Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 262. Can we talk about Bruno?

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

It's Easter soon and the Ramsey's are deep in chocolate eggs! They discuss their favorite cakes, what you can't drink on a train AND Rosie has been learning a rap for the boys bed time. Rosie has a driving beef with Chris and QFTP's involve a shy girl, an attempted bird rescue and a pooh on the beach. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, you're listening to Shag Mound annoyed with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey. Hiya, I'm the husband and I'm here but I'm also my own man so don't label me. That's what you think. Don't just label me as her husband I know she's doing that comically for that but I'm also retired stand-up comedian Chris Ramsey. You're not retired yet. It's lovely to have you all back hope you're all keeping well. Yeah. Hope life is serving you good and positive plans. I feel quite good today considering. You just feel good and positive

because there's Easter eggs in the house. There is, oh God. That's what's happening. I love Easter eggs. Watched a video today though, which was, I found really upsetting. It was on Instagram, which is one of them daft, scrolly ones.

Somebody was rating Easter eggs, like out of 10. A lot of the Easter eggs that they had, had bits in and I'm not, I'm not living that life. I don't understand what you mean by bits. So loads of companies of Easter eggs have brought out Easter eggs of that thing. So like Kit Kat have an Easter egg where it's like an Easter egg with loads of bits of wafer in.

Oh, so it's like an egg Kit Kat? Yeah, but like, oh no, no, no. Oh no, no, I'd like to try that. Oh, you see. See, I get bored by just the chocolate of an Easter egg. No, it upsets me. I like a bit of texture. No, this is great, it is.

They were all textured, they were all textured. I was like, what happened to good old, good old fashioned Easter eggs? Look at that. None of that shite in it. Don't be mixing it all up. Oh, here it is. You're gonna go on a march.

You're gonna go on a march about having the bits. Maybe I might. I do find a full easter egg just I find it I can't eat it I mean you could we all know you could you know you could take half an easter egg fill it with melted chocolate drink it and then eat the easter egg. Yeah. I even like you know like a full chocolate bar I need texture. I need stuff.

You need a bit of something do you. So come on tell me which ones now have bits in. I need texture. I need stuff. You need a bit of sunning, do you? So come on, tell me which ones now have bits in. mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on Saturday April 13th When the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 730 p.m

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game And you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. KitKat have got bits? Most of them. Really? Yeah. But is there still an option to not have the bits? I don't know, because that's where you've got some problems here.

I really hope so. Hold on, because we've got Maltesers downstairs and there's no bits in the egg. They don't have bits in. Really though, that's one I would actually quite like. Oh you are impossible! What is this? God!

Fucking Goldilocks! They had a Ferrero Rocher one. Oh, that's obviously gonna have bits in it. Yeah. It's just chocolate, isn't it? They had the really, can't get away with the really posh Easter eggs. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Honestly, honestly, if it's over three quid, I don't really want it. Yeah. Don't really want it. So, two places, but I mean, I don't like over the top posh chocolate anywhere I never have. Like, you know, when you go to these little cake shops and stuff and when you go to a cake,

you walk past a cake shop, sometimes they're in London or in little cities or little villages. And when all the cakes are shiny, they're all like, there's a lot of, there's a little flower on it. There's a lot of shit going on and there's a lot of decoration.

I'm like, oh, no, I want a Vicky sponge that looks like someone's fucking sat on it. I want a ginger cake, like proper ginger squared tinned. Right, yeah, no, again. I'm sorry I've upset you. No, you've upset us there, no. But I like, genuinely, like, me and Robin go to a trampoline park and the trampoline park does cakes and the cakes are unbelievable.

Are they really? Jump 360 in Newcastle and they do a Vicky sponge, and they do a red velvet. Can you, you don't need to abbreviate Victoria sponge. Listen, time is money, time is money. You're wasting so much time. The Vicky sponge is upsetting us. Vicky pee, a Vicky pee, a Vicky, a visp, a visp, right?

I like a good visp, that looks like it's been sat on. Cream, loads of cream, right? Bit of jam, hello. What, dusting of sugar on top? Yes. Is it even? No, but that's the beauty of it yeah but none of this you know glazed well we always said this we've always said this who's eating who's eating the tarts with the git like plastic fruit on who's eating them who is getting that yeah like I mean listen actually could I be a bit of a dick because I've never

really tried one. Or guarantee if I whip one out now you'd scoff it like. I actually you know what saying that the older I'm getting the more I like shit cakes. What do you mean shit cakes? So the older I'm getting. Oh you nicknamed shit cakes? Shit cakes. Wouldn't have one now. So somebody, now that I'm like 30, nearly 38, okay. If somebody said after the dinner, oh, there's a lemon tart. 10 years ago I'd have gone, you fucking what? That's still pretty good.

A lemon tart? Absolutely not. Where's the chocolate fudge cake? Where's the Arctic roll, right? Probably old school. Arctic roll. But nowadays, if somebody said there's a lemon tart, I'd go, oh yeah, I could fancy that.

So I just think to you, I think taste changed. If someone says to me, there's a lemon tart, I'd say, where's two reasons I'm gonna get this lemon tart? Either I'm gonna dispose of it and do everyone a favor, or I'm gonna get it and I'm gonna smash it in your face for being a lemon tart. No, I would probably do it now. Get to the shop now and get me a Twix.

I love it lemon drizzle. Oh my God, lemon drizzle cake. Get your lemon out of me cakes. Nah, lemon deserves to be in a cake. Nah, I will allow strawberry, as long as it's not an actual bit of strawberry, I will allow strawberry jam, I will allow strawberry flavoring.

All of the fruit and veg can get out of me cake. Do you want like a banana cake? God, I love it. Oh God, a banana loaf. Have you really had one? Me nana makes banana loaves. Have I had one? I might have had one. I don't know. I feel triggered when I hear banana loaf because every dickhead made it in the lockdown, didn't they? I couldn't get fucking flour or bananas for love and money.

Nightmare. Yeah, true. But, sorry, I was gonna say back to Easter eggs. Easter eggs and advent calendars. Keep them cheap. Keep them cheap. Not too cheap though. Because then you're spilling into you're spilling into cheap chocolate land which you know you're spilling into you're spilling into the land of when we were younger and my parents didn't have that much money but my mom would do like cooking with her and you'd be like oh

we're making a cake and should have bought these shit as chocolates. And you go, oh. Things I know your mam, your mam would have bought the nice chocolate and the shit chocolate, ate the nice chocolate for herself in the middle of the night and then, and then made the shit chocolate cake the next day. Yeah. Well I did have a dairy milk but I woke up three in the morning and came downstairs and ate it. She's got problems man. You're awake so hungry. Hilarious.

Guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for sticking with this gollix. So very long as you have a welcome if you're brand new. And obviously again, I don't know the ins and outs of it, but please subscribe or follow or whatever the fucking hell gone on on your podcast apps because it would help massively apparently again. Don't know why but it's just one click.

So why not doing it? We're doing all this for you for free. Yeah, you're used to it you stay honestly I tell you what you're ungrateful bunch of sorry so what you doing stretching no me arms hurt wreath loves a carry yeah yeah yeah flipping monkey yeah I carried him for most of the day yesterday and then today I'm a bit so. Okay. Yeah, he's not. You're gonna build a soldier on. I'm okay. Okay. Sorry. Brave little, brave little shit cake. Listen. Do your podcast. Podcast? No, no, no, no. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing funny, but better than that. I'm not doing funny voices anymore. People enjoyed it. No, I'm not having it. I got at

least three comments of people. Three? Oh, yeah. People really like. Roll out the stupid voices. Like your podcast. Listen, it is episode 262. Thank you so, so much. And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is something that's been happening to me a lot in my life recently. I don't think it's happened to everyone else with kids, but it really fucking pisses us off when it happens. And I love my kids dearly. I love them so much. But this week's sponsor is kids getting annoyed about coffee.

Oh, dad, oh, dad, you smell of coffee. Oh, turn the coffee machine off. I can't until I tell you, you're the fucking reason I have to drink this shit. You and you alone. It's not shit. I wake up in the morning dreaming about coffee. We went to bed.

It's called addiction. You're addicted to coffee. We went to bed the other night. And I said to you, I was like, oh, you're excited about your coffee in the morning. I already think about my coffee. I know. I already think about my coffee in the morning. I don't. I'm already thinking about my coffee in the morning. But it's their fault. That's me point. Oh yeah I know. Uh Connie at the telly because we've got one of them ones that goes like steams the milk and it does the grinders like ahhh

it's quite loud. Best money we've ever spent. Oh we've had it for like nearly 10 years it's fantastic but still it's like ahhh and they're like turn it down. I'm like you fucking it's you. If you slept in I wouldn't need to drink this as soon as I wake up so I can function. Tell you what. You know what? Do not talk to me about our kids sleeping because I swear to God.

Tell you what I thought the other day. Yes. People who, well like people we work with, people we know who need a morning coffee. Like, oh, I need me coffee. I can't function before my coffee. And they haven't got kids. I'm like, fuck, when you have kids,

you're gonna have to move on to cocaine or speed or something. There's coffee. If you need a coffee now, you're not gonna touch a fucking site. You're gonna have to wake up and knock a couple of bloody Tony Montanas up. Morning everyone! Honestly, I was thinking fucking hell.

Eek. But yeah, kids man, love them, but I don't have a fucking clue of it. They just get up early every day. Every day they just get up early. Jail time's five o'clock, boom. Just love coming in my room and I'm like, I'm just, it's just a lot.

You'll miss it when it's gone. But I will But I will. I will. This is what's so annoying. I told you didn't I? I took Ray from Marksies yesterday. He had a little trolley which by the way. Sorry.

You're spending our money in Marksies. It's not Christmas. It was a treat. No it was a lie. It's not Christmas. What are you doing in Marks and Spencer? Getting the shop in? The fuck do you think you're playing at?

Taking him as well. Listen. Him grabbing stuff, putting it in the trolley. It's not Christmas. What are you doing in Marks and Spencer getting the shop in? What the fuck do you think you're playing at? Taking him as well? Grabbing stuff, putting it in the trolley? He's still doing lovely Hot Cross Buns No wonder you have to split your Hot Cross Buns down there I'm trying to watch what I'm doing and you brought in them You brought in them iced buns with jam in the middle I love iced buns I put one in Robin's pack lunch a day, I was like

By the way, did he have any sort of nutritious food in this pack lunch? Yeah, he had that apple that's been in his bag for three days that he refuses to eat. Brilliant. That's back in there. The old faithful on its return tour. Every day, an apple. It's done some fucking miles, that apple. I swear to God.

What was I saying? You're waiting, Marks. He's a wraith. You'll miss it. Oh, so shout out to Supermarkets that do the kids little trolleys. Yeah. I mean, shout out to Morrisons in Sunderland, someone's nicked them all. Yeah, no, they haven't got them anymore.

I just said the lady said someone's nicked them. In the Morrisons in South Shields, they've got security tags on them. That is grim. Fucking tragic. Oh God, for God's sake. If you're out there now, right, and you have one of the Morrison supermarket, kid supermarket that you've nicked from the supermarket in your home, shame on you.

Shame. Shame on you. Go on Facebook marketplace and get a secondhand like kids trolley. Literally could probably get one for about four quid. Anyway, that aside, it depends what kind of kid you got, cause Robin, I could never have gotten that, never. You do broke people's legs. Rafe, no bother, good as gold.

Anyway, an elderly lady came up to us and she went, I assume she might not have any grandchildren because she actually said, my son's 57 now. And she said, and I miss it so much. And normally, Rafe was really well behaved yesterday. If he's not, or if they're both not, I'd be like, you, I won't, blah, blah, blah. But she actually said to me, she said the word,

she went, you're so lucky. And it's proper, I stuck with us. And I don't know, I was just like, yeah, I am. We are, you know, we're very lucky. And I will miss it. But then at three o'clock this morning when I was being kicked in the tit. Sorry about that again.

I will not miss it. Clarification, it wasn't me, I'm joking. The hilarity of our children though. I'm sorry, this is a really long introduction. Doesn't matter. For some reason, I think they seem to think our marriage is like dead. Yeah.

Because Robin is like, why aren't you and dad sleeping in the same bed? And I'm like, one, he snores and two, you. You two. Like. But we've got a really good because we see each other so much we work together so much even when we're in the house together we don't watch stuff together. No. We don't watch things.

You watch your stuff out we have separate nights. It's really nice. I am a massive believer of not sleeping in the same bed. Yeah. Because I'm not being funny right? Save your sex for other times. You know when people are like, why aren't you having, who's having, we've said it before, who's having sex when you go to bed? Oh not the end of a long day. Are you

mental? Absolutely not. And not just that, when I go to sleep, I'm asleep. Like we don't, I don't need to touch you, we turn over. Yeah. Why are we in the same bed? In fact if you touch us I get quite angry. Same. Yeah. So there you go. No. I think separate, separate beds. And again. For life. Keep touching us. You know what you get? You get a kick in the same bed. In fact if you touch it I get quite angry. Same. There you go. No. I think separate separate beds. And again. For life. Keep touching us. You know what you get? You get a kick in the teeth. So this is the Jingle Jingle We hope you like the Jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married and Oied. Shagged, Married and Oied

Just in case you didn't know, I found out something new the other day. Oh, new thing? It happened, this is how mad our relationship is, it happened and I didn't say anything to you because I thought I'm gonna say that on the podcast. Okay. On the podcast. What, on the podcast? On trains.

