Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 275. Robaldo

Episode Date: June 28, 2024

On this week's podcast Rosie is excited by her Apple watch and Chris get animated over back of the knee sweat. Sister Kate features this week and explains the lengths she went to get her dog to come back. Beefs get emotional and QFTP's involve a gamer ick, peeing in public and perhaps the worse thing you can eat on a plane! Plus, is it okay to wear a track suit to a wedding?... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm Sarah Milroy, Director of the McMichael Canadian Art Collection in Kleinberg. If you love Impressionism, you'll love what we have on view this summer at the Gallery. River of Dreams, Impressionism on the St. Lawrence, features more than 150 sublime works by some of Quebec's most beloved artists. Join us for a journey down the St. Lawrence and see how Impressionism flourished in this country a century ago. Buy your tickets today at mcmichael.com, home to the art of Canada. With Visiart Seltzer, you can follow your vibe. Whether you're looking to bring the energy to your next pre-drink with our new 7% ABV Visi Max pack or indulge in a leisurely afternoon

brunch with our refreshing mimosa pack, Vizzi has got you covered. Discover our other variety packs for even more flavors like papaya passion fruit, blackberry lemon, and pineapple mango. This summer, bring a splash of extra to any occasion with Vizzi Heart Seltzer. Find Vizzi at a retailer near you. For more info, visit vizziheartseltzer.ca. Must be legal drinking age. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mound annoyed with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher Ramsey.

Hello and Rosie has managed to drag herself away from our Apple Watch for long enough to do a podcast. I'm obsessed. Nerd. Do you know what I love, right? First thing you do is slag me off and I get something new. I know, I know, I'm sorry and I told, I said years ago that I'm a hypocrite. Do not take anything that I say on this podcast.

And I said that too, right? That's why I don't go on anything, like, you know, anything factual and go and hide my opinions around because it's pointless. No, I'm a pure hypocrite. But I love when I get a message through me watch and I look at me watch and I read it, it's just the best feeling ever. There's something really, I, no honestly, there's something really sort of like, like superhero-esque, 90s, cool, like, I don't know, like, you know, back in the future. Star Trek, yeah, Star Trek. Star Trek, yeah, just like, it's just mint.

And I just love it, I love it. And I just know how many steps I'm doing. And like, yeah. Mine, I'm sorry, right? I think I've said this before, but you know how, like they say, try and do 10,000 steps a day. It's a lot of steps you know. It's quite yeah it's quite a lot. It's so many. Oh well come on man don't the bang on it used to be five a day now they want seven a day of fruit and veg like

what am I a fucking rabbit? What? Seven a day? Yeah seven a day happened a while ago they came up and said seven a day. Are you joking? Yeah yeah I'm sure they did. Jesus Christ. I struggle I mean I love I love fruit and veg but even getting five in is quite a bit like, you know. Honestly, what the hell's going on? Well, the kids have only started. Now they've got this thing where they can't eat the stalks of the broccoli. It's upset. They just eat the top bit and I'm like, do you know how many cold stalks I eat off a plate before I throw the rest of the stuff in the bin? Oh, do you eat them? I'm the cold stalk snafla. It's really sad, but I'm like, I don't want to waste it.

And I know it's good for us, but I'm just like, fucking, just cold stalks. I do a lot of like, I remember when we were younger and you weren't allowed to leave the table. And I get, and I don't disagree with that, but I'm trying to just not be that kind of mom. So actually when they do eat, so if they have like a cherry tomato or they do eat,

I'm like, well done. That's really good. Through gritted teeth. So I'm actually going, yeah, fucking pathetic. I'm the other way, but I know what's wrong. I know what I want to do. I want to like literally funnel, pour it down the throat. I think that's what your mom and dad did.

Yeah, it didn't work. Well, we've talked about how my dad, we've talked about the Winnie the Pooh tape. Yeah, pure trauma. Yeah, it wasn't Winnie the Pooh tape, but he pretended he was like, eat that Sunday dinner. I'm going to rip up your Winnie the Pooh tape. And it pure trauma. Pure trauma. It wasn't Winnie the Pooh tape, but he pretended, he was like, I'll eat that Sunday dinner, I'm going to rip up your Winnie the Pooh tape. And it wasn't, it was like an old episode. You're like that. You go straight, you go like straight for the jugular.

I go straight there, I'll snap you like bad and hot. You know, rubbing like worn brushy teeth. Chris is like, right, you are never ever wearing any of your clothes ever again. You'll walk around naked from this day forward. You know, one, that's not something I would say. Two, he would be buzzing if that was the case. If I went, you're not wearing clothes anymore, he'd be laughing his head off. Oh God, he's trying. If you see our kids at the minute, right? Raph hates getting his hair cut, so I'm just putting off getting his hair cut.

Robin is trying to grow his hair, and it's just the look, disgusting. The pair of them, I'm I'm so like embarrassed by them but wow wow Robin's hair man it's starting to look good it's it's getting it's just in the in between phase and it's just luckily he wears glasses so his hair's not in his eyes but it's over his glasses and it oh god he looked well I tried to spike it up the other day when he went to that party and he was having none of it I stood in front of him because he wanted flat like it's 90s is out it's gone it come back apparently. All the kids want their hair flat. Flat down. Man, look at the trends. I think we've talked about it here before, but

can you remember the Chelsea skinhead? Which was full skinhead apart from a fringe. Oh, horrendous. Unbelievable. I think I fancied a boy who had it. I wanted it. I wanted one so much. I'm surprised you didn't have it. No, so my mom wouldn't let us get it. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. So I had longer hair. Ann said no. Yeah, she said no. It was here. No. So a couple of my mates had it. No, so my mom wouldn't let us get it. Yeah, yeah, so I had longer hair. Ann said no. Yeah, she said no. So a couple of my mates had it and I really wanted it. I remember what I've never told you. Ann said the lady who let you wear a tracksuit to a wedding said no. That was my dad's, I was thinking about that the other day, that was my dad's doing apparently. So I just, anyone who doesn't know that story, I basically, I just got some clothes, new clothes and it was just from a sports shop because I played out yeah and yeah it was a wedding coming up and dad refused to buy a suit because I'd only wear it once so I wore track suit. The pictures are horrendous. Unbelievable. And the letters, pull a fucking...

You're being better off just wearing like a nice t-shirt and some trousers. Unbelievable. The photos and I'm in I'm in the bridal party. Is it really? Should literally want away from the bride in a full on black shell suit. No, no, it's not. It's a purple and navy Le Cox Sportif track suit. Oh God! Le Cox Sportif! Is Le Cox Sportif still about?

