Shawn Ryan Show - #63 Shawn Ryan - The Guardian Angel Who Guided Me to Become a Warrior for God

Episode Date: June 26, 2023

We're taking a step back from our regularly scheduled programming to talk about something we find vital to life: Faith. If you're a fan of the show, you know that Shawn is always seeking truth and questioning the status quo. This type of work is rewarding, but challenging. Between the fog of his past on the battlefield and exposing evil here at home, the light was hard for Shawn to see sometimes. It is in that darkness that God showed up. This episode is about Shawn's journey to Faith & Christ. It's a testimony we hope inspires you. If you are struggling to find faith, we hope this episodes encourages you to look around and see that God is around you always. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://helixsleep.com/srs https://1stphorm.com/srs https://moinkbox.com/srs https://meetfabric.com/shawn https://betterhelp.com/shawn https://drinkhoist.com - USE CODE "SHAWN" https://mudwtr.com/shawn - USE CODE "SHAWNMUD" Download SRS Content Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oye, y si este fin de vamos a las piestas de mi pueblo? ¿Qué dices? Pero si tu pueblo está en Mordor. Nada, está dando mirándole, tenemos chopá. Primero cojamos un tren a Zaragoza. Después cojamos un bus hasta Calateche. No te lies. Este verano viaja de puerta aporta y sin complicaciones con Bláblacá. Siempre encontrarás una cercana, incluso a última hora.

Gracias a tu próximo viaje. ¡Ya! Bláblacá, bláblacá. ¡Hey, guys! Yo soy Katie, soy Sean's wife. Y... Hey guys, I'm Katie, I'm Sean's wife and I just wanted to say thank you for watching this video and thank you for all of your support with all the videos. And this one was especially vulnerable for us to get on camera to talk about, you know, a part of our life together. And hopefully, it's helping other people. So that's why we decided to share it and open up

and be real with you guys. I got something to. On top of everything that my wife just said, I know when everybody looks around, maybe not everybody, but you might feel very alone with what's happening in our country and in the world right now. And I felt very alone. And I just want to say that another reason I did this is because I want to show you all that you're not alone.

We're being lied to. Things are happening that a lot of people don't agree with. And this is the way. This is the way to truth. We're being lied to. Things are happening that a lot of people don't agree with. And this is the way. This is the way to truth, and this is how you find your people. And I've searched a long time for this, and I was looking in a lot of the wrong places, and I'm happy to be here. Love you all. Thank you for the support. I hope you get something out of this. I hope you get something out of this.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Well, we haven't done this in a while. I think it's been since the psychedelic experience, which was what, about a year and a half ago. Just about. That we have been

in studio talking about us. So thanks for being here, babe. Allow myself to introduce myself. For those of you that don't know the beautiful woman sitting across from me happens to be my wife. Katie. But hey, we got a really important topic we're talking about today and I've received thousands and thousands and thousands of emails and messages and phone calls of people want to know How I found faith and and what brought me to faith and and and a lot of people have been saying that they've been praying for this to happen friends people I don't know people I've never heard of and

You know number, it feels amazing, just to be a believer, and two, man, the people. It's been overwhelming to see and hear from. There are good people in this world. Mm-hmm. And, uh, you know, I was starting to wonder with these interviews and with all the stuff that we've uncovered and... Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot.

And you see where the world's headed. And, um... It doesn't seem to be going anywhere good. And I think God showed up just at the right time for me. I agree. So the whole point of this is for you to draw out of me kind of what happened and it won't brought me to faith, finding Jesus Christ, believing in God today. And so one thing that I do want to say is I'm not pushing anything, you know, this isn't my trying to force my beliefs on anybody. I don't like it when things are forced on me and that's part of what brought me here, you know,

is I've had a lot of agendas thrown at me forced down my throat since 2020, and I am tired of it. And I wanted to know where my people are that were raised with the same values as me and the same morals. And it got to a point where I felt like we were the only ones left. And so anyways, I'll let you take it from here. Well, I think we should start from the top, which was planning to get away just the two of us and the state of mind that you were in that I didn't even know about.

I mean, I had an idea, but not really. Well, I think just whole thing, sorry. I didn't think you were done. Go on. I think this whole thing started, honestly, this whole thing started, well, I've been researching a lot, you know, and so I guess I can't say faith started from this, but ever since that first psychedelic journey, it really kind of sent me down this rabbit hole because of some of the things that I saw and experienced

during that. And I was diving into everything. I just wanted to know. I was diving into astrology. I was diving into quantum physics. I was diving in. You, the history of the world with the ancient pyramids and how there may have been a more advanced civilization

than there actually is right now, 12,000, 13,000 years ago. And it took me down all of these rabbit holes. And I was looking in all the wrong places for the answers. And then guys started coming on the show. And the first, I think the first one that really resonated with me was Justin Hughes. Justin Hughes came and he talked a lot about God and faith in Jesus and being a missionary at an extremely young age. And that really sparked my curiosity.

And then I think the next one was Kyle Morgan. You know, we interviewed him and he had a period in his life where he found faith as well and his life took a turn for the better. And then the one that really, really got me was Eddie Penny, which was our Christmas episode. And that's another thing we had talked about with several of the guests is all these weird coincidences that happened like when we got engaged under the Northern Lights and how that was never supposed to happen and thinking about people and then they reach out and just all these random coincidences, I don't want to go into all of them right now, but me and Eddie talked about that and then I interviewed him and it made a huge impact. In ever since Eddie Penny came on this show, which was last November, I think is when

we interviewed him, fast forward to Christmas. Well, it doesn't matter. You don't need to fast forward. We were released him on Christmas, what an episode for Christmas. But every single person that is sat in that chair after Eddie Penny, no matter what the background, doctors, all kinds of people. I'm drawing a blank right now, but they've all talked to me about the Bible.

And I don't think that's a coincidence. No. And then some stuff happened. But, you know, the other thing I want to say is, I can't say that I was necessarily an atheist, you know, or, I mean, there are a lot of people roaming this earth right now that are still breathing because I don't want to go to hell.

So, and that's literally the only reason. But so I guess I always believed a little bit, you know, but man, this last thing just really grabbed my attention. Well, what was your spiritual background, your religious background? Well, I grew up Catholic, you know, and went to church every Sunday, went to Sunday school, did first communion, did reconciliation, did confirmation, the whole thing, and then when I left home, you know, being Catholic, it was boring. It didn't capture my attention at all and

And then all these things kind of started coming up about the Catholic Church, you know, and I don't want to get into them We all know what they are and and And if you don't you can figure it out with a quick search but But you know, and then You know left home at 18 went to to the SEAL teams, went to ward a very young age state at war until my mid-30s got out, met you, and, but just really had to be honest, zero religion.

I mean, I've seen, I've just, I've seen a lot, you know, in my life. I feel like I've lived like three or four lives now. Yeah, I feel like I'm in my team. I feel like I'm in my team. I've got my drug addict life, got my CA life, got my family life, got my interview life, you know, and then, and now moving past all of this, you know, the stuff from combat and, and all that. I mean, that was horrific stuff.

