Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 237. Dinner Ladies Best Mate

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

On this week's podcast the Ramsey's talk rats, homework, nest parenting and a Would You Rather that gets personal! Rosie gets nostalgic for Dinner Ladies and she explains the pooh corner to Chris. QFTP's involve presents, a mother and son interaction and some icks! All of this plus some juicy beefs! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying... 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday.

Gits and Gits Now. Hello, you're listening to Shagmardanoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, how are you? Nice to see you guys. Hi. How am I? Yes. I'm good.

Good. Thanks very much. I'm knackered. Oh, God. Knackered. All them nights getting up with the kids. No. Hang on.

No, no, no. What are you knackered for? I was up all night queuing for the new iPhone, wasn't I? Is there a new iPhone, is there? How dare you? Do people still queue for new iPhones? You know that I am at the forefront of iPhones.

Which one is it now? 15? 15 Pro Max. Mine's a 12. Wow, I'm well behind. All the lads, all night, absolutely goosed all over. Queued all night, got it. Honestly, it's exactly the same.

What's the difference? Exactly the same. I'm obviously joking. I didn't cue for the new iPhone. I saw a video this morning, man, in Dubai. There was like record crowds in the mall in Dubai, like a fucking flash mob. Seriously?

Thousands of them. Utter wankers. Honestly, if you're listening to this now on your new iPhone that you queued up overnight for, press pause, delete your fucking podcast app. We don't want you. You're a fucking loser. You can't say that.

No, people have got hobbies. That's not a hobby. It is. They like to have the new stuff. Pathetic. It's a very expensive hobby. Pathetic. It's barely...

I mean, then again, they've come out and said it might be more powerful of a games console than a PlayStation 5, but I'll believe that when I say it. But, oh, God, you just saw them all. And the get it they're like oh and what are you going to do on that the same fucking thing you were doing on the other one when you're in the queue exactly the same yeah straight on instagram straight on twitter oh i've got my new phone brilliant and it's over loser can't bear them i found a really old one the other day do you remember i do yeah oh my which

one is it it's tiny it's the one it's crazy tiny. It's the one that they did where all the backs were different colours. So it's the blue back, but they were all different colours. Aye. Yeah. Robin found it and he was like, this can be my phone.

I was like, absolutely not. And then he smashed it. Dropped it within three seconds. Smashed it almost immediately. It was literally 10 minutes of him having it. And he smashed it. And that's why children don't have phones.

Exactly. Oh, I'm really looking forward to being that mum who doesn't give him a phone. Can't wait. Can't wait for him to hate us. Oh, 100%. 100%.

He's still now asking to take his iPad to school. Robin, you want a phone, you queue up all night like your dad did. In Dubai. In Dubai. Get on that plane. You've got to earn it. Oh my gosh.

We've had a couple of weeks off. Well, we haven't. We recorded them in advance, didn't we? Because I was away filming. Quite nice. Yeah. So I think it's verbal diarrhea because diarrhea,

because we've just got back. I've just got back. I don't know what I'm saying. Listen, it's episode 200. Sorry, I'm just so excited about my new phone. It's episode... It's episode... Oh God, it does all the same things as the last one.

I do actually need my battery. It goes down really quick. No, no, no. Where's my rolled up newspaper? I'll hit you in the nose with it. No, you're things as the last one. I do actually need my battery. It goes down really quick. No, no, no. Where's my rolled up newspaper? I'll hit you in the nose with it. No, you're not getting a new one. No. I want a little one.

I got the big one for being on the train and watching stuff, but I can't... Honestly, I can't do it. It's heavy going. I think the big ones, it's like massive. It's horrible.

It's like someone's put an iPad on a hot wash. Listen, it's episode 237. I hope you're all all right out there. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being here. We bloody love you being part of this little daft gang that we've got going on. And without further ado,

it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Seeing a leaf blow across the patio and always assuming it's a rat. Oh, yeah. It's my life now. It's my life now. Because we've had rats in houses in the past.

Oh, they're just... Sadly oh they're just sadly they're everywhere and they love to make themselves known to us which makes us feel like the dirtiest house on the street and I hate it I'm like

have the rats said hello to you next door no have they not have they said hello to you no just us great

love us love us and I hate them they must be fans of the podcast but yeah every time I'll be sitting just sitting watching the telly or something and if the windows or the patio doors next to us and I hate them they must be fans of the podcast but every time I'll be sitting

just sitting watching the telly or something and if the windows or the patio door is next to us and something runs past I'm like oh god always a leaf

I do have to say I do love that you don't tell me about the rats for a long time first day I moved in I saw one first day we moved in I saw one

it was because a guy said don't have little tip for everyone if you've got bird feeders near your house don't have bird feeders anywhere near the house have them at the other end of your garden as far away from your house as you can because it all seeds that drop on the floor that's rat toby carvery yeah essentially is the crack what he taught is exact i think his exact words were rat mcdonald's but i think you've got to pay for mcdonald's toby

carvery it's more come up here i feel like fixed these jokes what about a rat what about a rat tabon remember tabons rat tabons yeah rat pizza hut buffet yeah the McDonald's one if you're listening

guy who does me rats nothing personal I just fixed your gag thanks later I'll send you me invoice when we write this feed a rat christening

nah doesn't make sense no because it's a buffet yeah but what what was a baby rat getting pissed on what what

just a rat buffet rat buffet is perfect. A rat buffy? Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Okay, whatever.

Oh, Jesus. Move them away. But do you know what it is? Some people love shit like that, though. Some people love. Not rats. You can't. Some people do.

You can be as much of an animal lover as you want, right? But like, all right, if you've got a pet rat, fair enough. But wild rats and wasps are two things that even animal lovers have to go fuck off like there's no chance like oh i love wasps where's me where's me oh wasps are my favorite animal no chance do you know what i mean wasp was your favorite animal but bees are canny but bees do stuff don't they yeah bees are yeah bees are wasps are just tossers they're just like flies on steroids i've got to say, and she might not, she might listen,

she might not. My best friend Steph, she's terrified of wasps, right? She's terrified of birds. She's terrified of birds. She's just terrified of stuff, right? But like, I just,

What are you scared of? Stuff. She's just scared of that. And I just, I really hate it when people are scared of wasps because I'm like, they're tiny

and I just don't know. What does he, no of wasps because I'm like, they're tiny. And I just don't know. What does he do? No, but there's that worst one. A wasp comes over, everyone's like, ah, ah. And you're like, oh my God. Just give it a whack. Just give it a whack.