I bet it's keep trending now. It's French, isn't it? It's cultured, French. It's not. Again, my dad's immortal words. It's still a suit. Never forget that. Oh! It's not. Again, my dad's immortal words, it's still a suit, never forget that. It's got a suit on. It's just a tracksuit. Bill Ramsey. Absolute tosser. So yeah, I don't know if I told you this, so in the movie, This is England. So it's full skinhead apart from a fringe at the front that

just comes down and covers your full forehead. Absolutely repulsive. Loads of footballers had it back in the day, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. And so my couple of my mates had them at junior school and I wasn't allowed it. My mom said it was horrible. Quite right. So what I did one day was I got loads of gel. Have I not told you this? No, I don't think so. So I got loads of gel. So imagine not told you this? No, I don't think so. So I got loads of gel.

So imagine I had hair like Dumb and Dumber, like Jim Carrey and Dumb and Dumber. So I had like a step, but I was like, I don't want that. I'm bored of that. It's disgusting. I want to be cooler when I have the Chelsea skin. So I made me own Chelsea skinhead. So what I did was I got loads of gel and I got a comb

and I combed all of me hair back, slick back. Nice. Like Sopranos. Nice, and just kept the front down. Slicked the whole lot back and then pulled the fringe back down and let it go hard in the house. And did you go out like that? Yeah I went to school like that. So it was like, but I'm talking like you know the gel, the fluorescent blue gel that came in like a fucking bucket. We actually need to get something like that because that one that we put on the kids is really not good.

Yeah but I'm talking about the one that goes crusty. So I remember getting on it, I slapped it on, I slicked it all back and I can still, I can see obviously this all my school's got knocked down. It's just some kind of ritual but I can still see the alleyway so you would come off the road and you would go down this alleyway down the side before you got into the into the sort of yard proper. And I remember walking along with the kid and the went, the kid went, what are you doing with your hair? And I immediately bottled it. And because it was like that crusty kind of gel, I like scratched it all.

And I like scratched and I walked in just scratching all of the gel off because I was like, I went in thinking this is amazing. And as soon as the first person went, the fuck's that? My ass fell out. And I should remember scratching remember undoing it, scratching the whole thing and then getting it. And it was basically, me hair was just massive and fluffy all day.

Do you, that's horrendous by the way. Thank you. Do you not find it mad that now that we've got children, that you are watching your kids go through similar stuff to what you went through? 100%. And as a parent, you can't really do anything. You've just gotta kind of let them go through the motions.

It's mad, because you wanna go, oh, by the way, this is bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, this is nothing. I know this means everything in the world to you now, but this is less than fuck all. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny.

It's interesting, innit? Well, Robin's watching Animaniacs. I got him on Animaniacs. He sung the theme tune this morning while we're trying to get ready. I'm not exaggerating, it must've been 50 times on the trot. So loud. 50 times on the trot, screaming around the house. Knows all the words, he's just like his dad. Awful. Absolutely awful. Genuinely might delete it from there. I bought it off Prime,

I might delete it. I know, it's a min price, I used to love it when I was a kid, but even to the point where Rafe's just like, can you shut the hell up? Guys, it is episode 275. Thank you so much for listening and keep coming back and putting up with our, let's be honest, utter bollocks over the years. Nice bollocks though. Lovely bollocks and we're glad to have you here. By the fire of bollocks, warming your bollocks. That didn't work. Now, listen.

I can't imagine having a bollocks, by the way. It's... I can't imagine having like a penis. I can't imagine. I'll be as fast as if I had a titlera the other day. Right, and did you show me a titlera? No, I said no. I said I've got a front boob. Why are you lining the children? Now, I just can't imagine, I know, we've never really spoken about this, I can't imagine having something dangling down. But then I suppose you can't

imagine having boobs. I can't imagine having, no. I think boobs are really weird to me. Just the idea of having just two like... Sacks? In the hurt? Hanging off, just hanging off. Well sometimes you walk in messing about with them. Twiddling them in that. When you say that... not in a sexy way. Obviously. Sounds awful. When you say that they hurt you're like, oh my boobs are sore and you're just like rubbing your boobs about and I'm like...

It's weird that. Oh the kill man. Absolutely kill. So strange. Killing us at the minute. It is weird. Would you swap bodies with me for the day if you could? Erm... Yeah.

What would you do? Just sit down and wank? Yeah. I think I just blew my boobs all day. Yeah. Alright then. Yeah. We'll try and get that sorted out. Okay.

Listen, get Elon on the phone. I'm sure he can sort that out. It is episode 275 and without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is... Back of the Knee Sweat! Oooh! Do you like liquid lubrication on the fold of your leg? Eh? Then you need Back of the Knee Sweat. Simply crouch down for more than two seconds on a hot day and you can have completely free Back of the Knee Sweat!

Eh? You might be gardening, working outside, playing with the kids, or just bending down to pick something up and lingering there a bit too long. Back of the knee sweat. So much sweat in such a small place. It's mad that you sweat there, isn't it? I was doing so, you've got some wardrobes that I'm busy putting up.

Yes, thank you. I was doing them in the room yesterday and it's obviously quite warm. I'm not going to complain about the heat at the moment. You're not allowed to complain about the heat at all because it's gonna just be shit for the rest of them. Honestly, the back of my knees, it was like there was a fucking tap on the back of my, I was down like putting one of the, god damn it.

I do love putting IKEA stuff together, but the drawers are a pain. You're putting the hinges on, you're trying to get them level. Oh my God, the back of me knees. You need to see if the doors, because you've just gone off piste, and the door hinges aren't gonna fit.

I've done that, right, so anyone who's put IKEA stuff together, sometimes you've gotta be really careful where you put the runners for the drawer, or where you put a shelf, because you might be banging the middle of where a door hinge goes. What I'll do is, I'll just do all the in-hands first.

I'll get the doors out. I'll hold them up. If they're wrong, I'll go fucking off it for half an hour. That's what I'm saying. So yeah, I've got a process. No, do the doors first. I'll go fucking off it. I'll slag them off. Probably come on here. I'll slag them off.

But that doesn't make any sense. Then I'll just take them apart and do it again. It's fine. This is a process. It's got to be done. All right. Then I couldn't do it. I couldn't be asked at all. Hell, so don't question. I honestly you look at that I order them because I found that really tricky. Yeah I thought you'd order the wrong things three or four times I've opened it and gone this is wrong. But listen there's a process. Do you know I've got a £65 voucher. Don't sweat the technique apart from the knees. What? I've got a £65 voucher because the mailer's waiting for like two days on the trot and it just didn't turn up. It was my beef last week with you that you ordered. I'm gonna do it now. You ordered

an Ikea delivery to come on a Sunday between fucking six and six or whatever. If I, you turned to me and went, I can't go anywhere on Sunday, I ain't gonna be there. If I had done that there would have been fire and brimstone. Why have you ordered them? You got all week. You got all week. Why have you done this? I think it was just because that was just the day that they gave us. But it was the day after I delivered. I would have never do it again. God, Cockney didn't that. But they gave you a 65-pound voucher for the problem for that mistake.

