Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 249. Christmas Ramsey

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

It's the final podcast of the year so Chris and Rosie deliver up some (loosely) related Christmas QFTP's and of course some festive icks!Chris and Rosie will be back in your ears on Friday 5th January. Thank you to everyone who came to the tour, or who has sent a message to the podcast, we appreciate you all! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health,

to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Ho, ho, ho! Oh, fucking hell. Merry Christmas! Jingling, jingling, jingling. dot ca ho ho ho merry christmas

jingling jingling jingling welcome to shag maradonoid with me rosie ramsey my husband christmas ramsey christmas ramsey christmas i am christmas ramsey welcome

that was genuinely a mistake mr festive himself it's the christmas special welcome to the christmas special I am Christmas Ramsey welcome that was genuinely a mistake Mr Festive himself it's the Christmas special it is welcome to the Christmas special of Shagmard and Oid Merry Christmas everyone hope that

run up to Christmas has been alright for you not too stressful hope that cheeky little elf's been behaving himself in all our houses do you know what though

this is the first time we've really committed to the elf we've managed we've done it is the first time we've really committed to the elf we've managed we've done it yeah it's like we've gone without it the look on his face

both of them both of them when they find him in the morning yeah is the cutest thing ever so I'm more than happy actually

I haven't set it up once so no you did you did one did I you did minions banana minions

oh I drew on their bananas that was a really good one okay fair enough yeah it was a really good one. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, it was a really good one. Copyed it from Pinterest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally, it was one of the first pictures on Pinterest. Right.

Robin loved it, though. And actually, it didn't look good. Yeah, they did. They did. Me drawing was fun. You did really, really well. Thanks very much. Thank you.

Because there's a lot of things. I saw some things where people were like, a couple of tweets and stuff that went viral where people were like, the only people who care about your elf are your kids so stop posting it online. And I was like no, no, no. Keep posting it online because I ran out of ideas after three days. Please keep posting them online because it's nice to see the ideas. Don't need to see a video. Don't need to see your kids

reactions. Just need to see what you did. Yeah, just ideas. That's all it is. That's all it is. I've seen a good one about We. We? Mm-hmm. So there's like, who showed it? Somebody showed us it. It might be in the garden actually.

I can't remember. Sorry, just don't rub it yet. Not important of the story. Carry on. I'm trying to remember because I might get them to send it again. God, right. So there was one

and there were three little cups and they were all apple juice obviously but one of them, the elves were pretending that they'd paid in it. Right, okay. And they had to taste it to see which one was piss. The kids had to taste it to see which one was piss? Sorry. Sorry.

Okay, in hindsight, it sounds horrendous. Yeah. No, I'm not doing that at all. Oh, right. Oh, hey, Merry Christmas, kids. Hey, Mom, Dad, can you remember that Christmas where your maid would drink piss? Yeah, I do remember that Christmas. Magic elf piss, actually.

Well, what if it gives them superpowers? Well, good. I'd love that. I'd love it if my kid had superpowers. Yeah. Listen, don't be stressing this Christmas. I'm not stressing this Christmas. No?

Look at this. Although we did just have a 15-minute conversation about is the dining table big enough and how am I going to extend the dining table. I don't give a fuck. That was upsetting. Because Chris can't deal with, I said I would sit up on the island,

me and my sister, we will sit up on the island. Oh, hang on. What? The penny's just dropped because you'll have to, you'll have to make sure the kids are okay at the table.

No, it's not that. I just want everyone, you know, much like fucking Clark Griswold, I want a big family Christmas. I want everyone sitting at the same table. I don't want half of the people across the kitchen in the...

Just be me and my sister in a bottle of champagne. No. No. No, I'm going to have... That's why I want my Christmas dinner. I'll sit upstairs in the office. How about that? Great.

I'll sit upstairs in the office. Good for you. Good for you. Or I could sit at the pub round the corner. That might be good. There we go. That's solved all the problems. I'll sit at the pub round the corner with my dinner.

Brackets, patty crisps, and you... Are you going to go to the pub? No. At lunchtime? No, I don't like it. You used to, didn't you? Years ago. Oh, did you?

I'd still do that, no? No. The pub's bloody shut, don't they, anyway? I'm sure they do. No, they go open for a couple of hours. Oh, I don't know what's going on. Listen, anyway, whatever you end up doing for Christmas, enjoy it. No, I'm sorry. What I oh just don't it's not worth the

stress no i got myself really stressed last year and i remember um i spent loads of money on like table settings because i wanted it to look really perfect i can't like i think i just got it in my head i think i've been on instagram too much and i wanted this really perfect remember i bought all that shite yeah there's a big box of it it's getting used again which is great once you get the gravy off it yeah

yeah exactly a lot of it covered in gravy lost some of the napkins yeah awful well the thing is Chris to be honest with you when it came to the day

I was so busy running after the kids doing loads of shit I forgot loads of it and you know what everyone ate the dinner everyone was fine yeah

so what's the point I'm not stressing I'm literally all I had were meats you're're gonna pick them up on the 23rd thank you very much and um i'm just going to the local supermarket for all me veg and that i've wrote no no no what man no i would i think everyone would have a better christmas if you went out and foraged uh our vegetables i'm not doing it last year organic don't fully organic don't be lazy and buy them I was in Marksies

I was in Marksies for about four hours it's not foraging oh shit it was awful what's the point anymore if you're not going to

put the effort in what's the point if you're going to go to a local you would be telling me next that you're going to get frozen roast potatoes you just

oh my god are you taking the piss what you just said to me about half an hour ago when I'm writing my list, and I'm writing all the stuff, and I need the goose fat and all that for the potatoes, and you were like, why don't you just use frozen? No.

It was a test. It was a test. Oh my god. Right? I've put it in your head. I love frozen roast potatoes, but just not on my Christmas dinner. Genuinely, I'm taking the piss. I don't know how you can be arsed and thank you in advance for even bothering to cook a Christmas dinner.

I don't mind. I like cooking a Christmas dinner. Okay, well, I do appreciate it. My mum's done the gravy. Yeah, yeah, she's already done the gravy, which is weird. She was just cooking random joints of meat. Do you know why?

Do you know why? Because she's fucking... I'm telling you right now, your mum is having a cup full of gravy in the house every day before bed. I'm telling you. Your mum, I'll do the gravy. Honestly, there'll be litres of it.

