Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 264. Freaky and Weird

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

This week - there has been a potentially paranormal incident in the Ramsey bedroom, Rosie has discovered her newest toxic trait and Chris has spent a lot of time cleaning the hot tub….Chris has a ��thank you’ to give Rosie during the beefs, and QFTPs include an unconventional tattoo and piercing shop, as well as a dog walking incident! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon pull apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMAGE, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. for. Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey. Hello. Hiya, good to have you back. Good to be here. You know, we nearly weren't

here, were we? We very nearly weren't. We nearly weren't here because Rosie wasn't feeling up to it, said she was feeling very tired and we're sitting in the studio having a chat because we love that you're listening, we feel like you're part of the gang so we like to let you behind the curtain and let you know everything that transpires in and around it and Rosie's exact words, I think you should go into motivational speaking because your exact words were actually let's do the podcast and I quote, I've had a pat of crisps and they're starting to kick in. They are kicking in.

Now I don't think anyone at Glastonbury or any kind of rave has ever said, I've had a pat of crisps and they're starting to kick in. They are kicking in. Now I don't think anyone at Glastonbury or any kind of rave has ever said, I've had a pat of crisps, they're starting to kick in. I've told you I've never done any sort of drugs before, so to me this is- Honestly mate, I had some fucking Monster Munch and just as the beat dropped they fucking kicked in. I keep watching stuff about drugs, you know.

Right. And people go on about how mint it is. I'm tempted like. Are you really? I'm tempted tempted to try I think I'm just too old that's a great thing to see on our worldwide medium and they're not don't be tempted therefore mugs what are the four mugs drugs are for mugs I do agree what was it I was watching where they were talking about it I watched a really good program on now can I just say I can't keep up with the amount of shit you watch. Like I don't know how you do it and I'm I'm dare I say I'm a bit jealous. I watch about I think I watch about four things.

I must watch four or five things. Like just on rotation what do you mean? Just so I'm currently watching Invincible which is a graphic novel that's been turned into a you know an animation it's on Prime. Love it. It's great novel that's been turned into an animation. It's on Prime. Love it. It's great. Massive voice actors in it. You just love a cartoon.

I do love a cartoon. You're a grown man. What are you watching cartoons for? Croc of shit. It's fucking great. All the time, I'm like, watch this cartoon. Bill Burr has done a cartoon. Right, okay.

Ah, yes. I could have cried when the Bill Burr one, Fs4 family, could have cried when that finished. So I watch Invincible, I watch a UFC. Dare I say it no okay, I'm only watching two things at the minute. And sometimes I sit down, I go, I'm gonna watch Italian, I sit down and I go, I don't know what. I just get bored easily. You've, you can't, every time I go in there's something new on. The housewives are either screaming at each other, someone's getting their fucking sternum ripped out and botched or whatever. A part of a bar. I walked in the day that I had my breakfast and he was describing something and I thought

I don't want to eat my breakfast anymore because this sounds horrendous. Do you know, I've realised, do you know what my toxic trait is? Yeah. Right, thinking that I could just be a plastic surgeon. That's a fucking great toxic trait. I literally watch botching and I'm like, I feel like I could do this with the right stuff like Graze I watch Graze and I'm like brilliant that doesn't look that hard yeah obviously it is amazing but I watch them staple them together I'm like I could do that yeah yeah

um so if we're ever on a plane and the shout is the reductor on board I'm gonna have to put my hand over your mouth not stuff like that I couldn't do so I couldn't do the everyday stuff. Oh sorry so just the keyhole thoracic surgery? No not keyhole, I'm talking lifting up the flaps. Oh you're talking full open heart surgery? Yeah yeah yeah. You can't do CPR. No no no actually I can do CPR. Okay great. I've got me life-saving from swimming. Got you. Can't maybe pop a shoulder back in that's been dislocated, none of that. No, no, no. No revive someone but honestly I can't pump his chest but whip that skin off, open that

fucking rib cage and I'll go on straight in them vent wrinkles. I will be all up in them vent wrinkles and it will be just. They make it look really easy, I think that's what they're so good about, you know, Dr. Debrow and Dr. Paul Nassif. They just make it look so easy. Who the fuck is that? Oh they're the bot about, you know, Dr. Debrow and Dr. Paul Nassif. They just make it look so easy. Who the fuck is that? Oh, they're the botched. They're the botched doctors.

Right, we're going back to botched, yeah. I don't know what scenario we'll be in where someone says, excuse me, this woman is hideous, is there a plastic surgeon on board? And you just run up and just do that thing where you break their nose. It's me. I've seen eight series of botched. Come on. They're breaking nose things, the pits.

I've seen them break nose before. I've struggled watching the nose one. When the chisel, the noses. Yeah, they basically put a chisel up and give it a good smash, didn't they? It's a lot, isn't it? Fucking hell, man. Funny though, last night, funny, funny.

I was watching it and there was this woman who had like massive fake boobs, huge right. And Robin was going to sleep. And he had it on the iPad. He was in my bed, falling asleep. He was just like looking over my shoulder and I was like, what's he looking at? I'm getting this massive pair of tits.

And I went, are you looking at my screen? He's like, no, no. Poor kid, man. Poor kid. All right, great. That's good. Yeah. Wow hurt me hand But what happened you just as you were talking you started that I fell over in the bath you fell Oh, yes. Yes, because and you and your mom and your sister sat in our hot tub Yeah last week money's worth drinking bottle after bottle of wine. Yeah. It was Easter Sunday.

Oh yeah. But we're all Catholic for Jesus. Yeah, yeah. And we're celebrating the rebirth. What happened? What is it? You came back, didn't you? Brilliant Catholic. There you are. The hot of the next day, I had to put extra chemicals in. I don't know what happened, but I just believe that you and your mom and your sister, and I know your mom and your sister listen, and at the risk of getting canceled here, you had turned it into some kind of slag soup.

What do you mean? I'll have you know. It was fake tan or something, it was, the water was murky. I got out for a wee. God damn pond. You got out for a wee. Oh, congratulations.

Thank you. Sorry, is that instead of pissing in the hot tub? Yes, I went on the grass. Oh, that is, well, did you wash your feet before you got back in? Probably not, no. Right, there we go. So you're all getting out, pissing on the grass like cattle

and then going back in with muddy feet. That'll be what it is. It took me three days to get that water crystal clear again. Right, good for you. What did the guy say? Can remember when the guy came to do the service on the hot tub and he said it's the cleanest water he's ever seen in a hot tub. It is, listen. Right, good for you. What did the guy say? Remember when the guy came to do the service on the hot tub and he said it's the cleanest water he's ever seen in a hot tub.

