Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 250. Soft Man Era

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

This week on the podcast, The Ramseys catch up after a festive break filled with chaos, floury potato hands and poorly timed naps. Chris has finally discovered one of the best snacks of all time and Rosie is entering her soft girl era. QFTPs include a soapy sing-a-long and one’s man love story with a thermometer.  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every post-season game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City

at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hello, and a happy new year. A happy new year, you took the words Shag Married Annoyed with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey. Hello and a Happy New Year! A Happy New Year, you took the words right out of my mouth. Is that what you were about to do there? I was just about to say that. You were going to say something and you went, you're like hissed at us.

I was going to say firstly, Happy New Year. Happy New Year. 2024. 2024. It's mad actually, I always feel a bit weird in the 20s. I don't know why. What do you mean? Like sci-fi shit.

Yeah. Space age shit. It's not though, is it? It's not though. It just feels a bit like that. Every time it gets a bit more, I'm like, whoa, 2024. What I particularly enjoy doing

is watching an old film and then seeing what they thought life was going to be like now. Oh, that's always interesting. Oh, right. Yeah, fucking hell. You really fast forwarded that,

didn't you? But it's normally, I know why they did it. Yeah, but I know why they did it because it's normally they want they want a generational storyline they don't just want the person to be so far in the future but like it like demolition man demolition man right sylvester sloan gets frozen or whatever then he comes out and the young guy who he used to work at the police station with is now an old guy at the police station so there's that character connection whereas it's but it so they can't make it like 70 years time because they'll not be around 300

years time because then what's the character got it's just a fucking it'd just be a mess okay well that makes sense so then they've just got to squeeze a lot into that time oh yeah we'll all be somehow wiping our ass with imaginary seashells still don't know how that works but yeah yeah but listen speaking of sci-fi shit, do you know what episode it is? No. 250! Oh, nice! It's episode 250! Yay!

How exciting! Oh, a nice round number to start the year off. I knew you'd like that. I wrote it down in my notes and I wrote, you know what? It's a nice round number to start the year off. I like stuff like that. I like stuff like that.

I'm going to trial something new here. Oh, my God. For the year. Are you feeling like that I like stuff like that gonna trial something new here oh my god for the year you're feeling okay which might not stick but it might stick listen

still got Luke the sponsor coming up fuck's sake right you got rid of it but just because we were sitting having a little chat there right

we're gonna start the new year bit of knowledge for everyone we're gonna start the new year with Chris's facts oh are you ready for Chris's facts have you got a theme tune you got a jingle

no that's that's a sign Dave Chris Chris's facts. Oh. Are you ready for Chris's facts? Have you got a theme tune? You got a jingle? No, that's a sign, Dave. Chris. I always go with a sign, Dave. Chris's facts. Chris's facts. See, facts. Chris's facts. Chris's facts.

Did you know? Chris's facts. Ready? Yeah, go on. Just look. It might not even stay. Just a little fact. Just a little thing.

It's fine. Just Google it while we were chatting. Not to sound like a dick. It's our podcast. We can do what we want. I've done stuff that hasn't stuck at all. Where's Rosie's Jotters? They're in the bin.

Yeah, we all know. I did Rosie's Jotters. Well, there you go. You fucking arsehole. So, the difference between a basement and a cellar. Is this because we've just been talking about basements? I was just talking about how I was playing on Spider-Man and every house has got a basement

and I don't like that we don't have basements and cellars as a standard in this country. You ready to learn? Stop. Listen. Stop. No, actually, I'm going to change it. It's not Christmas facts anymore.

I'm going to change it. I'm going to start there. Hey, I knew you in 2024. Why don't you learn something every day? Well, start the day. Okay, then. Ready? Can I cough first?

Oh, God. Yes. I've had this? Can I cough first? Oh God, yes. I've had this cough for weeks and it's really getting on my nerves. It wakes me up in the middle of the night but I'm just going to hang on.

Do your coughing. There we go. There it is. Loudest cough in the world. That's the thing about you. I keep pissing myself. You and our children are the last.

Sorry? Just when I cough. Me, pelvic floor is horrendous right now. Actually, I'm going to do me pelvic floor is horrendous right now. Actually, I'm going to do me pelvic floor exercises while we're here. Right. You and me.

Right. Just piss myself. Cool. A little bit of wee comes out. You'll never experience that. Why are you rubbing it in? I love pissing myself. It's warm.

It feels good. Don't want to have to go to the toilet. Hey, are you sick of getting up and walking to the toilet? Just piss yourself. I was going to say, yeah, your cough is, it's something to do with you being a singer.

Your cough is the loudest cough in the world. When I'm sitting somewhere and you go, and you breathe in, I know you're about to cough, I fucking grimace. Is it honestly? Well, Robin's is really loud.

Yeah, yeah. Yours is exactly the same. And I'm like, oh God, here we go. It's this fucking... Isn't it really that bad? So loud. You've got the, yours is exactly the same. And I'm like, oh God, here we go. It's this fucking... Is it really that bad? So loud.

You've got the loudest cough in the world. It's unbelievable. Yeah, rattles through the fucking head. Come on! Well done. So, Abasement is a story of a building partially below curb level, but with at least one half of its height

above the curb level. A cellar is an enclosed space having more than one half of its height below curb level thank you so thanks for that let's start 2024 learning and you know if you know if you nodded off during that you're nodded off during that it's just they should build basements that you were just saying so that with all the new bills dig fucking a bit dig a bit lower down and give us i I just want somewhere to put all me shit. Just give them

more fucking storage. Like, you're not going anywhere further out. You're not making the plot bigger. Just dig fucking down a bit and lather it in concrete

and let's put me fucking Christmas trees out there. There'll be a reason why. What's the problem? It'll be more expensive. Oh, it'll be some shit like that.

My mate growing up, Ozine had a basement. Yeah. The cellar. We used to call it the cellar. Oh yeah, you were rich friends, you didn't you?

Yeah. Rich friends. It was pure decked out. We used to sleep down there. Yeah yeah it was pure decked out it was we used to sleep down there it was like really nice it was our dad's office down there yeah had a like a bathroom a little kitchenette in a living room it was absolutely in a basement in the basement yeah holy shit yeah had a separate entrance and everything could have been could someone could live there if they wanted to shout out everyone listening who's got a basement if you're sitting there now and you've got a basement, check your fucking privilege!

Some people don't have basements. Get rid of that basement now. Pour the concrete in. Or donate. If you'd like to donate your basement to a worthy cause. Don't they get really pissed off in London, though, because that's what they all do. All the mega wealthy people just dig down.

So if you buy a lush house in a lush street in London and you're like literally like oh my god I can't believe I live here there's just works constantly Russian oligarch either sides of you

building pools in their basement and they're never there fucking nightmare I've watched programs you know because I love all them kind of shit right

that's that's probably my favourite program in the world to watch hold on you're going to tell me so I've lost count of how many times

you've told me this but I don't think you've said it on the podcast you're going to tell me about the flowers've lost count of how many times you've told me this, but I don't think you've said it on the podcast. You're going to tell me about the flowers, aren't you? Oh my God. Here we go. Here we go. So, right.