But they don't do pickles anymore. They don't do gherkins anymore. And that's all I would have bought. 65 pounds worth of gherkins. Mate, have you ever had the IKEA gherkins? No, I mean, I've had them via Rosmorthis. If anyone's worked for IKEA and you're listening, where's the gherkins gone? Yeah, 65 pounds worth of gherkins. Ah mate, have you ever had the IKEA gherkins? No, I mean I've had them via Rosmortis. If anyone's watched for IKEA and you're listening, where's the gherkins gone? Yeah, where's your fucking gherkins? Where's your fucking gherkins back?

Yeah. Oh god. Exactly. Or if you want, just get a normal cucumber, back of my knees, I'll do the wardrobes, it'll be pickled by the end. Oh god, I'm sick. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle.

We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged, Married, Annoyed. Hello! Hello. You alright? I am.

I've got something to tell you. I've got something to tell you. My sister told us the other day and I haven't told you yet. Okay. Because I wrote it, I was actually a bit drunk on Sunday with my sister and my family. Yep. And I wrote this in my phone and I was like I have to tell you about this, right? So my sister's got a dog called Bear and I think we've said before he's spoil rotten,

right? He came and stayed with us for a bit and I fell in love with him. He's busy, he's busy! She talks to him like that, it's awful, right? Horrible. Gives him treats when he's barking, he's getting tits off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dog doesn't know whether he's coming or going. He's going off it and she's going, it's good boy! And we're going, don't give him the treat, because what you're saying is, Bay, that barking, fucking great work, keep going.

Oh, but he's so lovely though. He is. He's absolutely delicious, but you're gonna to you're going to die, right? She let him. She doesn't normally let him off the lead. Oh, he's not. He's not an off the lead dog. Let him off the lead. And I. She was telling us he got distracted. He wouldn't come back, right.

And she was like, shit, shit. So she tried to like creep up on him and get him, but he was having none of it. Then he seen a bird and he was like, what you did? She pretended to be dead. Ha ha ha ha ha ha Of course he did, he doesn't give a fuck. He didn't come. And so I just lay on the ground. And I can't believe I haven't told you.

I just wanted to say that. Thank you for not telling us. But it was like you had desperate times because then she was like, she was like right. Which park was it? It was West Park. Oh right, aye. So there's a Sainsbury's right. Cause then she was like, she was like, right? Which park was it? It was West Park. Oh, right. So there's a Sainsbury's right near it. And she was gonna-

Genuinely could be dead bodies in there. Hey, listen, oh don't, it's a nice park. And she was gonna go get some sausages from the shop. Cause she was like, this is it, you won't come back. Yeah, cause that's my, that is my go-to list. When a dog's off a lead and I can't get the, I can't catch the dog, it's chase the dog, creep up on the dog, dead body, sausages.

That's the checklist. On dogs behaving badly, that is the checklist he runs through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think eventually she managed to creep up on him and get him. Fucking hell. But I was howling when she told us. That's pretended to be dead.

So did she just lie down or did she waitly was looking and go like, like clutch her chest? I don't know. So was there, do you know what I mean? Was the full act out there or did she just lie down and think you look over and realize I'm laying down? I don't know, should I ring her? Yeah.

100%. Cause I wanna know if she went like, hey, ah, ooh, ho, ah, ee. I know what you mean. Ngaah. Right. Anyone, fans of the mask will know that that was, that was what Jim Carrey did of the mask will know that that was a that was what the Jim

Carey did in the mask. Hello. Hello just me dead quickly right do you know when you pretended to be dead in the park for a beer? Did you Chris is wanting to know did you like reenact being dead so he'd seen you did you just lie on the floor? Did you like did you clutch your chest and or like or like fall over like pretend you're being you or did you just lie on the floor? Did you like, did you clutch your chest and or like, or like fall over like pretend you're being shot or did you just lie down? Yeah it was dramatic, I like, I screamed a bit and went He just didn't even, he didn't even flinch, he was too busy chasing me

How did you get him in the end? Oh he got tired Oh, little shit At one point I thought I'm gonna have to go go to Sainsbury's and get a pack of ham. Oh, pack of ham! Pack of ham! Pack of ham's even better. Oh, amazing. Kate, amazing.

Oh, God. A little tinker. I'm not going to let my heart beat again. Outstanding. Amazing. Outstanding. That's all I wanted to know. Thanks Kate. Love Kate. Bye. Love you. Bye. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That is so funny. Do you know, as a side note here, Pack a Ham has got relevance for me. Do you know about Pack a Ham? Is this with Carl? Yeah, so one tour once. I love a Pack a Ham. My tour manager, Reese and his wife, whenever they're in the supermarket now, they

show Pack a Ham at each other when they're in the harm aisle because Rhys, it was the most I've ever seen Rhys laugh. It was about one o'clock in the morning at Weatherby Services and me and Carl, Carl was supporting us on tour and we'd be in Falklands with him while driving home. Rhys was driving home. And one o'clock in the morning he gets out of Weatherby Services and the van's got like a slidey door and just as he was getting out, Carl turned around to me and went Do you want anything from the services? and I went no I'm ok, it's like one o'clock in the morning, I don't want anything

and he went are you sure? I'm getting a pack of ham, do you not just want a pack of ham? and apparently I just went do you want a pack of ham? and I slammed the door and Reese was in the front like fucking like couldn't breathe by laughing so apparently whatever he's to this day I'm talking ten years on him and his wife are in the supermarket and she'll go do you want a pack of ham? and he goes no I don't want a pack of ham! and put them down and then they go to the next aisle that's so you that's too Chris now do I want a pack of ham? one o'clock in the morning.

Kirsty- Hey, listen, if you'd asked me, I'd have said, yes, please. I'll have a pack of ham at one o'clock in the morning. Marks his finest. Absolutely. Adam's Dad- It was like a pulled, so it was like Christmas ham. Kirsty- Oh, yeah. Oh, get me one. I prefer the cheap stuff. I prefer the processed stuff that now I look on TikTok and their mouth is full of worms and that. That's really put us off. Really ruining my life, these Instagrams and TikTok videos. Honestly, they're absolutely ruining my life.

Ruining everything I enjoy. Juice, apparently, juice is fucking horrendous for you. Don't drink juice. Well, good for you. Don't drink juice, just drink water. Agua. Agua. Agua.

Anybody, if you see Chris next, ask him how long he's there. He's bloody bubble machine water, hydrating water. Machine laster. I can tell you right now, four days. Me hydrogenated water? I should get that back out. Mate, you are ridiculous. You are just so easy to sell shit to. Agua. Agua.

Side note, to end that story, Carl did buy himself a pack of ham, ate it in the van, fucking stank. Good. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! So as we record this, it is the, it's Tuesday the 25th of June. Yes, nice. How's your day been so far, Rosie? Erm, do you know what?

I mean, it's only 10 to 11, but so far, it was alright. The kids were a bit stressful this morning, but other than that, it's been alright. Why? Do you want to know how I made a dick of myself this morning? Eee, Yes, always. So. Does it involve me or anyone I know? No. So I had to go down to the house that we're doing for your mum.

