Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 266. Gasolina

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

On this week's podcast Chris proclaims Rosie as his Best Friend and it's not reciprocated! They discuss leisure wear, the London Marathon, Rosie's algorithm's and her thoughts on sugar free Chocolate Mousse. They have a couple of crime based QFTP's and a rouge mushroom incident. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, you're listening to Shag Marginoid with me, Rosie, and him, Chris. Hello! We are best friends. We're not stopped with the best friends. We are the bestest of friends. We're not best friends. We are. Are you not my best friend? No, you are not. Am I not your best friend? No. I can't believe this whole relationship's just been till I'm alive. We're like acquaintances who are in love. Okay.

Something like that. So you had to tell someone who your best friend was, who wouldn't pick me? No, okay, so if somebody said to me, who's your best friend? I'd say like, Steph and Angela. But they're my best friends. Ah, okay, yeah.

Like, I wouldn't say, my husband, Chris. And actually, if I heard somebody say my husband Chris and actually if I if I heard somebody say to someone who's your best friend then when my husband I'd probably never be friends with that person. Oh me too. It was your best friend. One of the boys, you know. Anyway, we're cracking up. Stop it. Stop it. You know what? Well, I,

the thing I do with Robin, who annoy Robin is I claim that I'm his best cousin. What? I say, oh, we're best cousins. And he just goes, no, dad, we're not. I just best cousins. You wind him up with something, Robin. Sometimes he gives in and says yes,

and sometimes he does not. Best cousins. Best cousins. But there we go. How are you? I'm alright. Yeah? I'm okay. Have you?

Having a little scratch there? What you scratching? Oh no sorry. Okay so I've got the radiator on in between me thighs. For fuck's sake. But today I don't have jeans on. I've got like active wear leggings on so it's actually really burning me skin. Wow.

Have you heard about active wear by the way? So don't you know like... Why do I feel like I'm about to be sold something? No you're not sold, this is devastating. A pyramid scheme? Oh this is, you're not the right person to tell this to actually. Oh god come on. Oh no I don't even know if I want to tell you. Is this going to ruin my world? Come on what's happened with active way? So do you know active way like the leggings apparently when you're sweating them it's they've got like really bad toxins in them and it goes into your skin. Oh great. Really really bad. Absolutely fucking hungy dory. So I don't know so maybe he's. I'll stick it on the list. I'll stick it on the list of stuff. God damn it. So you'll see a lot more people running in jeans. Same I made, he was well ahead of the curve. He knew didn't he?

Dead side that innit? What, even the ones that quick the sweat away even the ones that quick when they quick the sweat away they quick the sweat away. What's that mean? It says, you never bore some out of way and it says it quicks the sweat away. Quicks?

Quicks the sweat away. Like quick the sweat away We like quick no like quick like wh like quick the sweat away Are you what are you having an episode? I'm just saying that's what they say it says it wakes wicks wick It's a wick. It says it wakes the sweat away meaning it gets so they get when you sound like you're trying to see a Shrek What the hell? He made ff-f-freck. It's like shh shrek. Should we sort that out? Because he can't say shh at all. What does that mean? He'd be fine. That just means you don't talk to him enough. You don't engage enough with your child. It means you're always looking away on your phone when he's talking. Listen, what's all this about toxins?

I'm not sleeping. So it gets... how can... crikey man. What's all this about toxins? I'm not sleeping. So it gets, how can, crikey man, what's the point? No, supposedly there's something in these sort of leggings. Even when you wash them? It's in the fiber, like in the fabric. God, oh fucking mighty man.

So when you sweat, it like releases stuff. Could that be what the black bags in my eyes are? Maybe, you don't wear them as much as me though. You wear them sometimes. How dare you? I do all my Jiu-Jitsu and- me though. You only wear them sometimes. How dare you? I do all my Jujitsu and gym training in leggings. I actually went to Jujitsu without shorts

over the leggings the other day and got shouted at by nearly everyone there. Why? Because they said I should have had shorts over the top because it just looked awful. Because you just see the outline of your dick. No, no, you couldn't see it. However, you'd have to be really close to see that.

Did you just go in them leggings? Yeah, I just got in the car. Like a biker having a break. Yeah, and they were literally like, one of the exact words of one of them was, my wife would never have let me leave the house without some shorts over them, because you look, it just looks like you've painted.

You're not embarrassed? Takes a lot to embarrass me these days. However, man, I've made a living embarrassing myself. True, and where was I when you left the house? I don't think you, you don't care. You don't care. If I said how do I look? You would go I don't care. I put the shorts on when I got there. Listen, all I'm saying is I wear enough leggings for this toxins thing to be my new thing. Well yeah, sorry about that.

That upsets us. Okay, there you go. Add it to your list, Ramsey. So lads of BJJ, when I turn up with an out on, don't be upset. It's the toxins. It is. Tiddler, todger, swinging loose, no toxins here mate. And on the treadmill I'll do the same. I ran on the treadmill when we top off the other day and I felt like a tosser and that was in my own house so I don't know how people do that in the gym. Don't know, just felt weird. I don't think you're allowed to do it in the gym? No sorry, I don't know how

people do that outside when you see someone running with a top off. Normally when it's quite cold you go come on outside when people, you know, you see someone running with a top off. Normally when it's quite cold, you go, come on, dude, we'll get it. You've been running a couple of you've been running for 20 minutes. That's well done. Congratulations. Might be nipple chaffage. Can I just say, you know, how it's been the London Marathon? Has it been the London Marathon? Is that a joke? Because it's literally been everywhere.

Right. OK. But I bang on about stuff, so I don't know how I'd do. I have to say, I mean, listen, well done everybody, because it is genuinely amazing. Incredible, I could never do it, incredible. I find people who run really long distances, I find it weird that they can do it. I find it very strange.

So I looked at all the times of a few people who did it, a few comedians. I don't want to get them wrong, but Ivo Graham pushed Rosie Jones round. And he did it, he was the fastest comedian like on the website. He did it in like three hours or something. And he was pushing around like amazing feat.

And they've raised loads of money for charity. Shout out, absolutely fantastic. Joel did it. Joel Donner did it. He did it dressed as a piranha. Five hours or something. Amazing. Lunatic. Incredible again, but what are you doing?

Could you be asked? Ramesh did it on 10 weeks notice, I think. I think he only had 10 weeks notice. And he's fucking great quote. He said, if I can do it before the roads open again, I'll be happy. But it took him five or six hours. But where does your brain go?

I don't know. I couldn't do that for that long. Hats off to all of them. The OVS Money for Charity, very well done. I couldn't do that for that long. Hats off to all of them, they're always one of your charity, very well done. I couldn't do it. I looked at the times. Yeah, I don't think I could do it. Even the fastest one, I vote and I go three and a half hours,

or whatever, three hours, 50 minutes, and I go, no. How? No, that's like, that's most of a series of Game of Thrones. Yeah. What you doing? It's not most of a series. No? No.

