Shawn Ryan Show - #50 Chris / Kristin Beck - Navy SEAL Transitions To Woman Then Back To Man

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Episode #50 is one of the most important interviews you'll ever hear. Chris Beck is a retired Navy Seal with 20 years service & 15 deployments under his belt. Even with his Bronze Star with Valor, Chris wasn't only known for his skills behind the trigger, but for his brilliance in technology and engineering. Chris pioneered the mission planning systems for all of SOCOM, revolutionized the future of warfare with the "Iron Man" Project, and contracted for the Pentagon with a $600 million dollar research and development budget. Despite all of his accomplishments, Chris was facing demons in private. TBIs, PTSD, and a traumatic childhood sent Chris down a path to find out who he truly was. Through trauma and misguided agendas, Chris transitioned to a woman and after years of being pulled into this ideology, ultimately started the long journey to transitioning back into the man he always was. This episode explores his journey through an abusive childhood, the trans agenda, and the nuance of sexuality & biology. Chris's fiance' Courtney joins us and explains how gender dysphoria can endanger and influence children and how society has reached a breakpoint with these issues. Stick around until the end of the episode to learn how Chris sparing a life in combat may have set the stage for him to save his own and how thousands of others will be. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://mudwtr.com/shawn - USE CODE "SHAWN" https://hvmn.com - Use Code "SHAWN" https://betterhelp.com/shawn Chris Beck Links: Instagram | Twitter Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And a lot of people told me I probably shouldn't do this episode because I might get canceled. I don't care. I do not care. I am tired of watching creators and podcasters all over the place filter their content in fear of cancel culture I'm not gonna do it. I never have done it I'm gonna keep getting bolder and I'm gonna keep getting louder on subjects that I think people need to hear about This episode has changed my perspective on certain issues with the topic and it also has solidified many of my views on the topic but my views that's not what matters I'm just bringing truth to you guys and I hope you appreciated and if you don't

that's cool too there's a lot of other channels out there for those of you that do though thank you for sticking around. I hope you guys like this one. Please leave us a comment, like, and subscribe. Follow and subscribe to us on Spotify and iTunes. Leave us a review. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Chris Beck to the Sean Ryan show. I love you all. Enjoy it, learn

something, spread it everywhere. Everybody needs to hear this. Alright cheers. One last thing, if this video does offend you and you're part of that cancer culture crowd, before you have a complete con-ip-tion fit. Go get a camera, turn it on, video your meltdown because nothing warms my heart more than watching the cancel culture crowd have a complete meltdown. Post your video on Twitter, tag Sean Ryan 7.62. I'd love to see it. Enjoy the show. Chris Beck, welcome to the show, man. Thank you. Been all you long time coming. Yeah. It's my life. I'm retarded about what's happening to me. Nervous about it. Well, I'm a little bit nervous, maybe. I get nervous for

every one of these things. Yeah. Every single one of them. I just want to make sure that I that I produce the best product, you know, that is the most accurate representation of you. And so, give you a quick introduction here. 20-year Navy SEAL retired veteran, 13 deployments, bronze star with valor, Navy comm with valor, purple heart, founder of mindfulful Valor, Nonprofit. You transition to a female from a man, then you transitioned back to a male.

You're a motivational speaker in your goal right now for coming on the show, which we spoke a lot about, is you want a platform to speak to the SEAL community. Do you wanna go into that a little bit? Yeah, so I make mistakes in my life. I think we all make mistakes for him, right? There was, and you imagine that a transition from a male to a female, and that's not really truthful. You know, that's not really what happened

when I looked back on it And there was a time when I thought that was what I was doing, but it's definitely not the case. It was an imitation You know, it was um It wasn't right. It was a mistake It was something that hey if it was private then yeah, whatever, you know, and It's something that should hey, if it was private, then yeah, whatever, you know, and it's something that should have never happened. And I have not a female, I was never a female, a male can't be a female. Well, we're going to get to all of that and I want to understand it because I don't, I don't understand it. And I just want to be honest with you, my goal,

my personal goal with this interview, for the record, I think this interview has the potential to be the most impactful interview that I will ever do. And my goal with this interview, I hope it is, because I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of things going on in the world today that weren't 20 years ago. I think it's building a lot of confusion. My goal is for any children who are thinking of transitioning or identifying as the opposite sex, as they were born, whether they want to do it or not, that's not for me, but I just want them to have a full picture of what that process is like, what it did to you and what it did to your mental state. And I want that entire community to be able to come to this episode on this show

and hear your story and help them come up with the right decision for them, if that makes sense. And so Chris, I just, before we do start, I just wanna say, I know you've been through a lot of shit. You've been through all the combat stress that almost everybody in that chair has been through. You know, unique to you.

And then you've been through the transition stuff. And I know that was extremely hard on you. And so I just want you to know you're in a judgment free zone. There's no any of that going on here. I hope somebody starts judging me. But sometimes we need to get a smack in a face, you know, yeah, sometimes we need to be told to stop. Yeah, you know. Yeah. Sometimes we need to be told to stop. Yeah. Or cut that out, or, hey, are you sure? I've heard you can be quick to do that at times.

Who are you? Yeah, I have. I heard a story about you and Danny's pub. But I won't get into it. But, hey, everybody starts off with a gift on this show. There you go. Thanks, man. Open it up.

Let's put it right now. Nice. Those are vigilance league gummy bears made in the USA. Gummy bears. That's right. What are they? They're legal in all 50 states. They're for 20 bears?

No, they're not for 20 bears. Oh man, come on. They're just visual. I mean, good ones. Well, maybe one is about that. Yeah. That's cool, man. Yeah, I make my own gummy bears. Do you really? What do you make? Oh, I'd good ones. Oh, you make you make the magic. But they're all organic. So I take a one cup of fruit juice I'm an organic. So I take a one cup of fruit juice and a couple tablespoons of lemon juice and then you put in the beef gelatin and I think that's like a third of a cup or something and it's not very hard.

There's like five ingredients. And it's all organic. It's all the stuff natural, you know, nature. So it's not the chemicals and other stuff. No, no, no, no. Interesting. You's not the chemicals and other stuff. That are interesting. You do all kinds of stuff out there. We had a good dog at breakfast. The gummies, I, well, I'm in the homeopathic

and herbal stuff. And so when I make the gummies, I always add in, I make these tinctures out of like, I make golden rod tincture and nettles, stinging nettle tincture. I make all these different tinctures. And I add those tinctures of various types to the gummy bears.

And so that gives you all the nutrition and vitamins and minerals. You know, I have a drink that I can make. That's like a thousand times better than red bull or any energy drink ever. Really? What's that? Really?

What's in there? Yeah. It's a sea. No, it's not. All right. It's basically some of the herbs and stuff I do. But a lot of it, the really big stuff is cinnamon and honey. So if you mix cinnamon and honey into a warm drink, just that alone is a huge interview

boost. It'll last a lot longer than any other energy drinks. Because it's not sugar. So that I've read more than all those other ones are real sugary. Sugar is like a real high that you get. It's very short and you get lower than you started out. But if you take honey and cinnamon, especially those two combined, it will work together. And so I send them in and honey together with some other stuff that I do for vitamins.

And wild lettuce is really good because it's like a painkiller too, which I help. But I take all these natural things I put them all together and it makes this amazing energy drink. Now you can't touch. The problem is you can't sell it because how would you take all these natural things and it's really good stuff and then make it marketable and put it in a can and it's sticking on all these shelves

and have the production of it, you know, it doesn't work. So it's scalability, it's production, so all the other stuff is not a money maker, so nobody wants to do it. But I can give you all these recipes of a whole bunch of stuff that I do, and if you use these things, you're going to find their way better than anything by the stores. You know, this conversation, the conversation that we had at breakfast about sugar and all, every energy, all that stuff, I can tell you are an extremely intelligent human being, very innovative. I know you are on some very special projects in the military, and I want to get into some of that.

Let's just start things off with childhood. Where did you grow up? So how did they get to here? How did you get here? I was born in La Island, New York. And I was a real kid of four or five years old. We moved to Pennsylvania, I know a farm. And we had a hundred acres.

And cows, horses, pigs, check-ins, and all the farms to have an big old pond. And as huge a hill I had to climb up to get to the back 40 acres to take care of the animals up there. And the 1970s on that farm. And I'm a middle child, which is important because I think that has to do with a little bit of it. And people might not believe it, but the middle kids definitely...

I've read it. ...it's five kids, yeah. And I was in the middle. And so when I was growing up, I had a lot of fears because it seemed like I was always the one, you know, getting a beat and it was very, I think I happened at the house. Why do you think, what do you think, what do you mean? Most times. So if you, um, it's something broke in the house and it would just be a paddling or a belt

or something. And then, um, it was, it was pretty much all the time, you know. And then it went wrong. I'd get it. When I was in school, I was getting pretty much all the time, you know, and then it went wrong. I'd get it. When I was in school I was getting paddled all the time, you know, and went to Christian schools too. And so they didn't mind the spiritual, the rad spirit of child, you know, that was the other way. So no matter No matter who did it, I'll get beat. You're the one getting beat. Nobody else got beat. I would get beat. You were the one getting beat.

Nobody else got beat. Garden, my brother got it a couple times. But I would get it bad enough that then you'd feel bad and buy me a fishing reel. And I can't tell you how many fishing reels he bought me or some stupid stuff he had bought it, kind of apologized, which, hey, it's cool. Hey, it's a negotiation.

I don't fish. I don't know why he kept buying me fishing reels. I'm not really a big fisher. But I lived in fear like Ronald Corona. I remember the only dream from my childhood is me on this huge chess board with these giant stadium bleachers all around it and it's big high walls like a hockey.

And my dad was the only one that I recognized out of the whole thing and he was yelling down at all the chess pieces on the board to attack me. That's my dream, his childhood. The only dream I remember had a lot. Because I wanted to come back. It was like, it was just fear, man. When did the fear start?

Like, how young can you remember? I was pretty little. I don't know. Like, second or third, I'd be real little, like, young. third grade. I'd reel it like young. Very young. Great to call. Were your parents close? Your mom and dad?

No. Was your mom alive? I think I saw my mom and dad hold hands and wanted my life. That's it. Yeah. Were you close to your mom? No, not at all.

She would be a subterrant. Almost no. I mean, she to her. Almost, no. I mean, she'd broke some wooden spoons on me once in a while. The cookin' fence. She'd hit me with them and break them, but it wasn't, it wasn't really that. It was like, I don't think she ever hugged me as a kid. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that kind of affected me a lot too, that makes me kind of the same way. I'm not a real big hugger, toucher. I don't like to be to be near people. So I think it's, I don't know if it's her editor or it's something that got passed on to her and that she passed it to me. It was a fact that I just don't like to be hugged or touched or just stay away from me, you know. I'll do the burrow hug where you go. Yeah. Checking for body armor guns. That's what I did. When I was in a motorcycle club,

I used to wear body armor all the time and I was always gunned up. I'd have a couple of knives on me, at least two guns and body armor. And that's how I rode all the time. Whenever you see my my Harley, I'm gonna be gunned up. I don't not as much anymore because the stupid gun laws are so wack.

But armor and guns, you know, and that's how I ride. And it's kind of, it's so I always felt everywhere I go, I got to be armored up. And only recently I learned that that armor is ineffective, you know, the armor God is much more effective. You know? Yeah, we had to see the stuff. And I'm not bashing my mom or dad. You know, not me and two, but it was a 70s, you know. And we're growing up on a farm with all those animals. And my dad was a schoolteacher, and my mom was a homemaker with five kids. And so the food we ate was basically vanishing for me and the milk we do powdered milk and she'd water down,

or get the other milk and do it half and half. And I got really used to drinking like really watery milk and my cereal. Sad eventually I just put water in it. I don't do milk and my cereal if I ever eat cereal. Still was very, very, you know, the working poor, you know, and that's what I think most of America is divided into is the working poor and the poor and then all the elites and there's not really very much an event in the middle.

And that might be a conversation for later, a division that we have in America, heading about race and color or any of that stuff. It's just rich and poor, you know, and that's the problem we have. Let's hidden about race and color or any of that stuff, it's just rich and poor. You know? And that's the problem we have. Let's talk about that one later though. I would love to talk about that because I think you're right. The biggest problem I had grown up was that isolation. I didn't feel I was ever touched and I never really knew it was like to have love, you know? I've what it would really be like.

What about with your siblings? I was like to have love, you know? I've what it would really be like. What about with your siblings? It was different for them. I don't know what I did, Nevoron, you know? I don't know what, why? You know, there's always a kid in a family who's like a black sheep. There's always a kid in a family

who's like the whipping boy or the, unless you're an only child or maybe there's two kids, you know. But if you have a lot of kids, there's always one kid that takes most of the abuse. I'm just curious why do you feel that it's because you're the middle child? Well, the oldest first, and you can see it just in photos and videos and everything that they took over the kids.

So, tons of pictures of my older sister and some of my older brother and then they start going off and it almost none of me. And then the sister after me, you know, some photos. And then my youngest sister has a lot again. So it's kind of like they got burned out in the middle and then they realized, oh my gosh, they need to make it up. You know what I mean? I think that's it. It does make sense. You know, and there was just so many kids and I was three of us and I was a young boy and I had a lot of energy. I mean, if there was such thing as ADHD back in the 70s, that was me. And I got paddled every day in school. I got to the principal's office and he had me. It was marked, you know, and

I Just being loud or making a joke or doing something. I was incredibly bored in school. It was the most boring time of my life I hated it. I could take any task. I could take a test right now and I did it Air Force person that was having a real hard time past these tests and in a relationship with her. And so she said, hey, can you take this test? And I was like, well, I don't really know the material,

but yeah, I'll take it. And I passed the whole thing and she couldn't pass it. She took it like three or four times. And I didn't read any material, I didn't do anything, it took a test past it. So I'm really good at taking tests. I'm really good at analyzing a critical I'm really good at analyzing and critical thinking and really looking at stuff.

But then why did I mess up so bad 10 years ago? That should be the first question. If I'm not big of a thinker, and I credibly think I really analyze stuff, how did I follow another trap of transgender for me? Now for some people, it might be good. You know, it might be the right thing for them to do, but it's not the right thing for probably more than half of them.

And I can explain to that. We'll get into that. We'll get into that. But it was rough growing up like that because I felt that I always had that pressure on me to make sure everything was perfect. Because if anything happened wrong around me, her choice was ever a mistake. Or if I ever made a mistake, it was definitely gonna happen. So I was always trying to fix stuff and I was always trying to make everything right

and I was always making sure that I lived this perfect life and didn't have a mistake because I didn't wanna get beat on, you know? And I think that was like a big part of why I messed up sometimes in the SEAL teams. So I couldn't allow a mistake. And I would do that even in a big part of why I messed up sometimes in the SEAL teams So I couldn't allow a mistake And I would do that even in a new guys. I was really hard in a new guys hold on I mean even Gaggins would talk about that. Let's rewind. Let's rewind. Okay

Gaggins made some comments about that in his book Don't hurt me. David Gaggins Cool, dude really. I've never met him. Yeah But um, let's let's rewind a little bit back to childhood. Did you ever get to the point where you stood up to your father? Did you got older? 16, 17.

I was doing a bubble. I was chewing gum one time and I blew a bubble and I got punched in the face and I fell backwards in the crowd to the Warren Berk Grasdoor. So I wanted to get a stand up to him. He was like a football player, you know? A lineman in the 60s and was going to play

with the New York Jets. So yeah, he had some skills. Yeah, sounds like it. So I mean, I could take him now. He's like 85. I'm just kidding. Is he still up? Yeah, he's still up.

Yeah, yeah. Is he still up? Yeah, he's still up. I, uh, yeah. Do you guys know? I know the only time I've ever gotten mad at him was the other day, like recently. And he's like 80 something years old. And he's just like, I still don't understand him. I don't understand what he's doing. And even all through my whole life,

I can't figure him out. You know, it's, I'm just trying not to do what he did. It's a lot of talk about love and a lot of talk about taking care of family. And then I don't see it in the actions. I mean, every example just right now, he kicked my brother out of his house. And my brother is a seasonal worker and doesn't work

during a winter, you know, because he's a union. So he can't work anywhere else. If you're part of the union, if you do another job and you turn in that and they find out, they're going to kick you out of the union, you know. And so my brother's not working right now and then he just got kicked out of the house and he's homeless now. My brother, my dad did that. I don't get that. Why would you do that to your son? If you asked him. That was part of the conversation. And he started getting real super angry at me. And then we started kind of arguing. And at that point, I was like, it started, I started turning back into a caveman. And the old days, I wanted to punch him in the face of that, just like he did to me.

And I was like, I was so angry because what he was doing to my brother, doesn't make any sense. I'm trying to get him to stand up his own feet. We're doing a winner. How about you do it during the summertime when he's working and he has money, you know? And I asked him that.

And none of it, and none of everything that came out of his mouth, none of it made sense. And so I'm pretty much disowned for my whole family now except my brother Because he's living in my house Older room. He's older brother. I gave her room. My house. I'm trying to find something I keep giving him money because he has nothing and now he has no place to live and it's made everything harder For no reason. That's the family I grew up in. Damn. You know?

And it sucks because now I'm talking about all this on national TV and it feels like I'm bashing my dad and throwing every under a bus. I just can't know how much this hurts and what they're doing just doesn't make sense. You just can bang your experience. Yeah, that's it. But that's how I grew up.

I grew up with a father who'd kick out his own son in the middle of winter. When he knows he has no money to teach him a lesson. When I was growing up in 10th grade, I left home and I lived in the woods. I bought a motorcycle and my dad, I guess, had an accident with a motorcycle, almost killed him when he were younger. My mom and dad dad So she hated motorcycles. She still does and so I bought a motorcycle. I didn't buy it actually worked for it I was working construction in like 10th grade for this guy and we were in his garage loading gear Do whatever I saw this old motorcycle in the corner. It's all dusty and covered part with tariff and really messed up And I was like hey Tim

I covered the part with the tariff and really messed up. And I was like, hey Tim, how about that? More to say in the corner, you know, how long would it take me to work? And I worked that off. And he was like, all right, that's cool. So I'm on the work and you can have it. So I worked for a month and got the bike and worked on it and fixed it up and got it running, got it tagged

and had it all done and then rode it home. And then I was it at home. And then I was like, you will not have a murder that was on my house for my mom. And I was like, all right. So I went back, I didn't even live in a house at that time. I lived in a shed out back that I made in the bedroom with no heat, no water, no nothing. And you're Buffalo, New York.

I lived in a shed, Chris. Because I didn't, I didn't want to live in a house. I couldn't live in a house. I isolated myself on purpose because I didn't do this so much. So I was living in that shadow back to the house and I brought the motorcycle home and she said, he can't live here. So I was like, all right, so I packed up a bag and I left. I was still in school and I was in wrestling at the time.

It was like October time period. So I was snowing and I had a motorcycle and I was riding around a snow. I'd go to a restaurant practice and shower there and that's how I did everything. And there's a half way to a house for prisoners up to right. It's for prisoners, ex-consons and some other stuff. And so I'd go there and wash dishes and I could eat with all these ex-cons and all these other people that were in this halfway house or this little shelter. And then I would get down to eat and doing my stuff and I'd go back up into woods and live in the trees.

I had a lean to a belt, you know, in some pine trees. Damn. And that asked it for a while until my dad, I think it was a couple months. It was through the winter. And then my dad came out and he told me, I said, my mom's crying a lot and really wants to come back. And I was like, can I have a motorcycle?

He says, yeah, you can have it. I said, all right. I'll keep living in the shed. But that was, I mean, that's part of who I am too. That I'm very stubborn. If I know something is true, if I know something is right, I'm gonna do it. That's like an Admin Olsson story, too. When I started working on Mission Planning and Seal Teams, you know, I built the whole

Mission Planning System for the Seals. I didn't. In the 90s, in 1999, they were trying to automate the Mission Planning Systems for the Seals. And Cowboy Wells, he knew I was like in the intelligence stuff and I did a lot of mission planning and I was in the computers because I was in those days I was building my own computers. So, Cowboy called me out but he said, hey, I want you to come up to work on the seal team headquarters, the HQ, and help me with this program because it's not working. The company we hired, he told me all the stuff that was going on. He said, it's not working. We need somebody to come up here and help us out.

I said, I know you'd have the knowledge and I was like, all right, I never asked for any orders. I was recruited to every command, even damn Nick. We'll get into that. So they recruited me. I went up there and built it. And they were arguing with me about the system I was building. They didn't like it or they thought it wasn't automatic. And it wasn't that.

And they were gonna kick me out of, they just didn't understand it. And I was fighting with them. And I was, they're admins sitting there. I said, this is the right way to do it. As they can do it my way. And the way I'm doing it right now, it'll be right.

Me talking to Admiral. And I was at E6 at the time. The average on farm income in the United States was a loss of $1,100. 60% of US port comes from one company wholly owned by the Chinese. And farmers are more likely to commit suicide than veterans. Folks, we got a problem. I'm Lucinda, a generation farmer and founder of Moink. Lou plus oik.

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If you're president, I'm gonna tell you, you know? And that's kind of what I'm doing right now, is that even when I was doing all the transgender stuff, thought I was right, actually I didn't really push it very much. All I was doing was defending people, just saying, hey, it's just a person, you know, I wasn't pushing the transgender stuff. I was just pushing the fact that that's a person and no matter what they're going through If it's a mental health issue if it's a physical issue is a sexual it whatever it was still a person And you all are killing them and doing whatever and all this you know madness against transgender people

So at the time I Was thinking the same thing and so I was defending them. I was saying hey, that's a lot of what I was thinking the same thing and so I was defending them. I was saying, hey, that's a lot of what I was doing and it's all what I was doing. I wasn't really defending transgender. I was defending humanity. I was defending the fact that you're a human. You know what I mean? I do. And it's the same thing I do all the time. And what I'm doing right now is doing the same thing. I'll defend transgender people, I'll defend non-trans... I'll defend anyone if you're being wronged. That's, you you bring that up. So let's rewind childhood. You have a history of you stood up

and you defended the country. Then you said you stood up and you wanted to defend the trans community. Now you want to defend Christians. Let's rewind to childhood. Did you want to stand up for your siblings? That's all I ever did, I guess. Yeah. Purposeful people. I guess it was. I would purify you. I would purify you too. I would say I didn't. I did it.

Because I knew that they couldn't take it. Did you ever have any identity crisis with gender growing up? Yeah, I mean, it was still, that's the problem. And I think that this whole thing is, um... It's not... Because this wasn't even an option back in the 70s. No, it wasn't. It wasn't unheard of until, or what, mid-2000s. But you know, so there wasn't any, you couldn't, there was no parents pushing this

on their children at that time, like there are today. There was none of that, so I'm just, it wasn't even an option. It wasn't even an idea that could be in a human's head. You know what I mean? So that's why I'm curious, did you have any of that identity? And especially for me,

because there's no internet, no books, no nothing. And how would I even think of that? Well, the reason I thought about it, the reason I even started doing anything like that, was like, real young. So this would be like, second grade, third grade, like, young. I was, you know, how I was growing up, it was pretty harsh, right? I had an older sister. And my older sister, because of how they treated her, because she was pretty harsh, right? I had an older sister and my older sister

because of how they treated her because she was first born. She had everything. It was like, it was like, she was definitely taken care of, you know? And it was always inside and I was just like sitting there taking care of herself, doing her nails or doing whatever. And then me, I was like carrying five gallon buckets of water up the hill to the 40 acres up on top to feed the animals. So I was going back and forth doing that, softening out the pigs, cleaning everything, always working, always outside with shit all over me.

And she was always inside just taking care of herself, and being taken care of and pampered and nice. And then anything had happened and I'd get to beat and she was still being taken care of and nice. And so I was like, look at her and I just wanted to be here because I didn't want to be me. So that's when it started. Was the fact that I did not want to be me. I hated me.

I get that time. But I was looking to me and I'd see me. I would just want to see her because if I could be her, I wouldn't get beaten on. If I could be her, I wouldn't have to be out there in a pig pan all the time, you know, taking care of all that, or to chickens, and doing everything. Even in this day, if I go visit my parents,

my mom will have a list. It's all the stuff that's broken around the house that I need to fix. You know, that light bulb or a switch or that, it's electronic or it's digging. I dug them out of just huge gardens or of co-pond or every all the time. So I was just labor for them is how I felt. You know, it's not true. I mean, geez, but if you're that little, you're second grader, third grader and all yours, a labor and getting

beaten on and always outside doing everything. You look up there and you see your sister. We're in nice clothes, you know? Clean and pampered and I'm getting beaten on and I got hammy down clothes and it sucks. It was a worse life grown up for a kid ever just because of who I was and how they treated me. I didn't want to be me, hated me. And that's why I slated.

I always lived in the attic or the basement. In one house, they bought, I just made a room in the attic. In another house, I lived down in the basement. The other one I lived out back in a shed. I never want to be around them. You know? This is already starting to make some more sense. about back in a shed, never want to be around them. This is already starting to be a small sense. It's like a, and that's why I say that transgender is a mental health thing.

It's not, it's not a physical thing. It might not even be a sexual thing, you know? And everybody's making all these accusations and just saying this with that. And now if somebody starts talking about a problem, I think I'm talking about right now. And then they're automatically, now in these days, they're automatically made into a transgender person.

So I want to be my sister, because I don't want to be me. It's not because I want to be my sister, I want to be female, I just don't want to be me. You know? And then I graduate from high school, I immediately go to Virginia military institute. Why? If you're ever told me this freaking beaten, I'm used to getting beaten on. That's my life. If I'm not in an accident, if I'm not being beaten on or I'm out and that's so I can't

remember who told me. Nick Adams, I think. He said I got a good and stand up guy for the longest time, but it was all a mistake. It was me, it just projected myself on him. Geez, Nick, I'm sorry. But he said to me one time, that I wallow in misery. I did three platoons with him, I think. We're tight. It's interesting because I,

He said I wallow in misery. And I think I really do, because that's where I lived. Most of my life was in misery. I never talked about this stuff I didn't say it hurts it hurts my family hurts me and I was like I don't want to do that But if you really want to know what's going on and why all this stuff happened and all those kids after to watch this if

You all know what's going on You know don't let outside influences make you do something else. Don't let outside influences influence your life. It's your life. I let outside influences influence in me. I kept looking at everybody else and wanting to be that. When the grass is always greener, and I never knew all the stuff that was going on in her life,

she had a lot of stuff going on too. And I never knew all the stuff that was going on in her life. She had a lot of stuff going on too, you know? But as kids, and how we raise our kids, as parents, we should be raising kids in our 20s. You know, my parents were like 25 when they had me, or 20s, they were young. Like right now I'm 56 years old. I have a fiance and she has a 13 year old. I'm trying really hard. I'm doing really good with that kid.

I'm doing everything I can to make sure that everything is taking care of and he's good. Do you talk to him about the stuff? Mentally, physically, all of it. Some of it. I talk to him about mistakes all the time and when I make mistakes and I tell him, I say, hey, this is what I was doing. Or if I see him doing something, I say to, hey, when I was a kid, I would do the same thing.

I said, but now I'm a little older, you know, older and I learned a lot of stuff. And that's not really the right way to do it. You know, how about trying it this way? Can you try it my way for a little bit? And he goes, okay, I'll try it. You know, that does work better. I say, okay.

I say, I have some other stuff I can tell you too, about the same problem, some other angles of a tag it from. So it's all about how you see it. It's perspective. And then what kind of toolbox you have? What are the tools in your tool bag? And I just gave you another tool, it's a new tool. Do you want some more?

That's all I tell them about. This is the problem. Here's one tool. Your tool wouldn't work and here's another one. You want another one, here's another one. And so I'm trying to have them do it that way. And I make mistakes with them, you know? And the problem is a lot of times I'm a seal team,

chief, you know? And I treat them sometimes as a new guy enough to tune. And I'm a chief. And so we have 10 puppies on right now so they 10 puppies as a handful and so in the morning I get up and I clean out their pan so I roll out a newspaper with a poop and a pee and everything in it and then I roll that up and put it in a can I redo it, I put down water, I do this and I bring them in and so I need the food at that time now the food comes down and he was bringing down a food and he brought down some water

and a water is called. I want them to have warm water because warm water for the stomach. I can go into that. It's an nutrition thing. Our stomachs are hot organs, the dogs are hot organs, the stomach. You don't give them cold water. You give warm water and it makes your stomach work better. And so if they're drinking warm water first, little bit, and then they eat their food,

they're gonna have better digestion, and then they're gonna be able to poop faster to make me clean it up right there, so not out there on the floor pooping. So it's all for reasons, which I was not explaining to them. And I said, this water's called, we need warm water. And I hand it back to the thing, I said, get warm water. And so when he was going back and he saw,

you know, my fiancee was saying, Chris is mad at me and he started saying stuff. And she was like, well, why? I started talking about, and it starts spinning up into something that wasn't. And it was like, well, because I didn't communicate good. I was communicating like a chief down to a new guy about the water.

I wasn't talking to him like a son. And I wasn't talking to him like, like, hey, dude, I can go into all this stuff and you tell you why, but warm water is much better for the dog to help digest, so he eat the food and he poop. So I can clean the poop off, so they don't poop on a rug. So there's a reason for all this stuff and I just need warm water, dude.

And that would have been a way better way to do it if I didn't do that and then we ended up with the argument. But every time something like that happens, I made a mistake, you know? And now I know that mistake and that ended up with an argument. But every time somebody did it happens, I made a mistake, you know? And now I know that mistake and that I made with him and I'm gonna try to do way better for now, man. Let's go back to... Sorry, my.

It's okay. VMI, you said something interesting that you were seeking what you were used to and I found that interesting because I did three and a half years of therapy twice a week after I left CIA to better myself. CIA. And I used to talk to stories about that.

And when I was in there, she had mentioned, my therapist was a female. She had mentioned that human beings will always seek what they know. Come to them. And so... See comfort. Not just comfort. If you seek... Oh, you know, yeah.

She was talking about, with me, she was talking about post-traumatic stress stuff, you know, and why we always find ourselves in chaos. And if things are good, somehow we convert good calm comfort into stress and chaos. And she was just conveying to me, you know, that it doesn't matter if it's if you got it in war. You got it from an abuse of childhood. You got it from women who have a history of being abused by men. They will always, you see this pattern in people. You know, you see, especially in women,

you know, especially, you really see it in abused women. They go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship to abusive relationship and it seems like that's exactly what you did when you want to VMI. Yeah. You... I don't like basically from VMI to the teams. VMI, the first six months, it's called rat, you're rat. And it's tough. VMI is a toughest military school in the country, you know, by far.

I mean, what was your thought process? Norwich, pretty tough. They're both tough schools, but VMI was known. What was your thought process going in there? You, I mean, how did you know? Discipline. Okay. And the fact that I knew all through school,

I wanted to go to college. I knew that I wanted to have the knowledge. I knew it was something that would propel me or it would help me advance in life. Education is a gift that you need to keep getting. It's a gift that you need to keep pursuing. Picking up any book, and the good book is a great place to start, but there's so many, you know, so much knowledge out there.

If you're not pursuing that knowledge, then you're stagnant, and I knew this pretty young, you know, I was a big reader. So I didn't do anything in class. I was definitely, I was doing stuff in class and getting that paddling all the time. But on the side, I was reading a lot of books. So I always read them, a lot of science fiction,

but it was science fiction philosophy. Like I'd, always read them, a lot of science fiction, but it was science fiction to philosophy. Like, I'm Highland, it's a philosopher. You know, the moon is a harsh mystery, and storm-ship troopers, you know, those two in particular, storm-ship troopers, the movie was terrible, but the book and the actual philosophy for that book is about citizenship, it's about duty, it's about so much in that book. But then you

do a moon as a harsh mistress. That's all about equality and value and slavery and usage and then revolution and how to set the revolution up and how to succeed and all philosophy of all that. It's amazing book but I was reading all those books in high school and junior high in high school, and I was absorbing all that, and I would hear their teaching, and it just wasn't useful to me. I could pass all this test,

and I probably would have been an A student if I put a living effort in it. I would actually purposely fail tests sometimes. Why? I would answer all the questions, but I would shift purposely fail tests sometimes. Why? I would answer all the questions, but I would shift them by one, so that all the answers would be off I want. And you would do that on purpose.

In this big middle finger, yeah. You know, that I would just be like, you guys, you keep paddling me, and you keep doing that, but you're teaching me wrong. And I didn't know how to verbalize, they didn't want to say. But I wouldn't really try very hard in the test. I was just doing real quick.

Even in the SEAL teams, I would always do the test. I was doing real fast. I would finish in like 10 minutes and everybody would take an hour. Ask any team got it, was ever in a class with me about how I acted during classes. Who's that one dude? It was a dive soup class. and we're doing off dive physics and

The instructor made a mistake. You know about partial impressions mother stuff, and I knew that physics really good of it all You know, I was already scuba diver in college. I was a diver before it seals and I had a lot of knowledge And so he said something it was like and I was like and I raised my hand I was like well that it's not really right and I said, and I sort of talking about what was right. And everybody in class, all the other team guys were pissed that I even did that. I was like, yeah, but if they're teaching wrong stuff, then somebody's gonna die. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna bring up. I'm gonna, I want to challenge that guy. And Brad, what the heck is his last name? Brad was in that class with me.

If he watches this, he'll know I'm talking about him. To this day, he still holds that against me. He still says, you're always a jerk during class and like raising your hand and like challenging instructors. I was like, we should. If you're teaching yourself in wrong and diaphysics, you raise your hand and say that's wrong? Save in somebody's life that you just said that. Yeah. Come on, dude. So he's

Brad. I'm just trying to save your life, dude. That's why raised my hand a lot. And that's why I challenge stuff. Let's go back to VMI. Yeah. So you have VMI. What do you, what's your degree in? Electrical engineering. Electric engineering. Electrical engineering, yeah. How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it?

How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it?

How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? How did you become interested in it? right now, but I'm doing a lot of experience right now and I'm doing electricity experiments and electric culture about growing plants with electricity. Before we get into that, let's stick with VMI.

That's why electron engineering is so glad I did that, but I also goofed off a lot of VMI and I've played lacrosse and I wasn't, again, not applying myself. The discipline didn't work for me. You know, how were you? How were you? How were you building relationships when you left home? Terrible. Did you have friends? I have, I have some really close friends,

the ones that get to know me. If you sit with me for a long enough, you're gonna, you end up probably being a friend if you, if you talk to me enough. But if all you do is to talk to me for one day, you'll be like, yeah, cool person, not, or kind of a dick or whatever, just that one meeting. But just give me a little bit of time,

and it was like, yeah, but I usually don't give people very much time. I'm very short, you know? And so the folks that I did get tight with, I'm still like best friends with them this day. My one of my VMI classmates of Ron, it was out in California, one of my best friends of this day. And no matter what, Ron would be like, dude, if that's you, like 10 years ago, he called me out, he says, dude,

if that's you, you know, it's hard for me, you know, whatever, just as long as you're okay. And that's all it was. Mike Martin, my ass Chief, right after I started doing that, he passed away a while ago. Rest in peace, brother. But he sent me a note like right away. He's like, Chris, no need for long time. You know, support you. If you're okay, if you're good, you know, do you need anything? And after I realized, I said, yeah, I'm okay, I'm doing okay. I got all right, I support you. And that's all it was. So many teams, a lot of team guys. So I'm glad it would probably surprise you too. I know that I know you want to get there

and we will get to that point. No, but it's important to know that there is a lot of support and there's a lot of, I make friends and are deep friends and lasting friendships. I'm also really hardcore. And so if you ever, like I said, I'm always living in fear of mistakes. If you made that mistake, I'm not gonna let you go out with it.

If you're in class and you're the instructor and you're the general, you're the admiral, if you make a mistake, admiral, I'm gonna call it out. You know, McCraven. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you what point. I'll. At what point during the time I, at one point during VMI did you become interested in the seal teams and how did you even find out about it? Especially back what was that for you?

Yeah, 80s. I was class of the ADVMI. But I didn't finish. I left. I was in a range of pretend and I was pretty heavy into tactics and small unit tactics and I had my first range of handbook was like 1985 and doing patrol leader orders, PLOs and doing all of it and I was really good at it, you know. And I just, I was scuba diving too.

And then I also was interested in flying, you know, being a pilot. But the biggest thing was like small unit, special operations, you know, that type of thing, Rangers, Ranger lead away, Ranger handbook, I mean, it says in there all the, you know, Rogers rules of order, it's like, it's like, dude, this is, this is warfare, you know, these are the guys. They're professionals. They're regular army. They're not quite as professional, which is a failure that they could all be that professional.

But the divisions of labor are wrong. And I can go through something out too, but it might be take too long. But I wanted to do that. And I was also scuba diving. And in 1987, I just saw the cover of magazine and photo somewhere. In 1987, in all hands, they had a SEAL team special edition,

the whole thing with SEAL teams. And man, I was flippin' through that and I was goin', dude, this is like, it's like the Rangers, but they scuba dive and they free fall parachute and they do all this stuff. And these guys are awesome I said I want to do that as I immediately after I read that magazine from all hands in 1987 I was like this is what I want to do

And one of my fraternity brothers We were both reading a magazine and draw Christroth and He says yeah, I want to do that too, and I said yeah, let's do it. So we were both gonna join it up together and I ended up being, I want to do that too. And I said, yeah, let's do it. So you're both going to join it up together. And I ended up being in him, I want to do it. I don't know what happened to him. I lost track of him. But I knew at that point it was like,

these guys do exactly what I want. I paid a go scoop at Ivan. Why would I pay when I can pay the me to go scoop at Ivan? Free-fault parachute and doing everything else. This is awesome. So did you drop out of BMI? No, I left in 87, not over my own will. So I was again, I left you engineering.

I was, I'm glad I did it, but it definitely wasn't for me. It was, I mean, it could be for me now, now that I realize what I missed out on. You know, I would love to go back and do that. But at the time, I just wasn't buckled down enough. I was only in to the Ranger platoon and the lacrosse team. I was the only two things I had a passion for. That's the problem is as soon as you get a passion for something, you just start digging in.

