Sherlock & Co. - 3 - The Illustrious Client - Part Two

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

THE WOMAN COLLECTOR - My companion and I (mostly my companion) had reached the conclusion that the purpose of the mysterious iPhone planted in the toilets of The Volunteer was to convey a message. An ominous message, from our new client at the very pinnacle of British aristocracy; to us. Baron Gruner, suspected of murdering his wife, had set his sights and released his toxic charms on yet another woman (also with a trust fund the size of Lanzarote I suspect). Only my companion and I were out to stop him... Or so we thought. Follow me @DocJWatsonMD or get in touch via email [e-mail] Listener discretion is advised. This podcast is property of Goalhanger Podcasts. Copyright 2023. ------- SHERLOCK AND CO. Based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Paul Waggott as Dr. John Watson Harry Attwell as Sherlock Holmes Marta da Silva as Mariana Ametxazurra Naomi Miller as Kitty Winter John Brannoch as Wiggins Magnus Rook as Baron Gruner Written by Joel Emery Directed by Adam Jarrell Editing and Sound Design by Holy Smokes Audio Produced by Neil Fearn and Jon Gill Executive Producer Tony Pastor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Previously on Sherlock & Co. That's not your phone. Yeah, I know. It got left in the toilet. It's a message for you. Oh, the phone! It received a message! It's a picture of a murdered woman! Oh, Jesus Christ. Excellent!

This woman is in her mid-thirties. She's Austrian. She's married. Katharina Graf Hausler found dead three years ago. A man by the name of Baron Gruner escaped conviction for the murder of his wife, Katharina Graf Hausler found dead three years ago. A man by the name of Baron Gruner escaped conviction for the murder of his wife, Katharina Graf Hausler, just 18 months ago. Not enough DNA conviction. Juries are flawed and stupid. Someone wants your attention.

Warm. And they want you to see that the Baron is a killer. Warmer. Because he's gonna kill again. Boiling. that the Baron is a killer. Warm up. Because he's gonna kill again. Boil it. Welcome to part two of The Illustrious Client. This episode contains...

Actually, this episode isn't too bad. Yeah, I think you might be alright. Let's do a swearing warning, just to be safe. Yeah, enjoy. Oh, wait, drugs. Yep, there's drugs. His drugs, not mine. Enjoy. Oh, and I

had to bleep out the name of a person because, well, because they're important. But, yeah. Freezing. So cold your brain has frozen. Someone wants our... Your attention.

Warm. And they want you to see that the Baron is a killer. Warmer. Because he's... gonna kill again. Boiling. Jesus! You have to swipe the screen to answer the call. I know that.

Well, could you apply that knowledge, Doctor? This is just... this is a little bit weird, OK? So just give me a moment. The time frame of this moment, will it... Right, right. Hello. Dr John Hamish Watson. Hi, er, yeah, speaking.

Ask who it is. Who do I have the pleasure... Whom? Shh. The pleasure of speaking to. I cannot divulge that information. Then tell them no. Er, just hold on one second, please.

Thank you. What? Tell them no. No to what? To the question. They haven't asked a question. Yes, but they will. What Thank you. What? Tell them no. No to what? To the question. They haven't asked a question. Yes, but they will. What are you talking about?

They wish to acquire our services. More accurately, they wish to acquire my services, but they're going through you because of your fragile financial position in the hope that you cave and accept the case on our behalf. How do they know about my fragile financial position? Because they probably know everything about you, Watson. Sure. Yeah. Returning to the call now. Thanks. Hi there. Sorry, my colleague... How do they know about my fragile financial position? Because they probably know everything about you, Watson. Sure, yeah. Returning to the call now. Thanks.

Hi there. Sorry, my colleague... We request your services in that of Sherlock Holmes to neutralise the threat posed by Baron Adelbert Gruner. Your reward will be a payment of £125,000. £125,000? Who is the client? Ask them again. We, um, we just need to know... We cannot divulge that information. The identity of your client is immaterial. Give me the phone.

I'm not giving you the phone. Fine then. I'll shout it. I am accustomed to have mystery at one end of my cases, but to have it at both ends is too confusing. I must decline to act. Thank you. And what says Dr. Watson? Well, I mean, you know... Oh, Watson, for goodness sake.

Hold, please. £125,000, Sherlock. Hmm, yes. Right, I realise life for you posh boys is a bit different, but to me, that's a shitload of money. Life-changing money. Life-changing, you say? Yes.

