Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 252. Taste the Rainbow

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

This week on the podcast the Ramsey's talk cold calling, pyjamas in public and the difference between a hall and corridor (thank you Chris). Rosie has beef with Chris' whistling and the pair discuss who wears the trousers. The answer is BOTH of course. QFTP's take a sweet turn in the worst possible way. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.

Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.

Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. 666 is the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday.

Gets it gets now. Hello, you're listening to Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Hope you're all right. Are you all right? Do you know, I hate to be that person, but it's a bit chilly. Yeah.

It's a bit cold. Yeah. Really cold this week. Just don't like being cold. Well, for anyone who saw Rosie's Instagram this week before we recorded the episode, and to let you behind the curtain now, Rosie is currently sitting,

looking like someone trying to avoid the fine while getting on an easy jet flight by wearing all their clothes in the airport. You've got two pairs of socks on, you've got leggings on, you've got a hot water bottle between your legs, you've got a big, thick jumper with a dressing gown on top of it

with what I can see, some kind of sort of gym top coming through and covering your hands. Yes. I mean, you've never looked better. Thank you. And by better, I mean terrible. Great.

Yeah. You look like in the 90s, when a man would come out in the street shouting and screaming because he'd been kicking the ball off the fence on the garage door. Oh. Hey, here, here. Get that fucking ball away from here. The band's a band.

That's you. Oh, see, I grew up on a main road so you grew up in like I grew up on a estate I was on a estate didn't you so you would have known that I never I never had that

you look like this if you were standing in the street if you went and just stood out in the street now someone would stop and ask if you're alright because you look like there's been a fire

or you've been locked out or there's been a burglary or your house has fell down I do yeah yeah yeah that's what you look like you look like something terrible's happened oh my gosh I forgot to tell you i was at the supermarket the other day and people were in their jamas that hasn't happened for a while in their pajamas because the bandit you remember the bandit special well obviously wearing the i know the bandit on the school pickup

no the bandit in supermarkets as well pajamas this was about three or four years ago do you remember when it was the height right so the height of wearing Jarmas to the supermarket was about ten years ago and then about four years ago

around here they kind of like tried to ban it sorry for anyone around the world who doesn't know what Jarmas is Jarmas is pyjamas

pyjamas sorry about that and then just I was in I was in Asda last week rogue little Asda trip and there was a full family

in the Jarmas it was one o'clock in the afternoon and I thought how where full family in the dramas it was one o'clock in the afternoon and I thought how where full family though I mean you've got the full set mum dad two kids

I'll allow whole family I will allow one person on the row and I won't allow but a full family they're making a statement there I know they're sticking it to the man

they're making the statement of I'm not fucking bending my legs to take off these trousers and put on a different pair but I will walk around Asda no I'm not I'm not okay with it I'm not fucking bending my legs to take off these trousers and put on a different pair but I will walk around as they're no I'm not I'm not okay with it I'm not all right and I am such a slob I'm such a slob you know I am right oh laziest person I've ever met but I'm not okay with wearing your pajamas to go around the supermarket yeah put your clothes on I would

love to know how when they banned it they must have lifted the ban or they must have relaxed it I don't think it was a full ban Chris if i'm honest with you how they enforce it though that'll be my how fucking gutted would you be if you were walking around the supermarket and someone came up went sorry sir no pajamas and you went what this it's just me clothes what the fuck and they're like sir come on no pajamas come on wipe the sleep out your eye finish your horlicks and fuck off some designer clothes some designer clothes look like javasus to be fair if Pharrell Williams in his lounge wear turned up at our local Asda

they'd have him out of there for having his Jarmus on I'm telling you they'd be like oh you you get them off now

slip us I've worn and I've come down and you're like are they your pyjamas and I'm like absolutely not yeah

that would be such a kick in the dick if the Asda security guard thought that your expensive tracksuit or that your expensive tracksuit or just your favourite tracksuit or your slightly washed out tracksuit was pyjamas.

I think they'd probably have a little sign up in the dressing room, I was going to say, in the office saying, you can normally tell the pyjamas if they've got a character on or hearts or lightning bolts. Do you know what I mean?

Look out for them things or say something like, don't wake me unless you've got a coffee. Right, that's, they're pajamas. They are definitely pajamas.

Excuse me, how dare you? These are my tracksuits with little sleepy teddy bears on. This is my little sleepy teddy bear tracksuit. This is what I do when we're training in.

I look down and if I'm ever going to do a set, do less reps in a set, I look down and I go, look, don do a set, do less reps in a set, I look down and I go, look, don't be a sleepy little teddy bear. Do the set. Do the...

Yeah, do the clothes. Yeah, so... No, put your clothes on. I wear. Honestly, like, no, I'm sorry. Put your clothes on. In my head now... It'll take you five minutes to get changed.

In my head now, in the office in Asda, they've got photos of people in their pyjamas. A lot like the pub watch poster that used to be in where you had people who weren't allowed in the pub. Just these? Yeah, just people in pyjamas. These cosy little fuck-ass people! These lazy,

cosy, warm... See, these lot, they come in, they're snug as a bug in a bloody rug, I tell you that and I want them out of here I want them out of here right now they are bringing

this establishment down everyone looks at them they want to fall asleep nah but I honestly it doesn't bother me go shopping in your pyjamas I don't care oh no

no fucking no nah it doesn't bother me no kids and that I can allow kids kids if they want to be in their job that's absolutely fine

like you know there's been loads of times when the kids were little would dress them in the pyjamas if we're going somewhere we knew we were going to be in their job that's absolutely fine like you know there's been loads of times when the kids were little would dress them in the pyjamas if we're going somewhere when you were going to be late and blah blah blah grown adults

at one o'clock in the afternoon in their pyjamas to his mother's nah I'm not okay with it as long as as long as they're nowhere near isn't touching us

which goes for the rule for everyone in shops oh no I'm just not okay with it just get cheated oh fuck no nah nah what about turning up

to work in your pyjamas? No. Unless it's red-nosed or children in need. What are you doing in this instance? What is this? This podcast?

I've just got a dressing gown on because I'm cold and this is my house. Do you want us to run up to the one stop? Okay, all right. You're okay with it, right? Yeah. I'm going run up to the one stop? You're okay with it right?

I'm going to go to the shops now Dressing this With you That's different You're representing me It's not okay with it now is it? Random fuckers doing it in the shops I couldn't give a fuck I barely look up from my shopping list

In the supermarket You don't have a shopping list How dare you How dare you I'm sorry the list I best shopping list yeah which I have to rearrange we've been over this before

I have to rearrange it so that it flows with the shop you know depending on what shop I'm going to I know the route I know where bread

and eggs and all the different things are oh god I'm all over it prop my shop slags us we'll just go to the mall

haven't got a favourite but you've always got to use the same bags we've been over this now listen it is episode 252, 252. Exciting times. Thank you for being here.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for sticking with it. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is my brand new, my brand new way of getting out of cold calls, which I'm very, very proud of. Oh, is this what you told me yesterday?

Everyone, get a pen, write this down. Your phone rings, you don't know the number. Hello? Bit of silence while they wait for it to click on because they've got like six calls going on. Hello?

Hello? Yeah, hello? Oh, hi, it's Heather from EE. I want to talk about your plan. How are you today? Fuck you, Heather! No, see?

