Shawn Ryan Show - #83 What Led Victor Marx to Become the World's Fastest Gun Disarmer | Part 1

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Victor Marx is a high risk humanitarian, former U.S. Marine, author, filmmaker, and lays claim to the World's fastest gun disarm. This is a three part series that covers his life story. In part one, Marx recounts a childhood marked by severe abuse. By the time he graduated from high school, his lifestyle was filled with drugs, fights and theft. Yet, the discipline of the military and his steadfast faith would reset the course of his life. This episode is extremely graphic. Viewer / Listener discretion is advised. Shawn Ryan Show Sponsors: https://lairdsuperfood.com - USE CODE "SRS" https://goldco.com/ryan | 855-936-GOLD #goldcopartner https://preparewithshawn.com https://blackbuffalo.com - USE CODE "SRS" Victor Marx Links: Website - https://victormarx.com | https://iamvictormarx.com Contact - https://victormarx.com/contact IG - https://www.instagram.com/victormarx X - https://twitter.com/victormarx Please leave us a review on Apple & Spotify Podcasts. Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website | Patreon | TikTok | Instagram | Download Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup salad and garlic home Ladies and gentlemen welcome back to the Sean Ryan show the next episode My next guest has the most traumatic childhood story that I have ever heard not just on the show Out of anyone I have ever heard, not just on the show, out of anyone I have ever spoken with. And the miracle behind this story

is that he was able to pull himself out of that trauma. He found the strength to do that and now he is saving kids all over the world, saving kids from ISIS, saving kids from being trafficked. It's amazing. It is a story that brings a lot of hope and proves that no matter how much trauma you endure, you can pull yourself out of it.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you get anything out of these shows, please head over to Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Leave us a review. Tell us how we're doing. Like, comment, and subscribe to the channel. And that's right. They're back. So limited releases. If you don't get them today, they'll be more tomorrow.

If you don't get them tomorrow, they'll be more than next day. We're trying to get everybody a chance to get a piece of the action. So bear with us. These things are a hot commodity. And I just want to say thank you in advance, especially to you patrons or a patron. It's because of you, the show goes around

and it's even the part. But ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, please welcome Victor Marx to the Sean Ryan show. Love you all, cheers and God bless. Mark's welcome to the show, man. It's good to be here. It's good to have you here. It's been a long time coming, you know? Sitting at breakfast with you this morning, I had no idea that we had that many mutual friends and acquaintances in common.

Right? That's a lot of people. And there's more. Yeah, I know there's gotta be. I mean, if you know, if you know these guys then I know there's the possibilities are endless, but fascinating conversation at breakfast. But let me give you a quick intro here.

So Victor, mark your Christian husband, father, grandpa, author, founder of all things, possible ministry, seventh degree black belt. You have the world's fastest gun disarm, which I'm not gonna bullshit you. I was skeptical. And tell about five minutes ago, we did downstairs. But we've got a lot of stuff to talk about.

I know from what I've gathered, you probably have the most traumatic childhood that I've ever heard of. And so what I would like to do is really dive into your childhood, talk about how you overcame all that trauma, how you kind of found faith, and then what you're doing now with your all things possible, Ministries Foundation. And if there's time at the end, I would love to dive into some spiritual warfare stuff

because I'm new with that. I'm new with the whole genre. And it's like drinking from fire hose. I know you have a lot of knowledge when it comes to that. So yeah, but I got a question for you, personal question. Yeah, go. Your grandpa.

You'll say, and your obviously a father if you're a grandpa. So what's more fulfilling to you, seeing your offspring bring new lives into the world or being a grandpa or being a dad. Or is it even can you keep in comparison? You know I used to ask that question to my friends who were older. I would say I need to know what's the difference. And no matter what anybody said, I couldn't, you can't wrap your mind around it. So this is what I can say.

When you're a dad, you instantly have that provider, protector, role, I mean, it kicks into the highest degree. You just go, ah, and then when you're holding your first grandbaby, the thought, here's what I felt. I'm looking at this granddaughter. We have five of them now, all grandos. And I looked at it and I just thought, she's not my child.

There's not that connection as a child. And yet, I die for her as much as I would my own little children. And that was the connection that I thought, it's just as strong, but it's an absolute different feel. This is my daughter's baby, her husbandra Rosman. But I'll die for this, I'll die for this kid. I do anything for this kid. So that's how it's been for all five. And it's, it's beautiful to my wife and I. We've always tried to stay fit, fit and it's ready. You know, mentioned, ready, we call always tried to stay fit, fitness ready, you know, mission ready,

we call it, now we're like, we gotta stay grandparent ready, holding these babies and running with them, that's a whole different skill set, man. It's like CrossFit and what is it like? You know, another thing that I want to dive into about, and we'll get more in depth as the interview develops, but generational trauma. A lot of people talk about generational trauma. It's really starting to get out there. A lot of people are talking about this.

And from what I understand, you come from a long line of generational trauma between your grandpa, your father, your stepfather, you've experienced it. It sounds like that stopped when you had kids. What's it like seeing? What is it like to be the generation that changes the course of your bloodline? What great insight, Sean. And I'll tell you, it feels like one of the greatest things you can do. Truly one of the greatest things you can do. And it's not easy. But if a person's determined to say it stops with me, it will. And the only way the best way I know I can tell people is through God's power, because many people

are fighting this, but they don't understand there's a real enemy, and you can't see them. And it's evil. And that's what oftentimes pushes and propels generational, both generational curses and trauma. And until that is addressed, people will really struggle. Yeah.

So we definitely have figured out how to make it stop. I can't wait to dive into that. You know, I got a guy on my team who you just met. Yeah. And he has experienced a lot of generational trauma. And he's always working on self improvement and we talk a lot about these kind of things. And he never feels like he's doing enough

and for a son and his family. and I'm like, look man, you got to look at where you came from and where you're at today and I was like, you're the you are the generation that's going to change the trajectory of your entire bloodline. And I told him, I said, what what could possibly be more important than changing the... your trajectory is completely changed now in your bloodline because of what you've done. And I know that really set in, but the reason I'm bringing that up is because I want people to understand like that's the biggest impact you could have. Truly. It's just changing the trajectory of your own bloodline.

And while you were in the other room, and they met a short conversation, and I just said, hey, what's the hardest thing you struggle with in your life? Because those are meaningful questions. Let's just get right down to it. He said, anger, come around. And you know, for him, it makes sense to me, he's broken this, and he's a great dad, good husband. But then what do you deal? How do you deal with and process the injustices of your past?

Because anger is a secondary emotion, right? But it's a reasonable response. What do you mean it's a secondary emotion? Oftentimes, anger is, it's your angry because of something. So the emotion is, ah, ah, ah, and like I used to tell young men in prisons, teenagers, kids were locked up. They all have anger issues.

