Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 239. Talk less, smile more

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

This week on the podcast Chris and Rosie discuss smelly towels, saying the wrong thing and Designated Survivor. Chris has a new job for his CV and the beefs cover falling asleep and smelly bins. Rosie is on a mission to make the Nana trolley fashionable and the pair are told about an anonymous Whatsapp Group. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.

For tickets, visit tso.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Maradonoid with rosie ramsey my husband chris ramsey coming from our studio in our house which is the perfect temperature not too hot it's not a temperature we just went to start hello everyone by the way we just went to start and uh and you just knocked out a massive yawn and you're leaning back and yawning now do you know why do you know why because honestly chris us two last night who the hell do we think we are? Shared a bottle of wine, stayed up till 11 o'clock. Listen, I was fully against it.

I was fully, fully against it. It was your idea? No, it was my idea. Oh, not staying up till 11. I had to force that. Not to stay up till 11, yeah. So you kept saying, so we're watching that Designated Survivor. Oh, I love it.

It's amazing, but I am am so concerned i think it got cancelled or not renewed so i'm telling you there's three series so good there's three series it's going to end on a cliffhanger and it's going to be like that's it right okay and chris mentioned it about 25 times during the show last night well don't watch it anymore then i'll watch it on my own i'm not gonna if i find out it's been cancelled i'm not i'm not investing any more time what's why why you gotta live like that it's a story you know it's made up it's a. I'll watch it on my own. I'm not going to. If I find out it's been cancelled, I'm not investing any more time in it. Why have you got to live like that? It's a story, you know. It's made up.

It's a story that'll never finish, love. It's not what it's called. What's his name? Adnan Syed. Still furious about Adnan Syed. What was that called again? It's been a couple of years now. Google, he might be.

What was it called? What was that podcast called? Serial. Serial. Like serial killer, not serial. Like serial killer is what I wanted to be once I heard the final episode, which was, we still don't know if he did it.

Literally, welcome to the podcast. We don't know if he did this. 12 hours later, we still don't know if he did this. Thanks for wasting your time. Yes, I know, but... You're not getting them hours back. That's real life with Designated Survivor. It's a TV show, isn't it?

It's not real. I'm telling you. Oh, then you just stick by... I'm scared to Google it. I'm scared. Do you ever have this? I'm scared to Google. I'll Google it right now.

No, no, because it'll say... Don't, because it'll literally say something like... I remember... Put your hands down. I remember I was watching The Shield back in the day when you had to order them from play.com, right? Yeah, I remember play.com. I would get The Shield from play.com

and I got... I was like, this is so good. Was that about the superheroes the stop what no it's Vic Mackey

in the shield never seen it Vic Mackey he's the makes no difference name and character of a show I've never seen I'll tell you right now

exactly what it's about Vic Mackey he's a renegade cop who doesn't play by the rules but he gets the job done right right was that his tagline

no that's basically how I describe the show awesome show but i ordered like a few of the seasons in a big bulk because i was rattling through it and i was looking at the boxes looking at the dvd boxes which is what used to do back in the day and literally on the back one the boxes it was like after the death of and it was like a main character and i was one series behind it and i was i just threw it on the floor i threw it on the floor i was absolutely furious and I watched the whole series knowing that this guy was going to die.

Oh, oh! Well, I forgot. I didn't say it last night because I know how much of a trigger it is for you. Do you know, everyone listening, there's parts of my life that I don't mention in front of Chris or there's things to trigger him.

So this is the life that I live. It's pathetic, right? But on one of the little screen things, there was two characters kissing and I was like, oh, so they kiss. Yeah, it's the front cover. Totally ruined it. Why did they do that?

I've talked about this before. Obviously, because I'm a hardened criminal, sometimes I will illegally download the UFC if it's not turning up properly. What? If it's not turning up properly. Right, lads. Come on.

Here it is. It doesn't work as well when it's me. Sometimes the thumbnail, and I feel like someone does this on purpose the thumbnail of the one I'm trying to download will be the guy who's been fighting

with his hand held in the air by the referee do you know who that is police that's Dana White Dana White making everyone do you remember I am fucking boiling

in this room good I'm jealous it's boiling it's boiling it's nice Chris it's really cold do you remember

back in the day yeah when uh when you would start watching a film and there was like a bit load a bit about like pirates and that piracy and if it was a pirate you'd be like you mean when you had a pirate copy that had the anti-piracy warning on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So gross. You're just like, what are you going to do? Fuck all is what you're going to do because I've got it.

Shut the curtains. Shut the curtains. Are they looking? Are they looking? I did go through a little phase of being really scared about that. About the piracy thing? Mm-hmm.

Literally every single comedian in the entire country had a bit on, you know, you wouldn't download a, on you wouldn't download a you wouldn't steal a handbag you wouldn't can you remember it man

it was like you wouldn't steal a handbag you wouldn't steal a car every comic had a bit on that did they so many yeah everyone had a bit on it no I didn't have a bit on it

because I saw about 6 or 7 people new bits going I'm not going to do that the one I had wasn't as good as the ones I'd seen fair enough so I just shelved it fair enough

right what's your stupid sponsor my sponsor apart from being absolutely fucking boiling in this room oh turn it off then I'm going to

once we get this jingle on there's going to be a new climate in here I'm telling you that right now but this week thank you guys it's episode 239

thank you so much for being here thank you for joining us thanks for hey thanks for sticking with it and without further ado it's time for this week's

lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is giving someone a cup of tea in a mug that you've dried with a damp towel. Oh. Are you,

hmm, what do you mean? The smell? I mean, hey, do you hate someone? Well, why not invite them over

and give them a cup of tea in a mug that you've dried with a damp towel? Oh, see, because the cup is technically clean, but the putrid smell of the damp towel is exaggerated by the hot cup so when they take a drink and they can't breathe through the mouth anymore they go they'll breathe through the nose they get the full hit of the putrid smell it's literally the best way to ruin

someone's day where's that happened i did it to myself yesterday we don't have putrid towels we did have a putrid towel i had to put it in the wash oh yeah I'm embarrassed for you really embarrassed have you ever had it the one people's you know like oh Chris there's certain glasses

I can't drink out of so I've been filming on like I've been filming a few things different things that annoyingly I can't mention yet on location

oh I can mention one of them because it gets announced tomorrow we'll mention that later on little tidbit there oh

careful I've been filming on location in London I was in a house and the towels were, the hand towels in the bathroom. Not good. It's like you're undoing the washing of your hands

on a dirty towel. Yeah, it's disgusting. And when it's someone's house as well, it was just rented, the house to the film crew for the day, I think, who dried that arse crack on this towel this morning? It was big towels as well, you know.

