Shawn Ryan Show - #57 Nick Kefalides - MARSOC Raider / Hitting Rock Bottom and Unlocking Your Full Potential

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Former Marine Raider and Guest #004 returns to the Shawn Ryan Show to discuss a new kind of battle–the one inside. This is a special episode where Shawn & Nick share a personal story with the audience. They cover a mushroom journey they took part in together and how it changed them individually and reframed their friendship. We get to catch up with Nick and his new business continuing to serve veterans and Shawn shares what's next for SRS. Trauma, recovery, healing, and fresh starts are all covered in this honest conversation you don't want to miss. Disclaimer: Shawn is alcohol and caffeine free and more present with his family. While there are many research programs on the positive benefits psychedelics, the Shawn Ryan Show does not recommend psychedelic treatment outside the purview of medical professionals or for recreational use. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://helixsleep.com/srs https://mypatriotsupply.com https://blackbuffalo.com - USE CODE "SRS" https://bubsnaturals.com - USE CODE "SHAWN" https://learshawn.com - CALL 800-741-0551 Information contained within Lear Capital’s website is for general educational purposes and is not investment, tax, or legal advice. Past performance may not be indicative of future results. Consult with your tax attorney or financial professional before making an investment decision. Nick Kefalides Links: Patriot Life Group - https://www.patriotlifegroup.com Warrior 2 Bass - https://www.warrior2bass.com/ Instagram - https://instagram.com/nick.kefalides Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Plus, free shipping with the code Sold the Genero 10. Hey everybody, next up, what are my really good friends and favorite people in the world, Nick Kefletus. Nick and I did a psychedelic journey together. We got a lot of clarity from it. Me and Nick have known each other for a very long time and our journeys have just taken us into some of the coolest places and it was just amazing to share that experience with them. With Epi and said I just want

to say psychedelics nothing to play around with and but they can do a lot of good. It's been a year and three months now that I have not had one drop about call and that's from my first psychedelic experience and more present, more in the moment with my family, so a lot of good for me. With that being said, at the end of this, there's some stuff that I talk about when it comes to my fate. And if those of you that follow me on Twitter and Instagram, you know that I am on a faith journey now. And I do want to say that is not from this.

That story is coming very soon, but it's not, it is not from Psychedelics. And I want to make that very clear. But with that being said, please sign up for our newsletter, links in the description, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, I love you all. See you soon, cheers. And one last thing, all you moms out there,

I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday and a happy late Mother's Day to all you moms out there. Mothers are the most amazing humans on the planet. God bless you all. Nick, welcome back. Thank you for having me brother. Dude, I'm so glad you're back and we had such an amazing experience last weekend and I'm just I'm glad you came back a couple days later because I think this experience could it's gonna help a lot of people in the world and Yeah, and it's just always good to see you. Yeah, I agree man. It's I felt it first kind of hard to put into words, but having those few days after

the experience to really reflect and think about those things, they're going to be very beneficial to share this with the world and just provide some perspective. It will be, it will be, but before we get into that, for anybody that doesn't know Nick, me and Nick go way back, we used to teach together back in the tactical training days, a vigilance elite. And you're the fourth guest on my show, one of my favorite episodes of all time, and the most meaningful to me. And so if anybody hasn't seen that episode, here's the preview right here.

He proceeds to look at me and one of my other comrades and he's like, hey, go ahead and put the body on the hood. On the hood of what? So you fucking took out number three. So you fucking took out number three. Having that natural instinct to react and to do what needs to be done, you can't train for that. You were hand selected again to come on as a fucking operator. The car bomb was driven into one of our vehicles on the convoy and we did what we were trained to do. They were taking kids and filling their bicycle tires with explosives and they would have the kids ride their bike towards the convoy and start detonating their fucking bicycles.

I got up on the top of the roof and you know started engaging you know targets and you can see the guys were running back and forth. Sure enough they're still coming and I just engaged, I was singing around to each guy. They were from all different directions. We cut out murder holes in the walls. You're 19 years old and you just got your first engagement and shot your first man. Your fucking service record is amazing. I've worked with a lot of different operators from all different branches, especially when I was at CIA. If I could go back and operate with somebody that I didn't get to before, you would be fucking top of my list, dude. And I don't say that shit to very many people.

All right, now that we got that out of way, let's get to the good stuff. So, you know, a couple of weeks ago, actually, there was a couple of months ago, we had set a date, you know, to meet up and go to an undisclosed location and do a little bit of healing. And I think we're both a little stressed about the time commitment leading up to it. And, but not the one of us, we're gonna cancel it because I think we both knew that we really needed it. And I just wanna say I'm so happy that we were able to do that and go out into the wilderness and reconnect with

each other with ourselves internally and with nature. So I just want to go over what happened, what our experience was, and then what it led into for both of us. So I'll kick it off. When we went down there, my intentions were fairly similar the first time when I went into the IBA game in 5MEO treatment. But some of those effects had worn off and some of them had stayed in, but I have been feeling very overwhelmed I have been feeling very overwhelmed recently, which has brought our episodes up to one a week.

It's been a lot of stress on me and a lot of stress on the team, kind of getting into that grind and turning it into a well-greased machine and it's taken time away from my family. And I really just, I needed to become grounded again, reconnect with my family, reconnect with who's important. And it was also the perfect time of year because I know a lot of people think New Year's resolutions are bullshit and you should just always have goals.

But for me, it always has been and hopefully always will be a time where I can reflect on what happened the year prior, what my wins were, what my losses were, what my failures were, and try to make this year better. And I was having, because I've been still involved in the business and, right, right. It was hard for me to think of goals, like real goals.

I came up with a couple goals that it was like, I hope to make X amount of money this year. It was like shallow bullshit that doesn't mean anything. I thought in for. And just like I thought, it cleared the weeds out. Everything became a picture perfect, clear as far as clarity is concerned, picture of what I need to be doing. And I wanted to reconnect with my family,

be in the moment, find my goals, manifest my goals, which we had talked a lot about manifestation the night before we went. And that's why I wanted to do it. What were your intentions? Dude, I think probably like you, you know, my intentions were a little different compared to my first experience with psychedelics, you know, first time going down to Mexico, really didn't know what to expect. So this time I think I had my intensions were a little bit more deliberate because I just kind

of knew how powerful these psychedelics can be and what they can do for an individual and that person's family. So for me, a couple of those things were really gaining some clarity and some direction at this point in my life where I've reached from here moving forward and in different aspects of my life. So as a father, as a husband, and as an entrepreneur, just trying to just look ahead, and the big picture of things, a lot of it was geared, my intentions were geared towards my family, having the ability to be present, you know, it's, dude,

we're just so much shit that goes on in our lives and it's very easy to allow that background noise to get louder and louder and ultimately take over and you kind of, you don't forget but the focus that you put on the things that truly matter, it kind of draws away from that. And I just know that that's the most important thing. And I just wanted to gain more techniques and ways to just be present with my family. And to be able to show them the love and the empathy and the attention that I feel like they deserve from my son, my daughter, my wife, you know, and even, you know, my parents, my wife's parents,

just everything. And I think that's one of the biggest things I've gotten out of doing psychedelics is, did I'm more empathetic than I've ever been in my entire life. You and me both. It's opened me up to things I never, I never even thought that I would have the ability

to see, you know. Me too, man. You know, I would like to put a little bit of context on recent history of you, if that's okay, and if it's not, you feel free to stop me. But fourth of July, last year year I got a call from you and I had no idea how dark of a place you were in and to put a little more context in it. I mean, you moved from Florida, you picked up your family, moved away from your son, moved to Tennessee, got a new job that did not work out

and it didn't take long. Then you had to uproot your family, your wife and daughter, again, moved to Texas, reestablish yourself, try to get your fishing business going again and I think the wheels just, you'd been running so hard that the wheels fell off. It took me totally by surprise. I know you checked into a brain clinic. I made a couple calls. I don't know if any of that helped or not, but not with the brain clinic, but with, you know, with somebody that's very near and dear to me.

But, and so I just thought I was like, man, I fucking love you, dude. And we're one of my best friends. And so I just thought I was like, man, I'll bet Nick, you know, I could use it. I'll bet he could use it. Let's just reconnect, get away from technology, get away from people, you know, and let's get out of town for a little bit and get back to what's important. And so he came in on, I think, a Friday night, and we had a long discussion

about manifestation. And that's something that I've been working on for a long time. And I guess not too long, but it's I've realized for me personally, and I think a lot of people think that manifestation is bullshit, but I'm here to tell you that is very real. And they gave you example after example of how I've manifested what this has turned into and a lot of different aspects in my family and business. And what was your, be honest, what was your initial thought when I brought up manifestation? Did you think I was insane?

No, not at all. It's actually, I found it ironic when you brought it up because it's a topic that I recently had started really digging into and kind of diving deep into in my own research and I've actually talked to some other just close friends. Cody Alfred, it was funny because I think four days, three or four days before I came to see you. I was actually with Cody and we had a conversation

about this and, you know, he was talking about it because he believes in it as well. And I'm just, I find it fascinating. And I do think there is something to it 100%. And I'm just at the point where I just want to learn now. I'm so interested in it. So when you brought it up, dude, I was like, so we're going here. Wasn't expecting it because I didn't know what your stance was on it.

And I thought it was a really, really good conversation. It was very educational for me and it, you know, showed me where you lie, where you stand with it. And it kind of still let me, left me, I just wanted more. And fast forward to the end of the weekend, it's mind blowing and it's real. Bill, yeah, it is, you know, and in short, without diving 100% into that conversation again, I was saying you were asking how I manifest what I want. And I'm still working on this. And to be honest, I haven't looked outward much on how other people manifest. I just, I realized that I'm doing it.