I'm like, you should. I'm like, what? I go, yeah, your dad left you. You were abused as a kid by your mother's, boyfriends. You know, this, this, I said, what other emotion is appropriate? You become psychotic. If you're not feeling anger to the injustice,

but then what do you do with anger? It doesn't go away. You'll either pull your grenade in swallow it, or you pull it in throw it on people. There's no other means for processing anger like that. And when I say secondary, oftentimes it's rejection. Rejections the motherload of,

I think, heartache and pain, which causes anger. A great example is kids who adopted. I just spent some time with a brilliant attorney, IQ172. He's high on the spectrum, I'm like, and, you know, we're talking, and he's some struggles,

and he was adopted by a great family. And he goes, no, I let you know this. And I said, you know, the most profound thing I ever heard from a kid who was actually locked up. Well, I'm trying to help, but he just put this insight. He has Mr. Mark's adoption as the only trauma a kid supposed to be happy and thankful for. Wow.

That's deep. Deep. And that's one of those deep truths learned from pain. So, you know, what what I think can happen is when a person can't shake anger wrath bitterness It's and this is what I told your colleague I said Young man if you don't take care of that and get that dealt with it will make your heart heart

and then you will not be able to give love to Those who need it closest to you. And then you won't be able to receive the love that they want to give you because your heart can only take so much. And if part of it starts getting hard and bitter and I've lived that. I remember feeling why can't I love my wife? You know, the way she needs to be loved. And because I had a limit, part of my heart was just hardened from my past.

Whether it was anger or trust issues or lies that I believed. And when you believe lies long enough, it becomes a truth. And then that's when you get stuck. Can you bring that up again later in the interview? Because I want to ask you how you are not to have it. It's all part of it.

So, yeah. Yeah. Because I have personal interest in that as well. But before we get too heavy, I'm going to lighten it up. Everybody always gets a gift on the show. What do we got? Where you at? Don't be bears.

We switched it up, so I'm huge on brain health. Oh yeah. And so I partnered with layered superfoods and they have these, they have a whole line of supplements, but there's coffee and there's coffee, there's a performance mushroom blend, and there's a performance mushroom creamer that goes with the functional mushroom coffee.

And, you know, I'm huge on mental health. Yeah, neurocropics. But, you know, part of mental health is fueling your brain the right way, and this stuff will help regenerate your brain. My, my bride has actually, she drinks the mushroom. Oh, no kidding. Yeah, right on, man.

And she's a lorry, she's giving it to me a few times. Hey, come on in there. And I'm like, Arun, interesting, thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm, I'm looking forward to this. It's the it's the you can just throw that on the floor, but yeah, it's most of the ingredients are from the US

not only time that they look for other ingredients as if there's something that's a higher quality that's from another country and so it's the cleanest of ingredients. And really cool. Yeah, good stuff. But enough about that, enough about presence. Let's, so I want your life story, Vitt. Yeah. I want to start with childhood. Like I said, I think that, I think that,

right now, I think that the most important part of this interview is going to be your childhood and how you overcame that trauma. It could be totally off here, because I know there's gonna be a lot of surprises, but let's start there. Let's just start, where'd you grow up? Well, and I'll say this for those watching,

I will say in church and things, probably that I never have. And we've thought this through because there's a documentary on my life story, there's a book. I've shared some things, but in the film, the psychologist who I worked with, which was 123 visits, over 9. 123 visits. Yeah, over nine months. That's what you call intensive. Yeah.

I've been on depacote, depacine, proxxoloph lithium, bu spar. I would go to the VA weekly, blood checks and, you know, psych stuff. What are you on now? Anything? Nothing. Amazing. Yeah. And I never down people for being on meds. I just say it's got to be short-term. So I'm on nothing for mental health which it's a miracle. I, I've got all the records. They had me as an ultra bipolar, ultra-repet cyclist, so twice a day, and I was a high-stress suicide. And I have, I mean, I've put a pistol in my mouth, ended up in the hospital.

But what I want to say is, the psychologist said in the film, and worked with me, Victor only shares about 10% in this film. And I, again, thinking through this and praying, you know, until there's finally a movie done, which we've had until there's finally a movie done, which we've had lots of different offers for that. I'm gonna share some things today, and I, because one, I think you're a great

steward of people's lives and stories, and you reach so many people. It's, and I see God's hand on you, Sean. I mean, I really do. But in saying that, I will tell your listeners and whatnot, I will say things that will probably trigger someone, that you don't want to remember things from your past,

or you get bothered and listen to a trigger that emotionally hits you. It's like a red light on your dash of your vehicle. It's just telling you you need to have something checked out. So don't look at it as the worst possible thing. Look it as an indicator. Maybe some things you have to visit, sit on with someone, and do the hard work of working through past issues. But with that said, I never thought I had a story, even when I first started telling it many years ago, because when you're raised in this function, it is the norm to you. And I've never felt sorry for myself. I've never felt like I was a victim.

I had to actually learn those things in order to get like real healing when I started counseling. The first counselor, and it was in a adulthood, I started really having troubles and breaks with reality and flashbacks in the middle of the day and anxiety and panic attacks and, I mean, I was starting on gravel. There was no doubt. But my wife sent me to a counselor and you know my coping mechanisms were compartmentalization and you just never touched it.

And you always pressed, pressed, pressed, you never stopped, you never looked back. You push, till you get through it. But things started happening in my life where I couldn't spend the plates anymore. And the vault, the vault got cracked almost like an earthquake. And it was something that happened in my life, where ooze started coming out. And I, mentally, I remember trying to shove it back in

or it's like a beach ball. You're on the beach, you're trying to keep it submerged. And you can only do it for so long But our behavior tells on us. Yeah You know you brought up a Interesting concept that you know you grew up in that and you thought that was normal. Yeah, and you know Personal I've come to the conclusion, there is no normal. There's only your perception of what normal is

and your perception of what normal is is what's going on around you. Totally good. And everything in this country and most of the world is compartmentalized. So if you took a white collar family who thinks that the way you grew up is completely abnormal. If they've removed themselves from their bubble and put themselves into, I'll just call it

poverty, right? If they put themselves in poverty, everybody in that new bubble thinks that they are completely abnormal. And so it's only your perception of what's going on around you. That you deem to be normal. I agree. And therefore there is no such thing as normal. I think normal is a setting on a dryer. Yeah. And that's about it.

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I went through someone to help me with, I remember her saying, this is a safe place. You can share, tell me a little bit about your childhood. And I was completely pissed that my wife made me go, you know, as long as be grudging things. So I'm like, what do you want to hear? You know, and I started saying stuff like, yeah, you want to hear I was tortured. I was tied down, electrocuted, dunked in a tub till I passed out. You know, and I just started, and I guess I get graphic. Within 10 minutes, she's weeping.

She's like sobbing, and I'm, and I stop and I'm like, hey, are you okay? I never forget. I grabbed the tissue box and handed it to her. And I'm like, I think we ought to be done at this point. I'm not sure you're really equipped and she literally can get it together. And I laughed and I remember telling my wife, I'll never go to another counselor again. And it was actually many years later before my wife lovingly said, babe, you're starting to become low functioning.