It was big towels hanging on the back of the door. I was like, someone's gooch has been all over that. They're probably not to dry your hands then. What's this supposed to dry my hands on then? Just flick it.

Just flick it. Flick it all over the room. In someone's house. Look at the deposit back, man. Joking, aren't you? Flooding the place with water flickage. Anyway, look.

Clean your fucking towels. Stinks. Look, you're yawning. I'm so, do you know what it is, Chris? Because it's fucking boiling. Right, well, turn that off. But, um,

I just, I get so upset at the fact that you just can't have a life anymore. When? When you've got kids? Just miss staying up. I just miss watching because we were really enjoying that programme. And you know when you want to, like, binge it. Yeah.

But then you just can't because you know that a kid's going to wake you up at, like, half five, six o'clock in the morning. Yeah. So, Rafe walks up at 20 to six. 20 to six. I'm just tired. The middle of the fucking night. Just tired. Middle of the at 20 to 6. 20 to 6. I'm just tired. The middle of the fucking night. Just tired.

Middle of the night. But I'm powering through. I'll be okay. Listen, I'm going to turn that heater off. I'm going to open that window. I'm going to open that door. I'm going to give you a little shake. I'm going to take your socks and shoes off.

Then we'll come back and we'll bloody kick this podcast right in the end of its tiddler. Why are you taking your socks and shoes off? Are you that hot? I am, honestly, I'm in pain. I'm in pain. I'm in pain, I'm that hot. I'm freezing.

You're not freezing. I am, I am. Honestly. You need to go to the doctors. There's something wrong with you. Right then. There's something wrong with you. I hope there is.

Wow. When I get some time to bathe. Disgusting. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle, so this is the jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo babadoo babadoo bab, jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Hello, hello. Hiya.

Hi. I've given my head a little shake. I'm all right now. You all right now? Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. Tonight, I'm going to go to bed with the kids. It always seems like a good idea. I know.

And the thing is, the kids stayed at my mum and dad's the other day, got up at ten past seven. Why? Why the torture room were like this? Literally, they're here. They're like, Min, it's five.

Let's get up. I don't know, maybe they're bored at my mum and dad's. Maybe they're like, what's the point in getting up? I don't know. I don't think they're that they're like Min it's five let's get up maybe they're bored at me mum and dad maybe they're like what's the point in getting up I don't know

I don't think they're that clever to be honest with you so speaking of the kids right I haven't told you about this yet I had an interaction

with somebody who I don't know it was my friend's friend and her mum lovely lovely people friends, friend and her mum yeah

and I was chatting to them it was the first time I'd met them and I said something and I didn't correct myself and now i'm really worried that they think that i was being serious and also why do i say things sometimes you know and i always come away from conversations and go why did i say that oh yeah always always all the time most of my life doing that yeah and then remembering it, so I've not stopped thinking about this. So basically... Oh, God.

No, so I was chatting to this woman and her mum. And we were talking and then she went, oh, have you got kids? And I went, yeah, I've got two. She's like, what have you got? And boys. And then she's like, oh. And I went and I said,

I said, Chris, and obviously, you know I don't. Everyone knows that I don't. I went, oh, I fucking hate them. For fuck's sake. Chris, I said I fucking hate them. Why would you say that? And they didn't really laugh.

And I was like, why have I said that? I don't know. Why did I say that? I don't hate my kids. Get me tits. But I love them. Why did you say that? And it's plagued us to the point where I'm like, do I message my friend and say,

can you please tell your friend and her mum that I don't fucking hate my kids? Yeah. What's wrong with us? Not even like, oh, they're a nightmare, they're a handful. Exactly. I hate them.

I said, I fucking hate them. Fucking as well? Fucking. Gee whiz, what do you mean? Isn't that horrible? What's wrong with us? That's terrible. I think it's like, not that I've got social anxiety,

but I think it's like an overcompensating thing. I just say stupid stuff and then I left that conversation going, they think I hate my kids. Brilliant. Horrible, that, isn't it? And I don't hate my kids. I can't wait to tell them.

Yeah, I'm so in, but I'm mortified. I'll tell Robin first because he's seven and he'll kind of get it and then I'll keep it in the back and I'll tell Rafe when he's a bit older as well.

This is going to do really well for me, this, around the house. Really well for me. But the boys will forgive us, but do you think those people will now be like, he met that Rosie Ramsey

from Shag Mine Road and said she hates her kids? I think they know you don't hate your kids, but I think they would probably think it was a very strange thing to say.

What? Why did I say it? Yeah. Like a really weird thing to just say. Really weird. Yeah. Oh, I know. So, have you not noticed you did your little G&S show yeah like a really weird thing to just say really weird yeah oh I know

so have you not noticed you did your little G&S show I did your singing show well done lovely singing

whole thing was really good really enjoyed it some lovely songs thanks babe so I have now adopted a new way of acting when I'm out and about

what's that but I just basically don't really talk that much so i'll speak but i kind of now don't because i do exactly the same especially when i have a couple of drinks and especially running around people i don't know i say things like that not horrible things i don't get leery i don't lose control of myself i'm not saying i'm a problem drinker but you say i'm saying sometimes when inhibitions go and i make a little joke and i sometimes go a bit too far with the joke or i'll say something that could be construed as like arrogant or that he's being serious he's a total arsehole so i've just started just smiling yeah

but that's worse chris you did it the other night yeah and but then you just look weird and you look a bit rude i just don't speak now i just stop that that though. You can't just not talk. For my mental health, I'm just going to not talk that much to people. No. I just can't. So people say things and I just... Am I meant to do the same? Well, I think... From what I've just fucking heard,

you should. You should start it immediately as soon as we finish this. In fact, when we're not recording this, by the sounds of things, you should just walk around shutting the fuck up because you are telling strangers

that you hate your kids like some kind of maniac. take a leaf out of my me i am do you know when i'm when i'm when i'm just literally looking at someone just smiling and nodding now what i'm gonna do i do all because people come over and they expect it's that weird thing when you're a comedian people like oh you're right and they're like wait they're kind of like i totally didn't years ago when i first started comedy and i was in the paper, I thought doing comedy. And I went to the local post office to get some stamps. And I was literally like to get some stamps.

And the one behind the post office, like the one behind the counter, they were like, we saw you in the paper. And I went, right. And they're like, yeah. And I went, can I get some stamps? And they went, yeah. And I was like, no, I just want some stamps. Like they thought I was going to do something.