And so, yeah, you know, it was like, how can all this kind of stuff happen, you know, if there is a God. And, and then I started interviewing and we started uncovering corruption. And I started hearing other guys stories about what they've experienced a more. And, and guys that are going to prison and being railroaded by our president and unjustly, and it's just there's so much corruption in this world and things that don't seem fair that I mean, how could there be? What...

when you were overseas and deploying in on missions, did you pray? I had one... there was one platoon, not usually. But there was one platoon... it was when I was in Iraq. I jumped in. I left Afghanistan. I jumped into my sister platoon. And... you know, this stuff isn't

really talked about in the military. At least from my experience, but when I jumped in that Platoon, that group of guys, all of them, were into the Bible, and they would have like these group prayers before we go out on a mission and I would take part but it was just because to be honest it was just because I fit in. I want it or excuse me I wanted to fit in you know and and that entire platoon was doing that. So I was like, all right, I guess I'm praying and I before we go out. But it didn't mean to me what it means now. So you didn't pray before, after you'd go out, do a mission and come back?

Just with that one platoon. Every once, you've ever heard the saying, you probably haven't. Have you ever heard the saying, there haven't you've ever heard the saying There's no atheist and a foxhole. I haven't heard that so basically what that means is when you're about to die All of a sudden you'll start believing and I can't attest to that because there are there are A multitude of experiences that I have where I was 100% certain in my head, this is it. This is it, this is how it ends. And some of those times, yeah, I would,

God would pop into my head, but not very often. Matt very often. That's crazy to believe. Like that's so far from what I believe. You know, I can't imagine being in those positions and not praying. Well, I mean, I'm just telling you, you know, when you've been in that position enough times and you've seen enough people die and you've had enough friends die and you've seen what Al-Qaeda, ISIS, Taliban was doing to our people. I mean You you see things that nobody else will ever see they can't even comprehend what you saw they can't I mean

You know you see the American populace, they don't know what this stuff is about. They don't... So if anything that made you question, like, how could there be a God if this stuff's happening? Yeah, I mean, you got a guy like, let's just take Adam Brown, for example. Great dad, great husband, doesn't cheat on his wife. Just a stand up phenomenal human being.

And in the SEAL teams, I don't care what anybody says, but the normal when I was in, maybe this has changed is you womanize, you drink, you fight, you go to war, you come home and you do it all again. You go look for a piece of ass at the bar, you beat the shit out of a bunch of people and you get drunk. That's how you bond with your team. You go to war. That's it. So what about Adam? team, you go to war. That's it. So what about Adam Brown? And so you got a guy like Adam Brown, who's a rarity in the SEAL teams.

I mean, there's not a lot of men serving at that capacity with, that is a real role model. You know, looking on the inside, knowing everything, you know what I mean? There's not a lot of guys like that and it's always, it seemed like it was always the guys like Adam that got killed. And so when you see that and you're like, man, like, why wasn't it me? Why wasn't it that guy? Why wasn't it Eddie? Why wasn't it Will? Why wasn't it somebody who's not that great of a person outside of combat? You know, I mean, yeah, all, I mean,

they're serving their country, but I mean, you come home and it's a disaster, you know, and so, yeah, you see that enough times where the role model, the actual role models, you know what I mean, the people should be looking up too. It just, it was like, why did that guy get killed? You know, when I worked at the agency, there's another one.

I haven't even thought about this guy in forever, but he got killed in coast. His name was, his call sign was BONG, believe it or not. But yeah, it was, I mean, it was a substitute teacher, you know, and he had kids. I don't know a whole lot about him, but he was just like a super nice guy kind of, I don't know, maybe a little nerdy.

I mean, didn't fit in with the, with the special operations crowd to be honest with him, but just like a super nice guy, graded his job, you know, and why him? He's not out boozing, he's not out womanizing, he's not out picking fights, he's not serving his ego, he's just showing up to work, doing what needs to be done to serve the country, and then fast forward a couple of months after I met him, blown up in coast, I mean, just vaporized, you know?

And, but there's a lot of guys like that. And so, yeah, you see enough of that kind of stuff. It makes you wonder. Yeah, I can see them. So after all of that, even when you transitioned, did you start having any kind of faith or grasping at anything,

looking into anything at all? No. No. No. So when would you say it started when the psychedelics? Or before that? I think the psychedelics just put me, I just wanted to figure things out.

Because when I did the psychedelics, that was the first time I realized there's a lot more going on than what we see. I guess what I'm asking is when did your curiosity or search? So before you even did psychedelics, you must have been thinking there's got to be something else. There's got to maybe by doing psychedelics might open my mind to more spirituality, religion, God, Jesus. You know what I mean?

Was there any of that or were you looking for... After psychedelics? Before psychedelics. Before psychedelics. Being a hundred percent honest, the first time I did psychedelics, it completely changed everything. It was, I was wrong this entire time. There is no God.

And so I maybe had started believing again a little bit, but my faith was just really weak. Like I said, I was never like a full-on atheist. I mean, there's a lot of things I would have done in life differently. Had I not had a fear that if hell exists, that's where I'm going. So that's always been in my head, which means I somewhat believed in God. Then I did psychedelics. What I experienced there, I don't want to go into it because we did a full episode there,

but what I experienced there was I realized there was a lot more going on in the universe around us that we don't see. And that's what really sparked my curiosity and to figure now. All right, how did we get here? What is the higher power, you know, all that kind of stuff. And then what really sent me down the road to kind of even opening back up to faith was when I interviewed Eddie Penny You know the Justin Hughes stuff like I really liked his interview and I you know, I mean I still talk to him and I talk to him about God yeah, Jesus and I'll call him and I'll tell them what I'm experiencing, or I'll tell them about an interview that I just did, or right before we went to Sedona when this all

happened, I called them, and I had said, I think I'm ready. He asked if I wanted him to do some research and look up a church in our area, and he did. And he was like, I think this one will be a perfect fit for you. And we still didn't go. Actually, that was maybe a month or two before we went to Sedona and all this happened. But it sparked my interest.

And so that let it right into all of it. But should I just go? Should I just go into it? Yeah, should I just go into it? Let's go into the week leading up. Yeah, that's what I'd like to do it. Yeah, I'm sure. Just go into it. Let's go into the week leading up. Yeah, that's what I'd like to talk about. The week leading up to all this happening, it just threw me into an extremely dark place.

We had just done, I had two back-to-back interviews. I had the Ryan Montgomery interview. No, I'm sorry. I had the Tyler Andrew Vargas interview first. That's the young marine that survived that explosion, that suicide bomber, and during the Afghan withdrawal, we've all heard about what a disaster that was. That man's testimony that was squashed by all the media outlets came here and gave full testimony of everything that happened that day. And being similar that spent 14 years of my life fighting those wars and to see what happened to those men and what happened to our allies and what that poor guy is experiencing and had to

experience because of our governments incompetence infuriated me. I'm sitting here watching a 24-year-old man who turned down sniper school in the Marine Corps to become a Marsock Marine. I think three times he turned it down. He never got the chance because he was blown up which that episode isn't out yet, but I'm watching this kid and he's missing his right arm. He's missing his left leg.

