Shawn Ryan Show - #32 Jason Redman - Navy SEAL Talks Near Death Experience and Seeking Redemption

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

Retired Navy SEAL Lieutenant Jason Redman sits down with Shawn Ryan to discuss his electrifying experiences! He’s lived through it all at the highest level in his Navy SEAL career: From failures as a young leader that resulted in him almost being kicked out of the SEAL teams, to redemption and leading teams in intense combat operations in Iraq, to being shot eight times, including a round to the face, and nearly dying during an enemy ambush, Jason has lived the OVERCOME Mindset he now teaches others. You have never heard anything like this! Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors : 🚨USE CODE SHAWN🚨 https://www.mudwtr.com/shawn https://goodranchers.com/shawn https://www.kachava.com/shawn https://www.bubsnaturals.com Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website - https://www.shawnryanshow.com Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/VigilanceElite TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnryanshow Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/shawnryan762 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I have been waiting a long time for this one. This episode we go deep. We had just about every single emotion in the book. And man there are a lot of life lessons in here for people. Doesn't matter if you're going to the military, doesn't matter if you're in the military. These are just life lessons that everybody can take, especially young Americans. Everything from how to overcome the worst-case scenarios to what happens when you do not keep your ego in check.

So I hope you all are paying attention. This is a real important one. Jason is one hell of a guy who is an honor to do this interview and Thank you all for being here Love you guys. Hope you enjoy the episode. Please head over to iTunes leave us review and sign up for our free email newsletter comes out about once a week. It's free. It gives you updates on what's going on and There's exclusive content and some of those emails that you're not gonna get anywhere else. So

Anyways, enough about that. Love you all. Enjoy the show. Everybody should get something out of this one. Cheers. Hey, everybody. One last thing I thought I would share with you today is six months that I have not had one drop of booze in my system. And if you're thinking about going down that road, I would highly suggest it because it feels fucking amazing to not be a slave to that shit anymore. Anyways, best of luck to love you all, enjoy the show. I love to talk about my meat. And so what I'd like to do right now is show everybody what I'm packing. Don't get too excited, ladies.

Because I'm talking about good ranchers. You see, good ranchers has premium meat cuts. So, how many of you are tired of going to the grocery store and you look at the meat aisle and it's empty or it just looks like garbage? Because that's what it is. It's garbage. That's why you get good ranchers. It gets mailed.

You get meat, premium meat, mailed right to your front door. So ladies, you can't get excited about that. Who doesn't want mead mailed right to their front door? Like on call, literally, on delivery. Anyways, comes your door. They're all individually packaged like this. Some good looking meat, right? Throw it in the freezer, you thaw them out, you never run out of meat for dinner. So, so you can have meat every single night. That's right carnivores. So what I need you to do is go to goodranchors.com slash

Sean. You're gonna get $30 off your first order and they're gonna ship you your meat for free. It's like a dream come true. So anyways once again go to goodranchors.com slash Sean and get your meat shipped to your front door today. Officer, author of two books, you get a nonprofit, your speaker, you've got, you're everywhere. Sometimes too much. Yeah. But now I'm really excited for this interview. It's been a long time coming and I'm just, it's an honor to have you sitting across from me.

So thanks for making the trip down. Dude, glad to be here. And it's great. I have a dinner last night learning more about you and the family. And I like seeing any team guys successful. And I like you and I were talking. I love, I like your interview style. Deep thinking, getting deep, that's my language.

I like that. Well, we're going to get deep today. But everybody gets a gift. Almost everybody. Dude, awesome. Thank you. So, I, uh, should I open it an hour? Absolutely. Yeah, hell yeah. So, you know, I had some people I've mentioned that I was, you know, coming on your show and they're like, I don't know if there's going to be any gummy bears because we already saw that.

But, outstanding, I appreciate that. That's the private stock. Oh, and then awesome, thank you. My pleasure. I look forward to robbing that. So, thanks. My pleasure. So, just real quick, warm up here.

We had a good conversation about some of the stuff that you're doing last night. And I actually had no idea you were starting to teach courses and you were getting into, I didn't know you were a survival instructor. And a lot of people, a ton of people are worried about where we're at as a country and the economy, everybody feels the rug is about where to get pulled out from under it to include myself.

And so when you mentioned your teachings, courses on how to prepare for what a lot of us think is coming, you know, I found that really interesting and I think a lot of people will. So what are some things that you're telling people to get ready for? Yeah, the biggest thing, I mean, it goes back to one of the things. Let's talk about how all this developed. So yes, when I was an instructor at Seal Team 4, I taught survival, evasion, resistance, escape, communications, basic warfare, marksmanship. So I would not say I am an expert in survival, like Glover.

I would definitely say he's probably got deeper knowledge than me, but I have enough to take care of myself and my family and all those things I'd implemented into my life. And being out there, just like you and I do, I meet people whether it's at events and people will talk to me about, hey, I have this gone, do you have any recommendations? Hey, what would happen if this happened? Hey, if this happened, I would just say, well, it's what I do. And more and more people kept saying, man, if you were in your own course, I would sign up for it. So last year, at the very end of the year,

the second round of COVID hit again, December, January, I saw a whole bunch of events vanish. So my wife and I were like us, we kind of need something to fill. You know, what can we do? And we were like, we've been talking about this course. Let's see, everybody said, you know, if we did it, you know, they'd come. So we threw it out there and churned off, man. A lot of people came from my internal coaching group, they overcome army, but they said, yes, I will sign up. And we did a pretty low price point for the first one.

We crammed it into one day, but it really was focused on several different things. I kept meeting people across the country who would say, hey, man, I have a gun, but I'm afraid of it. Or I've only shot it a few times, or I don't keep it loaded. I would hear that frequently. Yeah, I have it next to the bed, but I don't keep it loaded that way it's safe,

which I would say to them. That kind of defeats the whole purpose of a gun. If you have to go find your bullets or load it when you need it, things happen very quickly in an emergency situation. You don't need to add in an additional step. Then talking about survival, I mean, I just talked about things that I do for myself. So one is just what level of preparation do you have against immediate problems like storms? That's probably going to be the biggest thing you're

going to encounter. So if a major storm roll through whether it was a hurricane or a tornado or I don't know, a blizzard, whatever it is, you know, how well are you stockpiled to take care of yourself and your family? And you look at what's going on over these last couple of years with last couple of years with COVID, we saw the toilet paper debacle, the cleaning supply debacle. But that's now transpired into other areas of supply chain problems and things like that. So I just said, hey, what about food? We live in a day and age where we all rely on grocery stores. Myself included, I don't do all my own hunting or anything like that. I could if I needed to, but for me, that's a further step down

the line. So I just talked about one of the things that you would have in your house, water, or at least some type of water purification system. That's going to be the biggest thing that's going to take you out the quickest. Depending on the time of the year, what level of warmth do you have for you and your family if it's winter, or if you're having to move in a winter environment, that's going to kill you the fastest.

You know, water, those two are going to be tied close together. Food becomes third, So what level of food do you have? I mean, you know, you've got a lot of preppers out there who talk about stock piling and canned goods and all that kind of stuff. And to me, that's a lot of time and effort that I don't have time to do. There's a lot of good companies now that are creating freeze-dried stuff. so I have a six-month supply worth of containers that becomes part of my blowout. If it's a storm, we reach decision points, and that's some of the things that I talked people about. All this planning should be done at least a little bit ahead of time.

If there is a major storm coming you should already be thinking about hey what is our decision point to leave for most people it needs to be far in advance of when you think it's going to be because most time people wait too late and then when they decide to leave it's too late now you're trying to go against the traffic of everybody else who waited for the last minute to leave. I use the Ukraine example as a good example. If you look at Ukraine, the Russians massed on that border for five or six weeks before they finally invaded. I probably would have been gone in the first two weeks with my family.

I would not have waited to be in that situation. Yeah. I would have taken all my go-bags, my guns, everything. I even have a vehicle that I have a G71 off-road Chevy Spurman. Nice. Definitely designed that I can get wherever I need to go. And I know all my stuff will fit in that. And my family, and we are gone if we need to get out.

But it's all about timing. It's all about preparation and awareness. And then the third point is action. You have to take action. You can't wait too long. Where else can we behind the power curve? So it's a lot of this stuff that we're teaching in the, we call it the Overcome and Survive course.

And it's just built on, how do I take the average everyday American and prepare them for worst-case scenarios? Not teaching you, I'm not teaching you to be Bear Grillis or John Wick. Yeah. Instead, how do I teach you to be, to think ahead and be prepared,

and to be comfortable where you can at least get away and survive or avoid bad situations before they develop into a bad situation. 90% of the time, there's enough indicators that something's happening that you should have been making decisions long before it fully became a problem Most people wait till it's too late now. They're reacting instead of proactively addressing the problem So these are the things that we talk about in the course. So basic marksmanship

I'm not if you've got a lot of gun experience. You're gonna find my course boring So you are not the person I'm looking at, you know if you're Johnny high speed that wants to train, you know, and clear rooms and, you know, running mag change drills and transition drills, my course is not for you. My course is for the average everyday person that I want to give very good fundamentals in shooting. I want to teach you how to properly carry a gun, grip, you know, stance, you know, everything related to effective shooting. I want to teach you how to handle a malfunction drill. I want to teach you how to do a magazine change effectively. And then if we get to the point, I want to teach you how to draw from a holster. That's probably the highest level I ever intend to go.

There are other great guys like, you know, DJ and Cole that are teaching at much higher levels. Hopefully at some point if you want more I'll just hand you off to guys like that. But then survival and then of course we want to teach advanced first aid. Trauma first aid. You know so many people think that hey if something bad happens to me or my family, I'm just going to call 911. Well, I got to tell you, if the world is collapsing around us, one, if there's a major storm, most of the 911 people are going to be tied up or they're not going to be able to get to you.

Two, if it's a major, now let's take it to a Ukraine scenario. If ever God forbid, the US fold or falls, 911's not showing up for you. So you've got to be able to take care of yourself. So how do you do the first aid and all that kind of stuff? So these are all the things we're teaching. What do you think is some of the most basic things that people mess for what may be coming, like in, like, or maybe not even what's coming.

What is just some major, some, the most basic things that people touch just completely blow off and look over? I mean, super basic stuff is, yeah, how much water do you have in your house on reserve? I mean, at a minimum, you should have, at a minimum of gallon of water per person in your house and some sort of water purification system. So I'm a fan of the pure water pump. There are other more advanced systems that are out there.

I'm not, I like the pure pump because it's simple. I know it works. I will never forget what I was a new guy. The SEAL Team 4 up in the mountains of Virginia at Fort Pickett. Our instructor's name was Andy Scott. He's no longer with us. By Andy took us out into this field, this cow pasture, and there was this big nasty puddle filled with cow pasture and there was this big nasty puddle filled with cow shit and stunk and Andy was like drop your piropump in there, pump your water. He's like, now you're gonna drink it.

And it reaped and we all drank it and none of us got sick. He's like, I want you to know what your user works. Dude, to this day, like everywhere I go anytime tactically, I mean, in my go bag, I have a pure pump. No shit. Yeah, because it doesn't. No pun intended. Yeah, because it does it.

It does it, man. Yeah, it works. And water will be the big, it will be 90% of the time, it's gonna be the fastest thing that kills me. If you can't get water, I mean, you can only go a couple of days without it. Yeah.

I find two things. Finances, number one, I think, because there's always a progression, right? And to an economy collapse. And I see, I think stress is a big try to mitigate as much stress as you can and I tell people like you got to get your finances in order. Like you're

drowning in debt right now and they're going to come for you no matter how bad it is if you're not paying, you know, you're dead off and I find that to be something that the majority of people overlook. And then medical, you know, I'll get these guys, you know, and I don't teach this stuff anymore, but I'll get these guys. I used to get these guys and they'd have like five, you know, three to five thousand,000 rifle set up, just a maculet, beautiful rifles, and but there are 150 pounds overweight. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, that's great.

You just showed me $25,000 worth of hardware. Do you have an AED? You know that with the number one killer, you're prepped for all this stuff, you know, whatever you want to call it, the economic collapse where pure chaos takes place. But right now, the number one killer of human beings in the United States is part of tax and heart disease. You're 150 pounds overweight.

Do you even know what an AED is? Because it's a fraction of the cost of every one of those rifles that you've invested in to save your life. You don't have an AED in that. Where they're unwilling to invest in a coach. That's what blows me away. I watch all these people who, yeah, they'll drop all this money on guns and cars

and all this great stuff, but they're unwilling to invest in a coach that will help them with nutrition, fitness, be the best physical version. So I touch on it in my survival course. That's a lot more in the self-leadership I teach. I teach something called the Pentagon of Peak Performance and the base level of the Pentagon is physical leadership. How do you take care of this machine you walk around in because everything builds on that? Yeah. And you nailed it.

If you are not physically taking care of yourself, you know, God forbid the world goes to hell on a hand basket. Now you're already 10 points behind the power curve because now you're trying to lug your fat ass all over the place when the world is collapsed. Yeah. But bring it back to a basic level when the world's just normal. You know, physically taking care of yourself,

and I talk about it in three different areas. So you should, number one, fitness, move your body. Move your body. This Ferrari that we all walk around in is amazing. And if you take care of it, it'll do amazing things. Most people don't as we get older, you know, it starts to break down. It's amazing to me. We tend to, um, as we get busier in life and we have more and more responsibility,

more and more people push physical leadership to the back burner. Oh, I'll get to that later. Oh, I don't have time for that. When in my opinion, it should be one of the most important things you do because if you are physically taking care of yourself, your immune system is going to be stronger. So you're going to be able to fight off. Everybody with COVID, nobody wanted to talk about it, which was dumb-founding to

me, but the majority, I don't want to say all. They're definitely, I know some healthy people, healthy fit people that got COVID, but the majority of COVID people had compromised immune systems. They were overweight. They basically were not talking, taking care of themselves, which made them a higher risk for COVID. Well, the same is true for almost any other disease out there. If you have a weaker immune system,

you're more susceptible to whatever disease is out there. The flu, cold, whatever. So move your body to build your immune system. You're gonna have more energy. That's a huge thing. I mean, if you're trying to run your own business, if you're trying to do anything in this life, we need energy.

And if you're out of shape where you're just barely getting through the day and now you come home and slump into your chair and you're like, I'm so fucking tired, I can't even move. Let me grab a, you know, a microwavable meal and sit on this couch for a couple of hours and watch Netflix and then go to bed and do it all over again, to like your Ferrari is breaking down. Nutrition, like we have probably the worst diet in the entire world, the Western diet, you know, and due to this sad, because in my opinion,

it's become about money. It's so much cheaper and easier to create processed foods. So if you look at many of our poor, they are some of the most susceptible to poor nutrition, poor diets, why? Because processed food is very cheap. Whereas if you go to the grocery store and you want to buy good quality, whole foods, organic foods, it's the most expensive stuff in the grocery store and you want to buy good quality whole foods organic foods It's the most expensive stuff in the store if you want to buy Meets proteins that have not been injected with every fucking You know, yeah steroids and stuff you want to get organic grass fed stuff. It's most expensive stuff. You're gonna buy so there's almost this

demographic you know paywall that exists where we're impacting It's most expensive stuff you're gonna buy. So there's almost this demographic, you know paywall that exists where we're impacting, you know, your ability to get that. But that's what you should be putting into your system. Yeah. It's like putting premium gas into a Ferrari. You need the premium gas. It's designed to run on that. And then the last big one sleep and I love Jaco. I don't agree with his sleep as the enemy. It's just not true. I'm a huge fan of studying sleep. And science is more and more. We're figuring more out about sleep and how incredible it is.

I mean, up to 20, 30 years ago, a scientist didn't really fully understand sleep. And more and more, they're figuring out Incredible it is. I mean, up to 20, 30 years ago, a scientist didn't really fully understand sleep. And more and more, they're figuring out that your body, almost every gain, reset, rebalance in your body occurs when you're sleeping at night. And your ability to go through that sleep cycle of light sleep, into REM sleep, into deep sleep,

and back through that multiple times in the night, is when your body is recalculated. And for the average human, the average, eight hours is what you need. If you're getting less than that, that means you're cutting off those critical of the REM and deep sleep, which is where most things are happening

to rebuild your body and to make you feel the best. Yet we live in this world where one, people, it's like a source of pride to them. Like I mean people at events that come up to me and they're like, Jay, like I get by on four hours of sleep a night. And I'm like, I'm like, I can tell. Yeah, I'm like congrats, man.

Like you are chronically fatigued and you are nowhere near your optimal self. Yeah, so are you a daynapper? Sometimes. No shit. If I really got crushed the night before, because we can see it, I wear a whoop. I'm a big fan of whoop. I'm a big fan of technology. So what are the things that I can do to track myself to make sure I'm optimizing?

What is a whoop? So whoop is a company. It's kind of like a Fitbit on steroids. So it tracks heart rate variability, your body temperature, O2 saturation, and shit, one other thing. But the biggest thing for me is it tracks your sleep. Okay. And it lets you know exactly how much sleep, how much REM, how much deep sleep,

and all of that, you know, it also tells you how much strain, so how much strain did your body take that day? It goes from zero to 21. Most of the time I log in about a 12 is an average day for me. An average workout for me is between an 8 and a 10. I'm training for this Navy SEAL GIGO swim. I did a 3.2 point mile swim off the coast of Florida last week. And it was a ballbuster. It was choppy. It was windy. I hit an 18.1 for that workout alone. That's pretty high. Damn.

But that level of strain impacts your sleep and then your recovery. So it actually tells you how well your body recovered from the strain the day prior. If you had a great recovery, it's in the green. And it says, hey man, your body did a great job recovering. So your nutrition, your hydration, your sleep all played together that you're operating on optimal. I told you last night at dinner, I had a rough night the night before, I did not sleep well,

so I was in the red, so I actually did not work out yesterday, I took the day off and I went to bed early last night and today I'm back in the green. So I like it, it's no different than a car, it's no different than a weapon system. I mean, what are you doing to make sure you're operating it optimally, but most people don't talk, don't take care of their most, the most important weapon system you have. Yeah. Well thanks for sharing all that. So with the interview, getting into that, we'll go childhood, what made you join the teams, your career. I know you have a lot of lessons learned and all of that, then we'll move into what you're doing now. So let's start with childhood, where'd you grow up?

I'm a mutt, I was born in Ohio, placed outside a Columbus called Kishok to know Ohio. Small town? Yeah, small town. My dad, my family on his side owned a real estate company that unfortunately kind of fell apart when I was a young kid collapsed. And we ended up moving to another town called Medina

when I was young and about that same time my parents divorced. So I was about three years old when they divorced and kind of a weird doesn't often happen. my dad actually got custody of me and my sister and so You know somewhat unremarkable we were you know probably I don't know lower middle-class family at that point but then my dad lost that job and he had ended up remarrying and my stepmom was from a small town in North Carolina, Lumberton, North Carolina. And they had

owned a tobacco farm down there and still owned a decent amount of land so we ended up moving to North Carolina when I was maybe five or six. We moved down there and I lived in the country at that point. I just kind of grew up down there. We were pretty poor. We moved in with my step-moms, mom, and lived in their house. But I don't know, kind of growing up down there, bouncing back and forth, I'd go visit my mom, go back to my dad. I definitely learned a lot of things. I mean, I was nothing remarkable as a kid. You know, like I said, we didn't have a whole lot, we didn't take a lot of vacations,

lived on this non-working tobacco farm at that point, but I kind of grew up playing outside. Real big and GI Joe back then. Always insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati- insati B-24 pilot, flew all his missions, got shot down over Yugoslavia and crash landed the plane with the whole crew and it was a winner and they crash landed it onto a snow field and then abated back to Italy and made it back and he got a distinguished flying cross for that and I think he earned maybe seven air metals over his career. I died of a heart attack before I was ever born. Damn. So I always grew up with this love of the military and from a young age I said that's what I wanted to do. It's a growing up in backwoods country in North Carolina, ran around the woods playing GI Joe and you

know saying this what I wanted to do. When I was 11 my mom had moved to the Virgin Islands and I was with her job. Yeah she moved to St. Croix for a period of time we went to St. Thomas and then back to St. Croix. So I left and went and lived with my mom for a while and lived down there. I've been going down there with her even before I moved down with her. So I got a big appreciation, obviously, for the ocean and the water and snorkeling and got into body boarding and all that kind of stuff. So just got real comfortable in the water. And in 1990 I would have been...

I would have been 10, 11. Hurricane Hugo hit, 90 or 91, I can't remember. Hurricane Hugo hit St. Croix. My mom, we knew the storm was coming, kind of like we were talking about. You see the indicators, you got to take action before. My mom was smart enough that she sent me off the island back to my dad and she stayed. To this day, we don't know what happened to my mom. Our house was destroyed, totally leveled right off the foundation. My mom sustained a head injury. She wasn't in the house when it happened. She had left and gone someplace

else, but we don't even know where. The National Guard found her wandering around with this massive head injury. They flew her off the island to Miami, and she got to Miami. They took her to the doctor, and the doctor's ex-rater were like, holy shit, it's a miracle you survived the flight. She had a massive brain bleed in her head from this blunt force trauma she took.

Damn. And they did emergency brain surgery and she came out okay, my mom's almost 80 now. Wow. But I was back in North Carolina at that point with my dad and continued to want to go down this road. I probably about 14 still want to go in the military. I was getting interested in special operations.

I was interested in Rangers and Green Berets and snake eyes and storm shadow and all that shit. My dad, when I was about 14, shot me down and said, hey, my dad was in the army. He was an airborne instructor and a rigor at jump school and at this point, he was at four Campbell, Kentucky at this point. And he said, hey, we have these guys that came through training with us.

They were called seals. And he said, you know, he said they were toughness nails. He said they jump out of planes, they blow shit up. He said, really good in the water, little crazy. He said, you should look into that. And man, I was probably the most unlikely candidate ever. You know, at this point, 14 years old, I was the proverbial 90-pound weakling. I didn't play any sports. I'm not really, I mean, I think I might have done one little

thing or two in middle school, but I didn't play anything, you know, I didn't work out. Yeah. And I don't know why my dad telling me this. I like started, I started researching, trying to about the seal teams and back then this pre-internet. There's nothing. I really couldn't find anything. The only thing I could find was that the common theme was hardest training in the military and do some of the most dangerous missions out there. And as a young kid, GI Joe, wanna be, I was like, man, that's really romantic.

There's romantic nature of warfare, and probably not really having a clue of what what I was getting myself into. But I said, that's what I wanna do. And I said, okay, well, what do I need to do to get ready for this? I guess I need to start doing some physical things. So I went out for the football team, just got my ass kicked right and left, but I'll be honest, it was actually a really good thing because it taught me a lot. It taught me how to be a part of a team. It taught me how to take disappointment, taught me how to take a beating because I got my

ass kicked a lot. Kind of frequently encountered, I was not like this popular kid or anything, you know, I probably fell more into the nerd class, you know, I was smart, I was in a lot of the honors classes, but so on, you know, the football team, I usually got a lot of shit. One, I was this little tiny dude. I wasn't very athletically gifted. So frequently I got a lot of shit,

so it also was kind of the first time I encountered, you know, having to stay involved in something, despite people saying, hey, we don't want you here, which I think helped build thick skin for me and just say, well, I don't really get fuck what you think. So I just kept pushing and grinding. I also, my sophomore year, I went out for the wrestling team because I had some buddies say, hey, man,

wrestling's really good. And I was like, all right, well let me try this. And it was a little better at wrestling than football. Although when I stepped in, I started out at 112, and then I rolled into the 119 class. And R119, pounder, was a guy by the name of Vincent Crump. Vincent is probably still out there. He ended up going in the Navy and we crossed past many

years later, but he was our state champion in North Carolina and a phenomenal wrestler. Dude, he just used to wipe the fuck off of me. So that's who I normally wrestled. But once again, it taught me a lot. It taught me resilience. It taught me how to keep grinding forward despite losses. You know. So these were all things that kind of built me. And yeah, I said, I'm going to be a seal. So about 16, I went to the recruiting station in Washington, North Carolina. I walked in and I said, hey man, I'd like to be a seal. At 19? 16. 16. 16. 16 years old. I said, hey, I'd like to be a seal. You know, I 19. 16, 16. 16 years old.

I said, hey, I'd like to be a seal. You know, I heard I can enlist when I'm 17. Will you give me information? I'd like to learn about it. And the lead recruiter was an old crusty boatsons mate. And I mean, you know, we don't have many people like this in the Navy anymore. I mean, he was like the post Vietnam era, I mean, just covered in tattoos,

just crusty as fuck. And just the pirate boats since made from the days of older than the Navy. And like, he took one look at me and was like, get the fuck out of here. He's like, you skinny little runt, you'd never make it through buds, beat it. They chased me out of the office.

So I came back a couple of times, chased me out every time. But something clicked inside me where I was like, fuck that guy. Like, I am going to do this. And I kept trying and he kept chasing me away. So at one point, probably I was almost 17. I might have turned 17 at this point.

I was trying to go back and the Army Recruiter was kind of watching all this with amusement. Their offices were all together. He was like, hey man, I know you're interested in being a seal. Have you ever thought about being a Ranger or a Green Beret? I was like, yeah, given it some thought, but I heard the seals, you know, it just kind of was interesting that.