I watched this program once and it was just basically telling you, just showing you all of these absolutely like... Mad rich. Just mad, mad. Private jet fuckers. Yeah. Billionaire, billionaire houses, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a family and they owned houses all over the world and they had a house in houses, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was a family and they owned houses all over the world and they had a house in London, right? And it was worth about 35 million. Okay, massive, lush, unreal. Bet they had a fucking basement. It would have had a basement.

Had a swimming pool, had a lot. I bet they had a basement and a cellar. Yeah, had everything, right? They had a full staff working there. Brilliant. The family used to go twice a year for about three weeks at a time. Wow.

And it was still, I mean, the easiest fucking job in the world. Imagine. Imagine. There it is. Yeah. Oh, what's your job? I'm a housekeeper.

Oh, wow. Gosh. How many rooms is there? 12 rooms. Oh, bloody hell, I bet you. They're never there. Yeah. I'd literally be like,

they're never there. Yeah. I'd sleep there, mate. I'd take me family.'d take me family I'd live I'd fucking I'd live there then they'd turn up they'd turn up one day

and then you'd be like they would turn up you know the Arab prince or the Russian billionaire oil man would turn up and he'd go to his bedroom

and you would be in the bed fucking no bra on with me tan on Doritos all over you tan on you watching Grey's Anatomy on his big telly

and he'd be fucking fuming but then he'd ask us to marry him because he'd say I've never seen this in my life this is real life

I'd go honey I'm real and then he'd marry us and I'd fuck you off and I'd live there all the time anyway

you wouldn't even feel the move because you'd have your tan on you wouldn't have anything else breathing on you you'd have Dorito crumbs

on your hands don't call them Doritos Dorito crumbs and you'd be fucking crying your eyes out of grazing at me and you'd go get out of my bed and you go i've got me time i just need to get me tan off and then i'll go i'll be like i've cleaned the bathroom um so yeah so what what the thing that the thing that got is the most right because obviously in the back of my head i was like Jesus Christ they're paying the bills and the council tax and all this shit and what the hell right yeah the biggest

thing to me was that they got fresh flowers new fresh flowers delivered every week for nobody and they changed the flowers every week and I just thought that's stupid that's a proper way I mean the florist was buzzing

keep making business just thought that's stupid yeah that's a that's a proper way i mean the florist was buzzing she's like keep me in business but in the one in the one little there weren't little like you know there weren't a bunch of tulips we're talking hallway table in the middle of hallway like someone's got a hallway big enough yeah for a table to go right in the center and you're not going who fucking put this table here you're going all right the table needs to be here oh this is a dance floor and we're talking big flowers in the middle every time we go past a big house in london you tell me that story i know because it's really every single day massive that i watched this show i think i've said it on the podcast before i was really god

it stuck with me yeah just and i love them kind of honestly if anyone's listening from like factual tv program make more because i just want to see in them. Just love looking, love nebbing in a skin of the country. You love nosy twat stuff is your favourite thing. Oh, yeah, they're my favourite programmes. It shouldn't be documentaries or lifestyle. It should be nosy twat. Nosy twat, yeah.

Oh, look, he has a rich person. He has a person with fucking 600 kids. He has a person with the smallest house in the world. He has a person with the smallest house in the world. He has a person with the biggest house in the world. He has a person fucking... If you can go through, literally go through someone's drawers

or go into someone's fucking cupboards through the telly, you would do it. So without further ado, it's time for the first lucrative, lucrative sponsor of 2024. Hey, it's a hot one. Four years you've been doing this now.

Yeah. Is it four years? I don't know. Listen, 250 of them. it's a hot one. Four years you've been doing this now. Yeah. Is it four years? I don't know. Listen, 250 of them. It's a hot one. It's a warm one. It's coming at you straight out of the toaster.

This week's sponsor is Toasted Tea Cakes. Toasted Tea Cakes. And you had to... Toasted... Thank your wife. Thank your wife. Where they've been all my life.

Where they've been all my life. Mate! Where have they been all my life? How many times have I... In the 10 years we've been together, how many times have I said to you, do you want you, wife. Where have they been all my life? Where have they been all my life? Mate! Where have they been all my life? How many times have I, in the 10 years we've been together, how many times have I said to you, do you want a toasted tea cake? How long have they been a thing?

You're like, no. How long have toasted tea cakes? Forever. No, listen, right? You, this has been, I feel, people have been keeping these away from me, right? Fair enough, you and the kids have had them nearly every day

for about five or six years, but that doesn't count, right? How long have they been a thing? I've done it again. I assumed, i've watched you and the kids eat them day in day out day in day out i've even buttered them for the kids yeah and i've just i've stood rosie i've stood buttering them for years and i've just gone i don't think i like this it's got raisins in it like i won't like it yeah and i took a bite of one the other day and I immediately put another one in the toaster. Like, I think... You are such an arrogant prick.

I might be a prick. New Year, new me. I think I might be a total arsehole. How are you just realising this? Rosie, I've licked the knife. I've buttered them. I've licked the knife afterwards and went, I like butter.

That butter tastes a bit different. Tastes a bit better, that butter. I wonder why. Years. And I had my first one the other day. They're unreal, mate. Fucking hell. Unreal.

And they're so easy. And they're just... Some people have cheese in them, you know. I mean... What?! No, honestly, I think they do. I think they're quite... No, I'm just...

You know I love cheese. I put cheese on anything. Well, I've started putting ham in me croissants and it's changed me life. Fucking hell. Honestly. Because I... Well, I don't really like cheese. Sorry, everyone. I'll eat it if I'm starving and if it's around, I will started putting ham in me croissants and it's changed me life. Honestly. Because I don't really like cheese. Sorry, everyone.

I'll eat it if I'm starving and if it's around, I will eat it, right? Sorry, everyone. People get dead upset when you tell them you don't like... Again, again, again, again. So offended. Again, we've been over this. We've been over this.

You do like cheese. You think you don't like cheese. Cheese on toast. You have some cheese on toast. Do you want cheese on toast? I do like cheese on toast. Do you want cheese toasty? Yes.

Do you want pizza? Yes. Shut up then. Yes, but do I want to go to Black's Corner which I love in East Bolden by the way

if you haven't been yet you're living under a rock unbelievable do I want to go to Black's Corner and eat the cheese

that they bring out no I don't there's a difference I'm the same as you I enjoy you know I like there's a difference

between liking cheese and being able to eat cheese or being able to take a big fucking bite of a big fucking bite of a big blue veiny bit of Stilton.

Like, I'm the same as you. I like cheese to the same point that you like cheese. I'm alright. Get the brie out of my face. I'm alright.

I mean, sometimes I have that little dry, you've never done a thing where you have a little bit of dry cheese and then you have the grapes? No.

Unbelievable. Do you know why the grapes, I thought the grapes were on the cheese board just for a garnish. No, it'll do something. Oh,

you put the dry bit of cheese in your mouth, and then you put the... Oh, fucking hell, I tell you what. Anyway. What? I'm really glad that you like cake cakes, and I'm really glad that... I am annoyed that you didn't tell me about them sooner.

Oh, you can literally... I've been eating cake cakes for years. Yes, but, but, but, you know it takes me quite a while to give in to something. No, I'm not giving up. No, listen, once I've decided I don't... Roughly, let's say I think they've been in the house for two years. I think I've been making them for a year, right?