Come and live in my house for a week. When I used to work at Allsports, when I used to work at Allsports back in the day, I would stand at the door and I got a little tickle up my sleeve on my left arm and I touched it and it was a wasp went up my sleeve and stung me in the arm. And I was like, oh. And it went all red. And the manager was like, oh, keep an eye on that.

If you have a reaction, you'll have to leave. And I was like, come on, reaction. It didn't happen. No, a bit of red thing disappeared. I think I've been stung by a hornet thing, what are they called? Eh? What are they? A horn fly.

What are they called? Horse fly. You've been bitten by a horse fly? Yeah. Oh, yeah, they're horrible, them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don Horse fly. You've been bitten by a horse fly? Yeah. Oh yeah, they're horrible then. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I've been stung by a wasp.

Maybe. A bit, maybe. I don't know. Anyway. It's just the way people react. Like in the tiny. Don't get me wrong, they're not nice to me. I will scoot them away and I don't like them.

But you can just shoot your gun. Yeah. What is the, spoiler alert here, at the end of My Girl, what does him in? Bees. Bee. How many bees? Loads of them as a nest. Loads of bees?

Yeah. I've never seen that film. Oh why? And I always remember thinking it was really soppy and it is quite soppy but then someone says oh yeah at the end

I thought it was a joke for years I thought people winding us up were like oh yeah he gets he's literally in the casket and she's like he needs his glasses

he can't see without his glasses. Oh Jesus. It's heroin. She's a brilliant actress. Oh I just went all tingly. Brought back loads of memories. in the casket and she's like he needs his glasses he can't see without his glasses oh Jesus it's heroin she was a brilliant actress oh I just went all tingly brought back loads of memories I used to watch that just to cry

when I was a kid I remember we will unpack that later I remember my girl 2 was a thing yeah I can't remember I remember the advert of my girl 2

I remember the line on the advert where she was like I'm 12 years old I think it's about time I got my own apartment and I remember thinking oh she's an arsehole

yeah did you go to Paris oh probably the sequel's always in Paris isn't it it's always in Paris she went somewhere why was the sequel

to every single 90s film or cartoon that either went Australia or Paris I know I can't believe he died rescuers down under oh I love that

can you believe he died as if he died in real life I think he's still alive horrible yeah I know but in the show it was a kids show

yeah god we had some really really bad like films in that when we were a kid now bad happens in stuff now

yeah but when you go back and watch other stuff that we watched when we were kids yeah some of it was probably fucked up heroin yeah

we're talking about the Templar Doom. Indiana Jones. We started watching, not Templar Doom, one of them, Raiders of the Lost Ark. No, the other one.

The first one. Oh, God. Oh, yeah, Raiders of the Lost Ark. And yeah, the guy got a load of spikes on him and Robin just burst into tears. I know. It was horrible.

Absolutely horrible. Where does she go in My Girl 2? Oh, God. Oh, so Shelley concocts a plan for her to go to Los Angeles so it wasn't Paris. Oh, Jesus. concocts a plan for her to go to Los Angeles so it wasn't Paris. Oh Jesus. Right, well then my entire,

my entire observation about everyone going to Paris is gone. Brilliant. Furious. Oh, I'm getting home alone. Oh yeah, so the sequel sees the main character

visiting Los Angeles to learn about her mother who died two days after giving birth to her. Jesus. Fucking comedy. Keep it light, my girl. Macaulay went in

the first one. Oh, bless her. And then Amaz did. She wants her own apartment. Get away from it all. She does need a

weekend in Paris. In gay Paris. Brilliant. Cheer up. Anyway. Wow. I might watch it for a little cry.

Oh, God. Should we do the jingle? So, yeah, go on then. Let's crack on., let's crack on

We had a fight about the jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle So this is the jingle We hope you like the jingle Jingle Jingle Bonjour Hope you like the jingo. Jing-go. Ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba-ba-doo, ba. Jing-go. Bonjour. Oh, there we go.

My girl, my girl, talking about. My girl, a little weekend in Paris for you. So Garcon's boy, what's girl? Madame. Madame? No, no. Garcon. Feel?

Monfeel? Monfeel. Monfeel. Talking about. Monfeel. Monfeel about monfeel monfeel might not be that anyway look doesn't matter

we've got a second second sponsor you know how they hit them all in the row another sponsor here this week's second lucrative sponsor is

senior two has sold out when it's technically not sold out oh yeah that was fun that was fun that was a fun meeting little management

got in touch so we've been seeing, a lot of the venues are sold out. Wembley sold out, Newcastle Arena sold out, Glasgow sold out, like, you know, big old, big old arenas. Yeah. But we've been sitting here on this podcast

seeing everything sold out and it's not. There's actually, the management were like, look, there's actually quite a few tickets left still for people in some of the venues. The arenas, they're massive. We put on second dates, didn't we?

Yeah. Cocky. Well, actually, personally, I didn't want to. No, you didn't want to. I didn't want to because I was like, because it was sold out. Yeah. Fully sold out.

I thought, that's brilliant, that. That's great. That's sorted. I'm buzzing with that. Let's put some extra dates on. Don't really want to. No, let's put them on. People want, they've sold out.

Right, okay, put them on. They haven't sold out. So now I'm like, well, I was right, wasn't I? Yeah, but there's more people coming still. All of them, if not one more ticket goes for the entire tour they're still going to be very very full

oh yeah in very big rooms it's going to be great nights it's fine but if you would like what what but I just live in a world

where if something's done if it's not broke don't fix it don't add more right okay but is that just my brain yes you're being stupid

it's okay they're all going to be great so listen if you want to come, shagmarinoid.com is where the link is to get all the tickets. There are tickets for Hull, Bournemouth, Leeds, Manchester, Nottingham, Sheffield, Birmingham and Liverpool. There are tickets for those. Some extra ones are being released

because they've sold the bottoms and opened extra sections the way they do it in Arena. Oh, I don't understand that either. Well, in Arena, they only open a certain amount at the front and then they sell all them and then they open, it's like they sell from the front,

essentially. So you'll open the blocks on the floor, they'll all go, then they'll open the blocks on the side, they'll all go, then they'll open the blocks

further up from that and up, up, up, up, up all the way and then the whole thing gets open. Right, I suppose that does make sense. So, ho! Bournemouth, Leeds,

Manchester, Nottingham, Sheffield, Birmingham, Liverpool. We are busy planning the tour at the minute. We've got some awesome stuff planned. It's going to be right back.

