show you. It's going to be like this. And it broke a bunch of rules. So they moved me over to ATC. they, and I did the combative's program over at ATC. And now I'm really starting to have some neurological stuff going on. I can't lift my arm, like I'm having a hard time lifting my arm. I lost 80 pounds of grip, I'm down to 80 pounds

of grip strength on this hand, and then like 220 on this one. And I'm like, what, I'm taking hard rights when I get out of chairs, you know, and falling and like losing my balance. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And how the fuck are you gonna teach combatives in that condition? I didn't think about it at the time.

It seemed like a good fit. Oh, all right. Basically, once again, let's put them in the combative's room. Lock the door, show up twice a day, teach boxing in the morning, teach boxing in the afternoon to the platoons, and then like I helped write the standing, striking portion of our combative's manual and stuff like that, right? And it was great. You know, it was fantastic. I loved it.

It was great. Then there was a change of guard and they put me in maritime operations. Didn't work out so well. And I just kept focusing on combatives. But I was too combative for combatives. And they didn't want me to teach it anymore. So the platoons did, but the people running the show didn't,

basically long story short. Somebody was talking, one of the instructors were talking in the background while I was up there teaching. I took them, I know, I took a pad and I was like, whoa, hit them in the face with it. And I was like, shut the fuck up, I'm teaching. What are you doing?

And I went on and kept teaching, right? It didn't work out so well. My way of doing things on the East Coast didn't work on the West Coast very well. So, which is fine, which is fine. And so what I want to do is I was in maritime operations and I was being medically discharged now. Now, they had identified that at some point in my career, they're like, okay, because all this shit that was going on,

they're doing neurological tests, older nerve tests, and all these sticking these needles in your mesee if you're getting conductivity. And I wasn't. And they're like, okay. And so, in 2009, they identified that at some point, I had a fracture of my C5, vertebrae, and it was more than likely from the IED.

I don't know, but at some, that's the main thing that I think it could have been. But who knows, because there was so much. There's so much. You know, but who knows because there was so much. There's so much, who knows where it really was. So in 2009, I had neurosurgery to address a lot of these issues and to great success. It was only supposed to last. Dr. Tumi Allen was his name, and it was only supposed to last like five to ten years, and I'm still pretty damn good you know.

I did a phenomenal job. Normally to go in the front and they rip everything open and they solder everything up and but he had this new way of doing things where you use these telescoping rods that open up the space so he can perform the surgery with, you know, so my recovery time was like, well, would have been like, um, probably like a month or something like that, but, but, but it got infected. So, oh, shit. So, I was just going to ask you if that was like a media relief, but it was immediate relief. It was like after the surgery like like before the surgery he pushed down on my on my elbow and it was just like boom nothing after I could hold him like I can hold him there. He's like, yeah. Nice. Yeah. And everything was I was like, yes It's fantastic. So they just had to dream about some of the you know because it grew back

wrong. it was never addressed. It, the bone grew up around the nerve root or something like that, in the framinal space and clamped it off. So he just had to go in there and germinate the bone and create the space so that the signal could get through again. It was great. So now I'm recovering from neurosurgery. I'm on 13 different

medications. But I'm still I'm sorry, I messed up the timeline here because I was still teaching, I was still teaching buds at this time because after that when I was recovering I started having this Pharmacically induced cardiac arrest on the shit and I remember Yeah, so that timeline's off a little bit, but you get to just so so I remember I'm like I had come off the plane. I just got there for the weekend and I was doing the weekend watch for the class.

And I'm walking across the grinder and then all of a sudden it was just like, boom, and I'm falling back. And I'm like, and I could feel it, dude, I could feel it, and I'm sweating and I'm like, and I can feel it, dude, it's like, I can feel it and I'm sweating it and I'm like, fuck. And then all the students come up to me and they're like, holy fuck, chief, you look great. What's going on? I was like, I'm dying, you fucking idiot. I'm like, fuck.

And they're like, what do you want us to do? I was like, nothing. It's okay. You got plenty of witnesses here that heard me say, so don't do anything. Because it was, it was, it was the first time and it was the first time I felt relief. It's the first time I felt like peace. And I got to tell you, like, and I know there's other people out there that have felt this. They have to be because that's kind of what the system does. Well, like the medical system was doing at the time is that they give you so many pills that you don't feel anything. Or, and that is infinitely worse than feeling depression. Like feeling nothing like absolutely nothing. Yeah that's a complete disconnection of soul.... I felt like I felt like a husk, like an empty shell. And as I laid there, I was just like, finally, finally, I finally get to go.

That's what life was to me. I was fucking finally get the fuck out of here. Maybe that's why I wasn't afraid. Because that was always there. Ever since I was 11, maybe it was always there. Ever since I was 11, maybe it was always there still. And that's why it was just like, so what, like that's why there was no, maybe that's why. I don't know, you know?

But I didn't die. And I finally started to feel something though. It was fury. I Was so like anger doesn't cover it It was it was I was so Enraged by byed against the system. Like I'm myself off of all the things that I felt, I felt like I was in a state of mind, that I was in a state of mind, that I was in a state of mind,

that I was in a state of mind, that I was in a state of mind, that I revolted against the system. I got myself off of all those fucking pills, which don't fucking do, do that shit with a doctor because I started really having like psychotic type of shit coming off of those fucking mind altering drugs, right? And I was like, like, like, I get this brain buzz, like,

getting off of it was the weirdest things, dude. Like, now suicides, like, in the forefront, because everything's, it's crazy. And that wasn't an option, but, but it accelerated everything I had been feeling before. And that's kind of when I found Doc Potterat. I was like, I had found Doc Potterat earlier, but that's where I really started to really open up to him. I don't know what's going on. This is at the other above.

I had seen him when I first got out there because it was continuity of care kind of, because we had started doing something like that at Seal teammate. There was a psychologist that was at Seal teammate that I was talking to that started that whole medication thing. And when I got the potterat, that was, it was, that's when it really started to help. I feel like, like when I talked to, when I talked to dark potterat, he was the guy that that really started

Helping me hone in on He kind of let me go do my own thing like like he just gave some guidance along the way like He supported me and me ferritting out And the new CMC that was at trade-ed at the time also I owe my life to Because because he afforded me and this is and this is kind of what happens in our community. You see it through all of your other guests. There's blood in the water. There's blood in the water. There's a seal that's not doing the sealed job. He's at trade-at and he's focused on fixing something that's wrong with him and they're after it. They're after that they attack it I don't know what that is in our community. Yeah, you know instead of supporting it and helping people to get strong again

Not everybody because there were some that did like that that master chief supported it and I'm glad he did because it saved my life. You know, he's phenomenal. I have, it's kind of baked into the creation of the community about being hard and strong and going and performing and performing if you can't perform, get the fuck out of the way. The type thing, you know what I mean? Because we have a mission to accomplish. And it's not that it's wrong, but I came from the East Coast where I had a pretty good reputation, I think.

And nobody even looked into that. Nobody even looked into what the resume so to speak, like nobody even really knew. Nobody even dug deep enough to see what the fuck's going on with this guy. In particular, a third phase chief. He didn't let go, who's this guy I'm getting? What the fuck's making it take? And how can I help him?

How can I help this guy that's coming to me? You know, how can I help this other chief? He was a seam chief. Yeah. You know. How can I help this guy? Do you think maybe everybody in the short-duty position is going through something like you and they

just don't fucking care about it. Could be. They're just stuff all the time. Could be. Very well could be. Maybe they're in their twilight tour. They're about to get out. They don't give a fly and fuck anymore.

They just want to get the job done and go home to their families, which I totally get. I totally get it. You know, but that was the experience there. So I revolted against the system. I revolted against, I didn't want to go in and talk about my stuff like my negative shit anymore. You know, I didn't want to go in and talk about, you know, fill out the synopsis sheet for the new J.O. since the people I was talking to every two months rotate out and I have to restart all again. It's a training center after all. I'll bow up. So I just stopped. And I started to do things that made me feel better. I started to do things that made me feel better in the past that I found effective for me

in the past, for performance wise. I want to get back into, like, I want to get, you know, strong again. And because I was having a hard, a sluggish time coming out of the surgery and like, I was like, I was like, 290 pounds, bro. Holy shit. And I couldn't lose weight. I didn't know what was going on. I was in metabolic syndrome. My adrenal system shut down, my thyroid took up the functions of my Drenals. Nobody had done a, nobody had done a hormone panel on me. Nobody had done a hormone panel on me that entire time. It wasn't something that we were doing. And so the first one I had was when I got out, I paid for it out of pocket. But, but all of those things, I just, I just, I started with roughing.

Do you know what roughing is? I don't, I've heard you talk about it, but I still don't fully understand it. Okay, so, it's like torture, but nobody asks you any questions. Because, because when you... So your muscles, they operate within a sheath. You ever open up an orange and you see all the white stuff

inside that kind of holds the pieces of the orange together? The pieces of the orange, that film, that's fascia. Right? And we have that in our body. Beef jerky,ky those fibers those white Kind of fibers. Yeah, that's fascia Okay, so so we have that inner bodies and it holds the track of where our muscles slide through it Think of it like a sheath for a sword. Okay, okay Well through injury or repetitive use, scar tissue can cause that that sheath to adhere to the sword.

Okay, and so what they do is they anchor the fascia with an elbow, a knuckle, something hard and with a lot of pressure they anchor it and they slowly move as you flex the muscle and tear the scar tissue so that it can slide again. And the body can come back into alignment. It's pretty fucking painful, right? But on the back end of it, it's a tremendous technique for increasing performance, ameliorating pain, and you can literally have emotions come out because it's held, the issues are in the tissues, right?