Yeah. You're not allowed straight vodka. Eh? So, the gentleman who was next to us who had the two hour long phone conversation. Not a gentleman, pain in the foot. Well, yeah, I use the term gentleman very loosely. Oh, so sorry, just to give it, so

I'm very very self-conscious of talking in public on the phone, very self-conscious. I've said before, people who just walk down the street with the phone on speakerphone holding it out like it's a fucking sandwich, shouting and screaming, have some humility. They've just been dragged up though, they've been dragged up. I don't even know what they're doing, I just arrogant fucking pricks. But this bloke, he must have been on the phone to some kind of customer services. And he was just, he was speaking a different language but he was just going absolutely ballistic.

And then he was doing that thing where he was dipping in and out in English and then into the other language. And he kept going, can I record this conversation? And then he was belting off about something else. I didn't hear that. Yeah, he kept saying, can I record this conversation? And then, so I don't know if it was like he must, you know,

maybe an energy company. I don't know what it was, but he was going ballistic, not even in the vestibule, right next to what on the train. And even when the other person was talking, he was going, and he was like grunting. I was like, he's going to fucking smash this phone over the floor. Yeah. Well, he asked for vodka straight. I wish they'd give me to calm him down. Well, the woman was like, you have gonna fucking smash this phone all over the floor, yeah. Well, he asked for vodka straight. I wish they'd given me to calm him down.

Well, the woman was like, you have to have a mixer with it. And I thought, well, I didn't know that. Wow. You have to have a mixer. You have to have a mixer. Did she mix it? No, so I was like, well. Pointless.

Pointless. Really pointless. Absolutely, absolutely stupid. That's, you have to take this kind of lemonade as well. Okay, bye. Don't you love rules though? He has this kind of lemonade back. I hate stupid shit rules like that. Yeah. I secretly live for them.

Well, you just look what I've got to do and you go right. Yeah. So there you go. You're not allowed straight while going on the train. Not allowed. I mean you are but you've got to sit with a mixer within a couple of feet of it. Brilliant. Bloody broken Britain! Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! This might be quite triggering for you. Oh god.

But I thought it would just take a minute to talk about Bruno. Right. Right. Don't. Don't. Right. Don't. So in our family, our children's attention span is the same as probably like a gnat or you know. Goldfish. A goldfish. Yeah. Our fault because you know we live in the 21st century and they've got screens and they've got Netflix and they've got everything at the touch of their...

Just listen to us. Look at what we do for a living. Yeah and we're, you know, we're mental. So, we have watched Encanto about... Well actually I've seen it all the way through. Right, go, oh check your privilege, congratulations. I watched it when Raph was a baby. Oh did you, great, no interruptions. Yeah, Chris has never seen the end of Encanto.

I've never seen past where she ends up realising that Bruno's living in the walls of the house. And he has no idea why nobody can talk about Bruno. I've got no, honestly, every time we sit down and watch it, I've sit, I could recite the first 45 minutes of that film. We don't talk about Bruno. Why, why don't you talk about Bruno?

I don't know why you talk about him, I don't know what happens, I don't know, I don't know, it's a mystery. I don't know it well enough to tell you. I don't want you to tell me, I want to find out somehow. Can I sort of tell you? No, because it might be spoilers for people listening, there might be other people in this situation but our children have let me watch the beginning of it, I'm not kidding

six or seven times I've seen, six or seven times I've seen up until he's in the thing It was our wedding day Fucking, and obviously the songs come on on Spotify in the car as well so I know all the songs Yeah Never, I've got no idea what happens in that film. And I have no idea why they don't talk about him. Don't know why he's been living in the walls. I don't know what to do.

Put it on tonight. I'm not watching it by myself like some kind of weirdo. No, put it on from the bit. Stop going back to the beginning. They'll not let us man. They'll go watch this. Well get them playing outside and then just watch it on your own. Oh yeah brilliant, I'm father to the beginning. They'll not let us man. They will. They'll go watch this. Well, get them playing outside and then just watch it on your own. Cause I think you're not gonna sleep much on your own.

Oh yeah, brilliant. I'm father of the year. I kids get outside in the rain. I'm watching Encanto. Jesus. Shush. We're going to Disney for me though. For me, not for you.

Daddy's going to Disney. Gives me Mickey Ossiars back. Honestly, no idea what's going on in that film. And I'm gonna just, I'm waiting, I'm curious to see if it ever happens. Like if I ever end up seeing it naturally. Can I just tell you? No, I'm curious to see if I naturally ever do it. I'm not gonna go out of my way to do it but I'm gonna hopefully come across it. I'll be on my deathbed honestly going, why

don't they talk about... And he never found out. And he never knew that. Oh God. I wanna talk about... And he never found out. And he never knew that. Oh God. Great. Hey, great first half of a film. It's brilliant. Great first half. Hey, honestly, I'd say I'm hooked, but I haven't been given a chance.

Does the candle go out? Who knows? I don't know what's going on. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo. Just before we do the beefs. You're gonna be quite proud of us actually. Okay. I've learned the Mario Brothers, the beginning of the rap.

Really? Yeah. From the movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, well, so I sing the boys songs before bed. Yeah. Don't like lullabies. They do not, they will not have. That's because you've been over this before,

your lullabies are so depressing. They are. What about a kid with no eyes? The blind orphan. Yeah. No, he hasn't, he's got eyes, he's just blind. All right, okay. But about a kid with no eyes? Yeah. No, he hasn't, he's got eyes, he's just blind. But he's an orphan. Right.

And there's another one, they're horrible. They're all dying and that. They are very sad. Awful. Or Down in the Valley. Down in the Valley, the valley so low. It's horrible. Hang your head over.

Stop, stop, stop. Might be about death. Yeah, they're all about death. So I've learned, so instead I sing, I sing Lady Gaga to them. They get lots of, you know, they get- Can't wait for you to get this rap wrong, because you're gonna get this rap wrong.