Yeah, it's going to be right now as Rosie's getting ready for the church she's just sitting there wrapping a little blanket around yourself it's gone cold

Chris it's brilliant the summer what summer we had is gone it's bloody autumn sick of being clammy

I'm sick of being clammy I'm happy now don't say that because I love autumn right but then it gets into the dark

depths of winter in December and Christmas hasn't happened and you're like I just hate the dark I hate going I've said it before and I hate going to bed in the dark depths of winter in December and Christmas hasn't happened and you're like, I just hate the dark. I hate going, I've said it before, I hate going to bed in the dark and waking up in the dark.

It's horrible. It's fucking miserable. So depressing, so actually. You come down and turn on the same lamps you turned off when you went to bed. It's like you've never been asleep. Yeah, it is. I hate it.

I hate it. It's like, I've had people upstairs for five minutes. Well, because Ralph's only getting older now so he's just noticing stuff. He comes down every morning, he's like, it's dark outside. I'm like'm like yeah so you get up really early and that's how seasons work yeah there we go there we go so there we go come on the two of you fancy it and uh it will be dark nights but you know don't worry about you being a big arena having a right

fucking laugh wouldn't you wouldn't you i've got a question i've got a would you rather it's not rude on out I just thought about it the other day you don't want to hear it no I don't I'm joking where's it from did you find it

I made it up you've made it up a would you rather yeah you've got too much time on your hands how are you then because I was just thinking

about what my answer would be right would you rather be married to somebody who's really good at cooking right

and really bad in bed or who's really good in bed and really good at cooking. Right. And really bad in bed. Or who's really good in bed and really bad at cooking. Well, I've got neither of them, so... Wow. You'll find you hit the jackpot, actually. Ding, ding, ding, ding. You've got both. I think I was thinking it more for me.

Okay. I was thinking I was like, would I rather that you are a bit worse in bed, because you are all right in bed. Thank you. You're like, would I rather that you were a bit worse in bed because you are alright in bed. Thank you. You're welcome. Would I rather that you were You've gone all red. Would I rather you were worse in bed

and you could cook because you can't cook at all and it kind of upsets us. So I was like, what would I sacrifice? My spag bol kicks your spag bol all over the fucking kitchen.

It actually doesn't. I'd say it does but it doesn't. Whoa. It doesn't, Chris. It's the one fucking thing. But I think I would rather that you were a little less good in bed

and you cooked a bit more. Listen, other kids did, you know, food technology. I was shagging the teacher. I don't know.

Ew. That's gross. That is gross. Oh. Um, sorry, is all I can say. What would you rather

I was better at? Um, that's not, you, you, you, you. Can women be bad in bed?

You're a good cook, yes. Can, oh. 100%. Oh, you wanted. 100% you wanted

what do you mean what do you mean okay you just can come on everyone listening come on alright

I don't know I don't know you know I can talk about stuff but you know I get quite prudish when I talk about so you've had some bad experiences I mean I think just I think everyone has

everyone's had bad sexual experiences but yeah I always think of the line in extras he's made the scottish lass yes in extras yeah there's a there's a scene where she because she's always on the polls she's always trying to pull people that's the thing and she pulls this guy who's really fit and i think am i misremembering i'm sure they're having sex and he literally goes while he's having sex that's like it's a it's a shot from the side and he just goes come on love put a bit of fanny into it.

Oh, John. It's just fucking awesome. Yeah, all right then. Yeah, it kind of makes sense. Yeah, just something, just some, I don't want to sound disgusting here, but yeah. Yeah, I mean, as blokes can be bad, I think by, you know, being. I think there's probably just more technique for a bloke,

isn't there? It's definitely harder for a bloke. You've got to have a bit more momentum. You've got to put your hips in it and that. I know what you're doing. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. There you go.

You've answered the question. Well, there we go. So. Well, that was awkward. Yeah. I didn't enjoy any of that.

Sorry about that. What made you think of this? Would you rather? I was genuinely like, would I take away some of your niceness in the bedroom so that you could cook a chicken in a white wine sauce every now and again? Do you know what I mean?

I think I would. I would sacrifice it. But then again, no, we do have nice, so maybe I wouldn't. Listen, you would, if I was then, if I suddenly, one morning, if your wish came true and I could suddenly knock up a good blooming,

you know, white wine, chicken and white wine sauce or some kind of jus going on, right? Yeah, imagine. You would regret that 10 seconds of madness you get in that bedroom off me. Do you think? You would regret that. Do you think I would? 12 seconds if it's a cold night.

Yeah. Oh, okay. We'll see. No, we won't see. What are you going to do? Send us on a cooking course and chop me knob off? There's nothing you can do here. No, I was thinking about something else.

Can we not talk about us having sex? Let's talk about everyone else having sex, not us. We've had sex twice and that was it. I know. Rafe, Robin, done. Finished. Don't look at us. Don't you look past that microphone at me.

Ew. Ugh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Look at us. Don't you look past that microphone at me. Something happened, which I think most parents can relate to. I mean, you don't know anything about this because you have nothing to do with this. But so I don't even know if you know this. So every week I get sent a menu for Robin. For school.

For his school dinners. Yeah, yeah, I know this. I'm aware. So there's just times when I forget right and then I had to send it so last night was Monday so I sent it Monday night and I was like

sorry it's late here's what for the rest of the week and you know when you send it and I was like what did he eat today nothing did he eat

sat there just empty plate no you didn't how bad is that though I just completely forgot well you might have got what was left so everyone you know

oh we all got pizza. They all got pizza. Oh, no, you get sausage and mash because everyone else picked pizza. Oh, he's been badgering us ever. I'm sure I said this a couple of weeks ago. Every week, can I go on packed lunches? No, you're not going on packed lunches.

So I actually discreetly found out who's on packed lunches. And there's not many. There's only about four in his class. But the way he'd been going on at me, it was like everybody was on packed lunches and there's not many there's only about four in his class but the way he'd been going on at me it was like everybody was on packed lunch

and I was like they're not man it's just another massive level of shit you have to do on a morning isn't it and me personally this might be me

being a really lazy mum but I think if he's having a hot dinner at school if he's having like mince and dumplings or lasagna or something like that

you can have a sandwich for his tea you can have a sandwich for his tea he loves a bit of your tea so I'm like if he's having like mints and dumplings or lasagna or something like that. You can have a sandwich for his tea. You can have a sandwich for his tea. He loves a bit of tea. So I'm like, no, you're having dinners, mate, because if you have a sandwich

for your lunch, I've got to make you something hot for your tea and I can't give you a sandwich for your tea. I bet it's just like, it's just probably a bit boring like getting a plate

and getting this. I don't think he, I don't think kids realise, oh, this is class, I'm getting like a hot meal here. I think he thinks other kids are opening a box and getting things out in wrappers and they've got a chocolate biscuit

and they've got this and that. I loved dinners at school. I was salivating. I went up for seconds. Knew all the dinner ladies' names. Oh, absolutely. I loved school dinners. The pudding, oh my God.