And then it lets a lot of other stuff slide. And that's what I did, I let my grade slide. And so I ended up having to go make up some time and get my grades back up to stay. And I got out of the cross scholarship to a way better school. And then I ended up going there and I graduated from another school.

Alfred University. What was that? It's in upstate New York. That's why I'm right now. So I ended up going back to Alfred from a master's degree and mental health counseling. No shit. Well the journey for me to get out of where I was.

From VMI you went to mental health counseling. No, no, from VMI I went to a little science and philosophy at Alfred. Okay. And at Alfred I graduated and I went right into potential science and philosophy at Alfred. And at Alfred, I graduated and I went right into the steel teams. But I just recently went back to college from my graduate degree, my master's degree

and mental health counseling. And so there I started really digging in like psychology and the mind and the counseling aspects and coping mechanisms and all those stuff. The DSM, which is a piece of garbage now, but it's a manual for all of the mental health issues and everything you have going on in your life. You can go through it and you can find out, you know, science, symptoms, this, this,

and what you can do and all the other stuff. So I was really digging in that and trying to figure myself out. So for two and a half years, I was at Alfking University going through mental health counseling, trying to figure out what's up with me. You know, why am I here? What is wrong with me?

Why did I do this? And I figured it out. Well, don't, we'll get there. Let's go to the show team. There's something about my childhood that happened in 10th grade, though, that's probably pretty important. Well, we better.

I've only spoken about once. And so you remember I was, I was living pretty isolated. And I was isolated from my family and isolated from my culture. We don't have culture as white people. We don't have culture as white people in America. We don't have culture as white people. We don't have culture as white people in America. We don't. I don't so. If we're not allowed.

So I was searching for a culture and I saw I ran into this person who was Native American and I didn't know that he was basically kicked out of his tribe but that that comes into play. But he's living out there with the English and it's basically kicked out of his tribe, but that comes into play. But he's living out there with the English, and it's basically Amish English is how they do it, and I lived in Amish country too. So we're English, and they're the Amish, and they're Native Americans. There's three different divisions of people in America. And there's only three divisions.

You know, don't start trying to divide it up in all the other ones by color and everything else. It's culturally wise. Now, don't start trying to divide it up in all the other ones by color and everything else. It's culturally wise. What does that word nat, or bitter smaller cultures, they're... This episode is brought to you by Dr. Teals. When you need to relax and recharge, take a bath with Dr. Teals' pure epsom salt. It helps relax the body while the natural essential oils help calm your mind.

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and getting into it. And the guy was living off off reservation and in his cabin and he was a peto. That's why they kicked him out of the reservation. They didn't want him doing that with their kids on their reservation. They let him go do it with the English. They didn't care. So, I didn't know any of this stuff. I didn't even know what that was. I didn't know what sex was. I was a virgin until I was like 22 years old. 21 or 22, 23.

I'd have to really think about it. I'd actually put a date on it. But I was a virgin. You know, I was scared of all this stuff. I didn't. I was very confused because of what was going on time. I own head too. All that fear. So I started finding some culture. I started finding something I could really, I could sink my teeth into and be like, this means something. The great spirit and the way you take care of the earth and all the other amazing things about the Native American culture.

The people that we heard before them is even more wild, which I appreciate more the people that we heard before them. It's amazing, some of the stuff. But so I was there with him and for whatever reason I was sitting there chopping wood and on Nicklift. And I didn't even, I almost didn't remember a lot of this stuff until like really recently and I was talking to another guy. And something happened to him really similar when he was a kid, he was telling me about it. And then it's all started coming back and I was like, oh yeah. So it was chopping wood and shirt off

and on the 1th grade or whatever. And Nick was gone, so it just didn't mean to start getting late. And I said, hey, I gotta go and jump on my motorcycle and ride back home. And so it was, hey, you're all sweaty and all, just, hey, jumping a shower and take a shower. And I was like, stupid kid. And so I was like, yeah, you know,

I'm gonna as well, yeah, it sounds a good idea. I don't wanna get home at midnight or whatever time. So it wasn't that late, It was probably like eight or nine. But some in a shower, a freaking guy comes in there with a big wood and I start like back and went, I'm like, and I'm freaking out. I fall through the shower curtain and straddling away

and I get my, I ain't even able to scramble away. I got away, I fought him off with it, got out, you know, luckily, but it was enough. It was like, it affected me a lot. You know, so I was already afraid of all this stuff. And I already had a lot of stuff going on with me. And in that happened, and so that pretty much shut down all of it, you know, it's holy shit.

I am. And all those people on it tribe, and they all knew it. And if any of you have been thinking about the 80s, and they think about that guy, patches, and they're all going to know, and everyone of them people live on that reservation know, that has set us all up. All those English kids that were living out there near him, they knew it. Damn. You know. I got away, but there's a lot of people that don't, you know, and it affects you. It affected me greatly.

And that's why these drag queens right now, they're dancing for all these kids and they're half naked and doing all the sexualization in front of these kids. That's why I'm so adam about these drag queens right now that they're out there dancing with these kids and they're doing all sexual stuff. That's pretty much what happened to me when he did that. It didn't go the full thing, luckily, but it was enough. So it's very, very similar with these drag queens are done. And I'll tell you what, what he did definitely affected me.

And it's not right. You know, kids are very vulnerable, and kids are very influentable, grimmable, or whatever word you want to talk about. If you're sexualizing kids, you know what you're doing. And you know it's wrong. And you know you're homing them kids.

And that's why when I'm talking about this stuff, everybody's all mad at me and saying that I hate drag queens, and I never even thought about drag queens. I have some, I used to have some drag queens that I've already called friends, that I knew and I was acquaintances with at least. I never pretty good people, they're nice, you know? But I don't have anything against drag queens.

But the second they started being naked in front of kids or doing sexual stuff in front of kids. And it's all sexual. Burlesque is sexual. Do Burlesque dancers dance in front of kids? No. Poll dancing is sexual. Do poll dancers dance in front of kids?

No. So why do we allow drag queens to do the same thing in front of kids? That's what I'm talking about. They didn't do that. I'd be like, yeah, do whatever you want. You're an adult theme area. You're at a bar.

It's adult entertainment. If you were doing that, I'd give you a high five, whatever. You know, but as soon as you started doing that in front of the kids and I saw it and I was like, this is wrong. And I start calling it out. It's exactly what happened to me and it affects everyone of them kids.

If you're a parent, bring your kid to these drag shows. You're messing your kids up. Whether you think you're being all compassionate and to the drag queens, compassionate to the gay community or whatever you think you're doing, because there are people too and we should just support them. Well, don't bring your kids.

If you want to give that drag queen dollar bills, you go there and give them as many dollars as you want. But don't give dollar bills to your kids. And if your kid's stuffing dollar bills and somebody's underwear, that's, are you kidding me? This is why I'm speaking so much. So a little while ago, I did start speaking out, and I went on a Robbie Starbucks,

and I went on a couple of, not very much. This is all I'm fighting against. Because everybody else can take care of themselves. If you're an adult, and you want to get surgeries, and you want to do stuff, you're an adult. You know, go for it. But you're doing this with kids right now. And that's when I wear this purple shirt on every show.

I had to remove everything and make myself in a most plain, maybe even dirty looking so that you don't even have an inclination that would ever do that. You know what I mean? They need to stop. And if they stopped right now, all the pressure on an entire community would probably it would be like a pressure valve, be turned off. And Robbie

Starbuck and me and everyone else is speaking out against the rainbow community right now, because what they're doing and I blame the whole community, the whole rainbow community is that blame right now because they're allowing it. If all those people, if every gay person, every lesbian, and the transgender people who are disagreeing with stuff that they're doing to kids, if they were all to say, stop, it would stop. And then you would see everybody in the world, they blame the Christians too, and I don't understand that.

The Christians only want the best for them. The Christians only want the best for those kids. If they stopped right now, they would see that the whole pressure route would release. And it would be like, if we don't care, you have your bars, you have your adult entertainment, go for it, man. We don't care what you're done. As a Christian, I don't care what they're done. That's you. If that's what you want to do, you can go for it. But again, leave me alone. If I wake up every morning, I read the Bible for an hour, let me do it. It doesn't do anything to you.

If I go to a coffee shop and have a Bible with me, and I'm reading my Bible in a coffee shop, why do you have to tease me? You know? I'm not doing anything to anybody. That's the thing. Why are they attacking? It's a golden rod. If you have hay fever, everybody blames golden rod.

Golden rod is actually anti-estamine. But the golden rod is sitting there real bright. And it's sitting there super bright yellow flowers and all this stuff. And every you have hay fever, your sneeze and all you see is that golden rod blowing us through the pollen all over the place. The golden rod is trying to heal you out. Did you know that? Christians are golden rod.

The Christians are just there bright and shiny and just trying to heal you. But we're not sitting there knocking on your doors. We're not sitting there with some of them, but they aren't Christians. But we don't really do anything. We're just sitting there real bright. And we're saying, we have a way to help you out. If you want to, but you have to take it, we're not going to give it to you. We're here.

But everybody hates goldenrod so much because they think it's cause and hate fever. Everybody hates the Christians so much because they think the Christians are cause and hate. Christians don't cause hate. We're set an example that now you're projecting on us. Your hate is projected on all of them Christians. And as a lot of it's your own self-hate.

Do you know how many Christians are killed per year? No. Over 5,000 worldwide, over 5,000 Christians are killed per year because they are believed because they have a Bible because they believe in an immoral code because they believe there is something bigger than us. And we believe that I am created in an image of God. And we are. Our DNA code is the image of God. Our DNA code is a code, written by somebody.

And you can take all those evolution people, you can take all those atheists, take everybody else, and they can't figure that out. And you ask them, and I can study with like Descartes who is a great causal theory guy. And you study that, you just talk about first cause.

And that's what they always get stuck. So who wrote the code? So the Christians, you need to stop thinking of Christians or causing these problems. Most of the problems are being projected into Christians. It's actually somebody else bringing that in and persecution. So when I say how many Christians have killed per year over 5,000 worldwide, do you know me transgender people are killed worldwide

every year? I don't. It's like 300 and something. In America, it's like 60, 65. Now I'm not putting those numbers out that it meaning this. Everyone knows numbers is a name. Everyone knows numbers is a person, is a human. Is a human that is worthy, is a human that I am grateful for that it had a life.

And I'm very sorrowful that you're gone right now. Because I had a life and they had things to offer. And I've really upset that those people were killed, because they were killed for really bad reasons. If trans-enter people are being killed for really terrible reasons. Those Christians are being killed for really terrible reasons. Both groups are being killed for terrible reasons. But the thing that I ask you right now is who does our government care about? Who does the world care about? Right now, they care about those 300 trans-enter people

and they're making laws and they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing.

They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. They don't care about what they're doing. as mentioned, more than my homies. I think, I know Jesus's name mentioned a lot. How many Muslims are killed? Jesus' name is in a caran a lot. Because of their religion. I don't know, but I know that if you have a belief, I'm sure it's a lot. Who would be doing that?

Probably some people that think their Christians or maybe some people that think their Jews? It's a hey, Gaelian dialectic? It's a heygalean dialectic. It's a hegel, a philosopher. He had his theory that the only way society can advance is through a dichotomy, has to be through two warring factions fighting to make everything advanced through something else.

And then when something else, you have to create something else to fight that new something else to create something else. And that was the whole theory. And that's a theory behind like critical race theory and a whole bunch of stuff. And the, there's so much, I mean, I'm now thinking about that and I could go in a lot deep that. But the problem is right now is that we always try as human beings because we're so convinced that it has to be too and

they have to be warring. Same thing like Jesus and Satan or God and Satan or Lucifer and whoever you want to say. We think that it has to be good and bad, good and evil. It has to be, you know, God and Satan. It it has to be this, that, to do this. It's a Joaquin and Boas, you know, those are the two pillars in Salon's Temple, to have the Masons believe in, and they always do that, and they make it black and white, and it has to be that dialectic, to join into the one and the middle. That's what they're doing right now with white and black people, to make an er a racial thing or trying to make it in that too, a dialect or a war. But that's not the right dialectic it should have been rich and poor.

You know, that's way more accurate. But nobody sees it that way. When you have billionaires meeting in their billionaire clubs, do you think when a black billionaire is sitting there hanging out with a white billionaire, do you think they talk about race? No. Never. You know, when I was poor and I was growing up, we had a white billionaire, do you think they talk about race? No. Never. When I was poor and I was growing up, we had a lot of, you know, my dad was a football player too,

so we always exposed a lot of black people because that's the culture of football. You know, it was very mixed up, and they don't care. When you're on that football team, do you care what color your lineman is or your quarterback or anybody else on there? Your team, you just play as a team. You know, I mean, they're definitely they're definitely doing a division because

you're really society right now and I. I mean, just everything is coming down to race. Everything is your race is your, I mean, just this week, just this week in Memphis. There was a African American. I think he was 20 something years old, was beat to death by four African American police officers. And they're saying that the four African American police officers were motivated by white supremacists. They, that they are white supremacists. Now how are four AfricanAmerican police officers white supremacists? Who?

How does a president or a president... In the sad thing, Chris, is that... And this is just my perspective, and I hope I'm wrong, but it seems like the majority of the U.S. population that sees this actually believe that four African Americans are white supremacists. Yeah, they actually believe that Well, when I can't believe anything that comes out of CNN Fox News MSNBC whatever news channel is is is is your cup of tea. Yeah, so two Fox and they're gonna believe Anything if Tucker Carlson said it is your cup of tea. That's a two, fox and two, yeah. They're gonna believe anything if Tucker Carlson said it.

All those people got to be true, right? If it has to be true. If Anderson Cooper says it, it's true for those people. If Tucker says it, it's true for those people. And they're all warring. That's true. Because nobody's looking at all the difference perspectives and if you don't think like me, then

I fucking hate you. You're nailed all of it. I look at all of it. Even on my social media account, I have some, I have liver account and I have my conservative account. I didn't know you had two accounts. I have more than two accounts. But the echo chambers, if you enter an echo chambers, it's probably the perfect way

to say it. One of my accounts is definitely echo chamber. I've changed a lot too because I had to because it was way too far. My value for us, social media accounts. For that 10 years, when I was doing a lot of the speaking out and talking about stuff, there's a lot of things in there, I was way too over into that culture of Marxist type of way of thinking, you know, victim mentality and everything else. I was in there on that social media platform, and it's not me.

And so I have been being a little bit more harsh and out of count just to try to bring it into a more of a generalized middle of the road echo chamber so I can get a little bit of both sides into it and right now I'm pretty much there and So I don't really do very much one way or the other I do Speak out so I'm drag queen so many other stuff, but for that account now to valour for us account is kind of middle But it's still I still batched by in the administration, just like a batch Trump and his administration. Just like I said, if the Admiral made a mistake, I'm going to call it out.

When Trump did stuff, I would call it out. When Biden does stuff, I'm going to call it out. I'm not either one. I'm an independent, you know, and I'm proud to be an independent because I'm not going to let you talk me in know who to vote for. Those political parties are packs, they're not political parties, not political at all. Well, that's exactly it. It's an echo chamber's absolutely correct terminology, you know, because I mean, let's look at it like this. What was it? Maybe five, four or five months ago, Kanye West, right?

What was it? Maybe five, four or five months ago Kanye West, right? It's all over the news. Yeah. Now they're saying he's a white supremacist. Or I don't know. I don't watch. I don't watch. He wasn't even talking about Jews.

He wasn't even talking about Jews. Well, I think what the point I'm trying to make is is that this is the kind of shit that I've seen Americans fall into time and time and time again. You know, let's talk about the beginning of COVID. You know, when all these celebrities were speaking up about the vaccine and the mask mandates, and they wanted everybody to wear the masks,

and I wanted everybody to do the vaccination, and the conservative side of the house was saying, I don't give a shit, you know, I don't care what you have to say. You're a celebrity, you're a musician, or you're a football player, or you're a basketball player, or you're an MLB player. I don't care what you have to say, get on the field and run the fucking ball.

Get on the field and pitch, you know, pitch strikeouts. Get on the stage and entertain me. I don't care what you have to say about anything with politics, COVID, are you a doctor? No, but the minute, the very minute, that one of them switches sides, and they speak out against the vaccine, or against the mass mandate,

or as long as it falls in line with what you believe, then all of a sudden it's okay. Now we wanna hear what you have to say. And then we saw it again with Kanye West. And I'm middle of the road too. I lean more on the conservative side. That's how I grew up. I have conservative values, but I am middle of the road.

And so I'm harder on conservatives than I am on liberals. Because that's kind of, you know, that's where a lot of my values lie. Not all of them, but a lot of them. And then I saw this stuff with Kanye West. Well, what have we heard ever since ever since the first presidential debate, which actually there was only one last time, but it was Joe Biden is his mental state is off. He's not capable of being the president because of his mental state. There's nothing going on upstairs. He's got dementia. He's too old. He can't think.

He's mentally, he's mentally slowing down. You know what I mean? He's lost his mind. Isn't Kanye West like a diagnosed schizophrenic? I didn't know that. He may be off. I may be off, but he definitely, I know for a fact he's talked about his bipolar disorder,

which would be, right? Yeah, right? My father is a novice. So, but we can't listen, we're gonna go off and throw a shit fit about Joe Biden and how nobody should listen to him, and I agree with him, I agree with him. I do think that he's mentally off.

But then when Kanye West comes around, who's, I'm sorry, who's diagnosed schizophrenic, diagnosed bipolar, another mental disorder, we're just gonna eat every fucking word that comes out of that man's mouth because it falls in line with exactly what the fuck we say. And when I see this shit man and it's just, that's just a couple of examples, but I see this stuff and I'm like,

this isn't my fucking party, man. I'm not, you see all these people, you know, these are all a bunch of hypocrites. Every fucking one of them. Yeah. The Tucker Carlson, when I was on his show the other day, I had a whole bunch of them on that side to see an end group. We're just mad at me for doing that. And I said, what did you hear what I said?

He said, no, I don't listen to that. He said, well, if you heard what I said, what did you hear what I said? I said, no, I don't listen to that. I said, well, if you heard what I said, you probably understand why I went on there. And I said, just listen to it. I said, I went on there, basically, to say, I don't want to do this anymore. I basically talked about CNN and Fox. And I said, I don't want to be here

because everything I say on here is going to be a lie. I said, what does that mean? I said, if you watch anything that I did on CNN, you know, for whatever years past, it's all lies. I said, it's not me lying. It's the fact that they can edit and they can do whatever they want with it. They can build narratives out of whatever.

Just like this show right here, if somebody only listens to a snippet that you put out there, depending on what snippet you put, you could paint me as an evil, bad, bad person. Or you could paint me as a really good person. Or you could paint me as one of the coolest seals that ever lived. Or the biggest jerk seal that ever lived.

And that's what I'm saying is that when you do these things, I'm seeing under Fox or wherever you're going, I don't want to do this anymore. Because I don't believe what you guys are peddling on either side. I said, but I do get a kick out of Tucker because he has a pretty good humor and he does come up with some good points sometimes to make me think. I don't believe what he says just because he says it. He makes me think about some stuff and then I have to go research and I figure some stuff out and I find out my own.

That's what everybody should be doing, but nobody does that. Because we live in like this McDonald's Fast Food Society. That if I can get that Big Mac for a dollar, then I'm going to eat that Big Mac, it's all I need. It says, yeah, but it's not good for you. There's so much stuff in that thing that's really hurting you. You really need to figure out, if you like the Big Mac's figure out why you like it. I like the salad. I like that thousand on interest.

And you put on it. I like this. I like that. Okay, well, go make it yourself and you'll make it better Okay, I like the salad. I like that thousand on interest. And you put on it. I like this. I like that. Okay, well, go make it yourself and you'll make it better because you can use the organic or natural stuff you got from your farmer. It'll be a lot better for you. No, it's just like-

But we just want to hand it. We want it easy. I think nobody wants to dig. The sad thing is, you cannot fix stupidity. And that's what's happening here. Cognitive dissonance is probably the exactly what it is. As a definite echo chambers for so long, it's all they have.

Well, we did it as a society, you know, for how many, even when you're in grade school, and they give you their globe, or they talk about the man in the moon, all the stuff they teach in grade school, about stuff that I can challenge right now, you know, they teach a lot of stuff that we hear over and over and over again, that we just, we take every ground, and that's what happened. When did the Chinese land in the moon? I have no idea. 2013. Do you ever see the moon? I have no idea. 2013.

Do you ever see the video? No. So the Chinese land on the moon in 2013, and they released a video for it. But pretty quick, that video was taken down and they said, no, it's just a joke. Because it was so bad. It was so fake.

Because they didn't have a career break, you know? Well, that's another discussion. You need a better production staff and better cameras if you guys want to fake this. Yeah. You know. That's another discussion but but do you want to dig into your career as a seal? Yeah yeah yeah. I mean we just did a lot of other stuff. We did. Let's let's take a break and then let's get back on track. Go over your seal career. This episode is brought to you by Rebel Ice Cream. With less than one gram of sugar in most pints,

a delicious scoop of Rebel can help you feel better about almost anything. Like ignoring your mom's friend request for months, then pretending you never got it when she confronts you. Rebel ice cream. Feel better. Visit rebelcremory.com to find a store near you. Alright Chris, we're back from the break and I really... I want to dive into your seal career because you've had a very unique and you've had a very unique successful career as a seal and it's like nothing that I've heard before.

I don't know everything about it, but I know you've been on some very, some fascinating projects. You've seen a lot of combat, you know, and I want to show how accomplished you are as a seal and as a human to the community. So I was supposed to talk about all this stuff. I don't talk about. I was supposed to talk about all the stuff that you don't talk about. Are you good with that? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah.

So let's go back to, you went from VMI to Alfred, and then you joined the Navy. Yeah. So, just a desert shield, desert storm, it was kicking off. And just like, you know, anybody who's, you know, a patron when he raised her hand, because the war was going on.

So I raised my hand and I went to war, you know, I joined. And when I joined, I went right into boot camp, I went into the recruiting office, I told him, I said, hey, this is going on and I want to join and I want to be part of it. And I only went to Seals. And it was a Navy recruiter and he was like, well, nobody really makes me through that.

And there's a lot of other things you can do. And I was like, no, I'm making it, it's fine. And I said, how do I do it? And he says, well, go to boot camp. And in that boot camp, you can raise your hand. That was the time period I joined. And they'll give you a test at boot camp. And if you pass that test, then they'll give you orders that you can go. And I was like, okay, I'll do that.

He said, all right, sign up. So I signed up, they write that and I shipped out like two or three weeks later. And so I went to boot camp. And I was at RCHO, which is just like the leader of your boot camp class. They used to always kid around and call me RSEPHO. Because during boot camp, it was like the worst training I've ever been through. It was just a big waste of time for me. Because I've already been through VMI, right? So I don't need to learn how to fall my clothes and clean stuff up and do that or follow orders or march

or any of it. It's a huge waste of time. So as I was there as the RCPO, and I was leading out of stuff, and I knew that I could lead, and knew I could do all the stuff, the company commanders, the guys that were running the boot camp, they kind of started laxing off on me a little bit, and they started like, let me do stuff.

And so I told them, I said, hey, you guys are having us more, sometimes you run and we do little workouts, but I'm getting really bad out of shape. And this is just too long for me. I got to workout. And so they said, okay, they said, we'll have blocks of time and you can do whatever you need to do. And so I had all my own time and I was doing push ups

and I was working out. And it was pretty cool. So that's why they started making jokes and R-C-U-P-O because it was like I was doing push ups and I was working out. You know, and it was pretty cool. So that's why they started making jokes in the R-C-U-P-O, because I was like, I was especially like, do my own workouts. I saw any one of you all that wanted to do it with me. You can, and nobody wanted to. Because it was hard, you know?

And so I left boot camp like that. And I was, I went in there as a E3, because I had college degree. And so I was already starting out as a E3 because I had college degree and so I was already starting out as an E3. Okay. And I enlisted on purpose because I didn't want to be an officer. And because I also was studying a lot of that and I didn't see the officer route as something I wanted to do.

Because I still was, I'm a, I'm a digger, you know. Yeah. I work at all my own hard work and I do mechanics to often. I work on the farm and it's like, I'm not gonna sit there in an office and push paper and just tell everybody what to do. I'm gonna do it. And so I'm an E3.

So I go to Buds and Buds, I think I made E4 during third phase. I took the test during third phase. I mean it was fast, everything was so quick. And so I made the4 during third phase. I took the test during third phase. I mean, it was fast. Everything was so quick. And so I made the next rank. And I think it was right then. Did I make E4 in butt? It was like really quick after.

It was really fast. Now I'm thinking back 30 years now, and I think about this stuff. But I did make E4 really fast. I went up the ranks really quick. The testing, because I can take tests, I can pass tests. You know what I mean?

Next, what about the one? I could just take the test and I'd take tests, I can pass tests. You know what I mean? That's what I want. I could just take the tests and I'd get the highest grade and I'd have, you know, I'd ace it, you know. So I made rank really quick in the military. So I graduated, I got in the bot, I'm in the bots and I'm kicking bot and I remember the four mile run. Do you remember your time in the four mile runs in San Francisco?

I had to do 24 minutes. Yeah, I was 24 minutes too. So I was Do you remember your time in the four-mile runs? In the same time with the 24 minutes? Yeah, I was 24 minutes, too. So I was running in six-minute miles in the same with Bhutan. I was pretty quick. And I was doing that really quick, too. I think it was like six minutes or something. And then the swimming, I was the fastest swimmer. You know me and my swim buddy.

No, shit. Plumber. So I was crushing everything. And so as far as graduate number one, I graduated number one. You were the honor man? Dasty bad. They did that then.

They did, but they changed some of the stuff the way they did it. And honor man wasn't fully based on your performance for all that. They took the shooting section that we did on third phase out in the island and they made that like 50% of your honor man grade and everything else was at other 50. And so if they did it the old ways or the new ways now

because I think they found out there was a mistake, you can't do that because the guns were shooting out to our, it's guns that you got at the armory and And whatever I was doing, I'm a good shooter. And I was just shooting like crap. And I was like, it's the gun. And it would always yell at me that it's not the gun. And then I'd be like, I'm a good shooter. And this thing is just, it's a worn barrel.

This is just a crap gun. And it's totally plausible because those guns are they're just beater buds guns, you know They're not good guns and so there's this officer who was crap Athlete that ended up shooting like super expert the guy was a great shot And I give it to him that dude was an expert shooter, you know, and mine was like I was a little lower And so they said well that's honor man because he's the best shooter and what are like, I was a little lower. And so they said, well, that's honor man, cause he's the best shooter. Water seals, we got a shoot. That's what we do.

So he's the honor man. And it was because I was always telling the, I was always calling him out and raising my hand and saying, that's bullshit, not that. And I was not easy to get along with. It didn't want me to be an honor man. But I was number one in this, so he gave me my choice of orders.

So right out the gate, I had my first choice. Seal team one. What did you pick one? It was the hardest team. What do you mean? Perception. Perception was team one and team two. What a toughest teams.

I lived in Virginia. I know all that stuff. I didn't really want to be in Virginia. I wanted to stay in California because I don't know anything about it. And it was just something different, you know? So I could pick team one or team two is what I wanted was one of those two teams because they were districters, they were the hardest,

they were the ones that were the historical legacy teams and they were hardcore those two teams compared to all the other teams. I mean it makes sense, you know, you you pick VMI yeah because the beating it kind of follows And until just now, I never realized that. Until just now, I never realized that. You could tell just now in this moment. When I, yeah, when I'm sitting there looking, I'd go, and then when Nick was telling me, I wallowing a mizzer, it's like,

well, what's the toughest one? And so I went to faculties to him, you know, mastery faculty, you know. And he was tough, man. He would frickin' Tony Leena was wearing a ball cap and a pair of sunglasses one time and he got like in trouble for wearing a ball cap. You know, it was like, if you don't do it,

the team way, in fact, he's way, and right by the book, you're gonna get lit up, especially as a new guy, they were strict, you know. That's the 90s, 1990s seal teams are way different than we have now. The 1990s teams are different than the 2000 teams even when we started going to war. Everything started really changing.

When I was a team one, we used to go to DRMO that where all the old equipment was given at Penaltime for the Marine Corps. So the seal teams in the 90s, we were getting the old Marine Rincor throwaway equipment. And we would take that equipment into the parachute loft and have those guys sew it all out. The guys that sewed the parachutes.

And I'm explaining a little bit for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the,

for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the, for the old equipment, this LBEs, and this straps and harnesses and all the stuff from the Marines. We bring this big pile of stuff in the parachute loft and we would explain to the rigor what we wanted, you know, what it to carry and how it would look and how it fit. And it was all

custom built to us. This is before London, where it is before all of the fancy equipment. The fancy equipment happened because of the seal teams. All those guys and all the equipment because we kept modifying everything. Everything we did we modified. So the modifications were so intense and so good. Some of those parachute rivers and some of the seal team guys, there were parachute rigors that were doing it. They went after the teams, they went and they built companies. So that was really what was the,

I mean, this is like the complete opposite of when I showed up, when I showed up, we had everything. We had no money, we had no nothing. The Marine Corps had more funding, or the Marine, I mean, when I showed up, there was no budget. It appeared to me, there was zero budget. Well, it was last budget, and we had, it was more budget than we had before that. So

the Marines had more equipment and better stuff because they're combat. They're like rangers for us for the Navy. The Navy seals were on our own and were funded through Socom and all the other stuff. The Marine Corps has its own funding. Say, buy whatever they want. We get all our funding from Socom and a big Navy. Big Navy hates us. They don't give us any money So back in those days was before the glamour seals and before it was really like the Hollywood stuff and everybody thought seals are awesome Back down seals were still pretty cool, but we never talked about being seals either if we're in a bar And we're not in Coronado where everybody kind of knows or Virginia Beach where every kind of knows When we were anywhere else we tried not to be seals.

Nobody wore any seal team gear. If anybody asked us, hey, what are you guys doing here? What are you up to? There was always cover stores. There was always stuff we would say. And it was like balloon pilot training, you know? Yeah. Was it good?

Dolphin waxing. Yeah. Yeah. Do we had weird stuff we would say, and we talked about that. And some guys would say, oh, you have a Navy seal, and they'd wear this stuff. But most of it, most guys didn't. We wear it around, around corn, I don't know some, whatever, your team, because we're proud of your team, you know, the hats and stuff.

But not very much. It's not the mic you just today. And there was books, but there wasn't like a lot of books. And so there was maybe like a, maybe 20 books. And everybody gives all the seals crap about writing all these books, you know? But even give me crap about writing a book that I wrote. But the book that I wrote has nothing to do with the seals, really, and it's not me bragging, it's me just telling. Like if I ever wrote and a lot of books that seal team guys write, just leadership and stuff,

Jocco wrote some book and it's about some stuff. And there's all these guys writing these books, but it's not a whole lot of seal team stuff. So he gives us crap for writing books because we write books because we have a lot of knowledge and experience And we did things that not a lot of people do yeah, and we're able to put it down on paper and make it make sense And it turns into a recipe for people to do better in their lives What's wrong with that? Nothing. I'm just a doctor.

Concept as a show. It's same thing. It's freaking ridiculous that seals are somehow under a microscope that you guys write too many books. Well, you don't give crap to all the doctors that write books or the lawyers or books or anybody. If you have a profession, it's very focused. All those guys that have that profession now, write books. I just I don't get that part of it. I think I don't know why I don't think it has anything to do with people writing the book. I think it has more to do with, they weren't the one to write the book. Curtis jealous, yeah, did jealous.

Pure jealous. Right in fact, if somebody's making some money off of something that we all do, like the book that most of the books that we write, guys write on leadership, even the McCrave and book when he start going to all the stuff, it's like, that's all the stuff that we all do. You know, we just didn't write it down. That's all. So we all have the knowledge and the stuff that we do. I

was telling you about polishing the turd. Back in the seal teams in the 90s, we did at the polish of turds. That was the consequences of the huts in N Island. Did you do it in N Island? We did. Yeah. So you know the building to have a N Island right now. So I was here before that building. And it was all quantitites. He's old crappy metal buildings from one more too. They were given to us by the army or something. But so and these things were like basically dirt floors and he's old those metal racks where they were bunk beds. And we had to have people sleeping on top and bottom bunk in those days. And it was terrible. Was this crap? What kind of mission set was there pre-9-11?

It was a lot of fidd. It was a foreign internal defense. It was like one of the main missions. And it's a valuable mission that we kind of lacked off on. Where? Every country in the world. Seal Team IV would do South America all this special ops in South America.

Seal Team IV. Seal Team II had all of Europe and Northern Europe. Seal Team III would do South America all those special ops in South America, Seal Team 4. Seal Team 2 had all of Europe and Northern Europe. Seal Team 3 had to Middle East. Seal Team 1, we had the Far East, the Philippines and Thailand and the fun stuff. Seal Team 3 had Middle East with the other guys and they did a little bit of stuff and India getting that far. So they went Middle East to India and so over and there. Sometimes they did Australia Australian some other places. But

every team had a specific geographical location that we worked in. And then which was great because I went to Thailand a few times. And so the Thai Seals, I got to know them. And we were working with them enough. And it was all the same guys. And it made it really become a router between us and the Thai Seals. We were good. I'm tactics and procedures and stuff that we could share with them. And then they were getting better at their job and they come better friends with Americans. So they didn't all like our sauces, ugly Americans.

We were like, hey, those Americans are cool. They taught us stuff. So a fit was very good. And the world piece is not going to be done through war. It's going to be done through a fit. It'll be done through us cooperating with other groups and communicating and working with them. That's how you make peace. You don't make peace by bullets. And that's what we were better back then because we're very aware of all the stuff going on. We were there also spread really far out. So if something did happen anywhere, you could immediately have a CLT in platoon

within like 20 or 30 minutes from being on target. And that was another one of the missions. Did that ever happen? Yeah. Do you? A few times almost, but then the damn net guys or somebody else's high speed would come up and get it. And so it kind of pisses off.

What was good guys? Can you talk about what one of those would have been? There was always a pop and a- Rescue some stuff. Panama. I went to Panama a couple times. I was there a little bit after, but it would, Panama team guys were there,

and damn, that was there, and it was big. So that was a bigger one, but there was a lot of little ones that would happen. That if it would not long enough, then they would get somebody else to do it. And the Marines would also get those missions before to seal sometimes back in those days, you know, because that was, it was more their mission to do that real fast off because they're an expeditionary force, which everybody loses and they don't understand what that really means. What that means is the Marines are our package of everything.

They don't need anybody. They have all the airplanes bow, they have all the artillery, they have everything they need to fully go and be there plop and they can do all of it. Seals can't, we need them. So we need to Marines more than Marines need us. We need to army more than army needs us. We need to navy more than navy needs us. We need to navy more than navy needs us.

But we're pretty awesome group because we did start specializing into stuff. And that's when you start going into a damn net mission, some of the other stuff. The beach reconsense mission from World War II is why we even started. It was about beach recon, about us doing water work. And we got away from that. Now, the beach recon we've been doing since World War II and saving lives. So as a ship pulls off for LCAQ or any of the landing crafter, anything that's going on, as they pull off the beach, they would hit the coral reefs or whatever.

And they thought that now it's the work on ground and they put down the ramp and everybody just run off the end of the ramp and go into 50 feet deep water and drown. And so that was when they said, we need to have somebody out here. And so that's the sneaky peak of UDT guys. And so, and even them, I would raise my hand and say, this isn't the way to do it. So we've been doing beach reconsence in World War II. And when I was at SEAL Team One, I came up with a way to do the beach gradients. So do you remember doing beach gradients when you did the hydrographic recon through our land? So how did you figure out the beach gradients. So do you remember doing beach gradients when you did the hydrographic reconsure? Oh yeah. So how did you figure out the beach gradients? We had a lead line. A three foot lead line. I don't remember how long it was. No, no, I'm talking about the

gradient. I'm not talking about in the water. When you get out of the water, you can't do a lead line anymore. So you have to figure out when you get out a beach a lot of these beach craft especially the the L-cats and I don't remember ever actually Okay, so we get out of the water you hit the actual beach now the beach can be this deep and it can be this deep It can be really shallow almost nothing now if you have an L-cac a L-cac can't land on the beach It's more than like a one-to-four ratio or something So it's one foot up and four, that way it's pretty shallow. It's not a real steep beach.

Some of the other craft can want to see for once, because the L-Cat tries to get on a real steep beach as things will often fall off, and it won't fall off. It can't do it, you know what I'm saying? So that beach gradient is very important to tell them what they can actually do when they get to the beach. So it's a very important thing.

The way we've been doing it since World War II was what we trained during buds We say well that beach graded in Italia and they show you kind of what they look like and we just kind of guess And so I came up with an exact method to really show what the grade it really is And I said it's it's not very hard I said when we walk on the beach and you do it what you need to do is you need to get your weapon and mark off And it was about three feet was a decide you get a three foot marker It can be on your lead line and can be on a weapon a piece of tape or your spot in your weapon

And what you do is you're kneel down your site that spot up to beach until you can see where the where the sand meets that mark And you have somebody mark that mark and what you do is you go from that mark from where you set kneel down You pay us off from there one pace is three feet mark. Then what you do is you go from that mark from where you sat and kneel down, you pace off there. One pace is three feet, two paces is six feet, and you go all the way up to there. So, you're doing a three foot measurement here,

and then you pace it off, and you just divide it. That's your beach gradient. Interesting. So, if it's only, if it's a one to 10 beach, you go, it was three feet, and it did 10 paces. So it's one to 10. And it's almost an exact beach gradient. They never had that before.

It's in the books right now and we're coming to training magos as a Beck method for determining beach gradients. And you came up with that? Yeah, because from World War II, all we've until I came along, everybody said, well, this is what we do. That's a one to 10, that's a one to 20,

that's a one to 40. And I go, yeah, but did you measure it? How'd you measure it? They're guessing. I gave them the exact method. So why didn't anybody think of that before? It's because I'm kind of a trouble maker. And I raised my hand and said, well, we need to be able to measure that. And so I sat down and I thought about it and I figured it out. I said, it's just this. And I said, we already do pace counts. Did you use your pace count and measure it eyeball? Wow.