I've heard people mention it, talk about it, but the way I manifest my goals is, I just think, I think about it all the time. I think about it during meditation. I talked to my wife about it. I began very recently actually saying what I want out loud and throwing it out into the universe. I'm not going to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to be, it's going to come back to you tenfold in ways that you never expected. It's not going to come back from the people that you do the good for. It's going to come back in a completely different angle and blind side you. But back

to manifestation, how I like to manifest is by thinking a lot the power of thought I think is I don't think people put enough into that and the power of thought and I think bigger. I think about my goal and then I think about the next goal and the next goal and so what I do is in the immediate goal I just make it bigger and bigger and bigger. And when you think like that, all of the short-term goals automatically fall into place because you're thinking bigger. And so, it begins the manifestation process. You start gaining a tremendous amount of momentum because you're winning, winning, winning, winning,

winning. You know, in the only reason that's happening is one, you're taking action, but momentum because you're winning, winning, winning, winning, winning. And the only reason that's happening is one, you're taking action, but two, you're just thinking so far ahead that all of the initial goals wind up happening automatically because you're thinking so big. And I think momentum is a key component

when it comes to manifestation as well. Yeah, I agree. And I think the key word that you just mentioned was action, taking action. It's a lot more than just thinking of an idea or goal. There has to be an action taken there. And it could take five years to reach whatever that ultimate goal is.

It could take five years. And you just have to ask yourself, are you willing to work each and every day to make yourself better, to become a better version of yourself each and every day. And it could be in the most simple ways possible. Did I do this, did I do that? Look at yourself yesterday today. What did I do to work towards that goal?

And I think you talk about the power of thinking and it's a mindset thing. It's 100% a mindset thing and then taking action. So I agree with you. I never really thought of it as mindset. I don't know why, but when you say that, it makes perfect sense. So, the next day, we got ready and we had a long drive ahead of us to get to the destination.

And I take, I received so many benefits from my first psychedelic experience down with Trevor that I do not take this lightly. I'm very... It is very ritualistic for me. I take it extremely seriously. I don't clown around about it. I have my intentions written. I have the... I have to get in the mindset. I have them, I even have crystals. Well, dude, well, I know it's funny because I told Jillian, she's like, what did you guys do? And I said, well, Sean took me by this shop and we bought crystals and she laughed so hard dude.

It was just, it was funny because she's like, that's awesome. I believe in it, you know, and we went in there and I wanted a crystal that manage, or I'm sorry, not manage, but that goes along with my intentions. And my intention was to manifest. And well, dude, these are right there. These, the plant medicine, it's sacred. Right. And the two most important things that I've learned when it comes to experimenting with psychedelics is

One, your intentions and Two, the setting in which you perform those, you know And I thought that was something that was really cool that you did because it just it set the tone For that experience by doing all those things you You need to call the word you use, which is ritualistic. And some people may have looked at that and may have thought it's a little weird, but I think it helped with the overall experience. You know? Yeah.

I was, it was inter, my thought process was interesting because I was, I really opened up and showed you a side of me that I don't show really anybody. Yeah. Actually, to be honest, you're the only other person other than Katie that I've ever shown that side of myself to. And I didn't know how you were going to take it, but at the same time, I was like, I don't give a shit how he takes it. This is me.

Yeah. This is how I do this. Yep. If he's on board, great. If not, he can do his own thing and that's fine. But I do. I think it's very important to take this stuff extremely seriously and to get the most out of it. To be honest with you, I cannot stand it when people, they're like, hey, bro, can I get

some shrooms? And to me, it's not that at all. It is medicine. It's a very sacred medicine. It's thousands and thousands and thousands of years old that people have been utilizing and benefiting from for since way before anybody we know, Rome this earth.

And so we got in, we started to set our intentions. We had a discussion about that. So we got in, we started to set our intentions. We had a discussion about that. And do you wanna talk about that discussion? Okay, yeah, sure. I'll kick it off. We were talking a lot about what our intentions were when we went to Trevor's. Yeah.

And I'm gonna be honest with the audience. I have always struggled with my faith in God. And with that being said, God has shown me that He's present with me time and time and time again, but that wears off for me personally. And I just I always I see a lot of hypocrites in religion today in the church. And I don't buy off on religion. I don't blame anybody that's into that, but it's not for me. And it actually, when I feel like somebody's pushing a religious agenda on me, it makes me,

it creates distance between me and my faith. And I don't like that. And I interviewed Eddie Penny right before Christmas. The great interview. Every single guest, every person I've talked to, who means something to me since Eddie's episode, there's always been some type of religious aspect when it comes to God, Jesus, every single person, including you, who I never had any idea that you were religious at all.

And you told me that your intention, when you went down to Mexico, was I want to know if I have a relationship with God. Yeah And I don't know if you know this, but that hit me like a ton of bricks and and I Almost rewrote my intentions right there because I'm not kidding neck. It was it was Eddie Penny and Then I don't want to name everybody's names and all the discussions that we've had, but every guest that I've had on since him and not all of them have released yet have brought that up. And then you were the last one. All the coincidences outside of the people you've interviewed that had happened since that time as well. I remember you explaining to them to me and like, they're not coincidences, bro. Yeah. And I mean, people can call it what they want, religion, spirituality, you know, some people believe, you know, religion is man-made, but I now, since that time, have a relationship with God,

and I do consider myself a Christian, but I think just being open, more open to all that. Yeah, I kind of surprised myself going down there with that intention, but I was very much like you, prior to that, in terms of my faith with God. to that in terms of my faith with God. I question, I had so many questions and I saw a lot of the same things with the hypocrisy and the churches and things like that and it just made me question a lot and there's times where I'll be honest, you know, I was angry at God, you know, I blamed him for a lot of the misfortunes and the hardships in my life. I blamed him.

I feel very differently now. I have a very different view on it, and it just feels good because I know that God is present in my life and he's present in your life. Everybody's version of God may be different, but it's just, there's no feeling like it. There's no feeling of love. It's totally different than that of the relationship you have with your kids and your wife or anybody else. I'm glad you said that.

I am, I'm still searching every day. But you had mentioned, you had mentioned that and it did. It hit me, it hit me hard. And I almost, I almost rewrote my intentions and went with that and I told you I said, you know, I think I even vocalized it. I said, you know, I kind of think that should be my new intention.

But I think I need to come down here by myself to battle that one out. And so then we moved on and we took, we started with four grams of psilocybin. Yeah, let's mention that. We mentioned psychedelics. I don't think we mentioned what we did specifically. It was the psilocybin. Yeah, let's mention that. We mentioned psychedelics. I don't think we mentioned what we did specifically. It was the psilocybin.

Yeah. This is your second time? This was, so I did one psilocybin journey by, with my wife, Kate. Okay. And it was, I did two grams. I wanted to go very light. I don't, like I said. I wanted to go very light.

I don't, like I said, I take this stuff very seriously. And I don't 100% trust myself with it yet. I do a lot more now after what we just went through. But I will say that two grams was like, was nothing like the experience that I had with Trevor. We now live in a world that is unraveling minute by minute, day by day. None of us can predict what tomorrow is going to bring at this point. Picture this, grocery stores, stripped clean, nothing on the shelf, no food, no water, warehouses, closed, empty restaurants, closed, empty. Where are you going to

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what those are or were, but it gave me, it just gave me the courage and the ability to articulate it in a perfect way and clear my head. And we worked through so much that night. And that's the only other time that I've done it since I went down with Trevor. And for those of you listening that are wondering who Trevor is, Trevor is the psychedelic provider that treated myself and Nick. And his website is in the description below. If you are thinking about doing a psychedelic journey for healing and you're scared to do it by yourself and you wanted to do it in a professional environment. I'm linking his website below. I Trevor, I love you buddy. Yeah, dude. And I just wish the best for you. And you've done so much for me.

But, but, and so moving into this one, I wanted to go with you and I wanted to do a heavier dose so we started with four grams and I think five grams is the hero dose correct. Yeah, this is my first time I were doing it by the way Yeah, and and so we took four grams and a teeth form and we sat by a fire and we talked about our intentions It took took about 30 minutes, about 30 minutes to start feeling it for me. I think it took you longer, but I'm going to leave it to you now. Yeah, so wasn't really sure what to expect this being my first time. We were hanging around the fire and it wasn't like sure what to expect this being my first time. You know, we were hanging around the fire. And it wasn't like the other experience, like you said,

with Trevor words, just like, you know, I kind of, I guess I don't want to call expectation, but what I envisioned the experience being like, it was a little different, but in a really good way, not taking anything away from the experience. And like you said, it took me a little longer to really start feeling it, but I just noticed that my, where I was at with my thought process started to go deeper and deeper and deeper. And I was tapping into things that I was like, wow, started to gain some introspection

in ways that I don't know that I ever have and kind of like related to the way that you said it was like once the conversation started rolling I felt like I had just gotten years of therapy out of the way, you know. Right at the initial. This is not, I mean, not initially, but this progressed throughout the night. It was like, it wasn't like a ramp up of, you know, where you come up here and then, you know,

you slowly and subtly come down. It was just a gradual climb for me. And that was when, as the thoughts started getting deeper and deeper, that's when we decided, I think it kind of eased both of our minds because like you said, the trust of doing it, and you don't know what to expect, you know, and you do hear people talk about having a bad trip. And while others will say there's no such thing

as a bad trip because you're getting the benefits regardless whether you feel, whether they feel good or not, right? But at that point is when we decided to to take more, you know, and I think well we kind of said hell with tea at that point and we just started to eat them. Yeah. We wound up taking about 10 grams of mushrooms. Is that what it was? Yeah, I took 10 grams. I weighed another two, I ate those, then I weighed another two, I ate those, and then I grabbed a handful, and I took those.

And just for the audience to understand, I wasn't just shoveling, sell a siphon in my mouth. What I was doing is I was making sure where I was going was going to be a good place. And I felt I didn't get a lot of visuals. I felt very connected. I felt very connected to you. I felt very connected to you. I felt very connected to the surroundings for the audience, the setting that we were in, we were way out in the middle of nowhere,

surrounded by wilderness, lots of waterfalls, creeks, zero distraction, two and a half hours, three hours away from any major city. And it was just a perfect story. And I, not a cloud in the sky, you could see everything out. And I remember my thought, my thought, I kept, I was worried about you. I kept worrying about you. And I just had this sense that you were really struggling and that you felt a lot of pain.