So you knew that there was this buffer. The day we met, the first thing you said to me should have been toasted tea cakes on ice, by the way, to give us a chance to get used to them. Because I feel like I've wasted years. I'm not doing that. Oh, just on another thing. We tried gnocchi for the first time last night.

You made gnocchi? I made gnocchi. You made gnocchi? Yeah. Seven out of ten. Yeah? Too much prep. God, fuck me.

There's a lot going on, right? Oh, Jesus Christ. Too much. Too much. Just too much. So, you had to boil the potatoes. No, I roasted the potatoes. They were like jack potatoes.

I did loads of them. And then you scooped them all out yeah and by the way I found it really upsetting because I love jack of potatoes is my favourite food awful

but having to open all of the potatoes and not eat them like that and just kind of scoop them out and then mash them really upset us

I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna put my life on the line here and say I guarantee you had a couple of handfuls of hot potato

oh god yeah I've looked at it I've ate most of the skin skin on the potato is the best bit of the potato yeah there was a big pile of potato skins I didn't know what skin skin on the potato was the best bit of the potato yeah there was a big pile of potato skins

I didn't know what was going on I was like back on that I'm gonna have some for my lunch great but yeah you were mashing all the potato together

I had to put I stood there next year put so much flour in it that I was like this is gonna be fucking inedible this this is the most flour I've ever seen in anything

then you let Robin do it and then Robin walked around the kitchen with floury potato hands he's opened every fucking cupboard, by the way. It's like the cupboards have got fucking eczema, right? They're flaking away. I want to get something out of the cupboard.

It's so bad. Unbelievable. Because when you said it, when you said, we're going to have to go around and wipe all these knobs. You thought I was bullshit. I thought you were bullshit.

I was like, what are they? Fucking freezer. Everything. Everything. I was watching Spider-Man 3 last night yeah Spider-Man 3 it looks like

you know Sandman the guy who turns into sand it looks like he's opened all of our fucking cupboards there's just grit on every cupboard I know a lot of the Spider-Man but the third one

I don't know very well with Tobey Maguire yeah you need to watch the third one again I didn't like it at the time but it's really really good I watched it last night listen

got loads of stuff to watch this is the longest introduction we've ever done but it's good to be back it's nice to Listen. Got loads of stuff to watch. This is the longest introduction we've ever done. But it's good to be back. It's nice to have verbal diarrhea. It's very nice to be back. I would say,

can I just say it? What? Fucking, alright. Like most colleagues when they go back to work be like, eee, missed you,

been, we've seen each other every past 10 days. Well, let's discuss that after the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle,

jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah! Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's, this New Year's week.

This, oh, this year's episode. This year's episode of Shag Mary Lloyd. Genuinely hope you all had a dead lovely Christmas, whatever you were up to. Hope it was nice and chilled and not too stressful, et cetera,

et cetera. Yeah, just all you know, you might like stress, you might not like chilled, you might like absolute carnage and if we, we hope you had the Christmas

that you, and the festive period that you wanted. Yeah. Because some people don't like chill and I call those people fucking nuts. Ours was crazy.

Genuinely, the best Christmas I've ever had, though. Yeah? Yeah, I went into it just with the thing of, like, I'm not getting stressed. Yeah. I just thought, you know what it is? If people haven't got their presents on time, if I haven't bought anything for Christmas lunch

or if something isn't prepared, I don't give a shit. Because every year I overthink it and I think everything has to be perfect and this has to be that. And I didn't do it this year because we've been so busy with the tour. And I just wanted to relax. And honestly, I don't feel relaxed because we've had the kids every day and it's been a bit intense. But I did feel,

I just felt more relaxed than other years. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've still got presents to give. I still have presents to buy. I've missed out. I've got a list in my phone of like, yeah, there's like five people I still haven't given presents. Just people you go,

I'll just see you after the Christmas one. That was circumstantial. That was because we couldn't, that was like people who live further away, which makes sense. But that's fine. It is what it is. Do people, you go, I'll just see you after the Christmas one. That was circumstantial. That was because we couldn't, that was like people who live further away, which makes sense, but that's fine. It is what it is.

Do you know, honestly, hand on heart, I love getting a present late after Christmas. It's quite cool, isn't it? It's really good

because you're kind of like, oh, yeah, the kids love it as well. Well, we let, so we let the kids open some Christmas presents

on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Because sometimes on the day when there's aunties and uncles and loads of people, it gets too much and you think, oh my gosh, no, no, no, no.

That was a really good idea to be fair. Really good idea. Have you got any New Year's resolutions? Learn about cellars. Learn the difference between cellars and basement

was top. Tick. Right. Done that one. Well done. So I can probably just chill for the rest of the year. Okay.

Good for you. Just chill. Good for you. Just, that was it really. I might look into it a bit further but not really surface level

done mate roll on 25 so now I think they're a crock of shit to be honest with you well I read a thing sorry to interrupt there I read a thing that said

that always scientists reckon they always fail because they're too there's too much pressure and they're too big of course so someone literally will be like sitting on New Year's Eve having's too much pressure and they're too big of course so someone

literally will be like sitting on new year's eve having a fucking kebab and they'll go right yeah next year i'm vegan and you go it's not that kind of huge fucking change isn't possible like so quickly and just because it's a new year when it's not really a new year it's just another day i think that that's what they mean do you agree what's yours i feel like you've got a new year's resolution that you're going to try no i don't i don't necessarily i want to cook more right i want to cook more from scratch especially for the kids yeah um because well we still do hello fresh which is great yeah but we get three a week of them yeah i always remember my mom we had like proper dinners all the time. And although my mum did work well,

I need to just prioritise cooking a bit more. I just want to cook more. I really love cooking. Can you also prioritise emptying the dishwasher and tidying up after you've cooked? Is that...? Can't. That's not actually part of my resolution.

See, because one of my resolutions is to not have a kitchen that looks like a fucking bomb hitter. Right, okay then. Well, listen. Listen, if you enjoy scrambled egg on toast for tea and maybe, you know, oven chips with a side of beans, then... Yeah, 100%.

Okay, then we're fine. Right. You can crack on with that. Good. Okay. Well, half the kitchen island. Do I have to cook them in a dirty, awful kitchen that looks like it's just

been raided by the drug squad? Yes. With mashed potato handles, etc. I might as well eat all that knuckle you've made. Here's something. Have you heard about

a trend that's happening on TikTok and Instagram at the minute? God! No. Maybe I might have skimmed past it. I don't know

so I only just heard about this today because I listened to a podcast called Under the Influence by a lady called Jo Piazza I hope I'm getting

her name right sadly that one's now finished we are now again the only podcast in the world the episode that we've always listened to

and then it's gone so don't try looking for it or any other podcast it's ridiculous I need that no it's really good I've listened from the beginning it's all about um kind of like social instagram influencers and mom mommy and bloggers and all that it's really interesting anyway

there's this trend called uh soft girl era jesus okay so i'm already annoyed yeah it's it i'd be i'd just a little kind of looking into it now on tiktok and it's interesting so there's part of it that i really agree with and there's part of it that i'm like what the fuck so soft girl era is a lot of women in their 20s like they don't they don't have children they don't they're all they all seem very rich they're always very well off right sorry to interrupt but they're not all the only the ones that you see are rich because they're the ones that people like to watch does that make sense yes so all of these want there'll be loads of people doing it or there'll be loads of people love that you don't know what it is yet yeah but all i'm saying is the

only ones you want because you watch and you go sometimes i watch them and i don't even know what they're saying but i go fuck me look at that fucking pool in the background who the fuck's this yeah yeah so yeah well there's just elements of it that are quite interesting but then so it's basically saying so it's last is when the 20s and it's like a soft girl era where's just elements of it that are quite interesting. But then, so it's basically saying, so it's, last I saw in the 20s, and it's like a soft girl era where you just kind of like, you look after yourself. Yeah. You make sure that you're looking after your mental health.

