Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 284. Christember

Episode Date: August 30, 2024

On this week's podcast Chris introduces a new month to the calendar! The couple discuss office jobs, admin and what the kids thought of their Summer Holidays. Would Rosie Eat makes a comeback and the beefs are garlic based. They also take a tour of movies they are going to watch together, The Notebook anyone? Send in your stories, questions or Would Rosie Eat ideas to [e-mail] Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Go back to school with Rogers and get Canada's fastest and most reliable internet. Perfect for streaming lectures all day or binging TV shows all night. Save up to $20 per month on Rogers' internet. Visit rogers.com for details. We got you, Rogers. fiery rivalry, a nemesis with benefits, a race to get to the bottom but stay on top. Here, Canada's own best-selling romance author, Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead, starring Hamilton breakout star, Phillip Assu, paired with versatile funnyman, John Cho, of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and

sizzling banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen, once again set in her beloved Toronto, weaves together a scandalous mystery and a slow-burned romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and Wes embark on a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Choo's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now, go to audible.ca slash drop dead on Audible. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mound annoyed with me Rosie Ramsey and my husband Christopher

Ramsey. Hello! Randy! Randy! Hello! Hello, hello. hope you're all right over there, hope everyone's well, how are you? I'm all right, how are you? Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. I've been aghied up this week

and really, really ready to go and do the podcast by your little bit of motivational speech, little motivational snippet you did just before we started, which was, and I quote, let's get this done before I lose the will to live. I know. So... No!

Just that, that's the spirit! No, do you know what it is? I'm not an admin girl, right? We've done loads of admin and we've just done loads of admin before we started this. And I just could not work in an office ever again. I was shit when I did it. I'm shit now. Like, I remember being a receptionist and just being dead inside.

I imagine that company's gone under with you as the receptionist. I imagine nothing got passed on. I imagine it was a nightmare. I was that company's gone under. With you as the receptionist I imagine nothing got passed on. I imagine it was a nightmare. Oh shit. It's probably gone under. No they're still going. Yeah. I think. I'll give them a shout out if you want. Give them, no well I mean if you want but give them their due they're probably took a massive downswing. You know on it there's probably a graph of their takings and how much profit they've made and there's probably a big old fucking dive in that graph. Do you really think? And here this six months. Okay maybe. I wasn't that bad. Do you know what me one good thing I think about being a receptionist was? Very chatty. Yeah. I was very

good with like clients and stuff but the actual admin side I wanted to die. Right okay. Just wanted to die just like having to send email, having to fill in diaries. I was like oh yeah apps but then when someone came you you know, lit up me world. But other than that. Where did they come? Just through the front door. What are you talking about? What do you say when someone came and lit up me world?

I said, when did they come? And you said just through the front door? Meaning vaginally? Oh! Absolutely not. He's absolutely on one today. Watch out everyone. Had no love affairs at that job. It was a very, no, boring.

Because you were probably so useless. You were actually sexually unattractive to everyone there. It was just pretty fit. But have you ever seen her try to do anything at all? Great. Do you know how many times she moves on the fire alarm went off? Such a dick. It was a photocopying company.

Oh, OK. It's because I got promoted because I started off as a meter reader when I would have to ring everyone and say, how's your toner doing? I like Phoebe. Yes, I was actually that person. That was my job. And then I got promoted at the receptionist.

So check me out. Anyway, what are you talking about? The idea of you doing my diary, doing it just as you said that you had to do people's diaries. The idea of you, I mean, just the other day, I told you we had a Zoom with everyone from our management company. You turned around five minutes before the Zoomer

went, Ian, glad it's just us and Robin, my producer. I went and snorted to everyone. You went, you didn't tell us? I did. So I had to literally fill while you went upstairs and put makeup on because it was a Zoom with like 15 people. Well, I was literally in gym gear. That's why I said that.

Hadn't even washed my face. That was the thing though that's the weird thing about about our dynamic you could go to me you look like shit what you're doing we've got zoom with all these people you like shit whereas you came down with a t-shirt with holes all in it no makeup on and all I said was are you um are you ready for the zoom and you went yeah I went okay she's she's bald I'll give her that. You should have said. I can't, because I'm not in you. I said, you're saying I look like shit. In your T-shirts, which you won't throw away.

You've got so many T-shirts with holes in that, you won't throw away. I know. Have you got a moth? Have you got a moth problem? No, I've got a jeans problem. A jeans problem. So, when I sit, no, it doesn't seem to happen

to anybody else, I don't know what the fuck's going on. You just happened to me back in the day. Did it? Little, on the front of your T-shirt, between your belt buckle and your car seatbelt. Yeah. Rubbing on your t-shirt, middle hole. Every single t-shirt I've got, it's got about six holes in that exact same area. It's a sign of being a bad driver. How? Taking corners too quick and moving around in your seat. No it's not. There it is, I've read it. No it's not. There it is, yeah yeah. No. That was when I was young, I used to be a bad driver.

