Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 247. Incense Sisters

Episode Date: December 8, 2023

There’s a lot to get through on this week’s podcast, and it’s hot one! Chris and Rosie discuss the ongoing saga of Elf on the Shelf, why Rosie is thinking about having another baby(!) and general bin problems. QFTP’s involve a couple of icks, a very accidental man and a story involving a reed diffuser that will really stay with you!  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. No, no, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theatres Friday. Get tickets now. Hello, you're listening to a very relaxed episode of Shag Marginoidid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Are we relaxed?

I mean relaxed as in exhausted. Right. Sorry, I confused exhausted with relaxed. Yeah, you made it sound like a spa. You did your spa voice. I think I'd be nice in a spa. Come on into the spa. I don't know about you, but I am knackered.

I'm just cream crackered. To a life, man. Now, again, again, I hate to be in a spa. Come on into the spa. I don't know about you, but I am knackered. Yeah. I'm just cream crackered. To a life, man. Now, again, again, I hate to be the martyr here. What? But all those times when I was on tour and you were at home with the kids and I said, I'm tired of being you. How can you be tired? You're in a hotel and you're getting up at 10.

All right, listen, listen, listen. Yeah? Sorry. I think I might pass out. Did you just apologize to me? I did, yeah, yeah, listen. Yeah? Sorry. I think I might pass out. Did you just apologise to me? I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, in my defence, your tours were nowhere near

as big venues as ours are. Excuse me, in my tours, I talk and perform non-stop for sometimes up to an hour and a half. So, literally. You've had your apology. And then I have multiple beers

and loads of junk food afterwards and that takes a toll as well. That's what killing is. It's the eating late at night. I've piled on the beef because we just eat crap after the gig. And it's hard to eat anything healthy because, you know. It's impossible to eat healthy. Impossible to eat healthy on tour.

I'm on the crisp sandwiches after the gig. And you're on full pizzas. Just monkey. Anyway. Sorry, I'm not on full pizzas. I had a sandwich the other day. You've had loads. You've had a pizza

every night man you greedy pig no I've had literally one pizza this week so how dare you how dare you yeah so we're just a bit tired

but it's all good we've got seven left so we'll be back to normal pretty soon as this goes out there's actually only four left two of them are

home turf as well yeah we're recording this on the 6th of December so we've got Manchester tonight big love to anyone who came to that oh I'm talking about in the past and the future

I can't live like that I'm making myself sad I can't live like that yeah and then we've got Nottingham and Sheffield and then next week is Birmingham, Liverpool two Newcastles

booyah still a handful of tickets for Liverpool and Birmingham can't promise that they're any good yeah Newcastle don't say stuff like that nah they're shite they're in the corner

but we've got big screens, so you'll be able to see them. Yeah. And the atmosphere is nice. Just come. The atmosphere is lovely. It's just looking out and seeing everyone smiling and stuff.

It's really, really good fun. It's been men, but this is a podcast, so we're not going to talk about the two of you too much. We just know that I'm a tired little bear. Tired little bear. So, without further ado,

let's tell everyone what episode it is. It's episode 247, which I quite like. 247. It's episode 247. Which I quite like. 247. It's episode 247. And it's time for this week's lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... It's a new business venture

that I've done myself. I've put all the money up myself. I'm doing this myself. I'm going to take it out into the world. Jen, if you can't remember if this has been a sponsor or not, I fuck knows. But just... I am starting much like people do your drive you do you go and you do your driving lessons and you learn how to drive i'm starting social walking lessons just for people who don't know how to walk what speed to walk at

where to stand or what to do in certain situations i don't think people have got any spatial spatial special spatial spatial awareness is the first part of my course oh wow is that lesson one first lesson spatial awareness yeah guess what dickhead

don't stand at the bottom of the escalators and chat guess what don't stand in the doorway and chat guess what don't get out of the

airport security bit and just fucking stand there like a dick you know don't dawdle don't stand right up someone's arse which we covered

in a previous podcast it's the dawdling it's the dawdling I can't bear it's the inner inner thing of like don't stand right up someone's arse, which we covered in a previous podcast. It's the dawdling. It's the dawdling, I can't bear. It's the inner thing of like, somewhere, we were in an airport recently, and you've got the sort of, you know, you've got the path that goes through the duty free that stinks of every perfume on earth, right?

Yes. On that path, on that path, fucking get fucking moving, mate. Right? One foot in front of the other. Right? You want to dawdle, you want to look at the perfumes, step off the path. There's literally, step off that path into one fucking moving mate right one foot in front of the other right you want to

look at the perfumes step off the path there's literally step off that path into one of the aisles

take as much fucking time as you want you might be at the airport early take your time get off that fucking path

you're not going to like do you want to hear it this is me waiting this is me waiting

okay so the problem is you're taking this from the last couple of times we've been in the airport which was work-related.

So we're in work mode. These people, other people who are dawdling, are in holiday mode. It's a very different mode. They've left the 9-to-5, they've left the job, they've got a week of dawdling ahead of them. What makes you think you can come in and apply logic and and common sense to my bare-faced angry argument here so i'm just i'm just that kind of dickhead right don't do it again right because that was that was offensive we're supposed to be united frontier okay i am united i'm just having i'm just trying to stick up for people a little bit but i hate toddlers yeah i walk fast everywhere

no matter where i'm going or what i'm doing I'm a really fast walker even with your little tiny little legs even with my little tiny legs little trotters yeah my mum I got it from my mum

yeah my mum's a fast walker yeah my mum's we used to go walking all the time right she's got this thing she always has to be

like a couple of inches ahead of us and it's as if like she's like I'm a better walker than you I'd love to see you in a silent

passive aggressive race I don't raise her back because I just think crack on Diff likes, she's like, I'm a better walker than you. I'd love to see you in a silent, passive-aggressive race. I don't raise her back because I just think, crack on. That's your way to cope with getting old. Then that's you. You walk a little inches ahead. So I hate people, and I know this isn't their fault, but I hate people who walk at just the right speed to be irritating. So they're too slow for me to walk behind,

but they're slightly too fast for me to overtake without breaking into a run. Yeah. Hate them. What about people on their phone crossing the road? Phone crossing the road,

unbelievable. Phone walking towards you, unbelievable. Like I said, classic. Back in the day, I saw a guy walking through Oxford, sitting there reading a book, walking into a lamppost,

one of the best days of my life. Reading a book. Literally, turning, turning really suddenly out of a dawdle fucks me right off as well. one of the best days of my life. Dick. Winner book. Literally, turning, turning really suddenly out of a dawdle fucks me right off as well.

It's basically like turning in a car without indicating. Someone's just walking in front of you and you've got to go around them and they're just, oh, we're going to go left now. Well, you didn't tell us

we were going to go left. Has this happened to you recently? Yeah, very recently. It was the other day when I wrote it down. I was in Dunelm and someone was in front of us and I wanted,

I had an iron, I bought a new iron, ironing board, sorry, and I wanted to fucking clatter them across the head with the ironing board. I was so angry. You've got to go to Dunelm, I had to work. Bloody magic in there. Love Dunelm. Bloody magic in there. At one point, I just had the ironing board and I put it down, I

took Rafe with us, so I put the ironing board down like a ramp and he sort of stood on the little bottom bit and held it on the sides and I just dragged him around the shop in it. Great day. On the ironing board? It was a very quiet day. Oh God. Until that one person stood in front of us. You see, do you see the hypocrisy in me? I'm kicking off because someone was taking too slow and then I'm

skidding a kid around the whole shop on an ironing board. But you know, this is... Oh, egg cups. What? Oh, I just need to write something down. Egg cups? I want to get the Bairns personalised egg cups for Christmas. And if I don't write it down now, sorry, everyone. I'll forget.