And it's got nothing to do with Tri-Q or your intelligence. My biological dad had an IQ of 185 and she's like, you're flashbacking, you're things unraveling. When you chase a guy down through three cities because he almost hit us. He was an 18-willer. It was hitting me in my family on a Sunday. He blew through a red light and I had to stop and he flipped me off. So I chased him for three different cities going in a highway called, I think, four different law enforcement agencies. We finally pulled them over.

And I remember driving by him slow. They're pulling him out. I'm like, have you ever remember me? Back at you. And they were driving home. And my wife, she just puts her hand on my arm. It goes, you know, that's not normal, right? And I'm like, what, he almost killed us. The kids are back there reading. So it was those things were more often you

got to get help. And then I found the right. This is what I call a soul surgeon. Because not everybody who's in counseling or as a doctor or post-old digger on the name is gifted to work with people. It may be a profession for them. We better be very careful when we let somebody start getting into our soul. And I found an amazing, my wife found an amazing gallon and that was the beginning of 123 visits. I guess ahead. Good for you, man 123 visits, I guess, ahead.

Good for you, man. Well, let's backtrack. Yep. Let's start at the beginning. You ready to do this? Uh, yeah. All right. Where'd you grow up?

Louisiana, as far as born, Lafayette, Louisiana. Where's that? It's definitely in Cajun, land. Cajunville, southern Louisiana, kind of swamp country, by use. And my mother, she married a man who, you know, had lived in a boy's home for a while. He was an only child.

And she had four kids with him. He was a... And he had done time in the Navy. And he was a boxer. He had these pugilistic skills, then studying Judo and Jiu-Jitsu. He earned his black belt and Jiu-Jitsu in the 50s. He became a balancer for 27 years. He was a drug dealing, a pimp, at one point in life. So they didn't make it in marriage and were actually divorced. And then they connected one night. And if there was a window in

her womb the night he got her pregnant, for me, he ended up shoving Rosalie Rebeaths down her throat and put a pistol to her head. And that was it. So I was a leftover. And because of that, my mother had a hard time attaching to me because I represented him as a leftover. So, in terms of being crying, she said, and she just couldn't pick me out. She just, it was some type of repulsion.

And I get it, you know, I don't hold that against her, but guess what, that messes with kids, developmental process, I don't attach to it issues. And she and I'm marrying, I think, six times. Six times, yeah, legally, six times. Wow. And I want the 14 different schools, 17 different houses.

But the next guy she married was a known pedophile. And, you know, the sad part is broken women, broken girls. Perverts, predators, they know. And that's who they go after. And my mother had been abused incestrously by family member when she was a child and a broker. So, I think it was never correct or processes didn't work

and her value for herself was this was the best she deserved. And unfortunately the abuse with her didn't stop, but it was transferred to her kids too. So this man was, and again, I've never, I've never said this before, like ever, but I'm just gonna say it, there was a, there was a government-funded operation called Project Grueberd,

it was a different name for the name Chains, and it was approaches to help change people's minds, controlling the mentoring candidate was kind of out of that type of, and my stepfather was in counterintelligence in the Army and we know he was trained in that. I would never say that I was a subject of it by you know government funding, but what we do know is what he did to me was textbook of what they would do to people. And do you want to expound on what Project Bluebird was a little bit? Yeah, it was a government-funded project to change the behaviors, thought processes, ultimately to be able to control a person through programming. And it required a handler. And ultimately, it was to break a person's mind to create splits, multiple personalities that could be controlled. So, shit.

I can't believe I'm talking about this. So yeah, in order to leave it, in order that the first memory I have was being tied to a bed. I was about three and a half. And by one arm to a bed post, it was in an apartment. And he came in and he had a dead cat. And he walked up to me. And he said, I want you to cut the head off this cat. And I had been tied to the bed all day. All the bed off the bed. It was one arm. And I'm just like, so he comes in, then, you know, fear turns into terror. And he says, if you don't cut the head off this cat, it was

dead, but he goes, I'll cut your head off. So I grabbed the knife and I remember being terrified. And I think that's the first time I brain split where it literally, the pressure and the fear of the trauma, you just, you brain splits in order to still function. And me as a child went away and then I developed this personality that said, yeah, I'll do it. I don't care. And then I cut the cat's head off. And then he placed the carcass of the cat's body, the guts were out, but he placed it on a normal blood trip.

And now there was some type of ritual that he was doing. I mean, he wasn't, it was just the act of it. It was one other person that came in. And then I just remember him cut me loose, put me in the shower to rinse off. We later talked to a head voodoo person out of New Orleans, and they explained that in the dark aspect of voodoo, a young virgin boy is the greatest deal to gain power. That's the closest thing I could think of to it, but think of to it. But, and then he, he did a process over, I was abused by him for about four years from three and a half to seven, but some of the things he did, I've never talked about it because I didn't, you know, helping kids. And there's, there's just no secrets anymore. It's just bad people do bad things to kids all the time. So yeah,

I've been electrocuted. And how many brothers and sisters did you grow up with? There were six of us in our house. So four by one dad, two by another dad. So there was half sisters. And it was their dad, that our stepfather did abuse. Did he perform the abuse on everyone? We know he raped my older sister at, I think she was 11, 12 years old, and because she later spoke of it, one of my brothers, you know,

through all of this, he called me one time and he's passed away since, but he goes, has to wait since, but he goes, Victor, I suffer bad things too. And then he hung up. And he wasn't willing to revisit it. So there was abuse. I've never, you know, nobody likes to talk about it to this day. My sister, the one that was right behind, is the only one

that actually came on film to share. It took a lot of courage for her to do that. So, yeah, it was very systematic, very systematic where I remember being a beauty these Velcro or SRAN rap to hold you in a chair. And he put two wires underneath my legs that were connected to a battery. And then it was back when all they had was the film. They would run through a little projector and he wanted me to watch a film of a young boy being raped in a jungle. And I'm seeing the images and I would shut my eyes and then he would touch the battery, and it would shock me, which would open my eyes. And I'd see an image and shut it, and they'd do it again. And he did that long enough to where you give up your will.

And that's the ultimate. You just give up your will, and you either split. And then I, you know, after they whoever they were it wasn't him right this kid they they cut him up with a machete and My stepfather just said if you ever tell anybody What I've done to you. We'll do that to you Bromance a morgue one time and this is where Pat Affilia, there are networks.