Listen, you do keep that hot tub nipping clean. So I watch UFC, I watch Invincible, and I clean that hot tub. We live in that hot tub, I swear to God. You know when people, honestly, you know when people are like, I just don't know if it's worth it, like we go in hours like four times a week. It's money's worth a load of stuff. I've got socks and underpants that should be been years.

I keep them. I get my money's worth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your money's worth. Listen, anyway, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. It's episode 264. We bloody love that you keep coming back and listen to our absolute obolics.

Drivel. Obviously, drivel. Please click subscribe or follow on your podcast app. I am going to keep asking that just until you do it. Just fucking do it, please. I know I sound like one of them YouTubers, but that's just reminded us something. Robin watches YouTube sometimes when he's levels of, yeah, when his levels of us, whole are, he dropped to the point of where you go, okay, you can top it up with a bit of YouTube. Now you talk like a dickhead. We are watching a YouTube

video today and the guy said, please subscribe, you know, cause it helped me out and all this. And he was quite, quite forthcoming with it. it and then he then at the end of the video went oh I've just had a notification to say that one of you guys watching this hasn't subscribed so can that person please subscribe like obviously bullshit and Robin went oh dad that'll be us oh my god oh you went that'll be us he knows we haven't subscribed I went Robin no no and but if you're listening now and you haven't subscribed I've just us, he knows we haven't subscribed. I went, Robin, no. No. But if you're listening now and you haven't subscribed, I've just had notifications saying that you haven't subscribed.

I know you haven't subscribed, so I don't care if you're fucking jogging or walking your fucking dog, right? Stop for a second and click subscribe. I'll follow. Thank you. Now it is time for this week's lucrative sponsor. And I've just realized that absolute hypocrisy

is someone who does a podcast for a living of this being the lucrative sponsor, but it's gonna be anyway. This week's sponsor is, VoiceNotes. Stop fucking sending them. I'm getting pissed off. Right.

I've just, you know what? The risk of upsetting people here, because I've got a couple of people who I get on with really, really well, who are currently sending me VoiceNotes quite a lot for various different things. Honestly, ring me or text me. Don't dictate a letter to me like I'm your fucking secretary.

I've had enough. I've had enough. We don't voice note each other, do we? We don't, and I find it to just be, you sound like fucking Alan Partridge when he's giving ideas to his, Lynn, monkey tennis, stop it. I don't mind a voice note,

but there's only a very few amount of people that I't mind a voice note, but there's only, there's only a very few amount of people that I will send a voice note. I've got a WhatsApp group with Angela and Steph. Me and Steph send voice notes. Angela does not do a voice note at all. She listens to them and just replies in text. Honestly.

I think she hates the sound of my voice. If you absolutely, if you're listening and you're like, I have to send a voice note, give someone a fuck, buy a walkie talkie. Buy a walkie talkie, because that's all it is. Sick of it. Stop it. They are easier though.

Fuck, it's just irritating. But they, but you love a, honestly, don't ever ring me. Don't, unless I'm having a good day. Right, okay. If I'm having a good day, I can talk all day. Right, okay. But there's only, like I say again,

there's about three people I can speak to on the phone. You're probably one of them. Do you know what I mean? I'm barely one of them to be fair because the amount of times I ring you and it rings out again and again and again and again. Because I'm usually on the phone with Steph. What do you want? I'm on the phone with Steph, house is on fire but Steph is talking shit with me. Steph is talking shit. God you know where the water is. Get the hose, put the fire out. Steph is talking shit. Therapy. No, I don't answer my phone. Dentist, I will ring you back, the rangers are gonna do. And I'm gonna have to run.

Just. You're a fucking mess. I can't, can't do it. Oh God. Anyway. What if botched, the people for botched were ringing you for you to be the third doctor on botched? They were like, look, you've seen it so much.

Oh, finally. You're gonna be the third doctor, but they're were like look you've seen it so much you're gonna be the third doctor but they're gonna ring you and you're gonna have a three hour phone conversation with them to get the job no thank you no thanks goodbye she can do hey she can do all the surgery no bother but you cannot speak on the phone on a clip What a clip. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged. I was going to say is Shagged married a void? Gosh. episode of Shagged, I was going to say Shagged Married Avoid, gosh. No, no. Shagged Married Annoyed. Although again, people do, people constantly tell us they've watched, they've watched. I know.

I watched your snog, Married Avoid. Mm-hmm. Okay, I don't know how to take that. You might as well tell us you thought I played well in the Wimbledon final because that is so far off factually accurate. I've watched. I've watched, I've talked about it before, I don't want to go over. Anyway, yes. How are you? Apart from being a little bit tired.

I'm alright. I know, I didn't sleep very well last night. No. I had a bad dream that woke us up. Bad dream. And then, are we going to mention that the lamp just fell off the table? Look, this is our podcast about our life and what happens in our marriage and you might as well, mean do the accent if you're gonna do it. What? Derek Acosta Spirits come to me spirits. We're yeah. I love that program It was so good

85,000 episodes not one ghost spot. No, there was a couple. No there was a fucking orb up to bullshit. I remember Girls Aloud did an episode, a celebrity episode and Cheryl shit their pants. Fantastic. Yeah. No sort of. If that doesn't sum that show up what a great fucking era I tell you that was. Girls Aloud did an episode of most haunted. But all you could see was just the eyes, everyone's eyes. Yeah, yeah. Just loads of people with night vision shitting their pants. Loads of people with night vision shitting their pants, not one bit of proof. If you go back, look, there's an orb, there's an orb on the car, get in the fucking bin. Oh, I don't want to, I loved it. Anyway, yeah, so I had it.

Sorry, Derek, back to you. Alright, so I had a bad dream. Right, stop, stop. No, I can't do it. I fucking meant that attempt at the accent, a bad dream. That was quite a good accent. Go fuck yourself. I had a bad dream.

Mm-hmm. I felt a pressure on me chest. A pressure and a presence. I woke up and I kind of dozed back off to sleep, sweating me bed off, right, because I was scared and I wouldn't put my feet out of the covers. Got you. And you had a hot water bottle, which you made me do. And I had a hot water bottle, which you made me do. And I had a hot water bottle.

So I was sweating. And then the lamp fell off the bedside table. Mm-hmm. Just fell off the table. Yeah. No idea. Raph was in bed with us. He was no wainier. No wainier! And then it came off. Me and Chris have been doing reconstruction of the lamp coming off the table. I think I've sorted it.