One series, well, okay, it's four episodes. Half, no one series. Well, okay. It's four episodes Half series. Okay dickhead, but do you know what I mean? Yeah, I don't know where my brain I would I would be I'd be unbearable after that cuz maybe I'd have been inside your own head for so long I think I'm the same. It would be like torture. We should try a marathon one day. Not a full one. Absolutely not We've got the great north run. I won't even do the great north run. I refuse. I'm not doing it. I'm not running for that long I'm not doing it. What it's so boring. It's so fucking boring. I can't. do the Gryffindor Throne, I refuse. I'm not doing it. I'm not running for that long. I'm not doing it. It's so boring. It's so fucking boring. I can't.

I think you're right. I only do the Peloton because the guys are talking to you. Oh, see, I can't bear them talking to us. Oh my God. I, yeah. Yeah. Fuck off. Did a hike the other day and some lass,

because Steph was like, you need to do this hike. You need to do this hike. And I was like, right, I'll do this fucking hike you keep going on about it was actually really hard But this last was just like you're here. You are here. You are doing this and you are here I was like I know I can't you did not you did not force me on here. I'm here for my free will It's a bit of stop. Yeah, I can't bear it Yeah, I understand it It is me and but so there's two I do like the Peloton and I'm not going to call out any of the instructors

because I know some of them listen and I know some of them. I've met a couple of them. But I when they look down the camera. I love the Peloton. I'm not slagging off. Yeah. I'm not saying when they look down the camera and lip sync the words to the song that's on. I feel like I want to die. Yeah. Like I really feel like I wanna die. And then also, you're right, so they're part DJ, part personal trainer, part motivational speaker. And again, it's that thing of where they go like, they give this massive big motivational speech about don't let anyone put you down and all that.

And I'm like, it's quite expensive, this peloton. I think we're all doing okay. Everyone on this who you're talking to now, mate, is Zareet, because there's a monthly fee and this fucker wasn't cheap. We're okay. Yeah, but we don't need to be you know it's it's it's fine it's fine my toxic trait though is thinking that i can keep up with them and i try to in my brain i try and do me legs at the same speed as them and i can't and then so i hate them so i'm like right turn this off i just do it do it nothing to just nothing i don't have anything well i sometimes shout at them if i

think they're not going as fast as what they say. So if they're like, well, turn it up, now we're sprinting. I look and I go, you're not fucking, look at you. Unless you have got like the most incredible way of running mechanically, you are not running the same as me because I'm wobbling all over here and sweating like fuck and you're barely moving. But then again, they've got to keep talking to you,

I suppose so. No, I think it's great. Some people love it. You use them ones loads. I don't use the people. I have to, again, I have to have someone telling us what to do or I will just stop. I will just stop. Anyway, listen, it is episode 266. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening to this absolute fucking drivel. Week in, week out. We bloody love you. Please follow

and subscribe and all that on your podcast shops. And without further ado, very exciting this week, Ruzi. It is time for this week's lucrative sponsor and new venture of mine yeah may stick with I may not yeah may stick with may not and getting into the old ASMR ESMR, E-M-S-R, what is it? Mattress, E-M-S-R, what is it? Where the whisperer name is, yeah, yeah, yeah. ESMR. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I'm doing that, so that's my new sponsor, I'm gonna do that. Okay.

But I'm not doing like, I'm doing impressions of stuff. Right, okay. Okay, so this week on Chris Ramsay's brand new venture, ESMR, E-M-S-R. Oh my God, MR, is it? Cleaner hospitals! A... A...S...M...R. I don't know what it means.

Okay, good. First one, this week, this week's Chris Ramsay's ASMR is brought... ASMR, ASMR, I'm calling it ASMR, is brought to you by the alluring sound of a woman pissing

wheeze wheeze wheeze wheeze wheeze thank you for listening it sounds exactly like a woman piss'm missing. It sounds like throwing a big handful of onions in a nice hot wok.

Let's go to the toilet love. Shut the door. No. Thank you for listening. It is a very small hole that we're out of. Turn the boiler tap on. Anger in a straight cut. Yours isn't much better. Yeah, at least it sounds. Yeah. Oh shit, I did next week's by accident. Is it?

Oh. So how is that gonna make you any money? Eh? Cause it's Luke the sponsor. What? I'll get paid millions for this. That right there, honestly, most I've ever made per minute.

Billions! Billions. Play the jingle jingle. We hope you like the jingle jingle. Jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Hello. Nice to have you back. Hello.

I keep seeing videos online, right, on Instagram. I've got, you know how my algorithm was wack a few weeks ago? Yes. I've decided. I do remember how your algorithm was wack. I've decided to start liking just more stuff of what I wanna watch, so it's a lot better now. It's a lot of recipes, very much home improvement recipes, films that make you cry, like videos that make you cry.

Lot of kinds of stuff on there, not gonna lie. But, you know, provokes emotions, which I make you cry, like videos that make you cry, a lot of kinds of stuff on there, not gonna lie, but you know, provokes emotions which I'm fine with and I love watching, I love crime so that's good. It is an uncanny amount of times I look over at you and you are bawling your fucking eyes out on your phone. Lot of the time on public transport we're on the train, we'll be on the train together and we're just sitting on my phones and I look over at it to see how you are and there's tears cascading down your cheeks. And I'm like, how are you, man? I know, I know. How does that look? Oh, there's them, oh, there's them,

do that, oh, there's that comedy couple, oh, he's reading his phone, no, she's fucking bawling her eyes out. He's not bothered. Oh, God, they're toxic. Yes. He's obviously a bastard. There's some just really sad stuff. Sad stuff to the point where you go, I don't think you should have videoed this.

Ah yeah. A lot of that. Anyway, you know how much I love chocolate mousse, right? You do. What is he retelling? I swear, right. You know. Of all people. I'm telling you right now, listeners, I love chocolate mousse so much.

Right. Pointless, by the way. Mousse. Don't it's unbelievable. I love it. Right. I would have it after every meal if I could. But, you know, I mean, I can if I want. Fuck it. I might. So. But recently, I've been seeing loads of chocolate mousse recipes online. And I'm like, oh, yeah, gets his droves in.

Right. It's a healthy chocolate mousse. And I'm like, all yeah, it draws us in, right? It's a healthy chocolate mousse. And I'm like, all right, okay, that's what we're always looking for, a healthy alternative. Okay. But we start off, right, they're like cocoa powder. I'm like, okay, yeah, I'm gonna give you that. Second ingredient, cottage cheese.

Oh, there it is. I'm like, nope, absolutely not. And then it's like, Algarve sugar. I'm like, this looks like chocolate mousse, but this will not taste anything like chocolate mousse. This will be sad, disgusting and awful, but it looks so much like chocolate mousse. Always the case.

