Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 243. Bag of Bricks

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed Chris and Rosie chat about the upcoming tour and how Chris was nervous about a particular delivery turning up at the house. The pair share their horror at a student story and there is a Rosie's Mystery that blows both their minds. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday.

Gits and Gits Now. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, hello, hello. How's it going? I'm alright. I'm a bit chilly. I'm always cold at the minute. I can't warm up. It's the seasons. I've noticed we do start this podcast with an update on how warm the room is that we're in now. People have got hoodies. I mean, I saw you do an incredible thing yesterday around the house. Obviously, I wouldn't let you put the heating on because why would I? Well, our heating's

a bit intense, to be honest. You put it on for half an hour and it's just sweating. It's underfloor heating. Underfloor heating is very good, by the way. If you're doing your house out and you're thinking, should I do it? Should I not? Because I know it's a bit more expensive. It's actually mint. It's worth it. When you come down and you're walking on the floor and it's just...

Yeah, first time we've ever had it. but you did have about three or four jumpers on yesterday which i do wholeheartedly approve of are you welcome we have wholeheartedly approved of the three or four jumpers method yeah get them get that thermostat knock right down get them jumpers get them get layered up get layered up bounce around that house like you're in one of them zorbs yeah right get that done. Get that done. Anything to report before we go on? We've got the, this is the intro. This is the beginning.

Let's have a look. We're going to do a little intro. We're going to do a really long, stupid intro. Let's not do it as long as last time. We'll do a little intro. Should we just crack straight on? Just do a little one because we've actually, we've just been putting the wheels to right off, Mike. Yeah.

Haven't we? Yeah. Well, I mean, the less said about that, the better. No one's going to be entertained by that. Listen. Just mo mourning about people it is episode 243

thank you so much for coming thank you for being here thank you for just you know being part of this little thing that we call

Shagged Married Annoyed and without further ado it is time for this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor now this week's sponsor Rosie very close to my heart

something I've had real trouble with in the past something I find I'm saying this now look at the sponsor now this week's sponsor rosie very close to my heart something i've had real trouble with in the past and something i find i'm saying this now i'm owning it because i feel triggered by it if not if other people mention it it really upsets us don't say triggered by because i'm doing it as a joke um this this is close to my heart and and like you know my heart goes out to everyone out there offended and affected by this week's sponsor. This week's sponsor is trying to get a woolly hat that fits properly. Oh, do I've had the same woolly hat for over 15 years?

It's disgusting. It stinks. It smells so bad. If you've ever seen me out and about in public or see me on Instagram, it is a burgundy woolly hat. I hate burgundy. Yeah, you do. And I've had that burgundy woolly hat. We were doing photos for the beginning of the podcast to have a little slideshow again to get everyone in the mood i went back honestly uh since i started comedy i've

had 15 years plus i've had that hat and i wash it every couple of years to be fair every couple of years it gets washed uh just to not run it out i I can't find, every year, every year it gets cold and every year I buy more woolly hats. One, I hate trying them on the shop because I feel like I write fucking lemon trying them on the shop. Then, or you buy them online and you get,

I give them all away. What's the issue? I'll tell you. I've got it written down from the sponsor. I've got this sheet in front of us, right? Some of them are too wide. Some of them are too long. Some of them are too short.

Some of them are too tight. Some of them, the bit that folds over isn't long enough and doesn't fold properly. Some of them doesn't have a Some of them are too long. Some of them are too short. Some of them are too tight. Some of them, the bit that folds over isn't long enough and doesn't fold properly. Some of them doesn't have a bit that folds over at all. Some of them hang down the back like a little Smurf hat. Some of them stay right on the top really tight and pull your hair up like you've had a facelift. It's a nightmare.

It's as if everybody hasn't got the same size head. Excuse me? Isn't it? Have we not all got the same size heads? No. Everyone's different. Howdy, howdy. Sexist. Sizist. That's the one. Oh my God, shut up. Sorry, all got the same size heads? No. Everyone's different. Howdy, howdy. Sexist.

Sizist. That's the one. Oh my God, shut up. Sorry, I found the right one in the end. Jesus. Where's the sexist sizist? I was searching the ists. Oh, well done.

The ists. I knew I was guilty of one of them. You fucking piece of shit. Filthy pig. Oh, go bring it on. Pig's a horrific word to call someone, isn't it? Oh, it's brilliant. What a brilliant put down.

I love it, me. You pig. Oh, it's proper hits. I Pig's a horrific word to call someone, isn't it? Oh, it's brilliant. What a brilliant put down. I love it, mate. You pig. Oh, it's proper hits. I think it's worse than the C word. I love it. I think you pig. But I quite like pigs. They're animals.

Oh, yeah, they're great, but it's just a word, Chris. We were talking about words before this. This is what we're getting ourselves all wound up about. We were talking about words. How people just take words so seriously and you can't joke about words anymore and it's just ridiculous. Anyway. Yeah. What was I saying? What the hell was I saying? up about how people just take words so seriously and you can't joke about words anymore and it's just ridiculous anyway yeah um

what was i saying what the hell was i saying oh yeah i bought loads of caps recently yeah some of them look great some of them look dog shit

honestly like horrendous your your brother every time i buy some new woody hats your brother brother is absolutely buzzing because he knows

he's getting a delivery i might as well get him delivered straight to his fucking house because oh she just's getting a delivery. I might as well get him delivered straight to his fucking house because... Oh, she just fell off a chair! Oh, no!

Am I up? What the fuck happened there? I just slid to the little side of the room. Guys, she slid off her armrest and headbutted the microphone. That was...

I didn't touch the microphone. Can I tell you right now? Ick. That was pure ick, that. Well, do I ick you? We could have been getting ready to have sex there. I could have been trow dropped, you know, full mast. You could have been put a bit Vaseline on your lips,

ready to come over and have a go. Why do erections? Do you seem full mast? I'd have said, do you know what? I'd have said, do you know what? I'm all right, love. You just sit yourself there. Full mast.

Make sure you're okay. No disrespect, but erections are the most disgusting thing ever. How dare you? They're just all like... Sexist. Yeah. yourself there make sure you're okay no disrespect but erections are the most disgusting thing ever how they're just all like sexist yeah just Megan

how the I don't hear you complaining when it's all up in you well that's fine yeah up in you it's fine but just ready

before walking around in that it's disgusting is it because I get up and do a little erection dance every time

we have sex maybe that's what it is is it because I jump up and down and I make it slap off my stomach and make a slapping noise I Maybe that's what it is. Is it because I jump on down and I make it slap off my stomach and make a slapping noise? I think that's what it is. That's not what I do.

I've told you before, man. Try waking up with them. It's frigging horrible, man. Horrible. Honestly. It's really awkward. I love how you've explained to Robin that I take longer to wake up in the morning.

Where did that come from? Because sometimes you really grump me in the morning. Well, I read somewhere, TikTok, Instagram, that, well, because men are full of testosterone, so you guys wake up and you're just like ready for the day. That's right, you literally wake up with a hard-on because you're like, come on! I'm going to fuck the day!

Exactly, right? Hey, day! Hey, Tuesday! Bend over, you slack! Come on. That's horrible. We don't wake up like that. We take a lot longer because we've got all these hormones and stuff.