I think the lamp may have fell onto its side earlier in the night and I think it was slowly... But wouldn't have heard it fall earlier in the night? Not if you're in a big sweaty deep pressure on your chest sleep. True. And I think it's fell on its side because he does, he ends up over that side of the bed anyway and then he's moved his way back across. He's knocked it onto its side. But nothing else was touched.

And it's fell off the desk. There's a cushion that's in between the bed and the bedside table so he doesn't hurt his head. Yeah, but he's just pushed over the cushion, Annie. He's pushed over the cushion. Oh, he's gone up. The flap of the cushion had not moved? Oh, listen, right, give me a photo.

Did that, you know that photo you took of the cushion just before he went to bed and then the photo you took this morning? Let's compare them. I didn't take a photo. Exactly, so there we go. But I think it fell on its side and I think it possibly rolled off the table, the bedside table, and then you were like,

but the lamp, the shade was facing away from the bed. And I explained to you that with the shade being bigger than the bottom of it, it will have rolled like a cone. The shade would have sort of came back on itself. Okay. But I didn't call bullshit to you as much as I normally call bullshit to you. No.

Because I could tell you were affected by it. I was scared. But tonight I'm looking forward to going on a trip down memory lane to my old school and maybe, you know, the ghosts of the Sunshields past. What time are girls allowed popping around tonight? Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo Speaking about freaky and weird. Yes. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo

babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babado I'm freaky and weird. I am freaky and weird. That's why I love you. People like, so I've realized, I'm sorry to- That's fine, go for it. It's a conversation, isn't it? You know when you meet people?

Cause obviously we're in the public eye now and you meet people. When I start talking, their mouths open in a weird way and I've noticed it and I just think they don't expect me to talk at them as much. Yeah. And I talk and talk and talk. And I think they're a bit like,

I wish I'd never fucking start talking to you. Yeah, I get a lot of that at Jujitsu. I get a lot of people who are like, and they're like, oh, you know, you can tell at first they're a bit standoffish and they're kind of like, oh, it's him off the telly. And then quickly they're like, oh, okay, yeah, you're just a number.

No, I'm the same. I just talk, I talk loads and I say something stupid. I say something wildly inappropriate, which I lie in bed at night thinking, fuck, why did I say that? Ova Shara, you're a classic Ova Shara. Massively. You tell them something you shouldn't have told them. Yeah and then I think oh god that's gonna bite me in the arse hasn't yet. It's even worse for me at

Jiu-Jitsu and I know you love talking about Jiu-Jitsu so let's start right now. Why you gotta bring Jiu-Jitsu? Because it gives us time off from my brain so when I'm on the mat and I'm rolling like you know we're rolling and sparring my brain switches off I'm on the mat and I'm rolling, like, you know, we're rolling and sparring, my brain switches off. I'm only in that moment. It's the most present I am in life. This is my moment. So I come off the mat and we're all sitting getting that... Great. We're all sitting getting ready. Yeah.

And I'm verbal diarrhea because I've had 10, 15, 20 minutes at the end where we've been sparring. I've had that time off from my own brain. Yeah. I've got a jujitsu question. Yeah, yeah, yeah minutes at the end where we've been sparring. I've had that time off from my own brain. I've got a question. Yeah? I've got a jujitsu question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you stink? No. No?

It's one of the, so I went yesterday and I had one of my geys on, a green, it was gay class. I had a green gay on with a rash guard underneath. And I happened to wash them both as soon as I got back yesterday, which is the thing I always do. And because it was a bit warmer, they were both dry this morning

when I was packing my bags, so I threw them straight in. And the first thing the coach said was when I got there, Alex, he went, is that the same guy from yesterday? I went, yeah, you better fucking washed it. I went, shit, I went, mate. I was like, of course. But he was on it like, yeah, they're on it. Not harder than anyone thinks. Why is it called a rash guard?

It stops you getting a rash. Next question. Sounds like stab vest. It's in the same.... Sounds like stab vest. It's in the same. Nothing like stab vest. No, but it's the same sort of like rash guard, stab vest. One of them's gonna stop you. Chef's jacket. I think the rash guards,

I think they were initially for surfers. I think it's the thing that surfers wear. Oh yes, oh it is. That's what we put on the kids when we go on holiday for them not to get burned. Rash guard. I wear it underneath me gi because my gi does, if it hasn't been softened properly it does

give us a little rash. Gi is also Indian butter. It's quite different, this is just GI. Oh is it? Gi is G-H-E-E. Oh. I think this is Gi. It's just GI.

You, oh my god you don't even know how to spell the thing away on me favourite hobby. I don't. It's like we don't even know each other. We don't. What were you actually talking about? All I was going to say was I come off the mats and because I've had time off my brain I talk in his verbal diary and I get in the car and I go why did I have to subject them to all of that? I know.

It's fucking painful. What was I going to say before that though? I don't know. Oh yeah, speaking of freaking weird. So I had like a week and a bit off, I'm currently off Instagram again because not out of any sort of freaking weird, so I had like a week and a bit off, I'm currently, I'm off Instagram again because not out of any sort of, everyone's threatened, you know, I'm off social media, I'm not doing that. What I'm doing is I'm avoiding UFC results. And it kind of goes hand in hand where I come off Instagram,

I don't have to sit in school, I'm avoiding them. I was avoiding last week's, so let's have a look. So there's just- I need to come off Instagram. I'm just checking my diary here. Makes it sad. There was an event, UFC events nearly every week now, it's amazing.

So there was an event on the 30th, Saturday the 13th of March, it was an event. So I stayed off my phone, off Instagram, all that work, all that week. And then I finished, I weirdly, I only caught up on Friday because I had a busy week. So I only caught up watching a little bit per night on Friday. So I went back on my so I only caught up watching a little bit per night on Friday.

So I went back on my phone on Saturday before the next UFC event just for a little catch-up, check my DMs and all that. And I happened to scroll... Did you check your DMs? Just for people I know, like friends and stuff, and you've always tagged us in some shite. You've always tagged us in some shite about how it would be a better period, which hurts. Hurts a lot, by the way. Yeah, you never watch them.

Because it's always fucking passive aggressive! This is why you shouldn't shout and you go off fuck off man this is why you shouldn't tell a child this oh great he has some more DMs of Rosie telling us why I'm a bad dad I get enough of that watching bluey now listen my mom sent me a great one of the day of really terrible extensions at the back of someone's head. Oh nice, nice. Go on, this is you. I do, with a carpet joint in the back of your head. So on the 6th, Saturday the 6th, I went back on before the UFC had started at about 8 o'clock at night and obviously your feed just gives you the sort of most popular stuff that you've

missed. Rosie, I got hit with and completely hook, line and sinkered with about six April fools in a row. And I didn't and I was like, I was like, this is madness. I was like, why are all these weird? This is it's like I've how have I not heard about this through conversations with people because all of these things are ridiculous. All April fools. Because people have just because six or seven in a row. When social media was newer back in the day people got away with eight were fools. Now it's very much old hat.

