Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 238. Open Sesame

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

In this week's podcast Chris has a fashion crisis and Rosie is keen to know some secrets. There's a discussion about Airplane v Aeroplane and Rafe shows Rosie up in the queue for Ice Cream. All of this plus a phantom sandwich poker and a man who tries to perform a sex act on himself. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid with the two top colleagues in the world me, Rosie Ramsey and my other, my colleague Christopher Ramsey top colleagues colleagues who sometimes

kiss on the lips, everyone you heard it here first basically it's because for years for quite a few episodes, probably 200, probably more, I would say the number of the episode, then I would say I love you

and we'd do a little fist bump and then we'd start. But today, because you've been irritating us, I said it's episode 238 and I tolerate you as a colleague. I've been irritating Chris, right, because I've been giving him some truth bombs and he can't handle it.

You can't handle the truth. It's when they come out of nowhere. It's domestic. You just don't need to know. It's not interesting domestic, so we'll not tell you about it. You can't handle the truth. It's when they come out of nowhere. It's domestic. You just don't need to know. It's not interesting domestic, so we'll not tell you about it. I'm sure they want to know. No, they don't want to know.

Listen. My main problem. Come on. No, what? This is my main problem with you being, you literally, you've got two jumpers on, you've got a shoreline.

Oh, no. This is, okay. And you're literally fornicating with an oil radiator next to you. I'm sorry, right? Am I dying? I don't know what's going on. I don't know why you're so cold.

I cannot get warm. I can't get warm at the minute. It's so annoying. It's not that cold. What's the degrees? What's the degrees? What's the temperature? What's the degrees?

What is the temperature? Imagine. Can you imagine? Welcome to BBC News and Weather. Now over straight, just before we get to the sport, over to the weather. What's the degrees?

Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you what the fucking degrees are. What a moron. I've got aeroplane mode on. I can't even get You can't even tell the degrees. Question. Yeah. Airplane. Aeroplane. What is it? Well, obviously we're probably wrong, but we say aeroplane mode,

don't we? Yeah. Do I say aeroplane? I think I say aeroplane mode. What is it though? What are they called? Are they called airplanes or aeroplanes? Oh, Jesus. Because I know that Robin used to call it what he still does, the aeroport,

which is really fucking annoying. Dead cool. But is it airplane or airplane? I think it's airplane. Airplane. Is it not airplane? Oh, Chris, man.

Time for a Google. I'm either really clever or stupid. I can't work it out. I think I'm a genius trapped inside a thick horse body. I do believe a genius wouldn't think that. Right, let's just quickly Google this. Give us a second here.

Get that oil radiator closer to my pussy. That's awful, by the way. I was busy typing there. Airplane or aeroplane? Airplane and aeroplane are both English terms. Airplane is predominantly used in America. English. American English, sorry.

While aeroplane is predominantly used in British English. Okay, so that is just me knowing deep down that I've been taught aeroplane. But because I watch a lot of American stuff, I say airplane. So there you go. So there, we've come to it. I killed a couple of American stuff, I can see an airplane. So there you go. So there, we've come to it. You killed a couple of seconds, didn't you?

Yeah. Welcome to this week's episode of Shagman Annoyed. Good stuff. What's your sponsor? Dickface. Oh, wow. That's offensive. But let's crack on.

It's episode... Wait, right. Where's my notes gone? There they are. It's episode 238. Thank you for coming. Can't believe it. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for being part of this ball of shit thank you for being part of this ball of shit this is some of my best work rolling down a hill and gathering more shit

as it goes twigs bits of hair other bits of shit Dawn you love this we love this I absolutely love it

I absolutely love it do you know we've entered a state we're going to let you into a little secret here, right? Hold on. Are we going to? What secret are we going to let you into? Well, I'm letting you into a secret of mine. You know the pandemic?

I'm letting you into it as well. Do you remember the pandemic? I don't remember that. I must have blanked it out. Well, we did the podcast during the pandemic, which is actually where we gained most of our listeners, right? Yeah. Not going to lie to you,

we were both absolutely fucked during that. Like mentally, physically, everything. And I didn't... No, I did enjoy the podcast. It was good, but I enjoy it more now. I enjoy it much more now. But it was our... So the best thing people ever say it was

is that it got them through it. Because it was a really tough time. Unprecedented in people's lives. Absolutely. You know, in recent memory. But it got us through as well, weirdly. But look, you've really lowered the tone. All right, sorry.

You've really lowered the tone. And I'm sure we've told the map before, that secret, that you've just packaged that up as a secret. I'm sure we've banged on about that before, yes. Charlotte and... It's a secret. Honestly, God. Do you have many secrets?

Do I have many secrets? What a weird question that is. Why? Just like, do I have many secrets? Well, if I said yes, i'd be giving away my secrets wouldn't i no one's never asked i don't ask secrets well why you're right well asking someone how many secrets i've got is a gateway drug to asking them what their secrets are not necessarily yeah it is definitely you're honestly you are unwanted daylight i've got a spy much you've got

a few secrets have you yeah come on then tell me then, tell me one. No, absolutely not. Tell me one or you're lying. Nah. If you can't prove a secret now, then you're lying. Alright. Secret. Yeah. Secret number one. Yeah. Put my tan on this morning. Yeah. I think I might have gone a bit too into me bum crack and I've got a really itchy arsehole. Wet.

Wet. Can I un-ask? Can I possibly un-ask can i possibly un-ask the secret that's dreadful that that's dreadful i'm gonna start a new podcast right all right and i'm just gonna just tell everyone secrets just tell them on here just tell them on here it's fine i want to start me on i want to hear this weird listen we're in weird little moods listen Listen, we are in weird moods, but it's all good. It's time for this week's lucrative,

lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, for all the dads out there and the moms, this week's sponsor is building a den. Hey, it's Saturday or Sunday morning. Daddy, daddy,

come and build a den. You know what that means? It means, daddy, can you build a fucking den? Can you build a fucking den? We'll go and get all the cushions and duvets from all over the fucking house. We'll drag the duvet

along the hallway, over the mat, past the shoes. Excellent. Oh, there's all your pillows from upstairs. They're going on the doormat as well at the bottom of the stairs. Excellent. Drag them round. Put them in the living room. Look, the den's been made. Let's eat and them in the living room Oh they're doing Oh they're doing Look the den's being made Oh let's eat and drink in the den

Great Let's put food and liquids All over that shit That shouldn't have food And fucking liquids on it Brilliant Can we climb on top of it No you fucking can't

How well do you think I built this den It's a duvet In between two chairs No you can't climb on top of it Don't be surprised When it collapses. It's not structurally sound enough

for your fucking chunky ass to climb on top of it, you little tosser. Ray fully thinks that you have made an absolute full-on house. It's not a structural... You can't... It won't hold your fucking weight. Get off it.

Get off that chair. Oh, God almighty. It's a fitted sheet. A fitted sheet stretched over two stools. The fact, right? Oh, God. You know, I'm normally pretty easy going with the kids, and I'm like, whatever.