Yes, you've mentioned it. So Robin the other day was just like, I know you take longer to wake up, Mammy. I was like, where the hell has this come from? I have to tell him, because sometimes you're a miserable, miserable bag of bricks on a morning. Bag of bricks.

And I have to tell him. And I have to say, i have to say look sometimes daddy look daddy's up daddy's cartwheeling daddy's ready to go mommy takes a little bit longer because she's a miserable bag of bricks that's that's gonna be one of my favorite things now miserable bag i've just invented it there i'm really really proud of it it does what it says guess what never in never this early in the episode do we have the title sorted but there's the title sort of Bag of bricks. Yep, bag of bricks.

Professional, said that, sorted. Flag in that. Play the jingle. Let's crack on. Let's go. Boom. We had a fight about the jingle. Jingle.

We couldn't settle on a jingle. Jingle. Jingle. So this is the jingle. Jingle. We hope you like the jingle. Jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag, Married and Annoyed.

Now, did you all enjoy the fireworks? Did you all have a lovely time in the fireworks? Because every single house where we live had fireworks. We were surrounded by fireworks what it's unbelievable what cost 11 crisis

I really enjoyed it until about half past 7 and then I was like right the two year old needs to be in bed now can you please knock this on the head it gets dark at 4 o'clock

you've got 3 fucking hours to do them you knobs my thing is I really don't mind I quite like fireworks I think they're nice to look at I don't mind bonfire night

why is bonfire night now 5 nights long i think i'm sorry keep it at the one night keep it at the one night are you oh sorry are you giving santa coming for five nights of the week is he right christmas okay okay halloween well i mean that's actually ridiculous that's the same okay just one day okay what night do we do presents with your family and the boys uh your sister's kids christmas eve right so we have two christmases yeah but they don't keep their people's kids up because of people's well you know you heard your kids you heard your sister's kids um because of and our kids because of people's timetables and i imagine you know someone might be working late shift or back shift or we can't get around so people listen I completely fucking disagree

with the fact that we sell people who are just over 18 anyone with a passport or a drive licence who's over 18 can buy explosives from the shop in November

ridiculous it's fucking mental but all I'm saying is I understand why they spread them across because sometimes it's weekends hey I work weekends

oh I work in the bar I can't do it alright well we'll do it Monday night for you I get that but fucking knock it on the head at eight o'clock please on the night quarter past fucking 10 they were still going off on november the 5th i know unbelievable it is mad that actually isn't it like oh you got your oh how old are you 18 here you go

here's an explosive i go by i try to buy two packs of paracetamol at the same time whoa whoa whoa you're totally right i have to what the fuck I've seen the size of it it's like I'm Irish I got the pharmacist to get the ibuprofen because you can buy like fucking 96

you can get 96 big old 400mg the pink ones oh animals I get them and I don't have to go I don't like having I don't like

I like having a stockpile of stuff you saw me the other day I went to the supermarket the other day I bought about 5 bottles of shampoo I like to have them in the cupboard I don't like I like the stockpile of stuff. You saw me the other day. I went to the supermarket the other day. I bought about five bottles of shampoo.

I like to have them in the cupboard. No, I'm the same. I like the stockpile things, right? If I lived in America, would I be couponing? Would I be a hoarder? Oh, we'd have like the garage decked out with all the stuff. The garage would have them shelves

that you get from Costco and I would just have like 7,000 fucking oxo cubes in buckets. But anyway, so I'll go and get them. I've got to literally speak to the pharmacist. She's literally got, she quizzes us. The pharmacist down the road. What do you mean? I'm like, can I get the ibupro've got to literally speak to the pharmacist she's literally got she quizzes us

the pharmacist down the road what do you mean I'm like can I get the ibuprofen please like the person on the counter I'll go ibuprofen

I'll go yeah she's like oh 20, 36 on 90 odd I'll go on 90 odd I only go in twice a year go on 90 odd get the pharmacist the pharmacist comes out

fucking shines a spotlight on your face like what are you doing what are you doing with these what else are you taking you had stuff to eat do you know how to take them do you know how to swallow

shows you're swallowing. Like, you get fucking grilled. But literally, someone 18, an 18-year-old, on their 18th birthday in October, can go to Asda and buy a fucking bottle of whiskey and explosives. I know. Like, it's the 4th of July.

It's mad, isn't it? Nuts. Absolutely nuts. But anyway, but also, at the same time, thank you to everyone around us who did the fireworks in the back garden, because we didn't have to do any. Do you know what it is?

So we just watched all yours. It was great. There's loads. There's loads. You know. Look, look. Are we hard to work out? Yes, we are.

Are we all over the place emotionally? Yes, we are. Do we have a strong opinion either way on anything? No. Never. You know what you sign up for. You know why you're here. The thing is, right, do your fireworks around us.

Thank you very much. Really appreciate it. Stop them at 8 o'clock. 8 o'clock. Because that's when the bane gets to bed oh bless him he couldn't get to sleep oh he just

he didn't he didn't like it at all and we haven't even got pets people who've got pets you must be even more annoyed I know because you can't explain to a pet

because we could say to Ray come outside and look at them and once he looked at them he was okay because he knew what it was you can't tell a dog or a cat what's going on and that's not going to

last his whole life is it because you know your kids get all up but dogs are always terrified. I bless them. Yeah. Just two nights, all right? Two nights.

Not like five nights. They'll be going off again in the night. Of course they will. And then in three weeks, they'll go off and someone will go, it's a firework display for a bonfire night because everyone was at work. Susan was on the back shaft for a week. Oh, fuck it now. Listen, we should be happy because we got up

at 7 o'clock today oh my god it happened both kids slept till 7 o'clock yeah oh my god

but now this morning we were like right what happened last night what did we do so what was the difference so he had his

meat at Bix so he had some fruit at nursery apparently Rafe did right and then he had he had two bits of broccoli

with his tea he had a little bit of pizza for his tea yeah two bits of broccoli And then he had two bits of broccoli with his tea. A little bit of pizza for his tea. Yeah, two bits of broccoli and then he Did he eat that chicken off his plate?

He didn't eat the chicken? No, he didn't eat the chicken. He didn't have much to drink. He didn't have much to drink. His nappy wasn't very wet in the morning. But you've got to walk the tightrope of

does he wake up at six going I'm thirsty? I want a drink. Yeah. I think it was just a fluke. He did wake up at five, I'm not going to lie, he woke up at five

and I went absolutely not, get back to sleep. Wow. Yeah, and he did go back to sleep. But some mornings, well exactly, he doesn't go back to sleep. He did wake up at five. I'm not going to lie. He woke up at five and I went, absolutely not. Get back to sleep. Wow. Yeah, and he did go back to sleep. Oh, he doesn't go back to sleep for me. Well, exactly. He just hits me

and he shoves a pancake. Yeah. Yeah. What? Honestly, beautiful that. Couldn't believe me. My alarm went off and I was like,

my, in some sort of fucking dream. Again, I did that thing and the sort of nation is split on this. Some people think, I woke up two minutes before my alarm went off, naturally,

and I personally think that's a slam dunk. Yeah. But some people hate that. I think we've talked about it on here before. Some people think, I woke up two minutes before my alarm went off, naturally. And I personally think that's a slam dunk. But some people hate that. I think we've talked about it on here before. Some people are like, I woke up just before my alarm. I was robbed. I'm like, no, no, you woke up naturally. Your body woke up naturally just at the time you were about to wake up. That's fucking perfect.

