Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 170. The 80’s door handle
Episode Date: June 3, 2022On this week's podcast the Ramsey's try and wrap their heads around the Jubilee! Rosie get's nostalgic for 80's door handles and Chris gets accused of shouting. The beefs mount up and QFTP's involve d...ata apps, icks, and the class pet. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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For tickets, visit TSO.ca.
This Friday.
You must be very careful, Margaret.
It's a girl.
Witness the birth.
Bad things will start to happen.
Evil things.
Of evil.
It's all.
No, don't.
The first omen.
I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six.
It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year.
It's not real.
It's not real.
Who said that?
The First Omen.
In theatres Friday.
Gets it gets now.
Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey.
Hello.
Thanks for coming back.
Hey, it's a Jubilee special, everyone.
Oh, for God's sake.
Hey, Rosie loves it.
Rosie is loving the Jubilee, everyone.
Don't.
It's her favourite.
Get your Jubilee stuff in.
Right, stop.
I hope you're all out.
I hope you're having a lovely Jubilee weekend
or week or month or whatever it is. And hope you've got all your jubilee uh hats and uh and and shoes and stuff and all of the
stuff to make sure the jubilee celebration is a great one right stop now i don't know what's going
on either okay listen i'm really happy it's the queen has been in rain for 75 years or 70 not
sure which one brilliant wonderful and brilliant why has it been in rain for 75 years or 70 not sure which one brilliant wonderful
and brilliant why has it been going on for about six weeks people have been asking me what i'm
doing for the jubilee for about a month now and i don't know when it is and all i know is that um
rave's nursery's closed on the friday or whatever the thursday and the friday and every week we've
been freaking out going oh it's closed this week and it's like oh no it's in a couple of weeks time
and yeah
it's been on the telly for a bit
but then it's not yet
it's like later
something happened a few weeks ago
I don't know what's happening
something happened
when they were driving around
in the cars and all that
and I was like
oh it's the Jubilee
yeah
I was wrong
because it's something else
something else
so I think
I think it might be today
so the day of this podcast
coming out
I think it might be today or yesterday day of this podcast coming out. I think it might be today.
Or yesterday.
Yeah, good.
No idea.
Well, I'm glad.
And I nearly said Mrs. Elizabeth.
What I actually mean is Your Majesty,
if you're listening, which I'm sure you are.
Congratulations.
Nothing against you.
I just feel like everyone else is really blown out.
Stop banging on about it.
Massive congratulations to the Queen.
All the respect in the world.
Everyone else, fucking reigning in, man.
How are you?
I think they're just happy to have a few days off work,
which I totally understand.
And the couple of years we've had as well, you know,
it's nice to be celebrating stuff again.
But you know places have sold out of red and white and blue?
Bunton.
Brilliant.
Who's buying Bunton?
What are you doing?
Well, a girl from school, one of the mums from school,
they're having a street party.
Of course they are.
Her job was to buy the Bunton, right?
So the Bunton got delivered.
Listen to this, though.
The Bunton got delivered, and the post, right, what's he called?
The delivery driver put it in the recycling bin, right?
Right.
She didn't find out.
The recycling went out.
Brilliant.
The Bunton got taken away.
Why am I freaking out That it might have been
In some plastic
That wasn't recyclable as well
It probably was Chris
Honestly
Double whammy
So then she was like
I need to get some more bunting
It's been one job
For the street party
Sold out
So she has not got any bunting
For that street party
And she'll be
Shunned in that street
And I hope she's alright
How can we even tell
There's a party
If there's no bunting
Carol for fuck's sake
Yeah Don't know what her name is Just guessed it Carol To be fair It's all come. How can we even tell there's a party if there's no bunting, Carol, for fuck's sake? Yeah.
Don't know what her name is, just guessed it, Carol.
To be fair, it's all come back round again,
because that was a thing of the days gone by, wasn't it?
The good old days.
Street parties.
Like what my mum talks about,
there used to be street parties.
Yeah.
Oh.
No, that'll be not the crowning,
because that was years ago.
Your mum wasn't alive.
Great.
So what did they have?
They had a big street party one
year yeah what was that for uh are you talking about the poll tax riots no not that one um what
was the street party for the massive no there was a huge one where everyone had a party in the 60s
or something anyway brilliant so was it probably when we won the world cup
no it was something to do with the royal family
right okay
we're going to
my kids for a barbecue
yeah
so we are doing something
so when someone asks now
if you're doing something for the jubilee
we're going to a barbecue
people have been asking us for ages
I don't know
we've got to drive
so we can't have a drink
yeah well you do
excuse me
I will be Mr Steaming
no
no no no
no
no
the rule my family I drink they, my family, I drink.
They're my family as well.
They're not an actual real family.
You can't go, excuse me.
If anything, if anything, right,
they're more my family than they are yours
because I chose them.
You were just born into them.
You had no say in it.
I specifically chose to marry into them.
All right, well, see how that works out with you,
with the royal family on the Jubilee. Why? I think you'll find that blood specifically chose to marry into them. All right, well, see how that works out with you, with the royal family, eh?
On the Jubilee.
Why?
I think you'll find that blood is thicker than water, Christopher.
Right, okay.
Actually.
So it should have been incest, is what you're saying.
I don't know what I'm saying.
All I'm saying is,
we'll have a chat on the day about who's having a drink.
And I love a street party,
because you know everyone's house is empty
because they're out on the street,
and you can go and burgle them.
So that's what I'm going to be up to today.
When I just, quote unquote, nip to the shops, I'm actually just... You out on the street and you can go and burgle them. So that's what I'm going to be up to today. When I just quote unquote nip to the shops
I'm actually just nipping
stuff from the neighbours houses.
So watch out, he's dangerous.
Watch out, Ramsay's about.
Jubilee villain, get me Jubilee jewels.
Happy Jubilee.
Jubilee jailbird.
Now guys, thank you so much for listening, whatever you're doing. Hey look, if you celebrate happy jubilee oh god jubilee jailbird now guys
thank you so much
for listening
whatever you do
and if
hey look
if you celebrate the jubilee
if you're finished
celebrate the jubilee
if it's just
or if it's just
another fucking day
of the week to you
either way
don't mean to be negative
it's just been
very confusing
because I wish
and then you get
I've had so many emails
like you know
30% off
at the
at the
at the clothes shop
and you go well
I do love that you were talking about that today you hit the nail
on the head when when places jump on the bandwagon of something do you know what i mean celebrate the
jubilee he has 30 off yeah great i mean i'm not complaining but at the same time i know it's
it's companies where you just go why have you you've got nothing to do with this absolutely
like hey you want to buy a red dildo get a red one a blue one and a white one free for the price of one at jubilee dildos.com hey come on everyone
get your jubilee dildos like come on man like we get it but yeah look whatever it is i hope you're
having a lovely weekend it is episode 170 thank you so much for coming back you wonderful people
it's getting silly now isn't it oh it's getting bloody silly it's getting bloody silly but thank
you so much for coming back back you wonderful, wonderful people
and without further ado
it's time for this week's
lucrative, lucrative sponsor.