And I just got really irritated and bored. But yeah but you looked at them on eight were fools day. This was I forgot I forgot it even being eight were fools day. I was fucking exhausted by the end. Honestly, it was an emotional roller coaster. I didn't know what was going on. There was a thing, so you know Emma Barton, who did strip-writers from EastEnders, so she put one on where she was like, oh, there's a new character coming to the square and it's a third-planar identical twin, like Jean-Claude Van Damme, and I was like,

oh my god! I was like, how are they gonna to do that? And then I realized and I was like, oh Christ, six or seven of them in a row. One of them was that two, these two fighters were going to fight who'd be like, oh dear. It was just, me jaw hit the floor. Honestly. I need, my algorithm is whack at the minute. Like you can get that in t-shirt. My algorithm is wack. That's not... I'm rather dry. That is possibly... I'm rather dry. Sorry. That might be the worst thing I think you've ever said. Talk about X.

If I was in a bar or a restaurant and I walked past and I heard someone say it to the other person on the table, I'm just walking past. I'm on my way to the toilet. I'm on my way to the toilet, right? And one twat sitting on the phone says to someone else, my algorithm is wack. I think I'd flip the table. I'm so sorry. I think I'd flip the table. Okay, listen. I will take full, that was horrible. I'm really sorry about that.

I feel sick. Do you know what, Robin? I think my dick fell off. Oh good. Thank God for that. Do you know what Robin said to Rafe the other week? My Kate reminded us, Rafe was getting on Robin's nerves and Robin went, oh go on, get rekt. Get rekt is good. Oh get rekt. Get rekt is very good. No my algorithm is wack right. Oh should I say it again?

I don't give a shit. Like I think it's because I linger on them too long because it pisses off so much. Just happy families. Right. Just happy, happy fucking skinny, lush families on holiday and that with well-behaved kids just having a mint time. And I just want to...and I watch them, I think, because I hate them. And then the algorithm thinks this is the content you need, when in fact it's actually damaging my mental health. So, thank you, you Instagram for ruining everything. It's just bullshit, isn't it?

Absolute utter fucking bollocks. Yeah, now and then my algorithm goes too far. So obviously I follow a lot of like Jiu Jitsu, a lot of like MMA stuff, like UFC, just like watching it. And then so now it'll just, you know, it shows genuine sports clips from actual MMA events. And then it'll go, oh yeah, I have a little bit of security footage from the MMA gym where the sparring went a bit too far or whatever.

And you go, oh, and then it goes, oh, yeah, car park fight. And I go, oh, not that shit. I'm all for that. I'd rather watch that than the heads off the concrete and that no chance. God, no chance. And the Maldives, the lovely little children who are dressed in matching clothes with no stains. And I just want to go, this is not real life. They didn't film the flight.

No they don't, they never do. Because it's fucking hell on earth. I always see people, they've gone long haul with their kids and they're like, yeah, and they're somewhere like the Maldives or they're somewhere like really beautiful, incredible place. Maldives, have you got to take like four or five planes to get there? One of them being a rickety little fucking island hopper. God, they've been rank. There's no photos of that.

Yeah, don't worry about it, it's all bullshit. Come on, remember that it's all bullshit. I know, but son, I get sucked in. Let them enjoy their little holidays, right? It's all good. Okay, fair enough. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Had a lovely conversation with me nana the other day.

Yeah? Me nana, Bridgette, lover, lover, lover, lover. 86 years young. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Had a lovely conversation with me Nana the other day. Yeah. Me Nana, Bridget, lover, lover lover lover, 86 years young. Legend. We're chatting about, I don't know how we got in the conversation. We're just talking about like, you know, when older, mostly men kind of date younger, a lot younger women. Must've been something,

she must've seen something in the papers or something kind of going on, did you see that? I just was like, I just don't think I could ever do that. No matter how much money like I was obviously rich people Yeah, or even you know other sexes dating other older Just we're talking about we're talking about a mega mega age gap mega gold diggers. That's what we're talking about Yeah, depending like regardless of gender. We're talking about someone Yeah, pretty much. Dependent, like, regardless of gender, we're talking about someone younger and beautiful going out with someone much, much older for the fact that they're gonna get their money

when they die. Yeah. Right. So I kind of said, like, it's just not, I just don't think I could ever do it. I'd rather go out with someone. On what side? What do you mean? On what side of it do you want to be on?

What do you mean? What do you mean you not be the older one going out with the younger one, or do you mean not be the younger one? Oh no, I one? Or do you mean not be the younger one? Oh no, I could do that. I couldn't be. Excuse me. I mean, I didn't expect that reaction. Sungyoung hot stood once my old wrinkled prunes vagina. I'm all up for it. Obviously you'll be dead by then. Oh yeah, thank God. Wish I'd died before I heard that time. No, I just, I basically said I would rather have someone who's like dirt poor but lush. Do you know what I mean? Like that would be my cup of tea. And it just was such a lovely

saying. And I just don't think I'll ever forget it. My Nana said, well, yes, I'd rather have now to eat, but something nice to look at. I just thought that was nice. That's really good. That just thought that was nice. That's really good. Yeah, it was really, really good. Was it? Now to eat but something nice to look at. And I'll have now to eat,

but at least you'll have something good to look at. Oh, well there we go. There you go. That's really nice. Yeah? It's kind of, me and you know, prune vaginus and stuff, and then you kind of pulled it back at me, huh? Yeah, thank you.

I'll try my best. Well done, well done. I'm a word smith. Like, no, definitely not. Life's a journey though. Babadooo babadoo babadoo ba It's time for What's Ya Beef? What's ya beef, what's ya beef, what's ya beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef Compiler back there. Getting food poisoning? Yeah. God, for, for a bit. From possibly somewhere you took them. Thank you. Yeah, it's always, it's just always good to just get that out there.

Brilliant. Thanks for that. Thanks for that. It's absolutely fine. You're really, you're tough with that aren't you? Yeah. You're really happy with that. 100%. Really happy with yourself. Well done. 100%. So, when he's with me, he only, he drinks fruit shoots and eats Pringles. No worry. No worry at all. None of this exotic stuff. None of this, what, meats and cheese?