You've heard that before, I'm sure. So, from there, I found acupuncture, and because acupuncture is what it is, I'm sure. So, so, from there I found acupuncture and because acupuncture is what it is, I started finding out about yoga and meditation and I'm like, huh, let me go try that out. And, and so I wound up in bechrom yoga and I was doing that like every morning, maybe twice a day sometimes, and double sessions and, and I was like, you know, the first time I walk in there, there's like this five foot woman on the stage and she's like, is anybody's first class? I'm like, mine.

And she's like, okay, your whole goal is to not leave the room. And I'm like, it sounds like my kind of thing. You know what I mean? So, so I'm in there and I'm doing it and within like 20 minutes, I'm just like this puddle along the floor, like on, ah. You know, cause you gotta understand,

it's like 120 degrees in that room. Something like that and you're doing the yoga. And if you push too hard, you're done. You're done. So over time I got really good at that, but I still had this, I still had this thing that I was trying to fix in my heart like it was this vortex of, it was just this emptiness, right? Physically I start, I'm starting to get better and stronger, Physically, I start, I'm starting to get better and stronger, but, but emotionally, I'm still stagnating in this, in this place. And, and I, I start finding out about farm for

spectrum therapy, flotation therapy, sensory deprivation tanks, these types of things, reflexology, I'm doing everything, man. Like, I'm on a quest now. Now I'm on a quest. I've had a glimmer of, you know, experiences in the yoga where like I'm about to heat exhaustion out where I'm seeing things and I'm like, like having these, these very profound events, right? And so I started to, I started to, that very same master, she's got me involved

and near the very end where I was getting medically discharged because I never came back up online. I still have vestibular damage, ulnar nerve damage, these types of things. And if I come up from a dive, I'm already like AGE symptoms. Yeah, I mean, so if I come out of the back of a plane, you know, and I get dizzy, I have a vestivular thing

and I run into somebody, that's no good either, right? Yeah. So, it disqualified me and invariably, it's like, okay, let's just go, okay, let's just go. Like, let's just get out. And so they processed me out. But in that process right there at the end, Masschief had me go to this thing called TRE, which is tension release exercises, where we actually initiate what's called a neurogenic trimmer that you know

systemically goes and works out injuries by using this biomechanical this biomechanical reaction that we have as mammals, all mammals have it. And basically if you've had a major shock, you know how people are shaking, that's called a neurogenic trimmer. And that's discharging stress from the system, via the central nervous system, right? Does that work? Yeah.

Oh, shit, yeah, it works. I'll run you through it. I'll run you through it. You know, you'd be like, what? But for me, and that's a long, that's a big sidebar, but so I found some effect in that and And so but while I was there more importantly while I was at that training, I heard So many talking in the corner about this master shaman. And I immediately was like, what did you say

something about a master shaman? And they're like, yeah, his name is Dandiego. He's out of Peru. And he has 160,000 acres of protected rainforest that you go into. And, you know, it's like a month long and you know and I was like oh And it's ayahuasca and you're doing ayahuasca ayahuasca is very powerful DMT type of experience a prolonged DMT and I'm like That sounds like what I'm supposed to like in my heart. I'm like, that sounds like what I'm supposed to. Like in my heart, I was like, I can feel like I have to go do that. I have to go meet this shaman.

And so I did. And from that experience, like the things that I experienced there, and this guy was a master, master. Like it's a very long story. I can probably write a book about it, you know, but the books are already out there, you know, Carlos Castananas wrote them. But it's very real. He's very disciplined. He makes you sit up and meditate while you're doing it. He's the real deal. And invariably, he is the guy. He is the real deal. And invariably, he is the guy. He is the guide that showed me what truth is all about. And that truth guided me to this master that I studied with today named Hadjivan that teaches

out of the Ramay Institute in Los Angeles. So this guy's got 160,000 acres in Peru. It's not his. Okay. He was the protector of it. So he gave it back to the people a long time ago. He's no longer he's no longer doing it there. So but So, but, so you fast forward a little bit here and then I found I found this system it's called Kundalini Yoga. And for me, the easiest way to describe it, it's a martial art for your mind and it's the science of prayer is what it is. And it's all based upon science. So it's a system that utilizes, so if you think of matter in our reality, it's all made of what? Adams. Adams, which are what?

Electronic particles, right? Adams. Adams, which are what? Electronic particles, right? Electricity is measured in what? Frequency, right? So when you hear people say frequency, this is one of the things I want to do is break down the stigma around when I say you have to hit the certain frequency to do what I'm talking about is power. What else is measured in frequencies?

Merduids. Sound. Very good. Sound. Sound. Power. Sound. Power.

What our thoughts are. Neurons. Electrical. Our atomic structure, synced with our sound, unified with our sound, our breath is a what? If a frequency is a sine wave, right? No. Inhale.

Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Right? No. It's also a frequency. You see where I'm going here? Yeah. So we unify what's our heartbeat?

A frequency. Yeah. And more than one, like how many beats per minute is a frequency per minute and the electrical charge. Those are all frequencies. The central nervous system is the wiring system for the whole thing. You see? It's not, it's all science. So if we learn how to breathe at an accelerated frequency, if we expand our rib cage, if we expand our capacity in our rib cage, we develop the power of our diaphragm, we increase the partial pressure of oxygen in our system,

at a frequency that starts to get a pulse going in the body, that gets the glandular system, the pineal, the hypothalamus, the pituitary, all of those start secreting hormones because of the different frequencies that we have in the body through the sound. Sound creates that. Our frequency of breath creates that vibration in the body. It gets the cerebral spinal fluid going. And then everything's unifying. All of those different frequencies, we unify those frequencies. And that's where we start to have the bigger experiences

of life because we have increased the partial pressure of oxygen. We accelerate healing. We increase our ability to focus. We have a higher quality of thought. If we have more power in the system, we have more power in the system of thought. And in that more power of the system thought, it's a higher frequency of thought, right? Because it's fueled by more oxygen, we can have better focus, better discipline, better everything. We start being able to sustain more in our lives because we are consistent in our frequency of practice that allows us to develop a mental capacity that can have an awareness that has the awareness to realize what's not ours and what is. And now here's where I start breaking off into the higher levels of things. But as we start to develop the awareness that

subconscious thought, we gain a conscious awareness of the subconscious thoughts that don't serve us. And then through this system because as we're realizing it, that realization is those thoughts leaving. So if anybody's getting ready to go do any type of psychedelic experience or any or engage in a kudanolini yoga practice at the Ramah Institute, there's a lineage there. So I want to be very clear right now is that is that there's a lot of different kung fu's out there. But only certain ones have a very powerful lineage that are really effective. Right. So what I'm learning at the Rama Institute in Los Angeles from my teacher, Adi Jeevan, is by far the most powerful form of meditation that you can get. There's a lot of different things that there's a lot of different systems out there that work. Okay?

And I've tried a lot of them. I've tried a lot of them for long periods of time because I was on this quest of seeking all of this, right? And this is by far the fastest. Can we go back for just so you were talking about getting rid of the subconscious thought, The conscious, can you revisit that? So, as we develop an awareness of the subconscious thought, that subconscious thought will release things

from our past into our conscious mind. Okay. You know what I was saying? So things that we've been holding onto come up in the subconscious mind, but the trick is to realize is that that's it leaving. But you don't even really know that they're fucking there. You don't know a lot of times.

Everybody else might know. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like I've had stuff come up from my childhood, you know, abuse stuff, these types of things, and I'm going to tell you something. And this is why I went through all of this story with you, and so that I can get to this point right now, is that those times where there was an intervention, we can through this system, we can absolutely, and on this path,

We can absolutely and on this path, this whole path, our life experience, our life experience. It's laden with adversity so that we can develop the strength to use it, to develop the strength that we need to truly fulfill our purpose that we came here for. And for me, military service and all of that stuff that I talked about was just the beginning of what the true purpose is. I am a walking testament to the power of this system, this lineage of teachings that I now teach. There's there's there's things I've experienced in this that that you read about in books like master I talking, like I'm saying, I'm a sane person. I'm just conveying what I have experienced to be true.

And that is the why I am alive. That is the why I do what I do. I use creativity now, and we'll get into this in a minute, but I use creativity now to broadcast that, and you're affording me the ability to do that here. You're allowing me to show what is possible. I am an example of what is possible. Anybody that knew me in anybody, anybody that knew me in the past will,

will be like, I don't recognize that guy. Or I vaguely recognize that guy. I can be a testament to that for sure. It's, I am the same person that person's there. I am that person. You're witnessing what you're witnessing is, and I want to correct that fallacy. It's not that I'm not the same guy. It's that what you're seeing is what is possible in one life. The complete expanse of light and darkness in one human experience. And I'm not even there like all like, wait till we see it. Let's revisit this in five years. Watch. Watch Because What I've gained is this and there's some really hard stuff to still go through, but it's a testament to

To the power of this and what I've experienced. I've gained the ability to take everything out of here and move it to here. When we have an event that occurs to us, when we have an event that happens to us in life. A lot of times we try to analyze why did this happen, how did this happen, why can you know there's a time for that but we have to and and and we do need to analyze certain things at certain times but invariably in the case of trauma we get stuck there and it's stuck in the head and we never fully process it. We run away from it, we drink it, we fight it, we fuck it, we eat it, we... Anything to do to... to... to... outside of ourselves to try to not see that, to be that, to own that. And that's what the problem is. Nobody teaches us

how to look inside of ourselves. And the people that do teach it, they write off as hippies, or they write off as spiritual fanatics, or they try to discredit and say that, you know, they've done all these horrible things in their past. Yes, so did the 12 apostles. You see, all throughout history, anybody that's brought any type of enlightenment to the planet, they've been attacked.