And how shall your life change, Doctor? Well, it would cover the rent on this place for years, mate. Ah, I see. So you would stay in the exact place you currently are? Yeah, but a hell of a lot less anxious. I doubt it. Sherlock, please. Who would this illustrious client have to be in order for you to decline this money?

What? On a matter of principle. Who would it have to be? Russian? Organised crime? Are you giving me a lecture on morals? Because on Tuesday night, you threw a dissected pig's head on the kitchen table. Piglet? Oh, what? It was a piglet.

I didn't kill the piglet, Watson. I just used its remains for some research. Shh, shh, shh. I need to give them an answer. Take the case on, by all means. Dr Watson investigates. I look forward to listening to the episode. Please, Sherlock. No.

God's sake. Hi, me again. Can you please, please, please tell us who you are? No. God's sake. Hi, me again. Can you please, please, please tell us who you are? No. Right. Well, um... Then we have to decline our services unless you can reveal your identity.

We would appreciate it if names were censored from your podcast, Doctor. I... yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you listen to the show? I haven't actually spoken to any real-life fans yet, so... We don't listen. Oh. Baron Gruner is a high-value target of... Wow. Why? Why is...

concerned with Baron Gruner? Because Baron Gruner is in a relationship with their daughter. Interesting. So what's happening? What are we thinking? I accept the case. We accept the case. He's somewhere in London. Find him. Will the money be in installments or will it be up front? Up front.

I don't really understand all this. Yes, I can tell. What are we doing exactly? Baron Gruner married into a baronial family and then murdered his wife when she became inconvenient to him alive and beneficial to him when dead. Now he wishes to repeat the trick, but with the British aristocracy. Our illustrious client cannot call the police because a man dating a woman is not legal. Exactly. So what are we doing? We're just going to what? Go and break them up? Yes, something like that.

Right. Right. So, hey, what is this? It's mine. It has my name on it. It's in my mug. That's my mug? Oh, really? You support Swindon Town, do mine. It has my name on it. It's in my mug. That's my mug? Oh, really? You support Swindon Town, do you? It has my name on it. Yeah, I realise that. Flatmate of the year.

But why is your name on my mug with... Jesus Christ, what is that? Vitriol. Sorry? Vitriol. As in... Sulfuric acid? Correct.

Right, when this is over, I'm putting you through a health and safety course. I'm aware of its corrosive properties, Watson. I don't need a course. Oh, really? That's why it's next to the sink in my Swindon Town mug. Let me move that up here, you absolute maniac. If you're quite finished, I'd like to run the plan by you. Great,

great, let's hear it. We find him and confront him. Ideally, we get a confession for the murder of Caterino and put an end to his insidious endeavours. Sugar? No, thanks. No to the confrontation or to the sugar? Both.

Hmm. But first, Watson, we smoke. No, we don't. Yes, we do. We don't. We must. Sherlock, listeners can be really put off by this kind of behaviour. Oh, that is a shame.

Yes, it is a bloody shame, actually. Christ, I'm opening a window. You know, we'll never get a sponsor if you smoke on the show. We know our target. We don't know where he lives. We have a starting point. What, London? Just the eight million people to work our way through, then? Check his social media accounts.

What, will he have them? It's not very inconspicuous, is it? He's rich, he's arrogant and he's handsome. It would be a miracle if he did not. Ah. Yeah. Here he is. Baron Gruner. Last two pictures here of him in London. Trafalgar Square and the Shard.

Christ, he likes his Chinese pottery. Ming pottery. Yes. Loads of it on here. Hold on, there's a video he's just posted here. 326. 326. 316. 326.

Oh, I'll edit that bit. How are you accessing that? On Instagram I can't see it Here, have a look on my phone No, as in, I can't access the video on my phone So just look, it's here He's deleted it

He just posted Correct, he immediately posted and then deleted Your phone has just cached the video Why would he delete it? He immediately posted and then deleted. Your phone has just cached the video. Why would he delete it? Quite possibly the most important question you have ever asked me, Watson. Screen record that video and store it locally. Okay. Okay.

326. 326. Saved 326 326 Why would he delete that? What was the context? Why 326? Why are you smiling?

Because, Watson, I'm stumped Oh, that's not good No, it's not good. It's fantastic. 326. 326. 326. 326.