There's no chance. Pringles, straight from the tube. Hold the tube, son, it's your tube. Easy. Yeah, don't lick your fingers, tastes like sanitizer. Fruit shoot. No, my beef with you is, you just could not wait to get diorolite in that bin. You are obsessed, obsessed with Dioralite.

You are. So you know how your mom doesn't believe treadmills are a thing? Regular listeners will know that. You could tell Sandra, you could tell her that you'd just done a marathon on a treadmill and she would not give a fuck. There's part of her that thinks that the treadmill runs for you. I'm not sure. She thinks because it's moving and you're not moving. I mean, the main thing is because you're not getting fresh air while you're doing it. Maybe if you drive it into the fucking garden.

Fresh air does cure all diseases. All things, yeah. All things. So hers is, so you could go's if Rosie turned around and said ma'am should I do a hundred K ultra marathon uphill on the treadmill or should I go for a three mile walk she would always tell you go for three mile walk no question about it she would go the books much better for you it's mad so you're the same with diorite you don't believe diorite is a thing you don't believe you can'tite is a thing. You don't believe getting electrolyte.

You can't! Your body can't absorb the fucking water unless you've got your electrolytes in your salts. What are electrolytes? They are the things that stop you shitting your ring out. So, I think, I don't know that, please don't quote us on that. You don't even know what you're talking about. I do and know exactly. Listen, I have gleamed several conversations about this while passing people at the gym. So I'm, you think you're plastic surgeon. I'm an electrolytist. I'm an electric, electric, electric engineer. Right. What even are they? Oh, that's just salt. I thought it was just natural salt.

Jamie, Jamie, can you get this up? We don't have a Jamie. I'm Jamie! What are electrolytes? A liquid or a gel that contains ions and can be decomposed by electrolysis. Right this isn't making any sense. Ridiculous. What do electrolytes do for your body? Absolute crap. Electrolytes are chemicals that conduct electricity when dissolved in water. They regulate nerve and muscle function, hydrate the body. Bang! There it is. So does water. But you can't absorb. I got told by someone, right? Someone who, at the gym, who I trust implicitly, you can't absorb the water unless you've got your salts. Otherwise, that was what I got told.

And that's what I, basically, I put it back to this. When we got back from Ibiza a while ago, and I was done in- Hungover. No, I was done in... You drank too much. Sunstroke. You...

That was not sunstroke. I had red dots on my feet. You drank too much. I had red dots on my feet. You drank too much. Red dots on my feet. And I said to you, right, I said, go to the supermarket and get some... We've talked about it here, I said get some Diorite.

And you went to the supermarket and you went, they didn't have any. And I went the day later, when I could finally go to bed, the day day that had about 200 boxes. Well, they must have just restarted that day. Yeah, of course. Yeah, great. That was it. You just missed it. You just missed the Diorite delivery the big truck Big double day. I had one lot. I had one lot of it and I was fine. One lot of it and I was fine. Sorted us right out. Okay, good for you. And the other week when I was in bed with the shits the other week And I said you can you get us a diorite and you fucking point-blank He wouldn't get his one you wouldn't do it. You were like you don't need it. That is your Sandra's treadmill I know fair enough and that kid as long as you're eating and drinking

Started he started perking up when I snuck a diorite in his drink. He started perking up almost immediately someone Almost instantly. It was just the way you kept going on about it. Like even like now've said it far too many times. This is not sponsored by the All That Electrolyte drinks are available. Have a look you fad. Shut the fuck up. My beef with you isn't actually beef for change. Is it something positive and nice? It's an appreciation. Hang on a minute. Just pretended to pass out. Just passed out. Come on then. It's an appreciation. Okay, I need this today actually. Oh, well that's fantastic. Don't bullshit me.

Is this actually, you're taking my piss. I could really do with something nice today. You, right, it is a thank you. You constantly have a go at me for being a bad driver. Right? All the time. This is. And then the other day, we were in a scenario

where you maneuver the car out of a driveway and onto a road. And you, girl power, got out and made me do the maneuver. You said, I can't do this. Can you do this maneuver? Wasn't that I couldn't do it? You couldn't do it. I just didn't want to put myself through it. And in doing that, you obviously were admitting once and for all that I'm the do it. And it, yeah, you couldn't do it, scared. I just didn't want to put myself through it. And in doing that, you obviously were admitting, once and for all, that I'm the better driver.

And I want to say thank you. And I didn't say that. You had action, action speak louder than words. Action speak louder than words. And I want to say thank you. And I want to say, I appreciate this. This is not where I thought this was going. We had a conversation after that though, right?

And by the way, fuck you for saying what you said to the people. What? You said, it was my car, and you, when we were walking around the car swapping seats, you said to the man, oh it's not her car and you could just drive it. To cover your back? Yeah but I... Okay so what's the opposite? Oh this is her car she's just shited parking and moving it although she gives a fucking get a lip going when I'm driving doesn't she but look at this eh who's laughing now? No I tried I did that to cover your back I went oh I went

swapping. It really annoyed us. Yeah but it was good I went oh we're swapping it's my car so and you know she doesn't like doing all the stuff and the guy went okay. I thought that was nice actually, that's the nicest thing I've done all week. That's one of the nicest things I've done in my life for you. Oh dear, which shows the level Chris Ramsay. No but we had a conversation while we were driving

after that of I don't profess to be the better driver, right, I'm not. No listen, the difference between you and I is that I'll make a mistake and I'll be like, ee shit sorry, to a passenger, you will never admit that you've made a mistake and that's what places me off. I will admit when I make a mistake, whenever it happens, whenever that may be in 10 years, 20 years, whenever I make my first mistake, I will. Wow. I'm joking. That's about you. And you actually put your... ...to your face.

I'm so sorry. That came out of nowhere. Snuck up on me. Can I just say, argument... You admitted. I'm not going to let you finish your sentence, argument null and void. Argument null and void. When you're having an argument or a debate with someone and they knock out a manky burp halfway through, that's because your crisps are kicking in, null and void, end of discussion.

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causing the risk of heart disease to go up. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care.

From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. It's time for Questions from the Public! Questions from the Public!

Public my public my public! Public, lovely as always if you like getting touched it's shagged. Married annoyed at gmail.com. Do you remember the song We are the world, we are the children? Err possibly. It's worth living. No not really actually. There's a chance. I was a bit obsessed with that when I was a kid. Anyway, onto this week's question from the public. Sorry, has

that got anything to do with- Are you mad? What was that? I don't know. I don't know, because I did a funny voice and it reminded us of a- I just love that song. Anyway, Hi Ramses, please keep me anonymous. Sorry, that category got nothing to do with anything you were about to say. No, nothing at all. Just, just- It had nothing to do with anything we just said before that. No. Just a banger.