I'm a really good driver now, you're obviously still a bad driver. Great, why does it still happen though? Don't know. Oh god, this is boring as fuck. Anyway, welcome back to this week's episode of Shed Really. Welcome to, oh god, this is boring as fuck. Guys, thank you so much for being here, thank you so much for listening, thank you so much for joining us on our silly little journey. It's episode 284, please like, rate and subscribe on all your podcast shops. And without further ado, it's time for this week's Leia-u-a-kai-ra-a-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-tive sponsor.

Oh, I like that. Through that I can, see, we can do that exactly the same. Leia-u-kai-tai-tai-tai-tive sponsor. This week's Leia-u-kai-tai-tai-tai-tai-tive sponsor is sneezing with food in your mouth. I do it all the time. Ooh, hey, hey, do you like spreading germs? This week's La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La to eat it back off your hand in front of everyone at the table because at the end of the day it is your food. I do it all the time. Yeah hate it. It's horrible isn't it? But you can't physically, you can't stop. You can't stop. And I know how to stop sneezing you push your tongue against the back of your front teeth. I've never tried it because I love a sneeze. Yeah but I did it, I was just downstairs I was eating a yoghurt. This is possibly the worst

thing I've ever sneezed out of my life. Genuinely I don't do trigger warnings but honestly you might you might be sick listen to this. I had a strawberry in a yogurt, this is possibly the worst thing I've ever sneezed out of my life. Genuinely, I don't do trigger warnings, but honestly, you might be sick listening to this. I had a strawberry yogurt with banana in it, yogurt, with banana in it and special K in it. That was my little breakfast thing I was having. And I sneezed, so I sneezed yogurt-y banana, oat-y special K all over my hands,

and then I just lick it off. I cannot get on board with like yogurts and fruity shit and all that for your breakfast. It just makes us feel ill. Technically it was my brunch. I actually had fried eggs on toast for my breakfast so I've had breakfast and brunch. I'm gonna go for a lunch. Might go for a little, what's the mid-afternoon called? Spinning greedy fucker. No it hasn't got a name. Snack. Afternoon tea. There it is. There it is. Unpopular opinion. Yeah. I'm not a big fan of afternoon tea.

What do you mean? Just find the sandwiches really shit. Yeah. No crusts on them. Yeah, although this morning for some reason out of nowhere right out of left field I had an absolute hankering. Probably the most middle-class hankering I've ever had in my life. I had a hankering for a scone with cream and jam on. Oh yeah. I did the bane. I did the bane a bit of toast with some jam and I was like, I would fucking love a lovely old dollop of a bitone with cream and jam on. Oh yeah. I did the bane, I did the bane a bit of toast with some jam and I was like, I would fucking love a lovely old dollop of cotton, bit of shantily cream, a clotted cream or whatever it is. Oh God, yeah. Big bit of jam on a warm scone.

Can I get them round here? Well, I'd be able to get you a scone. Would you? I would. You know a guy? No. They do black scone now. I'd be able to get you a...

Listen, blow your cards right, right? You don't know any coppers, do you? I'll get you a scone. Right? Just keep it on the DL. I'll get you a fucking scone. Why coppers? Just because they sound like a drug deal. Oh, is it because of the fastest cake? Because one minute it's there and then the next minute it's gone.

Fuck's sake. Fucking hell. You see me at the Fringe next year. This has gone downhill this podcast. Lessons won. She'll be the one with all the tools in her fucking t-shirt. So this is the Jingle Jingle We hope you like the Jingle Jingle Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba Jingle

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Marry Denoid. Now Chris Ferramsi, we are nearing the end of the summer holidays. Thank God! Oh my God! That! Oh my god! That was all me by the way, that wasn't a sound effect. No I know that was really good. Good that one. Genuine excitement, I don't think I could do it in any of that circumstance. Well done, you don't know this, but I took a little minute to ask our kids what's been their favourite part of the summer holidays. Because we've had a lovely holiday, we went to Harrogate for a few nights.

We've had two trips away, an abroad trip and an England trip. They've had numerous days out. I took Robin to the Edinburgh Fringe. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've done so many things. I've seen their friends. They've had a whale of a time. This is going to be something. This is going to be, I haven't heard this.