And initially I was going, all right, he just needs to be by himself. And I need to be by myself. I need to be by myself. So I went inside and I did a couple of breathing exercises. At this point, 10 grams is kicking. And it was really, really kicking. But I still, I didn't have, I had barely any visuals. The only visual that I had off, right off the bat,

was I had like this, it was like a green light that was projecting from the back of my head. I remember you saying that. And I was like, I don't know, I still don't know what that was. And, but I laid down, totally relaxed, put my arms out, you were outside by the fire, and I just, I could not, I was getting frustrated because I could not get you out of my thoughts. And I was not down there to think about you. I was down there to think about

what's important to me, to manifest my goals, you know, think of new ways to show my wife and my son that I love them. But I could just, I could feel your presence. And I remember yelling. I was like, well, maybe if I just yell as loud as I can, that'll clear my head and a new thought will come in. Because we'd talked a lot about meditation as well. And how, when I meditate, I let every thought come through my head. And sometimes there's hundreds of thoughts. Sometimes it takes an hour to get there. Sometimes I never get there.

But the way I meditate is I don't fight the thoughts. I sit there and, and it's like a bird's eye view. I'm watching everything, but I'm just letting the clouds pass by. You're present with your thoughts and you're sitting with them, yeah. And I let the thought play out in my head,

and then that disappears and a new thought comes in. And then that thought disappears and a new thought comes in. And eventually, you get to the point where you've run through every thought that's in your head and that's when you get the thought of nothingness. And I never realize that I'm thinking of nothingness until I snap out of it. And that's when I realize I've cleared my entire head.

Every thought in there is gone. Well, the thought of you was not leaving my head. And I was just laying there. I was like, this thought's gonna pass. I'll be present with the thought it will pass. It didn't pass. So I yelled, screamed as loud as I could. You're still in there.

I don't know how much time had passed, but then you walked in and I think you were asking if I was okay and I just said, no, you're in my mind. And this is gonna sound really weird and I'm very reluctant to say this, but I'm going to empower you right now. I can't believe you're saying it right now.

And I want you to sit down and I'm gonna ask you some questions. I don't want you to give me the shortest answer you possibly can with the least amount of words. I said I can feel that you're struggling and I want you to get through this because I love you. And I asked, what is holding you back? what was going through your head when that came out of my mouth?

I was trying to process everything because I was kind of, when you, I came in, when you asked me to sit down, I think I laid down on the floor next to you were in the bed and I just laid down there next to you because so I could hear you. And when you said, I can't get you out of my head, I was like, I didn't know what to say to that.

You know. And when you asked that question, if you recall, it probably took me, it was some silence there. And I started going through all the thoughts. I started trying to find the answer for myself because I really didn't have an answer. And I think I even gave you a couple answers, but they weren't the answer. I think at that point, the conversation continued.

I told you your strengths. Yeah, I think the big one was communication. It was. I said, Nick, because I just had this sense that you're really struggling with self-worth, which we figured out you were struggling with self-worth. And I said, Nick, do you even know what I consider your number one attribute to be? And you said, no. And I said, I talked to Katie about this all the time. You have this amazing ability to communicate exactly what you're thinking. Nobody has any doubts into what you want.

You're very descriptive. You're very direct. And that can be extremely hard to do. And I tell Katie that all the time, when I'm talking to my team, when I'm talking to people with business, when I'm trying to protect myself, you know, from being taken advantage of. And a lot of that has to do with communication.

And I've all ever since I remember watching you teach for the first time. And when we were teaching tactics together and I was like, this guy can communicate like nobody have ever seen. He can convey exactly what's going on in his head and exactly what he wants to an audience and it just, it comes so natural to you. And I've learned a lot by just observing

how you communicate, how you direct, how you protect yourself from being taken advantage of, how all these things, and I have, I've vocalized it to Katie several times, and I wanted you to know, like I said, Nick, nobody can take control on command of Rome better than you. I remember saying that, and I said, you're extremely good at it.

And, you know, how did that feel? Did anybody ever told you that before? No, it has ever told me that. And I knew exactly what you were talking about, you know, one of the, the term we call it in the military is a command presence. There's just, there's some folks, I'm not just going to say there's some guys because there's women that have this, this rare ability as well. To when they speak, they just have this presence of command that overtakes overwhelms a room. And I mean, did you might have a room full of alpha types?

But there's something different about that person that even the other alphas of the room know when that person speaks to just listen, you know. And when you said that, dude, I think that I'm getting goosebumps just talking about it because I'm replaying that night in my head right now. And the word in power, you know, that that's exactly what it did for me. And it was self-worth that I was struggling with and I didn't even realize it. And, uh, did it felt good? It felt really good because I told my wife the same thing,

I think that you told Katie, I don't think I've ever had a conversation like you and I had that night with any other individual. I don't know that her and I have ever been able to go that deep. I don't think we have ever been able to go that deep. I don't think we've ever been able to go that deep into something like that. And it meant the world to me, dude. It was mind blowing, but it was a, there's a revelation that I, I needed. And I'm sure we'll get further into where it went from there because it got even better. You can take it from here.

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of nicotine or tobacco products. I felt like I was trying to muster every ounce of wisdom that I could possibly muster into my head and convey that to you to empower you to move on with your next goals in life. And at the same time, like I was, I did not want to come across cocky, you know, and, and, and that was, I was very insecure in bringing that conversation up because, because of who you aren't. I mean, you're one of the most accomplished combat veterans I've ever met. And I mean, you killed the number three fucking guy. And the things that you've been through are their horrific and their heroic. And I've told you this, I don't think, I've interviewed all kinds of people and I don't think anybody, the most gruesome, worse stories

that I've ever heard of are from grunt marines. And I've always just had like a very, very deep respect for you, not only because of that, because of who you are as a person too, but I'm just trying to paint a picture. It was very, it took a lot of vulnerability for me to say to you, I'm going to empower you now. And I didn't know how that was going to come across, but I thought it was worth the gamble because I wanted to, I had a lot to say.

Actually, I didn't have a lot to say. I had a little to say, and I was very direct about what I said. You're very deliberate, very direct about it. And it helped me discover, I got to thinking about it, you know, as we were talking about it, and the communication piece, I'm like, you know, I started to tell you why I why I am that way. I think I started to just kind of explain, you know, well, I tend to be very passionate about certain things. So I would say, I care too much, you know. But I don't wanna leave any gray area

and what people may perceive. I don't want there really to be. It's one of those things like perception isn't always reality. I don't want there to be, I wanna be real. I want people to know what's on my mind and what I'm thinking, whether that's good or bad. I think communication is a huge piece.

And something that we should all try to do better in every aspect of our lives, whether it's business, relationship with your kids, with your wife, friends, social life, in all aspects. And dude, when you said that to me, and we had that conversation and about that. And I mean, I think at that point, I was doing a lot more of the talking than you were because you pretty much said what you said, you were very direct to the point. And it almost just got the wheels in my head turning

and I started going through all these different scenarios. And I was like, holy shit, he's right. He's right. He's right. And then I started to think about the ways that having that benefit me, instead of being hard on myself, like I am, I beat the shit out of myself, dude. And maybe it's that thing of kind of looking at the glass half empty instead of half full. But I feel like it really kind of helped me look at it towards the glass half full. I was like, shit, that's a really good trait to have. And it boosted me, dude. It gave me confidence. It gave me confidence

that I didn't have prior to that weekend, you know. And I thank you's not enough. I don't think, and I told you this, I don't think I've ever, and you and I have spent a lot of time together, we've spent a lot of late nights, you know, talking about things and having some, you know, discussions that I think most people just don't have. And most would consider those deep that night was on another level, dude. And I don't think I've ever seen you as focused as you were. It was almost eerie, dude. It was almost eerie. But what I learned from it is priceless. Thank you for saying that. When I was doing it, just to paint the setting, you know, we weren't, there was no eye contact.

We were in that room. Nothing. And I had my eyes closed, laying on my back, looking up at the ceiling. And it was, I felt so much clarity that it almost felt like somebody was talking through me. Cause like, somebody had taken control of my body and was conveying my thoughts out of my wisdom, out of my head.

And then I realized, and then the thought came into my head, as we were talking, this isn't anybody. This is you. And you want it goals. This is your fucking goal. You need to do this to more people. And I thought I'd been kind of doing this with the show, you know, with these interviews and bringing guys on and watching their businesses explode and helping them, you know, think through

things, maybe not helping them think through things, but just diving in deep and making the guests think about things they've never thought about and in turn, the audience empowers the guests, you know, and it does. It doesn't absolutely. You've been through it, you know, the power that this audience conveys to the guests when they feel that connection. And this was, man, this was just totally different. And it did, Nick, it gave me,

by becoming vulnerable myself and empowering you, it made me realize, this is one, I'm on the right track. I'm doing exactly what I should be doing with this show right now. And I've always had these things where I need to be doing this and I need to be doing that.

And I kind of started falling into whatever. The show doesn't matter. That's not what this episode is about, but it just felt really good to do that. And then we got into another discussion about deserving it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah. And it led into the, I think that conversation is what led into our second day as well. We, we're both getting emotional. And you kept saying,

how your family deserves better, your wife deserves better, your daughter deserves better, your family deserves better, your wife deserves better, your daughter deserves better, your son deserves better. And do you remember this conversation? Yeah. And I said, Nick, what are you talking about? Why do you think they deserve better? And you kind of mumbled a couple of things

and I didn't really make out what you were saying and I said, Nick, right now at this very moment you are at rock bottom. You have a military pension, you have a VA benefits, all you have to do is get up and this is as bad as it gets. I was like, you have a beautiful wife, a beautiful daughter, an incredibly handsome son who

loves you dearly. And all you have to do is wake up. All the bills are paid, everything's gonna be fine. You're just putting this pressure on yourself. And I was like, you wanna feel pressure. I was like, look at these guys that marry these, these bimbo's, you know, big fake titties, big fake ass, fake lips, fake this, fake that, everything's fake. You know, dealing with the pressure of that,

that's pressure. What you have is a genuine, loving, beautiful wife who loves you, who doesn't give a shit about that kind of stuff. She doesn't care about the bags and the watches and the diamonds and the, she just loves you, man. And I don't think you've ever thought that, you know? And I think because you've been looking outward, and I wanted you to look inward and realize,

Nick, like, this is as bad as it gets. It doesn't get worse than this. Anything worse is only in your head. And you have nowhere to go but up. And you deserve it all. You deserve everything. Look at what you've done for this country, look at what you've done for people through your nonprofit. Look at all the things that you've done and all the good that you've injected to the world. And it's ready to come back to you, but you have to realize that you deserve it.