I did a very slow instrumental kind of chill version of Mbop by Hans on the other hand. Wow. Can we have a rendition of that please? Yeah. You've so many relations in this life, only one or two will last. You go through all the pain and strife, you turn your back and it's gone so fast. Nice. That

feels like it's the same speed. And it's gone so fast. Very good. Yeah, yeah. Alright that's enough. Get to sleep you prick. Yeah but you can't like you can't tell me go to sleep while singing. Mm, but it's quite catchy. Mm, bop, da. I really slow it down. Da ba do bop. Dib it up. Nah, it's still.

Nah, it's still a bit lullaby. You know what I mean? Poker face is better. I do poker face. Carry my, carry my. No, we can't read my poker face. That's all right. She ain't got no love nobody. Is that what the words are?

I don't know. You've made that up. I've never known what that bit is. Maybe. But they asked for Mario Brothers rap. And I was like, I don't. Can I cue you in? Yeah.

Robin Tort is it. Let's look in all the words. Can I cue you in? Yeah. Robin taught us it last week. Right, okay. Ready? Do do do do do do. Where the Mario Brothers and Plummons are game. We're not like the others who get all the fame. If your sink is in trouble, we'll be with you on the double. We're not like the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers.

To the bridge. Oh, what did I get wrong? Two words wrong and then you went, oh. Oh, God. Where the Mario Brothers and Plummons are game. We're not like the others who get all the fame if you sink is in trouble you can call us on the double we're faster than the others you get hooked on the brothers to the bridge no that's the next verse oh god is it two verses? What's the second verse?

um hold on what's the second verse? oh there it is Hold on, what's the second verse? Oh, there it is. You're in for a retreat, so hang on to your seat. Get ready for adventure and remarkable feats. You meet Koopas and Troopers, the Princess and the others. Hanging with the plumbers, you get hooked on the Brothers to the Bridge! Right, there you go.

That is the theme tune from a Mario TV series from the 80s. Is it the same word? Same the first bit first bit's the same words like that doesn't it no not the not the film a mad tv series played when two blokes played them it was like a like a kid show crazy yeah yeah loads of versions so there you go there we go okay i might i might put them to sleep i might i might put them to bed at night oh feel free yeah I might put my bed at night. Oh, feel free. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like, shh, guys. You ready? Ready? Hi, kids. Do you like violence? Want to see me stick nine inch nails to each one of my eyelids? Want to copy me and do exactly like I did? Try sit and get fucked up worse than my la-

Oh, sorry. Get beeped up worse than my la- Ha ha ha ha. Shh. Go to sleep. Hi. My name is what? My name is go to fucking sleep. My name is,

macka macka, same shady. So I would sing sadder songs, but I get really upset. Right. Yeah, yeah. I tried singing Wind Beneath My Wings once to them and I was a mess. Come downstairs. Kids, you should be asleep. Daddy, mom crying again. Daddy, mom crying again. She's wetting me pillow again. My pillow's soaking. Gotta keep it light. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for Watch Your Beef.

My beef with you. Is you telling me to not shout stop when you are about to crash the car. Wow. Straight in there. Yes, because I'm still annoyed off the other day which is still haven't apologised for. You're an arrogant also I stopped it when you start show I you had not I had you had not right, okay

I am not moving. I am NOT gonna sit in the car, right ever in my entire life No matter who it is the worst driver Whatever good because I'm not gonna sit there and just for you to not be bad-mannered Crash the car and go II well, I knew it was there but I didn't want to hurt you. We weren't moving we weren't moving and I went to pull out and the other guy went to pull out and I put the brakes on and as I put the brakes on you were like like like we were going towards a fucking school bus at 90 mile an hour. It was absolutely ridiculous the way it went on.

We were in my car. We were in my car. Why do you always drive? This is what I hate. Honestly, I am not going to drive anymore. Good. But I'm good. About time mate. You're the worst passenger in the world. You're the worst driver in the world. Nah. You're the worst passenger. What you do is you put like pressure on and you ask things and you like get involved.

And then I've got to deal with you and drive at the same time. on and you ask things and you're like, get involved. And then I've got to deal with you and drive at the same time. Then anything happens and you're like, oh, oh. You, you get distracted so easily. It's got your fucking bleating on. No, it's not. You are one of them people where you're talking and if you're talking about something

that you get passionate about, you can't concentrate on the road and you're just talking. And I'm like, I don't care to drive. I hate to do this, right? What? But let's get it out there, right? Let's work out all of the miles we've done all over the country.

I drove myself around for the first sort of five years of my career, every single night, hundreds of miles. Absolutely fine. I've got the mileage on you. I've got the experience on you. And you need to wind your fucking neck in. No, because I think the problem is, I think you passed your test too early.

I think you were too young. I passed when I was 17. Yeah, exactly, 17, that's mad. I'm getting the mileage on me, Belle. No, I had a bit more life experience. I'd crossed a lot of more roads when I did my test. What? I don't know.

You've crossed a lot more roads. I'm supposed to do that, I'm supposed to drive down them. They wouldn't have to surprise you if I didn't pass. Clip. It was ridiculous, you're a horrible passenger. You're a horrible, horrible passenger. Okay, right. Hands up, right? When I'm driving, if I make a mistake, I go, sorry about that. And I always put my arm out to save people across. But I always say, sorry about that.

Sorry. You don't. You make a mistake. Oh my God! You make a mistake and you never say, sorry. That was my fault. So I would have said sorry, but you went, ah, fuck, oh God, Jesus, Mary, Joseph, help. It was pathetic. I was like, I was more irritated than anything else. It's not pathetic.

We weren't moving. We weren't moving. We weren't moving. We weren't moving. We weren't moving. You nearly crashed into the other guy. We weren't moving. He was fucking miles away.

He was not. Oh my God. It was pathetic. It was pathetic. Fe my god. Guys, it was pathetic. Feet away. Pathetic. It was absolutely pathetic. Was he a beef with me? Anyway, listen.

My beef with you, OK? Can't be to do with that. Listen, it's not. My beef with you is, so various times you try and scar by my activities. Obviously, the joke being that I pretend you go out loads and I do, but I do go out and have mates around and have have stuff and that and every time I go down... You had the lads around last night? Listen every time I go to go to the UFC or to take the lads down to London on the train

there's always magically a rail strike which I think you're behind. Oh yeah that's me. Whenever I'm going over the lads. That's me. But last night you took it to another level my mates came round and you tried to murder You tried to murder in cold blood one of my friends don't you actually try to kill one of your friends? Right, just cuz you didn't want me the lads to have a good time. I still hey listen, I'm Ashamed I haven't got over this shocked

I haven't got over this and I would never do that because he's actually my favorite one of your friends. Yeah, so I would never Everyone listening honestly podcasts Like Netflix documentary coming out about you. No, right, so Yesterday I was gonna make I was gonna make his old tea, but you decided to get a pizza Yes, and and then I made my, which was delicious by the way. I'm gonna have some heated up for my lunch today. It was chicken thighs in a satay sauce.