And the simple things like that that people just take for granted. You just say, this is the way we do it. Let's keep doing it. Well, there might be a better way out there, you know, don't tell me how to do it. Tell me what you need. And that's the problem right now. In politics and everything else is everybody's telling everybody. And nobody's actually looking at it and scratching below the surface.

You know, okay, so that's team one, right? Did all that team one? What was the... We don't have to go through everything. You have a long career, but I'm very interested. But I'm giving you the reasons why I never had to ask for orders. I was recruited to every command, was because of that. You were specifically recruited to every single command that you wanted. I never volunteered for anything.

I was asked to go everywhere. Really? Yeah. So, CLT1, I picked it because they gave me a choice. So, I didn't ask where I said, I want Team 1. They gave it to me. When I was at Team 1, I was doing stuff like that with the beach gradient.

I was also doing really heavy mission planning. I was doing all the photo and intel stuff. I was really heavy into it. I was really good at it. And everybody knew it. So if they ever wanted to have a mission, they had to plan a mission to get me. If they ever wanted to win an event for their raging rhinos,

did you guys do your East Coast, right? I don't know why I just did that. I knew your East Coast. Did you guys do raging rhinos every Friday and have a keg of beer at the end? We called a monster match Monster match same thing raging rhino monster match and a keg of beer at the end every Friday So if anybody ever wanted to win that if we had shooting involved or anything whereas at the night Can shooting and everything all combined if they wanted to win they got me Every officer knew that if you're on youratoon, if I went to your platoon,

then I would take you from like a C or D rating, and you would be a A1 rating as soon as I showed up. I had every qualification. And every time every qualification is gay, I knew the SEAL team platoon commanders knew it. We need this qual. If we send him free fall jump master, for example, how many seal team guys failed out of free fall jump master?

It's a hard course. And we needed that qualification for our platoon. So LT said, hey, back, we need to send you free fall jump master. And I was like, all right, I'll go. And why did they send me? Because I knew I could pass. And we needed the call. And it happened in every platoon.

So we needed the call. it happened in every platoon. So we needed the call, that could go to that call and I would get it and I had it on my belt and the platoon is A1 now. We can deploy or see one or whatever the number is. But they would automatically bring it up to platoon to deployable status. It's weird. I mean, you're telling me this and I'm thinking like, this guy's arrogant to be telling me that he's the best at, you know what I mean? Who I mean? No, I'm just telling you that I'm telling you that.

And that, but it makes, what I'm saying is it makes perfect sense. No, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm test. It's not arrogance. It's, it just, it makes perfect sense. I just, I just test, you know? Yeah. And so because I had a little qualifications, I was requested a lot. And so now with the mission planning, I was doing, I was the intel guy and the first

tubes tunes, and I went the first lieutenant Engineering for you guys then I did some air stuff and it he comes and I did everything you could doing a platoon All of it I even did medical and I wasn't in medical trained. I was a secondary medical with a Cormin what's IDC? Yeah, IDC Cormin and I was a secondary Cormin Cormin's and I was a secondary Cormin. Cormin's a doc for people with the dorm. So, did all that stuff, and it was like, so I tried to do everything because I wanted to have qualifications, and I wanted to know exactly how to do

everything any team could ever do, even diving, I was a dive guy for a while, and dive soupin' everything else. But, when they were doing mission planning systems, I did a bunch of other stuff too, but they were doing mission planning systems, I did a bunch of other stuff too, but they were doing mission planning systems that they had quarters and it's called swamps, special warfare, automated mission planning system, and a lot of you guys out there

to your seals, you remember swamps. So the warnobs that was in charge of the swamps program gave this company California microwave and some of this stuff is coming back right now and going, holy cow, I don't remember that. They gave them like $10 or $12 million to automate mission planning. And so they were building a system with all these computers and also, in remember 1998, 1999, 2000, computers were not a big deal.

You know, we didn't have any computers in the SEAL teams. We used a lot of dry erase, that not even dry erase, it was waxed pencils with the lamination paper over a blank piece, you know. And I made those special too, and everybody worked with those. It was such a bad program, and it was so terrible that I started on, because I built my own computers too, on the side, I would buy all the parts, I would build computers and I'd give them to people,

you know, sell them to people. So I built all my own computers and they all knew I did that. They knew I was a freaking weirdo. So the one officer called me up down to Seal Team one and said, Hey, Hey, I'll back. I'd like you to come up here to work on and work with the admission planning. And I was like, well, I've been at Seal Team one for nine years now. And I was going to go on and work with the admission planning. And I was like, well, I've been at the field team one for nine years now, and I was gonna go to another command anyway.

So yeah, that's cool. As I went to work on, I went to headquarters to do the mission planning system. To Admiral and everybody sitting around the table and this is when I was building every weekend, I would go home and on weekends, I was building a program that I was gonna try to use because these guys were failing.

So at the final thing, the final mark, when they were saying, you have to make this thing work or the contract is void. We can't, we're not going to continue this. So I built mine all up. And so these guys were sitting in California, microwave, and they had windows up, and it was like windows 98 or the other one, or it was an old window. No, it wasn't me 98. It was a special one they made for businesses. Camino was called now, but they had the stuff up there and they had the board up there and they're showing it and they're going, here's the mission planning system of swamps, the automated mission planning system for seals and they start to computer up and they start doing some stuff on it and then boom, Bruce Green of death. And they said,

we'll wait a second and they restart and they do all this stuff and they start doing it again and like five minutes later, Bruce Green wait a second, they restart and they do all this stuff and they start doing it again. And like five minutes later, we were screened to death. And Admiral sitting there and all the captains and all the... It was a huge Gus Gusson team, I think was there too. And Gus was awesome. I got to tell you a story about him. But well, something he said that was very, very valuable. Remind me that.

But so we're all sitting around the table and watching these guys just fail, fail brilliantly. And I said, hey, weren't wells, or I was like, can I plug in, and while they're trying to fix their stuff, they can go on the side and work under stuff. Can I plug in and just show you some stuff? Nobody's seen it yet. And so I plug in and I go,

hey, here's a automated mission related system for you. I went, bloop, bloop, bloop. And I started typing in there. So what kind of mission you want to do? And one of the captains was like, uh, direct action. And I used some explosives and, uh, have a boat insert and an infill, uh, by foot, uh, D.A. explosives, gather by foot, get picked up by a vehicle.

And it was, he just started rattling off a bunch of stuff. And I was sitting there just typing in and going, full of stuff down with mouse, just, and going, okay, how important we blown up. He says, and I said, let's use five pounds of explosive. I went, boom, on a map, and I had maps and everything. So, a map went, boom, it's ring showed up. As you hear, there's a safety ring, there's a margin, make sure we're out of here, by the time the countdown goes on, and all the stuff is just flashing up there, boom, boom, boom, boom, I said, okay, ready for the, let's do the brief back.

That's a brief back is a briefing we give before the PLO, before the tunes make sure that we can accept this measure to the high commands that captains and admirals. So the brief back, I said, I gotta do a brief back. And it's like three sides on the brief, and went, okay, let's do the brief back. And PowerPoint shows up, has all the stuff on it. And I start briefing the brief back.

I said, okay, let's do a PLO. And I go, you know, and I said, okay, this is now 12 sides because I have to do more stuff because now we have to teach the two guys what the mission was to make sure they get all the stuff. I said, okay, warning water, here's the warning water. Here's a brief act, here's a PLO, there's all the stuff. And I said, automated. And the company was sitting there just going, they were just like, they just couldn't

believe it. And it was totally done. And I said, this is all, I was like, oh going, they were just like, they just couldn't believe it. And it was totally done. And I said, this is all, I was like, oh yeah, we have a library too. I showed them a library of data. And I said, it's all divided by the jobs that each between guy has. I'd have done all these jobs, I know what we need.

I said, so each, it had folders. It was a system of folders. And each folder started out as first lieutenant, slash engineering, and then you open that folder up. And it folder started out as first lieutenant slash engineering and then you open that folder up and it was everything you ever need in there for all the boats maritime hops all of it. You go to air ops, you go to diving, you go to comms, you go to each each one of them had a folder and everything you ever need. There was a sniper folders, there's demo folders, everything you would do on a platoon was in a folder. And so they said, okay, the animal sitting there

is gone. What do we do now? So they killed the contract, the company was fired, they lost everything, and I think they folded pretty quick after that, and we got all the money. And basically I went here $10 million to an E6 Chris Beck. And so I started running a program,

and I ran a program, and I was hard on those guys. It was a mastery Chief Bill Hill. He used to feed me all the time, because I would work through lunch. So he would bring lunch for himself and me. Because I would go out to lunch, and I try to go to lunch, and he'd say, he'd just eat this, eat this,

eat it on jelly sandwich. So what do you like the OG tech guy for the teams? That's also why DamnNet recruited me. DamnNet recruited you too. So like I said, I got recruited every when. So the mission planning system was good. It was swamps and so calm saw it. And so calm was like, well, we want this for everybody.

So they changed it. They developed this entire. Yeah. And I grabbed it home on weekends. And then it was more of the concept and how to run it and how to do it. You don't want a fully automated system. You don't want AI or anything in there. It's really automatic. It's automatic. Well, if it's automatic, you're going to kill everybody. Because if it's automatic, just programs, there's logarithms,

there's something in there, right? Yeah. So I told them the whole thing automated, everything is just bad. You have to have a lot of people in between doing this? Yeah. So I told him the whole thing automated, everything is just bad. You have to have a lot of people in between doing this and deciding. So while I was doing that, so I was typing a lot, was trying to feed this stuff that he was saying, plus what I knew and how to ask you a dimension, it has to be in there. You can't let a computer run that. The only thing I want the computer to do was take my data and stick it on a PowerPoint so I can brief it.

So I had a lot of macros and things I'll build for that. But, so, work on FireDAM, I got all the money and then we started building a program and Bill Hill and a few other guys, it was another bill and then it was madness and it was an E6 and I made chief when I was there because they gave me like an award for building a program so it comes out They wanted it so they changed the name of it and we buffed it out

So I made a whole system for rangers. I made a system for special forces and it was all different I had to study those guys and pull the whole ranger handbook and do a lot of stuff So I built the systems gave them to them give them to them give them to them even the Air Force PJ guys and then So so come was like well, this is awesome, swamps. And I said, well, and they changed the name to a mission planning environment, something, oh, a special operations mission planning environment. Sampie, did you ever do mission planning?

Did you use Sampie? Yes. Well, on most of those briefings, if you really dug in the metadata, my name was on every one of those. Because I did metadata stuff. So even in this day, right now, 30 years later, my program I built in 1999 is still being used.

It's still being used. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. At that point, then, I'm doing all that stuff. And then, I'm sitting there giving the brief and how to mission plan to all the master chiefs

in the entire seal teams. All of them were in this one room. And they wanted to see what was going on because this is the newest, flashiest tech thing, mission planning, bring out chief back and have a brief mission planning. So I started briefing it. Now I was showing them all the stuff

and he's guys were blowing away and they're like, holy cow, this is awesome because these are all the crusty old master chiefs. Just like, they're amazed because I could get it so fast. So a mission plan would take four to six hours. I could do it in my 20 minutes, you know? Because it was all there, it was at my fingertips.

So the masterpiece, which is like holy cow, this is awesome. And a bunch of them started saying, when are you up for orders, you know, my team? And so they all started saying that. And they're saying, hey, stay because we're gonna go over detailing and some other stuff that's masterpiece and you're achieved, so you should know some of this stuff. So I stayed with them in the afternoon

During her brief and what are doing the detailing when they're showing how detailing and everything works So the big mastery from Tennessee from the big thing you sit there talking about detailing and one of the other Mastery says well do you do an example and show us how this works? He says well, hey chief back you might even we pull up your data and then we show all the stuff you have and we find out How can we detail you. And I was like, okay, I said, put all my data up on the screen and I started going through it. I saw my ass fat scores, which I ate. They showed all my stuff in buds, 24-minute run and all the other stuff. They showed all the stuff I've done and all my qualifications. And all of them were going holy cow. This is,

it's a hard charger. And so they started asking for me. And so team five master chief said, hey, I want you to come team five and take a platoon. I need a chief. And I was like, okay. So they did me orders right there as I sit now because I said, okay the CLT-5 Master Chief. So I went to CLT-5. So I met CLT-5 in middle of 2000, and that's when I had Dave Goggins as a new guy and I'd cover other ones, but so I was a team five as a Chief. I'd ride my hurly and a team five compound. I'd have somebody stand in there, if I could.

I'd have somebody to open the door for me through the back gate. I'd ride my hurly right into the compound, take a ride and go to the quants that we had. Oh yeah, we were in quants at the team five at the time too. So we had the little steel buildings, old crappy buildings before they tore them all down and built the beautiful buildings. So I ride my hurly in there in the park

at right in front of the door to my platoon hut. You know, every day I ride my hurly right on base, right into the gate, and in my right by the door. So it was pretty funny. And everybody saw it and they were like, that's just back, whatever. It was a kickstart 1960, hardly. It was a panhead. The panhead belonged to Rocky Karlock. Did you ever hear any stories about Rocky Karlock? I didn't. Yeah, he was a wild man. He was probably the cruelest, like hardcore, not cruelest, but the most hardcore buds in Charter

that probably ever lived. He was hardcore, but they didn't become a police officer and Elke Hone, I think, or over it or somewhere. But it was just the way I was runnest off. And I was pretty hard even when I was at team five, on the new guys. So David Goggins in the beginning really hated my guts because I would make them do stuff that they didn't really know what I was doing it for.

So in our area, we had lockers and stuff. I wouldn't let them use their lockers. So they had to live out of parabacks. I said, you guys can have parabacks in here and have them all there, but figure it out. You can't use lockers. You guys are new guys. You haven't earned them yet. And that was the only thing I'd say new guys, you haven't earned them yet.

And that was the only thing I could say to them, you didn't earn them yet. But I wanted them to learn the parabets stuff and how to do that. So when we had to do flyaway missions, they'd do something really hardcore. They didn't know what I was doing, but I was trying to teach them the exact year

you needed and how to pack it and make it executable. So you can go out really fast out on mission. If you have this huge lockers that we have now, tell the guy right now to go in there and tell him to mission, we have to do it, and be ready in 30 minutes. They're gonna have a tough time. There's too much stuff, there's too much area.

They haven't learned discipline of packing a bag and have it there set, and all your primary gear ready to rock and roll, so you can quickly throw it in the bag and go. Now, damn, they do it pretty good because we do have it set up pretty well like that. We have to, because of our contingency programs, but that's all like testing and stuff like that.

So because damnec is only a development group, they have like experiment on equipment. So we just have to fly away really fast to experiment on stuff. So that's why. But so, Goggins was just, they were all pissed that I was making a new guys,

they've had these bags. And so after, I don't remember, it was like a couple of weeks, they were all pissed that I was making a new guys, they've lived out of these bags. And so, after, I don't remember, like a couple of weeks, or a month or whatever. And I said, yeah, use your lockers now. And I said, you got, this is what's going on, because we have to get to these missions, you gotta be like, well, go out fast. And then we have to go right now, pack up and get out.

And the guys are like, oh, right, and the new guys are already waiting outside and all the old guys are in there looking through lockers and trying to find stuff and totally disorganized. An hour later, all the old guys are here meeting the new guys and the old guys are in there looking through lockers and trying to find stuff and totally disorganized. An hour later, all the old guys are there meeting new guys and new guys are laughing. Now they know why I did it. Damn. You know what I mean? There's stuff like that.

I would also make these guys do rock marches. I mean, it carried out because that's how I organized my lock art and I didn't just come up with that. You had to. If you didn't, you're just disorganizing it would take too much time. And so, what was things I would do as a chief that were kind had to, you know, if you didn't, you're just disorganizing, it would take too much time. And so what was things I would do with the chief that were kind of like, man, what a jerk.

But it was like, it wasn't really to be a jerk, it was because you said things that I learned over the years and it was like, just, you really need to do that. And you guys are new guys, you don't get it yet. And this is all new equipment for you. So learn the equipment, learn your bags, and get all organized and be ready to rock and roll.

You know, that was the lesson. And it was a whole bunch of stuff like that. And I also had them doing rock marches and rock humps and stuff, you know, with 30 pounds a lot. And it was before the war. This is all before the war. And after it really kicked off those guys were like, just saying thank you. It was like, because we started doing rock humps and we were carrying a lot of shit, of shit. And so they were like, well, now we know why you're doing that. And I was like, all right. But now the teams were, we've been in a worse line

and they do a lot of that stuff anyway. But 90's teams were, it was a little different. It was a little looser, you know? Because it wasn't the mission. We weren't at war. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. So that's team five.

I left team five and I went to a special project's group. And I was there for a year and a half, I mean, it makes sense. So that's team five. I left team five and I went to a special project group. And I was there for a year and a half, I think. And I was there doing sneaky, picky stuff. It was all, it was all summer work, you know. And then you talked about it at all. It was, it was bugs and electronics and video and surveillance and disguises and. Is like the ASAP program? Yeah.

Okay. ASAP, ASAP and all those. It was before the SEALS had our own program, we started a special project group to build the program and it started doing it ourselves. Because before that, we had to go to the Army and use all their stuff. You know what I mean? Before that was our primary program. Yeah, so this program was, I thought this program was just, ourselves because before that we had to go to the army and use all their stuff.

You know what I mean? Yeah, so this this program was I thought this program was just what year is this around two or three two or three. Man, I loved that project. Yeah, it was a lot of course. I didn't get to at the level you were at, but I had heard about it and we started doing some training. It wasn't a huge level.. There was a couple of guys there with definitely, they were better out of them me, and it was more because of me, more because of who I was. I wasn't always the best at that, at that time.

And it was because I was still coming out of the tunes, and I still had that. You didn't switch the line, said. Yeah, I didn't do great. I did great in pieces of it. I did, I had a couple of things I did great in pieces of it. I did, I added a couple of things I did there. It weren't awesome. Can you describe the difference between a being in something

like that in a regular platoon? Okay, regular platoon. Yeah, so if you go into special projects, and there's a lot of them, special projects, you can even be the triathlete guys. You know, that's different. It's a special project. So if you're in a platoon, all you are is a frogman. You're a shootin' and lootin' and you're workin' all the time in training. And all you're training for

is admission. It's a mission of a direct action, a rescue, a hydrorecon. It's a mission focus. Special projects are all the things outside of those mission focuses that are very specialized that you still need that set of skills to even be able to do the stuff that we're doing outside of those skills. And so that would be like the real deep water stuff and the sneaky stuff. Like if I was to destroy a pipeline that goes from Russia and Europe or something. I would be really good at that. I could do it so easy. It wouldn't even be a thought in my mind. It would be done. Just tell me to do it. Two hours later the thing's gone. Anywhere along there. If I want to shut down all the communications on an entire

eastern coast of the United States, I could do that with one bomb. And it would have to be a very big one. I could do it with like two pounds of C4. That's special projects. It's taken our skill set and doing something that's so far outside of our skill set. And so when I, before I even went there, I already went through some agency courses, CIA courses. But it targeted analysis in a few other ones.

So I was already introduced to the CIA, which some team guys are not all team guys. And I was already introduced to the CIA, which some team guys are not all team guys. And so I started really getting into that, really getting into that target analysis. Did you like that better than the platoons? Oh yeah, yeah. Because I lived in the woods. I am isolated. I'm alone. I always work better by myself. Even when I was in Afghanistan, I would just go off with a trip and we'd do missions. It was me, you know, just, I was laughing. I watched that black hole down thing

when the guy's riding a bicycle. And he's, do you remember that one scene? I'm not going down. He's a sneaky guy and he rides a bicycle up and he's doing the stuff and all, you know, wearing the local attire and a big beard. Like if you look at me and local attire, it's like, yeah, I was good at it.

You have pictures of all this stuff. Yeah, can I put them up? Can you get them to me? I'll put them up. Yeah, there's some pictures I can give you. They'll be up. And it does sound like I'm even attested on bragging about how much stuff.

No, it doesn't. But it sets up kind of why I even made it a damn neck, to experiment with all that cool stuff. And the special projects of why I even got there was like you have a guy coming out of swamps and all the intel stuff and every mastery from Earth knows me, because of the stuff I'm doing. I go to team five.

The biggest mistake I made at team five, I should talk about that, because I really screwed up, it was bad. And I was in one of my flotans. And it's one of the things I'll never forgive myself for. I forgive myself, but I won't, I don't let myself slide on. I'll never let it happen again. I was in Sri Lanka and I lost to AK-47.

So, and I was the only one doing the mission. So I was there with auto-Shralcan seal equivalents, and we're doing across a beach thing, and it was just crushing waves. It was like, it was nuts. And I had an AK that wouldn't mine, and it had a swing on it. And you know when you're swimming,

and you're in really big ocean, you have to, your sling is your life, to your weapon. And it wasn't my sling in a perk. And so as soon as it went, it went down in the ocean. And so I'm going up on the beach with all these shuronkins. And then finally meet up with some of the guys. And I'm like, dude, the AK's out there. And I said, I know kind of where it's at.

And as I marked it from the spot on the beach, I know. So I know the parallel. I know kind of about how far out it was. And so I had a beach lane, I had a lane. And so we marked out the lanes, we start marking, as much as we can up on a beach. So we can do a search. And so this is dark, it's the middle of the night.

So the next day we start doing search and trying to find it, because it's an area we can search and it was luckily. And I ended up like out of my own pocket, I rent Scooby gear for the entire platoon because we didn't have dive gear out there. So we go into town, we find a bunch of gear and we rent everything and We're looking for it. I wasn't a whole for two. I think I only bought like I ran in like six sets

I think a few dive pairs to go out there and start doing jacks day searches so I'm out there searching also just with snorkel and I'm just I have it I'm just panning. I'm just like oh oh man, as I can't believe this is happening. I'm so pissed. And so days are going by and it's just so like, and a third day I think and I'm just like pissed at everybody. I'm pissed at myself and a whole platoon.

I was like, just like, I'm just scaring everybody. Cause it's so like, you know, and you're just, in a start to piss him off and it's starting to really get on him. And so they lose confidence in me. It's all like, it's just so bad. So I think I make up for that a little bit, because I mean, everybody screws up.

And so I beat them up and I'm just like, really bad. But I'm down to a snorkel I'm just doing this in dark black. And I felt something, I felt like seaweed and was like, and I grab it and I wrap my hand up. And it's the one and two be the, that was a swing.. It's the one tubular that was a sling. So it's one tubular nylon, which is just a thin strap of a dead monster. It's like a belt.

So I feel that and I start tugging on it and get part way out of the ground and say, hey, hey, still hooked on the other end. And so I go up on a surface and I start y'all, it's a here, it's here, I'm y'all now. And a few guys start converging on me. And now the current's pushing me off of it. And so everybody starts searching right around where I was

and I say to strap. It's about this far out of the water. Now just do this and you guys are gonna hit the strap and find it. So one of the guys find a hit strap and they pull it up out of the water and hold it above the red. Got it!

And I'm like, oh, God! It's such a relief and it's all rusty and it's nasty. But it was under like sand like this far. It was just, if it would have been one more day, it was gone. Because it was like, I felt the straffits probably like that much. I pulled it out to about there. And then the other guy pulled the rest away out of the sand. And then, but at this time, I'm like, it was just, I destroyed a lot of confidence.

I made the guys really look at me like I was a freaking idiot. You know? Yeah. And I'm a head of similar experience.? Yeah. And I'm- I had a similar experience. I just, and I didn't know what to do. And I was just like, well, that's the same thing that I had from growing up that those guys were never, maybe they didn't own now, but it doesn't, it's no excuse. Yeah.

You know? I should have never let it get that much. And so my problem with my, um, fear failure might, might, my abject might intent fear of failing or make a mistake. It just totally killed me in that whole detune. It just made it because I was so mad at myself and so angry that none of those guys could even talk to me barely. I was just so like, like I was like that all the time, like, I couldn't let it go. And when I went on for a couple of weeks, and then we went back to Guam and I shot over to Korea, I think.

And then I was with all those guys in Korea with only a smaller group. And there was no officers there. It was just me and charge of the whole Korean expedition. And those guys were like, all right, well, back isn't such a jerk. And I still do good stuff. And I still, and so I started lighten up a little bit.

But the officer in Appleton would never let it go. That guy hated my gut so bad because he only has one chance of the pretend, you know, pretty much. And it was his pretend, it was my pretend, but I'm the chief of pretend. It's really my pretend. You know, you're a renter, you rent the locker.

I own the lockers. I'm here for nine years, you're here for a year and a half. You know, those officers have no ownership. The chiefs do. The chiefs own the teams. Yeah. And yeah, screw it up. But then as soon as I started recovering a little bit,

he wouldn't let it slide. He just kept hammering me because he hated me. And then after that was just, I couldn't recover because now that officer talked to all the other officers and it burned me for pretty much any of the command structure of the team. You know what I mean? It happens. It was one mistake and I screwed up worse after the mistake.

But then I'm recovering. But now you won't let me. I ask for forgiveness and you won't let me. You know what I mean? And he wouldn't let it go. And to this day, that guy, like if I see him, I'd just assume punch him in the face. But the funny part is that guy went down to J.S. Hawk

and they figured out who that guy was and they hate him. They started having these really cruel, bad nicknames about this officer and really terrible. So that guy ended up muddying up his name so bad that he's just whatever, you know, so everything catches up. If that guy would have let it slide because he was a good officer and would have said, Hey, punish me and do whatever. And then let's get on with it.

Let's get on with the business hand, you know, but he wouldn't do that. As I just said, what kind of person that person was. You know what I mean? I do. And so if you're that kind of person deep in your soul, then it's going to show us some time. What it did show finally for that guy about four or five years later. But for me, it showed the opposite because I'm not that person. It was just a circumstance I was in for a very short period of my life. Almost like, all that trans stuff, you know?

It was like I had this, I had a hiccup and I had this time period while I was really messing up. But nobody helped me because I was a chief and a chief doesn't need help. And so all the guys are looking at me, just going, what the heck? And the officers were just going, and I was in the middle, it was going well I'm a chief

and I should have done better. I didn't, I screwed up. No. What can I do now to make it up? You can't do anything to make it up. You're a chief, you should have done better. Well, David, we're humans, man, everybody messes up. You know?

No. Even McCraven messes up. I don't want to talk about that one, but everybody messes up. And everybody that's a man, if you can man up to it and admit you messed up, you can fix it, you can do better next time. But if you like that officer and you won't let it go, you know, I fear failure and I'm terrified

of it. But if I do fail, I immediately try to, as fast as I can, I try to fix it. And then I try to do better, I won't do that again. It always winds up coming back around, you know. Yeah. Okay, so I'm at team five and I get a little bit of a better, I won't do that again. It always winds up coming back around. You know? Okay, so I'm at team five and I get a little bit of a tune, I'll do that and I start doing that. And then the E6, who I like a lot,

Ernie, he made chief. As I've already been doing a full work up with the second of the team five and other one, they're giving me two chiefs, thoughts. And so I'm in my second chiefs, thought, kicking ass and doing great, and I don't know it, you know, because I'm good. And I'm not that jerk, you know. And so this guy makes chief and he makes it.

And we still have a lot of work up left and we have the whole deployment. And when you know the way the team's been, we spend really fast. And so if he doesn't get his chief the tune right now, you know, he might not, it'll be really hard for me the get one, you know. And so I say, hey, I'll step down and I'll do something, I'm in the top of the mass chief. And I say, hey, he made a chief when he's to have like three months left in the workup. And then we're deploying.

And I say, it just wouldn't be fair for me to take that opportunity from him when there's other things I can do because I've already done a chief of a platoon, you know, I can do something else. So, no matter of fact, we're setting up squadrons. And we need task unit chief. We want you to be task unit Charlie. And so I made it, leave that platoon, and then earn these steps out of his achieve,

and I staff in to be task unit Charlie, and an award starts. This is my time frame. Yeah, so now it's 2001. And now I'm a task unit chief. And I'm also The head of all of the crypto some the crypto custodian for the entire seal team And they make yours. Yeah for all seal team a five arm crypto

Okay, and I also have charge of all of the All of the non-seal deployable elements Fall under me also as the, they call it the systems officer or something. Can you describe it? Combat systems officer or something. Can you describe what cryptolas to the surveillance side of the audience? So all communications, all of our radio traffic, all of our commute, computer, everything,

all traffic. If we have to send a signal out, it has to be encrypted. If it's not encrypted, it's just, it's, it's, you can catch it. We encrypt all the stuff even civilians do it and companies between places. So that, somebody in the middle can't grab it and get to the intel. So the crypto for the seal teams and for all the military is incredibly unsensitive and it's incredibly classified. The equipment, it just like during World War II, when we got a hold of the Enigma machine, that's how important it is.

In World War II, a British guy got a hold of one of the German Nazi Enigma machines. Once we got a hold on the machine, we can start taking apart and analyze it and try to figure it out so we can break the code. So if you figure all of the crypto cooking we have, it is incredibly sensitive. And so you have to keep really super track of it. And you have to have a lot of other stuff. So it's double safe locked and all this other stuff, TPI, two person integrity,

and all of me only one has a combination is the final crypto safe. Not even the caps in the team has it. I have all the stuff because you can't let anyone else have it. The only person above me that has it would have been a group CMS CMS, custodial, the guy that takes care of the crypto for three SEAL teams and all the boats quadrants. That's the way we ran it. I also invented all the 3M stuff for Automate 3M. Do you remember the 3M programs? We had to do all the maintenance, the Q1 checks and all that.

So the big Navy has all these things. You have to do quarterly checks. You have to do weekly checks. You have to do all the maintenance, the Q1 checks and all that. So the big Navy has all these things. You have to do quarterly checks. You have to do weekly checks. You have the daily checks on equipment. So you have your camera equipment. They have batteries in it. So if you're using equipment a lot and a camera equipment, you have to do daily checks for your batteries to make sure your batteries are plugged in and doing that and that and

how to secure it and clean it and all that. So they used to make us do this stuff. And so I invented a whole way to do it really short and automated. And then I also made it so it was digital so you didn't have to do it with pencils. And if you raised a sheet and a throw the whole sheet away, even if you're almost done.

So if you did 99 marks on a sheet, you had one mistake mark, the whole thing is done. It's thrown away, start over. And so I made it automated and computerized, the whole system. And that was another weird one. So I did a lot of this stuff. And it's that's why people wanted me,

because if there was a problem or something that need to be done, or something was just, it was hard to use, just give it to me, and I'll make it easy to use. The CNO of the Navy had a problem there working on for their drug and their introduction and the ocean was really, it's like, you can't do it. And a lot of it's coming from South America and these things.

And so to C&O, they've been working on this problem for like two years. And so a captain at NUMI knew that I did a lot of this stuff and it's weird stuff. And actually, this was a damn neck, though, so it'd come jump in a little bit ahead. But this is a similar thing. So they called me in and there,

and I said, hey, you're pretty good at this stuff. Can you hear the problem? They grew it off in the board. They showed me everything I had to do. I said, and this is in the middle of the Pentagon. And so I said, let me go and I get a call and I think for a while. And I said, all right, all right. And I said, well, how long do you want some time?

I said, give me a couple of hours. I'll see you back after lunch. And I said, just have another meeting and I'm thinking, I can figure something out. And so I figured it out. I figured out how to do it. And even we're gonna for like two years. Only should you. And the stuff that I did,

how to do was supply chain. So I had to inject something into the supply chain that had to use signals. And I had to use signals that were followed around the earth that you couldn't really detect because there was so much of it. I can't talk about it very much. It's serious.

But yeah, so it's still a classified project and it works. Because of you. Because of what I told him how to do it. I invented a whole another system. And it was it was micro doffler, nano and some other stuff and it was it was some really cool stuff. And I did it. And it's undetectable because it's using and stuff that's there. It's everywhere. So you can't find it. I kept doing this stuff all the time. Oh, the motor racks. I was first a 10 engineering guy taking care of all the motors on arg. So we're on a ship on a Fabius ready group.

And I was getting ready going to arg and it's just before Christmas we were deploying like January 3rd or something. So it was during Christmas, right during that time period. And so I'm loading a ship off and I go on there and start talking about the motors and the racks that they have for the motors to be down in the well decks. On a ship rocking a roll in the ocean And they build them out of these two by eights and these four by fours and they build these things And I was like and they said yeah, you just have to be really careful with this and how he strapped down that net

And it's really big oceans they sometimes break and your your motors might end up in the well deck So sometimes you get to put straps on them and strap to motors to the wall of the shift or to make them not crash and and wreck all your motors And I was like what that's not a very good way to do it. I said this is six month deployment and after motors to the wall of the ship, or to make them not crash and wreck all your motors. And I was like, well, that's not a very good way to do it. I said, this is six month deployment, and I don't want my motors to be all over the ship deck. And I was like, well, I'm gonna make it out of steel. And so I went back to the engineering place,

and I said, I need a welder, and they said, well, I don't have that stuff. And I said, well, so I went out and I bought a welder. I went out and bought all the steel. I bought an all-backed command, and I was there in, I went out and I bought a welder. I went out and bought all the steel. I bought it all back to the command and I was there in the middle of winter from Christmas to New Year's welding because I had to get it there before New Year's

because the ship was being shut down and we go. So I had this drop dead time of this. I had to have the rack. So I welded up these giant motor racks and I built them like this and like this. And so there was no things and you didn't have to have up and down. And it made it so you can grab the motors off really easy. Do you want motor racks or still using?

Those ones. Do you want them built in 1996? They used them today. And all the motor racks they build are built off of my dimensions and my build. And I bought my own motor, I bought the own welder and I bought all the metal. Because it was too fast, they couldn't do it. And I got in own mode. I bought the own welder and I bought all the metal because it was too fast They couldn't do it. I got in trouble for that The command said you can't be going out to your and spending your own morning and doing stuff for the team I got no much trouble for it

And I told him I said but it was it is my auger to my motors. I don't want to break in As I don't care if I spend all my money and then the captain was finding all right I'm done y'all near go see the supply officer and write you a check. So end up paying me back for the stuff. But he yelled at me first. You know, I was like, come on, captain. I can't remember if that was one fifth Gerald. It was just after him. It was I remember, but it was like, it was like, dude, if you have a problem and you have to invent something, when we were doing car introductions, and I can talk about this one, because it's not classified right now.

So doing car introductions, how do we interact with cars as moving going down a highway? We fly helicopters in front and try to stop them. They go around and go out in the field. And it's hard to stop a car. We use the 50-cal, we try to shoot the engine out. When you shoot the engine out,

the car is going 50, 60 miles an hour, that kills everybody. You know, because the car flips everything else happens. We usually kill everybody. We try to stop the car going fast. And so, and are drawing all the stuff up on there. And it's guy, Hondo, is drawn up there and trying to do the UAV and he's trying to fly these things and trying to introduce these vehicles by UAV or something. I said, I said, well, how are you getting in that car, how you keep up with them? What are you doing? I said, we're flying a little birds.

I said, I've done this before. And I said, what do you want it to be something we care in our gear? So it has to be 40 mic mic. It has to be something we can shoot at them. So I said, what we do is, and I started drawing a board. And it's took me about an hour to think of this project. And they've already been working on this one for months,

trying to figure out how to introduce cars without killing everybody. And so they gave me about an hour and I started drawing on the dry race board. And I said, do this, do this. I said, we're already carrying them. And I said, plus we have the ones that have a lot of rounds on them.

The 40 mic, my big one, it has, and you can shoot like four or five rounds real quick. So, and they were like, well, you can't do that of helicopter, you can't enter Dic five rounds real quick. So, and they were like, well, you can't do that of a helicopter, you can't enter a dick out of a helicopter. I said, well, I said, give me a couple days. And so I went back and I got a helicopter and I flew up there with a 40 mic mic and I started shooting cars out of a helicopter.

Because I know people, I know what the namenex was easy. So we're flying these helicopters or shooting cars out of the freaking helicopters and I was shooting practice rounds. So it're flying these helicopters to shoot cars out of the freaking helicopters and I was shooting practice rounds. It was the orange stuff. But it was still breaking the windshields that was doing stuff. So I drew up on there, I said, Basie, it's a 40-millimeter grenade. I said, what you want to do is you want to put a hard plastic cone in the front. And then you want to have where the explosive stuff was and all that. You want to have a real heavy, heavy, that or have something heavy, they have a projectile, but it has to be a tube.

And it has to have sharp edges around a tube, and then a heavy thing, say, when a 40 millimeter grenade hits even steel, and you want to hit the roof of the car, don't hit the windshields, because then you can puncture through the roof of the car because of the inertia of it, it'll go right through. Because it's a hollow tube, it goes all the way through, whatever you have inside of that tube,

will then disper first inside the car. Oh, I knew you. I knew what a methadone or a cappetain is. No. Nobody does. I do because I'm weird. But, and I said, you guys can put stuff inside of here and they're gonna pull that car for real quick.