You deserve everything that's coming to you. And that took me a long time to realize as well. You have to you have to know that you deserve it. I mean, I used to wake up every day and look at the mirror and say, you're the most worthless piece of shit I've ever seen in my fucking life. It off your fucking ass, you know, put the bottle down, put the Coke down, put the fucking oxies down, put in, for years, that's what I would tell myself. I told myself that when I was working for the CIA, I told myself that when I started

vigilance elite, I told myself that every day, every day in the mirror, you can do better. You're worthless, you're a fucking piece of shit. And it wasn't until I changed my mindset that shit started falling in. And instead of saying that, it was, you deserve that. Yeah. Go get it. It's right there.

All you have to do is go and get it. Yeah, then I needed that, dude. I've told you this several times since last weekend, I needed that, dude. I've told you this several times since last weekend, I needed that because I needed, you know, I'd reached a point in my life where I needed to take that next step forward. forward. But until I realized what we were discussing in terms of, you're right. I was looking outward. I wasn't looking inward. And what you helped me discover is allowing me to take that step forward. I don't think I would have been able to take that step forward. I was on the fence. I was stagnant if you will. And I don't know that I would have been able to take that step forward without realizing, maybe I do fucking deserve

this. Do you fucking deserve this? Maybe I do. Of course you do. And now that I see that, it's fucking game time. My love here and that. Yeah, it's fucking game time, man. And it's only gonna get better. We're damn right.

Yeah, it's only gonna get better for me, for my family, and for every single person that I come into contact with. Because at the end of the day, it's not about us, man. It's about serving others and helping people. And I've realized that regardless of what I'm doing in my life, the one constant, the one thing that brings fulfillment and a sense of purpose is helping others, man. But I couldn't take that next step forward to doing that without realizing within myself that I deserve it.

And so, dude, I mean, thank you, man. Like thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I deserve it. And so, dude, I mean, thank you, man. Like, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I never thought a single conversation could be so meaningful and impactful, but like, wow, you know. You're welcome. It's been a week since... It's been a week today.

Yeah, it's been a week since... It's been a week today. Yeah, it's been a week today since that conversation. And just one week, if I look at just that one week and what's taken place, I'm like, wow, I've been holding back, I've been allowing this to hold me back. I've been harnessing it, but I haven't been executing. And it's time to execute. Yeah, it is. So what happened after that conversation? I think, in my journey, so I think I went back outside by the fire one more time and I actually

started to get some visuals. Really? Yeah. So, I kind of leaned back in the chair that I was sitting in by the fire. And like you said, it was such a clear night, dude, that you could see every single star of this beautiful. And I just was sitting there in deep thought, looking at the stars, and the visual I got was,

it was all, everything was, all the stars were connected, and they were connected by like hexagons. Really? Yeah. Like, you ever look at like a chart of like cells and atoms and stuff and how it connects everything? That's what it was.

Interesting. Yeah. But it was all the stars and because it was, I mean, such a clear night, it was dark, you know, you could see everything, but you could also see how it was all connected. And it just really took me down this, I guess you could call it a rabbit hole. And I just got into this deep thought process

of the universe and the possibilities of what could be, you know. That's a deep rabbit hole. Yeah, we'll save that for another day. Yeah. But, uh, and that was also something that just I couldn't believe, you know, some of those thoughts that I was able to process and kind of what I learned from it. But again, we'll save that conversation for another day. I remember going out there and I said, I can't remember what point I went out there, but I remember going out there and I said, I mean, it was thousands of stars. And I mean, you really couldn't have been more clear.

And I, it was amazing. And I said, isn't it crazy that we can see all these stars? Yeah. And none of them can see us. That's how many school we are in the universe. Yep. They cannot even see us. We can see them. They cannot see us. That's how menace school we are in the universe. Yep. They cannot even see us. We can see them. They cannot see us because we are nothing. Yeah. But why didn't go after that conversation? I was, I had moved on and I had realized I said, okay,

like, that's one of my goals. That was supposed to happen. And I felt the connection, we had our conversation. And I think I even vocal, I took one out of your book and just communicated and I said, Nick, I'm not trying to be rude, but I wanna be by myself now. And at that point I think you did go yeah you did go back outside and I just laid there and I was just thinking about

my family and how I can show them new ways that I love them. And then, and then it kind of started to wear off a little bit and I don't sleep well. I've noticed the three experiences that I've had now psychedelics, I do not sleep well. And actually it takes me about a week to get back on a sleep schedule. And did you have any more visuals when you went to? That was the only visual I had that night.

I think I might have saw, I guess you could call them tracers, you know? But that was the only real visual that I had. Let's take a break when we pick up. Again, we'll talk about the next morning. Cool. The average on-farm income in the United States was a loss of $1,100. 60% of US port comes from one company, wholly owned by the Chinese.

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All right, Nick. We had a good break. Retrayed some of our steps from day two, but I'll kick it off. So we woke up and we basically had kind of had the same discussion that we just had and dissected a little bit of our, of the previous night on, you know, roughly 10 grams of psilocybin and had some breakfast, had some deep conversations, just a recap of what happened. Started talking about some of my goals a little bit, which I will get into, But, you know, I think we were both kind of on the edge there on the day two. It was a rough night. I don't think

any of us got any sleep. It was freezing cold. That cabin was heated by a wood stove. So it was 90 degrees out. Then it's 20 degrees, put some wood in, 90 degrees, and in anyways, plus all the thoughts, you know, that we're going through our heads all night long. And I had asked you, I said, Nick, do you want to do this again? And you, did you, I don't think you did want to do it? I was hesitant. I know, I wasn't even hesitant. I had kind of made my mind up that I was not going to do it again. That morning I just didn't, I just wasn't feeling well. Not like, oh, I'm sick. My mind was just, I think I was still trying to process everything.

And I had a lot of different feelings and emotions that were running through me. And I just didn't know if I was ready to try to do that again. I didn't want to overwhelm myself. And yeah, so I was kind of like in my mind, I told myself, you know, I'm just going to, I'm just going to be here and hold space for for Sean if he decides he wants to do some more. And, uh, yeah, you and I kind of talked about it, because he'd asked me. And I think from there, you were like, well, I'm fucking here to do work. So, uh, and, uh, you did, you'd ask, you said, are you doing it in the internet? I said, you know, ideally, I'd like the entire day to process yesterday.

Yeah. But unfortunately, we're limited on time. You're leaving tomorrow. And I said, we've had this time set aside for months. Yeah. I think we've had it set aside for four or five months. And I said, I'm down here to do work. I'm down here to dig deep.

I don't care how uncomfortable it gets. I want to do, I want to work on myself and I want to dig deep and I want to achieve what I came down here for, whatever it may be. And so, at that point, I think I kind of convinced you. So we weighed out another six grams of psilocybin, started with six. And this one hit me a little different me too, and honest with you. But once again, we had said our setting, we decided we're going to go to this waterfall and be immersed in nature. This was daytime, not nighttime. We set a campfire over there, sat in front of the waterfall, went back, took the next

dose to psilocybin, the six grams, and I said, hey, Nick, you want to go on a, let's just go on a hike. It's going to take a minute for this stuff to kick in. So we hiked up to this waterfall, came down across the stream and right as we crossed this, right as we were crossing the stream, it started to hit me. And we kinda, we'd sat down in the chairs, looking right at this waterfall and, and I'll kick it over to you.

What were you experiencing? Yeah, I started to feel it pretty quicker than I had the night prior. And it, but it was different. Like it was a different, it was, it's hard to explain, but it was a really, it was different feeling, it was a different experience. And I think we probably sat there hard to explain, but it was a really, it was different feeling, it was a different experience.

And I think we probably sat there in total silence for a solid 30, probably 30 minutes. And at that point, I think you got up and you mentioned something about like, hey, I'm going to go, I'm going to go for a walk. And I think I even started like grabbing my stuff and I was just going hey, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go for a walk. And I think I even started grabbing my stuff and I was just gonna go with you, but something told me that I needed to just stay there. And so I told you, I was like, I'll catch up with you later or whatever.

And so you went on and to do your thing and I don't even think you had like really got, I mean, did you even got 30, 40 yards away? And I just, I just broke down, dude. I just, really? Yeah, I just started crying, man. What did you break down about? You know, I, I, I think it was just I had basically looked back like I had

taken everything that had taken place over the last year and it was almost like in a fast forward mode but everything just played through my head in that 30 minute time where we were just in silence, you know, staring at the waterfall. And I was, I think I was just so overwhelmed with emotions that it was just uncontrollable. Like it just, I just cried. I can't even tell you why. Like I can't even, there wasn't anything at that moment. If you were standing there like, why are you crying? I wouldn't have been able to give you an answer

and be like, this is why. I didn't even know. I just knew that I was overwhelmed with emotions. And so I sat there and I cried. I don't know, 15 minutes. And I decided I was going to go, I was going to go back to the cabin. So I got up and I walked. And I think I was just, you know, I was in tears when the whole walk back to the cabin. And thinking, man, I really hope I don't run into this dude because he's you know, you know

and me. Yeah. Why? I don't know man, it was just like this, I don't know, I just didn't want you to see me like that and I don't want you to worry, you know what I mean, I don't want you to see me and you be having whatever experience you were having on your journey and it to have an effect on that, you know what I mean. So I was kind of trying to to, I wanted to protect you.

I didn't want me to, my, what I was dealing with at that moment to have a negative effect on your experience. And so I got back, before I went into the cabin, I made sure you weren't in there, like just trying to check, look in there, and you weren't, and so I kinda went in there and I I sat in the chair and I didn't turn any lights on. I just kind of sat there, man. And I, I practiced what you'd told me the night before about sitting with your thoughts

and just being present with them. Because I think I've kind of gotten into the habit of when some of these thoughts and these emotions start to come on and they become overwhelming, I've gotten really good at finding things to distract me from them. I'll find things to make myself busy, you know. And it allows me to not have to deal with those things. It allows me to not have to face them.