326 326 pounds Maybe he, I don't know, won a bet or something? Not worth deleting Not worth deleting He deleted it because it is a breadcrumb He did not intend to drop, Watson It would lead us to where he is

I see I don't think you do. And neither do I. Could be his magic number. His magic number? Yeah, you know. I don't. Like the amount of women he's... Kissed? Yeah, well, not kissed, but, you know,

shagged. Not worth deleting, and I suspect it's more than that anyway. Christ. Lucky Baron. Righto. What is it? where are we going to get help okay from who the police oh no absolutely not then where are we going to see friends friends what like what contacts friends in high places sort Lowest of the low. Sherlock and I are headed to a railway bridge where he's meeting his...

friend. Friends. Friends. What are their names? Irregulars. Sorry? They call themselves Irregulars. Although it looks like it's just Wiggins today.

Why did they call themselves that? Any change, my man? No, sorry, mate. I've just got cards. He has a pound. Sherlock! Please, Watson. You lied to my friend. This is your friend? You got a pen for me then, sunshine?

Well, look, this is for when I need a supermarket trolley. It's not really to just be given away. You don't need a trolley to fill half a fridge. Fine, fine. Take the quid, here. Thanks, pal. Stumped. Stumped. What's the crack? Baron Gruner, Austrian, murdered his wife a few years ago,

some member of British aristocracy, who will remain nameless once him and his practice is taken care of. He's in London, but I don't know how long for. And you need to see him to prevent at the least abusive behavior at the most another murder we have this video 326 What's he saying? 326 Yeah, that's London Yes, but where?

Looks posh, but it's not south of the river Nothing like Knightsbridge or South Cairn There's a tube station behind them Looks like a Leslie Green design. Architect. Yeah, he designed tube stations in the early 1900s. Won't help you though. Why? He designed about 50 of them.

Bugger. Sorry, I can't help more, Sherlock pal. You still can, Mr Wiggins. Reach out to the network. Find anyone who knows Baron Gruner. I'll put the word in. network find anyone who knows baron gruner and put the wording was all right wasn't it for a pie satisfactory pie and mash yes usually um an east london thing isn't it but uh this place was pretty good so you know not nice to have on our doorstep anyway so thanks for getting lunch yes if you could if you could just say

you're welcome or you know like the the pleasure is all mine or something like that it just it does a lot for my guilt you feel guilt why because you paid for lunch you should be pleased not guilty well on both Because you paid for lunch. You should be pleased, not guilty. Well, I'm both. You're right. I should just enjoy it. Learn to just appreciate things. Yes, quite.

Especially after meeting your mate. Wiggins, is that his name? Mm-hmm. So what, I mean, he's homeless Not sure You're not sure? Correct Why aren't you sure if your friend is homeless or not? Because I don't care to know

I care to know what he knows and if he's a decent boy Boy? I... How old is he? Seventeen, I think. Seventeen? Jesus, he eats his Weetabix, doesn't he? Weetabix?

How have you deduced that, Watson? I'm intrigued. It's an expression. And what does he do? They. The network. Do everything I need them to do. Okay, but in a normal circumstance what they do and

where they live are boring exactly but I'm just saying if my friends were out on the street I'd want to know if they were safe they are safer than you can imagine oh hello there you're not going to open the door? Look

What's that? Junk mail? A note 2pm at the site you come to see Well that's all it says 2pm at the site you come to see It's a riddle Great, more on our plate Can we charge this client overtime?

We don't have long Long? Sherlock, we've got no time at all. It's 1.30. The sight you come to see. There's hundreds of tourist sites in London. What do they want us to do? Just pick one at random? The sight you come to see. The sight you come to see.

Hmm. see sight come to see, of course. You see, Watson. Not that tricky a riddle at all. The London Eye. The London Eye. Sight, because eye, right? An eye is sight. And see, because... Well, yeah, eye, again. But also because you can see from the I is sight, and C because, well, because, yeah, I, again,

but also because you can see from the top. Yes, yes, all right. So what are we thinking? I see no Baron. Tickets for the IP, gents. Oh, no, we're not getting on, we're just... Here, for the three of us. Sorry, who's...

Whoa, okay, nice and steady. Come on, Watson, chop, we're not getting on, we're just... Here, for the three of us. Sorry, who's... Whoa, okay, nice and steady. Come on, Watson, chop chop. It's moving, the bloody thing is moving. I'm not going to stop it for you. Get in. Get a move on. Right, right. Whoa.