A bit. Yeah. They thought I was going to do a skit on stamps. Stamps because X, Y, Z. Ha, ha, ha. That's weird. So i just be quiet now when i smile and i nod and in my head i'm doing that song from hamilton talk less smile more i'll just do that oh yeah do that again no i don't i don't sing i don't listen just do as i do and tell everyone you hate your kids absolutely not because i don't and i love my children and the fact that you are telling people that is disgusting

so i was i was mortified yeah i wasn't even drunk and you're thinking about now you're thinking about now texting someone and saying by the way i said this by accident can you tell wow yeah that's the worst bit when you're thinking about texting someone should i don't know no i've done that again i did that recently friend of ours we met them in the park and she had a um is that a cousin cousin with her I don't know I don't know what you're talking about for a moment I didn't recognise her

because normally I always see her with her kid and her husband oh yeah you've met her a lot of times I didn't put name to face straight away

and then I was like oh yeah we've met and I picked a time probably six times previous to when we most recently met and she looked at us

like I was a maniac and I wrote three texts out to our friend yeah I wrote three texts and I deleted all of them six times previous to when we most recently met. And she looked at us like it was a maniac. And I wrote three texts out to our friend. I wrote three texts and I deleted all of them. And I thought, there's no way of fixing this. I'm just going to have to stew on this forever. Just live with it. Just carry it around with us.

Just put it in the big bag of embarrassing shit that I've done. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Isn't it horrible? Yeah. I don't want to hate my kids. There's moments. Sometimes.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. So listen, I'm having a sort of rejig of me CV. So obviously, you know, me CV used to be comedian, stand comedian, and then my hoid actor on there,

after Hebbin, right? And then my TV presenter was on there as well. And then podcaster. Oh yeah. Yeah. Now, Bonafide Action Man is on there Action Man, Stuntman

brackets heartthrob brackets athlete Chris is talking about a job he did recently which so good I'm really excited for it to come on TV it took ages to film,

but last year on Sky, there was a show called The Unofficial Science of Home Alone, where some comedians went through and did all the stuff from Home Alone. This year, me and Paul Chowdhury, hosted by Alex Brugger from The Last Leg, are doing The Unofficial Science of Die Hard.

Genuinely one of my favourite films. And I had to do a shitload of the actual stunts from Die Hard. Genuinely one of my favourite films and I had to do a shitload of the actual stunts from Die Hard and it was absolutely amazing. And I got sent all of the videos whilst I was at home with the kids on my own. Getting sent videos of Chris jumping off shit onto like

big massive bouncy castles and then showing the kids thinking oh they might be impressed by this but actually then they just start crying saying, we want to do it. It was horrendous, actually. I love you in that. And it is impressive, but it was a bit icky.

Was it? A little bit. When you kept sending us all the videos and that, of you doing stunts and you were like, look at this. This is epic. I was jumping 10 meters off like a crane onto a big cushion.

I did the hands groove, a hang and drop with loads of the stunts from the movie. It was amazing. Do you know what the problem is? I cushion. I did the hands group, a hang and drop, with loads of the stunts from the movie. It was amazing. Do you know what the problem is? What? I'll tell you what the problem is, right?

Social media ruined that for you. How? Because I watch videos like that all the time. Wow. It wasn't as impressive. But they're not your husband, you sack of shit.

but it was quite far away. I couldn't fully see your face. But at one point, I showed you a video and you text back saying, this is not work, come home immediately. Because I was just having the time of my life.

I know you were. I know you were. And then you were getting a bit of room service in your room on a night time. Yeah, that wasn't that great, I'll be honest with you. But yeah, it was, oh God. God. So that'll be on at some point. It's been announced and they'll tell you when it's going to be on.

I've got no idea when it's going to be on. But it'll be on near Christmas. Is it a Christmas film though? Yes. Yeah. Die Hard is a Christmas film. Bruce Willis said in an interview that it wasn't

but then the writer and the director and some producer all said it is a Christmas film. It's just at Christmas though. Go and fuck yourself. It's a Christmas film. I think films do that now loads,

you know. What? I think some films just kind of have a couple of scenes where it's Christmas so that they can be a Christmas film.

Well, you want that repeat money, don't you? Yeah. You want that Mariah Carey money, don't you? Yeah, Stickman. Most of Stickman is not at Christmas. No, I know. It's right there. Hold on, I'm talking myself out of my own argument here.

Exactly. It's set in a Christmas party and it's there. Yeah, it's all good. I've only ever seen the first one. Yeah, it's the best one. Is it? Oh, well, there you go. First one's amazing.

Third one's amazing. Third one's amazing. Second one's fine. Rest of them, in my opinion, don't exist. So they will fucking go. However, I did get an ick from someone while we're on set. All right, well. One of the producers from the production company doing it told us an ick from a partner,

an ick that she has about her partner. Well, what on it? And I literally wrote it straight down on my phone. I wrote the exact words. I don't know how we got onto it. I think maybe we were ordering some Nando's or something from Deliveroo. And the exact words she said was,

when my partner eats corn on the cob, he closes his eyes, and every time a little bit of my love for him dies. Aww. What's he shutting his eyes for? I don't know. Just to just to enjoy it apparently he gets it so he gets it up like that at the corner of the cob and he just shuts his eyes oh and he bites it he also bites around not along do you do along or around a corner of the cob? Because I go along, click, I do typewriter. I bite around.

No. So you do, so there's two ways of doing it. I bite around. There's fruit pasta, lolly or typewriter. Do you do fruit pasta, lolly? What are you talking about? Like, move along. So columns, circle, move, circle, move, circle, move, circle, move.

I do circles. Madness. Why? It's just, that's madness. Why is it? That's how you meant to eat it no it's not you do typewriter was that how you eat an apple it's a totally different thing with an apple you go around and then you do the top and the bottom yeah but that's the same with the corn on the cob you go around you can say that with anything you'd say well why not slice no but you slice a pizza you're picking a different why is your why is your way

wrong and my way is because this is how people have opinions on things this is a discussion opinions are no shit typewriter is how

do you eat corn on the cob we need an office poll online office poll corn on the cob typewriter lengthways

change level lengthways change level lengthways change level or all the way around change

all the way around I don't think there's a wrong aura right I think your way is good and my way is good I don't think there's a wrong aura, right? I think your way is good and my way is good. I think that's no way to have a discussion. Alright, well listen. Take it back. Agree with me

or I'll tell you about Designated Survivor. I've just googled it. Oh, for fuck's sake. Nah, I'm sticking with it. Alright then. On May the 11th, 2018 ABC cancelled the series after two seasons

due to a high turnover showrunners and declining ratings oh so it's got cancelled did Designated

Survivor have an ending oh no have you just seen a spoiler no I haven't it's got cancelled by Netflix

no season 4 mother right well I'm not watching it anymore pointless why low ratings

it's really good Deadwood they did it with Deadwood they did it with what was that Mother... Right, well, I'm not watching it anymore. Pointless. Why? Law ratings? It's really good. Deadwood. They did it with Deadwood. They did it with... What was that? The 4,400 or whatever it was where some people disappeared and came back

and then they came back with another one. I think it was the 4,400 anyway. And they've done it with this. And I'm not... Right. Rosie, get your coat and your shoes. We're going on a march. We're marching.