At that moment, I know they're going to come back, but it buys me time. And I was like, you know what, I'm gonna try this. And I just sat there, man, and I just fucking bald. I was like sobbing. And I was, I was just had all these different thoughts. Well, was it about your family? It was about, a lot of it was about my family, but it was, some of the things were that I was playing in my head were moments in my life where I felt like I had failed

and feeling like a failure in a lot of ways. And started to go back to those thoughts again of the not deserving piece that we talked about, and wondering why my wife is with me. And feeling like I just want so much more for her and almost convincing myself that I am unable to provide that. And I sat with those thoughts for a while, kind of hoping you wouldn't come back because of the state I was in. And I think I kind of heard you, this was probably an hour from the time I had sat down in that chair to the time that you'd come back.

And I think I was like, I wanna go outside. I don't wanna try doing this outside. So I walked outside and I sat in the chair where I was sitting the night prior where we had the fire set up and I continued to do it there. And at some point I started to feel like a shift in my thoughts. Really? Yeah. in my thoughts. Really? Yeah. And I don't know if it had something to do with the environment, being with nature.

I don't know. I really don't know what it was. Like a good shift? Yeah. Yeah. And shortly thereafter, you know, I was like, it started to go from that really dark, negative place and it started to shift over to positive

and then it slowly started gaining momentum. And then right about that time, shortly thereafter, you got back from, I think you were out on a walker hike, and you got back, and you saw me sitting there, but I don't think you, I think you just wanted to let me, you know, just be, and so you passed by me and I heard you go, go into the door of the cabin, and, I don't know why, but I just felt this urge

to come in and talk to you. And I came in and I was like, how you doing, man? You know, ask how you are doing and just trying to gauge what your journey was like. I think your exact words are I'm feeling really fucking good. I was. And you're like, I needed this. And I don't even know what really triggered it, man. I'm trying to think if it's something that I said or something you said.

And I think I just, I think I just started ball and dude I started crying. You did. Yeah, I think I just started crying and you were like, what, what's up? What's going on? Like you are concerned. And I just started like spill in my guts, dude. All the thoughts and the emotions and the things that I was thinking about, the things that were like, had been bringing me down. I just was like, for some reason, I just felt the strong urge to share them with you. You know?

And yeah, dude, the conversation that took place from there was like mind blowing. I mean dude, we, so the things that I told you were about my wife and how I just, I mean I think the world of my wife and I mean I I'm so, dude, I'm so fortunate, like I'm so lucky to have met her and to have her in my life and to be able to call her my wife. Like, there's so many times where I'm like, I do not deserve, I don't know how she puts out my ship, but I do not deserve this woman. And there's been times, man, we're like, I remember us, like her and I have in conversations where she's like, what do I have to do to prove to you that I love you?

And I know that she loves me. I've always known that she loves me, you know, or she wouldn't marry me. I'm just not like I'm holding a gun to her head or I got all kinds of money, you know? Or anything like that. Like I knew that she loved me, but I think it was trying to wrap my head around. I couldn't understand why somebody would want to be with me, why somebody would love me. And maybe it's because I can see this broad picture and of my life and I can pinpoint the failures or the things that I've done wrong in my life, you know, and I ask myself how, how can this person, how could anyone want,

want to love me unconditionally, you know? And I think we, we started talking about that. We started talking about my son, who's now in a different state, which I struggle with a lot. I do everything I can to have as close a relationship as I can with him. His mom and I have a great relationship, which helps all that, you know. And I told you a little bit about that,

and then as my daughter, who just turned two, you know, I want her to, I want to give her the childhood that I never had, you know? And I just, dude, I just was like spill on my guts. And you were just, dude, you were like, you were so laser sharp, dude. It's like you were staring right at me. And I don't think you ever, like it was like, if you could frickin' if your eyes had lasers,

you were like burning a hole into me. That's how, like just focused you were. I was, I'll never forget that feeling. It was like, it's like you didn't even blink, but you were so focused on what I was sayin'. And you listened. You just listened. And I was carrying on with this,

I was having an episode, dude. Yeah. I was having an episode. And you were like, this is good. And I'm like, wasn't the reaction, it wasn't what I was expecting to hear, you know? And you're like, we're getting somewhere, you know. And at that point, you let into, dude, your wife loves you, bro. And you gave

me all the reasons and your eyes, why she loves me. And, I mean, dude, I just got, like, I got so emotional and you were like, you deserve all of this, like, don't you? It was kind of like that tough love, like that big brother, you know, and you were like, don't you fucking get it? Like, you deserve this. Just accept it. All you got to do is take it and Do that that shift that I told you about where it kind of like Started to go from those those deep dark thoughts to positive

It went from that little shift To just a complete breakthrough. And I was like, dude, I was like, oh my God, like, oh my God. And I was like, honestly, dude, the very first moment that I could truly realize, understand, and accept that like, my wife loved me for me, like just Whatever I am like for me, dude, and I just, I could, and you were just, just like you're smiling right now as I sat there, because you could see this unfolding right in front of your eyes. And just the way you're looking at me right now, you were just staring at me. And I was like, it was like I just discovered a secret that I'd been left out of my entire life, you know? And I was like, holy shit. And we're like, we're out in the middle of nowhere. Dude, we got no cell phone service, no nothing. And I'm just like, I got to talk

to my wife. I have to tell her. And I, like, I just wanted to thank her. Like, I'm just like, I gotta talk to my wife. I have to tell her. And I just wanted to thank her. Like I was just like so, this overwhelming feeling of just gratefulness. I mean, dude, she's been through so much. We're hard, hard people to live with as it is, dude. Like we're difficult individuals, man. Yes, we are. Now I won't go down that road and all the bore you

with the details, but, dude, she's been through so much and she's never wavered, bro. She's stuck by my side the whole time, willingly. There was nothing else for her. There was no ulterior motive. There was nothing that she was to gain by doing that. Other than she just loved me, she loves me. And I was like, man, I just feel like I need to like,

go to town just to get service so I can tell her this. Like I just, I've had this strong urge, like I gotta tell her. And you were like, here, take the keys. And as a matter of fact, you don't have to go all the way to town. And, uh, yeah, dude, I went to a little spot where I was able to get just enough service to call or... And, uh... How was that conversation?

Amazing. Yeah. And so, I was just transparent with her, dude. I told her exactly what was on my heart. You know, exactly what I was feeling. I think she was kind of taken back first. She was, it was a surprise.

One, she didn't expect to call for me because she knew that we were gonna be in an area with no cell phone coverage. So I think initially she was, has everything okay? Are you good, you know? And once I eased her mind, yeah, I said, I just needed to call you and I wanted to talk to you.

Do you have a minute? And I know she had her family, her parents were at my house visiting that weekend. And I knew that. So I said, do you have a minute to talk in private? She said, yeah, yeah, so she, you know, went in a room and I just did, I just let her know. I told her, I was like, all this time, all these years. It's not that I didn't believe you. It's that I couldn't understand why you would want me, you know.

And maybe it was the self-worth factor. Maybe that's what it was. And that conversation, dude, like that whole weekend, that to be the culminating thing, it's made our, like, our marriage, like that, that just, I mean, dude, it was like a super power like it just strengthened our marriage so much. She was so like, I think she was so appreciative that I was able to bring that like to just speak, she could tell. I was just speaking what was on my heart. And I think she was just, she was kind of blown away, but I think she appreciated it so much.

And we're so happy that I had finally come to this realization. And she was like, yeah, I do. I do, and I'm not going anywhere. Damn. And she was like, Damn. And she was like, yeah, she was like, just keep doing what you're doing

because you're on the right path. And I know, I know that you can do this. You know? I mean, dude, six months ago, she was getting the guns out of the house. It was making phone calls to get me into a brain clinic because I was suicidal. And I was, I almost checked out, dude. And looking back and just seeing how all this has played out, I think that she was just like, you're on the right track.

You can do this. And when she said that, dude, I, like, when she said, you can do this. And I'm not going anywhere Hey, that sense of relief Was just like holy crap, you know It was everything It was everything It was everything And man I hung up that phone and we just sat there for a minute. I was like wow

Wow, you know And so I came back I came back down to the cabin. I wasn't such a good mood dude. I was like, I think I said to you, I'm so glad that we decided to do this again today. And you know, I just have had a week to reflect on that and to process everything. And I just can't believe what it did. I mean, did just psychedelic my experience as I've had with psychedelics in general have opened me up far beyond what I ever imagined. Yeah, me too. You know.

Me too. And so come back to the cabin and I think we were both just like, I think I came back and I told you how the conversation went and we were just looking at each other, I think you were making pizza or something in the kitchen. looking at each other, I think you were making pizza or something in the kitchen. And I think I hugged Jim.

Yeah, we did. Yeah. You know, it's interesting because I remember, I remember that morning, we were eating breakfast. And I felt like you had got a lot out of our conversation that night, the empowerment conversation. And in the morning, when we were having breakfast, we were talking about our experience and I remember you saying, I remember feeling that you didn't think that you'd got what you wanted out of it. We had a conversation about that.

Yeah, I remember now. And I remember telling you, I was like, Nick, how can you say that? And you were like, well, I was kind of expecting. And I was like, exactly, you were expecting. I was like, the experience, what you experienced wasn't what you had expected to experience, but maybe it was actually better than what you expected because look at what happened. Look at all the things that we figured out.

And I think that a lot of people that experiment with psychedelics are waiting for this grandiose visualization of whatever hallucination and lots of bright colors and pink elephants and shit. And with me, you know, when the times that I've done this, I don't, yes, I get some visuals, you know, and I've described those in another episode, but I don't get a lot of visuals. What I get is a very, I get a, I go to a higher level of consciousness, and I become extremely intuitive and clarity. I don't think I could be more clear in my thoughts. And I conveyed that to you.