This is going to be something shit like eating a fucking cheese string on the drive. Something. Oh, I'm already angry. I can't. Right. I can't actually remember what Rafe said I don't know if Rafe said anything but Robin answered this was Robin's genuine answer what's been your favorite thing in summer holidays. Here we go. Your favorite thing about the summer holidays so far has been Robin? My favorite part has probably been watching telly, going to sleep and

Also, and like having lunch breakfast dinner tea and supper I don't have tea, I don't get food and dinner and some pizza. Did you enjoy the holiday when you went on the aeroplane? Yeah. Did you enjoy when we went to Harrogate for a few days? Did you enjoy when we went all doing the lovely things? I went to sleep on them days when we were on holiday and I ate food on them days. Hey you two are easily pleased and I love that.

No, I forgot something. There's a man delivering pizza. A man delivering pizza. So dairy food oriented. A man delivering pizza. So our children have just basically enjoyed slobbing, watching telly, sleeping. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this.

I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this.

I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this.

I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. I'm not going to say this. and eating, that's all we do in this prison. It's a hard knock life for us. Why do we bother? Why do we bother? I just feel though, I feel like if you asked so, if you asked my friends, children who've got girls, they would be able to rattle off

like all of the places they've been. Oh, you love the things, and we did a picture and we did some dancing and then we walked up on the top of the hill and you could see that, yeah. Have we even had a pizza delivered? I don't know where he's got that bullshit from. When did Graves have a pizza delivered? No idea, No idea.

He just copied everything Robin said. Stupid bugger. What's the point? Robin can't remember any holidays he's been on. I swear to God, I just don't think there's any point. Anyway, well done. What a waste of time, money, effort. When all they wanted to do was just stay in the house, watch the telly, go to bed.

The stuff that we feel the most guilty for? The stuff that when we go and haven't been anywhere in a day, they just watch the telly? This is terrible. Actually the happiest. I watched a fuck load of telly when I was a kid. Oh my god. My god. That video player. Smoking. Oh, you used your head cleaner. Did you use your head cleaning tape? Eee, do you remember them? Remember your head cleaning tape? Eee, do you remember them? Remember the head cleaning tape?

I do, yeah. Videos all looking good, get the head cleaning tape in. I think I did fuck all. Our video tape was never the same after my mom's family came over one day and a few of the kids were a bit, a bit leery. One of them put a cheese sandwich inside the video player. I've only ever seen that happen on films. I didn't think that happened in real life. And I wrapped it around his fucking head.

We found that one and then a few weeks later it was like what is that smell? There was one down the back of the sofa as well. All I get from this is your mom's shitting me eating cheese sandwiches. God, I just don't enjoy that cheese sandwiches. Yeah, bless them. I don't think I want to write it back. It was one of them times though. Do you know what I mean? What's this? Red Leicester? Ah, fucking get this in the video recorder.

Dirty sod. But you remember when you were older and our kids do it now sometimes. They go, hey, they were really badly behaved. Yeah, yeah. And our kids sometimes do it and they go, did you hear what Rob, I love when Robin does it. He's like, did you hear what they said?

Yeah, they were cheeky then. And you go, yeah, did you? Shock in that light. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Rosie, what month is it? August. And what's the next month? September.

Wrong! Next month has been renamed officially. I've got it in with the government. Yes. Got it in. It's Chris Timber. Okay. Chris Timber's coming up.

Is everyone excited? Yeah! Why? Chris Timber. Because my children's book is out on the 12th of September. Our children's book? Also mine. I am on Pointless on BBC One and iPlayer, 5.15pm from the 9th of September to the 23rd of September weekend.

Oh, finally! And my stand-up special is available on Sky and now on the 18th of September. Sorry, Chris Timber. Chris Timber. Never off the telly. Never, absolutely. Why does that happen? I'm not being funny though.

You've hardly been on the telly at all. And then it's all just in one month. All in one go. God, everyone's gonna be sick of this sight here. Get your bean flicking fingers at the ready. Sorry. I couldn't even finish that sentence. Eww. By the the way nobody's using their fingers am I right girls? No one's using their fingers. What using your toes? No. Using your mouth?

How you bending? Christopher. You had a rib taken out. Christopher stop it now. What was I gonna say? No that's amazing pointless will be interesting. Yeah well I had answers. So I sit at the laptop, got all the answers. But he's doing the Richard Osmond rule. It was really good fun. But yeah, it's on Monday to Friday and then Monday to Friday and then the following Monday. It's the 9th till the 23rd of September. It's nearly the full month of September. Wow, wow, we were. Yeah. No, it's really, really good show. Really, really popular. And yeah, the standup special in September. And then my children's book, 12th September.

Our children's book. Also mine, Chris Temper, sorry. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. So it's been a while since I've dove into the Shag Married and Old email box. Oh yes. The mailbag, as they used to call it in live and kicking and bloop it and the like.