I mean, his life's completely, I mean, I'm having breakfast with this guy, and I'm watching him like use his claw to cut his omelet. And you know who gives a shit? Nobody. Nobody cares. Nobody appreciates his sacrifice. They do, but that's what I felt at the time. You know, some people do. And so that the very next day, the very next day, I interviewed Ryan Montgomery and that was uncovering how many pedophiles there are in the world today.

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I do a pretty decent job, but let me know what you think. Anyways, once again, go to firstform.com slash SRS. And when you get there, if you order $75 or more worth of product, guess what? You're getting free shipping, but you're only getting that if you go to firstform.com slash SRS. That's one STPH, oh, RM slash SRS. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a real American company that aligns with all the values that America stands for. Check them out. Then on top of that we had the the covenant shooting in Nashville and so I don't want to mention in names,

but we got asked to come up there, or I got asked to come up there and do a security assessment. And so of course I'm going, I mean we live here. This is our community. And I said absolutely, I would be honored to do it. And so I go up there, I would be honored to do it. And so I go up there,

and this is for free, by the way. You know, I just want to point something out. Not everything has to be a business these days. If you live in your community, it's okay to do something on the house and to better your community. You don't have, not everything has to be a business, not everything has to be a sale. Sometimes it might be a good idea just to be a good person. And I don't see a lot of that anymore.

Everything's got to be transactional. But anyways, and I didn't advertise it. This is the first time I'm even talking about it. You know, but one up there, walk into this school and I'm what their security guy and a couple of the teachers, everything's still very fresh. And walk in and they, you know, what happened?

And for those that don't know, a trans active shooter walked into a school, killed a bunch of kids, killed a bunch of teachers, and then Nashville PT, PD shot and killed that person. But, but they're walking me through when I'm, you just see like pure evil. You know, somebody came in there, shot through the windows, shot the janitor, and everything. I mean, they're ripping the carpets out because there was so much blood all over the place. You can see the bullet holes in the walls. You can see the bullet holes in the windows. You can see everything. And you can see where the kids were trying to get away that were killed. You can see all of it.

So then you go in from the school and we went into the church. You can see the bullet holes in the stained glass windows. And, you know, all you hear is everybody politicizing this to their fucking political agenda. It's nobody actually gives a shit about those kids or those teachers. It's, how can we make a

political point out of this? Right. And that disgusts me. So I did that. When experienced that, came up with a plan for them. And hopefully that's working out well. They don't even know if they're going to reopen that school because it was so horrific. But I at least came up with a very solid plan for the church so that these people could get back to church and worship. So that happened. Then my best friend in town died, totally unexpectedly, Dan Cerillo, for you seals out there, you know, Miss Taco. But I don't have very many friends here at all and there's not a whole lot of people that I can relate to anymore.

And Dan was one of those guys. And I don't really enjoy sitting around drinking beers, talking about war stories and the good old days and and and the not so good old days and I've really moved on from that stuff and and Dan has to you know and we got really close really fast and really close, really fast. And he died unexpectedly on a hunting trip with his son. Literally right before we were supposed to leave. So all four of those things,

I mean, that was all within five days. Yeah, and a lot. And so we go to Sedona. We had a vacation plan that was supposed to be a nice and relaxing vacation. And we got on that plane and Justin Hughes had given me a book or told me he said, I want you to read this book, which I don't like reading.

But he said, I want you to read this book. It was called The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel, because I was telling him like, I want you to read this book, it was called the case for Christ by Lee Strobel, because I was telling him like, I kept calling him, you know, and I still call him. And I will just took, I just wanted him to talk to me about it, you know, because I started finding myself wanting to believe, but I just, there was like this hurdle, this barrier that I couldn't get over. And so I cracked that book open and I started reading it on the plane and man, like everything just came crashing down. I don't know what it was in that book that charded it.

But I just put my sunglasses on, buried my hat over my face. And I just didn't want to be seen and I lost it. I started crying. I didn't feel good and I'm not like an emotional guy. I've hidden my emotions for so long. I don't even know how to access them anymore. I mean time and time again, you see guys come in here

spilling their guts. It doesn't affect me. Or I guess it does affect me, but it all came crashing down at once. Well, let's also be honest, you and I weren't even speaking. Oh, yeah, we got into it. What did we get into it about? The whole of it. Yeah.

But, yeah, we got into it. What did we get into it about? The whole of it. Yeah. But, yeah, we got into it. And so, I'm on this plane, and I just, I'm thinking about all everything that I had experienced for that past week. And then, I just, I remember saying to you, I was like, I don't even want to be here anymore. I don't even belong in this world.

And I wasn't like a suicide call. It was just, it was just me expressing how I feel. And I mean, I look around in every single thing that I look at, I fucking hate. I hate that the COVID vaccine was forced on me. I hate that the mask mandates were forced on me. I hate, I don't even care about saying this anymore because I'm tired of like trying to like fit in and be careful what you say. I don't care. Like this is how I was raised.

These are my morals and I'm not budging anymore. But it was that. It was all this stuff just built up the mutilating kid's bodies. You know, Washington, if you live in Washington and you're, I believe, an eight-year-old wants to change genders and you as a parent are not ready to make that happen. The state will come in and rip your kid out of your household. I'm tired of this shit. You know, I'm tired of watching China buy off all of our politicians, all of our farmland, teach the cartels how to make fentanyl. Watch the cartels run the fentanyl through the border to kill our population.

It's, I mean, in the borders are wide open. You know, everything I look at, the drag shows, I don't care about drag shows, have all the drag shows you want. Why do you have to rub your dick in a little kid's face? And then you watch half the population all up in arms because it's a violation of freedom of speech. And then I interview Ryan Montgomery and in doing my research, I find three states that

are normalizing pedophilia. You know what I mean? California. They're like normalizing pedophilia. You know what I mean? California and now it's up to the judge if you wind up on the sex offenders list and it's correct, whatever. I don't wanna get into this, but now I'm into it. And it's, if you're 10, if you're our 10 years older, 14 years, if you're 14 years old,

a 24 year old can have sex with you, and it's up to the judge's discretion if you're gonna wind up on the sex offenders list. Now, what is a 24 year old, have like, how is that acceptable in anybody's head? But it is. Half, at least half of this population is okay with that. Then you go, I can't remember if it was Winston or Minnesota,

so I'm not gonna say it's one of the two. They passed another thing, then Colorado. They just passed something where, what did they just pass? They lowered it from a... Yeah, they lowered it. They're still in a misdemeanor. Yeah, now if you expose yourself to kids, it to a misdemeanor. Yeah, now if you expose yourself to kids, to misdemeanor, what is this?

And so, and there's more. I mean, I could go on about this stuff all day long. They Afghan withdraw, the pedophilia, the mutilating kids' bodies, the forcing all these agendas down people's throats that don't want them forced. You know, and just leave, I just, just, everywhere you look, everywhere I look, I hated what I saw. And I don't see anybody standing up for it. And I just, I lost, I was like, me like me I'm It got to the point where I was like I'm the fucked up one

I'm the only one left on this planet that does not believe in this shit I don't belong here anymore. These aren't my people. I don't want to be here The only reason I'm here is for you and our son, and that's it. Well, I took that that that sounded like you wanted to commit suicide. Well, yeah, I could see that. And like I said, it wasn't a suicide call, but if it wasn't for you and if it wasn't for our son, I would have checked out right there because it got to the point where I just, I was like, there's no reason for me to be here.