Best, best dinners ever well some days you'd get amazing puddings you'd get like them cakes with the icing on top with the sprinkles but then some days

it would be like really shit puddings I know some days you'd just get like a shortbread biscuit which back in the day I did not appreciate now I love shortbread

but back in the day I was like what the fuck is this bit dry very dry shortbread bit dry very dry unless it was dipped in chocolate

sometimes that was nice oh we used to get a chocolate like a crispy cake but it was cheap chocolate and I think like syrup so it would

stay together with angel delight on the top oh my god oh my god the chocolate cake would stick to the roof of your mouth

you get that with custard I never liked custard personally we once at was it juniors or infant school? I've just got to remember once we got pink custard. Yeah. It was like, the custard's pink.

Yeah. And everyone was fucking losing their shit. Or chocolate custard. Sometimes we got chocolate custard. Really? Aye. I feel like the cake was just left in the custard too long. Do you think?

Yeah, I feel like that wasn't, yeah. It's actually out of date custard. Fucking cakes have disintegrated. Right, chocolate custard, I feel like that wasn't. Yeah. It's actually out of date custard. Cakes have disintegrated. Right. Chocolate custard. Get that off the chalkboard. Yeah. Can you believe we should get

Spam Fritters? Semolina. Semolina. I didn't like semolina. No. Nah, not a fan. Was it sweet? I never had it.

I just remember I didn't like the word. I didn't like the look of it. It was awful. I didn't like semolina. Yeah. God, I fucking love dinners. Did your school dinners come in them like

prison style trays where everything's segregated oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yes i actually you would get your main bit and then your mash would never really be touching anything because it would be in a separate little bit yeah my prison and then you got your pudding there and you're i bet kids these days i bet it's honestly i bet it's china China I bet there's candles on the table silverware napkins it's very healthy now yeah it's very

jacket potato heavy with like wraps and that and it's quite healthy dinners now there's no like batter nothing's battered

really it's super healthy where's me bag of batter that I normally get he did a thing Robin got a thing for his homework the other day

and it was like draw a healthy meal and there was this pie chart on one of the pages of all the stuff you should have and I was like

fucking hell well I just looked at it I felt I felt attacked what do you mean because I was like this isn't

this isn't one of my meals I know I'm trying to be better now but I was still like I'm fucking miles off this but actually

did you see what he put though like he didn't put a dent like what this. But actually, did you see what he put though? Like he didn't put a dent like what he would eat. He picked something from each bit. He put spaghetti, beans and tomatoes. I was like, you would never eat this, Chris. Like, sorry, Robin. Why would you have spaghetti, plain spaghetti with beans and tomatoes?

Where are you living? You know he's going to tell them that's what he eats. We're going to get a letter. Stop giving them weird teas. It's coming to our attention that you're giving plain spaghetti, beans on their own, some tomatoes and a glass of milk you put on there as well. A full massive glass of milk. A pint of milk.

Just seven o'clock at night before dinner. Butter as well. There was no butter. So where did he put the butter? He was freaking out about where to put the butter. I said on top of the... Oh, it was very complicated. Fucking hard work

I'm dreading him getting proper homework I'm dreading it it's hard enough getting to colour that in I know three days I was telling him to colour that in

he no longer took me to colour it in how long 30 seconds if less but you know what annoys me though right because with homework

Robin can't be arsed to do it so he does it really really shit right and I go and I don't want to pressure him so I'm like well you've done it at the end of the day. You've learned, you've done the task and I've worked in schools.

And I'm like, you've understood what you've had to do. Because that's all it is. It's understanding. So when a school says make a poster, it doesn't have to be a perfect poster. It's just the fact that you can get the information from there to put onto the poster. That's what they're learning to do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what will happen is...

Like read it, take it in, and then, like, regurgitate it. Yes. But what'll happen is, he gets to school, and everybody else, usually, not to be... Usually girls spend a lot longer...

They've done brilliant stuff. And they've done amazing... Clipper. Yeah. So Robin goes to school, and he goes, oh, mine was crap. And I'm like,

well, if you'd put the effort in! It's home. So he hates going to school and it being bad, but I'm like, but then you've got to... It's just complicated. I hates going to school and being bad but i'm like but then you've got it it's just complicated i'm gonna say right now i don't believe in homework yeah i'm stupid what i don't know anyone i don't i don't think i've got any mates who at work take their work home with them and do work at home it's only teachers teachers and pupils get homework

no one else on the planet. Unless you're researching something or a doctor maybe. Unless you're like a manager of your own company. Possibly but do it all at work.

I don't know I just find it it's going to be hard but like he turns around to me in the morning and he goes I don't want to go to school I hate school.

Like what kids say. I can't go go on man it's great because I fucking hate it as well. I go yeah I know shite in it but what can I do? Oh I loved school. I know but you go on man it's great because I fucking hate it as well I go yeah I know shite in it but what can I do oh I loved school

I know but you're weird man I'm not weird you only liked it for the fucking see you mates dinner ladies see you dinner lady mates again I am all right

how's the hip go on then chocolate custard again oh nice one oh Dean because I actually was a proper hand holder 100%

I was a proper dinner lady hand holder I remember at school. Can you remember at school in the yard, the group of girls who walked around with a dinner lady? Fucking absolute losers. If I think hard enough, right, I can remember like the shape of our boobs.

I cuddled her. What is that? The shape of her boobs she had massive boobs and she was so cuddly if I think really hard I remember nuzzling into

them boobas I'm in love with the shape of boobs and she does a custard chocolate custard too I couldn't speak for laughing one of them though wasn't so cuddly and she used to chocolate custard too. I couldn't speak for laughing. One of them though wasn't so cuddly and she used to tut at us all the time so not very fond memories of that one.