He's like, well, it doesn't look like you're having much luck with that. So why don't you, why don't you come join the Army, man? You're old enough, I can send you up the maps, we can get you slotted, and he said, can become an army ranger and go down that path. I was like alright you know what my dad was army, why not? So I initially went down the road going into the army as a ranger and when I went to Mepps they did my airborne physical and when I was a kid I roughshored my eardrum.

So when the doctor looked in my ear he saw all this scar tissue and he failed me. He was like, nope, failed. And so I was like, what do you mean I failed? So I can't go through airborne school and he was like, no. And I was like, all right, well, I'm not joining the army. And they were like, what do you mean? You got to, you're here at maps, you have to sign the line, you just got to pick something else.

And I was like, no, like all or nothing, maybe I like, if I can't go through that, then I'm not going to do this. And I said besides, I know I can equalize. I said, I dove in the Virgin Islands. I know I can. So you're saying I can't, but I know I can't. So I kind of turned into this big shit show.

The recruiter from Lumberton had to drive up to Raleigh and get me. He was all mad at me. And trying to convince me that, hey, even though you can't go through Airborne School, you can still be an Airborne. You can still be a Ranger. We have Rangers who aren't Airborne qualified,

which isn't really true. That's kind of a lie. You can go through Ranger, well, even Ranger School has Airborne in it. So it's a total lie. Wait, are you saying a recruiter lied to you? I know. Do you believe that? He was probably the only one in history. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyways,

I went home kind of bummed a little bit of dis appointment, but my dad said, well, why don't we go? Why don't we go see an EMT? He can look at your ear and you know he can we can get a letter. It says you can do this. So we did that and about that same time the Navy recruiters had switched out and there was a new recruiter by the name of Henry Horn. If anybody knows Henry Horn from Lumberton North Carolina, I've never been able to thank this guy, I've never been able to find him, but that guy was awesome. Like he was like, hey man, you want to be a seal? Like let me help you. And brought me in, that this video back in the 80s, so it's cheesy as fuck called Be Someone

Special. And you know, I had like these guys flying in with the, you know, the old green uniforms and they're jumping out of the helicopter with UZs and taking down. I think Massheed Denny Chalker was one of the guys in that video who ended up being one of my buds instructors. Oh really? Yeah. But, um, but, man, I watch that video all the time. And Henry Horn would be like,

hey man, here's what you need to do. So I just focused on training, getting myself in shape. I knew there was no bud's pipeline back then. You just basically went to boot camp and you raised your hand and you said, hey, I wanna try out for the seal teams and you got one shot to try out.

What year was this? 92. Okay. Yep. So, yeah. September 11, 1992, I signed to go in the Navy. I was still in high school and signed in the Delay Dentry Program and finished up high school.

And as soon as I graduated, I headed off to boot camp down in Orlando, Florida. Just like Henry said, about three or four, maybe I don't know, maybe the third or fourth week of boot camp at the pool. You know, big seal instructor walk through and says, anybody want to try out for the seals? And I was like, yep, I do. And you know, they were like you you skinny fucking run you know and I was like yep and they were like ten of us that tried out and there was only three of us that made it so one guy did an entire career and the other guy ended up being kind of one of my swim buddies and roommates and unfortunately he didn't make it through

training but but yeah that kind of started the path and I just, I am the, I don't know, my whole life and career, I've been the underdog. Everybody's always said you can't do it. Frequently I've done it to myself. But I guess one of my superpowers is just continuing to grind through until I figure it out. Yeah. It seems to be a commonality with a lot of seals as kind of got rejected from a lot of the other ones and then slide in there and same here, same, similar. But it's a good quality. I've also come to realize sometimes, as I get older, I'm realizing it can also be, it can be a blessing and it occurs.

You know, the, the, the, the fuck you all do it my own way. Yeah. As I'm getting older, I'm realizing, okay, that's not always the best way. Yeah. Being you both. Yeah. So you get to buds.

How was that? What was it like? I mean, so this was early 90s? It was 95. OK. So when I went, so I went in the Navy, I went to ISA school in Virginia Beach, Virginia. And then there was a delay. I had to wait almost a year, a little over, well, it ended up being a year and a half

because three weeks before I was supposed to head out to Buds, I wrecked my motorcycle in Virginia Beach, right in front of Lynn Haven Mall. Oh, shit. Yeah, wrecked my motorcycle and broke my shoulder. And that gave me an additional three or four month delay. So I headed out to Buds in January of 95 is when I started with class 200. And you know Buds, so funny things. I was really immature.

I was 18 when I headed out the buds. And for the first part of my career, I was really immature. And one, I think the teams allowed that somewhat, if you will, because coming out of the Vietnam era, up until 9-11, there wasn't a whole lot of combat. And we really, man, we lived the ethos of work hard, you know, work hard and play hard, or sometimes even work hard and play harder. And as a young kid who came from, I wasn't in any kind of click. I didn't do much partying when I was in high school. So I was kind of exposed to the world of partying

when I got into the SEAL teams. I was like, this fucking awesome. Like, you know, want to be a rock star. This is great. And probably went way too far down that path, not even probably. In Buds? Or when you got to the team? All of the above. So it started, yeah, it started. Dude, I drank every weekend and sometimes nights, and I wasn't even of age. I wasn't even of age. I wasn't even of age, but I had a buddy who was old enough that I was, it's a miracle I made it through training. But I think I was hard, I was dumb and hard, and was able to do it.

So the buddy of mine who was my roommate, who did not end up making it through training, he went through ISA school with me, we were roommates, we trained together, we drove across the country together. Ended up partying the night before we got to San Diego and I ended up drinking so much that I literally bombarded all over myself. I think he found me in the bathroom with my head resting on the urinal.

Just a shit show. I sprained my ankle somehow to this day. I have no clue how. So I roll into buds the following day, looking like an absolute shit sandwich. I'm like hobbling across the quarter deck. And like one of the instructors was like, you ain't going to make it very far like that son. And in my mind, I was like, fuck you, I'll show you, which was kind of my mindset back then, which like I said, was good and was also bad. So training, it was what I expected. I knew it was gonna be hard, you know, that wasn't, and I wasn't a badass. You know, that wasn't. And, you know, I don't, I wasn't a badass.

And I, I, I don't ever want to convey that. I was just a, I was just a tenacious kid, man. I had a dream and I was going after that dream. Often I talk about, I think I probably had a little more romantic view of what warfare is. And I think if I had had a more realistic view of what warfare is. And I think if I had had a more realistic view of warfare at a young age, I probably would have not partied as much

and probably been much more laser focused on how to be, how do I be the best operator I possibly can be, which that probably didn't happen till later in my career. But as a young kid, you know, buds, it was tough, but it wasn't anything that I didn't expect. I almost quit. The only time I ever thought about quitting was on Thursday night of Hell Week. And there were a couple of reasons for that. One, like all of us, hell weeks to big crucible.

And I remember there are several critical stories about the how hard and overwhelming hell week is. And like I already had, like an imprint of this, because when I class 201, when I was in PTRR waiting to class up, the PTRR students support hell week. So I was supporting hell week for class 199 before I was waiting for class 200 to class up.

And I remember, you know, one of the students quit Tuesday night or something. It was cold. I was, it was cold. I mean, it was like, this was January. And this young kid, I was assigned to escort him back to his room after he did his medical checks. And dude, he's in that Navy wool blanket and he's kind of got it over his head.

He looks like a fucking monk. He's not saying a word. I walk him back to his room. And like, I want to know, like, I'm like blowing up on the inside, like, dude, I just got quit and you know, you know, I mean, what was so bad about this? So finally, as I drop him off in his room, I'm like, I couldn't keep it inside anymore.

And I was like, hey, man, like, what was it like? I mean, why did you quit? And he's standing on the other side of the door, like looking at me, we're about this far apart, maybe a little closer. And he goes, bro, I was so fucking cold, that I would have done anything to get warm. I would have sucked a big fat dick

just so the hot jizz could have hit me in the face so I could be warm. And then he slammed the door in the face so I could be warm. And then he slammed the door in my face. Damn. And I was like, I'm 18 year old kid, I'm like, what? Must have been cold. Yeah, exactly.

That's a hell of a statement. Or maybe it wasn't that cool. But so, so fast forward to my hell week, roughly two months later at March. And I remember I'd asked a friend who had made it through Class 199. I said, Brian, dude, you got any tips or tricks? And he said, yeah, he said, make it to Wednesday morning. He said, if you can make it to Wednesday morning, it's all downhill after that. That's like, okay, Roger that. So Wednesday morning came, son came up, I'm like, dude, we made it, like it's all downhill,

it gets easier now, but it really doesn't, you know, that's kind of a, I think you've crossed that threshold where you can probably endure anything, you'll just go to your death. And it doesn't necessarily get easy. I've gone back and I've watched how we've now. Things just slow down because when you've gone without sleep for three or four days, when your mind, you look like chariot's a fire when the reality is, you're barely doing a shuffle.

And so Thursday night, I'm in the smurf crew and the smurf crews like losing every race and it got pretty cold that night and dropped probably down into the 40s that night in San Diego. And we were doing stuff at the pool, winds blowing off San Diego Bay. And as you well know, it pays to be a winner. So if you win, you get to sit out. If you lose, you get extracurricular activity. Well, we were losing every fucking race. So they, every race, we had some kind of extracurricular activity. So at one point point the instructors decided, hey, this will be fun.

It's really miserable and cold and windy. Let's have these guys go stand up on the 10 meter dive platform. You know, we're wearing these little nothing try shorts and stand out there with your arms and legs outstretched. And you guys are going to stand out there until A, somebody quits or B, you know, we decided to bring you down. And I'm standing up there just jackhammering, man. I mean, I have no body fat.

When I completed how weak I had dropped to 117 pounds, are you serious? Yeah, I'll give you the picture. I look like I just stepped out of Oswich. I mean, I was only 135 when I started Butts. Damn. So I was 117 when I completed How Week. So I'm standing up there just jackhammering, and I remember like in my mind like making a Wednesday morning, it gets easier.

And I was like, fuck this. And you know, the bell follows you around, and I remember looking down at the deck below, you know, the truck was parked right out by the Decon, and I was like, fuck this man, I'm gonna go down and quit. And thankfully I stopped. I took a breath and was like, what are you doing? Like, this ends your, you know, if you do that, it's all over.

Like you just got to suck it up and endure. And I did. I managed and I don't know how much longer we were up there. Probably wasn't that long. It seemed like forever. But yeah, that was the only time I thought about quitting. So. Didn't they give you any trouble?

After that pool com. Yeah, swims and pull comes. So I broke my arm, or when we were phrases. I got rolled, I got double rolled during buds. So I was in, I made it through Hell Week with class 200. I made it in a dive phase. And I got severe tendonitis in my feet. It was so bad, like I would curl my toes and it sounded like shit was snapping, like

from across the room. So the medics rolled me and so I was in PTRR waiting and at one point I got permission to go down to Mexico once again, part in and being stupid. I was down in Rosarita, I believe, me and another team, not a team guy, but a bud student. And I was so drunk and stupid. I walked outside to get some air from the bar and we were right wherever we were this bar nightclub was right across street from the beach and there was a you know the the pier and there were some young kids that were doing flips off this pier wall down on the sand below.

It was about a five-foot drop and in my drunken state I was like I can do that and I totally tried to bust this flip, got sideways, stuck my arm out and landed on my arm and broke both bones. Damn. So I had to go back to San Diego. I had a Mexican doctor set it, which he set it wrong and started having issues with my hand. I had to go back to, I went to Balboa, and the doctors had to re-break my arm, which is, they didn't give me any. I think they knew I was young and stupid,

and I told them I broke it in Mexico, so I think the doctor was like, I'm gonna teach you a lesson, young sailor, so no pain meds or nothing, you know, they put my hand up into what's called a finger trap There's like it's like these springs that hold onto your hand and they pull and then that doctor just Re-broke it and then pull it down and set it but reset it and

Of course, you know I'd go back to buds and say hey, I broke my arm. And I knew if I told them I broke a drinking that I'd be out of training. So I lied and said, hey, I was down in Mexico and I was rock climbing and fell off this rock. And the instructors, I'll never forget me. And they kind of looked at me like, rock climbing, right? Sure. But they let me stay. they let me stay. Yeah. They let me stay. Although they told me class 202 was going to class up and I believe August or something, which was only three weeks after I got my cast off and they were like,

we don't care. You're classing up class 202. So, you know, three weeks after your caskets offer not, you better do everything you can to be ready. So, so started back up with 202 and the biggest thing, so I was able to run, I was able to do, you know, I was doing one arm pushups and everything, but where it really hurt me was in swimming. When I got back after, you know, with this Gimp arm, my swim times were really slow. So, thankfully, I got partnered with, you know, Jim Hoy, if you're out there, man, you're stud. Jimmy was strong swimmer and he helped me, you know, so that I passed. So that was the only hard thing, and then Poole Comp was the other thing that almost got me. It gives a lot of people.

Yeah, yeah. I failed the first three attempts. Those first three attempts were on Friday, so they said, okay, Monday, you guys have one last shot if you don't make it, you're out. So me and my swim buddy at the time, we both had failed. We spent the entire weekend just doing breath holds in our room. So all we did all weekend long. Is that what was good, you know, the breath hold? Ah, well, I think time was getting me and probably panic. And, you know, so our mindset

was we can hold our breath longer. You have more time to deal with the problem and to stay calm. And it did. It worked. I crushed it on my mind. Just for the audience, it doesn't owe pool compas. Pool compas. In a nutshell, you do all these procedures underwater. You're on open circuit dive equipment.

And you're at the bottom of a pool. You do all these procedures. The final one, they pretty much beat the hell out of you underwater. Tie your hoses up. It's a slamming off the bottom. Yeah, it's a disaster. And then you have to basically get all your equipment back together. And there's a series of steps. And you have to follow them step by step. And if you do one of them out of sequence, you have to follow them step by step and if you do one of them out of sequence you fail. With nowhere and the you know the punch in the gut that's like the first thing they do to make sure you have

nowhere and so that just wanted to paint that picture. Yeah yeah it's like getting your ass kicked underwater while you're trying to do calculus. Yeah. That's a good way to put it. So you got through it the third time? Got through it the fourth time. The fourth time. Yeah, four time on Monday. Got through it. And so, and that was the only other, that was the only other hiccup I had going through

but other than that, it was good man. I, you know, good class. I, like I said, I drank drank all the time which probably set myself down a path when I was a young and a list of guys. I mean I was a good seal. I probably parted way too much. Yeah. You know, something I finally had to come to a reckoning with years later. I mean, that's kind of part of it. You know, at least back then, I was like that when I was when I showed up to it was It was encouraged. It was that was encouraged to do that and if you didn't do it then you were an out

You know you were an outsider. Yep, at least at least where I where I went the same for us, you know, so But so you graduated, they didn't have seal qualification training then they had STT. Correct. What team did you go to? And how, actually, how do they decide what team you were going to? So, I had been assigned, so I worked

when I was stationed on the East Coast and I had, before I went to Buds, I had that period of time that I was waiting that year and a half. So I got assigned a Naval Special Warfare Group to the headquarters command for the SEAL teams and later got shopped over to SEAL team four and ended up working there for, I don't know, four, six months.

Which was a cool thing. I got to learn a lot before I went out to Buds and got to meet some of the people. So when I was out to Buds and got to meet some of the people. So when I was out at Buds, I actually really grew to like San Diego. So I actually requested West Coast, but the Warren officer that I had worked under at Shield Team 4, I guess it said, hey bring this guy back to Shield Team 4, which actually was a blessing. I'm glad I went back there. So ended up going back to Shield Team 4. Shield Team 4 at that point had a lot of, I think that had a lot of guys leave, so they needed quite a few guys. So a big chunk of our class ended up going to

Shield Team 4, like probably 20 of us, which the rest of the class kind of got dispersed amongst all the other teams. But that created this problem for team four because SEAL tactical training STT was actually run through the headquarters command group two. But we had so many bodies that they were like, man, it's gonna take years to get all your guys. You know, we don't have enough slots to put all your guys through. So what happened is seal team four ended up running their own STT. Oh, okay. Yeah. So they pulled some of the instructors from training. They basically created, you know, a duplicate curriculum.

And then we went through our own STT up at Fort Pickett, Virginia. Back then, when you, when you went to team four, was that back when the team still had their areas of operation? I think team four, well I know team four was Jungle Warfare South America, right? Correct. So yeah, everything we focused on was South America,

counter-drug-related, I learned Spanish. So, which was really cool. I love the jungle. I love the jungle. I love Central and South America. I spent a lot of time in Columbia. I love Columbia. I love the people.

Kind of my first introduction to combat occurred in Columbia. Although funny, we did not. our idea of combat back then was, hey, I'm toe to toe in a vicious gun fight. Well, before we get into that, before we get into your first combat experience, let's take a quick break. Hey guys, I want to tell you about Kachava, my all-in-one daily super blend. If your word you aren't getting all the nutrients you need, or struggling to stay on top of your health, then listen up because Kachava has you covered.

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stories to the public. Go to patreon.com slash vigilance elite and support the Sean Ryan Show today. All right Jason, we're back from the break. We're going to Columbia and we're about to get into your first combat experience. Yeah, so Columbia was, I love Columbia. It was amazing. I really enjoyed the people. We got assigned to, so kind of my first introductions to combat and also the first introductions they're like, oh, this isn't all rock star party and being cool, like, yeah, there's some dangerous parts of this job. And we went down to San Jose de El Gaviare,

which is in Southern Colombia. There was a lot of coca production down there. So we had been assigned to go work at one of the special forces forward bases that were down there and work with them and help them. U.S. Special Forces? The Colombian. Colombian.

Yeah, we were working with the Colombian Special Forces and a side job we had. So one part was helping to train them to execute counter-drug missions. The secondary part was to train the conscripts they had at the camp. So we're kind of running those two jobs. So several things happened on like this six week, you know, many deployment. You know, we were launching out of Panama then. So it was part of our larger South America deployment. But we were living, you know, literally you were living right on the San Jose del Guaviada

River and that's way down there. Yeah, it's close. We're pretty close to Trasas canas. Okay, so but I remember there were several things like hey heavy-fart control territory for those that don't know the the FARC was the gorilla outfit that basically wanted to overthrow the Colombian government and what happened is the FARC frequently would support the cartels and the drug trade, provide security and stuff like that. There's still active, I believe. They're definitely weakened.

I didn't know that they were still, you know, I've heard, I mean, Colombia definitely has done a pretty good job from what I've heard of creating better stability there. I mean, back then, it was a wild west. I'll bet. So multiple things happened like that made me realize, hey, this is the real deal. Like, probably one of the first things that happened that I remember. Oftentimes when you're overseas

and there are Americans someplace, people know that the Americans, typically we have medical care and we want to project, hey, Americans were good people, we're here to help. So oftentimes you would have individual that would hear that and they would come to where you're at and say, hey, will you help us. So a guy brought a little girl, probably three years old,

to the camp, and she had been severely burned from like the waist down, kind of from her knees to her midsection. It was really weird, but I mean, it's severe, like, third degree burns. And it was almost like she had been set into a boiling liquid. And the guy that brought her, he was kind of squirrely,

he was her uncle or something. So anyways, we wrapped her up and our medic was like, dude, this girl is gonna die if we don't take her someplace. So we loaded her on our boats. You know, we had the special boat teams down there with us. And we headed up the river to the closest little town from there. And I remember us taking her in and dude it reminded me, you know everybody wants to

right now there's this idea, this narrative that America is such a terrible place which just infuriates me because you and I are boasting how much we've tried to do and help other countries and other people and also how good we have in our country. Yeah. And this was my first introduction to poverty at a level that, I mean, I grew up relatively poor, but like nothing. Like, you know, we're talking cardboard, shanty houses, and when we went into this medical facility,

they're literally building houses out of trash. Yes, and living in it. And like, hey, these trash fields, if they're living in, and of trash. Yes, and living in it. Like, hey, these trash fields, if they're living in it. And people like no clothes, naked. Yeah. Eating off the street. But this medical facility,

facility is like a stretch of the word. It reminded me of something out of a horror movie. Like, paints peeling off the walls, the lights are flickering. I mean, we took this little girl and the doctor came to look at her and they ended up, he was like, hey, we don't have enough bandages, like we're not gonna be able to do much. So they kind of irrigated her wounds

and then we gave them the dressings to bandage her and they bandaged her up. And I remember looking at some of their medical tools, they were like rusted. I was like, holy shit. They were as rust on the... Yeah. Damn. So, then we left and I don't know if she ever survived.

I doubt it. I mean, if they didn't have the... I mean, I would imagine she probably unfortunately would have gone septic, you know, with that level of injury right in, you know, your groin area, if they're not changing those dressings on a regular basis. So, I was kind of my first introduction to a dude, like, this is a hard world and there are people who are really struggling. I think second introduction in Columbia, I remember we were planting sensors along the river to monitor activity at night. And we went back to the river and our pulled up to the

bank and my senior chief's like, red, go recover that sensor. I'm like, okay, so I'm starting to go get it and the Colombian Special Force guy that was with us was like, hey, just be aware, the FARC finds anything, they booby trap everything. So they're like, we're going to pull off sure while you get it. So in my mind, like, dude, I'm like walking up to this tree where I knew we had put this sensor in. In my mind, like every step, every vine, every leaf is a fucking movie trap. What were they using for movie traps? They didn't really say at that time. So, you

know, I'm a young kid and they're just like, boobies, all you hear is booby traps. So I'm in my mind, I'm hearing everything from, I'm gonna fall in a punchy pit to, you know, something that swings along and snaps me in the chest to a pressure plate, which, you know, I wasn't fully aware of all of that back then. I just, I'm not gonna blow up trying to get this.

Yeah. And it ended up nothing. There was nothing there. So I got it. But I think that was kind of the first time, like, hey, this is for real. And the fact that the boat pulled off, like, hey, we don't want to be close to you

in case anything happens. So recovered that, and that was kind of the second, like, hey, this is no joke. Third thing that happened, Columbia and Scam to us at one point, we're like, hey, one of our guys got shot. We need you to treat him. So we went over to the other side of the camp

and sure not that a guy with a head move and he's laying there and he's barely breathing. And we're like, what happened? And they're like, we don't know. You know, they're just totally, we don't know. And they were like, maybe somebody from outside, the camp shot in, which did happen sometimes. But we couldn't find an exit wound.

So look like a small caliber, which this is all new to me. I mean, it's the first time I've ever seen gunshot wound. So our senior chief, he was a medic and our other medic were like, yeah, this guy's not gonna make it. But the Colombians are like, fix him. And we're like, there's not fixing this guy. The senior chief was like, well, let's at least say face, we'll at least make it look like.

So they were like, let's cry Kim. And so that was kind of the first time. And I was interested in becoming a medic at that point. So they were like, hey, Red, you can do it. So I learn one, this tissue is really thick. Like it's, you know, it takes a lot of pressure to cut into. You've cracked them?

Yeah. And so we cried coming, they let me do that. And then, we took him and yeah, he didn't survive. He passed away. So that was kind of the first dead person I saw on just first gunshot wound I had ever seen. So then the last big thing that occurred is, we started getting intel that there was a 400

man FARC-4 smoothing on our camp. How many guys did you do? I do, we were a... We weren't even a platoon, I think we were a squad. Including the Colombians? No, the Colombians probably had, I don know 50 60 people, but not many. I mean Yeah, we would we would have been overrun by a 400-man force So we kept getting updates that they were coming closer and closer and our remember our remember, you know

the scene she's sitting us down like all right. Let's go over our ENE plan Because yeah, the we were getting word so calm was starting to say be prepared you know if this gets any closer we don't want you guys there so I remember for the last couple of nights like it was like sleeping your camis gun at the ready like we're ready to roll in case anything happens and I remember know, one night laying in bed and all the sudden the middle of the night and the fucking world erupted and just gunfire everywhere explosions. So I jump out of bed and just chaos. Everybody's running in all the different directions.

So came out of our, we were in these little metal quanson hut, like World War Two style huts, came outside and there was kind of a retaining wall right outside and got down behind that and our senior chief was there and I'm like, hey, what's going on? He's like, I don't know. Sounds like somebody shot in the camp. They basically opened up on all four perimeters and we're just crushing the jungle with 40 mic mic and machine gun and he said I'll find out and but he handed me two thermicardates it was like hey go in there to our radios and if I tell you you're gonna destroy our radios and we're gonna go on

ENE and I remember you've got to be shit. Are you serious? So, went back inside, you know, made sure all my stuff was ready and he came back a few minutes later and was like, he's like, I think it's a real, it sounds like somebody had shot into the camp so they had just responded with, you know, just, everything. Everything. And they sent out a patrol and they didn't find anything. So that 400 men,

fork element, left after that. So what we wonder is, did they send some skirmishers up to test the security? And they definitely saw a very robust security posture and said, okay, we're not going to mess with that. Yeah. They went on. So that was kind of an interesting thing. It was funny. One of the conversations after it happened was, hey, should we submit for a comment action ribbon? And we were all like, fuck no. That was, we weren't in comment.