Everybody's okay with this stuff except me. I'm, I'm the fucked up one. I'm the one that you get what I'm saying. Yeah. That's all you see. I broke down. You know, it just, it ruined damn near the entire trip. And...

Well, that's how it started off. Yeah. We weren't speaking. I asked you if you even want me to go on the trip. And then it went right into that. And you wouldn't even tell me why you were crying for the longest time. No.

I didn't want to talk about it. And... But then you opened up. I don't remember when I opened up. When we were driving to Sedona. Well, after we landed. It was a two hour drive. Yeah.

Yeah. So, opened up to you. And I think I started feeling a little bit better. And I remember when we checked in, so when we got to Sonona, there was a series of events that happened. Yeah. And they started immediately,

although I didn't realize they were starting, which is really odd because they say all kinds of positivity and good energy and all this stuff happens in Sedona. That's why we went there. I wanted to see the energy vortexes. But at this point, I thought, well, that's out of the question with how things were going. Yeah. And so we checked in, and I remember the first thing, the first person that I noticed, he was at a distance, and I remember grabbing,

and I was like, holy shit, I was like, that guy walks exactly like Gabe. Exactly. Gabe, Gabe Acar Cardi was my best friend of all time and in his past. But Gabe was always known as a protector. He was known as a protector from the time he was a kid from the time he was a kid, to his hockey career, to his seal career, to his CIA career, his MMA career, everybody, which is interesting because all these tough guy crowds

all considered Gabe to be a protector. He was the enforcer on the hockey team, the goalie on the hockey team, you know, and we know how rough hockey can be. And they looked up, they knew Gabe would take care of them. Seal team, same thing, CIA, same thing, as MMA fight buddies, same thing. And anyways, we saw him and I was like, that guy looks exactly, he walks exactly like Gabe. And then he got closer and he could have been his twin. Identical.

It was weird. If they were standing side by side, you would know they're not identical twins, but they would, but you would look at them and go, I see the differences, but those are identical twins. Even his style. Walk the same, dress the same, same three day shadow, same brow line, same jaw line, same smile. I even tried talking to the guy

and he was just like, gave it, I didn't want to talk to anybody. He blew you off. Totally blew me off. And it was just weird, because it was like, man. And he's the only guy that we kept running into at the resort. And I know a lot of people, I go, yeah,

you just think that because that's the guy that sticks out in your brain. Yeah, I'm aware of all these things. I used to work for the CIA. And so I know what to look for when people are following me. And I know the psychology behind all this stuff that was not it. That guy, if we were in the restaurant,

he was in the restaurant. If we were touring the pool, he was down there at the pool. If he was in the activity center, where you figure out where you're gonna go on the hikes and do all these other activities, he's in there. I think we even ran into him out in town. Did we run into him out in town at that mall? No, I don't think so.

But everywhere else. Everywhere. And it was a big resort. It was huge. Different restaurants, different, I mean, he was everywhere. And I thought that was really odd. But I didn't at the time. Then Dave or other Ferd, we in Johnna, we went on vacation with them.

That Dave is Dave and Johnna are our best friends. And you were tired for a good reason. And I went to lunch with Dave and Johnna. And right away, Dave started getting on my ass. He listened to the interview I did with this guy, Andrew, Boost of Montenegro. And we had talked about, I mean, it was just a discussion, but we had talked about where we would go if America wasn't the superpower anymore.

And it was just inevitable, and there was nothing we could do. And he brought his thing up. I said, I would go to Paraguay. And he was like, well, why would you go to Paraguay? I said, well, and Dave was like, what are you talking about? You're gonna leave the country. I'm like, no, Dave, I'm not gonna,

I'm not gonna, it was a conversation, but I was like, but I was like, I'm not in the you gonna leave the country. I'm like, no Dave, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, it was a conversation, but I was like, but I was like, I'm not in the mood to listen to your opinion on what I should do when our country collapses. I don't give a shit what you think. I'm not asking for any advice. This is what the fuck I wanna do. And he's like, well, why do you wanna go there?

And so I told him, you know, said it's south of where all the cartel shits happening. They're not growing drugs. Nobody's ever heard of the place. It's landlocked. There's not a lot of people there. All these reasons, you know. Now you're giving away our secret.

It's a place to disappear. There's other places like this that I've got back pocket too. So, but he started getting on my ass about it. Now I like completely lost my temper. And like uncontrollable. And I'm yelling at him and I'm anybody who's looking at me in this very nice restaurant. I'm pointing at them, yelling

at them, you probably fucking did this shit. It's your fault that we're here. Fuck you, quit eating your fucking salad and get the fuck out of here. I didn't care who it was. Anybody that got in front of me, anybody who paid me any attention that I didn't want attention from, I told them exactly what was on my mind, and it just, it didn't go well. And then, we went out and he kind of called me down a little bit and I mean, we tried everything.

It was just a good trip, you know. Did you get emotional there too? Where? At lunch. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I was crying. I was pissed. I lost my temper. I was yelling at people that I don't even know You know, they're looking at me like I'm a crazy person because I was or Maybe I'm not. Maybe other people are feeling like this too. I don't know You know it that at that specific moment in time it felt like I was the only one

Who was against all of these agendas that are challenging the way I was raised. And so yeah, I completely lost it. I was a disaster. Dave got us out of there and we went out and by a creek and he started talking to me about out and by a creek. And he started talking to me about Dan, my buddy that just died. Dave was also very close with him. And we just tried everything. He tried saging me. He tried talking to me about the Bible. We went out to dinners, you know, and nothing was helping. And then we did the sage thing, and then we went out to dinner one night. And I remember at dinner,

this is kind of the first thing that got my wheels spinning. We went out to dinner and Dave was talking about, we were talking about frequency. And I've been, like I said, I've been on these rabbit holes where I'm looking at the universe and quantum physics and you name it, I've looked into it. And I started getting into all this frequency things, consciousness, you know, and I've been watching this guy Greg Brayden a lot. And on YouTube, and he talks a

lot about frequencies and he can relate things back to the Bible from physics and it's super, it's really interesting stuff. Anyways, I'm telling Dave about these frequencies and Dave goes, well, do you know what the God frequencies are? And I was like, no. And he goes, we need to look into the God frequencies. And I said, well, what are those? And he says, well, I had, he said, the reason Jesus was able to do

all these miraculous things was because he was in tune with all three of the God frequencies. So when he parted the seas, when he walked on water, all these things, he was 100% in tune with the three God frequencies. I don't know if Dave just said that to me just to get me thinking because he thought that would resonate with me, but or if that's actually in there, and in the Bible, but whatever it worked, it caught my attention and it got me thinking and I was like, whoa, I mean,