So it videos well. They always do this. It videos well and they get the thing. Honestly. I told you, I said before man, about the ones where it's like low carb, high protein, quick meal and it was like, it shows you a fucking platter of like 30 chicken wraps and I go, oh, low carb, high, I'll have, not one of them, you have one of them,

not the whole big thing. But the most, can you not remember, can you remember them, them peanut butter cups we made years ago where someone said, this is the thing for, a recipe for low sugar, healthy peanut butter cups. I was buzzing. Oh, they were absinthe. Fuckin', oh! It was, cups. It was like dark chocolate powder or cocoa powder.

Horrible. It was like whole organic. I went through that coconut oil phase. Yeah yeah it was like oh get out of the coconut. If anyone if I ever have coconut oil ever again slap us in the face because it's disgusting it makes everything everything taste like the Caribbean and I can't get a Sunday dinner coconut oil. It tastes like you've marinated everything in Malibu. I'm just yeah not it's just no no thank you. It was the earthy earthy whole organic peanut butter which just tasted like someone had ground up a tree bark. Not an ounce of sugar. Yeah yeah and then, oh, I remember, I got them out the freezer and I was like, oh my God, they look like Reese's, they look like Reese's Buttercups,

the peanut buttercups is amazing. It was like eating a fucking button off Paddington Bay's jacket. It was disgusting. We've tried, haven't we? Oh, it's devastating. There's those other ones that are like, Snickers alternatives.

And I'm like, I love a Snickers. And it's like, grab your medjooled date. Fill it with unsweetened peanut butter and then dip it in unsweetened dairy free dog chocolate. I'm like, absolutely not. Rather eat a shoe. Yeah, just no, honestly. I'd rather not bother.

I'd rather not bother, just have less of the other thing. Yeah, I'd rather have a big glass of water fill my stomach up and then move on with my day. Yeah. I'm not having it. It's not just because there's some dark-clock nuts involved. Don't tell me it's a Snickers alternative. It's fucking not. You're a liar. I'd rather just have Snickers. Thank you very much. Exactly. Dealt with.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. I remember the coconut oil phase. It's the fact that it comes in a jar like fucking, I don't know, it's just weird. It comes in, you've got to like, I don't know, there's something just strange about the coconut oil and then the fact that it just comes in a jar and you've just got to like winnie the poo it out with your hand. I quite like her at first. I was quite on board with it at first with certain things because wedges, sweet potato wedges. We used to do them.

Yes, lovely. Yeah, but then everything just tasted the same everything tasted like coconut and I was like I can't I don't mind it but I can't get away with it. The only good thing about it, it's good for you for roasting veg in the oven because it's burning temperature is higher than olive oil so you don't get all that burnt baked shit. I love the burnt baked shit. Yeah I know you do because you never clean it off I always do. That's what makes it taste even nicer. The balsamic, when the balsamic burns with the olive oil. Oh my God. We should be on one use disposable oven trays the way you go on. Unbelievable.

That's fine. It adds flavour. Grease proof paper is all I'm saying. They've got toxins in as well. Oh God Almighty! Oh God! Are you serious? I am. Are you fucking serious?

Oh God. Shouldn't tell him I am. Are you fucking serious? Oh God. Literally shouldn't tell him these things. Should I? You have any idea how many times I go on the treadmill with grease proof paper on? Oh! She's just spat! Oh, she's just spat everywhere! Oh, how did that happen? That's saliva! It's still on your chin! Oh my god, what did you do that for?

It wasn't even that funny! I had like a pool of phlegm in my mouth, I was saving it. I've got a bit of cold. I was saving it. Just swallow, I couldn't find the right time to swallow. That was so horrible. And this, this is why we don't record the podcast. Cause I'm a pig. Oh my God.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that. That was rotten. That went on my laptop. That was like, you know, in- For God's sake. Oh, you know, in back of the future three where they've got the spittoon bucket and they're spitting in it in the old west.

That was like that. That was like- I enjoyed that. Oh, went everywhere. Oh gosh, sorry about. That was like that. That was like... I enjoyed that. Oh, went everywhere. Oh gosh, sorry about that. Sorry about that. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba I have something to say. I've got a statement. A statement?

A statement. Okay. Newsagents are wild, right? Where we live. Wild or whack? Both. Wild, whack, outrageous, shite. I went to a shop the other day. Just like a corner shop, newsagent type thing, right? For a bottle of water, I was on my way to J&S. Went in, I thought, oh, you know what, I better get some throat sweets.

And I thought, I'll get a pack of the holes. Adam's Dad Okay. Kirsty Bokman Bought a pack of the holes through this. Adam's Dad Yeah. Other throat sweets are available. Kirsty Bokman Well, yeah. Bought them in my water, went to J&S and I opened them and they were a bit sticky and I thought, this is a bit weird. Check the date. Three years out of date. Shut up! Three years? Wow! God, you should have superpowers! Like, what? Three years out of date? How are they still on their shelves?

They don't want to check! Who's not checking? Oh! Isn't that awful? Well, they're not just out of your bag. There is a massive chance that in your bag there is the brand new pack you've bought and a pack you didn't know. I went to the shop and I bought them and I had them in my pocket. They were from the shop three years out of date. Three years. Isn't that mad? Did you taste it? What did it taste like? Well I had one. Because I thought well it's sugar in it. I don't know what I had one but my throat did hurt a bit but I don't know if it was in it. I don't know what, I had one, but my throat did hurt a bit, but I don't know if it was me brain.

I don't know if it was me mind. When they go out a day, they actually make your throat worse. Yeah, I just really shouldn't have had one. Very short window for them to actually soothe after that. I think it was me mind though. I think in me mind I was like, I shouldn't have had that three years out of date. Yeah, no, you absolutely shouldn't have. That's madness. Really? Will it be bad? Toxins, innit?

Oh my god. Might as well have a... Jaguar Noid sponsored by Toxins. You should just chew the leg in as well have a... Shagwai know it's sponsored by toxins. You should just chew the leg and a bit of grease proof pafas. I just like... That's mad that like... Piss me off a little bit. Rotate your stock guys. Check your stock. Check your stock.

Wouldn't mind though just sat on their arses. Just sat there behind the counter. Yeah. Feel like going back. I'm actually walking down there at night. I might go past and be like, excuse me. Check your stock mate. Check your dates. Oh that'd be good, yeah. I'd like pay to see that. Please video that encounter. Should I?

I'd love to see that, yeah. You see they'll just sit on their arses. What do you want them to be doing? Checking the stock. Sorry, again. Checking the dates on the whole soothe, so that I don't buy a pack of whole soothe's for 70-odd pence that are three years out of date.

Does that not just tell you that throat sweets are probably a thing of the past and no one really does it anymore? It actually kind of does, yeah. Yeah, it does. You'll go in at night and they'll go, there she is again, the little old lady. Do you want that throat sweets are probably a thing of the past and no one really does it anymore. It actually kind of does. Yeah. Yeah, it does. You'll go in tonight and they'll go, there she is again, the little old lady. Do you want your throat sweets again? It was the second last packet in the box. Right, okay. So, they're probably not replenished. Oh, should I go check tonight? I'll go and check.