Did it. Once a soldier, always a soldier. Yes, you truly are a credit to the forces. Come on then, have you found him? Show your face, please. Do one. Have you found him show your face please do one have you found him sorry who are you kitty winter what that's my real name do you know the baron oh hi we're old chums me and baron gruner and what do you know show your face sherlock maybe she doesn't want to show her face there There. How's that? What do you think? Oh.

Okay. Too many scars. There's too many scars, aren't there? Did Baron Gruner do that to you? All his own work. I'm sorry he did that to you. I know some doctors that can take a look at your scar tissue. My friend Dr. Stanford is actually... My scars can wait. Okay. The Baron. What do you know of is actually... My scars can wait. Okay.

The Baron. What do you know of him? Beans. Spill. Not much. He's in London. And here. He deleted this. Three hundred and twenty-six. Three hundred and twenty-six. What's he saying? Three hundred and twenty-six. Three hundred and twenty-six.

Any ideas? No. Yeah, me neither. Me neither. I'm John Watson. I'm making a podcast. Yeah, yeah, good for you. Is this all you have?

Sorry? Just that he's in London and the number 326. Yes. Jesus Christ! Are you the detective? I am. Well, what the fuck? I thought you'd have more than this. I don't. Yet. God's sake,

man. Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay, steady now, steady now. We are literally like 300 foot in the air Actually it's more like 90 foot Oh, is it? It feels higher This is such bollocks lads, honestly, I was told you knew what you were doing I was told you'd find him And I will

Oh great, good to know, thanks How long have you been working on this case? Since around lunch Oh, who are Good to know. Thanks. How long have you been working on this case? Since around lunch. Oh. Who are you working for? Can't say. Top secret. Confidential. Is it... How did you know that? Because I know that he's chosen her.

Chosen her for what? The collection. What collection? I thought he collected Chinese pottery. The women collector. It's what they call him in his circles. What's he going to do to her? Depends. On what? If I get to him first.

That was me trying a wink, by the way, but my eye doesn't close all the way now and I have to apply a lubricating gel every two hours. Why do they call him the woman collector? Because he's disgusting. That I gathered. He facilitates the needs of some very sick rich men. Jesus. I say facilitates. The women

do most of the work. He exploits them. The more high profile the women, the more his power grows. Good for him, eh? Does B*** know this? Nope. Not yet. But she will. And if she steps out of line...

Katharina Graf Hausler. Yep. Right, now we are definitely 300 foot in the air. 230. What is that? Oh, it's a microphone. Why is it flashing? Er...

Oh. I don't know. Maybe the battery is... Why is it flashing? Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Right, yeah. Could be 326 women, if he's the woman collector. It's possible, but that's not a breadcrumb. Well, it is if you know the context. Watson, get the gun. What?

We have an intruder. Relax, master of deduction. It's Mariana. Oh. She said she was coming over for the plumber. Apologies, Watson. I have been very deep in thought. You've been deep in bloody smoke. Absolutely stinks of it in here, by the way.

So, if she chucks you out and takes your deposit, you're getting no sympathy from me. And you better hope she doesn't find your mug of acid in the kitchen. Hello. Hi. Wow. That's a lot of steps. Yeah, it's a good workout.

I know, right? Two dozen steps, a couple of times a day. Who needs a peloton, eh? Yeah. Right. So, um, the plumber... Wait! Wait?

Shut up, everyone. Shut up. No. Keep talking. No. Shut up again. Yes. Yes! Is everything okay? Mrs Hudson, you genius. Ms what?

Steps. Steps? Steps. As in the pop group, or...? 326 steps. Steps. 326 steps. Steps. Oh, yes.

Ah, but wait, no, he sounded tired. I mean, 326 steps is nothing. The recommended daily steps is like... 10,000. Yeah, 10,000. But steps, as6 steps is nothing. The recommended daily steps is like... 10,000. Yeah, 10,000. But steps, as in stairs, Watson. Ha ha! Of course!

Wiggins was right! The tube! The bloody tube! Ha ha! Hampstead! North London! Okay, how do we know that he's in Hampstead? Hampstead Tube Station.

The deepest station on London's entire network. 192 feet below ground level. No escalator, just a lift. Or, if you're feeling up to it, 326 steps! Wow. The game is afoot, Watson. Ha ha ha! Yes!

Mrs Hudson, we best be off. It's Mariana from... from Hudson's. Ha ha ha ha! Yes! Mrs Hudson, we best be off. It's Mariana from... ...from Hudson's. Err... I think I left my mic... Here. Thank you. I'm going to go. Thank you. I'm out.