Yes. To give the guys, the workmen who are going to be in there, I had to go and give them the key. Get in. Let them in. Nice day. So I had the top down and the little convertible mini. Yeah, a bit licky there but that's fine. Great. Already. Already icky. So I drove myself down.

I don't know, it's sad, isn't it, that it's icky for a bloke, but me, I look mint, isn't it? Yeah, I think I look a bit of a prick. I think I look like a borr- I look like, I think I'm at the age now, I haven't had my hair cut as well, so I've got my little grey bits on the side here.

I did catch myself in the mirror, and I looked like I had gone to pick up me daughter's car from somewhere. Yeah, maybe. That's what I look like. Maybe gone to pick up my daughter's car from somewhere. Yeah, maybe, maybe. I think that's what I looked like. Maybe stop driving. A bit upset.

Nah, refuse. Never. It is. I tell you what though, right? Sorry. I don't want to interrupt to keep you a train of thought. It's the first ever, like my mom had a little Mazda MX-5 convertible years and years ago and I'd just passed me test and I had a shot of driving it.

It was fucking fantastic. It's so nice driving with it with a top down on the car. Oh God, I love it. I'm too self-conscious. I'm too self-conscious. Yeah, no, it is a bit self-conscious, but once you get over that. I feel like everyone thinks I'm an asshole.

Nobody notices, nobody cares. Nobody cares, everyone's really just in their own world. Well, I pulled up his traffic light the other day, I pulled up his traffic light, it went red, and I pulled up, and there was a guy in a it went red and I pulled up and there was a guy in a football top and a cap and he just looked at us for some reason and I just caught his eye for a moment and I thought do I know him and he just kept looking at us

and I looked at him and he just mouthed prick for no reason and just kept walking. Plot twist, wasn't in the convertible, I was just in a normal car that day, just in another car. So he just called us a prick for no reason, that was cool. I don't know, I don't know what, I know what some people just fucking miserable I stopped at the lights red light I stopped and I saw it was just looking forward and I kind of looked I have my sunglasses on so I don't know if you knew I was even looking at him and he

looked at us and he just he just called us a prick and just walked across the road Oh no that's so horrible. I wonder if you've, no but you were on the telly you know and I think sometimes Oh sorry so he knows I'm a prick. No no well maybe but I think sometimes... Oh sorry, so he knows I'm a prick. No, no, well maybe but I think sometimes people recognize us and think that they know we're from years ago. Like they'll say hello like they know we're from a friend or a friend I went to school with them. Maybe he saw you and thought fuck I don't know. That's that prick. Yeah. I mean I am a bit of a prick so he's you know he's...

Yeah, I've got to be quite careful because I am prone to... If you caught me on a hormonal day and someone did that to me, I'd be out of the car and I would be shouting and bawling. How have I not had a fight yet? Like, how have I not had a fight? You need to come to Jitu. Get all that anger out of you. Oh, honestly. But today I was a prick. So today... On what? Bit of diastereotis on in the car, sun's shining.

Which song? Well, got a bit of that on, driving down, bit of music on. I'll tell you, the song is the worst bit. So I pull up at the house that we're doing up for you, Mal. I pulled up in the music player in, top off, pulled up in front of the two guys in vans waiting for us to get there, closed, pressed the button that brings the electric roof back over the top. Yeah. Jump jumped out with my shorts and t-shirt glasses on, whipped me glasses off, morning fellas! Forgot the key didn't I? Yeah, you had the wrong key.

So I turn around, get back in the car and drive off. The song was Money for Nothing by Dire Straits, which is basically workmen slagging off people who work in the entertainment industry. What is isn't it? It's a farce. I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed. Like literally. Morning fellas! Well, it's like, since being a child and men coming around the house to do work at my mom and dad's house, obviously I was a child so I felt like a useless prick. And to this day I still, when the workmen turn up, I am just a useless prick. Like, I can make you cups of tea and I can have a bit banter with you day I still when the workmen turn up I am just the useless prick like No, but make these cups of tea and I can have a big banter with you

I don't know if you notice but when this when the workmen are there I swear a lot more Oh, you love it. You're literally up their arse. It's so weird. Because I need them to like us man! And today they didn't like us because I pulled it It took another 20 minutes to come down and I was like what second time and they were like, yep And I let them in and they were like... Really? Were they being dickheads? No, they weren't.

Well, they weren't being dickheads. They were men who'd been made to wait 20 minutes by some fucking wanker in a convertible mini blasting money for nothing and forgetting keys when he had one job to bring a key down. Who the fuckers are on the roof? Oh. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for What's Ya Beef?

What's ya beef, what's ya beef, what's ya beef, beef, beef. Beef, beef, beef, beef, beefy, beefies. Do you want to go first? I don't know, I don't even know if I've mentioned this. You'll have to remind us because I wrote it a while ago. Okay. But I haven't done it yet. Okay. But remind, because I might, but I might have mentioned it within passing.

Bringing up the past, are you? Mine's topical. But you're bringing up the past. Mine was a few weeks ago. Okay, come on then. So, just sometimes I worry that I sound like an absolute dick because- Yep, I would, I'd be worried about that if I was you as well. I'd be very worried about that if I was you. But I think we're kind of past it.

So I feel like this is relatable to women. I feel like I'm just relatable to more women and you have men's backs, if that makes sense. Yes, okay, I agree. Sweeping, gender, stereotyping, but I'll allow it till you get your point. Yeah, so, it just, this hurt more than I thought it would. Hurt?

Yeah, it was just really silly, it was really silly. And I was really upset about it, which I find silly, but I was anyway. So- Is this something I did that hurt you and upset you? Yeah, well, no, it's ridiculous, but yeah. I'd been in London working. I'd been away for like a full week because you came home earlier

and I had to stay down for something else. Yes. And I'd been away for a full week, which is probably the longest I've been away working ever, away from the kids, really missed them, missed you at all, blah, blah, blah. Again, the sincerity, absolutely shat on with the blah, blah, blah at the end. the sincerity, absolutely shat on with a blah dee blah at the end. Blah dee blah.

Blah dee blah. Didn't miss you as much as I used to, it's getting easier. Oh, even more, there we go, that tops the blah dee blah. Can you imagine turning up at a funeral and going along with the family members and going I'm so sorry for your loss, he was such a great blah dee blah. We should do that, somebody could talk too much. Don't miss him as much as I thought I would. No, don't. No, but like, it's just getting easier.

They're getting older and they're with you and it was fine. They're brilliant. And we've been home a lot recently, so I've, me cupeth, runneth, fulleth. Thank you very much. Definitely not on Facebook, fair enough. Anyway, you offered to pick me up from the train station.