This week's sponsor
you see we've gone all British
with the Jubilee.
Yes.
Right.
This week's sponsor
French.
Right.
Right.
This week's sponsor is
croissants.
Fucking bullshit.
Why?
Absolutely rubbish.
Oh I love a croissant.
A big flake.
No I know you do no I know you do
I know you do
there's some in the cupboard
because I know
whenever someone's
going to come and stay
you buy some
and put them in the cupboard
because you think
you're French
and you think
you're showing off
you're pathetic
right
whenever I open
that cupboard
and I see a box
of croissants
I go alright
who's coming
someone's coming
round here
now
right well
honestly
normally I do do that
right
because I like to have
a little pan of chocolate
a little croissant
in for guests.
But genuinely, I'm sick of giving my kids
the same things for breakfast.
So I thought I'd surprise them with a half-term.
What have they done?
What have those children done to deserve a croissant?
They love a croissant.
It's half-term.
It's nice.
It's the worst.
Here's your half-term treat.
You know that you only get Coco Pops
and special treats on a half term
just half of the croissant
stays on the plate
you can't really
eat the full thing
because it just falls apart
it's very flaky
it's brittle
right
they're rubbish
right
how can it be so greasy
to the touch
yet have zero taste
have you ever seen
one being made
no
the amount of butter
right
that goes into a croissant
but they don't taste of anything
yes they do
they taste delicious
they're impossible to butter they're impossible to butter
they're impossible to butter
it's impossible to get jam on them
you've got to rip them open
the only way to eat them
without having to get
the fucking hoover out afterwards
is to eat them over the sink
in one go
dry
like an apple
you need
have you ever had one
fresh out of the oven
no
that's what I do with mine
I heat them up
oh so it's more
oh so it's more flaky
get the hoover out
waste of time
they're rubbish.
Oh, I know.
And you love them.
And I'm sick of them.
I completely disagree.
I might have to ban them from the house.
You can absolutely.
I'm sorry.
I've said it now.
I'm going to have to ban them.
All right, then.
As the man of the house.
Mr. This.
Oh, God.
Did you hear her?
She actually yelped.
Man of the house.
Man of the house. Man of the house.
Hey, seeing this?
Seeing this?
What?
Is me foot in the air?
Is me foot in the air?
I'm holding me...
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm holding me foot in the air.
Are you ready for it to come down?
What's that for?
I brought me foot down.
You fucking wish you had that authority.
I accidentally kicked me water bottle over,
so I'm just going to have to
quickly tidy that up as well.
It's all right.
It's a Peloton squeezy bottle.
Don't get above your station.
You'll not see that Peloton again.
Hey, don't you ever.
Don't you ever.
Oh, Rafe had a Stanley knife.
And he slashed the tyres.
There's no tyres on it.
It's not a real bike.
Slash something.
Stupid.
Croissants and rubber,
stop buying them.
Never.
Rubbish.
Rubbish.
We had a fight about the jingle.
Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Bubbish. Bubbish. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.
We couldn't settle on a jingle.
Jingle.
So this is the jingle.
Jingle.
We hope you like the jingle.
Jingle.
Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah.
Jingle.
Jingle.
Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed.
Jubilee special.
It's not a jubilee special.
It's a jubilee special.
It's nothing.
Yeah.
God's here, Lord.
Right, that's going to be painful.
That's going to be painful if we both do stuff like that.
And that was...
Was that the Superman tune you just did?
I don't know.
Superman, yeah.
Is that British? No. It's American, isn't it? superman tune you just did i don't know superman yeah is that british no no nothing british about it i can't wait i can't wait for the boys to watch all them old films
right superman do you remember supergirl that was really good really yeah i liked it a series
or a film it was the film oh wow no you've never seen it no i'm not familiar with that at all i'm
so i thought because the supergirl series are now on sky i think no i've seen i mean i'm sure it was called it wasn't
superwoman it was supergirl why she was quite young and it had there was a scene with spiders
in i used to watch it all the time i love it when you half remember a film always half remember
a film we're watching stranger things at the moment there was a scene as we're watching it
most recent episode there was a scene where they zoomed in on a door handle as they put a key in put the key in and you went oh and guys
it was painful rosie went that's the door handle they used in all 80s films i remember it i remember
that door handle they've copied that exact door handle and then she turned to me right in this
room she paused it she pauses it for these thoughts by the way we don't have much time on my hands
she paused it and she turned and she went,
what's that one, man, where he's on a diving board?
Is it E.T.?
And then she stopped talking and then she pressed play again.
And I had to sit with that in my head for the end of Stranger Things.
Painful.
Painful.
You're horrible.
The stuff you pause it for.
Honestly, you're horrible.
That's the door handle.
Right, well, what film?
I'm sorry, you did film a media. Yeah. Oh, no. Right. No, no, no're horrible. That's the door handle. Right, well, what film... I'm sorry, you did film a media.
Yeah.
Oh, no!
No, no, no, no!
They've done it deliberately
to trigger these sort of thoughts in people.
Yes, it's obviously...
They do homage to many things.
It's an 80s movie.
Right, well, what film is it
when he's on the diving board?
I don't know how to answer that question!
Is it 80?
Is it 80?
Is there a scene
when the kid's on a diving board?
What do you mean when the kid's on a diving board? What do you mean
when the kid's on a diving board?
Oh, there's a film
that I used to watch as a kid
which is so 80s
slash early 90s
that it's like,
I can't remember what it is.
And he's on a diving board.
Oh, give us one minute.
No, I can't.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, you're not,
oh, fucking hell.
Here comes some more
classic thinking here.
No, I'm not saying.
Kate, what's that film
that we used to watch
where there was a door handle
and there was a key in the middle
and there was a kid on a diving board?
She'll not remember the door handle,
but she might remember the diving board.
Fuck me, here we go.
It's going to do me head in.
Kate, I know you're listening to this
and I'm sick of her having to ring you for bullshit.
Sick of it.
Hello?
Hello, it's me.
Just dead quickly.
I'm doing the podcast.
Right, when we were little
and it was like an 80s film which one
is it when the young lads on a diving board jesus oh um no oh never ending story never ending story
oh i love you so much yes you're amazing i knew that you knew i knew you know that look two minds
right love you everything i know everything love you love you bye fucking love her I knew she'd know that
see see what I mean
first of all it's one mind not two minds
what does this prove
just that it was an 80s film
never ending story
but what does this prove
might be 90s I don't know
I'm gonna to Google it.
