Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 170. The 80’s door handle

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

On this week's podcast the Ramsey's try and wrap their heads around the Jubilee! Rosie get's nostalgic for 80's door handles and Chris gets accused of shouting. The beefs mount up and QFTP's involve d...ata apps, icks, and the class pet. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Starting point is 00:00:47 Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?
Starting point is 00:00:56 The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Thanks for coming back. Hey, it's a Jubilee special, everyone. Oh, for God's sake.
Starting point is 00:01:11 Hey, Rosie loves it. Rosie is loving the Jubilee, everyone. Don't. It's her favourite. Get your Jubilee stuff in. Right, stop. I hope you're all out. I hope you're having a lovely Jubilee weekend
Starting point is 00:01:23 or week or month or whatever it is. And hope you've got all your jubilee uh hats and uh and and shoes and stuff and all of the stuff to make sure the jubilee celebration is a great one right stop now i don't know what's going on either okay listen i'm really happy it's the queen has been in rain for 75 years or 70 not sure which one brilliant wonderful and brilliant why has it been in rain for 75 years or 70 not sure which one brilliant wonderful and brilliant why has it been going on for about six weeks people have been asking me what i'm doing for the jubilee for about a month now and i don't know when it is and all i know is that um rave's nursery's closed on the friday or whatever the thursday and the friday and every week we've been freaking out going oh it's closed this week and it's like oh no it's in a couple of weeks time
Starting point is 00:02:06 and yeah it's been on the telly for a bit but then it's not yet it's like later something happened a few weeks ago I don't know what's happening something happened when they were driving around
Starting point is 00:02:14 in the cars and all that and I was like oh it's the Jubilee yeah I was wrong because it's something else something else so I think
Starting point is 00:02:21 I think it might be today so the day of this podcast coming out I think it might be today or yesterday day of this podcast coming out. I think it might be today. Or yesterday. Yeah, good. No idea. Well, I'm glad.
Starting point is 00:02:30 And I nearly said Mrs. Elizabeth. What I actually mean is Your Majesty, if you're listening, which I'm sure you are. Congratulations. Nothing against you. I just feel like everyone else is really blown out. Stop banging on about it. Massive congratulations to the Queen.
Starting point is 00:02:45 All the respect in the world. Everyone else, fucking reigning in, man. How are you? I think they're just happy to have a few days off work, which I totally understand. And the couple of years we've had as well, you know, it's nice to be celebrating stuff again. But you know places have sold out of red and white and blue?
Starting point is 00:02:57 Bunton. Brilliant. Who's buying Bunton? What are you doing? Well, a girl from school, one of the mums from school, they're having a street party. Of course they are. Her job was to buy the Bunton, right?
Starting point is 00:03:07 So the Bunton got delivered. Listen to this, though. The Bunton got delivered, and the post, right, what's he called? The delivery driver put it in the recycling bin, right? Right. She didn't find out. The recycling went out. Brilliant.
Starting point is 00:03:21 The Bunton got taken away. Why am I freaking out That it might have been In some plastic That wasn't recyclable as well It probably was Chris Honestly Double whammy So then she was like
Starting point is 00:03:30 I need to get some more bunting It's been one job For the street party Sold out So she has not got any bunting For that street party And she'll be Shunned in that street
Starting point is 00:03:39 And I hope she's alright How can we even tell There's a party If there's no bunting Carol for fuck's sake Yeah Don't know what her name is Just guessed it Carol To be fair It's all come. How can we even tell there's a party if there's no bunting, Carol, for fuck's sake? Yeah. Don't know what her name is, just guessed it, Carol. To be fair, it's all come back round again,
Starting point is 00:03:48 because that was a thing of the days gone by, wasn't it? The good old days. Street parties. Like what my mum talks about, there used to be street parties. Yeah. Oh. No, that'll be not the crowning,
Starting point is 00:03:59 because that was years ago. Your mum wasn't alive. Great. So what did they have? They had a big street party one year yeah what was that for uh are you talking about the poll tax riots no not that one um what was the street party for the massive no there was a huge one where everyone had a party in the 60s or something anyway brilliant so was it probably when we won the world cup
Starting point is 00:04:25 no it was something to do with the royal family right okay we're going to my kids for a barbecue yeah so we are doing something so when someone asks now if you're doing something for the jubilee
Starting point is 00:04:34 we're going to a barbecue people have been asking us for ages I don't know we've got to drive so we can't have a drink yeah well you do excuse me I will be Mr Steaming
Starting point is 00:04:41 no no no no no no the rule my family I drink they, my family, I drink. They're my family as well. They're not an actual real family. You can't go, excuse me.
Starting point is 00:04:52 If anything, if anything, right, they're more my family than they are yours because I chose them. You were just born into them. You had no say in it. I specifically chose to marry into them. All right, well, see how that works out with you, with the royal family on the Jubilee. Why? I think you'll find that blood specifically chose to marry into them. All right, well, see how that works out with you, with the royal family, eh?
Starting point is 00:05:05 On the Jubilee. Why? I think you'll find that blood is thicker than water, Christopher. Right, okay. Actually. So it should have been incest, is what you're saying. I don't know what I'm saying. All I'm saying is,
Starting point is 00:05:15 we'll have a chat on the day about who's having a drink. And I love a street party, because you know everyone's house is empty because they're out on the street, and you can go and burgle them. So that's what I'm going to be up to today. When I just, quote unquote, nip to the shops, I'm actually just... You out on the street and you can go and burgle them. So that's what I'm going to be up to today. When I just quote unquote nip to the shops I'm actually just nipping
Starting point is 00:05:29 stuff from the neighbours houses. So watch out, he's dangerous. Watch out, Ramsay's about. Jubilee villain, get me Jubilee jewels. Happy Jubilee. Jubilee jailbird. Now guys, thank you so much for listening, whatever you're doing. Hey look, if you celebrate happy jubilee oh god jubilee jailbird now guys thank you so much
Starting point is 00:05:45 for listening whatever you do and if hey look if you celebrate the jubilee if you're finished celebrate the jubilee if it's just
Starting point is 00:05:50 or if it's just another fucking day of the week to you either way don't mean to be negative it's just been very confusing because I wish
Starting point is 00:05:57 and then you get I've had so many emails like you know 30% off at the at the at the clothes shop and you go well
Starting point is 00:06:04 I do love that you were talking about that today you hit the nail on the head when when places jump on the bandwagon of something do you know what i mean celebrate the jubilee he has 30 off yeah great i mean i'm not complaining but at the same time i know it's it's companies where you just go why have you you've got nothing to do with this absolutely like hey you want to buy a red dildo get a red one a blue one and a white one free for the price of one at jubilee dildos.com hey come on everyone get your jubilee dildos like come on man like we get it but yeah look whatever it is i hope you're having a lovely weekend it is episode 170 thank you so much for coming back you wonderful people it's getting silly now isn't it oh it's getting bloody silly it's getting bloody silly but thank
Starting point is 00:06:43 you so much for coming back back you wonderful, wonderful people and without further ado it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor you see we've gone all British with the Jubilee. Yes.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Right. This week's sponsor French. Right. Right. This week's sponsor is croissants. Fucking bullshit.