You weren't startled up by an alarm. I don't know because I can't remember a life when my alarm used to wake us up. So I haven't experienced that for years. Right, okay. Do you know because I can't remember a life when my alarm used to wake us up. So I haven't experienced that for years. Right, okay. Do you know what I mean? I set my alarm.

We joke about it. Every day my alarm goes off at 7 o'clock, but we've been up for two hours. And I go, right, everybody up. Come on. Out of bed. How are we? Let's go. We were like, like skipping around the house this morning.

It was beautiful. We literally, I gave the kids their breakfast. We sat down, we had a coffee. You went, what time is it? I went, it's 10 to 8. You were like, fuck it. I know, yeah. It was beautiful. We literally, I gave the kids their breakfast. We sat down, we had a coffee. You went, what time is it? I went, it's ten to eight. You were like, fuck it! I know, yeah! It's ten to eight! Because that's the thing, our working day starts, but we've already had

three hours of intense childcare. And this is another thing, right? So I chat to my friends, and all of my friends, we all work full time, right? And my friends, they get really guilty about not seeing the kids, and I get it, because obviously you do when you work, but their children sleep in until a normal time. Fuck them.

So I actually said to them, I don't feel guilty about not seeing... Because I see my kids loads. Yeah. Because they get up so early. Oh, you get half a day with them before the day starts. Yeah, I've already had three days with them before my mum comes for them or childcare at nine o'clock. I've had so much of the kids that I don't feel guilty. Because I'm like, and then they come home at half four or five o'clock do you mean you've had three hours with them by the way yeah

because you said you had three days with them i know three hours and three hours feels so long it's like one day it is yeah yeah so so but then i can imagine if your kids don't get up till eight o'clock you're rushing around and having to get rid of them yeah i suppose like so yeah so my guilt is nonexistent, just a little, if your kids regularly get up at eight o'clock in the morning, just a little, a little fuck you from me to you. Yeah,

fuck you. Just to, just to, just to really reinforce how much I'm jealous of that. Yeah. I mean, yeah. So I don't think people who deliver at their warehouse exactly know who we are or whether

we've got a podcast. They probably don't listen. But I just want to apologise because something's happened recently that's really upsetting us. Every time people come to deliver, so the postman, the DHL guy,

and the every lady, every time they come recently, I'm in my fucking towel. And I think they think that I must just live in my towel to the point where they laugh now, actually. They're like, oh, look, you're in your towel again. I'm like, I'm not always in my towel. It's just happened that you come must just live in my towel to the point where they laugh now, actually. They're like, oh, look, you're in your towel again.

I'm like, I'm not always in my towel. It's just happened that you come when I'm in my towel. You better hope that they don't listen to this podcast because one of our recent stories was about some woman shagging the Amazon driver. So they're going to think you're all over for that. Absolutely not. They just keep...

So to the point, I'm not even joking. Do you know, when I have a shower now, I get ready really, really quick so that I'm not in my towel. Because before, I used to kind of sit in my towel and put my makeup on and take my time. Oh, you take your sweet-ass time getting ready, like. I don't.

You do, because you can get ready really quick, yet sometimes you drag it out. You're watching something, you're listening to stuff, you're on the phone to Steph. Depends what I'm doing. Fat a quid for every time you're on the phone to Steph. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

I like me, well, it's like a therapy session. That's all it is. No, I just just i'm sorry i'm not always in my towel promise well i mean obviously can't go into too much detail but me and delivery drivers recently um we got something delivered to the house for the tour which i can talk about once the tour is done and everyone's seen what this thing is oh yeah but we got something delivered something very specific delivered to the house the other day for the tour um i knew exactly what it was and i was already nervous that it was getting delivered i was even

more nervous when he came up the drive with it and it was in a like a dumpy bag so a dumpy bag for anyone who doesn't know it's basically what if if you ever go past a building site or someone's house who's getting an extension done a dumpy bag is one of them bags that they've got some people don't it's one of them bags that they've got sand sitting in but it was like a long one of them um and he was holding two bits well he wasn't a delivery driver he was a guy a courier guy yeah he's a courier how much did that cost it must have cost a fortune to get him to do it because he literally drove it overnight but this guy and he put it down on the porch and it fell open and anyone who comes to

see the tour you'll know exactly what i'm talking about when you see what it is it fell open and he looked down and i looked at him and he looked at me and he just went i've got to take a photo and i went okay and it was just i'm sorry i can't give anything away but when the minute you see it on the show on that in the arenas you will know exactly what i'm talking about and i was mortified and and the fact we're trying to explain that to Robin as well. Yeah, well, Robin was looking at it. Rafe was looking at it. They were like, Daddy, what's this?

I was like, just let the man leave. Oh, fucking hell. And I thought, I can't explain this to this fella. It's going to take too long to explain this to this fella. It was horrible. Yeah. Mortified. We get a lot of weird things to live at our house.

We're just a weird, we're a little weird house, aren't we? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Just a cheaty little reminder from me to you that the tour starts next week, sorry, in Hull. Tour starts in Hull.

At shagbarinoi.com there's plenty of dates still with some tickets available. Handfuls of tickets because they're arenas but you know, if you and your mate want to go, there'll be space fires

in some of them, not all of them. So there you go. Are you excited about the tour? I'm very excited. I'm nervous, mate. I'm shitting my pants. Felly dyna chi. Ydych chi'n hapus am y twer? Rwy'n hapus iawn. Rwy'n mynd i fyny. Rwy'n mynd i fyny. Rwy'n mynd i fyny. Byddai'n wych. Fel y byddwch chi ar ystafell honno a phobl yma a'ch bod chi'n cael

ychydig o fyn a byddwn yn cael amser hyfryd. Dwi'n gwybod. Byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr.

Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, byddai'n fawr. Yn ystafell, bydd that's what the people want. Well, I know, but you know. Well, because then you have anxiety, don't you, about why did I say that?

Yeah, all the time. You wake up at three o'clock in the morning in the hotel and go, Chris, why did I say that? That's what happened last year. We can edit this podcast. There's loads of stuff that we say that doesn't make the podcast, but on the tour, we say a lot of shit

and you're like, fuck, I've just said that. That's really bad. I do, I worry about it. That's the best bit. That's the best bit. It's not. It is. It's really bad. I do, I worry about it. That's the best bit. That's the best bit. It's not. It is. It's going to be great.

Don't worry about it. I'll live off them moments. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Your Bee? My beef with you is that I was still drinking the water. I actually wasn't ready for that. Well, you're not. Well, it's very unprofessional.

You should be ready at all times when we're doing this podcast. That's dreadful. I can't stop moving. I can't stop moving. I can't stop moving. I just move all the time. Okay. What's wrong with us? I'm so sorry.

I make loads of noise. If I was listening to this podcast, I'd be like, they better stop making fucking noise on me. Obviously, I'm completely still.

I'm very professional. I'm at the same distance from the mic at all times unless I'm doing one of me shouts, in which case I'll pull back and then come back and do the talk.