It's the one club that nobody tells on anybody. That's why the Epstein's list ain't out because people don't want that they keep things close. I don't remember being out of more, again, wrapped up to a chair and watching them dismember the corpse, and then watching them burn it. And he's like, if you ever tell anybody, it's reinforcing a fear to keep you quiet. And it works because those are what I call, you know,

lies, based in reality. And those are the hardest ones to ever get over. You know, when he, he dunked me in a tub till I passed out, and he would do it multiple times, but I remember passing out, waking up on the bathroom floor to him resuscitating me. And he says, boy, don't ever forget I'm the one that gives you life. And he did. He resuscitated me or probably would have died. So as a kid, you can't process that outside of, I'm bad, he's good. And it gets all convoluted,

but that's the hardest thing for people to work through or when nobody else knows. So you live and you live in silence, you live in fear, and you still suppress all of that stuff. You compartmentalize it, but it never goes away until it's dealt with. Where was your mom during all this? Was she aware that this was happening? So because of my mother's abuse, and my mother's still alive, and I always want to show her honor. I would say that I can't

hold her accountable for what she did or didn't know. And you know, it's affected all of us. And I just visited her with her the other day. And she still amends. She says, you know, I always should have known. But at one point she did know. And some bad things that were happening. And she told me literally like two days ago, she said, you know, I couldn't leave

because he threatened to keep the youngest kids, his daughters, and he said, if she said, if I was gonna leave, take your kids, but mine stay here, and he said he would abuse them. There's no way she could protect them. So in her flaw of thinking, and this was before child protective services,

this was, you know, so again, I think she would do it different because we all suffered. And you know, the hardest part I remember is when my psychologist asked me, when did it stop? And I remember I just freaked out in that session because I thought we were done. You know, I was doing so much better. And she just goes for two and then it stopped. And it was, um,

it was after he put me in a vehicle, made me lay in the floor board, and drove me to an abandoned house. There was electricity to it because there was a light hanging down. And when we walked in, there was another fella in this little wooden house out in the country. And it was actually in Mississippi. And there was a hole cut through the wood floor, and then a dirt hole. And it was decently deep.

And I hear him talking, you get, I was seven years old, you hear him, I got a few years of horrible abuse and people who don't understand it. You don't run, you don't tell, because there's no way out. You don't have any control of your life, so you just do. And I hear them discussing and this guy says, I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm looking at the whole and trust me enough stuff had happened where I thought this is the date.

He's just going to kill me and bear me. And I heard my stepfather tell him, oh, it's okay. No, it's okay. You don't have to do anything. You need a real smooth relaxing voice and When the guy kind of relaxed my stepfather punched him bam. Not to unconscious Drug him to the hole in the floor sat him up on his knees handcuffed him and then he pulled out a pistol. It was a revolver And he said come here boy, you're gonna shoot this man.

And I was standing behind him and he placed a pistol on my hand and he raised it to the back of his guy's head and it's high. Now this guy's conscious and he's begging me, please don't shoot me, please don't shoot me, please don't. And I remember I started squeezing the trigger and I don't know if it was the pounds of pressure and at seven I couldn't pull the trigger or this was just so final.

In my mind, it was just like I can't. I can't. Whichever one it was, my stepfather, he put one hand on my wrist. And he put his finger over my trigger finger. And then he pushed and I pulled. And my shot the guy and the saddened and it killed him. and it said and it killed him. Very slumped over.

Did you bleed now? You know, that Gurgle sounds with somebody's time. And he wiped his hand on the blood on the wood floor, and he slapped it in my face and mouth. Like they do when you kill your first deer. And he said, boy, that's your first kill of a man. And he shoved them in the hole and he buried him. And he wrapped the pistol with a handkerchief. And he said, if you ever tell anybody what I've done, he said, I know where this body is.

And he said, I'll tell the police, it's your fingerprints on this pistol. And he says, they'll arrest you, they'll put you in prison. And he reminded me of the times he electrocuted me. And he said, they'll electrocute you to death. So don't ever tell anybody. And those are last time he abused me. That was the last time. abused me. That was the last time? How old were you? Seven.

We were with him. What happened after that? Well, we, we, it was still dark. He made me lay in the back of the vehicle and we drove back to my grandmother's house. This is in the middle of nowhere. Was there any conversation? Zero. I never, we never had conversation.

He just, that's fear. And, you know, one was the next time he spoke to you. It's probably more directives like, do this, go over there. We all of us lived in fear. I mean, just share terror. He's here. He's pulling up. Clean everything up. You know, don't, you know.

The only thing I remember like conversation was, you'd sit in this chair and say, go give me a beer. You go get him a beer. I know the night we left, left him. Yeah. Before we get there, who was the man? In the house. We never found out who he was.

My guess. My guess he was maybe a homeless guy, by the way, he looked really dissoveled. And knowing my stepfather, he probably paid him and told him, hey, I've got a kid you can use and then we'll get rid of him. You know. So he wasn't selected for any particular reason. He was selected because he was an easy target. I think so.

And the real motive was you. Yes. Yeah, the real motive was he was going to die and my stuff all would have me shoot him. going to die and my stuff all would have been shit. Did law enforcement ever recover the body? No, it would be, no, it'd be years later before I was willing to, you know, willing to even bring it up and talk about it. Because I mean a lot of crazy stuff happened, it was just stacked. One is the first time you talked about it after the incident. How old were you? I was in my 40s.

was in my 40s. And I was also ill-stairified. And he was dead. And I was still terrified. And I would have rather been crazy than it to be true. And I tried to, I mean, I tried everything to get away from the truth. We hired a forensic polygraph, an examiner who came down, and I said, I need you to tell me if this stuff is made up.

Like, maybe somewhere I'm just crazy. And he ran me. He did it three different times. And then the report, I never forget, he called me, said, I'm sorry. Wow. He's an officer out of LA. Then I talked to the FBI, then I called, I remember calling the town, so little country town, Min and Home Mississippi. And I talked to the sheriff. And I said, I know it's going to sound odd, but for my conscious sake, I've got to just tell you what happened.

And he's like, he's like, sir, it's such a cold case. You know, and say what my friend in the FBI goes, Victor, there's so many murders past that. Non-descript, the Lord of the House says, he buried him underneath the house. He said, your stuff, other nudie was doing. I'm like, yeah. And at least it made me feel better that I told somebody.

And, because I always lived with this guilt. I was always fearful of the cops. I mean, always fearful. But it's, there's a lot of people who out there, bad things have happened to them. And, you know, it was done in a way where no one, there's no evidence, there's no, and that's what keeps a person such shame and guilt and fear. And I just encourage people, when injustices have happened, whether they're abuse or the shame is not theirs. The guilt is not theirs.

It's the perpetrator. And that's one of the hardest things people have to learn, because they still carry that, especially when you're a kid. You can't process it. It gets loaded wrong in the brain of who's really at fault. So it took me becoming an adult to go, you know, oh my gosh, how messed up was that? And my stepfather used to hold my mom at gunpoint with that pistol.