Starting point is 00:07:00 Why? Absolutely rubbish. Oh I love a croissant. A big flake. No I know you do no I know you do I know you do there's some in the cupboard because I know
Starting point is 00:07:06 whenever someone's going to come and stay you buy some and put them in the cupboard because you think you're French and you think you're showing off
Starting point is 00:07:11 you're pathetic right whenever I open that cupboard and I see a box of croissants I go alright who's coming
Starting point is 00:07:17 someone's coming round here now right well honestly normally I do do that right because I like to have
Starting point is 00:07:22 a little pan of chocolate a little croissant in for guests. But genuinely, I'm sick of giving my kids the same things for breakfast. So I thought I'd surprise them with a half-term. What have they done? What have those children done to deserve a croissant?
Starting point is 00:07:34 They love a croissant. It's half-term. It's nice. It's the worst. Here's your half-term treat. You know that you only get Coco Pops and special treats on a half term just half of the croissant
Starting point is 00:07:46 stays on the plate you can't really eat the full thing because it just falls apart it's very flaky it's brittle right they're rubbish
Starting point is 00:07:52 right how can it be so greasy to the touch yet have zero taste have you ever seen one being made no the amount of butter
Starting point is 00:08:00 right that goes into a croissant but they don't taste of anything yes they do they taste delicious they're impossible to butter they're impossible to butter they're impossible to butter it's impossible to get jam on them
Starting point is 00:08:07 you've got to rip them open the only way to eat them without having to get the fucking hoover out afterwards is to eat them over the sink in one go dry like an apple
Starting point is 00:08:15 you need have you ever had one fresh out of the oven no that's what I do with mine I heat them up oh so it's more oh so it's more flaky
Starting point is 00:08:21 get the hoover out waste of time they're rubbish. Oh, I know. And you love them. And I'm sick of them. I completely disagree. I might have to ban them from the house.
Starting point is 00:08:29 You can absolutely. I'm sorry. I've said it now. I'm going to have to ban them. All right, then. As the man of the house. Mr. This. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Did you hear her? She actually yelped. Man of the house. Man of the house. Man of the house. Hey, seeing this? Seeing this? What? Is me foot in the air?
Starting point is 00:08:49 Is me foot in the air? I'm holding me... Ladies and gentlemen, I'm holding me foot in the air. Are you ready for it to come down? What's that for? I brought me foot down. You fucking wish you had that authority.
Starting point is 00:08:59 I accidentally kicked me water bottle over, so I'm just going to have to quickly tidy that up as well. It's all right. It's a Peloton squeezy bottle. Don't get above your station. You'll not see that Peloton again. Hey, don't you ever.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Don't you ever. Oh, Rafe had a Stanley knife. And he slashed the tyres. There's no tyres on it. It's not a real bike. Slash something. Stupid. Croissants and rubber,
Starting point is 00:09:19 stop buying them. Never. Rubbish. Rubbish. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Bubbish. Bubbish. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle.
Starting point is 00:09:30 So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Jubilee special. It's not a jubilee special. It's a jubilee special. It's nothing. Yeah. God's here, Lord. Right, that's going to be painful. That's going to be painful if we both do stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:09:58 And that was... Was that the Superman tune you just did? I don't know. Superman, yeah. Is that British? No. It's American, isn't it? superman tune you just did i don't know superman yeah is that british no no nothing british about it i can't wait i can't wait for the boys to watch all them old films right superman do you remember supergirl that was really good really yeah i liked it a series or a film it was the film oh wow no you've never seen it no i'm not familiar with that at all i'm so i thought because the supergirl series are now on sky i think no i've seen i mean i'm sure it was called it wasn't
Starting point is 00:10:29 superwoman it was supergirl why she was quite young and it had there was a scene with spiders in i used to watch it all the time i love it when you half remember a film always half remember a film we're watching stranger things at the moment there was a scene as we're watching it most recent episode there was a scene where they zoomed in on a door handle as they put a key in put the key in and you went oh and guys it was painful rosie went that's the door handle they used in all 80s films i remember it i remember that door handle they've copied that exact door handle and then she turned to me right in this room she paused it she pauses it for these thoughts by the way we don't have much time on my hands she paused it and she turned and she went,
Starting point is 00:11:05 what's that one, man, where he's on a diving board? Is it E.T.? And then she stopped talking and then she pressed play again. And I had to sit with that in my head for the end of Stranger Things. Painful. Painful. You're horrible. The stuff you pause it for.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Honestly, you're horrible. That's the door handle. Right, well, what film? I'm sorry, you did film a media. Yeah. Oh, no. Right. No, no, no're horrible. That's the door handle. Right, well, what film... I'm sorry, you did film a media. Yeah. Oh, no! No, no, no, no! They've done it deliberately
Starting point is 00:11:31 to trigger these sort of thoughts in people. Yes, it's obviously... They do homage to many things. It's an 80s movie. Right, well, what film is it when he's on the diving board? I don't know how to answer that question! Is it 80?
Starting point is 00:11:40 Is it 80? Is there a scene when the kid's on a diving board? What do you mean when the kid's on a diving board? What do you mean when the kid's on a diving board? Oh, there's a film that I used to watch as a kid which is so 80s
Starting point is 00:11:49 slash early 90s that it's like, I can't remember what it is. And he's on a diving board. Oh, give us one minute. No, I can't. Oh, Jesus. Oh, you're not,
Starting point is 00:11:59 oh, fucking hell. Here comes some more classic thinking here. No, I'm not saying. Kate, what's that film that we used to watch where there was a door handle and there was a key in the middle
Starting point is 00:12:06 and there was a kid on a diving board? She'll not remember the door handle, but she might remember the diving board. Fuck me, here we go. It's going to do me head in. Kate, I know you're listening to this and I'm sick of her having to ring you for bullshit. Sick of it.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Hello? Hello, it's me. Just dead quickly. I'm doing the podcast. Right, when we were little and it was like an 80s film which one is it when the young lads on a diving board jesus oh um no oh never ending story never ending story oh i love you so much yes you're amazing i knew that you knew i knew you know that look two minds
Starting point is 00:12:40 right love you everything i know everything love you love you bye fucking love her I knew she'd know that see see what I mean first of all it's one mind not two minds what does this prove just that it was an 80s film never ending story but what does this prove might be 90s I don't know
Starting point is 00:12:59 I'm gonna to Google it. No, don't. I think it was 80s. I think it was 90s, you know. Oh, shit. Right, never. They still have the same doors. They still have the same doors.