No, don't.
I think it was 80s.
I think it was 90s, you know.
Oh, shit.
Right, never.
They still have the same doors.
They still have the same doors.
Right, Never Ending Story 2.
Oh, 1990.
Oh, shut up.
Oh, there we go.
Shut up.
Hold on, was it not number one, 1984?
Never Ending Story 1984.
Hang on.
Door handle. The door handle 1984? Never Ending Story, 1984. Hang on. Door handle.
The door handle from the Never Ending Story.
Fuck me.
Never Ending Story 2, boy on diving board.
Yeah, he gets scared.
In number two.
At the top of the diving board in the second one.
See, I do know some stuff.
That was...
Right, so, right, again.
Yeah, me point isn't that.
Me point is that you paused Stranger Things.
Not just paused it, made us rewind it
and look at this door handle,
which is, by the way, for everyone listening,
it's the silver circular door knob
with the key in the middle bit.
Some hotels have got them.
And there's been loads of films
where they've tried to open it in a hurry
and they can't open it
and it's just stuck in my mind.
It's the iconic door handle.
But I think they did that deliberately
to pay homage to all of them.
Why was there a door handle
at the top of a diving board?
No, I'm not saying that.
I'm just saying that that sparked a memory
of all them sort of films
and then the film that I came to in my brain
was obviously Never Ending Story 2
when he's on the diving board.
It's very much like a little pinball machine
in your brain, isn't it?
It is, but can't you?
The ball fires in and just... Oh, God, yeah. I'm torn here with the diving board. It's very much like a little pinball machine in your brain, isn't it? It is, but can you? The ball fires in and just,
oh, God, yeah,
I'm torn out with the same brush.
I'm torn out with the same brush.
Fuck me.
Yeah.
It's a good film, that.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The first one's probably better, actually.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's exactly like this bit
that we're doing now, actually,
the never-ending section.
Yeah, well, let's carry on.
We're babadooba right now.
Okay.
Babadooba, babadooba, babadooba.
Now, just quickly, we're not going to talk about this
a lot because this is the podcast right yeah we're peddling too much shit right now and i can't keep
up with it right so we're going to do a really quick section now okay tv program monday night
nine o'clock bbc2 going quite well really enjoyed it the chris and rosie ramsay show loving it we've
just put a new tour on sale 2023 yeah over half. Yeah. Over half sold out already.
Get on that quickly.
Can't wait to see.
You kept the ticket prices
the same?
Yeah, we kept them
reasonably low
as we could
as close as possible
because as soon as people
start doing arenas
you see them charging
bloody 60 quid
and all kinds of shit.
We want everyone
to still be able to come.
We want to keep it affordable.
Hashtag.
Don't try and invent a hashtag.
What?
Hashtag what?
Cheap.
Cheap.
Yeah, I think everyone would agree. Cheap. Yeah, I think everyone would agree.
Cheap.
Yeah, in every sense of the word.
Yeah, and I think that's about it.
Oh, we're up for... Oh my God, we're up for an NTA?
Oh, fuck me.
Yeah, we're up for an NTA award.
Oh God, if you could vote for that,
that would be amazing, guys.
I know we always ask you for a vote for stuff
and we're really sorry,
but let's be honest,
apart from the odd ad that you have to skip,
this is completely fucking free
every single week for 170 past 10 episodes
plus the little ones
we do when we're on holiday
so please
and we've never been
the national television awards
we've never been
we said we'd never go
it would be quite cool
to go
I'm not going
if we don't get shortlisted
oh okay
I'm not going
if we get shortlisted
we'll go
so if everyone
we're on the long list now guys
if you all vote
and we get shortlisted
we'll go
I'm not going
because I was on the long list
to sit and look at all the people
on the short list
I just feel
sad
I'll only go
to be fair only because I do not like red carp was on the long list to sit and look at all the people on the short list. I just feel sad. I'll only go, to be fair,
only because I do not like red carpets
and the having to choose something to wear.
It really stresses it out.
So if we are shortlisted, I will go,
but I'll have a panic attack at least three weeks beforehand.
Yeah, I look forward to that.
And probably wait until the night before
to choose something to wear.
What you'll do is, you'll do the normal thing you do.
You'll do the thing where you go,
should I do, because I'm like famous,
should I do the thing where I will get like a stylist and that's what people do, isn't it? And you'll get is, you'll do the normal thing you do. You'll do the thing where you go, should I do... Because I'm, like, famous. Should I do the thing where I will get, like, a stylist?
And that's what people do, isn't it?
And you'll get about three stylists and people do your hair and everything.
Then on the day, you'll pick something from the back of the wardrobe
that you've had for ten years, do your own hair and makeup,
and then we'll turn up and you'll go, I don't know what I was bothered about.
And I'll go, fucking kill me now!
Doesn't sound like me.
Look forward to that. Please vote.
It's time for What's Your Beef?
What's Your Beef?
Beef, beef, beef, beef,
beef, beef, beef, beef,
beef, beef, beef.
Right.
Ladies,
oh, she's got one.
Where have you gone?
Oh, I forgot that
I've got evidence
to go with my beef.
You've got evidence?
You've recorded something?
Maybe.
Oh, she'll end up
going to pick her phone
up off the floor
for fuck's sake.
Possibly.
Oh, God.
I haven't actually
listened to this
since I did it.
Right.
Do you want to go first then?
I can do, yeah.
Do you want me to go first?
Yeah, because I've got two possible beefs.
I've got one that I wrote down
and then I've got one that happened
just before we're about to come and do this.
Okay.
So I'll see the severity.
All right, I don't know if this is going to come across
in the recording, okay?
But whenever we're in a taxi,
especially a black cab,
you shout to the taxi driver.
Because they've got a screen?
I know, but it's horrible.
I have to sit next to you.
And the whole way,
40 minutes we were in taxi in London the other day
and you were chatting to the guy,
who was dead lovely.
You shouted the whole time.
But they've got a little speaker in the back.
You don't need to shout, I don't think.
They can hear you.
He was not shouting.
But I recorded you a little bit.
You actually hear,
it's quite embarrassing,
you're telling him about the show.
Oh, no. But I don't know if it's going to come across
like you're shouting
see if you can tell that you're shouting or not
you might not be able to but I knew you were shouting
are you ready? Hang on
what their beef is with their partner
why they're annoyed at their partner
and we get them to stand up on the show and say
why they're annoyed at their partner
and we don't know what it is, the production team have already spoke to them and got it got whatever the beef is and told
where the people are but we don't know what they're about to say so it's all quite fresh on the night
it's really good fun and then we've got this game at the end it goes around three couples on
and each of them have brought something that their partner loves but they hate and they want to get rid of. So the audience fought
and we destroyed one of them each night.
Now, right.
It's really good.
Relationships are just interesting.
Everything is relationship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get off, get off.
Right, right, listen.
Everything is relationship.
That's annoying because me and him were talking about
how relationships are basically the cornerstone
of comedy and entertainment and you've made me sound like
the right twat there. You've made it. He was
he would not fucking stop
asking us questions and you've
somehow recorded the bit where
I gave him, I gave in. I mean
basically you're pitching the show. I gave it
right. To the taxi driver. You can't
right, you can't, especially with black cabs
in London right you cannot
sit in silence
and give them
one word answers
because the next time
someone gets in
they will turn around
and go
I had that Chris Ramsey in
he was a fucking
miserable prick
I've had
whenever I get in a car
after anyone famous
I always get told
how much of a prick they are
so I've got to do
a fucking gig
for the taxi driver
I mean now he's going to be like
I had that Chris Ramsey in
honestly
he was obsessed about his TV show he was asking you're a dickhead you're a dickhead prick they are, so I've got to do a fucking gig for the tattoo driver. I mean, now he's going to be like, I had that Chris Ramsey in. Honestly,
he was obsessed about his TV show.
He kept,
he was asking,
you're a dickhead.
You're a dickhead.
You've stitched me up right royally here
because he was fucking,
he was asking so many questions.
He was like a journalist
in an interview.
Yeah, I felt like I was in an interview.
I was so tired.
I just kept,
I kept quiet.
You were hungover, you.
I was a bit hungover.
But you do,
you shout.
I am,
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person.
I'm a loud person. But I'm like, I'm right there, next year. And I didn't want to. You knew what you're married. But you do, you shout. I'm a loud person. You can't really tell when you go further along.
But I'm like, I'm right there next to you.
And I didn't want to go, can you stop shouting?
Because there's microphones and you'd be able to hear.
But he sounded like he was shouting.
I don't think he was.
I think he was.
He's on a mic.
I'm just saying in the future, I don't think you need to shout so much in a cab.
Grandad.
Okay, grandad.
All right.
My beef with you
is, right,
now I've got two.
I've got one that I had
written down,
pre-planned, right,
which is,
I do find it very irritating.
But one that you did
just as we were downstairs.
Hey, I'm going to go
with the one,
no, do you know what?
I'm going to go with the one
that was already written down
because it has been doing me head i was gonna say what have i just
done literally do you want to tell you that as well what have i done so i'm wearing i'm wearing
a blue jumper uh today so i'm gonna do two beefs considering you recorded something i want a blue
jumper and just in the kitchen there you turn to us and you said jumpers nice and then you went
as if it pained you to say that the jumper was nice try and. Try and be funny. Yeah, well, it didn't work.
And then you said, which I remember quite clearly,
that blue colour suits you better than the standard mustard or burgundy
that you always try and buy that makes your skin look awful.
So that was...
I was trying to tell you the truth.
You do not.
I hate burgundy and I hate mustard.
There's ways of telling someone something.
You suit that blue it really
you really suit it
sets off your eyes
right
honestly
rip it off you
that's
okay
I won't
but my
I know you're
bloody expensive
this gentleman
now
my actual beef
with you is
I'm starting
to do my head in now
right
mine and Robinin's little
thing is we go on a night when it's time to go to bed right just before bed we'll go to the living
room i'll do a little bowl of cereal and watch you being framed yeah we love watching you being
framed yeah right he watches it obviously just for the falling over and stuff i'll watch it for
the fall of and stuff and for harry hill's jokes because it's very very good at narrating the show. Now, you will come in and watch it a little bit
and literally scream when someone hurts themselves.
I hate it.
It's fucking awful.
Yesterday, I turned away,
and both of our kids were in the room at this point.
We watched it earlier in the day for some reason yesterday.
And Rafe was walking about,
and I thought, oh, he must have fallen over
and hit his head off the mantelpiece
because you were like, oh, God!
Oh, God!
I went, what the fuck's the matter you went oh
and you were like
pointing at the telly
because someone had fell
on a barrier
I was like
what the hell's the matter
with you
they went on the thing
the barrier thing
so it was like
it was almost like
a central reservation
barrier thing
and the guy runs
and he puts his hands on it
to do a flip over it
and he does to do the flip
and he doesn't spring off
with his hands
so he just ends up
basically doing a handstand on it and then landing on it flat on his back oh he landed right do the flip and he doesn't spring off with his hands so he just ends up basically doing a handstand
and then landing on it
flat on his back
landed right in the middle
of his back
it was awful
yeah but it's beautiful
to enjoy
because it's his fault
someone didn't run up
and hit him with that
no I know what
he did that to himself
that's why it's so funny
but it just makes us feel ill
watching people hurt themselves
makes us feel ill
in your own house
while it's happening
excuse me
I will scream
in my living room if I want to scream.
I think you'll find we half all the bills now, Ramsey.
Right?
We never used to.
And sometimes I used to think,
oh, well, I messed my own behaviour.
Fuck off!
Because I pay half this mortgage,
I pay half everything, right?
And I raise them children and I do my bit.
So if I want to scream in my living room I'll have a scream alright alright eh?
You're still not having any croissants
I'll buy a second kitchen and I'll make all the croissants I'll start a croissant factory actually and I'll sell Rosie's croissant horrible
I'll learn French
as well
absolutely won't do that
je m'appelle
Rosie's croissant
I am
my name is
Rosie's croissant
yes
yeah
would you like to buy
some croissant
she's just doing the accent
babadoo babadoo babadoo
bah
will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah! and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.
So, who will you rise for?
Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.
That's sunrisechallenge.ca.
Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.
Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th
when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks
at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.
You can also lock in your playoff pack right now
to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game
and you'll only pay as we play.
Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City
at torontorock.com.
This Friday.
You must be very careful, Margaret.
It's a girl.
Witness the birth
Bad things will start to happen.
Evil things.
of evil.
It's all.
You know, don't.
The first omen.
I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six.
It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year
it's not real
it's not real
it's not real
who said that
the first omen
in theaters friday
get tickets now
it's time for
questions from the public
questions from the public
public
public
on the queen's jubilee
you better jubilee special
jubilee
it's time for jubilee
questions from the public
guys as always if you want to get in touch it's time for Jubilee questions for the public guys as always
if you want to get in touch
it's shagmarionoid
slash jubilee
it's shagmarionoid
at gmail.com
slash jubilee
it's not
it's shagmarionoid
at gmail.com
so there you go
apologies if that last bit
was a bit shouty
I did get a bit shouty
you got really shouty there
didn't you
yeah but I just don't like
being told
when and where
I can't scream
in my own house
just rein it in rein it in it's a TV show can't hurt in my own house. Just rein it in.
Rein it in.
It's a TV show.
Can't hurt you.
Never!
It's a TV show.
You know who you married.
You know who you married.
You know who you married.
So that's why I'm loud in taxi.
Stop telling me what to do.
Hypocrite.
Hypocrite.
Touché.
Right.
So I'm going to start off with an ick because we have been sent so many icks.
Love icks.
So many good ones.
I love them.
They're just so enjoyable
and such an insight
into people's
sort of psyche
to see what turns them off
it's kind of like
a beef though
because some of them
I've got
are people with
in relationships
yeah
so it's sort of like
an irritating beef
kind of
but the ick
the beauty of an ick
is it seems to just
sort of dilute
any sexual attraction
that they have and that's what's so nice about it it's not just an irritating thingute any sexual attraction that they have
and that's what's so nice about it
it's not just an irritating thing
it's just like
the one I still can't get over
is picking up a table tennis ball
I still can't get over it
while chasing it
I still can't get
yeah chasing a table tennis ball
trying to pick it up
I still
because it's so right
it's so right
come on then
what's this week's
hi Rosie and Chris
just a quick ick for you both
quick icks
oh it's time for quick icks.
Quick icks, quick icks, quick ickity icks.
No, I did.
I had a song, didn't I?
Quick icks, quick icks.
I've got a new one.
Quick ickity icks.
Quick icks, quick icks, quick ickity icks.
Quick icks.
Don't try to join the jingle crew.
Well, hey.
What?
So I'm not allowed to join in now?
Well, mine was, I hate you so much right now.
I hate you so much right now i hate you so much right now
i hate you so much right now thank you very much hi rosie and chris just a quick
for you my partner and i are currently doing as a partner really weird they're saying
okay doing a bit of work on the range.
Jesus.
My accent's all over the place.
Oh, God, yeah.
My partner and I are currently doing our budget for the month, and I just happened to notice that he puts the little lines through the zero
to differentiate between the letter and the number.
Never been drier.
That's what I've been doing!
never been drier that's what they've
known
no I've never
got on board with
that
I've never
I've never known
it I've never
been told it
how big are you
doing your O's
yeah
what are you doing
are you writing
block capitals
and what what
unless you're
writing fucking
reg plates down
you don't need to
do that
no
because the
or a big out
you go out to
big or oh
it's with some
letter oh that's
the word one
oh that's the word one oh that's the word
once
yeah
fuck's sake
idiot
do you want another one
because I've got loads
yeah
do you want another one
hi Chris and Rosie
been laughing so much
at the new
ick feature
feature
it does have a jingle
oh yeah
and thought I'd share mine
please keep me anonymous
several years ago
I had a very passionate
fling with an older guy
I was 25 he
was early 40s oh shit we'd have amazing crazy hot sex for hours on end literally the best sex of my
life wow but as these things tend to it fizzled out after a few months and we moved on and met
other people a few years later we were both single again and he got in touch to see if I fancied picking up where we left off.
I was extremely excited at the prospect of reigniting that spark between us,
so we arranged to meet and I duly spent hours prepping
and preening for a hot night ahead.
Cutter was having a drink in a bar and as predicted,
the chemistry and flirting was off the charts,
us both knowing we were in for
an amazing night after an hour into the evening i looked over to him just as he pulled his sleeve
up to check the time and there on his wrist was a bright yellow baby j watch
i knew it i fucking knew you're gonna say a baby did you i knew you were going to say a baby G watch. Did you? I knew you were going to say that. I've never felt repulsion like it in my life.
The biggest ick ever.
A 50-year-old man wearing a plastic yellow watch.
I'm a vom.
I'm ashamed to admit this,
but I didn't know how to excuse myself and leave,
so I still went home with him that night,
and we had sex.
But the whole time,
I was picturing the stupid watch.
I hope you left it on.
He had a great time
and was keen for us
to see each other again soon
but I couldn't get over it.
Needless to say
that was the last time
I ever saw him.
Wow!
She's let her watch
get in between
hot crazy sex.
Yeah but I reckon
he had it on
and I reckon he was
timing it during.
What do you mean?
Timing what?
He's got a timer on it
so I reckon he was just like
okay let's go.
Beep!
He's a little bit like that. Do they still was just like, okay, let's go. Beep. Oh.
He's a little bit like that. Do they still sell Baby J watches?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're quite fashionable for the younger generation,
but I think her point is that an older guy was wearing it.
I mean, I feel like she's overreacted there.
Do you know what I mean?
Oh, I don't know.
But then again, it depends what he was wearing.
When I see someone at a wedding in a wedding suit
and they just lift up their sleeve
and I say a fucking digital sports watch,
I go, come digital sports watch.
I go, come on, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Come on.
Well, clearly, what's happened is
the younger person has become of a similar age.
Because weirdly, when you get over 35,
I don't think it really matters what age somebody else is.
I know what you mean.
Does that make sense?
So she was 25 and he was early 40s
and she was like, this older guy, oh my God.
But now she's obviously,
how old is she going to be?
Like 35?
This is a few years later.
And he's 50s.
Well, she said 50s.
She said 50-year-old man wearing a watch.
I feel like he's mid-40s
and she's using that as a slam.
Are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like she's added like six years onto him there
just because he's got a BBG watch on.
Hey, do you know what, mate?
If you're listening, you enjoy your BBG watch.
She wasn't meant for you, this woman, right? If you're listening, you enjoy your BBG watch.
She wasn't meant for you,
this woman, right?
I don't know why it's yellow.
Don't wear a yellow one.
Again, it depends what he's wearing.
It depends.
When a watch,
it just doesn't go
with anything you're wearing.
All I'm saying is,
right,
she has had him
in her mind's eye
as the hot, sexy guy
who I just have
hot, crazy sex with.
Nothing more,
nothing less.
And then he's got
this watch on and she's like, you weren't meant to do that because we're not in a relationship. You're meant to just be lush. guy who i just have hot crazy sex with nothing more nothing less yeah and then he's got this
watch on and just like you weren't meant to do that yeah because we're not in a relationship
you're meant to just be lush ah right okay you know what i mean so she caught right okay so
at that stage of fault can't be it has it'll be a massive thing okay that's interesting so there
you go and there you go i think you're gonna have hot passionate sex and you're not you're
just gonna go home and look at your little baby G. Hope it goes in the dark.
I never had a baby G watch
I don't think.
Quite expensive.
Well that's exactly why.
I probably had some sort of
knock off
bloody
piece of shite.
Swatch.
I reckon you'd have a swatch.
Swatch.
It was like back in the day
when everybody had
like Adidas and Reebok
I had Asics.
Yes.
You know.
I was that kid.
And bless you. But Asics are you know I was that kid and bless you
but Asics are quite cool now
aren't they
everything's had a little
everything's come back round
do you know what
I'm looking at
bucket hats for the holiday
bucket hats
yeah
bucket hats
do you remember when we were kids
and everyone would wear
like Kangol bucket hats
like Kevin and Perry go large
yes
I'm going to have to put my foot down again
no
I am not walking around
on holiday with you
with a bucket hat
you have got the smallest head on earth it'll look like you put the fucking
recycling bin all i'm all i'm thinking is i can tuck my hair into it and it'll protect us from
the sun oh my god i can't wait to see this well no i'm genuinely thinking because i think now i
don't want the sun to be on my face at all yeah i'm putting factor 50 on because i don't want
wrinkles and i just think why would i you, you know, I don't care.
I'll use fake tan.
I'll just,
I want to protect my face.
I mean,
why go on holiday?
You might as well just stay at home
and use fake tan.
but back in the day,
I used to,
I didn't put anything on my face
when I worked abroad
and it was all just sun damage
and whatever.
But now,
I want to look after it
because I don't want to have to get Botox
and all that shit,
right?
So,
I thought a bucket hat would,
you know,
they're in the shops at the minute,
full coverage of me hair and a little shadow over my face.
Yeah.
Instead of what the straw ones don't fit as.
Why not, and he has just a suggestion, right?
Why not an actual bucket and I'll cut two eye holes in it for you
so that no one has to see me with you with all your hair tucked in a bucket hat.
Great.
Like Kevin and Perry go large.
You know that we don't care what we look like on holiday.
We're not these people.
I've got to stand next to you, though.
And you're in a can-go bucket hat.
Do you know I bought a swimming costume?
And I'm only going to be able to wear it in the villa.
Because we're staying in a villa.
Right.
But it's like thonged.
Oh, it's one of them Love Island ones.
But the arse crack ones.
I didn't realise.
You've got two kids.
What the hell do you think you're doing? I didn't realise. I bought it. And then it's too late to send it back. And them love island ones but the arse crack ones I didn't realise you've got two kids what the hell do you think
I didn't realise
I bought it
and then it's too late
to send it back
and slash
I can't be arsed
so I'm keeping it
for the villa
sorry
so you're getting
a kangaroo bucket hat
and you've got a
bathing costume
which is a
oh are you actually
going on holiday
or is this a work trip
and you're going to be
in a Dr Dre video
what the fuck's going on
one practical
the other one
lazy
it's absolutely
ridiculous
it's like
it's honestly
quite bad
why do they
make them like
that
it's not
actually thonged
it's just
not enough
material on the
arse
that's the thing
I say about them
now they're not
actually thongs
because if you
go in full thong
you go in full thong
these just look
like they look like you've
been sitting down
and you forgot to
pick your wedge out
yeah they're just
full arse out
and I get sometimes
get weird little
spots on my arse
and I always do you
know when we watch
Love Island and
stuff like that
or any sort of
programmes like we're
watching Are You
The One and all
that shit on Netflix
when they've got
the arses out I
always think you're
so lucky to not
just have a random
spot on your arse
well I imagine if
they had the random
spot they'd wear the proper one well I imagine if they had the random spot
they'd wear the proper one
well God knows
if they've got them
with them
I think
what
I think if you're
prone to arse spots
you probably take
full coverage
you take your
arse spot thing
yeah
sometimes
in blazing heat
they might be
walking around
in a pair of jeans
you've got a thigh spot
yeah
got a knee spot
got a shin spot
yeah
yeah
I mean I can't believe we've had such a big discussion about it if I'm honest with you I know on a pair of jeans. You've got to go thigh spot. Yeah. Got knee spot. Got shin spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It is, yeah.
I mean, I can't believe
we've had such a big discussion
about it, if I'm honest with you.
It's off when I was,
I got folliculitis
after the kids.
It just always keeps coming back.
Keep it light.
Jesus.
I had to go to the,
do you know when I had to go
to the doctor's?
For a spotty bum.
Spotty bum.
I remember I've got a big,
got a big spotty bum.
Can you help?
Yes. Yes, madam. He he has a kangol bucket hat and he has a thong costume to get some sunlight to your ass
don't know why if you give us a kangol bucket hat this won't help me ass at all
let's stop people looking they'll be looking at your head going the fuck she got that in her
head for she's a mother of two no trust me love no one has looked at your ass when you've got a kevin and perry
can't go bucket hat on everyone's thinking the fuck's wrong with her
so we've just uh we've just had a little babadooba and i've just had to pause and
export the files guys because you know we love you we'll let you behind the uh we'll let you
behind the curtains here so earlier on this morning rosie said she was going to go on the peloton for an hour
later on um and i popped to the shops to get some stuff for dinner and as i was driving back
i thought i wonder what that i was going to turn into and uh rosie just looked at me across the
laptops there as i was exporting an audio file not that you need to know that but you know just
let you know where we are and she just said and i quote you know how i said i was gonna go on the peloton for an hour and i looked at her
and she just pulled a silly face so i don't know i don't know what it's gonna be but i'm gonna hear
about it later no fancy it i don't know what i was thinking i didn't think an hour was a bit steep
well i was only gonna walk just do half an hour was a bit steep. Well, I was only going to walk. Just do half an hour.
That's not enough.
Just do it a bit faster then.
Do shorter.
Look, do whatever you want.
I'm not bothered.
To be fair,
if you're not on,
it means I can just go on and get out of the way quicker.
But if just, you know,
I can't be,
I'm not one of these people
who goes and does three,
four hours in the gym.
Carl Hutchinson,
Carl Hutchinson will go to the gym
if you let him.
He'll go for four hours, man.
He's there all day.
He comes out looking
like a fucking Labrador
he's been in the sea
all his clothes and shoes
soaking
shins sweating
weird places of his body
now like
I hate sweating
looks like he's been
drawn out
like a rag
I just do
really fast and intense
to make myself feel like
I'm going to die
taste blood
20 minutes done
yeah
that's it
I hate getting sweaty in that
it's really upsetting
especially with these fucking extensions.
Oh, Jesus.
My hair takes so long to dry
when you've washed it.
I can't wait to get them out.
But I've got a feeling
when I get them out,
I'm going to really hate my hair.
Yeah, it's going to be horrible.
You're going to go,
I've got no hair.
I miss my extensions.
Don't it all seem to go?
Don't know what you've got till it's gone.
Pay paradise.
Put up a parking lot.
Right, that'll do.
That way, man.
Hi, Chris and Rosie.
Loving the podcast.
We're new listeners.
Hey, welcome, welcome.
Come on in.
Sit yourself down.
Shoes off.
Shoes off.
They've been outside.
Yeah.
They've only discovered the podcast after seeing Chris's hilarious performance on Taskmaster.
Oh, wow.
Look at you bringing people here.
Come on. Oh, my God. Yeah Look at you bringing people here. Come on.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
No way.
No way.
Yeah.
We're a bit behind, but after listening to episode 12,
we had to reach out because we wanted to set the record straight
about people who have sex 10 to 14 times a week.
Oh, God.
You said it was all lies,
but I swear my husband and I are one of those couples.
Emailing to show off, are you?
I'm in my 40s and we have an 11-year-old and a 1-year-old,
and we still manage to average 13 to 14 times a week.
That's twice a day?
Yeah, that's so.
And they've got what?
An 11-year-old and a 1-year-old.
How is that? So the 11-year-old's doing your babysitting?
I mean, let's just listen
to the rest of the email
Chris
before you
on the phone
of the social services
oh
oh
I don't know the names
oh 11 year old
11
we'll call them 11
like stranger things
oh 11
look after the bin
your dad's gonna
buck us again
oh stop
twice today mother
twice today
stop it
it might genuinely it might
be a loving lovely good day good for you man i know it's super weird to keep track of exact
numbers but we have an app that tracks everything for us horrendous so not only can i tell you that
we have had sex 13 times a week but i can tell you that as of may 23rd we've had sex do you want
to guess how many times this year from may 23rd oh so this year from january the 1st to may 23rd we've had sex do you want to guess how many times this year from May 23rd
oh so this year
from January 1st
to May 23rd
no no no no
yeah
as of May 23rd
but I can tell you
that as of May 23rd
we've had sex
yeah
this year
yeah
oh my
that's made it even worse
from January to May 23rd
I don't know
100 times
271
Jesus Christ!
Wow!
There's only 365 days in the year.
Yeah, but they're doing it twice a day by the sounds of it.
Oh my...
How does that app know?
What is it?
Are they inputting it?
So, this is...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So.
First of Jan to today.
Totals.
Number of entries.
271.
Right.
And entries as in...
Going in.
Oh.
Days since last entry, one day.
Days since last orgasm, one day.
Someone's fiving.
Protection used, zero, zero.
Longest streak, 271.
Entries per day day 1.88
entries per week 13.17
entries per month
56.76
Jesus
it doesn't mean entries in out
this means a session
one session is an entry
well I mean it's a very similar term
I'm taking it as entries
yeah but how can you have 1.8 entries a day how is that possible I feel, well, I mean, it's a very similar term. Right. I'm taking it as entries.
Yeah, but how can you have 1.8 entries a day?
How is that possible?
No idea.
Might be the length and that, the length of time. It means that 13 over the week now,
and then sometimes it'll be 15, sometimes it'll be 13.
So it's just under two a day averaging.
Oh, okay.
That makes more sense.
Right.
Our best month ever was March this year, 71 times.
Fucking crikey.
And we're currently on a streak of 181 days,
i.e. we haven't missed a single day in 181 days.
That's madness.
Like, there's part of us that's like, do you know what?
Good for you.
Right.
But there's another part of us now,
thinks that they're just doing it.
For the app.
Just for the app.
Just for the app.
They're like, we can't miss a day.
Listen, I started playing on Minecraft yesterday with Robin
and I couldn't stop playing on it.
I was like, once he showed us how to do Minecraft,
I was like, this is dangerous.
I'm going to get addicted to this.
And they're addicted to the app.
Well, the thing is, I mean, I don't think there's a prize,
but they probably think that they're winning.
Right, yeah.
At this.
See, when I did, a bit Peloton heavy this episode,
but when I did 100 races, when I did 100 cycles on my Peloton,
the centre's a T-shirt, the Peloton Century Club.
Do you think these guys get...
I mean, you never know.
Do you think they get some kind of manabilia?
I don't know, a fucking little condom set?
Well, they don't need it.
They don't know, they don't need it, apparently.
All right, then, I don't know.
Nice little pillow.
We're pretty thrilled with our sex life
and proud to be getting it on so much at our age with two kids.
Surely we can't be the only ones.
Don't know how you squeeze it in.
No idea.
What, you're both fucking retired?
Jesus.
I love sex.
I really do enjoy it.
No, I do.
Don't laugh.
Can't be arsed.
Yeah.
I'm too tired.
Like, every time we do,
it's always wonderful.
And you know,
and we do make,
we're very busy at the minute,
but we do make a real effort
and I think it is important
to make an effort
but then sometimes...
Should we do this
on the podcast?
Is it?
What?
No, go on then.
Oh, well, no,
I just think sometimes...
It's a review.
No, what?
Do you want to talk about it?
No, it's fine.
I'm not talking about it.
Go on, finish your point.
I think there's a lot
of pressure put on it
but then there is couples,
I know couples
who have sex all the time
and it's just,
that's their crack yeah
yeah but these two
are taking it away
these are fucking
Olympic sport
these two
they found an app
I didn't know there was a sex app
what's the app called
hang on I've just got a screenshot
of the picture
one sec
can we guess at what the app's called first
oh it doesn't have a name
oh right
it's just stats
then see
got you
okay
I don't know what the app is
could be anything really
so it says total number of entries
this could be like a journal
right
I don't know
but they are
anyway
lot of sex
fair play at them like
lot of sex
good for them
Jesus
babadoo babadoo babadoo
dear Rosie and Chris
hope you're both well
mmhmm
we're alright
I don't want to get into it now
we're okay
we're alright I don't want to get into it now we're okay we are alright
just really quickly
we've had loads of
interviews recently
haven't we
this is another
behind the curtain thing
we've had loads of
interviews with
press and stuff
about the TV show
taxi drivers
taxi drivers
everyone really wants
it to be
unhappy
it's crazy isn't it
they're like,
oh, yeah.
They're like,
oh, we work together all the time.
Do you ever get any time alone?
Yeah.
All the time.
We're just the same
as everyone else.
We spend most of our lives
sitting next to each other
staring at phones
ignoring each other.
Yeah.
And they always just want
some sort of like
hook or angle.
Yeah, what's going to happen?
What happens if you get divorced
alright alright man
Jesus
it's very grim isn't it
I was talking to my mate
this morning actually
and I was talking about
different interviews and stuff
and he was like
oh yeah
he was like
well if you split up
he was like
that's the Christmas present
that's all of that
that's the clickbait
that's the best bit
if we split up
that's the best headline ever
for them all
they'd be buzzing
yeah yeah
but I mean
should we open a paper
or a website
where you've got a bit,
no, I can't be asked.
Or make money off clicks.
Clickbait ourselves.
They'll go and click
and then you're like,
ah, right now.
Like the man in the canoe.
Canoe man.
Yeah.
Fake or divorce.
Yes.
Right, I'll go and buy a canoe.
I'm up for it.
Hold on,
I don't think we'll need a canoe.
No, no one needs to die.
I'm not up for it then.
No, if there's no canoe involved,
I'm not bothered.
I'm not up for it. I was sold on the, no one needs to die. I'm not up for it then. Now, if there's no canoe involved, I'm not bothered. I'm not up for it.
I was sold on the canoe idea.
Just the other stuff.
I'm not bothered.
Hope you both well.
I've listened to Sma from the beginning,
but never emailed until now.
Oh, well, thank you for doing so.
I recently binge listened to every episode again,
and the free roaming pets discussion in a recent episode
remind me of possibly the strangest hamster-related thing
that's ever happened to me, so I thought I'd share this with you wonderful love a hamster story yeah i do you
know i don't know why i'm drawn to these i love a hamster story oh god i just remember the panic
when my hamster used to get used to escape well did i not tell you about when i when we had a
hamster and it fell down the back of the dressing table and i had a hold of its little foot and then
i had to let go because i couldn't keep a hold of it.
It was squirming.
And Kate literally made us cry so much because she was like,
you've taken two years of that hamster's life.
And they live full.
I know.
She was actually, if you're listening, Kate, you are right bitch that day.
She made me feel about this big, about that hamster.
It's a podcast.
She did about a centimetre in between our fingers. Yeah, well, she did. She made us feel a centimetre big that hamster. It's a podcast. She did about a centimetre in between her fingers.
Yeah, well, she did.
She made us feel a centimetre big.
She's doing it again, yeah.
But she's telling me that I'd killed that hamster.
But, you know, in her defence,
you give her a spurious half a sentence information
about an 80s film and she'll tell you what the film is.
She was good like that.
Yeah.
Back in the day when working as a primary school teacher,
I had the responsibility of looking after the class pet
over the summer holidays.
And as you probably guessed, it was a hamster.
Yay!
Well, this hamster was a busy little thing
and one day it escaped its cage
and had free run of the house for a few hours,
eventually being found behind the fridge.
Yeah.
Not really being a fan of free-range hamsters
or any pets, in fact,
I popped the little hamster back in his
cage and went about my business later in the evening i noticed that the hamster was seeming
quite lethargic not really moving around or touching his food he seemed depressed right
i reached in the cage to take him out and let him have a little play in his bowl and all of a sudden
he sprung into action it was as if he'd had an injection of life.
Right.
As back he went scurrying about and being an annoying little shit.
Right.
After a while, I put him back in his cage,
and again, he retreated into the corner and stood still,
not really moving, looking depressed.
I was baffled.
Did he have something wrong with him?
Was he trying to tell me something?
Thinking he was on the verge of passing away,
in brackets, and not wanting to tell the kids in the class was on the verge of passing away, in brackets,
and not wanting to tell the kids in the class
about the dead hamster,
I took him to the vet.
Have a guess what the vet discovered.
Oh, should have been a mystery.
It's fine.
Oh, so...
Put it in the cage.
So it gets out.
It escapes.
It gets out.
It's chuffing about the place.
Put it back in the cage. It's gutted escapes it gets out it's chuffing about the place put it back in the cage it's gutted
get it out again
yeah
it was behind the fridge
mm-hmm
I don't
I don't
did it eat something
poison
and it was taking a while
to wear in
mm-hmm
I don't know
do you want to hear
come on then
there
stored in the hamster's
little fat cheek
was the back of a fridge magnet
oh my fucking god oh jesus
so my thing that i was gonna say right which i thought was too weird was did is it not the
hamster has she accidentally
found another animal
shut up
and put it in
and I don't know
if the animal's freaking out
because it's in a cage
so it's just
in the hamster's mouth
so he's eaten
the magnetic bit
of a fridge magnet
you know the little
tiny little magnet
yeah it looks like
a little black
he's eaten it
so he's eaten it
while he's roaming
around the kitchen
and he'd stored it
in his cheek
so
the poor little thing wasn't depressing his face.
He was magnetised to the side of it.
Oh, fuck!
That's absolutely amazing.
He stuck to the fence.
It's one of the best stories. It's one of the best stories.
That's one of the best stories
I've ever heard in my life.
Fucking hell.
There you go,
back in your cage.
Gone.
Oh, you're standing
in the corner again.
You've not touched your dinner.
I can't fucking move.
I can't move you daft bitch.
I can't fucking...
Get us out.
Get us out of here
oh
oh my god
that's
that
hey
whoever sent that in
that
that
that is one of the best things
I've ever heard in my life
you poor little bastard.
No one ever believes this story,
but I can assure you hand and heart that it's true.
That's fucking fantastic.
Brilliant.
Oh, God.
So it obviously just puts it back in the cage
and it goes, oh, cheers, and it has a wonder.
And then as soon as it goes the other side, it goes bonk.
Fucking hell, man.
It must have thought, what the fuck's going on here?
Can you imagine?
But then when it's out, it's like in its little cage.
In its roller thing.
The curse has been lifted.
It just fucking ran out the door back in.
Gong.
Oh, Jesus.
That's one of the best things ever.
Obviously, you know
poor little thing
can we take a minute
you thought
that there'd be
another little
step behind the fridge
I don't know
poison was a good one
yeah
but there was a look
on your face
where I thought
you got a bit excited
and you thought
he's gonna guess it
I would never
I thought you were
gonna guess it
that's why I was like
I would never
what kind of
fucking psycho
would guess that that's brilliant oh man I'm would never have fucking guessed what kind of fucking psycho would guess that
that's brilliant
oh man
I'm exhausted off laughing at that
I've gone all hot
poor little
I'm sure the hamster was okay though yeah
yeah the hamster was fine
wasn't depressed
just
depressed
had a magnet in its cheek
fantastic
thank you once again
for listening to this week's episode
of Shagged Married Annoyed
which is part of the Acast Creator Network.
Yes, it is indeed.
So a couple of announcements, obviously.
Please vote for us in the NTAs.
That would be wonderful.
We're up for the Bruce Forsyth Entertainment Award
with a lot of other fantastic shows.
It would be so nice to get shortlisted.
Thank you in advance.
And the tickets for the tour are on sale now.
ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed.com.
Get on there.
And if you want to send anything to us,
it's ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed at gmail.com.
Oh, and if you want to come and see the tv show recorded for free they're giving out tickets again
for that you've got to get there early when you get them though uh do you get them where they're
on an audience website i don't know where they are just google it oh my god there's so much admin
involved sro audiences sro audiences yeah come see us come and see it it's free hey bye bye you're invited
to an immersive
listening party
led by Rishi Keshe Herway
the visionary
behind the
groundbreaking
Song Exploder
podcast and
Netflix series
this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation.
Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,
followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder.
April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.
For tickets, visit TSO.ca.
Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.
Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th,
when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.
You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.