Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 251. Better than you

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

Chris and Rosie discuss other people's children, Robin's singing and they have a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT! Beefs are still feeling festive and the QFTP's involve and old crush, fake trips to the gym and some practical jokers! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marinoid with me, Rosie, and my husband, Chris. And we are, collectively, the Ramses.

Wow. With an E, not an A. Right, okay. Just getting that all out there, were you? Very loud hello at the beginning. Very excited. No, it's fine. It's jumped right up on me little thing on me screen that I don't know how to use.

Pedometer. No. Nope, that's steps, isn't it? Yes. Oh, hey, aren't we clever? Hey, aren't we? Don't we know our craft? Pedometer? Nope said absolutely not i said on my screen that i don't know how to use and you came in with

pedometer um isn't pedometer is steps isn't it it actually is yeah yeah okay well no not that just me little thing that tells you how the volume is normally mine's much higher than yours but yours was dead quickly right talking of steps right yeah you know how it's like new year and everyone i mean mainly friends being sending each other these like checklists of like try and do this two to three liters of water a day sorry genuinely thought you were going to talk about the band steps carry on okay sorry hashtag love steps but no that's something different 10 000 steps a day right yeah you know that is a lot is that what you're aiming for well it's that's like over i'm sorry i'm talking shit i remember working in offices years ago people like should do 10 000

steps when the kind of watch things came out not apple watch before that you could get like fit bits and all that kind of stuff right and uh 10 000 steps so i walked out of my mum's from here. It's about two and a half mile. Yeah. 2.7 miles. Right. That's about 7,000 steps. Jesus. Who's getting 10,000 a day?

That is a lot, you know. Postman. Yeah. Next question. Post people. Thank you very much. Oh, yeah. Post people.

Post dogs. It's just a lot of steps. Yeah. Because you kind of go, oh, that's easy. It's not. That's a lot. It's a lot. Well, don't people have like stand-up desks now? Yeah, they are a's not that's a lot it's a lot well don't have don't

people have like stand-up desks now when they stand yeah they are a good idea how far does it count a step because can you just do them on the spot does that count as a step i think so and two and a half you said it's 2.2.7 miles to your man's house and that's 7 000 steps you've only got little you've only got little tiny little trotters yeah you've got little stubby little tiny little trotters so awful well see because when I said little trotters you didn't flag it up when I first said little trotters so I then had to go back and double down on stubby little tiny little trotters

so yeah for someone like me so if it was what 7000 steps for you that would probably be 1000 steps for me you do walk annoyingly fast I hate that about like being little and walking with people who are taller. Just like, you're off. I'm not even that tall.

You're away. Yeah. I've walked with proper tall people before. No, no, honestly. Oh, my mates are tall and hard. Oh, look at me. Oh, I hold their coats while they go on the rides. Done that before.

I'm not tall enough. I'm out of breath. I'm literally out of breath. Yeah. I've had boyfriends who are dead tall before and I'm of breath I'm literally out of breath yeah I've had boyfriends who are dead tall before and I'm like oh here we go

oh look at him oh god I'm like slow down height shaming is for your exes you are honestly you're weird gonna fall out

yeah you have been giving me you've been calling me I think this week I've been you've shouted ick at me more

than I've had ick shouted at you I've done it twice I think. You do it all the time. You still keep walking into a room doing the muscles thing. It's a joke. It's horrible.

It's a joke. It's awful. Even as a joke, it's disgusting. When kids see it, they're going to think it's normal. Pack it in. So before bath time. Oh, I need to write that down, actually. Before, I think you'll find, I do bath time in this house.

Before bath time, me, Robin and Rafe stand in front of the mirror and flex our guns. No, you're absolutely better not. You absolutely do. Do you? You've got flexing guns with the lads. Is that how Rafe... I wondered... Right.

Is that how Rafe knows what muscles are? Yeah, you've got standing flexing muscles with the lads. Which mirror did you do this in? Bathroom mirror. Bathroom in our bedroom. How do they see? Oh, in our bedroom. They both stand on the toilet.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Because it's higher up in our bedroom? They both stand on the toilet. Oh, for fuck's sake. Because it's higher up the mirror, but they both stand on the toilet and flex. We all flex. And then we all, you know, and then they get in the bath and they have a bath and I stand. Genuinely, honestly,

swear down, you all flex your muscles? Yeah. I mean, we're joking, but yeah. God, what a horrible, toxic, masculinity household this is.

There it is. You better pack that in. Right, okay. There it is. There it is. Yeah. Ra that in. Right, okay. There it is. There it is. Yeah. Rafe was drying my hair this morning, so. Oh, well, evening it out then.

Evening it out. Trying. Fantastic. So we reflect on muscles and then they climb in the bath and then I sit in the toilet and then we talk about how good it was when women didn't have the vote.

Great. Yeah. Great. They mainly listen so awful so sorry so horrible it is episode 251

thank you so much for being here thank you so much for listening thank you for being part of all of our silliness and without further ado it is time for this week's

lucrative lucrative sponsor this week's sponsor is and Rosie on the tour Rosie we did some sponsors that you weren't happy with and I had to do them on the tour

because you said they were a bit too harsh for the podcast this might fall into that category but truly I've been pretty warned I don't know what this is but you the other day said I don't know whether

this will be allowed so this is either going to be in or not it's one of the things where you'll be like you might be like this is really nasty you've already said

women shouldn't have had the vote so hey, listen. Yeah, but that's like, yeah, but that's like banter. Stop. That's like banter with the lads. He's totally joking, by the way, because people might take you seriously.

If someone's listened to this for the first time today... Right, well, don't be stupid, because I wasn't alive when they didn't have the vote, so how could I be saying it was better? Like, oh, fucking shut up. Honestly, if you took that seriously,

stop listening now. Go and listen to something else, because this is fucking, fucking this shit's not for you we'll get a question from the public your fucking toes will kill you big soft bastard now listen this week's sponsor is people who think you can understand their kids as well as they can yeah yeah right okay it's happening with so much right it's happened to us so much recently i'll stand talking to someone it happened in the shop the other day i stand talk to someone and they've got a kid with them and i and the kid i'll look at that i'll be like hello and the kid you can't it'll be two or three and the kid will go and i go right and i look at the kid and i look back at the parent and they just look at us as if to go well answer the child

oh no and I'm like sorry I don't look I'm not having to go your kid their speech might be incredible

for that age but I don't fucking live with this kid I don't know the words I can understand Rafe I can't understand when Rafe talks gobbledygook to someone

I go straight away I go this is what he said but you're not seeing the people you're just looking and you go please then answer the boy he's just asked you a someone and I go straight away I go this is what he said but you're not seeing the people you're just looking and you go please answer the boy he's just asked you a question

and I'm like but that's the same I don't know what fucking language he's speaking that's the same sorry I didn't I didn't interrupt in you that's fine

I'll just I'll just reel me in here to see you back in that's the same as when people let their kids interrupt you yeah yeah yeah

yeah oh unbelievable yeah I well I'm very comfortable with a lot of my friends When people let their kids interrupt you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, unbelievable. You hate it. Yeah. Well, I'm very comfortable with a lot of my friends, especially me and Steph. Yeah. We ignore our kids.

Oh, God, yeah. Well, not... Please don't think we're horrible. We don't fully ignore them. But if we're talking, I do it with her kids, she does it with my kids because I feel comfortable enough. And then I'll go, just one minute, we're just chatting. One second, we're just chatting. I go one second, yeah. I do it. If anyone. She does it with my kids because I feel comfortable enough. And then I'll go, just one minute. We're just chatting. One second.

We're just chatting. I go one second. Yeah, I do it. I do it. If anyone's in our house speaking or whatever, Robin will speak. I go two seconds, Robin.

I'm just talking. And there's a minute episode of Bluey where the dad... Robin has never learned how to not interrupt though. Well, you've got to tell him. You've got to tell him every time. I go, stop, stop.

And he keeps going. But I mean, we interrupt each other all the time on this. So that's probably what they get it from. But there's a mint episode of bluey where the dad says just put your hand on my arm when you want to speak to us and i'll put my hand on your hand so you know i know you're there and you're waiting doesn't work like that really but it's very very good okay that's a good idea see them in public we've we've said before when you see people in public who just got no spatial awareness who just stand in people's way who just walk in front of

you and you're in the supermarket looking at something you go all right your parents never told you to get the fuck out of people's way yes yes i've said that to you before yeah yeah some people have no i remember the amount of times when i was a kid right and i do it to my kids i've been grabbed by the hood like not in not in an aggressive way not not in a horrible i don't mean in a aggressive way. Shepard's cool. Not in a horrible, I don't mean in a nasty way, just like, you know, watch out the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch out. Some people, oh my God, they piss me right off.

Constantly. Yeah, I'm like, I'm fucking, I sort of shepherd our kids around like a sheepdog. I'm like, watch out, I'm so sorry, watch out that person's way.

You can see an adult, you can see an adult who was always allowed to interrupt parents. Yep. As a kid, an adult who was always just allowed to just fucking walk and do whatever they want it was never told to get out the fucking way yeah

another thing in the same trip to the supermarket i was standing looking at an aisle looking for i was looking for beans with sausages no sorry i could see the beans with sausages and i couldn't see just the beans okay that's what i was looking for i was about a meter and a half away from the aisle because someone had just went past, like away from the stuff. Have you ever had someone just walk right in front of you and stand like a joke, like it's a wind-up? So I'm standing looking, and they just walked in between me and the beans,

and they stood there and looked. And I was like, do you know when people do that? Did they do it deliberately, or were they just in another world? It felt like they'd done it deliberately, but they were just in another world. I feel like when someone does that, you should just be able to fucking push them into the stuff that they're looking at.

Like fucking beans, do you? Chris is in our thoughts. Yeah. Coming out here. New year, new me. If you see us fucking levelling people in the supermarket, it's because they're right in front of us

while I was trying to look for the beans. Do you feel better that you got that off your chest? A little bit, yeah. Yeah. A little bit. And there's probably an argument somewhere to say don't sort of you know

interrupt the kid when your kid's being confident alright your kid's probably being confident enough to speak to a stranger or someone in any way but don't look at it as like I'm supposed to get it

I don't get it no and at the same time no disrespect right a two or three year old is not going to remember that their parent has

repeated what they've said so that an adult can understand. Yeah, yeah. No, they're never going to remember. They don't remember anything before five. So I'm sorry. Half the holidays we went on, Robin can't remember. Waste of fucking money. Pointless. Absolutely. Honestly, don't take them

anywhere to less seven. We had a fight about the jingle Jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle many way to less seven. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed. Before we go on. Hello. I'm here as well. Hello. I don't normally say your name now. No, but I didn't say hello. Right. People might think I left in the intro. Oh, if only. If fucking only. But listen, before we get divorced, we've got a really big announcement big announcement right now we're not taking the mic either

this is genuinely something that we're really really excited about we're being desperate to tell you shall I do a little drum roll if you like

are you ready yeah I hope they can hear that we are I'm looking on the pedometer it's on the pedometer it's on the pedometer

it's on the pedometer one two three four we are writing a children's book woo we are I know you're thinking eh

what seriously we are writing a kids book we're absolutely buzzing about this yeah very excited I mean we've been we read to the kids all the time

yeah it's a massive part of our night yeah yeah so we're finally going to write a kids book very excited we've signed well I would say we've signed up for two books I think it's getting announced that we're finally going to write a kids' book. Very excited.

We've signed up... Oh, well, I would say we've signed up for two books. I think it's getting announced that we're doing two books. I don't know. I'm sure it is. See it now, but it can be snipped out if not. Yeah. The book is called There's a Poon Army in My House. It's about poo?

No way. No way! You and me, toilet humour. Absolutely not on brand for us at all. No, it's a good gear switch, you know, to talk about. Switch it up. Yeah. It's just to say poo and not shit is going to be a lovely change of pace.

It's for the kids. It's for the kids. Yeah. I mean, we always, we're reading the kids all the time. It's fantastic. They do. It's lush. It is lush when you're reading like a funny book and your kid laughs as well.

So hopefully our book's going to bring that to families and make kids laugh and make adults laugh as well. You know, the humour of poo bringing families together. Our kids find poo hilarious. They do, and I feel like poo isn't... It's not poo anymore. It's like its own sort of character. And our boys, just all they do is sing songs tell jokes

and call each other poo all the time and so when we got asked to do this and what we wanted it to be about the like we were like well who because how how do i love that how do i get them in the bath every night if i sit downstairs and i say right boys bath time no no If I stand at the other end of the room, next to the door, at the bottom of this, I stand next to the bottom of the stairs and I look at them and I go, and I clear my throat so they know I'm about to say something. And I go, last one in the bathroom stinks of poo. And they sprint, they sprint across the room, don't they?

And we all sprint upstairs. It's interesting to watch. It's like when puppies are behind a fence and you open the fence and they're just like, so it's like, it's interesting to watch it's like when uh when puppies are behind behind a fence and you open the fence so it's like it's great so there'll be more info coming on that soon but it's going to be called there's a poon army in my house and we're looking forward to recruiting readers to the poon army army we are doing the book with simon and schuster and we're thrilled to be part of the gallery kids launch and uh oh the sns family as it's called it's going to be illustrated by paula bowls uh

and we've seen a couple of things already it looks great i'm so excited i've seen a little illustration of what the family's gonna look like it's well excited there's gonna be like a little family two boys a mom and a dad yeah that's yeah so that'll be coming out in september yeah oh stereo e stereo how cool that's cool, isn't it? Very cool. It's a cool, cool thing. Can't wait for the kids to read it once and then not want to ever read it again. Hey, it might end up being their favourite book. You never know.

It's about power at the end of the day. They'll love it. It is, yeah. The book's going to be out in September, but it will be available to pre-order very soon. So keep an eye out on our socials, as we'll be posting on there. Yeah. So big news in our house. Robin's made up a song,

and I can't get it out of my head. Is this the, Oh my God, oh my God. What is it? He's been singing it around the house. He sings it, Rafe sings it. He's done that thing where he said he's made it up, but I don't know if it's an actual real song,

or I don't know if someone else has made it up. But his actual words that he sings is... No, he's quite good at making up songs, our Robin. This is why so he gets piano lessons right but he gets them at school we pay a little bit extra he just doesn't like them

I think it's difficult I think when something gets difficult and he can't do it straight away he's immediately raging but the thing that annoys us is he's actually

quite talented at like coming up with the lyrics and stuff so I said to him the other day I was like you know if you stuck at that you would be,

you could be really good. But my mom and dad never made me stick at anything. Oh, seeing it. Oh God, this would have annoyed you. I seen a post on Instagram. I don't know why I get bombarded with all this shit.

Cause I'm not this parent at all. Right. And it was like, how to get your child to stick at a hobby when they don't want to. I was like, why one, why are you making your child do something they don't want to do and it was like get over this barrier it'll be hard but isn't life hard and

learning how and i was like oh for god's sake seriously like just if your kid doesn't like doing something maybe like what we're trying to do with piano a couple more times sticking a couple more times still don't like it well do you day it yeah life is going to be hard enough for these kids when they're older why make them do shit they don't want to do now I do get it

yeah save yourself the money honestly he's only eight he'll get over it like he's got a couple of little other activities yeah

that he really enjoys and he actually looks forward to going to and he's going to start jiu jitsu and he's oh he's going to start jiu jitsu with his dad oh god and his cousin very exciting that was awful by the way when you put all your stuff on the other day and had to take pictures forward to going to. And he's going to start Jiu Jitsu. And he's going to start Jiu Jitsu. Woo! With his dad. Oh God.

Very exciting. That was awful by the way when you put all your stuff on the other day and had to take pictures of us. I got both of them. I got him and his little cousin a gi from,

you know, the outfit, if you will. And, yeah, what are you saying, but I thought. Because Indian butler

is called gi. Oh great. And they, I got them both theirs and I made them put them on in the house and then I quickly ran upstairs and I put mine on

and we all got a four awful horrendous one Chris one of the things recently that you've said ick at so there we go but listen

back to Robin's song the song is I can't get it out of my head right come on then it's oh my god oh my god

I see you passing by I say hi and then you die and I turn into a pie now just to deconstruct it slightly um hell of a story in there emotional roller coaster he says hi they die he turns into a pie wow i mean there's magic there's there's death there's tragedy i wonder i don't know sweet savory chicken who knows listen um the only thing is it remains you know at school someone would always say they made something up i had made something up i had a weird memory when robin said i made this up

so can you remember the first time someone told you the acronym adidas what it stands for what the joke of what it stands for i don't know the joke of what it stands for adidas you don't know what at school what everyone said Adidas stood for so my school my juniors if we didn't have to wear a uniform you could just wear trackies and that

probably rather knock it down so everyone had like puma track suits on and that as a parent absolutely not uniforms all day long

like what really strange now thinking back it must have been must have been a bad junior school yeah anyway

but why not a uniform it just makes no sense listen the don't knock the good ones down so I remember one time I was in one end of the yard so the lad I was with

had Adidas pants on and he went look what I've made up and it was Adidas A-D-I-D-A-S right tell us I'm dying to know where it is I can't believe you're hearing this for the first time.

Honestly, you might tell us and it might spark a memory, but I don't think I'd... All day I dream about sex. Oh, okay. Yeah, I do remember that. You do, no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said it, and I went...

And I went... And I was laughing. I was like, it's amazing. And he went, oh, I made it up. And I went, oh, right. And I literally sprinted off, and there was some lads in the corner who played on the football team, the juniors.

And they had boot bags. And one of them had Adidas on his boot bag. And I remember running up and going, look, look. And I went, look at this. And I went, all day I dream about sex. And it was silence. And they all went, yeah, everyone knows that. Oh, Chris.

Fuck me, it was horrible. And I ran back over and I went, you said you made that up. And he went, yeah, I did. I was like, yeah, man. Yeah, you didn't. Lying prick. That's what I would do. I would say I you made that up and he went yeah I did I did I was a year off yeah you didn't fucking lying prick that's what I would do I would say I'd made it up

when really I hadn't right it was probably honestly as a comedian probably the first time I died on my arse oh I do remember that now

sorry all day I dream about sex I loved all that kind of stuff I loved all of like the rhyme well Robin came home singing a rhyme

yeah and it was but it was oh it was the Barbie girl yeah yeah yeah the made up

because Barbie girl obviously is coming back around with the film Barbie and him and his mates someone must have made up a new song

yeah and it was just meant to hear him singing a made up song with a pop song yeah because I was like oh get in

nothing changes and then but then I sang to him I'm a Tex I'm a Tex I'm a Texas girl I live over there so far away

I can jump I can shoot I can do the hula hoop when my boyfriend comes to town there's a guy over there who winks one eye he says that he loves me

but he's telling lies because his hair ain't curly and his shoes don't shine he ain't got the money and he ain't my guy little bit shallow right what the hell is that

it's something I used to sing in school and I sang it to Robin god I hate I would hate if you were in school and I sang it to Robin. God, I hate, I would hate if you were in school. Oh, no. He couldn't be less bothered. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could not have been less bothered. It was really upsetting. Absolutely shit. Did you never sing, I'm a Tex, I'm a Tex, I'm a

Texas girl? No. Did you sing Cece, My Playmate? No. Oh. Did you do B-I-N-G-O? B-I-N-G-O. Rosie, I'm telling you now. B-I-N-G-O? Well, yeah. B-I-N-G-O. Rosie, I'm telling you now. B-I-N-G-O.

Rosie, no. He is into the rude songs now. I know. His Barbie song had balls, the word balls in it. I had to stop saying balls. He's also, which is very sad, because I thought it would have went over his head,

but he's been banned from watching The Simpsons. Because what did he say to me yesterday? She needs to learn to shut her mouth. Which, he said it to me. He said, she needs to learn to shut her mouth, which, honestly, I wholeheartedly agreed with, but I had to pretend I didn't, because I had to enforce that he shouldn't have said it.

Well. But I do believe you need to learn to shut your mouth. I will. He said it under his breath to Chris. I was absolutely raging. That is horrendous. The Simpsons has been bad. That is horrendous. I thought it went over his breath to Chris. I was absolutely raging. That is horrendous. It's the Simpsons has been bad. That is horrendous.

I thought it went over his head. Nah. It goes over Rave's head. Yeah, it totally goes over Rave's head. But I was like, he's not taking this in. But unfortunately, Robin is quite a smart lad. And yeah, little twat that he is. Oh, seething.

So that's gone. Listen, back to Adidas. Why do you keep ruining good things? Because I quite enjoyed watching The Simpsons. Can you remember when everyone started wearing Kappa? Kappa Slappa.

Yeah and so the Kappa icon another one that blew me mind the Kappa logo is two people sitting back to back. Yeah. But if you cover the top half of it it just

looks like the one with their legs up. With their legs up yeah. Just great times. Absolutely great times. Honestly we were just fed porn all the time hello me again just something really quickly if you're looking to improve

you don't need to say hello all right it's just because we turned it off we've had a whole separate conversation man life goes on i was like a phone call i want it hi it's me it's me i do that every time i ring someone i can't help it can't bear it by the way what when i do it when i when i you phone me i look at my phone it shows a photo of you and the children it says your name and i go hi i love and you go hi it's me thanks for thank you for clarifying that it's me go to just answer i've got a it's like a script hi it's me go to just answer it's like a script anyway something

if you're looking to improve your mental health right no in the new year no never something that I need to tell you from practice right get rid of your mirrored splashback behind your hob or your sink it's not doing you any good

I swear to god my mental health since we didn't since we got rid of that mirrored splash back wow fucking fantastic what a specific what it is but you don't today's mental health announcement is sponsored by lakeland you do not need to see yourself at six o'clock in the morning looking like an absolute bag of shit. I understand. It's really bad. You don't need to see yourself that much during the day. I now see myself loads less.

And then when I do, I'm like, you're not that bad. But just seeing yourself all the time on the regs, horrendous for your mental health. Yet I have to wake up and see you straight away. That's what you signed up for. I didn't. You don't look that good in the morning either. How dare you?

At least start going and get a shower and put make-up on and wash me hair and that and look ten times better. What do you do? You just look, you just smell a bit cleaner. I thought I looked great the other day. I thought I slept well. I opened the front door to your mum and your mum said, Hiya son, here you look knackered. I'd had eight hours kip.

I felt fucking great until she said that. Just these people, man, who don't have much to do nowadays, they're just... Unbelievable. Living their best life. You look knackered. So, yeah, if you...

I mean, don't go out your way like fully... I'm just saying, that might be what's getting you a bit down. So, basically, too many mirrors in places where there shouldn't be mirrors. Too many mirrors.

I know what you mean. Like, when I used to make pancakes and that mirror splashback was there and I could see myself in the morning making pancakes for the kids. Awful. Horrible. Awful.

Looked like a zombie was making their breakfast. You can't help but look. You can't help but look all the time. It's like a magpie. When something's horrible, it can't crash. You just want to look. Wow.

We've got a slightly mirrored bit above our sink, above a shelf, but you're not tall enough to see that, are you? I'm not tall enough to see it. See, I'm tall enough to see that. I have to avoid that in the morning.

Have I not been a bit better? No. Oh. You're never better. You're always awful. You're a nightmare. Just to you. I actually asked my friends the other day

if I've been a bit better. They said I've been better. Oh, great. Oh, they're getting a good end of it, aren't they? They're getting a more improved version. I get my best bits. Ah, good, yeah. I get all the fucking off cuts.

Yes. Awful. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director

Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. This Friday.

You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health

care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Le beef? You want to go first? I have to go with France again.

Yes. Oh, shut up, man. What? Oh, God. Honestly, I didn't enjoy France when I went. No offense to everyone in France. Didn't enjoy it. Not my thing.

And still to be, I don't think I've been to the right places. You haven't. I think even when I went to Paris, I think I did shit bits. I loved Paris. Loved Paris. I couldn't even I've been to the right places. You haven't. I think even when I went to Paris I did shit bits. I loved Paris. Loved Paris. I couldn't even do the full Eiffel Tower. I went halfway to the Eiffel Tower. I went to the first bit. There's like three tiers

I think or two. I went to the first bit where you can walk around the walls. I didn't go to the Eiffel Tower. Absolutely not. I didn't go. I could see it. I walked past it. I could see it. That's enough. Some beautiful parts of Paris. With a worry here of offending the entire nation it's just like a big

one of them one of them things that we've got wires on just like a big pile on yeah far away stunning don't need to go up close

I'm alright for that I touched it put your fucking put your fingers I'm alright thanks I didn't put it in my fingers that wasn't a thing when I went

plus I would have to do it I would have had to have done it with a disposable camera which you have to then work out six weeks later when you get home, or it didn't work. Did it work?

That must have been... To be fair, anyone who's got a photo of them pushing the Tower of Pisa or holding the moon or some kind of iconic landmark between their fingers, pre-'90s, they've fucking nailed that. Talent. I've never done it. No? No, there's certain things.

So I'm easily swayed by loads of things like look if you follow us on Instagram you'll know I've done loads of this shit and all that crap but there's certain trends that I go nah and I'm staunch I'm just staunchly against I imagine if you went to the Leaning Tower of Pisa you would just stand on that grass where everyone's pretending to push it just standing there going

yeah I think I would but then I'd see a flash mob and I'd go, I want to be one of them. Oh, I remember flash mobs. Oh, that was so annoying. I love a flash mob. I only saw videos of them. I never saw one in the street.

Oh, if I'd seen one in the... Oh, God. I'd love to do a flash mob. My friend Steph used to run a choir in Newcastle. Right. And they did like a flash mob choir for an engagement in Newcastle. There was And they did like a flash mob choir for an engagement in Newcastle. God.

There was a video of it. It was really good. Anyway, what's your beef with me? That's not a thing anymore. My beef with you. You do yours first because I've got a few. Oh, great. So, I don't want this beef to sound like what it does on the surface.

It's not what you initially think it is. And I'm not being a big baby. I'm not being a spoiled brat. Right? I mean. It's the way it's not what it's it's not it's not what you initially think it is and i'm not being a big baby i'm not being a spoiled brat right i mean it's it's the way it was done it's the way it was done that i've got a problem with it's not what it what what the the scene you'll see so christmas morning oh no it's like it's january yes i know but this is i had last week we were still i'll be honest with you last week it was still a bit touch and go i didn't want to sort of mention certain stuff because we're still like we'll be honest with you, last week it was still a bit touch and go. I didn't want to sort of mention certain stuff because we were still like,

we'd basically fought, we'd fought for a fortnight. Well, Chris and I, on the tour, didn't fight once at all. Yeah. We did, we had a lovely Christmas,

but the kids had a lovely Christmas and I did have a nice Christmas, but us personally, probably as a married couple, it wasn't great. No, no, no. No, it wasn't great at all. Just argued,

just argued for two weeks. Well, it's stressful. You take it out on me and I take it out on you it's worth but you know we can take it we can take it but sometimes like rave will be near me and you'll be at the other end of the room or vice versa and you can't even have a conversation because you can't hear for whatever he's doing or fucking nuts but you know it's because i think not sorry i don't interrupt me i'm sorry i can't help myself um i think we're good parents though because we're put with kids first. Oh yeah, yeah. And we, relationship wise,

we're kind of on the back burner. Yeah, relationship and work went on the back burner and we just kept them two little shits entertained for a fortnight. Anyway, listen. Core memories though.

A lot of core memories were made. Honestly, everyone, whoever came up with that phrase, core memory, I fucking hate you. I hate you so much because you've do you know what you've done

you've put even more pressure on parents no yes no the core memory was about really little things well it's just you know

they were running around the garden at one point and just laughing their heads off and having a mint time and I looked at you and I was like that's a core memory it is a core memory

they'll not remember man they will they will I swear to god there'll be certain things from your childhood that's a core memory. It is, it's a core memory. They'll not remember, man. They will, they will, I swear to God. There'll be certain things from your childhood that'll spark a memory or a smell or something and you'll go, that's me. It happens to me all the time and it really makes us remember

that I had a lush childhood. That's actually just reminded me of, remember the time you just sat there and said to me, I love remembering stuff? I do love remembering stuff. I do. I imagine that on your screen. Why do you think we live in it in the northeast still because i just love driving around places where i've been my whole life because it makes us feel safe anyone out there anyone out there applying for a job please for me put uh

on personal interest at the end of cv please put remembering stuff personal interest i like seeing my friends on weekends. I like going running and I like remembering stuff. I do. I do. I'm a nostalgic little bugger. Nostalgic little nun.

So, Christmas morning, I brought your presents through. Mountain of them. I did, Tanny. Even though we said we weren't going to buy much, but that's fine. You put a lot of work

in for the tour and you know, you did all the questions and stuff and I just felt like you needed treating so I did spoil you a little bit of Christmas.

It was much appreciated, thank you. Cut to my three presents that I had. God, you ungrateful little toad. No, so this isn't the point.

I'm just telling you there was three presents. Buzzing, buzzing, Dyson hairdryer. Yeah, so I isn't the point. I'm just telling you there was three presents. Buzzing, buzzing. Dice and hairdryer. Yeah. Love good. Take it on tour. I'm sorry.

Some boots. Really? Yes. Nice. Now listen, I want me three presents buzzing. Robin was like, Dad, I can't believe you only got three presents. I was like, oh, I'm a dad, man. He's also a spoiler.

I was like, dads don't get many presents, man. He was like, well, Mom got more. I was like, well, I wanted to spoil your mom. And he's like, all right. About half an hour later, 20 minutes later, maybe a bit more, you came through from the sitting room with another present,

and you went, eee, Chris, eee, I left this under the tree in the front room by accident. This is for you as well. And I went, oh. Now that, everyone listening, any movie you've seen, you know, any film, any TV show, any moment in your life, that's when the bad lad comes out.

I do not remember this. Listen to me. Well, exactly. That's the bad lad that comes in, right? So you brought it in. It was, look, I do like nice things in life now and then. It was the right kind of size that could possibly be. You thought it was a watch, didn't you?

Maybe like an expensive watch or something you know what I mean it looked fucking I was like and I held it and I was like oh the weight on that

that feels like it could be of a metal variety this might be this might be a posh watch right I don't remember what this was well I remember what it was because I opened it

it was the it was the pantomime it was the pantomime of bringing it through afterwards I was like this must be a big it was and don't get us wrong I do it. It was the pantomime. It was the pantomime of bringing it through afterwards. I was like, this must be a big... It was, and don't get us wrong, I do love it. It was a blue mug in the shape of a recycle bin.

Oh, yes! You bastard. No, it was the pantomime. It was the way it was done. It was the... Oh, I forgot. Oh, you know, like me mum and dad did it. Oh, check if. It was the way it was done. It was the... Oh, I forgot. Oh, you know, like me mum and dad did it. Oh, check if there's anything else in the back room.

Oh, what? Your biggest present's through there. Oh, what? A car on the drive? Oh, here's your wheelie bin mug with a lid. Thank you. It's a fucking nightmare. I tried to drink tea over the idea I burnt my cheeks.

Oh, did you? Ah, it's a skinky. You ever try to drink out of something square? Is it like an ornament? It's funny though,'t it it is funny it is funny I bought Robin a poo

a poo mug as well you got a poo emoji mug and I got a blue mini bin mug you know what it is you love recycling I bloody love recycling I know you do

put it on your desk put it in your office it was the way it was done it was the way it was done put it this way imagine we weren't married we just we've got the kids.

We've never been married. This podcast is called Shagged Annoyed. And then I give you all your presents on Christmas Day. And then I go through the room and I find a little box. And it's a little box about the size of my fist square. And I go, oh my God, there's one more present. And as you're opening it, I get down on one knee. And it's fucking, I don't know, Grey's Anatomy earrings

and I'm just on one knee going, do you like them? It felt a bit like that. Fair enough. We've never experienced that. You know the whole, when's he going to propose? Because you did it after six months. I've never had that feeling before. So I don't really understand when women are like,

still not got a ring. I don't really get it. But I can imagine it being frustrating. Well, I do believe the moment you've got to say, when are you going to but I can imagine it being frustrating well I do believe the moment you've got to say when are you going to propose I believe it's knackered I know it's

do you know what I mean yeah I feel like I think it's a line from The Office no no good relationship starts with an ultimatum

yes that's about Holly and Steve correct look doesn't matter Holly and Michael doesn't matter come on watch your beef.

Mine's pretty easy going. So you don't use sweetener anymore in your coffee because you use oat milk, which is sweeter. But then whenever you make a coffee for me, which you don't actually know what I have, which is very annoying. Changes all the time. Don't even start.

Changes all the time. Chris, it's always the same. Changes all the time. Double. Double shot. In the morning with one sweetener. Single. It used to be double with two.

It used to be double with two. Because I'm trying to get off the sweeteners. Oh, oh. So it's changed. So it's changed. So it has changed. Since last year. What?

A month ago? No. Mid 2023 when we last talked about sweeteners on the podcast. I'm not having this. And I'll find out when it was. I'm not having this. That's when I've changed. You literally just said it never changed

and then three or four words later. This is me beef. Okay, this is me beef. My beef is, you don't stir me coffee anymore because you're like, oh, because I don't, because I don't have a sweetener anymore.

Do you know what? It's so judgy. Do you know what? Make your own fucking coffee. How about that? I will, mate. I don't need to stir mine because I pour me steamed oat milk in

from such a height like they do in Morocco that? I will mate. I don't need to stir mine because I pour me steamed oat milk in from such a height like they do in Moroto that it stirs itself. Yeah. So there. Speaking of I could have another one actually. Should I have three a day?

I'll tell you what you can have a cup I'll go and do you one in the wheelie bin mug. See? See how we like drinking out of that fucking booby trap. It's got a lid.

It's got a lid for no reason. What was that Chris? It was four quid. Yeah. Well. Probably wasn't even worth wrapping up. That's... Merry Christmas, everyone.

That's the spirit. It's time for questions from the public. Questions from the public. Public. Public. I don't get sick of doing that. I love it. It's so weird.

As always, if you'd like to get in touch it's shaggedmountainhoy.gmail.com there was a moment on the tour you know where we're standing there going public in front of 10,000 people and I'm like

this is fucking stupid mad isn't it this is really stupid mad why does the tour seem like a lifetime ago I don't know because it was so intense maybe

did you miss it I love performing in front of people. I loved seeing all the people in the crowd. I loved seeing all of our listeners sitting there, singing along, smiling, laughing along, clapping along. Fucking great. Did you miss the shitting yourself before you went out there though? I was never shitting myself.

Oh God, I was. Only a couple of times. I wasn't really, I was just on that sofa. If you saw the two of us, we got pushed out on that sofa. I would neck off a bottle of Corona on that sofa. I know, but so once we're on stage, I was just on that sofa if you saw the two of us we got pushed out on that sofa I would neck off a bottle of Corona on that sofa I know but

so once we're on stage I was absolutely fine but the nerves beforehand I was like dying a little bit I'm not gonna lie it was a bit so what was a bit strange surreal I think that's the thing

we'd sit on that sofa and there was two blokes behind it ready to push it and there was two blokes in front of us holding onto the curtain and we all just seemed like no one was there

it was very like yeah really strange and 10,000 people on the other side of the curtain but then all just seemed like no one was there it was very like yeah really strange 10,000 people on the other side of the curtain but then us just sitting in silence

with four blokes yeah really weird really strange really really strange but great again thank you everyone who came

like it was mad unreal unreal right what we got this week hey what we got in the mail bag

dear Chris and Rosie I was listening to episode 250 where you discussed chris's ick about the guy who accidentally said night night when leaving the restaurant so that was only last week love him night night thought about him a lot oh god love him i bet he really regretted that i've said stuff like that i've said love you to Kashia's before, man. Yeah, of course. Bye, love you. Oh, my God. Jesus. Sorry. It triggered a memory of the cringiest interaction I have ever witnessed.

Wonderful. Whenever I recall it, my stomach still flips with secondhand embarrassment. Oh, God. Love secondhand embarrassment. Oh, I do not. Secondhand's all right, because you can sort of have the... But then you're like... And there's like a relief that it's not you.

But I know, yeah. I don't know it. I sometimes would rather it was me because I think I would be able to deal with it better. I think because we're confident people, you go, oh my God, I can't believe I just said that. But some people say things

and then don't say anything after and you go, just correct yourself. Just come on. Speak up. Correct. Like, it's all right. Oh my God. Just die.

And that kills us all. Oh, I just had a random memory right it's not about saying something it's about saying something so like i might have a slight when i talk roads i get a slightly runny nose so sometimes i pull myself away from the mic to sniff and while you were talking about being embarrassed there and i had to sniff uh-huh oh i did it um when i was doing the second series of the chris ramsey show for comedy central years ago yeah i had to go on sky news on the morning and do an interview about it and the person before us was on i don't know

what he was getting interviewed about he was getting interviewed about something and as he was talking his nose began to run oh no and he didn't sniff it up and he didn't wipe it and basically his left nostril the camera was slightly to his left and he was obviously looking to his right and his left nostril just got shinier and shinier. And I was in the green room and everyone in the green room was going, oh my God, his nose is running. Oh my God, he needs to sniff or he needs to wipe it.

And he didn't. Why didn't he? I've just sniffed it because you're talking about that. He mustn't have been on telly before and he didn't really know. Or he was so concentrated on the message he was trying to get across because he was on for something quite serious i do remember that

his wasn't a jovial i was like this sort of comic relief after that but he's in i remember there was just a woman standing next to us and she just went oh my god he needs to sniff i wipe it because it was just like it the light at a moment you would wipe it on your sleeve it was like if you glanced at it you would think is there glitter in his nostril? There was light bouncing off it so much. Oh, poor fucker. It was horrible. Absolutely horrible. Couldn't look at him when he came off.

Had to avoid him. Bad times. Poor sod. Poor snot. Poor, yeah. Poor snot. Poor snotty little Sally. Don't know what I'm talking about.

Steve, Simon, Sean, any of them. Oh, I need to teach Robin fruit and veg. I'm going to write this down. What? The game Fruit and Veg. What's that? You know, I need to teach Robin fruit and veg. I'm going to write this down. What? The game Fruit and Veg. What's that?

You know, we used to play it all the time. No? No, did I not play it with you? Oh. Play it with one of your really tall exes, did you? Oh, stop. No, Fruit and Veg, so you go through the alphabet. I was playing it the other day with Robin.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to pick a letter in the alphabet, and then using that letter letter you have to write down a fruit, a vegetable, a boy's name, a girl's name, a country, a car and an animal. And then there were some really spurious ones

as well, but they're the main ones. It's a really good game. I thought you just had to do fruit and veg. No, it's like loads of categories. Oh God, that's been expanded. I don't like that at all. This is pre-iPad life. Yeah. I've been playing Monopoly with him.

I've been playing Monopoly with him a couple of nights ago. He loves Monopoly, doesn't he? He's a fucking animal. We're raising a tycoon. I can imagine. He buys everything he lands on. He had a fucking hotel on the Strand last night. Did he?

Did he? Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Eight years old, hotel on the Strand. Fucking Donald Trump beat your heart out right come on what's this what's this pervert right whilst walking around my local town center with my dad oh sorry this is just an embarrassment i've called him a pervert there's not a pervert default went what's this perfect no i'm so sorry it's not perverted at all actually

whilst walking around my local town centre with my dad, we stepped onto the long escalator leading down to the bus station. Around halfway down, I noticed an attractive woman ascending from the opposite side. I later discovered she had been a high school crush of my dad's, which explains why he excitedly said, Tracy, hi! She replied, oh, hi John, how you doing? I later heard that he planned to charmingly say, much, hi. She replied, oh, hi, John. How are you doing? I later heard that he planned to charmingly say, much better for seeing you.

I wish he had. Instead, my dad blurted out, much better than you. Oh, that's gorgeous. Oh, that's gorgeous. Oh, that's so... Oh. Because... Because... He's... Well, he's weirdly the victim there,

but she'll never know that. By this point, the escalator had dragged both parties too far away for there to be any more conversation. Oh, God. I watched the woman's confused and offended face travel slowly away from us.

My dad turning red beside me. My insides were dying. Oh no. Oh no. God love him. So yeah. So he's basically

the victim there because in a weird way obviously she'll never know. But he's, do you know what I mean? He'll feel worse than her. She'll just feel a bit confused. He's probably still devastated about that to this day. And it's weird that the people who you fancied at school

are still always, they've still always got like a higher sort of status than you. Do you know what I mean? Nah, sort of. Stop lying to yourself. Seen a few of mine, I'm always. Stop lying to yourself. Oh, well, yeah, some of them around here have took a few of mine stop lying to yourself oh well yeah

some of them round here I've took a right fucking nose dive but I mean if they've looked after themselves you know how yeah no I totally get where you're coming from I fancied everyone

at school mate oh no honestly casting that net wide were you I was just one of them caretakers teachers dinner ladies

swimming instructors yeah all of them oh man swimming instructors they're high on the level yeah yeah yeah all of them oh man swimming instructors they're high on the level yeah yeah yeah all of them all of them

never did anything about it anyone I'll take any of you do you want to play a fruit and veg with us do you want to sing that shitty song

I was singing earlier do you want to listen to me song while everyone's leaving you know what Adidas means come back babadoo babadoo

babadoo bab hi Chris and Rosie hope you are all well I'm alright yeah fine better after not looking at my face in the mirror every day so

better than you better than you you might as well have doubled down just as the one going further in just be like you cow oh funny right okay i was listening to an episode where you briefly mentioned Dom Jolly and the antics, and the antics, is that right? Antics? What did I say?

Addicts? No, you said antics. Oh, sorry. Oh, right, man. Jesus. Sorry. Fuck you. She didn't say addicts,

but if anyone wants to know the difference between an addict and a loft, that was covered in last week's Outlaw. In a basement. Yeah. And the antics he used to get up to and this sparked

a very funny memory on Trigger Happy TV like we don't know him personally on the TV show Trigger Happy TV hello I'm in the library worst one

most iconic but that was the worst sketch I thought it was the best one are you fucking insane no I'm not insane actually and I'm fucking I'm like human what

I don't know that wasn't even you said you weren't insane and then you just made a random noise I'm not insane, actually. I don't fucking... I like humour! What? I don't know. I wasn't even... You said you weren't insane and then you just made a random noise. and I like humour, but I couldn't... Oh, you like humour. Yeah.

No, yeah, the hello, the phone one was the most iconic one and it was the famous one. It was the one everyone did all the time, but it was the least funny one. It was the least clever one. It was just a man shouting. The rest of them were fucking genius.

All right, marry him then, will you? Look, I will! Great. So this story isn't my own it's my mum's unfortunately i didn't witness this event but have been told in great detail by both my parents you should know my mum absolutely loves her coffee and visits her local coffee shop with my dad pretty much every day in the town where they live in Baconhead. Oh, Baconhead. They always sit outside as they like to watch the world go by. Oh, even in the rain.

Even in the rain, do they? Must be fucking nice. You're just gutted that someone's got time to do that. I just want, I want an idyllic life, but I want to be able to afford that idyllic life, so I have to fucking go to work. Yeah, you've got to retire. They will be retired.

That's why they go to the coffee shop every day. He said every day. They'll have retired early, though, because they'll have paid off the house because they bought it when it was fucking cheap. Booming bastards. Good on them, and I hope they enjoy themselves. No, I'm sorry.

You're so negative. Congratulations. I'm not. It's just, you know, I was talking about my soft girl era a couple of weeks ago. I want to do all that, but I just don't want to work. Right, great. But I've want to work. Right, great. But I've got to work.

Can't do that. But at the same time, I like working because I like being independent. This is what I fucking live with. This is what I live with. All right, man. Try being a woman for a fucking day, you prick. It's not even being a woman. It's being you.

It's all about being a woman, so go fuck yourself. Right, anyway, back to this lovely couple in Birkenhead. Good vibes. Now, this was a few years back. My mum and dad were sitting in happily at their regular coffee shop when a guy approached them, looking very official, and told them he was an inspector, inspecting the temperature of everyone's hot drinks.

He asked my mum if he could check her coffee. Not knowing what to do, she just said, OK. My dad sat there in silence. He's a man of few words my mother not so much so this inspector picks up my mum's coffee and proceeds to pop his finger in her god what is this obviously my mum was shocked and asked what he was doing he ignored her and then started to stand there and drink her coffee you've guessed it dom jolly had visited the dark side of merseyside to prank the unsuspecting public No way! What the fuck he thought he was doing? Quite right. of the public. My mum, being born and bred in Birkenhead, stood up and asked, and I quote,

what the fuck he thought he was doing. Quite right. He actually stayed in character and was explaining this was the official way to test the temperature. My mum stood up at this point. After calling him a cheeky bastard and all the names under the sun, she started to shout to the rest of the public he was a coffee thief. And in an attempt to shame him she announced

she was calling the police whipped her phone out and started to dial 999 brilliant meanwhile my dad is still sat there like a mute dom is choking on my mom's coffee and it's at this point all of his team come flying out of the bushes and buildings they were hiding behind to stop my fuming mom from calling the police wow after all their apologies and explaining they were filming mom was still livid and Dom sloped off as quickly as he could. Wow.

Unfortunately, this scene didn't get aired. To all of our disappointment and I doubt Dom will ever visit our town again. Wow. If true, that's amazing.

Yeah, I think it's pretty cool when you never hear about anyone who's been stopped by stuff like that. I mean, I always, like,

I can't do that. Have we talked about the prank show that I signed up for that I bottled out? Oh, yes. I don't know if we spoke about that on the podcast. I don't know if, are you allowed or not? Yeah, of course I can, yeah. See, it would have been my dream job,

but you would have died. So it was me, Rasheen Conaty, Marek Larwood, and was it Joel Dommett as well? I think it was Joel Dommett as well. And me. And we're supposed to be on the British version of Impractical Jokers. And we did one day of a warm-up for it. And we had to be in the street in London.

Apologies if you've heard the story before. We had to be in the street in London. We had to stop people and say that word. You had to earpiece in. You had to say whatever your comic friends are saying from the other thing. And I'd stand there. I was standing in the middle of the street in London with this fucking tray with crisps on. Going, oh, we're letting people try a new flavor of crisp and most people you would

try and stop them and they were just completely fucking blank because it was london my problem that i had was anyone who was nice enough to stop and give you a bit of their time you then had to be a bit of a prick with them and do whatever the weird jokes were and you had to prank them so they would stop they'd be like oh you poor guy you poor guy. You're out here letting people try crisps. What a stupid job. It's a miserable day. I'll stop, and I'll try a crisp, and I'll give you some of me time.

And then I had to be a shit to them, and I couldn't do it. I went back to the hotel. I had a full-on panic attack. Oh, no. And I phoned my manager, and I went, you need to get someone else to do this show. I can't do it.

I can't do it. How can you be a prick to people who you know, then? But you can't do it to random members of the cast. Wow. And they got Paul McCaffrey instead, and he was fucking amazing. I remember watching the show and going, right, that...

The right person got it. The right person got that job. That is the best, best possible casting. See, I love stuff like that. I couldn't do it. I could not handle it. Oh, bless you. I can't do Vox Pops.

No. I can't do anything like that. I feel like everyone just thinks I'm a prick. Vox Pops is when people stop you in the street and want to interview you. Yeah, you interview people. You interview members of the public on camera. No, no, no.

I love doing that, though. I love doing that. Can't bear it. We tried to do it for the pilot of the TV show. Yeah, vetoed it, didn't I? And Chris was like, I can't do this. Vetoed it. And I really enjoyed it.

Takes years off me life. Years. Not each to their own, innit? How can you be a prick to people you know, though? Unbelievable. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Happy New Year and all that shit. Oh, yeah.

Yep. Please keep me anonymous for fear my husband may divorce me if he found out what I'm about to confess. Juicy. Yeah. My husband and I have three children, 16, 16 13 and a very intense five-year-old we both enjoy going to the gym and i used to go to the gym in my lunch hour because she works at home however when the shit we created one drunk night started school i had to drop my lunch time

as nine hour work hours just talking about the kids all right so the shit that they created one drunk at night wow so i started going to the gym at 6 a.. So the shit that they created one drunken night. Wow. So I started going to the gym at 6am in the morning in brackets killer while my husband goes in the evenings on the days I go so we still get quality time

as well. Yep, 19 years together and we still like each other most of the time. That's good. Weird. In November In November

I sustained an injury meaning I couldn't go to the gym. After a few weeks in a lot of pain I I finally gave in to my husband's constant, will you go and see someone for fuck's sake, moans. So I went to see someone who said I had ligament damage and water-based exercise will do it the world of good. Swimming?

Swimming, like water, like, you know, like an aerobics class, water aerobics or something like that. Right, okay. Yeah. Water-based exercise. What? Just sounds like something someone says to buff up their word count. Do you think?

Yeah. I do my water-based exercise. Swimming. Yeah. Swimming. I know that swimming's really good for you. And I used to do it. I used to swim for South Tyneside when I was younger.

And I know it's a really good exercise. But I think because you don't sweat, I don't feel like you do anyway. I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly. I've it's really good exercise but I think because you don't sweat I don't feel like you do anyway I know exactly what you mean I know exactly and our local pool is fucking freezing by the way

oh I know it is so cold keeps you going though doesn't it I know exactly what you mean I can't bear swimming I hate swimming so much

boring yeah it's really boring and I don't think I've ever been able to do it properly I always have a bad neck and I don't like I've ever been able to do it properly. I always have a bad neck and I don't like the feel of it afterwards. It's never something I would ever do.

Not a swimmer. I'm not a swimmer. I'm not a swimmer and I'm not frightened to say it. Listen, no one's going to harm you. So my husband found out the gym we go to has aqua fitness classes and suggested I give it a go.

To add here, we both love going to the gym. He isn't toxic or anything i was just being a twat about not being able to do the one thing i do for me and he was finding a solution right okay so he wasn't forcing no no no that's fine not like you when i put on my baby weight on and i said have i put on weight and you went well yes you have and i died a little bit inside right but it was actually the kick up the arse that I needed so thank you I'm gonna sound like your eye prick now but like you would genuinely I think sometimes you can

lie I think when you're in a relationship you can kind of lie and and say things but actually right so the difference is you would whenever you say do I look good? How do I look? I'd always say, you look beautiful, you look fantastic, you look great. I do remember this moment, and you were like, look, have I put on weight? What was I supposed to say? That wasn't a, do you look great?

Do you think I look good? Do I still look lovely? Do you still fancy us? All of those would have been a yes. Facts. Listen, it was a casual five stone. It was nothing major casual

unnoticeable five stone it was now no I'd put it actually did you put five stone on when I had Robin I did yeah

well yeah and then then when he was born I think I lost a stone I think he was he was nearly a stone he was beast and then yeah four stone yeah he's so heavy think I lost a stone I think he was he was nearly a stone yeah he was beast

and then yeah four stone yeah he's so heavy now I know so when I take them up the back and by the way

I genuinely stick up for you here because I was actually fully blown asking I was like look because I knew I had and I think I just needed like

you know I needed a kick up the backside and it did give us a kick up the backside okay we can take all this out if you want because I don't want it to feel bad no I will file this under and I think you know, I needed a kick up the backside and it did give us a kick up the backside. Rosie, again. We can take all this out if you want because I don't want you to feel bad.

No, I will file this under and I think, you know, again, not to make this a man-woman thing, but I think every man out there will know. We'll file this under. Listen, Chris, if I don't go on the treadmill, remind us to go on the treadmill. Chris, remind me to go on the treadmill at night.

You fucking think I'm stupid enough to remind you to go on the treadmill. you fucking think I'm stupid enough to remind you to go on the treadmill you might as well be talking to the wall because there is no chance I'm reminding you to go on the treadmill because that is a bees nest that is a trap it is a wasp's nest no it's a nest

of snakes it's all kinds of nests with stings in it I'm not doing it I am great at going on now I actually really enjoy it god fucking endorphins. Endorphins have finally made sense. Yeah. Now,

that's how miserable I am. Can you believe that? That's so, everyone's like, it gives you endorphins. I never believed it because actually I was quite happy. But now I'm really miserable and sad.

I go on the treadmill, I feel loads better. I think the word you're looking for was young. You were quite young. Yeah, yeah, you're right actually. You don't need endorphins when you're young because you've got them all over your body. But now

I need to kick up the arse. And it does make us feel better. This is another thing. But anyway. So he hasn't forced her to go to the thing. No, no, he's just said, look, there's an acrobat because it'll make you feel better. The only issue is the classes are evening so we have,

so we swapped and he does the early gym while she does the evenings, okay? So the first class came around and off I went. Well, it was fucking awful.

I was surrounded by the older generation, a lot older than me, who were farting in the water all the time. How did you know? What do you mean farting in the water?

It just says, I'm also really tall. So she was freezing her tits off as it was all over her body. Got out of that pool after the first class swearing, I'm never doing that bag of shite again. How did she... Like, I would not... So there's just bubbles coming out of everyone's arse.

She says here, it'll tell you here, as I got home with every intention of telling my husband how awful it was and how I swear Doris next to me has an intolerance to something. As no one needs to... It's like a fucking jacuzzi in there. That's what she's put. No one needs to fart that much in a 45-minute session.

I felt like I was in a jacuzzi, not a swimming pool with all the bubbles this woman was creating. You fart smell more in water. You ever fart in the bath? Oh, yeah. God, it stinks, doesn't it? The first time I smelt a fart from the bath, I couldn't believe the science of it.

Oh, God. Mangy. Yeah, outstanding. I walked in and stopped. She's walked home, right? She's got in. I walked in and stopped. The five-year-old was in bed.

There was an air of calm around the house. My tea was there ready to be heated up. The house tidy, the kitchen clean. As I looked around, it suddenly hit me. This is what it is like every time that fucker, in brackets, my husband, comes back from the gym. Got you. He approached me with a glass of wine and a smile, asking how it was. Looking over his shoulder and making sure I had correctly assessed the situation,

I looked my husband dead in the eye, smiled, took the wine and said, it was really good. I enjoyed it. Great, he exclaimed, probably happy that I wasn't going to have to listen. He wasn't going to have to listen to me moaning anymore about how I don't get to do anything for me being injured. So you're going to go again then, he said. Every night.

Taking a sip of wine, I nodded and said i sure am babe thanks for finding the class thinking to myself am i fuck so for the last no no i love her for the last seven weeks i have been going to the gym three to four times a week in the evenings over tea and bedtime and i sit in my car. Oh, you fucking snake. It says here, I have to actually go to the gym as we have a family share locations because we've got teenagers.

So in brackets it says, rules for teenagers to have phones and those fuckers would grass me up. And I can't sit in the cafe for fear of being seen by friends. So I sit in the car with my heated seats listening to a podcast without interruption wow or i watch one of my shows and she loves the real housewives

how good is that you absolute shithead cheeky little hour in our car wow i'm genius wow in massive capital letters it says i am living my best life. Goodness me. And I love her. Yeah. But then what about when he's like, how's that rehab going? Why aren't your legs sorted yet? Why is it still knackered?

Doris. We'll worry about that later. Doris. We'll worry about that later. Just breathing in Doris's thoughts. That reminds me of something the lads told me. We went out with all our friends over the Christmas. It was a massive big squad. It was a great night. And I was sitting with all the lads told me we went out with all our friends over the christmas and it was a massive big squad of all went over it was a great night and i was sitting with all the lads in the corner and one of them said that back in the day two of them had signed up to go that chris and

billy had both signed up to go to the gym right and they used to go regularly with each other and then billy didn't want to go anymore so chris kept bringing him going you come to the gym and he went oh i was big but i went earlier on mate i've just finished i went earlier on and every single night for about nine weeks he rang him i text him going he go to the gym again he was going oh no i'm going later i can't make this one i'm going earlier on saying that he was going at different times and he just hadn't been going and he didn't realize billy didn't realize that chris lived next door to the woman on reception oh so after about nine weeks chris just went to the woman he went yeah could you do us a favor and tell us the last time billy such and such came in this gym nine weeks ago

amazing I was sitting on my bike and he went, I didn't know it was his fucking next door neighbour. Can't get away with that. Oh, it was really good. Really good. Once again, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag, Married, Annoyed, which is part of the Acast Create The Network. Yes, thank you, thank you. And we will be back in your ears next week and don't forget

keep an eye out for the announcements and more details about our kids book oh yeah very exciting times there'll be no shits fucks

buggers cunts or nothing in that it'll be all no language no bad language there's the press release written

good stuff Jesus bye Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every

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