Just if you think that celebrity mam, Rosie Ramsey, spoils our children at Christmas. Egg cups. Personalised? Oh, sorry. Personalised? I've seen them on the high street, but I haven't ordered them yet. Great.

I am not ready for Christmas, everybody. Before this goes out, every fucker's going to buy them and they're going to be out of stock. You need to buy them before Friday because people heard that. Do you have any idea how crazy our listeners go for eggs? Because I do.

Our bins are currently really enjoying Dippy Egg and Soldiers and I'm all about it because I'm like, hello, easy tea. Hello, easy life. What are you having, Dippy Egg and Soldiers?

Yes, sir. I'll do that for you straight away. Six minutes, bish bash, five minutes. I saw an air fryer trick the other day where someone puts the two eggs whole in the air fryer. Unbelievable.

You're never going to do it, though. No, of course I'm not. I'm never going to do it. But it just looked so strange. Just putting two eggs in their shells in an air fryer. And then she puts them in a little bowl of ice. I've seen one where they did that. And they also made a crumpet with cheese

and chorizo on. Don't like chorizo. Neither do I actually. Get out of your face. Oily, rubbery, get it in the bin. Yeah, I really don't like chorizo.

It's weird isn't it? And I love food and I love sausages. Absolutely awful. Yeah, I find it and it's like spicy and not a fan. It's spicy.

It's the wrong kind of spice. It's like sharp spice. Yes. It's oily as a motherfucker. You ever get onto a pizza, you pick your

slice up, you've just got a red waterfall coming off your pizza. And it is so chewy. It's disgusting. They ruin nice foods. Some restaurants, I look on the pasta and I go, oh, look at that. Oh, king prawn. Get in the bin. Yeah, chorizo. Ruined it. A lot of paella has chorizo in. I know.

Get it off us now. Horrible. I'm starving. Oh. We'll do the jingle, I'm going to quickly go and burn down a chorizo factory and then we'll Get it off us now. Horrible. I'm starving. Oh. Quickly, we'll do the jingle, I'm going to quickly go and burn down a chorizo factory and then we'll come back and we'll do the podcast.

Okay. Okay. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.

So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle, jingle, we hope you like the jingle, jingle, babadoo, first of all, first of all, Now it's boiling. 100% true. We've just had to have the windows open, which I feel so bad. Captain Planet over here

trying to recycle. Oh, mate. I run around turning lamps off and everything, and I'm really annoyed. You've took 12 minutes off somebody's life somewhere. Somebody or the Earth.

The Earth, which will affect all of us. Oh, you don't know what you're talking about. So, oh, it's just noise. You haven't got a clue what you're talking about.

We'll move on basically this whole thing comes from you just on a whim deciding when or when when or whether or not you want to do the podcast so yesterday should we do it no we'll not do it i will do it go and put the oh no we'll not do it so i just have to be i'm on the starting blocks wait a second wait a second so you said we'll do it go and put the heaters on because it's cold and we don't have then we had an argument so we didn't do we'll do it. Go and put the heaters on because it's cold and we don't have the heaters. Then we had an argument. So we didn't do it. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

I put the heaters on after that argument when you said, okay, let's do it. So I went over and I put the things on. I was still mad. Right. Well, you shouldn't have said, let's do it. So you said, put the heaters on. So I put the heaters on and then I forgot. So it is half your fault as well.

So there you go. I won't take that. So six minutes each we've took off the life of the earth now uh i did say a couple of things i need to clear up from the intro first of all i do believe it's pronounced cherry though um but you know you're you're in my opinion you're a bit of a dick if you just want to say it's cherry though to me yeah i wouldn't enjoy that it's like i know it's not a chorizo is like so wrong the same as like uh jalapenos is wrong but if i think we've talked about this before if someone's just randomly like oh do you want a tennish margarita yeah and do you

want jalapenos on it you'd go sorry what happened there you go just checking you on your tennish margarita stuff crust yeah and do you want jalapenos you'd go right why have you why have you gone full spanish on that word so that's why because chorizo uh you know it means you have to do that um so you don't do that and also believe it or not i didn't go and burn down a chorizo um how do you say croissant croissant oh no croissant croissant croissant there's a croissant i don't know oh god anyway i didn't go and burn down a chorizo chorizo factory i actually went and took some first offense oh. Oh, I know. The illnesses are coming in thick and fast.

Our kids just cough on us all the time. And I think in normal situations, I wouldn't be that bothered. But because we're on tour, every time they cough, I physically push them away. And I feel terrible about it, but I'm like,

I cannot afford to be ill right now. I'm 100%. I was brushing Rafe's teeth this morning and I went open wide and when he opened wide, he just coughed and spit, snot and toothpaste went all over my face.

Oh no. And then last night, I was putting the Christmas tree up with Rafe and Robin and he was going... Rafe kept coughing and I'm trying to tell him to cough into your...

Yeah. Like a vampire, cough into your thing. And my mum and dad have been telling him to cough into his hand because they don't know the new thing of don to cough into his hand because they don't know the new thing of

don't cough into your hand because the germs are then on your hand okay so he was arguing I forgot to tell you this he was arguing standing at the top of the stairs

I was going cough into your hand he's going no no no the guy on the bill said cough into your hand and he's going look and he's going

and he's like doing fake coughing into his hand and I'm like oh Christ so then I pick him up and he's like rubbing his hand on my face I'm like oh this is excellent and just as I went in there

I had my first offence there. I just had a little flashback, a little conversation we had, Rosie, just before we started the podcast today. What? I said, you were on your phone, so you only half heard what I was saying. I imagine you didn't hear the first bit. So the first bit I said... At the minute, not going to lie, we're seeing a lot of each other.

I'm zoning in and out, Chris. Saving it for the show. Understandable. I'm saving it for the show. Understandable. You will get my full attention. Now, you get me full attention. Okay.

Today, don't speak to us. Spend the day apart. We'll sit next to each other, but not there. Understandable. Yeah. And then tonight on the show, come here at the clock, me and you. Back on it.

Me and you. Again. Great. So, I said... What did you say? My exact words were, I feel really... I think I've got a cold coming on.

Look at these dark circles under me eyes. You didn't hear the first bit. You heard, look at these dark circles under me eyes. I did, yeah. And you just went, yeah, you're getting old. Yeah, we are.

And I went, sorry, no, they weren't here yesterday. These dark circles weren't here yesterday. They're here today because I've got a cold. You went, all right, yeah. But it was just the immediate, yeah, you're getting old. We are getting old. Yeah, all right, yeah. But it was just the immediate, yeah, you're getting old. We are getting old.

Yeah, everyone's getting old. But it was just unnecessary. Why? Because the dark circles weren't there yesterday. You think I've aged overnight? I wish you'd put some tan on. That's what I wish. You'd put some tan on.