She used to tell me that a couple of days ago. She says, there's more than one time, he would just, for hours. He'd just sit in a chair and he'd hold a pistol at her. And get her to say things that weren't true, get her to announce God, all evil, just all evil. And I never forget the first time someone asked me after doing the gunness on, I had been doing it for years. Somebody asked me to go, why did you,

what motivated you to get that fast? And I was like, wow. There's a true seeker right there, I thought. I said, I'll tell you, my stepfather sat me in a chair. When I was a kid and pulled out that gun, pulled the hammer back, put his finger on the trigger, I could see the rounds and he would tap me to the side of my head And he would say if you ever tell anybody what I've done I'm gonna blow your brains out

I'll put the gun next to you call the police and say you shot yourself playing with my gun And I remember as a kid I was seven at the time So it was before the final incident. But I'll never forget, I'll never forget my brain saying one day, one day, I'll be so fast, no one will ever be able to hold a gun to me, one day. And it sure enough happened. So what was everyday like? What was like your daily routine grown up?

Normal. Just, and I use that term in. You get up and go to school. You play with your friends. You make a bike ramp. Try to jump it. You go play in the woods. You go hunting. You watch cartoons on Saturday morning, eat cereal.

Getting fight with friends. It was normal in the sense of outwardly you kind of wouldn't know. Now would weird things happen? Yeah, I mean playing with a friend, we're going to chase our brothers across the street and they run first and me and my friend go to chase them and I heard a voice say stop. So loud, I stopped he didn't and a car hit him. Both of his legs, one of his arms, thrummed for a little distance. And it would just, there would always be something tragic that happened. And it would be consistent enough to where, Sean, I believed for years, there was a curse on my life, that I would meet people and they would die. It was my fault.

Our people would get hurt, right? I mean, right around. It got so bad it wasn't until I started being worked through. I remember I sent out with a man, counselor, and I said, hey man, bad things happen around me said, hey, man, bad things happen around me all the time. It just weird out, you know, I don't know. It's just and he's like, well, do you think are you exaggerating? That I said, no, you want me to start telling you it's, it's unbelievable. It's all factual. And I remember we finished that session.

I walked out his office and right in front of his office, a man and a woman And it's all factual. And I remember we finished that session. I walked out his office and right in front of his office, a man and a woman start fighting. And this guy is starting to beat on this woman screaming. And he's like, what? So I have to go over there and smart the guy up. And I never forget, after it's done, I'm looking at him as he's looking to the one and I go.

looking at him as he's looking to the one and I go. And car accidents, it just always was something. And finally, we believe that because as a friend of mine said in India, I was in India helping him in super poverty level, he wanted to start an orphanage and he started in his house, a little like 20 by 20 place. And I remember asking him about a kid who would just become an orphan and I said, you know, what do you tell him? He goes, Victor, or he's brother, brother Victor, he goes, kids who are born in the fire

won't be burned by the heat of life. And I was like, well, so later in life, that matter what happens, I would never get shook, upset. As a matter of fact, the crazier the incident, the comer always became, where,

playing pressure, shooting at someone, moving off an X, somebody running across the parking lot that just attacked a woman, you know, and just everything slowed to me. And go, go, I'm just like, so my wife would say, well, honey, actually it's kind of a gift now because if there's chaos you bring order to it really quick. You're comfortable running toward chaos to bring order. I said yeah, but sometimes I get tired of it. She says well I think that's how God redeemed your childhood so you can help people The football season is underway and believe podcasts are talking about it when he went home and went to sleep Mike the parlor is just terrorizing you believe has podcasts covering all 32 professional teams and many of your favorite college teams to and It be only producing 15 points a game. that's something that is definitely just heartening.

Sidelight to sideline, end zone to end zone. As a quarterback, I would expect them to be acting like that. Take the account of them. Put that on yourself. Don't put it on teammates. Search BLEAV podcasts wherever you listen. Thank you for listening to the Sean Ryan Show.

If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to iTunes and leave the Sean Ryan Show. If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to iTunes, and leave the Sean Ryan Show review. We read every review that comes through, and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show. You know, we had a conversation. My reference of time is not the best, but so I can't remember if we spoke about this 20 minutes ago, or if that was downstairs when we were prepping for the interview or if it was at breakfast, but we had a conversation about it was here, it was in the interview. We had a conversation about women who were abused

and abusers, they're attracted to this. It becomes generational. And it happens over and over and over and over. And I mean, this is, it's no secret. I have some of this in parts of my family. Yeah. A lot of friends have been through abuse. And a lot of people on the show that have been through abuse, but you were also abused to believe by a neighbor. Mm-hmm.

I remember correctly. Yeah. Can you go into that as well? Well, I do believe that when a kid is compromised on just on a psychological level, predators can tell. They see the signs, you know, absent father insecure. And for me, I was playing, again, it was in Mississippi. I was playing by myself, run around the woods, and then I got by the chicken houses. And this neighbor guy comes up

and he sees me. I was making country boys, I get it. Corn cow, you stick feathers, chicken feathers in it and you throw it and it early birds down. It's a poor kids toy and it never runs out of batteries though. And he caught me there and he said, come here, I want to show you something in this building. And it was a small building where they had a roof cooler and where they'd put chicken stuff. And he pulls me in there. And so he goes to abuse me and I never forget, he goes, this is what you're going to do. And I just remember like, I can't do this anymore.

I don't know the die today. I don't wanna be abused anymore. And he wasn't right in the head. You could tell he was like in bread. He was, because he was an adult child, an adult man, living with his parents. And he said, you know, I'll kill you. And I was like, I just don't care at this point. So he actually...

Hold on. I was five. Five years old. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he shoves me in this cooler. Five years old. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

So he shows me in this cooler. And I think his thinking was... He'll freeze the death. Like a freezer? Well, it was a commercial cooler, but I'm in shorts. and like a little tank top. Okay. It's middle of the summer, but it's early morning.

But again, his mind, it's a cooler, let him die in there. So he, you know, he shows me in there, I'm fighting him, he shows me in there and locks it. And I stayed in there all day. I mean, all day to near the end of the day. And I passed out. And I remember, I remember thinking, and I really don't say this much,

but I do remember there was a figure left of me, because I was sitting on these crates, these palettes, a couple of palettes stacked up, and I remember rocking back and forth, I could hear the cooler blowing in, just blowing cold. And it was pitch black. I'll never forget this very felt presence and it may be calm. And I remember thinking, well, I guess I'm a die today and I passed out and I think it was an angel He was an angel, because I do believe angels can manifest themselves who they're called a protector. And but I'll never get I felt peace, I felt peace. I angered terror all that, but the last stage was just, I was like, wow, so I went, okay. And then I woke up to being carried back.

They were running to the house. And I was, they were shaking me and they actually were screaming at me, saying, why did you get in there? You're not supposed to go in there, why would you? They looked for me when I didn't come home. In the woods, they checked the pond up. They thought maybe I was a bit by snake.

Then they found that little toy, that little, and then they went into the thing and thank God they opened up. The cooler because they saw somebody had locked it and Thank God they did so they ran me up and right me the towel took me a while to become Lucid and I'm trying to talk and then I'm shaking because of hypothermia and And to this day I can't get And to this day, I can't get any type of code down the tips of my ears. I were, I meant I'm like, I don't care, you know.

But I remember them yelling at me, go, what are you doing? Why? I told them, I didn't, he, I told them. And my family, and this is what's bizarre. I told him, and my family, and this is what's bizarre, just a handful of guys went to his house. It was right there. Kicked in the screen door.