I do a ripe machine a couple times a week, which is a device that shoots frequencies through your body that supposedly brings you back to baseline frequency. And supposedly it can cure cancer and viruses and bacteria and allergies and all these things, right? And I was telling about that. But anyways, he had mentioned frequencies, and I believe in frequencies. And I was like, in my head, I was like, well, this is, that's the first thing anybody ever

said to me that actually really resonated when it comes to, you know, a specific part of the Bible or whatever. A lot of times people quote the Bible, it doesn't mean anything to me. And so that got me thinking. And I hadn't had my phone for the majority of the trip. I started feeling a little better. And then I opened my phone like a dumbass. And I think this was our last day, wasn't it? I'm waiting to see what your phone is going to say because that would tell me if it was the last day. I checked my phone and the first thing I see was a news headline where it said that the

Chinese spy balloon had actually collected all this data. Oh, this wasn't the last day yet. It was the second to last day. I'm sorry. And I remember when that happened, I got on social media and I told everybody, like, these are our vulnerabilities, this is what could have possibly happened. Of course, reading the comments section,

we got a bunch of know-it-alls that actually don't know shit. And they're like, oh, they could get all this information on Google Earth and I was like, no, they can get all this information on Google Earth, and I was like, no, they can extract information out and get it back to China from whatever they're flying over. Well, it turns out they did fly over a bunch of military bases, and a bunch of information, apparently, according to the news headline,

which you can believe there now, was actually transmitted and pushed back to China. And that threw me off. Scroll down a little bit more. Famous celebrity that lives in our town is talking about how they can't believe that parents wouldn't want drag shows in front of their kids because it violates freedom of speech.

Sorry, I'm not down for a grown-ass man shaking his dick in front of my 20-month-old. But I wasn't raised like that. I don't know where these people came from. Anyways, it threw me into a, it threw me right back into it just like that. Lost my, just lost it and and I remember just wanting to get out of the room. I was like, let's just hike up to the center of your vortex. It was a quick hike. I was like, I just, I got to get out of here.

And we started hiking up there, and I'll be honest, I smoked a joint. I didn't want to feel the pain. So I smoked a joint right there. And I just wanted that anxiety, I wanted that rage, that anger gone. Like I don't want to feel it anymore.

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I don't even remember what we talked about. Do you? Probably all of it, everything. Well, what were you thinking before I go on? At this point? Yeah. So much. I mean, like I said, that sounded like a suicide cry to me, you know?

So that was hard to hear. But I knew, obviously, how angry you were. And I didn't know what the answer was, or when it was gonna come. Well, we're up there. I didn't know what word text is to go to for that. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, I guess we went to the right one. I guess we went to the right one. I guess we went to the right one, but yeah, the we didn't even work. You didn't do anything, you know, maybe for 10 minutes, but we got up there, sat there for a little bit, and I could feel the rage coming back, and I just wanted, I was like, oh, well, this didn't work, let's go. And it was dark, it was getting dark, so it started hiking back to the, back to the resort. And I remember having this conversation inside of my head,

at least I think it was inside of my head, on our way back down. And if you remember, when I talked about the five Emil experience, excuse me, the first five Emil experience that I felt like all this tar, like this evil, just all this negative anxiety anger, like rage, like I felt like all this tar just looks like leaking off of my heart and it cleared me up. Well, on the way hiking down from this mountain,

all these thoughts started coming in again. And it was like, why do you live here? Like, why are you even here? Nobody thinks like you, Sean. Just your values are fucked up. Nobody thinks like you. It's okay that people are praying on children. And it's okay that eight-year-olds are getting their genitals ripped out of them

and chopped off and made into the opposite gender. And it's okay that they're ripping kids out of their family's home because the parents aren't down with the gender change. And it's okay that grown men in drag are shaking their private parts in front of little kids. And this is what I see everywhere I look. Walk into target. What do you see?

It's everywhere. I wouldn't know because I don't go anymore. Yeah, well, but in any way, we'll walk, all these things are playing in my head and I could feel like, once again, it was like this black tar, felt like it was coming into my chest over my heart and just like consuming everything.

And it got, it literally in my conversation, in my head, it was just give up. What are you fighting for? Nobody thinks like you. Just give up. Just give into it. I mean, we're talking about, we were talking about starting our own school, which is another conversation, but this evil just kept sinking in.

And I had convinced myself to give up on that hike down the mountain. I was like, I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm tired of fighting. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do these interviews. I don't want to uncover corruption. I don't even want to do what I think is the right thing because apparently it's the wrong thing.

And I'd give it in. Give up how? How did you want to give up? Just give into it. Like I just wanted to not let that kind of shit bother me anymore. Like oh, they're mutilating eight-year-old kids. I don't care. That's how it's supposed to be.

Technology advanced. Why shouldn't we? Yeah. Just drag thing in front of little kids. Nobody cares, it's no big deal. What's the big deal if a 45 year old man is shaking his dick in front of a two year old? Is that a big deal?

Right? You got a guy up here no arm no leg Has to go to the bathroom in a bag Because there was no plan when the Afghan withdrawal happened that's nobody cares Nobody cares. They won't even they won't even put them on the news because it might embarrass somebody Nobody cares. All these things, you know. Oh, we got a 47 year old man right here in the studio trying to fuck a 13 year old girl

that we baited. Certain states are okay with that. It's all good. So these are the things that I'm like, you gotta be, you get the world's changing like you gotta be okay with this or you can check out because you don't belong here anymore. This isn't your world, you know, and it's not my world and I know that, but, you know, I'm like I said, I'm not going to conform to this shit. And so this is the conversation I'm having planned in my head as we get down, you know, to the front gate of the resort. We're staying at this resort called Enchantment. Oh my God, an armed guard at the gate. And we were there for like a week.

Yeah. They were for a week. I paid attention to these kind of things. I was a seal, I was a CIA guy, I take security extremely seriously, very seriously. And a lot of these guys at that gate, they knew who I was. Say, hi, I love the show, fan, whatever, you know, and met them all. It's cool to meet them. And, but this night, we'd, I mean, we'd been out of that, in and out of that gate how many times? Yeah, quite a few, you know. And mostly by foot, so we walk right by. Yeah, always, you know, I mean, these are the people that are gardener-ass

should better be nice to them, you know? And so get to know them. Well, this time, this old man walked out. And I don't even, why don't you go into this? Because I don't even, I don't you go into this? Because I don't even, I wasn't, I wasn't present in the moment. I was totally in my own head. You know, this old man came by and said something.

And the only thing I remember at first is I had my back turned to him like this. And I was looking at him over my shoulder because I wanted to give him The body language that hey buddy. I'm not in the moon right now I don't want to talk and I don't care what the fuck you have to say. I'm moving on but I did so I started talking to him and nice-to-sold guy, but yeah, I quickly just started a conversation with them and notice his accent and of course started talking the whole New England thing. He was from Boston and then you started to kind of turn our direction because you realized I'm in it for a little bit.

And that's when he started like acknowledging you in the conversation then. And he just kind of started saying everything you needed to hear. That's what got my attention. I didn't care. I remember him looking at me and telling me he was a veteran. Mm-hmm. And her forced veteran. This guy,

all estimated, what do you think, 65, maybe 70? Mm, I'd say no 70s. He looked at me. As happy as could be, too. Yeah, super nice guy. Like I said, I'm giving the body language like, hey buddy, I just want to go back to my room.