Actually, no, I don't because you spend your whole fucking life putting tan on. Oh, I know. It's a pain in my life. But I think you should put some tan on. You do look a bit pale. Yeah, but that's my natural colour. I'm not a liar. No, I'm sorry. It's disgusting. I'm not a liar. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a cheater. I'm not put some tan on. You do look a bit pale. Yeah, but that's my natural colour. I'm not a liar. I'm sorry, it's disgusting.

I'm not a liar. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a cheater. I'm not putting fake tan on. Look like a ghost. Listen, if I wasn't going to put tan on on Strictly, I'm not going to put it on for walking around the house. Joking, aren't you?

Stick a bit of make-up on. I've got to look at you. Oh, God. Just to let you know, we have given in. We have succumbed to the little elf that's naughty overnight. It took us eight years

and we've given in because so just to, I'm sure we've said before, we've got this elf that's in the Christmas decorations that somebody bought it for Robin years ago. It's not the elf on the shelf. Warning, if you're listening,

I mean, there shouldn't be any kids listening now. They're not listening to kids. But just in case, you know, worse than swearing is what we're about to talk about for children. Right, okay then. Sorry, give it a minute. I'll turn it off.

Yeah. There's this elf that's in the decorations box. I don't know where he came from. Maybe Santa, but someone bought it for Robin years ago. And every year he kind of comes out and we're just moving from place to place. He doesn't do anything. We're just kind of moving from the tree

and then next day he moves somewhere else. Anyway, Robin at school, all the kids have got Elf on the Shelf now. It's like a full thing now, right? It's like part of Christmas and whatever. I mean, there's mad fuckers on Instagram shaving their head and saying what the elf did. I know, but you know what it is?

So to me, I was never a fan of the Elf on the Shelf. I just found it a bit too intense, right? But Robin's eight now and genuinely, I don't think he of the elf on the shelf. I just found it a bit too intense, right? But Robin's eight now, and genuinely, I don't think he's going to believe in the big fella much longer. I reckon at the most, we've got this year and next year. A fully blown belief. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And his little face when the elf turned up. So good. And he was like talking to him, and he was saying, is gonna do anything and i just thought we'll have to do this yeah we'll have to do this and he's been absolutely buzzing so so now that's the thing we'll do it now but then i'm hoping once he doesn't believe you'll do it for rave yeah he can be the new person but uh it was really magical actually so we succumbed and i hate it but we're all with it.

So big shout out to all of the parents out there elfin' it up going up to bed tucking yourself in remembering you haven't done the elf and running back downstairs with feel your pain.

Oh and then we're away so my mum's gonna have to do it. Oh she's already got plans man your mum. She has got plans. Honestly I think she's had a writer's room

with some comedians she's got some class ideas. Who is this woman? Where was this woman for my childhood? Seriously, where was this woman for my childhood? Because I don't recognise her. I don't recognise her, Chris. Maybe if you were a faster walker, she would respect you more and do stuff for you.

She was miserable as sin when I was younger. I've told her, I've said every photo I've seen of you when I was a kid, your face was like slapped arse that's because you couldn't redo photos no I think she was stressed three kids

working a bit like you know a bit like we are we're now in the in the full throes of life and it's stressful and I think my mum

was just stressed we've got three kids two I was just checking but now as now that she is older and not as much responsibilities

and blah blah blah, blah, she's buzzing, she's great. So are your mum and dad the same? Yeah. They're absolutely, they're like fucking

Mrs and Mr Claus all the time. Just buzzing. They make us look miserable as sin. But that's fine. I've been thinking about having another baby,

you know. Fuck you. Am I mad? Yeah, you're mad what's wrong with us no you can get in the bin you can you can get in the bin

I've been thinking about it nah I just feel like Rafe is just he's like nearly three and he's just not a baby anymore

it's gone like that do you not think he is Robin did not because I didn't work with Robin I was a full time mum so it dragged dragged like hell no I don't think it has because Rafe is just oh Chris I can't work with Robin I was a full time mum so it dragged dragged like hell I don't think it has

because Rafe is just oh Chris I can't remember life before Rafe like I can't remember life without him should I say I remember I can't imagine life

without him weirdly now it's like he's always been here well you worked away a lot that's why maybe oh imagine if I had a little girl it's not happening

I'd love a little girl it's not happening guys we're gonna have to go now because no in fact no we're not. We're going to stay here. This will be the longest podcast ever because you're not getting anywhere near

this todger. Oh no. I would really like a little girl but you can't, you just can't. It doesn't happen, does it? Like last night and I love them to bits

when they were running around fully naked, wouldn't put the pyjamas on, both just running around the full house, tiddlers everywhere, on the sofa it was just so intense and i know girls are like that and i'm not like girls run around i know but i

would just love a little bit of another female energy in the house yeah i'm sad for you that you don't have a girl because obviously you're really close to your mom and dad but boys is there any way that you can do it nah Nah. Can you manufacture? Nah. Don't think so. I mean, I think you can. I think you actually can, but I think it's... I think it's...

One, I don't think it should be a thing. I'm not like a, it's against God and nature. I'm not like that, but I just think, oh, man, what are you fucking about with her for? And also, I don't want another kid.

I know. And also, I don't want another kid. I know, I know. And also, I think it's really expensive. I think it's like what super movie stars do. I think Kanye West did it to get a boy. Right, okay.

I think. Oh, I know. I know. I think if I could be guaranteed a girl, I would, in a heartbeat, have another baby, but you can't be guaranteed.

You'd end up with another boy. Three boys. I know. Yeah. Oh, Chris, what's wrong? Is it because I'm working too much and I'm really busy? I don't know.

I think it is. I think it's because I just feel like I... Whatever it is, you need to fix it right now because we're not having another kid. Guys, help us out here, man. I'm not having it. You told me yesterday about someone, friend of a friend or something,

who had like five kids and I was nearly sick just hearing the words five kids. Yeah, I know. When someone tells me they've got like... I mean, I'm not even talking like them nutters on the telly who've got like 20 odd kids right i mean i know they're not nice but they are like forget so forget it forget hostel or the babadook or any horror film that is a horror film for me yeah watching their house with 20 odd kids

that is full remember the episode the episode that will stay etched in my brain forever is when they went shopping and they had to buy like nine loaves of bread and then he made breakfast and he

used 25 eggs I was like what is happening it was horrible it was horrible I know but no okay I know

I think it's just because we're out of that we're out of the baby stick which I found I find it so hard I know some people

love it but I find okay but I find it so hard. I know some people love it. What were you talking about then? Okay, but I find zero to two really, really hard. But now he's three and he's delicious. He's not three yet, he's three in January. He's just, oh he's perfect. And Robin's

a little bit older and he's great. And I'm perfect, sorry, they're both perfect. What's happened is you've hit a sweet spot, right? But sweet spots don't last, especially not if you throw a fucking baby in the mix. I know they don't, okay, but all I'm perfect, sorry. They're both perfect. What's happened is you've hit a sweet spot, right? I know. But sweet spots don't last, especially not if you throw a fucking baby in the mix. I know they don't, okay? But all I'm saying is, I'm from a family of three, and I just think there's something wonderful

about when you've got loads of kids, and then when the kids get older, you've got loads of, like, I just want to have loads of grandkids, and I want to have Christmas with loads of people and that, and, you know, I'm just... You're too old. You're too old now. You've just told me I'm not too old

Honestly, you'll be you'll be absolute smack bang in the middle of the menopause next year No I will not, I'm 37 Absolutely not I've got another 10 years Look at these dark bags under my eyes I know babe, I'm just, okay let's stop talking about it

I'm winding you up. I'm winding you up. You're right. I don't... I don't... But it's just... I've just been thinking about it. Anyway.