Probably because you had fucking chocolate custard running down your chin. Yeah, the kids who were friends with the dinner ladies. Aye, that may be me. What a fucking loser. I wasn't in the poo corner. Sorry? The poo corner. I've talked about the poo corner. Sorry? The poo corner. I've talked about the poo corner.

Have you? It's still there, apparently. Poo corner? The poo corner, man. The diarrhea corner. When you just went in the infants, you would go in the poo corner where the drain was,

in the middle of the yard, like at the building. Does it sound like a corner? Well, at the building, it was the corner. Oh, the corner of the building. Aye. Okay.

Also, we're talking a corner, a pointing corner, not a corner you'd walk into. What do you mean? Like a corner of a building So it's a It's pointing out It's not a corner like that Behind you on the wall

No it's like that When you go into a corner Alright you see You'd stand in the corner You'd stand in the corner And they'd just Like be pretending poo Poured all over you

It was poo corner You didn't have a poo corner? Oh my god How Why were you playing in the poo corner With the dinner ladies When they had dinner Why were the dinner ladies In the poo corner this is with me friends right who might be in low-key

billionaires in the poo corner your friends would when the dinner lady wasn't available to hang around with you would stand in a corner with your quote-unquote mates who would pour invisible shit all over you yeah yeah did you like school i don't think you realised what was happening in school. Bloody loved it. I believe you're only friends with the dinner ladies because you were their best customer. And when the dinner ladies weren't there, your mates bullied you

because you weren't hanging around with the dinner ladies. No, and then, because I was the smallest at one point in the whole school, a lot of the older kids would come and just pick us up all day to the point where the teachers had to tell them off for picking us up. Right. They'd literally come and just pick us up all day to the point where the teachers had to tell them off for picking us up right they'd literally come and see us

because I was tiny I was a tiny little dot in reception and all the big kids would come and they'd pick us up and spin us around and the teachers were like you need to stop coming

and picking her up stop coming and picking her up for one thing you'll make us sick because you just had I swear to god the biggest dinner you've ever seen

right and secondly she's covered in poo off the poop go and wash your hands because we've been porn shite on her all afternoon. Stay there. Oh, God. You're invited to an immersive

listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all.

You know, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th,

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Your Beef, Ed? Get in this poo corner, you little shit. Tell us what's wrong. Demolish can't help you now.

Ladies first? I don't know. Okay. Because I feel like you might have a beef with me that I could just riff off. But I mean, I've got a little one for you.

Well, I think you know what my beef is because yesterday when you began talking to us, I immediately whipped my phone out and started writing this down. Yes, I can't fully remember. But just dead quickly, you answered the phone to our accountant the other day by saying yo.

Did I? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And I mean, you. Fair enough, I say yolo. But that's the accountant that's quite a serious conversation and he's a lot older than us you answer the question you're like yo one he's

not a lot older than us you'll think there's someone else who works in the same office um and two he had just previously on the phone told me talk about professionalism he had just previously on the phone told me about the fact that he was in New York on the subway and a woman lifted up her skirt and had a shit that nearly hit his shoe so fair enough

you want to talk about professionalism it's more give him a ring now and you tell him first it's not so much professionalism it was just more icky

just you yo well we'd already had a conversation about someone shitting on the subway fair enough so you know

the boundaries had been broken down but stop listening listening to phone calls stop doing them in front of us well thank you for ringing the accountant because i will never make that phone call well there we go yeah the emails give us enough anxiety god i hate people ringing us you're awful i know i hate it although today your phone rang and you looked at it and it said you know it says like a number you don't know but then it like guesses at where it's from Middlesbrough

it said Middlesbrough you went oh god oh phone oh Middlesbrough oh god and then this little snap change of personality you went oh god

I don't know the number Middlesbrough oh it might be about a sofa hello pathetic and it was about a sofa pathetic my beef with you is

yesterday you came into the kitchen while I was sitting having a cup of coffee and it was about a sofa. Pathetic. My beef with you is, yesterday, you came into the kitchen while I was sitting having a cup of coffee and you broached the topic of nest parenting with me. Oh yeah.

As if we were going to do it. No. I was very specific. You literally went, you know those people I told you about who'd had a divorce? Now they're doing a thing

called nest parenting. Listen, how good this sounds. And I went, what is it? You went, well, the kids live in the house and you each have a week on and a week off in the house, but you broached it like it was something we had to do. I didn't. And I'm like, you did.

You are well up for it. I didn't because I know the way that your brain works. So straight away I said, this isn't us. We're not splitting up. Mummy and daddy aren't splitting up. Straight on and daddy straight on right move i was i can't talk about anything no as if as a child from a broken home oh jesus it would have been really nice actually i suppose you know but then you said then i said um well what happens if one of them gets another partner can they just not see their partner for a week?

And you were like, yeah. So the dad will... If you don't understand what it is, the thing you were telling me is the dad will live in the house for a week and then the dad fucks off and the mom comes and lives there for a week and the kids never leave. Brilliant.

If you can do that, if you can stay amicable and do that and the kids stay in the same space and their routine doesn't change, fucking amazing. But you turned around to me and went, yeah, but if we broke up, I don't think anyone else could live with you.

I was upsetting. Oh, I meant every word of it. Wow. I couldn't see you with anyone else. Really? Is that bad? I mean, it's probably quite good in a way, but... Yeah, but you think that no one could put up with me.

Is that what I said? I think I wrote it down here. You said, I don't think anyone else could put up with you. I don't think they could, Chris. It takes a very specific person to be able to put up with you. Wow. Yeah.

I think I'm a delight. I think you're very difficult to live with, actually. Are you taking the piss? Rosie, you have not filled or emptied the dishwasher for years I just do it every single time did you last week when you weren't here

oh well that doesn't count you were away for a week yeah but if I'm here you just switch it off because we've got certain jobs oh oh have we now yeah

oh yeah you know you leave a spoon on the coffee machine when you've made a cup of coffee yeah every single time for the next

I leave it there for the next coffee that I make oh why are you washing all the spoons all the time? Cut off a big, scrammy, dried old coffee, crusty spoon. Yeah, because I rinse it under the hot water. In the machine?

Yes. No wonder there's fucking water everywhere. So you don't put stuff in the dishwasher, but you wash spoons under the water outlet of the coffee machine. What kind of lawless fucking wasteland are we living in? What's wrong with that? There's nothing wrong with that. This is unbelievable.

Unbelievable. I hate dishwashers, me. Oh, we know. We fucking know. Waste of time. And when you're not here and I'm here on my own, it stinks. Right. That's because of the way you do it.