I don't want to talk. I'm not in the mood. Looks at me, tells me he's a veteran. And then it was like this guy jumped inside of my head and read every single thought that I was having so much so that it literally scared the shit out of me. I don't even remember everything he said because after the first thing, it freaked me out. And he looked at me and he was talking about himself. And he said,

it was like, you know, I remember when I got out, it was like all these things were happening, you know, outside of my control, outside of the country, he was like, they really bothered me. And he goes, but you know what? And he was talking about, I mean, he was like, this thing over here,

you don't need to worry about that anymore. That's not your fight. And the stuff with China, that's not your fight either. And all these things that are happening within the country? That's not my fight anymore. That's my kid's fight. He said he fought his fight.

Yes, he said he fought his fight. And now it's somebody else's turn. But he went through, and I don't remember, do you remember everything he said? I remember he talked about his travels that he loves to just travel now. And one of the places he loves to spend his time is California and that's when you and I were like,

what? Why are you going to California? And he said, I know it's messed up right now. He said, but man, it's beautiful and the weather's beautiful. And he just loved it for what it was, what the natural beauty of the state. I can't say anything about it because I haven't spent enough time there,

but he just thought like you and I were crazy to not see its natural beauty and for what it actually was. And you and I thought he's crazy for spending his time in such a corrupt and out of control state right now from what we hear. And that's what really got us tuned into what? How can this guy even think this way? He was just living his life. He said, oh my gosh, the weather and I get to go to the beach.

He was just really enjoying it for what it was and didn't let anything else phase him. Nothing was getting to him. Yeah. I think that was towards the end, because I do remember that portion. But I remember the very first thing, you know, he said was he was talking about all this stuff that's happened outside of the country. And I mean, it was, that man read my mind from front to back at about 60 seconds and just went through it all. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And after, like I said, after the first thing, when he was talking about all the stuff outside of the country, it literally freaked me out. Yeah. I don't know if my face changed, but it totally was like, how is this guy in my head right now? And then he said something else. And I remember thinking, he's 100% in my head right now.

What the fuck is going on? And then I totally tuned out, because that's all I could think about, was how is this man in my head right now at this specific moment in time reading each and every one of my thoughts and reciting them back to me. And conversation ended. We started walking, again, it was dark. And I remember looking at you and I just said, this week's episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, everybody, we've all hit segments in life that become very tough to get through.

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H-E-L-P.com slash Sean. Holy shit. I think God just spoke to me through that man. And I was feeling so relieved because I knew it was everything that you needed to hear at that moment. So I was just really happy. Do you remember what you said? No.

I said, I can't believe. I just kept saying it. I was like, I cannot believe. We'd never seen that man before. We'd been in and out of that gate at least five times a day. All different times. Night time, daytime, morning, you name it. We're out hiking around or going out in town or going out to a nice dinner.

And I never saw that man there the entire time we there are until that very last night. And I kept saying, I can't believe it. That guy just read my mind. I think that was God. He was talking to me. And you said, Sean, you don't realize that God's always surround you. You said, look at all the good things God's always surround you. You said, look at all the good things that are happening to you.

Look at the impact you're making on the people that listen. And how could you not see that? And I just kept saying, I was like, I can't believe it, I can't believe it. And you said, the reason you can't believe it. I can't believe it. And he said, the reason you can't believe it is because you've never made room for him. We're always busy doing all these other things.

And you refuse to make room for him. Well, he showed up. So in that time frame, it takes maybe three minutes to get from the gate to our room, which we were standing like this. I guess it would be like a two plex. Like a bungalow. Yeah.

Like a villa bungalow. And the two rooms, the doors face each other. We never saw our neighbor the whole time, the only other person in the building. We'll walk in, we're getting ready to walk up to our little villa and all be damned if the guy that looks identical to Gabe winds up being the person that's staying across from us. We had seen him in every corner of that resort. He was there. We didn't realize we never saw who was staying across from it. It wound up being the guy that looked identical to Gabe.

And like I said, Gabe was known as a protector. I was in a super vulnerable state where I was ready to give up. And so that was a sign. He must have thought though that we were crazy because you and I both looked at each other like, oh my God, like he's right there. We do. You know, and he's probably thinking, these people are following me around the

resort, staring at me like constantly. Now he's like, and now they're right next to me. Well, so sorry, dude. Yeah. Well, maybe, maybe not because then we walked we walked in the room and the first thing you said is You go you think that was a coincidence too Yeah And I started once again. I broke down again. I started crying and We had a long conversation in the room and and it was

It was more me saying, I can't believe this is happening, this is insane, what's going on, what am I supposed to do? And I remember looking down at the carpet and realizing the entire carpet was all these crosses and a pattern. And it just really like threw me into a tinsy.

You know, I just, there was just so many coincidences happening. And I remember we were talking in my phone ding. We finished the conversation. And I went to check my phone. And it was a text from Dan's daughter who doesn't have my number. I had met her one time. I don't think I said two words to her. She doesn't know who I am.

And Dan, the same Dan that had just died a couple days prior. And this is what it said. So I'm going to read this text. Now this text came in, this is so weird. This text came in in the middle of our conversation right after these two other things happened. It says, hey, Sean, this is Dan's daughter. My dad requested I reach out to you. I had a moment with him the other day when my mom and I walked into his gun room.

It was the first time she had been in there since his passing, and I felt the whole room awakened like invisible stars were bouncing off the walls. There were a few people in the room, but he really grabbed me by the balls, as he would say, and made a couple of clear points. I want you to know he spoke very gently, very smooth like he was calm and tranquil. One favor he asked of me is that I contact you when I'm ready.

He didn't give me any more direction than that, but I think he would just like you to know he sees you or feels you. My mom told me recently you had become his best friend and his favorite person to be around. And if that's true, it's safe to say he really loved you just exactly as you are. It's safe to say he really loved you just exactly as you are. Unfortunately, my dad and I didn't really talk about our personal lives.

We had more of a feeling type relationship. Not a lot of talking, but just the right amount of loving from afar. But if there's ever a chance, you'd feel comfortable talking about yours and his story, I would sure love to hear about it. And I'm sure he would too. Trying not to lose it here. I know. But, um, so that's...

So that text came in... At that moment. Right then. So it was three things right in a row. Boom, boom, boom. And we started getting ready for bed and I told you those are last night we were leaving early in the morning.

I think we were leaving by eight in the morning to get back to the airport. And I said, hey, I want to wake up early early. I want to hike back up to that four texts. And I just feel like there's going to be something else. And if there's not, that's fine. You know, then I will just say thanks is the sun's rising. And thank you for forgiving me, Faith.

Thank you for making me a believer. And so I got up, I don't know, 430 maybe. Got dressed, hiked back up to that energy vortex. It was freezing. I forgot how cold it gets. On the desert at night, it's been a minute. But while I'm hiking up there, and I'm like, I was like,

I think Jesus is gonna pop out of a bush at this point. I was like, I'm gonna see the burning bush. Something's gonna happen. Something's gonna happen. Well, I got up to the energy vortex, nothing happened. There's one right outside of the resort. And I brought my phone because I wanted to time lapse the sunrise. And I just wanted to remember the moment. And so I was like, I know, I'll just set my phone over here. I don't want to be around it, turn it on airplane mode and I just I just wanted to time lapse the sunrise.