Stop ringing it. No, see, no. That's not, it's just our job. I understand there are a bunch of bastards, but it's just our job. So this is how bunch of bastards but it's just a job so this is how you get out of it this is how you get out of it guys write it down right hello hello it's heather

from ea on talk about your plant how are you today i'm absolutely fine yeah how are you yeah i'm fine thanks one thing heather i'm on a train so i might lose sick phone down oh bye heather she'll not ring back i'm on a train yeah. I do it in the house. I do it wherever I am. I've been walking around Asda telling people I'm on a train. Put the phone down. That is good. Oof.

Okay, I'll try that. You are welcome. So I've gone a little bit further sometimes and I've done the whole, I'm going to... Yeah. Chris Packer, the receiver. Because I can't just...

I don't want to be nasty to people. Yeah, I know. Because like you say, it is their job and it's not their fault do you know what would be a good one yeah

yeah Heather two seconds yeah sorry I'll try and listen but I'm just mountain climbing at the minute that would be a good one yeah did I never tell you

I must have told you this years ago when my mum used to get she'd pick up the house phone when I lived at home and she'd get calls from companies and she would kick off

she'd be like they're always ringing it's a pain in the arse by the way your mum and dad up the house phone when I lived at home and she'd get calls from companies and she would kick off. She'd be like, oh, they're always ringing, it's a pain in the arse. By the way, your mum and dad love their house phone. Oh. My 86-year-old nana got rid of her house phone.

Oh yeah, my mum and dad still got their house phone. Love it. Still answer it like it's a hostage city. Hello? Like they're waiting for the ransom.

Like they're waiting for the hostage taker to phone with the ransom. Hello? Even though... Who is... Hello, who is it? Yeah, but they get dead cocky when it's one of us

because it must recognise your numbers and your mum goes, Hello, Rosie. And I'm like, All right, hi, Anne. Do you know mobile phones do that? And then obviously she says, Hello, Rosie,

because you're off your face. You go, Hi, it's me. Yeah, just said it. Anyway, I remember once, it was quite a nice little human moment. I don't know if I've told you this before. I came in the house. I think I came in from school.

And my mom was on the phone and she was like, no, I'm happy with the energy provider or whatever she was saying. So I knew it was there. So I ran in for a laugh. And I was like, you, you, you, you're told you, you're not allowed to use this phone, I've told you. And I like put the thing down on my finger and she started laughing her head off and she put the phone down and about a minute later,

the phone rang and it was the woman on the other end who'd been on the phone and I said, I just heard what happened there, are you in danger? Oh, you've told me that before.

And she went, oh no, it's my son being an idiot and I was like, do you know what? That's nice. Fair enough. Yeah,

scammers wouldn't do that. fair enough scammers wouldn't do that oh scammers wouldn't do that they don't have hearts Chris they don't have hearts she's dead so is her bank account move on yeah

so there we go bastards by the way if you're a scammer and you're listening to this and you work in one of them fucking call centres scamming the old people

shame on you shame shame shame well when they nearly got me for the bank one I remember I was chatting the last

for ages I was making a laugh and everything and then when I clicked on and went look I'm not going to transfer any they nearly got me for the bank one, I remember I was chatting with her for ages. I was making her laugh and everything. And then when I clicked on and went, look, I'm not going to transfer any money. I'm going to the bank. She was like, right. She put the phone down. I was like, we were mates for a bit.

I know. I know. It's happened to me before. Piece of shit. Arseholes. We don't like you at all. Yeah. If you're a scammer, we're going to play a jingle.

And while the jingle's playing, you fucking think about what you've done with your life. Yeah, exactly. Have a good, hard think. Exactly. Bastards. We had a fight about the jingle jingle

We couldn't settle on a jingle jingle So this is the jingle jingle We hope you like the jingle jingle Jingle! We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bap. Jingle!

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Maridanoid. If you're a crook scammer, we hate you. We kept ranting about them while I was exporting that file. Yeah, awful. Now, listen, Rosie. Yes. Inundated I've been. Inundated.

Okay. People thanking us, praising us for telling them the difference between a loft and attic and a basement and a cellar. Right. You will have no idea. Honestly, over three people have tweeted me saying thank you for telling me the difference.

Exed. Tweeted. I'm not saying exed. No. Until he brings the cars out on the right side drive, right hand drive in this country again, you can stick your ex up your arse, Elon. It's Twitter and it'll always be Twitter. I'm not saying X. Until he brings the cars out on the right-hand drive in this country again, you can stick your X up your arse, Elon.

It's Twitter, and it'll always be Twitter. I don't go on it, to be totally honest with you. Well, look, listen. Honestly, the mailbag was full. So by popular, popular demand, extreme popular demand, here's another installment. What, is this about sellers?

The difference between a corridor and a passage. Are you for real? Why am I slightly interested? Right, come on then. I knew you would be. You know I like houses. A passage or a passageway are the same thing, whether inside or outside,

while a corridor is the same, but mostly inside. Yeah. Though it can, in some contexts, refer to a thin piece of land which provides access from one country to another. Hall and hallway are again two ways of saying that same thing. Oh. You're welcome. Okay.

Thank you. Passageway, passage, inside. Inside. Inside or outside. Inside or outside. Corridor, same thing but just inside. Right. So passage is more outside. You've got to complete your wrong. Passage and passageway is more outside. Yeah. Okay. Corridor, same thing, but just inside. Right, so passage is more outside.

Passage and passageway is more outside, yeah. Corridor's inside. What do we say? Passage. In the passage. Yeah, you don't say, I was in the corridor outside my bedroom. But it might be a northern thing,

but it starts in the passage outside. Yeah, but where's the wrong? Where's the pile of clean clothes? It starts in the passage outside the bedroom. No, because the passage can be inside and out. Did you listen to the lesson? I did. Did you listen to the lesson?

I did, but surely you should use the one that's the one inside more, because passage can be inside and out. Did you listen to the lesson? I did. Did you listen to the lesson? I did, but surely you should use the one that's the one inside more, like corridor. Yeah, but who's saying corridor? Like a school. School's a corridor. Yeah.

Don't say passage at school. Because it's bigger. Yeah, because it's big. You go, see, it's down that corridor. I think a corridor's a bit grander from where we're from. Yeah.

Yeah. So we're just passage. Yeah. Right, okay. Nice one. So there we go. Look, we're all learning. Thank you.

Genuinely, I enjoyed that. Thank you. And, you know, I'm busy doing up my mum's house at the passage. Yeah. Right, okay. Nice one. Look, we're all learning. Genuinely, I enjoyed that. Thank you. And, you know, I'm busy doing up my mum's house at the minute. Yeah. And now we'll use that to the builders. Very good. Oh, my God, did I tell you, my mum? No.

The builder was there and we're just chatting through what she wants and that and she was saying. And you know when she uses big words? Because she is quite intelligent, my mum. Yeah. But me and the builder were like, what word was it that she said? Oh, she used the wrong word. No, it was the right word,

but it was just so unnecessary. I mean, what was it that she said? Oh, can I ring her? If you want. Sorry. She'll probably kick off. She's got rave. She'll be like,

I'm messing with you, Ben! You'll be on an iPod. I'm busy with you Ben he'd be on an iPod Sandra mum dead quick what was the word that you used to me in the builder

for the window space at the back of the house aperture aperture yeah okay what does it mean

well it's an opening isn't it okay alright well it's some opening, isn't it? Okay. All right. Wow. Some sort of like opening space aperture in something. Okay.

Just checking. All right. Love you. It's really okay. Bye-bye. Bye. Oh, she's hung up on us. Bitch.

She's obviously not okay. Change of subject. Great. I've got no sick. I'm full of it. Sorry, main rave on the train. We've got no sick. So, no. She's used aperture for no reason she just

we're talking about the fact that she's going to be raging she blates you on the podcast and she was going so yes we're going to have the window there

and then see that aperture there and I was like you mean that that gap that space that was that word of the day

boggle working out for you aperture I was like alright okay great aperture that's fantastic Paul the Biller was like, all right, okay, great. Aperture. That's fantastic. Pull the bill. I was like, she harried.

Can we also talk about the fact that we're getting your mum's bathroom done in the house. Yeah. And we asked her if she wanted a lovely roll-top bath and she said no because I feel like I'm drowning when I'm in one. The exact word she used was, every time I used to go in yours, I got a bit scared. Your mum is so little that a roll top bath is like a pool for her. Okay, but she's only an inch.

She loves to think. She's an inch smaller than me. She's not that much smaller than me. She literally was like, I used to just be scared in them baths. They were too big. So literally we had to type in little baths. Little baths.

And she's not getting a roll top bath anymore. She's getting like a proper... I'll tell you what she's getting. Well, I said... I'll tell you what she's getting and she'll love it. She's getting one of them freezing cold foot baths that you used to get at the swimming pool where you'd walk through it before you went to the swimming pool.

Oh, with the proper, like the sterile stuff in. Just a big square lump that's about six inches deep. It's freezing and she can have that. She can stand and she can Victorian wash in that. Ungrateful fucker. Oh don't. I said to her, I was like, mum if you get a roll top bath

and you don't like it, that bath will never get used. So she's just in our flat at the minute she's got like a normal standard, bog standard size bath yeah yeah she loves it I was like just get one of them please for the love

of god well you're like what you're like remember when we got her a car and it was and I had to I spent three weeks convinced now that automatic was better

than manual oh she didn't sleep she wouldn't know she went I'm losing sleep I'll not be able to drive it and you know I will never forget love at a

bit one of the stupidest things anyone's ever said to us was, she said, she went, but I really like changing gears. Do you? Do you? Well, why have you got,

I'll tell you what, let's go one further. You got a washing machine. Do you not like going outside and fucking rattling up and down that washboard and using a stick in a big bucket of hot water? Yeah, nutter. Oh, bless that. I like changing gears.

What? No one likes, maybe Jeremy Clarkson probably likes changing gears what no one likes maybe jeremy clarkson probably likes changing gears i think my mom as well god love her i think she's still stuck in like 1993 when she ran a family of five and she did all the cleaning in this big house and bloody blah because she's getting it is it is a house that she's going to be moving to so it's not a flat anymore but we're looking at toilets. And I didn't even think about this, right? But, I mean, she's got a point.

But at the same time, she doesn't have a family of five anymore. She lives on her own. The toilet I sent her, she was like, I don't want that toilet. I was like, why? I was like, it's a nice toilet. She's like, see them bolts on the bottom? They're a nightmare to clean. I was like, how many people do you think are going to be visiting

your upstairs bog? Like, it must just be the mindset of like, well, there'll be 19 pisses in that a day. There won't be.

Once she's in there, my kids aren't sleeping here anymore. They're staying there. I'll pop round for an hour a day to see them and I'll come back here. It's going to be fantastic.

Can't wait. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah't wait so tiny little update on the book by the way the children's book uh all the text is completely done and we are now just waiting for the illustrations and we will share them with you including the front cover as soon as we can but we're very very proud of it and very excited it's it is good chris i'm thinking i think it's really good you're all gonna love it and we hope your kids are gonna love it and it's still available for pre-order on amazon and all the other book places so there you go it'll be out it's out in september as well and a massive thanks to everyone who's pre-ordered already we've got the top of the top of the charts and i'm so over the weekend it was amazing we really appreciate it thank you thank you thank you so you know when we get emails and people say they have like something

sparks off a random horrible memory i can't remember what it was that sparked this memory for me but i had one the other day okay i think it was because i used to work in an office and i was watching the american office and obviously loads of like really cringe awful things happen on the you know on the office and I just must have been thinking about that and I was in the shower and a memory popped into my head and it was so awful. I literally went like,

to try and get the memory out of my head. Okay. Right, really embarrassing. Right. So, it was, I must have been 17. Yeah, because I used to drive to this job. So I must have been 17.

Was it the Inland Revenue? Yeah, it was the Inland Revenue. I worked there as well. We were on different shifts. I was on night time shifts. You were on day time shifts. I started at seven o'clock in the morning i used to get in on a night and immediately get bollocked every single day by the lady whose desk i used to sit at on a night because

apparently the desk it was always messy apparently once you got in the next day she was like you need to look after my desk every day i got a bollock off that was incredible um so a load of work there it was basically like it was like a fucking youth club we all just it was just people at college working there on a night now one lad

was the lad who could sort of get your dodgy films and that before just anyone could get them do you know what I mean and he did

quite a good line in pornography as well so well this is back to this when you couldn't just get it on the internet

it was like you could get them like you know you had to know someone who could get you couldn't just get it on the internet it was like you could get them like you know you had to know someone who could get you a copied fucking DVD it was ridiculous

sadly pass me by I didn't know anyone with dodgy porn don't know if it was a girl thing possibly more of a girl thing we're just sad

because porn's nice for everyone but maybe back then I wasn't that arsed well one lad I think if I remember rightly

he was called Pete and his mate was called Jamie class lad oh Pete porn Pete porn I remember rightly, he was called Pete and his mate was called Jamie in the class. Ah, Pete! Porn Pete! Porn Pete!

Porn Pete! Porn Pete! Yeah, Porn Pete! From Pottery Road. Peter's Pete! Peter's Porn Pete! Don't, never heard of him.

I think it was Pete and Jamie, I think anyway. So, I remember, I think it was something like, I said, I said to him,

like, bring them in tomorrow or whatever and I'd give him the tenner or whatever and I was like, bring them in tomorrow and then I was like'd said to him like bring them in tomorrow or whatever and I'd give him the tenner or whatever and I was like bring them in tomorrow and then I was like oh no I'm not in tomorrow

I think I had a night off you were telling me you were buying porn when you were 17 I must have been yeah yeah dirty little rat bag listen

how dare you judging me in your fucking seven layers of clothing what kind of porn was it oh just pretty basic worst

nah the worst like yeah animals, cars I'm joking so anyway I basically said I said to Jamie I was like

yeah mate I was like do us a favour mate tell Peter Cross there that I'm not in tomorrow so bring the porn in on Friday but do it discreet

and Jamie went yeah yeah no bother Pete Robsey says bring the porn in on Friday I fucking nearly do it discreet and Jamie went yeah yeah no bother Pete Ramsey says bring the porn in on Friday I fucking nearly died

I went so red I'm going a little bit red now you've never told me that it was the it was so awful and everyone in the whole office looked

did they all know that Pete well yeah I think a few people did but everyone I had nothing to say and I'm quick. I've always been quick on my feet, but I was just literally like, erm, no, what? No, aww.

What? Bright, bright. He fucking bellowed it across the office. And then he just went back to his work and I was just like, yeah, but very funny. Very, very funny. Hats off to him. But it popped in my head the other day

and I got I was 17 again and I got so embarrassed because I think nowadays with kids and that porn it's just so normal I think so accessible

so accessible but back in the day when I was 17 we still didn't have broadband in my mum and dad's street that's why we were the last people to get broadband

do you know all my friends used to go on online gaming during the summer holidays and I just used to have to go and knock on other know all my friends used to go on online gaming during the summer holidays and I just used to have to go and knock on other people because they just used to sit on their own

we didn't have internet because my mum and dad were tight and we just never got it I remember at one point bartering when I thought

we were going to get cable but we couldn't it was like 30 quid a month or something ridiculous like that which was all my friends had it but it was so fucking expensive

me mum and dad were like no chance I remember saying to my mum I dad were like no chance I remember saying to my mum I'll not take dinner money to school and you can just keep me dinner money and you

can pay for the internet with that that's how desperate that was that's tragic how much dinner money did you get I'm sure we've

talked about this two pound a day yeah yeah this is when Greg sausage rolls were 25 pence oh yeah yeah yeah

yeah this was two pound could get you were you not at the fish and chip shop all kinds not every day no even at like you not at the fish and chip shop? All kinds. Not every day, no. Even at like 14,

I remember thinking, fish and chips every day is fucking a bit much, isn't it? We used to go on Friday. Yeah. Me mate, Marianne was uncle. Oh, no, it wasn't Marianne. Hang on, you weren't allowed out for dinners,

you liar. Until year 11. Oh, yeah, your school wasn't allowed out until year 11. Well, I was on free dinners. I was on free dinners. Yeah.

For like about four years of comp when you used to have to line up at the bottom of the stairs and get your little thing is this because you family's income

required free dinners or is it because as we know well documented you were best friends with all the dinner ladies no it's the first one just checking

just checking my dad went back to uni and the yeah claiming income support yeah so I got free dinners which is great and then just checking just checking my dad went back to uni and yeah claiming income support yeah so I got free dinners which is great

and then in year 11 no year 11 oh my gosh I was still on free dinners but I had a job wow

so I used to pay to go out for my dinner whoa I know did you did you used to sell the free dinner pass I didn't you know

I wasn't that savvy used to just go go to waste so we used to sell the free dinner pass? I didn't you know I wasn't that savvy Used to just go Go to waste So we used to go On a Friday Ozzy and me friend Me best friend at school Her uncle owned the Pizza Planet

And we used to go there for free What? Chips and gravy on a Friday Good God Free? So you were still on free dinners? Free? I don't So what the fuck was all that shit about a job?

It doesn't matter. What's that my job for? Because that paid for my bakery goods. Oh, your bake goods. Of course, yeah. A load of bake goods. Lee's Bakery, Tinder. Why, aye?

Great. Oh, that's still open, that. It's lush. Yeah. I often think about it. I do. I often think about it I love

honestly I love if Robin ever comes in to me complaining about dinners I'm like you don't know you're born I loved school dinners sorry the school menus

every school he's been at the menus fucking hell I'm like can I come in I know god get curry in that meatballs and pasta chicken tikka masala fish and chips on a Friday.

It's unbelievable. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Beef. Go on, the ladies first.

What is your beef with me? My beef with you is that you whistle out of tune. You might have had this before. Have I? Or have you? I don't know. Maybe. You've done that you whistle out of tune. You might have had this before. Have I? Or have you? I don't know. Maybe. You've done that I can't sing.

No, you can't sing. Well, yeah. Maybe I have actually. And I can't even whistle. No, you whistled the other day and I wrote it down on my phone. Oh my gosh, maybe I have done it before. It's really out of tune. I didn't think you could whistle wrong.

Wow. Give us a tune. Okay. Do. I can feel your new horizon. Oh. Give us a tune. Okay. Do. I can feel your new horizon. Oh, that's fucking difficult. How can I whistle that? Oh, well, do.

Happy birthday. Fuck me. I don't know. All right. Wait, whistle. Whistle. That is so hard to do. Are you fucking kidding me?

Chris, that is so hard to do. All right, hold on. I'm laughing on I'm laughing you can't whistle when you laugh that's the one thing you can't do okay that's better there you go this is horrible

Simon have I threw the judges houses no shall I go on Britain's Got Talent or are you whistling this is horrible Simon have I threw the judges houses no shall I go on Britain's Got Talent or are you whistling you never know stand there it's been on a while

sorry I'm calling I'm laughing sorry I'm calling I'm laughing I'm laughing even more now bye I think the trick is

you just need to concentrate more no you lost it oh fuck whistling's for dickheads anyway you just need to concentrate more. No. You lost it. Oh, fuck. Whistling's for dickheads anyway. I hate people who can whistle.

I hate people who whistle non-stop. I hate people who can do the thing where they put their hand in their mouth and fucking pierce your ears. I hate people even more who can do the piercing ear ones without putting your hand in your mouth. Stick it up your arse. You're not shout-like

and he's not shout. Arseholes. Sorry, I'm just jealous. No, it'sse. Do you just want that? You're not shout-like, and he's not shout. Arseholes. Sorry, I'm just jealous. No, it's fine. Do you know how you got a beef with me? Yeah, of course I've got a beef. I was going to do a different one, but I'll save it for next week.

No, that's good. Of course I've got a beef with you. Yeah. So, layered. This is layered, this beef. Oh, good. So we went down to London the other day for a couple of meetings and stuff.

We were... We had a nice time, so... Is this going to be... We were at Marks and Spencer's. Is this about... Listen, listen, listen. Okay. Right?

We were at Marks and Spencer's at King's Cross, about to leave, and you went, I'll get some crisps. Actually, no. No, I'm not going to get crisps. No, I'll not.

I said, okay. And I went... Because I keep saying I'm going to be good. Yeah. And then I keep going, oh, tomorrow. And that was the day.

There was no more tomorrow. Yeah. I bought some for me. You said you were going to have a few of mine. I said I'd have a couple. A couple was the words. Right. Two, maybe even three I'd allow.

I think I had six. You had more than six. You came thrice. Not once, not twice, but thrice. Your little trotter, your little top trotter, came over the table to grab my crisps. Not even that bothered about this. Not that bothered about the fact that you said you weren't going to have the crisps, and then

you took mine. I knew it would happen anyway. A little bit bothered that you took too many. Mainly bothered by the fact that you used your fucking MacBook as a plate for the crisps. What's wrong with that? It was... You were literally watching your iPad and you were going to work on your MacBook later on, so you had your MacBook

here. And one of the staff went past and looked down and just saw you eating a pile of crisps from the top of your MacBook. And I was just like, what is this? Look at this. It's cleaner than the table.

Keep them in your hand. Or, I don't know, a napkin. You were literally eating them off, dare I say it, quite an expensive computer. It was ridiculous. My computer? All right. Right, okay. Right, fair enough.

That's fair enough that that's just you. I thought your beef with me was going to be that I spilt a glass of wine in bed. I forgot about that. My beef with you this week is that we were in a nice hotel and you spilt a full glass of wine on your pillows and your bed and I had to phone up

and ask for two pillows and not explain why I needed three. They must have thought we needed three fucking pillows each. Like, sleeping upside down like fucking bats. That vertical,

we've gone upside down Chris was so annoyed so angry why it wasn't on your side it did stink away it's just you it's just you like every time

it like you are that person I reach I know where stuff is even in the middle of the night I wake up I know exactly where my phone is on the floor

I can reach out of the bed and I can hit that phone screen with my finger first time I know exactly where my bottle is you just

in the night it's just like it's like someone you know that trick where someone whips a tablecloth off the table with all the shit on it but they can't do it and it just goes every night in the middle of the night just pong king pong oh shit water liquids i can't take water in the bed anymore i don't think you should have electrical sockets next to your bed because if there's i've stopped taking water up Chris but the weird thing is as well you're so fucking lazy you won't actually move

am I right? so you won't get up to go and get something so it has to be within reaching distance the side of your bed is disgusting please everyone it is not there's like a couple of books a pair of a pods

and then the loads of raves books underneath yeah your heart a lip balm six or seven chargers a lip bomb a face mask that you've lost the charger for that i've lost infrared charger over the christmas every single morning i would come in and there would be a cup with six or seven celebrations rappers in sometimes you're in a dark chocolate phase so you've got like an open bar of dark chocolate with loads of bits of dark chocolate in it on the side of your bed. I'm alright.

I like a little snackety snack in bed before I go for a bath. It's like a buff it's unbelievable slob absolute slob yes I'm proud of it Rock City you're the best fans in the league

bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday April 13th when the Toronto Rock host the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats

for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever join the sunrise challenge to raise funds for cam age the center for addiction and mental health to support life-saving progress in mental health care from may 27th to 31st people across canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone help camH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for?

Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. My attention will start to happen. Evil things.

Of evil. It's all. You know, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying.

Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. The Impeders Friday.

Gets it gets now. It's time for Questions from the Public. Questions from the Public. Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, please send anything you'd like to shaggedmaridanoid at gmail.com. Thank you kindly. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hope you are all well.

We are. Thank you very much. Just listening to episode 251 last week's and the story of the woman who is chilling in her car instead of going swimming whilst her husband does the chores around the house. Legend. This triggered a memory of an ex-work colleague from several years back. This happened approximately...

Okay, there's something in this by the way, right? Which, see if you agree. Okay. This happened approximately ten years ago whilst at a previous job. A few of us would often meet up for drinks one evening during the week. However, one of my colleagues had a very demanding wife who definitely wore the trousers in their relationship. In brackets, sorry Chris, I know you can probably relate.

Am I demanding? She's got about three pairs of trousers on the day so you're definitely right. This actually got me proper thinking like

am I am I a dick? Because I think maybe my frustrations come out on this podcast because please

can you tell everyone that you're not that easy to live with? Oh don't he's doing his puppy dog face don't you dare. Is that what you want me to say? If that's what you want me to say,

darling, I'll say it. Don't worry. Guys, I'm not easy to live with, apparently. That's why Rosie's always, if you look at her Instagram,

Rosie's always out drinking with her friends and stuff. I'm in the house looking after the kids. Stop it. Sorry. No, it upsets us a little bit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. drinking with our friends and stuff and I'm I'm in the house looking after the kids stop it sorry I'll stop sorry

no I'm sorry Chris don't I'm sorry I said I'm sorry please not here stop don't

I felt really bad yeah you should Chris don't please please what what are you what are you it not really bad. Yeah, you should. I don't. Chris, don't. Please. Please. What?

This is really bad. I think now... Rosie, just tell us what you want us to say and I'll say it. You know I will. Just tell us what... Okay, I think everyone thinks I'm a dickhead. No, no, no, no. No.

Wait, stop it. This is not funny. No, not at all. First of all, right, where's me walk hat? Where is it? Wearing the trousers is a very sexist phrase,

by the way, sir. And no, it's pretty 50-50. I mean, we... I don't know. You're not a pushover, but I'm not a pushover either. No. So it's pretty 50-50. I mean, we... I don't know. You're not a pushover, but I'm not a pushover either. No. So, it's pretty 50-50.

Yeah. I mean, you know, not hard work, no. Battle axe. I probably use the word battle axe. Okay, then. Maybe I am. Maybe I am.

Yeah. No, I'm not. I'm not. You're not, man. You're all right. But yeah. Come on. But yeah.

I understand why someone would think that that's the case. Yeah. Yeah. You're a fucking nightmare. You're literally a nightmare to live with. It's really, really hard work. I love you so much. So much.

Yeah. But. But. Spend more than an hour with a comedian, right? And then tell us if you're still laughing, right? Yeah, look, it's absolutely fine. This person obviously thinks this, but I would not worry about it at all

because you don't wear the trousers. It's 50-50. If anything, we've got a leg in each. There's one pair of trousers. I've got one leg in and you've got another leg in. And it's all good. And on your leg and you've got another leg in yes and it's all good and on your leg you've you know

spilt chocolate and you know wine and stuff mine's pristine my dick is much bigger than yours yeah yours goes all the way down my side as well

yes of course it does lovely dick listen lovely dick I think if I was a bloke I'd have a really small dick right okay yeah

okay just okay that's weird because you've got a massive fanny if I was a bloke I'd have a really small dick. Right, okay. Yeah. Okay. Just. Okay. That's weird because you've got a massive fanny. I'm joking. I do not have

a massive fanny. I'm joking. You don't. You don't. It's nice. You don't. You don't. Hear the echo

in a fanny. Right, that's enough. Come on. You don't wear the trousers. I was winding you up't. You don't. You don't. You don't. He had an echo in a fanny. Right, that's enough. Come on, you don't wear the trousers. I was winding you up. Come on. Okay, okay. You love it when someone's on your side. Oh, it very rarely happens.

You fucking love it. Very rarely happens. Twice on the fucking train yesterday, first person came up, first person came past, the member of staff, and was like, oh, hello, it's me two favourites.

And then turned to you and went, actually, no, you're me favourite. And I just went, sorry. And I went, no bother. And then the next fucker who came up, he went, oh, hello, guys. Oh, Rosie, I'll speak to you first because I'm sure everyone always speaks to you first, Chris.

I went, no, your colleague just literally told us I wasn't a favourite. You're all fucking on one the day. So yeah, when someone's on my side, it's fantastic. I love it. Well, enjoy it, okay my side it's fantastic i love it enjoy it okay yeah yeah you enjoy it doesn't happen very often so this is great can i get this person's email i might go for it i think people do think i'm a proper battle axe i don't i just i just offload

on you yeah but yeah and you're also strong-willed and sort of you know what you want and you know i i like that i like that you're strong i wouldn't like it if you're just if you we wouldn't do this if you were a shy retiring wallflower and i wouldn't be attracted if you were a shy retiring wallflower true so you try it with me not today but sometimes right for context my colleague was a scotman in his 40s with three kids and despite attending the first few social gatherings his wife had soon put her foot down and he began to become a much less much much less frequent pub goer got you i mean he's got two kids and it's during the week he's got three kids got three kids and it's during the week yeah yeah that was until a conversation in the work kitchen and a light bulb moment instead of telling his wife he was going to the pub he would tell her that he had signed up with the Work 5 Aside team and would be playing every Tuesday

evening. So that's okay. That's weird. I know. Oh, just to clarify, there was never a Work 5 Aside. 5 Aside didn't exist. His wife was understandably far more amenable Is that the word? Amenable to this activity. Excited

no doubt at the prospect of her husband becoming a gym guy. Getting a bit fit. All that our friend had to do was ensure that others, myself included, went along with the lie. For fuck's sake. So Tuesday arrived and I pulled up outside the house to the sight of my friend jogging down the drive in a full football kit, shin pads and all. She got the pub!

Yeah. That's fucking wonderful! Once safely out of sight, I would pull over into a lay-by and allow my friend to change into the clothes that he had previously given me to store in my car boot no way this is terrible so then we drove to the pub and enjoyed an evening of drinking and socializing p.s i'm t total hence the designated driver status right after the pub um we repeated the process in reverse my friend would change back into his football kit and upon dropping him off at his house would then proceed to squirt his water bottle over his head so that it appeared that he had been exercising in brackets and was still sweating despite the 15 minute car journey home this covert operation was repeated every week

for months and as far as i know his wife never questioned anything or found out the truth. Oh my God. Let's just hope she isn't a smar. Oh my God. That's what I was thinking. What are you going to do? Come back? I think them half-time oranges were fermented because I'm trollied.

My thing is, I wouldn't care what you were doing. Yeah. Just that you were left for one night a week with three kids. Yeah. Yeah. But then at the same time, you've got to have things. But yeah,

so my question is immediately, what was his weekend like? Well. So if he was completely gone, because it's give and take, isn't it? Yeah. When I'm wanting to go

to jujitsu or something at a time that I don't normally go, if I'm like, look, if I go to that, can we, you know, you can have them then and i'll have them it's like a trade-off oh mate everything's a trade-off you're politics you're like that every time i'm like oh i'm going out with the girls you're like right i'm straight when can i go out next as soon as you tell me

you're out i'm straight in the whatsapp group lads i'm owed one l, she's in debt. Light the beacons. I think that's how it should work though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I've still got all them G&S. When you went singing all them weeks, when you were away all the nights, I've still got all them written down.

You've... No, no, no, no. Just because you don't put them on Instagram, don't think that they don't exist. You go out plenty, mate. Look through my Instagram. Whenever you find me on a night out, that's the last night out I was ever on. You go out plenty, mate. Look through my Instagram. Whenever you find me on a night out, that's the last night out I was ever on.

Absolutely not. Hi, Rosie and Chris. Please keep me anonymous, as this is something I've never told anyone. Juicy. Going back... Yeah, yes. Really?

Well. Here we go. Okay, this is going to bring back some old memories of a very early podcast episode. Ooh. See if you remember. Going back to my uni days, let's call them my slag days, I had a few fuck buddies on the go.

A few? Yeah. In brackets, just explain it for me. People I would meet regularly for sex with no strings attached. Thank you very much. Thanks a lot. We know what... Away, man.

Fucking hell. Anyway, myself and one of these fuck buddies decided to get a bit adventurous. He suggested I put some Skittles in my vagina and he would eat them out of me. Sorry, we've had... Have we had Skittles in vagina before? We've had Skittles in a penis before.

Oh, there we go. Not in a vagina. He would eat them out of me, you know, a bit of food play. Awful. I didn't really think about the potential thrush and all of the health risks

involved, so naively agreed. And how long were the... Listen, if you would listen... Right, not... If you would listen to your bedtime story,

you'll find out. Bedtime story! Right. If she's there and it's like right in front of him, whip them in and fight them in his mouth one by one, or if it's like right in front of him whip them in and fight them in his mouth

one by one or if it's put them in and I'll see you in a couple hours you're one shot with shit right well let's just

okay so September it's coming out from Chris and I is there's a poon army in my house in September 20

probably 35 10 years time we're gonna have there's a bag of Skittles in me bag if they're not banned by then why would they bag of Skittles in me bag. If they're not banned by then. Why would they be banned? Skittles are getting banned

all over America for the shit they've got in them. Yeah, yeah. I think California's just banned them. Loads of places have banned Skittles. Are they bad? Loads of shit in them. Yeah, yeah.

I fucking love Skittles. Yeah. Oh, you joke. Like what stuff? How are they? I don't know. Like, you know, probably sweeteners,

carcinogens, E-numbers. Surely just in moderation? Don't know. Apparently, if you take them vaginally, it's fine. Okay, great. Great, I'll do that from now on. Anally, kills you. Oh.

Yeah, just an inch. You get it wrong, an inch. Oh, yeah, yeah. Fatal. He went about opening a packet and racking them up there. Racking them up there. That's just awful. That's intense, isn't it?

Being new to this, he didn't keep count of the amount he rammed into my welcoming vagina. Motherfucker. Welcoming, Chris. You're ready to love this. Taste the rainbow. Indeed. Oh, God.

He proceeded to lick me out and scooping up all the skittles with the help of his fingers, finishing with a blowjob. So, right. On her or him? I imagine, yeah. Oh, for God blowjob. So, right. On her or him? I imagine, yeah. Oh, for God's sake. So, to me,

I just don't find that sexy. Too much admin. Far too much admin. Skittle's really babyish as well. What a babyish thing to do it with. What a childish thing. Just weird. What would you...

If you had to do food plate... Well, sorry, guys. We will get back to the Skittles and her vag very soon. Don't go anywhere, okay? Don't change that channel. She didn't die. She didn't die. She sent the email.

She sent the email and she's still alive. Yeah, she's fine. If you had to do any food play, no, you have to. Gun, gun to your head, right? Killers. No. Pull the trigger. What, for sexy food play?

Why? Why? I don't understand why people do it. What you's doing? Food. Oh, great. Oh, yeah. Oh what you's doing food oh great oh yeah the food thing oh yeah I'm dead turned on

oh let's kiss oh can I I'm chewing this oh can I I'm chewing this sorry are you trying to tell me you've never sucked chocolate spread

off a dick well that's different no of course I haven't okay or any part of anyone's body it's not my thing like again no it's not

am I a prude I don't like mess I don't like mess I go literally don't right oh did you enjoy the skitt a prude? I don't like mess. I don't like mess. I go literally, don't, right, don't, right, oh, did you enjoy the Skittles in your vagina?

Great. Don't sit on the bed because if there's one still there and I get the dye from Skittles it's a nightmare to go with these sheets. Like, no. What?

Can't think of it. You have to. Okay, okay. I'm going to choose something, right? I'm going to say, if I had to like... I've got it.

Okay, well, you know I'm a bit monkey, right? If I was having sex and I had to like eat've got it okay well you know I'm a bit monkey right if I was having sex and I had to like eat something at the same time and it was chicken wings barbecue

sauce chicken wings my worst one that's my worst I told you the scene on Gavin and Stacey the scene on Gavin and Stacey with eating a KFC

I can't watch it I have to fast forward but I would smear it all over you right and then I would lick it off you you'd get right you'd get choked out

but honestly I'd stab you with a chicken bone alright touche okay good of me have it all over you, right? Nah. Then I would lick it off you. You'd get choked out. Honestly. I'd stab you with a chicken bone. All right? Touche. Okay. Good. You have to chew something.

Jam. Protein bar. Protein bar. Just because I like them. You're going to stick a protein bar up my vagina. No, just put it in between your boobs. I'll just eat it out. Okay.

There we go. Actually, I'd be up for that, actually. Okay. Yeah. Protein bar between the boobs. Yeah, that's fine. All right actually I'd be up for that actually okay yeah protein bar between the boobs yeah that's fine alright I'll be up for that alright

I'm trying a protein bar today guys by the way just letting you know I'm trying I've never had one before sorry totally unrelated by the way she just said

can I try one tomorrow not from Chris's arsehole I promise just just in general protein bar with special sauce I think the food thing I think it's a young thing

personally I think it's a a trying thing it's a try hard it's a try hard thing in my opinion I find it to be a try hard thing I just

I don't know I just not your cup of tea just is sex not good enough I've been over this loads of times is it not just good enough it's pretty fucking good I know yeah yeah

it's brilliant yeah and again is sex not messy enough without hoeing a load of fucking I've been over this loads of times. Yeah, I know. Isn't it just good enough? It's pretty fucking good. I know, yeah, yeah. It's brilliant. Yeah. And again, is sex not messy enough without hoeing a load of fucking scran in there as well? I know, I know. Isn't it?

There's liquids, there's things going on, there's hairs falling out. Puts a whole new meaning to bait box, doesn't it? Oh, God, honestly. Right, listen. So,

they're in there, right? Fast forward over a week later, I received an invitation from another fuck buddy I had on the go oh god I see one fucking put M&M's up there now

Maltesers fucking Maltesers would probably be the best thing they now call me pick and mix well done foam shrimp

UFOs well done form shrimp look UFOs what was the Peter K whoa whoa whoa fudge right listen oh Jesus

what so just dead quickly and this is so ridiculous this might not even stay in because it might genuinely not be funny but I think if I knew

when I was younger if me and my mates knew that there was a girl who stuck a stick and were like pick a mix I think it would get shortened

to bold and cinema I think we would just call her she wouldn't know we'd just say do you know pick a mix is longer to say bold and cinema is longer to say but bold and cinema is? I think we would just call her. She wouldn't know. We'd just say. Do you know Pick and Mix is longer to say. Bold and Cinema is longer to say than Pick and Mix.

But Bold and Cinema is just, I think it's better than Pick and Mix. Bold and Cinema. Just Bold and Cinema. Because any time I think of a Pick and Mix, I think of Bold and Cinema. Well, there we go. When I was a kid.

So there you go. Anyway. She's had an invite from another fuck buddy. Another fuck buddy, yeah. One thing led to another and he put his face down there. Yeah.

And his fingers. At the Skittle Factory. Yeah. He then lifted his head up and complained he had a lump of something disgusting in his mouth mother

he spat it out and there it was a rotten fanny soaked skittle that had been left to fester in my fanny for over a week

a pickled skittle pickled wouldn't it would have been white it wouldn't have had any colour left Oh Oh I mean Oh hey listen

It gets worse I ended up in a sexual health clinic Where they had to root round my vagina To find all of the leftover skittles And was immediately put on antifungal medication Not medication Oh god Thanks for the last hope this made you gag

Yeah you're the worst So Right First of all I mean Oh, God. Thanks for the laughs. Hope this made you gag. Yeah, you're the worst. So, right, first of all, I mean... We've all done stuff we'll regret, Chris. Yeah, we have. I've got absolutely... I'm sorry. No, because this lady is probably a bit older now. Definitely not a lady.

No, get lost. I've done... Listen, yous will never know. Right, listen, listen, listen. My whole thing is... What? How did that conversation go when first of all he went there's a manky lump here and she went oh no a manky lump oh my god what is it

oh could it be something oh don't worry oh yeah it's just one of the skittles well exactly sorry what so how how did that play out yeah that could be how did you what are sat on them she would have to go oh someone was hiding skittles at me funny funny by the way, you're still up for it. I'd have said, if it would have been me, and they'd have gone, I'd have gone, I'd have gone,

bite down. Bite down. And if the bit would go, it's a skittle, I'd go, happy birthday. Put that in there for you. Put that in there

for you to find. Or I'd give them a tenner and go, you've won the main prize. But then that implies that loads of people are playing for that prize. No, no, no, just them.

This is just, I put, that's been in there. Why don't you just give them a tenner anyway? Because they've got to work for it. I mean, like, I mean, the perfect one would have been, oh, that's where that went. That's that skittle. Do you know, I was counting my skittles the other day and I knew I was missing one.

I was counting my skittles naked and I was sitting on my Skittle bench. Yeah. Yeah. But you could, if they're dead young, I mean, I don't know how old she is, but men, I want to,

no one from growing up, boys don't know much at all about girls. I know fucking, I know Skittles don't come from vaginas, I'll tell you that right now. Right, okay. Did you know that when you were 18? Could I have said to you at 18

if that had happened and I could have said, oh my God, the other day I ate a Skittle and I choked and it went down the wrong way and it's come out my vagina. Would you believe that? I mean, yeah, but it would have killed the mood. Well, I'm sorry. Finding a Skittle out of someone's vag is going to kill the mood anyway.

But I thought the Skittle store brought the Skittles. I didn't think they came out of vaginas. Secondly, I've been to gum clinic. We've all been to gum clinic when we were younger. Telling them you've got a text off someone who you'd slept with or whatever and do I have to get checked out? That's embarrassing enough as it is.

I know, I know, I know. Literally going in, what seems to be the problem? Well, you're going to laugh. Do you like Skittles? How do you even? Crazy. That's so.... You're going to laugh. Do you like Skittles? How do you, how do you even? Crazy. That's so,

I'd have asked my mum, I'd have got my mum to get them out. Sorry, do you mean you'd have got your mum to go with you to the gum clinic

No, I would have got my mum to scoop them out of my vagina rather than go to a gum clinic. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? You would,

Yes. You would have got... Oh, Kate. Mam's weirder. Kate's still weird. What? Than going to Complete Strangers

and getting your... Whose job it is who you'll never see again. No, nah. They wouldn't judge us. I would just say, look, I've done something silly but you know how much

I like Skittles. And I, Mam, know how much you like Skittles. No I, ma'am, know how much you like Skittles. No, I would ask them. So let's play Find the Skittle. I would definitely ask them. There's your torch. There's your torch. There's your shovel.

Shovel? Excuse me? There's your end of your teaspoon. Tie this, ma'am, tie this bit of rope round your waist. I'll hold the other end. Two tugs if you're getting waist, I'll hold the other end. Two tugs, if you're getting lost and I'll pull you out.

Fuck off. Do you know what would have been better than Skittles? Rainbow drops. They would have disintegrated. No, that's still... They would have.

Rainbow drops. Crackled as well. Yeah, but they would have passed. If you're listening, stop putting food up your fucking fannies, pack it in.

I know, I know. As if I have to say that it's unbelievable man I've just had a flashback have I talked about it have we talked about it on the podcast when we were going

I think we were flying down to London for the TV show we were flying down to London for something or maybe on tour and it was oh it must have been

a TV show it was near the summer and we bumped into there was a group of young girls in the airport do you remember this no

there was a group of dead young girls in the airport and they wanted a photo and stuff and we. There was a group of dead young girls in the airport and they wanted a photo and stuff and we said, where are you going? And they said, oh, Ibiza. And straight away, the first thing out of my mouth, I just went,

eh, well, you'll all have to be really careful. Just be careful and stick together. And they looked at us like, wow, you are a boring old bastard. I don't remember that, but that's ick. I'm glad I didn't hear that. Straight away, I was like, just be careful, right?

Everyone be careful. They were like, fucking hell, all right, man. You love a love a bit of that yeah it's one of my beefs for me and my friends yeah i told you this we want to go away and uh we think we want to go on like a walking holiday because i don't know i just don't fancy like a beach holiday i want to do a bit exercising that yeah what have we become but then drink and load them nighttime anyway excellent i said you mean the girls are thinking of going on a walking holiday the first thing

you said was be careful yeah why was that your first thing why wasn't your first thing oh that sounds

nice because people go walking and they get lost you ever seen 127 hours falls down a

hole gets his arm caught oh my god oh my god yeah I think about that film all the time

when he has to cut obviously not enough because you're booking walking holidays no I'm not walking anywhere like him he was near his house Chris I'm walking around the bloody streets man oh my god yeah I think about that film all the time when he has to cut obviously not enough because you're booking walking holidays no I'm not walking anywhere like him

he was near his house Chris I'm walking around the bloody streets man I'm not walking around it's not a walking holiday then it's a city break

careful because you know crime's rife in cities I'll put a bum bag on I'll wear a fanny pack fanny pack you want a money belt and you want to wear

it right up on the nipples yes I will man I will I will when he has to cut his tendon of the nerve. He cuts the noise from Operation Rock. It's incredible. Oh, God.

Brilliant film. Brilliant film. Think about that. I think about that a lot. True story as well. Yeah, I know. Let's talk about shit, baby. Let's talk about poo and wee.

Let's talk about all the good shits and the bad shits that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit. With a little bit of shit. Let's talk about shit. Shag, married and shit. A little Poonami story for you now. Oh.

Okay. Never did I think we'd have a story that mortifyingly embarrassing to write in. Turns out we do. Yes. So, in the midst of Christmas shopping at our local supermarket, our three-year-old daughter needed a wee. Right. Insistent on using the travel potty, in brackets, she normally prefers the toilet,

I had rather conveniently remembered to bring it with us. Bizarrely, it was suctioned shut so i headed out of the store toilet and into the hallway for my husband to open there he was using all his strength to get it open when wham the potty flew opened and an old rotten runny turd flew everywhere i was gonna say that i was gonna say i had the left swimming inside it and his chemical reaction happening and it's sucking it shut. Yeah. Oh, no. In brackets,

possibly three weeks to one month. Oh, no. Oh, God. I'm talking, listen to where it went. I'm talking him, the floor, wall,

everywhere. I'd run home. We looked at each other, the floor and the walls in absolute horror when we heard a rather posh old lady say, it's in my basket. I have never been so mortified in all my life.

Oh God. My daughter was so embarrassed for us she lifted up my coat and hid her head underneath it. The stench was so rancid even an entire bottle of room spray and disinfectant kindly provided to us

by the store to deep clean didn't mask the smell. Us made them clean it. Great. Yeah, I would as well. What have I learned? Never trust your husband to clean the potty. Oh. Wow.

Wow. Yeah, so Rafe's got a little potty in the living room. Yeah. And it's got a little dinosaur one. It's got a little lid on. It doesn't like, it's just, you literally just place it on top don't you like yeah as if you're putting a plate over a bowl of soup when you're putting a bowl of soup in the microwave and if you leave even some whey in there overnight and you put this lid on top the next morning the

fucking warm manky condensation on the other side of that lid is enough to turn your stomach i know it's vile vile we need to get him so he's in his potty but we need to just get him on the other side of that lid is enough to turn your stomach. I know, it's vile. Vile. We need to get him, so he's in his potty, but we need to just get him on the toilet all the time because I'm sick of cleaning out that potty. He's doing so well. He is doing well. But I am sick of cleaning out that potty.

It's horrible. Yeah, yeah. There's something so strange about walking a fresh turd through your kitchen to the toilet and then tipping it into the toilet and it like hits the boat. It's just so depressing

I don't know why it's horrible isn't it I don't know why our boys have massive shits like oh Rafe's the length of his arm I know

unbelievable I don't know how he does it how are they that big and he knocks them out in seconds you know he goes need poo you go there you go he goes done

and you're like oh it'll be oh my god it's massive he's like me right I'm like that I just go I'm done.

I'm literally done. I don't sit there and linger. It doesn't take as long. I've told you they creep up on me. No, they don't creep on. They jump out on you. Yeah. They don't creep up on you.

I'm like, oh, there it is. You're halfway through a sentence and you go near the toilet and you sprint across the house. But you and Robin take ages. Yeah. You've got to savour it sometimes, you know. Yeah.

A little bit of me time. Here's a little ick to end with. Ooh! Hello, Ramsey's first time emailer, but an ick during the Christmas supermarket shop with my husband had me itching to email you. Nice. Imagine my horror when in the crisp aisle,

my husband tipping a tube of Pringles very slowly upside down to his ear, listening for any broken bits to fall down. Only quiet tubes make making in the trolley no no I'm fully on board with that are you really I'm going to start doing that

thank you very much because I got a packet of Pringles over the I got some Pringles over the Christmas that were absolutely destroyed destroyed when I got them home

was it because Rafe insisted on carrying them around the supermarket and dropped them six or seven times absolutely that's definitely what did it but eating them broken was devastating Got them home. Was it because Rafe insisted on carrying them around the supermarket and dropped them six or seven times? Absolutely. That's definitely what did it.

But eating them broken was devastating. The whole fun of it is the shape. The whole fun of it. And I don't do the duck beak or anything like that. It's stupid. I just eat them. By the way, the new, not an ad, right? But the new multigrain Pringles are heavenly.

Really nice. I thought that we picked them by accident, right? Because they were on display. I picked it by accident. Because it was like... Because your head's up your arse most of the time. Yeah, but it was like a new offer and I just thought, oh, they're because of the same colour.

I went to do it the week previous. I went, oh, why, the Pringles here, they're not normally here. Oh, multi-green, okay. And I avoided them and got the other ones. Well, we got them, tried them. Bloody lovely. Nice.

Dare I say, I like them better than the other ones, but that's just me. They're very nice back to this I totally get his reasoning but watching a grown man slowly tip the tube

to his ear like a child with a toy made me want to knock his head off his shoulders love you both yes I love it

I've never absolutely never thought of doing that it's great he's a genius yeah that's it now so he's like tipping it like you know when a kid has that stick and it goes...

Yeah, just to check. Fantastic. Oh, I would love, love, love to know what supermarket he goes to, get there before him, obviously purchase all of the Pringles so I'm not destroying stock. I'll buy every single one of them and just fucking muller every single one of them and just watch how long leave one leave one tube

at the back unbroken every other tube is broken and just sees fury as he just listens to tube after tube after tube i haven't i'm saying i wish i had that kind of time on my hands i wish i knew where he lived and i would love to be able to do that but don't email him because it's not something it's not going to happen he's living in a fantasy don't follow another email up going i'll tell you where we live you can come down and do what you can stay in hours, we'll make you tea. And I was just, honestly, I was just doing it for the do. No, do that.

No, please do that. In fact, I might get dizzy to take this bit out of the podcast because that is the kind of thing someone would follow up on. I get an email from our management going, someone's been in touch, say in there, do you want to come and smash a load of Pringles in their shop? Oh, fuck. I would pay to say that.

Thanks so much for listening to this week's episode of Shagmardanoid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you very much. As always, we'll be back in the ears next week. If you want to send anything in, it's shagmardanoid at gmail.com. Bye. See you later, guys. Bye.

You're invited to an immersive listening party Bye. in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder, April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre

in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.