No, it's because you don't have, as a person, and the Benz stuff is just plastic, so I just rinse it under the bloody tap. You don't rinse it? Yeah, why I so it just stinks because then everything's there for too long

and I don't want to put it on unless it's full right waste of money don't get one okay there we go so any dishwasher companies that want

to sponsor her don't bother don't bother because I'll not I've not got your back he will he will he will big you up

enough for the both of us but I won't. I didn't get many texts on my phone to say that the dishes were done when I was away, so I think you're right. I don't think you were using the dishwasher. I hate that it's linked to your phone. It's great.

I'm always watching. I'm everywhere in this house. See, that is so... I hate that. Yeah. I know when you've... Oh, I know. Don't you?

Oh, I know when you've had a dishwasher. I know when you've had some fella over washing dishes for him. You're going to be asking to bloody track my phone next which you're not oh absolutely not oh

yeah don't hit us how are you what's your beef who's tracking each other's phone oh you've done your beef sort of yeah now I'm going on to something else

oh okay I just don't like that at all track your phone so I know where you are how about you butt out out of my life I'm not going to be tracking your phone I don't want to track your phone

I've got your car's tracked have you I know where you are in the car do butt out out of me life, actually. I don't want to be tracking your phone. I don't want to track your phone. I've got your car's tracked. Have you? I know where you are in the car. Do you? I've got it on my phone. No, you haven't. Swear to God, I have. Be serious. Yeah. I find that really intrusive. I don't like that at all. But I need to know where the car is in case the car gets stolen. What if I want to go somewhere secret?

Well, don't. Because I'll be on to you. We're going to have to chat about this off the podcast. Have you actually? It's just the app. When I got be on to you. We're going to have to chat about this off the podcast. Have you actually? It's just the app. When I got the car, they gave us the app. Don't like that. So the Tesla did it first, and now the other car does it.

Well, I need it on my phone, because why should you know where I am, and I don't know where you are? It's your car. You'll be there. You'll be with the car. You're not a... You've got to check your... I just don't... I just think this is just living a world where it's just

everyone's gotta know everything about everyone i just think oh jesus christ to an extent that i don't like you know when the kids are older and i know it's a good idea because you need to know where they are but when i don't know i think when they're teenagers and that there's part of you that you have to have a little bit of freedom without your mum and dad knowing where you are. Yes and no. I know, it's tricky, isn't it? It's hard because I do think

it's important to be able to go places and learn things and do a couple of bad things when you're a kid without your mum and dad knowing. But at the same time, you live in a different world now. At the same time, on the phone, it's going to say, if we same time on the phone it's gonna say

you know if we see where they are it's gonna just tell you an address or an area it's not gonna say drug dealer's house oh I know but I'm not being funny

when I was younger when I was a kid doing bongs in someone's back shed right me mum would have seen the address and went

oh bong oh she was at bong shed no she would have went we didn't know anyone who lives there right but I know where it is right okay it's oh bong oh she was at bong shed no she should have went we didn't know anyone who lives there right but I know where it is right okay

it's very bongy around there so she should have known and you know that she didn't need to know because I was alright might have whited on the way home in between a couple of cars

but I was fine gone bag I know but you've got to do these things man absolute scum you've got to you've got to got to have a bong

in someone's shed who's a lot older than you with your friend and like and hate every second of it to know to know actually

this is not the life I want to live wow I just feel like you've got to do it wow I know but we know too

much you know we know too much yeah well we just know all of the horror stories don't we yeah of course you do but you've just got to you know the more we know the more we can sort. We know too much. Yeah. Well, we just know all of the horror stories, don't we? Yeah, of course you do. Yeah.

But you've just got to, you know, the more we know, the more we can sort of prevent. I think it's fine to have a tracker on your kid's phone or whatever to know where they are. Or one of them little ear tracker things that we've got in our suitcase. I don't know. I don't know if I agree.

Stick it on his back on the way out. Have a good day, son. Pat him on the back. Tracker on his back like James Bond. We'll see. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Okay. Because there's part of us

and I'll know exactly where the bridge is because I'll be on my phone and I know what bridge they're crossing they're on they're on Bong Bridge quick

quick everyone get in the car where's the car I'll check where's your partner around the corner I'll check my phone to Bong Bridge

I need to know if people still sell tabs from the house every time I go through duty free and I see the big cartons of tabs the cartons of cigarettes

that people sell yeah I don't know if people still do that I don't know if it's still financially worth it maybe not

but it's to underage kids isn't it I don't know oh it's vapes now everyone vapes oh god people vape somebody told me

recently who the hell was it that their dad who never smoked in his life has started vaping and i was like why like why that's your dad that's like that's like popping to the chemist uh for some methadone even though you've never done heroin yeah i don't fancy a bit fancy a bit of that methadone even though you've never done heroin yeah fancy a bit fancy a bit of that methadone today what are you coming off heroin sir nah just fancy it

the maddest I was like why have they started mad mad anyway mad world we're living in I'm just sick of them

smelling like delicious pastries oh I think they smell disgusting sometimes they smell like delicious pastries pastries yeah it smells like

cinnamon or something oh god this smells amazing it's just some fucking you smell someone's second hand breath oh nah I think they all smell like rank cheap air fresheners and the makers want to die and i think people look stupid doing them like smoking their finger and there's this little light like a bloody like a 10 and you've got a toy oh i just find them

ridiculous i don't like i don't know sorry everyone You are vaping but I just find it mad. I don't think people vape and give a shit that you don't like it. Fair enough. It's the ones, I've got friends who use them

and they're not little tiny light things. They're like, they're like fucking car batteries. Intense. Aye, intense. The smoke that comes off it

is insane. I've got a mate and he's like, oh, I'm just going to change the thing and he vapes and he's putting

a fucking sniper rifle together in the film. Yeah. Yeah. It's madness. I feel bad now each of their own do what you want because if you can always come back yeah but i've said it all the time you can you can say each do your own do what you want but i reserve the right to take the piss

out of anything i want to take the piss out of fair enough but it's your choice i drink so everyone can always come back and go well you drink and i think well yeah yeah and you stupid with your daft glass flat on the bottom and a little stalk and then a cup on the top like some kind of floating beaker pathetic with grapes in

but it's not even grape juice it's old rank grape juice that tastes like shit I don't like grape juice but you do you like wine oh yes oh god

I don't know babadoo babadoo babadoo it's time for questions from the public accused from the pews and the loos and the twos and the mews and the views and all of everybody's stuff.

Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com. Thank you kindly. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I got told this story from my workmate and it had me in stitches. He swore to me to secrecy around work. He doesn't listen to podcasts, but please keep anonymous as I don't know if any of his friends or family do. I don't know if this is bullshit, but if it's true, then God help you for the rest of your life.

My mate told me one night he took a girl home while his mum was asleep upstairs. His mum was very strict and didn't allow that sort of thing. As it was in the 60s or 70s, after a few drinks, one thing led to another. Oh, sorry, might not allow them things because it was the 60s or 70s. I don't understand. Wasn't everything a little bit lax and daisy back then?

In films, I think. But not in actual life. Probably not. Depends. I imagine if you lived in Los Angeles or something and your parents went to Woodstock or something else. Yeah. I don't know. Doesn't really do much for me.

The 60s or 70s, you know, and everyone's like, it was just the best time ever. I'm like, what's it all? Everyone just had loads of pubes, didn't they? Well, that would have been quite nice, actually. Nah, I'm out of that life. I hate getting rid of my pubes.

Right. So annoying. The way you said you hate getting rid of your pubes. I was a bit embarrassed, actually. I went in the bath the other night with Ruth. My pubes are horrendous. Why are you judging us? I couldn't look at them.

It was horrible. It was like the thing off Lord of the Rings. I couldn't look at it. Was it that bad? Yeah, it was awful. Awful. I'll sort it out today. Right.

After a few drinks, one thing led to another, and he was having sex with this girl in front of the fire. Oh, nice. Oh, down by the fire. Damn. Oh, dear. Down by the fire. dear down by the fire but they didn't hear

his mum coming downstairs excellent she crept up behind him and shouted what the bloody hell is going on here my mate got such a fright that he pulled out

spun around and then what do you think he's hit he's lent on the fire or something hasn't he he shot his load uncontrollably

all over his mum's leg that couldn't have happened I could so you could you could climax your mum saying what the bloody hell is going on down here

not if he's like just about to come and then you pull out like it's still gonna happen isn't it if he's hit the point of no return it's the point of no return I just love the idea of what's going on down here. Not if he's just about to come and then you pull out. It's still going to happen, isn't it? If he's hit the point of no return, it's the point of no return. I just love the idea of, what's going on here?

What's it look like? What's it look like, you old bitch? That's horrible. Stop that. That's horrible. I don't think you could ever get over that. As a mother, now that I'm a mother,

that would kill me. That would send me to my grave. It would. It would kill me. That would send me to my grave. It would. It would. Sorry. You'd throw them slippers away. Oh, throw them jomers away. Needless to say,

he got a good hiding for it. How old was he? The girl left and told her mates and he got the piss taken out of him ever since. That's absolutely... Oh, my God. No. Oh. What would you call him mam spunk what do you mean

what would his nickname be for that fucking climb amsk climb arms oh i can't even think of anything oh old mother comer that's horrible i think that's the one i think that's the one I think that's the one oh god hi Rosie and Chris long time listener first time emailer

hello welcome to the party I love the ick section and it's only since I've come out of a very long term relationship have I realised just how easily

I get the ick here is one of my many ridiculous ones i recently found myself in something of a situation ship and around ah you know that one i taught you that word the other week what situation ship what does that mean it's like uh just casual sex okay yeah friends with bennies basically i have friends with benefits yeah um so she's in a situation ship and around the guy's house we were sat on the settee with his very light

orangery behind him an orangery is like a conservatory oh wow posh wood this is nice this is posh get him locked down love

he's doing everything bloody orangery an orangery orangery bloody hell unless it's either come with a house or it's his ma and dad's

I don't know it's a wooden yeah it's a wooden basically a wooden posh wooden conservatory expensive as he leaned in for the kiss a beam of light hit the back of his head It's his man, Dad. It's a wooden, yeah, it's a wooden, basically a wooden, posh wooden conservator. Expensive. As he leaned in for the kiss,

a beam of light hit the back of his head and turned his left ear bright orange. I know exactly what she means. Honestly, no, honest to God, I dried up quicker than a raindrop in the Sahara.

How thin does your skin have to be? Vile. That's so unfair. You epic thin skin. It's the sun and now I'm not having it. That's so... I get where she's

coming from though. I love how unfair he's are. Well, have you not seen the one that's been doing the rounds online for donkeys and it's that poor lad that got sent to me

so many times. There's a lad and he's on a boat and his yellow is just like moving in the wind. Have you not seen it? No. Oh Chris, you must have seen it and he's on a boat and his earlobe is just like moving in the wind. Have you not seen it? No.

Oh, Chris, you must have seen it. And someone's like, new, ick, unlocked. And his earlobe's just being moved by the wind. And people are like, disgusting. Like, Jesus Christ. But that's the same. Like, so he must have a really thin ear. I get where they're coming from though.

Like, you know when you see someone's veins through the ears and you're like how thin is your skin yeah wow oh my god yeah so his ear went like a fucking baby kangaroo like all yeah basically red but do you know what it is chris though you can't marry them people somebody else will somebody else won't mind that the sun hits his ear and because it's the sun and it's an ear it obviously goes a bit lighter and that's that poor fucking guy kind of get it wow i've been really put off by fingernails and that before me well that's fair enough what do you mean just somebody sometimes someone the way the toes and that look and i go i can't marry that i understand what you mean you know what i mean yeah But that's for somebody else, Will.

Just couldn't, just me personally. But how, my point is, how often in your life is the sun going to belt the back of your ear in that exact situation where you're going to see it all the time? Yeah, fair enough. I think if you're finding icks with people, right, you don't like them enough.

Nah. That's what it is. I haven't listened. Because if you, when I met you, I was like proper head over heels and... When? Past tense. Oh yeah, I was like proper head over heels and when past tense oh yeah I mean

was head over heels the mask has slipped since but nothing you did you're fucking half I won

I loved it I was just because I loved you I love you thank you still love you but if you don't

if you're not head over heels with someone you're all gonna find stuff icky and I totally get it I had an interesting conversation about x recently with a scientist um because i'm doing it uh with a doctor she's got a phd so i i did a show that i've been filming for sky like a science-based christmas eve show it gets announced soon and um i was telling about

x talking about the podcast and so much time sitting around filming and i told obviously the classic one about the ping pong ball and picking up the receipt and she said um any man who the girl breaks up with them because of a small little ick like that has um or woman uh has the the they've had a lucky escape because someone who can be put off here so quickly by with something so slight wasn't really getting you in the first place. No, exactly. So I think you've hit the nail on the head.