So don't fall into those traps. Don't fall into those traps. Don't fall into those traps because those are all people external to us trying to dictate our internal narrative. That's what all the fear broadcast is. That's what all of the look like this, be like this, have to attain this. That's what all that shit is. It's to keep you distracted so that you go through life without ever realizing who you truly are and what your true power is because holy shit. If you realize what your true power is, all this pain goes away. All the fear goes away, all the hate, all the judgment, all of it goes away. And you realize that all those, and you've heard this, you've heard this from

masters, and you start to realize that all of those other people are you. They're us with just different layers of experience on them, different tones of life. And that's the journey. To experience that life, that life force, that very thing, tune into that very life force, that we are the core of that and follow that. That's all internal. That's all internal work. That's the martial art. That's the Chi. That's the force. And that's what I teach is how to find it.

I try to replicate my journey in not just the veterans and with one of your subscribers. But it's not just the military. I'm on a journey for all. This is a journey of all for all. Buy all of us. Because, and I wasn't always this way. I had started down this thing, and I did this thing with the shaman, and I found this master. I found this master. And this is real. This absolutely happened to me. I'm gonna share something with you.

They'll be skeptics out there. To be honest with you, that's fine. It's always gonna be skeptics. You know, the guy talked about being on all these drugs, he might not be stable, he might be right. No, man. This is absolute truth. And I'm going to share this story. I'm going to share this story. There's so many of them. Like, this is one of, you got to understand.

This is the first experience I had, but it was by far not the last. So much so that it has become the normal, has become the normal, the new landscape of what reality is to me. And it's there for everybody. It's there right now. I'm not asking anybody to believe anything right off the get go. I'm not asking anybody to believe. I don't work in beliefs. I don't. I work off of experiences. This is a system of experiencing one self. That's

it, right? And so, and now we're into the stage where we talk about the power of what is possible when we start to implement this lineage of Kundalini yoga that I've learned at the Raman Institute. The first class I ever went to, I'm laying there, and they played as Gong like so, so like you said, everything's made of atoms, right? So NASA, did you listen to this? Did you listen to this? The song? Oh, the NASA thing. I couldn't get it to work.

Ah, I tried. I couldn't get it to work. All right, I'll play it for you after we get that year. Are you on Spotify or anything? I am, I don't have a song. So anybody out there listening, if you're on apple iTunes or Spotify or something like this, NASA has recorded sounds of atomic vibration, the electromagnetic field of an atomic vibration of planets, of the cosmos. You can listen to this. It just Google NASA symphony,

just NASA symphony, and it'll probably populate your search bar. They say sound doesn't travel through space, but it actually does. And NASA has recorded it and tuned it to a level that we can hear with our ears, right? So, Adam's vibrate, the vibration makes a certain sound. That sound of the cosmos that NASA has recorded sounds almost identical to what you get from a gong when properly played by a Kundalini yoga teacher in this lineage. Right? So when my master, Huddy Jeevin,

plays the gong, it sounds like the vibration of the cosmos. It's almost like you're like holy, except that it's been around for 10,000 years. Yeah. You know what I mean? You see what I mean? Yeah.

And so, how's that coming to play? Talk to any of the team guys that have been in my live shops on what happens when that's played properly. They'll tell you. But for me, my first experience with it, I'm laying there and it felt like, it felt like a lid, like the lid of like a pot or something fell open on the top of my head

and all this cool air started coming in into my body. Oh, sure. Trust me, I'm a team guy and I'm in such a space to where I'm sitting there and like all of these people are wearing turbans and everything and I'm like, I'm very uncomfortable, but I'm getting over my own shit and like they may have something. I have to find out.

You know what I mean? I laid there and this gongs being played and I'm just like you know what I mean and and this person comes up and whispers next to me you're gonna spread this energy across the globe. And I'm like, boom! And nobody's fucking there, dude. It was like they whispered it in my ear. I shit you know. I'm like, I get done, I can't drive for like two hours. I feel intoxicated.

I'm like, I can't drive. I'm like, what the hell just happened? I was like, I finally found it. I knew I found intoxicated. I'm like, I can't even fucking drive. I feel like, what the hell just happened? I was like, I finally found it. I knew I found it now. I knew I had found what I was looking for. I was like, what was that? And I go up to the teacher and I'm like, I'm like, look, you have this teacher training coming up. Like, I want to, I want to go to this teacher training and then I'm like, you don't want to go here. And she may have even waved her fingers with this Jedi thing. I swear, dude, I can't make this up. And she's like, you don't wanna come here for training.

You wanna go see Huddy Given. And I'm like, Huddy Given, Digibus System, got it. And so I go in and there, How do you even dig a bus system got it and? And so I go in and there like I thought there was a couple of turbines before now everybody's got turbines the instructors got turbines I'm like I'm Sit up against the the back wall like my back in a corner like I got a bad right? You know my back's in a corner I'm like fucking watching everybody and shit just kind of observing and they're like okay and we do this exercise about the fire and we start we start doing the thing the teacher

stops looks at me never met this person before in my life. This is absolute truth, bro. You see that I'm like, no. This is absolute truth. This isn't some illusion. This is like me and you right now. This person stops, looks at me and says, you'll spread this energy across the globe.

And I'm like, you know what, I just start going into it and I was like, boom, I'm here. I'm done. And like, and everything took off from there as far as teaching and everything. And so those types of events had become commonplace. They become commonplace. And what I've learned in the last eight years, eight plus years of teaching now and practicing this is that there's a whole other reality. And it's right there.

It's right there. It's existed in all times of our experience in life. It's something that we cannot be separate from. And that's what causes pain. That's what causes the pain because it's always there. And the pain is that we know that there's something there, somewhere we know something's there, but we don't know how to get to it. So we ignore it. We learn how to ignore it. We learn how to ignore it. We learn how to not listen. We learn how to not hear. We learn how to not live. The system is so powerful and so effective that it can take the most debilitating pain and make you grateful for it. My son, the one I took emergency custody of, passed away. And what I've realized is,

is it was one of the most profound blessings that can exist. And very briefly, the very thing I tried to save him from, he succumbed to. And he passed away from a lethal dose of fentanyl. And what I saw in the system of meditation, I had processed that grief was just an answer of a question I had always been asking, but never knew I was asking it. Could I love? Was I able to. Because as I was able to move all of the noise in the mind of why, into here and just bear myself of a painting that and indescribable, limitless blessing of pain, that I realized that that grief

was an aspect of love and an answer of resounding of that gift, I realized the profound nature of his life. We have the inherent ability when we achieve a certain level of consciousness to where we are no longer. We are no longer in a reactive passive going through life type of situation. We're now actively controlling life. Not what's happening out here in life, but life, our life force. Through this journey and these meditations, we can revisit. Well, it will happen. It's a byproduct. We don't have to try to do it. Things will come up from our past. I see the child, the alone child.

I always felt the presence as that child. I remember what I talked about. I always felt the presence as that child. I remember what I talked about. I always felt the presence of God. I've always connected to that. I've also had a connection that didn't match what the religious teachers were saying. It was different. They were teaching me that there's a separation between me and God, but I didn't feel that separation. I never felt that separation. me to through this specific lineage is that experience and time every moment exists at all times. Like a book. If you can flip to the beginning of the book, you can flip to the end of the book. But when you hold that book, every aspect of time in that story exists at all times in

that book. Timelines are the same thing. And we can sit in one and visit another in our minds. That's what memories are. So can you access that? I can. We all care. And it happens naturally. In a meditative state, things will come up. And when we have gained that ability to broadcast unconditional love, when we gain that ability to broadcast unconditional love into and over these memories in our mind, we rewrite our perceptions of what those memories are.

When we rewrite the perceptions of what the memories are, the whole foundation begins to come to a higher level. And then our lives go from, man, I had this fucked up ass childhood. I had all this shit happened to me too. I had everything I absolutely needed to become a manifestation of the purpose of this life. And that's going to be completely different in myriad in nature for every life across the spectrum. And then we get to pick and choose. And then as we start to have those experiences, the external will completely change. It will completely change to reflect the attainment

that we have within ourselves. I'm a walking example of that. I'm a walking example of that. Of a guy that Kirk Parsley, the group medical guy got on stage at Marcus's event for Vets a couple of weeks ago, said that I was the worst case of operator syndrome that he'd ever met, that he'd ever seen. He didn't know what to do. To fast forward, to where I'm sitting in front of this guy that I spent hundreds of hours in front of talking, trying

to figure things out. And I'm sitting like I hadn't seen him for a long time. I saw him out in town. We're talking. And I told him, you know, he had no idea who he was talking to. He said, he kept trying to place it. He couldn't figure out who he was talking to. Who is this guy?

I can't figure out who this guy is. And when I told him he was flawed. And so we started together to try to replicate what I had experienced. This isn't recent. This is back in 2012 or something like that. I was already out. But that's just from the beginning of it. Didn't recognize me.

If I didn't have this, if I didn't have this practice, I couldn't have had the ability. And there's a much, and I am making this succinct because there's a lot of things that did occur through the processing of my son's death that continue to occur. That will result for another time. But are the types of things that you truly read about in books? And it's become the normal. It's become the normal. It is the normal.