They'll put the brakes on and everybody get out. And as soon as you shoot it, you lay in the helicopter, they all get out and you got them. You know, killing you't kill anybody. If it's not the right people, they're outside of the car and they have some issues for a little bit, but you clean them off and have a little hole in the top of their car, they give them a hundred bucks and you go away. Because there's a wrong car. You don't kill everybody. That was one hour and they give me a problem There's about 10 other things I can say but one was a little classified part, but the other one is like dude

This is all easy stuff keep going It was it was bunches the Iron Man project. I mean, this is some of the most brilliant stuff that I Mean, it's just another level. I mean, it's just nobody's sitting across from me is come up with this kind of stuff. I mean, yeah, there's been like phenomenal, phenomenal, you know, operators that have sat in that chair, but this is, this is, this is, this is, this is different. It was in the battles of the Pentagon down a lot of floors and then deep, and they don't even know I did it. The hostile forces tracking targeting, locating the entire program for DOD-wide was a budget of like 300, it was almost $400 million,

DOD-wide. And so I'm there as a chief, and they know I'm really good at this stuff. They call me up to the Pentagon. I got trouble for this one too. That was um, shit, I remember his name. It was one of the commanders at damn neck. It does not really be best if we leave names out. Yeah, so mad at me for doing it. But on weekends, I drive my own car up to the Pentagon. And then the Pentagon staff that was in charge of the whole system, the entire portfolio. Portfolio-wide, which was a stack of programs like this much. And each program

was only a quad chart, was one sheet of paper with four sections. It would show you the company, the prices, all the stuff, it would show you the mission. It would show you all the stuff real quick, a quick outline of what it was they were trying to build. And this is all future projects. So we're spending $400 million on, and we're giving all the money in Northrop Gromin and all these fricking, you know, thieves around a beltway, you know, beltway bandits. We're giving them $400 million a year to invent all these things for us to track people,

to locate them, track them, and tag them, and do all the stuff. And so they started calling me out there, and actually the reason they called me up there is because one of them, track them, and tag them, and do all the stuff. And so they started calling me out there, and actually the reason they called me after, is one of them, I was going up there, and I saw one of these things, and I was like, this is stupid, we already have something better. And a guy that was in charge of the program was like,

what? And I said, yeah, we have something way better than this. I said, why are you guys wasting all the money on this? I said, you guys wasted on like $6 million in a stupid project, that we already have. I said, they're double different. It's the same company. They already gave it to us. I said, they're double different. It's left hand not talking the right hand. And then the guy was like, well, I don't know how many other projects are in our, I said, well, let me see the book. So he brings me into the skiff, the secret compartment. And then we start flipping

into books. I'm going, no, no, no, that's okay, but we already have that's pack, that's pack, that's pack, all we needed is this. So cut that program down by at least half, I want to give them a couple of million dollars and make them do that one thing. I was going through the whole book to flipping through pages. I did that for a little while, and I was like, hey, can you come up here and do this for with all of us because it was only with him. He wanted more of his staff there so we can start flipping through and rewrite the entire program. So in about three or four, three weekends or four weekends, I went up there driving Virginia Beach

up to DC to Pentagon and I was staying to Pentagon and just work like 12 hours a day going through the books and looking at everything and studying and telling them and right now all the numbers, how much it should cost. If I don't know all the cost breakdowns, I can give you, if that's TRL6,

I take all of the reddit levels, I can take you where the technology reddit level is right now for anything. I can tell you where it'll be and how it'll cost and where it goes. I can tell you if we already have it. Right now, if you give me almost anything to portfolio for Grumman or North Grumman, GD, any of them,

I did it for 3M. So the 3M guys had me up there and they started to ask me about different things. I was like, well, the military never used that. But if you do this, this is this, the military buy it like crazy. And so I went to 3M and I gave them, went to the same stuff. Rewrote the entire program, fired a lot of companies, and changed the entire program. And that was with Richardson down at Socom.

He had a Doug Richardson, good guy, like smart. Take out was really good at it. He had a warren officer working for him. He was magnificent also. He's probably running the program now. Ken remember his name, the army weren't. But, keep me to problem, and I'll solve it every time. But it'll take me a little while sometimes.

Yeah. And that goes into the problem I have right now with all the trans stuff that I wanna say that we're gonna get there. But I wanna say right now that all of you all out there are just saying this person, it seems like brilliant and has a lot of stuff going on. But it's also where I have a really big failing too,

is that I start going down rabbit holes and I start chasing it, I really dig in and I learn all about it, and then I get kind of stuck in it sometimes. Well, I was stuck in a lot of that for a while and I got trapped. And then it had to take me a long time to fight out of it. And that's what happened.

That's that. Okay, so SEAL team five, I'm there, second between task unit chief, crypto, I'm running all the systems. So any communications guide is deployed overseas. They basically go fall under my task unit, under task unit Charlie. And so I'm in charge of everybody overseas,

you're not a seal for the team, and all the crypts, and all the raiders, and all their stuff. And that's what I ran. And then I also ran missions, but because I wasn't in a platoon, and I wasn't attached to a task unit, that was directly with the combat missions, the actual mission underground,

I was in charge of all the stuff behind the mission. That why, why knows it's seal team five, when I was in charge of all the stuff behind the mission. That why, why knows it's seal team five when I was deployed to Iraq, I attached to the agency you can. Because I was sneaky peeking and doing all the weird stuff. That's why if you see some of the stuff I've given to the museums, the Golden AK-47 magazine in the museum. So I don't know what it had. The Golden AK-47, I'm walking around, you know, and it's like, I was coming back with stuff because we were in places, but nobody else was at yet. So I was in, like, you know, these palaces, before, a lot of times before, it was

even like, damn, done, you know. It was wacky. The stuff we were doing. It was not. It was it was wacky. The free war pre-pomba. It was nuts. You're in the craziest thing that I've florany of it happened. Everything happened. We were already invaded. So I was there in the beginning of vision for it. So it was like what March, April timeframe of 003, right? So I was there during all period and going there and I was flying UAVs. Oh, that's the other thing. I was flying UAVs. I have a ton of adventures with those things, dude. So I was one of the first people to fly UAV and do call for fire for to observe her. So I was forward observing with a mortar tube sitting right there without UAV. That was pretty cool. Nobody else did it. I said you couldn't do it because the mortar is going to hit the UAV. I was going, okay,

my UAV is this big. The mortar is this big and the sky is this big. I say, if it does hit the UAV, The UIV is this big, the mortar is this big, and the sky is this big. I say, if it does hit the UIV, we find. I say, to one in a billion chances, if it does, we wreck UIV's all the time, you know? So it's just one more to crash. I don't care, throw another one in the air and go. The thing costs five grand.

I mean, they're expansive. We don't throw them away, but we do damage them a lot, you know, because we're in combat. And so they were like, well, okay, let's try it. That's why I still doing Ford observing with the UAV. They were like, damn, that's cool. I said, we can chase people with this. I said, watch this, let's chase the mortar.

And so we started doing it so we could hit moving giggles with mortars, and I should just call it in. And it was never been done. Out of sight, this is over the horizon. I'm flying UAVs 12, 15 miles away and hitting stuff. And they're like, damn, I could shoot with a 50 cow with a UAV in a 50 and you won't see it, but we can drop bullets in and hit people

in long ways away. And I can walk it in, I can just crack it. And go, okay, go, and go, go, go, go, get to start going with the big mildews, walking in. Yeah. But we were doing stuff like that with the UIVs, and I did a bunch of other stuff with the UIVs that probably not allowed to talk about some of it,

but it was some cool stuff, you know. Okay, so that's all team five. What kind of stuff are you doing with the agency? Can you talk about any of it? No, not really. All right, let's move on. But I went, I, well I can talk about any of it? No, not really. All right, let's move on. But I went, I, well, I can talk about some of it. I mean, it was, it was, it's going through the same stuff

all day to guys who go through the farm and you do a bunch of the training, you do all their stuff and then you get reattached to teams and you do this other stuff and you go on, it's, you start becoming a liaison, start doing all the stuff. And then I finally went over to Afghanistan and I was at a SEAL team attached to the agency working all of the BCPs and stuff. So, and because the agency doesn't work in a horizontal way, border control point, border checkpoint,

it's a border control point I think. But they are at a high mountain peaks that can look out across borders. And then so we can still engage and do this stuff. We have to do it, but we're the only ones who can do it because it was under a different title. So it was title 10 or title 50, I'm starting to mix up. But it's basically, we work under different authorities.

So it depends on who you're attached to and how you have authorities. That's why the C.LAL team is bringing Coast Guard guys. Whenever we're doing shipping or addiction, doing anything out in the ocean, if it has that, drug addiction, shipping or addiction, that stuff. If you have a Coast Guard with you, it gives you authorities that we don't have the SEALs. Okay. And that's why we do that.

We bring FBI guys with us because the FBI's authorities that we don't have. So as long as they're attached, we can do a lot more. It's a game in the system a little bit, but it works because they have control and they have ultimate responsibility and they know the systems and they know what they can do and can't do. So it protects us and they make sure that we're not doing anything stupid. And but we can still do the missions because to mission has to be done because it's for national security. So I was doing those kind of missions. Where it just kind of mixes up and you're doing a lot of the LNO stuff.

And I started doing this guy stuff and I concealment devices and building things that I can put in places that nobody ever knows was there. I don't have cameras and audio and different things. This, the agency stuff, you know, it was a bowling call. Who was that? It's a funny joke that nevermind. Maybe only the agency guys would know that. It's damn, it's, it's, it's this funny stuff. But the black bag stuff is, is a lot of stuff that we should have been doing all along. Like really, that's what we're good at, man.

We're really sneaking, we're very small. We work in two man groups, we're working three man groups, six man groups, not very many more than 32. So we're really small, you know? So if you wanna go off by yourself and do a mission in a COS, you can kinda do that. You know, you can't do that in any other group. You know, even, I don't even think Green Braves would ever do that very much.

And I think it's just because we're like, we're stormtroopers with, with, you know, PhDs. It's exactly what they wanted to do with agency when cowboy, to do that and found out the agency from OSS. What was his name? I don't remember now,

but he always says that the person we want is gonna be a PhD that knows karate, you know? A PhD to continue to gun. That's who they want, the agency. And most of the seals I know, that's who we are. You know, not anymore. But that's who we are. Word, thinker is more smart, but we also know how to use the gun, you know, I'm not a fight, you know, not anymore. But that's who we are. Word, thinker is more smart, but we also know how to use the gun. You

know, I'm not a fight, you know, and that's dangerous combination that we can think and fight. You know what I mean? Yeah. So and that's who we are, the steel teams, you know, that's definitely who I was. And I'm surprised you can recruit it by them. After or maybe you did. Yeah, I did stuff. Yeah. And actually, I got recruited when I left maybe you did. I know. Yeah, I did stuff. Yeah. And I texted. I got recruited when I left the teams too.

Okay, so team five, I was doing all this stuff. And then I went to that special project. I got recruited to go there and I did good. But then right in the middle of that, Damneck needed some stuff. And he used to go. Just for everybody listening, he keeps saying, damn that, Damneck is development group,

also known as Team Six. Yeah. So. So are the nicknames. And it's all, if we still use the nicknames, because we're supposed to be all like sneaky, but it's so silly. Yeah.

Take everybody knows everything. So you're shot. That sound of the bag. All right. Thank you, President Obama. Yeah. Sorry. He led the cat out a lot more than anyone else before him.

Yeah. When he said who the Obama thing. So I left the such a project because I than anyone up before him. Yeah. When he said who, uh, the Obama thing. So I left the such a project because they needed that down at damn neck. And so I went there specifically for tech on me. And I was a seal team guy that knew I could deploy. The newer I had all his knowledge and I knew I could do the tech. So they, how did you get recruited though? So you, you didn't go through green team.

You weren't a, I don't have to. Operator, whatever, over there. But, um... Out of the world, there's only been a few people that ever do that to you. Yeah, how did... Did not do green team. What was that conversation? A lot of guys at Damneck are really angry about it

and they don't like me. Well, they didn't do green team. Whatever, they can't do anything that you're fighting. I didn't... Hey, I'm sorry, I got smart with technology, but they needed some of that tech. They needed the stuff to get them buffed off, especially in the UAV section.

Well, you're one of the only people I've ever met who can, you have a brilliant mind. And so that combined with your experience and your knowledge as a seal, I mean, and you can bind that. That's what that's what that's. That's priceless. Yeah. You cannot find that. That's what I wanted. That was all. You know, I still kicked yours. You know, I still did, you know, stuff when I was at Damnack, you know. Yeah. So Damnack, Basie, you just deploy over because you become an expert in something. And so I became such an expertise that I was able to leave Damnaq and go to a team and

help them. And so that's when I went overseas with a team and that's when I went with the agency because they just, it just happens, man. You start doing Eleanor, we're going to talk to those guys, so that and that. And so we end up doing some other work, you know. So I'm flying UIVs, I start doing some other stuff, I start doing some sneaky peaky, and then just that's what happens, you know. And so I always ended up going deeper into the dark, you know, with those guys. Almost every time it was weird. I don't know. What team did you go to? What squadron did you go to?

Oh, Red and Blue. Red and Blue. Black, yeah. And Black, I thought you were nice. You did just little black stuff, you know, because I always kept, you know, needing whatever. And then I was running TSE. So that's a technology group at Damneck. Okay. And so I was running all that. You were running it.

I ran a whole thing, yeah. And because I put me in charge of it. And I was a senior chief at the time. So, hey, run this program. And I think I had, the highest budget I ever had was 600 million. And I think when I was at Dan Knight, I had, I probably only had like 40 million, I think. It wasn't that much.

But it was enough to do the admission. And so, buying and selling, and working with the contractors, and writing contracts that I had to do. So because I had to do all that, I had to go to school for that. So I went to, it's called acquisition university. And so I had to learn the entire acquisition process, which I did. And I became an acquisition guru, which also was kind of a weird thing.

But it was how to write contracts and how to do, you know, IDIQ and, source and do that and do that and I can run through all the stuff without and a problem with acquisition Which I found the problem is a horse blanket and anybody out there to do that acquisition and everybody at Pentagon you guys are full of shit They're wasting so much money Dad, I could cut the Pentagon budget. I Could take a quarter of the budget off right now. I could walk in there right now and start cutting a budget. And within a week, I could cut them by 25% and it wouldn't affect them. Zero effect. That all has a contract thing. Because there's so much to scam. There's so much stuff going on and double dipping

and everything else going on. And it's all stovepipes. So the Air Force is stovepipes from everybody else, the Navy's stovepipe, everybody else, Special Operates is stovepipes. And you have a Special Operations stovepipe. And that's why all these companies can make it a double dip. And they do it all the time. Their problem also is, is like, why are we the ones paying for all the R&D? And you guys are sitting there taking all the products and then you turn around and sell them back to us. So they should have some skin in the game because everyone's gonna end up making all the money off it.

Why are we paying all the R&D? We're taking all the risk that this thing will fail. You guys should be taking some of the risk because you guys get all the profit. That's how it starts cutting some of the budget. I would go to Congress as a Pentagon, as a joint chief, so So whatever I would go to Congress and I would make a new law and You can pass laws easy and make everything happen up in Congress because it's all pork anyway Just attach a little bit of pork on a some Equality thing and it'll go through and we'll make all those companies out there at minimum

Every R&D project you do minimum has to be 25% out of your pocket, or 50% of your pocket. So you were also pushing bills through Congress, little snooze. I was working a lot with Congress in all. For some of the support. Yeah, well no, I would work with whoever was acquisition head of whatever division I was working with at Pentagon,

and then they would do all that. Okay. All I would do is get the money and the products. So I would do the project and put it all together to quad charts and everything else and say this is a really good one to do. So I invented a two-man submarine for seals. How fast do we swim when we're doing seal teams?

Under water. If you have all you give your on and you have to go do a sniper op, see if you're sniper bag on your back and all the other stuff, how fast can you swim? Oh man, but a knot. But a knot, I can't remember, yeah. But a mile an hour?

So I could get two snipers in my little man-powered submarine with all of their equipment and we can go six miles an hour, six knots. Man-powered. You all have to do this paddle. You can have one guy paddling and do it by four knots and vending that. You and vending that. Give it to the teams. Holy shit. And the thing is, is I have it in such a way that I could hermetically seal it in the plastic, put it in all the torpedo tubes of the of the nukes. And so because they don't use all the torpedo tubes, you usually want a two ovener open to do stuff. And so usually we get a couple of them.

So we'll go on with a onto a submarine and get the torpedo tube, and we use that as a lockout chamber. So we have the sections in our section off. So I can take these submarines, I can put them hand on the answer up like that, and they're the length of them, about 20 feet.

So it's a 20 foot long submarine for two people to kick out manpower to six knots. And I package them up and I put them in a submarine's vertical like that and it can be on every submarine in the fleet. And then going to six knots, we can drop you off 30 miles out of the coast. And you guys can kick in and drop you 12 miles off, 15 miles off can drop you off 30 miles out off the coast. And then you guys can kick in,

and drop you 12 miles off, 15 miles off, and drop you off wherever you want, and then just kick into shore, with the submarine going really fast. Damn. And what happens to the submarine we get on shore? It goes away. You know what it sounds like when it's underwater?

No. It sounds like fish. So in a sonar, you can't pick it up. There's special things I did, and I can't talk about it, but there's stuff I did without that just blow your mind. And that was one of the special projects I did. And I think they only gave me, like, they didn't give me very much money for that one.

I think I did that one only with less than $100,000. For all the R&D and getting all there and making, we made four prototypes, I think. And then I left that program, so I don't know where it is right now. And it's classified, so I don't know where that is. Yeah. I had another one where I could put out a signal.

And if anybody records anything, anywhere in the world, I know the exact spot they recorded it. That was one of mine. Man, I don't know if that's classified because it's shit's so old and nobody, well, at this point, it's like, if we think of it, any amount of PhDs we have in America, China already thought about it 10 years ago. Yeah, that's true. Because you can look at it, it's math. If we have one PhD to every 20 of theirs in STEM,

I'm not talking about the stupid soft arts, you know, the touchy-fuely stuff. I'm care about any of that. America has so many PhDs in like counseling and sociology and crap. All the stamps, stamps where you gotta be steam, actually. Steam is where we should be at, you know,

and it's all over there. We don't do it. And it pisses me off. And what are they pushing all these kids and grades call in high school right now? And not pushing tech and math and engineering or anything like that, it's good stuff. They're pushing all the like the touchy feely

and this talk and play patty cakes and that's be nice. You know, do math, man. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're done already. We're finished. I think we're done too. As a country, I mean.

Didn't they come out and say mathematics is now racist? No, you're not. That's a real statement. I heard also a real statement that if you're on time it's racist. If you show up to something, if you're hurt. If you're like, everything is racist now. Everybody's saying it's racist.

Or country's not. And nobody's speaking out about it. Nobody is speaking out about it. It's just, yep, this is where we're at. I'm not good at math, so it's racist. I blame it all on cultural Marxism, the Frankfurt School, and the University of America. I mean, it's all influenced from China,

you know, and it's propaganda, don't you think? No, I mean, it started take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time.

It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time.

It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. It would take time. all the guys in the Amnac are mad at me because I didn't do that and they call me, well yeah, I see you, but not really, you know, and I kind of craved. But then every time they need something, they all come to me. Oh, yeah, they're nice to them, right?

Yeah. So I almost arrived in my Harley and I got, it's a 1960 Harley, I'm riding into Damnet compound every day, right through the gate, I'm parking right there, it's a Kickstarter, it's a bad motorcycle. And they're all seeing it, and they're going, and so they're all kind of looking at it too, going, well, pretty cool, CEO, but didn't go through green team, you know, and they're throwing a finger at me.

And so I'm isolated from the entire team, and my own team that I'm supporting those guys and doing everything I can for them. I changed the face of technology at Damneckc because I started doing something with all the texts that had never been done before. I was deploying them into like real combat because we were training for combat to do real missions. Before that the tech group would deploy with the teams, but they were still like you're outsiders, you're not really with us. You're not trained well. If you don't have this, you don't have that. If we never let them really do any work.

And so we started this whole period. It wasn't me, but this program was started to put all the texts through this qualification course, similar to green team, not as tough, but it was pretty tough. You know, it wasn't easy. And at that time, I forgot to tell you, I fell off a ship one time and burnt my back. And the guys were kicking me on the way up the ship,

and I actually climbed the ship with it broken. I wanted to tell you, I fell off a ship one time and burnt my back. And the guys were kicking me on the way up the ship, and I actually climbed the ship with it broken on the ship, right? But it was really hard for me to do push-ups after that. And so for me, even I would never make it through green time, I would make it through buds right now, coming back is so jacked up. And so when I do push-ups and all that pressure is right on all the brakes, it's really difficult. And so I'm crap at push-ups right now. And even doing sit-ups, I'm really bad at it, because it's really difficult. And so I'm crap at pushups right now. And even doing sit-ups, I'm really bad at it.

Because it's really, it's like, if you break all those bones and you lower back and you're all screwed up, you never have a real hard time doing a lot of stuff. And so that's another reason why after that happened, I kind of started moving way more into tech also. So it was kind of like a shit of breath out up because it was part of the equation.

Part of the equation why I went in so deep and attack was because it was a better place for me because I couldn't really do as much as I used to. And I knew it. And so as a team guy, if you know you can't do it, I don't wanna be a detriment to the team. So if I'm just flying to UFV and I'm doing that, I can still do the work.

I just can't, I'm not gonna be as effective. If my effect even went from that 100, I'm down to this 70 or 80 group, cause I was, I dropped it. I'm not like a civilian, but I'm still pretty good, but I'm not, I know I'm not as good as I was. I admit that. Of course, I mean, just like.

And so when I'm doing that stuff, the damage guys see me doing pushups, and I'm crap at it, and they're going, and that makes me even anger at me, you know? Cause they're like, well, you know what I'm aint in any way, and they're like, they're getting all angry. I'm like, yeah, but I'm a senior chief. I'm 45 years old.

I've already done on the door kick and I can show you all the time I did, and all my shooting and fire fights and whatever you want me to show you. So I do the job. And I said, when I'm in a kill house, and they saw me in a kill house, I'm pretty good. And it's all they care about is a kill house. And when I went in with a kill house, it's like, dude, I'm doing it.

I'm taking care of business. And they also knew that. The guys that worked with me directly. So it was like, I just want to bring that up because all those guys at Damnaq, they're so freaking eucotistical about what they do, that they shit on all the real, I was gonna say real seals.

But if you think about the seal teams, that's the real seals. It's all the seal teams, that's the real seals. It's all the other teams, not damn that guys. Because they have a mission, have a very specific thing, they're not doing all the seal team missions. You know what I mean? Except for doing a war, I think y'all don't mix it up. But if you want to go back to the old seals, the seals were the seals. And damn that guys had a specific mission, that's what they did. You know what I mean? It was like, dude, I can do what you guys are do, especially if I was back in the old days,

I want to kick you guys as asses, you know? So give me a freaking break. I'm here to do a mission. Don't keep punching me in a face. How long were you over there? Like five years I think. Long enough. Did you enjoy it? Five years. Oh, it was amazing. I loved it. Okay. Even with all the damn neck guys were punching me in a face I would still love going there because the mission was so intense. What you're doing the mission? You know you're doing a mission? So dude you guys can crap on me every day you want but I'm doing a mission. I'm still helping and that's what the text even at Damn neck a text get crapped on all the time. time. So when I got in charge of all the texts, I made them stop. And when I started doing the text,

they kept coming down to the space, because I had my own space down there. It was like this huge room, it was all over equipment, all our stuff. I would say, what are you doing down here? Get back up to your squadron. And I'd be like, all right, Tina, and so they would go up there and say,

and I was like, I don't ever want to see you. I said, I want you here once a week on Fridays, just to check in and tell me everything's good and tell me what you need. So otherwise, I want you with those guys all the time. You need to drink beer with them. You need to be with them every second. And that's how you're going to do it. When they're training, you train. I said, if they don't let you train in a course, then just go over on a side and just keep

drawing your pistol against the wall and doing drills and do drills and have all the gear on and just drill against the wall and they're gonna see you Eventually gonna invite you into cows And they did and so after me really pushing all the text. They really be part of the squadrons We went from one or two tech missions a year to like over a hundred Wow year to like over a hundred. Wow. You've done a lot for the teams. There's no doubt.

I was just doing what I thought was right. And they didn't like me because I kept pushing the text up to him. And it goes to show you, you know, that the, when you just didn't show you everything happens for a reason, back broke. And you found your calling teams. So I 100%. And then we're fully broken in half and it wasn't really bad. Back broke and you found your calling in the teams.

I'm 100%. And then we're fully broken in half and it wasn't really bad. It was just the rupture discs and fractures. So it wasn't like, you know, I didn't get paralyzed. I'm okay. It just hurts really bad. Yeah. But I have all gray and black discs now from like all my lumber almost up to you know

Not quite you know it's thoracic up through my lumber and a whole thing that whole section is really dark If you've been blown up at all. Yeah, what can we talk about that? Yeah, well, yeah, we're in a damn It got I guess so I got I got pulled into the damn neck and went through did some did a bunch of strain It was you kill house all the time doing stuff all the time because I'm still sealed. So I was going out to the range and shooting. And the beauty about that team is, they have 24 hour ranges. And so we can be out in town or you don't sleep.

And you just, you just, we'll just fight in and you go shoot 24 hours a day, which is pretty awesome, you know? And we have a pool you can swipe on and go into the pool 24 hours a day. We have anything you want 24 hours a day. When you're in there, just go to town, you know, and you have guys doing stuff and just like, wow, if you show up there at two o'clock in the morning, you'll see guys working. And you're like, damn, it's like a weekend. That's why Craig's Hoyer was so awesome. Damn, Nick. Because at team at team one he was like that He was the guy that on Sunday

If you went in the compound for whatever reason at the team other team won with Craig So if you go into compound on Sunday at team one you see Craig there With his poncho liners all over part of the part of the grinder and he would be there with all his gear every Every piece of gear and he'd be sitting over the toothbrush and he'd be organizing getting ready. He'd have all his guns out there and he was doing his stuff every Sunday. He was dedication man. That's hardcore. I added to one of the texts we're doing the same thing when I was there doing stuff. There were a run of the rucksacks on, texts, and doing this 10 mile rounds text. At the end of it, you can see them throwing up all over themselves, just peeking all over their shirts

and their pants and, ah, jiksy or so working so hard. And it makes you proud. So I'm like, that's a, that's a IS or that's a OS or that was a photographer's mate. He's sitting there running 10 mile with a rucksack kind of throwing up on himself. Yeah. And at dedication, how hard, he was like,

it was pure heart. Back to explosions. Sorry. It didn't him. Oh yeah, it wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't that bad. So I see the guys like like Jay, man, he had some real Jay Redmond.

He had some real terrible injuries, you know. And there's a lot of other guys that's some terrible injuries. And so I don't really talk about a lot. So when I got hit it was pretty light. And even when I talk about a purple heart, it's like, man, you know, it was like a like Admiral Richardson when he, Admiral Richard's when he got hit in Vietnam and he had a bone sticking out. And he thought it was a bullet and he thought about John Wayne. He says John Wayne's a bite to bullet So he said I can't have a bullet and they started biting on his hand and his fingers started moving and all the guys started laughing at him He said dude, it's your bone. They looked at him and he said oh dang it's a bone Damn it wasn't that bad. So how did you get it? How did you get so I was I was at purple heart? I was at I was at one of the classified agency

Fire basis, okay, and Is it a purple heart? I was at one of the classified agency fire bases. And they were hitting us all the time. And so we had a lot of mortars and rockets. And then the way they do it is it's really ingenious. What they would do is they'd set up saw horses and they would put the rocket on there. These are a hundred and seven millimeter Russian rockets. And they would use on watch machine timers, you know, basically, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do and set up the timer and all go, cuck, off the, they never gone.

And so whatever spot they're shooting from, we would, the little birds would fly out of it, whatever would happen, we'd hit the spot, nobody was there, they were gone like an hour ago. You know, there was a wash machine, timers. And it would hit here and hit there because they set a bunch of them up. Cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck,

we'd start getting hit. And so it was one of the really big hits like that. And one of the guys got hit really bad, and it's different right off the back, and just destroyed him. And it was like you could see it, you know. You could see the actual spine, everything's just flayed, and his skull and his neck, and it was just,

he got hit really back, so he was right there with muscle blast. And the blast hit me, it just threw me, and a lot of frag and other stuff, but I was able to run in and grab my gear and go fight so it was not a big deal. If you're able to fight, you have to get hit, you just brush it off because it's not a big deal. And then clean it up and then go on to the business. And then you just keep going. And next day, you're just, I'm good man, don't send me anywhere.

But I did have to get x-rayed because I didn't know if there was any more frag of me, so I went to the army hospital and I did did stuff. Didn't X-ray me there? It was later. When I did an MRI once, I still had meddling me and it pulled the metal out. It's that blood all over the MRI, which kind of sucked. But see, you still have meddling here, because it's this frag, you know. Yeah. But they pulled the frag out and then you know banded it off and then just keep fighting.

You know. That's what it was or what not they do. The other ones were you know even you know a lot of explosions for breaching you know. And that's where the TBI has come from is the constants. So I had a lot of TBI which I almost cured you know. I helped a lot of the TBI has come from, is the constants. So I had a lot of TBI, which I almost cured. You know, I helped a lot of the TBI. So it's totally the neuroplacicity in your brain. If I don't know if you know what I'm talking about,

neuroplacicity. But it's something for everybody out there, for all of them, all the seals. How'd you cure it? Every preacher. How do you think you cured it? I think I cured it with microdose and mushrooms. What kind of mushrooms?

Civil side of them? Yeah, Civil side of them. How have you stayed out word? But magic mushrooms. Yeah. So the thing is, is the magic mushrooms, they've been on earth for millennia. You know, they've been here since the beginning of time. There's theories about the magic mushrooms, that's why we had to jump from basically the

Neanderthal to whatever was up to homosapian was because it opened the mind up and it made the mind reconfigure and repath ways and and make it start working. So what happens is when you're doing the mushrooms of your microdose, you're not tripping. There's super low doses and you have to have guidance. You have to have a guide and you have to have intention, you have to have a guide, and you have to have intention, you have to have like very controlled, it'd be really careful. I do it for a long period of time. So basically you take 0.5 grams and less, and it's really small doses, and if you start building up a tolerance,

you can start bumping up a little bit, but never more than a gram, so it's a very small dose. And you do it every 72 hours for weeks and weeks and weeks up to like 15 weeks. 15 weeks. Yeah. So I mean, think about that. You know, you think about every three days.

And it's not easy. This is not fun. Yeah. And that's the thing that they really make mistakes with that even like marijuana, you know, if you're not trying to smoke marijuana to get high and have fun with it, it's a really nice medicine that it does a lot. In our bodies, we have canniboid receptors. And so if in our

bodies, we have a receptor, is that they only will talk to cannabis. Why do we have that human bodies? And that's something that we need or something that's good for us. That's the question I got for you. The same thing with the magic mushrooms that Silasodumin, you know. If you don't abuse them, and just like any other pharmaceutical you have on your shelf right now where your doctor gives you, if you take morphine and abuse it, you're going to be bad. And morphine is a pharmaceutical that they give you and it's good.

It's not a bad pharmaceutical. Why is it still a Sodom and bad? And why did they do that? Because you can abuse any one of those other drugs. I can kill somebody with aspirin. You know, aspirin is dangerous. So they pick and choose because it's so effective. And because you can't make money off it. That's what I'd say. So I can grow mushrooms right now and do everything I need to do. I don't do it. I can grow marijuana right now. It's a weed.

Mushrooms are a weed. You know, it's God's medicine. And so because God's medicine, you can't make money on. It's illegal. Isn't that weird? I don't, I mean, no, it's not. It's perfect.

It makes perfect sense that the pharmaceutical companies would never allow that with lobby, with lobby to keep that illegal because there goes, there goes their sales, there goes their, their money. Because the shit is working. It's working with PTSD, it's working with anxiety, ADHD, bio, bipolar disorder.

Now they're doing studies with Alzheimer's and dementia. So if you take my whole thing, all these things, I don't believe them. And it's illegal. Yeah. It is illegal. It's amazing. And we know what the alternative is

with the Benzos and I depressants. Well, I was on all of this. So I was on all of it. And I was on it with the employees. And I had a really big problem. That was all during that 10 years when I had a license. And they cure addiction.

What's that? And they cure addiction. Yeah, oh, that's what I was in my account. That there's programs down south because you can't do it here in America. So it's such idiots that you have to go down to Mexico. You have to go way down south and it's how the America.

And so if you do every 72 hours, if you microdose, and you're alcoholic, like a hardcore alcoholic, the most bad alcoholic you ever could imagine. You won't drink anymore. And if you don't become an alcoholic, you're done. You might still drink a little bit, like souls are drinking a little bit, but you won't be alcoholic anymore.

That's what I have to worry. I swear. I did it. If you're a drug addict, you won't be alcoholic anymore. That's whatever. I swear. I swear. I did it. If you're a drug addict, you won't be a drug addict anymore. Yeah. I did it. I haven't drank in February 14th. It'll be a year.

Same thing. So here's two witnesses to the world that Silasaiven, I always mess up their word. Silasaiven. Silasaiven in microdosis and in small doses, over some periods of time, has proven over and over again, addictions and rewiring the neuroplasticity to brain. So you have brain damage.

It would be one, if you had half your brain shot off, if you did that, you'd probably heal it. It would rewire. Regeneration of rewiring. It's unbelievable. half your brain shot off, if you did that, you probably heal it. You're regenerated. You're regenerated. Regeneration of rewiring. It's unbelievable and we do that. Man, let's talk about your rewards with valor. Oh, I still didn't even get to my final teams. Well.

So, damn neck. So, I'm doing all the stuff in damn neck and it's just going on crazy with all these and eventually all this stuff. And so, all the crazy invaders in the teams, they all know me. So Gus, Gus and Tina's one of them. And Bill Shepard's another one, Shep Shepard.

So he's an astronaut, seal team guy, the first one. And probably one of the most famous seals until, you know, the war maybe, because he was very well known. And huge respect. And I still respect him. He's a mentor. And so he took over science technology at Socom. Admiral Olsen is a Socom commander.

He was my commander at Warcom. When I basically, you didn't like me a lot because I kept telling him no. How do you have an E6 telling him? Admiral, no. I did and he really mad at me. And the mastery at the time, I have an E6 telling him, I don't know. I did and he really mad at me. And the mastery at the time,

she always says that he was always getting me out of trouble because I was really hardcore against the officers because I was the only enlisted homeless network. It was all captain's and admirers. But I can't even master his name now. So I'm at, I'm at, there'm there and I'm doing all this stuff. And so the chef, chef, calls me out. All sends a commander.

Chef has all science, technology, at all of the special operations. And so he calls me out of town. He says, hey, hey Chris. I know you want to stay at Damnaq, because when I told him, he knew that was like, dude, it's a mission. I'm never leaving here. And almost anybody goes there and never want to stay at Damnack because, and I told him, he knew that it was like, dude, it's a mission. I'm never leaving here.

And almost anybody goes there and never want to leave because it's a mission. Anybody that leaves Damnack is for a specific reason because it's a better job or they got kicked out or they don't want them back. So if you see any Damnack guys when we did four years, did you all ask them? So usually two tours. Did you all ask him? So Usually two tours after eight years guys will leave damn neck So do a couple and leave but a 40-year-old damn neck. It doesn't make sense You know, yeah, so chef calls me on the phone

Then he asked me he says hey, I took over science technology. I want you to be to be come down here and take you know Be this senior and listen advisor. I said I want to see your dreams down here as as well. I'm at Dan. I don't really want to leave and I'll have to move down the floor then he says well You'll have carte ranche you can invent and do everything you want and you can you have a budget I'll give you a budget and he's told me all this and I was like okay, I'll do that So you're crude to me to so kind of be be a senior or a list advisor to SoCon science technology. Damn. And so I was there, and that's when I went hog wild.

So the Pentagon already knew me, because I was at a couple of years prior, was when I did the target tracking thing. And so they all knew me, because I was there. And so every time I showed up the Pentagon, I had all these doors were immediately open, because I knew that I could help them. I was an advanced editor program.

And so when I was at Silicon doing S&T, I had a lot of access to a lot of other programs and a lot of money. Because as soon as I brought the damn neck programs or my programs into their programs, then we could combine money and it cut stuff and it advanced the whole program way further. So I was doing that a lot, you know, which because I could open all the stovepipes up. I knew the stovepipes. So I was part of the stovepipes now because we had army, navy, air force, Marines at Socom. It wasn't just a navy. Damn, next is stovepipe. They talk a lot good with the army, you know, groups.

Those guys do really good, but that's a stovepipe from them into some other areas. They open most of them up now, I think it's all mostly fixed with with Alan O's, you know, liaisons, but so it was just a perfect place for me. And so I moved down here immediately,

bought a house and was there doing that. And I can't tell you about most of the stuff there, but it sounds like a dream job. It really is. And I was at almost about 20 years. Oh, I deployed twice when I was an SMT at Socom. Really? Which doesn't happen very much.

I also, I was a shooter down there. I was like, because he gave me kind of whatever. And I was like, nobody can control it. So I would just say, I need to go over and do some stuff in there. And so he tells me one time, he says, hey, you're doing some stuff in damn neck with all the tech stuff.

And you had these boxes that you would bring over. And we had, as you 90s, as one, had drawers in it, and how old my stuff in there, I had my welder and a bunch of other stuff in there. So basically, I damn knack because we're tech group, and we experiment with a lot of stuff. We have to have a lot of equipment at our hands to build a silisco, and all this, and cider and irons, and all the equipment to build, tear it so far, and rebuild it, and test it, and do stuff. So I built all these things at damn knack to make them be able to do this testing.

Why didn't I help them build it? I wasn't the full builder, because I think Rich did a lot of that too and a couple and a bunch of other people But I was part of that program that built the stuff and in that was built up to concealment program and audio and video program and mechanical engineering program all Into these boxes and so Shep found out about that As we said, Hey, I want you to build a system that can be for all the other teams and green braze and arrangers and anybody's special operations, we need a system to

develop deploy with other teams that they can do the same thing you did at Damnec. So if they break something they can fix it, they can weld it, they can invent it, they can do that. So you remember when the Humvees overseas, we had the rings, the, you know, the modules up on top. Well, so we started, my program is the one that take the modules on one side and then we could have on the other side of Minigun, on one ring. They don't do that stuff and then we could have on the other side of Minigun on one ring. They don't do that stuff. And then we had to reinforce stuff and build this and do all batteries to shoot to Miniguns. Like all this stuff, like it's a Minigun, you had to look at these giant batteries and do this stuff and I said,

why don't you just make it so just like the just slap a battery and then shoot. You don't have to have wires or anything, just have it a plug and play a thing. Then I take that battery off of graphs more batteries and you can stick those in charging or whatever and always have them a plug and play a thing. And then I take that batter off of graphs, more batters, he can stick those in charging or whatever, and always have them on standby, not one wire. That was you. I also wasn't want to remote fired, remember the crow system?