Every time when you say, we've had loads of emails, guys, I've worked on radio, you've worked on radio. They always say they've had loads when they've had about four texts. They're like, the texts are flying in. You've had three texts all off the same builder. However, right, we get genuinely. It's mad.

I went in for the Wood Rosie Eat. There's fucking thousands of them. Like, you're all, everyone listening who sends stuff in, you even, well, people who don't, you're amazing as well, but the people who send stuff in, you're incredible. Yeah, thank you. So, would you like to play a round of Would Rosie Eat? I would. I wrote a song, you know, but it's not finished. No, but that's the theme tune.

Oh, is that, what, Just Being a Pig? It's time for... Great. Do you want to do it one more time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's time for BLEURP Wood Rosie Eats. Was that a real burp? Yeah, a really quick one.

Did it? Really quick burp. It sounded really real. It's good, wasn't it? It was real? It was 100% real. Okay, so do you want some short fire ones or do you want, I tell you what,

I'm gonna do them in order. Okay, just to let you all know, I'm a bit peckish. So when this happens, this is, I'm gonna do them in order. I'm gonna do them all right from the start. Okay, just to let you all know, I'm a bit peckish. So when this happens, I will open up my boundaries a lot more. This is like going to the supermarket hungry. Oh mate, yeah. You are currently shopping hungry, which you shouldn't do. Okay, you ready?

You shouldn't. Do you know I ate that full tub of Haagen-Dazs ice cream, which I told the kids was protein yogurt, by the way. Hilarious. Suckers! Oh, unbelievable. I haven't had it for years. Salted caramel it was so fucking good but I can't buy it again because if it's in the freezer. Sorry we digress. Let's play Wood Rosie. You have got me on to a story perfectly straight away. I'll

read this one first. Dear Chris and Rosie I've been sat on this story for a while thinking every week as I listen to the podcast that I should send it in, but the recent edition of Woodrosie Eat I felt compelled to finally do it. Oh! A while ago my boyfriend and I were on a late train from my brothers in Guildford back to London when a man got on one stop after us and sat down a few rows in front of us, but on the other side of the train. Mm-hmm. That make sense? Yeah.

Due to it being dark outside and not very busy, his reflection caught my eye in the window. You know when you're on a nighttime train it's like there's no outside it's like a mirror yeah it's like yeah like a mirror like totally black sides yeah and as he sat down he got out a newly bought tub of Ben and Jerry's caramel choo-choo as his late night train snack also a good also a good ice cream yeah yeah what happened next had me and my boyfriend in both tears of silent laughter and horrification, didn't think that was a word, but there we go, as this man set up his Netflix and ate the entire tub of ice cream

with his middle finger. Oh, fucking hell. Why? I should point out that at no point did he look in his bag for a spoon, as if he may have forgotten it, but instead sat down and straight away set up his Netflix and began devouring the ice cream, one middle finger scoop at a time, almost as if it was not his first rodeo. Gee, it must have been room temp.

Just straight in. Well do you not remember when me mam ate two Aero yogurts on the way back home from B&M's with her fingers? Do you remember that? Very very good. Love that story. Why do you would use two fingers? Can I just tell you now though, right? You know I wouldn't, not on public transport. There's no way I'm not putting my fingers in my mouth. Some people don't give a fuck and you know what I genuinely envy them to not give a fuck so much to go look I'm eating this I'm on a train people can see is I'm put my Netflix on fuck the

world I'm eating this with my finger I don't care. I wouldn't. Incredible. You could find something. I used to not give a shit you know. What do you mean? I used to not give a shit what people thought about us and now I do obviously I play out like I don't but I do. I thought you were gonna say I didn't give a shit about like personal hygiene and all that. No no. I was telling someone about this the other day. You didn't give a shit about like personal hygiene and all that. No, no. I was telling someone about this the other day. You didn't give a shit about what people thought? So a mate of mine, he had like a copper jar when I was a little bit of a boy racer and we had all like cars. Well, I couldn't drive at the time, but me mate had a car and it was all done up

and he wanted to get a spoiler for his car and the spoiler was £250 or something to get it fitted and painted and all that. Is that all they are? I imagine they're much more expensive now, but this was back in the day. Okay. And he had a, I tell you exactly what it was, it was 400 quid. And he had a- It was quite, back then, yeah.

Yeah, it was fitted, sprayed and all that shit. Okay. And he had like a, it was like a, I think Celebrations once did like almost a see-through shoe box, see-through plastic shoe box at Celebrations, it was massive, right? Right. And he had one full of pound coins, he'd been collecting pound coins. Honestly, it was in his wardrobe and he had like £400 in pound coins.