We weren't directly in a firefight. And somebody shot at us and they shot. So which is funny, though, because years later, now when you look at, if by the definition to earn a combat action ribbon now, it would have met that definition. Yeah, I mean, now I think if you're on a ship that fires a missile, that's... Well, they, that is true. But for us, it's if you are in enemy territory and you are in high threat

of an enemy encounter that qualifies for a combat action ribbon. Oh, okay. So because for us, we do a lot of missions where we're patrolling in or in that situation where we were pretty deep, deep in dangerous, and to be someone engaged. So anyways, that was kind of my first introduction to combat and realize, wow, this is for real. And I'd love to say it changed my mindset. I didn't know it was still young. I mean, I don't ever want to say that I didn't train well, because I was, I don't think anybody out there

that could say I was not a good seal. I trained hard. I just partied really hard. And sometimes I think I look at, when I got older, that mindset changed, I think. Man, you really beat yourself up about that, you know? I do, well, because I think it makes a difference. It's the foundation of a lot of what I talk on now. You know, what is your primary focus in this life? There should be a balance in everything we do. I think I was too far out of balance the other way.

And it ended up hurting damaging me, damaged my reputation as a young officer years later. Well, we'll get into that later, but I mean, I don't know everything, but you know, like I said, that was pretty much par for the course when I came in several years later. And if you didn't partake in those festivities, then you were ostracized from the platoon. And that's, I'll probably get some hate for saying that, but I don't care that's how the fuck it was. I showed up. If you did not do that, you were ostracized from the team.

And not only that, they didn't even trust you. You know, was you are not trustworthy because you're not... Partying. Partying with the team. Which thankfully I saw after 9-11 that started change because they realized and it's something that I talked to young guys about. You know, now, like all they care about is, are you a good operator?

You know, when they're talking about, do they bring somebody into a platoon or a troop, you know, it's usually not like, well, how well does he drink? You know, that may come up, but it's gonna be like, dude, he's a solid operator. Fuck yeah, cross the board. Guys rock star and everything he does. He doesn't drink. All right. Yeah. So what?

But yeah, when we were younger, I will admit, and I bought into that. The problem is, there's a time and place for it. As you become a leader, and that was my problem. I started carrying it with me as I got older and as a young leader, I was still running the exact same way I was as a young and listed guy. And that's what really started to be a problem. And I think if I had figured that out a little better, it's one thing for you to go out and party. It's another thing for you to be a liability. If people are having a babysit you, if you're showing up to work late because you're fucked up and hung over.

And there were too many times that I bled on the other side. I 100% agree with you. I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just saying that's just, I mean, even after 9-11, when I showed up, that's how it was. And I mean, you spend, I mean, you spend years, you know, trying to become a seal.

And then you do it, you know, to mean you get there with all the blood, guts, tears, sweat, you know, all that, you know, internal drive to become that. Then you get there and that's, that's the culture. Yeah. And so of course you're going to buy into it. I'm not making an excuse for myself because I was right there. I was a party and motherfucker. It was a great time. I loved it. Man, I mean some of the best years of my life, my wife laughs because we met later. I was an instructor at that point and she was like, I'm glad I wasn't around the first part of your career. So I'm like, babe, we would never, we probably never would have survived. I mean, I was just, I was young and immature and living. I mean, wouldn't an amazing job. I mean, as young men,

you were given a job where we're going to, we're going to entrust you with millions of dollars of equipment to go around the world and do tactical operationally, and sometimes creeping up into strategic level things. And, you know, Patrick Ego, because, you know, hey, you're one of the best of the best. And it's easy to get caught up in that. I did, as a matter of fact, later it started to build into a level of ego and arrogance that

that's where it became my downfall. Oh, you couldn't switch it off? No. Gotcha. And as a young officer, you can that became a real problem. Well, how many, what did you do after that deployment? So I did three South American deployments. So three South American deploy with CLT-4,

and then I went on to become an instructor. You did how many deployments? Three. All two, Columbia. I did. No. So two to Panama, and then I did almost a four-month deployment to Peru as part of a counter-drug school. We were running it was me and one other seal special force 18 some coast guard people But we were working with the Peruvian special forces and it was awesome. I loved it. We were in a Keto's Peru And then just training these guys and just out in the middle of nowhere. I mean my

my Spanish is so bad now, but back then, I came back from that trip and I clapped the college Spanish test for 12 credit hours. I almost ate the DLPT, you know, three, three back down was the highest you could get. I got a 2 plus 3. So yeah, I just enjoyed it, man. I was young. I was doing well. So...

When you went to Panama, you weren't... were you in that platoon that blew the bridge? Yes. Well, let's... How are you going to breeze over that? We got over that. I don't know. We've had a lot of... Well, how do you know that story? I don't know. I actually don't know the story but when I was a new guy it still teammate and I showed up to my platoon I remember one of the guys that was on that op everybody kept saying that there was like the rumor going around amongst one of the rumors going around amongst all the new guys was oh he was

on the he was on the op that blew the bridge. Yeah. And that was, yeah, I didn't. The bridge in, you know, at the Jungle Warfare School up at Fort Sherman. Yeah, I don't know the story. So what's, what's, so Fort Sherman was shutting down. I mean, the Panamanians had decided they didn't want the America, you know, it's, Panamanians decided they didn't want Americans there anymore. This also happened in Puerto Rico later. Interestingly enough, every single time this has occurred,

years later, they're always like, God, we wish we hadn't let you guys leave, because it impacted the economy and impacted all these different things. So anyways. So we were working up, we were doing jungle warfare training up at Fort Sherman, which was on the northern side of Panama,

and it's where the Army jungle warfare school was. So pretty cool. They had these old bunker complex. I guess we're part of the post-World War II. They were fall back like bomb shelters, basically for government leadership and stuff like that. So we lived in these old bomb shelters as we were going through training. And one of the things that was decided upon is they wanted to destroy this bridge on Fort Sherman. And so we, the instructors, our Lion Warfare instructors,

turned it into this big FTX, you know, full mission profile exercise. So we, we, we, we came up with our plan. And unfortunately, young and often with demo with demolitions and C4, you know, really you don't need a whole lot. You know, if you can strategically put it, you can do a lot of damage with a little bit, but we, they wanted this bridge destroyed. So we were like, well, when in doubt, overload. So dude, I have a picture of myself. We created, so we figured out, okay, we're gonna take out these support beams on the bridge. And we made like these C4 diamonds that I'm not kidding you.

We're like four feet tall by two feet wide. I mean, they probably weighed, I mean it was probably 30 pounds to C4 in this diamond. We had it all rigged up and it was designed that we could put it up against and then tape it on to the support structure. So I have a picture I rigged like this harness to carry this thing. I look like a teenage mutant in an Injecturtle. So we patrolled in and we put this on and then we fell back to what we thought was a safe spot. And dude, we cranked this thing off and there was the first explosion and after the ringing and the sound went quiet for a minute. All of a sudden we started to hear, whew, whew, whew, whew, whew, whew,

and dude, there's like pieces of metal like ripping through the trees. It's like raining chunks of metal down all around us. We're like, holy shit. Like get undercover like we're climbing under vehicles and stuff trying to, holy shit. Try to protect ourselves.

But yeah, we vaporized that bridge. I mean, we probably used hundreds of pounds more of C4 than we really needed, but damn. Well, if you get pictures, send them all thrown in this. Yeah, I'll have to go back and look at some of this stuff. But I definitely, I have that picture. I know for a fact I have that picture. I don't have any pictures after the bridge got blown,

but I had the pictures that were taken before we went out. Damn. So, three deployments to South America. And then I became a instructor. So I was a communicator in my second platoon and then a primary communicator on that third deployment. And I was good at it. You know what I mean? I was definitely on the thinker. I like understanding how things work.

So, you know, I was pretty good at making comms. So that led me to, as an instructor, getting put into what, back then, we called basic warfare. So we were teaching communications, marksmanship, survival, evasion, resistance, and escape. I think that was everything we taught. But so I got put into that cell and for the next year and a half,

that's what I focused on. So a lot of times people think, oh, you were a seal instructor, you were out of buds, but what a lot of people don't realize is active duty seals, after they've done several operational tours, we need them to instruct, you know, training never ends. I mean, as you well know, but a lot of people don't understand that. Typically when guys are put into a platoon, now they go into almost a long period of training before they get ready to go into employment. Well, it's

experience seals who run that training, who become the training instructors for the team and that's how I was an instructor. So, and it was fun. I learned a lot. I learned I like to instruct. I learned it was fun to put courses together. I mean, we did everything from basic marksmanship courses all the way to, I got turned over from another die. A really cool course. It was my favorite thing we ran. It was a long range of vision and tactical

movement course up in the mountains of Virginia where basically we simulated like guys were deep behind enemy lines and you were having to evade through non-permissive territory, non-permissive means it's enemy territory that if people see you they will report you and you'll be captured or killed. So we would insert guys and they would be in two-man pairs and they would be given an initial point and they would have to move anywhere, and usually there would be a friendly agent, or there would be something they would have to do, obviously getting more into the challenging reply world. We'll stay away from that, but things they would have to do to help them move through whatever pipeline to get out of this area.

And it was a lot of fun. We worked with the Sheriff's Department up there, and a lot of the locals participated in this. And I made a lot of really good friends. I ended up, my wife and I ended up getting married up there at a bed and breakfast that we worked out of. That was kind of our base headquarters, but all the way up into the mountains, up into

the Blue Ridge Parkway and all the way down into the lower side of the valley. So I mean, it covered at least 20 by 20 mile radius. So, and some pretty steep arduous terrain. So there were interesting things at funny things that I remember in that course. One of our guys who ended up being my team leader in Iraq. So the story that DJ Shipley told our team leader years before in that course, one night the platoon had gotten together and they were laid up on the morning came

and Jay was a communicator and he stood up in the early morning light. Or maybe he was seated. Let me take this back. He was seated. And a hunter, 50 cow, blackpowder rifle, saw something rustling in the bushes and fired, not really knowing what it is.

And dude, if it wasn't for Jay's radio, 50 cow ball hit that radio, which saved Jay's life. And all of a sudden, this entire platoon of dudes with automatic weapons stood up. This hunter shits his pants. But thankfully, they called the sheriff and the sheriff arrested this guy for, you know, how can you shoot if you don't know what's shooting at. One of the funnier stories and God rest his soul, he's no longer with us, but Colin Thomas was one of the newer guys.

And they had to move, and one of the link-up points was up by the main highway, highway 33, right by the park ranger shack at the entrance to the National Park up there. And so they had to link up, and then they would have to cross this four-lane highway to get to the other side because their point was like five or six clicks down. So, ideally, you should be doing this at night. Well, they ended up being behind, so by the time they did their link up, it was early morning, so they would have to lay up an entire night and they decided they didn't want to do that. So they said, screw it, we're going to take our chances and they crossed the highway, this four lane highway at like 8 a.m. in the morning.

So needless to see, people saw them and called. So at their next link up point, I had to share a rest, Colin and his partner. And we took him to jail and we interrogated him and we had a lot of fun. And oh my God, Colin was so angry man. He was so furious. We had mug shots. Guys got a hold of the mug shots

and we're putting them all over the team. Have you seen these men? And so that was a good story. and Colin went on to be an amazing seal. I mean he was the start of studs went on and served at six and ended up dying on a mission in Afghanistan. So I didn't know him. Yeah good dude good dude so I learned a lot I learned a lot, I learned a lot, although I will say this, what was kind of happening is I was good at what I did. I was good. I was, I was, I was always ranked pretty high, but I was also developing an ego. I was getting pretty airing it. It was about that time. This is 2000, 2000, the end of 99 to 2000.

And it wasn't a whole lot going on in the world. So I was kind of at a decision point for my career. Option A was to go over to Damneck. And Option B was, I had had a lot of people say, hey man, you should think about putting in a commission package. Our training officer had been a mentor for me, was really encouraging me to do that. And I was like, well, nothing's going on

in the world really right now. Maybe this smart move, I would get my degree. I had just met my wife and we were talking about getting married. So I was like, maybe this would be a good time to do all that. So I put in my first commissioning package. and I didn't get picked up. That was in 1999. I didn't get picked up that year. I was told I made it. I was an alternate. So I said, well, what do I need to do to be more competitive for next year? It was a program

called Seaman to Admiral. So at that point they only picked 50 members out of the entire Navy. Oh wow. So they said, well you need to do this, you need to do this, we'd like to see some more awards and stuff like that. So I said, okay. So I talked to my leadership and training and said, hey can you give me more responsibility, can you give me more opportunities? And they said yes. They said yes. So applied again the next year, the next year, the shield team four had decided that the chiefs wanted input on who became officers, which I agree 100% with, although the chiefs disagreed

on me becoming an officer. And I know this had a lot to do with. I was a partier. I was a partier. I was out there burning it down. And for anybody out there who is a young military member who's like, oh, God, does this mean that if I'm a leader, I can't party? No, it doesn't mean that, but you have to be very smart. You have to pick and choose.

And there is a fine balance when you're leading people and how much you party. And unfortunately, I was definitely on the, I was too far. And also I had a chip on my shoulder. I was, I was, I was getting young and arrogant. I was, you know, pretty big in my bridges. And so when the chief said, we don't think you should be an officer, you know, I was kind of like, well, fuck you, I'll show you. So I got fortunate that the commanding officer and my training officer both lobbied and said, hey, well, we think this guy should be an officer.

And they actually went against the chiefs, which I know that probably made a lot of the chiefs not like me. But I got picked up that year. I got picked up that year. I got picked up for commission. So, headed off to school to Old Dominion University, ROTC, which at that time was the largest ROTC unit on the East Coast. It was called a consortium, so you had Old Dominion University, Norfolk State, and Hampton University. All three schools had one large ROTC unit. And it was probably the largest unit in the country for the amount of X and listed because

for the Seaman Admiral program or the Enlisted Commissioning Program was one of the other programs. The Marines had MESAP, Medical and Lister Commissioning Program, so there were multiple programs that, because we were all enlisted and lived in the Hampton Roads area, a lot of people came to that. So they were almost at that point, 320 midshipmen and officer candidates as part of this unit. And I reported to it in July of 2001, checked out a seal team for, I want to back up,

because I want to tell another story about my level of arrogance, because I think some people are like, oh, you're really tough on yourself. I'm tough on myself, but I'm also very honest. And this final story occurred when I left Seal Team 4. I'm kind of ashamed of it, but it's also, I don't pull any punches on who I am or what I've done and mistakes I've made. So at the end at Seal Team 4 when

I was in training instructor, my commanding officer came to me and said, hey, risk assessments, back then, I don't know if you remember. And it was probably a little bit before your time. Risk assessments were this stupid complicated thing that obviously some officer, probably with an engineering degree, came up with that, you you know it was like a matrix and you know like 2.1 is extremely difficult and and what was happening is guys were just kind of going through the motions of doing these risk assessments you know you would have to do them for every evolution but they were so complicated and a pain in the ass that guys would just gun deck it. So, RCO, who was one of the best leaders in my opinion I ever worked for, said, we need a better

system. We need a simple system that just makes guys look at, and he said, I want it to work in both training and combat, but I want something that is just a step-by-step process that guys can analyze what are all the big pitfalls that things we should think about and say, hey, we've checked that box, we've thought about this. So I said, red, you're a smart guy, go think about this and come up with something. So, I ended up coming up with something called sea vortex, and sea vortex was an acronym that basically covered every aspect of operation, training, combat, environment, enemy threats, whatever it was out there, and it was just designed. It was a simple acronym-based

risk assessment tool that you pulled out right before you went out on a training exercise or a combat mission, and you would go through and you would check these things. Then it ended up getting adopted with silting four. And later it went on. I think it's used all throughout special operations, which is pretty incredible. So I got submitted for a Navy Commendation Medal for that. That was pretty excited.

I was like, because I was in E6. Usually E6 didn't get Navy Commendation medals. Usually got put in for a Navy achievement medal. And I was really excited, man. I mean, you know, I worked hard on this. You know, cool. So, right as I was leaving, I was checking out. I was getting that award and they gave me the award and it was a Navy achievement medal. And I was getting that award and they gave me the award and it was a Navy achievement medal. And I was like, I didn't say anything at the time. I bottled it up and got the award said thank you.

And I went back into admin to do my final checkouts and the guy behind the counter was kind of an annoying guy. And he's like, hey man, you know, too bad that calm got downgraded, huh? And dude, I snapped. And this, you know, arrogance for illustration, I literally had the award in my hand. And I fucking slung it at him. And it was like, fuck you in that award. And kind of stormed out of admin.

You know, it was sad. I got called back in and had to go sit in front of the commanding officer and he was like, I gave you that award. He's like, you might as well have thrown it at me. And he's like, I'm sorry, it didn't come in at what you thought it was going to, but this is what it is. You did a good job, you got recognized.

So, and I'd love to say that it should've know, that it should have been a wake-up moment for me like, hey, bro, you're ego needs to get back and check. Like, you did a good thing, you got recognized for it, so what it wasn't at what you thought it was going to be, no excuse for that kind of behavior, especially as a young leader. You're going off to be an officer, you can't pull that shit. But I didn't. So, went to O.D.U. Excel, you know, I got to O.D.U. and there were certain things, one of the things right off the bat, there was clubs for each one of the communities, but it was kind of built around regular Navy. So

there was an aviation club, there's submarine club, there's surface warfare club, that a medical club. I was like, hey man, where's the special operations club? They were like, there isn't one. I was like, alright, let's fix that. Let's create a club for special operations guys. And we did. Which was great. Was it a one man club? No, no. We actually, so one, there were quite a few seals that were there. Oh really? Yeah, so there were seven of us Actually, there were more than that. There were nine of us. There were seven of us who were coming up Around the same time

Two of the guys ended up becoming my best friends who are still active duty today I'm pretty amazing. They're both assuming command this year, which I'm excited to go to their change commands. But we created this club, but I will say over the three years that we created and ran it, no one went on to be, no one went on to a successful career in the SEAL teams.

We had one of our guys make it through. And the reason being now I look back on it, we treated those guys like they were SEALs. And I talked to buddies that actually one of the guys who made it through the training. He said, yeah, you guys good, but he's like, he's super arrogant, which I'm sure. I mean, I was airing it. I'm sure, I don't know.

We didn't treat him like there were students. And I think we probably showed up. I think that was a mistake we made to get them ready for training because I think a lot of these guys showed up thinking they had already made it. You know, when they got to training, if they did have the ability, like this one guy, the instructors hated him. They're like, yeah, he acts like he's already a seal. Yeah. So lesson learned along the way.

I ended up, I volunteered for every leadership position there was. I ended up ending up as the battalion commanding officer. So the number one position for the entire battalion got ranked number one out of the graduating class graduated summa cum laude so the highest academic stand in you can get and step back graduating with honors and came back into the SEAL teams in May of 2004. There's a lot more details to that. I know we're going kind of long.

Obviously, 9-11 happened while I was at school. Yeah, I was actually, I was gonna ask that. Yeah. That had to be kind of a weird feeling. You're a now a college student. Super hot. Everybody you know. It's going to war.

It actually happened only a couple of months after I'd started school. And I went back to shield team four. To my old commanding officer and I said, I'd like to get out of this program. I'd like to come back to the team. And he said, no. And prophetically, he said, red, this war's

going to go on for decades. He said, I guarantee it. He said, go back to school, finish. He said, we're going to need good leaders. You need to come back and be ready. Although, young, immature, arrogant, I was like, I don't wanna hear that. I wanna, man, I wanna go, I wanna go fight.

But I did. I went back school and focused, and the war kinda developed kinda slow, as you well know, because you were operating during that time, O20304, we were seeing combat, but it wasn't super heavy combat. Some places were, but really, I think things started to ramp up a lot,

O4050607. But I was at school. I got commissioned and was ready to come back and, you know, graduated first and all these things. And, you know, I think one of the problems with success in young men is it easily, if you're not mature enough or you don't have a good background network or really good mentors, success quickly becomes ego and arrogance. You see it a lot in professional sports. I think you see it in special operations.

Oh, yeah. And I know I drank a hook line and sinker, man. And I came back thinking, I'm going to be God's gift to the SEAL team. So I'm going to be this amazing leader. And a lot of, I kind of stepped back into a perfect storm when I came back. So several things had happened. The seal teams had fundamentally changed since 9-11. So prior to 9-11, we were still operating off a lot

of old Vietnam air tactics, because that was the last time the seal teams had really seen long sustained combat. So even though we've been into some skirmishes, a lot of the lessons learned and a lot of tactics we're using were still based off years of combat and Vietnam. So obviously when guys got into Iraq and Afghanistan, we quickly realized, hey man, a lot of things we're doing don't work. We weren't doing a lot of mobility ops. So obviously we quickly figured out mobility needs to become a part of what we're doing.

We need to plus our guys up on close quarters combat and urban operations, obviously in Afghanistan, we need to get better at the mountain operations. So I came back and a lot of the tactics that I grown up, thinking man, I'm really smart. I've got all this experience was totally different. Not only that, I was one of the more experienced guys when I left, but I came back and now I'm stepping into a platoon where half the guys there have combat experience.

And instead of humbling myself and being like, hey, Sean, man, you've got experience. I don't really know how to do this. Can you work with me and show me, my ego wouldn't allow that. I was like, hey man, I'm probably a realistic guy. I'm the man. I know how to do this. I didn't. I was kind of stepping on my deck frequently, making mistakes, which was damaging my confidence, but it was also hurting my credibility. And I, when I was younger, had a bad habit of when I messed up to turn inward instead of outward. So that made me look more loof, more like, you know, a non-team player.

On top of that, like we were talking about, when I came into that platoon, I originally was part of SEAL Team 10 Echo Platoon, which was Mike McGreeby's platoon, who I had no Mike from Team 4 phenomenal SEAL, great guy. Now, a lot of the guys that I knew from prior team four days and my days, which is a young officer they don't try and do, typically with an officer what they want to do. If you were prior and listed, they typically want to move you to the opposite coast. And it's a smart thing to do because you don't

know the guys as much. So, you know, you can see how that makes a lot of sense. And they didn't do that. The other thing that they do now that they didn't do with us is if you're going for the community more than two years, they have you go back through an abbreviated SQT. You don't have to do all the shit show stuff that the students are doing, but it's at least getting you back up on track with the newest tactics and stuff. They didn't do that for us either. That probably would have been something good

because of what happened. I stepped back into this platoon with all these guys that I knew, guys that I'd been enlisted with, that I partied with, and what I started doing. Started going out and partying with these guys. After a few months, I got moved in the FOX drop, the tune. FOX drop had a very young OIC and had more senior chief who was a really good seal, but he definitely was, he could be a bull in a china shop.

Why did you get moved? Because of that reason. You got moved because of the junior OIC? Because of the leadership. That's what they told me. Okay. So, I got moved in this new, and me and the chief we butted heads right from the beginning. I think he probably wanted to mention that just kept his mouth shut and said, Roger that chief. I wasn't that guy. an ensign that just kept his mouth shut and said, Roger that chief, I wasn't that guy. So frequently I didn't always agree with the way he did things, so we would butt heads,

which created a tremendous amount of friction. And unfortunately I created a lot of dysfunction in the platoon. The OIC, you know, tried to balance that, but frequently what would happen is the cheap would come to him and be like, red men's problem, I'd come to the OIC and say the chief's problem. But I was also a problem. You know, I really was. Because I was struggling with the tactics, fucking drinking like a fish,

kind of ostracizing myself, because I'm in my own head on not doing well, plus these relationship bullshit issues that are going on. So all of that was damaging my credibility as a young leader. I didn't realize it was as bad as it was when we got tasked to deploy, we were told, hey, that co-platoon is going to Afghanistan first. So we were all bombed about that. We wanted to be the first ones in the combat.

And Fox drop-letoon, you guys are going to Germany. And then we were doing what was called the rip back, that rotated in place. So one group would do half the combat tour, and then the other group, they would rotate. So that co-platoon in the middle of the deployment would go to Germany, and we were rotated to Afghanistan. So, I remember when we got chosen to go to Germany first, everybody was upset and we were

trying to figure out why. And there were several reasons I won't sling mud at anybody else, but one of the reasons was Redmond's a drunk. Damn. You found that out? Yeah. So You didn't, you found that out. Yeah. So that was how it that feel. Uh, it hurt, but my ego would not allow it at that time.

I was still too arrogant, like fuck you, you know. Damn. And that's kind of the mindset that I had. How did that affect the, the team know that that was part of it? Dude, my relationship, unfortunately, at that point probably wasn't that great. With any of the teams. There were a lot of guys that didn't care for me. I mean, come on.

To be a good leader, you need to step off and be a good leader. And if you're not a good leader, you well know. And the SEAL teams, like we're not going to give you much of the time of day. Yeah. Like I said, ego and arrogance. So, you know, the fuck you, I'm going to keep driving much of the time of day. Like I said, ego and arrogance. So the fuck you want me to keep driving attitude is good, but sometimes you need to take a step back and say, why is this happening?

I had yet to do that. So we were gearing up. We did our Germany deployment. And I continued to just drink like a fish while we were over there and continued to do shit that just hurt my reputation. You know, train, you know, I still, hey man, I'm going to try and do the best I can to train and do what needs to be done. So we were getting ready to, you know, we were only like a week away from, you know, we unpacked everything up and we're only about a week away from rotating into Afghanistan and Echo was going to come back.