Just a pure banger that you don't hear much anymore. Oh, just something happened today actually. I haven't told you this. Something happened today in the gym. Oh God, oh God, stop talking. It's the only place I've been. It's the only place I've been. Oh, I want to die when you talk about Jiu-Jitsu all the time.

No, this isn't, it's about music, it's about music and this actually validates you. Okay. Oh yeah, there we are. Oh, you've put me in a... So they put some music on at the end, one more sparrow and they put the playlist on, right? Oh god, oh they've done! Yeah, you can put music on. What do...

There's all kinds. Sometimes they'll put like, one of the lads is a drum teacher so he'll put like sort of heavy metal like drum stuff on. It gets worse. It goes all over the place. So weirdly there was just like an indie playlist on today and the kooks came on. Yeah. Weirdly it was naive not saying this is your fault was I know you could have done more so that was on so naive no I think the

finest pronounced naive so that was on yeah and I was like I looked at the coach and I was like bit of a weird choice of song to be on and he was like yeah remember the Cooke's he was like I bet you love these were your bloody indie boy haircut back in the day I was like oh yeah and he went they've only got two good songs and he named another song and I went yeah well they've got another one as well and he went which one and I tried I went you know the one that goes and I tried to sing it and he went what and I went oh fuck Rosie's right I can't I can't even sing one out. Do it while I know it. No you won't know it. It was just like disgust on his face. Like actual disgust. You know they've got that

one that goes there and he went what? Yeah your tunes well off. But then you could. You weirdly got naive there which I didn't think you would have but it was a massive song. That was more the words than the tune. But when you sing along you can hold the tune. It's just independently, not great. Okay. Not great. So when I'm holding your hand, I can do it a little bit. But if not, don't bother. No. Great.

I think people who try to learn to sing, I think if you can't sing from being a kid, don't. I feel the same about stand-up comedy. Oh, right. OK. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. But if you if you've no one's ever laughed at you, don't try stand up comedy. No, I just I feel like because the people go on courses and stuff and they go, we're running a stand up comedy course and I just feel like you can't be taught it. I feel you know, but the thing with that is sometimes the course is a way of someone attempting

it who could do it. Well, that's like singing lessons. Yeah. You've got to be able to sing already to have lessons to get better. You can't sing. You can got to be able to sing already to have lessons to get better. You can't sing, you can't teach someone how to sing, you've got tone or you don't. But a couple of like world-beating absolutely incredible comics came from courses back in the day. So everyone dines out on that. I didn't know there was comedy courses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think it was, great, hilarious. Oh, and you've passed the course. I shall be running my own courses

out of my garage next week. Right, please keep me anonymous. I have an ick that I really need to share. Still loves icks. This is actually vile right. I love icks. But at the same time, I'll tell you, well, we'll get to the end.

My husband, when buying cards for his mum, gets mummy cards and writes in them, to mummy bear from baby bear. He's almost 40 and it makes my skin chrome. Please tell me this is weird and it's not just me. Okay. So, do you wanna know how I feel about this? Yeah.

Part of it is like, that's gross. If you did that with your mom, I would be so weirded out. But, I'm gonna finish a sentence here. You want the boys to do it with you. But if my little boys are writing me cards when they're forty-six and two, my big man will be the happiest little lady in the whole wide world. Great. Yeah, so it all comes from the point of view of who the men are to you

in your life. I think so. Yeah. But if you did that, that would be great. Cause you're supposed to fancy me. So that's why. Do you know what I mean? So she's supposed to fancy this person and he's doing that. Yeah. But that must make the mom's absolute day. So get over it. It's just a little pet. I'm not, I'm absolutely fine. I'm on board with this. It's just a daft little pet name he's got with his mam. That's absolutely fine. Although again, in our area, really annoying, every time there's a birthday or Christmas or Mother's Day, the lack of mam, M-A-M,

and M-A-M-M-Y cards, it's hardly any. So and out. And nana. Nana. Nana. So it was nan, nanny, grandma, grandmother. But you can't get mamaw at all. You can't get mamaw. No. You can't get mamaw. Because that's a thing you and your family made up. Is it? There's loads of mamaws.

There's loads of mamaws now. Even though, Rave, when he's being at me, mamas, he's like mamaw, mamaw, mamaw, mamaw, mamaw, mamaw. Oh, when he comes back from me dad's, he calls me granda bill all afternoon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Hi, Chris and Rosie.

I'm a little behind, so I was sorry to hear that. Sorry to hear that. Are you still doing your comedy course? Literally, just being in my last lesson of the comedy course. And I'm knocking them out. Not at the park. All the time. I'm a little behind, sorry to hear that. That's dreadful.

Is it? Yeah, it doesn't really work. I get the vein of joke you're going for. Yeah. You've just dropped a grade on your comedy course, right? Buck up your ideas. What would I get in a comedy course? Oh.

B. Nah. E. Nah. Come on. What was the one used to get that was you? Ungraded. Ungraded I just like annoyed you even put your name on the test. Right good. I was just listening the episode where a couple were having sex and the man thought the woman said slap my tits but she didn't so her partner was enthusiastically slapping her tits and she was so confused, it made me remember a funny story and I wanted to share it. Again thought about that after, I would honestly, I would have went no.

What if someone... Slapped me tits, no. Or I would have went what? Is it not a little bit sexy? If I was having sex and someone thought I said slap me bollocks and they'd slap me bollocks, I'd curl up in the fetal position and be sick. Aren't they quite tender? Tits? Yeah. Nah. I mean, yes and no. They can handle a bit of rough tits. Depends what

time of the month it is, Chris. Great. If you're due on, no. But if you're not, then... Slap away. Slap happy. Get slapy. About 10 years ago, after our A-levels, me and three friends went on a girls holiday to Bodrum in Turkey. Oh yes. Of all the places. Bodrum? Is it Bodrum or Bodrum? Oh, I don't care.

Sorry. I think it's Bodrum. Is it Bodrum? Okay. The hotel had some shops attached to it and one of them was a tattoo and piercing place. What? Why is that funny? What's funny? It's just so... Well, the hotel we got, yeah, hotel's great, yeah, all-inclusive, yeah, had a little shop down the bottom, yeah, beach access, yeah. Had its own tattoo parlor.