She'll come round on the day with one gravy boat going, I didn't get much. You did, you've been drinking it. We know, Sandra, we fucking know you've been drinking that gravy and dip. You've been buying baguettes from the co-op around the corner

and you've been dipping baguettes in that gravy. Our dinner's going to be dry as fucking sticks, you greedy cow that's a that's a dinner that isn't it just a

warm baguette and a pot of gravy bread and ribbon bread and ribbon yes please listen anyway I'm starving enough of this

enough of this fat pig talk right let's crack on it is episode 249 crackers crackers you nodded at us

when I said crack crackers are you writing crackers on your list I don't think I've got any what pollen crackers you've got Episode 249. Crackers. Crackers. You nodded at us when I said crack. Crackers. Are you writing crackers on your list? I don't think I've got any. Oh, no. What, pollen crackers? You've got Tassmasters. Yeah, Tassmasters sent us some Tassmasters crackers.

We're going to do them. They'd be great. Robin tried to open them this morning. That was fun. Listen. Oh, fucking opening. Sorry to butt in. All of our Advent calendars gone, by the way.

Yeah. Rafe's ate all his. He's ate all mine. He's's ate all his he's ate all mine he's ate all yours he's ate all mine has he yeah no there might be about three dates left of yours

but literally the kids he's mine he's me when I was younger he's me when he wakes up he's like

I want my chocolate calendar yeah I want my chocolate calendar yeah he's a great little fucker so I just give in I thought

I can't be don't give in well that's because your mam's been giving in while we've been on tour your mam's been giving in and letting him have whatever he wants

so we'll come back and we're fucking tyrant Tyrion Lannister running around oh he is like yeah not Tyrion Lannister what's the dickhead one called what was the little bastard

who Joffrey Lannister oh Joffrey Tyrion was the cool one Joffrey he's a little Joffrey Lannister running around the house taking everyone's

advent calendars and being a right prick I might start calling him Joffrey behind his back little Joffrey Lannister running around the house taking everyone's advent caldas and being a right prick I might start calling him Joffrey behind his back Joffrey and he was meant to be the good one who?

Rafe? no chance neither of them are good listen it's episode 249 one last shout out thank you to everyone who came on the tour

it was amazing thank you for coming yes thank you thank you for listening to this podcast thank you for being here what? high five

we did it we did it babe there we go reach it. Do a low five. We did it, babe. There we go. We did the tour. It was awesome. The last two nights in Newcastle were phenomenal. Thank you so, so much

to everyone who came. You know who you are. You know you were there. It was mint. Because just to add to that, sorry, I know you want to get on, but I keep talking. There is a horrible thing

about putting a tour on sale and thinking that nobody's going to come. It's terrifying, especially arenas. Oh, just a cheeky little 10,000 people in each venue. The big rooms when they're empty. The really big when they're empty.

But thankfully, everyone will pack those arenas every night. You guys pack those arenas every night, so thank you so, so much. Now, for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Yeah, it is a Christmas kind of sponsor. Traumatising is yeah it is a christmas kind of sponsor yeah traumatizing your kids for a grinch video hey oh hey excited for christmas kids oh daddy's just putting his camera in the corner don't mind me oh there's probably your uncle coming in dressed as the grinch oh

he's gonna steal the presents we're gonna put Instagram. Yay! One of two ways that those videos end. One is, look at how feral my kid is. He's kicking and punching, biting and headbutting this Grinch. Or, look at my kid crying in the corner. Isn't this hilarious? I don't like stuff like that. Stop it.

You would think we would because we've got a really dark sense of humour. Yeah. But I don't like stuff like that. I just think, oh no, it's just a bit cruel. The magic of Christmas, not a Grinch. I mean, to be fair, some of them, those kids fucking go for that Grinch.

I've seen loads of them this year. I just don't know why it's a thing now. Why is that a thing? I don't know. I just feel like when, you know, the elf came from America, everything we do comes from America, Halloween comes from America.

Let's nip this fucking Grinch video thing in the bud, eh? Because you see one of them where one kid goes mental and he's like punching the fuck out of the Grinch. The Grinch slips over, lands on the kid, and there's another kid behind the curtains just crying his eyes out. And I'm like, and you still posted that video. So the carnage after that, you probably had to, you know,

probably had to whip the mask off and go, look, it's just your Uncle Terry or whatever. It's blatantly Uncle Terry, 100%. And then you still posted the video. My Uncle Terry used to dress as Santa every year. Funny you should say that. Really? Yeah.

Wow. Still might. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell the kids. and then you still post the video my uncle Terry used to dress as Santa every year funny you should say that really yeah wow still might don't tell anyone don't tell the kids what was I going to say yeah another thing right okay this is just me

and I know it's whatever Santa coming to people's doors find that a bit weird I feel like stick with the narrative can we not

I know there should be set rules in place stick with the narrative just stick with the you know don't be taking your kids to six or seven different shopping centres

to see six or seven no no no no no what we're doing here have a narrative stick to it let's just because I always just think imagine if our next door

neighbour's got Santa right yeah right and Robin's seeing him out the window and he's like Santa's oh Santa's next door

and I'd be like oh my god and he just walks past our house and be like why is he and I'd be like, oh my God. And he just walks past our house and be like, why is he not? I'd be like, well, because we didn't fucking book him,

did we? Like, sorry son. It's just. Well, I would, I mean, I would go,

well, remember this morning when you lost your temper? Oh no. That'd be why. Well, there you go. That traumatized him like a grinch.

You know how you want to come to jujitsu with your dad? Probably why. He doesn't want to go. He's probably hurt. Probably hurt. That's horrible isn't it? I'm joking.

But Robin asks so many questions. Yeah. So many questions. Every film you watch as well. I'm like, I'm kind of, we watched Home Alone

the other day and it was absolutely lush. Rafe was at your mum and dad's and it was just me, you and Robin, wasn't it? Yeah. And me and Chris were crying

because we'd just finished the tour for an emotional come down and it and dad's and it was just me, you and Robin, wasn't it? Yeah. And me and Chris were crying because we'd just finished the tour, we were on an emotional come down and it was dead nostalgic and it was lotion. We were both a bit tearful. It was really nice. Anyway, just so many questions.

Robin, just... But he didn't spot what I don't like about Home Alone, what I really don't like. I feel like we should... Santa would give some TikToks. No, no, that, you know, I'm Santa's helper.