Just backtracking real quick. I'm just curious. Yeah, please. You don't want to answer that's fine. But if you're in a platoon, I mean, and, and, and I remember how war like everybody wanted to, I mean, you don't become a seal to go to Germany. Yeah. You know, you've become a seal no matter how much you like party to go to, to fucking war. And so to get that explanation of we're not going to Afghanistan first because Red Men is a drunk.

I wasn't the only reason. There were other reasons. I'm not gonna sling mud at the other people. Okay. There were other reasons why I was told that the decision was to go to Germany and you're still boozing. Who are you boozing with?

Guys in the platoon? Okay, so I had friends. So you did have friends in the platoon. I am hard on myself. So it probably wasn't quite as bad sometimes as I make it out to be. Although hindsight's always 2020. And you well know the little things add up to become big things. Yeah. And they did.

They totally added up to become a big thing when the acts finally fell. But no, because I think all of us were, we wanted to be in Afghanistan. Yeah, we all wanted to be in the fight. And you know, we were obviously, you know, standing on tracking what Echo Platoon was doing on a regular basis. We did different exercises while we were over there. We did training while we were over there. But a lot of times we were on standby.

So what do you do when you're on standby? We were allowed to drink. Did you get any leadership training? So the only thing you would try to talk to me, I didn't listen and Believe it or not the chief tried to talk to me a couple of times and I sure didn't listen to him, you know, I have my walls up I was You know we we had we had you know he tried to tell me and give me a good advice. Hey man, you need to cut back on the drinky.

And if you're going to go out with the boys, you just have a couple of drinks and then you should leave and he's right to advice him and give the guys now. You know, if you're a leader, if you really want to burn it down, you need to go do it in a protected place. You know, you really can't do that and, you do that with the guys, unfortunately. I found that out the hard way of running business. Yeah, it is. It's true. There is no matter how much people say they want their leaders to be friends, at the end of the day they want you to be a leader more than a friend.

You're done more, yeah. It does not work. So, yeah, man, it was my own ego, arrogance, stubbornness, all of it, you know, all of it kind of led me to kind of the final point. So week before we were leaving, we got word that a helicopter had been shot down and that we had not heard anything from any of the guys. We had heard that the team had been on the ground. And, dude, we were waiting just like anybody else. I don't know, maybe after a day or two, or maybe it was a day later, obviously not in the news, Marcus's survival radio pinged.

So that was kind of the first news and they started tracking that. A couple of our guys, including our chief, flew over there immediately. The rest of us continued to get all our gear together to get ready to go because now we were accelerating like, hey, we're going to be leaving earlier. Got word a few days later that, you know, everybody on that helicopter had been killed. So, Mike McGreevy, the guys who were part of our troop was Mike McGreevy, Jeff Lucas, Jeff Fontaine. I'm sorry, Jacques Fontaine, Jeff Taylor, and Eric Christianson.

So who is my troop commander? And they had recovered Marcus and they had recovered Danny Deets and Mike Murphy's bodies. And they had flown them back to Launstool. So myself and a couple of other guys drove up to Launstool to see those guys. And a couple of the guys from Echo Platoon were there and we talked to them, just kind of heard. I got Marcus for the first time. I saw Danny and Mike's bodies in the plane and we relieved the guys for a while so they could go get some food who were escorting in the body's home. And then we drove back from Wandsstool that night, and I think the next day or day after that, we flew to Afghanistan. Recovery operations were still underway for acts.

And about that time, you know, maybe a day or two after we'd been there, they found acts and recovered him, brought him back. And like the first thing we did while we were in Afghanistan was the memorial ceremony for all these guys we lost. We did the ramp ceremony for acts. And then we did the full blown memorial ceremony for the 11 seals we lost out of, you know, all these guys that I had served with. And that was pretty eye opening, like, this shit's for real.

That was kind of, you know, aside from Columbia, this was my first introduction to combat and it's buried 11 seals. Yeah, 11 seals. Seals. Yeah, 11 seals. So you know, started driving forward on that deployment and we want to pay back all of us. Yeah, like man, we want to get out into the fight. But we were really stalled. There were political things that were happening in an Afghanistan in 2005.

A lot of the senior leadership at the political level, things were slowing down a bit. And there were leaders who felt like, hey, let's not stir the pot. Let's not poke the hornet's nest. Let's try and let things settle. So they didn't really want a lot of operations occurring. So we weren't really allowed to go out.

One of the turnover ops we had was for a senior Taliban leader who had been rocketing the Bagram camp. Before we go into that, what was that turnover? I mean, it was tough. It was guys were there. Was anybody still there was tough, man. Those guys were right. Was anybody still there? Yeah, echo.

So what happened when the QRF launch for Redwings, you had echo platoon there, but it was also a conglomerate. It was also add-ons from STVTT1 and STV-T2 that made up that reconnaissance element that Mike Murphy, Danny Deats, Axe, and Marcus were a part of. So some of those guys who were there, they wanted to be on that QRF, which was Dan Healey, James Shane Patton, I think that was it.

The rest of the guys were ours. So everybody else was on the other helicopter. So when they flew in, sometimes I talk about the fact that one of the lessons learned, there were a lot of lessons learned that came out of Redwings. But one of the lessons learned was when the quick reaction force was launched, when Murphy finally got that SATCOM call.

You know, they were like, we got to go immediately as quickly as possible. So, you know, and no, you know, Baxi quarterback, whatever, who knows what would have or could have happened. But, I mean, fact is the MH-47s, the Chinooks fly faster than the Apaches, and they outflue the Apaches to gunship escorts to come in there. So that's not SOP. We should, obviously, we want to let the gunships go in first and hopefully clear anything, especially after something hot like that.

It happens. But I think those guys were like, we have to get there as fast as possible. So who knows what would happen. But the rest of Echoopletune was in the other helicopter and literally watched out the window as that helicopter got shot down. And they wanted to be put down immediately. They were like, put us the fuck down.

And headquarter said, no, absolutely not. You know, get the fuck out of there. So I think that really messed with those guys. I mean, they were really struggling, needless to say, when we got there. Yeah. I think all of us were, you know, and we wanted to get back out, we wanted to get at it.

And I think the leadership definitely recognized that. But we kept submitting missions, and we weren't allowed. Finally, the very first mission we did was going after this senior Taliban commander. And we submitted to go in nighttime operation, fast rope, breaching, dual compound. And finally got approval to do this. We'd probably been there a month by the time we finally got approved the very first mission we did.

So we flew in, landed, moved up to the target. First time ever, I think I probably got a TVI that night when we breached the building that I was going into was kind of this building was this way at a T and our building was this way. So when that breach went off, man, they're breach, they clacked it off probably a couple of seconds before ours. So we got the full blast of the breach. And I remember making that entry like seeing stars, you know. But we went in, took down the target, the guy ended up being there, captured him. We had vehicles that had come from base that came in after the target was secure and locked down the target. The...

Was there any engagements or was it... Not yet. Not yet. No, it was all pretty quiet. So one of the political things that was occurring was the local tribes were basically said, hey, we don't want the Americans just to come into our village. The village elders were saying, you need to notify us 24 hours in advance if you're going to come into our village and take down a building, which

of course, okay, yeah, then, yeah, guys going to be gone. So, word spread that we were there obviously and this large crowd started to develop around the building as the sun is rising and we're processing people. And the village elder came up and he talked to our exo, the executive officer of team 10, flew in to take Eric Christensen's place. So our exO was the ground force commander for that mission and he's basically talking to the village elders and the village elders like we should have been notified and everybody's all up in arms and angry.

And basically things are starting to implode. You know, we're basically getting enough of a crowd that are riots about ready to occur. So they basically said, and I was as part of the SSE, kind of a system SSE commander, I think. So basically they said, take the prisoners, bring the helo and secure that LZ and fly out of here. So we loaded them on the helicopter and we flew back to Bogrum. So the guys still on the ground were basically evacking when gunfire started to erupt and little shoot out occurred and they drove away. Nobody was shot or anything, but things were now really tense and hot.

So this crowd followed the group back to Bogger and basically rioted outside the gates. They're like trying to tear the gates down. So this leader, this Taliban leader apparently was friends with Karzai. So obviously his network of people call and say, Hey, the Americans arrested your buddy. Karzai is the president of Afghanistan at the time for those that don't know. Thank you. So, you know, runs up the flagpole.

And even though we found IED making equipment, we found explosives, we found all this stuff, mortar equipment. You know, this guy had been accused of launching mortars into Bogrum and we found all this stuff Yeah, it went up the chain of command and and within 24 hours he was released and on top of that we came to find out Are you shitting me? They released him released all of all to all ten guys who were bad This is this is the kind of shit that makes me wonder what the fuck we were ever doing there in the first place. So we risked our life for this mission to have this guy released because of a political

shit. And then on top of that, what happened, unbeknownst to us. So the general in charge of Afghanistan at that time had apparently put out an order a week, maybe two weeks prior to this mission, that there would be no more nighttime breaching fast-roping operations without his direct approval.

And apparently he was on leave, and it made it up the chain in command and got approved without his approval. Well, I think because of the political blowout from this mission, he was furious. And we basically got put in HAC, you know, like, you know, our ex-O had to go report and got his ass chewed and we were not allowed to operate. I mean, for two months, we sat in Afghanistan

and every mission we'd submit was denied. Yeah, well, we relieved you guys and Sam should have been us. Yeah. And then we went south. That's what we did. We left and went down to Candahar. Yeah.

Candahar was kind of where I got myself in trouble. It was kind of the final nail for me as a young leader and where I started reinvent myself. We went down to Candahar and started conducting operations down there. And on September 23rd, we ended up doing a large take down of this really big valley that every time American aircraft flew over that valley, they would get fired upon. Which was pretty unusual. Most of the time, Tally Man, we're smart enough to like, hey, we're not going to fire an aircraft because you guys will come in and just blow us away. But these guys in this valley, for whatever reason,

were pretty brazen and we're just like, don't come into our valley. So they were like, we want you guys to go in and flush out this valley. So it was us and the Canadians that went in and we basically locked this valley down. We landed guys on the valley ran north south and on the eastern ridge Line and Western Ridge Line,

kind of high ground that went down in between probably 2,000 yards apart between these two Ridge lines, probably ran about a mile, and then it teed. And there was a northern Ridge Line wall down there, and we put people on that northern Ridge Line wall, and then we inserted an assault troop that basically swept through from the south to the north down through the valley and you know just kind of pushing with us in an Overwatch position. So I was in charge of an Overwatch team on the eastern side, a sniper team, a javelin team and a machine gun team and we inserted early in the morning, you know, 4am or so.

And right off the bat, there was some skirmish gunfire that occurred. And then as the sun rose, it got real quiet. There was nothing. Started seeing all kinds of activity. Signs that the enemy had been there. We were identifying caves. As the guys continued to push through the valley. We had a hard extract time of, I don't

know, right before the sunset or something. So they were like, you have to be done by this time because the aircraft were all stacked up for other missions. So they're like, in order for us to pick pick you up you have to be ready to go and extract it by this time. So it's late in the day it's like 4 p.m. We're like all right let's finish our push and we're going to have to wrap this up when the guys on the ground and the valley that at this point made it right to that T intersection at the north side of the valley. And as they made that turn, they ran into Taliban fighters and they started to get into a pretty good gunfight. They turned and started to push and they found, you know,

quite a few fighting positions in a rather large Taliban force. Some of the guys had started to fall back towards the extract point. So because of the, I mean, it was probably at least a thousand, two thousand feet down in the valley below the ridge line. So the guys had to move back no longer had positive communications with the guys on the ground. I was still forward with our team and we had good calm. So I'm now relayed between the guys on the ground and headquarters, which is back behind us, which was our exo and my chief who we did not get along with my senior chief at this point. So one point, guys get into big gun fight and the my OIC

who is down there basically call back and said, hey, we need immediate reinforcements. So this is where ego arrogance, and really I wanted to get in the fight. I mean, that's the pure truth of the story. And that's a really dangerous thing. You know, if you don't really think through that, I mean, it's one thing if you want to get in the fight and everything's lined up and you should be,

it's another thing if you don't think through it. I didn't really think through it. I was just like, fuck it. I'll be the calvary. You know, let's go. They need reinforcements. I'm the closest one. I got comms. Let's go. So I told our machine gunner, I said, hey, you and me, we're going down there. We're going to go support these guys. Because already our snipers and the guys with the javelin had moved back. So it was just him and I forward, cause we were doing the comms relay. So I called back and told my senior chief what we were doing,

and he was like, fuck, no, do not do that. And I was like, fuck you and went, dropped down into that ballad, and as soon as we dropped off, we lost all comms. Shit. So here we are moving down into this steep valley and to this unknown position. We got guys in a gunfight.

We're now an unknown maneuvering force. It was a terrible, terrible decision on my part. And we're super lucky. We're super lucky that we did not encounter Taliban forces on the way down that didn't smoke check us. You know, some cave that I didn't even notice, that we get down below, and they just kind of smoke check us without us ever even seeing them.

So we finally get down to the bottom, and I'm, you know, trying to maneuver and the comms come back up. And at this point, they're like screaming into the radio like, where the fuck are you? I'm like, I'm down in the bottom of the valley. And they're like, we are trying to call in an airstrike. We don't know where you are. Get your ass out of the valley right the fuck now. So I kind of realized, oh, I think I fucked up. And I said, hey, we got to get out of here. So scampered back up the north side of the valley,

got up. One of the helicopters picked us up in that time that they recovered us and knew where they were. They called it an airstrike on this large fighting position that the Taliban were fighting on, dropped a whole bunch of bombs on that. They had one Afghan commando that had been shot up, so they got him metabacked out. Our guys were okay, but they, they, everybody kind of reconstituted on north side of the valley at this point, but at this point now it's late. So we've missed our extract on top of that. On the way the helicopters we're in, one of our helicopters

got shot down. So we lost one of the helos on top of this restricted air flow. So they were like, hey guys, you're there for the next several days. Oh, shit. So we... How long have that gunfight been going on? All done. I mean, it probably lasted four or five hours, I would say. So did you guys even have, I mean, obviously a lot of our band-mo would be excited?

Oh, only the guys down in the valley didn't have ammo. The rest of us, obviously, reconstructed, but when I got to the top of that valley, dude, like the cold show, like guys looked at me, like what the fuck is your problem? Yeah. And I think I knew, like, yeah, I fucked up. But once again, you own arrogance.

So when I got up there at the Excel came to me, I was like, what the fuck were you doing? And I was like, what do you mean, what am I doing? I was running, I was running to support guys. I went down to support guys. Guys weren't trouble, I went to support them. And he's like, you had no fucking clue. We're trying to bring in an airstrike

and I can't call it in because, you know, we don't know where you are. So, so yeah, three nights. We slept on that mount top the next day. Guys went down and did a BDA. We, you know, we killed quite a few guys. An interesting story. I was in an Overwatch position. I don't think anybody wanted me walking with them. I was in an Overwatch position, this guy's pushed down into the valley to do the BDA and one of the interesting things, the two things happened, which I thought were rather interesting. One, one of the bombs, 500 pound bombs they dropped was a dud and it hit the ground and skipped and a Taliban fighter had been shot and was trying to crawl away and

the bomb hit a fucking tree and crushed this tree down on this dude that was trying to crawl away. So fucking karma got him in the end anyways. And then the other thing they found another wounded guy and we ended up calling in a meta back for this wounded Taliban fighter and you know all these people that wanted downplay at the US and say oh we're such terrible people and I'm like you know what man I watched as we risked major lives I mean this this black hawk had to fly down into this valley. Dude, there were at least 500, 600 yards of cliffs on either side, anyone with an RPG

could have fired it down into that rotor and taken that helicopter out. But we took the time to risk, to save this guy, because that's how we follow the rules of engagement. We, you know? So those were the two things that kind of occurred You know, because that's how we follow the rules of engagement. You know? So those were the two things that kind of occurred aside from me, stewing with, I think you really fucked up.

We got back and my exo pulled me aside and was like, you're fucking out of here. I'm sending you back to Bogrum to meet with the commanding officer. Holy shit. And that is probably, I think, at that point, I realized how much. And so, if you think about it, you go in arrogance, you know, we say, hey, we all drank, but all that adds up. Yeah. All that adds up. And if you continue to make poor decisions and you don't fix yourself, at some point, there's going to be a big one that they say, decisions and you don't fix yourself. At some point there's going to be a big one that they say, all right no more, my big one occurred on that mission. And the

guys were like we don't want to work with them. They were calling me Ranger Red. You know, I'm sorry, they were calling me Ranger Red was my name before that. They were calling me Rambo Red. Rambo Red, which you know for those who think that's a cool thing. It's not, you know, seal teams are about teamwork and Rambo is not. And I basically showed that at that time I really wasn't. So, that's fucking tough. Oh, dude, well, I flew back to Bagram and I was like like I guess my career is over. Yeah.

And I had to report to my commanding officer that night. I remember standing in front of him with the command mass chief and several other senior leaders who were back at the talk, the tactical operations center, headquarters in Bogrum. And it was a pretty animated conversation. I think the guys flew home a couple of days later and then we all met and yeah, it was an animated conversation. He's dangerous, he's gonna get fucking people killed.

And finally my CEO kind of stopped it, and was like enough, like, hey, we're gonna go back to your room. They were talking about Trident Review Board. They were talking about taking my trident. So it went back to my room and Bob Room and yeah, I pulled my pistol out. I was sitting in my room and I put my pistol in my mouth and I was going to fucking blow my head off because I lowest I've ever met. None of my friends that I had to talk to me, no one. And yeah, I mean, you know how hard it is to become a seal in this job, to be told you don't measure

up, to be told you're dangerous, to be told you don't earn, you don't deserve to wear that emblem that was top. So anyways, fucking getting ready to shoot myself and I don't know something stopped me. I had the gun in my mouth and I looked across at the desk and there was a picture of my wife and my kids my son was 5 and my oldest daughter was 3 and my youngest was 1 No, yeah, yeah, yeah, five to three one. So, um, and like, someone's like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing? Like,

like, what are you doing? Like, what kind of message is this going to send it down? So I put my gun away and I went and found the special operations chaplain on the base and talked to him and he was good dude and he was like, all right, so let me get this straight. You fucked up. He's like, you know, you're, you're, they haven't told you what they're going to do yet. You know, they're going to tell you tomorrow morning, right? And I was like, yeah, he's like,

but you were going to kill yourself today. I was like, yeah, he's like, seems a little premature, doesn't it? I'm like, yeah. So he's like, why don't you wait, wait till you find out what they say. And then you can come back and see me. So, we're back the next morning

and basically my CEO, which thankfully kind of saved my career, you know, he basically said, hey, red, you're good, seal, you're arrogant. You sometimes do things and make us question at you. He said, so here's what's gonna happen, we're not gonna take you trying it. He said three things are gonna happen. Number one, any other awards you got from this deployment

are gone. You won't receive a single award from this deployment. Said number two, we've written this letter a rep or man. He said if this was to go in your officer record, it would end your career. It would be over. You'd never make the next rank. He said it's not gonna go in your record.

Instead, it's gonna go in my safe in the Commanding Officer's office. The new Commanding Officer that turns over will get it. He said, you're going to do another tour as a system platoon commander. If you do a great job, which I know you will, he said, this letter gets shredded. He said, if you don't do a good job, this will go into your officer record and it'll end your career. And he said, and he said, and we're gonna send you to US Army Ranger School. He said, I think Ranger School would be good for you. He said, I think you need to be humbled,

and I think it'd be a good opportunity. So I left that meeting, and I'd like to tell you that I walked out of there, like, yes, I dodged a bullet, but I didn't. Yeah. I was still bitter. I felt like a victim. And that's why I talk about the victim mindset.

You know, it was like the world was against me. Like, hey, I did things right, and you guys are just throwing me under the bus. If you were that commanding officer looking back, what would you have done? I would have fucking gotten rid of me. That I show my career to him. And then there's another point that I'll tell you even deeper. Because I continued to dig my hole. I

continued to dig right, dude. I'm a slow learner and dumb and hard-headed. And finally, it kind of grew up. So, went home, I learned, you know, I learned even though, so I learned at the very end before we were flying home, that the guys had voted on who they wanted to serve as their next OIC chief stuff like that, and like guys had written on there, I do not want to serve with Redmond. Which, that hurt, but I was just kind of like, fuck off.

Got home, went home in October, and just had a chip on my shoulder and was bitter, and just fucking drank myself. Basically, I should have been enjoying my time with my family and strength. Scheduled to go to Ranger School in February. And so I left in February and checked into Ranger School. I had a major chip on my shoulder.

I was angry about being there. And I also underestimated. You know, I was like, hey, I'm a seal. This school will be easy. Ranger school is no joke. It's not as hard as seal training. A lot of people want to know that. It's not as hard, but Ranger school is no joke. It is a hard school. And I checked into it, think I was going to kick it in the ass. And right off the bat, I'm like, wow, this is no joke, this is tough. So on day four of Ranger School, I think I started February 3rd or 4th, so February 7th

or 8th, we had the land now, of course. And I taught land now when I was an instructor. It's part of what the base school were for. That was the other thing I taught. And I've tried it myself. I'm being a really good navigator. And so I'm like, this would be easy. Got started this course and the instructors were basically

like, dude, it was like freezing. It was like 20 degrees. And the instructors are like, no jackets, no hats, you take it all this shit off. Coming from the teams, it's like, hey, big boy rules apply. And I don't know why, I just had such a bad attitude. It just set me off.

I was fucking furious. On top of the fact, the Ranger instructors didn't really care for me. So I got a lot of grief for being there all the time. I was the only seal in the class. So between that and this freezer ass off, let's go. So they inserted us for this course. It's like 4 a.m. and I'm like, fuck it, man.

I'll wait till the sun rises. I'm not going to go run in through the dark. I know that I'm a good enough navigator that I'll knock out all six points in the time I have. Well, sun rose, I know that I'm a good enough navigator that all, I'll knock out all six points in the time I have. Well, sun rose, I finally started navigating. I ran out of time, I failed. So I failed and checking in, the instructors are totally heckling me.

Like, oh, you're the Navy SEAL, you know, you failed the course, that's not surprising. You guys can't navigate, you guys suck, you know. If we're giving you a boat, you probably the course. It's not surprising you guys can't navigate. You guys, if we're giving you a boat, you probably would have made it. And I lost it. I was like, fuck you guys. You take this course and shove it up your ass. And they were like, are you quitting?

I was like, fuck yeah, I'm done. So they were like, Roger, that. So I loaded me in a van and took me back to headquarters and they were like, you have to see the range of colonel before you check out. So, it turns out I couldn't see the colonel till the next morning. So I remember calling my wife that night, and I was like, I think my career is over. It's like I think I fucked out too much.

So I was like, yeah, there's no way they're gonna allow me to stay. You know what I mean? I said, but I guess for the good news, I'm coming home. I said, I'm coming home. I said, I'll probably be home tomorrow the next day. I said, I gotta go see the colonel in the morning. That night, dude, I couldn't sleep at all.

I was so ashamed of myself. Like, we don't quit anything, you know? I was like, what the fuck is wrong with you and So the next day I went and saw the kernel and And I basically laid out this sob story that I was effect on my got thrown under the bus and all this bullshit It's lies that I've been telling myself to try and I don't know p's my ego and make me my myself feel good or whatever it is and I don't know, piece my ego and make myself feel good or whatever it is. And the Colonel listens, names KK Chen.

He went on to become a two-star general and retired. I found him and reached out to him and years later. But he listened and he was like, you know, he said, I think you need to talk to somebody in your community. I was like, I don't wanna talk to anybody. Like, I was so ashamed. I didn't want to tell anybody what I had done. Like, dude, just process me out of the military.

And let me go on my way. And he said, no, no, no, no. He said, I've got a good friend. He's a really respected see a leader. He's like dialing the phone. And I think you should talk to him. And I won't give his real name. I promise him I never would, but in the book I call him Vince Peterson, probably one of

the more respected steel leaders that are out there. And if it would have been anyone, I wouldn't have talked to anyone else other than him. But he was my commanding officer who recommended me for a commission when I was at team 4. He was my commanding officer who recommended me for a commission when I was at team four. He was my commanding officer who I went and saw after 9-11 who said, hey, stay in this program, this war is going to last for decades. I would have followed that guy anywhere, anywhere. And he was the only guy.

God works in incredible ways. This is where I sometimes, when I struggle with my faith, I'm like, dude, sometimes things, it's impossible for things to happen this way. If it wasn't, unless someone was making it happen, because I'm not kidding you, there's no one I would have talked to. And he handed me that phone and was like, hey, you know, Captain Ben Spieger said. And I got the phone and basically, he was like, hey, you know, Captain Ben Spieger said. And I got the phone and basically

he was like, red, what are you doing? And I was like, ah, you know, I screwed up, I got thrown under the bus, all these different things. And he was like, if you ever thought about that, maybe this is an opportunity, he's like, maybe this is an opportunity. Maybe you can learn something from this down at Ranger School. And I was like, I don't know. He's like, I said, I feel like I've messed up too much. You know, I don't know if the guys will ever follow me again. And he gave me the leadership advice, which has now become the foundational level of everything that I teach in leadership. And he said, red, guys will follow you if you give them a reason to. He said, that's, that in leadership. He said, red guys will follow you if you give them a reason to. He said, that's leadership. He said, so go back to that course, kick it in the ass, come back to the

seal teams and give the guys a reason to follow you. And I was like, and then he said, because if you don't, he said, I'll have you out of the Navy in less than 24 hours. And he said, what are you going to do to take care of your family if that occurs? He said, I know you can do this. Go back and finish this course. So I hung up and asked the colonel, I said, hey, will you put me back in my class? And he was like, nope. It's like, absolutely not. He said, once you're out of your class, you're out of your class.