Oh God. And you said, me and Rafe, so just to give you a bit of backstory, when Chris used to work away, you'd be away for a long time. Like, you know, you'd be away for four nights or a week or whatever. Four nights on the belt was the longest I ever did

because it was two sets of two and then a TV thing got dropped in the middle. And I apologize again for that. And when Robin was little, we missed you. So what I would do is I would come to pick you up at the train station, you would get off the train and Robin would be like, daddy. And you would have this lovely moment

where you'd run together and you'd have a cuddle and it was just beautiful. And I thought, oh, that is so nice. And I'm glad that Chris has had that lovely moment. I've never had that moment because I'm not away as much, but I was away for this full week. And Chris said, me and Rave will come and pick you up

from the train station. And I thought, oh, I was like, oh my God, I'm gonna get that moment. Cause I've never had that. And I was like, that'll be so nice. And so I was just coming into the train station and I messaged Chris and I said, I'm not far. And I didn't hear anything back.

And I was like, okay, what's going on? And then got nearer and closer and closer. And I got a message off Chris saying, gonna be late. Give us a ring and I'll meet you in the car park. And I was like, okay. And honestly, he's got it. And he was asleep. And he was asleep.

So I just never got that moment. But now we're looking back, it sounds daft that I was upset, but honestly, I was really, really gutted. Really gutted. So thanks for that. Okay, great. That's nice. Yep.

So you're coming back. Let's see. We've got you going. You're away next week. I'm away for one night. You're away for one night. But we can do it again. We can do it again.

We've got the trains right. I'll just book in coffee for rave on the morning of the Wednesday before I take them up there. Chris in your defense you were very very apologetic and I know that it wasn't. And maybe just to take a leaf out of what you would have said in this situation I'd had the fucking kids on me own for a week so why don't you check your shit. Yeah fair enough. Yeah. There we go. You want to apologize maybe?, I think you still feel like you went too far. No, no, no, stop, stop, stop. I pushed it too far. I pushed it too far.

I pushed it too far. I will stay at that. I didn't want the apology. I was joking. I'll step back. We'll keep it where it was. Let's all be honest. I did win that one.

Right. My beef. You didn't win that one. Winner. My beef. No, don't Chris. I was really upset. I really just wanted that.

I don't. No, but you just said it didn't work. Women, moms don't often get the them moments those are like dad moments yeah do you know what I mean because moms would just get a bit taken for granted and I think we're just there so it was just nice that like I'd been away and it would be nice to but anyway whatever good Wow right come on you're what's your beef with me well my beef with you calling yourself a mam.

Oh wow. You are hanging my clothes on the line wrong and I feel like you're doing it on purpose. Right, so from the bottom. So you're new, so you're new. I don't, they're not heavy enough. They are. Is it me? You are pegging my T-shirts. At the bottom. On the bottom corners

and I'm putting them on and they're like fucking tutus.'re going out like I've got a what's a card what's the thing they wear on when they would wear corset and then they would wear a thing that made it look like they had arse and hips that went out like a toilet roll oh girdle? a bad buddy I don't know well I look I look like that oh sorry yet yet next day thank you for the sorry oh my god just said sorry I'm gonna pass out No because I put them on the line next to yours that aren't pinned like that because mine are a bit heavy there it is all mine peg from the bottom fuck you Chris and all yours under the armpits on the

fucking sturdy bit of the collar just so they keep on hangers so they keep their shape mine all right honestly check your fucking privilege what honestly check your privilege why cuz you don't hang the washing out fucking leave them in the house man leave them in the house on the rail yes man lovely and warm outside you've got to hang washing outside and it fall out the other day when it was sunny. Four loads! Unbelievable. Yeah man, I used to do four loads in my bedroom as a teenager and half an hour man. Nout. You talking about one again? Yeah.

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And thank you, we're still getting so many. It's unbelievable. You're so brilliant, but we can't thank you enough. It's crazy. It's absolutely mad. Thank you. Hello Rosie and Chris. I was listening to episode 272 where a girl's boyfriend's family all walked in whilst they were having sex to congratulate him on his exam results. Horrible. I knew I had to email with my story. I think this would be a good Rosie's mysteries.

Oh. When I was younger and had recently come out as gay, I had a girlfriend who we will call Millie. Cool. We were in bed together, thinking we were home alone, I decided to go down on her for the first time. All was going well until. Oh God.

I think this could be Rosie's mystery, but I don't think it should, because I just think it's funny enough without it okay yeah unless you want to if you want to guess but I feel I don't know we'll see okay I'll let you know okay first time can a lingua yeah all right always going well until her brother storms in looks at us both. The blanket had come off at this point and said, Millie, the dog's died. She burst into tears and it put me off any sexual activity for months. That's not like I'm not laughing at the fact that the dog's died.

I'm laughing at the fact that. That's so abrupt, so abrupt. And the worst possible time to hear something like that. Just literally. Oh, is that what I had to guess? Yeah, would you have guessed it? No, it would have been there forever, and I'd have killed it,

I'd have shot all over that punchline. Oh my God. Millie, the dog's died! Oh. Put your neck, put your neck as back on your slant! That, oh God. Just awful, just knock, like, even if the dog's dead, still knock.

Well, no, because it because no, no, no. That's extending. I don't blame him. That's extending him in circumstances. No, I'm sorry. If the family dog, the lad's in a panic, he's going to run up against his older sister, yeah? I don't know.

Once our children are sexual activity age though, just knock all the time. I will have installed at the top of the stairs the creepiest fucking floorboard you have ever heard. Not even creepy, a floorboard where you stand on it and it starts fucking playing music or something. Like it needs to be so loud. How old are the kids gonna be when we let them shut the doors? Is that a thing? Yeah because I could have boys around my house, but the door had to be open. Right. If you look them back, pervs. Door open, camera on.

No, the door had to be open. Awful. But then there did come an age, or whether me mom and dad just stopped caring, I did start shutting the door. Slag! Well, would there be some kind of, would there be some kind of grey area where you could just install a little curtain across the door like a changing room? Because the door's open but I've got my slag curtain up.

Probably, yeah. Yeah? Slag slide. Slag slide? No, just the door had to be open. Beef curtain? It was the rule. Right.

But the rules were quite lax in my house. I say I never wheat. Did you ever have any girls over? Not until I was like 16 and then it was like fair game on it. Really? Yeah, yeah, and it was like fine. Like I never, yeah, and I've like, I never dated and had like loads of different girls

around me house. No. Not until I was of like going out age. I had boys sitting in the porch a lot. Oh, is that euphemism? No, just wear a porch. Was there a few at a time just waiting for turns or did they? That is the worst thing you've ever said to me. No, because I was a child.

Do you know when you used to go to the cheese counter in Morrisons? What, the little receipts? No. Stop it now. Stop it. I'm double pork. Can I swap numbers with you? They don't do them anymore, do they? I don't think they do enough deli counter service now, do they? Oh, broken Britain. Rip. It's so ridiculous, right? I get dead nostalgic and really, really upset about things like that. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm annoyed. And then I'm like, it was the last time I went. Everyone did that. When Woolworth showed up, I was like, oh God, it was the last time I went. Yeah, it was good. Everyone did that when Woolworth showed. When Woolworth showed everyone, I was like, Oh, God, it was the last time you were there.