That one's fine. I think that does a lot of help that when he says, you know, I know you're not the real santa but i know you work for him yeah yeah yeah right yeah yeah yeah much like one of them saddam hussein's body doubles back in the 90s oh yeah um i remember that great reference um i they should you know how the remake films and the remake songs the remaster them We should get every single copy. They should go into Disney Plus and they need to make that glass of milk

that is left out for Santa at the end of Home Alone. They need to CGI the milk out of that glass because that glass, when the camera whips round, it gets up, Kevin gets up in the morning

and he runs downstairs to see. There's no presents, but you can't really see the bottom of the tree, but there's no extra presents and that carrot is still there and the glass of milk is still full. Someone needs to go into Disney+.

Hackers, if you're listening, get yourselves into Disney+. Right. CGI that milk. Nobody's ever noticed that. I am telling you. Yeah, but what if he wasn't thirsty anymore? Oh, so he drinks next door's milk,

but he doesn't drink our milk. Is that because they get the good blue top milk, ma'am, and we get that shitty red top stuff? Eh? Is that because we put oat milk out again, ma'am? You hipster fuck. Like... You can't say anything to kids, though, can you?

Oh, yeah. But listen, I'm telling you, we need to CGI. Robin, next year, Robin will go, Santa didn't drink that milk. I'm telling you. Yeah, he would be the kid who would know. He would. I thought he was going to notice it yesterday. I don't know, is that our door? No, what? No, that's... I'm telling you. Yeah, he would be the kid who would know. I thought he was going to notice it yesterday. No, what? No, that's...

That's reindeer on the roof, Rosie. Open that door, because I'm actually waiting for parcels. For Santa? Is it Santa? No, just that one. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle jingle. So this

is the jingle jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle! Jingle! Dashing through the snow, on a one horse open sleigh. Come on, over fields we go. Laughing all the way.

That's enough of that. I just fucking slung the bells in the corner. That's the bell that Chris and I have to pretend that we can't hear. Yeah. When our kids ram it in our ears. Yeah. Oh, this knock got sick of that either, have they? No, no, no.

That's still very much a thing. Can you hear this? I almost think they think, yeah, you can you hear this I almost think they think yeah you can fucking hear this it's how hard it is to not grimace while they're shaking a bell inside me fucking ears it's horrible

yeah it's rough bit of a treat for you this week with it being a Christmas special we're not going to do a beef we've not got any shite to talk about we're just going to crack on

because I've got loads of questions from the public Christmas questions from the public Christmas questions from the public yes get in so let's just let's just crack angry shall we yes let's not have because

you know what we managed to get through that tour together unscathed without being um at each other throats constantly we had one one argument half an hour before we went on stage but that was it that was a sheffield that was me it wasn't really an argument i had just lost my shit a little bit like you see right so uh to let you all behind the the the curtain a bit here rosie did sort of quote unquote lose her shit in sheffield um started shouting and screaming um she you kind of you kind of attempted to smash up the dressing room but i couldn't in the most reserved point so imagine so she had it guys she had her clothes hanging on the clothes wheel she was like like, fucking sick, fuck this. And I can't remember what it was.

It was just stressful and arguing and something about the kids. And she had all her clothes on her clothes rail. And she stood in front of them and went, God fucking sick. And basically slapped the clothes from hand to hand. So they just skidded right left down the clothes rail. You were like, fucking, fuck, fuck, fuck. You look terrified. I'm not being funny.

I wasn't terrified I was stifling a laugh because it was the most pathetic kick off that I've ever seen in my life I was like is she going to

pick the bin up through a classroom is she going to smash a telly is she going to go rock and roll no you just basically

I mean it looked almost like you were just trying I've seen people hit rugs I've seen people hit rugs to get the dust off them

harder than you did but you reserved yourself because it's not you. And then I calmed down. I was just, I miss the kids. It's hard leaving the kids. But anyway. Done now. Done. Done. Done. Done. And that's why we're not having a beef this week because, you know, careful.

Yeah, watch yourself. So, without further ado, it's time for questions from the public! Christmas edition. Public. The Yuletide public the merry public oh nice

the carol singing public as always if you want to get in touch it is shaggedmournidoy.gmail.com rosie take away the christmas special questions hello ramses i hope this email finds you well now before i start please keep me anonymous as although i technically did wrong, I could get in a lot of trouble.

Wow. I'm already intrigued. This could also be of Rosie's Mysteries. Ooh, are we going to Rosie Mysteriate? We can do, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Let me take you back to the start of my career. I work with animals and one of the great passions of mine is raising as much money for wildlife charities as i can through my job oh good for you one christmas we decided to create and sell some christmas cards that had been painted by our extremely friendly mia cat oh shit okay i didn't expect i did not expect that yeah you could have given me a few guesses there and i would not have got mia cat

okay this is good we would get him and he would run all over the animal's safe paint and print his paws all over the cards. Right, okay. Isn't that cute? No, I'm a little bit disappointed. I mean, I genuinely thought he was holding the brush. No, no, he's just, they're just putting the paint on his paws. But I think that's really sweet. He's not painting a fucking picture though, is he?

Kind of is. No, he's running around with paint on him. He's made... I don't think meerkats can paint. Look, right right it's Christmas the time of miracles this is a Rosie's Merry Mystery

when you said painted by our meerkat yes I might be stupid but I have let myself down I am disappointed I thought it was

actually painted the ones on the advert it's not like the ones in the advert as brilliant as they are Sergei and all the gang they're not real. Still, though.

They've got little hands. I thought at least he might just be... Oh, I'm not going to hold it. Stop it. Right. I've just got myself to blame. I've just got myself to blame. They were such a huge success.

We sold so many and even better, the money went straight to charity. Cool. Please remember that when I tell you the next bit. Oh, God. Our friendly meerkat was getting bored and frustrated making the cards. It wasn't fair on him to force him to do it. Yeah. Then it hit me.

A genius idea. Now, over the years, animals that have died of various health reasons, mainly old age, are kept in a freezer. Oh, God. Until we have a full one to send off to be incinerated. The year previous, we unfortunately lost one of our meerkats to old age. Oh no.

I got myself a hacksaw. No way. And the frozen body of the meerkat. No. And after some, in brackets, harder than I expected,

sawing, I had the foot. Fucking hell. I used it to create many more meerkat cards, raising lots of money for a local charity. Yes.