Me go first. Yeah. Or should I? I've got one. I've got one ready to go. Okay, then go the talk. Me go first. Yeah. Or should I? I've got one. I've got one ready to go. Okay, then go on then. You go first. Okay, stop leaving your shoes in front of the front door.

Wow. Stop. Every time you go out that front door and come back in, you leave your trainers or your shoes or whatever they are right in front of the door. Why do you do that? Are you talking about when you come in or when you go out? Well, I want to go out.

There's a pair of shoes in front of the front door, so I've always got to move them to the side so I can open the door. You just don't move the shoes? Fucking don't put them there in the first place. Oh, my God. That's where the mat is. I only do it when they're wet.

That's where the mat is. Do you want them on the floor? Destroy the floor. I don't want them in front of the door. It's infuriating. Sounds like you're going to have to buy another mat. Sounds like you're... How about you buy a mat?

Because I'll buy a mat, and you'll go, why have you got this horrible mat? It's not a very nice mat. Oh, this leads me on to something else. Why? I do everything. I do everything. Because you're a pain in the arse. Because, yes, you do everything. You always go, I'll go to the bar, I'll go to get... Right, let's go from the top here. I'll go to get the kids' clothes. I'll come down

and you go, why have you got them clothes? I'll go, there wasn't anything else. You go, I'll buy some. I'll buy some and you'll go, I don't like them. You have to do everything nah nah nah you have never bought them children any clothes ever

because you will tell us they are shit you've got eyes you know what they're wearing you know the colours the way you know what they sort of wear excuse me

Rafe yesterday was wearing a little tracksuit with all little cars on it I got him that yeah yeah yeah is that the same tracksuit when I was on the

FaceTime to Stephanie mate that she said oh I love your dramas Rafe is that the ones that he when I was on the FaceTime to Steph my mate that she said oh I love your dramas Rafe is that the ones that you now wear to my nursery because it's so

disgusting so there we go so there you've just proved me point you've just proved me point that little dig there

you've just proved me point you can't I've told you this before you can't be a control freak and a martyr

at the same time these things are mutually exclusive you can't be, I'm across everything, my opinion, I want my bins in this, I want that,

I need a nice doormat and then be, why do I have to do anything? Because you've got such fucking strong opinions on stuff. That's why you have to do everything because other people don't go and do something nice

because you go, that doormat looks like, we did this before, I bought a doormat for one of our other houses when we lived, was it the first house we lived in when we got married? I bought a doormat and you went, that looks like it's from an office, that doormat for one of our other houses when we lived, was it the first house we lived in

when we got married? I bought a doormat and you went, that looks like it's from an office, that doormat, it's horrible. Oh, it was like a fucking, like a carpet square. It's outside.

It's outside on the back doorstep in the garden. Where it belongs. Yeah. So, why would I bother? Why would I fucking bother doing it? People listening, you know if you're the one in the relationship,

it might be the man, it might be the woman, it depends on your dynamic, but the one person alright fair enough how old's Robin who Robin

is he the oldest one yeah he's eight how long has he been going to school for couple of days long long time right yeah okay

alright okay you came you woke me up the other day because it was my lie in because I don't get many but I had a little lie in I had to come and wake him up right well you came in

and you went where's his uniform and honestly Chris I could have swung for you I could have, well, you came in and you went, where's his uniform? And honestly, Chris, I could have swung for you. I could have swung for you. Are you seriously asking me where your child's uniform is? I know where it is kept.

Okay. So what did you ask us for? Because all I was asking was, is there one downstairs laid out like there normally is? Like there normally is. Mugging tear. So I don't have to get it

out of the room that you're in because you were sleeping in his room. That's bullshit. It's not bullshit. You didn't know where it's kept. Tell me where it's kept. Tell me where it's kept. Tell me where everything is.

In his cupboard and his drawer. Right. Yeah. Shirts are hanging up in the cupboard. Other stuff's in the drawer. I'm not stupid. I didn't want to wake you up. You are fucking stupid.

Why did you ask us? You could have just got it. Listen, all of this because you can't be asked to pick up a pair of shoes and move them out the way of the door, you fucking lazy piece of shit. All of this because you...

Oh. It's... Go on, give in. It's just a bigger picture it's like every time you go what do we need from the shops to have a list have a look have a look around the house

have a look in the cupboards we eat the same stuff all the time have a look because you think oh I'm doing you a favour and I'm going to the shops for you but you're not doing us a favour because you're not doing the full thing because you're asking us and it's exhausting. Wow. I'm going to cry.

Well, I'm starting to think you operate better on less sleep. Do you know what it is? Maybe I've had too much sleep. Are you ready for my beef? Oh, God, no. Go on. My beef with you is... It's not this morning, is it? No, no. my beef with you is it's not this morning is it

no no my beef with you oh i'm getting what happened this morning my beef with you is um you cannot own and maintain a laptop oh it's ridiculous you had to update it the other day this is your old laptop no it's not it is no it's not no it's not that's a brand new one that you go for you don't even know that that is your brand new laptop that's it's not. It is? No, it's not. No, it's not. That's a brand new one that you got. You don't even know that that is your brand new laptop. That's not a hand-me-down. That is a brand new laptop. It isn't? I'm telling you. When did I get it?

I think it was last Christmas. No. I'm telling you. You got us an iPad for Christmas. Listen. You got us an iPad. I'm on board with you not believing that's new. Ah, because I don't believe it's new either.

Because look. What side you got that charger plugged in? The only side that the charger ports work for some reason. No, what right right to remind remember you have to plug it in the right because the right's not shite because the left doesn't work spilt water on it there we go uh the desktop looks like someone has burgled your laptop and left things strewn all over the desktop i know what's going on it's absolute chaos in there there's things need this is not new things i'm telling you that is only yours that is not a hand-me-down from me i'm telling you right now that is not a hand it is it is not the hand-me-down

that you have do you know what's really nice i like it a lot more now wow i thought this was a hand-me-down when did you um was i how was Rafe? Because I think I was not with it when you might have bought me this. Maybe I've not even noticed. I don't think you're ever fucking with it, mate. That's just... Yours is always nicer than mine, though. Have you noticed?

Your laptop's always just a couple above mine. I think you do that deliberately. Of course I do it deliberately. Because getting you a top-of-the-range laptop, I might as well go and pour the money down the fucking toilet. Rosie! Half of the fucking laptop doesn't work. One go and pour the money down the fucking toilet. Rosie, half of the fucking laptop

doesn't work. One side of it doesn't work because you spilled water on it and it's disgusting. I miss CD-ROMs, do you? I really do.

I miss CD-ROMs. Why did they get rid of them? Again, well, I can only imagine, everyone listening now just close your eyes you imagine how scratched rosie's cd collection must have been let's just imagine honestly couldn't listen of course of course yeah unbelievable well okay fair enough but no

because i updated my laptop yesterday and it was just it was an idea that was an absolute carry-on by the way yeah oh just. Yeah. Oh, just... You and Carl Hutchinson are the same. What is that, even? Oh, Freeform. What's Freeform? That's new. It's like a drawing thing.

Oh! Oh, I wondered where the drawing stuff was. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, right. Okay. Nice. Never had that one before. Brilliant.