Oh God, tune in for that next week. Oh God, talk about a cliffhanger. There'll be two years out of date because they'll have been in this dog room. What a cliffhanger this is. Huh? Forget your baby reindeer. Hey, you want this? This is the, this is where the drama's at. Baby reindeer is causing a bit of a stir, you know? Yeah, incredible.

Shout out to Richard Giles. Absolutely brilliant. But some people, some people like can't finish it, can't watch it. Yeah, no. So a friend of the podcast, friend of our family, Jordan, probably one of my best mates now, I have to say. Yeah. Oh, I have to say. Yeah.

Oh, he's best mate. Can he not finish it? He said, we said, oh, watch it, it's intense, it's good, but it's really intense, because it is what it is. Yeah. And yeah, last night he came around and he was like, oh, he went rough, that like really rough.

And he did the same. Everyone watches it straight online, trying to find out who the people are, which I really don't think was the point of it. And I really don't think Richard Gad's happy about that. But you know, people are inquis I really don't think was the point of it and I really don't think Richard Gadd's happy about that but you know people are inquisitive and we've got the internet so it's gonna happen. Yeah for real. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

It's time for Watch Your Beef. You better watch out because you better not slag me off. Eh? But that's the whole point in this bit. Okay then. Should I go first or you? Go on you can go first. Okay, my beef with you is I like to take up a

little cup for reef every night for bed for when he's in bed because once a month you'll ask for a drink in the middle of the night very rare that he asks for a drink but he does so I always just have a little rogue cup there right you you mr. Ramsey decided to take the cup downstairs and not replenish the cup and not tell us nothing okay I stand by taking it downstairs because you can't just leave fucking cups in bedrooms and bathrooms forever. Yes you can.

Like you're a teenager, you can't, I'm not having it. It's a clean cup that he just uses every so often, a rogue little cup. Okay, but I should have replaced it. I should have replaced it. Yeah, fair enough. Well. So what happened? So my beef is, fucking, one o'clock in the morning,

not last night, the night before, Rafe, desperate for a drink, me, couldn't be arsed to go downstairs to get him a cup, couldn't leave him because if I'd gone downstairs he would have just kicked off. I had to literally let the bay and drink out of a rogue boat bath toy at one o'clock in the morning. I was obviously because nothing gets moved in this house without me knowing that it's in spot and that it's been moved. The little orange boat. I was wondering why that was at the sink. I swear to God.

So he drank out of a bath toy. It took us 10 minutes. At first he had a drink out of my hand, but that didn't go very well. It was too...usually he can stand in the toilet and put his head under the sink, but he was half asleep. I was like, oh my fucking... Literally I was like, Kristin, I'm out of here! I'm so, so sorry. And so yeah, and then I was like, right, what bath toys? The cups that they use in the bath have got the holes in the bottom.

Yeah, yeah, they're like shower cups. Couldn't use them. I tried, I put my hand underneath, that didn't work. And I was like, what can I use? So that was our boat, that bottom of that bloody boat we were drinking. And you know sometimes when you just, it's when you have kids, either, I used to do it when I was younger and I was really pissed and you'd be in a situation and go, what have I, what am I doing? Like what is my life?

Like you'd be passed out on the floor somewhere thinking what am I doing? But I mean, I always think back to the person who wrote in who drank out of the hot water bottle. Yeah, well, just in any situation. I think of her every time I fill up a hot water bottle. I know you do. I think of her drinking hot water.

Oh, God. So sad. God. But yeah, at that time, in the morning, I was half asleep, letting him drink out of a fucking bath boat. And I was just like, what is my life? What is this? What is this life?

And it's the way that they just demand. Demand stuff, yeah. I need a drink! I haven't got a cup, you little twat. What is this? What is this life? And it's the way that they're just like, just demand. Demand stuff, yeah. I need a drink! It's like, I haven't got a cup. Your little twat. Yeah, it's like being a waiter in a hotel with the rudest fucking guests.

It is, isn't it? The rudest, most demanding guests. And isn't it funny, like, when they say thank you, you're literally like, huh? Yeah. You're welcome, thank you for saying thank you. Like, Jesus Christ. Feel seen. I know, it's so intense.

Okay then, come on. My beef with you is, I don't know if this has been my beef before. It might have been before, but I don't think it has. Are they the judge of that? So, back when I was, you know, working loads and away and going off and doing TV stuff and doing tour stuff, I would, We would both go, right, okay, so what time do you need to be there, right, okay. So, oh, do you need to go the night before?

Okay, I'll get the earliest train in the morning, so I'm there the night before. And I see a smirk appearing on your face here, Rosie, so you know where I'm going with this. I would maximize my time at home. I would leave as late as possible. I already have a comeback, so great. And I would come back on the earliest, I'm talking cars through the night and everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You, you are currently booking working. You're getting booked for television. I'm 100% behind you. I'm so glad you're doing all your own things now. You've got some really cool stuff coming up. It's very exciting. But like, you go, so I've got to be in the studio, right? So I've got to be at the studio at five o'clock on the Tuesday. So I don't want to travel on the day because I'll be tired. Maybe go the night before,

but I don't want to get there too late. So I think I'll leave at eight o'clock on the Sunday morning. It's, it's like, yeah, I don't want to get there. You are literally, you go away for one day of filming, you're away for four days. Okay, I'll tell you, I'll tell you, I'll tell you right now, okay.

They were not working as much. They were not away as much. You were away all the time, that's why. You were the one who wanted to maximize your time at home to see your children, because you were away so much. I, I've had my film of them kids. I am, I see them all the time. I see them all the time. I'm full of love, full of all my snuggles. I'm caught up with all of my

love for them children. So, mommy is going a little bit earlier and mommy is coming back a little bit later because mommy is done. Yeah, so there you go. But if we were away a bit more often, I wouldn't go as long. But no, goodbye. Goodbye. Bye, I love you. Have a good time. Please be careful. Don't ring me. Yeah, because I will be busy. Well, annoyingly you warned it and that's all I've got to say about that. Mm-hmm. That's all I've got to say about that. From the world of Sonic the Hedgehog, a new hero arrives. I am ready. Is there anyone stronger? No.

Ha! Tougher? No. Funnier? I do not make jokes. I make warriors. Knuckles, now streaming only on Paramount+. Yes!

Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMAGE, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. Thank you. Hello gorgeous Rosie dot dot dot and Chris. Emailing yourself again I see. I have been listening from the start and

thought I would email in with an ick I experienced about my husband. This is like an ick beef. This is just yeah yeah yeah yeah. I cooked him a lovely meal of beef stroganoff with mushrooms and butter beans for our dinner. Sounds gorgeous. That night. Sorry what's a stroganoff? Stroonoff is like little strips of beef with mushroom in like a sauce. Adam's Dad Watery, what? Kirsty Strogonoff Creamy sauce. Adam's Dad Creamy sauce.