The fact that they've just started getting all of the pillows and cushions and quilts from around the house is so irritating. It's crazy. It's crazy. So annoying. But I mean, it really brings them together it brings it together it really does it's literally for 20 minutes not even 20 minutes not even 20 minutes

do you want to hear that do you want to hear the tagline oh come on then the joke no not the joke getting the funny bit no that wow you've just been laughing you've just been laughing what a shithead thing to say you've just been been laughing. It's their slogan. It's their slogan. You ready? Building a den. Half an hour of work, five minutes of fun, then another hour of work. Yeah. It is. It's bullshit like.

And then they had a bedroom eat in the den, didn't they? They had a bedroom eat. Because Ralph, because Robin was in his bedroom in the den reading a book. Ralph couldn't bear that he wasn't next to Robin because he's a bit obsessed with him at the minute. And so he was like climbing through the wall, but obviously that pissed Robin off.

And that dropped the roof. And that dropped the roof. And Robin at the minute has no sort of, he just doesn't give a shit that Rafe's only two and he will actually hit him full force. And I'm like, are you shitting me? Like you can't do that but he has only seven

I guess yeah we'll forget but look dens good idea at the time don't bother immediate fucking regret

yeah I am fucking good at building dens I'll give myself that pat myself on the back you really did bit hard that really did

oh well then play the jingle let's crack on we'll have a jangle we, then, play the jingle. Let's crack on to this. We'll have a jangle. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle.

Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Maridonoid.

As always, it's just wonderful to have you back, so thank you for coming. It is. In your face. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And relax. We're all good. This is safe space. Hello, hello.

Happy days, etc. Yeah. Etc. What's going on? I was just looking through my notes then and there's something I forgot to tell you. Because we don't tell each other stuff. As we've said before, we write it down, we tell it later on. Yep.

I was on the train without you recently. I know. Brilliant. Can't believe it. Cheating. Bear in mind, we get the train and transport quite often. Yeah. This has never happened before.

Okay. And it was really, really weird. And it shouldn't have been weird, but it was, right? So I had my hair down on the train. Yeah. And I was sat on the train. I just had my hair down on the train yeah and I was sat on the train I just had my hair down right I was sat on the train

yeah and then the bloke behind me got up and he put his hand on my headrest right say this again so you're sitting down

your hair's down a bloke behind gets up puts his hand on your headrest on the headrest for traction to stand up yeah to stand up yeah I moved forward because he puts his hand on your headrest. On the headrest. For traction, to stand up. Yeah, to stand up. Yeah.

I moved forward because he had his hand like on me hair. Right. And he proper ragged me hair. Like really pulled me hair. And I was like, oh, woo. And he didn't apologize or anything. Wow. And it was just a very odd, odd situation.

I was like, you've just pulled my hair. You must have heard this podcast. Why? You must know who you are. Oh, do you think? I used to love fuck you. Do you think? No, I'm joking. It was really weird. I was like,'ve just pulled my hair you must have heard this podcast why you must know who you are oh do you think fuck you do you think nah I'm joking

it was really weird I was like why has he not said sorry about that do you know some people like some people I've noticed this in life some people come across

as total dickheads and sometimes they're just really embarrassed and really shy so do you think he was embarrassed he might not have known

what the fuck to say like how embarrassing that you've just accidentally pulled a woman's hair but like some people grabbed it so mine is so my immediate thing is oh my god i'm so sorry over explain over explain i'll put my hand on there to stand up because i hurt me leg doing bjj i do bjj you know my name's chris verbal diarrhea make it fucking worse and other other people's immediate thing is, fuck this, silence, stoic, move. Yeah, that's what it is. And it comes across as rude, but so many times I meet people and I think,

oh, you're a bit of a bellender, and then I think, oh, actually, no, you just hate interacting with people. Yeah. Do you want another observation? Last one wasn't an observation, it was just a story about touching your hair, but yes. Okay, great.

Thank you. Just don't package things as something they're not. Well, this is just wrote underneath that. Okay. Because on the same time that I was away without you. Yeah. What the hell's going on? Got into a lift, right?

What are you doing? Galavanting in trains and lifts without me? What do you think this is? Out and about. Got into a lift. Yeah. And there was a man and woman got in front of us. Right.

Oh my God, this wasn't when I was away. This was when I was in Dunelm before I went to get the pain. Anyway, right. I nipped to Dunelm. That's our life! That's our life! Our life with children is so ridiculous and stressful with kids that you mistook

a holiday time away from your family on a trip. You mistook that for being in Dunelm. It's just such a lovely time. I only had like 30 minutes. So anyway, I being in Dunelm it's just such a lovely time I only had I only had like 30 minutes so anyway

I was in Dunelm I got in the lift and there was a man and woman in front of us they must have been in their late 60s early 70s and maybe even

no late 70s so they're all like they're grandparents I always feel terrible saying old but you know it's all older right

anyone getting in touch saying that late 70s isn't old well you know how people are like you're not meant to say old person anymore anyway so

we got I had to go in the lift because I had a trolley and they had a trolley as well and the bloke pressed the button and the lift came

and when the doors opened he went open sesame and his wife I'm guessing it was his wife his partner just looked so fucked off and I just remember standing there I was his wife his partner just looked so fucked off and I just remember

standing there I was like how long's he been saying open sesame he's been saying that for years what a legend every time the lift comes up

and he knows she hates it and he just does it still and he's never back down what a fucking man what a man I didn't look at him I didn't want to give him any encouragement

because I actually was on her side you should have pissed yourself laughing no absolutely not pissed yourself laughing that would have been amazing I was on her side. You should have pissed yourself laughing. No, absolutely not. Pissed yourself laughing. That would have been amazing. I was on her side.

Hey, hey. I bet it's fun living with him, isn't it? Oh, he's cracking him like. Oh, it says me. And it opened. It reminded us of you because I think that's your humour. Well. If I laugh at one thing once, you will carry that on for eternity

and your dad's the same your dad that's your dad's crap I think you'll find I don't repeat material yes you fucking do your dad you are so bloody

dad jokey in the house it's disgusting yeah because I know it upsets you it does upset us a bit yeah yeah I'm grinding you down over time

just don't respond we are fuck the 70s we are a couple of years away from opening Sesame in public lifts I know we are I know we are the 70s, we are a couple of years away from opening Sesame in public lifts. I know we are. I know we are.

At the start of it. In fact, next time we're in a lift, it's happening. Great. There we go. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Speaking of being in shops,

I went to the Metro Centre yesterday. Oh, don't get me excited. Don't. Fizzing, fizzing. I went to the Metro Centre yesterday with our son, Robin.

Now, Metro Centre on a Sunday, for me. I don't go to the Metro Centre, for those of you who don't know, a big shopping centre. If you're down south, think Blue Water or Westfield. At one point, it was the biggest in Europe. I'll have you know.

I think the rest of them have been sticking garages and conservatories on the sides of theirs. I think we've been edged out. In the 90s, though, it was big. I think when it was created, it was the biggest one. I genuinely think we've mentioned this so much now that we feel like we like have chairs and it

and we're angry that it's not the biggest anymore anyway shopping center indoor shopping center sunday i'm thinking right put my new trainers on put a pair of jeans on put a nice jumper on um cap obviously because i just live in a cap when i'm not on the telly these days um i was the most dressed person in the metro centre by a country fucking mile. What do you mean? Like, I don't know what's happened, but at the risk of sounding like a fucking old man,

everyone just wears gym gear. It's all, everyone wears all the time. Yeah. Every way ever. Everywhere, ever. Now, every single person I see is wearing shorts, trainers, gym socks pulled up sort of halfway up their shin in a t-shirt. Right.

And the lasses they're with are just wearing leggings and a gym top. And they're out for dinner. So is this upsetting you, Grandad? I felt like I was in a fucking tuxedo. I was embarrassed. No. I felt like I was dressed to go to

court like every single person in your court suit it would like everywhere went to five went to five guys and went if you but everywhere was just just young people in shorts and I went to JD sports I couldn't fucking tell who worked there because everyone was dressed in black all right calm yourself down I was furious calm down look I'm wagging my finger at the sky. I think you are getting old. It's unbelievable. No, it's the fashion. It's the fashion.

I mean, I don't mind it. How can I'm going to the gym be the fashion? Well, was it nicely dressed up gym gear, or was it, you're not really upset to me, we've talked about this before, was it grown man in grey tracksuit pants where you can see the outline of your cock? And as well,

you can see where your grubby little fingers have been touching said cock. That's upsetting. No. How awful is that? How awful is that? It was a much more, it was a much younger version of that.

I'm talking about all of the, all of the lads I'm talking about and lasses I'm talking about must have been 19-ish, 1920. It's just the fashion, babe. But really short shorts and socks,

like Nike socks pulled up halfway up and then like Nike Air Maxes on. And then T-shirt. Yeah. Underarmor T-shirt. Just... Chris, I don't know

what to say to you because I don't know what you want to do about this. One girl walked out of a shop, right? Leggings, bra. Yeah.

It looked like just a bra Yeah And I'm the only one going She's got a bra on This is just Is she Was she trying something on in there And she forgot to bring her top out

Because that is It was just a bra It's all gone a bit mad hasn't it I didn't know what the fuck was going on I know I know It's The world's changing

Rosie I'm scared I'm scared And I'm cold What are you scared of I'm scared and I'm cold But I'm also's changing Rosie I'm scared I'm scared and I'm cold what are you scared of I'm scared and I'm cold but I'm also too warm and I'm confused and I don't know

how to get home and I don't know if I'm going to know how to drive anymore and I don't know what an NFT is and I don't know what Bitcoin is

what's an NFT oh I've done that before what I feel like I'm getting old what's NFT it was them fucking non-fungible token things and now they're all

worth fuck all oh I remember when them files that everyone started buying where you couldn't it was a file but you couldn't replicate it like I'm getting old. What's NFT? It was them fucking non-fungible token things and now they're all worth fuck all. Oh. I remember when them files that everyone started buying where you couldn't, it was a file but you couldn't replicate it but now they're all

worth nothing. Oh God. I was in the news the other day, Logan Paul bought one for like four million quid and it's worth like 60 quid or something like that. Oh Jesus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Idiot. But I'm, I feel like I'm being left behind. I know. I don't want to be too judgy because at the end of the day I wore some shotgun stuff when I was a kid,

but it's all gone a bit mad, hasn't it? But that's just, it's the fashion of the moment. But then I also feel like if I went to the metro centre in my gym gear, everyone would be like, why are you here?

You should be at the gym. You're clearly in gym gear. But they don't see it as gym gear. They see it as like, oh. I don't think they were, I don't know what you mean. I'm just so confused.

You're 37 now, just dress how you want to dress. But I was so overdressed. I don't think there were, I don't know what you mean. I'm just so confused. You're 37 now, just dress how you want to dress. I was so overdressed. I had jeans on. You're not overdressed, man. Everyone else looked like they were bloody going to play fucking squash.

I don't know, go somewhere nicer. Okay. Do you want us to tell you? York's quite nice. Just tell us and it's all going to be alright. It's going to be fine.

It's going to be fine. The fashion does go around. We talk about this all the time because the amount of kids wearing stuff that I wore when I was a kid It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine. The fashion does go around. We talk about this all the time because the amount of kids wearing stuff that I wore when I was a kid is mad now. Like, I wish I'd kept loads of me clothes.

It's crazy. Could have sold them all. Oh, and where are they? You just give them away. What, me clothes? Yeah. I just charity them years ago. Fucking hell, man.

Your sister needs less stuff to sell on Vinted as it goes. Oh, she's obsessed. Jesus. I mean, now, I showed you some pictures. Me mam and me sister, right? This is amazing. So, me mam and me sister are obsessed with Vinted

to the point where me sister just actually doesn't spend any money. She sells stuff, keeps the money that she's made and just buys more stuff. So, I'm like, it's clever in a way, but it's mad, right? So, they have, for a good few months now been sending each other just pictures of people

with their clothes on selling stuff on Vinted and then they showed me a few it was one of like a woman's foot and it was the most horrendous foot I've ever seen

selling a pair of sandals and you're like I can't look at the colour of the sandals because of your foot that's in the sandals so they've been doing that for a long time

and I was like, I want in on this action. There must be a Facebook group or something that puts dodgy photos. So if you're listening to this thinking what they're talking about, it basically means like,

can you remember when it went viral, people selling, taking photos of mirrors and selling mirrors. Oh, with the gash out and that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like that, isn't it? It's people wearing,

modelling what they're going. To be fair, you go on ASOS or you go on wherever and the models are wearing the clothes they deserve a pay rise because they make

clothes look good the photos you sent me holy fucking leave it on the fucking hanger and take a photo of it on the hanger for the love of god

for the love of god so bad so bad babadoo babadoo babadoo bah it's homework time hey dear listener got some homework for you i'm really sorry but we've been nominated for another award first world problems oh tv choice awards i'm sorry right yeah i had no idea where you were going keep up with my career tv choice awards the chris and rosie Ramsey show has been nominated.

It's that long list, short list bullshit again. Genuinely believe that these people do it just to get clicks on their websites. But guess what? We're going to fucking

bow down to it as well. We can't. Don't. It takes two seconds. I'm giving you, I know I say this all the time and usually I'm joking because I mean it.

I'm giving you full, you just don't have to because they've done so much. Do you know what I would rather that they do? What? That you guys do. What? That you guys do? What?

If you haven't got a 2A ticket yet. Ah, yes. Please go buy a 2A ticket because if not, if the 2A doesn't fully sell out, Chris and I will have to do Good Morning Britain or something. Oh, you mean we'll have to do... We'll have to go down and go on. So Rosie doesn't want to do any promo for the show.

I've got nothing to wear and I hate getting my hair and makeup done. Do you know when you see people on lorraine or something like that or in the good they pop up on everything just before something's on to on sale for a tour rosie doesn't want to do any of that stuff and to be fair i don't really want to do any of it either you want to do it less than i want to do it so just just get the tickets on the website extra tickets to be released for newcastle as well by the way the final newcastle Arena very last few and Wembley as well so extra tickets to be released for them

we're going to have to talk to somebody because the amount of people messaging me for tickets for Newcastle is mental people we know people we know

and now I'm probably going to have to give them for free so I've got a lot of favours that's not happening that's not happening for every free ticket you're going to have to

go and do Lorraine the show be on the show TV see tv choice awards google tv choice the only problem is we're in a category with taskmaster again so they'll probably win but be nice to be shortlisted be nice to be shortlisted so they were bloody go thank you in advance least you can do because you get this for free yeah greedy little twats I'm joking thank you thank you sorry babadoo babadoo

babadoo ba it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what is your beef beef beef beef I've got a beef with our youngest son

yeah I think he's a psychopath our youngest son yeah rave why took him to Minchella's yesterday ice cream parlor

that's how she is we were waiting in the queue for a while and there was this lady, elderly lady, who was loving them, absolutely loving them, right? I think it goes full circle, you know. I think at our age right now, I can't bear kids. I'm like, get kids out of me face, right?

But before I had kids, I loved kids. And now I'm like, no. And then I think when you get older, you love them again because you haven't had them much. Does that make sense? So I will be that woman when there's a kid in the queue going, hello, blah, like, no. And then I think when you get older, you love them again because you haven't had them much. Does that make sense? So I will be that woman when there's a kid in the queue going, hello, blah, blah, blah.

And so she was giving Rafe a bit of attention. He was pretending to be shy and all that stuff, right? And so I haven't told you this yet. I told Robin this last night in the bathroom. He couldn't believe it. So I picked him up and I was like, do you not shy, blah, blah, blah.

And then I went, tell her your name, tell the lady your name. So I was just sitting looking up at him, right? And he literally, because you know he's been doing this for ages, right? He started swallowing. And I went, oh, don't, don't. Shut up, man.

He started swallowing. And he looked dead in the face. He just burped. That's my boy! Whilst keeping direct eye contact. Made himself burp. That's my boy! Whilst keeping direct eye contact. Made himself burp. In our face. In our face.

Legend. I was mortified. You know when you're like, oh, pardon you, goodness me, thinking, oh, I hope she doesn't realise that he's forced that burp instead of saying his name. God, what a nutter.

I had to keep it for you. Oh, God. Oh, I'm so proud. He learned how to make himself burp a few months ago and he's been doing it loads. So me and him were doing it to each other the other day. Oh, brilliant. But we had to stop because he was making that many gurgling noises. I was like,

he's going to be sick in a minute. I'm very good at making myself burp. I've been able to do it for years. Oh, and he's caught on earlier than me. He's going to be, when he's my age, he's going to be an amazing burper. But it was just the way that he maintained

eye contact the full time. And I was like, what's my name, eh? I'll tell you my name. I'll tell you my fucking name. Look in there. Look in these eyes. It was horrible.

Fantastic. What did the lady do? She oh pardon you did he say his name in the end no did he shite wouldn't tell him wouldn't tell her his name psychopath hey good kid stranger danger good kid talking well what's your beef then you said before we started that you've got loads of beef with me i do i've got a lot but i've just picked one that happened today you keep spending the draw money right the draw money that is so we've got in the in the kitchen where all the bloody keys are and shit for all of the stuff yeah and there's always a little over spill of cash before window cleaners yeah you know school bloody charity days when you need a couple of quid I've never had loads in there

but like don't rob me there's just like a few quid in there all the time you keep spending it on shit

to the point actually so I'm doing a little show this weekend at Shields with me J&S crew big up big up big love

whoop whoop I got tickets for me nana and that and her mates so I had 70 quid in an envelope and I put it in there thinking

that'll do that'll come in handy for things that we need for the children and all this kind of stuff when the window cleaners came in the day

and you were like probably growling at us have you got any money got any cash in your purse blah blah blah I was like oh there's 70 pound in that envelope

not anymore there's not what did you spend it on went out of the piss with the lads, didn't I? Stop spending the draw money on nights out. Stop leaving money places. Why are you taking cash when you're supposed to go on nights out?

But sometimes... You took... That was my £70. That was my money. That was our money. No, that was my money. Wow. That money that I paid for them tickets came out of my bank account.

Wow. Ramsey. Wow. Wow. No, erm... I'm not paying for your own nights out of my bank account, Ramsey. Wow. Wow. I'm not paying for your nights out. Well, no. Sometimes I like to... You know, sometimes.

70 quid. Well, yeah. You didn't go further than the doors. Where have you been? Eh? There was a charity thing happening in one of the bars. So I bought... It's like a blind card thing where you had to pick a location and then it gets raffled out.

Are you bullshitting? No, no, no. It was like 20 quid, right? it's like a blind card thing where you had to pick a location and then it gets raffled out are you bullshitting? no no no it was like 20 quid right in one of the pubs it was doing the thing for charity so it was like 20 quid and you pick the location

and then it gets sort of raffled out whatever the location is and then you win two tickets to the Costa del Sol next year and I bought I put the 20 quid in for me and me two mates so I give 60 quid to that charity thing

plus mine's gonna be a rollover 60 quid yeah for charity plus mine's gonna be a rollover because obviously

if they read it out and they're going the winner is local comedian Chris Ramsey wins the free holiday I went and just put it back in

and spin it again excuse me if you're listening charity lady that's my 20 quid that's my no where was it?

The Hop House at Horton. Right. Horton Hop House. If he wins that, that's mine. Right? No. That's my money? It's charity.

It's for the thing that they do at Christmas for the kids. And I'm buzzing about that. That's amazing. You don't sound buzzing. You sound fucking evil. But don't be using my bloody money out of my bank account. Our. Our.

Our money. Give my money to charity. Our money. Hey. Unbelievable, this this like I want it back you're not having it back that's horrendous you're not having it back go and ask the window cleaners

for it listen I've got beef with you I don't know how you do stop ruining stuff that I like I'm sick of it

like what tortilla wraps oh right yeah tortilla wraps yeah right yeah tortilla wraps straight away oh whenever you whenever I'm eating

something or I'm about to eat something or I want to buy or talk about some food you hit me with the words

do you know what I read the other day and I'm like great so this is about a shit all over whatever I whatever I like

do you know what's really upsetting? What? I'm turning into my mother. You are. You're turning into your mum. I'm really turning into my mum. Honestly, the other day, a chicken wrap,

love a chicken wrap, my favourite thing. And tortillas, sometimes we'll have tortilla pizzas, don't we? So you're not having a really big, thick pizza base. If you're trying to watch

what you're doing, be a bit clever over here. You get tortilla, get it toasted, put a bit of tomato on, put a bit of cheese, like a little flat, sort of toaster pizza thing

you know what I read the other day all the tortillas or just all the emulsifiers and fats and acids and that that that I would stop

reading stuff I'm not going to stop eating them right well don't tell us then okay what was the other thing you were going to tell us

another thing about you read the other day about food and I actually cut you off because I was that upset I don't know. Right, stop doing it. Okay, I love tortillas.

I don't even know if it's true. It was on the telly. Oh, God. Sorry. Makes us think it might be true if it was on the telly. No, we love tortillas. Just...

Arriba! Someone's going to tell us something bad about protein bars soon and I'm going to die. I'm literally going to die. But you need to stop giving protein bars to Robin. I don't give them anymore. He's taking them in school.

You're giving them? Taking them to school like a little bodybuilder? A little steroid? He's going to robin i don't give them anymore you giving them taking the school like a little bodybuilder a little steroid take them into school and share them with these friends and i'm like i don't know if they're allowed to have protein no kids we did google it kids are allowed protein bars but you know it's a bit much it's a bit intense everyone's got a kit kat he's got a fucking grenade ball miss miss is it press up time yet do you mean morning break i'm press up time so i'm gonna do eight ball. You're a gay in here, man. Miss, miss, is it press-up time yet? Do you mean morning break?

Press-up time. So I go and do me press-ups? Why are we like this? You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. What's not real? Who said that? The First Omen.

In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. at torontorock.com It's time for

questions from the public public as stop it stop stop as always if you'd like

if you'd like to get in touch it's shaggedmarydenoid at gmail.com please continue to send us everything you already do because it's bloody great and we love it and it wouldn't be as good

as it is without you so thank you oh and just quickly I'm currently going through the emails for the tour yep and if you didn't know already

if you weren't in the last tour we have different questions from the public every single night so excited for the tour no pressure Chris has absolutely nothing to do

with them it's so good it's my favourite part of any job that I've ever done and I recently did a job where I did a fuckload of actual stunts

with stunt team. Is it nice just turning up for the tour and not having to have done any prep? Well, no, because some of the stuff, don't,

because we're planning things and we've got some prep, but that second section of the night where we, you literally, so it's like this part of the podcast.

This is my favourite part of the podcast because you're about to read as people's dilemmas, people's tales of war, people's filth and I get to judge it and laugh and enjoy myself. But on the tour I get to judge it and laugh and enjoy myself

in front of a crowd, which is where I love being the most and with a glass of wine in my hand. Fucking best nights ever. And it's totally unscripted. Yeah, that part. Other than I've read them but yeah. I don't know how many people knew that but if you came and saw us on the tour last

time and you watched Rosie read me stories or had a spinner wheel on the stage in which you read the stories, both stories and emails from the public were different every single night. And they would be different every single night on this tour as well. And that's why it's so fun. And the audience beefs. We get beefs from the

audience and we have no idea. Send them in as well, by the way. Oh, well, no, because I'm going to put a survey. Yeah, we're going to send a survey out soon for that. Keep an eye on that

if you're coming to any of the venues. Yeah. But yeah, anyway, look, crack on with the content. All right, okay, sorry. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hope you and the Bambinos

are doing well. We are. We're keeping it together. Hanging on by a thread, some would say. Well, I mean, I personally thought it was better than that.

Do you know what's really sad normally people are like hanging on it's nearly half term that's actually filling me with dread yeah yeah no no we're not them

kind of parents when people say have a good weekend I'm like no it's not gonna be good there's gonna be two kids in my house all day

every day yeah I thought you might appreciate the trouble I found myself in recently due to your bloody podcast

oh shit please keep me anonymous because I could get sacked. Stragmode annoyed does not accept any legal liability for any trouble

you may have found yourself in recently or not recently. Did you do that at the top of your head? That was really good. Well done. People are going to think you put that in afterwards

but I just did that there. No you just did that. Quick drink of water. Okay. That's so unnecessary. Oh, no, I read that sipping like that's better. Is it? No.

If you're not making the most noise while sipping water, then you're going to die ten years earlier than everyone else. Do these 15 things every morning while sipping water to live for half a year longer than everyone else. Do these 15 things every morning while sipping water to live 500 years longer than everyone else. Do you sit down to shit? Then you're gonna die when you're 43. Do these 19 things

while standing up and shitting to live until you're 110. Oh, I'm a bit hot. Are you showering with hot water? Then you're gonna die when you're seven years old. Chris has been on the internet too long.

Ah, just fucking every day. Again, I've said it before. Fucking everyone's got 15 things they need to do a day. Yeah, man. You get up, you do your list of shit, and it's time to get back in bed. You sad fuckers. Shut up, man.

Everyone's a life coach. Anyway, carry on. I'm getting annoyed. I work as an executive assistant for a CEO, and as part of my duties, I attend meetings on his behalf. One of which is a meeting with the head of production between the fortnightly meetings if the ceo has any questions for or about production he will send me an email with the subject of queues for pay and every time

i receive one i say queues for the pews and the pews and the pews and the pews, pews, pews, at a variety of volumes. Fantastic. Anyway, to the point. I was recently in the meeting by phone and the head of production had transferred me over to one of our suppliers. I knew the CEO had sent me a question for this particular supplier, so I searched for queues for pee in my inbox. And whilst doing so, I found myself sort of shouting

queues from the pews pews pews pews i instantly slapped myself back into business mode and apologized but the line had gone dead i tried to call him back but it went straight to voicemail i left a very polite voicemail and then moved on with my day as it was friday i quickly forgot about my moment of twattiness and swanned out of the office for the weekend on mond Monday morning, I returned to the office to find the head of HR sat at my desk with a very serious look upon her face. Now, I love a bit of office gossip, so I'm not going to lie, I got a little excited as I asked her, ooh, what's going on now?

I love office gossip. Yeah, yeah. But the serious HR look remained, and she asked me to accompany her to the CEO's office. Well. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

Shit. Fuck. You're alright, man. Freaking hell. Fuck. A little confused, I followed through to the office to be greeted by the CEO, head of production and one other member of the HR team who was armed with a laptop. Okay.

Fuck. Good grief. Shit. What the hell is this? Fucking hit squad. Shit. Fuck. Stop it.

I'm ramping up the atmosphere. The head of HR took her place around the table and the CEO asked me to sit down. After some back and forth, the reason for this meeting became abundantly clear. The head of production had received a complaint from an anonymous source that I had shouted,

pubes, pubes shouted pubes pubes pubes down the phone at one of our suppliers anonymous an anonymous It's the best bit. Yeah, so anonymous. At first I was baffled and said so at the panel. Then I had to sit there whilst HR team member with the laptop played the recording of my so-called pube shouting to the room at large. They must record all this stuff. As soon as the recording began, I knew what I had said and pissed myself laughing. Probably not the best reaction.

But I explained I was shouting pews and not pubes. And all about this podcast I listened to called Shag Mountain Oid. But the more I spoke, the angrier the CEO seemed to get. I even offered to get my phone out and play them a sip of Smacks so they could hear for themselves. Oh my God. Unsurprisingly, this was met with a resounding no. I even explained about how this... All right, guys.

Jesus. Yeah. Sorry. Shag married what? I even explained about how the subject heading of Q's for P is similar to questions from the public, but my defense fell on deaf ear. Brilliant.