The dad was real skinny. The mother was super heavy, like a bad movie. And they beat him in his house. They beat the fire out of them, and drug him outside the dad never tried to stop them. Then they hooked them, they hauled tied them, and hooked them on a tractor, and drug him. They drug him behind my memo's house. And then they threw a rope over a pecan tree, limb, and hung him. They tied a new saranas neck, hung him until he passed out and they cut him down. They left him there.

And he didn't die then, but he later did die from that. They didn't say it was from that. They said it was from a bad heart. So it was interesting. And again, there's some very strange stuff, I'm a story, but 13. And you know, later in life in my 40s, you know, I called him, because he's a country cousin. When I blood related, I called and talked to him in decades. And I said, hey, he's a prominent attorney. And he's a good Christian man, but prominent attorney. I said, hey, do you remember when, that's exciting, he goes,

yeah, have you told anybody about that? I'm like, yeah, it's in a book. I'm coming out, whatever. I say, yeah, I'm trying to work through telling my story. He's like, just please don't put my name. He goes, it's, I said, but was I correct? It. So, yeah, they call that country justice. And later, and I put in my documentary, I went back to the little cooler building wasn't there, but the concrete slab was. And I stood on it. I've never gone back since I was a kid. And then I found the tree. The Bakantry was still there. And I remember it had a distinct, we call it a hanging limb. It was

still there. I couldn't believe it. They filmed it. How's that? Holy smokes, man. What did that feel like? It was terrifying. and then frame. It was terrifying because you just, you remember all the bad things that happened out there. And you still think the monster's gonna come out from under a rock or, you know, you just, you're just like dang, but then it was freeing. Then you're just grateful. You're grateful that God can redeem the worst types of evil. And, you know, I say it. I mean, at my age right now, you know, no.

That's an interesting thought to have after all you had experienced. Was there sexual abuse as well before that happened with the cooler? Would that particular fella? Yes. No. No. There was, I mean, there was sexual things going on. It would be considered molestation, but there wasn't, you know, it's top of that. But now with that individual, I mean, you had mentioned that you felt, it's amazing that God can redeem the worst of people. Did He redeem that man? Did he redeem your father or who are you speaking about? He redeemed my life. Well, I don't consider you the worst of people. I don't know

anything other than call what you've been through than a victim. Yes. I'm speaking of God can redeem in a person's life what evil is done to you. Okay. It's that, I mean, that's miraculous, because you can't stop evil. It's gonna happen, but he can redeem, he can redeem the worst things that happen to people.

That's what, that's what actually just sometimes blows me away. I'm like, how are you going to redeem this girl who I just rescued? Our team recovered and now we're giving surgery to her because the guy cut her hand off and he threw battery acid in her. And we've got guns protecting her in a hospital in Southeast Asia. How do you redeem this? And it does. Where she survives.

She comes afaith, out of being loved and protected and learning the truth of God's word. And now she's on staff with us helping girls who've been raped our last one was four years old, being sold to foreigners. And with one hand missing, which we got our prosthesis, she's taking girls in and she's showing them love. Let's go. Wow. And she actually said this. She said, I was dead before that even happened. I didn't ever become alive till after I come to faith. So because people who do

get healed of stuff, you still need the hope of eternity. You still need the hope that justice will be served for evil people. Or else you just live with this bitterness or this being driven to get revenge. Were you able to compartmentalize any of this as a child? The abuse from the rest of your life. Yes. How did you do that? It's not hard.

Drugs, alcohol. I think if your mind splits, then each split compartmentalizes certain aspects of the abuse. And you don't access that, it just stays over here. So you forget. And then you put it in a vault. And then you stay away from things that might trigger it. So you don't, you don't ever watch things about abuse or, you know, certain things you just stay away from. But when the teenage years hit, then you start realizing in a different way what you do know that happened to you how wrong it was. So you do. Now you start working with coping mechanisms. Alcohol, drugs. I started using drugs in a sixth grade. And I remember thinking,

I'm not trying to be cool. I love this because man, it moves me out of the, it makes all that stuff go further and further away. And even helps me with the stressors right now as a teenager. What kind of drugs? Of course, to start out with pot, then moved into mushrooms, the kind of fields, so psychedelics, acid, cocaine, alcohol was actually really, alcohol kind of got a hold of me because it was an the state of Den it was fighting anger because it you'd explode

and I wasn't a good fighter. I just was crazy. I mean, the crazy side would come out. I remember one time this dude, and he gets up on my crawl and he said,, oh, he's telling me he's gonna do to me. He's a big guy. Everybody's looking at me and I just said, really? Well, you've been locked in a cooler as a kid. I have.

So tell me when I'm supposed to get scared, because my fear meter is broken. People like you, I ain't got no fear. And you will have to kill me. I remember I was on acid too. And he started backpelling real quick. He's like, hey man, I didn't, I just wanted to fight. I don't want to get, I said, you're gonna fight Mr. Crazy.

Crazy with okay, not a C, you know. And then, you know, you pivot to be, you know, you pivot toward excellence. Some people do. Some people don't get past a depression. And so, excellence was important to me. And that's why I joined the Marine Corps and it was like okay Marine Corps this will be good and my

arrow was my guys and mentors were out of Vietnam before we get into the Marine Corps before we get into the Marine Corps, before we get into the Marine Corps, what was the conversation between you, your mother and your siblings? Did anybody, did you guys talk about what? Never. Nothing. No. Were you aware of what was happening

to your siblings and your mother or did all this? You knew some things like, you know, as kids, we'd be, we'd be, he'd make a sit on the couch and he'd take one kid in the bedroom and beat him. Beat him what about until, and you just hear him scream and scream in long, horrible beatings and then, and you would say anybody else won't lie. Anybody, and you're just, my mother never stood up for us.

She's petrified because she had horrible things happening to her buying closed doors. So to this day we don't talk about it. I mean, you know, if some family members get, you know, higher, something or drunk or, you know, maybe the big moment. My brother, who was one of my best friends for it passed away, we would talk about it. We would talk about it and he would just, you know, so we would feel sane. And that felt good, but he bring up with my mom,

she starts to collapse emotionally. Literally, just, I can't, I can't. And yeah, it's just all taboo. When did you discover that your stepfather was involved in Project Bluebird? I was speaking at an event and it was early on when I started sharing my story. Forties? Earlier. Thirties? Yeah. It was in my thirties. Late thirties. Because like I share it and then after that I kind of backed off.

There's one time I shared a few things and then I get a phone call from a lady retarded of the NSA and she said, hey, you said a few things tonight that I think you should be aware of. And I'm like, yeah. And so she explained who she was. And I found out who she was. And she goes, I think you should research a thing called Project Bluebird for your own personal like mental health to understand.