Eh? Yeah. How did people have money like that when we were young? Do you remember when people used to just have money? Some of my mates just had money and I was like, how? Cards on the table, he worked in a nightclub and was on the take. In what way? In a way of the classic, someone orders a pint, you charge them for a half, run the half through the till. And then keep the money.

Keep the money for the half in your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but if the till's are down at the end of the night, you get done it. Not something I've done myself, but I do know how it works. Yeah, I definitely have seen that in progress. Anyway, he had lots of pound coins. He had £400 a quid, £400 a quid's worth of pound coins. Amazing. God, I'd love to say that. But I remember, I didn't give a shit what anyone thought was at the time, I didn't care. So I remember he was going,

I wanted to go and get it today, but I haven't been in the bank to change all them coins. And I went, just take them. And he went, what? And I went, just take the, take the, I went, how much is in there? He was like, 420, I want you to take the, take that, take the pound coins. To the thing. Yeah, yeah. And he went, he looked as he went, you want me to go to the garage with 400 pound coins?

And I couldn't see the problem. Now I'm mortified. If someone said, go and do that now, take a bag of coins in, I'd be fucking mortified. But then I didn't have a care in the world. I was like, yeah, well it's still money. You just take it in and pay it and get your spoiler I was impatient as fuck as well but I would have done it he was fucking mortified by my behaviour

but I would have done it I would have done it I did loads of stuff when I was younger yeah did you ever know someone who paid a parking fine in pennies no I don't do you yes I've seen a video of someone doing it used to do it back in the day a mate of a mate did it you got a parking fine or a speeding ticket or something. Must have been a parking fine. And he took it to, there was a place in Newcastle, you had to go in and pay them. And he just took a bag of two pence's,

he dropped it on the thing. And he, these poor women behind the counter, he filmed them counting it. He was laughing his head off. And they had to take it. Legal. Tender. Next one.

I miss money sometimes, you know. I miss money, Miss money penny. My boyfriend Taylor breaks my... This is such a great sentence to begin. My boyfriend Taylor breaks my heart by eating a meal deal alone in his car every lunchtime. Oh, why is he doing that? I don't know. Why?

To make it even worse, he told me the other day that his pasta pot came without a fork or spoon. So he improvised and ate it with an empty painkiller packet. Yeah, dusty. Yeah. I hope it was clean. Mine get disgusting at the bottom of my bag. If there's ever like a paracetamol holder,

it's monkey, sticky monkey, horrible. Good job they're sealed in it. Would I have ate that? Would you have ate a pasta pot with the back of a paracetamol packet? I'd have given it a wipe first, but yes, horrible. Good job they're sealed, innit? Would I have ate that? Would you have ate a pasta pot with the back of a paracetamol packet? I'd have given it a wipe first, but yes, definitely. Okay, this one is just a full-on would you, like, would you eat. Okay. The contents of one of those tubes next to coffee cup bins where they ask you to pour your coffee dregs.

Ooh, no, why would I drink that? Because you're really, really thirsty and you need some coffee and there's no other coffee available. Is the rule. All right, no. No. When people, when they've poured it in there before they recycle their cups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, for goodness, that's like the bloody,

the what's it called? The drip trays of the coffee. It's a caffeine drip tray. Absolutely not, no, nah. Check your privilege. No, would you? Would you? Not my game, mate, I don't need to answer them questions.

No, I mean, how, questions. No, I mean how... No. No I would not. I would not. Horrible. Okay. Hello hope you're well. Your new feature has made me wee a little as it reminds me of when I lost a salad fork

in my car and had to find something else to eat with. I bought the salad that morning and had to go back to the shop to get the fork as I'd forgotten to pick one up when I was buying it. I came back to eat it later on the day and I'd lost the fucking fork. As it was a messy salad, there was only one thing to do. I used an ice scraper. Oh, yes you did. An ice, sat in a car, sat in a car. God, that's grim.

With an ice scraper. And a salad as well. Like, oh no. I am disgusting, I know. Well, I am disgusting, I know she says here. I'm disgusting, I know. But I was effing starving. Obviously I wiped it down with antibacterial wipes, etc. Because I needed it because it was a messy salad. But I might have eaten a bit of bird shit for all I know. Kind of messy, what kind of messy salad was it?

Probably a Caesar salad or something, I don't know. Oh, well I would, yeah. Yeah? Of course you would, yeah. Do you remember when you used to have to scrape the ice off with a CD? Remember when we used to have CDs in the cars? Yeah, I mean.