God almighty. No, I'm not. Guys, someone, just do... Help. Help. I think this is a stage of life. I think this is just a thing that happens. Because you have to make a decision, don't you?

You have to... I'm just... It's because we're away. it's because we're away it's because we're away and i miss them like hell but come ask us again the end of january and i'll go fuck no but right now i really i'm just really missing the i'm not gonna lie to you i'm really missing the kids loving the tour loving doing the show when i'm on stage it's amazing but for a lot of it i'm really struggling with being away yeah so i think it's the traveling and the staying away and stuff if you click your fingers and be behind that curtain ready to walk on and then you can walk

off and walk back in the living oh yeah i would i could do that you know i could do that nearly every night but it's because you miss bedtime and bedtime's mental yeah yeah anyway so there we go let's crack on not having another kid I will literally take a bread knife to me dick it's not happening no not even I wouldn't even do it off

I would do it like lengthways from the tip down I don't need you banana it to do it yeah you do if you want two kids

that bloody gorgeous and funny yeah you do and athletic let's not forget obviously it's important during this time of year this season uh as we get towards the end of the year to to remember and send our love and our prayers and our thoughts out to those who need it most at this time of year what's happening the bike guys who can't go out

on their bikes because the pavements and the roads are frozen and it's dangerous wow brothers i'm with you. Big love, guys. Who's running, by the way? Fucking lunatics. I've seen so many people running and I'm thinking, you're gonna... I saw people running in the snow. I was like, do you not like your ankles?

Like, what the hell? Or your bum? Or your coccyx? Or your elbow? Anything, really. Do you know what I mean? Slipping in, it's dangerous, man. Horrible, yeah. Absolutely horrible yeah the snow's been nice though hasn't it it was nice it is nice to get a bit of snow your mom said to me this morning she went uh it's nice the snow it looks nice and that but god you can't get anything done

it slows everything down i'm glad it's gone i'm glad it's gone she hates the snow oh i thought it was lush like lush babadoo babadoo babadoo bab one thing I forgot to tell you Rosie oh my god I

our bin men have been on strike yeah in our local area bin people they're not all men the ones who do ours are literally men

I see them I see their faces yeah they've been on strike which you know I'm all for it but you're really fucking up our bin schedule I get strikes and I know why they're, but you're really fucking up our bin schedule.

I get strikes and I know why they're happening, but... Listen, I don't want to... You're driving Chris mad. I know, but I don't want to throw a spanner in the works here. What? And I don't want to, you know, make everything worse, but you know, bin people, you really want to make an impact, you hit that first week in January,

that's when you're going to fuck everyone up. That's when the queues for the tip are already out. Don't give them any ideas, man. All I'm in January, that's when you're going to fuck everyone up. That's when the cues for the tip are already out. All I'm saying is, you want to fight the man, you know, just before Christmas, absolutely pointless, do it when everyone's got a shitload of boxes. Anyway... My husband,

Christopher Ramsey, you're driving him insane. He's been putting his bins out every morning and he's devastated. Rosie, I haven't been putting the bins out, because and he's devastated Rosie I haven't been putting the bins out because this is what I've been trying to tell you I phoned up the council

yeah not kicking off just to say here look like have I missed it I know they're trying to catch up because that's the thing

the strike but then they've still they've got to like play catch up in that it must be a nightmare well no all I get told by people whenever I

they're giving you more tip days or something yeah you get more tip days yeah apparently well sorry I love the tip don't pay me council tax so I have to go at the fucking tip people whenever they're giving you more tip days or something yeah you get more tip days yeah well i love the tip don't pay me council tax so i have to go at the fucking tip right oh am i so so this is how i didn't approach it when i phoned up because i understand you know

that you know cost delivering all that and i understand that they you know if they want to strike if they want to you know get more money i get it the same with the trains it's fucking annoying when the trains strike but i understand they're trying to get more money. I get it. The same with the trains. It's fucking annoying when the trains strike but I understand they're trying to get more money in. I totally get it but why is it always the people who actually pay the bills i.e. us that are suffering?

I mean we weren't suffering. You know I had to jump in the bins a couple of times and stamp them. I had to take some recycling on your mountain but I wasn't suffering. Sorry everyone.

Chris has absolutely changed his tune. Don't you fucking come on here pretending that you are not livid with the fact that your bin's on getting collected

alright alright did I phone up the council and kick off and give it the RPB council tax absolutely not but have I been every single day

walking out and checking the bin and when it's not been emptied shouting cunt in the middle of the street possibly cunts

pricks arseholes fucking bastards I've went through the lot but I've never said it to anyone's face I've got it out there on me own next to the bins have I kicked the bin a couple of times yeah I've went through the lot, but I've never said it to anyone's face I've got it out there, on me own next to the bins, have I kicked the bin a couple of times?

Yeah, I've kicked the bin a couple of times, but listen I'm not about to make a political fucking statement about it all I'm saying is, right you've come down the completely wrong side of me argument I phoned up the council, and I just said look, what's the crack, and she she said, she basically sounded like she was reading from a sheet

she like, went from normal conversation to like oh well Mr Ramsey I'm extremely sorry if there's been any inconvenience caused the bins in your area they're trying to catch up they should hopefully have them collected by Wednesday morning and then it was this next thing that she said which I just thought someone's had a meeting

or someone's came in and went right look we need to change the way we approach talking about the bins right and it was just so fucking unnecessary but i know some prick somewhere either on an email chain or in a meeting is very proud of herself or what came next she went so they're going to hopefully have them collected by wednesday by the end of the day wednesday so if until wednesday you could just continue to present your bins by half past seven every morning. I went, sorry, what? She went, just present your bins by half past seven every morning.

I went, put them out, you mean? She went, yeah. I went, present, like, I'm a presenter. I present stuff. I present the children in need. What am I doing? Tuxedo, wheeling them out. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the curb my bins

bin number one how are you feeling full as fuck yeah I can see the stuff coming out the top bill number two how are you feeling I've been stamping on you of course yeah kicked you a couple of times sorry about that round of applause for the bins yeah we've got two bins I shouldn't slag anyone off should I they'll take the bin away

in other news though what are paying road tax for because I went over for the bin yeah we've got two bins I shouldn't slag anyone off should I they'll take the bin away exactly in other news though what are we paying road tax for because I went over a pothole the other week and it cost us £130 because I had to get a new wheel

so that's fucking shit tyre where's all the money go tyre tyre where's all the money go no listen get me on my little soapbox

here we go you should be on loose is this an audition for loose women maybe no it's not but I'm sorry we pay council tax we pay road tax little soapbox here we go you should be on loose women is this an audition for loose women maybe no it's not but I'm sorry

we pay council tax we pay road tax we pay all of these things come out of our wages every single month and I'm still having to pay excess money

because the roads are shit why what's going on where's all the money going don't know or

just take a page from my book maybe get better avoiding the potholes I'll just skirt around shouldn't have to happen shouldn't have to happen shouldn't have to avoid

potholes and I blame and when it's snowing where's all the gritters oh I don't know where they've been oh well I'm sorry but what

what are we paying for what are we paying for goodness me alright man no but I'm sorry what are we fucking paying for it's bullshit I'll tell you right now

I'll tell you what I blame what you went along that road you hit that pothole you probably even saw it No, but I'm sorry. What are we fucking paying for? It's bullshit. I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you what I blame. What? You went along that road. You hit that pothole. You probably even saw it, but you just couldn't swerve for it. Me, this guy, Mario Kart for years. Someone dropped a banana.