So remember the crow's in the M-Raps? So we had the M-Raps or pieces of crap. This is after my time. This is after my time. No, no, yeah, it might have been. Were the M-Raps or these giant pill boxes, and I say it was maginal lino wheels, and they used to make them so angry,

I'd say that. I said, it is, it's a pillbox, it's a maginal lino wheels. As it were sitting ducks, we can't do anything. I said, I don't want the doors off, and I want this, and I want that. And I said, this is the vehicle I want. You know, and it was basically,

they have the vehicles, perfect vehicles down at Bragg, you know, the Scorpions. It's not classified. So all that stuff. So, Chef said, I want you to build these things that we can deploy overseas to do this, to make these weird additions and modify stuff for guys overseas in combat. And I said, okay. So how much money do I have?

He said, what is the non-money for that kind of a program? I said, it's a new program. I just see what we can do. And he says, why don't many people gonna help you do this? And he says, well, it's just you. I was like, okay, so I'm alone and I have no money. Within six months after he told me

that we were deployed in Afghanistan with 12 systems. I had $10 million and I had 30 people trained. Damn, Chris. I had $10 million and I had 30 people trained. Damn, Chris. I invented the training program. The first part of the training program, how we started it. Because these are all gonna be engineers and retired guys, because this is all contracted now.

So now I'm working in a contractor world with all these contractor guys. And so we had to train them up to be not like I had to do with my techs at Damneck. We had to train them up enough so they like I had to do with my text at Damneck. I had to train them up enough so they knew the mindset and knew how we'd have worked. So I had this little room, it was about half the size of this room.

I had 30 guys that were trying out for this first system to deploy in Afghanistan. So this little tiny room, I had a heater and I cranked a heater out way before they got there and it was super hot in that room. I said, okay, everybody get in that room. And I, before they went in a room, they all had pieces of paper and pencils.

And I gave them this test to do in a room, a pencil test. So, 30 guys are really hot room, that big. Standing up, there's no furniture in the whole room. It's a blank room. Ha, ha, it was terrible. And then we were watching and seeing who's complaining and see who did it, see what they did and see everything watching them.

And then when I say, okay, when you're done with your test, it was like a 20 question test. And it was like p-fuel close to NRT and that's pressure volume is energy temperature. It's these little equations, all the stuff, because I really wanted to test them, see how far they got. They've got your battery in your car, and we have to do this, we got 24 volts, how do you wire it?

You know, take two car batteries and do this, and do this, and write it in series. It's all easy stuff. A lot of it, some of it was a little weird, that was hard. I really wanted to see what the knowledge point was. So 20 questions were important. Each one of them was hit, I'd rode them, rode the test.

So I said, when you finish your test, it would come in that door, knock in that door, and then come out into the room, and then we'll do some more stuff. And so outside of it, we had garbage cans, I went to the stuff, and we had, like, sound. It was wild and flashing lights. And so somebody would knock on the door,

and then we opened up the door, just enough to get the guy in there, and everybody in the room would start seeing what's going on. they're like, what's going on? It was just weird. You know? I just wanted to see how far I could push him. You know, I'm just like, oh, you're going to complain or you're going to just suck it up and just do it.

Do the 20 questions and answer them as good as you can, not going to door and just go. You know, don't be scared. Just like stuff is happening. Don't worry about it, you know? And then went out there and then they had to actually wire up the batteries. They had to do some welding. They had to get on a mill, you know, we had lads and mills, that's how deep I went, you know, they had to do all of it, you know? And then we had a car with two by fours and I said, build a small

wall there and I want to cut up two by fours and I want to nail and hammer and everything else. I said, build a small wall over there and I said, build a mini wall this high, this big, you do that. And we also had this thing, I built a shape out of wood and I went to nails and hammers and everything else. I said, build a small wall over there. And I said, build a mini wall this high, this big, and do that. And we also had this thing. I built a shape out of wood and I had some other stuff on it. I said, duplicate that with all the stuff over there. And so he had to do some real precision cutting and some stuff. I want to see how mechanically or how skilled they were with their hands.

It's a really cool test. And then after that was about a two hour long period of time just testing them all. And we were grading them on all of it. And then after that, about a two hour long period of time just testing them all and we're grading them on all of it. And then after that we start putting them through like a long training period on how to actually use all the gear and how to do all the stuff. We taught all these guys how to use a mill and a lathe, how to weld like professional welders, like all of it, intense training. And then I built these boxes, I used to 90s with two of them with fold-down sides. Did you ever see those things? No. No, no. This was 2010, you know, were you

in 2010? I was out in 2010. So you missed all this stuff then. So 2010 before I deployed and got all the stuff done, like everybody in special operations worldwide is, you know, exactly what I'm talking about. I built all those things from nothing. And we ended up calling them mobile technology complex, MTC, that's what I named it. Then because of money stuff, because I was still searching for money, there's a whole program in the army that does all the repairs and the engineering of all this equipment. I think it's at RCOM or RD R-Redcom.

No, it's a group. They have a huge, huge pocket of money for doing all the repairs and maintenance and basically a 3M maintenance on all the equipment. And so we could get that money because we're doing tons of repairs on all the equipment. Something breaks, we've repaired overseas in combat, but doesn't even be sent back home and in fixing and sent back over. We're saving a military, you know, thousands of dollars a day to some broken equipment that we're fixing. And so what we did was we rewrote all thing, re-renamed it, and rewrote our mission statements to include repair, not just innovation and all the other stuff. So now we got tons of money. And so now we're up to,

this is way over like $400 million now. That's my bigger program. Absolutely. The net program got handed off to a real leader because I was just in a list of EA senior chief. I sent a bunch of officers to a kit and it went to a bunch of G.S.s.s. and now I think it's run by like a G.S. 15 or something. That was before I retired. So 2011, I deployed with all the stuff and we did all the stuff and then I came back in October and I retired in February of 11. And now I'm retired with all this and all the experience in a Pentagon. So now I have a phone call coming from Pentagon. And they said, hey, we know your retiring. I know what you come do some work for us. And I said, well, I'm not gonna be military,

I wanna be civilian. I said, what am I gonna be at? 15 or SES? 15, okay. So I got refer to E8, but they didn't make, I ended up going civilian route as an interpersonal agency transfer from agency into the Pentagon as a contractor making a little over $200,000 a year.

So I went for the money still doing the same job, but I'm not uniform, not government, I'm not GS-15. I'm not an SES. Actually, it was kind of a SES-1 equivalent to the end is what they made me. It was an SES-1 equivalent. What is an SES one? It's an admiral. Okay. So one star admiral. That's what I thought. The SES is when you get in the admiral ranks I go for general admiral and so I was off to work in a Pentagon now as a as an admiral equivalent run in huge programs and doing stuff but then I Did a lot of really good projects, But at the same time I was doing that whole transgender weird thing because now I'm retired, you know. So now the chains are off me. I don't

get to worry about anything. I can smoke a joint and I can do other stuff. And I'm done with my government military stuff. So I'm not worried about anything. So I'm like, you know what? I'm going to start living a bullet right now and trying to figure out who I am. And part of the figure out who I am was part of that isolation always wanting to be my sister as a kid. Just like I said, and that very confusing. I was a virgin until I was 22 years old. You know, I have had to this day,

I've only had sex with like eight people, you know, eight women, you know, and it's not something I'm proud of or brag about, but it's something I'm still very naive and I'm still very prudent and I'm still very, you know, anti-sexual stuff kind of. Because I don't think it needs to be so far and open of what we've done with society. And so how I see it, now I saw myself, you know, was not sexual, but it was my identity, was me trying to escape,

who I was, to be something better. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And that's a whole other story. The Iron Man suit. I heard you talk about this on another podcast and I want to go in detail on this project because I believe you get cut off.

So if you want to hear a really wild podcast, I was on Joe Rogan June last year and I told you that I'm very, I want to know. Like, you're not going to tell me this guy is blue. I want to know why it's blue. You know, and that's about reflections, reflections, mother, son. But if I just, I'm curious about that. And I'm not going to take you and I'm not gonna take you and I'm not gonna take it for granted that stuff is going on, you know, and I went in a lot of rabbit holes with Joe, you know, and then for whatever reason I started He I don't know how it happened when I talked about the Iron Man project and he was like Iron Man and I was like, yeah

Like the Iron Man movie, you know, he's a urge, what's up buddy? The Iron Man come over here, sit down. Come on, come here, over here, sit down. Blas. Nice. If he speaks German to him, he does everything right away. So he was trained in German to do the big stuff and then he's out of that program

and now he's like a civilian dog. So I taught him in English all the time, but if you ever speak German to him, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, the Iron Man. So he asked me,

it was the Iron Man, like the movie Iron Man, the guy, what's his name? I can't stand Hollywood. Tony Stark. Yeah, the guy, but the actor guy, but I don't? I can't stand Hollywood. Tony Stark. Yeah, that guy. But the actor guy. Oh, I don't care. He's an idiot. So, all the more. They just, I don't understand. Chris, you could call a lot of people idiots after what I've just heard you talk about. What the freaking millionaires and they could do so much good. Robert Downey Jr. Yeah,

that's the guy. He's a billionaire. Actually, he's a pretty cool guy. He's a billionaire I think he's one of the good ones. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. Yeah, I shouldn't do that anyway. That was just really bad But it just it drives me crazy that they have so much potential and they do so little with it Yeah, it really makes me angry. I don't get that It's great. So Iron Man was trying to work on Iron Man and like really hard, like really digging in on Iron Man. And 2000,

four or five, it's been a while. Maybe later than that. Who was digging in on Iron Man? I'll leave that one alone. Okay. I had a lot of access to you. But you're not on the movie set. You're. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not. I'm. I'm. I don't do anything with the movie. That's how fake. Yeah. That's why I'm. I'm just making it very apparent to the audience that this was the real thing. Not. Yeah. Not animation. The whole suit's gonna weigh a thousand pounds. It's huge. And I was

what I started saying is it stupid. What is it like a exoskeleton stew or something? Well, that's when I started going into the exoskeleton everything else I said what you guys are trying to do is just let's do thisness this and I build up the that when we can do that because right now If you have the suit on you can't use any of our vehicles You can't be on an airplane basically you can get on a cargo plane And you'll be almost the only one on there standing on the background getting ready to go. I said, that's ridiculous. I said, how do you deploy these guys?

You know, how do you get on a ship to do anything? How do you can't do anything? You know, right now, until they start building the vehicles or start building the stuff or the airplanes and the parachutes, you're talking about parachuting in, have you ever then, well, when I would be about the same as some of our boats. But that takes three G12s, you know? So you can have a guy, one guy flying out with a G12? That's a giant parachute.

A parachute is as big as this building, you know? It's giant parachutes. So there was a bunch of stuff that I was really hitting them on, saying, you can't do that, can't do that. So now I started going into national labs Labs, like San Dia and North's Livermore, and all the laboratories that did the Manhattan Project. So now I'm inside the Manhattan Project, I'm working on all these guys.

I'm real deep, and I can't talk about most of that, but what is the Manhattan Project? The NUX in World War II. Okay, nevermind. Yeah, yeah. Sorry. The, um, man, some of the projects I was having would be really wild.

But you need to be there and in all of them to do some of the programs I was doing. Because the program like that is going to take into comes and the visuals and the blistings and the ergonomics plus the mechanical. If a battery goes down or something goes down, then how is the guy gonna move? And so that's why I started going into the ancient times.

And that's when I met the dude that was doing a shark fighting. And he wears a shark fighting suit, it's neptunic, cool guy, man, really cool guy. dude that was doing a shark fighting and he wears a shark fighting suits, Neptuneic. Cool guy man, really cool guy. I can't remember his name. I don't know if I can meet him again. But he invented the way to make shark suits and he does it and so that's where I was going. Wasn't it a shark fighting and it's like bull fighting.

They don't really fight the sharks. All they want to do is get the shark to them and they grab a holder of Dorsof and they ride it as shark fighting. It's like they call it bull fighting, but they also call it the clowns in there or more of the bullfighters than the cowboys are doing it. If you know that.

So I was doing what the clowns do with the bulls, you know, and the shark fighting and everything else, you know. I was trying to figure out how to be real mobile. Because if you think about the rodeo clowns, they're more heroes than the cowboy ever was. I know those guys are the ones saved in the cowboys. And they're also getting gourd and really messed up. If you think about a rodeo clown, that's who the seals should be.

They're the ones saving everybody. And they have to move way better than the cowboys do. So the cowboys can wear their armor and really have you stuff, and you do the stuff, but the clowns can't do that. You know what I mean? And so I'm going in that direction, you know? And they're actually the bullfighters, the clowns are,

it's not the cowboys. And that's why to call them, it's bullfighting, the clowns do. So it's the direction I was going into. And so I was working with a group called Mulashi, which I kind of failed at because that's when the craziness was also going on with all of this stuff. And as soon as I came out and I said,

hey, I want to be Christian, it's what I had nothing. It all fell apart. And so then I lost track with Mawachi. And the way they figured out the airsoft skeleton was from overweight people. If you think about somebody who weighs three or 400 pounds, and you think about what the amount of weight that they're carrying around,

and how they carry that weight, and also think about the strength of that person, you know, put them on a leg machine, have them squat. And put them on a leg machine and see what they can actually push with their legs. I can push way more than they can. But I weigh like 190, you know. They're weighing 300 km on a weight around. How are they doing that?

Well, that's what they figured out. And it's not powered. It's an unpowered suit. It's an unpowered suit. Not, not now. But the one I was trying to build was going to be an unpowered suit. It's an unpowered suit. Not now. But the one I was trying to build was going to be an unpowered bullfighting suit. It would have been like the shark fighting stuff. It would have been like, it would have been magnificent.

And they'd kept going in their direction just like that idiot. You can't do that. Cut that out, please. So just, so just, so just like that guy that was trying to fly UIV to Interactive Vehicle, you know, you're trying to go super high tech to do something that doesn't need to be high tech. So we don't need this thing to be a robot. We don't need to be Iron Man like to have movies. It's a movie. Eventually we'll be there, but that's, you know, I don't want that and it's only to be one or two guys in a platoon with another hundred guys important those

guys in the suits so it doesn't make sense so if they would let me go with my program I didn't need that much money and I could have done this for they're doing hundreds of millions dollars I could have done this for tens of millions you know and it would have been a better suit than everybody would have been using it. The entire Marine Corps had been out for it with my suit inside of a wand or two Marines, you know? So what suit do you want?

And so they started going way down the movie Iron Man route because they want the movie Iron Man. The movie Iron Man is ridiculous. Right now, because we don't have the infrastructure, we don't have the vehicles, we don't have anything, you know, it doesn't work. And we're not going to have that guy flying around, you know, for very far. You know, we have that one suit the guy is using right now. You saw him do the shipboarding and the stuff, but there's other stuff I can do that with. We don't need the suit for, you know, so I can do that with. We don't need the suit for, you know. Yeah. So I can do that with, well, that's probably classified.

No, there's something similar to that though, that there was a guy that made a, had a project where he's taking beetle wings and he's taking a beetle wings or he's moving them in such a way that he could actually levitate them. If he crosses the pattern of the structure of the wings, they would somehow, it's weird science. Yeah, all right. Look up, a beetle wing fly machine. I think that should be enough to Google. Beetle wing fly machine.

Beetle wing fly machine. I'm looking at it up. I think that should be enough words to figure, and you might end up with a video of the guy doing it if there is a video It's actually playing right now, so somebody we're gonna we're gonna splice them, but there's There's so much stuff like that and the problem is is they get so in Fatuated and enamored with the technology that you don't understand that there's an easier way to do it You know, there's a better way to do it

where others didn't try to have all this stuff. Think smarter, not harder. Yeah, always, you know? And so I gave the whole thing to him. And I said, and then it turned into carnivore, and carnivore with Vogue, Vogue was brilliant too. You know, he's amazing. And anybody out there that works with him is,

it's gonna know, you know, and he was on Carnival Pretty Hardcore. And there's a bunch of other guys. And anybody on a Carnival project, right now, I would hire him, you know, because everyone in them, we were working with almost no money, we were working with like, a wide open field, because we had no lanes.

And that's when everything happens. And we did a lot of good stuff. So that's probably really happens and we did a lot of good stuff. So that's probably a really unknown project to the carnivore. But it's you can't let acquisition people run projects. And that's the biggest problem we have at Socom right now is you have and I'm an acquisition person by learning it but I'm not an acquisition person. So learning it, but I'm not an acquisition person. So I know acquisition, but I'm not an acquisition person. I don't care about the horse blanket. I don't care about your procedures and how you get from here to here, because I can go, I don't need here.

I'm already here and I can get to there. Where if I'm already here and I can get here real fast, it's 70% of what you're trying to get for 100 bucks. So why don't I invest five million dollars from here? I'm already here for a hundred dollars. I don't care about your final project because I don't need it. You know? And it's gonna take you 10 years to get there. If I'm already here for a hundred bucks and I'm 70% and 10 years, I'll be way past your hundred. And that's a problem. Acquisition people, there are beans and bullets and all they're doing is counting everything. You know?

And they also have triple P, pre-planned maintenance. It's a planning to have and how they're going to do it and how they run these programs. It's a five-year to have an alder going to do it and how they run these programs and to five year cycle All this other stuff I can tell you all the shortfalls. They have an appendagon and I cut their budget by 25% of swear I can Because they're doing it wrong or so messed up and how they how they enter stuff and how they do it and they keep starting back here to get here to go that And they keep trying for a hundred percent perfect thing after that five-year cycle. And one year I can give you 50% and three years are going to be 80%. So don't worry about that you're thinking five years.

Kids stand here. The whole program is terrible. The Pentagon is the most broken machine in the world. And it drives me crazy. Because in a word of pain a lot, it's our tax money, you know, and it just drives me crazy that they're wasting so much of the American people's money on Soft that this really needed you know And so we need the Iron Man thing but they want and about 20 or 30 years We can't even use it right now all this is flashy. Yeah, but it's just like NASA doing their Makes perfect sense that we don't have the infrastructure to support it. So nobody talks about that, you know, but. So NASA, when they were doing the NASA program,

to do all the stuff they were doing and try to go to the moon was it made plastic glass. It made this. All the stuff that they invented because they're going for really hard project. They had to do this. They invented a whole bunch of stuff along the way. Then I'm greatly grateful for. I mean, it's amazing. So was the juice worth a squeeze of their $700 million a day? I think that's what it is.

NASA right now is spending $700 million a day of our tax money. Where's it going? I have no idea, you know. It's not going to anything we can use. Damn. You took a picture of a galaxy, you know, a thousand light years away. Good job, NASA, thanks.

Damn. Well, let's take a break. I want to take a minute to tell you about Vigilance Elite Patreon. Patreon support is what makes this show possible and gives me the ability to bring these one-of-a-kind stories to the public. Go to patreon.com, slash Vigilance Elite

and support the Sean Ryan show today. Alright Chris, we just took a long break. The lasagna is ready. But we got to talk about, you just, you're retiring out of the military and you're getting ready to transition. 2011. 2011. 2011. Yeah.

So, and 2011 retired. And basically that's like the chains off, like I was saying. Now I can start living my life and do whatever I want. So if I want to smoke a joint, then I'll smoke a joint. Like I said, I mean, the's the cannabis, I have a real problem with the way America's treated that. If they would have outlawed booze, they're way better for a country. So yeah, I'll smoke a joint. And I got off all the opioids and all that stuff. But I was out for a while. And I was still stuck on.

Why were you on them because of the backer. I was pain, yeah, I just have a lot of pain. And now, if I take wild lettuce now, which is I forge it for, that's a good pain killer, and a few other things I'm using for pain now. I'm also doing, so there's herbal remedies and there's ways to do it to control pain and to really work with it.

And I think the opioid problem and what they're doing in veterans right now is just criminal. You know, if you ask me, yeah. And I also got like, they diagnosed me with a bunch of other stuff and they had me on some mood stuff. Just think of some baltah. And which nowadays are proven at that all these things are doing for anxiety. What is it? They prove that it doesn't do anything. They prove that all these drugs that they're giving people a lot of stuff, it just doesn't, it's not really doing what they think it's done. It's not helping, it's masking.

If you really want to know what the problem is, if you're masked a problem and you're just sitting there, just living life like that, like a zombie, you're not living. And I think that's what the VA likes us to be. They want us to be zombies. Yeah, I'm amazing. I'm in there. I have my own theories about that,

but it just doesn't seem conducive for the US government to keep a bunch of people alive that they're having to pay for. Oh, yeah. It just makes sense. Yeah. Drug them up and get rid of them. Yeah. Or at least just. Yeah, you know, drug them up and get rid of them. Yeah, at least just make them, you know, not dangerous. Yeah.

And so that's what I was at. I was stuck on a lot of pharmaceuticals, you know, in that part of my life. Because at that time, I also wasn't really worried about, you know, the military. That I think the military is much better about it. Active duty, about a lot of that stuff. because you can't have zombies in the military. And you can't be giving them all this stuff, you know. They'll tell you to work out and take some out of it, you know, or do this or do that. But if the VA year-retired your civilian and they don't care, you know, what I do care

about, it's like a misplaced care almost. You know, they care about the structure and the administrative part of the VA not really as much about the people. It's a huge machine. It's the biggest healthcare system, probably in a world, you know. And that's when everybody starts

to have my socialized medicine and everything else for a country. It's like, we already have socialized medicine. And do you think it's working very well? You know, I know. I don't... The VA. I've said socialized medicine. And do you think it's working very well? You know, I know. The VA. I've said that several times. And I just, I don't understand how people can

be for socialized medicine and then look at what the VA is doing because it is the model. Yeah. And it's, it makes no sense. It's never worked. Yeah, never. So I had to psychologist and now it would just like, if you're a psychologist and I was

going through from a master's degree, right, mental health counseling. So I could have, if I kept continuing with that program, I would have had the certifications to go to the VA and counsel veterans. But the program is really messed up, you know, and the VA could be fixed right now for all the counselors with a stroke of pen by Congress or the the VA itself if you had the Secretary of the VA All you had to do is make one change and right now there's a line About counselors in the VA that they must be K CREP certified and K CREP is it's a counseling Accreditation system. It's a group.

It's a civilian private group that accredits the counseling courses and counselors themselves for a continued education everything because you can't just become a counselor and just drop it. You have to keep working on stuff and you keep studying and advancing. So that's what that group is for K-CRAP.

And so I call it Crap Kick or something. It's just, it's the worst thing the VA did. They basically hamstrung themselves. What they did was they said that you have to be this certification in order to be a counselor at the VA. So what that does is it took the entire pool of counselors in the United States and cut it in less than half because not every counselor follows K-CRAP. Not every counselor has to be K-CRAP. I think if you had a whole bunch of senior NCOs and as long as you're senior NCO and you go through just part of the stuff I went through when I was going through the courses at the crowd level or some really good courses that really goes

through all the different things and it goes through the legalities and what you can talk about. What you can't talk about to make sure you're not hurting people, you know, and make sure you're not giving advice to your too far. You have to kind of, you have to be careful sometimes, you know, as a counselor about what you actually give them. You can hear everything you want because the client talking to me,

I wanna listen as much as I can. But what I say, bad to that person, I have to be a little careful off because you can actually cause damage. That's what you have to go through. But if you had senior NCOs like myself and like all the other ones, there's millions of us, you know, and you put us through a six month course,

that would be enough. Because as a senior NCO, you already have the mentoring, you have the coaching, you have all those other leadership skills, you have a ton of stuff that we have to go through as a chief to be able to talk to it. We do those personality tests, all those things, what they do is letters and all that stuff. And I don't know why I'm not remembering all of it, but we do that stuff to what we know when I'm talking to someone, I know kind of what their personality is.

So I know I kind of have to deal with them. We have all this stuff as chiefs. And if you take me, for example, with all the ASOT type skills, when I'm sitting there across from a Taliban guy and I'm interrogating her, I'm working with them. I'm doing all this stuff.

That's counseling. That's mental health counseling. And when I go in there especially when I start doing this sneaky peaky stuff, like agency work, when I'm working with the Taliban directly, but I'm trying to win them over and get them to work with us. Like how do you do that?

Here, pretty good counselor, right? So why they make us requirement, you have to decay crap. Now what I think, and what I've proposed the entire VA, is that you require K-Craft to be like the administrator, like the boss, overall of it. Or you have a couple of K-Craft qualified people, that you know, they went through all these huge amounts of courses, like almost at a a PhD level that's really intense.

And in all these practice sessions, all this other stuff and how to counsel, how to be effective. They had every VA at that top level, you have that K-CREP one or two or three of them, whatever requires for how big your VA is. And on each of those, you would have a veteran coach mentor. You know, I have to call him a counselor. He'll say, hey, we want you just to work with our, you want one of our veteran coaches for the little while. You know, and you're gonna do five sessions with one of our veteran coaches, you know,

and just work that. And the veteran coach would also be taking notes and doing stuff. And if it gets to a point where rises the occasion or rises to the level, that veteran coach is, you know, it's too much, you know, then you're going to hand it up to one of the K-CRAP qualified people. But for veterans for the most part,

we don't need a psychologist. We don't need a K-CRAP qualified mental health counselor. We need a veteran coach. We need somebody to talk to us about nutrition. We need somebody to talk to us about what are we doing for working out. We need somebody to talk to us about life. We need somebody to talk to us about what are we doing for working out. We need somebody to talk to us about life skills, about just like what are we doing?

The problems veterans are having out there right now and the biggest thing is like just like money problems is like family problems, relationship problems. These problems, that and that. A veteran coach can do all of those. So you're going into the VA and you have a problem. And you need a counselor and they say, as well, we can set you up an appointment and you come back in a month, two months have a problem. And you need a counselor. And they say, well, we can set you up an appointment

and you come back in a month, two months, six months. What is awaiting right now? Because we're waiting for these qualified people. And if you're a K-CRAP qualified, you're not gonna work at a VA for crappy money. Not very many of them, unless they're not very good. You're gonna go out to any outside

and you're gonna make big money. So the VA right now could fix this entire problem with mental health issues within the VA systems that you don't have veterans going to these VA parking lots and eating a bullet in their parking lots. Because we're saying no, we don't have time for you. You need to go do that. What I don't want to do is just talk to somebody. Well, we don't have time for you. Yeah. They could change all this right now. Now, so it makes me so upset. I was going through all these courses.

I learned all this stuff. And in the middle of it, I was like, you know what? This isn't what I need to be doing. This isn't even close to what I need to be doing. They keep doing what I'm doing with my nonprofit. I need to do more than the counseling, more than the coaching, and do what I'm doing. I don't need their crap.

I already know most of the stuff that they even try to teach me through all the ASOT and through the teams and through being a chief. I was walking in there and I was already probably surpassing some of the instructors. I just won instructor, this professor, who was a third grade teacher, and then she went through and did all the courses while she was teaching third grade all this is time All you got to do is just sit there and buckle down and read the programs read the books and write some papers and you'll get the certification And I didn't have that kind of time 56 years old. I don't need the money. I don't want the money. I have a nonprofit that I was trying to help out I have the VA and all my veteran buddies don't try to help out. And if I wasted another two years doing that program,

the two years wasted. I don't know how long I'll be here. I don't want to try to do some work now and try to do as much good as I can do right now with what I have because I don't need their stuff. The problem with what they're teaching in the universities now, it's all in Frankfurt school. It's all the, you know, compassionate narcissism.

It's the frickin, it's the socialist agenda. It's all terrible stuff. Then they start going into all this stuff where it's like, no, this isn't, it's a victim card. It's all stuff. It doesn't even make any sense. People don't need that, but that's what they're teaching these counselors

to have the counselors teach us or help people in that kind of way. They're teaching critical race theory. In the media? They're teaching at the university. Now I'm talking about the university when you're doing your K-CRAP certs. Okay.

So you have to figure that everyone at the university, if you're a university trained trained You're a Marxist Straight up Every university person trained right now especially counselors because I saw I witness myself I'm a witness to it and what they're teaching right now is hateful what you're teaching right now is wrong What you're teaching right now is gonna cause more damage and a long run than they ever helped And it's super angry and a VA is stuck in that program the VA needs to wake up. You need your senior NGOs So they mess me up really bad with their drugs and with their talk and for me

Just like anyone in the military we get kind of institutionalized Then when you have a doctor or you have the captain, you have the admiral. You know, even though I had questioned him when it was something wrong, I would ask questions and I pointed out there's still a huge amount of respect for those positions because we know it. Because that's the chance to command, just beat into us from day one at boot camp that respect and command. And then you just follow the orders.

And so when I was at the VA, I was still following orders. I'm like a couple of years out of the military, and this is what they're telling me, and you're the experts, and I believe you. What are they telling you? Mm, it was the drugs. It was that this is the way to do it. And when I talk, sort of talking about some of my childhood,

and like some of the things that I was feeling, they pretty much automatically went to transgender. Can you get into some specifics? The specifics are that if I sort of tell them that of my jealousy and my want to be my older sister and my entire life was living in that kind of fear of punishment and mistakes or anything else. And I always look at her and she never did anything wrong. She was perfect. And I wanted to be here and all of that stuff.

And that started talking about getting dressed up and like feeling better when I was dressed up. Because if I got, if I put something on, there was feminine that I felt or even felt feminine in, I would feel better. Like psychologically, it would make anxiety or depression or anything I was feeling at the time. It would make it kinda go away.

Because going back into my childhood, the same thing. So I could escape away from the punishment. I could put something on and make believe I was my sister and make believe I was that person that was being cherished. I can make believe I was that person that was being taken care of. I can make believe I was that person that never got punched in the face. Make believe I was that person that never got paddled, never did anything wrong. And I would say that to a counselor and it was pretty much transgender. And this is a problem right now with the DSM and counselors with all of them,

is that they refuse to accept the fact that gender dysphoria exists, that not everybody's transgender, the fact that auto-gonnaphelia exists. So gender dysphoria is exactly what I'm describing is the want to be a different gender for whatever reason. So for my reasons, wasn't escape. And my reasons was to not be me, and the only option I had that I could look at, that I modeled, that I saw as the way out was my older sister. If I had an older brother that was the same way, then maybe I would have been, maybe that jealousy, maybe that dysphoria was just the same gender, but something a little different, something that was like,

I just wanna be him. My older brother is only like a year old from me, and not somebody that would model because he was very different than I was. I was a little more studious and I was a reader. He was the athlete, and he was very popular, and I was not popular, and he was a little more natural athletic and I was not I had to work at it So he could do all the stuff like pretty easily naturally for football that we were playing football together and for me

I would have to work out on weekends and I would have to get down there to the tackling dummy and I would just keep blocking over and over again I'm blocking sled until I can move it, you know myself. And it was the only way I got good at football. It was the same thing pretty much for the SEAL teams too. Like I wasn't really that natural runner. It's just that I was so stubborn for my athleticism that I made me an athlete. And I'd created it out of perseverance, out of just keep doing it.

So when I talk about all this stuff to a counselor, I'm transgender. They will not say that I have some gender dysphoria. I have some misplaced, like my sexual identity, my gender identity, my identity, all of it, went over somewhere else. And so this is something I had kind of a breakthrough with my fiance, Courtney, was that she showed me this one interview with this guy and he's talked about auto-gonnaphelia, not even gender dysphoria, not transgender, not anything.

What is that? What is that? Auto-gonnaphelia is where I started talking about that sexual misplacement about sexual arousal. What happens to a person is we all have sexual arousal cues. So whatever yours is, most people, it would be an exterior cue for you to become sexual arousal cues. So whatever yours is, it, most people, it would be an exterior cue for you to become sexually roused,

for you to see something or someone or whatever, and you go, ooh, wow, that's hot. You know what I mean? That's, but it's something for most people, it's an exterior arousal cue. And for some people, it's an internal arousal cue, but it's an rousal cue internally from the opposite gender. And so for me, because I was always looking at my sister, and I was also sexually, and we were very religious family also. So I was in a religious bubble of no sexual talk, nothing. I never heard about the verse in the bees.

Probably, I don't know if I ever heard about the person in the bees, I learned all my own. And so that's why I said I was a virgin, I was 22 and I was very afraid. And it was like, and this is like the most embarrassing stuff you could ever talk about to anybody. And this is why I would never talk about it. And I think this is why all the other people

that I have gendered confusion will never really talk about it. Even though a psychiatrist, psychologist, you rarely really talk about it. Even though a psychiatrist, psychologist, you rarely ever talk about everything. So everything comes from the sexual arousal comes from within. For me. So what is that? Can you describe that? What was that?

Not anymore because I figured it all out. And when I figured it out, all of it, so part of my sexual arousal will come from myself because that's all I had for a few decades. And so for me to put something on is a little bit feminine. And then I look at it and go, wow, okay, that's kind of, and I get some arousal out of that. But that all ended, like 1,. It totally won a 80 on me. So there is a way for you to go through like some really hard digging and really investigate

your internal monologue and your internal that it goes deep in the intellect. It goes down to like where your soul actually exists almost. It's like everything. So I look at my child, I don't have to go a day by day and year by year and I look at it, where did it happen, what happened? Where's this, where's that? And I kept doing it. I was doing a lot, like I was talking about this, I was out of it when I was doing that,

is when it opened up the most. So it opened up memories for me of what was going on. And that was when I figured out the memory in 10th grade with that guy. It made me figure out my sister and my relationship to her and how I saw her. It made me look at why I was so sexually. I'm such a prude also where I'm so afraid of sexuality. So when I do see those drag queens doing that, it gives me, it's not a phobia, it's not a fear, but not afraid of drag queens, but it makes me fearful for what they're doing and what is happening

with the kids that they're exposing them to, because I know what they're doing is going to be the same way that it happened to me, you know, it's similar in many ways. It's so dangerous. And this isn't something It's so dangerous. And this isn't something... The psychological community is making a giant mistake right now. And they're letting it happen. And that's why I had to quit going through that course because I saw the errors I saw they were doing. I see how they're changing definitions.

I see how they're erasing out entire issues within their manual of issues. So, and I wanna say to diseases, I wanna say that there are sicknesses because it's not always a sickness. Sometimes it's a misplaced, just like I said, it was a misplaced, cue, it's a misplaced. Like a diagnosis. Things happen.

No, I'm talking about my internally. I had a misplaced cue, I had a misplaced sexual identity because I was so so hard to talk about all this stuff because it is so incredibly personal and very embarrassing too. Because I mean, how do you talk about this person that was like this Navy seal who was a virgin of total of 20 years old who had the sexual identity that was misplaced to the point when I found sexual arousal within myself. I was so isolated that was all I had. It was incredibly embarrassing, incredibly hurtful, and it makes me like, I don't like talking about this, but I want people to understand that all transgender people are not transgender.

Some of them probably are, a lot of them probably are, but I bet you it half or more or not. Half or more have gender dysphoria and or autogonophilia or in intense anxiety or depression and they get dressed up and they get love bombed. And when they get love bombed, everything changes. And love bombing is a term and vented by a cult about what the cults do to their members. So as soon as you walk into church, you're gonna have people hugging you and loving you

and giving you anything you want and being so uplifting and then acquire and everything's so good So your anxiety and depression just disappears. So if you have somebody that has intense depression or intense anxiety and that person might be gay might not be gagged might be confused might be anything above but enough of their life is Is into that realm close enough just like myself? of their life is is into that realm close enough just like myself like some of the first times I ever got dressed up I had people saying oh my god you're so beautiful but I was like it was it was madness to say that was beauty. It's just to say top it at building that weird sculpture

that gold thing I'm talking at courthouse with the stuff. Anybody that calls that thing beautiful is just, it's not. Where would this, when did this start? The Trusted Up. Why it was started some time and like on seventh grade, eighth grade, somewhere. That young? Like, yeah. It was always, I say it was grade school,

but when I really started thinking about it, I think I said a few times, I was always, I say it was grade school, but when I really started thinking about it, I think I said a few times I was like, and it's confusing because it was one time maybe that young because I had older sister and then I had my younger sister. And then just kids playing, you're gonna put on your sister, it was Easter bonnet. And you're gonna do kids. So there were a few times there that I did a kid thing, you know.

But it had nothing to do with sexuality, had nothing to do with rest, not, had nothing to do with transgender. It was just kids being kids. But I was always a memory. And then I always had that jealousy of my sister. And so when I was in eighth grade, ninth, I don't, it was, I'm trying to remember like the exact time. It was in Lynchburg, Virginia when I was at

Lynchburg Christian Academy, Jerry Falwell, you know, I went to school at Jerry Falwell, Jerry Falwell, Jr. Jonathan is his real name. I went to school with him. They're during that time period is when it probably really happened, you know, because then I was more isolated, I was more into that religious thing and sexuality. If you crush sexuality, then you're crushing a part of humanity. We are sexual beings. And so a problem that a lot of religions do is they crush sexuality down to a point

when they cause problems. And it happens. And I think that's part of what happened to me was within a religious institution where sexuality was for boating. It was like, you know, I mean, say the word. And that's why my parents were treating it. And that's what was my home life. You know, that's why I never saw my parents ever do anything affectionate. Like I said, I think I saw my parents hold hands one time in my entire life. So they showed some affection to each other. It was an indoctrination for generations. I think it was.