Isn't that so disrespectful for your CDs? Fuck you, Beyonce! I just don't think we'd do that now. Yeah, because we haven't got CDs, you know, I can do it with a fucking phone. No, I know, but back in the day I would use a CD and then I'd put it in the set and I'd be like, oh, it doesn't work, the piece of shit. And I'm like, you've literally used it to scrape ice off the top of your car. How dare you think that it's now just going to work? It is upsetting, like. I wonder if anyone used my DVD back in the day. We didn't give a fuck.

No. Hi, I have some Woodroze eats for you guys. The rules are, obviously, let's go over them again. You're starving, there's nothing going on, you're not going to get any food. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache.

You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a stomach ache. You're going to get a the day. We didn't give a fuck. No. Hi, I have some wood rosy eats for you guys. The rules are, obviously, let's go over them again.

You're starving, there's nothing else, and you can't use your hands and you can't drink from the thing, okay? This is obviously someone from South Shields, because they've mentioned some local delicacies around here. All right. Minchella's ice cream with a used ear bud. God, I love Minchella's ice cream. With a used ear, Who's used it? I'll leave that open to interpretation. Oh look, you've got it so it's yours. It's my used Ea Bud.

It's your used Ea Bud. Mine maybe. Honestly, if you ever come to South Shields, get a Manchella's. They're all related. They all taste similar, they are different, they're made in different places but it all goes to the same family. I don't know how the connection is but it's just unbelievable. Beautiful ice cream. Okay, a curry, I don't know how this has happened, a curry with a strange sweaty man's hand. No, why? So he's got to pick it up for you and put it in your mouth. What? Maybe, okay, maybe you don't know him, he's just finished the Great Northburn, he's absolutely sweating. You've got this curry, you have to hold this bowl with two hands and you're like, I don't know what to do yet. Oh my God.

And he's like, I'll help you love and he's scooping it with his hand into your mouth. Into my mouth. Do I have to lick his fingers? Like, put me, like, if it's two fingers, do I have to like, put it in my mouth? You take more than two fingers off this fellow sorry about that okay next one you ready I didn't say yes I know okay would you how starving am I yeah like you feel ill yeah I would yeah yeah Coleman's Fish and Chips yeah babe our mates place Coleman's Fish and Chips with a bank card that you found on the loo roller holder of a nightclub. Oh, can I wash it?

You can give it a rinse. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, of course I will. I'll be honest with you, if you found it on the loo roller holder of a nightclub, there's probably a little bit of free cocaine on there as well. Oh, I never had cocaine. Maybe the first time I try it is on a little chippy. A crumpet with a knife and fork that have been in the mouth of a

stranger brackets they have black teeth and awful breath. That's upsetting. That's more upsetting than anything else. Why is that? Don't know. Really went for this person. Who's cutting up their crumpet? You have to for some reason. I'm sorry. Who is cutting up their crumpets? You have to for some reason. You're not allowed to eat with your hand in this scenario. I'm sorry. Who is cutting up their crumpets? Something's happened. Alright, so you've got like the gaffer tape onto your hands, but you've just seen someone else do it and now the evil guy is gaffer taping on your hands and the only way you can eat this crumpet, the evil guy's gonna kill your whole family. You've got loads of time on his hands, billionaire, mad. Is he gonna cut my heels open? He's gonna do everything. That's horrible. You've seen that film?

Hostel, the film. Do you know? Oh no, no, I don't like that film. Horrible. Can you remember that on that film? That stuck with me for years. Absolutely horrible. And they sliced the heels?

I don't think I've seen that. It's one of the saws where they fall into a fucking big massive hole we used needles in and I was like, I can't watch this. Oh Jesus. Hostel, someone stood at the toilet. Sorry, spoiler alert by the way. Oh God. Ten years old film. Dear Chris and Rosie, dear Chris and Rosie, I was waiting for a very special moment to watch Hostel, the film made in probably 2004. You have ruined it! Barely did I manage two decades of avoidance

until your stupid podcast ruined hostel for me. Please don't mention the hills have eyes. So in this one part when they're in the toilet and someone's like stood with their feet up against the door and they just slice the back of the heels. I obviously it's a little cold. Get out, get out. Can it watch? I can't watch stuff like that. I swear them films. I watched it in

I was looking at loads of films actually for us because we're going back through a little catalogue because do you want to explain everyone what happened? I'd never seen War of the Worlds. No you hadn't because Chris went to university and he did he did film and media so when he was at university doing film and media he just didn't watch any good films. Well I didn't watch. Any blockbuster films. Yeah I sort of went. Yeah, I sort of went against, I sort of went all fucking left wing, wearing a beret. I didn't have a beret on, but it was there figuratively.