Kirsty Strogonoff Not watery, creamy. Adam's Dad I'm on board. Kirsty Strogonoff You usually have it with rice. Adam's Dad I'm on board. Kirsty Strogonoff Yeah, it is nice. I don't think I've ever made stroganoff. Adam's Dad No? Up your game. You don't like creamy stuff though, do you? I imagine there's cheese in it.

Kirsty Strogonoff No, there's no cheese. Adam's Dad No. Kirsty Strogonoff Maybe that's why I haven't made a stroganoff it's why I haven't made a strong enough. Because you're lazy? Because you're bad mother? You you are fucking on my last. I don't know what to say. Are you gonna spit at us again? Maybe. You get a meal cooked for you every single night? Yeah no probably nearly every night. But I always say how lucky I am and how brilliant of a cook you are and how I'm so lucky.

And you say, what do you want? And I go, whatever. Me catchphrase is, whatever I'm lucky enough for you to cook for us because you're amazing and I do thank you. It gives fuck when you say that. Anyway. I can't fucking win.

She's made. Can we all take a minute? I can't fucking win. Oh, shut up, man. You have won, all right? You've won't fucking win. She made it. Can we all take a minute? I can't fucking win. Oh, shut up, man. You have won. All right. You've won the fucking lottery. Enjoy your life and fucking shut your fucking mouth. You know, till I get fucking gone away four days early for half an hour filming you. Part time fucking.

Jealous. I'm jealous as fuck. I cooked him a lovely meal of beef stroganoff with mushrooms and butter beans for dinner. That night before bed, he had his usual shit and it says in brackets after 12 years and having kids it doesn't bother me anymore. Before dinner or before bed he just has a shit. Before bed he must just have his shit. What does that bother him? What does that have to have to have a shit?

What do you mean? Was he having a shower afterwards? Was he having a shit and then getting in bed with a shit of yours? It would bother me. Honestly. No. If you just had a shit every night before bed. Right. I'd be like oh how are you? Yeah. Pack a bit. I know what you mean. Honestly, no, if you just had a shit every night before bed,

I'd be like, oh, how are you? Yeah. Packing in. I know what you mean, it is a bit, yeah. Even though Robin came up to bed last night and he read his book, and then he went, he went, mom, and I went, what? Because I was like, right, time for bed now, time for sleep.

He went, don't get cross. I went, what? He went, I need to poo. I was like, oh, how am I, as if I'm gonna get mad at you if I need to poo he loves a night time shit. Technical poo him. He pulls it in he holds it in so he can stay up half an hour later. Because then he went and read his book on the toilet. I've seen him yeah he sits like an old man reading his book. He's like can I read this on the toilet? I was like yeah I can't see why not. Anyway so 12 kids later she's not really bothered.

12 kids? 12 years sorry. Jesus Christ. 12 kids? 12 years, sorry. Jesus Christ. 12 years later. 12 years later. So every night he has a shit before bed. No, that would do my tits in. That would annoy me. Just every night. There's probably an unsweetened waft smell going on

and he's just getting into bed with a freshly shitey ass. Cause I don't get- I mean, you've done that a couple of times. When was it? Oh, the other night. What? Should have been maybe the other night. You just went for a shitey unsweetened right before I went to bed. Yeah? Yes. Sorry about that.

You know all about it, you had to get open the windows and that was disgusting. I was like are you taking the piss? That like some kind of form, it was bad. Yeah. Apologies. There's definitely other toilets in our house. Right okay but you know privilege. You don't do it where someone could literally go into bed. Someone? Me. My loving wife. Right. No I get it yeah. I have a shower though. I love a shower before bed. Then get rid of the smell. I love a shower then jump into the... There is something quite nice about having like a bath or a shower before bed. Completely clean, clean sheets just pa pa pa pa. Right ready? Yep. Once he finished I went in and lifted the seat to find perfectly whole mushroom buffing what they came out in a well-loved.

Ah, chew your fucking food lad! Yes, he shat out a whole mushroom that he never bothered chewing in the first place. What's this man's, this man's it! It says, yeah, I haven't been able to eat mushrooms since. Imagine just seeing a whole mushroom. This metabolism, it's a fucking drainpipe! It's inside a straight drain pipe! Just, oh my god! A mushroom's one of the ones that stay, like, formed. I don't, well clearly. It's red pepper skin and sweet corn, isn't it? Sweet corn can, yeah, yeah. They don't digest it really. I think it's a look at the drawer somewhere. I think it's just took a shortcut through. That's disgusting! Oh! That's something,

I'm not being funny. Like, you're meant to have sex. You've got to have sex with each other and that. Yeah. If I went to the toilet after you and there was just a whole mushroom bobbing, I'd be like, I can't go near you again. Seriously though. Okay, look, okay. On second thought, maybe don't do that strong enough. Just in case. Try and keep the magic alive. Would youo babadoo babadoo ba. Would you like an NHS story? Oh yes please. Yeah? Yes please.

Do I used to have a jingle for it, do you remember? What was it? Something my daughter's nurses wanted. Was it? You've got to search for the items inside yourself. Might have been that. You've had so many jingles. That can't be expected to keep up. I think it was that one.

I cannot be expected to keep up. Hi Chris and Rosie. Started listening to the podcast a few weeks ago and only made it up to episode 172 so far. Getting there, that's good going. Welcome, thank you. I know you absolutely love a good old medical mishap and tonight while on placement, I heard this and knew that you two had to know all about it.

Placement. Please keep me anonymous. Placement, so I'm guessing they are training. Listen. What? Listen Mr. Eager, Eager Beaver who I'm guessing they are training... Oh, listen. Listen. What? Listen, Mr. Eager. Eager Beaver. I'm going to tell you... Oh, sorry.

Sorry for being invested in the story. Go on then. The story hasn't started yet. Sorry for being invested in the beginning of the story. I'm a student midwife on my placement in the Labour ward. Got you. Mm-hmm. Not to be confused with politics.

Well done. Yeah. I'm a student midwife on my placement at the Houses of Parliament. Just in case. There are lots of consultants floating about in case of any emergencies but tonight we have had quite a slow night shift so finally got the chance to sit and talk about all the weird and wonderful things we've seen working within the NHS. Oh, a slow night's lush. Is there a more important sound and job title than consultant? Because I don't think there

is. Detective Inspector? Nah. What do you mean in the NHS? Consultant? No, just not in the NHS. Just consultant. It just... Screams power. It screams power and importance, but also there's an air of mystery. Okay.

Like I feel like you get- Like what is your ranking? That is just like, oh yeah, I'm a consultant. I feel like when you're a consultant, and I might be wrong here, this is just my- I don't know what it is. I don't really know what it is either, but when I hear it, I think, oh,

I feel like you're doing quite well, and you can probably skive when you fancy it. Mm-hmm. And I'm not slagging anyone off here, just in case, but it just feels like, oh yeah, I just have flipped in a consultant and I just flipped off somewhere else in a consultant. You don't even know where I am, but trust us, wherever I am, I'm flipping consulting.