I said, Nick, maybe you didn't get what you wanted, but you got what you needed. I was in and replayed our conversation. And I think that shifted your perspective immediately. You're like, shit, I think I think you're right. Yeah. And maybe what you expected is what you wanted, but that's not what you got. Yeah. And I'm glad we had that conversation because, and I also remember when you came back, when I came back to the cabin from my walk. I remember I handed you the psilocybin and I said you need to take more. This is good. We're getting somewhere. And this is something you need to face. And honestly I can't remember if you took or not, but that's irrelevant because you did exactly what you needed

to do and it came to you. And so I'm gonna backtrack to kind of my experience of the waterfall, if you don't mind, but we're sitting there and again, I just, I felt your presence next to me, not that that's a bad thing, but I really needed to be by myself. And what I wanted to, I wanted to observe nature

at that time. And I started, so I began to do breathing exercise again and I tried meditation, eyes closed, eyes open. And I could feel, I could feel it manifesting itself inside of me, but I wasn't getting anything yet. And the first thing that happened was I started to feel the oneness again. I had not felt the oneness, meaning everything is one since I did my five M.E.L. with Trevor. I take that back. I felt at one time and very, very deep meditation

for maybe literally two seconds. And then it went away because I tried to look further into it. Yeah, I tried to. I knew what I was experiencing and I wanted to experience it more. And as soon as I did that, it went away. I never felt it again until we were sitting in front of the waterfall that day. And what I felt was that all motion was going, all motion, everything that was happening in front of me

was all going at the exact same speed. The flies, the stream, the gravity pool and the water down the waterfall, I felt everything was going the exact at the exact same rate of speed just in different directions and I could see once again how everything is perfectly in tune and connected. Right when I felt that, Jesus' face appeared in a rock on the waterfall where the water was splitting over his head and going down both sides and he had the crown with the thorns on. And I remember looking at it at him in disbelief. And I kept closing my eyes and opening my eyes, but still there. And I'd look away and look at something else for a little while, and I'd look back, and he's still there.

And we'd looked at that waterfall probably a thousand times before. And sometimes before. And it's almost, and I was just in total disbelief, even knowing what I was seeing. And to be completely honest, still to this day, I have a hard time with it. And I just, I just, I cannot help it, I struggle. I struggle with my fake. And I just kept looking at it. I kept looking at it at him. And I was like, holy shit.

Me and Nick talked about this. I almost made this my intention, but I didn't, and I don't think I'm ready for this, but it's here. And I sat with it for a little bit. And I just kept staring, staring, staring, staring. And it was not disappearing. I kept thinking maybe it's gonna turn into something else. This is probably just the psychedelics.

I'm not, you know, I'm not, this is just in my head. I'm not supposed to see this. This isn't what I think it is. And then I just sat with it and I let it be. And, but I still felt your presence. I felt your presence coming in again. And so that's when I got up and I decided I'm gonna leave. And I just... I didn't know where it was taking me. But I was gonna find out. And...

And when I left it did, it that thought... kind of went away. And I went on a hike through the streams and I just started talking to myself and I was talking to myself about manifestation again and we had had a conversation about a nonprofit that morning and I've had a lot of people tell me, you know, Sean, you need to start. You need to get into philanthropy. You bring all these people on the show. You raise lots of money, you know, for all these different nonprofits, which are great

nonprofits. But I never really get to see exactly where the funds go. And it's been suggested, I don't know how many times, a mean you had a conversation and it clicked. Yeah. It was, I was always, it was always, I don't have time, I can't run another entity

of this business, it's gonna get in the way. That's not for me, I can bring light to nonprofits that are doing good. I don't need this doesn't have to be me. Right And then you helped me realize It's not gonna be anymore work. It's already here Just like what we talked about with what you're getting ready to do. Taking this step. It was, it's right here on a silver platter, all you have to do is take it and start it. And so that conversation popped into my head as I'm talking to myself and manifesting.

And the remember that crystal shot we went to, and I got that crystal that supposedly amplifies manifestation. And I just had it in my hand and I was squeezing it. And I was putting in the water and burying it in the dirt, putting it in trees and just whole squeezing it, squeezing it, talking about everything that I want to do. And in that, when I do both times with you,

actually every time I've done the three times, the three experiences that I've had with psychedelics, I lose complete concept of time. I have no idea. I don't know how long we were at the waterfall. I don't know how long that was on my hike. I have no concept of time other than what the sun's doing. And I had planned out every aspect of the nonprofit

that I'm going to start on that hike. I know what we're gonna do. I know how I'm gonna do it. I know who's gonna be with me. I know who the nonprofit's gonna help. I'm not gonna get into all that yet, but because it's not time, the only thing that did not come to me was the name. And it felt amazing. It felt amazing to have that

clarity to be able to plan, I mean, it's like putting the entire business plan together every aspect of it, how we're going to reach people, how it's going to make money. The right putting specific people in specific places within the nonprofit utilizing their strengths. And it will also help the people that are working for the nonprofit. It's gonna help a lot of people, a lot of people.

When, when for everyone. It is. And it just came, I came to the realization that it is. It is right here in front of you. All you have to do is sign the paper. And so that's going to be put into motion immediately. And then I got overwhelmed with happiness. And I wanted to come back and actually I wanted to tell you about it.

And that's when I came back. I saw you weren't at the same place I was, not even close. We had that conversation. And you left, you went to the top of the mountain to get service. And I decided, I jumped in the shower and I just kept thinking about it,

saying things out loud, what I'm gonna do. And I almost went, it made a call to all the people to my entire team, to certain people that I wanted to emplace within the nonprofit. And, but I didn't want to, I was like, no, now it's not the time, I'm going to sit with this, I'm going to keep developing. And, and I'm going sit with this, I'm gonna keep developing and I'm gonna see what else has come. I'm on a roll, I have more clarity than I've ever had. I'm ready to dig deeper. So I took more.

I took about another three grams, I think. Yeah, I think that's what you told me. And then I felt this, I got out of the shower. I knew you were hungry. And I started the pizza, but I just, then I felt this overwhelming desire to be immersed in nature again. And so I took all my clothes off, all of it,

and then I went for another hike, completely naked, through the woods. And I started thinking about my wife and my son and all the different ways that I love them. And I was thinking of new ways that I could show them that I love them and and and and and and it was just a good place to be in. I didn't, it wasn't like I had any epiphany or anything. It was more like I was manifesting appreciation for my family, you know, reliving, you know,

not reliving, but old memories were popping into my head from me and my son and things that me and my wife have done and things that I want to do with them. And I was, I think what it was looking back is this manifestation of love and appreciation for my family and everything was coming back. And you came back and you were hungry. I wasn't really hungry. I had fasted. I don't know if you remember I had fasted. I didn't eat much at all. And for those two days, I really wanted to get the full effect of the psilocybin. And I got it. And you came back. You told me

about the conversation you had with your wife, Jillian, you told me about the conversation you had with your son, Evan. And then I felt the shift, almost immediately after that conversation, after I took more. And I laid back down, same position, thinking it will go away. And this is a wave of fear, of death and anxiety just overwhelmed. Every part of my being. Yeah, I got really scared.

I remember you telling me, I remember, I think I asked, how you doing, or I asked, are you okay, or I don't like to just sense that something was a little different. And I think I remember you telling me that you were experiencing fear. And I think I asked you fear of what?

And then... So I've had... I've had some weird stuff going on with my ear. And... weird stuff going on with with my ear and my dad had some stuff going on with it in the same area and it wound up being some type of a growth that he had got radiation for and I had like this overwhelming fear that that's what it is. And then it might be cancerous. And then I felt that I had a very limited time left to live. And I wanted to go home. And I didn't, I did not want to

articulate that out loud. I did not want to put that into the world, but I wanted to talk. You know, I wanted to, I was hoping you'd be able to call me down. And so that's why I said, man, I'm feeling a lot of fear right now. And I think I came and sat over there by you. Yeah. You did. And I explained to you what I was feeling, why I was feeling like that, the history behind

it. We had a little discussion and then I think I had mentioned to you, I said, I just want to be by myself. And it took you and upstairs to go to bed and the fear just kept coming. It just kept coming in, kept coming in. And it was only, I remember looking at my watch, it was about 730. And I looked at my watch and I was like,

man, if we leave right now, we could still get home at a decent time. I just want to go home to my wife and son. I don't want to do this anymore. I'll just nick my pee-paste, but I don't give a shit. I'm gonna wake him up. He's gonna drive me home. And like I just want to go home.

I just want to be with my wife and son. And then I told myself, I remember looking at you and saying, now we're getting somewhere, when you had the shift. And I said, maybe you need to face this. You know, I just feel the need to interject here because, and I never, I didn't tell you this, but I had that same thought. I had that same thought and I can't remember exactly what point in my journey, but I wanted

to go. And I never said anything because I didn't want to disappoint you. And I think I just, I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to face it. And I'm glad I didn't say it. I don't want to face it. And I'm glad I didn't say it. But with you saying this now, because I didn't know any of this, but with you saying this now, it's like, I just I'm feel that the desire to tell you because there's something, there's something to what we're talking about and sitting with it and facing it.

And I'm glad you didn't come awake me up because I was tired, so. So. I couldn't, I just, I wanted to face it. I didn't know why I was like, why is this happening? You know, should I be scared? Is this something that's gonna happen? And I turned it into like this reality. And I'd put this limitation on myself, lid. Man, every fucking second counts in life,

every fucking second counts. I only have so long to live now. Now that I, you know, and I had just that's my journey. that was my journey. In the time, it was, you're going to die because of this. And which, hopefully I'm not, you know, and I'm getting and checked out, but at the time, you know, and I think that, I, just like I told you, you know, because you need to face this. This, now we're getting somewhere.

I thought of that conversation that me and you had, and I said, well, now it's time to get your own words. It's great. You're feeling great. You had a great journey up to this point, and now it's going to shift, and you're going to have to face whatever this is. And I faced it all night long.

All night long, I lived with that fear. What am I gonna do? What is, what matters? And you know what happened? You know what I fucking realized that none of this shit matters. None of the fucking nothing matters more than my family and the people that are close to me.

And all the other shiny little bullshit that comes along with business and all of it. None of this shit matters. None of it fucking matters because when it comes time and you're going to be on your deathbed, you're not going to be thinking about the car you were driving. The car, the house, the money, any of that shit, what you think you should get, you know, all the everything that you see on the internet, the keeping up with the Joneses shit, none of it fucking matters. Numbers don't matter for the show.

I don't care about any of that stuff. None of it became relevant anymore. I didn't care about what the audience wants. I didn't care about any who's coming on the show. Nothing. The only thing that I cared about was being with my wife and my son. And so I think in a weird way, it was almost like in a ego-death experience, because it brought me to my knees in fear.