I was gonna have some of it, but I saw you cutting up the chicken thighs and I was like, that's gonna be like eating a bowl of elastic bands, sinew and shit. Yeah, you're ridiculous, you shouldn't eat meat, but whatever. So it was the first time I'd ever really actually used like peanut butter in a recipe and Jordan your friend is severely has a severe

nut allergy and I was like do you want to have a taste and he was like what's in it? Luckily, luckily he asked. Oh you were plating them up like you were putting coriander on it. He loves a bit of coriander. You are ready like napkin down his top and that, hand knife and fork. At the last minute, you went peanut butter and he went, well I can't eat. It would have been, honestly it would have been horrible. It would have been absolutely horrible. And then, do you know what's so funny,

I had a dream last night that Rafe had a nut allergy. Right. And he had, I had to take him to hospital. God. Don't know where you were, nowhere to be seen. No, probably in the other bed. Probably in the other bed, on the side of the house. Didn't want to wake you.

Yeah. Here you are. So, tempted murder, add that to your list. Nicked from a drug back in the day. You've done something else. Attempted murder and now, oh she's notching them up. Wipe me arse on a towel when I was little. Wipe your arse on a towel, hand towel. Just notching them up, honestly. Absolute jailbird. This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th.

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and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.

So, who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. It's time for questions from the public! Questions from the public. Questions from the public, public. Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa. Public. We should have probably got a professional jingle

made by now. No, no. Four years in. Waste of time, waste of time. I enjoy doing it. I enjoy doing it. Sometimes you don't do the pa pa pa pa pa. And I like, I look at our little recording thing here

that I don't really know how to use. But when we do the pa pa pa pa pa, it does loads of little sharp lines. Does it? Oh, we nailed that last time. Nice! Yeah, yeah. Oh, love you.

It's a good little thing. Love you too. Well done. Oh, we're touching hands. Ugh! As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it's shaggedmarydenoyedatgmail.com. Right. Hi, both. Please keep this anonymous for reasons that will become apparent. Only three people in brackets, as far as I know, know about this. Ooh.

Mm. Only three people in brackets as far as I know know about this. When I was 25 slash 26, I went out with a shy girl who was a deviant behind closed doors. Quiet Ones was the worst. Yeah. Ladies and lady in the street but a freak in the bed. That's me. Isn't it? Is that me?

I'll add that to me night time songs for the boys. Oh yeah. One lady in the street, but a freak in the bed. Said, yeah, yeah. Shorty got down. Do it in the lullaby. Shorty got down, said come and get me. Yeah.

I was so caught up. Slow at man. Forgot she told me. Yeah. She and my girl were the best of homies. Next thing I knew she was all... Go to sleep! All upon me.

Shut your eyes! Screaming yeah. Yeah. Without knowing it, you're just going to be raising two deviants. Why are there absolute pervs? There is a song actually, there is a song, I'm seeing them normally that has got whispering in that'll be really good.

Which one? Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor. I don't know what that is. Let the bodies, it's a really, really heavy metal song. Although it's probably not, you know, someone like Ed Gamble would hear that and go,

that's not real heavy metal. But you know, for me it's heavy metal. Yeah. Do you want to hear the rest of this? No, I'm all right. No, I don't care. Her parents were both GPs. Ah, there we are. Oh, GPs always marry GPs, doesn't they?

GPs, oh yeah. GPs, they stick together. Yeah, they really do, you know. Yeah. So it's because they just get it and they get offloaded. I think so, yeah. You probably actually, I always think of these jobs with, you know, like, what's it called? When you tell people your secrets in the

can't tell anyone. What's it called? Confessional? No, the one they have to keep your secret. Oh, doctor, patient confidentiality. Confidentiality, right? If you marry a JP, can you share your confidentiality between each other? I imagine they do. To offload. You're like, well, you're a JP, I'm a JP or like lawyers or like counsellors. You go you go well you can't go leave this because that must be hard. Confidentially must be really hard. Well I think GPs marry GPs just so that they're not married to someone going oh what's this Marky, can you look at my throat, can you look at my asshole again today. Oh imagine if you, oh god. Me married to a GP. If we ever split up you'll marry a GP

Oh imagine if you, oh god. Me marry a GP? If we ever split up you'll marry a GP. Just for a personal diagnosis. There's a GP who rules, goes to Jiu Jitsu. And sometimes I wanna go, can you check me a little arm? Can you check me? I don't wanna hold back, nice guy.

Right, for now. In brackets, the relevance of this will become apparent. The GPs will come into it later. So they're both GPs and they have got a freak for a daughter. Got a SLAG daughter! Which is lovely in real life. I'm like the opposite, I'm a freak in real life and I'm really playing and shitting in the bedroom. I'm not moving! I'm not moving! Stick it in, I'm not moving!

Those days have gone, I'm sorry Chris. I know you've really got us in a really bad time of life because I used to be a freak, but now. Oh no, I've seen the photos. I've seen the photos. What photos? Here's what you could have worn photos of her. The bedroom photos though. I was a lot more excited, but now.

You have your moments. I love you, I love you though. All right, man. I do put some of it in. Oh yeah, sometimes. Sometimes you have a shower. No, why would I have a shower when I'm gonna have one straight after? Why would I do that?

And if you think I'm gonna have spunk dripping out of me all day, it's not happening. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Is this still quite a popular podcast? Right, listen. Listen. She lived in an annex of her parents' home. Right. Money, money, listen. Can people listen to this? Listen. She lived in an annex of her parents' home. Right? Money, money, money.

Nice. Yeah, yeah. That's that GP money! So, privacy slash noise slash shenanigans were never an issue. Shenanigans. Got everyone bloody annexed. Shenanigan annex. Granny annex.

Shenanigans. Shenanigan X. Shenanigans. Is that where shenanigans comes from? No. We're giddy today. One night she persuaded me to do bondage stuff. Oh Christ alive. I was gagged, fuck me.

I was gagged and tied on all fours. Good job my fucking mom and dad are GPs. Well. Oh no. Why do you say these things? Oh God is this it? Right so listen. I was gagged and tied on all fours so safe word. Horrible? Nah. Was substituted with me tapping loudly on the headboard. Absolutely not. What are yous doing man? What's everyone doing? Dunno. I don't know. Is it us that are weird though? Nah but honestly like I reserve reserve the right, and I know people say you shouldn't judge, I reserve the right to judge.