Oh, your hotel had its own tattoo. Did have its own tattoo parlor. Pearson. Oh, see, wait, ours just had a Pearson place, but yours did Tattoos as well. Eee, eee. Jeremy, Jeremy, theirs had Pearson and Tattoos. Well, well, we've got the name of it, man.

We'll go there next year. Sick of going on holiday and only getting a Pearson when I want a tattoo. All right, mate, yeah, can you do the hotel name across the bottom of me back? Cheers. Our hotel had a tattoo and piercing place. Fucking hell.

Oh God. Right, I've narrowed it down. I've narrowed it down to two hotels for a holiday. Right, yeah, okay. One of them has got a spa. Oh nice. Spa and a gym. right? Yeah, okay. One of them has got a spa. Oh, nice. Spa and a gym. That's bit of me.

Other one, tattoo in place, brothel. Oh. Which one do you fancy? How do I pick between them? Exactly, exactly. Fucking hell, man. I know. My friend decided to get her nipple pierced,

which we thought was hilarious. I don't know. Whatever happened to henna tattoos eh? What ever happened to getting your hair braided for six hours on the promenade? On the steps. The four of us went in and we realised the person working in there was the hotel rep

who she'd got with a couple of nights before. Oh God! What do you want? What do you you want a dragon on your back? You're fucking joking aren't you? It's volleyball in half an hour. Can I do a dragon fly? I don't do small ones, I only do massive ones. It seemed a bit dodgy but we went with it. Why would you?

Later on we saw him, he was also the chef in the restaurant and in the morning it was awkward we got woke up because he was hoovering our rooms he was also the maid. Mrs Ravage from Bebopig. Right despite a bit of a language barrier we Which one do you think you had first? I tell you what, I hope this hotel has been shut down. I do not trust this hotel. I bet it's got a foot, a fish foot spa. Oh they've definitely got the foot spa with the fish in. I like the idea they go, oh a little PS4 but you're not going on my banana boat ride are you? Because you're not going to get the life jacket on if you get your little PS.

Maybe get do banana boat first, then get your little PS after. Yes, I will be driving the jet ski that pulls the banana boat. Yes. He was also our pilot on the way home. Listen, listen, listen, listen. We explained what our friend wanted and the rep thankfully explained he needed his more experienced colleague to do it as he just does the easy piercings.

I'm not sure if he was even trained in any way. We waited awkwardly in the shop until the proper piercer came in. We then explained again what our friend wanted. He nodded and then expected her to get her boob out in the middle of the shop despite there being loads of people around. We, again with a bit of a language barrier, asked for somewhere more private. They clearly didn't have anywhere so we ended up following him through the hotel basement to a spa slash leisure facility changing rooms.

Oh I had that as well. It's got everything. It was a bit weird but oh well at least it was more private. leisure facility changing rooms so there is a spa. It's got everything? Yeah. It was a bit weird but oh well at least it was more private. My friend took her top off then whilst looking at her boobs he said something to her which none of us understood. After a bit of time he then began to slap her boobs quite frantically and we realised he was trying to get her nipples hard. The three of us were laughing so much at this site in

a random spa changing room, our friend's boob getting smacked left and right by this random man. Finally they were hard. I don't think I could get hard nipples if someone, if I was laughing. Right. Well maybe you could, maybe it's not to me your control. Anyway, finally they were hard. Thank God for that. Why didn't he go and get some ice from the bar? Well you would think wouldn't it?

I mean he's clearly a barman as well. Yeah, and there's loads of ice abroad. They've always got ice. There's loads of ice abroad. No, but in England it's hard to get ice abroad. There's always ice. They've got ice coming out the bloody backsides. I don't know, I'm just going to leave that as of, yeah.

Why? There's loads of ice. I mean, it's like, because it's for the drinks. I've worked at a hotel in Greece. There was always ice. Right, okay. Because everybody wants ice in their drinks. There were never.

So no one ever wants ice in a hotel in England? Yes, people do, but how often do you go to a hotel or a bar in England and they've run out of ice? Fair point. All the time. Right, okay, okay. Thank you. Yeah, okay. Sorry. Yeah, well, I still don't think they've got ice coming out of ice? Fair point. All the time? Right. OK. OK. Thank you. Yeah. OK. Sorry.

Yeah. Well, I still don't think they've got ice coming out of their arse. Well, that was possibly not a very great thing to say. Right. Listen, finally... Leave that ice up your arse too long, turns into water. Yeah. Finally, they were hard. And just as he was about to put the needle in, in our fit of laughter, I leant back and accidentally leant in the light switch. So it suddenly went pitch black. Oh my god.

Uh huh. Fortunately he hadn't pierced her yet but as you can imagine we were all howling with laughter even more. Eventually the piercing did go ahead with success but it's certainly a memory we'll have forever. That's it. So she did get... The hotel.

At what point would you have said I'm alright for this? I don't know how many red flags she needed. I don't know how many she needed. It's first of all, I mean don't book the hotel. I am not. I am not booking. The minute that travel agent says to me, oh you know what, if you like tattoos or piercings, your hotel's got a tattoo par. Get, no, get me another hotel immediately. No chance. One guy can't do it who's also the rep, he's just in there doing, he's just the easy ones. I've got a question for you. How do you feel about this, right?

I've just started watching a new program on Hear You. You fucking Christ. Right, it's a spin-off of Vanderpump Rules, it's called The Valleys, right? Sorry, isn't Vanderpump Rules a spin-off of Housewives? No, it's not. But, bravo, right? Because you get, and they're all on bravo. Oh my gosh, I should be sponsored.

Lisa Vanderpump was in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for a long, long time. But she's got all the restaurants and the bars. And this Vanderpump rules started years ago in one of our bars. Right. But they're all getting older. But it was essentially a spin-off of Real Housewives. Sort of, not really. So this is a spin-off of a spin-off. Yeah. So this is, fuck me, so in Real Housewives of Beverly Hills there was a woman called some Lisa Vanderpump and then they took her and did a thing just about her bar. Now what have they done now? You're talking like 10 years later.

It's called the Valleys, because there's a couple of, a few of them who are older, who now don't live in Beverly Hills, they live like in the Valleys. And they're just a bit older and they've got kids and stuff. Okay, so now it's called the Valleys. That's a spin off to that, right. The Vanderpump rules.

God, okay. It's only three episodes, I'm enjoying it. But this is what I was gonna say. They had a party, right? Mm-hmm. And like, it was just a house party. Yeah. They'd done it up and that, and there was kids in that day. They had a tattoo, isn't there? Wow. Giving out tattoos?