He said, so you're going to go sit and range your school jail for the next month. He said, no, I'll let you get back in in the next class. But for the next month, won't you think about everything? So for a month, that next month, man, I was locked down at Fort Benning, and I walked around Fort Benning with a stick and a bag, and I picked up trash. Fucking 13 year seal, 28 years old, combat, picking up trash.

And, but it was what I needed, because for the first time in my life, I finally came to grips with, why are you here because of you all of this has been you it's been poor decision making it's been not acting like a leader yeah you know you want to make yourself a victim yeah it's bullshit you did this to yourself so for the first time I think I started to really come to grips over that next month, man, I started reading a lot. All the books I could find on leadership, I started focusing on, hey, man, you are going to have to crush this course.

And this is going to be a hard road. And it was. And so it became my goal to become the honor man of that Ranger School class, and came into it that next time around, man, just gangbusters. I had an awesome Ranger buddy. He was a Sergeant First class, and funny as shit. We really connected, and I told him my whole story, how I got myself in trouble. So frequently when we'd be going through hard evolutions,

I'd be like, why am I here? And be like, because you fucked up! And I'd be like, Roger that. So, but we would just cry, man, and I'll be honest, I actually enjoyed it. I actually enjoyed it because I grew up finally. And I think finally, you know, I mean, nothing's perfect. No roads ever perfect, but you know, it ups and downs. But figured it out. I didn't, I learned about three quarters of the way in the course that if you get rolled, you can't be on a man. So you can only be on a man if you go through one shot. So I graduated high.

I don't know if I would have been on a man or not. I don't know. But still finished strong and came back to the SEAL teams. And stepped in knowing it was going to be a big uphill battle. I walked in. I got assigned to a new troop. And I remember the first day I walked in. And the guys were sitting there.

And dude, the second I walked in, man, it went silent. And dude, just guys, we're looking at me like, get the fuck out. sitting there and dude the second I walked in man it went silent and dude just guys were looking at me like get the fuck out and I felt like I felt like the you know the force come see when it gets on the bus seats taken down but thankfully my OIC was an excellent list of guys. Awesome, she got an awesome leader. And he sat me down that first day and he said, Red, heard about what happened in Afghanistan. I don't care.

He said, all I care about is where you go from here. He said, I'm going to help you. He said, I'm going to give you opportunities to lead. And sometimes you're going to follow. He said, just continue. Stay with me, watch my lead. He said, I'm going to help you be successful. And he was right.

He was awesome. Everything that I hadn't been as a young leader, super humble, very balanced, just a really good leader, a great mentor. Frequently. just a really good leader, a great mentor, frequently. And I think he was really astute. He was like, your confidence is fucked up. And obviously the confidence of the guys is fucked up in you.

So let me figure out ways to fix that. So he would look for opportunities for me to lead that he knew would build my confidence. And I just focused on every day. How do I show up and try and do the best I can? Cut back on my drinking. You know, I won't say I didn't drink at all, but I didn't drink myself unconscious anymore.

Were you out with the boys? Yeah, but I was much more balanced. Much more balanced. Started to heat a lot of the advice I'd been given earlier. Just watch my OIC in Tokies Lead. And frequently he'd be like, all right, man, let's go. Roger that. Whereas before, I would have been like, I'm good and leave me alone.

So he was so good that frequently at times we would be doing stuff where there'd be a really complicated training evolution, where it was really designed for the OIC to run. But he, having been prior listed, having been an instructor, he saw the opportunity and would be like, you know what, and he'd tell the training instructors, I'm going to step out. I don't need to do this. Red, here in charge. And we'd go through this really complicated evolution, which I would do well.

And I think guys were like, okay. So, it took a while, probably after eight months to a year, definitely some of the guys started to warm up with me and I started hanging out with more of the guys in the platoon. And then, by the time we deployed, definitely a lot more. And I'll tell you, it was probably the best troop I've ever been with. My entire career, best camaraderie, best talent pool,

just amazing group of dudes. That entire troop, so your picture up there from those are the guys from Bravo. And I loved it. You know, our, our, that entire troop. So, you know, your picture up there from, those are the guys from Bravo. Yeah. And I loved it. It was awesome. And basically, we got word in early spring.

Hey, you guys are going to Iraq. And Iraq was imploding. O-607 was just a shit show. Well, before we go to Iraq, let's take a quick break. Okay. [♪ Sound of a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash, a crash We read every review that comes through and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show. Hey guys, let me tell you about this subscription service that I've been working real hard on. Called Vigilance Elite Patreon. Basically on Patreon we haven't broken up into three different tiers.

We've got tier one, tier two, and tier three. Let's dive in. Our tier one patrons get all the behind the scenes footage of the Sean Ryan show. That could include behind the scenes photos, that could be side conversations that we have in between breaks, that could be specific questions that our patrons give us for the guest on the Sean Ryan show, and a ton of bonus content that doesn't really fit into any specific category.

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Plus all the benefits of tier one. Our top tier, which is tier three, gets full access to all the other tiers. Plus they get full access to me where we do video teleconferencing VTC. Once a month we discuss anything from tactics to current events to who's coming on the show I take suggestions and it's very interactive. No matter what tier you choose the support is greatly appreciated and it is the only thing that makes the show drive on. So thank you for all the support. See you on Patreon. Alright Jason, we're back from the break that I had to take a minute to process some of the stuff. You were telling me, and that takes a lot of courage.

They just even show back up to a platoon after everything that had happened. And, man, that's a lot of shame to carry around. Yeah. A lot of shame to carry around. Yeah a lot of shame to carry around and well that's that's a that's a tough spot to be in. Yeah a lot of people today almost always people say oh man when you are wounded and everything you went through that must be the hardest thing you ever did. Fog, no. Making those mistakes and being told you don't measure up,

like you don't deserve to wear that emblem. And slowly earning back that trust and credibility by far, by far as the toughest, whereas, a matter of fact, once again, God works in interesting ways. I think I sailed out of my injuries because, you know, I mean, not immediately. I mean, it probably took seven to 10 days where finally I was like, hey man,

you've been through worse, like let's go. And definitely look back on that road that I had been through. So, I to have you have your guys, you know tell you I don't want to work with them. You know, I don't want to work with you That's the fucking nightmare that's the nightmare of the Special operator right across the fucking board, you know, is to hear that said about you.

And we were in Bogrum. We were in Bogrum. People would have made that, made it through that. When we were in Bogrum before we flew home after I, you know, after I'd been told, you know, so by the time we got home, I think we left right at the very beginning of October. So it was about a two-week period.

From the time I flew back from Bogrum and the time we flew home, and I had been, you know, gotten in trouble and ostracized, I guess. Like I said, nobody really talked to me during that time. We had to check out on the wall before you left where our rooms were. You had your name and how it went to Chow or I'm at the gym or whatever it is. Somebody wrote next to my name, why don't you go kill yourself? I'll never forget reading that. Really?

I just erased it, but... Damn, dude. So, you know, teams are a, we're a tough place. Yeah. And, hey, rightfully so, it's a tough job. Yeah. You know, you gotta be able to step up, but definitely some hard lessons learned

and the biggest lessons learned were about me. And really, at the end of the day, that's what I tell people. If you can conquer yourself, nothing else matters. Nothing else matters. You know, this is the most dangerous battlefield you'll ever walk on.

Yeah. Well, let's get back into it. So you're in a new platoon you're doing your work up. Did you show up at the beginning of the work work up? No because I made I made my awesome decision with the land of course to you know try and quit Ranger School. It knocked me back. So I actually showed up right in the middle of what have been mobility. So for the listeners, the don't know what to work up is. So in the seal teams, there's a cycle. And if I remember correctly, it's about a year and a

half of training with the guys that you're going to deploy with or go to combat with. And so, that 18 month cycle, then a six month deployment, so it's basically a two-year cycle. So how far into the 18 months training? Well, so I went to Ranger School during the first part. So we hadn't really started. Guys were doing individual training. Okay. Guys were doing, you know, so sniper, breach, or stuff like that. And when I was at Ranger School, I just added a

month, you know, with my, you know, hiatus and Ranger jail. Before I came back. So the workout, so the, the, the actual, you know, we kind of call it the workup, the actual part where you're working together and you're going through all your training together. So I think it was probably only a couple of weeks in, so I showed up a couple of weeks late to start the workup. What team is this? Team 10.

Team 10 still? So you, I mean, you, you've fucked up really bad several times. And then it's almost, sounds weird, especially to the audience, but it's almost like they reward you because you're going back into a platoon that's going to Iraq, which at this time I would say what, oh, five to oh eight was a, I mean, that was a real fucking hot time. It was, you know. And we would not have been no different than, we weren't selected to go to Afghanistan

because of some of the issues we had in our platoon and some of the personalities the first time, we were selected to go to Iraq because we were front-runners. So I had recovered myself and really had stepped back up and came to learn. I mean I don't want to say I was this great officer. There's plenty of much better officers and operators than me out there. But that troop, we just yelled. We just yelled man. The leadership was phenomenal. We had amazing pipe hitters like DJ.

And we were just good. It was just a great, great troop. And I think the team saw it and said, you guys are going to, you guys are going out, out west. You guys are going to Fulusa. And then another, another one of the troops had enough going to Baghdad. Well, let's dive in. Where do you want to pick up? Yeah, so yeah, I kind of got everything back on

course, like we said, and we found out we were going to Iraq. And I got to tell you for me, it was a it was a huge thing. Because I knew that I knew I could do well in training or I was doing well in training, but I knew until we got back into combat, that was the final test. Because you know, I mean, you know, you can train all you want, but until you're in the cruise bowl of combat, that's when things really matter. And that's when you truly prove that you have the ability to do this job. So I kind of knew that was like the final box

I needed to check if you will. But instead of when I was younger, I was like, man, I want to get into a fight. It was much more of, how do I best support the guys? How do I best fit into whatever we're doing? And I just kind of what I had done all along, I'm just going to focus on one mission at a time, one day at a time. And so, interesting setback, we were a month out from, oh, even less, a couple weeks out from deploying, and my wife and I, the long hair to Admiral,

decided to go back up to the place where we got married, up in the Shenandoah, and we were gonna stay at the Bed and Breakfast, and just relax for the weekend before I came home, spent a few more days with the kids before I deployed, and we're driving up there, and I'm in all this pain, like all this pain in my side.

And I'm just like, oh, I don't know what this is. Hopefully it'll go away. When we get up there, we go visit with a buddy of mine. That's the sheriff. He was the sheriff. Well, he wasn't the sheriff yet when I used to run the course, but he later went on to be the sheriff. So now he's the sheriff up there.

We go visit with him and I'm like, oh my God, I'm in all this pain. And he was, he was building his house up there when we went to visit. So we went to see his house and he's building. And I'm like, dying at this point. I'm like, oh my God, I'm in so much pain. I'm like sweating. And he's like, oh, well, our next door neighbor's like this doctor. Let me call her over.

So he calls this doctor over. And literally, it's like dark. He's got lamps up. And he's got a door laying on saw horses. And she asked me like, lay on this door and starts poking and prodding. She's like, yeah, she's like, I think you might have appendicitis.

She's like, you need to get home. You either need to go directly to the hospital before it ruptures or, you know, and I say, well, I can't do that, I need to go home. You know, I can't go to a hospital here. And I was like, do you think I can do the drive home? And she was like, yes, but you need to leave now and you guys need to go straight to the emergency room.

So we drove straight home three hours, and I'm like just sweating bullets. And we go straight to the emergency room, and they're like, hey, cause your active duty, we need to send you over to Port Smith. So they sent me to Port Smith, and turns out I did not have appendicitis. I had infectious colitis,

which to this day they don't know how I got it or what it is, but I was bucked up. So they had to keep me in the hospital for a few days, put me on these heavy antibiotics. Well, I'll never forget they came in the room and they were like, hey, so you're not going to be able to deploy until we do a colonoscopy and make sure you're good to go. And I was like, oh, no, that's not happening. I was like, I'm leaving. You weren't excited. I was not.

As a matter of fact, I threw the head resident that came in and told me this. And the poor guy, I basically threw him out of the room and said, go get me a real doctor. Which now I understand the medical professional a lot better, no offense to anybody out there. You're a real doctor when you're a resident. So the head doctor came in and was like, you know,

Lieutenant, I know you're not happy, but you're not deploying. You know, you're, you know, we have to make sure that your, you know, infectious colitis and infection of your intestines. And he said, when they get infected and inflamed, they can easily perforate. He said, which now creates much bigger problems. So he said, we have to make sure that all that has gone away before I can let you deploy. So here I am, I'm thinking, oh my God, like, I need to, like, I finally, I'm getting my career

back on track, I'm getting things on course, if I don't deploy, what's going to happen? So, I went back and talked to my OIC, he was like, look, red, gotta get well, the big deal. He said, we'll get over there, we're gonna get settled, you going to be back here, just, you know, we'll be talking every day. And so he said, I'll be, I'm probably going to be telling you stuff we need. So that's kind of what I did over that next, you know, three weeks or so. I just was stockpiling stuff for us that we realized, hey, we need this, we need that, we need this for the Iraqis Scouts we're working with. I was stockpiling, we need this, we need that. We need this for the Iraqi scouts we're working with. I was stockpiling Copen Hagen, obviously. So I wanted to be able to take care of the boys.

And then finally, got a 30, 32 years old, got my first calling anoscopy, and got a clean bill of health, and jumped on a flight, and headed over over there and met the guys and joined. So landed and they were like, dude, shit is hot and heavy. We're going out almost every night, sometimes twice a night. And the way they were doing it was one platoon would run mobility, so they would run the vehicles, and the other platoon would run mobility, so they would run the vehicles, and the other platoon would run the assault.

And it was just, it was everything you ever dreamed of doing as a seal. Like it was nothing but direct action, target takedowns virtually every night. Capture kill, here's your target set, here's a target. You're going to go in, you're going to lock it down. Take this building down. Capture or kill. And so, amazing. I stepped in and they said, okay, hey, Red, we're going to let you, you're going to run either as a mobility force commander, so meaning I'm in charge of all the mobility vehicles. So our external security, all these things when we're running mobility ops, or you'll be running as an assault force commander, meaning you'll be in charge of an actual target takedown. So these

are the two jobs you're going to be doing. But these are working simultaneously. Like, is the vehicles correct? The mobility is that a blocking force, squatter control, all that kind of. Correct. Do you want to explain what that means? So, if we were doing a mobility operation, meaning we were coming into a target by vehicles,

the mobility force to commanders job, along with our point men reconnaissance guys along with our EOD explosive ordinance disposal our guys at fuse bombs. We looked at our routes and we looked at okay what's going to be the best way to get there what's going to be the lowest IED threat. How do we get in

what's going to be our egress, all these different things we looked at. Once we got to the target, we then looked at how do we lock this thing down, how do we create a perimeter around this target so that now the assault force will leave the vehicles and go in and take down that target. And we were that blocking force to prevent external people from coming in to take down that target. And we were that blocking force to prevent external people from coming in to take down the target. So myself and another one of the junior officers rotated back and forth.

So on one mission, he would be the mobility force commander, and I would be an assault force commander, and then we would flip-flop. And we basically, the way we ran it throughout the entire deployment is, you know, Arplatoon would run a salt one week, the other platoon would run mobility, and we'd flip-flop.

Now, if it was a helicopter insertion, then everybody was on the assault. And they would play out a little different in how we would do that. So, I stepped in, and, you you know typically the way we do things is you'll run alongside a guy that's doing that job. So you're not necessarily, you don't just jump in and do that job. You get it you know overseas and the combat zone in this case I rack and you'll run with that individual. So and this guy was our third, we got assigned a third officer

in our opportunity. So, I was running with him. He was doing a great job, and he was showing me the ropes. So, I stepped in the first night to do my turn to be the mobility force commander. And I kind of, I learned a valuable lesson, and I screwed up a little, but it, hey, it shook my confidence a little, but I recovered very quickly. So we were doing a takedown in the Western part of Fallujah called Jolon, which was a really dangerous area. It was a real al-Qaeda, hotbed area, some of the most fierce fighting

and the battles of 2004 kind of occurred in that area. And we had a target there. And so we had our mobility plan and we were driving in. And I'll just say that I won't get into the details because I don't want to talk about equipment, but the bottom line, our navigation system kind of fritzed out for a specific reason, but I'll leave that alone. So it put me a little bit behind because there was a delay in the system because it wasn't working.

So it put me behind on my turns. So a lesson learned from me from that point forward, I always had multiple. Not only did I have the computer, I had turned by turn, I had massive amounts of imagery with me so that I can clarify if I had a computer or not, I could navigate to the target. But it was my first op and we ended up taking a wrong turn. Took a wrong turn which became another wrong turn, which became another wrong turn, which ended us right in front of Blackwater Bridge, which was the bridge in Fallujah that in 2004, the Blackwater

contractors were ambushed and hung on the bridge. Scott Helviston, former CEO, was one of the guys there. And the road that led out to the front of Blackwater Bridge was like four or five story buildings on both sides, super channelized, really bad place to be. And yeah, so the guys are all chirping on the radio. Get us the fuck out of here. Where, you know, what is this?

And it was just, it was a bad situation. We had to kind of navigate around and get back on course, but for a short period of time we were in, I mean, it was an ambush haven. I mean, anyone with an RPG could have just fired straight down into our vehicles. So, so yeah, I got a little bit agree for about that, not good for the very first mission I ran. Yeah. Thankfully, you know, so there was a lot of chirping because obviously there was still a little bit of resentment from some people like, hey, Red's problem. And so there was a little bit of chirping and the debrief.

And I don't remember who it was, R-O-I-C or somebody was like, Hey, anybody could have made that problem. Anybody could have made that mistake. He said, here's what happened. He said, I guarantee that won't happen again. And so he kind of stepped in and I was like, Roger that, that will definitely never happen again.

So, you know, lesson learned from me. But, yeah, we were just running. I mean, almost every night, started to get into, you know, skirmish gun fights, nothing really big yet, but quite a few gun fights throughout that. And then right at the very beginning, the deployment on the turnover up,

I was not there yet. I was still recovering, you know, from my colitis. For the first time, the guys had gone into Karma Iraq, which is northeast of Fallujah. And Al-Karma, first battle of Fallujah in 2004, second battle in 2006, a lot of al-Qaeda and the insurgency got pushed out of Fallujah and they were really heavy in the karma area and the Marines are out there were like, dude, you know, they were getting in a gunpights all the time and the ID thread out there was like off the chain. So we tried not to drive out there that often. The very first mission they did was a turnover up between 10 and 4.

And that was the op that some people have seen out there that Mike Day got all shot up on. We lost Pediolster Clark Swedler. He was with team 4. But it was part of that turnover up. One of our guys got shot on that mission and Mike obviously got all shot up. So that was going off to the number one leader for Al Qaeda in the Embar province. And that was kind of the first time our guys had crossed paths with him. So he was somebody that we were kind of tracking our whole deployment.

Like, all right, when do we find this guy again? But we started going back in Nicarma. Probably the first month or so I was there. We just kind of stayed in and around Fallujah, but then we started branching out more. And started doing, you know, targets there. And it seemed like almost every time we were going in Nicarma, like things were happening. On June 22nd, we went into karma for a multi-target takedown. It was a, it's kind of a compound

with three groups of buildings. And we had broken it up into three target sets. So you had, you know, you had a assault team one, two, and three. And I was in charge of a assault team two. And, DJ talked about this gun fight when he was here. There was a lot of activity. We were, we were patrolling up. There's late at night. Now it's 2 a.m. in the morning, and we're just being told there's all kinds of activity on this target. And that's unusual. Usually don't see that. Most time people are sleeping, you know,

unless they're bad. So we're listening and we're moving up closer. We got to our final set point, which is about 60, 70 yards. There's a house, and then there's kind of this little structure before the main house were taken down. So as we're going, as we're controlling by this last house, we notice that there are several sleepers outside. So I said to either our team leader or whoever it was,

I said, hey, kick a couple guys off. Let's wrap these sleepers up. So we know that they're not going to be a problem. So he grabbed a couple of the Iraqis, said, hey, wrap these guys up. And we moved up to the final set point, got to the set point and coordinated. And we moved into the door. As we're getting ready to go in, you know, our guys, DJAV,

and one of them says open, open, open. So front door was open. So they start going in, but as we're going in, we notice off to the left in the courtyard, there's like 11 women and children sleeping there. So right as the guys make entrance, we say, hey, kick some people, grab 11 women and children sleeping there. So right as the guys make entrance, we say, hey, kick some people, grab these women and children, and it was right about that time that a couple of grenades were dropped off the roof and all of a sudden

gunfire starts erupting from all around. So grenades go off, a couple of guys get fragged, our interpreter really gets fragged. He takes the brun of it up the side of his body, takes a big piece. And his neck, he's screaming on the porch. We're trying to shuffle all these women and children in who are now screaming and chaos. Push them into the house, I went in, started making entries, started making entries. That was kind of the time that DJ and them went up on the roof. And as soon as they made entrance on the roof, three fighters won directly and engage as DJ. They smoked Jack Kim and they fall, come back down the stairs, but they realized, hey, you know, we got a

embedded, you know, we got a machine gun on the roof that that machine gun was lighting off now on the two other buildings. We also started taking fire from another building about, I don't know, 75 yards behind this house. So, for me, as the assault force commander, like chaos, like screaming women and children. I got a guy that's bleeding out, guys that are, you know, seals that are hurt, but not bad, just minor frag. But still checking on them, making sure they're okay. DJ and them come down the stairs and they're like,

hey man, we got this embedded machine gunner, and we're taking fire from the back. So my first thought is, okay, we need to let's kill these guys behind us. So we had some helicopter gunships. So I said, okay, I need a full head count first. So it's kind of chaotic, aromatic. And I said, hey, casual collection point. Let me know what you can do.

And I started moving around the target to kind of make sure I got a count to see where everybody was. So some of our guys were still outside, pinned down that were laying down fire, came around the corner at the rear of the building. And like three of our guys are like, so there's kind of the back porch is like right here.

And this is like a brick wall that you could stand behind. And the three of them are like in a one, two, three, like just out in the open, like shoot out at the OK Corral. And I'm like, hey, like dudes, get some cover. Like, you ain't gonna stop bullets. And so they got back behind the wall. And at this point, dude, like it keeps raining grenades. Like these dudes on the roof just keep dropping grenades

down on us. So I finish coming around the building to try and get this full head count. And I'm down one every single time. And I'm like, dude, where is this other guy? So I'm like, like this problem, I can't call in this fire mission until I figure out where this guy is. So talking to the ground force commander, I'm like, hey man, I'm navigating this out. He's like, hey man, we're ready. We'll release this fire miss. I'm like, I'm down a guy.

Like, you gotta wait. So suddenly, it dawns on me, how many guys stepped off for those sleepers at that other house, 60 yards away? So, cause I was counting them, I was counting too. So, I'm like, dude, I need somebody to go check this, and then I'm like, who the fuck's gonna do that? Like we're in the middle of this gunfight. So finally, I was like like I guess it would be me

So came out the door told my team leader I'm like hey man, I'll be right back I'm going to this other house to get this head count and I we had two guys that were kind of out Next to this little building this concrete building that they were behind laying down fire one of them to this little building, this concrete building that they were behind laying down fire, one of them, a machine gunner, and I said, hey, I'm going to that other house, 60 yards away. I need you to lay down fire on that rooftop, and which they did. And dude, I don't know what it was. Like, I felt like my gear weighed 500 pounds. I feel like that's the longest run I've ever done in my life. I don't know because there was all this gun fire,

but I was just like, I felt like I was running in slow motion. But, and I was expecting to get shot in any minute. But I finally got to the other house, sure shit, three guys, and not two. Had my full head count ran back, and we released the first fire mission on the house behind us. I get back still chaotic, armedics, trying to then he's like hey dude you know our turps gonna bleed out if we can't get

them out of here soon. So guys on the rooftop still dropping grenades and firing in all directions. I'm like hey we got to take these guys out on the roof. And Mark Weiss, who no longer is with us, Mark ended up crazy drowning in a diving mission. They're in a diving, he was on vacation and drowned diving on leave several years later. But good fucking dude. So Mark was one of the more experienced guys on the target. I come back in. I was like, Mark, we got to take these dudes out on the roof. And he's like, yeah, I agree. I was like, we need to send guys up there and take them out.

And DJ talked about, we sent this, when we started to take the, when we started trying to take the roof the second time, we grabbed, I don't know, this 15, 16 year old kid and we were like, do you know who's on the roof? And he was like, yeah, you know, it's showing, so we're like, you need to go up there and tell them that if they don't stop firing, you know, we're gonna come up there and kill them. And he was like, okay, okay. And we're like, all right, go up there. So, you know how in a lot of the Iraqi house, you have the stairwell that comes up, it's kind of a landing and then it comes back up onto the roof. So, we were standing down at the bottom of the stairwell. He went

up to the landing and literally I'm standing from here. I mean, maybe a little further than where you are. And he went up to that landing and took two steps up and man, they unloaded on him with that machine gun and literally cut that kid in half. So he drops. We back up at this point and I'm like Mark. We do like we got it we got to take this these guys out and He's like no man. That's a suicide mission. Yeah, and I was like, okay. Yeah, you're right. So

I thought and then I said okay, here's what we're gonna do I said we are going to get everybody out of this house. And we are going to fall back to the house that 60 yards away because we already got our rackies over there holding it. And I said, and then we're going to crush, you know, we're going to, we're going to crush, we're going to drop this house with fire mission. So, but we had all these women and children. And like, you know, couldn't leave them on the target. So, I said, here's what's going to happen. Everybody's going to grab a woman and child.

You guys are out there. When I tell you, you're going to lay down. You're just going to fucking rain hell on that rooftop. And so, all of us grab these women and children. And we started basically, you know, bounding back, laying down fire, just crushing this rooftop. So, got back to that other house, and got inside, and got up on the roof,

and you know, at that point, called in the gunship that just hammered this rooftop. We got a whole bunch of secondary explosions, so we had been told these guys, so I don't know if that was, we were joking that they have a giant double bag full of grenades because yeah, they kept, they dropped a lot of grenades on them. So we don't know if it was a bag of grenades or if it was suicide

vests. We had been told that these guys had suicide vests. So, but we had kind of a big secondary explosion and that took that target out. So everything went calm. But that night was probably the most chaotic night we'd had on that deployment. So we extracted, went to, I flew myself and the OIC. And I think our chief went to, Flujer Medical took our two guys, Adam and Frag and our turp who they worked on

and we stayed there and then you know before we came back but that was kind of my, um, guys were like, dude, red did a good job. And- How was it? It has that. Yeah. And dude, that was uh, it was pretty awesome for me. Like, it was kind of the full circle to finally say,

Hey man, you got this. Like, you can do this. How did it feel to you, not from the acceptance yet, but how did it feel to you to finally, I mean, it obviously had clicked and you had pulled yourself from the platoon as leader, you know, and instead of, you know, you're leading men, you know, you're actually fucking leading men now. You're not trying to do their job

because you want to get in the fight. You're leading fucking men. How did that feel? Did it click for you that you did a rough and do a leader at this point? Yes, but I think the implications, I think before that, that had come into place. I'd rather do a leader at this point. Yes, but I think the implications, I think before that had come into place. I think this was kind of the final, like, hey man, this is how this works. And I think such a great point was, I think the old Jason Redmond,

young and mature Jason Redmond, when he said, hey man, we gotta take that stairwell. And the guy had said, no man, that's a suicide mission. Hey, fuck that, get up the stairwell. But it was totally a good goal. It was right goal. We would have guys killed trying to send guys back up that stairwell.

So Kudos to Mark, he was 100% right. I mean, just trying to process all this information. I'm like, yes. So it wasn't the, I'm like, yes. So, and, you know, it wasn't, you know, the thing I tell people, leadership is not like this perfect road. You're going to fuck up. I don't care who you are. I don't care.

That's a lot of shit going on. I mean, you got women and children, you got a seal been shot in the chest, DJ, you know, who's okay, you got fucking a missing head count two people at another house he got a fire mission bleeding on you yeah and you got a a turp fucking bleeding out of his neck yeah I mean that's a lot of shit to process and an ongoing threat on the roof. Yeah, but it was good. Man, the guys did an amazing job. I mean, it just further showed me what an amazing group of guys we had to work with.

Yeah, but that was kind of the most chaotic night we had. In the night that I kind of felt like the tipping point had occurred. So we saw a lot more, we had quite a few more engagements. We had a lot of close calls on that point, and I don't know. We made entry into a house one night outskirts of Fallujah someplace where we went in, we had made entry into the target, and we noticed that the carpet and everything had been pushed up against the walls. And house born IEDs were becoming a very big thing.

So a house born improvised explosive devices where guys are rigging houses with explosives to blow up the house when friendly forces, you know, US, other allies get into the house. So as we're going through, our EOD guy noticed it immediately and quickly looked over and shurned off. There was a command wire that was running out the back of the house off into the field. So immediately yelled out our call for get the fuck out of the target and I won't use the word but that word got yelled and man it made your heart freeze. And dude all of us like you know 100 yard dash man as fast as you fucking could because I mean we didn't know if the house

We're gonna blow up any second Some of the guys from damn neck Got caught in a in a house born IED a few years earlier and it killed the OD guy And and fuck some dudes up. So we got away from the house I Don't know if nobody was on the end of the command-mire the guy was asleep but the house never blew but we ended up calling in two five hundred pounders and huge actually it was Kyle Milliken who called in that airstrike that night and who's no longer with us but big big secondary

explosions. Damn. So we had that. We took down some other really complicated targets that just very hairy, but you guys had done well. We had a night, another real close call. So we were going to take down a target. It was a mobility op. So we were in our homebies getting ready to lead base and we were racking our weapons, getting everything ready and the 50 cow something broke on the 50 in the lead vehicle. And we're like, hey, you know, all right, well, we got to fix this. So they were like, yeah, we got

repair stuff in one of the rear vehicles. We need to go get it. We need some time. Okay, Roger that. So we pulled over on the side waiting for them to repair this. As we're waiting, a Marine Corps convoy drives up next to us and the Lieutenant Commander talks to me and says, hey man, where are you guys going? We're like, hey, we're heading we're heading west and I'm sorry yeast and he said, okay okay Roger that's sure we I said okay just

be advised you know we're gonna be leaving we're gonna be coming up behind you guys you know at some point he's like okay no problem so they were brand new in country like they'd only been there like a week or something so they went out and turned down Michigan and started heading same path we were gonna go, get our gun back up, 10 minutes have gone by and we leave. We're heading down the road and, you know, we've been driving maybe 10 or 15 minutes and big explosion down the road in front of us.

So the Marines hit an IED. Like, so if our gun had not gone down, that would have been us. And we came up behind them and the kid in the rear vehicle all amped up, fucking shot at us with a 50. We thank God he missed, he went wide, but he skipped rounds under my home beat, the number one. So we had just had all these crazy close calls leading up to the end of the deployment. But for me, it was awesome. It was an amazing deployment.

Like I had gotten everything back on track. I was up for orders in my next position. So I had a couple of choices. One of those choices was to screen and go over to Danette. And I requested, I said, hey, I'd really like to do this. And I didn't know if they'd give me the thumbs up after screwing up, but I got a positive thumbs up cross board. So I was approved to come back and screen, you know, which is,

you know, it's first step, but even just to get the CEO to say, hey, I'm going to let you do this is a big deal. So, I had a couple other leadership positions that were my secondary choices, and we were just kind of working on wrapping things up. I also, we were waiting for our next level of missions. We had kind of shelf some of the missions so that we had turnover ups with the next team that was coming in, which I believe was two. And so my boss came up to me and said,

hey, we have this next mission. You're gonna run as the GFC is ground force commander so I had been running a salt force commander mobility force commander your next position which is the senior position leadership position on the ground is ground force commander So which is a big deal. I mean there they were grooming me for that next level leadership So I was like wow man, man, this is awesome. Like I finally, like I did it. Like you got your career back on track. You did the impossible. All my marks were really high.

We were working on awards. We were working on flow to get guys back home. And everything was good. And literally, we were one week from sending the first wave of guys home. And I was on the last bird, which was fine because that had come late anyways. So we were just, you know, everything was good. But we got word that the leader, the alkyd leader who they had gotten in the big gunfight

of the beginning, who had killed Clark Swedler, was going to be in karma. As a matter of fact, not far from where we had gotten into that big gunfight in June, there's only a couple of hundred yards away, which wasn't far from where Mike Day got shot up also. So there was a lot of... Interesting they would put the top guy in an area where you guys had been fucking up, you know what I mean? Not fucking up but bringing it to him. It's just interesting

that in area where there's so much seal activity, you know, going after bad guys and killing them that they would put the leader right in that same vicinity. Well, I don't think he stayed there regularly. I think he came in for a meeting. Okay. Is what it was. So it was because it was a time-sensitive target. We got word that he was going to be there for a small period of time. So I did not think that mission was going to go. There was a lot of amplifying info that is classified that I'll leave. But I just didn't think that mission was gonna go. So it was, I think we first heard about it around 4 p.m. in the afternoon,

and you know, right about time we woke up and we're starting to gear up, you know, cause we slept during the day and then just worked at night. So got, you know, kind of heard the rumblings and the murmurings. And because of some of the things in the background, it had to go all the way up the chain and command. The Iraqi chain and command, you know,

senior leadership chain and command in order to get approved. I also thought maybe another unit may take that mission. So that's why I just thought this probably is not happening. So I went to the gym and was working out. One of the guys came in like eight o'clock or so and he's like, hey man, like this mission is a go. So we went back, we started mission planning and about midnight we launched and it was a pure helicopter insertion, and we were gonna land right on the X, right on the target itself. So I was the assault force commander, so originally I was supposed to be the ground force commander,

but my boss came to me and he's like, red, like, I don't know, he's like, this could be a very hairy mission. You know, because we were told this guy ran with a pretty heavy security detail. We were told they wore suicide vests that they had been trained to clack themselves off. If we got too close to him, he was like, I know you're up for the GFC, but why don't you,

he said, I'm gonna take GFC. He said, you'll be the assault force commander for the target take-home. I said, OK Roger that, no issues. So we flew in and we ended up having three groups. We had the assault team. We had an external security team and we had the headquarters team.

And we had briefed the assault team that we were going to come in and we're going to land directly across from the gate. And we had stacked our breachers and our, you know, initial entry team, it's myself, my team leader and our communicator sitting in the door on the opposite side of the halo. But, you know, you don't have time, you know, it's not like, oh, re-jock, re-jock, it was like fucking go-tack. So already my team leader was, I mean, at about four feet, he was already out of the bird running. I jumped out after him and we're running to the door, look back, the guys are all behind us.

He is number one, I am number two. So I start prepping a crash. Flash crash grenade is a grenade designed to stun, create a bright light and allow bang to stun people inside of a room. So I had to crash in my hand, he gets up, test the door, doors open, I crash it and he and I go to make entry with the other guys behind us. And I, you know, I'd probably done, I don't know, 100 combat entries at this point, but I think that's probably the first one where, like, literally, my ass was puckered so tight, it was probably up in my chest.

I just, I don't know, something in me was like, you're about to get shot to fuck up. And we entered and fully expected to be riddled as soon as we made that entry. And nothing happened. Entered into a very large room. We called a few more guys in, ended up clearing the entire building, and no one was there. We could tell someone had been there recently.

There was a lot of activity. Sigerats had still had a little burn, things like that that let us know somebody had been there. But a lot of anti-coelection propaganda and stuff like that, but that was it. So cold the targets cure and started our search and we started finding weapons buried in the walls. We start finding explosives ID making stuff So we're like, okay, we missed the guy, but obviously this is probably the place where You know, he would be someone's here with him So it's probably 2 a.m. In the morning at that point are you guys are grabbing all this? There was a car parked outside we put all that stuff in the trunk and we were gonna

Blow it in place and that was gonna be it We were gonna call it, it was gonna be quite a night, you know, so myself and the team are waiting for EOD to finish and Then we were gonna get off target and I was gonna be it. So we're just sitting there waiting and My boss comes up to me and says hey man Sniper's are watching and we just watch five guys run out of a house about 150 yards away and run out of the house and run across street into some vegetation. So I want you to take your team and go up there. Let's wrap these guys up and

find out who they are. Because that's unusual. You know, if you just flew in on helicopters and took down a target, people aren't moving at night like that, especially if they're running and hiding. And we had seen that before. We had seen that on other targets. So our guys online, there were nine of us, DJB, one of them, and we pushed up from the south, going north towards this house, and where our house was, there was a road, and it kind of made a S. The target house was kind of here at the first bend, and underneath

that curb was kind of this large, vegetated field, and on the north side was nothing but thousands of yards of desert. So we're pushing through the vegetation, we pushed, we had a gunship overhead. As a matter of fact, things had gotten so hairy, we had been getting into so many engagements and had so many close calls. The gunship became a go-no-go criteria for us

at the end of that deployment. Like if we didn't have a gunship, we weren't going. So we had The gunship became a go-no-go criteria for us at the end of that deployment. Like if we didn't have a gunship, we weren't going. So we had the gunship overhead and we're, you know, I was talking to them, hey, what do you see? We just see some guys that are laying there. So any movement, any guns? No, we're not seeing anything. Okay, Roger that. So we pushed into this vegetation and dude, it was so fucking thick, loud, crackly. It was almost, it reminded me of like a bamboo grove,

but it was so dense like your night vision didn't work at all. You couldn't see shit, you just had this green blob and we're trying to crack through this stuff. So my spidey sense is like going bonkers. And this is, I tell a lot of people now and I try and tell young leaders, man, listen to your six cents. I wrongly chalked it up as fear. I was like, it's just fear. This is a hairy situation. This is just fear. This is how we, the sart tactics continue to know, this just fear, this how we, this start tactics, you know, continue to push the roof. And, you know, everybody's

online, we're good, you know, gunship doesn't see anything but I didn't listen to that. I should have hindsight being 2020. I would have grabbed my team leader and said, Hey, man, my Spidey sense going nuts. How's yours? What's going on? And maybe he would have said, hey, bro, I think it's just fear. Let's drive forward or he would have said, yeah, dude, let's maybe we should approach this a different way. So we kind of kept pushing forward. As we're driving through, the gunship comes over and says,

hey, you're going to miss those guys. You need to turn to the Northeast. So Roger that. So we make this turn. On our left, we're two new guys and our EOD guy. So apparently, those guys weren't monitoring the right freak. So they didn't hear the call to make that turn.

So when we made that turn, they kept going straight. So as we're pushing, we realized the interpreter was off to my left and he said, red, hey, the guys aren't with us anymore. I like what? So we stopped, took a knee and we're waiting, can't really hear them. At this point, we had moved up to the northeast and I don't know who was on the far right flank, but they were like, hey, I'm on the edge of the field. Why don't we push out?

Let's get out of this vegetation. And then we can push up to the north. At that point, our EOD guy came up and said, hey, yeah, we missed you guys somehow. He said, I can push out to the west. I said, yeah, do that. Let's, you know, because now, you know, all I'm thinking about is we have two maneuvering elements and an unknown enemy force. So I'm like, Roger that. We're pushing out to the east. You guys push out to the west. Let's move up in the open area.

Let's reconnect and then we'll we'll go in and wrap these guys up from the north. So as we're pushing out that corner, I was now closer to the front myself and the interpreter, DJ Armedic, one of the other guys, Matt, is behind me and our team leader. And it was about that time. I'm now out in the open myself and the interpreter and push to the left to start moving down to the west to link up with those three guys. And right as our medic is coming out of the vegetation, he literally stepped right on an enemy fighter.

This enemy fighter rolls over and goes to engage him and he shoots him. So at this point now, I'm out front, the interpreter's out front. There's at least one other guy with us that's out front. And what we didn't realize is we were, we were directly in the kill zone. You fucking, who stepped on him? Armedic.

Step on an enemy fighter. Yep. So what we didn't know, so what the gunship saw was only a few guys. What actually was there was almost a, what we estimated to be a 12 to 15 man element that had a ambush line set up about five yards back in that vegetation facing north. So what we think probably happened was the leader had been in the building we took down earlier and then moved up to this house, you know, 100 yards away to the north to sleep for the night.

And probably had his security detail set up so that if vehicles came in, because our vehicles would have to pull right in front of that vegetation, or if helicopters landed in that open field, either way they would have been in perfect position to engage us. We ended up coming up from the south, very disciplined force because, man, we were cracking all kinds of brush behind them and they didn't engage us from the south. They waited until we were in the kill zone. So, yeah, Luke engaged that guy

and that started that gun fight. The whole world erupted at that point. Luke was the first one shot, took around right below the knee. He had a compound fracture. Bone came out and anchored him right into the ground. He's screaming, pin down. That's when Maddie ran forward, grabbed him. The only thing behind us was this large John Deere tractor tire

and that tree that I guess DJ got behind. I was out front, I'm laying down fire and I'll be honest. What happened next was I started yelling out cease fire, cease fire because I knew the angle we were at. Like we were in this corner and those other guys waw off to the west. So I'm thinking, dude, we're fucking totally going to shoot each other. So I was initially yelling, and she's fire, which I quickly realized, okay, we're in the middle of a gunfight. We can't see fire. So I started yelling, make sure you know who's shooting at. But yeah, at this point, we're getting all shot up. Maddie had been stitched up the leg, and in the arm, he still managed to get

Luke back behind that tire. I guess by yelling and shooting, I attracted a lot of attention because at this point I had both machine guns turned on me and I was stitched across the body armor. Two rounds in the left elbow, I took rounds off my gun, rounds off my helmet, had my left night vision tube shot off. Holy shit. Turned to try and move back to the tire at this point. And I guess that's when I caught the round for behind that hit me in the face.

So it caught me right in front of the ear, traveled through my face, took off most of my nose, vaporized my orbital floor, broke all the bones above my eye, shattered that, broke that of my jaw and shattered my jaw down to my chin and knocked me out. And Jay and those guys saw that. They saw me fall. So they thought I was dead. So I'm unconscious at this point. Not aware of that. And this gunfight is now raging. Like they're behind the tire and the tree and they're just, you know, raging gunfight about, I don't know, 15, 20 yards, 15 yards, it was pretty close. A part? A part. Yeah, from where the tire and the tree was to this vegetation where these guys are, but we can't see them. All you can see is muzzle flashes. So I come to at whatever point. The gunfight we know lasted 30 to 40

minutes, 35 to 40 minutes. I don't know how long I was unconscious, maybe 10 minutes. So I come to at this point and I knew I was way fucked up. Like when I got shot in the arm, like that fucking hurt a lot. As a matter of fact, I thought my arm was shot off. After I'd been shot in the face, when I came to, I really wasn't feeling any pain. I just was fucked up. I was trying to like, OK, where am I, what's happening?

And then kind of the world started to open back up and like I could hear the gunfire. I also started to notice rounds traveling over me. The tracer fire literally traveling over me. I was at this point I was laying flat on my back and I'm like, okay, holy shit, like you're still in this gunfire and that's tracer fire like, do not sit up. At one point, I don't know why, I took my helmet off.

I'm laying there and I can clip my helmet and took my helmet off, and that's when, at some point I heard it, I took that round through my helmet that now is drawn in my skull. So right through the forehead of my helmet, I took another round while I was laying on the ground off my right side plate. In the interesting thing about side plates is I normally didn't wear them. The only reason I wore side plates at night, one, a little voice before that mission was

like wear side plates. I was like, I don't know where my side plates, you know, I want to be lighter. I normally only wore them on mobility ops to give me more protection against IEDs, but I don't know little boys like wear side plates So I wore my side plates and I took around right off the right side plate so Chichou chaos Chaos, Shooting, and I remember there was a long empire and I called out to my team leader and was like, how long till the Metabac? And he was like, Red, you're still alive?

I was like, yeah, how long till the Metabac? And he was like five minutes. So I like focused on, you gotta stay awake, stay alive. Yeah, you gotta make it to the medevac. Like if you're gonna get out of here alive. So I tried to get, I knew my arm had been fucked up, I tried to get my turnikit on my arm, and I'll be honest, I'd lost so much blood,

I couldn't even break the rubber bands on my turniket. Oh my God. So, which is a lesson learned, I use three of those really thick rigging rubber bands we use for our parachutes. That's what I use to use. Yeah, well, lesson learned when you're really weak, I couldn't break them.

I couldn't get enough leverage with my good arm to break them. So I'm laying there, I'm laying out, this gun fight continues to rage and more time goes by and I ask our team leader again, how long to the meta pack? He's like five more minutes. I'm like, he said that last time. So, um, Rebuy yourself over there. Yeah, I'm literally pinned down about 10 yards, 15 yards in front of the guys.

So, um, And, and what I realized though is dude, you know, there's nothing they can do, you know, they've got to win this fight They can't run out and get you they're gonna get all shot up, so you just got to be patient Which is a hard thing to do Yeah, you know when you realize you're you're bleeding out. Fuck man. Um, so at one point Jay, you know calls me or yells out, hey, well, let me back up for a second. He asks for a fire mission and the gunship is like, absolutely not.

He's like, you guys are so close, we'll fucking kill you. Like, we were well within danger close parameters. So they're like, you have to figure out a way to fall back from these guys and Jason like dude There's no place for us to go. It's like thousands of yards of empty desert. It's like not only that You know, I got two dudes all shot up one, you know super shot up and you know, we can't even get to it And they're like you got to figure something out because we can't bring this fire mission and we'll kill you guys So period of time goes by, he calls back again. They're like, no, absolutely not.

So the third time he calls back and he's like, look, like, and I don't know how long this has been, and this has been probably 25 minutes at this point in a very intense gunfight. He's like, we are running out of ammo. He's like, nobody's going to be left if you don't bring this fire mission in. So finally, they said, OK, well, what's your JTAC number? So JTACs in the military are guys who have been officially trained to, it's called a joint-tack to air controller. So that means they have been blessed by special operations to have the

skills to bring in gunfire from aircraft. And they have to know the onus on him. That if they accidentally killed us, it would be Jay's fault and not the gunship's fault. And I mean, I respect that, I don't know, sometimes. Anyways. So he gave it to him. And I remember him yelling out to me, hey, incoming.

And I remember laying there. And you can hear the gun go off. And there's a desidule. You know there's period of time before the rounds hit the ground. I mean decent amount. And I remember waiting and waiting and all of a sudden boom, it was 40 mic mic and it literally hit the ground directly in front of me and well you know in front of me enough

that it blew up and I felt the concussive blast and the dust in debris. And immediately the machine gun in front of me went cold. And I heard the guy yelling out, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, bro, because here he comes and sure enough, they called in the next couple of fire missions. So in between those fire missions, Jay ran forward and got me and dragged me back to the tire. So they were still engaging and fighting. So some of the things I don't remember to this day, I found this out years later. We were all hanging out one night and our medic was like, hey, man, do you remember when you yelled at me for throwing that grenade? I was like, what? No. And he's like, yeah, like we're in, you know, we were back, you were by the tire, you were totally fucking unconscious.

And I said, hey, I'm going to throw grenade. And dude, you sat straight up and we're like, put that fucking grenade away before you kill us all. And the reason being is because we were at, I guess it's a training lesson from SEAL team four back in the day, you don't throw grenades in the vegetation. Cause it'll bounce off vegetation and come back at you. So, I don't know, but he was like, yeah, man, like, dude, I didn't, he was like, dude, you like bark thunder and then you laid back down and went back on conscious.

So I don't remember that story at all. I don't remember anything about that. But finally called in additional fire missions, got the, took the enemy out and they called in the Medevac and the Medevac landed about 75 yards from us. And my team leader started to drag me and it was at that point I suddenly felt all the pain. I was like, holy shit, this hurts. So I stopped him and I said, no, they stopped.

Let me get up. And I still believe my arm had been shot off and I had taken my helmet off. So I was like, Jay, grab my arm and grab my helmet and I'm going to the helicopter. And so I walked to the helicopter. I remember I was walking like this and literally blood's just pouring out of my face

all over my body. I mean I still in my mind can see it like just blood pouring out of my face as I walk to the helicopter. I remember getting to the helo and grabbing onto you know that metal handle on the 60-door. I remember like just vividly grabbing that handle and the flight medics. There was a 160th bird, the flight medics, like helping me to get up into the helicopter. And then they loaded Matt and Maddie and Armedic, one of the helicopter.

So there are parts of this story I learned later. And then there are parts of this story that I, what I remember, it was just being in the helicopter like stay awake, stay alive. There was a miracle moment that I tell people that occurred. And you know, you and I last night, we were talking a little bit about faith and struggles in faith. And I have always struggled that time with my faith.

And I'd love to tell everybody at this moment on the battlefield, like, you know, rock solid faith forever, but I still struggle sometimes. But right before that second fire mission, I was dying, like no doubt in my mind. Like I was laying there, this gunfight's going on. Like, you know, we learn all the aspects of trauma. You learn, you know, hey man, this is what happens when you go into a shock, you know, and all the signs were there. Like, you know, I was losing feeling, I was getting cold.

It was getting harder and harder to breathe. It was getting harder and harder to think. And I was like, dude, you're getting ready to check out. Like, this is it. This is where you go. And that was hard. I'll be honest. At first I was kind of angry.

Like, I was angry that I had allowed us to get into this position. I also was angry that the enemy would have the victory of killing me. And then I started to think more about my family. And that I was never going to see my, you know, my kids again. And I talked to a lot of people about this that, hey man, you know, we were so much about stuff in this life. And I got to tell you what I was laying there dying. I didn't think about any of my stuff.

I didn't care about that. All I cared about was, you know, my wife and my kids and just saying, hey, I love you one more time. So it was in that moment that I, I don't know, I called out to God. I said, I need your help. I need strength to go home. And like that, like I had it, I just suddenly felt this surge of strength. So pretty amazing to go from, I couldn't move a muscle however many minutes before that I got up and I walked to that helicopter and got one. On that ride back, all I focused on stay awake, stay alive, stay awake, stay alive. What the fuck were you breathing? I was leaning forward.

They had me in the helicopter. They had me up against the wall. And I was leaning forward like this. And I learned later. So I was a TF160 at the Metabat crew. So years later, I tracked down that crew, because I wanted to thank them. I also managed to track down a lot of people

that were in the OR that saved my life. But a friend of mine, who actually lives in this area, now retired 160th pilot, helped me track down and found the crew that flew that mission that night. So I didn't get to meet the pilot, but I talked to him on the phone. And he was like, you know, man, I've flown 200 metabags. He's like, never wants to have had somebody track me down

and say, thank you. I was like, well, I am. I said, I'm, I'm thanking you, man, to have me and my family. So, and so then later, I actually got to meet the crew chiefs and the flight medic. And we were hanging out and they were telling me things about that night. They told me that they were not rigged for three wounded. They were only rigged for two. So they weren't able to shut the doors or the door. So they flew the, they flew the rotors off the helicopter. We're all, I mean, you know, I mean, I've been shot multiple times, Matt had been shot

multiple times, you know, Luke almost had his legs severed, so we're bleeding everywhere. And he told me by the time they landed, they got us off the helicopter, they didn't know if we survived. He said that they had me, the flight medic had me in the helicopter. I was leaning, I was next to the crew chief door gunner. And what they did is they had me put my thumb on my chest. I don't remember this at all. But if I slumped, the medic said, hey, hit a wake-up and I'd come to

and put my thumb back on my chest. So that's how part of the way that he was keeping an eye on me and he'd come over and try and keep my air wear clear. Wally was working on the other guys. Could you see? I could see. Even though I could see out of this, I don't, yeah, I mean,

this was all fucked up, but they said when they landed, they got us out of the helicopter, I remember, I was too weak, I didn't climb out of the helicopter on my own, they all floated me and put me on a stretcher car, and I remember, but it's weird what your mind remembers. Like I remember driving. And I remember we went under like this wooden bridge. And there was a guy up on top smoking looking down at me. I remember that.

I remember getting into the outer area where they take all your gear off and I remember them tugging on all that gear and like starting to cut everything off body arm room weapons and all that stuff. So they got me into the operating room and I was like all right dude you made it like you can die and and they'll save you. I remember watching like Baghdad ER, I think was the show. And there was a statistic on that show

that if you made it, if you showed up at the Combat Support Hospital, the emergency room there with a pulse, like the doctors had a 90% chance of saving you. So I was like, I'm good, man. Like I can let go and you know, they'll jump, start me and do whatever they got to do, but like, I'm good, man. 90%, I'll take those odds all day.

And so I let go, because man, that everything in me to stay awake, like everything in me wanted to let go. It was like swimming with a hundred pound weights tied to my ankles like everything said Just like oh just go to sleep and like I knew like if you got a sleep dude You'll never wake up again. Yeah, so you know we're talking about that last night I fought like hell to stay alive so they get me into the operating room and and to stay alive. So they get me into the operating room and all these doctors and nurses come in and they're barking out orders and I'm like drifting into nothingness and there was

a nurse on my left side. So on my first line gear I used to carry a grenade in a pouch right here and I guess they missed that grenade when they were cutting all my gear off. So the snorers finds it and she yells out, hey, he's still got a bomb on him. And like instantly like everybody runs out of the operating. Oh, I guess that was their, you know, their merge the action plan, like clearly operating. So I'm laying there and I'm like, oh my God, you've got to be shitting me. their emergency action plan, like clearly operating one. So I'm laying there and I'm like, oh my God, you've got to be shitting me. I'm like, I'm dying here.

And that's like, you know, I remember thinking like, oh my God, what a bad day. And then that's like the last thing I remember. So obviously they came back in and somebody got that grenade and I've actually met that nurse. We connected with her and she remembered that night. But yeah, that started a whole new road. Yeah, a whole new road.

So when I came to, I remember waking up and my commanding officer and CMC were there. And we were in Baghdad, which that was where our headquarters element was. So I remember, and the first thing I did is I tried to say something and I could, that's all nothing, air. And the nurse was like, you know, the tenant, you've been, you've been shot in the face, she's like, you're treaked. You're not going to be able to talk. So I was like, okay, give me, give me something to write with. And I don't know, my first thought was I was just ecstatic to still be alive, I'll be

honest. I also remember looking down and being like, holy shit, I still have my arm, because I thought my arm had been shot off. So I asked for a pen and paper, and I wrote down three things to them. I said, I said, are the guys OK? And they said, yeah, you know, Maddie and Luke are out of surgery. They're good, they're gonna find, I said okay.

I said, is my wife been notified? And the CEO said, yes. How she got notified is kind of an interesting story, but he's like, yes, I talked to her. And I don't know why I wrote this, but I said, okay, do I still look pretty? And they were like, no, no, this will probably be an improvement. So how did your wife get notified?

So my, yeah, my wife is a trooper. And that's one of the great things about the Trident is I get to tell our whole story from the very beginning, from the day we met, you know, throughout my career, and, you know, a lot of special operations, spouses don't get a lot of credit. And it's a huge, it takes a unique breed of woman to be married to soft guys. We're tough group of people to love some of us. Yeah, we're painting the ass. And she was a rock star all through our relationship. So my wife had left her phone that morning and had taken the kids to go someplace and got home around noon and noticed that on the answer machine was US government, US government, US government, US government, all these 25 missed calls.

And she's like, that's weird. But technology was a little better. I mean, if we weren't running missions, I would call her and it would be a US government number. So she's like, oh, that's weird that Jay tried to call me so many times. But we're weak from coming home. So she's like, maybe you want to coordinate our vacation or something like that.

So she didn't think anything of it. So then the phone rings again. She answers it and it's my commanding officer, Gus. And he says, Erica, it's Gus, and immediately the call drops. And at this point, her heart sank in her chest. He's like, oh my God, like 25 missed calls. Why is the CEO calling me?

She's like, now she's like in panic mode. Because she's like, well, if he was dead, they'd be at the door. But what if they came here this morning and I wasn't here and I forgot my phone? What if they've already shown up? So she's like panicking. So, he dials back in, takes about 10 minutes to get through again.

Erica, it's Gus. Drops again. Second time. Oh my god. So now she's like beside herself. So she tries to step outside, so she's not freaked out in front of the kids. And finally, on the third call, he gets through.

And I was still in surgery. So he said, he said, Erica, she said, your husband's the luckiest guy. No, he said, he's been all shot up. He's been shot in the arm. He says he's been shot in the face. And he said, we don't know what is, we don't know. He's not out of surgery yet. So she didn't know what my mental faculties were. So she's trying to process this. She's got, you know, my kids were young. My kids were three and five, and she also had some of our neighbors, our teammates' kids

over. She's got these kids running around. She told them they were going to take them to the park. So she's trying to deal with these screaming kids while she's processing all this information. And so she immediately starts coordinating and like, hey, what's next? And basically started planning for people to come over her family to come in, take care of the kids, so that she could head up to Bethesda to be there when I arrived. I mean, they said, hey, Jail B here. And believe it or not, from the day I was shot to the day I was in Bethesda, it was only four days. Wow. So when I

got to Germany, they did some more stabilized insurgeries. And it was at that point that one of the guys that flew home with me. I said, hey man, can we call my wife? And he was like, yeah, yeah. And I said, hey man, can we call my wife? And he was like, yeah, yeah. And I said, okay, well, obviously I can't talk. So you're gonna have to talk for me. It's like, okay. So I got airco on the phone.

And I think one of the first things I told her was, hey babe, I got all shot up, but my wang is okay. Because that was like, that was like a running joke. Like that's the worst thing. Like, you know, what if you get your, you know, you're dick blown off? And, but for her, she was like,

it was like the greatest thing I could hear because she was like, and he was like so funny because when I wrote it, he was like, I'm not reading that. I was like, come on man, you gotta read it. And she was like, it's what I needed to hear. Cause she's like, I knew your sense of humor was still there. Yeah. So, let's take a break.

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Shave your balls. Be a man. Alright, we're back. This just gets heavier and heavier. Well, it comes up. We're coming up. So you're home now? Not yet.

You're on your way home. You're writing on the board, your buddies. You just told your wife that your wang is okay. My wang is okay. It's still intact. So they blew us home on the Metabac bird and that was a miserable flight. I have so much respect for people out there

that have been traped. Oftentimes people are like, oh, it was the worst part of your injuries. Wearing a tray for seven months and two days sucked. Trakes are nasty. Because you have damage to your breathing structure in your face, they insert a plastic tube into a hole in your throat that basically goes down right above your trachea, and say tracheotomy.

What you don't know about it is your body sees it as a foreign object and oozes all this mucus to fight against it. So it gets totally nasty and it gets plugged up and you constantly have to clean it. And if you're not constantly cleaning it, you can soft-gate or suck a big piece of mucus into your lungs. So on the flight home, I'm trying to deal with this trick and the nurse is dealing. I mean, we had a lot of fucked up guys. So you had the ambulatory wounded guys who basically sat in the seats and then you had those of us that were like in the ICU, who were like embeds with all the beeping everything. And the other problem I had was I was wired shut.

So they had a pair of scissors because if I vomited with your wired shut, you also could aspirate. So nasty, messy situation. But she was trying to deal with everybody else, and I was really having problems breathing. So just a measurable flight home. And thankfully, I kept feeling like I was going to die on that flight home, but got home.

And I remember landing it was that night, they unloaded us and they put us on like these school buses. They were blue and they had racks inside that they hooked your bed onto. And I remember them driving, I don't know where we would have flown into, I guess, to over what it made sense, close to Bethesda. But I remember driving. And man, all these people out here that bash the United States, like the second, just to be on the road and to look at how clean our country is. Compared to third world countries, you and I have been to. The infrastructure we've built, not to knock any other country that's out there, but

like, I don't know, it made me feel good, like just to be home, like I'm home. And so I remember driving to the hospital, but the the I had this growing fear. There was a fear growing inside me. Probably the most I've ever been afraid in my life. And it was I knew my wife was at the hospital. And I was really terrified how she was going to handle. I had not seen myself in a mirror, I'll be honest, I was terrified to see what I was going to see. I knew that my nose was pretty much gone. They had these orange tube sticking out of what was left of my nose. I obviously, I'm wired shut. I had the trache. I had no use of my left arm, so I can't remember if they had put the external fixators in yet or not, but that's the metal hardware that sticks out of your body when they're replacing

severely damaged bones. I can't remember if I had that or not, but I'm a fucking mess. And in my mind, I felt like a monster, like what's gonna happen when she walks in the room and sees me, this is what you're married, and now you're gonna have to live with this disfigured freak. So I was afraid. I was afraid of how she was going to react.

I had definitely, I read a lot of stories about Vietnam and I had read about wives coming to the exact same house hospital Bethesda walking into the room and seeing guys who had been blown up or burned and like taking off the ring and put it on the end of the bed and walking out. And we had a strong relationship, but I don't know, man, that's a hell of a test. And I don't know if I was carrying the scars of, you know, what had happened years before when you were told hey when I was told hey, you don't measure up You know or you kick you. I don't know. I don't know what was going on in my mind But I was fucking terrified and they they brought me to the hospital and they took me up to my room and the nurse started you know

trying to clean me up a little bit and I don't know at some point I realized like I still had blood caked in my hair. And I was like, you got to clean me up. Like, I mean, like it would have made a fucking difference. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm hooked up to breathing devices and everything else. But I was like, you got to like clean me up. And they're like, well, I know, you know, your wife's outside the room, you know, you're ready for a come in. I was like, no.'re like, well, I know your wife's outside the room. You're ready for a command, I was like, no. And I'm like, I'm a fucking Navy SEAL.

And we all have perfect hair. Yes, I'm fine. Yeah, this ball doesn't work like hair gel, all right? You got to, like, I need some good shit. But I was like, fucking terrified. And she's like, your wife's outside. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not good shit. But I was like, fucking terrified. And she's like, your wife's outside. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not ready yet. So I kind of kept stalling.

And finally, she's like, you need to let your wife in. And I was like, okay. So yeah, finally, I was like, okay, I don't know how long that was, but my wife was like, she was beside don't know how long that was, but my wife was like she was beside herself It felt like hours outside the room So finally they let her in man and dude my wife is such a saint because man she walked right into that room Dude she did not pause she did not like you know like anything that I was expecting like you know

Dude she walks straight in, walked right up to me. She like pushed the fucking tubes and shit out of the way, kissed me right on the lips and was like, we're gonna be okay. And, dude, like I needed that.

Yeah. I needed that. Yeah. I needed that a lot. Yeah, because I literally in my mind, it was like, you're going to be disfigured forever. So, anyways, man, my wife, she came into that place and she definitely earned her name the long hair ad rule after that Because dude, she like took that place over like, you know, she was tracking everything and and because of all my injuries, I had an entire team of doctors and there was a lot of amazing things that happened

Wanted probably the most amazing things that I get to give tribute to is my arm was destroyed. So I took a PKM round right here, which blew out the entire back of my humerus and shattered a huge shard of, took out a huge chunk of my humorous, and then I took around on the inside, which blew everything out the back. So it effectively destroyed both bones, the heads of both bones on an irradiate. I mean, the doctor said,

like, you couldn't have done a better job destroying your elbow if like you tried. It damaged my nerves to where I had no use of my left hand and it was so bad that the orthopedic team was like, we should amputate his arm. There's nothing we can do. Massive nerve damage, elbow totally destroyed. The head surgeon at Bethesda at the time, a guy by the name of Dan DeLec, was a former seal from Seal Team 2.

And he was the head of orthopedics. And even though his team was like, hey, we should take this guy's arm. Dan was like, no, I'm going to work to save this guy's arm. And he came into the room and told me that. He's like, you know, my team is saying that we can't save your arm. He said, I'm gonna save your arm. I don't think I've had a been a team guy who would have done that.

So another amazing God-fate moment. Like, hey man, I mean, there's a lot I can't do with this arm, but I have an arm. Like, I can type, I mean, I can ride a motorcycle, you know, I can hug people. Yeah. So that occurred. I could type, I mean, I could ride a motorcycle, you know, I could hug people. Yeah. So, that occurred.

But just a really, the start of a hard road. And I'll be honest, in the beginning, I really struggled. For the first week, I was in the hospital. I'll be honest, in the beginning, I really struggled. For the first week I was in the hospital. I'll be honest, I was angry. What were you angry about? I was angry because I had worked so hard to get my career back on track. Like that, hit it. Come on in.

And so I was angry about that. And I also was kind of kicking myself. Like, you know, you made a bad call. Like this is what puts you in this situation. So I was kicking myself about that. I kept saying, man, if you would move left or if you would move right, or if you would, if you had done this or if you had done that. And finally, at one point, I was like, stop it.

You can't change what's happened. What's happened is happened. All you can do is change what happens from this point forward. And I asked myself, I said, did you do everything according to how you'd been trained? And the answer was yes. We, the SEAL teams have changed how we're doing things now

because of that mission, but we didn't do any. We did things according to our SOPs. There are definitely heavy lessons learned out of that operation, which gladly we've changed. But up to that point, we did things based off our SOPs. So I told myself, dude, you executed that mission, how you were trained. Stop kicking yourself.

And then I also found Salas. I told myself, you know, you're the worst wounded. And I'll be honest, that gave me, like if Maddie or Luke had been the ones that were all shot up like I was, I mean, they were shot up, but like, they were, it would have bothered me. Like an or if we had lost someone.

And I said, everybody came home, you're the most wounded, like, let's go. And I started thinking about all the leadership lessons that I had learned over those last two years. Hey, man, you got to grind forward, you know, lead yourself, lead others, lead always. Like, you can't sit here and feel sorry for yourself. Like, fucks is out of comp, I see. So I'm kind of grinding through all those things in my mind. And it was around that time,

like I said, about seven days into the hospital that I had some people come into the room and they were like, they were having a conversation often themselves and I had been talking to them and I guess started to drift off. But I was in that in between phase of consciousness and totally asleep where you can still hear things going on but you're not really totally engaged. They started having a conversation about the hospital and how hard the hospital was and you know what a shame all these young men and women that are all blown up and battered and they're never going to be the same they're never going to be able to have a great life you know what a shame we send all these young people off to war and they come home broken. And I was hearing all that and they left and like it was stewing inside of me. Like, you know what?

I'll be honest, I think it's what I needed. Because it was kind of like, you know what? I'm not gonna feel sorry for myself. And I'm not gonna let anybody else come in here and feel sorry for me anymore. Like, guess what? Like, you need to get up and go. Like, maybe not getting out of this bed,

but mentally, you need to get up and go. Like, maybe not getting out of this bed, but mentally, you need to get up and go. And when my wife came back in, I told her, I said, Hey, nobody's allowed into my room ever again if they're going to come in here, feeling sorry for me because I sent from this point forward, I will not feel sorry for myself. And that's when I wrote out that sign. And the sign said, Attention, all who enter here, if you're coming to this room with sadness, sorrow, don't bother. The wounds that I receive, I got a job that I love,

doing it for people I love, depending on the freedom of a country that I deeply love. I'll make full recovery, what is full? That's the absolute, almost physically, I have the ability to recover. And I'm gonna push that about 20% further through sheer mental tenacity. This room here about to enter is room of fun, optimism, and intense rapid regrowth. If you're not prepared for that, go elsewhere. And

we sign at the management. So, I don't know why. But sign at the management, I said, hey, they put this on my door. And like, nobody's allowed in this room until they read it. And originally it was on a eight and a half 11 piece of printer paper because that's what I was writing on. I have an entire ring like 500 sheets of conversations from the you know eight weeks I was in the hospital and I couldn't talk. And it was originally on that. She put it on the door and I said, hey, a couple days later, I had somebody else come in the room and they were definitely beside themselves. A lot of pity.

And I said, OK, I need this sign. We need something bigger. And she went to the exchange and found a big, bright orange piece of poster paper. And we transcribed it word for word on that paper. And I said, put that on the door. No one's allowed in until they read that. And they need to understand it.

So it kind of took on a life of its own. Probably the day, or maybe two days after it went up, a team guy came to visit. And as he was leaving, he read the sign, he took his trident off and put it tacked it into the bottom of the door. And I got to be honest, man, that was a huge thing for me too. Yeah. Because after I've done this crazy journey of failure and redemption and now I'm kind of faced with this, my career over to have a fellow team guy say this is what being a team guy is about. Tacked it in the door and it took on a life of its own.

A New York firefighter had come to the hospital, John Desjiano, who I later became really good friends with. John was a legend in the New York Fire Department. Here's a Marine. He lost both sons on 9-11. One was cop, one was firefighter, and John started coming to the hospital after that to visit with one of warriors and came to my room and visited and saw the sign on the door. Took a picture and wrote a blog about it and it went viral. It went everywhere.

National News was doing stories about it. blogs started getting written about it, and we started to get a little too much attention. So my name wasn't out there yet, and I was like, no, I'm not doing interviews because in my mind, I'm still, I'm coming back operational. So, but the sign kind of took on a life of its own. So over the next six weeks, they continue to put me back together. I had a surgery probably every other day. I probably had 20 surgeries in the first two months I was there.

And then I was released and they sent me home. And that started all the outpatient surgeries. So over the next four years, I had about 40 surgeries. And you know, what a lot of people don't realize is when you get wounded, it's not a clear path. Battlefield injuries are super dirty. So a lot of guys, I mean, I'm really fortunate that they didn't amputate my arm. There's a lot of guys, I mean I'm really fortunate that they didn't amputate my arm. There's a lot of guys that come back that have injuries and

they may still have their limb but infection sets in and they end up having to amputate to try and stop the infection. So and I ended up getting infection in my face which became a major issue. issue. The nose that I have is the third nose they built me. The first two totally failed. And at one point when the second one failed because of the amount of necrotic tissue and infection, they ended up cutting everything out. So I literally just had this hole in my face. I felt like skeletal work. And I just wore like this gauze patch over my face during that time. And that was a hard road to ride. You know, I mean, our faces as humans are, you know, it's what we look at, it's how we communicate, and so

I attracted a lot of attention, which was tough. And you know, some of my fuck it mindset worked, and sometimes it didn't. But, you know, just continuing to grind and drive forward as all of this got put back together. There was another fortunate thing that occurred. And that is at Bethesda, they were talking about how to put my face back together. And I want to give a shout out to all the amazing doctors and nurses in the military. Most of them are incredible. The Oral Maxilla Facial team, I bet that's at that time, we did not get along very well.

And I kept trying to bring together all the different teams of doctors, from ENT to I, to Oral Maxilla Facial, to Plastics, to Orthopedics, to everybody that was working, because we had an Air Force Special Operations guy, medical guy who was assigned over our case from Socom. And he basically said from the beginning, hey man, make sure everybody's on the same page. He's like, it's just like a mission.

Everybody needs to be read in so they understand all the different parts. I was like, okay, so I kept trying to get the OMF-STEM in and they were like, no, we don't need to do that. We're good. We know what our part is. And I'm like, hey, man, I need you to be talking to plastics. I need you to be talking to everyone so that everybody knows how their part fits together. And they wouldn't do it.

So finally, it started getting a little hostile. I'm like, look, man, like you guys want to do things, like I don't trust you to do them. Like you need to show me pictures of people you've put back together, you know, because I'm beginning not to trust you. And so I kind of got more and more hostile. So finally, I'd call it when they had told me after they put me back together, they were going to send me to Chicago to get my

to send me to this doctor who was like one of the world's best on nasal reconstruction a civilian doctor and So one day in the hospital I called him I found his number and I called him and I said hey You know, I'm a Navy seal. I got shot in the face. My nose got blown off I've got some massive facial damage. This is what these oral maxillofacial doctors are telling me, what would you do? And he was like, why don't you come to Chicago and see me? So I called, you know, the command, or I called Naval Special Warfare and I said, hey, can I get permission in orders to go to Chicago to see this doctor?

And they were like, yes. So I went and met him And they were like, yes. So I went and met him and he was like, no, what they're talking about is old technology, medical technology. I want to connect you to my partner who I work with in Chicago who I went and met with. And that guy said, you know what? He said, you're more complicated than most cases. He said, I want to send you to Baltimore.

There's a doctor there who is probably one of the best in the world for facial reconstruction. So fluid of Baltimore, probably a month later, and met this guy, Dr. Eduardo Rodriguez. And as soon as I met him, dude, I walked into the room like I showed you my no bad days. Well, the skull. So this was taken off the acrylic model of my room, like I showed you my no bad days, well the skull. So this was taken off the acrylic model of my skull, which I ended up carrying around everywhere I went to meet doctors as they figured out how to put me back together. And I remember walking into Dr. Rodriguez's office and the entire office was lined with skulls that looked like mine.

And right off the bat, he was like, hey man, like, you know, I worked on a couple delta guys, and he pulled up pictures and was showing me guys who'd been shot in the face. And he's like, this is what I did for them. I was like, dude, I need you. So he ended up doing all my facial reconstruction. And then later I went back to the nose guy, Dr. Robert Walton, who did all my nasal reconstruction. But Ed Rodriguez is probably, I mean, so I'm really fortunate. I got out of the military medical system. And I mean, I've had a miraculous outcome. I mean, to take a high caliber machine gun round to the face and look like this now

is incredible. And Dr. Rodriguez is probably, in my opinion, I think most people would agree, probably the best facial reconstruction dude on the planet. I don't know if you remember probably 10 years ago, the woman that got her face bit off by a baboon and they did the first facial transplant. Damn.

So Doc Rodrius led that surgery. Wow. So just fortunate as things unfolded, I hung on to getting back operational. And I ended up finishing my time at SEAL Team 10. And when I was coming back, you know, from being wounded, I was screening to try and go over to the development group. So I got permission and they allowed me to go over there to be able to serve there and I worked in operating or I worked in ops, I worked some special projects and things like that.

And my goal was hopefully to get back operational though so that I could finish my career over there. Unfortunately, that didn't really ever happen. So originally my arm was totally fused, so I couldn't bend it at all. I finally got through a lot of rehab. I still have some nerve damage with my owner, nerve. But I kept trying to find doctors who could give me more movement. Found a doctor at Johns Hopkins, Andy Agelcetter, who was one of the premier,

hand in arm guys out there, and he went in and rebuilt my elbow. And got me, so I can bend this much and I can extend this much. And he was like, that's the best you're ever going to have. Which, after I recovered, I quickly realized doesn't work. It's really hard to grab things on your side. I mean, it's even pretty difficult to clip my helmet or do things like that. So the command was great about helping me.

The medical department there was incredible. And we kept searching across the country to try and find somebody better. And I would meet literally some of the best hand and arm guys anywhere. And you know, orthopedic surgeons and high level surgeons, they can be an arrogant bunch. Yeah. I'd meet them and they'd be like, oh yeah, I can definitely fix your arm. And I throw that X-ray up, dude.

And it'd be like, dad, the wind taken out of their sales. It'd be like, oh, it'd be like, yeah, man, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do for this. They're like, we don't even know how, we don't even know how your elbow's functioning. Wow. So I called back Andy Agle Center, and I said, hey, man, I need more movement.

I need at least 10 more degrees. And he was like, not only no, but hell no. He's like, going into your elbow, was like going into hell. He's like, he's like, no. He's like, it's amazing, the outcome you have. He's like, he's like, not only that, he said, if you allow somebody to go back in there,

he's like, there's a high chance you'll have a negative outcome. He's like, you could be in chronic pain, and, you know, your arm may not work right. He's like, so I sure as hell I'm not going back in there and I'd recommend you not either. You not have anybody to do it either. So, once again, Stover didn't listen to that. I kept looking, kept looking. I've discovered, didn't listen to that. Kept looking, kept looking. I finally, probably the 10th doctor,

was a really esteemed guy at a Duke University. And this was probably two years after my injuries at this point. And I got myself back in some kind of shape. And I was like, man, this is the last thing. If I can get my arm right, I can go back and be operational. You know, hopefully qualify, go through green team. And yeah, he sat me down and he was like, listen, he's like, you have an amazing outcome.

He's like, what you can do with this arm is incredible. He said, I don't think there's anyone on this planet that can do any better than what you have. And he said, that other guy that told you you're going to have a negative outcome, I agree. He said, if you were my son, I would not let you get this surgery. He said, not highly advised you not to look anymore. So I remember walking out of that. And I had gone down there by myself. My wife had not gone on that trip. And I remember walking out of that and I had gone down there by myself. My wife had not gone on that trip and I remember walking out of there was late in the afternoon like the sun was setting and I remember I

don't know. I think for a while reality had started to set in like I kind of knew that I don't know that that chapter was closing. So I kind of came to grips with it and was like, all right, man, this is it. That story's over. So I came back and I asked a command, I said, hey, I want to finish. So I was at probably what, 17, 18 years at that point.

And I said, I want to finish my career. I want to do 20 years. I came in to do 20 years. And I said, okay, Roger that. So I stayed, like I said, I got to work ops. I got to work special projects. I got to work on some other unique things, which was cool for me to be able to play a part in that command even though I wasn't operational. And then we started the process of medical retirement about 19 years, in which took two years to go through that whole process. So I retired 21 years, August 30, 2013. And I probably would have cut going if I could have.

Although what I started to realize was, so in the SEAL teams, we have no, like the Army has administrative leadership positions. In SEAL teams, we don't. Like, you have to fill operational billets to make the next ranks. So I could have made Lieutenant Commander, but I never would have made Commander

because I would have had to fill an operational billet in order to make that next rank. So I don't know, and several things were starting to happen in the background. I'd launch our nonprofit and I was working with one of the warriors on our nonprofit. That was starting to take more time. I had started to write, although I never intended to write a book.

What happened, how the trident came to be, was during all those surgeries, when I couldn't talk, people would be like, what happened? So I wrote out the entire firefight. And then I liked to write. So it started to become like this cathartic thing where after surgeries, I would just write. And I started writing about Afghanistan. I started writing about all my leadership mistakes I had made in Afghanistan and about the missions and about growing up and learning. So by the time I was done, I had like 200 pages. Books, or as you well know, a double ed sword in our community.

And I was at the development group and went to one of my master chiefs who had been my master chief at 10 and now was a master chief, command master chief over there. That super, super, I respect the hell out of that guy and I went to and I just said, hey, I've been working on this. I said I wouldn't do anything with the health community's permission.

But I've written this. Would you read it and let me know your thoughts. He said yes. So he got back to me and he was like, red, this is great. He said it's humble. He read about your mistakes. He's like, this is a good.

He's like, let's send it up the work, let's let them decide. So, send it up the work, and work, bless it and said, hey, no, this is good. We give you the thumbs up. So, at that point, Marcus connected me to his agent, and negotiated with John Brewing to help me write, and we finished putting it all together. The deal with the Navy was, I had to retire before the book was out.

So all of that kind of led me to decide that it was time to go. So yeah, nonprofit book and starting to realize, hey man, being a seal that chapter is closed. So what's next? How can you help people? And that was also what I was beginning to see. The sign on the door really motivated and was inspiring, all these other people and that message behind it of this mindset of overcoming this mindset of driving forward

despite adversity, this mindset of not being a victim and not having pity for yourself. That was getting a lot of traction. You know, we, the sign, we had it framed, President Bush signed it, and it hangs in the wounded ward at Bethesda. So I was getting this traction being asked to come out and speak and share my story, both in military units, nonprofits, and I was learning, and I think there's power in this. Like I've got a unique story, and most people are afraid to talk about failure.

They don't want to talk about their failures, they only want to talk about their successes. And I mean, that book, it's about failure. It's about failure. It's about crash and burn, fucking torch still in the rails, bottom of the barrel, failure. And I'm living proof that it's not too late to come back from any failure you're ever in. So many of us buy into those lies. And this is where guys end up killing themselves because they think there's nothing left. I almost did. And I'm a live-in proof that that's not true. That that's a fucking lie that you're being told.

So I was like, well, how do I get out and help other people with this? How do I help other people overcome failure and tragedy and adversity and all these things that all of us are struggling with? So yeah, retired and got out and continued to work, the nonprofit, learned a lot about business, both negative and positive, and slowly started to grow in our speaking company. How long did it take for you to start to be able to talk again?

Seven months and two days. Seven months, you were writing shit down. That's how you communicate. They could cap my trink so I could talk, but I wore that trink for seven months and two days. I would have to, you know, we would put it on for me to talk and then I would take the cap off. How long did it take for you to look at yourself in the mirror?

So that was, so it kind of happened by accident in the hospital about two weeks after I was there. I don't know after I was there. I don't know if I was ready, my wife would ask me, you know, and I was like, no, I don't need to see myself yet. So one day, actually, interestingly enough, it was the day they figured out how to do the acrylic model for my skull, and they put you into this machine that does this 360 do scan. So when they put me into this machine and I was still really weak from all the blood loss

and everything, so it took a lot in me to just get up. So it took everything in me to get up into this machine and yeah, as soon as I got in there was a mirror directly across and my wife was fucking livid because yeah, it was the first time I saw myself and I looked rough man. You know, I had 10, 12 days, my face was so fucking swollen. Like all the way out to here, like everything, like I had just the stitches look like they were ready to bust, you know, almost no nose, you know, just these tubes sticking out of my nose. I had scars all the way down to my lip. My lip was all pulled up like this. What was your thought when you saw yourself? It looked like a freak.

But I also, I guess the good news was, I was on the flip side. Yeah. I was on the flip side of this, hey, whatever happens, I'm going to be positive and drive for it. Yeah. Like, they'll figure out how to put me back together. There was another amazing moment that occurred right around that time. And it might have even happened before this because I was pretty positive about like,

hey, I look like a freak but I know there's light at the end of the tunnel. So there's a wounder warrior out there by the name of Clay South. Shout out much loud. Do you Clay if you hear this? Clay was a marine who got shot in the face in Fallujah in 2004. He made entry into a room and literally on the other side of the door was a terrorist with an AK. Clay stepped directly into the line of fire and the guy pulled the trigger probably only six inches from Clay's face. Like he was so close he had powder burns all over his face. The round hit him

right in the lower jaw, destroyed his entire jaw and the bullet lodged in his throat. He drops and the rest of the guys come into the room, a huge gunfight breaks out. They think Clay's dead. One of the guys frags the room, so Clay now gets blown up and fragged. And when they come back in, they realize, holy shit, he's still alive. They call him the medic. The medic, one of the first things he does, a young inexperienced medic, is he uses quick clot. You know, when you use quick clot on it. So you know now in Stroats Burning but they saved Clay and rebuilt his face. So 2004 so this three years later. So I got connected to Clay and I remember my wife had pushed me

outside and you and somebody said, hey Clay's gonna come visit you today. Now sit outside in the courtyard of Bethesda. I'll be honest, I was kind of struggling that day. And I remember from across courtyard, see him, he's a pretty big jack guy. And he was walked across courtyard. He's probably, I don't know, 50 yards for me.

And I only had the one good eye to see with it. This eye was kind of messed up still. And remember thinking man look at that look at that young buck got his whole life in front of him and you know here I am I'm sitting in this wheelchair all fucked up and uh and he he walks up to me and I can see as he gets closer he's got a lot of facial scars but he look good and he's like what's of facial scars, but he look good. And he's like, what's up, man, place out. And I was like, holy shit, like, okay. Like, I know what happened to him, so I know I'm gonna be okay.

So sometimes I just need to see somebody on the other side to realize, okay, man, I can walk this walk. Yeah. So, did you care about what anybody thought other than, I mean, your family? Not really. Yeah. You know, Mike, I was worried about my kids.

That was one of the things and a lot of people asked about that. I would not let the kids see me for the first several weeks. And my wife and I both agreed on that for a lot of reasons. But I also think this was something that set them up for success. And my kids are amazing now. There were a lot of things I looked really rough in the beginning. Like when I saw myself in that mirror, I looked rough. That would have been very scary for them. I also was too weak to get up and walk. I didn't want to see them in the ICU.

I didn't want them to see me in the ICU where I'm hooked up to all this wires and everything. I couldn't get out of bed. I still look bad. So I said, I want to wait. I want to be able to walk into the room where the kids are when I see them. And I want some time for the doctors to do some work to hopefully make this look a little better. So I think I saw them for the first time like three weeks later.

And there's a little family room in Bethesda. And there was four or five rooms down from my room. And yeah, carried my little IV pole and locked in the room for the first time. And that was, my wife had gone out and bought, like toys for the kids, that they wanted. My son would have been eight. My middle daughter would have been five and the youngest was two

almost three. So I think it was a baby doll. I think it was like a medical kit and she got my son an Nintendo DS. So she gave these for me to give the kids. And I was kind of afraid of how the kids would handle me. And yeah, they were, they seemed happy to see me. My middle was like, daddy looks funny, but he's good. So, you know, that journey with my kids became, you truly learn what unconditional love is with children. Kids haven't let all the bullshit bias of the world get into them. They don't care about the color of skin.

They don't care about scars. They don't care that somebody's different because they're missing limbs or they have a disease or they're whatever. Like kids just see the world for what it is. Hey, Sean, you know, maybe you're all burned, but hey, Sean's a fun guy. Let's go play together. And you see that, you know, I saw that with my kids. You know, they didn't care.

That's awesome. You know, that's dad, dad, come play with me. Dad, read me this book. Dad, play the Nintendo DS with me. And that was probably one of the biggest things that helped heal me also. To grow and learn. Man, yeah, I think I got to a point, man. I got an amazing, beautiful wife who she still loves me.

She was such a saint. That was the other thing as we move forward. I mean, you know, almost 40 surgeries over four years. I mean, she was my biggest nurse, especially in the first year when they sent me home, I mean, they sent me home in a wheelchair. They sent me home with all this external hardware sticking out of my body. I was still tricked. I was still tricked. I'm eating out of a stomach tube. I'm wired shut. My wife was literally grinding meds and I'm ordering pets to feed them to me through my stomach tube. I mean, that's above and beyond. She was cleaning my trache. I mean, that's way that's that's a heavy lift for anyone and dude she never ever complain.

And that would have crushed me. You know, if my wife had ever said, how could you have done this to us, you know, you and your stupid career, that would have crushed me. I don't know if she never felt it, but she sure never said it, man. My wife was just positive and awesome. So that's amazing. I mean, you got a strong family. Yeah. That's.

Blast, man. That's fucking beautiful. Yep. So yeah, man, we're blessed. I mean, hard to believe, you know, it's been 15 years. This will be 15 years now. So, we've gotten amazing life. I'm now ran the nonprofit for 10 years with my wife, grew it to

almost a $3 million organization and ran into us, I'm Shichou, along the way, learned a lot, finally decided to phase it down for several reasons, but one of the biggest one is we did not focus on mental health. And we were losing too many wound employers, I was losing too many friends suicide. And I think the final, we had created a leadership program for wound employers called the Overcome Academy. It was a very expensive program,

so it was really hard to raise the Overcome Academy. It was a very expensive program, so it was really hard to raise the funding for that. And I had gotten a friend of mine, Ron Condry, was an EOD guy who really was struggling with demons. And I had convinced Ron, hey, he wanted to go through the Overcome Academy. This leadership program, I said not. Hey, man, yes.

But I think you should do some other stuff first. So we ended up doing other things. He called me up after he graduated one of these programs, like, man, I'm so excited to come to your Overcome Academy. That course was supposed to run in October. He got out of that other program, like the end of September, like two days later, he killed himself in front of his wife. And that, that kind of made me realize, like, dude, until we can figure out how to fix this, like nothing else

really matters. I mean, there's a lot of groups that are out there that are trying to figure out how to give guys jobs, and they want to take guys' fish in and all that and all that stuff's great. Man, in Kudos to any organization that's doing that. But I said, okay, we don't need another nonprofit. You know, what I was doing, there's 43,000 nonprofits. Like, I developed a little bit of a name. I said, I'm going to phase mine down and I'm going to go find organizations that are helping on the mental health side and on the traumatic brain injury side.

Yeah. So that's how I got involved with concussion legacy foundation, supporting project head strong, another group that's doing mental health. I work with Gary Seney's foundation and recently I got involved with C.F. Future Foundation. He's doing a lot of really good stuff for our guys, any of our guys. So yeah, it's been an incredible road. Now, speaking, wrote a couple more books. How'd the book do?

Try to became a New York Times best seller, which is pretty amazing. That's a whole other story in that the agent who's no longer with us, he ended up passing away, did not like the book. We bought it heads quite a bit. It almost didn't get published because he didn't want me to tell the failure story. He was like, just, he's like, right more combat,

he's like, that's what people want. And I was like, that's, you know what, man, there's plenty of guys have written that story. I was like, that's not my story. I was like, this is my story. You know, this is the story of a guy who failed and managed to come back. And like, that's not my story. I was like, this is my story. This is a story of a guy who failed and managed to come back. And I said, and I'm proud of that. And I think it'll resonate. And he didn't believe in it. He didn't like it. So because of that, I don't think

it got a lot of the love and attention that it could have. Although what's interesting is it continues to sell after all these years. And I didn't even know it made the New York Times bestseller list. I found out when we were working on overcome, the publisher for overcome was like, hey, do you want us to write New York Times bestseller on overcome? And I was like, no, I was like, no, that's not true. And she's like, what do you mean it's not true? Yes, it's true. I was like, no, found out. Yeah, I was like, no, that's not true. And she's like, what do you mean it's not true?

Yes, it's true. I was like, I'm not, we never made a list. And she's like, yeah, you did. You made it on this date, like a year and two months after it came out. No shit. So it's been, it's been pretty amazing. Overcome, Trident is the story. And there's a lot of leadership lessons and people really

like it. I mean, John Brooney and I got to give him a hand. He really, people that read it, the greatest thing I always hear as well, that wasn't what I expected. It was so much better. Because I think what people are expecting is like this hardcore combat, rar, rar, rar, book. And that's in there.

But it's much more a story of leadership and growing up, and it's a love story, and it's, you know, it's all these things that are much more human than somebody who just wants, you know, the hardcore warrior shits out there. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of that shit out there, and you know, it's interesting. There's a lot of that shit out there and you know, it's interesting, but I find just with the I mean I've only done 30 interviews, you know and two and a half years, but So my knowledge is limited

But all of the All of the episodes that seem to do the best, you know, are failures, insecurities, overcoming things, you know, it's not, I've never had a chest pounder, you know what I mean, on here. And in all of them do really well. But the ones that really, really take off are the men that come in here, you know, women soon, that come in here and they talk about failures, they talk about insecurities, they talk about overcoming obstacles. And that's what resonates. I mean, everybody has this idea of what a seal is or what a special operations guy or a badass business guy.

And what it does is it's the ones that really humanize themselves that resonate because people fucking relate to that shit. Because we're all human. Yep. I've met people who are like, oh man, seals are superhuman, no or not. Nope. We're just like everybody else.

Yeah. We have doubts. And I think the only thing that makes us different is I think the one common that makes us different is, I think the one common thing, we can endure pain and discomfort longer than the average person. Yeah.

We probably, I would say at the higher level, you can process information faster than the average person. That's probably the other thing that really makes, I see what makes a difference between a guy making it through training or not. Yeah. Well, I'm going to link both of those in the description and hopefully that pick up again. Yeah, I mean, but which I'm sure they will.

So what are you doing with the coaching and you got into speaking and you got a lot going on? I do, probably too much. But you learn, you know, you learn, you and I were talking a lot about that. You throw a lot at the wall, you figure out what works, you figure out what you like, you figure out what you don't like. I like coaching, coaching super time consuming, That's the only thing for 101 coaching. So I'm probably scaling that back.

I have a coaching group. I relate to the underdog. So there are a lot of people who are really targeting high level, I want to do this high level executive coaching. And sure, I'd like to do that. That's one that pays well. But bigger than that, I want to connect to the average person because the average person can't afford high level executive coaching. So I created a group called

the Overcome Army, and it is for the average everyday person who's struggling to overcome, who wants to be the best version of themselves. Like, how do I set goals and accomplish goals? How do I create more discipline in my life? How do I come to grips that I'm fucked up, but that's okay and I can still drive forward and be successful and not buy into the lies that I'm fucked up and I'll never be successful. And it's been pretty neat, man. We have about 100 people, 39, 99 a month, I've got other coaches and just helping people overcome trauma, really themselves.

I mean, like we talked about earlier, I mean, man, overcoming yourself, that's the greatest And just helping people overcome trauma, really themselves. I mean, like we talked about earlier, I mean, man, overcoming yourself, that's the greatest victory you'll ever have. You know, if you can come to grips with yourself and despite the doubts you have, still drive forward, victory. So, overcome army, that's doing well. Speaking is really doing well. I mean, like you said, I pride myself on being relatable to any audience. I think the seal thing is nice. It's a shiny thing. But that's not what connects people.

What connects people is a story of leadership and failure. It is a story of resilience. It's a story of leadership and failure. It is a story of resilience. It's a story of how I figured out how to create balance in my life as a leader. It's sharing my insecurities and my problems. And sharing that story of sitting in that chair and putting a gun in my mouth, thinking it was the end. And coming to learn that it really became a new beginning,

a better me. Teaching people how to get off the axe. With the, you know, the axe me and the point of attack incident, the lies in your head that everybody gets told. And it's been cool, man. It's been neat to see people who relate and say, I needed that. Like I was stuck. You know, I bought into those lies that I was a failure that would never be worth anything again.

So that's rewarding. That, I, you know, you and I were talking about death and it's one, all of us have to die. So I think the only goal you can have in this life is how do you make the biggest impact with the gifts you have? And we've lost a lot of friends. I mean, in this room, there are people that you and I knew who are no longer here. And I try and live my life, no bad days. Like the idea behind no bad days is, dude, if you're still alive, then guess what? And it's a good day. You have the opportunity

to make something of your life, to make an impact, do something positive for someone, because you're still alive. Because the alternative is, those days are gone. Like our buddies who are no longer here, they wouldn't give anything to still be here. Their families would give anything for them to still be here. So, you know, these people that squander their lives. Yeah, they would want you to have your best day. Every day.

And I think it's up to us to live for that. Yeah. You know, we're buried in negativity out in this world today. Fucking social media and the media. So I don't watch it. Yeah. I don't, uh, uh, I use social media just to put content out and I try to engage with the people that follow me.

But I try not to scroll very much because usually it's nothing but negative, you know, negative information. Yeah. So, if I'm still here, it's a good day, you know? So those are all the things that I'm speaking on. I'm just trying to get out there and spread that message. Got the... A lot of people have been asking me, hey man, when can I come here you speak?

And most of the stuff I've done is all been private. So the very first ticketed event I am doing is up in Chicago September 1st through 3rd called the Roger Up event. And pretty excited, we got some high level people, Nick Kumalatsis, a fellow CEO, Will Brandham, myself, we're going to be doing it. It's a personal development and we're throwing in jujitsu. Some of the e-top jujitsu practitioners in the world are going to be some of the instructors. And some people may say, well, dude, I'm not a jujitsu guy, but at the end of the day, getting out of your comfort zone is one of the biggest things you can do for personal development. So even if you're not into jujitsu guy, but at the end of the day, getting out of your comfort zone is one of the biggest things you can do

for personal development. So even if you're not into jujitsu, come, get on the mat. It's gonna get you out of your comfort zone. And then we're gonna be talking on leadership. We're gonna be talking on emotional leadership. We're gonna be talking on how do you build good structure and discipline in your life to be successful? And we just got word fingers crossed

that a super high level, very prominent former special operations guy may join us. So I can't say his name because we're not there yet. But so it's going to be an amazing event. People can go to RogerUpEvent.com to learn more about it. And then I'm doing the, I'm doing the overcome and survive defense workshop. You and I were talking about that.

I, there's a lot of guys out there that are doing amazing, high level tactical training for government law enforcement and even individuals who are looking for super high level, you know, room clearance, you know, vehicle egress, all kinds of stuff like that. The average person doesn't really need that. What I started seeing was I kept meeting every average, every day Americans who were like, hey, the world is burning down around us. Like, the major cities are imploding this defund police movement.

How do I protect myself and my family? I have this gun, but I'm afraid of it. I don't keep it loaded because they don't know it well enough. So we created the Overcommon Survive Workshop to A, how do I teach you to be a base level functional and safe with a weapon, where you understand grip, firing, backstop, malfunction, magazine change, if you need to do that, those things so that you can be comfortable in defending yourself and your home. We teach survival.

What are things that you can do to make sure A, you can survive at the basic level of storm, B, God forbid that a city imploded to where there was mass violence that was occurring and anarchy that now hopefully you're seeing these things and you have the things in place to be able to survive and take care of your family. Food, water, shelter, things like that. First day, you know, if the world implodes,

you're going to be hard pressed to find a paramedic to show up to help you if something happens. So you should know how to do that. So I've got former special operations medics and 20-year license firefighters who are teaching that. And then we've partnered with a super high-level personal defense martial arts, Cifu Alambaker. Collins, like a black belt in 25 different martial arts.

And he has developed a custom program. At the beginning, it's much more about situational awareness and how do we de-conflict a situation because I think there's a lot of people who wrongly teach, hey man, I'm going to teach you to be a badass. You know, if this guy comes at you, I'm going to kick his ass. Well, I was a seal for 21 years. I don't consider myself a badass. The smarter move is trying to avoid the situation altogether.

Now, if I get pushed into a situation, at that point, then I have to decide how am I going to escalate it and how am I going to attack. But I'm not going to take the average person off the street and teach them how to be John Wick in a weekend or even in a year. Instead, how do we teach him how to see what's happening and hopefully, eh it be de-escalated see last case scenario We give you the tools to hopefully be able to defend yourself to the best you can So so that's our overcome and survive workshop. I think that's awesome that you're doing that, you know I Used to be in the tactical game, you know and The and I trained John Wick.

Yes, you did. And the most fulfilling thing that I, and you got thrown under the bus for doing it. And whatever, another who cares. But the most fulfilling students that I have were I used to teach all women's course. And to see, and a lot of those women had been sexually abused or raped and

When that happens to a woman a lot of them carry themselves in a in a Different way. Yeah, and to see the empowerment that they get when they start to get the weapons down, you know, and they start to build their fundamentals and that toolbox, which is basic skill. I mean, it's just, it's really, it's, it's, it's the best feeling in the world, to empower somebody who is weak, who's weak because they've been abused. And then you start to see that empowerment building them, and it's just one of the best feelings in the world, man. You don't get that training, fucking John Wick people that wanna learn how to clear a stairwell

or you don't get that shit with that. That's fantasy shit. You know what I mean? There's very few people on the fucking planet that need to know how to do that. But everybody needs to know how to defend themselves and their family. And I think it's fucking cool, man.

That you're doing that. It's a big need. It needs to be filled. I hope to do more, like I said, I like it. How do we... This world right now is off its axis. Staggers. Yeah.

You look at the mass shootings that are occurring. There's a lot of people that want to point at the guns, but it's not a gun problem. It's a people problem. It's a lack of accountability. There's a mental health crisis in this country where desensitizing young people to death through video games, massive violence, and movies and everything else. So yeah, how do you

counter that? There's a lot of different things, but I know for me, I want to make sure that my family and hopefully my friends would feel comfortable to defend themselves if they had to. God forbid. Yeah. But so I don't know, hopefully we can do hopefully we can do more of that. Yeah, I'm sure you will. But, well, Jason, I'm just fucking blown away by the last five hours of our belong. We've been sitting here.

But, yeah, I just, there's a lot I wasn't expecting and I just, that's, it can be tough to share that kind of, you know, that kind of stuff and, and, and, man, I just, you just, what a phenomenal interview, man, it's been a real honor. It really has and I just wish you the best luck. Brother, thank you. I'll challenge anybody to get out there and share your darkness. You'll learn so many people are ashamed of trauma, mistakes, failure, but and they let it on them. Yeah.

And when you, when you, uh, when you get comfortable sharing it, you begin to learn your power over it. And how much of a difference it makes to other people. So, uh, uh, thank you. Thank you. Cheers.

Cheers. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. medication trial and error. Jean-Site is a genetic test that analyzes variations in DNA. It shows how genes may affect someone's metabolism or response to medications commonly prescribed to treat depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. Visit JeanSite.com for more information. The Bullwork Podcast focuses on political analysis and reporting without partisan loyalties. Real sense of day job is sprinkled on our PTSD.

So, things are going well, I guess. Every Monday through Friday, Charlie Sykes speaks with guests about the latest stories from Inside Washington and around the world. You document in a very compelling way. All of the positive things have come out of this, but it also feels like we have this massive hangover. No shouting or grandstanding. Principles over partisanship.

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