I'm sitting there and I'm waiting and waiting and waiting for the sunrise. And freezing, I almost was like, dude, screw this, I'm going, nothing's happening. I've been up here for a couple hours now. I thought that some would rise a little earlier than it did, but I'm done. I was like, now I just got it out, stay out here. Like, just say thank you, and then we'll move on. And so I'm sitting there, and you know, just when you can see this

right before the sunrise, you can see exactly where it's going to come up. And I got up there at night, stars were everywhere. I watched all the stars disappear. I watched the moon disappear, I watched the sun get ready to come up. And I'm looking out over the horizon, right where the sun's about ready to peak. I'm looking out over the horizon right where the sun's about ready to peak. And I see this UAP. And at first I was like, oh, that's probably just a plane flying straight at me.

Nope. There were no chemtrails up there. There were no other flights, no other planes, nothing. No, not even a hint of any airplane jet. It was that early in the morning. So I started moving around, you know, no. I was like, well, maybe if I move over here, I'll see it like moving. It is a plane moving in an angle. It wasn't a plane. It was sitting in the exact same spot, just sitting there. While I was walking

around, I looked away and I looked back and it was gone. I was like, damn, you know, well, whatever, you know, whatever it was, I don't care. I'll just, the sun's about ready to come up. It came back. Not moving, not anything like extravagant. Well, you know, I don't... Just look like a little dot. I'm gonna put it on screen so everybody can see. But... What it looked like. But um...

But I sat there, at this time I wasn't gonna look away. I watched it. And then it just disappeared. Gone. So something else did happen. I don't know what that was, what it represented. If I was supposed to get any meeting out of it, but all I know is I saw a UAP. I've never seen a UAP.

I haven't either. And that was a UAP, or UFO, whatever you want to call it. But, son came up, said thank you. I made a quick video about, you know, just saying thank you. Once I, I hike back down, got my phone, made a quick video like you know just documenting the moment the date the time all that kind of stuff and hike back down felt like a million bucks I believe in God now and all these things that happened and I'm excited to get on with life, I was excited to tell you about the UAP. We get in the car, head to the airport, and you know, it was a long flight on the... I didn't think the camera would

have caught that. It was like, there's no way this crappy little iPhone on time lapse mode, caught a little bitty dot over the horizon. Yeah, I started watching the time lapse and I just started zooming in. Sure shit, it's in there. So I'll play that right now. But... right now. But... So then we get home and I start telling everybody about this.

I told Justin Hughes about it. I told Kyle Morgan about it. I told Eddie Penny about it. I told Dave Rutherford. I told everybody about it. And thinking that we're gonna think I'm crazy, told my team about it, turns out damn near our whole team is extremely well versed

in the Bible. And I decided I'm gonna read the Bible. And I had come to the conclusion that's the only thing left in this world that's going to make any sense to me. And so I... We started reading the Bible, the one that Dave got us for our wedding. We started reading that and... And then I talked to Eddie Penny.

And I told him what happened. And... Eddie got real quiet, and he just said he was like, man, he goes, Sean. There have been a lot of people praying that this was going to happen to you. And he was, anyone on, he's like, I don't, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but a lot of us have been praying for this to happen for a long time. And I was, I mean, that's... That hits you. Mm-hmm.

And we started talking about... He started talking to me about... All kinds of stuff. Things that had happened to him. Things that I might experience now that I've chosen aside, stuff about spiritual warfare. He started talking about guardian angels. The majority of the conversation was about spiritual warfare and guardian angels. And how to kind of how to read the Bible and in any quote, it was just a long conversation

about faith and what it's like to find it and things that I might experience now that I found it. He says that that I found it. He says that... Evil will show up now that I've chosen aside. And the guardian angels will be around me. I got nothing to worry about. Just keep, stay on the path.

It's gonna pay off. That's what he wants you to do. And I was like, all right man, there's a lot to take in, you know, and I had a phone call scheduled with a member on the team. It noon the next day. This was late at night. New in the next day, I don't even know what this conversation's gonna be about. I pick up the phone, we have our conversation, it was literally the exact same conversation

as I had with any penny. A little more than 12 hours ago. You know, it was about spiritual warfare and guardian angels. That conversation started at noon. So then I came home to be with you and... our son for a late lunch. Head lunch with you guys.

I think I told you about my conversations. Who's heading back to the here to the studio. Pulled out of the driveway. We're on, I look at the clock. It says 444. At the exact same time I look at the clock, I see my odometer and it says 444 miles left to empty. So I call our social media guy or text them or call them and I texted him

because I just wanted to remember, I wanted to text somebody. So I said, hey, what is 444 mean? And that way I just had, you know what I mean? I documented, I wouldn't forget. So I raised to the studios, he was here. And grab whipped out my laptop and I'm like, what is 444 mean? 444 means that your guardian angels want you to know that they're around you and that everything's

going to be okay. So I googled it. What is 4444? I mean that was the first That was the first Google result that I saw was Your guardian angels want you to know that they're around you. So it 444 In the afternoon I saw my odometer that said I had 444 miles left to empty and this was four hours and

44 minutes after that conversation about guardian angels and spiritual warfare started. So there's three things all happening simultaneously that have to do with 4444. Come here, that's not a cool, another one, another sign. For sure. And then I started seeing it everywhere. Wake up in the middle of the night. It's 444. It happens all the time. And so... Do you believe in angels? I do now. I do now. And it was that I had...

Did you say that you believed in hell before? Do you believe in heaven? I do now. I mean, look at everything that's changed just since... Sedona. That happened. That was last straw. I was like, all right, I am one, I am all in on this. Want to church? Haven't missed church. I think it's been five times in a row now, right? Five weeks in a row, we've gone to church.

Thanks. So since then, went to the church of Justin Hughes recommended, love it, lots of like-minded people, all with the same morals and values that we have. Got emotional in the church all five times. Every time we walk in there, I feel like I'm going to lose it in a good way. You know, I just like I'm going to lose it in a good way. I don't know what it is. It just makes me want to cry. But it feels good.

I still fight it, because I started reading the Bible and started looking for answers, started watching documentaries, reading the Bible. That geo has a bunch of good stuff on this that I've been reading. I mean, I'm just sinking my teeth in anything I can get, you know, on the subject of God, faith, Jesus, what we're supposed to be doing, asking for signs on what I'm supposed to be doing. And this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be here talking about this right now.

And maybe this will give some other people some hope. Maybe this will get some other people start looking into this. Do you believe that everything's gonna be okay? I believe everything's gonna be okay when you die. If you live a good life. What about while you're here? I can't answer that. I think everything that's supposed to happen will happen.

How do you think it's changed your day to day? You. How are you different? It has, man. In a lot of ways, I mean, it's put me into a better mood. You know, we still... I still have my struggles. I mean, these are heavy topics, but I think it reinforced my purpose. It's made me treat other people that maybe I don't necessarily agree with better.