All right, okay. I only use a few things. Launchpad's nice. Fair enough. Yeah, you only use a few things, and all of them are open all the time. You're so jealous. I'm not jealous.

Teams can fuck off. Why is that on there? Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! This week's episode of Shagged Maridonoid is sponsored by Skyglass. So this week, in honour of Skyglass, Rosie, I thought that we could share a few of the beefs that we've had with each other

when it comes to sitting down and watching telly. Oh, gladly. Like, I've got so many. Okay, great. Do you want to go first? I do, yeah. Okay. First beef. Yep. You always fall asleep when we're watching the telly. Listen. You always fall asleep when we're watching the telly and then

so we stop it and we go to bed but then the next night when we go to watch the same programme or film again, I have to rewind it like 10 minutes because you go, I was asleep here. That's because I secretly fall asleep for a lot longer than you realize I'm falling asleep. Just say it then. Then I have to watch all of it again. I'm scared I'll get told off.

Oh my God. All right, my beef with you. You're doing this quite a lot now. You keep using the wrong remote and it's doing me nothing. We've got two remotes. So does Robin as well right yeah so you've got

there's one that operates the kind of telly and then there's one that operates the kind of box and sometimes you'll use and I'm like pressing back to try and get out the menu and I'm on the wrong remote

and nine times out of ten I don't know what yous have done you've squirreled the other one away somewhere I don't know where it's gone sometimes I've got to turn it over the wall and start again

it's infuriating and Skyglass could solve that problem no worrying about remotes yeah it can honestly Sometimes I've got to turn it over the wall and start again. It's infuriating. And Skyglass could solve that problem. No worrying about remotes. It can honestly find anything just by you seeing it. It's amazing. You know me, I love stuff like this.

This is so up your street. But me even being quite a Luddite, right? Yeah. I think this is really clever. Is it because you don't have to find the remote? It's just because I'm incredibly lazy, yeah. There we have it. So while we're on about telly beefs, you sometimes spend ages trying

to find a show that someone has recommended to you. Yes. Which is a great thing, but you sometimes you know, you don't write it down. No. You just have a tiny little tiny little nugget of information whether it be the actor or what it's about or maybe one

word from the title i like to think i've got a really good memory but i don't you're so wrong and i have to sit there while you scroll through and scroll through every app every channel every menu to try and find what it is you're looking for it's infuriating all you need to do is just ask glass you can ask glass the name of the actor you can even ask it and get this, a quote from the show and it'll find it it's incredible well listen mister

you should actually listen to your own advice because I've got a little telly beef with you you watch the same programmes all the time because I love them yes I know but you have no sort of you put the telly on and you're like what should I watch? Yeah.

And then you never search for anything? Well, I just go to the same stuff and I watch the same stuff over and over again. Yeah, but then you moan about watching the same thing all the time. So what you need to do is use the Skyglass feature where you ask Sky to choose something for you to watch. Really? Yes. So I'll just ask it what to watch and it'll

just go watch this. Suggestions of what to watch. Yeah. Yes. So I'll just ask it what to watch and it'll just go watch this. Suggestions of what to watch. Yeah. What's not and what's not. Yeah, it'll come up with loads of suggestions for you, which is really good for you

and that means you can stop watching reruns of The American Office, The Simpsons, Family Guy. Those are your top three, am I right? Yeah, yeah.

They're all brilliant and I'll never stop watching them, but I might start watching new stuff in amongst them. You really should. In amongst them. There's been loads of great tell in amongst them. You really should. In amongst them.

There's been loads of great telly made, you know. Yeah. Promise you. I'm not going to say a word for it. I'm going to ask Glass. Welcome to the dark side. Now, while Sky Glass can't solve every single complaint we might have, it just might be able to squash one or two.

So easy. So straightforward. All your apps, all your channels, channels all your movies all your shows in one place chris all you need to do is just ask glass so remember sky glass is smarter than a smart tv search sky glass for more this friday you must be very careful mar Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you. No, don't. The First Omen.

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen.

In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress

in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan

Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we

play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com it's time for questions from the public well i never knew that oh you're joking got a rosie's mystery rosie's mysteries oh get in as always guys if you want to send anything shit stories rosie's mysteries absolutely anything please send it to shagmoutanoid at gmail.com and thank you as well to all the ones that we've got ready to read out for the tour obviously I don't know what they are, Rosie's busy collating them

at the moment, different ones each night, gonna be a right laugh. Got some really good ones Dear Rosie and Chris, I have to tell you about something which I think about often and which is one of the strangest things I've ever seen, please keep me anonymous A little while ago I was out with a few friends of the family

some of which i had only met once before one of them was a guy wearing a leather jacket which was fully zipped up right to the collar oh god like edward scissorhands yes yeah yeah i just love the way atosha's remembered him like i used to love edward scissorhands remember that i hated it absolutely did you yeah yeah i don't I just love the way that's how she's remembered him. Like, this is great. I used to love Edward Scissorhands. Remember that film? I hated it. Absolutely hated it.

Did you? Yeah, yeah. I don't think I've seen it the whole way through. Oh. Horrible. His face. Oh, God.

I was like that with, what's it called? Not right, Ed Fred. Drop Dead Fred. Drop Dead Fred, yeah. Oh, just his face. The beginning where he's in that house

and she's like, oh, come here. I found it unbelievable. Even as oh come here I found it unbelievable even as a kid I found it extremely unbelievable this guy would pop out and he's got like

this monkey and he's just like terrifying and look at him he moves and everyone fancies him but then she's like come on here

like no you'd run away screaming and where they lived obviously I know it was a juxtaposition between the mankiness and the darkness that he inhabited

and then their weird kind of almost who's in whoville you know i think that's what i liked about it i hated it it's too surreal for me yeah did you like beetlejuice i watched that when i was a bit older i watched that one as a bit older edward scissorhands you watch it when you're a bit younger but yeah again beetlejuice unpopular opinion not a massive fan of beetlejuice not a massive fan i think they're remaking it or they're doing another one I think but there's a musical which is actually really good yeah

I think I was quite scared of it I think it was that you know in Beetlejuice where they can't leave the house they basically they walk off the step and they end up being like and they step back

and so they're basically because they're dead they're trapped in the house oh god oh oh I've gone all funny it was all yeah

it was all a bit much wasn't it no wonder we're all no wonder this entire generation is a fucking mess oh Oh, we are, because we watch shit like that. Sunday afternoon, watch the man with scissors for hands, and the other ones that die and can't leave the house. When we were really young, we watched all that kind of stuff.

I was thinking about putting The Nightmare Before Christmas and all that kind of stuff. I hated that as well. No, but there's no way Robin could never watch that. He'd be terrified. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Our parents, honestly. I've said it before. My mum let us watch Terminator.

Someone got Terminator on tape. I was less than six years old because I was six when I moved to the house that my mum and dad live in now. So this was before that. So I would have been five minus. And I walked through the kitchen and asked her what a motherfucker I was.