Starting point is 00:13:14 Right, Never Ending Story 2. Oh, 1990. Oh, shut up. Oh, there we go. Shut up. Hold on, was it not number one, 1984? Never Ending Story 1984. Hang on.
Starting point is 00:13:26 Door handle. The door handle 1984? Never Ending Story, 1984. Hang on. Door handle. The door handle from the Never Ending Story. Fuck me. Never Ending Story 2, boy on diving board. Yeah, he gets scared. In number two. At the top of the diving board in the second one. See, I do know some stuff.
Starting point is 00:13:38 That was... Right, so, right, again. Yeah, me point isn't that. Me point is that you paused Stranger Things. Not just paused it, made us rewind it and look at this door handle, which is, by the way, for everyone listening, it's the silver circular door knob
Starting point is 00:13:56 with the key in the middle bit. Some hotels have got them. And there's been loads of films where they've tried to open it in a hurry and they can't open it and it's just stuck in my mind. It's the iconic door handle. But I think they did that deliberately
Starting point is 00:14:05 to pay homage to all of them. Why was there a door handle at the top of a diving board? No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that that sparked a memory of all them sort of films and then the film that I came to in my brain was obviously Never Ending Story 2
Starting point is 00:14:20 when he's on the diving board. It's very much like a little pinball machine in your brain, isn't it? It is, but can't you? The ball fires in and just... Oh, God, yeah. I'm torn here with the diving board. It's very much like a little pinball machine in your brain, isn't it? It is, but can you? The ball fires in and just, oh, God, yeah, I'm torn out with the same brush. I'm torn out with the same brush.
Starting point is 00:14:31 Fuck me. Yeah. It's a good film, that. Oh, yeah, yeah. The first one's probably better, actually. Yeah, yeah. So it's exactly like this bit that we're doing now, actually,
Starting point is 00:14:39 the never-ending section. Yeah, well, let's carry on. We're babadooba right now. Okay. Babadooba, babadooba, babadooba. Now, just quickly, we're not going to talk about this a lot because this is the podcast right yeah we're peddling too much shit right now and i can't keep up with it right so we're going to do a really quick section now okay tv program monday night
Starting point is 00:14:55 nine o'clock bbc2 going quite well really enjoyed it the chris and rosie ramsay show loving it we've just put a new tour on sale 2023 yeah over half. Yeah. Over half sold out already. Get on that quickly. Can't wait to see. You kept the ticket prices the same? Yeah, we kept them reasonably low
Starting point is 00:15:10 as we could as close as possible because as soon as people start doing arenas you see them charging bloody 60 quid and all kinds of shit. We want everyone
Starting point is 00:15:16 to still be able to come. We want to keep it affordable. Hashtag. Don't try and invent a hashtag. What? Hashtag what? Cheap. Cheap.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Yeah, I think everyone would agree. Cheap. Yeah, I think everyone would agree. Cheap. Yeah, in every sense of the word. Yeah, and I think that's about it. Oh, we're up for... Oh my God, we're up for an NTA? Oh, fuck me. Yeah, we're up for an NTA award. Oh God, if you could vote for that,
Starting point is 00:15:36 that would be amazing, guys. I know we always ask you for a vote for stuff and we're really sorry, but let's be honest, apart from the odd ad that you have to skip, this is completely fucking free every single week for 170 past 10 episodes plus the little ones
Starting point is 00:15:45 we do when we're on holiday so please and we've never been the national television awards we've never been we said we'd never go it would be quite cool to go
Starting point is 00:15:51 I'm not going if we don't get shortlisted oh okay I'm not going if we get shortlisted we'll go so if everyone we're on the long list now guys
Starting point is 00:15:57 if you all vote and we get shortlisted we'll go I'm not going because I was on the long list to sit and look at all the people on the short list I just feel
Starting point is 00:16:03 sad I'll only go to be fair only because I do not like red carp was on the long list to sit and look at all the people on the short list. I just feel sad. I'll only go, to be fair, only because I do not like red carpets and the having to choose something to wear. It really stresses it out. So if we are shortlisted, I will go, but I'll have a panic attack at least three weeks beforehand.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Yeah, I look forward to that. And probably wait until the night before to choose something to wear. What you'll do is, you'll do the normal thing you do. You'll do the thing where you go, should I do, because I'm like famous, should I do the thing where I will get like a stylist and that's what people do, isn't it? And you'll get is, you'll do the normal thing you do. You'll do the thing where you go, should I do... Because I'm, like, famous. Should I do the thing where I will get, like, a stylist? And that's what people do, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:16:27 And you'll get about three stylists and people do your hair and everything. Then on the day, you'll pick something from the back of the wardrobe that you've had for ten years, do your own hair and makeup, and then we'll turn up and you'll go, I don't know what I was bothered about. And I'll go, fucking kill me now! Doesn't sound like me. Look forward to that. Please vote. It's time for What's Your Beef?
Starting point is 00:16:45 What's Your Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Right. Ladies, oh, she's got one. Where have you gone?
Starting point is 00:16:51 Oh, I forgot that I've got evidence to go with my beef. You've got evidence? You've recorded something? Maybe. Oh, she'll end up going to pick her phone
Starting point is 00:16:57 up off the floor for fuck's sake. Possibly. Oh, God. I haven't actually listened to this since I did it. Right.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Do you want to go first then? I can do, yeah. Do you want me to go first? Yeah, because I've got two possible beefs. I've got one that I wrote down and then I've got one that happened just before we're about to come and do this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:10 So I'll see the severity. All right, I don't know if this is going to come across in the recording, okay? But whenever we're in a taxi, especially a black cab, you shout to the taxi driver. Because they've got a screen? I know, but it's horrible.
Starting point is 00:17:24 I have to sit next to you. And the whole way, 40 minutes we were in taxi in London the other day and you were chatting to the guy, who was dead lovely. You shouted the whole time. But they've got a little speaker in the back. You don't need to shout, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:17:37 They can hear you. He was not shouting. But I recorded you a little bit. You actually hear, it's quite embarrassing, you're telling him about the show. Oh, no. But I don't know if it's going to come across like you're shouting
Starting point is 00:17:48 see if you can tell that you're shouting or not you might not be able to but I knew you were shouting are you ready? Hang on what their beef is with their partner why they're annoyed at their partner and we get them to stand up on the show and say why they're annoyed at their partner and we don't know what it is, the production team have already spoke to them and got it got whatever the beef is and told
Starting point is 00:18:07 where the people are but we don't know what they're about to say so it's all quite fresh on the night it's really good fun and then we've got this game at the end it goes around three couples on and each of them have brought something that their partner loves but they hate and they want to get rid of. So the audience fought and we destroyed one of them each night. Now, right. It's really good. Relationships are just interesting. Everything is relationship.