And the only thing I cared about, the only thing I cared about, the only thing I cared about was I didn't want to leave my wife and my son alone in this world. And I wanted to take every second I could to prepare them for my departure. And looking back at my original intention, I got everything I asked for. I wanted direction, I wanted new goals, and I found them to empower people face to face, people that I know that are close to me, that are struggling,

and keep empowering people on this show. The nonprofit is my new direction. And my family is the most important thing in the world, in the universe, in everything. That's all that really matters. Absolutely. And so, and that's what I wanted. I wanted new ways to show my wife and my son

that I love him. I wanted to be in the moment again. I wanted direction. All the things that I just mentioned, and it all came. It just didn't come how I expected it to come. You know, and I all came. It just didn't come how I expected it to come. You know, and I woke up. It was better than you expected. It was. It was better.

It was horrible experience at that time. That particular, at the end of my journey there, that entire night, it was miserable. I felt a lot of fear. I felt a lot of anxiety, I felt a lot of anxiety. I basically had written myself off that I'm going to die. And it's coming soon. And then I need to spend every second I have with my wife and son.

And the people that I care about and none of the other shit matters. And I realized the simpler things are are the better things seem to get. And I don't think I slept a wink that night. I woke up, I got out of bed very early and I wanted to do this before you woke up. And I wrote my life, I wrote Katie a long letter. I wrote it to her. I folded it up. I put my intentions that I written down in that letter. And then I taped a note that she wrote me. This said, I love you.

a note that she wrote me that said, I love you. Did I, uh, that I brought down? Because I just wanted to think about her, my son, the whole time I was down there, and that's why I brought that note. It was a note that we had, she had taped it on something a long time ago.

I just, I just kept it. And, uh, and I taped it on something a long time ago. I just kept it and I taped it on the back of my intentions. And then we cleaned everything up and we drove home. And then you left. When we drove home and then he left and I just put the letter, I gave it to her and she read it right in front of me. Everything I needed to be in there was in there and it was very similar to the conversation we had. It wasn't a lot of words, but it was very meaningful and very direct and very clear to communication.

And it's a moment that I'll never forget coming home that day and giving her that. And what a beautiful experience. That's powerful, man. That's wonderful. I'm just, did I'm so grateful to have got to experience it with you. Did I'm just so happy that you got what you got out of it?

And I'm happy that I got what I got out of it. And I just hope that it just gives some perspective to the audience and hopefully helps them. I mean, I still don't think you quite realize the impact that you have on people and how much you help people, their audience of yours. I mean, not just the guys and the girls that come on this show, but I mean, just people that just see it

from a third party perspective, you know. Well, thank you, man. I get a lot of emails and texts and phone calls and from people that I know and people that I don't know telling me, telling me how much this show is impacting them and I'm going to be honest, I'll never see it. And that's okay. You know, I don't have to see it. I know it's impacting someone. And you know, the other thing that this weekend, you know, made me realize, even more,

I've always known this, and I never... I feel that I'm... I'm a very grounded person. But... It just made me realize, Nick, that... It doesn't fucking matter, man. Who gives a shit if I have a million subscribers? Who gives a shit if this episode gets a million views? Who fucking cares?

That's just bullshit that's feeding your fucking ego and your ego can be the enemy. It can help you I guess, but it feeds it. And when you realize none of this shit matters. The only fucking thing that matters about this show is the people that's impacting. It's not the fucking people that just want to hear war stories over and over and fantasize about those war stories. Because there's a lot of that. It's not for them. They get enjoyment out of that and that's fucking great.

But what I get out of this is whoever this is impacting. And I know it's impacting somebody. And I'll never really, I will never really understand the full magnitude of what it's done. And maybe I'm not supposed to. But it just goes back to, just fucking do good. You know, there are lots of different ways to do good and to pump good into this world and there's so much fucking negativity in this world right now.

I feel like evil is just taking over it. Don't let it take you and leave a fucking mark. You know, I know life's tough. We all feel the pressure. Sometimes I feel like life. Sometimes I feel like we're living in hell. Yeah, I think we had that conversation. We did.

I gotta tell you, go ahead. But just, just fucking make this world better than when you left it, you know, and do something impactful. Help somebody. Do something. Quit being selfish all the time. It's okay to be selfish a certain times,

but if you inject good into this world, it's going to come back to you. It's going to come back to the people around you and it's gonna suit you well. And you know, another one last thing that I had, in the middle of all that fear. I thought about why I do this show and why I bring the people I bring on

and I'm very strategic. I don't, I don't go after the fucking celebrities. I don't give a shit about celebrities. I don't fucking care about numbers. I look at all these other podcasters, and what are they all doing? They're all copying each other. They're all trying to get the same fucking guest

and do the same shit. It's the same names over and over, but not this one. This one's unique. This one's for better. And it made me realize we talked a lot about manifestation. And what I think I'm manifesting is what happens on the other side of this life. And I'm pumping as much good as I possibly can into this world manifesting what's on the other end

of this for me and my family. And that's all I care about. That's huge. I gotta tell you, man, I've known you probably going on, I can't even believe it's been almost probably seven, eight years now. You've come a long way, dude. You've come a long way. And the best way possible.

I'm just proud to know you can call your friend, man. I really am. Thank you. Yeah. Him and YouTube, man. Yeah. I love you. I love you too, man. And I know that probably won't be our only experience.

And I'm looking forward to the future and just all of it, man. When we need it. When we need it. We both got two young kids watching them grow together and it's just all amazing. Well, we know what I'm gonna be working towards, the nonprofit. Well, we know what I'm going to be working towards. The nonprofit.

Yeah. And I think that's coming by the end of this year. But let's talk about what you're working towards now. You have found your piece on how you're going to inject good into this world. And I think it's amazing what you're about to embark on. Do you want to talk about it? Yes, so I'll kind of just start out by talking about kind of how I got to this new career path and learn a work

So I unexpectedly underwent a fifth spine surgery back in I underwent a fifth spine surgery back in, I think it was June or July, last year. And I had to spend a lot of time healing, trying to recover. I think it was like five months, four or five months. And I knew that I wanted something more. I enjoyed the fishing industry and that business and what I was able to do by helping guys.

And I just knew that with my physical injuries, the longevity of me continued to do that. It wasn't there. And I knew that I wanted to do something, but I wanted it to be meaningful and impactful and I wanted it to help others. Regardless, like I said earlier, regardless of what I'm doing, I want to help others. And so, dude, I brainstormed and I knew that I wanted to stay in the realm of entrepreneurship. And it's like once you get a taste of that, you're never going back to a regular job. And, uh, did I went through every single thing you can imagine just trying to... discover and figure out what I want to be when I grow up, you know.

And, uh, I, uh, it was there, but in short, I, so, we'll back up. When I got out of the Marine Corps, the Marine Corps, military in general, but more specifically the Marine Corps does not do a very good job with helping guys that they're transitioning out. And several different ways. But in this way, I'll explain it with giving guys information regarding benefits that they've earned and how to either obtain or maintain those benefits when they get out.

One of those things being what they call SGLI. So when you're in the military, you have what they call SGLI. So when you're in the military, you have what's called SGLI. Service members, group, life insurance. You get a $400,000 life insurance policy. So if you're killed in combat, or if you die in training, regardless of what it is, if it's a natural death, your family's gonna receive $400,000,

which no, it doesn't bring you back, but it makes things a little bit easier for them to properly mourn your death and to not have to worry about how they're gonna deal with finances, how they're gonna put food on the table, how they're gonna pay bills, right? When you get out, when you retire from the military, SGLI can be converted to what's called VGLI.

Veterans group life insurance. You can maintain that $400,000 life insurance if you decide to do so. Now, you will pay a premium for it. However, there are no health questions. There is no medical exam. And you and I both know guys like us after spending your career in the military during a time of war, there's going to be some ailments, both physical and mental. And these are what most insurance companies, they don't really like to see these things so it guarantees

you to have this insurance unfortunately you only have 120 days from the time that you get out of the military to transfer that I wasn't told this didn't know about it once the 120-day mark has come it's gone. That ship has sailed, you're not getting that money back. I didn't know this. I lost it. And I spent seven years from that time trying to get life insurance to protect my family in the event that something were ever to happen to me.

And I couldn't get it. I got denied time after time, after time, over and over again. And I was told, no, you have TBI, you have PTSD, you're on this medication. And so I just kind of accepted the fact that I would never be able to provide my family with the peace of mind and that protection

if something were to ever happen to me. some mind and that protection if something were ever happened to me. And that short stent that I spent in Tennessee, I actually met a guy, he's become a pretty good friend of mine. And he's in a life insurance industry. I met him through the fishing community. And I told him what was going on. And I said, dude, what do I need to do? And he said, I can't promise you how much coverage I'll get you.

But I promise you I'll get you something. And he came to my house. And he sat down and said, oh, my wife and I, and we talked. And long story short, he got me coverage. The things that I was being denied for are not disqualifying. They're not, they don't disqualify you from getting into good life insurance.

But I didn't know any better because I wasn't working with a life insurance agent that knew what they were doing. So it was a matter of meeting somebody an agent who knew what he was doing and was willing to seek out options to help me and my family. And so he got me coverage and I'm like, holy shit. Well, I didn't know any better dude. I was going through like I'll just I'll be honest. I was going through like USA and Navy Mutual

Because these were companies that were affiliated with the military and they were advertising themselves as people that Care about the military Navy Federal. You mean no Navy Mutual Navy Mutual. Oh, come. It's specifically an insurance company. Oh, not an argument. No, anybody out there with Navy Federal? I love you guys, best banking ever. But anyways, no, Navy Mutual and USAA. And I didn't know anything about it, but that's who I went through.

And it turns out the ones that were advertising themselves to support the military and help the military weren't doing it. So fast forward. Over the years, I gained coverage. I can't tell you how many people I've met. Guys, not just people in the military, not just veterans, just people in general, who have been denied coverage. A lot of my veteran friends, military friends, they don't have coverage today. They were in the same boat. They're like, dude, I didn't know anything about the VGLI. Nobody told me any of that when I was getting out, that I

had to transfer this and that I could have kept my life insurance. And I've, you know, for years now, I've been worrying about what happens if something, what is going to my family going to do if something happens to me? And so fast forward to this four months after my surgery, I'm healing, I'm recovering. And within like a week and a half time, just randomly, I cross paths with three people in that week and a half time frame that were like, hey, have you ever considered selling life insurance? No, no. Why, why do you ask? What prompted that question? Why do you think you'd be really good at it, like really good

at it? And, you know with your background and, you know, and they don't know anything about like what I went through trying to get life insurance. They just were saying this. And these weren't even people that know me. And it happened three times in a week and a half. And after the third time, I'm like, okay. I don't know if I'm interested in life insurance. Because I really don't know enough about it.