It's also giving me the confidence and I don't need to budge in what I believe in. I don't need to budge in the way that I was raised. I don't need to budge from the Word of God or what's in that Bible. I'm not budget anymore. I always thought that I was doing the right thing, and I've always, I guess I can't say always, but ever since we met, I've always really tried to do the right thing. Even when people do me wrong, and I want to get revenge, or go after them, or make an example out of

somebody or publicly humiliate somebody that publicly humiliated me. I don't do it because that's not how God will want me to do it. But it gave me the courage to keep being that way. I don't need a budge for anybody except God. And I know what I'm doing is the right thing. And I know my values and my morals fall in line with the Bible. I don't care what kind of shit the government is throwing at me. I don't care what people try to shame me into believing in, I don't care anymore. I know I'm doing the right thing. If falls in line with that book,

I'm doing the right thing. I don't give a shit what anybody else says. And that's brought me a lot of peace. To know that I'm doing the right thing. What are you looking forward to most about diving in more to it? I mean, you just started the Bible. I just want to learn. I just want to learn what he wants us to do, how we're supposed to live, you know, and it's out how does it end?

Do you think there's a part of you that gets upset the more you learn about what's in the Bible and what is written out as good versus evil? Does it make you think even like you're even more upset at the evil that's happening. You know what I mean? I think the thing that I struggle with the most is forgiveness because I don't want to forgive these people ever. And that's not what the Bible's about. That's my biggest struggle, you know,

and yeah, I know I'm supposed to forgive and it's it's hard for me to it's just hard Do you pray? I pray every night now. I pray multiple times a day now, you know, and I feel like I live my life better and and I've always been, you know, big on family and you and our son and now I think that's even better, you know? And um... Yeah, forgiveness is going to be tough for me.

Do you think you'll get there? Yeah, I've gotten there with a lot of things already. What did you think about my spirituality before all this? What do you mean, what did I think of it? I mean, I was happy about it. I, I know. Like, were you wondering if you'd ever jump into it with me or? No.

I wasn't into it. I was, I thought it was great that you were into it. I didn't want any part of it. You know, not at the time. I know you liked it when I prayed out loud at the end of the night. I did. What do you do? I do.

What would you tell somebody that's right now looking for a sign? Don't give up. You know, that's one thing I said at that lunch that you were not when I lost my shit. And, um, because David said something to me, and he said something along the lines of you, you need to find some faith and I mocked him and I was like, I need to find faith. I was like, I'm going to tell you something. I was like, I've had, I don't know how many guys from our community come in and sit across from me and tell me about how God revealed themselves to them, to them.

Justin Hughes talked about it, Kyle Morgan talked about it, Eddie Penny talked to lots of guys in here and talked about it. You know, on and off camera. And I said, you know what? I was like, I really, really try to do the right thing. I try to bring hope to the world. I try to shine a light on evil, shit that is happening on this planet. I try to...

I mean, a lot of these stories is overcoming, like, extreme trauma. Or, you know, you see everyone in the world, and especially in this country, everybody's victimizing themselves, and pouting, and honestly just being a was, and I've taken on a responsibility to say, because I think they've been brainwashed and to think that they can't accomplish anything. I can't do it. And so I bring stories out. It's like, really, you think you can't do it?

Look at this guy. Started from nothing, nothing, not a dime to his name and now look at him. Now he's one of the top business guys in the country. Or, you know, or veterans who, lots of veterans, I mean, you know what the kind of content we put out? Lots of veterans were, you know, they're spilling their guts. I mean, Tyler Vargas, Nick Lavery, one leg.

They were going to kick him out of being a green beret. It goes back, passes everything, goes back to war, retires. You know, I don't know if he's actually retired yet, but he's getting close. But, you know what I mean? And it's, you see the kind of trauma in the stuff that these guys have overcome

and it brings everybody hope, even my own story. I mean, shit, I tried to kill myself in my car. And when I left the agency, I had nothing, nothing, not anything. I had a friend who wound up dying. Nobody was there to lift me up. I had told my own store and I hope that people hear about it and the like, man, if these guys can overcome this stuff, then so can I.

Maybe my problems aren't as bad as I thought they were. In anyways, the whole point being, I told Dave, I'm like, I do all these things and you know what? I never get a sign. I never see anything. He never reveals himself to me. And I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't believe in it.

Do you think you are starting to see the good? Like what I've said in Sedona, like he is all around you, you're just not seeing it. Yeah. You are starting to see it now? I'm seeing it. And seeing what you've already done? I don't know. I mean, I'm not... I don't know.

Yeah, I know I'm putting positive stuff into the world. But, you know, I saw it at that event that we just spoke, that I just spoke at the Danny Deets Memorial Classic, the people that went to that. I mean, I couldn't believe like, people were coming from all over the country, we met that woman, fluent from New Jersey on a win. I met a guy who drove all the way down there from Tennessee. You know,

people from all over the country came there to just shake my hand and say they've been praying for me. One guy gave me, one guy gave me a cross that he carried in his uniform on every mission that he went on in Afghanistan. That cross is right up there now, right next to Gabe's flag. I didn't know that. Yeah, lots of, I mean, lots, definitely a lot of people came. There was lines of people coming up telling me, telling me, hey, this is how you've impacted my life and that felt amazing.

And it also felt a little awkward, you know? It was overwhelming to see. I'm not a very public person. I don't like going out in public. I don't, I sure sell, don't do public speeches. You know, I'm just not out there. This is where, this is how I get my message across. Me and you, nobody else is in the studio, you know,

and so it's hard for me to... I'll never know the full impact. That's true. You know, but I guess that doesn't matter if you just impact one person. Then you've done your part, you know. But, um... Yeah, I'm not doing it for praise or...

Attaboy's or... I know. I'm not doing it for praise or at a boys or I'm just doing this because I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And after this series of events and coming to the Bible and reading about how you need to shine a light on evil and not cower away from it, like we see everybody doing in this country, cowering away from from from from their fear. It needs to be done. It has to be done. And that's given me the confidence

to know I'm doing the right thing. And you know what? If they cancel me for it, they get rid of me or they shut me down or whatever they do to me. I don't care. I know I did the right thing. Do you think you feel like you have...

the right tools now to navigate moving forward? So this doesn't keep getting to you. I mean, I think it's just a journey, you know? And do I think things are gonna get to me again? Yeah. I know things are gonna get to you again. I think things are gonna get to me again. I mean, having the right tools, you're like,

spiritual power, you know, having your religion, and while you're faith. I realize now you always have God to fall back on. He's got you. If you're doing the right thing and you're doing what he wants you to do, he's got you. And that's all you need. That is all you need. Do you think you'd do psychedelics again?

I don't know. You know, I'm not against them. They've done a lot of good for me. But I don't want to make this interview about psychedelics. And because that's not what it's about. It's about... It's about finding truth, diving into his word, and living a good life. And that's it. Sounds good to me. Me too. Let's go get some lunch.

Is there anything else? I think that covers it. Well, it was definitely a different flight on the way back. Sure was. the way back. True was. I love you babe. I love you too. We can have it. Good. How wrestling really works and how you get the ratings, Eric Bischoff and Conrad Thompson

explain on 83 weeks. Collision has been struggling a little bit out of the gate with these ticket sales. A little bit out of the gate. This was a major show, announced on a major network, with what everybody thought was this huge star. CM Pogge, I said he was going to be the biggest financial flop in wrestling history, and I think I'm being proven right every minute of the day. 83 weeks on YouTube or wherever you listen.

wherever you listen.