Starting point is 00:18:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get off, get off. Right, right, listen. Everything is relationship. That's annoying because me and him were talking about how relationships are basically the cornerstone of comedy and entertainment and you've made me sound like the right twat there. You've made it. He was
Starting point is 00:18:49 he would not fucking stop asking us questions and you've somehow recorded the bit where I gave him, I gave in. I mean basically you're pitching the show. I gave it right. To the taxi driver. You can't right, you can't, especially with black cabs in London right you cannot
Starting point is 00:19:05 sit in silence and give them one word answers because the next time someone gets in they will turn around and go I had that Chris Ramsey in
Starting point is 00:19:13 he was a fucking miserable prick I've had whenever I get in a car after anyone famous I always get told how much of a prick they are so I've got to do
Starting point is 00:19:21 a fucking gig for the taxi driver I mean now he's going to be like I had that Chris Ramsey in honestly he was obsessed about his TV show he was asking you're a dickhead you're a dickhead prick they are, so I've got to do a fucking gig for the tattoo driver. I mean, now he's going to be like, I had that Chris Ramsey in. Honestly, he was obsessed about his TV show. He kept,
Starting point is 00:19:27 he was asking, you're a dickhead. You're a dickhead. You've stitched me up right royally here because he was fucking, he was asking so many questions. He was like a journalist in an interview.
Starting point is 00:19:36 Yeah, I felt like I was in an interview. I was so tired. I just kept, I kept quiet. You were hungover, you. I was a bit hungover. But you do, you shout.
Starting point is 00:19:43 I am, I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person. I'm a loud person.
Starting point is 00:19:44 I'm a loud person. But I'm like, I'm right there, next year. And I didn't want to. You knew what you're married. But you do, you shout. I'm a loud person. You can't really tell when you go further along. But I'm like, I'm right there next to you. And I didn't want to go, can you stop shouting? Because there's microphones and you'd be able to hear. But he sounded like he was shouting. I don't think he was. I think he was. He's on a mic.
Starting point is 00:19:59 I'm just saying in the future, I don't think you need to shout so much in a cab. Grandad. Okay, grandad. All right. My beef with you is, right, now I've got two. I've got one that I had
Starting point is 00:20:11 written down, pre-planned, right, which is, I do find it very irritating. But one that you did just as we were downstairs. Hey, I'm going to go with the one,
Starting point is 00:20:22 no, do you know what? I'm going to go with the one that was already written down because it has been doing me head i was gonna say what have i just done literally do you want to tell you that as well what have i done so i'm wearing i'm wearing a blue jumper uh today so i'm gonna do two beefs considering you recorded something i want a blue jumper and just in the kitchen there you turn to us and you said jumpers nice and then you went as if it pained you to say that the jumper was nice try and. Try and be funny. Yeah, well, it didn't work.
Starting point is 00:20:45 And then you said, which I remember quite clearly, that blue colour suits you better than the standard mustard or burgundy that you always try and buy that makes your skin look awful. So that was... I was trying to tell you the truth. You do not. I hate burgundy and I hate mustard. There's ways of telling someone something.
Starting point is 00:21:07 You suit that blue it really you really suit it sets off your eyes right honestly rip it off you that's okay
Starting point is 00:21:14 I won't but my I know you're bloody expensive this gentleman now my actual beef with you is
Starting point is 00:21:21 I'm starting to do my head in now right mine and Robinin's little thing is we go on a night when it's time to go to bed right just before bed we'll go to the living room i'll do a little bowl of cereal and watch you being framed yeah we love watching you being framed yeah right he watches it obviously just for the falling over and stuff i'll watch it for the fall of and stuff and for harry hill's jokes because it's very very good at narrating the show. Now, you will come in and watch it a little bit
Starting point is 00:21:45 and literally scream when someone hurts themselves. I hate it. It's fucking awful. Yesterday, I turned away, and both of our kids were in the room at this point. We watched it earlier in the day for some reason yesterday. And Rafe was walking about, and I thought, oh, he must have fallen over
Starting point is 00:22:00 and hit his head off the mantelpiece because you were like, oh, God! Oh, God! I went, what the fuck's the matter you went oh and you were like pointing at the telly because someone had fell on a barrier
Starting point is 00:22:09 I was like what the hell's the matter with you they went on the thing the barrier thing so it was like it was almost like a central reservation
Starting point is 00:22:16 barrier thing and the guy runs and he puts his hands on it to do a flip over it and he does to do the flip and he doesn't spring off with his hands so he just ends up
Starting point is 00:22:24 basically doing a handstand on it and then landing on it flat on his back oh he landed right do the flip and he doesn't spring off with his hands so he just ends up basically doing a handstand and then landing on it flat on his back landed right in the middle of his back it was awful yeah but it's beautiful to enjoy
Starting point is 00:22:31 because it's his fault someone didn't run up and hit him with that no I know what he did that to himself that's why it's so funny but it just makes us feel ill watching people hurt themselves
Starting point is 00:22:40 makes us feel ill in your own house while it's happening excuse me I will scream in my living room if I want to scream. I think you'll find we half all the bills now, Ramsey. Right?
Starting point is 00:22:51 We never used to. And sometimes I used to think, oh, well, I messed my own behaviour. Fuck off! Because I pay half this mortgage, I pay half everything, right? And I raise them children and I do my bit. So if I want to scream in my living room I'll have a scream alright alright eh?
Starting point is 00:23:11 You're still not having any croissants I'll buy a second kitchen and I'll make all the croissants I'll start a croissant factory actually and I'll sell Rosie's croissant horrible I'll learn French as well absolutely won't do that je m'appelle Rosie's croissant I am
Starting point is 00:23:32 my name is Rosie's croissant yes yeah would you like to buy some croissant she's just doing the accent babadoo babadoo babadoo
Starting point is 00:23:41 bah will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah! and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks
Starting point is 00:24:25 at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret.
Starting point is 00:24:46 It's a girl. Witness the birth Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The first omen.
Starting point is 00:24:56 I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year it's not real it's not real
Starting point is 00:25:06 it's not real who said that the first omen in theaters friday get tickets now it's time for questions from the public questions from the public
Starting point is 00:25:17 public public on the queen's jubilee you better jubilee special jubilee it's time for jubilee questions from the public guys as always if you want to get in touch it's time for Jubilee questions for the public guys as always
Starting point is 00:25:25 if you want to get in touch it's shagmarionoid slash jubilee it's shagmarionoid at gmail.com slash jubilee it's not it's shagmarionoid
Starting point is 00:25:33 at gmail.com so there you go apologies if that last bit was a bit shouty I did get a bit shouty you got really shouty there didn't you yeah but I just don't like
Starting point is 00:25:40 being told when and where I can't scream in my own house just rein it in rein it in it's a TV show can't hurt in my own house. Just rein it in. Rein it in. It's a TV show. Can't hurt you.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Never! It's a TV show. You know who you married. You know who you married. You know who you married. So that's why I'm loud in taxi. Stop telling me what to do. Hypocrite.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Hypocrite. Touché. Right. So I'm going to start off with an ick because we have been sent so many icks. Love icks. So many good ones. I love them. They're just so enjoyable
Starting point is 00:26:05 and such an insight into people's sort of psyche to see what turns them off it's kind of like a beef though because some of them I've got
Starting point is 00:26:12 are people with in relationships yeah so it's sort of like an irritating beef kind of but the ick the beauty of an ick
Starting point is 00:26:19 is it seems to just sort of dilute any sexual attraction that they have and that's what's so nice about it it's not just an irritating thingute any sexual attraction that they have and that's what's so nice about it it's not just an irritating thing it's just like the one I still can't get over
Starting point is 00:26:29 is picking up a table tennis ball I still can't get over it while chasing it I still can't get yeah chasing a table tennis ball trying to pick it up I still because it's so right
Starting point is 00:26:37 it's so right come on then what's this week's hi Rosie and Chris just a quick ick for you both quick icks oh it's time for quick icks. Quick icks, quick icks, quick ickity icks.