I swerve around it. You haven't had enough training on Mario Kart. I shouldn't have to go. It pierced the tyre. Yeah, because you drove straight over it like a fool. Got to go around it. Woohoo. Only thing that you

shouldn't be able to dodge is a blue shell. Right. What's happening? What are you talking about? I'm getting annoyed about the fact that

we're paying stuff and stuff isn't done. And I'm trying to calm you down with silliness. Isn't it horrible being a grown up though?

Yeah. Isn't it horrible that that's now part of my life? Like I'm sitting whinging about potholes what have I become painful listening what have you become

I'll tell you what you've become you've become an old political right yeah what else can I use menopausal

oh no god I can't believe I said that you're just a whinging fucker is what I'm saying ah well. Oh, God. I can't believe I said that. You're just a whinging fucker, is what I'm saying. Ah, well, I just get... I just... I don't like injustice.

Why don't you do what that guy does? Was it a guy in London or somewhere where he was going... Well, there was one guy that called him wanksy because on potholes, he would spray cocks on them, spray paint cocks on them.

So that they would get fixed? And that council had to fix them because there was a cock in the middle of the road. Well, listen, South Tyneside. Yeah, you're going to get your spray can. I might start.

How are you going... Titsy. Titsy. I'll just put a pair of tits on them. Put a pair of tits. How are you going to do the cock? How are you going to do the cock? Are you going to do the cock sort of side on with balls underneath

or are you going to do it like Thunderbird 2 with ball either side? Are you going to do spunk coming from the cock? The spunk might be the pothole. Great work work First drop Right, great Or there was someone who used to fill them up with cereal Milk and cereal

I don't think that would do much, they wouldn't fix it I think when the coronation of the king Didn't they just cover loads of them with sand? They went along the road and filled them all with sand Pathetic How did that happen? I think it's water i think it's the obviously the the cars going over and stuff obviously but i think it's also water going

like going cold and hot like the same way rocks break up in a desert water gets in goes cold expands heat cold heat cold cars over the top there's another thing flash flooding that's happening loads oh god keep it light will you because of God, keep it light, will you? Because of the drains and that. Keep it light. Okay, sorry. All right. If anyone wants to talk to me separately about all of this, I'm happy to do that in a separate podcast. Rosie's going to start a new podcast where she just fucking gets on her soapbox

and whinges about local government stuff. Honestly, this is like an episode of Parks and Rec. It's not even local government. It's the whole, it's everywhere. It's just not fair, Chris. Okay, okay. Anyway. How much council tax do we pay do you know?

I actually don't know Ah because I do it Because you do it So check your privilege I know it's a lot Yeah fair enough it's quite a bit Uh huh You're invited to an immersive listening party

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So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca that's sunrisechallenge.ca it's time for what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef what's your beef

beef beef beef beef little shout out to everyone who's been to the tour so far your beefs have been absolutely outstanding oh so good especially

the young lad and his mam I think in Wembley was it in Wembley? Yes. The last one we read. Absolutely unbelievable. Well done, everyone.

Especially those two individuals. Yeah. If you're coming to any of those shows coming up next week, get your beef sent in. The link's in my bio. Don't send it to the emails. Okay.

Put it in the link in the bio. Okay. Ladies first or gentlemen first? So I don't know it to the emails okay put it in the link in the bio okay ladies first or gentlemen first so I don't know whether I do like a really cutting one that I know

we'll probably argue about or just a light hearted one I want to go light hearted because I've been a bit miserable haven't I I'll save the cutting one until next week tell you what

save the cutting one channel some of that energy into the I imagine massive email you're going to send to the council after this no I'm not doing nothing about it oh no you'll just piss and moan on here yeah yeah yeah of course

of course it'll get back to them it'll filter through not really yeah i think so maybe maybe woman on the phone by the way when i phoned the council of the bins couldn't get her head around how nice i was being because i imagine people just phone up and be total dicks to them but what's the point in being dicks i was just like thank you have a nice day and she was like uh okay like she just couldn't i remember i caught um a traffic warden caught us in manchester once and he was busy putting the thing on my car and i thought what's the point you come up and you see people arguing with them you go he's already put it through he's sticking it on the window i've got it i went thanks mate i went i went under 14 days does it go in half he went yeah i went okay thank

you very much have a good day and he went uh bye like he didn't know what was going on sorry now and then why are you pretending to be jesus now and then you are you're a complete cunt sometimes use my language quietly no quietly what about the time when you were in on tour and i was on the phone? Yeah, it was late at night. You got back from a gig and you were in a hotel and you'd asked somebody for some milk. No, no. Let me explain. You asked the person on reception for a bowl, a spoon and some milk, right? A bowl, a spoon and some milk. Okay, the guy came to your door.

The guy came to your door. Rightly so. Fair enough. It was ridiculous. But he came with a full bowl of milk. Full to the brim. Full to the brim. Full to the brim. Couldn't move.

It was full. You shouted at him. I didn't shout at him. Well, you weren't very nice whilst I was on the phone and I had to say, Chris,

apologise to that man because you've been really awful then. Right. Don't come on here pretending to be the Messiah saying that you don't get angry at people

and you're letting... Sometimes... Who are you? Right, first of all i am counting two times when i've been nice to people right this is just two the only two times the fact that i've only named two of them and you're so angry about it really says i need to have a word with myself right basically i first of all take it back i am a nice guy that's not nice you're all you i'm all right i'll take all. Right. I'm just throwing this out here.

Have you became nicer since you've been married to me? Yes. Right. So you'll allow it if you're getting the credit for it? No, I'm not. I don't need any credit for it. I'm just saying, you're trying to make out that you're really nice. No, I'm not. I'm saying... You are nicer. What I'm saying is, again, you've

come down on the wrong side of my argument. What I'm trying to point out is it's actually fun to be incredibly nice in a situation where they're expecting you to kick the fuck off people will be ringing her all fucking week

me bins me bins I pay me council tax going on like you I went okay no problem and she was like I quite enjoy

wrong footing them like that right same with the traffic ward in Manchester I know exactly where it was it was outside the fashion shop fashion shop old man in the northern quarter and I Manchester I know exactly where it was it was outside the fashion shop fashion shop old man

oi paloi in the northern quarter and I was like thanks mate and he was like he couldn't get his head around it and all I'm saying is yeah

sometimes it's just nicer it's just fun to be nice and not worth to have conflict and I know I'm pissing and moaning about it on here but I'm not going to do anything about it well yeah and also if I you know

that Chris Ramsey phoned up and he was a dick I've always got to live in that world but and as well I do think they deserve more money yeah but but yeah So if I, you know, it's all that Chris Ramsey phoned up and he was a dick. I've always got to live in that world. But. And as well, I do think they deserve more money. Yeah. But, but yeah, that's, that's a different point.

But what I'm saying is when I'm in that hotel, when I was in that hotel room, I remember exactly where it was. It was in Birmingham. I was on the phone to you. I just got in late. I think you'd been out or something. I don't know what it was. I had cereal in my bag. Don't know how I had cereal in my bag.

I just did. So I was like, you know what? Instead of getting a room service bloody burger or something at midnight, I'll just ask for a bowl and a spoon and some milk. And the man, who I imagine has never eaten, I don't know I don't know how you can be this stupid. He brought up

he was just holding the bowl in his hand everyone listening, imagine a bowl, just a cereal bowl. Now imagine that bowl full to the absolute top like you would fill a pint glass with milk with a spoon in the bowl of milk and i opened the door and he just stood with a full like like a joke and what did you say i went are you serious and he went ball of milk and spoon i went like i didn't want them

one how have you not spilt that coming up here in his defence you asked for a bowl full of milk oh yeah to be fair maybe because it was you know what

maybe because it was such an awkward thing to order in the night that they really couldn't charge us for maybe he was like you want a bowl and a spoon of milk

do you maybe maybe there you go but like also I then had to pour the cereal into the milk

which I just found unsettling yeah it is it is that was I looked at him I went I then had to pour the cereal into the milk, which I just found unsettling. Yeah, it is. It is. That was me. I looked at him. I went, are you serious?

And he went, what? And I went, you've already put the milk in the bowl. And he went, yeah. And I went, all right, thank you. And you. No, you didn't say it like that. You went, right, thanks. And I said, don't be horrible to him.

You didn't see the bowl. I wish I'd been video calling you I wish I could have turned you to this honestly he was like a circus performer for not spilling that I don't know how

he didn't spill it okay well I've just been I've been taught to we've told you man I've been taught to be cripplingly kind to people

yeah well I've been taught exactly the same but sometimes when I'm dealt with absolute baffling stupidity I disagree I just go are you fucking serious

right listen we're going off anyway what's your beef man I know why we're turned into two grumpy old fuckers I don't know what's your beef

me beef with you is that you don't know what shoe size you are and I find that depends on the shoe like so just to let you all know

I'm getting Chris he knows I'm getting him some new boots for Christmas. Whoa! You're getting them? I am. You?

Who else do you think's getting them? Santa? He doesn't bring you. You're old now. He doesn't bring you. You can't hear that bell. I am old. Look at these bells.

Look at these bags under my eyes. Yes, just quickly, right? There's this bell on the Christmas tree. And we've told the kids that we can't really hear it. One of the stupidest things. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever done, by the way. Why have we done this? I don't know why I've done this.

So now Robin literally puts it to her ear. Puts it to her ear. Can you not hear? It's like torture. We have to stand going, you know, is it loud? Why have we done this? It's fucking deafening. I don't know.

It was the first. Yeah. So him and Rave pick it up and just shake it non this? It's fucking deafening. I don't, it was the first, yeah. So him and Rafe pick it up and just shake it non-stop and it's so loud but we've decided that because we're adults,

only children can hear it. And then your mum came round last night and he shook it in your mum's ear and your mum went, ow! And he went,

can you hear it? You're not supposed to be able to hear it? And she went, oh, oh. She was sort on a feature when I'm not your parent though,

I'm your grandma so I can hear it. Oh went oh she was she thought on a feature when I'm not your parent though I'm your grandma so I can hear it oh Jesus Christ every every day every day shakes it in the air for 5, 10, 15 seconds

and oh it's horrible I don't know why I don't know why I did that I don't know why I did that Rosie's flashing as her tits because she's

drying her eyes on her t-shirt oh sorry sorry that my tits disgust you so much oh my god didn't say the disgust it's just that you were

flashing them look if you did a face you literally look this went like that your face just there because you're getting

your tits out I've got a bra on oh god yeah listen you better enjoy this podcast while it lasts because fuck this fuck this shit

can I get an HR rep in here now just get that tits out again there's no HR oh excuse me do you want HR yeah hello HR nice to meet you

she just hid under the desk then stood back up because I'm HR yeah you're like HR Chris doesn't know the size I said well I'm going to get you some boots for Christmas

because you need some new boots I went what size yeah you went you'll have to go check I went that's stupid yeah how do you some boots for Christmas because you need some new boots. I went, what size? Yeah, you went, you'll have to go check. I went, that's stupid. Yeah. How do you not know what size shoe you are? How do you not know what size boot that is?

Because I don't. How? Because it fits us. Because when I bought them, I knew what size it was. Right. Oh, again, I think I got them in Old Polo in Manchester. Good. Double mention for that shop now.

What size are they? I don't know. I'll have tried them on. They're either my size, which is a nine, or they're a size bigger because they're size are they I don't know I'll have tried them on they're either they're either my size which is a nine or they're a size bigger because they're a boot I don't know

can you check and let us know you walk past those boots every single day in the hallway why have you just spat all your water back in the cup I was laughing

I nearly choked you walk past those boots and you just bend down just bend down and look inside the tongue. What's wrong with you? Why have I got to do that? Why have I? I'll tell you what,

this is like when I had to buy my own birthday cake all over again. Why don't I just order some new ones? I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what, I'm not fucking getting you any.

Great. You can shove them up your arse. I can't because I haven't got any. What do you view for me? I'm sick of this. My view is... It better not be harsh because this has been a really horrible podcast to record. hard because i haven't got any what do you do for me i'm sick of this my beef with you uh is

it better not be harsh because this has been a really horrible podcast to record so oh that doesn't mean horrible it has you've been i don't think any of the other couple podcasts argue like we do this is bad it's a big argument one this week listen um first of all we went to the services of the idea and i bought a sandwich for after the gig. You bought... If you're going to say that I offered you a crisp sandwich loads of times... You bought... So I just bought a ham and coleslaw sandwich for after the gig and a pack of crisps.

Rosie bought a six-pack of floury buns or bombs or baps or whatever you're on the country whatever you want to call them like what you'd have a burger in flowery ones buns um and two packets two massive grab bag packets of salt and vinegar walkers no butter no mayonnaise no salad cream um and after the gig salad cream would have been nice yeah it would have been a good idea after the gig uh ate me sandwich rosie used the little table in the van pulled the buns open like a fucking bear and stuffed crisps into them and ate what must have been the driest two crisp sandwiches flour crisps bread no moisture whatsoever ate them fully right delicious kept offering us them which was irritating kept kept telling us that i was jealous of them when literally when you were talking there

was flour blowing at you where like you're on fucking house of dragon right puff the magic dragon yeah you were coughing in that and flour was going everywhere and salt then what you did was the four buns that were remaining you left them on the table in the van, and every time our driver, Rhys, our tour manager, did a slight turn, they skidded across the table, and I went, put them back in that bag, and you didn't. And then he went around the corner again, and they skidded across the table again, and I went, put them in the bag,

and then they skidded off. This is the best bit. They skidded off the table and onto the floor next to the bag, and you picked them up and put them back on the table. And the whole, for about 45 minutes, they just skidded off the table and onto the floor next to the bag and you pick them up and put them back on the table and the whole for about 45 minutes they just skidded around and i went rosie will you put them in that fucker and you finally put them in the bag you keep putting things on that table you put a pack of cookies there the other day yeah yeah do you want to hear something i hate working with you hang on no take working out with that

take working and wait I hate you yeah I got it I got it I got it I got it I got it

why is that such a bad thing it's just irritating could you not put them in the bag for us it was on your side I was busy eating me no you weren't you weren't

you were finished you were sitting on your phone there's stuff I can't reach. You did it. You reached it. No problem. It was just, you leave things

and they just skid around the table. It's so irritating. Stop it. It's time for questions from the public. Fucking hell. Guys, I was going to say sorry

sorry if this has been a really passive aggressive listen no no nothing passive about the aggression in this podcast it's just been aggression I love you too mum and dad aren't splitting up

we're not splitting up it's all good we do love each other we just had a lot of time together do you know how big is feeling the argument how hot this room is it's really hot in here it's really really unsettling. What temperature is it outside?

Yeah, it's all hot. Do you want to know what temperature it is outside? What? That's London, not in London. Where are we? Home. Oh, I can't, I've got no signal. Oh God. Brilliant. Oh, this is great. This is awful. Weather unavailable. Hang on. Come on. It's three degrees.

Three degrees outside. Three degrees. And and it must be it must be 35 degrees in this room it's painful i've took my socks and shoes off i put a t-shirt on good idea oh gosh um let's get some lovely questions from the public in and let's let's try and end out this podcast let's try not to argue again right for the rest of this podcast we're very sorry everyone that you've had to listen to Mum and Dad argue, and we're sorry. If you want to get in touch, it's shagmarriedinordyatgmail.com.

Now, this one here. I don't know if it's true. I can't hear it anymore. Will you fuck off? Sorry, I had to argue again. Stop. It's a bit far-fetched, but then part of it is like,

it could be true. I don't know. Okay, I'm just going to see what you think. All right? Okay, okay, okay. Hi, both. I'm an avid listener of the podcast. I'm currently on episode 28, so I have a lot of catching up to do.

Crikey. My old DPD driver, D-P-D driver, told me a story about one of his old customers, and I thought I had to share. Big up DPD, by the way. I get a lot of stuff on DPD, and it's very reliable. The text you in that, don't they? Yeah, it's just a good lot of emails. A bit too many emails if I was going to... If I had to say

something, a bit too many emails. Didn't have to. You were just going to give them a random shout out but then it turned into a bit of constructive criticism. Are you doing that thing with DPD where you sandwich two compliments with a bit of constructive criticism in the middle? I think so. Big up DPD. I get a lot of stuff from you

bit too many emails lovely colour van sorry I hate myself I actually hate myself a customer of his in Boston Lincolnshire didn't know

they were somewhere you did did I you did we've talked about this before so have I done this one before

no but there's a Boston in England we've been over this before maybe I've done this one read it and I'll there's a Boston in England. We've been over this before. Maybe I've done this one. Read it and I'll tell you. Right, okay.

Was once awoken in the morning by a knock on the door. While he was half asleep, he got up and went to run downstairs to the door. He tripped on the step and ended up putting his fist through the glass in the door. Good God. After coming home from A&E many hours later, arm bandaged up, he sat on the toilet, tried trying to chill out smoked a woodbine on the toilet jesus might have done this before i don't think you have when he finished it he threw it in the toilet he didn't realize that his wife had bleached the toilet and had sent a flame to his arse oh my god with a bandaged arm and second degree arse burns an ambulance was called as he

was put on the stretcher and being carried downstairs, he told them of the day he had had. The paramedics laughed that much that they dropped him and he fell down the stairs and broke his leg. Fuck off! No way! That's no way!

Is that true? Is he fucking Mr. Pump? I don't know. Is he the old guy? Do you remember the old guy on the fast show? Oh, bugger. Where loads of terrible things would happen to him if he won't go. I remember the old guy on the fast show? Oh, bugger. Where loads of terrible things would happen to him.

I can't remember much of the fast show. You keep quoting the fast show and I can't remember it as much. Is that the one that was Milk Brilliant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's the only bit I remember of that. Yeah, that's, I mean... Is that true? They might have just been laughing and not dropped him.

Do you know what I mean? They might have just laughed yeah but how bad is your arse burn that the paramedics have to come and put you on a stretcher

well pretty bad clearly jeez who's putting their tab ends down the sink who's smoking on the toilet ah listen is this still am I

do I live in a I imagine everyone's wife makes them go outside to smoke unless she smokes as well no do you not remember back in the day man people had yellow walls i remember my friend's house his mom and dad

so much where uh me and the lads me and the lads used to go in the living room and move move the pictures and behind the pictures the walls were white yeah the rest of the wall back in the day i remember smoking man back in the day yeah my friends say i don't remember my friends parents used to smoke and i remember the smell of smoke in the house but i just always remember being really fucking cold because i always had the back door open having a tab in the winter right okay and it was it wasn't so much the smell of smoke or smoke it was just coldness jesus because it was just like an escape anyway i am i remember once i was outside i remember i don't know if I've told you this before.

I was outside walking along with my mates at kind of like 15, 14, hanging on the streets phase. And one of them was smoking, right? And I was walking along next to him and he was smoking. And I went home and I opened the front door and I popped my head in the living room door to say hi to my mum and dad. And I'm not joking.

My head must have been in the room for three seconds hi to my mum and dad and I'm not joking my head must have been in the room for three seconds and my mum went who's been smoking? And I was like holy shit I better not ever smoke because she will spot this

on my life. Oh my mum was like a fucking Labrador man. Unreal man. Swear to God. Tell you I used to I have to tell it loads man. That's what I wrote in the book.

You used to molest that garlic plant on King George Road going home. I used to rub my fingers in garlic because my mum used to make my fingers In garlic Because my mum Used to make it

And can you imagine them Making a nice bolognese And going Why does this taste like Lambat and Butler Lambat and Butler Kidding Do you think I was rich

He just smoked Super Kings Pathetic They lasted longer Loser Not cool Loser Yeah

Hey guys Got an ick for you My partner surprised me with new trainers yesterday oh that's not the no okay as i tried them on he asked do they fit they're a size four usually i'm between three and a four and as i went to answer usually she's what between a three and a four oh between sizes so doesn't have a standard size that she could just tell someone say if they were buying her a present yes but i imagine that if she had a pair of shoes that somebody wanted to replicate

because she's had them for a long time she would know what size they were that never do that again that is disgusting we're arguing again I'm so sorry ring ting ting ting ring ting ting ting ting do you not like that I might make that a thing around the house now no because Robin will be fully on board with that

Robin would love that yeah what was I going to say oh yeah so usually I'm between a three and a four and as I went to answer he bent down

and felt for my toast just like I do to my child. That's awful. That like... That is horrible. I wouldn't like that. Foot right to the back. Wiggle your toes.

Looks up at someone who isn't there. Yeah, she's got a lot of room in them. Yeah, definitely should go into them. I do them to the kids, you know, and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. You're just feeling for a bit of giving. You're just feeling for a bit of space, aren't you? Yeah.

Yeah. My mate Steph, do you know this about Steph? She used to work at Clark's. What? In Shields. Yeah. Right. So she knows how to do the kids' feet thing.

Right. But did she work their machine? Was she when it was the machine or was she when it's just the little measuring tape for the feet? She was the measuring tape? It was years ago? Right.

So you put the tape no the machine was years ago. Can you not remember the machine? Oh. Can you not remember? I've got honestly I loved going to Clark's

it was like the best thing in the world. So anyone who doesn't know about the Clark's machine so King Street, South Shields back in the day in the 90s it must have been in Clark's all over the country.