Yeah. It was, and then it finally dropped the hammer on me, you know, that all of it coalesced, it all came together, and it just dumped on me. I know it's because of the abuse, it was because of some other things were happening. It was because of the older sister and the older brother and me. And then I was taking all everything went downhill on top of me, you know. And they'll say, yeah, you know, if you talk to your brother and

the sister, yeah, Chris got it the worst. And even in buds, I probably got it the worst because I was I was I was outspoken. When I was in, um, for, you know, FNG in my first platoon, there was only two people that got hazed overseas. We were deployed in Thailand. And this is why I never went to damn neck when it after my second platoon. I tried out a third platoon. I tried out why I never went to Damneck when after my second platoon I tried out a third platoon I tried out never went to Damneck to beat somebody off that was that Damneck before me Because they were hazing me in Thailand and dude was just messing with me Bucky and he was just in my face. It was it was getting too much. I was angry and I'm pretty strong, you know, and I have like that farmer strength because I can throw those 80 80 pound hay bells, you know up on a hay wagons and I have like that farmer strength because I can throw those 80 pound haybills, you know up on a hay wagon

It's an I have farmer strength and so I don't look like I'm very big But I have some farmer strength and so he was doing that to me No, it's in Thailand and we were on his boat ramp down into wherever we're getting ready to launch off and on a cement boat ramp And he's sitting there giving me crap doing that and he was on the lowest side of the boat ramp So he was down hill for me a little bit. So I grabbed him like that I lifted him off the ground I threw him and because he was on the lowest side of the boat ramp. So he was down, he'll help me a little bit. So I grabbed him like that. I lifted him off the ground, I threw him. And because he was on the boat ramp like that, and he went down the boat ramp up in the air

and he said that he took his first free fall parachute with no parachute. The guy was in the air and I heard him bad. And so I tried out from damn neck and I was at the top charger and I was good. And did everything, it was all right in front of the master's board when I asked him all the questions and it was fine. And I was like I want to go to gray team because I live on a sailboat. I live on a

sailboat for like six years. I used to swim out to my boat. I take all my clothes off and put them in a plastic bag and swim out to my boat. So I was really in the not all stuff. I was working on my 12 pack and I was working on my hundred ton maritime license. So I was doing a lot of stuff that would have been perfect for gray, you know And those guys said the same thing they're like yeah, you you have yeah cool But then if you use a lot of ability unit one dude One guy can say no at the team They have all the pictures up if whoever tries out and if you get one mark across your across your photo

You won't go ever So and I was just like dude. I was that person that I got hazed overseas why? Because someone was older guys. I had a couple of tunes on the belt or whatever It was like if they were doing stuff that was dumb or it was like I was I was the one I was like even on new guy. I was older, even though I'm a new guy, I was older because I already went through all the college and I do all those other stuff. And I went to VMI and I was in range of the tune.

And I knew the Ranger handbook better than any seal. I probably know. Except Nick, because he went to Ranger School. But I did all the recondo stuff. It was just terrible. So it felt almost just like, I just, it was my place. I'm just going to keep getting beat on, you know? And it's just, what?

You know, why? So was that, is that an institutional problem? Is that my ancestors and all of that old, you know, passed on hereditary of this grief of this. And there's a word for it. And my can't think of the word. It's a passed down mental health stuff and all this anxiety and all this other stuff.

It's generational trauma. You know, that's the word for it. If you look up generational trauma, it's real. And then we hold on all that in us. And so I feel like I've probably had all the generational trauma from my entire family going back whatever, however, generally. It seems like it all dumped on me. Do you think that can be broken?

Oh, yeah, I broke it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm continuing on try to break it, but I make mistakes sometimes with my fiancee and her son. You know, not huge, but I do sometimes make the same mistakes that my dad was doing to me, you know, and then I get corrected pretty quick because my fiance is awesome, but it's one of the things, you know,

and sometimes it's really hard to break those things, you know, and you have to keep working out. It's a constant struggle. So I think all of that and about eighth grade was when that first started happening. And so that's because puberty, you know, ninth grade, it was in that time frame, eighth or ninth, whatever. Yeah, it started having, I started getting puberty. So I started, I had some wet dreams, you know, I didn't even know what that was. I was like, what the heck? And I was like, that's how bad I was. That's how naive and how terrible it was, how I got raised. You know, you can't raise a kid totally in a dark like that and totally isolated.

You know, what's going to happen? This is what happened. And so I found that and because I had no girlfriends in high school, but I liked one to girls. And I found out later in life that some of them liked me too, but I was too afraid to even like ask them how. So I never did anything, you know? And that's what happened to me. And so as I was getting dressed and then I started figuring it out. And then I started being aroused when I was dressed because there was nothing else.

You know, there's no porn anywhere in the house for sure. But the porn problems even worse than what I was doing, I think, you know? And that should be a conversation that I think porn is one of the reasons why we are, we are right now. You know, it's a slow degradation of your own moral compass inside of you. Everyone that does it, if you're constantly on porn or you keep looking at it, you're degrading yourself every time you do it. You're making it worse and worse, and you're pushing yourself further and further back. And so the only out that I had was just like, I did it once, and it was like, oh, wow, it isn't cool.

And then you do it again. So it reinforces what you had. You do it again, and it reinforces. Do it again, it reinforces. And so all those kinds of reinforcements of my own self-flagdric is that all I had, you got to kind of stuck on that train. Were you doing that through your entire career? I mean all the way out of the way

Even then like in school like when I was a kid it would be like very rare So I would basically like Steel my sister is something I know what keep it for like a day maybe or just that night And then maybe they're at school and would fake me in sick the next day to make sure I can put everything back, you know. So it was always like very short periods of time and very seldom. But that was all I had. And so if I did it once, every six months or once every month, month of month or whatever, not being that much later in life, because started, but in the SEAL teams,

it was almost never because we were always in like, these open barracks, it was the showers, and we had group showers, you know? And because still, all of my focus was still on feminine, I'm not gay, you know, it was always still the female, you were always attracted to female. The attraction was always feminine, but for whatever reason it turned

in the feminine towards myself, which made all of this kind of really hard to figure out. And psychologist, well, Dini, that all got a family to even exist almost. And they denied it. Gender dysphoria exists. It's just all transgender now. They want everyone to be transgender.

Why? Why do they? Why? It's money driven now. So if you're, if you have gender dysphoria, all you need to do is go into the counseling and do it once in a while and you can recover from it, you can heal yourself, you can do this, just like I did. If you have auto-gonnaphilia, you can heal yourself or you can redirect a lot of that. And so my redirection for that right now isn't really fully complete either. So in my fiance, God bless her, is this the most patient person.

And she knows what's going on because she actually has a lot more intelligence for a lot of this than I do even. I wish she was here talking. She would be much more coherent. But um She's patient and she knows that the the final outcome is going to be an incredibly compassionate person with a lot of knowledge about the feminine species and about a lot of things that most men don't understand or

can't even part way comprehend. And so if I did ever become a marriage counselor, I probably an amazing marriage counselor because I can talk right now about a lot of things that women do that they should work on to be better with their men, you know. For example, women reward bad behavior and they punish good behavior all the time. And it works like this. So if a dude is doing really good

and by their flowers and being awesome, she'd thank you and really awesome stuff. And it's really cool. But it's more of that normal plane of just we're living together and we're having a great life and it's really wonderful. But if that dude starts doing really bad stuff and really stupid stuff, she's going to start really kicking on the love and she's going to really start doing extra stuff to try to get them back on the good side.

She's rewarding bad behavior. And so what they should be doing is when the dude starts being kind of a jerk, she's to say, just say, call it out. He's like, hey, you're being a jerk right now. And I don't really want to be with you right now. And I'm going to go sleep on the couch. You know? And then he goes, what was I doing?

You know, just talk about it. Then you have a conversation. And you speak about everything is going on. And then you work it out. And then he starts being doing really good stuff again. And then she starts rewarding. Then that's when you want to say, Hey, we've been having the best time right now. And I don't think we've had a fight on argument even in like this whole week. You know, let's go out on Friday and have a great time. Let's go have some fun. And when we get back home, I have a surprise for you. Like, if women would start doing that, they would find a drastic change in behaviors. That's just one. I have a whole bunch of stuff like that. There's so much that I can do right now because I did live on that side. I didn't live on that side, but I was imitating

that side. And so I was trying in all the different ways to try to view my sister, you know. And that's what happened in the opioids and all the depression and my anxiety about everything else and the PTSD and TBI and everything on top of it. You're talking about a big ball of mental health issues. You know, and that's with a lot of veterans. And I pray that those veterans out there didn't have the child that had to make all the other stuff start happening, because

they're going to end up in the same boat that I was in. You know, I end up going there. If you had everything that had in my life, it's a recipe for everywhere I went, you know, and that's all the stuff that I had to figure out. I had to figure it out the hard way, because none of those psychologists were helping out. If you... They all wanted to make money off me. They wanted to write a book with me and be a millionaire.

That was the book. It was a book that I hired a lawyer to try to stop. I didn't want that book to grow out there. Part of the way through the writing of the book, I figured out what she was doing and so I started fighting it. And I started half that book book to go out there. Part of the way through the writing of the book, I figured out what she was doing, and that's why I started fighting it. I started half that book is her making stuff up. Nobody really knows about.

You know, I have to book as me, because I was giving her information, I was working with her. But then when I realized what was going on, then I got that lawyer to try to stop the book and try to do something else. Or at least have me have the final say. You're a contributor, but it's my book. It's my life. What turned out was she wrote the contract, and I signed it under the influence of booze and drugs

and everything else. There was a chapter she actually wrote that never got put in a book about my drug use and about how bad it was. Because she knew where I was, she took advantage of it. I don't not say anything on a total kid that you're going to take advantage of in a really know, I don't not say and I'm a total you like Kid that you're gonna take advantage of in a really easy way, especially right now But at that time in my life I wasn't really bad lots lots of lots of veterans get taken advantage of when they're in that state. Yeah, because You it's not you it happens a lot It's been those it's and I depressants it's mood enhancers. It's

So first I can't just took advantage of me. It's because she has done it. She's too dramatic brain injury. So So did you ever vocalize that Not good. I didn't know that was the first time you vocalize it when you after you retired To somebody oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, so what happened was That was the first time you vocalize it when you after you retired to somebody. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, so what happened was I was at this huge meeting. And it was, it was kind of in one of the areas where the Pentagon works in Crystal City. Like we have skiffs all over the place. So we're in his place. I'm giving his big brief and I'm sitting up there with, um, who's got it wrote accidental gorilla., really good dude, famous dude.

He gave a talk on accidental gorilla, and then we had one of the SES-4s, or if I, he was way up high, like big, and he was giving a talk, and then he had me giving a talk. So three of us were up there talking to this whole audience. And so at the time, it was like 2012, and I was talking about 3D printing, and I was talking about the failure of the FBI and a failure of ATF and a failure of everybody because you guys are missing a point. You guys are doing all these laws and guns and all this other stuff. And I said in about 10 years, I'll be 3D printing a gun on my basement.

I said that in 2012. 13. Some were right in there for that nose, yeah, it was end of 13. Because it was just before I came out. So I would have managed some time in a time period. So I'd have to really think about it. And I could probably give it the exact time. But I told him a lot of other stuff, and I said, this is the future.

And I said, you guys aren't starting to look at where the future is going and what we're doing with technology. And you're starting to do it right now, and you guys are gonna miss a boat. And I gave him a lot of things like 3D printed gun, and I was talking to them about 3D printing and pharmaceuticals and about this.

And I said, I could do all that stuff into my basement. And I said, pretty soon. I said, I've already 3D printing, and I'm doing all that stuff. And so this stuff, it's not rocket science. You know, if I can 3D print, I can load up all these tubes with these different things. You know, I can load them up with the pharmaceutical grade this

and I can do them down on the micro stuff. Because we were already doing some super micro stuff that I could talk to you about. That's like, if you take the battery out of your phone, I can still listen to you. Any old days when you took the batteries out, you take the batteries out and think you're good and you go in there and skiff

And you can talk about what you want. How I can still listen to you Yeah, we were doing stuff that you could never find what we were doing ever and you never will and it's in every piece of equipment right now in every chip Right now there's there's stuff and Where are we buying all the chips from? China. Taiwan. Yeah.

So, and I was talking about all the stuff back in like 12, 13 time period. So, I was with my buddy and he's a, he's a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a Bragg, a really good dude. He passed away a little while ago. But one of my best friends, you know, and Dave, he was awesome. And he was one of my mentors. And I was kind of one of his mentors sometimes too, it was because we were just,

it was simple to go and we would help each other out and really do stuff. It was the best tech team. And it was me and him, and it was about five other out and really do stuff. It was the best tech team. And it was me and him, and it was about five other people on our tech team. And they give us that little group, as carnivore group. And they give our carnivore group any problem in the world. We'll solve it.

Steve Vogel is one of those guys, and there's a bunch of other guys. But he saw the psychiatrist, and he knew this person this person was a PTSD military expert and PTSD this psychiatrist. That's what he does. And he talked to her and says, Hey, my body there, you know, Chris, he's been going through a lot and I'm afraid for his life. And he started going into some of the stuff about what mean of talk to about slightly to

soft, you know, he never knew about the other stuff. And so the psychologist started talking to me. And I was like, yeah, I said, I have a lot of stuff going on. And I said, I definitely have some PTSD and I have this and I have that. I said, but there's there's this too. And I showed her a picture of me dressed up. And she was like, and she was like, hey, let's meet tomorrow and talk about this more. And let's do that. And then the next day is when she starts saying, you know, we could write a book and we could be millionaires. And I was pretty much out. Are you serious? Yeah. One just one conversation. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it was the next day. So that that night during that thing, it was a huge event. And I had people all over me because they kept, I got, as soon as I give one of those talks and I realized that I could fix their stuff or I had, I talked about something, they say that was really interesting. You know, let's talk about that more. I'd die on man stuff and the nuclear batteries and a lot of other stuff that I was working on, you know.

It was, it was vision, which was the problem. But we're doing other stuff now so we fixed it. So it's not a big deal. But when I realized that I work on all this stuff, they want to talk to me and they want to say, and set up further meetings and figure some stuff out. And I didn't even bring me in and say, Hey, I just want you to consult. So at that time, I was doing consulting five, five hundred dollars an hour. You know, if you bring me in for a couple of hours, it was a grand for me. Two hours is a thousand bucks for me. In those days, if I was doing any consulting

for any of those other groups, it all fell apart at that point. Because then I showed her to that and then she started talking to me, started doing all the other stuff. And then I was like, I don't care. I said, I'm proud of me dead soon. The way I was living and everything was going was I was

a very short lift. So at the time I was in a motorcycle club and I had a hair was on fire, you know riding across bridges, standing on my seat at a hundred miles an hour, you know, across Cornwood on a bridge. They clocked me at 140 on my seat, you know, it's just that kind of stuff. 140. So when I said they lost track, because they said it was way ever 120, they said they lost. They said, I don't know how fast you're gone, but it was definitely in a pretty high range, you know. I have another motorcycle right now that I could beat that.

So was this, what was she just like? I didn't think I was going to have her. I was just a psychiatrist. I don't know, I don't even care. It didn't matter. They're both the same. One can prescribe medications, one can. So was she co-authoring the book with you

and treating you as a patient? No, the treatment was pretty much during writing a book kind of, because it was, and when I went through mental health counseling, then I realized all the stuff that she was doing, you know? It was basic counseling sessions, you know? And then getting information of work and stuff and digging, and was basic counseling sessions, you know, and then getting information and

work on stuff and digging and that's counseling sessions. But the thing was it was like we, you know, the idiot me signs a contract, you know, when I was on, you know, all the updates and everything else. And I was doing all this stuff too, you know, because even when you're in a motorcycle club, you're going to get access to a lot of stuff. And so I've been known to do lines of coke off a health angels bar, you know, back in those days. You know, I was, I was, I was, I was loose, you know, and it helps me to be really good friends with me, because I was riding a 1960 Kickstarter, you know, motorcycle, and one time I was riding and I crashed when I was riding with those guys. it was me and the president of HA's Pete DeGo Pete and we were in front of a pack of about

300 motorcycles and then he started racing and he started really going and we were leaving a pack And I was riding on a bike motorcycle that I built and it had kind of wide tires. It was FXR frame Which is a really good bike, but I just couldn't do it. He was done And so I eventually was was wherever in a turn, and I was like, my floorboards were scraped and so bad, I was throwing sparks everywhere. I was almost at a point, was like a raised bike, with a knee touching, and I was on a Harley.

And the reflectors in California, they're above ground, they're above the asphalt, so they're up in the air, they just stick them on with uncleo, you know. And so when I was sliding across, I hit the refractor, my back tire comes off the ground, just enough to, and threw me high side. And so I high side in a turn and broke my foot, dislocated my shoulder, and messed my back up a little bit, but I was sliding on top of the motorcycle, and I was able to roll off it and I didn't get hurt real bad. And so the rest of the pack finally catches up to us and I'm sitting there against a tree

and a bunch of guys are wrenching on the bike and I re-hook a few things off to get it so I could ride it again. And so the pee comes over and he kicks me in a foot, the very can foot. He says, hey, let's go. I was like, all right, bike's running, so I get over there. I'm getting up like this. Yeah, I'm going like, I'm like, cause my arms did look heavy, I didn't know it was.

And so we get back to the bar and they say, hey, let's ride through the bar. So I might be one of the only non-Hell's Angels that ever rode through the bar, but so we go to the back door and we ride through the bar and everybody's like, hit us on the back and I'm burning out and stuff. I ride off and I jump off the curb and park the bike.

And then I get off the bike and I'm hurting bad man. My shoulder's down to like here. And so it's off. It's messed up bad. So I walk in the bar and I got my hand tucked in my thing like that. And a New York H.A. guy, a hammer. And his dude is an old Viet Nam guy and he's about six four. Just a huge guy. He probably weighs 300 and he can bench for us a car. The guy's big dude. And he was like, hey, K.V. Man, you know, what are you doing, man? Which run with your arm? And I was like, I don't know, man.

I was like, back when I wiped out, I think I hurt my shoulder. He said, take your cut off, you know, and let me see what's going on. And because he was a corpsman too, which was awesome. So he says, your arm is dislocated. And he's like, you just rode another 30 miles with a discolid arm.

And I was like, well, 20 miles, where the far it was, I could probably figure it out. I know, we're wrecked. He was often in mountains up past on Northern San Diego, way up in the mountains. Where are the race bikes go? That's what we're doing. And then he put me on a pool table,

wiped all the balls off and he got mad, but he was like, and everybody's like, so he put me on a pool table and relocated my arm and I was like, hey, somebody get me, you know, I asked for Jack Daniels. I said, hey, let me have some Jack Daniels man, I got it. And so one of their people got back on the bar and he got me some Jack Daniels and I was chugging jack. And then I'm good. I'm like, dude. And then he gave me a poster. He signed it. He wrote on there, Chris, you're a hell of a man. You're a friend to the end. Pete, um, Diego, HMC. And that's like the life I was living. And so I figured I was dead. And so what his persons are doing. I was like, yeah, whatever. I was living so far on the edge that I would be dead almost every day, back in,

cause riding so hard and living so hard. I was swimming out to my sailboat or whatever I was doing back in those days too. So it was a crazy life. Yeah. So I was pretty far out. Yeah. And she was counseling me.

She said she wasn't, but she was. I went through the courses. I know what she was doing. But I mean, at this point, I don't care. But I want everybody to know out there. And I fought with a lawyer against that book. I didn't want that book published. It should have never been published, you know?

But at that point, the book went out. And then like three days later, I get a phone. I'm getting people knocking on my door in my house. After the book came out, people are knocking on my door in my house and asking to do interviews. Like news trucks were in front of my house. You know, because as soon as SEAL Team 6, Transgender, the whole world was like, and then all the people that support that whole narrative just saw their first champion. of just saw their first champion.

Cause I mean, it was so far out, it's easy when you look at like, if you're like to somebody who's like a hairdresser, it turns out to be transgender. That's like, okay, a hairdresser. Okay, cool. But you have a Navy seal from damn neck. The whole world went crazy. And so they're all sitting in my front yard. And I keep saying, no, when I'm knocking on my door and I have to put signs on my front yard saying you know get away no interviews And it finally gets CNN and Cooper calling me is is hey, I want to do an interview and I said I'll be respectful I'm gonna do this and do that. I was like well, I'm not going anywhere I see you guys come down here to my house and I'll do an interview

Next day gets on an airplane Fly down to my house. And there was a storm, huge storm, what's going on? Which was funny, because then when he lands at the airport, because it was such a quick thing, he just jumped on a civilian plane, it just flew. He shows up at the airport, he's walking to the airport, the storm was going, so everybody thinks

he's there for the storm, you know, it's pretty funny. He was there for my storm, you know? And that was the biggest mistake I ever made. So I was just sick of all those trucks in my yard. I'd never knock on my door. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna do one interview. And I'm done. As soon as I did Anderson Cooper,

then it was like the floodgates were open. And I got even more people asking because then it was like some of the story was out there and it was a very short one. And then CNN calls back again and they say, hey, we want to do a documentary. So it was a Christa, Christen, because that lady, because I was trot suing her with a lawyer, we couldn't use the name of the book. What your princess? She would have used the name of the book on that CNN special,

because I was fighting with her with a lawyer and it was this crap, everything was going on. She would not let us use the name of the book for the CNN thing. So we had to be that detitled Christa Christa. So I mean, this is all, this all helps with the story to tell you that, I messed up a lot. Should have never done Aaron's Acupper, should have never done any of that, you never know happened. When she was talking to me about that, I didn't know any about psychology. And when you talk to psychologists, a military person,

because we're institutionalized, we think they're trying to help, we think they're the experts, we think that they're the captain, trying to make us good, or they're master chief, trying to do something. But that wasn't the case at all. I don't think that's the case

with the very many of them in all right now, because they're getting rid of all the terminology out of their manuals Dirty race and a whole part of that book To try to make everybody in a transgender and that's what I quit doing the counseling because it's criminal what they're doing They're teaching all these people all like it's it's not right You know, they're making people transgender And that's what they didn't do that to me. I did it to myself.

I just fell into it. I was just like, I don't care. At that point, I didn't care. Well, I mean, you were in a very vulnerable state, you know, and then to a good stage, it sounds like. Yeah. So how did these conversations go? You know, it obviously started with you showing the picture.

And then next time we met and then we met more. And then it was just the questions, what are questions that I would have been asking myself if I was a counselor, you know, the digger and then trying to figure stuff out. It's a counselor work. I want to know what your childhood, I want to know what your military, I want to know about where did the PTSD come from and all this other stuff and where did that? And so all the stuff she was doing was,

it was counseling sessions. What point did it come up to actually transition? Oh, pretty quick after. Yeah, real fast after. What did that initial conversation sound like? I don't remember. I just remember that pretty soon after I was getting dressed all the time and I didn't care anymore.

And I was like, I'm going to do it. And I don't care what anybody says. And I'm just going to try to figure something out. And I said, this is the only way I can find happiness for myself. And this is what I'm going to do. And so I still had that job, you know, that really good job that I really messed up. And when I walked into Pentagon like that,

it was like, it was nuts. And then they can't fire your fort, but I sure can't stop calling on a phone. I sure can't stop sending emails. I sure can make it really difficult. And it wasn't all on purpose. Because at that time, I was a mess. And so I would have done the same thing to me.

And I deserved it. And I didn't deserve that job. And so because I started getting less and less communication, less and less contact and doing my projects, for me, I was like, to the guy, I was like, I'm not doing as much work anymore. So I want to cut my work week down and half and just half salary, you know,

and just do this. And so it's okay, immediately. And so I'm at half pay now because I'm not doing the same work. I volunteered that. And then after about six months of that half, I was just like, I went back in here and I said, you know what? I said, I'm not doing what you guys hired me for. This is not at all what you guys expected

or what you hired me for. I said, if I be better, just to let this contract go and I'll just go away. And I'm like, okay. Did you ever take hormones? Yeah, for a little while. Yeah. You know, how long is a little while?

So a couple of years. What did that? Not even, not even cause. It probably wasn't even a couple of years total. Couple of years. Yeah, but I would say a couple of years just to, I don't know how long, because it was on and off.

And I wasn't, I wasn't very good with it, you know, about taking it and doing it on time and making it all work. And it was, it was patches that I had to put on and then some pills and I wasn't, I didn't really, I don't think my heart was in it like fully and that's probably why I didn't really like really chase it. I mean, I don't know why I was looking back and I said, I don't know why I was so like, I was never really part of that community either because they even knew it.

That whole transgender community never accepted me. Really, you know, I was always like kind of on the outside. I was never invited to parties or their stuff. And they have this whole list of people who are like the influential transgender people is called. And it's supposed to be this list of all the, you know, and it was like, everything that I did and at CNN stuff and in that movie and all the other stuff that I was doing I was trying to help people. It's like I was clearly like one of those people that would have

had on that list but they boycotted me because they all hated me. I think a lot of you knew that I just wasn't really like them. You know inside they all kind of had this suspicion. You know, what was they doing good? What was the hormone treatment like? It's basically, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I would think it would. I mean, it does. The um, it's basically a blocker of testosterone, then they add synthetic estrogen. And that's what they do. And for the kids when they start having hormone blockers, what they're doing is they're blocking all of it.

You know, they're doing like a really big one. And that's going to be the same. The hormone blockers are giving kids right now is the same pharmaceutical, the same drug that they give to prisoners to pedophiles when they want to chemically castrate. If you want to chemically castrate a prisoner who's a peto, they can't do that anymore because it's inhumane. I need to be the best thing for them. But it's the same drug that they're giving kids. That's

criminal. That's what they're doing. And every kid they start doing that too is money in their pocket. I mean, they're doing it right here in Nashville. It's a home of university. It's a home of university. It's a home of university. It's criminal. It's doing it. It's criminal.

Now, some of those kids will turn out to be transgender. Some of those kids will turn out to have genders for you. Some of those kids will turn out to have a gutter-gonnaphelia. And so, if you take, let's say, a hundred of those kids, you know, if 50 of those kids are transgender, the other 50, they're hurting. And they're not talking about that. I know. You know, and that's what I think that where their biggest mistake is right now is even with those drag queens and even with all this push or doing all these kids, it's like, well, they're

transgender, we just want them to be happy. It says, yeah, but what if they're not transgender? What if they're only transgender because they're going to school and when they sit in their classroom with their teachers, all they're seen is rainbow flags and all they're hearing about is gender stuff and all they're getting fed is that. And then as soon as they show up and they say anything, even closely resembling being transgender, they get log bomb by the teacher and by a whole bunch of the other students. And because they're just really lonely, depressed, kid, or whatever's going on.

Well, that's just saying it's a little girl. Let's say she wears glasses, that she has red hair. And she's a little awkward because all girls are awkward at that age, you know? They're growing and they're going through puberty and stuff is going on, you know? And I can tell you that almost every female talk to you, they will say that when they're growing up, you know, they hate a dog body and I had this and I have all just

Girls have the hardest time and especially nowadays because of the Kardashians. Only their crap You know we're making these girls hate their own bodies and so what did they do and especially for that little girl who's having a really hard time And she sees all those boys over there and she sees what's going on. She goes, well, I'd rather be a boy. You know, they're having a way, better time. If I'm a boy, everybody's going to like me. And so she does it a little bit. She starts being a tomboy.

They push her into transgender. And the next thing you know, she's on hormone blockers. And next thing you know, she's a double mess act to me. Just like Chloe Cole, at 15 years old, she's a double mass act to me, just like Chloe Cole at 15 years old. She had a double mass act to me. She was a tomboy. And now she's like 19 or 20. And she's on, she's talking to people and she's saying how big of a mistake it was. And she's saying how she got love on how it all happened to her. And what happened to her. And now she's a woman, a young woman, who's a double mass act to me. And she has the deepest voice because she was on testosterone for a long time.

And she has a lot of other issues going on. So you're going through puberty and you're getting chemically castrated. And then you start taking any hormones and all that. You're going through puberty. That's the introduction of all these chemicals to your body. You know, it's your body is already in his huge struggle. And that's why puberty is so hard. And you're adding all this other stuff on top of it. They doctors have no idea what they're doing. The data they're using to give these puberty backers out is a prison data from auto's patos.

That's what they're using. Yeah. They're using data for being transgender for all this stuff is by that dude, what's his name? For he was a peto and he was an experiment on little kids, he was experimented, Kinsey offered Kinsey. They offered Kinsey experiments, he did on kids.

He was masturbating off a four year old kid, I think it's in a table 70 or 71 look it up Alfred Kenzie table 70 or 71 whatever it is he he masturbated a four-year-old kid in a day and the kid was masturbated 26 times and he ejaculated like half of them half of them. That's what they're using for their data is this Alfred Kinsey guy and it's clearly bad data. It's clearly data that was manipulated. And that's why they say that children are sexual of birth and that's why they say that a baby is sexual because they were also doing it to babies. They made it happen. I mean, everybody, it's like, it's, it makes me hurt so bad for all these kids and all this stuff that's going on. If you take that 100 kids who they're making transgender,

I guarantee you at least 50 of them are not. I won't guarantee you, but I will tell you what, because of my experience, and what I know is happening, and how hard it pushes, and how effective love bombing is to somebody who's depressed, and somebody who really hates himself. If you really hate yourself, and you really, all that's going on, and you get love bombed,

because you're wearing a dress, you're gonna wear a dress. Because that's your only pleasure in life, it's your only happiness. It's your only time, you're just like I said earlier, that when I was having a really tough time, if I put on anything even slightly feminine, it would make me feel better. And it wasn't because of the dress, it wasn't because of the femme, it wasn't because of all that. It was because I was trying to escape my life that I was in. Nothing to do with the femme stuff.

And these are all the mistakes that are being made that nobody wants to talk about. Because automatically as soon as you put any of this up online, you're probably going to have so much hate. And I'm going to have way more hate. I'm going to have more death threats After I was doing a rabbi Starbucks thing it wasn't you know, uncommon for me to get death threats And I do believe that probably me doing this right now it'll probably happen You know, I'm gonna try to protect myself but

I don't have a doubt Dad me talking about this much stuff and talking about it I'm taking away a lot of money. I'm taking away millions of dollars from Vanderbilt right now. They have gender teams and this is why I said it's the why they're doing it. It's all money because as soon as you make a transgender kid, you have a client for life. You have a customer for life. You have a patient for life.

There's complications. There's constant pharmaceuticals all the time. There's constant updates and there's a customer for life. You have a patient for life. There's complications, there's constant pharmaceuticals, all the time, there's constant updates, and there's a lot of surgeries. So they created these gender teams with one doctor and his, and he'sologist and all the nurses, everything else that does it, to do the gender surgeries,

they make $450,000 for one surgery. And so I paid for by insurance. So it's a huge scam between insurance and the administration in the hospital. It's not the doctors. The doctors are caught between a rock and a hard place. If you go to anyone of them doctors at Vanderbilt, they'll be somewhere from there really fired up about it

because they're convinced that they're helping these kids. And that's that total narcissistic compassion I'm talking about. They're only helping themselves and they're getting a lot of money doing it. So 450,000 dollars for one surgery and a surgery takes about four hours. And they're doing these things, pumping them out. Did you do any surgery? And at all those administration, breast only and some facial stuff. And I regret everyone on them.

And I'm fighting back to go back to at least a little bit of who I was before physically and mentally, but mostly spiritually. Because it was a spiritual hole that I went into about, I don't know if you know very much about their hermetic, about hermys, about how they see humanity and the nostics and all that. So human beings and what they see us is we are the temple,

we are the highest with apex. And everything we do is man's pursuit of man's perfection. Nothing to do with God or spirit or a creator or the code of DNA that was actually in us, they think they can do better. They're rewriting a DNA. They're rewriting humanity to try to be a better human. And this is transhumanism. And that's the full extent of where it's going into is transhumanism. And that's why the Nurelink and everything they're doing is part of the transhuman gender, transhumanist agenda. It's all part of it. I mean, I could go into this stuff for a long time, but you can track it all back in

our Hermes and Anastics and going into a lot of the way we see ourselves, that we are not special. We're just a rock floating through space, spinning it a thousand miles an hour, and going about a million miles an hour towards the center of the universe. There's a bunch of other stuff going on, the vortex calculations and everything else I help with spinning. There's a intense calculations, which pretty much proves why we're not doing any of that. You know, but if we're that third rock spinning through the universe,

that means nothing, we're just lucky, evolution and all that, then none of this matters. That's the end goal of what they want. But if this is a temple and this is special, this is created for a purpose, and the earth was also the same thing, then we have to do everything we can to care for this. And what they're doing right now is nothing but damage. So there was no, everything was encouragement to go through with this.

There was no, maybe when he'd to think about those, maybe he'd think about the problem. The only person that said talking to Jim Campbell, a SEAL team guy, he wanted it, there's a few SEALs that challenged me on it. And they really, but it was more like a fight challenge. It wasn't really a mental challenge or intellectual challenge or a spiritual challenge or any challenge

it made any sense. Like if it was a psychological challenge that they actually started digging into it, like actually have to be later in life and thank you to anybody that did that. And I know a couple of people, but it was mostly my fiancee, was it was a hardcore intellectual challenge to me. You know, for me to really start digging in. And COVID helped, you know? It was a fact that something happened on his earth, that they were putting out data,

and there was evidence that the data wasn't really right, you know? And there's a bunch of other stuff, and it was like, this isn't really adding up, you know? And so that started making people think and waking up, you know, and looking at it. And that's when I started talking to you earlier about the apocalypse, you know? The word of pocket loves in Greek and Latin and all the other ones derivatives of it. The word of pocket loves them, what

they said in the Bible and what it really meant was he waking it. It was about the young lifting the veil is actually a more direct interpretation, but the veil is lifted. And the veil is lifted right now because of what happened in 2019-20. People are starting to realize what's going on. We see the Rockefellers who they are. We see Rockefeller, Rothschild, we see Gates, we see all of them. I know what they're doing. And when I see anything to do with 33 or one eye or any of the above,

Joaquin, Boaz, all the temple stuff, I know all this stuff because I studied it. You know, I know everything you're doing. And the thing is, it's a very evil agenda. And it's exactly what I said. It's about transhumanism. It's about the human being the top of that pyramid. And there is nothing above us.

It's about making us the perfect thing. That's when you have to take Joaquin and Boaz and Thit. And you have to go to the third and have to combination it to you. And that's transgender too. Baffamette. You know who Baphomet is? No, I don't. It's the Lucifer.

It's a worship being, you know, all of them. There's an agenda that is so deep and so entwined within all of our societies. There's not very many places on earth that doesn't have this really deep. So I'm talking about like an international world deep state. Whatever Trump was talking about, the deep state in America, it's pretty bad and are all connected. And that's why when you see a picture of President Obama

sitting on Bush seniors lap as a kid, that's when you start really seeing that they're all connected. When you see Bush Jr. debating as a presidential debate debating against one of his brothers, you know, from the same fraternity. You know, so it's it's it's as ridiculous how entwined and everything really is so pretty much exactly after Bush senior Every one of them has been connected except Trump. He was the only one that was kind of off You know out of that that he could actually say things that weren't controlled You know, and that's a problem right now is that every president is picked and placed

To do exactly what they're told, they have no freedom. They have to answer exactly to the one person. You know, I don't know what you know, but the Catholic church, but there's also a really twisted thing going inside the Catholic church. The library of Alexandria is in the bottom of the Catholic church. It's not lost. It wasn't burned.

You know, that was just cover story. If you go down four levels under the Vatican, that's where it's at. But you have to get pretty deep in it and it's all locked up. You won't let anybody in there. How far were you prepared to go with this? Well, that's the problem is I've gone so far right now that all of them now are gonna be looking at me.

And I don't care though, because the thing is that the veil's lifted and I wear the armor of God. I mean, what the transition, how far were you prepared to go? Oh. All right. As far as you ask me questions, you ask me anything. Were you going to dismember?

What's that? Were you going to dismember? No, no. No. So I didn't have any full surgeries if dismember? No, no. No. No. So I didn't have any full surgeries if that's what you were asking. Okay. So there's um...

Were they trying to convince you to do that? No, because at that time they already knew that I was such a loose cannon that nobody was really talking to me at that point. So I would have to do everything and make it all happen and really start pushing in a direction, you know. So there's, and it's also a surgery that's just, it's not experimental anymore because they're pretty good at it, but there's a lot of complications, you know, with a lot of...

I mean, I would think. So, I mean, I know some of them were the animal cavity actually connected to that new cavity they put. And so it's pretty much, it's really bad. And I know another one that had it all done. And the depth is about a half inch. And it hurts really bad when she, you know, she peas. So there's a whole bunch of stuff.

And they're on constant pharmaceuticals, all of them, and constant maintenance. So there's a whole bunch of stuff and they're on constant pharmaceuticals, all of them and constant maintenance. So there's a lot of money in it. So they get $450,000 just for that one surgery. The breast augmentation would be about 20 to $50,000, depending on the insurance and the complications everything else. Plus, there's a lot. Facial surgery, you're talking about up to $100,000 to do anything with your face. When you start talking about a voice coaching and then all the other therapies and everything else, you're talking about, you know, a few million dollars per person going directly into the pharmaceutical and the medical administration, not always doctors. That's why I said the doctors are in between a rock and a hard place. The doctors are in between insurance

and the administration of the hospitals. That's why Vanderbilt, I feel sorry for all those doctors because most of them probably don't want to do this. They know it's wrong. You know, but if they voice out their opinion, then they're immediately fired. Well, sometimes you just have to stand up and target. They should. If we had some doctors that started having that integrity and started having that, and they were hypocritical oath if they knew what that oath really meant, and they knew that out of half of the people

you're doing this to, I'm telling you, at least half or more is a lot of other stuff, you know? Or it's just someone who's gay, and it's easier for them in society. And that's why I think a lot of the gay community and the lesbian community are saying that transgender people is actually homophobia. Really?

Yeah, a lot of them. But they don't voice it because as soon as they say that, like they'll say it to me because I'm pretty loud and they know where I stand, a lot of them tell me that stuff. And a lot of females, you know, real females will tell me, for the fact that I just said real females, I'm gonna get a ton of them tell me that stuff. And a lot of females, you know, real females will tell me, for the fact that I just said real females, I'm gonna get a ton of hate. But I don't know, because it's hard

because they keep changing their image. Biological females. Biological females. I wish we could use a word of female for females and use women for every other group. Because women is more society driven maybe, but in females more biological. So if they would have at least given us the benefit

of doubt that we're smart enough to know, that if I say the word female, I'm just talking about biology, and I'm talking about the person. Because you can't say biology get transgendered person as a biogeo, as a female. Because they had to have all the surgeries, they had all the stuff done.

And the same thing, if you have no beast child, you don't take their large and your small intestines and cut it in half. So I mean, I know someone, you know, someone who was so caught up in that, that this is a sexual attraction and problem that they are also not approaching. It's a Kardashian influence for all this. They're gonna make in all these women get all these extra surgeries because they wanna be more sexual attractive than their partner. And so it's a sexual arousal thing for a partner

because they're a partner who looks at all the Kardashian stuff and see what they're doing. So it's big bots, big lifts, and all the other stuff that they're doing, and in the makeup, and all the other stuff, and all these surgeries, and boobs, and all the stuff. Well, that's going down to these kids. So you have teenagers getting breast augmentation,

because they're looking up to that. And so this is the same as gender dysphoria. It's a gender dysphoria, woman to woman. It's in their own cells. And it's not trans-gender dysphoria. It's a same gender dysphoria. And the Kardashians are push-knacks. It's a lot of money.

It's the same thing. So all these women are getting all these surgeries and getting breasts and lips and bumps and all these other things. Even a dude is getting calf implants and all this stuff and aren't a Schwarzenegger stuff. It's gender dysphoria. But at least it's in the same gender. So it's not as bad. Actually, it's celebrated.

If you have a giant chasier in a weight room and you say, oh, bad. Actually, it's celebrated. If you have giant cas in your and weight room and you say, Oh, leg day man, you do legs. You know, they're praised for that or love bound for it. But nobody knows that they're actually, you know, fake calves, you know. So the love bombing is goes within its their own genders for this whole same agenda that they're doing cross genders. It's all the same agenda and it's all money driven. And's all the same agenda, and it's all money driven, and it's all ego driven, and it's all sexual arousal driven. Do you see that?

No. That I know someone whose husband was seeing her as overweight, and so she went and got one of the surgeries, and she was like, you know, not overweight. She was like 170, or probably 160 max in her entire life She's like five six maybe you know blonde hair and really pretty. She's had like three boob jobs And then she had her entire intestine cut out because her husband wasn't sexually roused enough to her And so she had it all done that's gender dysphoria

And it's also sexual arousal misplacement and all the other stuff They should be in therapy and never would have had surgeries because we could have talked to them and said this, this, and really worked with them. And I know surgery, don't worry about that. You don't need to do that. Because what she did right now, she's written short in her life by law and made everything complications about because your intestines and our bodies are amazing machines. But she has a waist like this big right now because she got rid of all of her guts. You know, her intestines are totally gone

so everything went in. She has a waist like this big now, but it turns her husband on. That's gender dysphoria. No, he talks about that. The Kardashians did that and her entire ilk, the makeup industry, all of them, they push it. And it all goes down on to teenage kids,

these teenage girls. That's why they're all transgender to trans men, trans boys, to double mass act with me and their boy, because they can't keep up with the Kardashians. You know? And so they're better off over there, living as that boy, rather than trying to keep up with all that stuff

And they do it to themselves within the girl clicks too Because as soon as you have that group that has a money and it happens to poor kids more It won't happen to the rich girls because they have all the clothes that they want if you're a kid in a small town in the country And you don't have the money and you're really struggling. You have a hand me down stuff. You're gonna become a boy now don't have the money and you're really struggling, you have a hammy down stuff, you're going to become a boy now. This is what's happening. And it's the transhumanism agenda. It's all attached. The less they make us respect and value ourselves, our biology and the gift that we're given and the beauty of the machine that we're given. I told you that my food intake is probably about one tenth of what yours is.

And it's also one of the things I read and it's really all books that the food intake is, it's making your system work really hard for a bunch of stuff that you can poop out later that you don't even use any of those vitamins or minerals or any of it. You have pee and poop on while out, you don't even use them. It's too much.

And so what it does is makes all your sips that's worked so much harder and wear and tear and all that. You're making your life shorter because you're eating too much. You're taking too many vitamins. You're drinking too many of Red Bulls and on them, there's special drinks that everybody's making nowadays. They're garbage, you know? And drinking the cold water and the ice is causing more of the

issue, and you should be drinking warm water. And then everything that I'm talking about, and I can tell you all the nutritional stuff that I've been learning over time, it's just everything that's happening right now to us as humans is for the same reason. It's an agenda. It's to make us not like ourselves, for us not to respect ourselves, for us not to see the gift, to see the beauty of it all, the machine, the beautiful machine, to make us destroy that machine into something else, and it's something that's man-made

that's the fourth in the day of want is the top of that pyramid. It's not God, it's man for them. It's horrible, it's evil, it's an evil agenda. I'm not saying transgender people are evil because they've bashed me on that all over the place. The transgender ideology and the transhumanistic agenda is evil. And it's a transgender agenda. It's transgender ideology. Ideology is not the people. There's a lot of people getting trapped into it. A lot of people are pushing way into that because that's what Druby and told is the right thing. Just like with me.

It will point to you who come to the realization that this wasn't you. I don't know, starting about four years ago, you would notice there was started being some social media post and some other stuff. And you'll see in pictures when I'm like, a long haired kind of a cute guy. And that's all. But then there's brass and some of the clothing out to girl. So it was just, it was a while ago I started getting inclination, but it was way more when I started having a really deep conversation with Courtney. You know, that's when it really coalesced. That's when it all came together. And I was like, ch-light bulb went off. This is all wrong.

How long have you been working? I've been wearing flannel shirts in the summertime. You know, I've been wearing these flannels for every interview for a long time. Yeah. But, and even in some of those other reviews, like on Jove, when I was on with him, I was trying to cover it off and trying to be as less as I could. You know, I had all along hair, it was all like in these braids, but real tight. And then my flannel shirt, and then just, it's like, it wasn't me, but it's still part

of me. You know, if you have gender dysphoria or autogonophilia or the transgender to go to the full spectrum of full, you know, thing is, it never leaves you. And if you don't call me transgender for life, then it's like an alcohol being called an alcoholic for life. You know, I don't really believe it, but there's always that the thoughts are there. It's like, I can't make the thoughts fully all go away. It's almost totally obliterated. It's totally gone. But there's always that thing because it's still like, look at pictures and I go,

oh, every time I look at a mirror, I see my face and I, and she's caught me a couple of times when I look at a mirror and she says, you're okay, you're beautiful. Just like you are. I go, times, when I look at a mirror and she says, you're okay, you're beautiful. Just like you are. I go, yeah, but I damaged myself so much. I don't look like I should look. When I look at you, I don't see myself. I see something that I destroyed. And she, and she'll just give me a hug

and hug me until I stop, you know? And I'm like, thank you, I mean, I still, I still don't see it. I still see so much damage, you know? And it's not damage that, like getting blown up or it's not, and I shouldn't have said that because I think about Jay when I looked over at Jay's sign over there on a wall and I go,

well, it's not damage. But when I look at it, it's not me. And so I see that as damage, you know what I mean? So it's not something that anybody will also ever see a damage. You're gonna look at me and go, wow, you're handsome and you're this, you're that, and you're good looking person.

Because I don't have, like, you know, I'm not quasi-foto, you know. But when I look at it, I see quasi-moto in a mirror, you know, that I shouldn't have done that. Is thisness, you know? And this is the thing that Chloe called a 15 year old who is now in 1920 who's seeing it. And how many more kids we have to do that to? They're going to be in the same place that I am.

And now here you look at me as a fairly intelligent person, I think about a lot of stuff and I really try hard to do the right thing. And I fell in this. What's happened to the teenagers? You heard an extremely intelligent person. We just went through your career. No, it is phenomenal. I mean, I'm serious, you know.

So this can happen. It's persistent. If you happen to move in those teenagers, don't have a chance. Yeah. And they're pushing the age even earlier. So do you know that there's actually laws and people are really pushing for the age of consent to change? Yeah, I don't.

So the age of consent are trying to push it back to like 10 or 11 years old. Do you know what happens when the age of consent changes? Then those parents have no say. That kid can go in there and do whatever they want. You know what else happens when the age of consent changes? What? F-scenes list becomes moot.

So Epstein, doesn't matter what they're doing is fine. It's okay. That's where they're going. Yeah. That's what they want. Because all the people on Epstein's list are pretty powerful people. I don't.

Yeah. You've seen the flight logs. There's flight logs. You look at those flight logs that went to Epstein's list are pretty powerful people. A lot of them. You've seen the flight logs. There's flight logs. You look at those flight logs that went to Epstein's Island. If they were there for more than an hour after they stepped off the plane, it's all what was going on. They were going to give back on a plane. Not of them did.

They'll stay there for a long time. What were they doing? So that flight log is based on the list. We know what they were doing. We know. So it on the list. We know what they were. No So it ended to discuss me everybody knows and discussed me that we still allow it and discuss me even more they're trying to push the age of consent lower Do you want to make a 10 year old? An adult that's what you're doing so that 10 year old should also be able to Have sign up for the military

So that 10 year old should also be able to have sign up for the military. That 10 year old can get tattoos, that 10 year old can drink. So you need to change a drinking age. You need to change all of them. If the age of consent has changed, you better change a drinking age, you know? But they don't think about this stuff.

They don't understand, or they do understand. A lot of them do. But the general public, that's a problem. And general public needs to wake up. And if the general public stands up, what do you think the general public is not awake, or do you think it's stupid? They're not aware.

No, they're ignorant. And ignorance is no big deal. I've been ignorant about a lot of stuff. Ignorance is something you can fix. Ignorance is something you can fix. Ignorance is something you don't know. You know, the general public is ignorant to all this stuff. The general public doesn't know. If they do know, they think it's fake or something

or they think, oh, somebody's making it up. I said, well, if somebody can make this up, then why can't somebody make up the other two? So why don't you at least look at all of it? They want to even look at it. So here's an example in Brazil right now, perfect example. In Brazil right now 92% of the people are saying they don't want, is it the mass mandates? It's a vaccine. So down in Brazil right now, it's 92% of the Brazilians, the people, the Brazilian people, 92% say no vaccines. You cannot mandate these, you can't do anything.

No. And the government said, nope, we don't care. If you don't take the vaccine, you go to jail. If you speak out about the vaccine and you say anything bad or negative about the vaccine, you go to jail. So 92% of the people say that. So what happens to the jails when they start filling the jails up?

Do you know who they let out? In California, they just let out all the petals. Yeah. They released them through a wild. Why aren't they still in jail? It should be because they're filling the prisons up with people to just have a problem with the government. Say, I'm not.

I'm the best person the government would ever have on her side. I'm like, I'm all about leadership. But if leadership is failing, I'm going to call it out. That's what we're supposed to do. You know, it's in the Constitution. We're supposed to be calling them out. Is it in the Constitution? It might not be.

But I mean, basically, it's written in there. That's why we have a second amendment. That's why they wrote it. To make sure that tyranny doesn't happen. And right now we have a tyranny of the masses, we have a tyranny of a small group of elites, and that's what we should start fighting. Tyranny of masses is more dangerous than a tyranny of the elite. Tyranny of masses is dangerous.

How long... When did Courtney come in the picture? Courtney came in the picture two years, over two years, maybe. It's been a little while. Yeah, it's been a little while. But started out just conversations, you know, meeting on social media and just like a smart person,

make some comments and I go, wow, that's cool. Or somebody makes a comment and says, I recognize that. And if you want to talk about that, I went through a lot of same stuff and I'll talk to you about it So we started talking about stuff and then after talking about stuff and we finally met and after meeting it was like wow You know It wasn't love at first sight. It was love before that probably but it was it was no it wasn't I'm just making out of it. Where you crystal Kristen when you bet Kristen you're Kristen I'm really right now my name got legally changed because a bunch of lawyers volunteered to me that said he would do it for you

I wish I didn't if nobody volunteered to change my name and I would have changed it But they said they said hey, this is something that we want to do for you and work lawyers and what the best lawyers in America and we'll do this for you And so they did it all and I wish they did is something that we want to do for you. And we're lawyers and we're the best lawyers in America. And we'll do this for you. And so they did it all. I wish they did. It was a worse thing to do. So my name legally is Kristen. That's why it's Kristen on the content of media. What I meant was, we're like identifying as a woman.

No, it's kind of in between probably. I was more like in that middle spot. Lean and more towards. Oh, yeah, I mean, it's Chris. I mean, I'd have to ask her that, you know, what she really thought. But I think that she gives a little bit of both. Because I was still kind of stuck in the Christian role

because it was really, it's so hard to get out of that. There's people counting on me. I have so much other stuff going on. It's already, like when you jump into the water and head first off that diving board, it's really hard to get back up in a diving board. Yeah. And so for me to get out of all that took a long time.

So I was partly out, not even close to being. Do you want her to come on? What's that? Do you want Corneena to come on? I mean, I think overall, it'll be very beneficial. I think it'll be good because the amount of what I've been going through, I can never get through it on my own, not at all, without her I wouldn't be here right now.

Without her, I don't know where I would be. It wouldn't be anywhere, I'd still be just hiding. Because if you notice, if far as the news and the media and all that, when was the last time you ever saw me in a media until all of this? Like very rarely, I don't like the media. I know even said like Robbie Starbuck, you know, great dude. And that interview, I told him, I said, I don't want to do any more interviews. I said, I'll do this one interview and I'm done. But then when I

started seeing what was going on with the interview, I was like, well, I can't be done because people are still like really misinterpreted and really confused or they don't get it. You know, or they're thinking that I'm saying something and it's like, no, like the bumper stickers, you know, that you can take a little snippet out of CNN, out of Fox and it's going to be whatever they want to be. And so it's the same thing people took a lot of stuff that I said on Robbie Starbuck and they're making me into this Christian wacko, you know. And it's also even a stuff I said on Joe Rogan. It was very, I was strategic

about it stuff, I did on Joe Rogan. About a lot of stuff I actually put online is that I am trying to make my one post, my social media account has a lot of stuff on there that all I'm doing is asking a much question. I'm looking at stuff and it's about flatter, it's in a fake moon moon about all kinds of stuff. It doesn't mean I believe all of it. It means that I'm looking at it. I'm really interested because it's really curious. I don't know why so many people would look at that and it showed me all these proofs,

so many other things. It's made me even more curious what the shadows. So if you look at the moon land and you see the lunar module and all that and you see the shadows and there's multiple shadows, you know? And so why would they bring of these kind of huge lights up on the moon with them to do the moon landing videos? Well, it's not good under that. It's a sun.

What's not good under that? No, all I'm saying is that I do a lot of wacky stuff. I do it strategically because there are questions that I just want answered and nobody's going to answer. I'll put it out there and say, I don't want to know. You know, what's up with that? You know? So my presence on a lot of stuff is going to look very pretty far out and it's purposeful.

I probably can't tell you all the purposes, but there's a couple of reasons why. I am pretty wacky. I was asking a lot of questions, you know. I'm trying to figure stuff out. I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I don't probably never will. But I want to know some of those answers. Yeah.

No, that's all. And I wanted to know all the answers about being transgender. I want to know all the answers about about what happened to me, you know. And what happened to me? It didn't something that anybody should go through, you know? Are you still un-counseling?

No, I give up on those people. You did? Yeah. I can do it myself, Betty. It's all internal. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I just read.

I mean, not always a good book, but like I said, we have a library full of books from the 1800s. You know, because I don't believe anything written 1900 in past. Yeah. You know, after Rockefeller, you know, and all that, I don't believe any of it. Medical or anything. So if I do anything, medical is going to have to be 1800, right at 1899, in the previous, 1850, I like better in previous.

But it can't be a 1900's data. Let's take a quick break and if Courtney wants to come on, then she's going to welcome to. Thank you for listening to the Sean Ryan Show. If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to iTunes and leave the Sean Ryan Show review. We read every review that comes through and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show. Courtney, welcome to the show.

Thanks. Totally unexpected, huh? Yeah, a little bit. Well, I really appreciate you coming on. But, um, so being Chris' have had a, I think, close to a four-hour conversation now. Yeah. And, and how did you guys meet? We met, well, I had a class before we actually started talking, where I did a project on a presentation on masculinity and femininity

using the backdrop of Judith Butler's idea of gender is on that it's performative. And so that was the topic of the presentation and to start it, I played Kristen's video for the class and then I just went into just different forms of masculine expression and feminine expression, and wrote a paper, and then I emailed Kristen and said, hey, I just did this project for my class.

I don't know what I said. Like, you're cool. Like, I, you know, I just felt it was respectful of I'm talking about someone and using their material to at least let them know. Like, I just used you for a project. And then I got an email back that was, you spelled my name wrong, which was so embarrassing. But I spelled it E N instead of I N and I never did it again after that.

But yeah, we just kind of, it was like kind of a joke. And then there wasn't really much communication after that. And then there was a post on Facebook that Kristen made about being in a hole. And maybe like a week or so, not long before that, I had made a similar post about being down and just climbing out of it and this is a better in post. And so I said, oh, hey, I just made a post like this just recently. And then, um, so you're better in two. Yeah, I did 12 years in the Air Force, Air Traffic Control. Okay.

Yeah. And so we kind of had that, and then we just started talking in like the DMs, and then Kristen said, call me, so I called, and then it just went from there. And I, you know, I have a background in women and gender studies, and so there was interest, you know, and kind of what that was all about. I didn't have any preconceived notions about anything.

It was more of just, you know, what does this look like? You know, I've learned academically what it is, but I didn't have that personal connection with anybody. So there was a lot to talk about. Just, you know, we had military connection and then my academics. So there was just a lot in common and we just started talking and

hit it off. I mean we were friends at first and I think that's probably why we're so successful now is we just didn't go into it thinking anything just getting to know each other and hearing about each other's lives and then it just... So this didn't start out as a romantic relationship? No. relationship? No. I don't know. In a developed end of one. Yeah, yeah. How quickly? I think I think probably after my first visit, like the first time we met face-to-face, there was a lot of probably other interests there, but not real prominent. It was more of like, I don't know. I would say it was two people who had a lot in common and were both missing love.

And when you bring two people together like that and they're both giving and compassion and caring, I think that's just what's gonna happen. You know, so that's really what just happened. We just hung out with our friends and talked about a lot of stuff. And, you know, talking really is what spawns a relationship. I'll just say this a little tidbit because we're talking about Instagram. But when you start communicating with someone, whether you're just like chit-chatting or

whatever, you start forming a bond. And so I guess that's what happened. And so we just, I don't know, we bonded in that way, I guess, just with our life stories and all that. Did you come from a traumatic childhood as well? No, but well, trauma is a difficult word. I don't know. I guess my childhood was not as favorable as people, but it wasn't as bad as others. I guess what I'm kind of getting at is where was the common ground?

We had a lot of common ground. The military is a huge common ground. And then I think with the gender dysphoria was a huge common ground. You've dealt with that as well? I have, yeah. When I was 15, I lost all of my hair to a medical condition from stress called alopecia universalis. It started off as alopecia ariata, which is like a spot of baldness on your head.

And then it progresses and I eventually lost and I eventually went into totalis, which is like all of the hair on my head, for like from my neck up, and then as it progressed, I went into universalis, which is care on my whole body. So I'm 15 in a new school, and lost all of my hair. And so that was like a, you know, a time in puberty when I was coming a, you know, a time and puberty when I was coming into my womanhood.

And I'm like, oh my gosh, in my mind, the one thing that makes me a woman, my hair, my eyelashes are gone. What do I do? Who's gonna ever love me? Who's gonna like me like this? Who's gonna think I'm pretty? And just like Kristen was saying,

like there's this horrendous expectation for women to look a certain way to find a mate. I mean, our, you know, part of our whole goal in life is to procreate and to reproduce and, you know, keep the earth going. And so if you feel whether you are a man who is a transsexual and crush us and you feel like you have to hide that or you're a woman who is hiding transsexual and cross-esses and you feel like you have to hide that,

or you're a woman who is hiding alopecia under a wig, it's still hiding a part of yourself that you don't feel anyone's gonna love. And so I think there was a lot of common ground there and a lot to learn from each other about womanhood. I mean, here I'm seeing someone do hair and makeup and all these things. And, you know, I lost my hair at 15, started wearing like crap wigs, joined the military

when I was 20. And a predominantly male career field. I couldn't wear nail polish, all this other stuff. So until I got out of the Air Force, I really didn't, you know, I'm not really that good at doing those kinds of things because it just wasn't a part of my life. And so now I'm seeing someone doing those kinds of things, so I'm also fascinated by like the, I would say like the, the hyper feminine aspect because I didn't have that either. So I was there was mutual understanding and mutual learning in some ways too. I know I hate to say that because it's like, I'm gonna use biological here just for ease of conversation,

but I find it repulsive. I have to identify myself as something else, but it's better than the word cis, so I'll just use biological right now. But there are, there's this kind of weird space where trans women do things in such a hyperd state that sometimes women can look at that and then times learn, right? Because it's a male. Basically showing what they want women to look like. And so in some ways, I was kind of like, okay, well maybe is that what's like super attractive

or maybe that's how I should look or that's how women's show. There's like a lot of complications, like a lot to unpack. But we had so much in common. And I think just mutual respect, just like you've been through a lot, I've been through a lot. What can we learn from each other? You know, we might not agree on everything and all this, but if you can communicate that, just like, you know, just in this conversation

you had with Kristen, like, you now have a different opinion on trans people or maybe not opinion of a different perspective. You might look a little bit differently instead of like, oh, why are they wearing that? You might think, oh, that's a bummer. I wonder if they're going through something really sad. I have a completely different perspective at this point. And that doesn't happen unless you have conversations. And it's not going to happen unless you have really, really difficult conversations.

Otherwise, you're just riding the surface in life. So we had really deep conversations, like a lot, a lot. That helped me therapeutically and then I think helped Kristen therapeutically as well, mutual. So we both like lifted each other up. I can say that. Yeah. So you, how long have you guys been together? A couple of years now. A couple of years. So you met Kristen or Chris when he identified his own. I think I didn't still, and I used to use G pronouns just because it was just a habit at this point. Okay.

And if I'm honest, you know, even though there's the detransitioning society has just pounded into our heads. Like if you don't use the right pronoun, someone's gonna kill themselves, right? And if you've ever felt suicidal, if you've ever felt sad or depressed or anxious, the last thing you wanna do ever is make someone feel that way. And so when we first met, like I think there was maybe like once I slipped up

and said he or him, and I just was like, I'm never going to be able to face her again. Like, I can't even live with myself. And no one should feel that way either. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, women should not be in a position before someone else, a woman that's not.

But then also not when it hurts someone. You know, so it's just like walking on egg shells. And so when we first met, yeah, I would say Kristen was Kristen and I really didn't care and used whatever pronouns and all that. And I think I was a little bit more naive at the time to like the whole big push of all this. To whereas now I'm a little bit more reluctant,

not because I don't care about how someone feels, definitely not that, just because by using those pronouns, I'm also then hurting biological women who are being, when I feel like being erased. And so, I'd say, how do you love someone and want to support them through this and not hurt them, but also not want to hurt society and see how this is going in the same direction?

So, I mean, we navigated through it. Yeah. You know. Can I ask if you're attracted to women? I'm not. You're not. No. And you fell in love'm not. You're not. No. And you fell in love with Kristen.

Mm-hmm. So what was the conversation like when... But that answer to that is I... Ugh, I don't want to hurt any of my friends by saying this. I don't see trans women as women. Okay. You might put on, like if you right now put on a dress, I'm not gonna think you're a girl.

No matter what you tell me, no matter what you do, you're mannerisms, your hobbies, your habits, the way you talk to me, the way you move, the way your hands are, like everything about you is dude, is a man. So no matter what you do, a biological, straight woman is still going to feel that, is still going to sense that. It's not, yeah, it's not, I don't know that there's a lot of man or a woman to do either to change that's really going to be like a thousand percent convincing. I just don't, you know, it's more,

I think society is more just catering to like, let me just be kind and happy and treat you well and cater to your dysphoria. There's no one really that's like, I hundred percent believe you, you are this. It's more of like, I 100% believe you. You are this. It's more of like, I'm going to say that to make you feel really good, because I don't want to hurt you. And I think that's where most people in society are at. But it's starting to turn, I think, because just has gone too far. Yeah.

What did the initial conversation go like when when when Kristen decided to become Chris again. I don't think it was like I don't remember us having like a... Well today we're gonna talk about transitioning. It just was like, you know, you know, like Kristen said, there was when we, it was, I don't know that it was 50-50. I'd say in my mind, it was probably more 70-30, like Kristen, Chris, 70% Kristen, 30% Chris. But on some days, it would be 100% Chris, less Kristen.

You know what I mean? But I think overall, maybe more 70-30, 30, 50, I don't know. I don't know, but maybe in my mind, I was just seeing Christian, you know. Yeah. But yeah. How has it affected your relationship at all? No.

Has it been? It's been, like, honest, like, people could not understand us unless you recorded that. We are like best friends Yeah, we talk about everything nothing is off the table. I mean when you when you You can love someone right, you know, I've said I love you to people before in my past relationships, but

It's different and I don't know that a lot of people will ever really ever reach that or feel that when you, you know, Kristen could, could, could cut her arm off his arm off whenever and I wouldn't care. Shave your head, I don't care. I don't, you know, the problem with society and what this trans stuff is highlighting is how so disgustingly superficial we are. That's why this is damaging women because you don't see trans women a lot of the time and the news or whatever, just wearing sweats and, you know, why did you have to get boobs?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Some women have a flat chest, but it's the trans women are only wanting to be a certain type of woman. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because, you know, you don't see it. You don't really see that.

The trans woman with a flat chest. So I'm a woman with a cut boobs. So is that one? so is that one? Or I don't have boobs because some women don't. They have a mastectomy, you know? But it's the trans women push into the stereotypes, which really starts to negate the validity of the dysphoria or the trans issue.

It's like, are you really trans or are you a man playing hypersetariotypes? You know, that's kind of what it starts to look like a little bit. Wow, that's an interesting conversation. Very. I'm people who hear this and I don't know how to form opinions, but there's just so much. Like, I challenge anyone who ever wants to have a conversation with me. You know, don't just hear five seconds of this and make some, you know, opinion about me, like, talk to me, because you'll find that you like me more than you dislike, and I like you more than I dislike, you know.

Did you find... Kristen attractive? Or did you only fall in love with the... Oh, no. Wildly attractive. Really? Well, how do you feel now then? Same, if not more. I mean, you're married, right?

Mm-hmm. I don't know how long you've been married, but when you met your wife, did you find your attractive? Absolutely. You find her more attractive now? Yes. There's no difference than this relationship. It's exactly the same as any other normal relationship.

It's just one. It would be like me asking, or's just one, it would be like, it would be like me asking, or like me saying like, you know, or it would be like, maybe you asking Kristen, did you love Courtney when she was bald? Yes. Do you lover now that her hair grew back? Yes. Did anything change? No. Well, I think what I'm kind of poking at is did roles change at all. I mean, who with the masculinity, you know, being more prominent now than it was two years ago. It wasn't. It wasn't. No. It's the exact same. Like, like, what I observed in my studies and in my personal life is you can't make a dude a woman. You can't make a woman a dude.

No matter what you put on, there's going to be things that these people do and say and like and hobbies and all this stuff that Go in one direction. So no matter what Kristen did or however she presented at the time the The underlying Persona vibe energy, whatever you want to call it, was masculine. There was no like, you know. It's not like, yeah, it's not like, yeah, okay, yeah. I've seen the photos, I've seen the motorcycle photos, I've seen, it's all the same person,

just with the different exterior. What was it like to deal with the hormonal changes when he decided to come back? I mean, I didn't notice any. You didn't note there was no hormonal changes in mood or anything. Mm-hmm. Really? No. Interesting.

If you're constantly loving on someone and being loved on, are you really going to have mood swings, bad moods, bad days, anger, frustration, depression, anxiety? Are you gonna have any of those things? I think so, I mean. But very minor, are they gonna be super-nosed? I'm giving an example, my wife, you know, when we just had a son, you know, and there was some post-bardom depression afterwards, and that was tough for us to get through.

And that's hormonal changes. For sure. And so, you know, I'm unfamiliar and I'm just asking, you know, did you see a lot of, was there a lot of... No, nothing. ...mood swings or... Nothing. Really?

It's all nothing. But then again, like, I don't know when, like, the hormones and stuff, I never saw Chris and give hormones or take hormones or anything like that. Okay. I would say, what I've known as far as mood and things like that is just

balancing all of this. How do you talk about the trans topic and not hurt people when you don't want to? And so that is what I've seen with the mood and like, it's just a problem of like, how to talk about this without hurting people and taking your words the wrong way. So like, there's been a lot of like,

you know, emotions with that, but not anything medical or biological, like as far as taking something or having any adverse reactions or coming off of hormones, or I've not seen anything like that. More so just brought on by these conversations, not wanting to say the wrong thing, but then also tell your truth regardless Regardless of if that truth might hurt somebody else like it's your story. So there's been a lot of that with that, but. Well, I mean, you know, there is a saying

the relationships are a lot of work. What has been your guys' biggest challenge? I would say, I would say getting Kristen comfortable enough and secure enough to talk about a lot of this because I would say a lot of my confusion in the beginning was it's hard to ask someone and then like obviously there's a mutual likeness that's beyond just friends and I can imagine like I can only imagine asking someone something so personal, like, why do you cross-stress? Are they really gonna wanna talk about that in like a year,

six months if they really like you and are afraid that talking about this is gonna make you leave or they're embarrassed? So a lot of the struggle in the beginning was just communication, like really trying to gently get to the bottom of this because I can't help or I can't understand if I don't know the information. So getting a lot of that out was difficult at first. Really cool. Do you find it easier to be more direct, you know, so I'm went on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, But I still tread lightly.

I still like, I push until I probably push, like I'm getting to the edge. And then I just back off. And I think, OK, well, at least the questions, at least I vocalized it and the questions there. So whenever you feel comfortable answering it or if the topic comes up again, we'll talk about it. But yeah, the communication part was hard at first. Do you guys know of any other,

do you have any other friends that are in a similar relationship? No. If you ever thought about seeking that out? No. To find common ground? No. No.

No, because, you know, I mean, everybody's experiences are different. And I think sometimes in relationships, if you have a problem in your personal relationship and you seek advice out elsewhere for somebody else in a relationship, I just think it's really easy for stuff to get convoluted and you get bad advice or I don't know. I'm kind of like an in-house person. If there's like a problem, I'd like to deal with it in-house instead of airing dirty laundry.

I mean, I could go to a friend and say, oh, we're having this problem with this, this, this. And then the next day, Kristen and I are like 100% on cloud nine. But now my friend knows that there's a problem that we had and I don't want my friend to think anything bad. So I just like to keep that kind of stuff personal. Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you know, that kind of stuff personal. Okay.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you know, I mean, it would be with any relationship. You don't want to go and as soon as you start talking about your problems in your relationship now, it's like, so it's got any addition, I got on you. I just don't, it's not my thing. Well, I mean, I didn't mean just that I'm being able to relate to it. Really?

Yeah. But I mean, I think a lot of those questions would be so personal, you know, so like intimate, you know. And I don't know that there's any, I mean, does anyone else have a transgender seal? Partner that I can talk to. Not that I know of. I mean, you know what I mean? Where am I gonna get advice from?

Yeah. So. This is so interesting to me. But I think it's interesting to a lot of people. It's very fascinating. I mean, it is for me still trying to figure out how to get this far. I mean, there's some questions I think I won't you know, how does, how does it get this far? I mean, there's some questions I think I won't ever know

because I don't have gender dysphoria on that level, you know. So I can empathize and I can try to understand but are we all ever gonna get the answers to this? Probably not. Unless we had like years of intimate conversations with each individual person to know their, you know, trajectory, but it's impossible to kind of lump everyone in and that's the problem. conversations with each individual person to know their, you know, trajectory. But it's impossible to kind of lump everyone in. And that's, that's the problem.

That's, that's, that's what's demolishing the United States. It's that the trans umbrella has taken in everyone. Everyone. I mean, I could right now be like, I'm gonna be trans tomorrow because I feel this way and I felt this way and you know there's no there's no checks and balances for it. It's just a free for all. And so it's just you have to understand each person. It would be so time consuming. You have a 13 year old son. How was how was that? That's a really good, you know, that's really good to talk about like how do my son. So let me? That's a really good talk about. Like, how do my son? So let me talk about this a little bit.

My son was in middle school. And in the public school system right now, this trans thing is hot. Being gay is hot in school right now. If you're rainbow flags everywhere, if you're kind of like, you know, and I saw a post about grooming and about how, if your teacher has rainbow flags in your room

and you're not gay or trans or any of this, but you see that your teacher is favoring those who are, you might become that. And in that sense, that teacher is in a sense grooming, because it's flavor, it's placing favoritism or whatever that favoritism looks like to the child that's trans or gay or whatever. So my son, you know, I don't be careful because my son is 13. I don't wanna, but he was getting kind of drawn into a rough crowd.

A crowd that was depressed and kids that were anxious and not doing so well. And my son is a bit different. You know, he's not had a masculine figure in his life for a while, a positive one. And so because of that, he wasn't really athletic in sports and all this kind of stuff. And so he's more games and theater

and those kinds of things. And so he's more games and theater and those kinds of things. And so he kind of found a friend group of other kids that didn't fit into the popular group. And in that group, the trans things started to become really popular. Like two of his friends changed their names. And now I think this year they're not. But I was starting to worry, like really worry. And so academically, I started really focusing more on that, because like, what if, you know, what if my son's gay?

Can I, do I know enough about this? To be able to help him and understand this history. So I took queer theories, so I know all about that. So I started kind of like making sure I was prepared to handle that. And what, you know And what I come to understand was, it was circumstantial for him. And you hear him now. And I can say this because he's a kid,

but I hope nobody takes offense, but we were in the kitchen the other day, and he was like, wow, remember that time when I was almost gay? Like, think about that. Man. That's not something he was born with. That's not a person who's a homosexual

and never born that way. That's, remember that time when... That's a pressure. That was a pressure. And now he looks back and he was, you know, doing things he definitely would not do now. Not do, but more so where, you know, like he had a pink hoodie. He had strawberry milk on it. And he's like, now would never do that.

But that's the kind of crowd, you know, and those two of his kids were, two of his friends were changing their names and like Alex or something, Alex or some non-binary and all this stuff. And so again, when you're lonely, and you meet other lonely people, and those people start loving on you because you wear pink cutie and you might be them. And of course, he's going to want to wear pink cuties every day. You know, I mean, he's his own other topic.

Like, children who have experienced this, it's like a whole other issue. And I think that's why people now are starting to talk about this trans thing in a negative way. I feel like if the trans community just would have been trans and lived their lives and, you know, whatever, as adults, no one would have batted an eye. and lived their lives and whatever as adults. No one would have batted an eye. I mean, the whole United States loves queer people.

Every company is obsessed with rainbow flags. Every, you know, it's like, it's a big deal now. It's called pink washing actually, but you know, it's a big, you don't see this happening for any other group of people. And it's now, it's coming on to kids in a really unhealthy way. And so now I feel like we're even myself included where I could care less if someone called themselves a trans woman and did all these things.

I could really care. Now I'm seeing as whoa, this was, this is really bad. This is going in a really bad direction. There's women getting raped in prisons. There's public spaces now. And it's like, what's the big deal with a trans person going into a woman's restroom? Well, here's the deal.

That trans umbrella can include anyone who says they're trans. That includes a pedophile. Where do children go to the restroom? Who do they go with? They're their mom. Up to a pre- you know, sizable age. I mean, I was taking my son into the bathroom with me

into the women's room because I didn't want him to go in the men's room for God knows what he could be exposed to in there. So he comes with me. But now that space, now, if he goes into a different stall, I'm like, well, who else is in here? You know what I mean? And I'm not saying that men are rapists

or pedophiles are this. I'm just saying that is open, that umbrella has opened to now they can identify as a female and go into those spaces and have easier access, easier predatory access at the expense of someone else. And that's where it's gotten really ugly. And that's where I started to really be nervous kind of. And I think there was, I think, Chris did, and now I did have kind of a ten of a tenuous point where I started seeing all this really negative stuff happen, even to the point where we can't even define

what a woman is, and I am one. And so then I'm like, you know, geez, as if I don't have enough as it is, the very foundation of my being, you know, taken away. And so then I never saw Christin in a negative light, but I did start to see the negative aspects of of transgenderism and whatever that means. You know, most people don't even know

what that means because the word didn't even, it's just kind of new. It just has taken on every single ailment that a person could have and they're like, oh, you're trans, you don't have anything else. You're just trans. You don't have anxiety or depression, you don't hate yourself. You're just trans.

And that can be anybody. Yeah, I'm beginning to realize that is what's happening. With, with, well, that's at least what happened with, with Chris. Yeah. Same like. Yeah. And the love bombing part is like the biggest part of it because, you know, like Kristen

said, that was established by the moon, you call, like, that's an actual recruitment technique that this cult would do, like, that's where it came from to get people, to recruit people. And so how many people right now in the world can say that their love meter is at 100%. I would love to meet those people that are 100%. I mean, I feel like I'm pretty high right now. I just love my life and I'm in love with Chrisin and I feel like mine finally is getting high.

But a lot of people are, their love meters low. Everyone is susceptible. Everyone. It doesn't matter if you're a SEAL team six or you're the president or whatever. Like if you do not feel loved in this world, you are going to do whatever it takes to find it. End of story.

Like it doesn't matter what you have. Like everyone deserves a needs to feel loved. And most of these people who transition just from my observance, that's, their love meter was like rock bottom. You know, in my, is anybody arguing that your point? I don't know what people are arguing about this, really.

I don't know. I think the main... I mean... I don't know. I don't know what the main argument is or what the main... I think it's... I think maybe perhaps it's, no, I'm just trans. I was born this way. It's not because of any other thing. I've loving parents I've this, you know, and maybe that's like a rare case, but in just what

I've seen, it's not the case. You know, I took, I took a class, it was called the Queer Art of Drag. And it's just learning about drag culture, where it's stemmed, what it means artfully. All this is as deep into it as you can get. And in that class, we had a few drag performers just talk in the class. Two of them were male trans women. Both of them in that class said, the first one.