We're marching. Bring back designated survivor marching bring back designated survivor bring back designated survivor hello Netflix Chris Ramsey here I am furious that a show I've got on board with six years late has been cancelled

four years ago 2016 no 2018 it got cancelled five years ago five years ago you cancelled my favourite show

that I've only just started watching now seven years after it was made I am as an avid fan I am absolutely furious

we're literally like we're about 12 episodes in it could really go downhill to be fair I'm really enjoying it it's already

I'll be honest with you, it's already gone downhill a little bit. No, why? Because there was a moment where the President of the United States gets, he gets a prisoner, he gets a prisoner into a room for a meeting and they go,

the transport's on the way, sir, to take the prisoner out of jail. And he has a conversation with the prisoner and the prisoner gives him a really spurious clue, a really, really spurious, like, check under the such and he has a conversation with the prisoner and the prisoner gives him a really spurious clue a really really spurious like check under the such and such

I'll give you I'll give you this file don't show anyone else when you look at this file and he's like what do you mean and then the staff burst in and go

president the prisoner has to go and the president's like oh no I wanted to talk more you're the fucking president tell her

can you sit down sit you get out you sit down explain fully explain fully what you just said mr president calm down calm down mr president there's an uber rating on the five-star uber rating on the line here he has to go it was pathetic i know that

was literally that's like oh it's like matt it's like me talking to me child talking to robin and robin going i've got to go and they're going oh no, you've got to, can you fucking sit down? I'm the goddamn president of the bastard United. Sit your ass back on that chair. And unbelievably, he does say please

and thank you far too much. He's like the nicest man ever. Yeah, he's not the real president, is he? Anyway. So, I'll have to find something else to watch. I'm not watching any more of that.

I'm watching it. I'm going to watch it to the end. Nah, this is like, this is like, this is like, I don't know what it's like but I'll find an analogy

why don't we watch 24 it's got 8.4 on it IMDB 24 24 is quite good I mean when was it when was it out though hang on

yeah but the thing is do you not find now loads of stuff you watch it and it can be sorted with smartphones so easy well this is the thing

this was out 2001 yeah I'm killed with that they've all got flip phones and none of them know stuff. There's no Google. I'm going to email you this picture. God damn it.

The fax machine's broke. How will we get the... Oh, God. This is terrible. What's white collar? White collar. Sorry, I'm just looking at stuff now. Sorry, are you just...

While we're doing a podcast, are you just on IMDB saying other things you might like? We just need stuff to watch. I'm going looking at stuff now that I was... Sorry, are you just... While we're doing a podcast, are you just on IMDb saying other things you might like? We just need stuff to watch and I feel... I'm going to go on Olympia and say you've lost the love for this podcast. Oh, look, it's got... Hang on. This has got 8.2 on IMDb.

Ratings mean absolutely nothing. Ratings and reviews mean absolutely nothing. No. Well, how come I told you the other day that something got 7.2 and you went, I'm not watching it? Because I didn't want to watch it. You could have told us it got 11.5

and I'd have still said fuck off. It sounded shite. Listen, White Collar's next. Oh, it's on Apple Plus. We've got that, haven't we? Yeah, we've got the malls. Anyway, I'm going to go and phone Netflix. I can't play it.

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Just a little sneaky reminder that you've still got time to vote for our TV show on the TV Choice Awards. We've been long-listed. It would be lovely to get shortlisted. Please Google TV Choice Awards and've been long listed it would be lovely to get shortlisted please Google TV Choice Awards

and have a little vote for that and there are still tickets for our arena tour which starts in November where I mean we are fully in in the midst of planning that now

we've actually got rehearsal getting done now full rehearsal days tomorrow got some awesome stuff planned like I know people would just say that anyway but we always

as with the last tour you know it's not just us on stage doing the podcast I was going to say that anyway but we always as with the last tour you know it's not just us on stage i was gonna say that yeah it's a fucking show we really put some effort in and we're really really right jesus i'm no but you know i'm you know we'll do some i get outside my comfort zone a lot on that tour you know so um i'm very very excited yeah you're excited i'm buzzing well you didn't fucking sound it i'm promoting I'm promoting are you still looking at TV shows are you ill

are you actually ill get off your laptop close that laptop now I'm literally I'm asking people to vote for our TV show and come for and you are

on IMDB shows you might also like is that his name tight as well go and fuck off close your laptop I thought he was called not Hugh... Is that his name? Titus Welliver? Go on, fuck off! I did not know. Close your laptop. I thought he was called, not Hugh Grant.

What's his name? Is he called Titus? Eh? No. What's his name? Hold on. Give us a look. It looks like James Nesbitt.

I thought it was James Nesbitt, but it's not. Who's he? James Nesbitt, Titus Welliver, and Hugh Grant are the same person to me. Hugh Grant?

You can't have Hugh Grant and James Nesbitt being the same person. Why not? And who's Titus Welliver? That's Titus Welliver and Hugh Grant are the same person to me. Hugh Grant? You can't have Hugh Grant and James Nesbitt being the same person. Why not? And who's Titus Welliver? That's Titus Welliver. Titus Welliver. Anyway, this has got 8.5. I'm just trying to find some new stuff to watch. That's on Prime.

Well, I'm not watching Designated Survivor anymore. Fuck off. Sick of this. Honestly. Unbelievable. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Heads up to everybody who's coming to the tour, by the way, we're not doing any merch this year. Mmm.