I mean, that's mad. My mum and dad weren't that bad. My mum was actually really strict. I tell you, man, I got banned. I wasn't allowed to watch Neighbours for a while was. I mean, that's mad. My mum and dad weren't that bad. My mum was actually really strict. I tell you, man, I got banned. I wasn't allowed to watch Neighbours for a while. Or Bagger Grove. Someone said something bad. Hand up your jumper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But aye, that was me mum. Oh, motherfucker. Bad word. Don't say it again. Now, quick,

run back through. She's about to crush the machine in a hydraulic press. Oh, bad times. Did you catch the sex scene, son? Didn't miss that, did you? Biology. Education. After we had all been together for an hour or so, I was making small talk with the guy with the fully zipped up leather jacket when he undid his leather jacket to reveal what he was wearing underneath.

Right. What he was wearing underneath absolutely blew my mind. Right. It was the kind of thing that sends a billion questions immediately racing around my mind and also makes me need to burst from laugh trying not to laugh underneath his fully done up leather jacket was mysteries right okay this is a very good this is a very good one so what's he got under his leather jacket what is it what is wearing? My initial reaction was nothing. But this lady would have had to have written it in a way that deliberately sort of duped me

because what he was wearing was nothing. You know what I mean? So I don't know because the way it's written, I don't know if it is nothing. So is it something? I mean, I don't find a vest, I don't find a vest under a leather jacket

to be that offensive. I mean, I do, but that's fine. I mean, the pits of the leather jacket are going to fucking stink, to be fair.

That'll be mottled, there'll be holes in that. A hoodie, loads of people used to do a hoodie under a leather jacket, it used to be quite a good look. I used to rock that quite a lot. God,

I loved wearing a hoodie under a leather jacket. Ugh. I would not have liked your dress sense when we were younger, by the way. Offensive. Just letting you know. Thank you.

That little stage you went through at college, yeah, not my crack. You're going with pyjamas? I did think pyjamas. Do you know what I'm going to go with? I'm going to go with nothing. I'm going to go with the initial thought and say nothing.

All right. You're wrong. Underneath his fully done up leather jacket was a fully done up denim jacket. No fucking way! Never in a million years! Never in a million years will I have shot that! I thought you would have got it I was thinking you were going to see another jacket

short of giving me clues I would never have got that if Brian wasn't gone there that fuck who's this fucking Larry Lears what the hell's going on what was under that tracksuit top you're like a fucking Russian doll

I must have looked stunned in some ways he said oh do you like it it was a present wow he didn't take off his denim jacket that day which is a shame as I wonder what kind of jacket was underneath that one oh brilliant oh god oh god

it must have been quite a big jacket oh i don't know some people just must have had their size up you're not no but some people's clothes really fit do you know what i mean but that leather jacket must have really fit must have been my clothes never fixed i've got big boobs yeah i can never have but men can get away with like actual fitted clothes i can but i feel like i was gonna build as as hard. I feel like I can't do anything. If I've got a pair of skinny jeans on, I'll fit as jeans. You've got quite a peachy bum,

that's why. Thank you very much. Have you got a high bum, Greg? I have not got a high bum, I've not got a high bum. You have? That's offensive. You have got a high bum, Greg?

You've got a peachy little ass? I'll speak to HR about this. There is no HR. That is, honestly, you telling me on this podcast that I've got a peachy little ass, that's sexual harassment. I'm your wife.

I don't care. It's called a compliment. Okay, sorry. You can't. Can you complain about what I say? Wow, we've never delved into this. This is good. This is exciting.

Let's take it back a few years. The stuff you've said to me on here. Historical stuff won't be taken into account on this podcast. That's my rule. Yeah, that's wonderful, that's um yeah that's wonderful that like i mean fucking hell i have a real issue there's two things when i'm getting ready sometimes i'll stand in front of me cupboard just blank just thinking for ages trying to work out what the thing and i think it kind of means you're not in a bad you're not in a good place in your brain when you're like having like a full-on stress about what you know of a really really um sort of almost a trivial choice but with colors

i'm really weird really weird with colors if i could i've got a pair of blue chinos if i put the blue chinos on first and then try and match stuff to them it's a fucking i could be there for hours i'm really strange that's why i always go the same i always go like either me like i go like green pants and a black top or black pants green like i'm quite i don't know well what i was going to say to you is um i don't know if this is an okay thing to say so hey take it take it as you like great you know how you're saying about people love layers and all stuff like that our generation's a lot of undiagnosed autism and massively like just undiagnosed just kind of gone on the readout maybe not even that bad but layers is a sensory thing if you wear loads of layers

you like the feeling of okay and you not being able to choose colours and stuff like that you know colours

I don't know I could be completely wrong but I think really weird with colours as well yeah if I've got a coloured you know like a polo shirt like a coloured t-shirt

I can't put anything on top of that I can't put anything on top of that because I can't put anything on top of that because I can't put a round neck bomber jacket or a round neck jumper on top of that

because I feel like I look like I'm in school and I can't put something with a collar on top of that because then you're double collaring. I'm going back on what I said now.

Is that a fashion thing though rather than like a sensory thing? I don't know about fashion, man. I don't know about fashion. So why do you care? Because I don't want to look like a twat at the same time.

So then it is. It's about how you think you look. Yeah, maybe. Rather than how it feels. Oh, God, I don't want to look like a twat at the same time so then it is it's about how it's how you think you look yeah maybe rather than how it feels or I don't oh god I don't listen all I'm saying you okay

all I'm saying is this guy with the layers I'd like to be that I'd like to be confident enough to go I'm gonna hold this denim jacket on I like this leather one as well

I'm gonna hold that across as well you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna zip it all the way up because fuck the world yeah good for him good for him good for him

good for him Larry layers big love babadoo babadoo babadoo hi guys started in august 2020 and by may 23 i'd finally caught up well done been meaning to write in with stories since i started but i always forget that's fine don't worry just been listening this week's podcast and you said to email in if our kids have married and exes kids oh they haven't married but like calm down okay so sorry so just to recap here we said

we live in a small town and everyone sort of knows each other what if your kid your child started dating or going out with a child

of a someone who you've an ex or the one night stand or one night stand would be the worst one shit and if you didn't remember

but then you're like I recognise you and then and then like a week later you're like yeah yeah my middle child is only seven but his girlfriend And if you didn't remember, but then you're like, I recognise you. And then, like, a week later, you're like... Yeah, yeah. My middle child is only seven,

but his girlfriend for the past four years is my husband's ex's daughter. Wow. Seven, I mean, so, what was he, three? Jesus, he's settling down early, isn't he? Wow, Christ. My son is always buying her a little present for holidays And guess who has to deliver them to her house with him It's me

It's very awkward when she answers the door She started looking out the window and sending her husband instead My Imagine My son apparently has four girlfriends But she's his favourite My husband hopes he will Sorry, sorry, two seconds

Legend Sorry, goodbye My husband hopes he will sorry two seconds legend sorry my husband hopes he will forget about her because her mum was a cheating slag as he puts it goodness that's nice so doesn't want my son tainted with her family oh dear wow that went um that went really good yeah that went yeah that went uh that went really sharp towards the end there i was not expecting that at all no no no sharp aftertaste on that cocktail of stories. Talking about kids with girlfriends and boyfriends, our Robin just is not that kid at all, is he?

Nah, I never was. Well, you're not. Nah, I never was. But I remember kids at school, I remember there would be infant school, like five, six years old, and it'd be like there. There'd be boyfriend, there'd be girl,

they'd walk around holding hands in that eye. How emotionally mature. Even when I was like 14, 15, if someone would walk around holding hands in that eye how emotionally mature even when I was like 14, 15 if someone walked along holding a girl's hand I was like do you know what I mean

no I don't think I ever had that when I didn't like I definitely fancied a boy all the way through school and then another one all the way through comp

called me teddies after them and everything man that is disgusting why is that creepy I don't know is that creepy I don't know is it creepy I don't know

a little bit goodnight boy from school goodnight other boy from school let's cuddle sleep tight horrible that like I don't know why I don't know why

you're such a creepy kid here that's really freaked me out literally never spoke to them they didn't know had no idea the teddies are the boys the boys

yeah anyone any young people listening I mean hopefully you're not listening but yeah maybe I've named my teddies after you

isn't a good opening chat up line just for anyone out there who's thinking that might be a nice angle to go on hey yeah we've never spoke

we're in double biology together I've named me teddy after you I wasn't that old it was in primary it was in primary biology together I've named me Teddy after you I wasn't that old, it was in primary school I didn't name me older Teddy after the boy at school don't say that

babadoo babadoo babadoo oh this is awful do you want an awful one why is it in your collection then if it's awful because it's Shagmar and Annoyed and we say awful stuff but I'm just warning you. Okay then. Right.

Let's go. Hi, Chris and Rosie. The following story happened whilst at university. I no longer associate myself with people as horrendous as this. So, dot, dot, dot, dot. It was somebody's birthday and there was a fairly large group of us out at a local nightclub. Okay. It was your classic uni night out.

We were already fucked when we got there and we barely bought any drinks apart from Jagerbombs spew. Awful. Never went to uni so I don't know what that's like. Well pre-drinking

was essentially invented at uni because you know you didn't have enough money to go out and drink in the local bars but yeah

that was I remember I remember years ago I was doing a gig at Durham Gala Theatre and I was in the small room and in the big room was the Durham, I think the Cambridge Footlights and then there's the Durham Tea Lights. I think they're like the improv groups.

Oh, I mean, I would have loved that. No, but the Cambridge Footlights, you know, like Simon Bird was in that. They do singing and stuff. No, no, it's improv and comedy. Back in the day, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie and then I think Simon Bird was in the, I think he was from the mid-teens, I think he was in that. They do singing and stuff. No, no, it's improv and comedy. Okay. Back in the day, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie and then I think Simon Bird was in the, I think he was from the mid-teens,

I think he was in the Cambridge Footlights. Okay. Anyway, and then the Durham had their version and I went to the bar to get something boring, like a cup of tea before my show or whatever

and the bar was rammed and the whole big theatre, 500 and odd seats, was sold out by students to see the Durham tea lights, I think they're called, as I say. And the women at the bar were raging. And I was like, is it alright? And they were like, no. I was like, why? Too busy.

Too busy? They're all drinking tap water. No! They're right. She'd done 500 tap waters. She was fucking raging. She was so angry. We haven't got enough glasses that's horrendous

I either wouldn't buy any drinks just skinned I either went just chicken tap water see I've I had a different

experience of uni so when all my mates were at uni and I had an ex who went to uni I worked full time I was flushes out mate I was on 600 quid

a month at the gadget shop so I was like woohoo we're going out tonight everyone's skinned I was like no mama Rosie will sort gadget shop so I was like woohoo we're going out tonight everyone was getting I was like

no class Mama Rosie will sort you out yeah I was loaded so I was the same because I went to uni locally and my mates so when I went away

to any unis I was going and visiting my mates and it was just a weekend away from me so yeah I had disposable income it was awesome

two of the lads are brothers so they're out on this night they're out they're drinking Jager bombs they're already fucked when they get to the club

it's someone's birthday there's a big group of them continue two of the lads are brothers, so they're out on this night. They're out, they're drinking Jager bombs, they're already fucked when they get to the club, it's someone's birthday, there's a big group of them. Continue. Two of the lads are brothers. One is successful with the ladies and good looking, and the other is not. Oh. In brackets, it said,

he is a wipe your arse in the shower man, so this could explain that. What does that mean? Excuse you. Oh, so he goes and has a shower. I wash my arse in the shower and I'm a goddamn catch. Well, were you at uni though? Probably not. I think I've only just started becoming a catch now but I'm bloody

locked down with you, aren't I? Oh God, sorry. Marriage, kids, podcast, tour. You've got me tied right up. You are. Congratulations. Listen, go and shake your tail for a couple of them. Give me a break. I'm Irish. Please don't make us. You would die. You'd get eaten alive.

I'd have a horrible time. You would get eaten alive. I'd have a horrible time. 37. You actually look quite nice now. You would get eaten alive. Thank you. I think it's because now I'm actually sleeping well and eating vegetables.

That's it. So you're welcome. Thank you. They got chatting to these two girls and it was going pretty well. So well, in fact, they both agreed to come back to the house with them. This is where it gets, well, not great.

Oh, God. Both girls sat down on the sofa with them. This is where it gets, well, not great. Oh, God. Both girls sat down on the sofa with the good-looking brother whilst most of us were in the kitchen. Oh, no. Oh, the good-looking brother. That's so upsetting. Oh. I think I'm the worst-looking sister.

Yeah. And that's really upsetting. Yeah. Anytime everyone goes, Eeyore Kate, she's beautiful, isn't she? I'm like, yeah, all right. Aye, Anna. Fuck, what am I?

What am I? What am I? An ogre? Yeah. Oh, don't. thought i would just do a louis through just a louis through yeah no of course not you're gorgeous no you're beautiful i'm not the pretty one both beautiful she's beautiful look i see kate done up you know i see kate she comes around she's got her hair done she's beautiful I love her mate look I see Kate done up you know I see Kate she comes round

she's got her hair done she's got her make up done we'll see her when we go somewhere she's got her hair done you know I see you warts and all

right I see you it's hanging out yeah me and all the delivery drivers yeah well hey listen

it's fine I've got a better personality I don't like the way this story's going so the good looking brother is sitting down with the two girls. So where's the not good-looking brother?

Right, okay, well, we're going to find out. Oh, for fuck's sake. Most of them are in the kitchen. We turned around to see he had begun going downtown with his tongue on the girl he was chatting to whilst her friend was sat next to them. You are joking. Awful, by the way.

You are joking. What, like a pornographic video? I've never been invited to these places where this stuff happens. It clearly happens, but I've just never... You've got to have two people who are absolutely fine with doing that while other people are in the room.

Okay. Sometimes the stars align, I imagine. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, clearly. Awful. This isn't the strange part, though. Okay. After a few minutes, he finally surfaced

and turned to us all with a face full of blood. Oh, never in a million month of Sundays. No, well, it was definitely something of the month. No prizes for guessing what time of the month it was for this girl. Why has that happened? I don't know. Who knows? She might not know.

In her defence, she might not know. I'm not period shaming here. Do you know what I mean's getting i'm not getting a funny look she's having a lovely time all i'm thinking is there's enough stains on sofas in student couch at student accommodation anyway we're just adding i got scabies from a lad i was going out with at uni wow from their house what all did made me mate oh my god yeah someone did off off a sofa in Sunderland horrendous it was in Scarborough anyway Scarborough Scabies Scarborough Scabies

Scarborough Scabies Scabies you got Scarborough what's it say here hang on no prizes for guessing what time almost instantly

the ugly brother walked into the room grabbed his brother's face and licked him from chin to forehead needless to say they both immediately left and were never

seen again. The girls or the brothers? All of them, I think. Who knows? On the bright side, the ugly brother has now found a partner. So good for him. Oh, well, that's a happy ending. I don't need to be anonymous,

as I would like the dirty bastard to shame me for what he made a witness. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're going to stay anonymous. I'm not having that. Fair enough. Wow. That's absolutely disgusting.

I know. That, I mean look you want to carry on like that you're always going to be the ugly brother sunshine because beauty's on the inside stop licking people's faces

when they've got stuff on you dirty horrible pervert minging innit end of just remember it's just end of essay it's the generation

it's the dirty Sanchez generation isn't it dirty Sanchez jackass jackass where it's just for a while everyone was just

fucking disgusting feral for a while everyone was just fucking feral for a while everyone was just feral yeah and went oh it's hilarious it's not always it it's horrible it's actually horrible that's the word that's that's genuinely do you remember though yeah yeah i do yeah that's i mean how much again how much that girl has felt she's probably a bit embarrassed and the brother comes in and i mean listen i'm all for you know probably being embarrassed but what's she getting licked out for in the middle of a sofa when people are there? I mean, come on.

Sorry, babe. There is also that. I mean, how good looking does he have to be? Oh, well, take her to a bedroom. I'm all for people getting licked out. Like, listen, you want to get, you have a good time. Good for you.

Horrible phrase. But in the middle of a, am I boring or is that? My main thing is that he had his face right on that student sofa there if she was sitting down. That's what I think is the worst part about it. I wouldn't put my chin on a student sofa for a million pound. No chance.

I wouldn't take my kegs off on a student sofa. That's the thing. You might have just pulled them to the side, let's be honest here. Oh, Christ. Jesus Christ, getting a bit intense. Hi, please keep me anonymous. Pork chop down the toilet has triggered me. When did we say that?

Yeah, someone putting a pork chop down the toilet. Yeah, that was a story a couple of weeks ago. When my son was 15, my husband and I went to Thailand on holiday. My husband's mum... Went where? To Thailand. You said Thailand. Is that bad?

Do you say Thailand or Thailand? I don't know. Sometimes, when I'm doing the questions from the public, I make my voice a little bit posher. So you would say Thailand. So I think I say Thailand, but I think I said Thailand

because I was trying to be... Thailand sounds like a shop where you'd buy tiles. Okay, like Thailand say Thailand. So I think I say Thailand, but I think I said Thailand because I was trying to be... Thailand sounds like a shop where you'd buy tiles. Okay, like Thailand. Thailand. Come on down to Thailand. I'm literally throwing tiles away. This Bank Holiday Monday, I'm slashing tile prices in half.

Come down to Thailand. Rugger Avenue, Sunderland. But I think people say Thailand. No one says Thailand. No one says Thailand. Thailand. It's Thailand. No one pushes them to get Thailand.

I don't know why I said it did I say Thailand? Thailand yeah I went to Thailand people will say Thailand you can say Finland you can say Finland

oh right okay so you can't say Thailand but you can say Finland I don't yeah I'm sorry what about Greenland? yeah Greenland

you can have Greenland Greenland you can have Greenland I think you can have Thailand no Thailand Thailand I'm not having it I'm not having Thailand Greenland. Greenland. You can have Greenland, you can have Finland. Thailand. No, Thailand. Thailand.

I'm not having it. I'm not having Thailand. Honestly. Okay, fair enough. Right. I hate myself because I hate people who say stuff wrong. Do you know what I mean? I'm annoyed at myself because I'm normally quite good the stuff wrong. Do you know what I mean?

I'm annoyed at myself because I'm normally quite good at saying stuff. There'll be people out there who say Thailand who are getting offended when I say it. Oh, definitely.

It's Thailand. I'm sorry. I'm not having my wife saying Thailand. My husband's mum came to stay at ours to house sit and keep an eye on our son.

Whilst we were away, my mother-in-law cooked our son a pork chop roast dinner every single day for his dinner. Every day? He's come back, he's going to have fucking gout? Every day?

A full roast pork dinner? I mean, I'd be buzzing because I love a pork dinner. I mean, it's a square meal. You're getting your protein, you're getting your veg. Bring it on. God almighty. Give Doom some fucking beans on toast. Christ alive. Dip me egg and soldiers, Nana.

Come on. My son not only dislikes pork. He doesn't even like it. He wasn't keen on meat, period. So on my return, when I asked him how how it was he complained about his nan's cooking he then said he needed to show me something taking me to the garden shed where my son kept his drum kit he proceeded to show me 15 pork chops wrapped up in kitchen towels and now what appeared to be living in our shed. He didn't want to offend his nan,

so he sneaked them out of the house, down his trousers, every single night. And then, my son is now a 35-year-old vegan. Oh, bless him, though. I know, didn't want to upset his nan.

That's nice, though, that he wasn't just kicking off and saying, I don't like it. I mean, absolute waste of money, but that's fine. Oh, wow. Eh, funny.

Oh, bless his heart. That's hilarious. Do you know what? I lived with my nana for a little bit. Yeah. My nana and grandad. Yeah. Ah, wow. Hey, funny. Oh, bless his heart. That's hilarious. Do you know what? I lived with my nana for a little bit. Yeah. My nana and grandad. Yeah. Best time of my life.

Why did you live with your nana and grandad? Oh, because I'm from a broken home, Chris. That's why. So I lived with my nana and grandad for a while. And honestly, it was lush. They didn't take any board offers. So I used to just buy them like three for a tenner at Asda, bottles of wine a week.

Yeah, yeah. And my nana made tea every night. She'd make me bait for work. Aye. She'd get up in the morning. That's lunch, by the way, anyone listening who isn't from the North East,

lunch, we call. Oh, sorry, bait. Bait. Like what you'd get a fish with, bait. She would get up at the same time as us in the morning.

She'd make me lunch. Yeah. Like, not a shitty lunch, like a full on. Oh, I can imagine. Like, amazing. I can imagine. And that was lush.

And then I always remember I made dinner once for my Nana and Grandad, and it was the first time my Grandad ever had fajitas. Lost his mind. He's like, what are these called again? I was like, fajitas. He's like, bloody, bloody brilliant. Bloody brilliant, these.

Oh, that's lush. I know. Oh, good times really really nice I'm really glad I did actually it was like a lush little awful like me mum and dad

were breaking up but it was really nice little part of me life and I'm dead glad of it thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shag Marinoid which is part of the

Acast Creator Network yes thank you so much as always if you'd like to get in touch shagmarinoid at gmail.com and shagmarinoid.com to ho the Acast Creator Network yes thank you so much as always if you'd like to get in touch shagmarinoid at gmail.com and shagmarinoid.com to hoover up the last handfuls of tickets

for the tour which starts next week starts next week very exciting shit see you there bye bye

you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series

this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director The visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

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