Also, it really fucked me off that they tried to claim an anonymous saucy complaint when there was only two of us on the call. Yeah, that's the funniest bit. So my defence may have been sort of yelled at them. An anonymous saucy.

And as well, it says, it was bloody clear I was shouting pews and not pews and they all knew it. Wow. Anyway, I ended up with a final written warning

for irreparable damage to the company reputation. No way. And the CEO now subjects his emails as questions for production, capitals and all.

Wow. Now I'm having to be very careful at work which is driving me mad so if you ever need a PA let me know. I'll ring the CEO. What a stuck up prick.

What do you think the company is? Oh. Sounds like the cell lies and shattered dreams to me. There'll be something really wrong that's the thing though

if I was on a call and someone said pubes if I thought someone had just shouted pubes down the phone to us I would hang up the phone I'd go sorry did you just shout pubes

like what that's what we want that's why you don't that's why you have this job yeah because you would go you do just say pubes but most people

who aren't in this kind of job are in very serious jobs who don't have a personality. Right. Or a sense of humour. Right. Clearly. And as well, you don't know what's going on in their time.

You don't know what's going on in that day. Maybe they haven't had puberty yet. Maybe. They're triggered. Maybe they're sitting there with a bald, bald penis in their 30s. Maybe they're at the time of life when they... Or why have I not got pubes yet?

Pubes do fall out, you know, when you get older. Oh, gee. What? Yes. You lose your pubes. Pubes fall out? Yeah. when you get older. Oh, gee, what? Yes. You lose your pubes. Pubes fall out? Yeah. When you get older.

No, I thought this went great. No, I can't wait, mate. I either fall out. How? Oh,

God. Are you, are you about to Google do pubes fall out? Do you lose, L-O-S-E, not loose, is it,

your pubes when you get older? Do you lose your pubes when you get older? There's your book older there's your book there's your book title as we age some pubic hair thinning

or loss is normal yeah can't wait I had no idea yeah that's mad so

isn't it it just it goes full circle doesn't it because there's me getting my first pubes at Holy Island buzzing

counting the little fuckers, and then young thinking, oh, when are they going to all come in? And now, hate them, hate them, hate them, hate them. When I'm older, they'll all go and I'll go, me pubes. Yeah. Me dry vag, got me pubes.

That's going to happen as well. Jesus. Vaginal dryness. Right, well, I mean, God, this is, imagine the person on the call heard this. I know, I know, imagine. God. Anonymous source, she shouted vaginal dryness and Holy person on the call heard this. I know, I know. Imagine. God. Anonymous source,

she shouted vaginal dryness and Holy Island down the phone to someone. Anonymous source. Anonymous tip-off. Get that CEO on the phone. I'll have a word with him. What a... So they can't see the funny side of that.

Well, right, okay. In their defence, that could have been a massive deal. That deal could have cost millions and millions of pounds right and you don't want somebody shouting we're gonna back out anyway we're gonna i don't think there's any deal i would be about to do in my professional career that could be ruined at the 11th hour by someone saying pubes to someone else but maybe it's because i'm in a different industry i think i think that's what it is chris yeah i've got it yeah like back in the

real world when i work with people even in part time jobs there were some absolute fucking knobs to be fair yeah you can't be shouting pubes down the phone especially pubes pubes pubes it wasn't just once it wasn't just once

three times almost like an echo lady you were shouting pubes as you were falling down a well exactly pubes pubes pubes but I love your dedication

to the podcast so thank you we love you even if your boss hates you we love you and you know what enjoy being unemployed it's great man

you have more time to listen to us we've got an extra one as well on Acast Plus you can subscribe to that as well every fortnight

you'll get an extra one you've got to pay for that though if they are jobless if you lose your job fair enough tighten the belt babadoo babadoo babadoo

hi Rosie and Chris still loving the podcast alright don't be surprised. Shock. Why are we getting so... Dragging it out. Why is every question a fucking diss?

CEO. Offered to play for the CEO. He fucking vomited in my face at the thought of it. Hi Rosie and Chris. I'm still enjoying this. Didn't think I would be. Fucking hell. Alright man. What is this? What's this? It's time for put Chris and Rosie

in there please please no it's time for put you back where you belong down a peg or two thank you for making me gag last week

at this childbirth Fleming nurses mouth story whilst I was driving to work I can't remember that this is from a while back can't remember can't wait to see you

in Cardiff in November for my 30th yay I haven't been to Cardiff for a long time looking forward to it both Cardiff shows are completely sold out

as well are they yeah yeah from what I remember fucking hell hold on let us check Cardiff is Wales isn't it yes

don't fucking look at this like I'm stupid I'm just triple checking because I will do my Welsh accent but it is Wales is it the capital of Wales has Wales got a capital

oh has Wales got a capital save it all save it all for the night in Cardiff oh the booing's going to be so loud oh no don't

I love Welsh people yeah they say tough I can speak Welsh I'll do me Welsh save it for the night save it for the night alright

I thought I would oh can you guess that I'd so sometimes I just put a word in the search bar of the emails because this is from

years ago I put gossip in today right so just if you ever hear if you hear gossip you'll know that it's yeah i got all of these stories because i typed gossip in at the search bar okay see there's a lot goes on behind the scenes that you type one word you type one word into a search bar what do you and why gossip i don't know because i just like gossip Every time I came out of that office today,

you had home furnishings and sofas on your Safari. And twice you were on the phone to your sister. So nothing goes on. You just honestly, shut up and read it out, will you? This is painful. Type gossip. Just if you hear the word gossip, it's because I type it.

Do you think it's going to be like when you watch a film and you hear the name of the film, when they say the name of the film? I love that. We're watching Designated Survivor at the minute, and in one episode they said Designated Survivor three times, and I was like, alright, man. Because you are the Designated Survivor. I am.

We've got the wrong designated survivor. Is that what it's called, is it? Is that what the show's called? Fucking hell, lads. Enjoying it so far? Don't let me know if it gets you. Yeah, yeah. It's actually good.

It's really good. Kyka Sublin, man. Legend. Yeah, it is good. I thought I would email in with my office gossip. Oh. Oh. Gossip.

Oh. As I work in South Wales for quite a big civil service company so please get me anonymous Right, she works in Swansea for the DVLA Done Because it's the only thing in Swansea You're not seen when you send something to DVLA

You just write DVLA Swansea Two things in Swansea There's a university and there's a DVLA. And I imagine the university doors open at the DVLA and you just leave the university and go straight into the DVLA. I work in South Wales for quite a large civil service company.

Yep. Cracked your code, Sherlock. Fuck me. Oh, God. Oh, that's hilarious. That's literally like saying I work near Big Ben in a building that I won't name, but every 5th of November,

we celebrate that it didn't get blown up by a certain guy. You were the House of Parliament. You were the House of Parliament. Yeah. I mean, I would never have worked that out. That would have so well done you. Over the years, our office has had lots of phantoms. Sorry?

Phantoms. Sorry? Like, phantom things. Never heard phantom. Apart from, like Like phantom things. Never heard... Apart from like phantom pain. Like phantom. What about the phantom of the opera? Yeah, well, yeah, but...

You never see them, but they're there. Read on. The phantom of the opera is there inside my mind. You know how I feel about these things. Well, come on. It's not a ghost thing. What is it then? Well, fucking just listen,

would you? Oh. Belt up. What the fuck's a phantom then? The phantom sandwich poker. Oh, here we go. We're back in the... Yeah, someone who kept

poking their fingers into people's cellophane-wrapped sandwiches in the communal fridges. Don't some people have so much trauma in their life sorry never never have i been so like i would honestly i thought you're talking about ghosts and i thought it was about a phantom sandwich poker yeah someone just opens the fridge someone just goes around poking everyone everyone's sandwiches Fucking great Some people are so damaged Don't you think?

Oh it's great though innit It gives us a lot of laughs But imagine how fucked off you'd be If I made a sandwich You'd eat round it Would you? You wouldn't eat it at all Someone puts on a pork your sandwich

It hasn't gone through the cellophane though has it? The point is they've just made a dent in the sandwich It's very much fuck you Oh right yeah okay So it hasn't gone through the cellophane though has it the point is they just made a dint in the sandwich it's very much fuck you alright yeah so it hasn't gone in the sandwich great though

read it again the phantom sandwich poker the phantom sandwich poker in brackets someone who kept poking their fingers

into people's cellophane wrapped sandwiches in the communal fridges oh my god I'm so glad I don't have to have to go to an office and keep me food nah I couldn't have it I couldn't have to fucking have to go to an office and keep me food

nah I couldn't have it I couldn't have it every time we go to Avalon to do anything and I open the fridge and there's a sweet fucking

there was a sweet potato there once with a post-it note on with someone's name on in the fridge I was like who's nicking a sweet potato who's doing that

like fucking hell how many times has someone who opens the fridge goes oh sweet potato I'll have that was it wrapped up yeah no it was just on a plate and I had a post sweet potato, I'll have that. Was it wrapped up?

Yeah, no, it was just on a plate and I had a post-it note on. Was it raw or was it cooked? No, because the person, I saw the same person later on having the sweet... They had a baked sweet potato for lunch so they just did it in the microwave, the sweet potato.

But they hadn't heated it up? No, it was like a raw sweet potato. A raw potato with a post-it note on? With a post-it note on, with the person's name on. Why is someone... It was madness. That's awful.

Yeah, but the fact that you've got a post-it note, the fact that someone just opens to post a post the fact that someone just opens it and goes oh someone got the sweet potatoes in for the lads

did they like you got in for a bit of milk you're going for a bit of milk to put in your coffee you come up

with a fucking free sweet potato animal unbelievable oh wait what's the other phantoms remember

so the phantom B is the phantom shitter oh yeah yeah we've all had a phantom shitter in brackets who kept've all had a phantom shitter in brackets who kept shitting

on the toilet seat in the women's that's even that's bad we think this was a protest of being put on the phones

in the call centre that's a couple of them however this story remains to be my favourite gossip oh god

yeah gossip well done stop looking at us whenever someone says gossip pathetic it's like designated However, this story remains to be my favourite gossip. Oh, God. Yeah, gossip. Well done. Stop looking at us whenever someone says gossip. Pathetic. From the men's bathroom. Designated survivor. So this is from the men's bathroom, right? Right.

Maybe you could make this a Rosie's Mysteries. Mysteries. Oh, great. Yeah, I'm in the mood. One of the male workers in my team went in the toilet cubicle for an afternoon sit down. In brackets. Taking the ball to the corner we call it

that's awful when he looked down the ball and found mysteries mysteries mysteries looked down the ball what's he found in the toilet bowl

so he's looked into the toilet he's looked into the toilet bowl and he's found something what's he found wide open this isn't it come on it's the Davey Ellions one it's definitely the Davey Ellions one

what's he found what's he found is there something give us a clue Come on. It's the Davey Ellions onesie. It's definitely the Davey Ellions onesie. What's he found? What's he found? Give us a clue. Is it something to do with work? No. Oh, for fuck's sake. Well, what must... I don't know.

What do you think it is? Fucking Action Man doll. I don't know. It's not an Action Man doll. Am I close? No, you're miles away. Right. Is it some kind of food?

I'm not... I don't want to... I can just tell you the answer now. Well, we've got to play along at home. Okay. Right, yes, it might be some sort of food. Okay, everyone place your guesses now. I'm going I don't want to I can just tell you the answer now well we've got play along at home okay right yes it might be some sort of food okay

everyone place your guesses now I'm going with spaghetti right okay spaghetti bolognese or just some spaghetti

some pasta some pasta some pasta yeah okay I can tell you right now you're wrong brilliant

sat in the water was a full pork chop bone on and cooked someone doesn't chew their food deep throat

of that the night before they just passed it straight out like a baby swallowing a pound coin this was confirmed

by a number of male staff running to have a look as it sounded too ridiculous to be true this happened a

few years ago but it remains a hot talking point and a story that we cannot wait to share with new staff. Oh, there was a question at the end. No, sorry, sorry. That's it. That's it.

So that's the story. I'd have to leave. Hey, you all right? Oh, what's it like on here then? Hey, gossip. Well, once someone put a full pork chop in the toilet. Bone on. Right?

Why? That's a full day of work. Why? Dunno. And what happened? Dunno. and who put it there don't know where's my desk what's the wi-fi jesus is that where dvla is that when you send your old passports do they do all the fine what so what is the dvl the driving license yes you don't send your passport itports? Do they do all the fine? So what is the DVLA? The driving licence? Yes, you don't send

your passports. It's a driving licence. Oh, I meant to say a driving licence. Did I say a passport? You said passports, yeah. That's Durham. Shit the bed.

That's up near where you are. That's us. Not for the whole country but I know if you desperately need a passport you go to Durham. So that's where all the driving licences

are made and come from. DVLA Swansea is specifically for when you're taxing I think. Is it taxing? It's definitely for the driving licence where they do all the driving licenses are made DVLA Swansea is specifically for like when you're taxing I think is it taxing it's definitely for the driving license where they do all the driving licenses

you send one back if you chop your driving license you send it to DVLA Swansea and I know that if you've got like a surplus in your house of pork chops you send them there as well

and they just put them in the magic pork chop toilet why do you think there was a pork chop in there because people are fucking nutters I've got a theory go on then

I think some guy has been chatting to somebody, fancies them. Yeah. I think he's had a pork chop for his dinner, sat down next to lunch with the person he fancies, realised they're vegan, full vegan, and he's gone,

oh, this isn't even mine. Pocketed it. Got rid of it. He's put it in his pocket and he's put it down the toilet. Right. In that scenario, you think that him eating a pork chop...

So embarrassed about it. Right, so he's more embarrassed... So embarrassed about eating a pork chop in front of a vegan he fancies. He picks it up with his hand and puts it in his pocket. He goes, this isn't mine. Picks it up with his hand

and puts it in the pocket of his trousers. I think I've watched too many American teen movies. That's what the problem is. Did you watch American Pie last night? I think maybe.

Maybe someone was fucking it in the toilet. Maybe someone was having a wank with a pork chop. Oh, probably. You never know. Two pork chops

around each other. Oh, yeah. Ah, that was it. So he's holding the pork chops like a sandwich and putting his dick in between the two pork chops

and going for it and one of the pork chops falls in the toilet. Do you know what that's called? What? Pigging. Pigging. Pigging. Expensive little habit that, innit?

Isn't it? But he pork chopped bone on every time. I, randomly, I don't know if you remember, a couple of weeks ago, I bought some pork chops and just had them for myself for dinner

do you remember they were lovely okay just very it was a very random lunch and I know that you're funny with bones and fat and that's why I didn't offer you any

pork's alright you know where you stand with it the bones are very much there pork's my favourite meat right okay Jesus okay bye that was intense

babadoo babadoo babadoo hi Chris and Rosie please keep me anonymous Okay The other day I met my friend for a coffee and a gossip Oh Great

Fucking hell She looks at us every time Well done If we could be asked to record the podcast we'd clip these bits up to put online Yeah

of all these bits Yeah yeah yeah But case of wrong we cannot be asked we can't video this my nipple is literally touching the mic right now window cleaners are still here she did genuinely just put her nipple on the mic awful we couldn't do that so So there you go. Right.

The other mate, I met with a friend for a gossip, getting on to the topic of love interests, et cetera. She had been talking to this guy and slept together

a couple of times. Then she said one evening he just sent her a video, brackets, and I saw the video with my own eyes and the images burned into them.

So he sent her a video. Oh, do you want to guess what he's doing? Or should I just tell you? Is he fucking two pork chops? he's doing or should I just tell you is he fucking two pork chops he's not right okay he's not fucking two pork chops

sadly he's not pigging he's not pigging not that night is he I don't know come on a video

is it sexual yes supposed to be sexual is he masturbating no no is he just flicking his knob about

don't know is he just spinning it around helicoptering yeah is he doing the goat is he masturbating no no is he just flicking his knob about don't know is he just touched spinning it around helicopter yeah is he doing the goat is he sticking it in between his legs and putting these balls and he's out the back end and going oh i'm a lady and filming the back end is that what that's called some people call it the goat some people call it the fruit bowl because of what it's presented at the back dead quick question yeah what does goat mean in cool like in cool kid language oh wow do you. Do you not know this? No. Wow.

I think I've been told, but I think I forgot. What is it? It's the letters goat, greatest of all time. Right, okay. So if someone's the goat. They're the greatest of all time. And people use the goat emoji. Yes, I'm glad I know.

No, he was, sent her a video of him sucking himself up. You are joking. Literally, camera down by his knees, so all you can see is a giant cock being slurped like a slushie. With the caption, think I need a hand with this? I don't think he does. I'm in shock. Yeah.

One, well, she said here, I do not care if you are the most drop-dead gorgeous person in the world. It's ick, she's dry sandpaper. On on a side note surely i'm not the only person who actually thought this wasn't possible every day i've got so many questions and so many things to say at once that there's actually a traffic jam in my brain right okay first of all first one congratulations sir you can suck yourself off you've won the lottery you've achieved the dream that every man has tried why do you want to suck yourself off? Every teenage boy tries it, right? Some end up in hospital.

Some just hurt their back, right? I had a friend at school who claimed he could do it, but obviously I never saw it, but he claimed he could do it. Okay. Every teenage kid's tried it. As you grow older, you think,

actually, that's fucking manky. Imagine actually doing that. Could Prince do it? No, that was a... Was that a rumour? Wasn't there a rumour? So it was Prince. They got their bottom ribs removed so they could do it. Yes, right. Genuinely don't think itour? Wasn't there a rumour? So it was Prince, they got their bottom ribs removed

so they could do it. Yes, right. Genuinely don't think it's anything to do with their ribs. Can we just say though, imagine there's a, right, there's a school gossip, okay, there's a school rumour, worldwide rumour,

that you can suck yourself off. That's... You'd be devastated. That's mad, isn't it? That's horrible. You'd be devastated. That's horrible. So whenever I think Prince,

all I think is, I heard that he was so- Well, one, rest in peace. Two, I doubt it was true. Can you imagine that though? Yeah. Can you imagine? Wolverine was a true.

But can you imagine someone talking to like a massive star like Prince back in the day? Someone who, you know, interviewing them or whatever, going, yeah, you can suck yourself off. Sorry, what? Yeah.

I hear you can. Where did you hear that? I don't know if he knew. Me, um, me nephew, uh, speaking to his friend at school in, uh, Horton Comp, South Shields, says you can suck did you hear that? I don't know if he knew. Me, my nephew, speaking to his friend at school in Horton Comps, how she says,

is that not true? No. Who told you, well, you're not got your ribs, it's got nothing to do with your ribs. Worldwide. Imagine that.

But right, back to this guy. Yes. What, like, come on. Why, one,

why would you ever send, I think I need a hand with this yeah like I say I don't think he does so that's a video sure enough when she breaks up with you

maybe you send that video I didn't need you anyway look here Sarah I didn't need you I'll do it better myself look what you're missing actually makes us feel physically sick that is

why would you send that to someone I don't know like, look what you're missing. Actually makes us feel physically sick. That is... Why would you send that to someone? I don't know. That is madness. How flexible are you as well? Good grief. I think it's perverted. I think they're doing it just for the air.

I think it's got to be a mixture of massive knob and extremely flexible. Yeah. And really weird. Jesus. Some things are supposed to be kept private i think enjoyed alone if i could if i when i was a teenager if i realized i could have sucked myself up we would never have met seriously i would never have left the house i'd still be in there now why does he why does he still live with his mom and dad well he hasn't

left his room for 45 years that's gross you can't even bend you've got like slight scoliosis you can't even bend backwards you wouldn't even get yeah but I'm not going I'm not going backwards I'm going to go forwards

you can't even bend your bloody nipple how dare you it's just the top try it see how far I'm not I am not going to try

to suck myself off on this podcast right you just headbutt at the table that's hilarious I had a really if you was big enough you probably could you probably could god. That's hilarious. I had a really... If you was big enough, you probably could.

You probably could. God, right. Let's see if I could. Oh, God. See? You cannot bend at all. You are. Can you?

You can't. No. It would have to be three foot long. Horrendous. And alas, it's only two. Damn it. There you go. Thank you,

Schmank You, for listening to this week's episode of Shagged Marinoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Schmank You is awful, don't do that again. Thank you so much for listening,

we bloody love you, cheers for coming back, cheers for being part of this and as always if you'd like to get in touch it is shaggedmaridanoid at gmail.com don't forget

if you get a second vote for on the TV Choice Awards there's literally 500 million shows on there good luck finding us and the tour is on sale

with extra tickets released for some venues and we'll see you there it's going to be really good fun yeah have a good weekend pigging yeah back in your ears next week.

Bye. Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets,

visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play.

Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.