Well, can you... I gained an ability. I saw things. I experienced things. I experienced that went from my mind into and corroboration with nature, because I sit in the mountains of San Diego at the C4 Ranch. Beautiful land, beautiful place to heal if there's anybody in our community like reach out to those guys because there's something enchanted about that land. It's incredible. The C4 Ranch you've heard of, the C4 Foundation? Yeah.

Yeah. I've not been there. I've heard about it. It's good. But went out there to process this and I was in meditation for like five, six hours, you know, and just learning, sitting with my son, you know, communing with my son. And there's a lot of corroborations between what was happening here and what was happening out here in nature.

And that's as deep as I'll go into it for now, but at the end of the day, at the end of the day, just know that there is a system in a way for anyone, no matter where you're at, to find absolute truth within yourself, that fuel, that will become the fuel of a purpose that you can't begin to even comprehend the expansiveness of. The whole trick of life, the whole not trick, but the whole purpose is to experience the infinite within the finite. Right? We want to experience the infinite within the finite and it begins with our life force. You know, it begins and ends with our life force, right? We get so many breaths on this planet. We want to be, make sure that those breaths are quality breaths. And by ensuring that their quality breaths, we're going to ensure that the vehicle taking us through this journey is going to last us for as long as we need to be able to fulfill the purpose that I'm referring to.

Because when it's done, it's all about how much love did you spread? That's the game. How much love did you spread? That's the game. How much love did we spread? In this experience, I found that I can be, you know, we talked about like, what do I do after all this service and everything? What do I do? Like, what's my purpose now? The realization is that I can be infinitely more effective using the power of creativity, the source of creativity to affect life. If I understand that the destructive power that I wielded in the past is just as important. Without, without, without shadows, your picture is flat.

There's no form. We have to have shadow. We have to have the negative. It's a polarity. It's a very simple concept. For power to flow, we have to have polarity and we draw from both. And I think that's where we go reactive instead of proactive. We don't have to be, but we are. We cultivate this destructive force over and over, violence of action, violence of action, violence of action, right? We unleash that on the battlefield to great effect. We eradicate the enemy. We leave the battlefield. The sounds of war died down externally. They turn up internally and that destructive force remains. There's no enemy. So we create one within ourselves

and then all that destructive force starts attacking it. That's what's going on. That's a warfighter's mindset. That's a warfighter's mindset. A warfighter takes action based upon inflicting or driven by fear and destruction. A warrior. A warrior does everything from love is driven by love. Harness is both the power of destructive and creative, becoming not twice as powerful but infinitely more powerful because they're using all, they're using the full polarity.

I'm not saying there's not a place for destroying it. To the contrary, it's necessary. Because there's beauty on the other side of it, which I hope I've articulated in one of the stories earlier. The... You know what the irony is? We model ourselves after these societies that all inherently knew this to be true about a warrior's ethos. O God! The American Indian with nature and staying in communion. The Spartans, the Samurai. You see?

But somehow, somewhere along the way, we've allowed ourselves to be programmed that that side of things doesn't serve. If I say mindfulness, if I say meditation, if I say breath work, if I say spiritual, if I say God, love, how's that making anybody listening to this right now feel? That's exactly, It's a GPS. So you know where you're at on the scale. There's only one scale. You know this right.

There's only one scale. Unconditional love and fear. It's in synthesis. Everything else grows from those or dies from those. It's the polarity. It has to exist. So if you don't want great calamity, don't wish for great blessings. Because that's where they come from, right? They come from that because that gives you the strength, that gives us the strength to

go from pulling out of this. It's like resistance training from pulling out of this and all the gifts you attain by gaining the ability to do so, so that you are in a tuned machine of prosperity on a journey of absolute purpose. That's what I teach. I teach what my teacher taught me. Teachers, me. It's profound.

It's profound. And it's been the catalyst for... No matter what, the situation is. We've had a lot of death. Mike Koch hit heart, but even then there's an understanding we walk into this arena and that can occur. People that have been close to me, family members, my grandmother really raised me a lot, and showed me the core values of spirituality, wrapped in a religious structure.

But showed me art, showed me these things, guided me to these paths where my mother couldn't. And when she passed away, but when we lose a child, when a child passes, for me, there's been no greater English. And I know it sounds crazy, but I am so grateful for it because It liberated me. It showed me like that processing, that continual processing of that, which I will be processing my entire life, is that it showed me that everything and I know you hear it all the time because somebody's trying to get through, but we're just hitting walls, but... But that everything that we need is inside of us. And by truly learning... But nobody shows us how to do it. Again, but the people that do show it,

you know, other people try to discredit. But it's all there inside of each one of us. We don't have to believe. We just have to remember. And so I go from, I go from all of the things you've heard and since my son's passing, and I've been working in film and television for a while now and I'm sure we'll talk about that a little bit, but it's kind of in a relevance, but I go from all of those This passing, this rebirthing, everything externally just has... It's everything anybody ever fucking wants as far as success goes. What the fuck else do you want?

And that's an outward... That's a perfect example of, look at the timing of it. When you go back and look at the timing of when everything hit for me, you know, as a director and an actor, it was one of my son passed away. Because what that gave me is literally, I'll be there on set. And I'm connected to him through, like, I feel it now. It is not me. It's not me. That's a problem. Like, everybody goes, that is not me. It's not me. That's a problem.

Like everybody goes, that's my idea. That's my thing. My, I did this. No, man. It's existence. We did the work to get out of the fucking way and allow existence to happen. To allow expansion to happen. Yes, we did that.

But that in result, that's us, not me. Be gentle with yourself. Don't judge yourself. Right? Maybe there's something you want to stop doing. Maybe you want to stop masturbating. Maybe you want to stop drinking. Maybe you want to stop being so fucking angry. Maybe you want to stop thinking about something. Start.

Start. Start the practice. And that stuff, you'll fall back, you'll fall back, you'll fall, just keep going. That doesn't mean stop, just keep going. And be gentle with yourself. That's not a, hey, I can keep fucking up, you know, card. But you have to find the truth within yourself that you're actively truly trying and moving that.

And that's what I do, that I guide people into that truth. And as they start to have an experience of that truth, they develop their own internal barometer on where that navigation is. They learn how to navigate. Then they know, oh fuck, I did it again. Okay. Keep going. Don't attach to it. Don't attach to any type of label or thing. Know you're on the journey. You're on the journey, keep going on the journey and keep working diligently, consistently, above all else. There is no higher purpose than the seeking of truth within oneself. There is no higher purpose. We can make the body strong, we can make the mind strong, we can attain a lot of money, a lot of women, a lot of men, whatever the fuck it is. We can attain all these things,

but at the end of the day, nothing is higher than the discovery of truth within one self of the nature of things. And it's already there. You just got to remember. You got to remember how to remember. And then you got to remember how to remember to remember. Because you'll get it. And you know, I was there. And now I, why am I not there now?

No, just keep going. It'll come back. It's always there. That book, remember? Yeah. So the book, so when you say the timeline, you know, the whole, everything's not very good at explaining this. When you say the timeline, you know, the whole, everything's not very good at explaining this. When you say the timeline, you know, it's all in a book. It's already been written. Is it easy

for you to go back and access? So here's a portion. Here's the thing, I don't actively try to go back and look at shit. This happens as a natural byproduct in my meditation. For example, the presence I felt when I was 11 in that story I told, I put that experience I've had of that light within me, of that life force within me as that limitless source of creativity. And I'm observing that child. And when that child asks for a sign, I'm the one that sends the deer. Does that make sense? It does.

When these things come up, from the past, we talk about visions a little bit, but it's not a dinner. Are you and then you come out of it? You know out of the meditative state. Do you? Are you? This is one of my classes actually. I think I think I know where you're going. Sorry. Go ahead. Do you spend time wondering what the meeting of that was or why that came up or are you just

in a moment. I used to. I used to. Do you just appreciate the fact that it happened? I used to. And then I talked to my teacher about it. That's what teachers for is to kind of guide you how to figure out your own shit. Right?

That's the whole point. You know, I don't want people dependent upon me. I want people to take these teachings and learn them from an experiential base of truth for themselves. And then replicate that to other people. That's any nonsense. I'm teaching teachers. That's the whole thing that's going on on planet today. That's why everything's going nuts. That's what that whole, you know, they say that whole 2012 thing, you know, the whole, you know, into the world, all that type of shit. Or was that 2000? 2000.

2000? Was that 2000 or 2012? Well, now it's pretty much every year. Yeah, okay. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. See, it's all changed now. Yeah.

The reality's changed. It used to be this big looming thing, right? What's going to, what's going to happen? Yeah. You know, in 2012 or whatever. The mind calendar ends on 2012, right? Oh, I was thinking why 2K. Yeah, yeah. So.

So. Oh, man, some people cashed on that one, didn't they? Your clock on your computer is gonna shit the bed. Oh no, none of your software is going to work. Anyway, sorry. But yeah, like the mind calendar, that was an end of an age. That was an end of a dark age. And now we're moving into a different age.