Because Chris... Right, I knew this would come back about me. You know how Chris sometimes worries about global warming? Quite often. I worry about everything, whatever it is, I worry about anything. Any war that's going on, any... everything. Anything that happens in the world that's bad news, I worry about it. Yes. Sometimes I'm a delicate little flower little flower you are and i overthink things and we had lots of merch meetings they'd all been designed everything had been designed it was just literally the last meeting to sign it off we signed everything off and then chris had a moment and said i don't want

any merch and doesn't want any merch because he doesn't want to put more things in landfill which actually you know it was the moment when they said we can't do the merch because he doesn't want to put more things in landfill which actually you know what it was the moment when they said we can't do the wine glasses you can't do our actual Shag Maridanoid

4pm Wine Time Baby wine glasses which are they sell like out immediately on the website people you know

they're a nice wine glass I was drinking that one last night then they said we can't do them in arenas you're not allowed to take glass

into an arena even if it's a boxed gift like a bit of merch so they said let's make some plastic wine glasses and I wanted to be sick when they said it and I just no I can't I just can't I can't I can't do it and I know I'm really

sorry but I was just like I just felt so bad and I was like you know what I try and recycle I try and do all these different things and I just thought I think I really took a big old fucking dent out of my carbon footprint our collective carbon footprint when i said please don't make 50 000 wine glasses fair enough i mean i doubt that i made 50 000 well you know so no no merch guys sorry guys sorry guys sorry i just thought you know i just thought i'd try and be a bit more responsible no because you've got the packaging you've got the making of it all, you've got people who've got to drive it there.

You can't argue with it. It's all fine. You can't. I'm actually going to use the environment to get out of quite a lot of things. Are you? Like what? Yeah, yeah. Just, oh, you've got to take Robin to a school party.

Ah, environment. Right, right. Environment. Yeah. Chris, put the bins out. Environment. What's the bins? I've got to do with the environment

look just I'll go open the door let some heat out you know I've got to walk with them wear my shoes out on the bottom

I'll have to get some new shoes we've got a message off someone you know and they said that stop listening do you know the maggots in the bin got to put some petrol

in there oh brilliant and then shut the lid fuck off petrol apparently so oh great aye that's a neighbour that's a neighbour That's a neighbour

Pranking you They're going to run past With a cigarette And set the fucking bin on fire What do you think Big melted wheelie bin All over the pavement Petrol

Really Price of fuel these days I'm alright thanks I know I'll just give it a rinse With water Mr or Mrs Nutcase Who sent that in

The comeback The comeback Nah This Friday You must be very careful Margaret It's a girl Witness the birth The comeback, the comeback. Nah. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone.

Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april

13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m. you can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the

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Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef beef video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video video was animated by Disney's B-team of animators because they were doing Pocahontas at the same time and they thought Pocahontas would be a bigger hit. Oh. So the A-team animated Pocahontas, piece of shit that it is, and the B-team animated Lion King. That's interesting. There you go. Another fact for you.

Yeah. You know Boo out of Monsters, Inc.? Yeah. The little kid. Yeah. Apparently she's the witch in Brave. Right. Mm-hmm.

What do you mean apparently? Apparently she's the witch in Brave. Right, right. Because she kept some of the doors. So you need to understand what the word fact means.

So I just gave you an actual fact about the way... Oh no, this is just Disney, Disney-like things. No, no, just about the way, yeah, about the way

the labour of the animation team was divided up between two movies when they were released based on what they imagined the markets would be consumer wise and you just fired back with a spurious nothing

about a made up character no no it's I liked one video about Disney on TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I get loads, right? But they are interesting. So apparently Boo is the witch.

Right. I'll give you a fact. What you gave me was a fan theory. Okay. Well, I've got another fan theory. Do you want it? Yeah. Do you know when monsters ink?

Yeah. Do you know when one of them goes into a door and they come out crying and they were horrible? Guess whose room it was? Sid's. Sid's. I've seen that one as well. Yeah. Yeah. Sid from Toy Story

yeah what's your beef the fact that you don't enjoy me from Disney where I get loads of them right I'll tell you right now

for them two one of them I already knew and the other one was utter bollocks so that's why I didn't enjoy them it's just because you haven't seen Brave Brave's quite good my beef with you

is in massive capital letters, I've got in me little beef file. Yeah. Stop putting Rafe's shit in the public bin, in our bin.

Public bin? What, personal I meant. Kitchen bin. In the kitchen bin. Stop putting his shitty nappies in the kitchen bin. What's wrong with you?

You know, this is a basic, basic rule. We've got two children. Yeah. Why do you keep doing it? I forget. I put them in.

You, no, right, okay. So me and Chris had a very, very serious, serious argument the other day because he's saying if Chris does not forget things. I do forget stuff. You fucking do not. You do not. Now and then I do.

Chris, you are anal as they come. You do not forget things. What did I say to you? I said to you that you putting that that nappy in that bin is

total disrespect to me it is yeah you've took it very personally but listen it is though because you know what I can't bear the smell of the bin I'm telling you I forget

you don't forget so he has a sometimes we'll fill his nappy on a morning yeah right and I will quickly put it in

while I'm trying to get them ready on a morning while I'm trying to get them ready on a morning, while we're trying to get them ready on a morning. Let's be honest here. When they've both left the house on a morning, I sometimes have to have a sit down for 10 minutes because it's like I've been in some kind of fight scene from Football Factory. It's fucking nuts.

They're both mad. Marky little cat. You marky little cat. It's crazy. It's craziness. Sometimes during all of the craziness, I'll put the poo in the bin and I'll go,

right, I'm going to change that bin bag. Nah. And I don't get a chance. Nah. And I forget. Not buying it. But the bloodhound here

comes down the stairs and you can smell it from 500 yards away like a fucking Labrador. I'm not buying it. I'm telling you it's true. I forget. A man who owns house shoes

does not forget that there's a shitty nappy in the bin. I'm sorry you are not that man you're not that man I forget so you think I leave it

there on purpose why would I what because I love getting shouted at just to wind me up no if I wind you up I'll do something

that's like half funny not I'll just do this because she hates it I'm getting shouted at you said we had an argument about the other day it wasn't an argument you just fucking screamed at us

because I just it's disgusting because then you go to use the bin like an hour later and then you shut the bin you go why does it stink of shit of human feces where i'm trying to prepare i don't even think you know i've got a theory as well i don't even think that you've just got a really good sense of smell i think you sniff stuff so i think when you open the bin you get yourself i bet you do you get yourself a good because when i very rarely smell. You get yourself a good one. Because I very rarely smell that bin

because I know it's a bin. I open it, I put something in, I move away and I hold my breath while I'm doing it because I'm like, there's a bin in there.