Reminders. So it was just a big, flat block that you stood on with a hole in it. And you put your foot in the hole, and the hole was only a couple of inches deep. And you put your foot in the hole, and it was metal on the bottom, and you put it down. And the sides and the top came in.

And they came in and stopped when they touched your feet. It was robotic, I'm telling you. They pressed go and it came in and it stopped as it touched your feet. And it was like, look on the screen. Right, that's what size it is. Now they do it with a little tape around the back and around the front. It was a full-on massive machine. It was like...

I don't remember. It looked like a large... Can you remember when gyms used to have scales that you had to pay for? Yes. And you'd get your BMI in that. Yeah, yeah. So it looked like one of them. And you'd put your BMI in that. Yeah, yeah. So it looked like one of them and you'd just put your foot in it

and the metal would come in from the side and I'm always thinking, what if this crushes my foot? It's going to crush me. Well, shock you. So did Steph get to use that? I don't know.

I'll have to ask her. Oh, I'm so jealous. That was great. But she's good at doing the toe things. I've asked her a couple of times. Everyone's good at doing the toe thing.

You just press and see if there's space. No, but she's been trained. She'll have had a course in that. Oh, fuck me. She will have. Great. But how many years at uni for that?

Just probably a day. Probably a little course. Not even a day. Just a, is there space? There's space. Yeah. I'm not having it. Do you know I went for a job at Holland and Barrett?

I got the job, actually. I didn't take it on. Why? Fuck me. You had to, it was really intense. Really? Like, one down from a pharmacist. You got accepted to a job that is one down from a pharmacist.

Not basic, but you had to go on loads of... To work at Holland & Barrett, right? Big up Holland & Barrett. Intense as fuck. Because you had to know about all of the stuff. Like, all of the medicines and everything. All your cod liver oils and your milk thistles and that. Really, really intense.

Really? And I didn't take the job. That's a good point though. But I remember the last time I was in a Holland and Barrett, it was when I was doing strictly, it was to buy some CBD oil because I was like,

why I don't, after a show, trying to get to sleep. The lady went, can I help you with anything? And I went, yeah, CBD. And she went,

we're not allowed to help with that. And she just walked off behind the counter. Oh, really? Yeah, they're not allowed, they weren't allowed to help with that. I don't know if that's changed now, but originally when they first got CBD

and they weren't allowed to help with it. It's the weakest piece of the stuff now, but originally when they first got CBD and they weren't allowed to help with it. It was the weakest piece of the stuff in Holland Barrett anyway. You've got to get the good stuff online. Yeah. But yeah, very intense and I didn't take the job and I went and worked

at Dorothy Perkins instead because I thought, eh, this is going to be easier. Just wanted a bit of extra cash. Was it not better pay at Holland Barrett than it was at Dorothy Perkins? I don't remember.

Right, okay. Might have been River Island. It was one of them. Do you remember back in the day when you could just go to a shop and hand your CV in oh yeah

and it was just like if they liked you you'd get a job little I don't know if that's still a thing but little trick stick a photo on a CV

why because they always want a photo but they're not allowed to ask for a photo that's what I used to do just put a passport photo on the top

that's clever looking smart and smiling yeah just because they can't I remember my manager at All Sports saying I used to do. I used to put a passport photo on the top. That's clever. Just looking smart and smiling. Yeah. Just because they can't... I remember my manager at All Sports saying, great to put a photo on because everyone wants to see a photo, but you're not allowed to ask for a photo because you're going to discriminate

because of what someone looks like, but if you just stick a photo on. Oh. You can see if someone's got kind eyes. Kind eyes. Mm-hmm. You know, trust and smile. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe a sexy wink. Are you a sexy wink in there?

Get the job. Even just for Holland and Barrett, just like, you know, oh look at their eyes, they're glowing. They must take that cod liver oil. Yeah, she's on a vitamin D zone. Got another ick, but I just thought this was funny. I love that shoe one.

Yeah, it's good. Love that shoe one. Hi Rosie and Chris. They were at Glasgow actually. Yeah, it's good. Love that shoe one. Hi, Rosie and Chris. They were at Glasgow, actually. Hey. We're coming to your show tonight. First trial of the free night. Hope you had a good night. Buzzing out my tits for a night away

until got to the hotel room only to notice that my husband has written his name on his jacket like he is starting his first day at school. They sent a picture as well. And it was his full name. Block at the doors. On the little tag inside of his jacket.

And he's a grown man. Why would you do that? Why would you write your name on your clothes? That's a man who's lost a jacket. That's a man who's lost a jacket. I guarantee you, he either goes and plays squash at the gym or goes to the golf club and leaves his jacket and someone's picked up his jacket.

We've had a jacket in our cupboard for years. Whose? Don't know whose it is. Which one? Paul Smith. It's a Paul Smith waterproof jacket. We've had it in our cupboard. Someone left it after a party.

It's not yours? No, it's not mine. Someone left it after a party that was, I've had it for years. Years. I don't know whose it is. Isn't Paul Smith quite expensive? Someone's probably really missing that.

Well, clearly not. Is it one of your mates? Don't know. No one's ever come for it. Have I had an affair? Possibly. Can't remember.

Maybe that. Maybe that. Wow. Well, I don't know. Dear Chris and Rosie, I have a poo story to tell you about my girlfriend and sister

Let's talk about shit, baby Let's talk about poo and wee Let's talk about all the good shits And the bad shits that have been Let's talk about shit Let's talk about shit With a little bit of shit Let's talk about shit

Shag, burn and shit Well done. I'm getting better at the end. We'll be doing that again on 2N. It feels oh so good. So fun. When like 11,000 people tonight. Sing that stupid song. 14,000 people are singing back there. It's pretty cool. Crazy.

Hey Chris and Rosie. Sorry I have a poo story. We were drinking in a pub one night with her family when my girlfriend and her sister left to use the toilet. They were gone for quite a while. They eventually came back laughing and when asked what they were laughing at, they told us that my girlfriend did a poo so big

that it wouldn't flush. There was luckily a reed diffuser in the bathroom. No. Oh, no, God. And my girlfriend's sister decided it would be a good idea to cut up the poo with one of these diffusers so it would flush. Hacked it up. The whole family was disgusted.

Why is it a two-man job here? Why are they both going and doing this? Just helping. They are now known as the Incense Sisters. And they were at Wembley. Angelicaica Eliza and Chitty the Incense Sisters

little Hammond reference there oh well done well done me we have Incense Sisters I hope they hide it away and didn't just put it back in the reed diffuser that would have been

that's the worst imagine that that's going to be the worst smelling toilet in Britain oh god oh that's made worst imagine that it's going to be the worst smelling toilet in Britain oh god oh that's made me oh no yaggity poo

thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Married and Ode which is part of the Acast Creator Network sorry for being a bit fighty we have been a bit fighty we're actually having

separate nights aren't we we haven't even mentioned that the fact that now on a night when we're home because we spend so much time together on tour you go up to bed with the kids

and I sit downstairs and watch a telly and you sit upstairs and watch your iPad and we basically don't speak for the entire night it works for us it works really well

I love it me it's great get to sit and root with myself I tied you all the toys away it's been bloody lovely you'd think I'd be in a better mood but I'm not I'm still ready to argue with you

all the time thank you so so much for listening and if you want to get in touch it's shagmoudanoid at gmail.com and we'll be back in the years next week

have a good week bye bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary

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