Starting point is 00:26:47 No, I did. I had a song, didn't I? Quick icks, quick icks. I've got a new one. Quick ickity icks. Quick icks, quick icks, quick ickity icks. Quick icks. Don't try to join the jingle crew.
Starting point is 00:26:58 Well, hey. What? So I'm not allowed to join in now? Well, mine was, I hate you so much right now. I hate you so much right now i hate you so much right now i hate you so much right now thank you very much hi rosie and chris just a quick for you my partner and i are currently doing as a partner really weird they're saying okay doing a bit of work on the range.
Starting point is 00:27:25 Jesus. My accent's all over the place. Oh, God, yeah. My partner and I are currently doing our budget for the month, and I just happened to notice that he puts the little lines through the zero to differentiate between the letter and the number. Never been drier. That's what I've been doing! never been drier that's what they've
Starting point is 00:27:44 known no I've never got on board with that I've never I've never known it I've never been told it
Starting point is 00:27:52 how big are you doing your O's yeah what are you doing are you writing block capitals and what what unless you're
Starting point is 00:27:56 writing fucking reg plates down you don't need to do that no because the or a big out you go out to
Starting point is 00:28:01 big or oh it's with some letter oh that's the word one oh that's the word one oh that's the word once yeah fuck's sake
Starting point is 00:28:07 idiot do you want another one because I've got loads yeah do you want another one hi Chris and Rosie been laughing so much at the new
Starting point is 00:28:14 ick feature feature it does have a jingle oh yeah and thought I'd share mine please keep me anonymous several years ago I had a very passionate
Starting point is 00:28:23 fling with an older guy I was 25 he was early 40s oh shit we'd have amazing crazy hot sex for hours on end literally the best sex of my life wow but as these things tend to it fizzled out after a few months and we moved on and met other people a few years later we were both single again and he got in touch to see if I fancied picking up where we left off. I was extremely excited at the prospect of reigniting that spark between us, so we arranged to meet and I duly spent hours prepping and preening for a hot night ahead.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Cutter was having a drink in a bar and as predicted, the chemistry and flirting was off the charts, us both knowing we were in for an amazing night after an hour into the evening i looked over to him just as he pulled his sleeve up to check the time and there on his wrist was a bright yellow baby j watch i knew it i fucking knew you're gonna say a baby did you i knew you were going to say a baby G watch. Did you? I knew you were going to say that. I've never felt repulsion like it in my life. The biggest ick ever. A 50-year-old man wearing a plastic yellow watch.
Starting point is 00:29:33 I'm a vom. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I didn't know how to excuse myself and leave, so I still went home with him that night, and we had sex. But the whole time, I was picturing the stupid watch. I hope you left it on.
Starting point is 00:29:45 He had a great time and was keen for us to see each other again soon but I couldn't get over it. Needless to say that was the last time I ever saw him. Wow!
Starting point is 00:29:53 She's let her watch get in between hot crazy sex. Yeah but I reckon he had it on and I reckon he was timing it during. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:30:00 Timing what? He's got a timer on it so I reckon he was just like okay let's go. Beep! He's a little bit like that. Do they still was just like, okay, let's go. Beep. Oh. He's a little bit like that. Do they still sell Baby J watches? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:08 Yeah. They're quite fashionable for the younger generation, but I think her point is that an older guy was wearing it. I mean, I feel like she's overreacted there. Do you know what I mean? Oh, I don't know. But then again, it depends what he was wearing. When I see someone at a wedding in a wedding suit
Starting point is 00:30:21 and they just lift up their sleeve and I say a fucking digital sports watch, I go, come digital sports watch. I go, come on, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Well, clearly, what's happened is the younger person has become of a similar age. Because weirdly, when you get over 35,
Starting point is 00:30:36 I don't think it really matters what age somebody else is. I know what you mean. Does that make sense? So she was 25 and he was early 40s and she was like, this older guy, oh my God. But now she's obviously, how old is she going to be? Like 35?
Starting point is 00:30:47 This is a few years later. And he's 50s. Well, she said 50s. She said 50-year-old man wearing a watch. I feel like he's mid-40s and she's using that as a slam. Are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:58 I feel like she's added like six years onto him there just because he's got a BBG watch on. Hey, do you know what, mate? If you're listening, you enjoy your BBG watch. She wasn't meant for you, this woman, right? If you're listening, you enjoy your BBG watch. She wasn't meant for you, this woman, right? I don't know why it's yellow.
Starting point is 00:31:08 Don't wear a yellow one. Again, it depends what he's wearing. It depends. When a watch, it just doesn't go with anything you're wearing. All I'm saying is, right,
Starting point is 00:31:16 she has had him in her mind's eye as the hot, sexy guy who I just have hot, crazy sex with. Nothing more, nothing less. And then he's got
Starting point is 00:31:24 this watch on and she's like, you weren't meant to do that because we're not in a relationship. You're meant to just be lush. guy who i just have hot crazy sex with nothing more nothing less yeah and then he's got this watch on and just like you weren't meant to do that yeah because we're not in a relationship you're meant to just be lush ah right okay you know what i mean so she caught right okay so at that stage of fault can't be it has it'll be a massive thing okay that's interesting so there you go and there you go i think you're gonna have hot passionate sex and you're not you're just gonna go home and look at your little baby G. Hope it goes in the dark. I never had a baby G watch I don't think.
Starting point is 00:31:47 Quite expensive. Well that's exactly why. I probably had some sort of knock off bloody piece of shite. Swatch. I reckon you'd have a swatch.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Swatch. It was like back in the day when everybody had like Adidas and Reebok I had Asics. Yes. You know. I was that kid.