You know when you're like... How long is your party? And not just that, how flippant are you with tattoos? Oh, some people are crazy flippant. Some people don't care. My God! When you've got loads and loads and loads, it doesn't really matter anymore. I think because we don't have one, it would be a huge thing. So, I can understand, you know, when people have got sleeves and they've got and it's like, and it just kind of just... They're just mixing.

Mixing and they think, well, I've got that. And it's pretty cool. I got that at that party and bloody blah. And people love their tattoos. I totally...each to their own. Jesus Christ, it's your body. Do what you want. I just found it so mad. That's really strange. And some of them who haven't even got many tattoos well I just had got a tattoo and you're like what yeah but what they take fucking ages what's he doing so imagine getting to the part of the beginning and going

all right I want basically the roof of the Sistine Chapel I want it across me back please yeah how long here for he's only gonna be able to do you know no words words what if they weren't real surely they might not be in real don't know fake tattoos you watched it I didn't pay that much attention fucking hell oh god

just found it a bit odd just thought that's a weird thing have another bag of crisps will you I think you're flagging babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo dear Rosie and Chris I hope this finds you both and the boys well thank you thank you very much the boys well. Thank you. Thank you very much. We're all well at the moment.

The boys are very well. It's Easter holidays but they've been ne'er bother. They've been great. I mean it's been intense but they're lush aren't they? They've been lush. They're dead can't you? This just happened and I am mortified. Yes. I regularly listen to the podcast whilst out walking my dog which often results in random outbursts of un-cun-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-un-con-con-t-t-t-t-t-t-t laughter in the middle of a field.

So was that uncontrollable? Uncontrollable. Sometimes I can't say certain words which must look so bizarre to unlock as it really alarms my dog. Poor dog. See I had, sorry to interrupt you, I have never understood that until today. I was driving along in my car today and I burst out laughing, I was laughing my head off and a man was trying, he was at the crossing on a bicycle, should have been on the road mate,

but he was at the crossing on the bicycle, waiting to cross and I went past and he caught us laughing and he looked really annoyed. He thought I was laughing at him for some reason, I don't know why. And I wanted to go, I'm not laughing at you. What were you laughing at? I was laughing because I just't know why. And I wanted to go, I'm not laughing at you. What were you laughing at? I was laughing because I just pranked you. Which I thought was going to be your beef,

but it wasn't. Chris rang me on the way home from, yeah, cacow, and told you you had to go to A&E. I wasn't going to go ahead with it and I very rarely prank you. But sometimes- It wouldn't surprise us though. But sometimes what happens is your phone, if you've not noticed that, you have to say hello twice. Yeah, why is that? So you pick up and you say hello too quickly,

and I get it, oh, like that, and I think, it's just said in it, and I wait, and then you say hello again, and I wasn't gonna prank you. That happens with everybody who rings this. Hence why I hate phone calls. So I'm like, hello, hello, hello. Open your phone, let it sit a second,

then say hello, just take your time. Ugh. You know what I mean? Gotta wait a minute, gotta wait. Not a minute, just a second. Like what? So, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr. Hello?

Yeah, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr. Hello? No! That's what I do. That long? Yeah, you say hello and your phone doesn't catch it. Okay, I go brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr, brrr. Hello?

Yeah, no, it doesn't catch it. God, isn't technology shite? Yeah, totally. Do you want to hear this? Right, okay. So, the bizarre dog, look guys, and really alarms my dog. Because I have small ears and can't therefore wear in earpods, I wear massive wireless noise-canceling headphones instead.

Right. That's so cool. They do hurt ears after a while. You never think about people whose ear pods just don't fit, ear pods. I have ever tried to put them, I put them in rave ones. Absolutely not having none of it. I was like, why are your ears so shite?

It wouldn't fit in. It's the right, why are your ears so shite? Listen, let me finish this because I'm gonna get distracted. Right, you'd think this because I'm going to get distracted. Right. You'd think this would have the added benefit of deterring strangers from stopping to chat to me, but no. I guess I have one of those faces because people always try and speak to me when I'm

out despite me clearly not being able to hear them with my headphones in. You've got to lift them up and go, what? Sorry, what? That happens to me a lot as well. Today I was listening to episode 249, Christmas Ramsey, and you were recounting the story of the gay male with huge balls who use sex toys with an ex. I don't remember this.

Do you know what it is? You think you could remember some I have, but they all just blur into one. Oh, no, I do. That's terrible. I do, right, okay. Yes, I do remember, and I've read this. My dog and I were just rounding the corner coming home when a lovely elderly lady.

What? My dog and I were thoroughly enjoying the story. Loved it. When a lovely elderly lady smiled and mouthed something to us, instead of pausing the podcast, I just lifted one earphone to hear her whilst your voices continued to resound in my other ear. What a lovely dog, she said, what breed is he? I smiled and answered her but she suddenly looked confused. I guess she hadn't heard me properly so I repeated myself a couple

of times more loudly. It was on the louder second utterance that I realised when I was now shouting at the understandably surprised elderly lady, clearly my brain had gotten confused between what I was hearing in one ear and trying to say out the other, as I was loudly and repeatedly telling the poor dear that my dog was a cock ring spaniel. No fucking way! As opposed to the more official breed name, cock aspanieliel! Cock aspaniel. A cock ringspaniel!

A cock ringspaniel. A cock ringspaniel. What dog is he? He's a cock ringspaniel. He's a cock ringspaniel. Could've been worse, could've been a butt plug pug. Oh, it's a butt plug pug? Oh, do some more.

Oh, no, come on. Come on. Golden shower retriever. I want to do one. Your brain doesn't work that well. I want to do something. You want to do some little Labrador? Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, no. Lady B a Labrador? Oh god. Pick a shit one.

Lady Bits Labrador? No. Oh god I've ruined it. Anyway, that was it. Well done. Thank you. Babadoo babadoo babadoo baa. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mardinoid, which is part of the Acast creator network. What you don't realise, because this was seamless, is Rosie's just sat for about five minutes trying to think of a dog and she didn't think of it.

It was painful. Let's talk about Shih Tzu. Let's talk about Shih Tzu. It was the closest you got. Very well done. Thank you so so much for listening and being part of this wacky little wacky ick and this weird little thing that we've created. Please do subscribe and follow. Titty Terrier. Titty Terrier. Also great. Please subscribe or follow on your podcast apps. And if you want to send anything in any stories or X of the like, it is shagmaudinoid at gmail.com. Bondage Bulldog. Shut up. Back in your ears next week.

Bye. Bye. This is the first radio ad you can smell, the new Cinnabon pull apart only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks for the small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca.