Sherlock & Co. - 9 - The Golden Pince-Nez - Part One

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

THE LAMENTABLE DEATH OF YOUNG WILLOUGHBY SMITH - it was a wild tempestuous night towards the end of November. Pissing it down non-stop and thunder banging around like no-one's business. I had plans to spend a couple of days in London with my Mum.. but the death of Willoughby Smith at Yoxley Old Place changed that. Well actually this case took place over one evening- so I did actually end up spending a bit of time with her. Little too much time to be honest, bit exhausting after a while. Anyway, enjoy the adventure. Follow me @DocJWatsonMD or get in touch via email [e-mail] Listener discretion is advised. This podcast is property of Goalhanger Podcasts. Copyright 2023. ------- SHERLOCK AND CO. Based on the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Paul Waggott as Dr. John Watson Harry Attwell as Sherlock Holmes Marta da Silva as Mariana Ametxazurra Leigh McDonald as Carol Watson Rhys Tees as PCSO Stanley Hopkins Written by Joel Emery Directed by Adam Jarrell Editing and Sound Design by Holy Smokes Audio Produced by Neil Fearn and Jon Gill Executive Producer Tony Pastor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Booyah homies, J-Dog here. Nope, nope, can't use that. J-Dog, what on earth? Hello listeners, Dr. John Watson, your ENT physician. That's a joke. I'm not actually an ear, nose and throat doctor. I just meant like, I'm a doctor and I'm in your ears. So, yeah, not in your nose, obviously, or your throat. But yeah, ear doctor was the joke i was kind of um anyway it's new adventure time the golden pants nay spelt pince nez but pronounced pants nay a bit of the old francais for you uh for those of you who are um well normal and don't know what a Pantsnay is. It's a pair of glasses without the arms.

You know, so like the little ones that sit on your nose. Yeah. So, I'm sad to say that this adventure is regarding a murder. Yeah, so there will be some distressing scenes, depictions of violence and. Yeah, minimal swearing in this one, a teeny weeny bit of religious intolerance, mocking skepticism at worst, I promise. And yeah, well, enjoy. Well, no, don't enjoy. It is a murder.

Just, yeah, you know, just listen to it. Okay, cheers, bye. A pint of Guinness, please, mate. Hi there. Was going to upload the episode today, The Golden Pantsnay, but thought I should just flag that this will be a three-parter. I know, I know, I know, I know.

I'm not doing that Netflix thing where I just drag a story out unnecessarily. I tried to find a place to cut it for it to have been two, but the episode would have been like, you know, 40 minutes each. And yeah, attention spans are a troublesome beast. So there you go. And yeah, it begins with the impending visit of my mum when Sherlock and I were Christmas shopping well he wasn't I was so yeah three parter apologies thank you but you know what they say good things come to those who wait. Ah, cheers.

Seriously, why aren't they sponsoring this show? That was absolutely perfect. No, Watson, please, I can't. Come on. Not another shot. Christmas shopping, mate. This is it. Regent Street. Piccadilly. Yeah, no, but this, you know, it's kind of Regent Street. But it's Piccadilly. Yeah, no, but this, you know, it's kind of Regent Street. But

it's Piccadilly. Yeah, all right. Oh, look at that. Big sparkly Christmas presents suspended over the street. That's cool, isn't it? Those decorations won't last. Won't last what? The storm tonight. Yeah, it is a bit on the humid side, isn't it? Those plastic reindeer will be massacred every last one of them. Well let's take that negative outlook and turn it upside down with this place. Too busy. Bye bye. Look look look this is called Fortnum and Mason. I know what it is Watson. This is posh central. Yeah this is like waitrose on steroids you know organic artisan steroids from the cotswolds but it's you know look there they are gonna get my mum a christmas hamper for when she

gets here look at that oh i mean look they're a little bit on the expensive side but they are so worth it you know because they have all of the jesus christ 125 quid we We're leaving. Yeah, we're leaving. My name is Dr John Watson, once of the British Army Northumberland Fusilier Regiment, now a true crime podcaster based in central London. I don't have much experience in criminology, so this is mostly a record of how I met possibly the most brilliant and bizarre person I have ever and will ever know. Join me as I document the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. John, can you just reread this, please? Sure, sure.

What's this for? Oh, for the company's bank account. Right, yeah, yeah. I think probably just have a separate account if we're saying their expenses, no? No, no, I can sort that. We don't need...

Oh, hold on. Sherlock & Co, Marina speaking I can sort that. We don't need... Oh, hold on. Sherlock and Co., Marina speaking. Uh-huh. Yes. Uh, Adelton. Right. It was an accident. What? A tragic accident, nothing more. Um, Mr. Holmes said it was an accident.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. more um mr holmes said it was an accident they said it can't be because the fumes potatoes require ventilation especially rotten ones did you hear all that uh-huh i'm i'm very sorry I'm very sorry. I know. Okay. Okay. Bye. Well, case closed. Would have been nice if we had actually opened it to begin with. Come on. It's easy peasy. Easy peasy. It's a phrase. Yeah, I know. I'm also now using lovely and jubbly.

Yeah, well, it's lovely jubbly, not lovely and jubbly. And how is the Adalton tragedy easy peasy? Solvable from the 400 word article I read this morning. Right. Okay. There you go, Watson. All done. What?

What are you doing with my medical licence? Nothing now. I've finished. Finished what? The transaction. Oxymorphone. Two months worth. You're going to get me struck off. No. I've finished. Finished what? The transaction. OxyMorphone. Two months worth. You're gonna get me struck off. No I'm not. Yes you are. You cannot use my medical license to procure heroin. It's not heroin. It's OxyMorphone. Jesus Christ. I... Oh god I've got to head out and meet my mum. But listen, okay, this is unacceptable.

Watson, you're disturbing Mrs Hudson. Sherlock, can we talk about this? My name is... That was quick. Pursuit for Miss Mariana Amachiz... Mariana Amachizurra. Yes, it... No, sorry, nobody of that name resides here. No, no, no, wait!

Sherlock! Back at London Paddington, my friends. Just waiting for my mum, Carol Watson. The one and only. I mean, there's probably loads of them. It's a very common name. Anyway, she's in Scotland this Christmas with friends, I think. Or Christmas Carol.

So, yeah, going to do some gift exchanging and... Ah, here she is. Oh, my darling! Hi, Mum. Oh, what did those naughty Russians do to you? Nothing, Mum. We've done this. I've seen you twice since... Oh, look at you! It's so humid. Isn't it humid?

Yeah, really muggy. Yeah, yeah. There's a storm on the way. You can tell. Yes, so I've heard. We need it. We need the storm, John. It shouldn't be this humid in December.

It's still November, Mum. It's too warm. The air's too close. Oh, look at you. So, good journey then. It's a bit shorter than that trip to Scotland you got coming up. Oh, I'll be in the car for that. Car? Who's driving you?

Charlie. I, erm, who's Charlie? That's who I'm going to Scotland with. Right. Like, yeah, Charlie, erm, is, er, she, he, er, friend? Your generation are obsessed with pronouns, John. Obsessed. No, I'm not obsessed with pronouns. I just want to know if... No, actually, no, I don't want to know. Good journey. Oh, fantastic. I had my headphones on the whole time. It was lovely.

Ah, great. Great. Have you listened yet? Listened? To the show. To my podcast. What's that? My microphone for the podcast. Oh, I thought it was a book. No, it's a podcast. I put it in the WhatsApp to you.

Oh, sorry, love. No, I was listening to... All right, let me take your bag. Just, we'll go this way because it's quicker for the bacon. Thank you, love. Oh, look at you, John the Londoner. Are the army looking after you? No, again, we've done this.

Oh, why? Because I'm not in the army. What? Why not? You're in Ukraine. Yes, but the British army weren't. So you quit? It's not like I quit. I chose a humanitarian cause that they disagree with me choosing. Oh, did they sack you?

I mean, well, yeah, they did, yeah. Oh, no. Well, they'll take you back. I don't want to go back. Why not? Because I make my podcast now and, you know, I run a company, actually. You should become a GP, you know. There's hardly any GPs these days. And you can do it all on Zoom.

I had to show my GP my mole on Zoom. In fact, I had to show the reception staff first. Can you believe that? I said, Angela, I'm not going to get my bum out to a receptionist. It'll be all over the internet before you know it. Right, yeah. My company... Do you know what? It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. So what were you listening to on the train? Fifty Shades Freed, it's called. It's a sequel. Sorry, what? Fifty Shades Freed. It's about this young couple. I know what it's about, Mum. Oh, it's called. It's a sequel. Sorry, what? Fifty Shades Freed. It's about this young couple. I know what it's about, Mum.

Oh, it's brilliant, isn't it? No, it isn't. They're so in love. I feel so, so sorry for him, you know. He's got ever so many issues in the bedroom. Mum. It's so raunchy, John. He's always strutting around with his bits out. Right, OK, turning this off. Turning this off now. OK, and here we are.

This is the flat. Oh, it's lovely. Who was that nice girl? That's Mariana. She's nice, isn't she, John? Yeah, she's nice, yeah. Beautiful hair. It's, yep, yep, lovely hair.

Yep, yep, it's... Ah, there's Archie boy. Oh, hello, you hair. Yep, yep. Oh, there's Archie boy. Oh, hello you. He's getting fat. Why is he getting fat? He's not getting fat. What does that girl do? The one with the nice hair?

She works in our office downstairs. She runs the business. So, anyway, this is the lounge. You can have my bedroom just through there. Mrs. Watson. Ah, right. So this guy is, he's a bit... So, anyway, this is the lounge. You can have my bedroom just through there. Mrs Watson! Right, so this guy is... I've heard so much about you. Your wit and charm have been so highly touted by your exceptional son.

He didn't, however, mention your glowing beauty. What a careless omission, Doctor. What? Oh, you're a charmer. Isn't he a charmer, John? Not at all, actually. Lovely to meet you. You're Sherlock. That I am, Mrs Watson. I'm the man charged with looking after this fine fellow. You look after me? Oh, it's quite a task, believe me. I did it for 34 years. 18 years, then I left. And what wonderful work you have done. Mrs Watson, I have made the

bed in there. Anything you need, please, just let me know. Oh, thank you, Sherlock, darling. I'm just going to use the toilet quickly. Absolutely. Lovely and jubbly. It's just in there. Goodness, that was exhausting. Yeah, I bet it was.

And what do you mean you made the bed? I made the bed, mate. You were right. Hmm? About the storm. Yes, little later than I expected. Could you tell Archie to be quiet? Well, he's not doing anything. He's snoring.

He's a bulldog, Sherlock. Yes, and? They snore. Do they do anything else? Well, I'm sorry about the snoring, Sherlock. Mate, I'm just having a doze. Sorry about the farts and all. What are you doing? Just doing an archy, little archy voice.

That's how he talks. How are the listening figures for the podcast? Very good, thanks. Surprising. Are you going to go to bed any time soon, mate? No. Why? Because it's eleven going to go to bed any time soon, mate? No. Why? Because it's eleven. Then go to bed.

The couch is my bed tonight, so now you have to listen to me do my shout-outs. Oh, well, Mum's asleep, so my reasonable volume out. Adri Pereira Nunes sends her thanks for helping her country in the Thorbridge case. Sherlock. OK. No probs, Adri. Shout out to her and her friend Zara. Maren Paulson. Kaiser, the London Hackney carriage driver. Be lucky, says Kaiser, as they say in the cabbies trade. Oh, God. Sorry at my attempt at this name um august neuschwander um hello grave raven asks how is archie getting along with sherlock um yeah they're cordial they're on speaking terms well bark it well you know the noise term also grave raven asks what do i do

if i have a painful lump under my armpit? Had that once myself. It was an ingrown hair. But, you know, do check with your doctor, please, Grave Raven. Heather from Turkey. Wengel from Sweden. Alphonse from Wisconsin and their horse, the 20-year-old Chili Bean.

Good for you, Chili Bean, who is also a fan of the show. So that's good uh right that's horses done now ducks apologies to the duck community uh kroner has pointed out on x following noble bachelor i shouldn't have been feeding them bread uh waterfowl should not eat material that soaks like bread as it muddies their gizzards. So there you go. Corn or peas are a friendly substitute. So sorry, um, ducks. Uh, holla holla to Butler.

Hi Amy in Seattle. Hi Raphael Del Rey. Hey Micah and Crystal from Los Angeles. Lainey, Denise, Pete, Ray, Chris, Coogan Cardella. Oh, what a name. Coogan Cardella. Kevin, Sophia, Christopher in Jakarta.

Tony, Shiroki in Germany. I missed you out last week, sorry. And Simon Ashby. Was that a knock? I think it could just be. Is that a heroin delivery service? It's not heroin, it's oxymorphone. Hmm. Would a delivery driver be so persistent, Watson?

No. It's the police. The police? Oh, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, I knew it. I bloody knew it. You and your bloody heroin, mate. Oxymorphone. That's it. I bloody knew it. You and your bloody heroin, mate. I'll drop you more phone. That's it. I'm done for.

Okay, I should... I'll go speak to... To your lawyer? No, my mum. Is she a lawyer? No, she's a midwife. Are you having contractions? No, but I am having a panic attack, though. So why are we speaking to your mum?

Because I'm scared. And I want to break the news to her that I'm going to be arrested and have my medical licence taken away before she watches me get dragged into a police car. Mrs Hudson has led him into the office. Ah, damn it, Mariana. It's a job.

Wait. It's... What? The squad car. It's not a Metropolitan police vehicle. It's come from another constabulary. There's been a murder. What?

Watson, chop chop. Uh, yes, just grabbing the mic. Um, hey, be a good boy, Archie. Okay, bye, mate. Bye-bye, bye. Bye-bye. Here they are. Sherlock, Dr. John Watson.

This is Officer Hopkins. I'm a PCSO, actually. A community support officer? Yeah, that's right. Oh. Is this going to be about a parking ticket or something? We don't own a vehicle. Bugger.

I must be tired. My mind caught the scent of a murder. We all make mistakes. Even I. I'm off to bed. Night night. A boy. A man. I mean, murdered. Nineteen years old. Willoughby Smith. He's been found dead at Yoxley Old Place, Mr Holmes. It's very complicated and I shouldn't have raced over here, but I did because I don't want them to cover it up, because I know they will. Who to cover it up? The police?

No. The saviours of God. Tell me everything. Would you like a cup of tea? I can make it, Marianne. It's no problem. I'm fine. I don't think we can waste any more time. Go. Call me if you need anything, John. Will do.

Hopkins, I suggest you fire up the siren. Get us to Chatham as quick as possible. It's not really allowed because... How long until, what's it called, the Oxley Old Place? This time of the night, we can probably do it in about 55 minutes. Great. So ETA about midnight? Yeah. My shift ends at 5am. That's when the rest of the force will be back.

We, or you, just need to work out everything you can in that time. Watson, set an alarm for 4.55am. Yep, just... OK, what sort of alarm sound do you want? What about this one? It's a bit too happy, isn't it? More like this. No, that's rubbish. Er, this one.

Just, please. Yes, done, set. Tell me about Yoxley Old Place. It's, um, well, it was a stately home. About ten years ago, a, er, I don't know what you call him, really. An evangelical preacher, I suppose. About ten years ago, a... I don't know what you call him, really. Evangelical preacher, I suppose. Sebastian Coram.

Moved to the area from London. Everyone calls him Elder Coram. Whether you're a believer or not. Anyway. He buys up York's The Old Place and converts all the grounds to essentially houses. Faith would be a kind word. Cult would be more accurate. These are the saviours of God.

Yeah. They believe that Coram is enshrined with some sort of authority from God. Heaven has been invaded by the forces of hell, apparently. Oh yeah, since when? 2011, I think it was. Haha, right. OK, must have missed that on the news. Yeah. So, um, Coram and his believers see themselves as the, yeah, the saviours of God. They, um, they practice a very strict way of life, closed off from the outside world,

no girls, no temptation, no society. Why? Well, because they are recruits for the armies of heaven, I suppose. Can't get into heaven unless... You do what Elder Coram says. Something like that. But anyway, it's in my village, Holton Green. It's a big village, near enough of town. Seven miles outside of Chatham.

Yoxley Old Place probably has about 80 worshippers. Or saviours, as they call themselves. Wow. Yeah, lots of boys. Some young lads, some older. Elder Coram, much, much older than most. No women? No women, that's right. Anyway, as you can imagine, since they moved into the area, the locals haven't taken too kindly to them. They see Coram's influence on some of the vulnerable young'uns as a poison.

Willoughby Smith is a good example. Our victor. Yeah, it's hard. He was a friend. From school. I know his mum and dad really well. And... Yeah, when he got converted, it was...

It was hard, obviously. But now this... I just... I hate them. I just... I just... I hate them. I just... And your concern is that the saviours of God will cover up this murder?

I'm not certain of it, no. But it's a risk I won't bloody take. How do you know of it, then? This murder? I was there, at the station, when the call came through. A couple of officers went to attend but... But what? Well one of them was a saviour once. I mean he still could be. See this is what Coram does. He reaches into every community centre, every friendship group, public service, anything you can imagine. School boards. Sports teams.

Local shops. I mean, they're in my parents' book club. Book club! Jesus Christ, they banned the Great Gatsby last week. Why? Oh, the subject matter. Reading material not suitable for the recruits of the heavenly forces, I guess. Yeah, well, my mum's reading Fifty Shades of Grey, mate.

I don't have a mind to ban that, to be honest. Well, that's nice, isn't it? A big secluded manor house at midnight in a storm. Great. What's next? Just be careful of the graveyard at the front. Oh, for God's sake. We won't take the main entrance. Tell me of the murder.

From what I know about it, shortly after the call from the residents. Who made it? Xavier Tulton. Is he from Halton Green? Yeah, I see his mum quite a lot. Anyway, two officers went there. I stayed at the station. Then about 45 minutes later, a forensics officer arrived at the front desk from London, and I was asked to drive him to the location. Why don't you have any available SOCOs? What's a SOCO?

Scene of Crime Officer. Forensics, basically. Yeah, we do have one, but she wasn't allowed. Oh, why? Because she's a she. I see, so the saviours put a stop to her being on the premises. And that was my first inclination that poor Willoughby wasn't going to get the justice

he deserved. Anyway, I made it to the crime scene and yeah, he yeah stabbed in the neck in Elder Coram's bedroom. Jesus, Elder Coram's bedroom? Jesus. Elder Coram's bedroom?

Well, that's pretty damning. It's an open and shut case, no? Not quite. Coram is ill. Very ill. He can't really get out of bed. With what? Something with his lungs.

Cancer? No, no, it's a disease. It's got the word disease in it. Pulmonary? COPD? Yeah, that's it. COPD. What is it? Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. Must have been a heavy smoker. Or just very unlucky. Sounds like Coram is late stage. Yeah. So he's bed bound. Almost

entirely. But for a wheelchair, every now and again. He's a witness. Conveniently for him. Coram says that Willoughby said as he was dying. Elder Coram, it was dying. Elder Coram, it was she. Elder Coram, it was she. Yep. Very convenient

if you ask me. You believe Coram is protecting his flock? Well, if it's a she, then it can't be any of them lot, can it? Right. Sherlock, shall we? Wait. There's talk that Coram is planning something with all the saviours. Planning what? Human sacrifice. Wow, the plot thickens It certainly does

Lovely and indeed jubbly ДИНАМИЧНАЯ МУЗЫКА Thank you.