Well, I went when I was 12 and got a pick and mix. Well, it's your fucking fault. Shut up. So true. Babadu, babadu, babadu, ba. New Ick for me. Get in. My partner plays FIFA. And the other day, I noticed his name is Robaldo instead of Ronaldo. name is Rob Aldo instead of Ronaldo. He's nearly 30 for fuck's sake. Rob Aldo. Go on Rob. Beautiful. Love it. Absolutely love it. Beautiful. Honestly, you don't like to see

lads having any fun on a computer do you? You just can't get your heads around it as a rule. I know there's, you know, I'm generalizing there but I know that, you know, there's a lot less female gamers than there is men but yous just can't, you can't bear us just sitting over the pad in hand just entertaining ourselves, can you? What do you mean? What, you mean the kids? No, just like a man, a grown man, just sitting like looking at a computer just playing and laughing and getting upset. Do you know what it is though? I feel like, so, what's happened is our parents generation didn't have it. It wasn't a thing. You, like our generation,

are the first generation that grew up with it. From being like, you know, late, late, like 10. Most people our age, we're 37. I got a Sega Mega Drive, I think it must have been about eight. Yes, yes. So you've had it, you've had it a lot, right? So it kind of makes sense that now you're going in adulthood that you still enjoy it and still play it.

So I think now as modern people, we'll just have to understand that you just like it. It's fine. I remember- Keeps you out of my way. I remember my Sega Mega Drive. I used to plug it into this square, fucking big, like big but not a big screen,

a big surround but not a big screen, square portable telly thing. And I used to plug it in in the back, and there was these just- The scartleed. I don't even think it was a scartleed, I think it was the red and yellow. Oh God, they upset me.

Yeah, and it was plugged in. The red, white and blue ones as well, them just random plugs and be like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I just used to guess. It was a yellow one, I don't know blue ones as well, them just random plugs and be like... Oh my God! Yeah! Yeah! I just used to guess. It was a yellow one, I don't know what the hell. But there was just two buttons. I used to turn the Mega Drive on, right? I used to have to flick...

Sega! Well, I wouldn't hear that, so I'd have to flip down a little thing on the bottom of the telly that exposed these like little buttons. And there was these two buttons next to each other. And I just used to have to hammer them. Yes! And it was complete fucking luck with the Mega Drive. Sometimes, I would turn... I would go, go out and play on Sonic or Golden Axe,

turn the Mega Drive on, hammer the buttons for a bit, turn it off, turn it back on, hammer the buttons for a bit. Sometimes it just wouldn't and I would just go, I'll fuck it and I'd have to do something else. The patience on us, the patience on us, compared to our kids, they have no idea. Well that's all it used to be, it fails! I'll tell you one thing I don't like.

What don't you like? And I shouldn't really, it's each to their own, but when I come home sometimes, and you've got a couple of hours off, and you're sat in a really dark room playing on your computer. Right, see, told you. I know, I don't like it.

You just don't like it, do you? You don't like it. What should I have a fucking candle on and a lamp? Candle, a lamp. Just a bit of daylight? No, that's the thing. Honestly, global warming, climate, it's all, it's women left in the house on a night

with every fucking lamp in the house on. I don't think that's causing. Definitely is. Electricity isn't causing global warming, is it? I've seen Dr. Mounting on it. Yeah, everything. Consumption of energy, et cetera. Is it?

But listen, it's you, I sit, the whole house is dark when I'm in on my own. Whole house, you'd think there was no one in there. Oh, do you remember like being at like, when you used to go to a boy's house when you were younger, and if they had like red curtains, but it would be broad daylight, it would be like a lush, the luscious day outside,

and you'd go around and you'd just sit in their room and it stank and they'd be playing on bloody FIFA or something, and I'd be like, this is, why am I here? And then I'd go talk to I here and then I'd go talk to the mom and then I'd just leave. What? Just back to my childhood. Can we take a moment to realise that you started this with can you remember Chris when you used to go around to a boys house? Well okay I'm talking to girls now. Last I remember going around to a boys house and they'd have like either dark blue or dark red curtains but they weren't dark they didn't have black out at back so they'd just be shut shut during the day, but it would still be light, but it would just be like a horrible, oh God, like, vile. Like a sauna heat.

And they would have a big bedroom, it was all tiny little bedrooms. There was all six lads in there playing on speaker. Yes, and then you and your friend would be sat there and sweating and just thinking, what are we doing here? Oh, because we're like boys, what, God, why do we like these boys? You tell me, I don't know.

Just a side note, if a girl ever came and sat in the room where me and my friends were playing on computers, I think we'd all pass out. Yeah, you were not part of that kind of friendship group. No, I never mixed. We never mixed. No. Didn't mix. We didn't mix. Why? Just didn't do it. My entire childhood was like the school disco where the boys were at one side and the girls were at the other. That was my entire childhood. I had quite a big group of lad friends that I had grown up.

Sorry, what were you saying? Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Here's a question. We're just sitting at the computer now. Just as you're looking through the emails for questions and stuff. And we've got some new computers well computers Mac books etc for the office because all this equipment I had was ancient I got these with them I'm holding up as we speak I'm holding up the Apple stickers yeah that you get with Apple products where do these think that you're gonna where do where do Apple think you're gonna put these

fucking things on the back of you there's already an Apple on the back why am I... Let me see. I think it's just... I think this is something that they've not moved on from because they just had them years ago. Why do you get an apple sticker with your apple? Like the whole point in apple is that... Well not the whole point but one of the main features is it's minimalist. It's... I mean look at that computer in front of us there. It's just a fucking box with an apple on it and they've given us two stickers exactly the same as that apple. For the Benz? No, but why do they still give the stickers? I think you're right, I think they've just held on.

Where am I going to put them? On me non-apple products? I don't know, but you know what? You're talking about it, aren't you? Talking about it, aren't you? Oh, god is it, isn't it? Put it on your bottle of water. Shut the fuck up. Well then I'll think it's fruit. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba.

Hello Rosie and Chris. I'm going to share with you the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Could even be a Rosie's mysteries. You've come to the right place. Yes, here it is. Back in 2019, myself and my boyfriend have gone on holiday with our two dogs.

Oh, sorry, two seconds. I've just been sitting on my chair with my feet underneath us and back a bit. Got back the knee sweat. Oh, you're joking me. I've just been sitting on my chair with my feet underneath us and back a bit. I've got back of the knee sweat. Oh, you're joking me. I've got it. Oh, is it me? Am I just susceptible to it? Maybe you might need a bit of Botox, eh? Stop your sweating so much.