And that's why everything since 2012 has gone fucking haywire. Is because we are consciousness. Think about this. Our consciousness is is is is attuning to a new a new era, right? And inherently we understand, inherently we know that. We know that. It's what's, and so if we don't action that, think of it like a wave. If we don't get on top of that wave, we're going to get crushed by it. Right? And that's what you're seeing. You can either ride that wave, learn how to swim, or you're going to get crushed and drowned. Right? There's no, like, it's written about in the Bible. It's any major,

sorry, not just the Bible, but any major, you know, religious text talks about the end of times, right? Now, and that's what's happening. Because the end of times are the one, like everything up to that point is the, is the, which way is it you're going to go when that time comes. So as reality

diverts towards dark and light which way which way are you attuning yourself? Because I'm telling you from a place of experience that we absolutely have the power to write our reality. And you've heard tons of people talk about that, right? But I'm the type of guy that shares a teaching that shows you how. But at the end of the day, you've got to practice it. I'll show you how. I'll show you how, but you have to practice the way I'm telling you to them. Or not. It's your choice, it's your life, it's your ride. Yeah, but I'm telling you this, if you do find the ability to be able to pursue what it is I'm telling you to pursue and it's and I'm not always

there. I'm not always there. But I'm there more and more frequently. And when I'm not there, guess what? I have tools and techniques to put me right back. And it's... My life has become an absolute blessing. And it comes from just complete abandonment of a natural abandonment because there's no room for it of any type of victimized mentality any type of and this isn't all this isn't let me just be perfectly clear. This isn't about turning the other cheek. I'm not saying that, but people will take it that way. It's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about drawing from all power sources. The power source, the power, the all, the everything, the alpha, omega.

It's there. We can have it. Just got to learn how to remember how to have it and that it's okay to have it. There's no shame. Shame. So if somebody wants to start this journey, what is step number one? When a seal comes to you, that changes the whole spectrum of things. Okay. Yeah, a seal. If a seal wants to start this journey, that's easy. Just contact me.

Contact me directly. Info at vitalwarier.org. For anybody else, let's step one. You have to... Okay, so all throughout time, all throughout time, there's always been a teacher, right? Right? Yeah. Christ. Muhammad, Buddha. Confucius. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. So, all throughout time, there's been a teacher and we have to develop the ability to recognize our teacher. You have to find your teacher. In order for you to find your teacher, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. For that before? Yeah. I have.

That's what it means. There's many masters walking this planet. I personally have been... I've met two. But there's many. And we have to develop ourselves. We have to purify ourselves. We have to do what we now know we can do to improve our lives. I don't care where you're at. Somewhere inside of you knows the direction. There's an intuitive thing. I'm going to eat better. I'm going to drink more water. I'm going to

pray. I'm going to help do something nice for somebody today. See what happens. With the understanding that you're seeking your teacher, read, there's a couple of books that will help guide you. Okay? There's a couple of books. One is the duet of one. It kind of unfurls that way. These people, Khalil Gibran, right? The alchemist, you know, is a great book. The way of the peaceful warrior is another great book. As you start to engage in actively reading those things, you're opening yourself up.

You're starting to change what you're putting in. We're holy people. We have nine holes, right? Our eyes, our nose, our ears, our mouth, our anus, and our genitals, right? We have nine holes. We have to be careful what goes in and out. You know, so what we're watching, what we're hearing, what we're eating, what we're smelling, what we're tasting, you know, all these types of things. We have to be careful of what is occurring. We have to be vigilant.

We have to be vigilant of thought. How? How do we do that? I'm so glad you're asked. The way we're vigilant of thought is when we have a thought come up that we don't want to have. We have to develop the awareness that we're actually having to thought. When we develop the awareness that we're having to thought and we don't want to have that thought, mantra. There's a lot of different mantras. You know, you can do Wai- Now you can do you can do that. You can do

why you go to you can do Sutnam. Truth is my identity. You can use whatever. Whatever is a mantra, it's a powerful one. Victory is another one. another one. Something that changes the frequency of the neural network. That's what we want to do. The breath. Breathe. Motherfuckers. Breathe. You have to dedicate to a higher quality of breath. Anytime we start to get stressed or depressed, notice what you're doing with your breath. Notice what's happening with your breathing. It's been around since I was I've been on this planet and before. Take a deep breath, count to 10, right? Change your breathing. So anytime we're stressed or depressed, a lot of times we're either clamping on our lungs or, you know, or we're breathing very shallow, if at all, when you get stressed. How many

times a day do you see me breathe through emotion? Love, part two. You know what I mean? Reach channel it. Right? So, so breathe. That's that's that's the one. Breathe. Breathe. Change the breath. Play with that. There's a lot of technology in this system. If you're in Los Angeles, come to the Ram Institute. See myself, how do you even go to your dress,

maybe whatever. My little, so they end and see what happens. I get it. You keep going, bro. You gotta have the open cup, though, because there is some stuff in here that you're like, mm, like all that stuff I articulated about how I felt every freaking team guy feels, guaranteed. And then they get done with the class and they're like,

Oh shit. Fuck. And then sometimes it scares them. They won't call it that. But it locks. But it unlocked shit. It's like, oh, you're ready for your weights. Here you go. I don't wanna look at that shit.

Right? They're seeing the stuff, but they haven't developed the ability to transmute it. Right? But they see it. Why is this stuff coming up? ability to Transmute it, right? But they see it. Why is this stuff coming up? Why is this stuff coming up? Because it's leaving or it's presenting you with an opportunity to see it under a different light From where you are now in your growth, you know, that is interesting And then a lot of times guys run. They'll run. This is by far.

Hey, don't let me create any disillusions. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. By far. You can stay in the matrix. I'm telling you, the other side of this thing is pretty, uh, pretty wonderful. That sounds like it. That is, man. I can look. I can look. I can look at my daughter and I just see.

I see God in her. Now? And the biggest gift, it's multiplicative. It's just, it's multiplicative, it's exponential. So when I impart what my teacher's shown me through my filter of the experience of it, right? And then it sticks in a student. And that student starts working with something that they're,

they're like, and then they get done with a class. And when they, you see it, you can feel it because there's that, there's that life connection going on. Same is in the combat, right? And it's like, it's a reciprocation of everything, like when you see it unlocking a student, it's just, it's like, it's the true service of God. When you see someone realize it for themselves. That's, I mean, you want rewarding, right?

And then when you can unlock it, see it, you can unlock it in your children. You give them, and that's where I think, you know, in the SEAL community, it's like, if I would have had this as a SEAL, I would have been so much more effective. So much more, it's called the yoga of awareness. Come on.

We're always talking about situational awareness. Yeah. And it's all about increasing your lung capacity. So you have a higher quality and higher partial pressure of oxygen. So you can think better, make better decisions, have more acuity. have more acuity. And invariably, you build up a resistance to, you know, stress. You have tools that we can give these men at the ground level that will help them amelior aid stress. And we're not doing it. Why the fuck are we not doing it?

Why? Why are we waiting until after a whole, a whole 20 years, and then we're going, oh, you're all fucked up. Here you go. Ugh. Have a good life. Hopefully you somewhere out there in the teams they take care of you.

Depending on who you know. Yeah. But we can absolutely include, I call it, mental disciplines within the warrior ethos. Why can't we include that in our pipeline? Just basic tools at buds. If I were to know this as an instructor, I absolutely been slipping that shit under the wire. I'd like to try that shit out, guys.

That's how I've been punishing Hold it Hold it keep breathing You know what I mean? Yeah, that would have been their thing They've got done me like I don't feel like I got my ass kicked I feel pretty good Who knows what'll happen one day, right? You know, maybe you're gonna get packaged in such a manner that it serves our mission. I hope it does.

I hope it does too. I hope it does too, because I think we'd see a lot less of what we're seeing now. I think we'd see a lot more love between members of our community. I think we'd see a lot more support of one another within our community and understanding and compassion. Compassion's not weakness. Somewhere along the way, people cross their wires on that shit. Yeah. You know.

Anyway. Let's take a break. It felt pretty encompassing. Yeah. I hope you're enjoying the Sean Ryan show. Let me take a minute to tell you about Vigilance Elite Patreon. Our Patreon community receives exclusive behind-the-scenes content from the Sean Ryan show. As well, is an extensive library of Vigilance Elite videos not seen anywhere else.

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All right. So this will be the last segment. Want to dig into kind of what you got going on now with especially when it comes to call a duty. How'd you get into that? You know, all that gets stuff. Fuck I don't know. I mean, it's only the biggest video game franchise in the world. It's crazy, man.

So you heard all the other stuff, you know, it's like, should I tell the Transformer story? Yeah. All right. I'll tell the transformers. So around that 2010 timeframe, you know, I was starting to find meditation and all that type of stuff, right? I was on, I had just really started on this kind of quest.

So I was still really awkward on, you know, kind of how everything worked. But I knew the meditation stuff worked for me. I didn't know really the science of the meditation. I just knew I had to sit down. It was, I think it was after the shaman, though. It might have been after the shaman. But so, I get a call and they're like, hi, I work with this group, I don't know what really name names but I'm really grateful for these people. And we're doing a production called Transformers.

And I was wondering if you'd be interested in coming in and being a part of our team to kind of do some tactics in the film. And I was like, that sounds like fun. You know, I wasn't thinking like, oh, I remember I started, you know, I wasn't thinking anything. I was like, that's just sounds like fun. Like, you know, with a bunch of team guys on a movie.

Okay, yeah, let's go. You know, I want to, that sounds like fun. And so I went in, we did the thing. It's my first time ever being on a set, right? And I see Michael Bay walk by, his transformer's three. And I see Michael Bay walk by and Michael's like, he walks past me and he goes, he goes, he's like doing something, he looks holy shit.