Wouldn't watch anything that didn't have subtitles for a couple of years. I had loads of foreign films that had subtitles. I bought loads of them, watched them once, pretended I loved them. Well, all right, some of them were amazing, some of them were just pointless. Absolutely fine for that.

So anyway, so I watched all of the shit. So now I'm introducing Chris to it and you loved War of the Worlds. I tell you what, it's only got two and a half stars on Sky and now and I don't know how. I'm not having that. It was fucking intense. I know, it'll be people like you. But genuinely, I think it's even, I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much back in the day. I think you need to have children to enjoy it. Because he's literally, his character is a shit father and he's got the two kids and he's now in like the worst possible spot. Spoiler alert guys, sorry. Dear Chris and Rosie!

I've managed to avoid the book, the play, the radio show. That caused much commotion. We made a series out of it now. Geoff, I just think fucking stop. Honestly, it was hard. I went through a stage of hating Tom Cruise as well and I actually big up Tom Cruise like that. He's mint in that film.

He's minting all. I'm sorry. I won't have a bad word against him. I mean, listen, what he does in his private life. Yeah. I didn't really give a shit. But I mean, acting on stage, he's mint. Every film I've seen him in, Minority Report.

Oh my God. But honestly, more the worlds, as a father, like, when you're just trying to tell your kid something, when you go, stay there and don't move, and the fucking go somewhere else. Now imagine that, but there's aliens invading. And there would be. Stay there.

What, what am I getting? Shut the fuck up. Right, that's it. We're all gonna die and it's your fucking fault. I don't know what to watch next, but I kind of, I wanna go down, because I know for a fact you won't have seen any musical films.

So I'm thinking that's where I might go. I do draw the line. I do draw the line. No, please. Have you seen The Notebook? I have seen The Notebook. Right. Okay, good.

Where he goes in and tortures that woman every day. What? He goes in that room and tortures that woman every day. No, that is not the notebook. What do you think about it? He goes in and he tells her loads of stories until her brain comes back and then she has a massive psychotic episode,

screams and cries. And then he goes back in to the next day. Menace, the man's a menace. The man is a menace. Listen, have you seen it or not? Yeah, I've seen it. Okay, right, did you just watch it for a girl? I do believe so, yes.

Okay. Yeah. Well, we might watch it again. I think we should just watch all those kinds of things that I don't think you'll have seen. Why, how have we gone from War of the Worlds to the fucking notebook? All right then, because I think you might have watched most of the other stuff like that.

Tell me something you haven't seen then. There's loads I haven't known. Like what? We'll find them, we'll find them. Okay. I'm not watching the fucking notebook I'm not doing it. I've seen it. I've seen it man it's fucking wet as water. Oh it's so good. It's so good. You'll, you'll, you'll, right, right, you hear it, you've heard it here first, you will sob. You will sob like a little baby. Challenge accepted. We'll put the notebook on and if I cry you win. Yeah because I guarantee the last time you watched it you'd have just been in your room

fingering someone. Well that's possible, I went off while it was on. Okay, so it has to be under the same circumstances though. No, too awful that shit. I actually want to watch a film now. Do you remember I'd go round to someone when you were a teenager going to someone's house to watch a film and didn't watch a film. Well I'll have to rent that again. Billy Shaggan got in the way. Heavy pet and Shaggen can potentially maximize your return. It's essentially like getting a complete portfolio in one trade. Visit fidelity.ca slash all in one and find the ETF that's right for you. Commissions fees and expenses may apply. Read the funds or ETFs perspectives before investing.

Funds and ETFs are not guaranteed. Their values change and past performance may not be repeated. In the upcoming season of only murders in the Building, our trio's investigation leads them all the way to Los Angeles, where a Hollywood studio is readying a film about the Only Murders podcast. Amidst all the glitz and glamour, there is still an underlying mystery to be solved. It's who tried to kill Charles. Only Murders in the Building stars Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez.

Joining the star-studded ensemble this season are Eugene Levy, Zach Galifianakis, Eva Longoria, Jane Lynch and Meryl Streep. Season 4 of Only Murders in the Building is now streaming only on Disney+. This episode is sponsored by Audible. A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits. A race to get to the bottom, but stay on top. Here Canada's own best-selling romance author,

Lily Chu's newest audible original, Drop Dead, starring Hamilton breakout star, Phillip Assu, paired with versatile funnyman, John Cho, of Star Trek and Harold and Kumar fame. Filled with huge laughs, big twists and sizzling banter throughout, Chu's latest must-listen once again set in her beloved Toronto weaves together a scandalous mystery and a slow-burned romance to heart-pounding effect. Unravel the secrets and watch the sparks fly as fellow fearless reporters Nadine and

Wes embark on a fast-paced adventure, chasing down the truth and stumbling upon something far deeper than either could have imagined. From the queen of swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Choo's hilarious and delightfully lust-filled drop dead should not be missed. swoon-worthy moments herself, Lily Choo's hilarious and delightfully lustful Drop Dead should not be missed. Listen now, go to audible.ca slash drop dead on audible. Would you eat chocolate fountain with a tampon? That's horrible! Used or dry?