No, I just don't want to sweat. It's better than there than like your ballsack or your pits or whatever. I didn't say my ballsack wasn't sweating as well, right? But do you want to open the window? No. Okay. One of our favourite things to do is go for long walks on the beach. Oh.

Romantic. Sorry, who's this? These two on holiday? Sorry, I remember. They've gone on a holiday with a boyfriend and the two dogs. Yes. There we are. In brackets, one thing you should know about me

is I'm that quiet girl who keeps herself to herself. Not a rule breaker, hates any attention on me, and when interacting with strangers, I'm that awkward person." Okay. Brackets closed. So one sunny day we set off on one of our long coastal beach walks. Nice. We'd been walking for a couple of hours. Good God. Do you remember that though? We used to walk. Yeah, not a couple of hours, come on. No, but we used to walk down to Ocean Road for a curry and would walk home again. That was quite cool. Because we just had all the time in the world, Chris. It was a summer night, we'd walk down to Oat n' Road for a curry and would walk home again. Because we just had all the time in the world, Chris.

It was a summer night, would walk down, would stop, would have a little drink on the way. I'm a bit depressed. I'm a bit depressed about that. Really? I love being a mom and I love our family and I love our life and I love our kids so much, more than anything in the world,

but I really miss me life of just being able to do what I want, when I want. But you can't now, that's the thing, because you've got the kids now. Can't. And if someone else has got them, you can't enjoy it the same way you used to. No, you're just not, no.

We did, we used to walk down. It was great. From the one storey glory, we'd walk down, we'd have a couple of drinks on the way, curry on Ocean Road, and then we'd walk all the way back on the summer night. Fantastic. Oh my God.

Oh, God. Good grief. Probably have sex as well. Not after a curry, you're mad. No movies before. Right, anyway. It was a beautiful day and it was so quiet. The dogs were having the best time in and out of the scene. After a couple of hours I said to my boyfriend, let's head back, I need the toilet. Number one only. His response was, just go in the sand dunes, there's no one around. Oh no. Me, I was mortified by just the suggestion.

Yep. So we began to head back to the car. Heading back always seems a lot longer, doesn't it? Does when you need the toilet. It's the worst thing in the world. Yes, if you've been walking aimlessly, yes. Walking home from school, that last little chunk, that last little block of walking home I used to run

because I always was going to piss myself. Did you not? No. No. Not that I actually remember drinking anything at school Yeah, the amount of fluids we give our kids now compared to when we were at school. Oh, oh my god I didn't drink for days. I'm so sorry I keep going off the thing but there's loads of like videos But like literally I remember drinking from the like our tap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh comp Just like having a handful of water from the tap in our tap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or comp, just like having a handful of water

from the tap in the back of the classroom. Can you remember if there was a communal water fountain just in the corridor that anyone could just put their fucking mouth around? I don't think we had one. I remember asking to go to one once on a sunny day and the teacher was fucking raging. Yeah.

Like absolutely raging. We were, how do we not die? I don't know, it was Christmas. Never drank anything. Can I ever tell you about when I was in, I think I was in year 10 and a lad had a bottle of water on his desk. I remember it was a bottle of Evian, and he had it on his desk, and I was like,

what the fuck? And he was like, oh, you're allowed? I was like, really? He was like, yeah, you're allowed? And I remember he had, blessed him, same as me, he had bad acne, but it cleared up. And I went, what you been doing? He went, mate, I've just been necking water all the time.

And he was just, he just started. He was like one of the first hydrate hippies. He just started he had it on his day and i remember and i remember one of the teachers was like you can't have that and he was like yes i can and they were like oh okay and he was fine it was so cool it was so cool Rosie i think i fancy him a bit. God love the 90s yeah right so you're back with these guys yeah i was becoming more and more desperate for a wee after almost an hour i was slowing slowing down. My boyfriend again said, just go in the dunes, there's nobody around. Sorry, so these fucking nutters

walked for two hours in one direction. Who does that? People with time. And where do you live? They're on holiday. They're on holiday? Where's this coastline? Why so many questions?

I just think it's ridiculous. Was it like a never-ending fucking road, like when Scooby-Doo, when the same door goes past every time. Two hours in one day. The balls on you. Listen, OK, I had to give in and go. So off I went in the sand dunes.

My boyfriend and the dog stayed on the beach. I found a spot which was secluded and I checked and checked to make sure there was no one around. Again, I don't want to be sexist here, but there is something so much more disturbing than of the visual image of a woman weaning in public than a man weaning in public. Oh, it's awful. So much more.

And again, it has a woman weaning in public squatting down to do a number one, a wee in public has all the visual imagery of someone squatting down to have a shit. Yeah, and when you've had kids, although I don't even know if it's a kid thing, it might just be an old thing. Because I don't remember my wee being so misdirectional. Like when I was younger, you should just go straight down. But now, god fucking me. Just dial out of the place.

Fire sprinkler on the office block. Yeah, absolutely. Like just, I'm like, what's happened to my vagina? I didn't even have my kids naturally. Don't know what the fuck's happened to my vagina. So you managed to, when you sat in the toilet, I hear you wee, because you always leave the door open. Yeah.

You managed to completely miss the water and hit every single side of the bowl. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the widespread on the horse. Something's happened. Something's happened with my... Something's happening. You might have something, you know, have you got something stuck in the middle, do you think? Maybe. Like a blockage. I don't know. A bit of food. Probably crisp. A crisp? I reckon you've got a crisp or a Malteser.

Right, listen. I bet there's a Malteser in there. Right, but yeah, probably. Will be melted by now. Well, might be crystallised. Listen. Eventually, I had a give-in. I took my shorts down and undies and squatted when all of a sudden...

Oh, fuck me. Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. Right. I'm telling you now... What you think it is. I've got one guess. Yeah, okay. I'm only gonna guess once because I think I've slam dunked it. Right.

School trip. You're wrong. Fuck! but good guess good guess okay coach trip I am gonna guess more than once no stop you're wrong right ready then I had given took my shorts and undies down and squatted when all of a sudden priest loud voices shouted get down get down I freeze midway as the shouting had scared me again these these voices shouting, Get down! Get down! Fire! Then there was gunshots.

I dove to the ground, yes, still piddlin', Ought in the air and terrified and by this time I was crying. Then I'm surrounded by people in camouflage. I couldn't believe the first time I had ever had an outside wee, I had managed to walk right into the middle of an army training exercise. That's all fucking weird! So she, oh no! But she dives and is now just pissing all over herself.

Just pissing with her arse in the air. Just pissing everywhere. She's crying her eyes out. So there's two puddles. There's a puddle in her head with the tears and there's a puddle in her crotch with the piss. Yeah, yeah, basically. Mortified. Absolutely mortified. They helped me up, all laughing, me still with my undies round my ankles. And one of them said, when you gotta go, you gotta go. I pull up my undies and make my way to the beach where my boyfriend

and dogs are all stood, looking petrified, staring at the sand dunes. My boyfriend says, I'm sure I've got gunshots. You did I said. Thanks for saving me. Still have flashbacks of this now and I've not had a piddle outside. Oh, again, it's extremely unfair how difficult it is for women, we in public versus men. So unfair. We can just shake the end and it's all gone. Use it this hell on with you lot. I can only apologize. Again. Again.