I totally forgot to do the Rosie's Mysteries. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to give it away. I would never have got that. So, I mean, I'm glad that the other meerkat didn't have to do it anymore, because bless him. The other meerkat got sick.

Fine, and you didn't make him do it. That's great. He didn't want to do it. But there was such a success. Fuck me, that is dark. They raised so much money for charity, so he decided to go and hack one of the dead meerkats' paws off

and do it himself. There's nothing wrong with it. It's dead. It's not cruel. I just don't think I could have done that. I don't think I could do that to it. Like dismember a dead animal to make cards and the people who to make cards.

And the people who buy the cards. All the money was going to charity. Oh, that's absolutely fine. But some people have cards that are tainted with death. But listen to this. It says, yes, I feel bad, but it was for the greater good. I do hope people didn't realise that all the prints were from just a left, front left paw.

To this day, I feel awful thinking someone has their card or was pride of place when it was actually created from a dead severed meerkat oh my god that's so funny oh man well done raising money though me exactly oh wow fuck me exactly oh wow dear chris and rosie i shall set the scene myself my husband now ex and our seven-year-old daughter had just traveled back to gatwick my airport after a short stay in lapland and seeing father christmas oh lovely loosely very very loosely related to christmas right okay kind of the only mention of Christmas in the whole story. Right, okay. I understand. Maybe just type in Christmas in the search bar of the emails.

Doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas. That's fine. Like Gremlins or, you know. Yeah. Nothing to do with Christmas. Yeah, a couple of their films where there's a momentary mention of Christmas and it gets thrown in at the Christmas time. I think they do it deliberately.

Yeah? Yeah, I think they do it deliberately. Yeah? Yeah, I think films do it deliberately. I think they have one scene that's Christmassy just to get the film on, like, the Christmas. You know what I mean? Well, yeah, I mean, so it comes back again and again and again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's genius.

Yeah. I mean, look at Mariah Carey. Oh, I know, I know. I'll tell you what. I know. Laughing herself to the bank she is. As it's so cold out there, we were all wrapped up with around eight layers of clothes on each.

Anyway, we were on the packed airport bus, travelling back to our car. My husband was halfway up the bus, and my daughter and I were at the front. Standing squashed in by people in cases, they couldn't get to the luggage rack. My daughter was clutching her precious teddy bear, Rosie, to her, and she

nudged me and said i've been sick it wasn't obvious to me where and i hadn't heard her or seen any signs of distress at all so i said where she looked down and said there meaning down the front of her coat well i shouted to my husband and said can you you take Rosie and pass me some baby wipes? I literally had to throw Rosie up the bus, the doll. Unbeknown to me, Rosie was wearing most of the vomit. And as Rosie flew through the air, so did the vomit. I know, it's horrible, isn't it? Right, so when you started telling the story, I i heard i heard eight layers i heard cold i heard packed on the bus yeah so packed that the the dad's at one end and they're there and there's luggage

everywhere yeah so they've all so all i'm i yes i think was it the other day where you were in the car and someone went past us in a car and all the windows in the car were steamed up and there's about five people in the car and i went it fucking makes me so uncomfortable when i say your car where it's all steamed up and i because i know how clammy everyone in the car is so i'm thinking of that in my head and i'm thinking what would make it worse i'm thinking a little kid being sick is disgusting but now a vomit drenched teddy being fucking fucking lamp down the bus that I would scream. I would carry on. As Rosie flew through the air

so did the vomit. People were ducking and weaving about to try to avoid being hit. One woman started screaming, they're sick in me hair. Others were asking for baby wipes to clean up their clothes. Whilst I'm embarrassingly handing out baby wipes up and up their clothes. Ah! He's passing them down the hall. Whilst I'm embarrassingly handing out baby wipes

up and down the bus apologising. Ah! That's a fucking ad. Oh, nah. I'm willing the bus to get to our stop. I clean up my daughter the best I can in the little space we had and feel things are calming down a little

and a few people have got off. So the embarrassment is starting to subside a little. Oh, God. This little voice says, excuse me, could I have a wipe? My stop is next, and they're sick all over the handle of my case, so I can't pick it up.

Oh. Horrendous. I hand her what is left of the packet and apologise profusely. Finally, we get off the bus, and Rosie is made to travel in a bag till she can be washed, much to my daughter's horror.

And this was actually years ago, so talking about my daughter, she's 25 now, much to my daughter's horror. And this was actually years ago. So, talking about our daughter, she's 25 now and Rosie is still sitting on her bed, clean I might add. Oh God. Just a cuddly toy with vomit on it,

just spinning through the air. Awful isn't it? And flicking it on everything. Like, it's that thing, like when, there's nothing worse than when your kid is sick in public.

Actually, have I? I don't think we've encountered the kids, touch wood, I don't think we've encountered your kid is sick in public. Actually, have I? I don't think we've encountered the kids. Touch wood, I don't think we've encountered our kids being sick in public. It's always in cars and stuff. I'm sure I have. Do you remember when we had everyone round on the 23rd of December a couple of years ago? Right.

I think it was 2019. Robin vomited everywhere. Did he? Do you remember? No. Yeah. I can't remember that. Yeah, in the front room.

Oh, right. Okay. And just literally where everyone was sitting. Oh, brilliant. And he just spe he just spewed and i was like but at least that's in your own house i can't imagine being much it's that thing it's like even when your kid's kicking off in public like if it's a restaurant or something your kid's crying or screaming or something you're so like if you're not a total arsehole you're so aware of the fact that you're annoying and upsetting other people and possibly ruining their day and even just just your kid being sick, you're like, oh, thank God. Like, she must have thought, thank God that didn't go on anyone.

Fucking nightmare. Awful. I would be devastated if somebody's vomit went on me. Or I would be, I would, that would. Of something as ridiculous as throwing a toy. That would tip me over the edge. That didn't need to be thrown. I think I'm more bothered

about vomit than I am about shit really I think I am you know I don't know okay scenario you're on that bus

you're standing on that bus right you are you've got your case in between your legs you're hot right you've got like loads of jumpers you've just undone your coat

you're sweating that winter hot winter hot where you know you're running around you're running around outside in the cold and you pop into the shop and the heat is on full pelt.

You're fucking sweating. You've just undone your coat, right? You've got your arm up holding onto the thing on the bus and you've got your case wedged in between you, right? You know, you're going side to side as the bus goes. You're trying to keep a hold. That teddy gets thrown at you. It's got sick on it.