If I was with someone and they were like, oh, can I tie you up and put you on over? Tap on the headboard if I hurt you. Go and fuck off, love. Would you be like, what's wrong with me? Yeah, like why has this gotta be done? Yeah. Well, I'd be like, look, I'd be like,

okay, then you do that, right? And then afterwards, right, I'm gonna get you in a dars choke, and tap out before you pass out. See if you enjoy that as well. Because what the fuck? They need to watch out. Oh, we're fighting. Oh, we're shagging. Why is it? Why is it? Do you like us or not?

Yeah, true. Listen, so the tap, the tap loudly on the headboard. Problem was, I had interlaced my fingers before tying and my hands were about two foot short of the headboard to tap. I was basically wrapped up like rope parcel. Anyway, some spanking became something a bit more extreme when I felt a squirt of cold lube on my bumhole. Never in the world. Cold and all. Go with it I thought. Oh that's the problem man. Warm it up love.

Go with it I thought and see if it's any good. Go with it I thought. She started to push a dildo into me. This is disgusting. A bit of the way in, I decided it wasn't for me. So I tried to tap out. Oh fuck, I can't reach. So in an effort to stop the drilling

of my back passage, I clenched. Ah! Ha ha ha ha! God! That's the thing, they're like, ah, ah yeah, you'll never do it, you dirty boy. Ah, ah! Ha ha ha ha!

Afterwards, afterwards he's like crying, he's like, I couldn't reach the headphone. Now for context this wasn't a realistic dildo with balls but an old school vibrator, plastic and smooth. Her hands were covered in lube and my anus was equally as slippery. As I clenched and she unwittingly pushed it in my arsehole, effectively sucked it into me. Oh my God! Oh fuck was her response, not ideal. So it's gone, because it does,

your bum like holds onto stuff, doesn't it? Don't worry, it's poking out a bit. I'll get help. I'll get help. Yeah, that's what she said. Oh God. Then the most unnecessary addition to any sentence ever, you stay here.

No choice, love. I'm trussed up like a butchers beef joint with a six inch of plastic inside of me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I, I, nah, I would never get over someone's mom or dad coming in and having to pull a d*** out of my arse. Listen. I would never get over that.

She returned minutes in brackets, it felt like hours later, with her mum and some string. Strings? Apparently it was that or an ambulance to avoid full loss of this sex toy inside of me if I was moved. The emergency operation involved her holding my cheeks apart as her mum basically lassoed the base of the vibrator and slowly pulled it from my slippery anus. It took a few attempts and I'm not going to lie, I wasn't hating it. Weird I know, please don't judge me. Technically you've had a threesome, congrats.

Chris, Chris, you're gonna die, right? First of all, can I just pause it there? As a parent, I really do feel like you will Realize you've gone wrong somewhere when you are in your annex lassoing a dildo out of your daughter's boyfriend's house. Okay, the thing is... I think you think, right We let her watch something she shouldn't have watched here. I know but they're not kids. They're like they're older they're in their 20s. But what? So okay then put it in this scenario right and we'll do it boyfriend boyfriend so one of our sons

they've got a boyfriend right and this happened and they literally came running downstairs and they're like oh my god I need your help I would like yeah I would have to go and help. We would have to help. I'd give you, you have got no chance of me going up there and helping. I'd go, you got a mobile? You know them three numbers, 999. I'm popping the pub, I'll leave the door open.

Let us know how you get on. Carpet cleaner is in the garage if you need it. I'll see yous in the morning, hopefully both of you. What, you might not make it, but that's on you. Yeah. Good night. Okay, so me, I would help. I am What, you might not make it, but that's on you. Yeah. Good night. Okay, so me, I would help. I am not pulling a dildo out of a stranger's bum

in my annex. Yeah. You could stick it up your annex. Yeah, true. I know, but I would have to help. I would have to. Yeah, mam's a better. Yeah, I think it's a mam thing.

Mam's a better, and most people are better humans than me, but yeah, come on then. So. Right. So listen. So mam comes in, he's in the weirdest thesome. He's ever been in his life. He's looking at his mom's string round He's trying to pull dildo out his ass. He's having great. I mean the fucking small talk after that's gonna be great Well, I'm not gonna lie. I wasn't hating it weird. I know please don't judge me as it was exciting I'm judging you no As it was exiting I couldn't think of the situation being any more embarrassing. I can assure you I was wrong.

Oh, I know exactly what's happened here. As it was evacuating me, I orgasmed and farted simultaneously. I didn't expect that! Alright, I didn't expect that. Spraying the bed with semen and her mum's arm and chest with speckles of now brownish lube that my now well-used bumhole decided to rid itself of. This is one of the worst things I think I've ever heard in my life. He's came when it's come out of him.

That could be the love of your life and I would never see her again. I would literally be like, look, this wasn't meant to be. Give us a ring when your mom dies. I know that's really dark, but I mean like, I can't, I can't see that woman again. I can never see that poor woman again, ever. Imagine my mom though. You're quite close with my mom. Not that fucking close.

Do you think we can get over that? Then again though, GP, I bet you, cause bedside manner. Well yeah. I bet you should. Seen it all? I bet you should made him feel like not weird about it. Like I'm sort of backtracking slightly

cause I feel a bit harsh, but I bet you, GP bedside manner, I bet you should made that as as I mean as well being there Which is alright son, don't worry. Oh Pop me in the bathroom I Showered and joined them in the main house to receive a lecture on the need for a wide base on anything that was planned on being inserted in the future Oh god, in the main house to receive a lecture on the need for a wide base on anything that was planned on being inserted in the future. Oh fucking hell! Oh God! In the fucking teaching moment! Oh God!

Listen son. Look I've ordered you some more online. It has to have an anchorage point so that it can't disappear up your bum. Oh Grim. I stayed with her for a while but had to move on when she asked me for her birthday if I could watch her getting double teamed by two bouncers from our local nightclub. Adam's Dad Wow! Kirsty The moral of the story is deeply of shy girls and dildos. Adam's Dad Too... sorry, that's what you wanted for a birthday?

Kirsty Yeah. Adam's Dad Fucking hell. I mean, where do you go from that? Kirsty I don't know. Adam's Dad Hope it was a milestone birthday. Hope it was like 25 or something. Kirsty Who knows? Adam's Dad God, you got that for your birthday. What do you get for Christmas? Squirty 30. That's just... that's disgusting. I'm each to their own but... Cratey. Each to their own Chris. I went yeah but bloody hell I was gonna get you a gift voucher. I mean if you think... I was gonna get you a cinema pass?

If you honestly think... I would love a cinema pass. Sure, man. If you honestly think that I have any like want or need to be fucking, what's it called? Double, like trained or whatever. Double-teamed, I don't know. Oh God, oh my God. No, not fancy that?

No, no. Two seconds. Barely bring myself to have sex with my husband. Hello, lads. Yeah, no, she's not up for it now. I know, yeah. No, cancel it. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. Was it gonna be for Easter? Yeah, send them all back. I'll still have the eggs. You've got the wide-bottomed ones, yeah, yeah. No, send them all back. Not up for it, ruined. Okay, back to the drawing board. Right, see you later. Sorry, ruined. Okay. Back to the drawing board. Right, say that.

Sorry, I was told him. I'd rather have a spoddy. Even pretend. I'd rather have a spoddy! Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hi Rosie and Chris. Long time listener, first time emailer but I immediately thought of you and had to share.

Last week our electric shower caught on fire. Who knew water and electricity would be bad? Wow. Long story short, my husband has been forced to have nightly baths until we get it sorted. He hates baths, complains about how much it costs to heat the water and how you can never get clean. He decided to only put six inches in the tub to save money. Oh God. Then after scrubbing clean he realised he needed to wash off all the soap suds. The solution, which I wish I never witnessed, was to log roll in basically empty baths.

I could see him like a fucking alligator. Have we said this one before? We just talked about baths before. He lay on his stomach with his arms crossed underneath him and his legs bent so his feet were in the air, then awkwardly began to roll onto his back, legs flailing, arms stuck underneath him while his body dragged against the bottom of the tub, making that horrible squeaking noise. That's awful. One, why is she there watching? Give him some privacy.

Two, get a jug, you idiot. Just get a jug. Victorian wash. Well yeah, do your bath, get a jug and just pour it on yourself. You can go on Amazon and get them things where it's like two little it's a hose, it's a shower head and a hose and then it goes you can get them out. On the tap. On the tap. Or a tour. Yeah, so you put it on each side like a mixer tap. you're doing wrong. And if he's whinging about getting dirty, of course he's getting dirty because he's taking the dirt off him. That's six inches of water. Depending on what he does all day. The water is probably a slightly different color. So you're rolling

around in dirty water, get fresh water from the top, jug yourself. What's wrong with you? I'm telling you now, I won't have a bad word against baths. People who don't like baths. It upsets me. Yeah, you're your bath. your bath and habits piss me off a little bit though. Why? You have the quickest baths ever. All of that water, you're in there for 30 seconds and you're like, oh, I'm done now. But I've enjoyed it so much. I work really hard. Yeah, stay a bit longer. No, it's not about the time that you're in. It is, man. It's not, I get too hot. It's quality not quality. No, I just want it. It's worth it. It is worth

it. Yeah. Listen, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. Right. Alright, I don't buy that many shoes. You're a batha. I like me baths. You're a batha. What I spend my money on.

Hey, fair enough. You enjoy yourself. Thank you. Grown man rolling around in six inches of water. What a sad, sad sight. Hi Rosie and Chris, long time listener, second time emailer, but my first email was shite. Alright, okay. You should probably find it but anyway. I was listening to your most recent episode where Chris got sad about pigeons feet and

Rosie said she always wanted to ring the RSPCA. Fucking hell man. Oh when I hear stuff like that I can only apologise. I can only apologise to everyone listening. I'm so sorry. I thought I would share the tale of my pigeon rescue mission. It's like highlighted a memory for her. I was listening to your most recent,

oh, I've just said that. Oh my God, how embarrassing. Tell you what made me sad actually. So we're getting solar panels fitted. Oh, Captain Planet's finally getting these dreams come true. So happy. We're getting them, you've got to get them bird proofed, so you've got to get mesh put around them,

or the pigeons, like've got to get them bird proofed. So you've got to get mesh put around them or the pigeons, like go and live under them. And, well, I said the same, I was like, I need to get them bird proofed. I'm not having pigeons in them, blah, blah, blah. And then- Does it kill the pigeons? No, no, the guy went there.

He went, oh, they're just like, they get in underneath them cause they're nice and warm. And I was like, oh, fuck. I feel really bad now. Just as he said it, there's a pigeon in the tree. Went like, oh, I I feel really bad now. Just as he said it, there's a pigeon in the tree went like, oh I'm sorry man, I'm sorry but you'll do me tits in man, yeah now you'll do me tits in, here he is under them, you'll be doing me head and you'll probably break them. We're putting mesh on them lads, I'm really sorry. I don't know why I'm saying it as if all the pigeons are listening.

Hey pigeons, sorry and all that. Well you're gonna feel sorry for this pigeon but actually when I'm walking down the street or a pigeon flies out, you know what? I hate that book. Oh, I was in King's Cross, we were in King's Cross Station the other day and one flew right from your head in front of everyone. Rogue. I was nearly sick. Yeah. Anyway, listen to this. For some context, I live in a top floor flat with my boyfriend in southwest London

and the spare room has a large window out on the balcony. Well, la de da. Shut the hell up. Alright. Sounds nice. Sounds lovely. Well done. In summer 2023, I woke up to find blood smears on the window overlooking the balcony. I didn't think much of it. I thought it could have been the poo of a bird that had eaten a lot of red berries. Not be my first though, but that's fine. At this time, I was working from home, completing my doctoral thesis. Doctorate, yeah. So they're gonna be a doctor?

Depends what it's on. You can be a doctor on anything. You can be a doctor on mud. Right. Depends what it is. What's it on? Doesn't say. Okay. And I sat adjacent to the balcony door.

I don't think it's on birds because she would have known. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if doctor, yeah, maybe a doctor. Doctoral thesis. Yeah, maybe. Or would it be a PhD? Because that makes you a doctor. But then she'd have said, yeah, it might be. Who knows? Listen, I can do one. So hey. Oh, good on you. Yeah. Clever clogs. Well done. It was then that I spotted a pigeon on the balcony hobbling around and dragging its wing. It was also covered in blood. The poor thing. It's fucking, it's nose diving to the window, isn't it? It's done a banger. Clearly. I did not have a clue what to do. I called my boyfriend at work who asked around the office

and said to take it downstairs and leave it for the foxes. I told my boyfriend that I couldn't do that as it would be too sad. He said that the most important thing was to not get attached to it because after all it is just a pigeon and that's the circle of life. You heartless bastard! Leave him! Leave him! So naturally I named the pigeon Pebble and I now dedicated my life to making sure he was okay. I failed my doctoral thesis with With flying colours and pebble tide. He would, no he's still alive, he would hobble around the balcony doing stupid pigeon things

like sitting in full sun and panting, they do pant apparently, and hopping onto our furniture. Like Rosie I had never called the RSPCA before and didn't even know who to call. Upon googling it was apparent that the RSPCA and local vets would not be interested in saving the life of a pigeon with a gammy wing Yeah, no, you might as well be ringing them about fucking wasp. Yeah I then found a small charity called London wildlife protection Shout out to them for doing amazing work and not producing and not prejudicing. Sorry against pigeons I contacted them. They told me to put the pigeon in a box and wait for a volunteer to get in touch.