Consultant. Do you always just think as well, with certain jobs like that, right, and I could be completely wrong and somebody might be like, it's absolutely not, I always just think 100 grand plus. Yeah, you never know. I do, that's what we're talking about.

But yeah, I just think, yeah, I think it just sounds. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? I don't know what I'm consulting. Look, we've got no basis for this. We're just saying, right? But it just, it feels, I feel like if you were a consultant,

you could probably tell me anything and I would believe you. Yeah. Even if it wasn't about what you're consulting about. Okay. Even if you're like, look, I'm a consultant in the NHS, but listen, Bitcoin, you need to get involved. I'd be like, yeah, all right, I will.

Because a consultant told us. Just, it just feels, I don't know why, it just feels so important and meaty. All right. Jesus. I think I'm in love with a consultant. Oh, hang on. Listen to this. One consultant. Oh, God, stop saying it. Hold your cock together.

Worked on. Sorry. Cock together. Sorry, everyone. It's about time sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,

sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, Calm down. Oh, worked on A&E for a long time before moving to Obstetrics, oh God.

Well, here we go. I can't say this one either, and I don't know what it means. It might be eyes? Obstetrics? Is it eyes? Well, okay, so I think it might be because, do you not remember when Robin got diagnosed

under the, what that, I see, I can't even say it. We had to take him to a hospital that's a little bit further away, because was during lockdown but he was he was with the up obstru- obstr- something like that and every time you had to ring to be like what department you want to be like the eyes can I have the can I have the lucky lucky eye department please can I have the look looks can I have the blinky blinky look looks please? The children's ones? Children's eyes!

Then they'll be like, the obstetrics, and they'll go, yes that's the one that it is on the letter, that's the one that I need. Can't see it and I think that's what this is. Obstetrics. O-B-S-T-E-T-R-I-C-S. Well let's find out. Oh no it's got nothing to do with it! Hang on. T-R-I-C-S. Well let's find out. Oh no it's got nothing to do with it! So, worked on A&E before moving to Obstetrics so had a few objects up the bums and feces stories but this one topped them all. Oh no that'll be... right fucking I'm googling. Hang on, no I will. I must do it. I'll do it, I'll do it faster. Is the field of study concentrated on pregnancy? Childbirth? Postpartum period? I should have really known that shouldn't I?

Oh OBJYM. I typed in eye doctor. Ah, oh fucking hell. Opth-o-trom-o-trom-ologist. Optrometist. Optrometist. Optrometist. That's the one I could never say. Right. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. That's the one I could never say when I rang up. And I would honestly just say can I be put through to the eye? Children's eyes. Can I be put through to the children's eyes please? The eyes of the children. He was working one night when a woman came bursting through the door screaming that her fuck buddy needed help and he couldn't walk. Sorry so she's shouting fuck, she mustn't be saying my fuck buddy needs help, she must

be saying this person needs help and it's transpired later. You don't know, she might actually be saying my fuck buddy. I mean she might just be really proud that she's got a fuck buddy. I'd love a fuck buddy. Imagine. No I don't. I'd love a fuck buddy. Imagine. Remember. Wow. I don't know if I've ever had one to be honest with you.

Offensive and upsetting. I've never had a friend with benefits. I'm too needy. I'm like being in a relationship with me. Oh no, how do you think I got into this fucking mess in the first place? Exactly. Excuse me, my fuck body needs help. Yes, I'm laid back.

We're not in relationship. There's no strings attached. We just shag now and then and that's that. He needs help. But enough about me. He needs help. Urgently. This is A&E. They managed to get him into triage to have a look and treat him. When they asked him what was the problem, he replied, I just wanted to impress her whilst holding his crotch.

They managed to get the man's trousers down. Right. Brace yourself here. And they were greeted with a massive bluey-purple pulsating cock that, quote, was screaming at the doctor. Do us a favour. Don't say bluey again. Sorry. I know. Yeah. Not bluey. What if I say, greeted with a massive, Mom!

Just say blue and purple. Dad, Bingo! Blewey! Purple pulsating cough. Yeah, so it's blue, it's pulsating, it's purple and it's what the cock is screaming at the dark night. Do you know what that is? That's what Robin did in his homework the other day.

Sorry. Which I learned something from. Sorry. About the nouns and the verbs and all that. That is a, what's it called? Preposition. Yeah. There you go. Well done. Thank you. That's good. Didn't learn it at school though, did I? No you didn't. The second time round I'm learning. All the time learning. So the court is screaming at the doctor. So court was screaming at the doctor, so I'm guessing somebody's retelling the story and saying they were screaming

at us. Right, okay. The consultant said that. Okay, I believe them. Turns out, yeah of course you do, you don't know it's a man. Sexist pig. I believe them, I said I believe them then. Oh them, okay. Sure, well done, well done, well done you. Turns out the man was feeling very insecure about the size of his tajah and must have

really fancied this woman and wanted to impress her so to do so he do you want to guess or do you want me just to tell you? He's tried to enlarge it so he's done it. How has he tried to enlarge it? It sounds like he's tried to use one of those suction things if they're real are they real? The Swedish made penis enlarger by Austin Powers is it the the Suggie thing? So, if it's blue and blue, or has he put something around it? Has he got an erection? I don't know. Has he started to stretch it? I don't know. But again, as a man, I'm very uncomfortable. But come on then.

Okay. Well, you're gonna get even more uncomfortable. So, trigger warning! Right. He had... Oh, had he had leggings on him, was the toxins in it? No. Okay. Baking paper? To do so, no. He injected gasoline into his cock. Sorry?

Yeah. Like, like petrol? Yeah. Why? Don't know. What this man was trying to gain, I have absolutely no idea. Oh! Fucking gasoline in your cock, fuck me. The doctor has managed to ease the man's pain but he was taken in for emergency surgery and unfortunately had to have his big throbbing tajar cut off.

No! Cut off? No! Because it had become necrotic, I love that word, and the bad skin and muscle was basically eating the good skin and muscle? No! Oh my God. He good skin and muscle. No! Oh my god. He's had to lose...no! And his dick cut off. Why didn't...this is...I don't read things properly.

Because I can't remember reading that he had his dick cut off. I think I've scanned that and I think I've just gone right. That'll be okay. Oh fucking hell. Yeah, my god. That's an episode on Grey's that is. What happens then? What is he...then what is he way out of?

What happens after then? Just a little hole or something? A nub. Oh fuck, can you get a built, can you get one made back? I think you can, yeah. Moral of the story here is, this person's put moral of the story. If you fancy a girl but don't feel confident with the size of you, will you learn how to use your tongue?

And that is, that is very good advice. Yeah? Yeah. Gee whiz. I know. Girl. Why would you do that? I'm gonna have to, see I'm gonna have to Google that now of why someone would do that, inject that. And the real tragedy is he can't listen to that song anymore.