It hits you square in the chest and some of it flicks up onto the bottom of your cheeks, a little bit in your mouth and some on your nose and face. Fuck off, Chris. This is horrible. Right?

And you can smell parmesan cheese, right? Yeah, awful. Of the sick. I hate sick. Okay? And you look and you're like, oh my God, what's that?

And it's a little bit wet. It's cold. It's quite wet. It's cold. It's horrible. Scenario two. Oh God. Exactly the same. It's quite wet. It's cold. It's horrible. Scenario two. Exactly the same.

It's a diarrhea-filled nappy, and it wallops you right in the chest, and it flicks up, and it's warm on the bottom of your chin, and you can smell diarrhea. Which one do you want? Diarrhea. Lads, come on in.

She's opted for diarrhea. Lads, bring it in. Bring it on in She's opted for Lads Bring it in Bring it in She's opted for the diarrhoea Put the sick back It's the diarrhoea one Can I see the kid that it came from

Please Don't worry I want to see what the kid looks like Multiple kids We've been collecting this for some time And we've just heated it up Totally unrelated note We are going to need a new microwave

Weirdly If it's not If it's not like bug related yeah that's awful by the way i just i really hate vomit i really hate vomit yeah like different things trigger when rave was vomiting in the middle of the night yeah i was just like oh god like rubbing his little back but and obviously we were halfway through the tour yeah yeah yeah and I was just like I can't get ill like but me being sick

it was horrible that was such a horrible position to be in and I cuddled him all night but I was like oh well I'm gonna be sick can't believe you didn't

get that by the way I know well done well done thank you somebody's looking somebody was looking over us this tour like

because it'll hit you Christmas Eve well I don't care as long as I... Who cares? You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking

Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca.

This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad times will start to, Margaret. It's the girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all.

You know, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. The of the year. I'm not real. I'm not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

Hi Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous I'm a gay male and have BBE Big Ball Energy Okay, I didn't know that was a thing Neither did I A gay guy, gay male Gay male was weird Why is that weird?

I've never heard gay male before It sounded It just didn't sound like a real word So he's a gay fella Yeah And he's got BBE Big Ball Energy Big Ball Energy What is I don't like to brag but my testicles are huge Oh right It just didn't sound like a real word. So he's a gay fella. Yeah. And he's got BBE, big ball energy.

Big ball energy. What is... I don't like to brag, but my testicles are huge. Oh, right. Sorry. I thought it stood for something. He just means he's got big knackers. Fair enough. And I'm proud of them.

Okay. When I was young, I met up with a kinky guy. He had a bed that levitated off the floor, which was on some kind of platform, which moved up and down. Sorry? Told you he was kinky. A levitating bed? Yeah. That moved up and down. It? Told you he was kinky. A levitating bed?

Yeah, that moved up and down. Was this Tony fucking Stark? Well, hey, who knows? Tony Stark bollock naked, eh, by the end of the night.

Exactly. We started kissing and one thing led to another. He then opened a box and presented me with a cock ring. I'd never seen or used one before

and it reminded me of a napkin holder you see at dinner parties. Again, like, like, like, fine, but who else? before and it reminded me of a napkin holder you see at dinner parties. Again. Like, fine, but who else? I would go, is that new? Was that new? You opened a box

and presented us with a cock ring, right? So is it a brand new box? Has he brought the seal and has he opened a box with a new cock ring and has he gone, this is the cock ring everyone wears when they're coming out? Oh, for f... What do cock rings do? Do they make you last longer? I've got no

idea what cock rings do but I'm 99% sure they go around your balls and penis which I can't imagine being a fun thing to do.

No, do they? I don't... Well, straight away I thought this isn't going to fit. It's got massive balls, hasn't it? Yeah,

so it goes around, I think it goes around balls which I don't know why that, I do not know why that happens I just, when does sex become that boring that you've got to add

it's obviously the first date with the guy and he's gone cock ring stay you look shit you look like you need a cock ring you look like you need an aid do you not find it as well sorry to digress, we will get back to the cock ring i promise you don't don't listen don't go anywhere do you know they say that on desert island discs all the time

what we're gonna get back yeah yeah die with the ceo he's often telling people don't worry we're digressing but we will get back the cock don't leave yeah um when like 80 19 year olds are like and then we use this. And you're like, really? Already. Really, already? Is it not exciting enough to just have, like, juice on demand? And, like, I don't know.

When does it get that shit straight away? Like, to use a really boring analogy for this cock ring thing. So him going, right, we're kissing, right? Let's have sex. You need to put this cock ring on by the way that's the sex equivalent like immediately saying right you need this thing yeah that's the sex equivalent of if you've ever made someone a meal and you put the meal down and they immediately grab salt and pepper and fucking lather it all over and you go well i've done that yesterday yeah no you're right i did that in the pan in in his defense. Met up with a guy.

When I was young, I met up with a kinky guy. So he's met him a few times. Oh, right, okay. He's obviously, you know, this might be the fifth go or something you're thinking of. This might be.

I realized last time you're in need of a cock ring. Well, there you go. Right, look, I'm going to have to Google what a cock ring's do. Well, hear this. Okay.

Listen. Hear this. Hear this. Hear ye, hear ye. The cock ring was a solid metal ring and I thought I'd give it a go. I don't understand how it would be solid, but carry on. Whilst popping one ball in at a time, I felt a slight pain, but thought nothing of it. It took a few attempts, and finally we managed to get it on.

Horrendous. Would you like to wear one of them? No. No. Just, again. I think that would upset you. It would massively upset us, and i don't want to end up like one of the people in the emails who have to turn up at fucking a and e at three o'clock in the morning going oh sorry i'm a dirty sod couldn't get my balls in here well sir did you not um stop once you put the first ball in and it hurt did you not just think i'll not put

the second one in oh no i'm just i'm just a maniac and i just hide both balls in it with metal ring i don't're not even stretchy. Because me life's not exciting. Fucking hell, I thought they were rubber. I told you, didn't I? You can get rubber ones, I think. They were the Durex released ones and they had a vibrating bit on, so you'd put it on and it was... That makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jeez, a metal... Like a fucking curtain ring. It might have been a curtain ring. It might have been a curtain ring. It might have been a curtain ring. Fast forward a few months, I was watching a TV program explaining about the importance to check yourself regularly for lumps and bumps. Next time I was in the shower, I checked and lo and behold,

I found a lump. Oh no. I made an appointment to the doctors and then went for an ultrasound. It turned out to be a cyst the size of a 50 pence piece. Good God. Half inside my testicle and half sticking out. Oh my. The doctor ensured me it was fine and I could leave it.

I had just started dating the guy and felt very self-conscious of the lump and went back to the doctors about having it removed. After a little time, I had the cyst removed and it all went downhill from there. After the operation, my already massive balls went even bigger. Literally the size of a watermelon

between my legs due to the swelling, yeah. Oh, you poor bugger. To make matters worse, after two weeks, the swelling should have gone down but found out I had a hematoma, a collection of blood outside the blood. I had one on my C-section scar,

do you remember? When it bossed. I remember when it popped, yeah, it was a good day in the office. Yeah. Basically, it hadn't healed properly and my balls were huge, red and bruised. Gee whiz.

It was now New Year's Eve and I was in so much pain I made a trip to A&E. The hospital gave me a bed and at 6... 6am? 6am? At 6am, I was walking to eight doctors

all standing around wanting to look at my huge swollen balls and haematoma. Happy New Year. walk into eight doctors all standing around wanting to look at my huge swollen balls and hematoma happy new year may all acquaintance be forgot now get out your huge balls so we all can have a look at your huge balls after a few prods and inspecting my balls all eight doctors, in brackets I think some were students, finished writing things down on clipboards and walked off. After being

stitched up and sent home, yes they literally sewed up my ball, I was feeling sorry for myself and looking down at my bruised testicles, I thought they looked like a Christmas pudding. I used my creative skills and took a photo on my phone and printed out a photo to make a collage. My black and blue swollen balls were the Christmas pudding. I added flames, holly, a fireplace with hanging stockings and even a

robin. How fucking bored, how bored do you have to be? What's my internet being cut off? Fuck me. It was the perfect Christmas scene. I saved it and sent it to my friends and family the following year and no one was none the wiser. Shut up, man. I swear to God. All hanging on display in their homes amongst their Christmas cards with me saying,

Merry Christmas with a smirk on my face. Update on the balls. They are fine and still big. Wow. So there you go go so he has his friend sorry you've totally skirted over that yeah his friends and family had in their house a picture of what they thought was just a christmas card of a christmas pudding and it was his bollocks yeah that's incredible isn't that awful i feel like you've really skirted over that. That's the main bit. Well, you kept fucking digressing and singing

and not letting us get to the end. Oh, sorry. I was trying to add a bit of Christmas cheer to the story of the man with the mutilated bollocks. Love. I was trying to get to the end. That's amazing. That's amazing.

Oh, I mean pervert. Okay, now remember that I said they are very loosely Christmas related. Yes, yes. Where you start now, yeah. Not if they're not Christmas. Yeah, have you had a Christmas bollock? I suppose, yeah, yeah. Hi, Chris and Rosie.

A few years ago when I was 19, my friend who was a beauty therapist asked if I could help her out at her salon during the Christmas rush. Christmas rush was a beauty therapist asked if i could help her out at her salon during the christmas rush christmas rush at a beauty therapist's okay yeah now beauty therapists do that's not hair and stuff is that like oh we're talking about waxing and stuff yeah but i think this is so hang on i agreed and turned up on christmas eve in my festive jumper ready to spend the day washing hair. Oh, okay.

So it might just be hair. So obviously our friends at Beauty Therapist, yeah, but some places, some hairdressers have like a beauty therapist upstairs. Right. Do you know what I mean? Or like in another room. If my mate asked me to turn up on Christmas Day. Christmas Eve.

Christmas Eve, sorry, and wash a load of, some people, some people are really good friends to other people. Yeah. Because you would not catch me there for dust. Would you not? No! Not even at 19 when you didn't have much to do? I always had stuff to do.

Oh, I didn't. I've always been busy. Oh, I never did. I was probably one of them people who used to help people out. You must be a nicer person than me as well. Yes, I am. There it is. Got to the bottom of it.

All was going well until this man who looked like Carl Pilkington walked in. Naturally, I assumed he was someone's partner coming to collect them. Oh, how I was wrong. Oh. Next minute, the salon owner comes over and says, This is Paul. Please can you give him a wash? I started laughing as this man had a head that looked like an egg

with a few strands of hair scribbled on. Oh no. The salon owner then gave me a stern look and said, hurry up now, we're rushed off our feet today. Paul goes to sit down on the chair then grabs my arm and looks me directly in the eyes and whispers, don't forget the massage. Oh God, so he's right.

So there I stood looking down at this man's head thinking where do I start. I switched the water on and started to give him a rinse slowly adding a bit of shampoo onto his head whilst attempting to make a polite conversation

he's got no hair the man's got no hair so that's the thing so as a man with hair I never ever ever ever even me good mates I never take the make out

of anyone for being bald the way other people do I find it unfair I know how much blokes who lose their hair take it really personally.

Absolutely. And I genuinely never, you'll never catch us, you know, taking the piss out of someone. So I'll sort of bit my tongue a bit there, but a bald guy

coming in for a shampoo with the thing, that's, is that not like the, is that not the, is she getting, is she taking the piss? Is this not the sort of

beauty therapy equivalent of go next door and ask, go to the science teacher next door and ask for a long wait? No, no, no. I promise you. Taunting pee. I promise you.

Well, it will all... Spirit level bubbles. It will all become clear. Right, okay. Right? He's gone in for his Christmas Eve head wash and massage. Massage.

The massage... It is nice when someone massages your scalp, like. It's always weird. It is lush, isn't it? Yeah, weird. I can't get on board with it, but, you know, I've had a couple before and they are quite nice.

I quite like it. Slowly adding a bit of shampoo onto his head whilst attempting to make polite conversation. When he was finished at my station, his head resembled

a shiny Christmas bauble. The hairdresser and salon owner then called him over as I stood there in disbelief. She then pretended... What?

What? She then pretended to give him a haircut and brushed him down What? What? Fuck this. No. No. Well, well, well. and Rosie. Me and my best friend have literally just left your Newcastle gig and we both agreed I have to write in about one of my most mortifying experiences. Well, well, well. This could be used as a Rosie's Mysteries if I

remember to find the cliffhanger at some point. To set the scene, it was my then boyfriend's 20th birthday. I should mention he's a massive nerd. The amount of money I spent on Pokemon cards and Star Wars merch is disgusting. We got together at 17,

and also just to note, he would go to a weekly Pokemon club. Amazing. I think I saw a Pokemon club in action. Right. A few months ago. Where? Sunland.

Okay. There's like this game shop. Right. Me and my mate Ashley took the two kids. Right. Because her little boy loves Pokemon cards, so we went and it was around the corner from like this game shop. Right. Me and my mate Ashley took the two kids. Right. Because her little boy loves Pokemon cards. So we went and it was around the corner from like a games place. Right.

It was just loads of grown men. I told you, man. They were just swapping cards and playing this weird game. Okay. I never told you that. No. What game was it? Where was it?

It might have been... Is it War of the Worlds? What's it called? Games Workshop? No. Warhammer? What's the game that they play? That game? What what i don't know

online is it dragons swimming in dragons dungeons and dragons might be in that okay they're all placed dnd they call it dnd yeah it's the very they were very grown men they weren't young where were they in in the street or in a shop in a shop it was like it was like a cafe right there was loads of like um loads of It's like a games place Right so it was probably Just a meet up for the Yeah Why are you acting like

It was a fucking Bunch of perverts They're just Why Why Do women Get so upset At grown blokes

Who like playing games I'm not Because I don't know When do you Do not grow out of Things like that Well they obviously haven't Hmm

Eek Hmm Okay no I mean Each to their own innit at the end of the day yeah yeah each to their own as soon as this mic's off you'll be like chris though i fucking want guys they look like they're stunk look at them and i bet you they're yeah but honestly the stuff she'll say but like each to their own she says on here when we're honestly when we finish recording she'll turn the air blue about no no keep it-poo-ah blows no keep it rolling

keep this mic going I won't I won't I promise you yeah yeah great what do you alright here's a quick question

what how long do you think all the fingernails were oh dead long right great there we go there she is stop

I don't this has does this even have anything to do with Christmas I don't know if it does you know I can't remember they've just came from the show

and they're saying it's Christmas so they don't give a fuck and shit we'd gone out for a family meal to celebrate then me and his parents

went on to a local pub to carry on drinking fair to say I was pretty mortal in brackets which should be considered for the rest of the story. Okay, I'll keep it in mind. I'll keep it in mind while judging you. We eventually went back to his house. This part is a bit of a blur to be honest. However,

we ended up having sex. At some point during this, he paused and asked me, will you try something? In my drunken state, I said, yeah, sure. Thinking it would be something that other couples would do that we hadn't. Oh, I was what do you think you wanted to try and so it's got to be something nerdy related so I don't think it's a position or a certain sexual act this has nothing to do with Christmas look yeah it doesn't matter now you can't just know I'm gonna will finish, but I just don't know how we got to this. Anyway, go on. So it's got to be something new.

So Star Wars or Pokemon. Is it he's wanting that to say a certain thing from Star Wars or from Pokemon or he's wanting that to wear something from Star Wars or from Pokemon? That's me guesses. Like Pikachu ears or something like that. Pikachu. That's me guess. How Pikachu ears or something like that. Pikachu.

That's me guess. How did you get Pikachu on the bus? Pokemon. Pokemon. Fuck me. I should have done that on Grave Notting Day. Right. Oh, man.

Right. Is that your guess? I can't remember because of that incredible joke erm yes no I think it's something

I think it's something Star Wars related I think it's I think it's a phrase or a word okay and it's Star Wars related what would be a sexy

Star Wars I don't know Star Wars very well maybe he's wanting to put fucking Princess Leia I am your father yeah

I think yeah who's your daddy not I am your father. Yeah. I think, yeah. Who's your daddy? Not I am your father. But again, 20. Young. Like. Yeah. So he wants her to try something.

So he's in it. I can't think. Right, okay. Okay, well listen. I'm genuinely too excited to hear what it is. Right. I'll tell you. Yeah.

You're wrong, by the way. Great. As I laid on his bed, you're going to kick yourself. He took a lightsaber from his wall and inserted it into my vagina. No way!

Even five years later I have flashbacks to the confusion I experienced. I also remember the confused look on his face that I was not enjoying

this experience. From his wall. From his wall. So hang on, I've got something to ask. Yeah. This is going to be stupid and I think I'm already wrong, right?

Yeah. The only ones I've ever seen are the ones that you flick. The telescopic ones. And they come out in bits. Now, so if he's a massive Star Wars nerd, which it sounds like he is. Will it be a proper? That's, so they... It's like a, do you know what it's like?

Yeah. Do you know what strip lighting in offices? Yeah. Like a bulb. You stick it in a bulb. I mean, I doubt it's like a bulb. I imagine it's thick perspex coloured. So the ones that you flick out

won't be for display. They're just for kids to play with. So he'll have a replica ones on his wall that were probably a few hundred quid that are probably... I mean, they're phallic. I mean, I'm guessing you're only high in the first little bit

and otherwise she's... She's holding some kind of world record. Why is he wanting to do that, though? Because he loves Star Wars. I mean, off his wall. That's the thing that upsets me the most. Did he give it a wipe before he put it back? No, probably not.

I'm not shaming her here. He's definitely in the wrong. Dusty, though. I'm sorry. No matter. Your house can be the cleanest house in the world. Did he give it a wipe? It needs wiped before and after.

He won't have. Before and after. I guarantee he won't have. To make matters worse, I found out years later from a sort of mutual friend. I'm a friend with this person. I know what you're going to say.

What? It's his thing and he's done it with a few people. No. No? He had posted about this on Reddit. To quote his post, he stated the following. We only got to use Yoda's because none of the others would fit.

And he said, and he ended with three out of 10 would not Jedi again. Would not Jedi again. So it must be a thing. I hate everyone. Awful, isn't it? I hate everyone. You dirty little nerd. She's quite a girl though. She's not had much. So again, nothing't it? I hate everyone. You dirty little... Just a girl, though.

She's not had much. So, again, nothing to do with Christmas at all. I thought the further would go... Oh, listen, right, you got the lightsaber

for Christmas. Move on. Oh, that might be what it was. Anyway, if you wish to also disclose this incident that my friend

reminded me of recently involving my second boyfriend, feel free. As horrific as I feel writing this, my second ex-boyfriend was trying to initiate something intimate. He was laid on my stomach, Thank you. The lightsaber girl. Thank you.

The lightsaber holder. Hang on, just hold this a minute. Don't ever think about Dane out like that with me. You're joking, aren't you? Dane be tying us up with your jiu-jitsu belt. Rosie, if I could possibly tie you up with my jujitsu belt it wouldn't be for sexual things it would be so i could fuck off to jujitsu and leave you in the house so they were gonna say something really horrible like you wouldn't fit around this because

it probably wouldn't but one no i wasn't gonna say that and two it absolutely would jesus look here pity me oh me listen i'll tell you what i'll cheer you up i'll get the lightsaber shop Absolutely would. Jesus. Look at you. Pity me. Oh, me. Listen. I'll tell you what I'll cheer you up. I'll go out to the lightsaber shop. Oh, God, no. No, thank you. Horrible, that, like.

Absolutely horrible. I've got a couple of Christmas icks. Christmas icks. Let's round off the show with a couple of Christmas icks. Okay, okay. The hot dad at school drop- off says reindeer antlers on his car that's it this is why i am so fascinated with x because that is years years day in day out week in week out term after term of being the hot dad at school pickup.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This man has cemented himself, probably amongst multiple women. Them lasses will be putting makeup on to pick up. Yeah, I feel, not even telling their husbands, oh, I don't want to go and get the kids today, you know, brackets, oh, I'm not ready and I haven't got makeup on.

You go and get the kids because there's a hot dad but i'm not saying that to you that's all internal and one set of reindeer antlers on the car fucking kills the entire thing where's he got them don't know where'd you put them terrible in it i think you put them on the front you know eyelashes on a on a beetle awful i know so he's probably got them on the front. Or maybe on the wing mirrors. But, oh, yeah. Just gone. Like that. Just gone.

Mate, if you're listening, you've absolutely fucked it, son. You're with a hot dad now. You're just that dickhead with reindeer antlers on his car. Yeah. And you know what'll happen? One day, you'll get too close to him in the car. One of them will fall off. You'll have to get out and go and pick it up off the floor.

Double ick. Double, double ick. Look at him. Look at him picking up his reindeer antler in the rain. Hello. New ick unlocked. Just beaten the pantomime with my boyfriend. We had called him that because we have a child.

However, ick is him shouting back in the pantomime. Oh, no. He's behind you. Oh, no, he's not. Let the man enjoy the panto For the love of God I'm not having this one If no one shouts back

You've got it for the performers You've got to do it You've got to boo You've got to hiss Yeah Same reason you look at You give the flight attendant Full attention

When they're doing the thing On the plane I know the presupposition And all that But I've got to let them know I'm not ignoring them Yeah We live in a

small village and the community children's Christmas party is next week. None of the usual Santas are available so my husband has offered to be the new Santa. Ehh! And it says in brackets right, it says, suppose it's helped me get festive as the

new Virgin Mary. Hello both. I recently went to church to see a choir and sing some Christmasy carols. We're not religious. Went with my boyfriend's nan and parents who are. Lovely.

But whenever the choir finished singing and everyone clapped my boyfriend two rows in front of me clapped with one palm of his hand and the top of the pamphlet of songs he was holding with the other hand. Can't describe why, it just made me feel sick. He was just banging the thing.

Just using the pamphlet as another hand. Honestly. Why is that, Nick? Honestly. I'm not having that one either. I'm not having the pantomime one. Definitely the Santa one's fine. The reindeer, absolutely.

I'm not having the pantomime one and I'm not one's fine. The reindeer, absolutely. I'm not having the pantomime one and I'm not, he's got it in his hand. Where's he supposed to put it? Do you know what would happen though?

If he put that under his armpit and started clapping with two hands, he'd put it under his armpit before he clapped every time.

Ick. You just can't win. Exactly. Please keep me anonymous, although I reckon he might guess it's me, lol. My ick is watching

my husband untangling the Christmas tree lights, draping them round his neck I've never been drier that's what it says just can't just can't bear it I think I've got an ick with you

you know whenever we do the Christmas stuff I've just got one question are they on? because if they're on if he's got them tight if the lights are on and they're like lighting up his neck

I've got an ick with you yeah? yeah I refuse to believe that you don't find me anything but 100% sexy so when we put the Christmas if the lights are on and they're lighting up his neck. I've got an ink with you. Yeah? Yeah. I've refused to believe that you don't find me anything but a 100% sexy. So when we put the Christmas decorations up,

Chris will get the hoover out at least five or six times. Right. Just all the time. You've just got it in the background and you're putting everything up and then you'll walk off,

you'll get the hoover, you'll do a little hoover and you put it back and then you'll come, you'll do something else and you get the hoover again.'ll do a little hoover, you put it back and then you'll come, you'll do something else and you get the hoover again. You just fucking just hoover. Might as well wait till the end. I'll tell you exactly why that was. One, stuff gets transferred everywhere, there's glitter everywhere, there's little bits of the tree

fall off because we've got fake trees and you kept, kept giving our children glass baubles that they continuously dropped on the floor and I had to keep hoovering up. So right fucking back at you. By the way, just before we finish off this Christmas special,

just to let you all know that the Royals Christmas card has never found us. Another year. Oh, from Charles. We have moved house. I just thought it might have got redirected or something. It's the king now. Why? In the name of God, do you think our king I thought it might have got redirected or something. So what? Sorry, remind us again.

He's the king now. Yeah, because why? In the name of God, do you think our king is going to waste time sending a card? Because he used to because I did the Prince's Trust thing. I think you only get it the year you do it. I had it two years running. Did you get it both years? Yeah, I think so.

Okay. And then I got invited to this. I couldn't go, do you remember? Right. You couldn't go. I couldn't go. I got invited to Clarence's house. Okay. And then I got invited to this. I couldn't go, do you remember? Right. You couldn't go? I couldn't go. I got invited to Clarence House. Right.

I couldn't go. Okay. But then I just want my Christmas card. Well, you should have fucking went to Clarence House, shouldn't you? I've put the other one. I've put the old one up. You've put an old Christmas card up from the king? From the prince. From the prince.

From the king. He's a king now. Yeah, nobody was the prince then. Tell you what. Oh, I've just got an email here. Oh, Christmas ick. When my wife puts up an old card from the king, because she's a

fucking knacker who doesn't get one year in, year out, because she didn't keep up her royal appointments. Ick! Christmas! Thank you so much for listening to this week's special Christmas edition of Shagged Married Annoyed the end of 2023

thanks for sticking with us this year we'll be back next year for loads more yeah we'll be back next year Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year see you then, bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series this unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition

of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can

also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.