After fighting- I'm sorry, like, I'm sorry. I couldn't pick a pigeon up. Well, she is brave, she's done it. After fighting with the pigeon and it suddenly regaining use of its wing and flying into my flat, I picked it up and put it into a box.

Imagine looking out on your balcony and seeing some woman fighting with a pigeon. Just awful. I waited and waited for someone to contact me. Finally, at around 6 p.m., I got a call from someone and they said that my closest drop-off point was a 45-minute drive away in North London. Good God.

There was a much closer drop-off point opening later that evening, but she feared the bird would not make it. Wow. I said I would take the bird and could she let me know how the pigeon gets on because I'd grown quite attached to it. Why I should be sitting with it in a box all day? Yeah. Cut to my boyfriend coming through the door after a long day at work.

The pigeon is not fox food. It is in a box in our lounge and I'm telling him we have to drive 45 minutes to North London to draw off the bird otherwise Pebbles won't make it. Oh God almighty. We drove 45 minutes and pulled up and waited and waited for an hour for the guy to collect the pigeon. It was a surreal experience as I was just waiting on the side of the road with a large box containing a pigeon when another woman came over to me and said,

are you waiting for a bird to be collected too? I've got a magpie. A guy, no sorry, a car, sorry. A car then pulls up and this guy must have about six boxes already in the back of his car. And he takes the birds and then drives off. A few days pass and I haven't heard anything about Pebble. I messaged the guy and said, I rescued a pigeon and you collected it from me

the other day and I just wanted to make sure he was okay. His reply, what pigeon? I'm not a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon.

I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon.

I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. I'm a pigeon. What a risk! To this day I have no idea if Pebble is okay, but moral of the story Rosie calling the RSPCA or other similar charities can be quite stressful as Chris found out with the seal. Moral of the story is you didn't want to do your fucking thesis did you? Hello Chris and Rosie. First off last year I was working on a tv show called Robson Green's Weekend Escapes. Oh nice! I was absolutely buzzing to find out Rosie was a guest on one of the episodes as I was dying to tell her this story in person. However the week that episode was filmed

was with the one I had off. Oh right okay. But probably for the best as I reckon the staff at the BBC would have been traumatized hearing a runner tell the following story to a celebrity guest. Sorry, I didn't get to meet you. Playing fast and fast and loose with the term celebrity. I know, but I will take it. Anyway, my Nana has always been a big dog person.

She gets up. Why does that sound weird? I don't just. I didn't think person was going on the end. My Nana has always been a big dog person. She gets up early every morning and walks her dogs on the beach when it's nice and quiet. Beautiful. One morning though, she had a bit of a tummy issue and had the sudden urge to pop to the toilet. Obviously, miles down the beach that was a bit of a problem. With over an hour walk back to the car, she knew she was in trouble.

So she looked around to make sure nobody was there. And as any sane pensioner would do, she popped off into the sand dunes, dropped her trow and took a shit. Wow. They've lived through the war. They don't care. Can't imagine trying to knock the shit out while your dogs are running all around you.

Then again. They'd probably eat this. Yeah, they'd probably eat it, but they'd probably stare and go, ah, how do you like it, eh? Staring at you while you have a shit. Oh, the dogs have been buzzing. Everyone, look it, lads, stare at her.

Look, stare at her. Right, now let's go and pick it up. I've said this before, I've said this before. There's nothing grimmer in the world than just walking past and somebody with a dog or driving down the street and just seeing a dog, a shit, coming out of a dog's ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just, hey, hey! Always every time around a corner. Good morning. Every time around a corner, there's dog just shitting, every single time. It's just gross. We're not dog owners, although I know, I do think one day we will get a dog. Oh, I'm counting the days till I get a dog.

Soon as the kids don't want cuddles anymore, it's dog o'clock. I agree. I'm telling you. But I just, I'm not looking forward to picking up shit. Just not, just really not looking forward to it at all. It's part of it, you gotta do it. Just waiting for them to have it.

Just waiting for them to knock their shit out. Oh, this is totally off thing, but I shared a video not long ago, and the bloke did this video on Instagram, and it was toddlers having a shit. It was just this bloke, stood in loads of corners of the room, and there was a massive like bulge in his pants. Just turned away from you, and like, up. She's not an animal. Respect.

Yeah. I mean, she's an animal. She's shot in a sand dune. She's an animal, but carry on. I love her. She's a pro. Continuing her walk along the beaches if nothing had happened, she ran into one of the regular dog walkers she knew who was on his way back to the car.

After stopping for a conversation, he offered to take her poo bags back with him to save her carrying them the rest of the way. Obviously she said no, but he insisted and took them off her anyway. How could you? No, I want to keep it. I like carrying it. It keeps me hands warm. Yeah, she was traumatised. Thing is, there's no bins at the car park on the beach as it's private land. So the poor man would have had to throw my nana's shit-filled bag in his car and drop it off at the exit, which is a 10-minute drive down a country road.

That's upsetting. But he'll never know. He'll never know. But that's upsetting that you've got to put the shit in your car and then take it somewhere. It's part of having the dog in it. It's the same as we've done it with the kids. You know, you bag the shitty nappy up and you take it. It's your kid. It've done it with the kids. You know, you bag the shitty nappy up and you take it. It's your kid. It's your dog. Honestly, you're gonna

feel different when you've got your own dog. You're gonna feel different. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. A few weeks later, she saw him again and as always, he'd offered to take her poo bags with him. Only this time, joking to her, not as heavy as last time. She's never been back to that beach since. It's really good. Please keep me anonymous as my dad listens to the podcast and it's only me and him who know about this. That's really good.

Well, he's secretly safe with us. Really, really good that. Just knowing like, and it's a one end beautiful moment where he's got no idea and she's just going, yeah, he just carried me shite off. Yeah, love that it's a Nana as well. Fantastic. Respect. Love it, love it, love it.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Do do do do do do do Thank you as ever for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mound Annoyed which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you. Please follow or subscribe or whatever the hell that is. Like, follow, subscribe. Yeah, all of that stuff and we'll be back in the ears next week. Bye!

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