It's so true. And that's coming from a scientist. It's so true because if you love someone and if you fancy the pants off them, little things like that, they don't bother you. You're kind of, it's part of their thing. It's like, you know.

Or to be fair, some people just send with them because they're funny and they are funny. Yeah. But yeah. But there'll be something else about him. He'll probably have halitosis or something. Great.

He'll have halitosis and then the light shone through his ear and she's gone, this is too much for me. Again, I get paranoid about how much I must have icked people out in my life. I must have just done it a million times. The classic one. I've told you when I first day at school when I said I can't wait to stick some chewing gum under the desk and all the girls heard us. And that was that.

That was that. You're not icky. I don't think you're icky. I think I am. I think every man has these icky moments to people. A girl told us years later, years later, do you know we all fancied you until you said that. I could have had a different childhood. I could have been the fucking don of that school.

No, you don't want to be the don of school because the don of school peaks too early. Peaks too early. And then you see a picture of them now and they're a bit bald and you go, ooh. I believe 50 Cent put it best

with, Damn, homie. In high school, you was the man, homie. The fuck happened to you? Yeah. And scene. That's what he says

at the end of all his raps. Does he? Nah. That's it done. That's it done. Now you do want to peek in school like, there was no peekage from me at school, I can tell you that much.

I know. You and the dinner ladies. Oh, making me un-highlighted here. The little grotty corner, hand in hand with the dinner ladies. What time do I shift finishing? I'll miss you till tomorrow. Would you please stop?

Hi Rosie and Chris, please keep me anonymous. So this happened yesterday and I'm not quite sure what to think. Oh fresh off the press. My mother-in-law and I don't have

the best relationship. She's okay but she generally annoys the shit out of me. Nice. Last week was my daughter's birthday party.

We had the whole family round and it was lovely. Trying to make an effort to build a relationship with my mother-in-law I complimented her dress and was trying. Trying to make an effort to build a relationship with my mother-in-law, I complimented her dress and was trying really hard to be nice and include her in the festivities. Although she did spend time slagging me off to my mum

saying she had to do so much work to prepare for the party, I literally asked her to watch my youngest for half an hour whilst I finished making my daughter's cake. They do not have a good relationship. Fast forward a week and it was my birthday. I invited my family over for dinner and included her to keep the peace with my husband. Everyone turned up and bought gifts, cards

and wished me happy birthday, which was lovely, but not expected. Mother-in-law turned up, put a Primark bag in my hands and greeted me with, you alright? Nice. I love her. Everyone came in and we had a few drinks whilst i cooked then i sat down to open my presents and cards it was all

going really well until i got to her present i took out the crumpled primal bag and opened it inside was another bag which felt like it had some clothing in having absolutely no idea what it could be i took it out and held it up. It was only the pissing dress she had worn the week before to my daughter's birthday. I just went into shock and wasn't quite sure what to say. I looked at her and she said, well, you said it was nice, so there you go.

And apparently Chris shrugged and downed her wine. As I was raised correctly, I thanked her and went back into the kitchen. My family all looking confused. She then got drunk and cried as I was serving dessert. What a nightmare. Worst part, she hadn't even washed the dress. What a power move. I know.

What a power move. You said you like it, so there you go. Haven't washed it. My question is... That might be the worst birthday present I've ever heard. Just regardless of how expensive the dress was or what kind of dress it was, just the sheer arrogance and the lack of thought

that has gone into that. I mean, you'd rather get a £5 gift voucher. I know, but then at the same time, is it thoughtful in a mad world? I don't know. She didn't buy a new one. She took it it off didn't put it in the dirty basket crumbled it into a bag and went there you go wow she really doesn't like it yeah god that is oh i'm so sorry i know it must be horrible yeah we're really lucky we're really lucky we've done great I know I would hate that I would hate to have a bad relationship with their in-laws mustn't be nice sorry everyone question is what is the weirdest slash most inappropriate gift you've ever been

given can you think of anything it's Christmas comedy shows always ask you this okay worse Christmas pen yeah I got you guys I mean again I mean, again, I'm going to have to bring, as we're talking about mother-in-laws, I'm going to have to bring the stuff your mum gets. Do not slag off the pancake pan because we use that nearly every day. Yeah, yeah. Everything that she does by her,

that at the time you go, like the meat tray and that. The meat tray, yeah. That's great. I'm making a chicken this afternoon. It'll be out again. I'll have that for the rest of my life. Yeah, that was for me. That was my meat tray. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got that meat tray. That's great. I'm making a chicken this afternoon. It'll be out again. I'll have that for the rest of my life. Yeah, that was for me.

That was my meat tray. Oh yeah. Yeah, I got that meat tray. Why does she always give them to you? Don't know. She got us, because she doesn't know what to get us, she got us some gym tops. Woman's medium. Two of them. Can't get them on. Oh, I love them.

She's joking on you. Sorry. I am open-mouthed right now. I'm sorry. What a horrible thing to say. I was totally joking. You horrible, horrible, scrawny little icky bastard. Totally joking.

I was totally joking. I'm sorry. They'll be far too big for you. That's what I meant. They'll be far too big for you. I hate you. Cancel this man. What was I going to say? She's's passively aggressively bought with a little whisk did you realize that ah

brilliant whisk i don't know where that came from it's a tiny little whisk no do you know what it is though because when we're away she comes and stays at the house with the kids and if we don't have one little thing that she has in her house she's literally like, you don't have a little whisk for your eggs. Use a fork. Use a fork? What? When did, I did not grow up in a house that had a little whisk.

Just because one time. She's got a disposable income now, man. She's buzzing. Oh, no. She's got the best life in the world. So she's now got a little whisk for her egg. The fact that we didn't have one. Was it good?

It's brilliant. Oh, great. But she was very smug when she got it. She was like, got one of these because you didn't have one. And I remember thinking, what the hell but yeah used it this morning

turns out wasn't such a whiskey gift after all was it eh well done eh horrible

have you won awful ignore him great though makes great scrambled eggs stop thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Married Annoyed which is part of the

Acast creator yes thank you very much and as always if you want to get in touch it's shaggedmarriedannoyed at gmail.com it's bye bye from me Chris Ramsey and it's bye bye from the dinner lady's best mate it's Rosie Ramsey and it's bye-bye from the dinner lady's best mate. It's Rosie Ramsey everyone. Forever. Bye. Bye. you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind

the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.