Maybe there are some things that happen to you that fell in line with kind of this approach. I was like, okay, what's it called? She told me, then I researched it. I never forget reading some of the techniques and approaches and outcomes. I remember just my eyes were leaking. Just my insides were just being twisted. I'm like, oh my gosh. And it was in a time period.

It fit the time period. I remember thinking. So I visit with her after this. I said, what do I do with this information? She goes, nothing. She goes, be very careful who you talk to about it. She goes, the general public is not ready to believe some of this, even though it's all declassified and it's this ample. I mean, it was congressional hearings.

There was, and she goes, but she goes, I'm only letting you know because for your own mental health, because I don't want you to struggle, you can reach a lot of people. So she said, be careful who you tell. And you know, it's been years now, a couple of decades. And we're living a different culture and environment now. Things have changed so much. Like back then, we could never imagine a teenager cutting their breast off to become a guy. We could imagine a doctor wanting to prescribe hormone blockers to change it. Because someone says, I'm not who I feel. It's everything's extreme now.

And I'm like, I think that's, it's declassified. As people being abused, and I see it all over the world, I'm like, yeah, I don't, and I never have, I've never thought I've had the most extreme case of child abuse never. You know, because everybody's playing as relative. And that's what I do know. A person can be so wounded by just a father telling them, you'll never mount to anything, or you are a mistake, or, you know, just one word can create a wound so deep in a young person's heart that it's the same pain I feel. It's the same pain I feel at the same level of my years of abuse. When I tell people the consequences are different though. That's the difference. Pain's the same, the consequences are different.

Going back, knowing what you know now, is there anything, the reason I'm asking this is not to, we've already revisited it. Reason I'm asking is because you're not the only one that this has happened to and you're not gonna be the last. And so for people that are watching us who have been through that or are going to go through that or are going through that, is there anything that you think you could have done as a child that would have changed the course? That's a great question. During that time period, the 60s and early 70s, no.

The situation we were in, the inability for my mother to provide protect her. No, I think today, if somebody's in it, if there's a young person who's being abused in any way, I think they have a much better chance at help because of where our cultures come to fight against it. By calling the police police telling a teacher tell someone and There there's far more greater resources. I mean no one talked about trafficking back then or abuse and

You know My stepfather brought me to a doctor's office one night and other people abused me. So as a kid, you're going to be, am I going to tell a doctor? I don't trust anybody. I remember me and a girl being in a house where it looked like they were having a party, but it was dark, it was weird, and us being put in a coffin in the living room, and closing it, then being brought to a bedroom. And as a kid, you just remember this as a cloth, and it didn't smell. He put it on you and then you're out. And I remember what, seeing the girl being abused

by people coming in and thinking, the one thing I'll never forget is her eyes. I don't remember looking at me. Man, she was just gone. Her soul left her body. That's the one image. I've never been able to get out of my mind. Man, we were young. Six. Shit, dark hair. She's just a little girl. But people were using her.

So, Patophilia and these are the networks. They've always been around. Pervers have been around since the beginning. But I would tell people, you know, not tell kids, you know, tell someone, keep telling people. Because the biggest thing, you take a survey of victims, the biggest thing is they don't believe anybody or believe them.

victims, the biggest thing is they don't believe anybody or believe them. Because fear is always reinforced with abuse. It is part of the methodology to keep a victim quiet. And they'll kill you. They'll kill your family. And in one out of three girls will be abused before she's 18, one out of five boys. This is the epidemic that's quiet. And it's a pervasive, and I've said this, and I'll say it right here, what the United States, with a culture, what people don't really realize is the big play for the perversion people in that world is to legalize pedophilia.

That's the goal and it's coming. It's not the LGBTQ trans. That's all preparatory. It's almost like just drop an ordinance to soften everything up to to make people un like not shocked anymore. Legally, legislatively, culturally, they want. How do you feel to be accepted? That's, that's the play. I know you're right.

We've covered it several times on the show and given multiple examples of some of the legislation that's being passed and brushed over and And it's spreading Yeah, it's in multiple states now but Yeah You're right. Yeah, The other thing I would tell adult survivors is, you know, don't lose hope. And again, the shame is it yours, the guilt's not yours.

And even siblings who would hear someone they love being abused and they can't do anything, I've worked with so many men who are just like, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it. And they join the military and want to go kill people. They're transferring their anger and they're like, man, I... So, it's... To make sense of it all, that's what we have to talk about the spiritual realm.

But also, and this is the hardest thing I've ever done. This has probably been the most important, Sean. I tell people, I love weapons. You know, from wanting to be one, to use them, the best weapon I've ever used for my soul is forgiveness. And we have to define it. We as a culture don't really know what forgiveness is. We as a culture don't really know what forgiveness is. The best definition I can give is forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt someone back for hurting you. I've never heard of it but like that.

We're not minimizing the offense. We're not giving people a pass. We're not saying, oh, you know, it's okay. No. That person is guilty, dead to rights. We're not navigating around justice. Because there are some people I've forgiven, and even for abuse for someone else, but there's a justice piece. This consequence is for your actions.

There are people that I can forgive, but they wouldn't be allowed on my property. Because there's zero trust. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation sometimes, but forgiveness is given up our right to hurt someone back for earning us. I struggle a lot with forgiveness. And you know, I don't. It's hard to let things go. You know, but what I am realizing is that forgiveness is for you. Because the person you're forgiving probably doesn't really give a shit if you forgive them or not. It's the internal rage that goes away when you do

learn how to forgive and I don't know what the recipe is other than time. Well, there's different. Can I share my absolutely hardest person I've ever had to forgive? Yes, please do. My stepfather. It was later in life and I was traveling, speaking. I used to work for a Dr. James Dobson who he is an old-gee legend on family psychology. I mean, there's no one out there that has been better than him. He was the early Peterson, 70s, 80s. But I worked with him, and he was a boss,

and then he became a mentor, and then became a friend. And he's actually still alive, he's in his 80s. I'm speaking next month, that is for an event with him, but I was traveling for him and I passed through this little town in Mississippi. And I was like, this is how compartmentalization works.

I'm driving to this little town called Habesburg, Mississippi, you know what? Oh my gosh, this is where we lived. This is where we escaped from him. And I was like, oh my gosh. And then I felt God's spirit bring me peace and say, um, you need to find him and just visit with him. I'm right.

And I know he was still alive. He went to prison and he escaped a federal penitentiary in the state of Alabama, fled the country. He was never caught. They in a year or so later he turned himself back in at his time. So I called my half sister and I said, hey, is your dad in the series? She goes, yeah, he's like, you're going to see him? I said, I feel like God wants me to. So God's information. He was living in a little trailer on a river. Poor is everything. This is a guy who had wealth before was in that. He was in the oil and gas business and then, you know, his brother was a prominent attorney in Jackson, Mississippi. So he wasn't, I mean, to give people visual, he was a learned, educated, you know, man,

degree, did counterintelligence. His favorite read was Hemingway, and he was the pedophile. So I one found him, knocked on his door, and he opened this old trailer door, he was shocked because I wasn't this kid anymore. I was full grown man.