Starting point is 00:32:04 And bless you. But Asics are you know I was that kid and bless you but Asics are quite cool now aren't they everything's had a little everything's come back round do you know what I'm looking at bucket hats for the holiday
Starting point is 00:32:12 bucket hats yeah bucket hats do you remember when we were kids and everyone would wear like Kangol bucket hats like Kevin and Perry go large yes
Starting point is 00:32:20 I'm going to have to put my foot down again no I am not walking around on holiday with you with a bucket hat you have got the smallest head on earth it'll look like you put the fucking recycling bin all i'm all i'm thinking is i can tuck my hair into it and it'll protect us from the sun oh my god i can't wait to see this well no i'm genuinely thinking because i think now i
Starting point is 00:32:37 don't want the sun to be on my face at all yeah i'm putting factor 50 on because i don't want wrinkles and i just think why would i you, you know, I don't care. I'll use fake tan. I'll just, I want to protect my face. I mean, why go on holiday? You might as well just stay at home
Starting point is 00:32:50 and use fake tan. but back in the day, I used to, I didn't put anything on my face when I worked abroad and it was all just sun damage and whatever. But now,
Starting point is 00:32:56 I want to look after it because I don't want to have to get Botox and all that shit, right? So, I thought a bucket hat would, you know, they're in the shops at the minute,
Starting point is 00:33:04 full coverage of me hair and a little shadow over my face. Yeah. Instead of what the straw ones don't fit as. Why not, and he has just a suggestion, right? Why not an actual bucket and I'll cut two eye holes in it for you so that no one has to see me with you with all your hair tucked in a bucket hat. Great. Like Kevin and Perry go large.
Starting point is 00:33:25 You know that we don't care what we look like on holiday. We're not these people. I've got to stand next to you, though. And you're in a can-go bucket hat. Do you know I bought a swimming costume? And I'm only going to be able to wear it in the villa. Because we're staying in a villa. Right.
Starting point is 00:33:39 But it's like thonged. Oh, it's one of them Love Island ones. But the arse crack ones. I didn't realise. You've got two kids. What the hell do you think you're doing? I didn't realise. I bought it. And then it's too late to send it back. And them love island ones but the arse crack ones I didn't realise you've got two kids what the hell do you think I didn't realise I bought it
Starting point is 00:33:46 and then it's too late to send it back and slash I can't be arsed so I'm keeping it for the villa sorry so you're getting
Starting point is 00:33:52 a kangaroo bucket hat and you've got a bathing costume which is a oh are you actually going on holiday or is this a work trip and you're going to be
Starting point is 00:33:59 in a Dr Dre video what the fuck's going on one practical the other one lazy it's absolutely ridiculous it's like
Starting point is 00:34:12 it's honestly quite bad why do they make them like that it's not actually thonged it's just
Starting point is 00:34:17 not enough material on the arse that's the thing I say about them now they're not actually thongs because if you
Starting point is 00:34:22 go in full thong you go in full thong these just look like they look like you've been sitting down and you forgot to pick your wedge out yeah they're just
Starting point is 00:34:27 full arse out and I get sometimes get weird little spots on my arse and I always do you know when we watch Love Island and stuff like that
Starting point is 00:34:34 or any sort of programmes like we're watching Are You The One and all that shit on Netflix when they've got the arses out I always think you're
Starting point is 00:34:40 so lucky to not just have a random spot on your arse well I imagine if they had the random spot they'd wear the proper one well I imagine if they had the random spot they'd wear the proper one well God knows
Starting point is 00:34:48 if they've got them with them I think what I think if you're prone to arse spots you probably take full coverage
Starting point is 00:34:55 you take your arse spot thing yeah sometimes in blazing heat they might be walking around in a pair of jeans
Starting point is 00:35:00 you've got a thigh spot yeah got a knee spot got a shin spot yeah yeah I mean I can't believe we've had such a big discussion about it if I'm honest with you I know on a pair of jeans. You've got to go thigh spot. Yeah. Got knee spot. Got shin spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is, yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:06 I mean, I can't believe we've had such a big discussion about it, if I'm honest with you. It's off when I was, I got folliculitis after the kids. It just always keeps coming back. Keep it light.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Jesus. I had to go to the, do you know when I had to go to the doctor's? For a spotty bum. Spotty bum. I remember I've got a big, got a big spotty bum.
Starting point is 00:35:24 Can you help? Yes. Yes, madam. He he has a kangol bucket hat and he has a thong costume to get some sunlight to your ass don't know why if you give us a kangol bucket hat this won't help me ass at all let's stop people looking they'll be looking at your head going the fuck she got that in her head for she's a mother of two no trust me love no one has looked at your ass when you've got a kevin and perry can't go bucket hat on everyone's thinking the fuck's wrong with her so we've just uh we've just had a little babadooba and i've just had to pause and export the files guys because you know we love you we'll let you behind the uh we'll let you
Starting point is 00:36:03 behind the curtains here so earlier on this morning rosie said she was going to go on the peloton for an hour later on um and i popped to the shops to get some stuff for dinner and as i was driving back i thought i wonder what that i was going to turn into and uh rosie just looked at me across the laptops there as i was exporting an audio file not that you need to know that but you know just let you know where we are and she just said and i quote you know how i said i was gonna go on the peloton for an hour and i looked at her and she just pulled a silly face so i don't know i don't know what it's gonna be but i'm gonna hear about it later no fancy it i don't know what i was thinking i didn't think an hour was a bit steep well i was only gonna walk just do half an hour was a bit steep. Well, I was only going to walk. Just do half an hour.
Starting point is 00:36:46 That's not enough. Just do it a bit faster then. Do shorter. Look, do whatever you want. I'm not bothered. To be fair, if you're not on, it means I can just go on and get out of the way quicker.
Starting point is 00:36:54 But if just, you know, I can't be, I'm not one of these people who goes and does three, four hours in the gym. Carl Hutchinson, Carl Hutchinson will go to the gym if you let him.
Starting point is 00:37:01 He'll go for four hours, man. He's there all day. He comes out looking like a fucking Labrador he's been in the sea all his clothes and shoes soaking shins sweating
Starting point is 00:37:09 weird places of his body now like I hate sweating looks like he's been drawn out like a rag I just do really fast and intense
Starting point is 00:37:17 to make myself feel like I'm going to die taste blood 20 minutes done yeah that's it I hate getting sweaty in that it's really upsetting
Starting point is 00:37:24 especially with these fucking extensions. Oh, Jesus. My hair takes so long to dry when you've washed it. I can't wait to get them out. But I've got a feeling when I get them out, I'm going to really hate my hair.
Starting point is 00:37:33 Yeah, it's going to be horrible. You're going to go, I've got no hair. I miss my extensions. Don't it all seem to go? Don't know what you've got till it's gone. Pay paradise. Put up a parking lot.
Starting point is 00:37:46 Right, that'll do. That way, man. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Loving the podcast. We're new listeners. Hey, welcome, welcome. Come on in. Sit yourself down.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Shoes off. Shoes off. They've been outside. Yeah. They've only discovered the podcast after seeing Chris's hilarious performance on Taskmaster. Oh, wow. Look at you bringing people here. Come on. Oh, my God. Yeah Look at you bringing people here. Come on.