You did get the wrong end of the stick. Was it the short end of the stick? What is it? You got the, yeah. But I love being female. I'm not gonna lie. I wouldn't wanna be a man. You know, if they said you can come back.

Oh, actually, hang on. Could do without the periods. So maybe I would come back as a man. Okay, okay, but then you'd have to deal with them. And I tell you now, as a man who's currently surviving dealing with a woman's monthly cycle, it's tough. I know, I'm sorry. It's a daily struggle.

I'm sorry. We're in a predicament as well, because I've started taking the herbal tablets that are really good and they really make us better, but the make is pilot weight. So I'm like stuck in absolute catch 22. Skinny and happy. No, skinny and miserable or happy and a little bit overweight. Right. Yeah. So not, I mean skinny. I'm never skinny, but you know, let's skinny's a highball. I'm sorry. Thanks for that. I love your figure. You're beautiful. Stop it. I just want you to be happy. I'll never be happy.

Okay. Well, I don't know what I want. Then. No. Hi guys. Love the show. Long time listener. First time writer. Welcome. Currently. So I'm loving that now we're getting loads of holiday emails. Yes. Because people are going on the holidays. Oh, fantastic.

And it's just a mid time of year. It's seasonal. And can't believe that we'll live a life of different seasons and for some reason, it's always just as exciting as the last time. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I'm dreading the winter like it's never happened before. I'm thinking about like what's it gonna be like when it's like...

Why? We've only had nice weather for about five days and I'm currently like, oh my God, I don't want it to rain ever again. Of course, yeah. I'm an idiot. But you know what's really lovely? What's really lovely about this podcast and what's lovely about... I know other podcasts do like seasons and they do like, you know, series and then I have a load of time off. We go through life with everyone listening to this. So everyone listening to this, you're all going through everything, the fucking rain,

the wind, the seasons, you know, celebrations. You go through everything. It's really nice. Yeah. Lockdowns and pandemics. We all go through it together in one big long line. And I do love it. I'm glad you're all on board. Yeah, we do. Currently on holiday in Kos, listen to the podcast, when a listener had written in to tell you about their experience with a cucumber on the tube. That was just, I think that was actually on the air, the full cucumber. That was someone just eating a cucumber, yeah. Yeah, awful. Had me thinking about the most bizarre thing that I have ever seen someone

eat at 39,000 feet in the air on our way to Kos last week. Okay. I kid you not, two hours into our four hours, the chap next to me reached into his hand luggage and produced a tow pack of Sainsbury's raw salmon fillet. I thought to myself and looked at my wife, there was no chance he's going to eat that, is he? I was wrong. The cabin air was soon filled with the smell of raw fish as he peeled the pack back and ate it in literally 30 seconds to with these fillets with his hands no shits given by him or his partner they

acted as if he was eating a boot meal deal he had purchased in the terminal people are so fucking arrogant I wish he was so arrogant yeah yeah so do you want to hear the rest yes I hope that I hope they open that plain door and fucking booted him out that is chemical warfare I'm serious I'm serious open that plain door and fucking booted him out that that is chemical warfare I'm serious. They should have landed and the fucking whatever they called not God. Yes, it looks it's not Spain But they get scary fucking cop as I were they should have marched on and you saw it fuck over You know sushi. Yeah, which is raw salmon. Yeah, it's it's been frozen before that's how you can eat it raw, right? Did you know that no, so it's not just it's not just raw salmon yet I don't think you can eat

from the pack right okay and also if it's been maybe half way through the flight as well so it's for listen and it's right but what really got me was we flew from Birmingham early that morning due to the current fuck show at the airport we were all told by the holiday company to arrive four hours before our departure but also to add to the wait our flight was delayed by three hours meaning everyone on that flight had been waiting in the airport for seven plus hours meaning that salmon was in this guy's bag at room temperature for that long I hope to god he had the shits for the duration of his holiday at least he couldn't blame

the all-inclusive buffet this time. Fuck show's an incredible turn of phrase. I'm going to use that from now on. Oh, something else as well. On a side note, which also pissed me off, was when the flight attendant came round offering refreshments, hopefully to hide his fish breath, he asked if he could taste test the two beers before purchasing. Oh my God! What the fuck does he think he is? A BS-a-meli-ate. He's the twat. He's the biggest twat in the world. He's tested two of the beers. Oh. What's he eaten two? Do you think he might be

veggie, like a pescetarian, and struggles to find stuff at the airport so he's thought I'm gonna bring them salmon out the fridge. Yeah, we all know, like, you know. It is hard, it's tricky. It is, but don't be too fuck, God almighty, come on man. Come on, like, what's it, is but don't wait to fuck God almighty come on man come on like what was it is he a gym bro is it his proteins maybe a flight two bits of sat on it you is it where they're going out a date and you can't bear to waste anything there's people like that you know you them in the fucking car on the way the air you had seven hours in the airport even you waited for the plane they will not be be...he will be poorly, I think.

Good! Good! Good! Good! What did he do with this? Did he eat the skin? Oh, it's horrible that, isn't it? He's really...he has ruined my day. I do love sashimi. I love salmon. I love like raw salmon sushi, but I just wouldn't... just two fillets of it is so... But opening it as well and then you've got the packet. The packet's on there now as well. but I just wouldn't just too fill it a bit is so open.

They're opening it as well. And then you've got the packet. The packets on there now as well. Oh, I could talk for days about how upset I am about this. I see that last. I'm just going to leave it at and we all know everyone say it together. What should he be? He should be put in prison.

I thought you were going to say get in the sea, but you would love that. Oh, yeah. Don't get in the sea. Get in the sea. You're fucking buzzing.. Oh my god. I got a golden ticket. He's what do you call him? The boys? Oh he's a, no he wouldn't eat them, he was fucking it. He was shagging them. Yeah the deep. There's a character on the boys called the deep, they're all superheroes and he's like can swim underwater really fast. He's Aquaman. Did you have something else? Just he shags all the fish. He's shagging all the pucks at the minute.

Great work. It's actually really good. The boys are amazing if you haven't seen it. Yeah. Babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo babadoo bab sunshine if it's still sunny where you are and if you want to get in touch it's shagmarrydonoid.gmail.com shagmarrydonoid.gmail.com are you ok? do you lie down? it's because I'm rushing off to Jujitsu let's be honest here of course you are, of course you are! he's literally, he's been giving me the eyes all

episode and not the good eyes yeah, no not the sex eyes no the hurried the fuck up eyes yeah and this has took longer than most of them so bye alright bye everyone have a lovely week, bye.