What the fuck did they call you? That was like hooch. He's like, fuck, perfect. He He goes you want to be an actor? And I was like yes, sir And he goes all right come here and he goes Whether can you act and I was like Is fucking director don't you have to be the judge of that? He's like fair enough. Come here. And

dude, they started putting a mic on me and I don't know if you remember, have you seen the movie Transformers 3? I've seen a couple of them. Okay. So there's this movie where there's this big bald motherfucker with a rocket launcher and a no-core. And the whole building's falling over and this worm is like crushing the building and the whole thing's collapsing. It's really cool. I think they got a nomination or VFX nomination for that one. And so I'm standing there. And all of a sudden I got like really nervous and I didn't fucking know why. You know what I mean? I was just like my heart starts beating, I'm sweating, I'm like, And then it hit me, right? And then it hit me.

I was like, holy fuck. I wanted to do this as a kid. I remember, I had completely forgotten about the Glee Club kid. All that shit buried that Glee Club kid. And in that one moment, it was like, well, this was like a dream that you had. Like I was a huge fan of the Transformers franchise.

When I was a kid, you know, I had all the toys, I was into it. I was deep into it. And Washington cartoons every time it came on. And I'm sitting there, this building's tilted, and I had to sprint down this building because the whole floor was like on this gimbal, and they'd lift up the whole floor so that everything would fall and shit like that. They'd build a whole skyscraper floor for this thing, right?

No shit. Yeah, yeah, can play a vista. And then they had like, it would lift up. And so we'd all do our thing. And I remember remembering and I was like holy shit, it felt like I was being choked out, right? And he goes, okay. When I call action, you're going to sprint down there, you're going to look out the thing

and like be really nervous. I was like, okay. And he goes, actually, and I run down there, I fucking sprung out the thing and like be really nervous. I was like, okay, he goes actually and I run down there I fucking spread out the thing and I and I'm like I had some some lines. He gave me lines Right, and I supposed to say the buildings teeterine And I lean out and I'm like The building's tiltering Fuck he's like you can't say fuck it's a kid show

Tiltering. Fuck. He's like, you can't say fuck. It's a kid show. He knows I'm nervous, right? Like he's like, I go back to one. And then, and then, uh, you know, Tyree skips him, just starts laughing and shit. Shia LeBuff starts laughing. And it was fucking laughing. I'm like, aha, laugh at the fucking big guy. All right. Fine. You know, laugh at the first time, or it's easy target. You know, and he goes, he goes, okay, and action. I go, I run down there and then I say, I, he goes, I go, what was that fucking line again?

He's laughing at this point. And he's like, he goes, the building's, you know what? Just say they're shooting at the building. And I was like, that's a stronger choice. I think that's a stronger choice, Mr. Bay. And I fucking go back up. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like,

man, I'm fucking this up. I'm fucking this up. I don't want to fuck this up. I'm fucking this up. I don't wanna fuck this up. I kinda wanna do this shit. You know, and I fucking go down there and dude, something just kinda clicked, and I was like, and like I could see shit. Like all the stuff started coming back, you know,

from when I was a kid, like it, and I'm like, whoa. And like I'm doing shit like that when I'm a reactant to this fucking big fucking thing. And I'm like looking around and he's like, fuck yeah. You know, he's like, yeah, now fucking towards the camera a little more. And I fucking listen to him. I did what he said.

He's like, he goes, cut, fuck, dude. He's like, yeah. And he goes, come here, do this, do this. I was hired as a special ability extra to be in the background. You know, and he made me a principal in a film. He gives the other guy's contracts too. You know, and he was just a big supporter. He's just a great supporter of military and like,

like people that wanted to get into the industry like really helped and so I got to tell a story This is the first this was a pretty profound moment for me and You know how I told the story about how in combat I felt that ultimate certain some purpose and like you know know, like when I came home, I was like, what the fuck am I going to do now? Like what? What compares to that? Like nothing's going to compare like, eh, it's all over. You know what I mean? But, but, but there I was, it was

Chicago in the middle of the summer, baking heat. And I showed you the picture, I looked like 260 pounds at this point. I got a rocket launcher on my back in AT4 and a milk core, a grenade launcher. I think you got a picture of it, Karrion, one of these pictures so far. Anyway, so I'm carrying this thing and I see this kid probably about 150 meters off, like just looking at the grid. Like the crowd was cordoned off. Like they had everything blocked off

because we were blowing shit up and it was cool. We run down the street shooting. I mean, pretty cool experience, right? Guys are dropping in and you know, their parachutes are catching on fire from the explosives. Oh, like damn. And it's a really cool experience. And we're making believe we're shooting at all these big robots that aren't there. And it was fantastic, right? It was a really cool experience. That was not the one that we talked about last night,

but I remember seeing this kid, right? And he's standing there in our eyes lock. And I'm like, you, he's like four. He's like, mom, you know, any points, and then I start walking over to him, and then I get closer, he's getting more and more like catatonic, dude. He's like just like, oh, you know, I grab him.

I pick him up. I was like, you're enjoying the show. I got like blood and shit on me. I got like dirt and I'm sweaty. I'm soaked through. I'm completely saturated. And he's just like, whoa, I look at the mom and that's the first time I noticed that they're probably homeless. They're probably homeless people, right? And her tears are streaming down. And it's cleaning the dirt off her face, man. I look over at the father, he's right here. He's crying too, same thing.

He breaks out this little wind up, Ken, where he's like, can we take a picture? And I'm like, you're not gonna put this on your Facebook page, right? And the kids like, kids not answering. And the mom's like, you have no idea how much this means to us. Thank you so much. And as she was saying that, dude, it was like fucking Thor landing.

Oh, wow. I saw the chicken I rack. Like, look at this. I'm like, I saw the woman I rack. And I was like, in that moment I realized, I was like, I can use creativity to affect people like I did this direction. I can use creativity to affect people like I did this direction.

And that was like, I had a conversation with my wife. We were still down in San Diego when this was going on. I was like, hey, hun. What do you think if I like pursue this acting thing? And she's like, I think you should. You know, is that what you want to do? I was like, it's going to be hard. It's going to be fucking hard. It's going to be a lot of me still traveling again. And but I'm never going to quit. We're going to be trying until we die. You know, are you down for that journey? And she's like, she's like, okay, let's do it. She's a great woman.

She's been through all that shit. Yeah. Like, instead, barely sometimes, barely sometimes, but she did, you know, stubborn, stubborn check women like German check lover What should you show that we don't do?

But I love her like she's she's She's amazing you'll have her when you meet her. So, one thing led to another. I was in Transformers 4, I picked up a TV show. These little co-star roles in TV shows, those co-stars started turning the guest stars, the guest stars started turning the reoccurring guest stars. And I have a series coming out actually on Netflix

after the first of the year. No, no shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you talk about it or? I don't know. T.S, huh? I don't think so yet because it's not out yet. Okay, but...

Well, congratulations. Thank you. I could look something up real quick. If it's on... IMDB. Then we can talk. It's called the Lincoln lawyer. Okay.

Okay. And it is in post-production right now. The new show. The Netflix show? Yeah. The new show. The Lincoln lawyer. The Lincoln lawyer. It'll be on Netflix and it just says 2022.

It's on here, so like anybody can access it. So I guess I can say something. Can't tell you what what character and all these types of things but it's a I'm in there. Let's just say. And so that's the latest I think that's the latest release. I don't know. The thing the last biggest thing was the Mayans, season two of the Mayans, which is a spin-off of the Suns of Anarchy. Fantastic, you know, casting crew on that. Man, that was a great experience. That was, that was a great experience. There's a longer story there, but we'll continue. So, but on, on or about 2017, I was asked to be, one of the biggest things for me in film and television was, I feel like, you know, veterans, at least I did at the time,

like at the beginning, it felt very hard to get involved in some things, but I felt like veterans were only seen as like they could be stunt guys, or they could be grips in these types of things, but nobody ever really saw them as being creative. You know, like writers and actors. I mean, you see some veteran actors now, but you don't see a lot of big veteran actors, right?

So, so... Who, I can't think of, Manibond. Adam Driver is one. Adam Driver is a veteran, he was a Marine. And they're out there, you know, they're out there. And big veteran supporters as well are out there. So it's there. It's just hard to find sometimes.

It's just kind of the landscape a little bit. You know, but that being said, I was asked to come on to NBC's The Brave as a technical advisor. And I was like, I don't want to be an advisor. I don't want to do it. I told the person setting up to me, I don't want to be an advisor. I don't want to do it. I told the person setting up to me,

I don't want to be an advisor. I want to be creative. I want to create. And I want to just tell people how to look good carrying a gun. I think we share something. I'm familiar with that. Are you familiar with that?

Turned into a complete fucking disaster for me. But yeah. me, but. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. But, but I mean, that's all a thing, right? And we discussed that last night, kind of. But I was like, OK, I'll talk to the guy.

And the guy's name was Dean George Harris. He was one of the writers on Gladiator, and he was gonna be the show runner. And I was like, hi, and we talked. And he's like, I really wanna get this right. I really wanna get this right. I will, you will have priority, what you say, we'll have priority. And you say, will have priority.

And, you know, because I work with other people like helping them tech advise, and then they put us in the movie, like GI Joe and stuff like that. And, you know, we have a line here or there, nothing big, but we're in, like you can see us in, right? Well, I told them, I was like, I'm gonna make your pilot. And then we'll see how it goes, right? So, we shot the pilot in Morocco, and then they let me take the cast and do whatever I

wanted to do. We did live fire drills, we did all kinds of cool shit, right? And I was like, and I started to develop kind of a relationship with some of them. And I was like, you know what? All right, I'll do the show. You know what I mean, show got picked up and they go, do you want to do it? And I'm like, I'll do it. You know, and so I moved to Albuquerque and had to live there and it was

like full on. And I'm the type of guy that I pick up all this rope that I see laying on the deck. You know what I mean? Like, oh, nobody's doing this job. It needs to be done. I'm going to do it. I'm going to let me do this too. And this and this. And pretty soon I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna let me do this too and this and this and pretty soon I'm like Wow, I really painted myself in a corner on this one. I never get a fucking minute off Yeah, like it was like there was times where like I'm literally talking to the producing director where I'm like They're like yeah, they need you over here on the because they shoot two episodes at once Okay, now they need to move you over to the other episode and move to this episode.

And I'll go to that episode. And it's like, and they told me one time, they need you down at the studio so they can, you know, you can do X, Y and Z. And I was like, okay, just so you know, I'm going on 24 hour workday right now. He's like, you're really going on 24 hour workday? I'm like, yeah, man, I haven't slept. I've been working for 24 hour. And he's like, shit.

And I go, so, and he's like, okay, well, just go down and check in with them and then like, you know, take a day off. I'm like, okay, cool, I'll do that. And so, so time went on and right, just prior to this, I had done this, I had never directed before, right? But I was like, there was such a low between, I forget what the last thing was in this show, but there was such a low that I engaged in this directorial program. It was like a crash course in directing. It was like the art of visual storytelling.

It was held by USC and was sponsored by veterans and media and entertainment. I think they called it the FT at the time. And so I went and did that and basically you make like you have to write, shoot, edit, and present a film in three weeks, right? You have to write it, shoot, edit it, and present it, short film. I wrote my script, I handed to the guy teaching it, and he's like, he's like, dude. This is pretty ambitious what you want to do here.

This is like multiple combat sequences. This is multiple locations. You've got three different locations. You've got, you know, they intend for you to shoot the thing in a room, right? So you don't have to go anywhere and you just do everything right there and be done. You know know the deal Right I'm gonna crush this shit. Yeah, you know, so So I had a great guy

and he he Close friend of mine and he He's been in the industry for a long time He did a lot of visual effects stuff a lot of Second unit stuff in video games and these types of things He's like anywhere I can support all support visual effects stuff, a lot of second unit stuff in video games and these types of things. He's like, anyway, I can support it and I'll support it. So he started connecting me to people that can, you know, like a DP and, you know, I knew

some talent. So from the acting side of things, I'm shooting this thing. It's about veterans and vital warrior and, you know. And they're like, okay, I'll volunteer. And so no budget, but we shot this thing, right? So, fast forward back to the brave. I have this thing in the can that we actually screened. I gotta tell you, are you a filmmaker? Yeah?

So, this was my first film. and I had to screen this thing. We're literally editing this thing down to the wire of where I have to show it. So we didn't have time to put credits in it, right? And so they're playing this thing, and they played on a big screen. It's in the theater. They played on the screen and There's like I don't know 30 40 veterans in there and we watch everybody shit, right and and and they play mine It run time of about I don't know 12 minutes or so 13 and When it gets done, there's no there's no

There's no credits. So it's just a pitch black room And all you can hear like when the sound dies down is People fucking crying and shit and we sat there the dark, like they didn't turn the lights on or anything for like two minutes dude. And everybody just sat there in the dark just like, like it was the coolest fucking thing dude. And, and, and so I was like, wait a minute. Like because the whole process of directing, I was like, Because the whole process of directing, I was like directing uses every aspect of my experience, my creative ability, my situational awareness, my visual, my storytelling. It uses every aspect of it, right?

And so there I am on the brave and I'm like, hey man, I developed a good relationship with the producing director. And he's like, and he's like, and he's seen me, he starts seeing me like, I'm like, taking the reins on the chore, the tactical choreography and directing camera and everything, right? And how the camera can capture this action. And he's like, he's like, you're talking and moving like a director. And I was like, only one short film. I got one or two short films. He goes, can I see it?

And I'm like, yeah, I'll throw it to you. And I gave him the thing and he's like, he's like, he watches it, gets back to me next day, he's like, holy fuck, dude. That's the first thing you've ever fucking made. And I'm like, yeah, it's kind of like your painting guy. And he's like, holy fuck, you're talented. He's like, dude, the way, you know,

cause I get aggressive with the camera and like I'm like, even the DP's like, you know that camera's gonna be right in his face. I like yeah yeah and he's like okay you know he does the thing and then like when you know I'll show it to you if you want to see it but but but but the story you know as well it's like it's powerful right and he's like dude we got to start fucking developing you as a director here. I was like, yes, yes you do. So, so everything's keyed up in BC's on board. The showrunner's on board. I'm going to be DGA and I'm gonna direct the season finale of an NBC show I'll be the second unit director. I should say damn you know, I made of an NBC fucking prime time television show

That's pretty shit. It's pretty big right? They fucking canceled this shit. They canceled the show. They weren't gonna re-know the show. They cut the budget. They got rid of second unit. And I didn't get to do it. Are you shit me? No, dude. I've been there.

I've been so close so many fucking times. That close so many fucking times where what Michael Bay pulled me into his office. He's gonna make me a series regular on the last ship. I, to this day, I don't know what the fuck happened. Damn. I have no idea what the fuck happened. He told me to my face, he goes, you got a TV show.

And I was so stunned, I didn't know how to respond. I was just like, it was like so much that I was just numb. I was like, that's fucking awesome. Thank you. And it was like that was about the extent of the reaction, right? Yeah. And I'm like, did I not react enough? Did I? Like, what the fuck happened? I don't know what the fuck happened. You know, does that hurt always is? No, dude. They never, they, you know, does that how it always is? No, dude. It's never the, you know?

No, no, no. If you don't get that. When the executive producer of the show tells you you got to show, you probably got to show. Oh, okay. Yeah, especially when they bring you into the studio and all the directors and everything in there is like, congratulations type thing.

Yeah. Yeah, no. I still don't know the fuck I was just I never got called again. I don't care. It doesn't matter. It's a part of the journey. It was a part of my tempering of expectation and you know, and just oh, this is what this is like, you know, and this is the world I'm working in, right? She can go sideways, how am I dealing with it when he goes sideways? Right? And so, but at the time I wasn't there. At the time I was like, what the fuck happened? You know, because we were hungry. That was my income. And so, but everything happens for a reason.

Had I done that, then I wouldn't have been on the brave, then I wouldn't have been on the brave then I wouldn't have been having that directorial experience that led me to what I'm doing now right yeah so so they they they cut the second unit and I'm like holy shit that one stung like a, I was like, oh man. So, so they canceled the show and then there was then I got involved in these independent films that are just that didn't come out like I'd like them to, you know, I didn't direct them. I wanted to, I wanted to, but they wouldn't let me. And invariably, I think the product at the end of the day could have been better.

But it was a great time and I developed great relationships along the way and fantastic people involved. So, so go for it a little bit more. You know, I get involved with the Mayans. I do the Mayans and then I got hit up to just just go talk to a bunch of developers for this little known franchise called Call of Duty. Right. What's that? It's this video game. So, so you got to understand I have been a heavy gamer. I still am.

I have been a heavy gamer. I still am. I have been a heavy gamer my entire life. I, games have been a Tari 2600, Coleco version and television. All the in-between type systems, like pre-Nintendo type stuff, Sega Genesis, all these types of these gaming systems. I've been since Tennis for two. You know what that is? No. Is the very first video game ever made. It was pung. You remember pung? Yeah, I did. It had wood panel on the box and like you

had a knob with your friend in a reset button and you turn this thing in like the and that's what you did. That was the first video game. So I've been literally been playing video games since they've been being made and deeply, like sometimes way too deep, like and deeply, like sometimes way too deep, like post combat, I like myself in a room and I'm just playing. Yeah, what's your favorite video game of all time? Ooh, man, you put me on a spot like that. You can't do that. Street Fighter II.

Really? Oh yeah. That was your jam. Street Fighter II. Yeah. Maybe Zelda. See, fantasy is my shit. I know I'm doing Call of Duty and everything like that. Even to do the Call of Duty we're like, we'll get you more involved with the zombie stuff. But like the fantasy stuff is just for me. I'm working on some stuff now that I can't I absolutely can't talk about triple top secret but but I can't wait to be able to tell you but it's but it's

it scratches every age you know what I mean it's one of my favorite IPs out there. You know, so you ask what my favorite video games were, right? I really like the Diablo franchise a lot. I love the pretty much anything Blizzard makes. I enjoy the last of us, the Witcher, God of War. God of War. I can not love the God of War, for instance. Have you played that? Do yourself a favor and just get yourself, get off and just get that, play that you'll be like oh shit

Yeah, yeah, yeah Get get yourself a PlayStation in my wrong. Oh Man, you haven't played a guy war. All right, but got a war if I had to pick a favorite Man, they're such great. It's such a powerful storytelling platform, man. It's the future of storytelling. Very old gaming. Oh, absolutely. That technology. They start to get in the photogrammetry and these types of things and how they're capturing 100%.