Yeah. You do your skincare, your exercise. You don't want too much drama in your life. Like, you just kind of take a step back from all that stuff. Okay. And you don't, so I grew up in a in a generation of hustle hustle hustle yeah

so when I was in my 20s at one point I had like three jobs because I was just like bish bash bash I understand do you know what I mean and you were the same

I think it's a when I started stand up I was I lived every night on the fucking motorways exactly I lived on Ginsters I looked like shit

all photos of me doing stand up I looked like I'm dying. Yeah. And I don't think that that was healthy. No. And I think we're all taking it into our 40s as well. And I think we're all sort of still, we're still doing that.

Yeah. It's still very much, I think there's a big generation where we like, we live to work, not work to live. Right. And it's just too much. So this, so from that I can take of just kind of trying to just

chill the fuck out a little bit. Sorry, so they've named it Soft Girl Era but it's just rich 20-something women doing football. Well, that's the part of it that I don't agree with because it's like, do your skin care,

go for a manicure. It's like, well, these all cost money and who's paying for these things because to pay for them things, you have to fucking work. Okay. But look, I've... But, sorry, I'm on a little bit of a...

Can I just... Yeah, you can, but I've got something to say after this. Right. This is great for me. I'm having a lovely time. Continue. Okay, okay. But I just, I would like to take a little bit of that into my own life and just kind

of just chill the fuck out a bit because I feel like my last five years of my life have been a bit extreme. Okay. And I want to, this year still gotta work still gotta pay the goddamn money money money bitch pay them bills but fuck that was not as like sorry i think we just got we're just getting a rub by sean paul's podcast money money money just look after myself a bit more right okay so you want to be less stressed and do less things and but you look after yourself and be a bit less stressed yeah in life and be a bit more relaxed

yet last night you decided with two children in the house to make fucking gnocchi from scratch and let them help and let them cover the entire kitchen

in fucking potato yes but that stresses you out that doesn't stress me out oh it's alright it's alright it stresses me out no but you alright

you had nothing to do with the gnocchi making you were nowhere to be fucking seen so why would it stress you out I ate it I helped put the fucking what do you call it stress you out i ate it uh i helped put

the the fucking the what you call it the not talcum powder what was it flour wow why did you have so much talcum powder at knock it was horrible um literally only he's 37 years old he's only just had a toasted tea cake for the first time and he doesn't know what flour is called i just couldn't get me where. Fuck me. Where did you grow up? I am 100% on board with this thing that you've just said. I think I'm going to try

to take some of that into my life as well. Yes, soft man era. Soft person era. No, hold on, hold on. It needs to be all of us. No, can I call it something else? Because soft man era,

that just sounds like I'm having erectile dysfunction. Okay, right, watch. Oh, look, he's nearly in his floppy 40s. There he is. Look at him. What do you want to call it then? It's do less.

Chill the fuck out. Do less. Yeah. It's not even do less. Just do, I don't know. I've seen them. I've seen them. I know.

I see them popping up on Instagram and it's like, oh, yeah, wake up with me and the fucking sit. And there's no, look, I could do that every day if I wasn't fucking dragged out of bed. Rafe came running into the room this morning, open the fucking curtains, grabbed us and went,

we're going downstairs. Oh yeah, they don't have kids. I hadn't even had my first piss and I was making pancakes. Can I just tell you though, as a person who edits videos quite a lot for Instagram, it takes ages. It's bullshit.

And they're having to set the... Right, if you're going to take anything into this year, all right, listening, you guys listening, me and you, everything that you see online is a crock of fucking shit. Do not believe anything you see. They have to set up that camera. They have to put the music on.

They'll set it properly. It takes so much time. And it's bullshit. It's bullshit. They'll film it a million times and they will it takes so much time and it's bullshit they'll they'll film it a million times and they will look how serene and beautiful this is yeah i've just watched five minutes of you having a beautiful morning but for the rest of the day you sat and fucking edited that yeah like i do the videos of it i've done a few cooking videos and i've moved

the camera at a point you know and i'm like oh well well no but i've just had to leave it because i'm not doing it again like it is what it is there's background noise there's the i want to try and bring a little bit of realism to to the because i love watching cooking videos on instagram i love watching people cook and i get loads of recipes but they're too perfect so i wanted to make mine not perfect oh yeah yours will never be perfect do you remember when jamie oliver first came out and it was like he was called the naked chef because it was just like he Naked Chef because he didn't have Delia Smith and all them back in the day.

The hall had the little glass ramekins and it was like, and two tablespoons of talcum powder. And it was already in a little glass ramekin and then they put that underneath and you'd watch it going, who fucking cleans them? He was just, grab a handful of this and fucking get your elbow in there and fucking mash it down.

You will be another level. Yours will be like, you know, not like the naked chef of Just Just Stripped All That Away. Just the kind of, oh my God, she's cooking in a fucking war zone. That child has just walked past with his dick out and the other one's just got a potty on his head. And what's her husband doing there? Why is he cleaning all the door handles? What's that on the door handles? Why is that fire alarm going off?

It'll be fucking carnage. I know. How to cook in a nuclear fucking Holocaust is what yours will be. Well, hey. Yeah. That's it though, isn't it? When you're cooking,

when you're a family, your kids are there. It's not serene and nice. It's real. Well, also, just on the subject of people editing videos, I have told you before, haven't I, i when i got in so you get drivers around london who drive like for tv and for shows and different things they use the same kind of company and they're booking the drive sometimes you see the

same kind of driver oh hello mate you're right it's nice to see you again they'll be taking you a tv studio whatever i got in a car once not mention any names but i got in a car once, not mention any names but I got in a car once and he was driving us somewhere and he just had someone else in the car who was an influencer and this influencer was sitting in the back of the car on their laptop, editing a vlog and this influencer had forgot their headphones

so for an hour and a half in London traffic, they sat and edited their vlog with the speakers full whack oh my god and i got in his car he was a fucking broken man he literally went i went you all right he went no i want to mind when i've just had such and such in the car i went oh they're not very nice he went i don't know they didn't speak they just sat on the laptop but like little i mean when you when you're editing the video i have to get you to put your headphones in because

it's just it's like someone it's like it's like a dj just scratching a record of just the same words again you couldn't do it i was going to cry i can't do it i haven't got the attention span i haven't got one of me new year's resolutions was going to be i should probably do a bit more on instagram just let people know what's going on and just but fucking can't be arsed i can't be arsed even look on it no i can't be bothered i don't think i quite like it i'm not i don't know i go through stages of it of social media where i'm like oh fuck this but then there's other times when i really love it so it just depends how how much i've been trolled that week to be honest with you well i don't i

get sort of trolled by the world because i'll go on instagram i'll be flicking through i'll be watching jujitsu videos and i'll be looking at different things i like and then it'll be a news thing saying uh or um a global warming's actually caused by humans breathing. And I go, right, well, there's me weak fucked. And I turn my phone off. Yeah, yeah. You can't deal with... I believe people call it triggered,

but I don't like triggered, but I believe I do get triggered. You do get triggered. You are. Listen, you are poster boy for Trigger. Trigger Happy TV. Speaking of Trigger, should we do this week's beef?

We've got to stop the recording because I'm scared. Okay. But it will come back. All right. I have to separate it into bits or I'll lose files. Yeah. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's Beef?

What's Beef? What's Beef? Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef.

Beef. Beef. Beef. Okay. Ladies first or gentlemen first? You go first. If you are a lady, if I am a gentleman. Nah.

Neither. Neither. So just to let everyone behind the curtain here we sat down to do the podcast yesterday yeah and we just couldn't do it no i was actually ready you couldn't do it take that back no because a couple of times i said okay do you want to and you went i don't know so you weren't 100 ready tell the truth now gun to your head you were you 100 ready i wasn't i was about 85 but i got loads of life admin done yesterday so that was nice right so i did stuff like that as well

plus I went to the shops and got normal just did normal shopping and came back like I had this because we came straight off the tour and then straight took the kids to Lapland UK

big shout out Lapland UK it was fucking incredible like so good I've told everyone I know that at some point in their kids lives

when they're a bit older I think so they can remember it like Robin was 8 I would say from 5 onwards personally for me because I think it's one of them things it's quite it's not cheap right I'm not going to lie it's not cheap and it's at the other end of the country and so it'll have to be

like a trip if you're from up north but I just think it's so magical take it from us it is unbelievable the whole thing was brilliant. Apart from when the elves got me up at the beginning to dance. They knew what they were doing in front of everyone in the whole place. They knew what they were doing. Fair play to you, but if I ever see you in public, you're fucking dead.

You'll never see them in public because they live in Lapland. Well, we'll see. We'll see. Watch your back is all I'm saying watch your back protect your neck because I'm coming for you

all three years even the girls now listen it's got wild we sat down to do the podcast yesterday and we couldn't do it

because we came somewhere and went straight there and we're into Christmas and there's kids every day and it's crazy

and yesterday was the first day where the kids were out of the house and I felt like we hadn't had a conversation that wasn't a blaring fucking row or a go and get us that for three weeks. Because we've been in survival mode.

Survival mode with the kids. We didn't have a crossed word in our life until Robin was born. We didn't argue about a single thing until Robin was born. And people don't believe that, but that's 100% true. It's crazy. So the kids put the stress on. We end up taking it out on each other because we don't shout and scream at the kids. Well, you don't believe that but that's 100% true it's crazy so the kids put the stress on we end up taking it out on each other because we don't shout

and scream at the kids well you don't I do so I've got a beef written down of something that happened the other day but I'm

as I wrote it down I had two possibilities and as I wrote it down is it wise to bring this back up because we are friends again yeah because we're friends again and yesterday

we had a little cuddle yesterday and I was like yeah I feel like we're friends again I feel like we're back on the same wavelength. Because doing a podcast together is fucking weird and people,

whenever we do TV shows, they go, you share a lot and is it weird working together? It's not weird working together and it's not hard working together, but you have to be on the same wavelength

or you can't do it. If I'm fucking buzzing and you're not or vice versa, it's hard. So we're now on the same wavelength and I feel like I may shatter it, but I feel like

I was 100% in the right when you did this stupid thing the same wavelength and i feel like i may shatter it but i feel like i was 100 in the right when you did this stupid thing the other day and it's me beef and i'm annoyed about it still and i feel like i should just fucking i'm gonna do it right my beef oh jesus christ you ready am i gonna fall out with you i don't think so i don't think it's too bad all right go on my beef with you this week yeah is uh sub beef sub beef before we get to the beef um you know like footnote in route of the beef uh i put up all the decorations this year and took down all the decorations this year just so you know i did the line share of all that just so you know yeah but okay while you were doing that i was there with looking after the kids like

okay sorry i never i didn't think i would get just chris i was there well i was literally there with looking after the kids. Footnote. Okay, sorry. I didn't think I would get chast... Chris, I was there. Well. I was literally there with you. Barely. Now. Is this some sort of joke? Okay.

Now, right? Listen to this. This is the one. I'm already annoyed. I thought so. So, I took the tree down in the living room. I took all of the things off it. I put them in a little...

All the decorations, I put them in a little bag. I took the light off, I put it in a bag. I took the tree down in the living room I took all of the things off it I put them in a little I put all the decorations I put them in a little bag I took the light off I put it in a bag I took the tree apart I put the tree in the tree bag I took it out of the room I went upstairs to the loft

I put it in the loft I came back down and I looked at where the tree was and there was glitter on the floor and there was bits of tree stuff on the floor yeah and I got the hoover and I went over

and you looked at me and you went I've just hoovered there I had yeah and i got the hoover and i went over and you looked at me and you went i've just hoovered there i had yeah and i went well i'm okay i went i didn't know you'd hoovered and you went what i have and i went but i can see glitter and loads of bits of stuff of tree and you went but i've just hoovered and i went well well yeah love Cool story, bro. But there's still glitter and stuff there. And you doubled down again and you went, but I've just hoovered there. So what was I supposed to do? Because you were fuming with this.

Was I supposed to just respect your terrible effort at hoovering and wait a few days so I didn't overshadow your horrendous achievement of hoovering that area so as not to upset you and not step on your toes? Or was I just supposed to

hoover all the shit up that you fucking missed and get bollocked for it in the process? So I would go for option one. I would go for option one. I was so annoyed. I'd hoovered the whole down there option one. I would go for option one. Wait, so you... I was so annoyed. I'd just...

I'd hoovered the hole down there, everywhere. Didn't fucking look like it. Well, obviously the hoover's broken in your hoover because every time you fucking move it, something comes out of it, right?

I emptied it. It was full and I emptied it before I came back. Okay. Listen, hey, you are... You are just the best. Honestly, well done. Well done. Do you know what's so weird about my life and our house? The stuff I do, the best honestly well done well done

do you know what's so weird about my life in our house the stuff I do loads of fucking stuff I don't mention it I don't ever mention it because I just do it

so sorry so okay okay I'll take that point would sitting there going ah just who are they does that fall under

not mentioning it or does that fall under that falls under you getting on my tits me trying to watch a program with rave that we really got into right and you fucking hoovering everywhere that i just hoovered okay and i find that really passive aggressive and awesome whereas if you said to me i've just hoovered there i go all right i don't need to do it again but yeah i can see

all right okay scenario scenario A I hate you right scenario A scenario A you come into the kitchen I'm sitting in the living room

I can see the kitchen from where I am there's Rice Krispies all over the floor thousands of Rice Krispies on the floor you get the hoover and you begin to hoover

the Rice Krispies and I say er what you doing Rosie and you go I'm hoovering the floor and I go erm I've just hoover the Rice Krispies. And I say, what are you doing, Rosie? And you go, I'm hoovering the floor. And I go,

I've just hoovered that. Do you ignore the thousands of Rice Krispies? Oh, no worries. You're a fucking liar. Babe, no worries, babe. I'll put this away. You know, right, okay. In my defense,

there was not loads of mess. I had just hoovered, Chris. You're so anal. The glitter on this away. You know, right, okay. In my defense, there was not loads of mess. I had just too much, Chris. You're so anal. The glitter on that floor. You're so anal. There was so much glitter on the floor. It looked like there's just... Rosie, it looked like there just... Guys, who do you believe more?

There was not loads of glitter on the floor. Guys, it looked like they just filmed... Don't guys my guys. These are my guys. It looked like they just filmed an episode of RuPaul's Drag Race in the corner of that fucking room. There was glitter everywhere. However, what's your beef? of RuPaul's Drag Race in the corner of that fucking room. There was glitter everywhere. How are they?

What's your beef? Well, mine are all pretty actually alright. Annoyingly. Oh, I've got a beef about Christmas Day. How are they? So, I know what this is.

During Christmas Day, well, everyone was there. So I had my sister, my dad, my mum, your mum and dad and the kids. Everyone was still there.

It was about half past three in the afternoon. We'd finished lunch. Chris, Chris fell asleep. Okay. Which is fine, I suppose. Not well, not really. Because they were due to go at like five. I was like, can you just say it at the end of the day, Grandpa?

Like, do you know what I mean? It was rude as fuck and I was a bit raging. Wait, just wait till everyone's gone before you fall asleep. Okay, but my actual beef is...

Hold on, you haven't explained where I fell asleep. Oh, on the sofa beside everybody. Corner-shaped sofa. Yeah.

I was in the middle of multiple people. It was horrendous. Right next to your dad. Horrendous. I fell asleep. There's nothing I do. Rafe was sitting on me knee.

I didn't feel great. I fell asleep. I apologise. It is really fucking sitting on my knee I didn't feel great I fell asleep I apologise it is really fucking rude okay fine but you know it was either that I get the hoover out

I start painting some people just don't they just don't leave the beef isn't with you falling asleep because you know whatever fuck you

you don't bring much to the table conversation wise anyway so we weren't lacking anything if I'm honest with you the beef was later on when so bearing in mind we'd had Christmas Eve Christmas Day it hadn't been on my phone much at all Lacking anything, if I'm honest with you. The beef was later on when...

So, bearing in mind, we'd had Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. I hadn't been on my phone much at all. And it'd been quite nice. Christmas Day night, the kids were just watching telly. Yeah. I had nothing to do. I'd done all my job. Because Christmas Day, you know, you put the decorations up.

I did everything on Christmas Day. I set all the table. I made all of the Christmas lunch for like 10 people. Oh, are you mentioning this? Only because you did, arsehole. Anyway, I was on my phone and Chris, Chris decided that that was the right time to say it to me. You're not involved with everybody and you're on your phone,

which I then had to bring up to him when we had a house full of guests. You fell asleep. Please tell me how now that everybody's left and my children are just sat watching a film that I have to fucking entertain you. Do I get an apology at all for that? Once we've stopped recording

I might apologise. Please do it. Please do it now. No, yes. That was, you were literally like are you going to be a part of this family? once we stop recording i might apologize please do it please do it now no yeah yes that was you are literally like are you gonna be a part of this family are you just gonna sit on your phone i was like me so when i've had enough of instagram i want everyone else to have oh yeah yeah yeah like i do it and i do it in the van with carl me and carl used to go on tour do stand-up i haven't had any apology yet

sorry I am sorry alright I'm sorry I am sorry I'm like a child so which you know it was ridiculous I didn't

I'd had listen I didn't I'd finished Instagram right I'd had me nap so I was well rested I wanted a bit of conversation

but you wanted to sit on your phone and I was like what the hell's going on so me and Carl when we'd be in the van if I was finished on my phone I'd put my phone down hell's going on um so me and carl when we when we'd be in the van if i was finished on my phone i'd put my phone down and i would just start irritating you do that to me yeah right and he goes all right we're done on phones over and he just puts

he goes right what do you want wow carl is definitely more patient than i am so there you go ah so yes i am bloody lovely nap really quick nap as well i was only asleep about 10 15 minutes but it was definitely about half an hour oh well that'll be why it felt so good when I woke up

compliments to the chef though you if I'm if I'm knocking out the zeds 20 minutes after you've made a big meal you have done a great job there oh it was meant

it was a lovely dinner thank you you did genuine jokes aside you were fantastic it was brilliant thank you well done and i do

appreciate everything you do around here but you know for the comedy i just gotta take the piss on her thanks you're invited to an immersive listening

party led by rishi keshe her way the visionary behind the groundbreaking song exploder podcast and netflix series this unmissable evening features her way and toronto symphony orchestra Orchestra music director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation.

Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever join the sunrise challenge to raise funds for cam age the center for addiction and mental health to support life-saving progress in mental health care from may 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone.

Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for Questions from the Public! Questions from the Public! That's sunrisechallenge.ca fuck you want yes let's start the new I keep saying yes our Robin goes around the house all the time saying yes queen

yeah he's full on yes queen I just can't I can't stop doing it hello Rosie and Chris hope all is well we're looking forward to seeing you

live in Leeds but that has happened so it was lovely to see you hope you enjoyed it as if the two has done man finished holy shit

it was good though wasn't it fantastic enjoyed it thank you everyone for coming oh shit yeah sorry thanks keep talking over me

I'm too excited no no it's fine don't worry I'm fucking well used to it as we all love a good embarrassing medical story yeah I thought I'd write in

as I've got one here that happened to me during lockdown please keep me anonymous always I'm quite the hypochondriac so you can probably imagine how fun lockdown

in which we were all hiding from some invisible bastard virus was for me yep but little did i know it was another medical mishap that would end up in the most embarrassing gp call i've ever had now i'm gonna tell you this and i'm a bit worried because it's one of them things that whenever you find out something you might end up doing this. And I don't want you to. I did this a couple of nights ago. Yeah?

We were out with a friend of yours. And they said that they had a stomach ulcer. And I said I'd had a bad stomach. And I quickly cross-referenced my symptoms with them and thought I had a stomach ulcer. Diagnosed himself with a stomach ulcer. On a night out, which is the best, best, best time to diagnose yourself. Just before he ate a full margarita pizza. Yeah.

Fuck's sake. With garlic sauce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is very much the Gaviscon of the Italian cuisine. So this is what I live with, right? And I'm sure there'll be a lot of others that live with this. So Chris, for months while we're doing the tour, has been drinking his Huel drinks, right?

Hardly eating anything. I mentioned it a few, I said it on the podcast, didn't I? You've not been eating great but you've been looking after yourself which is great for you.

Good for you. Not going over the top. Yeah. And you look great for it and you know, it's good to be mindful of what you eat, I suppose,

when we're getting older. So, tour finished. Chris has gone mad. Christmas, innit? Chris has gone full Christmas christmas back on the sugar and then um woke up a couple of days with a really bad stomach like bad stomach pains and indigestion and heartburn and and i kind of said is it because you've just gone like you know full full on back on it and chris didn't really think that that's what it was he thought he had a blocked bloody bladder and all this shit right

and then so this is where your extremes blocked bowel not bladder I thought I had constipation but higher up yeah not at the bum

higher up that's a thing is a thing so but what makes us laugh about you is the extremes that you go to so we went on a night out

with all our mates it was mint everyone was there and you were drinking Guinness. Yeah. And I was like, I've never seen you drinking Guinness in my entire life.

Yeah. Do you even like Guinness? Yes. Oh, do you? Especially with a little splash of blackcurrant in it. Okay, fair enough. Why were you drinking Guinness? Not gassy.

So every single day, basically the problem came, and this is probably the most privileged sort of first world problem of a diagnosis of getting unwell like you were about to hear so strap yourselves in for this i had too much champagne on christmas day and i got full of gas is that what was wrong with you yeah so that's when i fell asleep so i was just basically just i'm not apart from like the odd lager, which was after the tour,

I didn't drink much this tour. I didn't go crazy. I got a bit tipsy a couple of nights, but it was the gas off the, and then it just hung on us for days. So I was like, right, I'll drink something that's not gassy.

I went to get wine, but I didn't fancy the wine. And I just, two of the lads were drinking Guinness and Guinness just looks incredible. Okay. When it's in a glass. I take it back

because I thought you didn't like it. I thought you were just drinking it's in a glass. I take it back because I thought you didn't like it. I thought you were just drinking it because I thought you didn't like it. You're looking at a man who had six pints

of it that night. You think I don't like it? Six pints of Guinness? Oh, fucking lovely stuff. Lovely stuff. Bit of blackcurrant in there. Sorry to all the Guinness fans

out there, but I do have to have a bit of blackcurrant and it just takes that bitterness away. Bloody lovely man. Do you like a Sunday dinner? It's like a pint of Sunday dinner

as one of my mates quoted. One of my mates said, it's like a pint of Sunday dinner, as one of my mates quoted. One of my mates said, it's like a pint of Sunday dinner. He was the guy who was drinking it that night. But years ago, he said he didn't like it because it was like a pint of Sunday dinner. He was drinking it that night. Madness.

Anyway, don't start doing this, right? Sorry to get off the subject. Also, yeah, as a side note as well, I can't watch Grey's Anatomy, which you are enjoying. I can't watch it because I think I've got all the stuff from it. Yeah, don't ever watch it

because it's intense. Not going to. Whenever I was feeling, back to the story. Yeah I think I've got all the stuff from it. Don't ever watch it because it's intense. Not going to. Whenever I was feeling, back to the story. Yeah. Whenever I was feeling under the weather with a sore throat

or a stuffy nose, I checked my own temperature just to make sure everything was all right and to see if I had come down with COVID. So this was during that time. Right.

How would they check the temperature? As a busy man who has no time for faffing about with inaccurate thermodynamics readings, I will only use the most trustworthy way to get a reading of my body heat. Yeah.

I shove that little heat reader right up my arse. There it is. Yeah. There it is. Great. One person... You've got a repetitive fucking arse strain injury. I've taken too many temperatures in.

Basically. No, it's not that. One particular day, I was feeling off and went about my ritual, dropping trowel in the bathroom and popping my trusty thermometer companion right up there to get a sense of the situation. I mean, we all pass the time differently in the lockdown. That is true. I could see you doing this, though.

No, they are. No, Jen. Is that the most accurate one? Yeah, apparently. It's gone under your armpit or under your tongue. Not with the same thermometer. I'd give it a wipe. I work from home, but even so, I try to keep my measuring a secret from my fiancé.

Oh, fucking hell, it's not even just his thermometer. It's a communion thermometer. And he's got it on his arm, on the regs. We don't have one of these thermometers, do we? No, we actually don't.

Because I live with someone like you who wouldn't give it a wipe and I'd stick it in my mouth and I would taste your shit. I've never stuck a thermometer in my ass in my life. Never, ever. So he's not told his fiancée.

Since I know damn well I'm going to get a look if she finds out how often I measured my temperature around that time. Sometimes up to three times a day. Dude, I don't think it was the day. Honestly,

swap a thermometer for a finger. I think you'd just love it. No, I genuinely believe that he's just trying to... She listens to the podcast too, by the way. Hi. And as we know, to get the right temperature, you have to stick it right up and move it around and masturbate at the same time. Oh, stop.

Yeah. Don't turn it smutty. He's the one in his house three times a day. Jesus Christ. A perfect 37 degrees Celsius popped up on the screen this time. Wonderful stuff, I thought, and went on with my day. By the way, to be ill, it's usually over. When I worked at the nursery,

if the kid's temperature was over 37.5, they used to have to get a phone call. Right. Just to let you know. I think it's different for adults, but yeah. Is it? Yeah. Fair enough. nursery if the kid's temperature was over 37.5 they used to have to get a phone call right let you know i think it's different for adults but yeah is it yeah fair enough but he's probably getting hot and flustered he probably gets hot and flustered just at the excitement of getting ready to holler at the moment i ride back up his ass again for the third third time this day isn't it horrible when your band's got a temperature of like 39 point bloody whatever

you feel helpless it's horrible or anything when anything at all is wrong with your kid it's awful yeah as the day continued I began feeling a bit antsy and I was getting quite uncomfortable around the old brown back door as an itching

and burning sensation began to develop I decided to sleep on it thinking it must have been the hot sauce I put on my food the day which had come back to haunt me

that day sorry the next day the burning feeling had gotten only worse and I was beginning to worry as i tend to do in brackets hypochondriac life my mind immediately raced to the worst outcome and i booked a callback appointment with my gp to put my mind at ease and figure out what was happening you couldn't you couldn't get an appointment for love and money and if you didn't

have covid they didn't want to know and he's gonna tell him he's got an itchy arse get it get out as i was waiting to be called back i tried to go about my day and distract myself but in the back of my mind i couldn't stop worrying as the burning feeling remained i went to the bathroom washed my hands and as i was looking in the bathroom mirror above the sink everything clicked into. I always use a bit of my own spittle to lubricate the thermometer before I plonk it up there to do its work. This time, however, I had

forgotten the fact that a rather nasty cold sore had been forming on my lip. And as you might know, cold sores are a form of herpes. I had accidentally given myself anal herpes by spitting on my with my mangy cold sore lip and putting it up my bum

see that's sometimes that's i can't get around people's logic when it's stuff like that when it's like oh yeah i'm a hypochondriac, oh yeah, check me things, oh, but I'm just going to forget about this cool soul because I'm better than everyone else. Yeah, yeah. Just the flow and the logic of like, I'll just rub this thermometer, I will just spit on this thermometer

and just honk it up my arse three times a day. Needless to say, the call with my doctor was pretty surreal. With the GP on the other end of the line trying to keep a straight face as I told him about the way I had given my own arse an STD. That's so bad.

He ended up giving me the solid advice of might be worth investing in a new thermometer before bursting out laughing. And then it just says, blah, blah, blah. It eventually went away, but it can easily come back as herpes. P.S. I did end up buying a thermometer for my ears, but the thing is so inaccurate, it does my head in. There you go.

I've now given my arsehole an ear infection. Oh, God. Give me all soul glue here. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Hi, guys. Listener from day one here. Just a really quick one. My friend had a one-night stand years ago,

and the guy suggested that they have a shower together after they'd done the deed. And in her drunken state, she agreed. My friend had some soap and glory, clean-on-me shower gel on the side of the bath. And as they are in the shower, the guy starts rubbing it onto her bosom, singing, clean on me.

When you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on. I'm sorry I don't know all the details, but just thought it might make you laugh as much as it did me that's brilliant clean on me

soap and glory they're the pink ones aren't they yeah I think I'd have married him would you if you'd have

washed your boobs yeah you'd have been out like that it's kind of something I would do weirdly so I know that wasn't an ick

but I did I spotted an ick the other night a new ick unlocked for did i spotted an ick the other night i knew ick unlocked for me um i went to me no no no i am how many ever sort of so now weirdly because we've been doing this for so long and i've heard so many icks and when we're doing the podcast too i heard so many icks i sort of see them from the eyes of a woman now so if i see a bloke doing something i go oh i bet you that would turn someone off okay so i was it i went to our local uh indian takeaway and i was sitting waiting for my food and another guy came in and he was

waiting for his as well and we got them at the same time and as we're walking out i said bye to the guys and then the the guy who worked there who was letting me out said good night gentlemen and the bloke behind me said to the guy leaving the curry house night night and it was just i just went like i went bye and he went good night gentlemen and he went night night and i was like was he fit no no no but i was like why have you said night night night night it's just and i was like walking the car and he was walking and there was just a silence between me and him so the guy said bye to both of us we didn't say bye to each other because we hadn't even spoken to each other why would we but i was just as i was walking off i was like i don't think you meant to say night night he probably did not

he probably didn't mean to night night night night well it's like when you say love you to strangers oh you too yeah yeah you're sitting in a bag you too yeah i always have to say something though when i've done it you to strangers or you too yeah your receipt's in a bag you too yeah he's like what am I even talking about I always have to say something though when I've done it if I'm at the cashiers or something

and I say something I go sorry I didn't mean to say that oh I go back I go back and go oh bit weird that I said that there wasn't I I didn't mean to say that

and they go right and I go that was weird I didn't mean it at all and they go okay and I go you haven't got this I didn't give you, though. And they go, okay. And I go, ah, because you haven't got this. I didn't give you a receipt.

I went to say bye. But you just... They must hear it loads, though. Robin told me the other day that he, I think he called the teacher mom or something. I used to call teacher's dad all the time. Yeah. All the time.

I used to style it out, though. Did you? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. But they never called him. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- I pretty much like to keep my job. I work in an office and was feeling uncomfortable down there to the point where I needed to know what was hurting. Boy or girl? A girl. Okay.

Vagina. Thank you. Thank you for clearing that up. I nipped to the loo and took some photos for better viewing. Sorry. What? Oh, for her to look at. For her to look at.

Right, okay. What was wrong down there? Stuck them in the group chat to get an opinion. Right, I understand. Okay. Just took some photos. Not for her. I couldn't get the angle correct,

so I thought I'd try a video. Oh, God. I got the video. Feeling a little embarrassed after hearing someone enter the toilet and me basically videoing my flaps, I flushed the loom. Left the toilet and went back to my seat.

Oh, I've got a horrible... I don't want to predict the end of this, but I've got a horrible... I've got a horrible. Oh, I've got a horrible... I don't want to predict the end of this, but I've got a horrible feeling here. I've got a horrible feeling. Let me just... Can I write it down? Yeah, go on. I'm going to write down...

I know it's not a Rose of Mysteries, but I've just got a theory here. Go on. Right. My phone started to ring. It was my husband, then my mum. So I instantly panicked and thought the kids were ill at school

or something like that. I called my hubby back for him to tell me in a panicky voice that the video I took of my lovely yellow boil on the left flap of my vagina was actually a Facebook Live. Ah! I didn't guess that. I wrote down iCloud. I thought it was synced to an iPad or something.

Facebook Live. Fuck off. Turns out I'd recently done a lot of lives and when my brain went to video in the rush, I just automatically hit Facebook Live. Safe to say I was banned from Facebook for a while and very nearly divorced due to the boil not sharing my Mary with the world. Bloody hell.

And why are they getting divorced because of a boil? You're funny. That's a bit weird. She's been playing away. Do you get boils for and you're funny that's a bit weird but anyway she's been playing away what do you get boils for that anyway that's my worst nightmare

you know well sometimes I really panic because the kids have got a lovely habit of just picking my phone up and they love to look I don't let them touch mine

Rafe loves taking pictures and they love to look at me pictures but I'm oh shit myself I'm like if they go on Instagram and just

and then we're in the background fucking slagging someone off. Oh, I'm like, just, I don't let them on. I know you think I'm, I just don't let them touch my phone. I'll tell you what my fears are about them touching my phone. Mine's just around. My fears are, they're going to go on Instagram and they're going to, so they're either going to do something with me bank or bank details or share me email address or personal information with someone just by banging the fucking phone. They're going to go to Instagram and something's, you now and then so the algorithm on instagram it gives you stuff

you love stuff you love stuff you love stuff you love now and then it gives you something you fucking hate to get to get you to end oh this is chris is pretending that he doesn't look at stuff on instagram because there's always random i don't look at stuff no i mean something if they put something out politically which is like you, quite contentious and the kids accidentally like it and then people say, oh, he's like that, like,

thing. Or that they're going to go on Twitter. I do that all the time, you know. So I look at like, because you're meant to expand your, I watched that social dilemma years ago on Netflix.

Yeah. And you're meant to look at stuff that makes you uncomfortable so that you're not constantly getting things to just sort of like, yeah. So you don't end up living in this world, which I think a lot of people do,

where they've just got their opinion and they think they're completely right because they think the world agrees with... See, echo chamber that I just said. Yeah, okay, sorry, but all right. Yeah, no, you're right. Summed all that up in echo chamber. Yeah, yeah.

So it's good to look at other stuff, but I'm always terrified in case I like it. And I'm like, oh my God, people are thinking I'm going to agree with this and I don't. Yeah. So anyway, yeah. So that, or they're going to like bash the keyboard and it's going to accidentally say a terrible word I'm always terrified in case I like it and I'm like oh my god people I think I'm gonna agree with this and I don't so anyway yeah so that

or they're gonna like bash the keyboard and it's gonna accidentally say a terrible word and they're gonna send it out to the world fucking terrified

constantly I don't want them on me phone at all I know maybe I need to be a bit stricter mine just lies around that's the problem thank you so much

for listening to this new year's edition of Shag Maradonoid. Best going forward. And we are part of the Acast Creator Network. We are indeed. Best going forward.

New year, new you. Keep on learning, guys. So in that vein, an attic typically constitutes an entire floor of the building, while a loft only covers a few rooms, leaving one or more sides open to the lower floor. Thank you very much. Please start making new homes or basements just to keep them happy, all right?

Bye, guys. See you later. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music

director Gustavo Jimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock hosts the rochester nighthawks at first ontario center in hamilton at 7 30 p.m you can also lock in your

playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play