What? Gasolina, gasolina, gasolina. Turn that off! Turn that off! What is the words for that? I'm getting hup! Blah blah blah gasoline! Blah blah blah gasoline! Blah blah blah gasoline! Down your cock, gasoline! Hint to your cuss, hint! Hint was in to your cock, gasoline! Down the end, gasoline! Right, tragedy, but you know what? We had a lovely little sing at the end.

We did, I've enjoyed that. I love that song. He doesn't. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Dear Rosie and Chris, I don't know if you remember the email I sent about the bloke pooping in the phone box. I don't. I don't remember that email.

Oh, yeah, man, fucking hell. We get loads. 64,000, but I will have a look for that because that does sound interesting. Thank you for multiple emails, but no. What you've done there is you went back to that one bar you went to last time you were on holiday three years ago and expected all the staff to remember you

and they don't remember you. Yeah, that weird night. Anyway, another story about my dad when he was in the police. So this is a story about my dad. And sorry, I didn't mean to sound harsh there, but that's okay. You did, you did.

These are our listeners. Don't be horrible to them. I'm not being horrible, I'm just saying. Yeah. I don't mean to sound harsh there, but that's okay. You did, you did. These are our listeners. Don't be horrible at them. I'm not being horrible, I'm just saying. Yeah. Do you remember stuff I've said? Sorry, I don't remember stuff I've said. Shut the fuck up before I knock you out clean. Wow.

During one boring night shift, winter night shift, the snow was thick on the ground. Well, this is romantic. It's like a Christmas film, isn't it? And there wasn't a lot of crime. It's like a Christmas film isn't it? And there wasn't a lot of crime happening, which is always good isn't it? What a strange thing to say. So my dad offered to go and collect a takeaway for the rest of the lads at the station. Not a lot of crime.

It sounds like a lie. It sounds like a lie he's had to tell afterwards for going and collecting a takeaway. He really, really shouldn't have. There's hardly any crime. Hey, you're not, but you're, honestly, zero crimes? Yeah. Christmas? Nil crimes? On the way, he decided to call at one of his colleagues' houses who live nearby and pull

a practical joke. Definitely no crime happening, yeah, like, definitely no crimes. He proceeded to walk backwards up the long driveway and then walk back down again, stepping in the footprint he had just created. When his mate went home at the end of the shift there on the driveway was a track of size 14's coming away from the front door. It all went a bit pear shaped however when the mate rang in sick the next night and after a few days moved out because he was convinced his wife was up to no good while he was on night shift and no matter how much she denied it he wouldn't believe her. You bastard!

My dad eventually did own up and they ended up getting back together but my mate, but his mate did transfer to another station. Oh! Isn't that grim? Because you would always think it was him. Oh I was just playing a practical joke not shagging your wife. What on the night when there was no crimes? Yeah on the night there was no crimes. The no crime night. Were not shagging your wife. What, on the night when there was no crimes? Yeah, on the night there was no crimes.

The no-crime night? The perfect night. Were you shagging my wife on no-crime night? No, I was just doing a practical joke about shagging your wife on no-crime night. Well... NCN, you were there. No-crime night. Yeah, I abbreviated it.

It was the night before Christmas, and all through the city, not a crime was happening. Not even this guy fucking your missus. I wonder if there's ever been a night where there's been no crime at all I don't know never never ever I don't know way within what area within the world Yeah, no well cuz it's not nighttime at the same time all over the world is it Geography into this will you not that's just confusing geography into this will you not? That's just confusing. Hi Rosie and Chris, I just thought I would email you on how I nearly got my husband accidentally arrested for murder.

Oh there we go! For a murder! More crime. There was a dead body found on an unused track that runs at the back of our home and the police were doing door to door enquiries to see if anyone had any information. Very blasey about telling with this by the way. Two police officers were knocking door to door and asking the usual questions. They asked who lived at home to which I replied me, my husband and two daughters. Do I ever use the track? No.

Do the children use the track? No. Does your husband? Only when I'm doing me murders. Sorry. Only for me killing. Next question. I hate myself. I do hate myself. I do.

I hate that we laughed. You laughed. I did not laugh. Hell hath a place waiting for you. Hell hath no fury. I don't even know what that means. Does your husband, to which I replied, yes. He comes that way home on his bike from work occasionally.

He follows his enemies down that track. The track is a popular cycle track for cyclists and runners. The officer noted this and said, we will have to call back and ask your husband if he has seen anything unusual. I said, fine. They asked more questions and left.

The next day a female police officer knocked and asked to speak to my husband and I told her he wasn't in. She said back. Oh God. My husband at the time worked shifts on a three-week cycle mornings, afternoons and nights. Never understand shifts so what do you do so a week of mornings, week of afternoons and a week of nights? I think you've nailed that I didn't know that at all. That would actually be quite nice wouldn't it? Yeah. This week I do my mornings, next week I do my afternoons. I don't know. You have no structure whatsoever. Shifts is crazy. On call is crazy. I've got a friend who works on call.

And it was just like, it was like, oh, I've just had a job in. I've got to be there by this time. And then like- Are you at work or not? Yeah, you're on call. Mad. Over.

A couple of days later, she came back. He wasn't in. Two days later, again, not in. Oh man. This went on for a good few weeks and every time she came I told her my husband wasn't in. I told my husband each time the police had been again and on the last occasion she came he said fucking hell am I in the frame for this? Joking. As it felt like every time he came in I was saying police had been again for you, right?

Wow. Literally all the time like they've been for you. Just phone him, I or go to his work. I would think wouldn't you? I was getting pissed off at this point as the neighbours must have been thinking why are the police going to their house all the time? On the last occasion I pulled into our clothes to see again a police officer outside our house and I said to myself oh I'm fucking sick of this. Oh yeah boo trying to solve that murder for the family of the... Boo, how dare you knock on my door. See my toxic trait is that if anybody came and suspected you of a murder,

I'd be like, what's he done? You would immediately think I'd done it. You would not have my back in this situation. No, I don't think I would. I don't think I'd have anyone's back. No. I don't know. I grew up in a family, you know, where my parents literally said,

if you committed a crime, me mom, in me mom's voice of her, I would be the first person to ring the police. Right. That's how I've been grown. Nice to see. Nice to see the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree and now you will just get me framed for crimes

I haven't even committed. Just if someone looks my way. Great. I got out the car and I said, he's not in, you know. I can and I said, he's not in you know. I can hear her. He's not in you know. I had just spoke to him on the car phone. What the fuck are you reading then?

So I knew he wasn't. So she knew he wasn't in because she just spoke to him on the car phone. The car phone. Do you mean your phone? It's like in the 90s. Do you mean your phone in your car? I think so.

And then she carries on. And I've asked him about that dead body on the cycle track and he doesn't know anything about it or seen anything. Oh, okay, okay. So he can stop knocking about it. Oh, great, aye, of course. Because my murdering husband is not a murderer. Yeah, he's, look, he always burns clothes in the garden. That's how we get rid of them.