But I feel like I could possibly be getting recruited here. So let me call my friend, the guy that ended up getting me coverage, because I know who'll shoot me straight. And so I called him and we had a long conversation. And I just had a lot of questions, because I didn't know anything about the industry, I didn't know anything about what it entailed. And that conversation led to my decision

to get into the life insurance industry. I'm like, I can help people, you know? Not just the guys that I know who are out there who've been denied because, you know, they have a head injury, you know injury or because they have PTSD. When I got denied by Navy Mutual, let me get this straight. So I'm denied for PTSD. Like you do realize we've been at war for some odd years, right?

I'm like, you know that you guys are a Navy Mutual. This is who you say you support. Correct. This is the military. The military goes to war to defend your sorry asses. Yeah. It's a shell. It is.

And I, I, you know, I'm just talking, I'm not talking to anybody that's making decisions, you know. So this person's unable to do anything, but I'm just telling them like you do realize there's a very large population of veterans that everybody's got some degree of some kind of post-traumatic stress, you know. Some are a little more severe than others, but like if that's a disqualifying factor, like what do you guys do it, you know. What did they say? They just kind of gave me the run around and yeah,

it's just, you know, you know, I'm like, and here's the thing, if they're worried about, if they're worried about mental illness, whatever you want to call it, there's a clause in all life insurance policies. So, you know, everybody's well aware of the suicide rate, specifically in veterans. And there's a clause that within two years of getting coverage, if you commit suicide,

they're not going to pay that out. So there's protection in place for them. It's not like they're just giving this coverage to somebody and if they off themselves, well, they're just, you know what I mean? Yeah. There's a clause in place for that. And there's reasons for it. And I understand it, you know. So that was just something that it constantly like ran through my head. And I'm like, no. And I'm like, these folks that just the ones that I know, I know there's a ton more of them out there. If I can help provide the education that they need and show them that no, you can get

protection for your family because that's what people don't understand. I don't need life insurance. Well no, you're not planning, well I'm not planning on dying tomorrow, you're not planning on dying tomorrow. But guess what, it's not the coverage isn't for you. It's for your family for when you're gone. And we can't control what that time is. Yeah, we'd all love to die of natural causes

at the age of 90 in our bed, you know? But I could die tomorrow driving down the road. You don't control that. So that's what I'm doing, man. I made the decision and I said, I'm gonna help people. And it's not just veterans, it's it's anybody out there that wants coverage to protect their

family and it's very important and I said I'm going to take this exam and I was told you know hey this exam's pretty tough you're gonna need to study for it it could take you three to four weeks of studying the prep course before you're ready to take the exam. I said, Roger that. I'm prepared to invest that time to pass the exam. And I'm the type of person, dude, and you probably know me well enough by now, but like, when I make my mind about something, I get super hyper focused, and I can't think about anything else.

Yeah. Until I accomplished that. And I did that. And after eight days of studying, I took that exam and I crushed it. Dude, when I... That's unheard of, right? I mean, exam. Yeah, I mean, talking to the guys talking to the guys that I'm working with,

they're like, yeah, that's funny I was talking to my buddy yesterday and when I passed the exam and I sent him the picture, he told the main guy at the brokerage and the guy was like, wait, he already took it. So yeah, it was like kind of a shock. They were happy, they were excited for me, but yeah, man.

And what's crazy is like, while I was studying for that, I constantly got back into the, I allowed myself to get into those, those negative thought patterns of, I'm not gonna be able to retain this knowledge because of my memory issues with my head injuries. I'm not gonna be able to pass this, like just trying to, and I just kept pushing through through that like I had just like we didn't do that

Shit, I'm like I just was so hyper focused that like you know what even if I do fail like I'm going down swinging, you know and do when I When I Passed that exam and I There's a really I'll never forget like the old man that was working there at the main, at the desk there, at the testing center. And he was like, man, he's like, because when I got out of the testing center, the lady that's there proctoring everything, she goes, okay, if you go up to the front, Mr.

So-and-so, he'll print out the results for you and you can go. And so I walk up there and he's like, how'd it go? And I said, I don't know, hopefully good. And he grabbed the results off the printer and he goes, and you knocked it out of the park. And, dude, when I got to my truck, I called my wife and I was just like crying. Because the mind is such a powerful thing, dude. Like if you know what I mean, we have the ability to do so much, but we're just constantly allowing these self limiting thoughts, get in our way. Yeah. And it was like the feeling of relief, man. Like I was so happy. Like they were all

like just tears of just happiness and joy. And I was like, I can't believe I did it. And like while I was happy for me, I was more happy because I'm like, this is the gateway to helping people. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so yeah, man, so that's what I'm doing now. I took my exam, I'm in the midst of training, just got done with some training and whatnot. And I'm pretty much hitting the ground running, you know.

Got a couple more weeks or a couple more days this week. I'm gonna be training with the company that the broker's gonna work with and I'm super pumped. It's like that. And you know, that weekend that we just talked about, it just completely rejuvenated me. I was kind of like, I knew that I wanted to do this, but those self-limiting talks to myself are what we're holding me back. Human beings are amazing at putting limitations on themselves when really there are no limitations.

No, the sky's the limit. It sounds so cliche, but it's true. You determine what the limit is. You're one step away from changing your entire life. Yeah. And do a better life. You just have to walk through the door. Yeah.

It's right there. And it's funny because, you know, my coach, my mentor, you know, when you get into this business, you know, everybody's got to fall under an umbrella. It's kind of like in the real estate, you know, when you get into this business, you know, everybody's got a fall under an umbrella. It's kind of like in the real estate, you know, industry, like everybody works under a main brokerage, you just have to, you know, you can't. Me as an independent agent, I cannot just reach out to one of these companies and be like, okay, hey, I'm so-and-so, I want to get life insurance on Mr. Jones and they'll be like, who are you? It has to be contracted through a brokerage. And, you know, working with my mentor, it's been amazing. And he's like, man, he's like, you have a way of speaking with people and building a relationship and a

rapport that's just so genuine and he's used the word communicate. He didn't even know the conversation we had. Wow. And he's like your communication skills because part of the training is like it's not just you're sitting in a classroom like you're actually going out and working in the field and you're meeting these people face-to-face and I watch the process is you watch how he does it and then once you kind of gain a grasp of that and you start doing it and they correct they critique you on it and he brought that up and I was just like, another coincidence, you know. But I took that and I'm like, I'm ready.

Like I am ready, dude. And this guy's a limit. And I mean, there's just the lines with everything I'm about, you know, I never, I never, I don't think 10, 15 years ago, I could have ever looked forward and be like, yep, I'm gonna be in sales. I'm gonna be in sales.

Because dude, sales is scary, man. It's commission based and it's never for sure thing. And I don't, it's like, man, some salesmen are just ski balls, man. But the thing is, is like I'm not, I'm not selling a tangible item. I'm selling protection to people and their families and I'm helping them. And, uh...

Who can't get in anywhere else? Right, right. Do you know how many veterans you're gonna help? Dude, and that's the epiphany that I had when all this kind of came to fruition. It was like an epiphany and I'm like, oh my god. And I think I posted something on my social media about what I was doing.

You know how many veterans reached out to me? And we're like, dude, I posted something and I had, I had half a dozen wives of guys that I've served with that are like, we need to talk. I haven't been able to get, you know, I haven't been able to get my insurance and he's been denied and, you know, he was deemed uninsurable, you know. I know him, I know what he's got. It's the same shit I had.

It's the same reasons I was denied, you know? And I know his wife's worried about it, you know? So I'm excited, man, I'm super pumped and I'm just, man. I'm super pumped. And I'm just looking forward to the future. And I feel like I'm on the right path, you know? You're on the right path, man. It's meaningful. It's mutually beneficial.

You're pumping a ton of good into the world by getting these guys' life insurance when nobody else will give it to them and you built the momentum on that weekend and you took off like a shot out of it's it's awesome to see and yeah man I just I'll never forget that weekend now I won No, I won't either. I won't either, man. And we'll be watching all your links. They're down in the description.

Do you have a website out yet? Yeah, so it's www.patriotlifegroup.com. So, www.patriotlifegroup.com. Well, I think a lot of people are going to be getting in touch with you, www.patrientlifethrupp.com.com. Well, I think a lot of people are gonna be getting in touch with you, man. And I can't wait to see where that goes. And with me, one other thing that happened to me,

it wasn't on my list, was I was just shown that I do have a relationship with God? It wasn't what I thought it was and it wasn't what I expected and we went over that. I was waiting for this big epiphany to happen, you know, and and Like what happened to Eddie Penny and that didn't happen to me. It happened in other ways And it happened a thousand times and I just and I knew it was happening. I just It's like I forced myself to not believe it. Yeah And now I do and I know it's gonna be a lot of work to get to where I need to be within that relationship with God, but I'm willing to do it And I started that weekend. I think it's only gonna get better from here.

And you mentioned that you didn't have this, the piffening of this big break through moment, you know, like Eddie did, but I think you're just starting to tap into it, man. I think when that comes, you're gonna be ready, and it's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks in the best way possible.

I hope you're right. And I just wanna say thank you, man, because you planted a seed in my head that day, and it's growing, and it's growing fast. I love the brother of the piano. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. The Bullwork Podcast focuses on political analysis and reporting without partisan loyalties. Real sense of déjà vu sprinkled on our PTSD.

So, things are going well, I guess. Every Monday through Friday, Charlie Sykes speaks with guests about the latest stories from inside Washington and around the world. You document in a very compelling way. All of the positive things have come out of this, but it also feels like we have this massive hangover. No shouting or grandstanding.

Principles over partisanship, the Bullwalk podcast, wherever you listen. Principles over partisanship, the Bullwalk Podcast, wherever you listen.