Starting point is 00:38:05 Oh, my God. Yeah. No way. No way. Yeah. We're a bit behind, but after listening to episode 12, we had to reach out because we wanted to set the record straight about people who have sex 10 to 14 times a week.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Oh, God. You said it was all lies, but I swear my husband and I are one of those couples. Emailing to show off, are you? I'm in my 40s and we have an 11-year-old and a 1-year-old, and we still manage to average 13 to 14 times a week. That's twice a day? Yeah, that's so.
Starting point is 00:38:39 And they've got what? An 11-year-old and a 1-year-old. How is that? So the 11-year-old's doing your babysitting? I mean, let's just listen to the rest of the email Chris before you on the phone
Starting point is 00:38:49 of the social services oh oh I don't know the names oh 11 year old 11 we'll call them 11 like stranger things
Starting point is 00:38:57 oh 11 look after the bin your dad's gonna buck us again oh stop twice today mother twice today stop it
Starting point is 00:39:04 it might genuinely it might be a loving lovely good day good for you man i know it's super weird to keep track of exact numbers but we have an app that tracks everything for us horrendous so not only can i tell you that we have had sex 13 times a week but i can tell you that as of may 23rd we've had sex do you want to guess how many times this year from may 23rd oh so this year from january the 1st to may 23rd we've had sex do you want to guess how many times this year from May 23rd oh so this year from January 1st to May 23rd
Starting point is 00:39:28 no no no no yeah as of May 23rd but I can tell you that as of May 23rd we've had sex yeah this year
Starting point is 00:39:35 yeah oh my that's made it even worse from January to May 23rd I don't know 100 times 271 Jesus Christ!
Starting point is 00:39:46 Wow! There's only 365 days in the year. Yeah, but they're doing it twice a day by the sounds of it. Oh my... How does that app know? What is it? Are they inputting it? So, this is...
Starting point is 00:39:55 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So. First of Jan to today. Totals. Number of entries. 271. Right. And entries as in...
Starting point is 00:40:10 Going in. Oh. Days since last entry, one day. Days since last orgasm, one day. Someone's fiving. Protection used, zero, zero. Longest streak, 271. Entries per day day 1.88
Starting point is 00:40:25 entries per week 13.17 entries per month 56.76 Jesus it doesn't mean entries in out this means a session one session is an entry well I mean it's a very similar term
Starting point is 00:40:42 I'm taking it as entries yeah but how can you have 1.8 entries a day how is that possible I feel, well, I mean, it's a very similar term. Right. I'm taking it as entries. Yeah, but how can you have 1.8 entries a day? How is that possible? No idea. Might be the length and that, the length of time. It means that 13 over the week now, and then sometimes it'll be 15, sometimes it'll be 13. So it's just under two a day averaging.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Oh, okay. That makes more sense. Right. Our best month ever was March this year, 71 times. Fucking crikey. And we're currently on a streak of 181 days, i.e. we haven't missed a single day in 181 days. That's madness.
Starting point is 00:41:14 Like, there's part of us that's like, do you know what? Good for you. Right. But there's another part of us now, thinks that they're just doing it. For the app. Just for the app. Just for the app.
Starting point is 00:41:22 They're like, we can't miss a day. Listen, I started playing on Minecraft yesterday with Robin and I couldn't stop playing on it. I was like, once he showed us how to do Minecraft, I was like, this is dangerous. I'm going to get addicted to this. And they're addicted to the app. Well, the thing is, I mean, I don't think there's a prize,
Starting point is 00:41:34 but they probably think that they're winning. Right, yeah. At this. See, when I did, a bit Peloton heavy this episode, but when I did 100 races, when I did 100 cycles on my Peloton, the centre's a T-shirt, the Peloton Century Club. Do you think these guys get... I mean, you never know.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Do you think they get some kind of manabilia? I don't know, a fucking little condom set? Well, they don't need it. They don't know, they don't need it, apparently. All right, then, I don't know. Nice little pillow. We're pretty thrilled with our sex life and proud to be getting it on so much at our age with two kids.
Starting point is 00:42:04 Surely we can't be the only ones. Don't know how you squeeze it in. No idea. What, you're both fucking retired? Jesus. I love sex. I really do enjoy it. No, I do.
Starting point is 00:42:15 Don't laugh. Can't be arsed. Yeah. I'm too tired. Like, every time we do, it's always wonderful. And you know, and we do make,
Starting point is 00:42:24 we're very busy at the minute, but we do make a real effort and I think it is important to make an effort but then sometimes... Should we do this on the podcast? Is it?
Starting point is 00:42:30 What? No, go on then. Oh, well, no, I just think sometimes... It's a review. No, what? Do you want to talk about it? No, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:42:36 I'm not talking about it. Go on, finish your point. I think there's a lot of pressure put on it but then there is couples, I know couples who have sex all the time and it's just,
Starting point is 00:42:46 that's their crack yeah yeah but these two are taking it away these are fucking Olympic sport these two they found an app I didn't know there was a sex app
Starting point is 00:42:52 what's the app called hang on I've just got a screenshot of the picture one sec can we guess at what the app's called first oh it doesn't have a name oh right it's just stats
Starting point is 00:42:59 then see got you okay I don't know what the app is could be anything really so it says total number of entries this could be like a journal right
Starting point is 00:43:11 I don't know but they are anyway lot of sex fair play at them like lot of sex good for them Jesus
Starting point is 00:43:16 babadoo babadoo babadoo dear Rosie and Chris hope you're both well mmhmm we're alright I don't want to get into it now we're okay we're alright I don't want to get into it now we're okay we are alright
Starting point is 00:43:29 just really quickly we've had loads of interviews recently haven't we this is another behind the curtain thing we've had loads of interviews with
Starting point is 00:43:36 press and stuff about the TV show taxi drivers taxi drivers everyone really wants it to be unhappy it's crazy isn't it
Starting point is 00:43:44 they're like, oh, yeah. They're like, oh, we work together all the time. Do you ever get any time alone? Yeah. All the time. We're just the same
Starting point is 00:43:52 as everyone else. We spend most of our lives sitting next to each other staring at phones ignoring each other. Yeah. And they always just want some sort of like
Starting point is 00:44:00 hook or angle. Yeah, what's going to happen? What happens if you get divorced alright alright man Jesus it's very grim isn't it I was talking to my mate this morning actually
Starting point is 00:44:09 and I was talking about different interviews and stuff and he was like oh yeah he was like well if you split up he was like that's the Christmas present
Starting point is 00:44:15 that's all of that that's the clickbait that's the best bit if we split up that's the best headline ever for them all they'd be buzzing yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:44:22 but I mean should we open a paper or a website where you've got a bit, no, I can't be asked. Or make money off clicks. Clickbait ourselves. They'll go and click
Starting point is 00:44:30 and then you're like, ah, right now. Like the man in the canoe. Canoe man. Yeah. Fake or divorce. Yes. Right, I'll go and buy a canoe.