Damn. 100% watch. Mark my words. I believe you the the the CEO of Warner Brothers This is a quote from CEO Warner doesn't take a genius to know that video games are the future of entertainment And he raised Warner Brother games to the same level as Warner Brother films from what I hear. So, now that I've set the stage for this, you got to understand how this is, bro. So, I get asked to talk on stage to a bunch of developers for Call of Duty. Can I help bring in the guest speaker? I do. You know, and a mutual friend had introduced me to the contact over it at Activision come to find out we had some history together and we didn't even realize it. You know, and so let me bring you in and, you

know, take a look and talk to these people and who knows? You know, so again, it comes up. All we'd like you to be the tech advisor for this shoot we're doing for, you know, call the duty. And I'm like, I think there's anything I learned, show the fuck up, no matter what the fucking job is. And then they'll see that I have other things to offer. They may or may not take that, but they'll see that I have other things to offer. This is the hope, right? Well, these guys did, Trayart did.

And I have an incredible team. Like I have this guy, my original coordinator has had, you know, triple a talent on his roster. And he brought that and allowed me to use that in this endeavor once we got there. So what turned into me tech advising, what we saw was, this is how this happened. We saw, I was going in to just tech advice on the movement on, you know, what it was that are doing. And, and then COVID hit. And everybody's in a lockdown and it's like well shit we're shooting this can you tune into this shoot and look at what these

guys are doing and and I'm watching what these guys are doing with weapons and I'm like guys I gotta be honest like like they're so off the mark like for me to tell you everything they're doing wrong here in real time over a Zoom meeting is going to be really challenging. And I'm not trying to take anything away from anybody, but if I can just show you an example, what we can do is this is I can show you an example of what my team can do. And then we can give it to them and then they can rehearse what we put together. And then there'll be more in alignment because they don't know what they don't know.

If they can replicate what it is we're doing over here on my team, everything will be great. You know, I never went into it like trying to screw anybody over or anything like that, right? Like that was not the intent. The intent was let's just make some really cool stuff, give it to them, and then you know, this other team can shoot it because they have a mocap stage and they can do all the stuff, you know what I mean? So we did and they were like, holy shit. Like with the choreo and all the things we did, we put our best foot forward at the time.

And so, they were like, I think I don't know what happened, but we got approached again and they're like, hey, so we noticed that you recorded all that stuff on a MoCAP stage, where were you? And I was like in Los Angeles, they're like, really? Well, would you be interested in shooting that stuff for us? And I'm like, yeah, absolutely, we'll shoot it for you. And so, went from TechAdvisor to, like, yeah, absolutely we'll shoot it for you.

And so, went from TechAdvisor to directing again, like, and I'm directing all this second unit stuff. And basically what they have in game is this ability to where you can go up behind a guy and you hold down the melee button and it performs an execution. You guys play Call of Duty? Yeah. And it performs this execution. Well, this execution is like an animation using different types of weapons depends on the operator package in all these variables, right? And so we made these things and they're like,

oh, that was great. Can you do some more and do some more and want to be in like 300 different ways of killing somebody up close? Nice. Ha, ha, ha, ha. If you ever play, like, so you said street fire, you ever play moral combat? Oh, yeah.

You know how at the end you can do fatalities? Yeah. It's kind of like that. Nice. It's kind of like that. So you want me to come up with the Call of Duty fatalities? That's my job. Okay.

I'll do that. Fuck, all day long. You know, and so. Do you have a favorite fatality? Ooh, there's a lot of good ones, man. What? In the Call of Duty? And so in black ops. So we're on So we're on a different Call of Duty now,

but black ops was the first one that I had done. And I like the John Rambo one a lot. I like different ones for different reasons. And the judge dread ones cool. We have something that haven't come out. You got to make one with a stop sign poll just for old time's sake. Nice. Nice. Yeah. We have stuff kind of like that though. That's funny. But hold up the switch. I still don't know where the fuck the guy got a stop sign pull. It's crazy. Anyway,

so one thing led to another, we started developing relationships, good working relationships with the stage there at Central and one thing led to another and then I was asked to come in and do another call of duty IP, the one that just came out, Vanguard. And now I'm the second unit director, we'll get the guy that shoots all the action stuff for the one that just came out, Vanguard. And in the interim, we were working on different cinematics and directing cinematics and conjunction.

You got to understand there's a lot of people that wear a lot of different hats in the video game world. So it's not as clear cut as in film on who's doing what. You know, you have the performance capture director that is for all intents and purposes, the director of the film. That works with the actors and you know elicits the performances right? They performance capture director. You know, you've seen the helmets that they wear with the lights and the dots on their face and all that. That's it. You know, and they direct

all that. The ADR performances, they're working with all the actors. Second unit director, the MOCAP director works with all the second unit stuff, all the action. So I did that in conjunction with you know being the first assistant director too. The assistant director is the guy that, you know, handles the logistics and, you know, kind of, you know, make sure the flow of the day. He's like the, it's kind of like the, the LPO. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. He makes shit flow along. Cheaf is the director. You know, LPO is the one that makes all that shit happen. Right? Yeah. And so kind of the same thing.

And so, you know, one thing led to another and I had a very good working relationship with the lead animators over at Treyarch, and they wanted to bring me on full time, as the performance capture director for their studio. So now I'm officially a developer. While I was creating this franchise and going back to everything that we've talked about before, there's been adversity. I mean, like things have gone sideways sometimes and like that's just the nature of

production. You know, things come in late. You don't know which ways up, you know, talent cancels on you. They get booked on something else or you know what I mean? Like, and then like all the productions like weighing on that. And so, so there's a lot of adversity. But it's okay to take that breath and just truly enjoy the type of problem that it is for what it is. And so while we were making that first game, to put this in, to kind of put this in scope, my son passed away while I was on stage shooting. And you gotta understand this IP. There's no coincidences.

There's no coincidences. Me and my son played this IP while I was in Iraq We use call a duty as a way to Bond You know when you know it was difficult face-to-face sometimes you know because of what he's going through what I'm going through You know, but but in that other world You know the walls come down a little bit. Makes sense.

And things start coming out and you're having conversations and you're just having fun. You know what I mean? So I don't think we talk about that enough in games. Just the good that can happen. And the friends you can make and the connections that you can make. And I think we should focus on that more. And so that's kind of what drives me.

And so while I'm creating this IP, you think there's any coincidence that after my son passes away, then all of a sudden like all of these things start to bloom and I can't I can't tell you all of the other things that are happening but it's just like through that journey like I'm talking to you about and I alluded to this before maybe you can go back and kind of do your magic but the journey itself and the transition and the being able to kind of, you know, incorporate all of those events into that, into my heart, you know, just as grand and that realization of the ability to love unconditionally, I bring that into what that's the why I create. Like I

use that whole journey and that's what motivates my creative effort. It's not the outcome of anything. It's not I'm trying I'm striving to like go get this thing next. I did that. It's painful. You know what I mean? Nothing's ever good enough. You know, you're never satisfied with where you're at. And that causes a hole. There's always a hole that can never be filled because you're always looking out there and never like appreciating what's right here. what's right here and right here, you know? And so that all changed. That's one of the myriad of gifts that this event has given to singular event

as granted me. And so now in a little over a year and a half, I have signed with Treyarch as a developer during a job that normally is reserved at a level where, you know, guys have been doing this for 20 years. How's that happening? Yeah, that's awesome. How's that happening?

A gamer? A seal. They could think of all the pieces. Like through my whole life, the Glee Club kid, the actor, the artist, the writer, the director, the seal. As a call of duty director. What the fuck? Damn, that's awesome director. What the fuck? Damn.

That's awesome, man. What the fuck? Like, that's not... You can't, you can't. Every time I think about it, it's just like, thank you. Thank you. It's... It's everything.

It's everything. You know, not the job, but the journey, the realization of, wow, you put me through all of that so I can be here right now. Knowing that this isn't the end, this is the beginning. This is the beginning. This is the beginning. This is the beginning. This is the start. Damn. It's fantastic.

It's so satisfying. It's so satisfying. It scratches every creative edge. And, yeah, pretty good. You know, the real man. I can tell you're happy. That's awesome. Yeah, you did it.

Well, how can people get ahold of you? What people? Anybody. Anybody wants to reach out? Instagram is great. Like, I checked that at least once a day. Maybe once every couple of days. If anybody wants to get a hold of me there, if it's for a professional reason,

I have representation that can be found on IMDB, just Google my name, IMDB. There's representation there. All the information is there to get hold of me that way. If you're an operator, you can contact me at info at vitalwarrier.org. Reach out. You have any questions about the practice. I do have, at the Ramayi Institute,

I do have something set up through the nonprofit that we'll talk about offline. If you're interested in seeing what these classes are about and how they can benefit you. And then if you're a seal, just contact me through in the past that we've had interactions, I'm not the same guy. In fact, so much not the same guy changed my name, remember? Yeah.

You know, a lot of people wonder, but that's weird. You know, why do you do that? You know, and it's like, well, the first name is a contraction of Michael Koch. That's why it's spelled that way. So it kind of gives you context. Last name. This all came, I know how it sounds. This all came like in this process,

it came through in like meditations and all these types of things. It's like, you know, and so. But for you to get the gist, that's kind of the driving force behind it. First name is a contraction of my skin, but it's first the last name. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's, well, I'll you about his first and last name. Yeah. So, that's... Well, talk about the other stuff over there. Well, thanks a lot for coming out, man. Thanks for having me, man. This was a real pleasure. It was great. I love your setup. It's fantastic.

Yeah, you do it right, man. Thank you. It's really cool. I appreciate that. Thanks for having me. That's the walk. Ah, that looks good. Not that I didn't do it. There's no walk. Yeah. yeah. All right, that's a good ending. Thank you, right? Nice, man. I knew you were going to say that.

About luck. I like that. It's true. We're going to end it like that. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it.

I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. you you you you you you you. You

You You You You You You You You

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