We don't trust the charity shops. He always burns his clothes in the garden and he's always, always thrown away pairs of boots before scrape and all the tread off the bottom of them everyone's got three phones nowadays it's not weird anymore does your husband not try to singe off his fingerprints a la men in black because yeah he's invented the machine for and everything yeah we're gonna sell him go on dragon's den listen to which she replied hang on slow down what dead body huh cop that doesn't on slow down what dead body? Cop that doesn't know anything about the dead body right let's go inside and discuss what you're talking about finally

How does this policeman not know about the dead body I Said are you not here to ask him about that dead body and she said no and looked at me like I was a lunatic I said said if you're not here for that why do you keep coming? She said he's bought petrol from a station and got off without paying. It wasn't he's murdering. Oh my god. Anyway long story short she came in and explained about the pre and and explained about the previous officers coming and she saw the funny side. He arrived home while she was still there.

Funny that. Tank full of petrol. He disputed 100% the petrol theft and she said, do you want to see your camera? And he said, yes, I would because I would never do that. What an arrogant murderer. Yeah. The murder and fair enough, but I'm not stealing from a bloody reputable multi-billion dollar oil company. What do you think? I am some kind of fucking monster. He went to our local Sainsbury's and saw himself purchase petrol and drive off without paying. Wow.

He must have just forgot. He was astonished, paid for the petrol and that was the end of that. They did find the murderer in the end he wasn't actually ever suspect because they solved it quite quickly. They solved it very good I'm glad I'm glad. Horrible horrible situation. Yeah fear of mine driving off without paying for petrol genuine fear of mine. You've got fears. I've got fears yeah. to add. Now, fear of petrol, right? Leggings. Yeah. Grease-proof paper. Grease-proof paper. And sometimes when I steal that petrol, was a planet who injected in me knob. Not going to anymore.

Do you ever worry about getting framed for stuff? Yeah. Well, again, I talk about when I talk about me stand up when they knocked on my hotel room door and the draggers out and we just watched Making a Murderer. Oh, yeah. We just watched Making a Murderer and I got dragged out of we just watched making a murderer. Oh yeah. We just watched making a murderer and I got dragged out of my hotel and it was horrible. I was like, what if someone is saying I did something

and I don't have an alibi? What if someone says you did something and you don't have an alibi? And then it's their moments and stuff like that where your family go, yeah, we believe you. And then there's a moment where your family don't believe you anymore and you're fucked. I know.

I've just started watching the Jinx part two, but I haven't actually seen the Jinx part one. What the hell's the Jinx? But do you hear about you're fucked. I know. I've just started watching the Jinx part two, but I haven't actually seen the Jinx part one. But do you hear about it? What the hell's the Jinx? No. This is like this multimillionaire in America. He's a lot older now. I haven't finished watching the Jinx part two. I think you did it.

I think you did it. Listen. I already don't like him. Listen. Right. So I've actually only seen the video of it on TikTok, of Instagram, right? The best bit.

Yeah, don't need to watch all the rest. Great. So he has got away with murders right he's murdered these people Three of them I haven't got the court obviously allegedly otherwise we'll get I think he's been done. Okay, allegedly allegedly allegedly don't So trust as I'm a consultant, okay Good for you was years later and he's just a bit arrogant right he was getting interviewed about the murders about how when it all happened He was like a lead suspect and it was all in the newspapers and he was like it didn't it wasn't for good for me life and

bloody blah he was still miked yeah he went to the bathroom he's torting himself in the mirror admits the full thing what yep should you be giving this away on the podcast it's under the series too. Okay Wow. Yeah, so Bloody love being a murderer. No, he's literally like Asking himself questions back and then at the end he goes. Yeah killed them all killed them all Christ I know so the reopen the whole court case not Wow Wow, yeah, I hate being mic'd up by the way. I hate being mic'd up. Whenever I'm in a TV studio and I go for a wee, I always say whoever's listening, I'm about to have a wee so I would turn it off now because I just know there's some poor sound guy just listening to me. But they're just listening like? But it's just on. It's just on.

They just hear us arguing. Yeah, they hear us arguing. They hear you. They hear me. Hi guys, first time sending an email, but wanted to give you a little ick that happened to me not that long ago and I still think about it every so often. I thought that said every day. Every morning and every night. Every so often. Going down on my boyfriend and he had a bit of belly button fluff in his belly button

and it stayed there throughout the deed. Felt weird for me to go grab it out so instead just kept making eye contact with the lint every so often in between mouthfuls and now every time I go down on him I check first just in case. But yeah, big ick. It doesn't real life stuff just get in the way of romance? Do you know what I mean? There's never been a porn movie where someone's had to whip a bit of lint out of someone's belly button.

No, because if it happens, they edit it out. They do, they do. So there you go. Romance is dead. I've never, ever, ever suffered from belly button lint, and I don't know whether it's the clothing that people wear or the kind of belly buttons people have or some kind of personal hygiene thing. I think it's a sweaty belly button.

You think it's a sweaty belly button. I think if you've got a sweaty belly button, you're gonna gather the fluff in. And you wear woolly jumpers. I don't really wear fluffy clothes and I don't have a sweaty belly button. And I don't have a very deep belly button. No, you've got a very shallow belly button. Yeah, it's very shallow. It's very shallow.

It changes the opinions all the time. Do you know what that means? It's very. Do you know what that means? Yeah. What? I don't want to tell you. Shallow belly button.

Is it toxins? No, you're going to die at 50. Is that what it is? Mm-hmm. Sorry, babes. I thought I'd be gone at 40, but fair enough. Extra 10 year. Keep wearing them leggings, eh?

Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Do, do, do, do, do, do. Thank you as always for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mound and Oid, which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Thank you very much. You have been and it is. That make sense?

No. Okay. Terrifying. Thank you so much for listening. Go back on the drone board with that one. That makes no sense at all. You have been listening and it is part of the? No. Okay. Terrifying. Thank you so much for listening. Go back to the drone board with that one. That makes no sense at all. And it is part of the aircraft. So it did then, eh? Fair enough.

FAIR ENOUGH MAN! Oh god. Sorry. If you'd like to get in touch at shagmarynord at gmail.com Please continue to send us all of your wonderful stories and icks and all of that stuff. We really, really, really do appreciate it. And we'll be back in the years next week. Bye! Bye! Slag. Sss. Slags. Slags. Slags. All of your stuff, we really really really do appreciate it. And we'll be back in years, next week. Bye! Bye!

Slag. Sssss. Slags. Slags. All of your slags. There it is, I make warriors. Knuckles, now streaming only on Paramount+. Yes! From the world of Sonic the Hedgehog,

a new hero arrives. I am ready. Is there anyone stronger? No. Tougher? No. Funnier? I do not make jokes, I make warriors. Knuckles, now streaming only on Paramount+.

Yes!