Starting point is 00:44:38 I'm up for it. Hold on, I don't think we'll need a canoe. No, no one needs to die. I'm not up for it then. No, if there's no canoe involved, I'm not bothered. I'm not up for it. I was sold on the, no one needs to die. I'm not up for it then. Now, if there's no canoe involved, I'm not bothered. I'm not up for it.
Starting point is 00:44:45 I was sold on the canoe idea. Just the other stuff. I'm not bothered. Hope you both well. I've listened to Sma from the beginning, but never emailed until now. Oh, well, thank you for doing so. I recently binge listened to every episode again,
Starting point is 00:44:58 and the free roaming pets discussion in a recent episode remind me of possibly the strangest hamster-related thing that's ever happened to me, so I thought I'd share this with you wonderful love a hamster story yeah i do you know i don't know why i'm drawn to these i love a hamster story oh god i just remember the panic when my hamster used to get used to escape well did i not tell you about when i when we had a hamster and it fell down the back of the dressing table and i had a hold of its little foot and then i had to let go because i couldn't keep a hold of it. It was squirming.
Starting point is 00:45:28 And Kate literally made us cry so much because she was like, you've taken two years of that hamster's life. And they live full. I know. She was actually, if you're listening, Kate, you are right bitch that day. She made me feel about this big, about that hamster. It's a podcast. She did about a centimetre in between our fingers. Yeah, well, she did. She made us feel a centimetre big that hamster. It's a podcast. She did about a centimetre in between her fingers.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Yeah, well, she did. She made us feel a centimetre big. She's doing it again, yeah. But she's telling me that I'd killed that hamster. But, you know, in her defence, you give her a spurious half a sentence information about an 80s film and she'll tell you what the film is. She was good like that.
Starting point is 00:45:58 Yeah. Back in the day when working as a primary school teacher, I had the responsibility of looking after the class pet over the summer holidays. And as you probably guessed, it was a hamster. Yay! Well, this hamster was a busy little thing and one day it escaped its cage
Starting point is 00:46:13 and had free run of the house for a few hours, eventually being found behind the fridge. Yeah. Not really being a fan of free-range hamsters or any pets, in fact, I popped the little hamster back in his cage and went about my business later in the evening i noticed that the hamster was seeming quite lethargic not really moving around or touching his food he seemed depressed right
Starting point is 00:46:35 i reached in the cage to take him out and let him have a little play in his bowl and all of a sudden he sprung into action it was as if he'd had an injection of life. Right. As back he went scurrying about and being an annoying little shit. Right. After a while, I put him back in his cage, and again, he retreated into the corner and stood still, not really moving, looking depressed.
Starting point is 00:46:57 I was baffled. Did he have something wrong with him? Was he trying to tell me something? Thinking he was on the verge of passing away, in brackets, and not wanting to tell the kids in the class was on the verge of passing away, in brackets, and not wanting to tell the kids in the class about the dead hamster, I took him to the vet.
Starting point is 00:47:09 Have a guess what the vet discovered. Oh, should have been a mystery. It's fine. Oh, so... Put it in the cage. So it gets out. It escapes. It gets out.
Starting point is 00:47:23 It's chuffing about the place. Put it back in the cage. It's gutted escapes it gets out it's chuffing about the place put it back in the cage it's gutted get it out again yeah it was behind the fridge mm-hmm I don't I don't
Starting point is 00:47:34 did it eat something poison and it was taking a while to wear in mm-hmm I don't know do you want to hear come on then
Starting point is 00:47:40 there stored in the hamster's little fat cheek was the back of a fridge magnet oh my fucking god oh jesus so my thing that i was gonna say right which i thought was too weird was did is it not the hamster has she accidentally found another animal
Starting point is 00:48:06 shut up and put it in and I don't know if the animal's freaking out because it's in a cage so it's just in the hamster's mouth so he's eaten
Starting point is 00:48:14 the magnetic bit of a fridge magnet you know the little tiny little magnet yeah it looks like a little black he's eaten it so he's eaten it
Starting point is 00:48:20 while he's roaming around the kitchen and he'd stored it in his cheek so the poor little thing wasn't depressing his face. He was magnetised to the side of it. Oh, fuck!
Starting point is 00:48:36 That's absolutely amazing. He stuck to the fence. It's one of the best stories. It's one of the best stories. That's one of the best stories I've ever heard in my life. Fucking hell. There you go, back in your cage.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Gone. Oh, you're standing in the corner again. You've not touched your dinner. I can't fucking move. I can't move you daft bitch. I can't fucking... Get us out.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Get us out of here oh oh my god that's that hey whoever sent that in that
Starting point is 00:49:20 that that is one of the best things I've ever heard in my life you poor little bastard. No one ever believes this story, but I can assure you hand and heart that it's true. That's fucking fantastic. Brilliant.
Starting point is 00:49:31 Oh, God. So it obviously just puts it back in the cage and it goes, oh, cheers, and it has a wonder. And then as soon as it goes the other side, it goes bonk. Fucking hell, man. It must have thought, what the fuck's going on here? Can you imagine? But then when it's out, it's like in its little cage.
Starting point is 00:49:51 In its roller thing. The curse has been lifted. It just fucking ran out the door back in. Gong. Oh, Jesus. That's one of the best things ever. Obviously, you know poor little thing
Starting point is 00:50:06 can we take a minute you thought that there'd be another little step behind the fridge I don't know poison was a good one yeah
Starting point is 00:50:15 but there was a look on your face where I thought you got a bit excited and you thought he's gonna guess it I would never I thought you were
Starting point is 00:50:20 gonna guess it that's why I was like I would never what kind of fucking psycho would guess that that's brilliant oh man I'm would never have fucking guessed what kind of fucking psycho would guess that that's brilliant oh man
Starting point is 00:50:26 I'm exhausted off laughing at that I've gone all hot poor little I'm sure the hamster was okay though yeah yeah the hamster was fine wasn't depressed just depressed
Starting point is 00:50:34 had a magnet in its cheek fantastic thank you once again for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, it is indeed. So a couple of announcements, obviously.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Please vote for us in the NTAs. That would be wonderful. We're up for the Bruce Forsyth Entertainment Award with a lot of other fantastic shows. It would be so nice to get shortlisted. Thank you in advance. And the tickets for the tour are on sale now. ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed.com.
Starting point is 00:51:00 Get on there. And if you want to send anything to us, it's ShaggedMarriedAnnoyed at gmail.com. Oh, and if you want to come and see the tv show recorded for free they're giving out tickets again for that you've got to get there early when you get them though uh do you get them where they're on an audience website i don't know where they are just google it oh my god there's so much admin involved sro audiences sro audiences yeah come see us come and see it it's free hey bye bye you're invited to an immersive
Starting point is 00:51:37 listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series
Starting point is 00:51:44 this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.
Starting point is 00:52:19 You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.

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