You shouldn't have to hold your breath when you open your bin in your house. It's a fucking bin! What do you want it to smell like? Poor beauty. But don't put, so hang on,

you're just going to start shitting in the bin. Do you think it's fine? You just start shitting in the bin? Forget about the toilets. Don't use the toilets. Why would you use the toilet when you can shit in the bin so many reasons

there's no lock on the kitchen door is your first one second one I don't think the drawer no no no you bastards second one I don't think the drawer

that pulls out with a bin in it would hold me weight third one don't really fancy wiping me arse with kitchen roll I feel like it would hurt a little bit might probably get a rash maybe even bleed

fourth one don't want to sit over a load of carrot peelings and old food that you've thrown in there right fancy wiping my arse with kitchen roll. I feel like it would hurt a little bit. Might probably get a rash, maybe even bleed. Okay, well please. Fourth one, don't want to sit over a load of carrot peelings and old food that you've thrown in there. Right? Fifth one, I would then have to take the bin out. The toilets have a flush system with water.

Exactly. From now on, please, please, don't put your shitty nappies in the bin because it really upsets us. Okay. Do what I do.

Put them in the little bag and put them on the back step. That's the thing though. in the bin because it really upsets us. Okay. Do what I do. Put them in the little bag and put them on the back step. That's the thing though. Putting them on the back step upsets us. That's why you put them... Oh, so here we go. Here we go. Mr. Chris who doesn't forget anything

who lives in an anal world can't bear to see the shitting nappy on the back step. That's what's wrong with you. I don't like to see the shitting nappy on the back step. That's why you put them in the bin. That's why you put them in the bin. So hang on. No, no.

I think I've got to the bottom of this. Don't you dare not let me talk now. I've got to the bottom of this. You are put them in the bin so hang on no no I think I've got the bottom of this don't you dare not let me talk now I've got the bottom of this you are putting them in that bin just to piss me off because I put them

on the back of the set you're smiling I'm not I'm putting them in the bin and thinking I'll do that straight away but I don't want to move the bin

you need to fucking google what gaslighting is because you just claim you claim gaslighting is everything fucking hell right you finished yes god right You are. You just claim gaslighting everything. Fucking hell. Right, you finished?

Yes. God, right. My beef with you is, right, speaking of wanting to go to bed early and stuff, when we are watching that show that got cancelled that we're never going to watch again, I dared, dared to be a bit tired the other day and I started falling asleep while we were watching it and you went

ballistic. Yeah you know why though? Why? Because you were giving it the yawns, you were like can't keep my eyes open. Who'd been up with the kids in the morning? There it is you're about to hoist yourself with your own petard. Now listen to me right that might be the phrase, it might not be

you basically hung yourself with your own rope that's the next point in me right? That might be the phrase. It might not be. I don't even know what that means. You basically hung yourself with your own rope. That's the next point in me beefy. I've got it written on my screen. Because we're sitting there watching the telly. I know loads of people

out there listening will have the same thing. You want to watch a telly and one person's always falling asleep, right? When you start falling asleep, I go, okay then, we'll get up and we'll leave.

When I start falling asleep, oh, it's a fucking treason high treason against the house of rosemary listen in my defense it must have been about 10 to 9 it was really early chris it was really i was at the point where i was like what one is a joke one i was comfortable and i was happy and i was you know i'm in my surroundings and i'm tired i've been working a lot i've been doing the diehard thing i've been doing stun stunts, right? I was knackered. But the thing that really fucked us off was me just going,

being tired, and you going, ah, ah, fall asleep, tired. I got up with the kids. I've been up with... You being tired other than me doesn't magically give me energy. Do you understand?

We don't operate on can't go upstairs by yourself you've got a fucking problem mate right you you'll give it there i'm tired and then i'll go i'll go to bed you'll go by myself no no no you've come not you're full of shit here because so many times i was talking my friend about this here today so many times you don't have friends so many times you will go well if you're tired just go to bed then and i'll go okay then i'm gonna go back, just go to bed then. And I'll go, okay, then I'm going to go to bed. You do, Lord? And you go, are you really? Tell the truth. Tell the truth now.

The amount of times you've told me to go upstairs to bed and I go, okay, I will. You do? You always do. I can't believe you're going to bed. Tell the truth. Tell the truth right now. I'm knackered. Go to bed then. All right, Rosie, I will. I can't believe you're going to bed. I can't believe you're going to bed I can't believe

you're going to do the very thing I just suggested you're fucking ill man you're ill I think I am I don't know what am I supposed to do

I'm not allowed to fall asleep because you're you're tired eh so I should just magically have some kind of scaffolding on me eyelids, right? So I'm just awake

because you're, oh, sorry, Rosie got up earlier than you. Bing! I'm up again, everyone. Oh, go to bed, Chris. All right, I will. I can't believe you

are even considered going to bed. Honestly. Oh, I'm laughing so, I can't feel my hands. Fascist regime I live in in here. You know, I am a hypocrite

yeah as are you though you're the same you're the same you are you are anytime I've got any sort of plans

on an afternoon Chris is like are you still going like all the time it's ridiculous I hate I hate being married mate

it's shit it's proper shit I wish we never bothered I wish we just were dating still i just wish i wish we were just dating i wish we saw each other on a saturday night and that was about it wow honestly do you not sometimes hate it though what about the kids who's got the kids if that's the case 50 50 so what's happening then we only see each other on a saturday night no listen i maybe I don't mean it fully. Just sometimes I find it really, like,

Is this like that time you, is this like that time you told two strangers that you fucking hate your kids? Because it's smacking of that. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public.

Guys, as always, if you would like to get in touch, send us anything at all. shagged mario annoyed at gmail.com i was uh on the emails for a moment this morning while i was setting up the computer i just looked i never go on there literally the time code on them we got about we must have had 50 this morning i mentioned on the instagram it's incredible how many thank you all so much for still being so engaged and being on board with this it's phenomenal it's great i was i just i was like when are these from and they were all the time codes were from this morning people just got up and sent the stories i mentioned it on my instagram no it's just random it's so incredible i've literally mentioned it on my instagram

listening to the podcast and they're hearing me saying send... And they're sending them organically. Apropos of nothing. Thank you all so much. Hi, Rosie and Chris. I've just witnessed a middle-aged male neighbour pull an Asda Shopman basket out of the boot of his car,

complete with Shopman, and carry it over the road to his flat like a Shopman bag. Full-on ick moment. Not seeing him bring it back to the car and wondering how many baskets he now has in his house. Does he use them as washing baskets, storage, pots for plants? The mind boggles. I was just about to say, how do you know it's Asda? But Asda do the green ones with the black handles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The plastic, aren't they?

Yeah. Wow. I think, right. Bold as brass, that, like. It is. I think we need to make the little nana trolleys like fashionable

I fully believe it because why were you all hurting yourselves by carrying loads of shopping baskets when we could drag them in a little trolley

it would save the environment which you know I love yeah it would save the environment massively no more plastic bags and we'll all just put them in do we all know

what we're talking about it's almost like a little oh my gosh you wouldn't have to use plastic bags yeah of course you wouldn't so you didn't even think that you just

didn't want to carry stuff little suitcase like you know when your nana goes on messages yeah that's what she has in the bag

yeah I told you the other day I haven't mentioned it on the podcast have I I was going to mention this what I was in Asda and a man came in

he was going up the travelator in South Shields Asda behind me man came in he was going up the travel later in South Shields Asda behind me with a suitcase massive fucking suitcase oh my word and I looked

and it was battered this suitcase first of all I thought I don't think this Asda sells suitcases because I know about me Asdas I was like I don't think

this Asda sells suitcases secondly that is so fucking battered I don't think he's going to be able to have a leg to stand on so I followed him for a bit because I sort of hung back and I followed him I let him overtake us is so fucking battered i don't think he's gonna be able to have a leg to stand on so i'm i followed him for a bit because i sort of hung back and i followed him i let him overtake us and i followed

him he was returning i thought he was returning and i love someone trying to return you know i had that old story in me stand up years ago about um your dad's mate who took a pizza a nine inch pizza back because it said it was 10 inches it was nine and a half inches or whatever he'd measured it fucking genius yeah so i was like how is this inches or whatever. He'd measured it. Fucking genius. So I was like, how is this guy going to try and get money back for this bat-eyed suitcase?

No, no, no. He just did his shopping with the suitcase. Brilliant. So he had the scan and go and he scanned everything and he literally just wheeled the suitcase along,

opened it, put something in it, closed it. I followed him for about 45 minutes. It was unbelievable. Fantastic. Full suitcase. But why can't that be normalised?

It looked weird. I'm going to be honest with you. It did look weird. But it did the job of a trolley, both inside and outside. And he just went, I think he just literally walked the bus stop with his thing and just went. Well, I'm not being funny. The day when you stopped using a buggy. Oh, devastating.

Yeah. Carrying shit. I know what you mean. Horrible. Yeah. I might, oh my God. I might start a new business venture of shopping trolleys. What, the little Nana trolleys? Yeah.

I honestly feel like if we just get one, get one, put a nice pattern on it, one photo of Taylor Swift with one of them, bang, everyone's on one. How do we get in touch with Taylor Swift? Don't know. Okay. Not sure. Any other celebrities? I don't know.

Who do you think? Who could make them massive definitely you know British Rita Ora Rita Ora possibly I've met Rita Ora what could send her one okay send her one Fern cotton yeah I think Fern cotton would look a little happy place one Fern might already have one Fern would love that. It's right up Fern Street. Okay, well, listen, let's get on it. Okay, Nana Bags. Here we are. Nana Bags.

Copyright Shagmar Unoid 2023. Here we are. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Please keep me anonymous. During a recent episode, a listener sent in an ick from when he slaps his partner's arse to find if she's wearing a sanitary pad or not.

Remember that? Oh, yes. Gross. Then Rosie said Chris has never, ever asked to see her sanitary products. He hasn't. And I did take a picture of one the other month. Are you joking? You leave them on top of the toilet?

I've seen them loads of times. They're wrapped in toilet roll. You don't see them proper. My imagination fills in the blanks. Does it? Yeah. When they're seeping through. It's horrible.

Awful. I know. Stop it. Sorry about that. Yeah. You know what I'm going to do? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to start wiping my arse and just leaving the toilet roll up on the room. It's horrible. Awful. I know. Stop it. I'm sorry about that. Yeah. You know what I'm going to do? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to start

wiping me arse and just leaving the toilet roll up on the shelf. Just wipe me arse and there's a big shitsy in toilet roll right up there. There you go.

Just leave that on the top there. No, I need to get like a carrier bag. Put them in the bin. There's a bin in every bathroom. It's gross. Don't. The bin will stink.

Oh my God. It's literally. What were the bins like you grown up? Are you mistaking bins for vases of flowers? bin in every bathroom it's gross don't the bin will stink oh my god it's literally what what were the bins like you grown up are you mistaking bins for vases of flowers because i don't understand bins smell fucking empty i know but yes i know but the thing is wait all it's my house right they're my bathrooms they're not the they're not where people go if you've got a bathroom you left one on the downstairs toilet which is what people

use when they come in you come in the front door that toilet's right there no I've never left one there I'm telling you you have on the children's lives you did it about a week ago I'm telling you

I'm telling you that was an accident because I didn't mean to but all I'm saying is like you don't want to put them in the bin because then if you don't empty the bin that day

it really smells it's probably like waste you know Chris I know it smells like a copper jar yeah it's, it's disgusting. Awful, yeah. Anyway. Right, so us

talking about that, it sparked a memory. It sparked a memory that happened to me over 20 years ago. Good grief. I'd been seeing this guy for about six months and we were getting to know each other in great detail. Exploring each other's bodies while you're exploring and experimenting with each other's bodies where you're exploring

and experimenting with each other's bodies that's exciting though isn't it the exploring phase the touching, what's down here what's under this like a little flat boot what's in here, what's round there do you know what I mean though

what's in here? What's round there? Do you know what I mean though? What's in here? Chris. What comes out of here? Yeah. Did I tell you I'm doing a kids book? What's it called? What comes out of here? What comes out of here?

That's gross. Sorry. Sorry. That's disgusting. Nobody's buying that. it's probably getting banned from most kids. One day, whilst I was on my period, he asked if he could see my tampon. What the fuck? No!

Wait, no! I guess a curious 20-year-old that he was had never seen a used tampon in the flesh. I understand that. I think it's weird that you don't want to see. I know exactly what it looks like. If you bled out your cock every month, me, as a woman who doesn't have a cock, I'd be like, can I have a little look?

I'd want to look. You talk about it so much that I don't need to look. You've painted a picture for me. Why do I need to look? No. Have a look at the picture I took. No. Please.

No. Please. No. Please. No. No. Yes, I know this could make him sound like a massive pervert, but I thought it was good that he wanted to know

what it was like for people who have periods. Hesitant at first, I wasn't sure of the idea, but I decided there was nothing to lose. We were already doing sex. Highly recommended for cramps. Do it. Or period sex. We were already doing period sex.

In brackets, highly recommended for cramps, I might add, Rosie. Chris, you wuss, just get stuck in there. It all washes off. So it wasn't much different. You're not a period sex man are you nah I'm not

no I don't think I'm I mean I've done it in the past but I don't think I'm much of a fan of it don't find cramping bloated

tired bleeding angry sexy if I'm honest with you don't find myself sexy at that time of the month yeah

yeah it's weird anyway I positioned myself hovering over the toilet, string in hand. He was kneeling on the floor in front of me. God almighty! His head not too far from the opening.

No! I don't know why she didn't just take it out and show him. God, he might as well be on one of them little fucking, little boards that mechanics go into cars with. He's wanting to see. He's wanting to see. He's horrible. He's horrible.

I gently pulled on the string, then gave it another firmer pull. He's horrible. He's horrible. I gently pulled on the string then gave it another firmer pull. Perhaps too hard. Because what happened next was totally unexpected. No, no, no. He got a high five in the face, didn't he? The tampon flew out of me at a record speed and slapped him square on the chin.

Fuck that for a laugh. The shock of the unexpected Tammy slap caused him to fall back and hit his head off the sink. Brilliant. With my blood dripping off his chin, I burst out laughing. He started vomiting. Careful what you wish for, brother.

I guess the excitement was too much for him. I don't think he was excited. Nice end of the story. Anyway, fast forward 22 years. We have been happily married for 15 years and have two kids. Right. Wow. We often laugh about the time I almost caused him to lose consciousness

when I Tammy slapped him. But he has never asked to see any of my period products since. Yeah. Well, he got up close and personal, didn't he? He did. He got up a cut from a tampon. That's so...

22 years later, they've been married 15 years. Yeah. So... That's nice. I've got two kids. It took them seven years to get been married 15 years. Yeah. So. That's nice. They've got two kids. It took them seven years to get over that and propose. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There we go then. I just don't understand why you got like, why you got that close. I don't understand why you wanted to say it. Is he stupid? Can you not just put it together in your head?

I don't need to say that. I've never seen shit coming out of someone's arse up close. But guess what? I can tell you right now. A, I can imagine what I know what it looks like. I know exactly what it looked like. I've got an imagination. I've got a brain in me fucking nut.

And two, I absolutely never want to be in that position to have to see that ever in my life. In fact, if I saw a stranger's shit coming out their arse up close, I don't think I'd ever recover. I do not think I'd ever recover. I'd be a babbling mess in a padded room somewhere. If someone hit me,

if someone hit me, if someone hit me in the face with a tampon, I would, I would be, no wonder he threw up no wonder he threw up you would die I'd still be running now like Forrest Gump

I'd have ran out of the door and I'd have ran and I'd have just kept running I don't think if my tampon ever hit you in the face I don't think you could have sex with us ever again

nah I don't think I could I don't think it could no no babadoo babadoo babadoo bah hello Rosie and Chris hope you and the boys are both well.

Yeah we are. Please keep me anonymous because my boyfriend is from Surrey and isn't like us Geordies and will be appalled to think I've emailed this in. Ah get in. I do love a good fart

and I'm not one of those people who fart shame. Everyone does it. We're all human. Do you reckon the emails to the QI podcast never start like this maybe

the rest is politics Andrea from Surrey who lives with her husband who's from there says I really

love a good fart I like a good fart our kids love farting oh my god Robin's

Robin Robin farts like a grown man. I know he does. He was on the sofa last night farting. It's horrendous. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. So, however, last night,

I was lying in bed next to my boyfriend. I'll not say his name just in case. And he was crying with laughter and listening to what I thought was a voice note up to his ear. I asked what was so funny and he turned the volume up and it was a group chat on WhatsApp purely of strangers What the fuck?

I was disgusted and had the ick. A group chat of farts. No talking at all. He proceeded to lean on one side of his body with his phone at his arsehole and farted into it, crying and laughing. I said that's so strange. Because when you said strangers, I assumed that was wrong, because how could it be strangers? But it's literally an invite-only group of 100 people

who just don't know who each other are and just send farts to each other. I want to join. I think that's brilliant. I want to join. You know what it is?

I know people are probably listening and thinking, Chris, you know, sometimes I'll swing back and forth and some things I'm disgusted by and some things I'm not. But farts are funny. Oh, I love farts.

And the idea that a hundred like-minded people are just like, look, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to have any, I mean, I wouldn't want to go on that night out at the end of the year. Christmas I had, guys. Curry, you can

fuck right off. No chance. But yeah, I think that's funny. That's hilarious, isn't it? Just every day getting a couple of queefs. People don't know each other, just laughing at each other for their farts. That's great. She doesn't love it. Give your phone a wipe afterwards, please. If you fart, get a dental wipe on your phone. Phone's waterproof. At this point, your phone a wipe afterwards please if you fart

get a dental wipe on your phone phone's waterproof at this point I was like that's vile he said to me you fart all the time

how can you find a disgusting you laugh at your own fart I was pondering with yes but Alex I don't sit there and send my farts to strangers

and listen to strangers fart it's weird can you please settle this debate is it weird or am I being approved it's very weird it is very weird

I will say right now, it's very, very, very weird. I would never join the group. I would join the group. Join me. No, because they'll see a photo on that and they'll know who you are. I haven't got a photo on my WhatsApp,

are you kidding me? I haven't even got my full name. No, neither have I. But basically, yeah. But basically, it's funny. It's funny. It's silly. It's quite sweet,

but it is really weird I would imagine if we were part of that and we showed Robin oh my god he'd lose his mind but that's the kind of thing though when like

anyone in that group if you die under suspicious circumstances the police are going to go through that WhatsApp and listen to all of those farts I wonder if you can find how would you find that

how would you find a fart WhatsApp group I wonder if i could find it how did it just grow it must have been two people and they must have added friends wow you think they have like do you think they have like a fart of the day do you think if everyone goes on you are listening but that's the thing as well though do you know sometimes you have a day off your phone or you're busy or you go somewhere you know you walk around shopping center with your family and you don't have time to check your phone and you've got to catch up on your WhatsApp messages.

Do you think that'll just be the end of the day? You're just sitting and just listening to everyone's farts, aren't you? Yeah. Thank you kindly for listening. Shag Brown and Lloyd is part of the Acast Creator Network. Short and sweet that and a stupid accent which dropped off almost immediately after the first three words well done

guys as always if you want to get in touch it's shagmarriedandarroyed at gmail.com and don't forget TV Choice Awards and the tour starts literally next month

shit literally next month shit so yeah better get it planned but yeah it's going to be great I want to lose two stone

for the tour fuck my life better get some raw chicken in then okay bye bye I want to lose two stone for the tour. For my life. Get some raw chicken in then. Okay, bye. Bye. The visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring,

followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now

to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.