How old were you? That time, I was in my 30s, like late 30s. And I mean, dolled in, you know, like how much time had lapsed since he'd seen him last? Oh, I would say 20 years. Yeah, 20 years since I'd seen him, I believe. And so, he's like, hey, what are you doing here? I said, I was supposed to come visit you and instantly pour the drink.

And he had done his time. He had actually had open heart surgery. I could see a scar, fresh, like really fresh. And he knew what he tried to do right away. He tried to intimidate me, really. This man's like 70 now. And he goes, you know how easy it is to kill a man with a wire, Victor. Because, remember the cadaver?

He's like, cutting the cadaver's head off. So I know he's trying to trigger me. I'm like, mm-hmm. And he tries to say a couple of things. And then I'm standing in his house by a wall. He has like a basketball. He grabs it and he fires it at my head. I never get his uniform. It was boom. I'm like, look here.

I ain't no kid anymore. I don't know what you're trying. I'm full grown-ass man. Marine, full grown-ass man, Marine, Master martial arts. I'm like, and I could make you go away. So stop with all the head trips and that doesn't work for me anymore. How's the guy on Zip-U? Push you in that river. And I guarantee you no one with our history. No one would have blamed me I probably especially in that area. They probably never would have pressed charges but Again, I could feel like God spirit on me. That's what's supernatural about all this Because there's some people you can't forgive emotionally

You can't forgive. Emotionally, rationally, it's impossible. He's one of them. And that's a supernatural. When you know how much you've been forgiven by God, and he's just like just be willing to give up your right to hurt him back, hurting you Just be willing and I'll give you the power. I'll give you the supernatural strength So the conversation didn't go great. I ended up this I ended up giving a hundred dollars

Because I felt like God's spirit told me to give him money. I'm like, I got a young family that's hundred bucks in my pocket. I literally need for diapers and milk. And again, now I'm resisting God's spirit, what I believe is God's spirit, to obey. I'm like, oh my gosh. So I took out the mindset. It's for you. He goes, boy, you don't owe me nothing. I mean, I was already like red explode. I'm like, I never said I owed you anything. God told me to give this to you.

So here. And then this little moment happened. He goes, boy, I didn't know how I was going to eat tonight. I ain't got no money. And I'm still mad. I'm like, well, apparently God loves you enough where he sends me someone you've done bad things to and I don't even like you. He sends me to make sure you get fed. And he was just quiet. And then I left. I let him just... done a few months past. And one of my sisters calls me and says, Hey, Dad's dying.

And, you know, I called him Dad. He wasn't my biological dad, but I thought he was. My mom didn't tell me he wasn't my real dad till I was like six or seven. And she goes, if you want to see him, it's probably important. So I drove to our house. He was on the floor in the bathroom, Sean. On the floor in his boxers, he couldn't get up. He had been sick, but he'd never gone to the doctor.

He was just, his health was failing. And I walk in, I look at him like, he looked at me and he goes, go ahead boy, do what you gotta do. He knew anything I wanted to do to him I could and he deserved it. I said, I'm not gonna waste my time up in your ass, old man. I said, I'm just going to waste my time opening your ass. Oh, man. I said, uh, I'm just going to like your pathetic.

This is what your life has come to. This. And my sister goes, you know, he's got a appointment at the VA for me to check him in. So we're going to rolling him into a blanket. He can get up, he can crawl, put him in. So we're gonna roll him into a blanket. He can get up, he can crawl. Put him in a van, drove him there, and I was next to him when the doctor came in from the retest results. And he's like, your body's riddled with cancer. Because you might

have two weeks left. I never get the only time I've seen like cry, he had tears come out. And he never was sick his entire life. Nothing ever affected him. He had a broken wrist one time from punting a dude. How's that? And God, Spirit told me you need a read scripture to him. I'm like, wow, I told him I'm Brian, I said, babe, what do you think? It's God almighty. If his spirit

is speaking to you, obey him, Victor. So I went to the hospital next day and I said, hey dad, I'm still mad. And again, there's not wrong with being mad. It's a secondary emotion, this anger. It's like, I should be mad. You're an absolute pedophile that abuses and torches me. And I said, Hey, you're dying. And according to the scripture, you're going to hell.

No ifs ands or buts. You're dying. You've rejected Christ. You know about them, but you're going to go to hell. And I said, Do you mind if I read scripture to you about the cross and like your only hope out? He goes, go ahead, but I don't care. Whatever you want to do.

So I sat on the chair. I started reading scriptures, which is the only truth for everything life and living in my opinion. And I'd come in every day, read scriptures, and then one night, I woke about four in the morning, unbelievable feeling inside of me, unbelievable, where I get out of the bed and kneel down, and I start praying for him to come to faith,

for him to be forgiven by God, because I really realized how real hell is. And that's when I knew my forgiveness for him was real. I have to like him or invite him over if he ever lived. You know, but my wife got out of the bed. She knew next to me, we prayed. I actually went for him. And I went in the next day, I walked in the room, and he has a new nurse and he's laying there. And he doesn't have long.

He said, Hey, nurse, this is my son. I said, I'm proud of him. He said he became kind of like a preacher. He goes, he's been worried about me and my eternity, but he didn't have to worry anymore. I made it right with God last night. And it was such a holy moment. This nurse actually backed out of the room. They didn't even turn her back.

She just slowly backed out. And then I went, my God, I can't believe I'm hearing this. And I said, God, now I know why you brought me back into his life, because he knew you could forgive people. He just didn't believe you could forgive him. So you brought back into his life, someone that he had hurt so bad, and he had been so evil too. And now your love through me is showing him, you can be forgiven. And and then I knew I was done right then I knew I was done. I just said, Lord, would you, would you want me to tell him?

Would you want my last words to be? Because now I'm released, I'm done. And I felt like God's spirit said, tell him you love him. I walked over to him, I said, Dad, I love you. And he turned and he looked at me. The first time I ever heard this in my life, he said, boy, I love you too. Not a touch, not a hug, not another word I turned and walked out.

And then he died. And you know what? Like you said earlier, yes, he got set free, but I'm the one that got set free. No longer did I have to give a piece of my heart for hating this man. That part of my heart that had been hard for years. Now I had real estate in my heart to give to my wife, to give to my kids, to both give love and receive love. And that's the power forgiveness. That is... maybe the most powerful thing I've heard in this room. Hmm.

Thank you for sharing that. Let's take a quick break. Next, on the Sean on Ryan's show. The night we left, was a night that he came home drunk. My mother grabs us and the kids were there. We ran into the back room and then ran into a closet like we're hiding. You know, in our doors, cracks that we can see, and just intense, gosh, those intense, and he started saying, where are you all?

Where are you? You better come out. It sounds like everybody around you in your childhood had some type of generational trauma. I know this. God made us to heal. He made the mind to heal. The name of our organization is with God. All things are possible. I don't talk much about money or the economy, but let's face it, ignoring it doesn't help

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