I remember he said that he didn't, he was in a bad relationship with someone. It was just not good. He didn't feel happy all this stuff. He was really depressed. Went to his friend's house who was a drag queen. And the friend said, hey, let me just, let me just put you in drag for fun.

Like let's just change your mood, let's just have a good time. And so he said, okay. And his friend put drag on him, make up and all that, got him dressed up in drag for fun. Like, let's just change your mood, like just have a good time. And so he said, okay. And his friend put drag on him, but make up and all that, got him dressed up in drag and they went out and he was love bombed. Girl, you look so good. Oh my gosh.

How is that gonna make him feel? Amazing. That's when he started to trans, that's when he thought maybe I should transition. He had never thought of it until up into that point. And this was, I don't remember what his age was, like 20s or 30s. Another guy, drag, drag guy, teaches that a well-known

university. He said, I don't really know if I'm trans, yeah, or not. So, in university where this transgenderism is being pushed, you're in like the most hypocritical space ever. Because you can't say, well, he just said he wasn't sure. No, it's just trans. It's just two strands. Or well, this person just said that they really weren't until this happened. Nope, they're trans. Like there's no real dissection of like what is causing this or why people are doing this. It's just, it is.

You just accept them and if you don't, you're transphobic or you're homophobic or you're racist or you're a bigot or you're any of these other things. But there's two clear examples of two men over the age of 20 who one is, you know, maybe transitioning and the other one transitioned because they were extremely unhappy and put on drag and got loved bond. So, you know, how in the world the medical community could think to do this to kids is so disgusting. They don't, did any of them go and take these classes? And, I'm here, these people talk.

Where's the line for you? As far as transitioning. Yeah. Um, I mean, I mean, no professional. I'm not a doctor, but, you know but there are studies that say the brain developed is not into your 20s. I would say just don't do the stickets. I personally am on the opposite spectrum of thinking about age where I feel like our age

for everything is way too low. You know, and this is just a weird experience I had. I looked back at a picture of my mom. She was, I don't know, 20 maybe, three kids and I look at her face in the photo and I was like, this a little kid. She is so young to be out and having children and like, you know, but it's like 18, you're out the door. But really, I mean, is that just something that we've become so normal and accustomed to that 18 is an adult? You know, so you've got, you've got the, you know, part of the world that's saying, let's lower the age of consent.

And I'm thinking, maybe this is an issue. We're sending 18 year olds out into the world who are getting student loans, credit card debt, car loan debt, all this other stuff, because are they really adults at this point? If the brain is not developed until you're 25 years old, then where did 18 come from? Mm-hmm.

You know, it's more than just, you know, when thinking about children transitioning, I started thinking about a lot of things that we allow children or even 18-year-olds, 20-year-olds to do that's really, really young without the proper brain development to understand the full consequences of what they're doing, whether it be good or bad, you know what I mean?

And so I think for me, if I were to just go along with society, I would say, don't do this to kids, do what you wanna do when you're 18. If you feel like that's gonna change your life and make you feel less stress and less on happiness, then that's for you, you know? That would be like, someone don't wear a wig. Well, I'm going to because it makes me feel good.

You know, do what makes you feel your best self. But don't start pushing this on children who cannot make this decision for themselves. You know, that's where I draw the line. No puberty blockers. I don't agree with that at all. I think, you know, before I was a women in gender studies major, I was a biology major.

That's my actual passion, biology. And so, as a society, we are so uneducated about how our own body works. You know, we don't know, we don't know every single thing. And it would take a lot of study, just like it took me a lot of study learning about the human body and every single function and every single thing that it would take a lot of study, just like it took me a lot of study learning about the human body and every single function and every single thing that it does. And when you realize how specialized your system is and how one little thing can set off a cascade of events of atrocity to your body, you would really think twice about doing that.

But right now, we're in a society that's push, push, push. Look this way, look this way, look this way. You know, I am super scared of like, like I don't wanna put anything in my body that's bad. No, I'm cautious. However, when it comes to my looks, I'll get Botox in my face. That's food poisoning.

Botox in injected into my face, so I could look a certain way to please people. It's just like we all have it. As a society though, we have to start understanding where human beings were all look a certain way and love on each other for however we look because it's affecting all of us. It's affecting everybody. So I guess if I draw the line, I don't agree with PewDieLockers at all. I don't think children should be medically transitioned,

surely not removing body parts. I mean, I heard a thing with Chloe Cole, and she said, I'm not gonna be able to breastfeed my children. And I felt sick, like I felt like I got punched in the deepest part of my womanhood, because I felt pain for her I felt like I got punched in like the deepest part of my womanhood because I felt pain for her that was just unimaginable because she has to live with that now.

You know, she's gonna have a baby maybe and think, what have I done? That's a lifelong thing for her that somebody else did. And that person that did that is... Mm-hmm. Well... I mean, it's... It's in...

I mean, it's almost an irreversible decision. I mean, just sat there and I listened to Chris say that... Yeah. Or maybe it was you. I can't remember, but him looking at himself in the mirror saying, I've destroyed myself. And he can't go back to exactly the way that he looks. And that's a 56 year old man. You know, I think it would be good to see not just encouragement from the mental health community. And maybe let's dig

in and actually find out what's really going on before we move forward to this, whether it's with, I mean, definitely, it shouldn't be happening to kids, but you know, as an adult, I mean, it was pushed on them. Should it be happening as an adult? Like that's what I'm getting at. Yeah. There was, I don't know if discouragement is the correct terminology or the correct word, but there should definitely be some more looking into and not only encouragement to do it,

especially when we just dug into Cursus childhood and everything that took place there and that none of that went into accountability or the PTSD or the traumatic brain injury when he got blown up. I mean, they didn't look into any of this to see if any of that, you know, played maybe might have played a role in this. And it did. Mm-hmm. Yeah, huge role.

And a lot of the times there's factors in people's lives that are greatly influencing this. And if you lessen those, if you allow the person, if you give the person the tools to cope with those things, that might not be the avenue that they take. Because now, what happened? Okay, so there's this push, right? It's all over the news. It's in Vanderbilt. It's everywhere. It's just push, push, push to allow kids to transition, allow people to transition.

Well, now we're starting to see accounts of detransitioners. So now society is going to be left with people who didn't love themselves. So they transitioned. Then they detransitioned, and they have scars or regret. So then did they go back to not loving themselves? Like was the problem ever really fixed? Because now it's just another, you know, added layer of guilt or regret that the person didn't have, you know, the person wasn't managing well before. Then you add on guilt, regret, fear, all

this other stuff. because a lot of people that detransition, which is another thing, that word is not mentioned in women and gender studies. Detransitioners are unheard of. It's like they don't exist. They're like the fake. Like they never really, really trans. If they detransitioned, you know, that's the problem with trans. If someone has gender dysphoria, they can heal from that, right? You can go and get help for gender dysphoria. You can get therapy for that. If you're trans, you're trans. If you're an alcoholic, you're an alcoholic for life. It's like the best example. I don't believe in that either. I feel like people aren't alcoholics for life. They can quit drinking. And if you quit,

you quit. You're not an alcoholic anymore. You're not doing it anymore. But with that trans label, by getting rid of those labels, those terms, you know, in psychology, you've put a permanent label on someone. And so now, people who are like, well, you know, I fell in love and got a new job and my life's great.

And you know what, I'm not really dealing with all those issues I was anymore. I don't really feel the need to do this anymore. They're their stock. And if they de-transitioned, they are so shunned from that community. Like death threats, you're in fake, you were never real trained. You're not one of us. And it's like, are you serious?

Like, you know, like, I see this stuff that people send in that community, the community of love and welcome and peace and love is love and all that. Oh, no, it's not. It's only that way if you go with that narrative, if you agree with everything they say, if you're a woman who loves yourself, nah, forget it, you're transphobic. You know, if you're a D-transitioner, well, you were never really trans in the first place. You're fake, you know, get out of here.

I mean, just go look on the comments. You'll be blown away. Wow. By like this. So then you get people who are healed, but maybe all of their friends, because they were trans for five, ten, fifteen years, all of their friends are in that community. Now they feel like they can't D detransition or they can't heal. Why? Because misery loves company. And if you're happy,

and you're detransitioned or you healed yourself, well, you're not one of us anymore. Yeah. You're not self-loathing and wishing you were something else and all this other stuff. You know, you're, you're just happy and content with who you are. Yeah. How long has this, how long has this been going on with children? I think for a while, but it just seems like for the past probably 10 years maybe. It's gonna be real interesting to see

what happens in another 10 years. Oh, it's when these kids become adults. How sad. How sad. And it's gonna be interesting to watch the relationship doing there and their parents as well. What about the parents? What about a parent who was told your kids going to kill themselves if you don't allow them

to transition? What parent is going to be like, hmm, just go kill yourself. No, they're going to be like, do whatever you need to do to stay alive. I'm going to keep you alive. And then the child's out of school where they're not being bullied and you know like all these other things that happen in high school. They're out of it. They're on their own. They maybe meet someone and they're like, oh, I don't, what do I do? I'm not this anymore. Then imagine the parent.

When the kid's like, mom, dad, I don't, you know, I don't, I'm not this anymore, I messed up. And then the parents like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, like I, you know, I can't even imagine, I cannot imagine that. I cannot imagine Chloe Cole's parents like how they must feel. Being told by a doctor, your daughter's gonna kill herself

if you don't cut her boobs off. And now the daughter's like, and then the parents are like, so that's another thing. You know, people are like, how could a Navy SEAL get get convinced to do this? How could a parent get convinced to let their kid cut their boobs off? It's all the same pressure. It's all the same fear. It's all the same pressure. It's all it's all the same, you know, and now we're going to have all of those people, so all the parents who allowed this now needing mental help, because they, they feel guilty and, you know, because now their kid is, you

know, mm-hmm. Do you think a lot of parents are pushing this on their kids for attention. They're doing it for, yeah, they're social justice warriors. It's just all, it's fake. Yeah, it's virtue signaling. It's because right now, like, if you, I don't know how it is right now, but I've seen this in the news where people are losing their jobs. Okay, Jordan Peterson, prime example, prime example. I don't know how it is right now, but I've seen this in the news where people are losing their jobs.

Okay, Jordan Peterson, prime example, prime example. If he's not using pronouns, he's going to lose his job, right? So if you know that and you love your job and you love your paycheck, you're going to use the pronouns. You're going to do whatever it is that they're wanting. You know, it's gotten tyrannical at this point because now You don't even have the choice to agree with it or not if you don't I'm gonna either I'm in cancel culture That's that's the that's the weapon that's the weapon of mass destruction at the left-ass. It's cancel culture

Yeah, they'll ruin your job ruin your account ruin your everything because you don't agree with whatever so Now, you know, you have people that can't, that are so afraid of being othered, that they're gonna go along with it and want to be accepted by the crowd that's doing the damage, right? If you've got someone, some big, huge person standing next to you and they're looking out at a crowd and they're just swinging an axe and just cutting whoever doesn't agree

with them. Where are you going to stand out in the crowd or you're going to stand right next to the person you can't get hit with the axe. That's what society is doing. They are clinging to the person with the axe and the axe that's swinging is transhumanism. I'm just going gonna go along with it and be on the good side. So you don't want my kids trans.

You know, you've seen, there's videos out of, you know, there's one out where this little boy is mom and his brother are on camera, and they're talking about like pride praise or pride or whatever. And little boy says, well, my mom doesn't care if I'm gay or lesbian or whatever. She just cares that I'm a part of it.

And what do you mean? And it's all like, I don't know how it got out, I don't know why the mom released this, but he goes well unless it was live. And she's like, well, you're just gonna make me do it if I'm not doing it or something like that. Like the mom was forcing the kid to be a part of this, even though he wasn't gay or anything. And so it was like, it's more or less, it's not, I'm gonna make you gay or make you trans,

but I'm going to make you support this. Because if you don't, you're not gonna make it in society, because right now society has no tolerance for people who have opposing beliefs. Yeah. So I'm going to, you know, it's like it's like that and it's like that and everything right now. Yeah. It's like that in the in the COVID arena. It's like that in the trans arena. It's like that in the race arena. It's running rampant. Yeah, I mean, it's a line, right? A very clear line. You're either on one side or the other.

And you want to make sure you're in, and if you think I'm going to survive on the side that's supporting this, then you're going, then people are going to do it. Yeah. And then there's going to be people that are just like, I'm going to die on this hill. people are gonna do it. Yeah. And then there's gonna keep people that's like, I'm gonna die on this hill, I'm not gonna support this.

Like, this is not worth it. So, having been through, you know, what you guys have been through is a couple. What advice do you have for somebody who is thinking about, whose partners think about transitioning or detransitioning? I think with transitioning, I would really ask, what is it about you that feels this way?

What feels, if I were, part of some of the things that I used to ask Kristen, what feels like a woman to you? Like, what do you do or what do you think? Like, what are you, aside from anything you could put on or any kind of appearance, what are you doing and thinking that you think is more woman-like than man-like? And that is where the trip up, the hang up happens for I think for a lot of people. Because, you know, like was mentioned,

it's more of like an observing mimicry than, then like I want to feel like that. I want to be that, what do I need to do to present? Like, you know, and so you look at like Dylan Mulaney, for example, it's 1,000% stereotype, you know, and so you look at like Dylan Mulaney for example, it's 1,000 percent stereotype, you know like Oh, I went to the ladies room and like the girl next to me asked me under the toilet for a tampon like that didn't happen

It's just a stereotypical thing that you that men think happens to women in restrooms and yeah might or it has but To act it, you know, it's this all It's it's all it's pretend know, it's all, it's all. It's pretend. Pretend. It's all pretend. It's all pretend.

What point do you think you go into a supporting role? That's a different, they'll see that's that I, I, I don't know that I can answer because I've not, you know, when I met Kristen, she was already Kristen. There was no, I didn't have to like go from like man to support you into being a woman. You know, I don't know how that would look for me. Now. being a woman. I don't know how that would look for me. Now, two years ago, when I was a little bit more under the influence of leftist ideology, I might have answered that totally different. More of like, OK, okay, well,

just kind of laws a fair, laws a blob about it. Not really thinking, just writing the surface. That's probably the answer I would have given. Now, I think with, with, with Kristen is different because I think with with with Kristen is different because it's already been established, like the the feminins already have been established, but if it was just like if I was just

in a relationship with, you know, a male for 10 years, like a dude, dude, male and like no inclination, no, no anything of this. And then they're like, I, you know and like no inclination, no, no anything of this. And then they're like, I, you know, I think that, you know, I would still support them, but not maybe, I don't know, probably the intimacy with black, the intimacy would go down.

So maybe it would go into more of like a friendship, supporting role, you know? Because probably that person would be pursuing other things, would want to really change their life and pursue it, things, different things anyways. Yeah, that's difficult. It would be problematic for me now. For sure.

Seeing what's happening to women just in general, that would be really problematic for me to be in a relationship with a man now who transitioned into a woman. With Kristen, I already, I don't know. I don't see her as a woman, but I don't, Ness, I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't see her as a woman, but I don't, I don't know. It's almost like. You never saw her as a woman, so you are already somewhat in a supporting role

for the de-transition. I was in a supporting role for both. Like, when we met, I was buying women's clothes. I was doing whatever. Because like I said, like, when we met, it was two people who had a lot to share with each other who just shared it. And so that wasn't, I wasn't looking to like get anything out of it more than just like, hey, you're cool.

You've been through a lot. Hey, like, maybe we can talk and like help get anything out of it more than just like, hey, you're cool, you've been through a lot, hey, like maybe we can talk and like help each other out. Like it wasn't ever, I had no like, all to your motives or any kind of intention. So, I immediately was in a supporting role. And so that role is, you know, it would be much harder to be in a supporting role from one person going into a new gender than just going to the one they already were. You know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. It's just like a kind of, and because, and because like, I think some of the transitioning has had already happened, like in everyday life, you would not know, probably, you know, other than like boobs or something, but like just general, like, mannerisms or, you know, other than like boobs or something, but like just general, like, mannerisms or, you know, it's not like, it wasn't like, I don't know. I wouldn't say it was hanging out, it was like hanging out with a girl or a guy, but there were some really cool aspects of it, for sure, like fun aspects. Like, you know, how many women get to be like, can I, okay, this is, this is really actually funny. Like I, I, I didn't wear a lot of makeup, I still don't.

I didn't have a lot of like feminine, like real, like wild feminine. Like I've just recently also coming into a lot of my femininity. I got out of an abusive marriage that was really horrible. And now I'm just kind of like exploring. So like with Kristen, I was like, hey, you got really good makeup. Like, wait, better stuff than I have.

And so like, how many people get to have that relationship? Or I'm like, hey, can I get that lip liner? Can I try that? I never even wore lip liner before. So there are some really fun, there is a fun, like, happy side, too. That's not like weird. Like, how, happy side too, that's not, like, weird. You know, like, how many people get to say that, or, you know, like,

whatever, like, little tips or something that I didn't know. You know, that's just because someone wanting to be a girl and examining a girl so much might pick up on stuff that me just being a girl that didn't even notice, because I just am it. You know, so I just ant it. You know, so I was, there was a lot of like, you know, fun kind of things like that.

There was a lot less pressure about my hair, like for sure, like wearing wigs because trans people wear wigs, drag queens wear wigs. So there was a lot less of like, you're gonna judge me for how I look, which was cool. That was like a big part of it. A lot going into relationship with no judgment. Like, how can you judge me?

We both have something that we have insecurities about, you know, so that was good. Yeah, I'm, interesting. I never would have thought of that. Yeah. Well, Courtney, I really appreciate you coming on and good luck with the wedding and with everything. Thank you.

So I appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks. I want to give a big thank you out right now to all the vigilance elite patrons out there that are watching the show right now. Just want to say thank you guys. You are our top supporters

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I appreciate it either way. Love you all. Let's get back to the show. Thank you. All right, Chris. We just had your fiance, Courtney, on to get her perspective on everything. And I want to kind of wrap this up. So I think one of the most important questions

I'm going to ask you is for anybody that's thinking about transitioning genders, do you have any advice for them before they go through with it? Wow, yes, tough. I would say, um, do you used to be these protocols? And it's a hairy Benjamin Pergeros. And now they do this W-Path and some other stuff, but that's all been changed to meet the current narrative or ideology, whatever they want. So they're pushing people through really fast. And so they took the protocols of all changed. And the protocols

I'm talking about are the amount of counseling sessions you have to do before you can start any hormones or anything else. It's the amount of time you spend living as the, it's like a real-life experience is what they call it. And so if I was going to transition from male to female, I would have to do 30 mental health counseling sessions and have that signed off that I did 30 sessions, talking about all this stuff and really digging in deep. And I would also have to live the real life experience as a as the agenda you're going into Mail or female so I would have had to live as the female gender as a woman trans woman for a year And then at that time then you would get the paperwork and all the stuff then you could start doing a hormones and all the other stuff Now all of that has changed and they basically can do no sessions. You can

walk in there and just say, I'm transgender and then you start getting hormones and everything else. Pretty much or just one session or something, it's a signature. But the problem with that also is that your scam and the whole system is that you can get whatever paper you want for money. So you go into those crooked psychiatrists or whatever, or whoever would give you the paper and you pay them enough money and they're going to say psychiatrists or whatever, or whoever would give you the paper, and you pay them enough money, and they're gonna say 30 sessions or whatever. So it's a lot of gaming going on,

but they don't require 30 sessions, they don't require any sessions. You can walk in on a session long, you'll be on hormones, and then in a week later, you might be getting surgery. So it's just so incredibly fast, and you're not really investigating with a professional. And that's why I mean,

I kind of bash the psychology, the whole, you know, group pretty badly because of what they're allowing happen. Now, just like I said, the doctors are kind of stuck in the middle between insurance and money and any administration. It's going to be the same thing with a psychologist. So there's something going on that they will not admit to. The doctors want to minute, the psychologists want to minute. And if those folks start standing up, then this will change. The doctor starts standing up and telling the truth, this will change. Psychologists will start standing up, telling the truth, this will change.

But just like everybody else, we're all afraid. They cancel culture and lose their job and everything else and finds. You'll be imprisoned, you know, it's just ridiculous. So one of these days, if somebody starts standing up and they start doing it, and I feel like I'm almost this first one, like really talking about some of the deep stuff and Courtney's the same thing. Like we both said a lot of stuff today that's not really out there. I don't think, you know, and if it is out there, it's kind of hidden or they just kind of, they mark it

with a stupid little label is talking about how bad this person is because they're, and it might happen this one too, that we're gonna be marked as haters and as phobias and all the other stuff, which is totally opposite of who we are as people. And the fact is, is your transgender and you're a good person, you did it all as a adult

and whatever, and you're not doing all these rainbow flags and love bombing and doing all that stuff, then I would never have a problem ever and you would probably be a friend of mine. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't have any problem with that. But when you start doing all the things with all those love bombing, all these rainbow flags, all this push towards it. And a push, like I said, is not the people, and it's not the doctors, it's money.

Like I said, these doctors have these gender clinics and they're making $450,000 per surgery, which is just ridiculous. So in every year, you have these gender claims with one doctor making millions for their hospital. They're pulling in huge money and they've really big hospitals. The university connected hospitals.

And one was really big, like Johns Hopkins and all the rest of them. They're pulling in hundreds of millions of dollars for gender stuff. Now, are they gonna give that up very easily? No, they're not. And they're gonna push these doctors. And these doctors are caught. If they don't do the job they're fired and another doctor will take the place and that's the problem these doctors start speaking up

And I have a lot of connections with doctors because they have heard me speak up and speak just like I'm speaking right now And they call me and talk to me and they're giving me some of the inside info about the cost and about this and about how the shortcuts are being taken. These doctors need to start standing up. You took a hipocratic oath, you know, and you should be hell-yeling people, not damaging them. You know, and just like I said, out of those hundred transgender people with all these surgeries and all that other stuff, just like Chloe, and we keep hearing Chloe call up because she's one of the first adults That'll coming out really hardcore as D transitioning and all that and I can't stand that word because there's no such thing Never happened the first place and it's not a D

You know, it's not a D transition because it didn't happen The the thing with Chloe though, she's one of the first adults that had at 15 years all the double mess acne. There's gonna be a lot more of these kids that had to happen when they're kids. And as they grow up, they're starting to learn stuff. Now in Sweden, you can see it, you can look just that up if you want to. There's the sweetest J-curve with all this gender ideology,

all this gender stuff. The Swedes saw it going like normal for decades, just like this, because the Swedes have about 20 years ahead of us. They've been doing this for a long time It is sweet and yet is so it goes like this and then suddenly goes to shoots way up And it was like 1500% increase or no that was might have been non-binary But there's these huge increases like ridiculous and then the Swedish government were going What is going on here and they put a brakes on and they started doing

Relukin at it and really studying and finding out because this isn't normal for them to go from a line like this for decades and a Something happened and that's what's happened in America right now And so why can't the American government look at this and take a look at all this other data and know that this is happening right now in America. And if we don't put the brakes on it, it's going to get worse. And you're going to have all these kids going to be damaged and really hurt all these parents. You think we have some problems right now? 10 years from right now, five years from right now, you're going to start seeing what I'm talking about. And that's the problem. So in the wrap-up is that I don't is that I don't have fear of transness.

I don't have homophobia, transphobia, or any of those phobias that is a tactic being used. It's a ridicule tactic to make a stop and make a shut up. I'm not gonna shut up. I know more they push me and try to make me shut up. I'm gonna talk louder. You know, I'm gonna talk more. And like I said, I don't wanna do these podcasts.

I don't wanna wanna news. I did that thing with Tucker Carlson one time and it was pretty quick, it was like four minutes, it was quick. And basically what I said there, I'm still standing by. Said, I love people and I love humanity, I love people. And I love our world. And I respect our world.

I respect us as human beings. And this body that I have, that was given by the grace of God. And I think that we need to stop all this damage, you know, there has to be something. And like I said earlier, it's like, yeah, I'm a Christian, but that's nothing to do with him talking about right now. I mean, he and being went through something and went through something that damaged me and I did it all as an adult. And now I'm looking at what they're doing now to the kids. So it has nothing to do with religion or anything else. Take that off the table. If you're a human being and you had something happen to you as an adult, and then you start looking down here and you start seeing kids, the same

thing is happening to them. Wouldn't you want to speak up? You know, it's just, it's just, it's, it's the right thing to do, you know? And so what I'm doing right now is I'm trying to save all those kids that are pulling into this, that are not, they have generous for you, they have all kinds of other things, they have depression, anxiety, they're just teenagers with hormones and they're just not liked or they hate your bodies

or they're just growing up, you know? They don't have a chance. And so this reminds me of a story that will give you a little more view in who I am and how far I will push stuff and how far I stand by my word and what it really means. So I was at the team and we were doing missions and we were going after some real big bad dudes and I have a ton of those stories. But I only tell like two of them. But this one story is important because it's who I am. So we're going to this house.

We're doing the clearing. We're walking through and we're doing all this stuff. But we're doing real quiet because we haven't gotten hot yet. So it's all like the cover. You know, we're just going through it super quiet. And I get up through this room and I get up these stairs and I take them right and at the end of this hallway,

I didn't know how fast I was going. It was going pretty quick, but we usually were pretty good about that and checking stuff, but for whatever reason I went through the door and it didn't have the number two. So I was going out to her alone. And I went on this rooftop. So it was a door that opened out of the rooftop

and you know in Afghanistan they sleep on the roofs all the time because it's really hot in there and it's one of the out in a cool air and it's the stars. It's beautiful to sleep out there on these rooftops. Plus, it's the security points. So this guy was up there on security, pulling security for his family and further compound and he had a AK and he's sitting there. And so basically you see me I'm have all the best equipment. You know, the laser, the nogs, the night vision, all the stuff and I'm using some terminology that, but night vision of lasers and the gun and it's totally prepped out my body armor and we have our radios on the sides of the antennas and all that stuff.

So if you look at me with this green glow in there and it was all the tech and it's lasers and all the stuff, I'm like an alien being. You know, I'm looking very high tech and very alien looking. And then I look at this guy and you know, and retro respect. I noticed this guy and he's down here with bare feet and dirty and just raggy hair and his beard and just as he had as one, you know, that thing they wear. And he's to know all these things. He's just speaks all the language. But it's kind of washed all that out. But I see this guy up there and he's laying there at sleep and he's laying there at sleep

And he's just starting to wake up because there's some noise and stuff that started to happen because even the animal start waking up in the compound You know, so eventually people start waking and the guys just getting up and you see is it and he starts and he's reaching up And he's got his AK starts coming off me, but I'm already off safe and I'm figuring I'm going I it was a split second. I mean I I set a record at Shaw's shooting camp, you know, the plate shooting. I'm on that top 10, because I'm fast shooter. And so I'm sitting there, just wait, I'm just there. And dude's getting up and he's swinging up

and I'm going, don't, don't, don't, I'm just looking. I'm going, don't, don't do it, don't do it. I'm in my head and I'm just praying. It's like, all of it's going, all my energy's going to that guy, drop it, drop it, drop it, drop it. And it's like, such a close. And if he was just like this much further with that barrel and I was just like watching all of it,

why was I doing that? No rules of engagement. I could have taken him right when I walked out on there because he was up there in a security and had a gun next to him. Done. But I didn't. I was going towards it. I was still walking towards it, closing the distance.

I didn't a guy just like right there, he just, he drops it, and he, because he saw it. So I was an alien versus caveman. And I was sitting there for about whatever seconds it took me, walking towards this caveman as an alien, different language, different religion, different culture, different everything. Super high tech and his guy with dirt. Why, why was I doing that? For seconds, I was walking towards this guy, didn't shoot. I could've, I was out too. Shoot off.

I actually got in trouble because there was guys and other rooftops and there was other stuff going on to compound. And one guy, and I can't remember who it was, I could've if I really thought about it. But he saw what was going on on my rooftop. He saw a cross because of only, maybe as wide as this room, it's not huge distances. So he saw what was going on on my rooftop. He saw a cross because I was only, maybe as wide as his room, it's not huge distances. So he saw what was going on over there. He saw it. And when we got down with the whole thing

and the guy was cuffed, because basically he dropped the gun and I kicked it away and I cuff him up. I guess it was off. Because I did all the bit, I did all the interrogations. So because I was ASOT type guy and I did all this stuff. So I was also the interrogator. So I'm talking to this guy through my turf.

And because I was like that, agency ASA guy, I always had a turf, because I was always doing that stuff. So he's my turf. And so interpreter. So he was the guy that did all the local posh to you. And I just spoke some of it, but not all of it. I don't even speak very much at all.

So team guy, you know, hands up and where's the bomb and this stupid stuff. But I was talking to him and he just seemed like a pretty good dude. This is after all the action after everything was done and everything's just talking to him and I'm getting intel. I'm trying to work with him. And he didn't know anything. And the guy was like, it was not anybody would ever want.

And I was like, just leave this guy. And then one of the other guys was like, now we should take him, you know, get one. Got a guy and get a gun, you security. I was like, no, man, I was going to leave this dude. And so because I was had enough voiceover, because I was the integrity, and I was doing all this stuff. But I was also the guy to re-ensource operations. So I was the field officer, you know. I was a recruiter, you know. And so I told him we need to leave this guy and they did. And so we took off and I, you know, it was good, done. He spared his life.

Spared his life. But it was second to me walking up on him. Two weeks later, I'm walking through a bizarre. And if you've ever seen pictures of me, I was a bright red beard unless I die it and over there I died in a locket I had to get a darker but if you see me I had a really red beard and he's called me red beard or caveman so it was always something about that so two weeks later three weeks later it was a little while later I'm walking through a bizarre and I got this guy running towards me and saying something in posh to you.

And so I started drawing my pistol because I had my long gun in the truck. And so I started drawing my pistol out because we're in a bizarre where it's not a big deal. And it was right there on the base. It was one of the bizarre kind of attached to the base. You know what I mean? It was protected and there was guys all the other and we had security towers like right there.

So we just brought pistols in there. We just wanted to be you know and So I start reaching in and getting my pistol out and turf puts my hand on it says no, no, he's saying thank you It's like and I was like and me and him have been working for a long time. It had super trust and it's indeed it's the guy And he sees me and he's saying thank you and hugs me He said come back to my shop and so I go back to a shop So talking to him and we come friends, you know. And I get a really great discount on a rug. You know, because he had his really cool shop. That's a good story, huh?

Damn. Yeah, it's not the whole story. It was the guy. It was the guy. And so, what do you think I did with that guy? So it became this amazing thing who I actually gave him over to another agency. But it was amazing.

You're a perfect guy. So we're talking to a guy. So I'm talking to a guy and it's amazing and good stuff. Because the guy was very work, he ran that business, he was always there, he's always traveling around, saw a lot of stuff. So amazing. And we became friends. So the point of the story is not all that.

The fact that he became a friend or he ended up being good for us. But the conversations I had with him was about, I don't want to be here, and I know that y'all didn't want us to be here. So what can we do to get all these foreigners out? And you know, if you've been in Afghanistan, it wasn't really the half-gainers that were doing most of the trouble. You know, it was everybody else. It was all these jihadists coming in there and trying to kill Americans. Just like when I was in Iraq, I got shot by more Iranians in the beginning than I did in Iraqis. They were shooting at us all the time because they were paying money to go on the border right there with the fence and shooting across the Shath al-Arab

and trying to get us across the cross-arriver. The attackers were afraid of these and they come down and you have that one strip. And with the Iranians, we're shooting across that. And all the time. And we were on a lot of talk about that. But they're a jihadist and they just want to kill Americans. You know, it's a bonus for them. They get bonuses, I guess, when they go to heaven or something, which is ridiculous. You know, it's a Abrahamic religion.

You know, we're also part of the Abrahamic religions, but I can't be all get along or something like that. But the whole point of the story is the fact that I didn't shoot right away. And the guy was, yeah, I was in trouble. They were like, why did you do that? You were out of the hall in danger. And I was right there. I mean, I was in trouble. They were like, why did you do that? You could've heard it's all in danger. And I was right there. I mean, I was controlled situation.

It's not a big deal. And plus, now I met this dude and this really good guy and we're getting good intel off it. But the point of the story is about you're in America. You walk around America and everybody's fighting. Everybody's talking about phobias. Everybody's calling everybody Nazis. Everybody's, it's all this huge fight.

You walk around the street and you're lucky if you don't get beat up if you're late at night and you're white or black or Asian or this or that. If you're different, if you're an other and Courtney brought us up, if you get the term otherd put on a you, you're gonna get it because that label is that dangerous label and that's America right now. And so every time I talk when I give these speeches out in front of these huge groups of people, and I do that, you know, like five to 10 big speeches a year, which is pretty good for me because I'm just living off my disability and stuff, you know?

So if I can give a speech, and I can make a little money off it, it's a pretty good deal. And I give leadership stuff, and I do motivation stuff. But this is one of the things I talk about. It's a fact that in America, we're all walking around, we never give anybody chance. I said, I'm walking in there as an alien,

and a caveman on the ground with no nothing. Give him three seconds. I said, we don't do that for each other. Automatically, if you saw me as a transgender person, and you would just want to fight me, or you want to do something. And I had team guys trying to pick fights with me, and doing a lot of stuff, and it was just like, I didn't do something. And I had team guys trying to pick fights with me and doing a lot of stuff.

And it was just like, I didn't do anything. I actually did do something with all that. And I feel bad about that. But we do that for everybody. For black and white, for Asian, for Latino, for all of it, we're all fighting. We never give each other even three seconds to have a conversation or just look at you,

say, hey, you're having me being, you know, I'm not gonna walk up to you like this and just start punching in the face. How about you give me three seconds? And so I ask everybody out there. I say, you'll never on anywhere around the world mostly, very rarely will you ever see, you know, somebody as far apart as that alien and that caveman on that rooftop. I give them three seconds.

So I can't you do the same. You know, just give everybody a meat three seconds. How about you start with a smile instead of your grimace? Here's this one rapper that said his whole life changed. When all he did was just change his eyebrows. I can't remember what it was. But he was always like that. And always like trying to be that tough guy.

I just always like, and you do it. You're just verbally squint like that. And I can look really mean. I can go up to you. And I can mad dog you. And most of those rappers are all doing that. Mad dog stuff. He's all he does lift his eyebrows And he did that and everybody changed Everybody started talking to him differently and he started treating everybody differently and his whole life changed

And I ask everybody out there three seconds You know, I was able to do it in the most critical, like whack, life and death situations. It's not a big thing to ask. It's that we all start smiling a little bit, just like that guy did and changed his life to live to the eyebrows a little bit and started being, how about a smile? How about open your hands up out of them fists and talking to each other? Now, how you see transgender people right now is the way I hope a lot of other people

start saying them. There's a lot of other people start saying them. There's a lot of folks out there that are hurting. And the thing is, every time you're or scowl or you talk to a transgender person because they're looking just whack or whatever's going on, you make fun of them and do anything like that. What you're doing is you're pushing, you're punching them.

And as soon as they get punched, they're gonna sit there and they're gonna talk to their trans community and their whole community and they get hugely loved-bombed. And all it does is just make the gap wider. So every time you all out there in public, you aren't smiling with those trans-entern people, just give them a break. You know, they don't need to be beat up to beat themselves up enough. You don't need to beat them up to get beat up by everybody else.

So if you can do it, if you're a human, and you have just a slightest bit of compassion, how about you start being a little nicer? How about you give that person a break and start trying to close that gap up a little bit? How about if you black or white, you give it a break and start closing that gap up a little bit? If you're Latino or Asian or whatever, how about you give it all a break?

We're not all racist. Most of us aren't. Most of us poor and most of us aren't. Most of us poor. And most of us are rich and ask the division. It's not and nothing about race and nothing about religion or nothing about gender or nothing about any of that. The only enemies right now is rich and poor. You know, and always bend that way. We're the slaves to them. And it's all we are. And so we start looking at each other and start saying, Hey, we're the same. Hey, dude, you're good. You're good. Dude, I've talked to you now for three seconds. All right. And we shake hands. And this black and white, there's man and woman

or gay and straight or trans and not trans. And whatever, when you start closing those gaps up, because we don't shoot and we give them a few seconds. We might start finding out that America's a pretty cool place. Right now it's a cesspool. Right now it's off fights and CNN's doing it and Fox is doing it. And what we're doing is fighting and we got to stop that. You got to start offering your handout when you see that transgender person in that in that grocery store, just leave him alone. You don't need to make fun of them.

They already get enough of that. They get enough of that in a mirror. So please, all I say, if you listen to this whole thing, and you make it here to the end, just, would you chill out a little bit? Would you start being a little friendlier to people? I don't eat anybody. I want everybody to do well.

You know, and I want everybody to find happiness. I want everybody to find love. I want everybody to find love. I did. I found love and happiness. I don't give everybody at least three seconds all the time, no matter what, no matter how they're coming at me until they're like right there and I start feeling some danger, still trying to give them some time, you know. And I just plead with our country right now, we're to precipice right now of a civil war.

And you know it, and I know it, and a lot of people know it. We're to precipice right now. But we don't have to fall over. We don't have to go there. We don't have to have another civil war. But we're gonna, if we keep going in this direction, I have a bag of you. Give everybody three seconds. It's all I ask. You're a good fucking human being, man. Thanks for coming. Thank you.

Try, man. I'm trying. It's not easy. I'm trying. Thank you. Proud to. Proud to know you. It's an honor. Thank you, brother. Thanks for having me. The Bullwork Podcast focuses on political analysis

and reporting without partisan loyalties. Real sense of déjà vu sprinkled on our PTSD. So things are going well, I guess. Every Monday through Friday, Charlie Sykes speaks with guests about the latest stories from Inside Washington and around the world. You document in a very compelling way. All of the positive things have come out of this, but it also feels like we have this massive hangover. No shouting or grandstanding. Principles over partisanship. The Bullwalk podcast. Wherever you listen.

over partisanship, the Bullwork Podcast, wherever you listen.