It's dry. Yes. Just fucking cotton wool. Bowl of porridge with a shuttlecock. Oh, yes. Yes. Yeah, mint. Very, very good. Don't like porridge though.

Okay, final one. A porn star martini from a shower cap. Yes. Prosecco from a condom. Yes. Oh, from a condom. Yes. Oh, even with all the lube in there. Me, it's Prosecco, Prosecco, Prosecco.

Prosecco is Prosecco. There it is. We've got loads of them. Keep them coming in. More of them next week. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for Watcha Bee. Watcha Bee, fill it up. Beef, beef, beef, beef. Oh, nice. Bitch is a good word, innit? Yeah, I can't use it as much as you can, but yeah. Yeah, it's a beef in a bun? Beef, beef, beef, beef. Oh, nice. Bitch is a good word, innit?

Yeah, yeah, I can't use it as much as you can, but yeah. Yeah, it's a good word. What's a beef for me? Come on. Okay, my beef. I don't think I've done this before. You're doing it recently. I don't know whether or not you did this in the past

and I've nipped it in the bud and now it's coming back again, the owners. You keep buying garlic baguette when I ask for garlic bread. Right. Checking my privilege, first real problems, but you keep buying garlic baguette, not garlic slices. Right.

Any garlic ciabatta or garlic, the baguette slices, not the one that comes in the baguette. Right. All right, Henry VIII, you've never told us that you'd prefer the slices to the baguette? Garlic baguette. You've never said? Garlic baguette, right to the baguette. Garlic baguette. You've never said. Garlic baguette.

Right. What, what, what, what? Right. That's garlic bread. That is garlic bread. It's garlic baguette. It's garlic, it's garlic bread though. It's garlic baguette. What the fuck?

So if someone, so hang on, if you order garlic bread in a restaurant that brought you a bit of a baguette, you'd go, excuse me. No, the bit of baguette is fine. So we're talking like the Pizza Hut one. That's the, that's a big wide baguette sliced already. It's the garlic baguette that comes in a baguette where the people who sell it, all they've done is, they've chopped 98% through the wave and then they've put the thing in.

Cause you can't portion it up without getting the, without the end bit of each portion being a manky dry bit of baguette. I like that end bit. No, not that. First of all, that end bit. Yeah, first of all, the end bit, the rounded end bit that looks like you're in a fucking Dr. Martin shoe. Yeah. Dog shit, get it out my face and then what I'm saying is if

you snap it in half, the bit that you've snapped from, the bit that's now sort of you know the new end bit, that just it hasn't got the garlic stuff on. So you've got one bit of hot bread, one fucking I don't know Diva Cup at the end, whatever you call it, looks like a what? Moon Cup. Moon looks like a moon cup know, Diva Cup at the end, whatever you call it, looks like a- Moon Cup. Moon looks like a Moon Cup. A Diva Cup, oh my God, do you mean what? Periods, you have periods in.

That's it, yeah, yeah. A Diva Cup. I thought they were called Diva, someone- They're not, they're called Moon Cups. Oh, someone wrote Diva, I had to Google it, it is a thing, I think Diva's a brand. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I like it. I had to Google it for Woodrow's Eat, look forward to that next week. Oh great, oh God, fuck me. Garlic Baguette, it's like, it's the total of a run of garlic to that next week. Oh great, God fuck me. Garlic baguette, it's like, it's the total of a rune of garlic bread. Okay. It looks great. It's good to look at.

Sorry, didn't realize this was an issue. Okay, so I don't buy that anymore then. Not the good, no, garlic slices. Check your privilege. Do you know how much more expensive the slices are than the actual baguette? The baguettes are like 98 pence. Pay the money, pay the money.

Get the stuff out of there. You can't put cheese on a garlic baguette. Who do you think you are? You can't put cheese on a garlic baguettes are like 98 pence. Pay the money, pay the money. Get the stuff. You can't put cheese on a garlic baguette. Who do you think you are? You can't put cheese on a garlic baguette. You know I like cheese on my garlic bread. Wow, all right then. How come we've been together for like 11 years and you've never said this?

Don't know. Why have you never said anything? Don't know. Just starting to do my tits in. Two nights in a row I've had a garlic baguette. Honestly, I've never felt so low. Oh Jesus. You still have garlic bread with everything.

It's disgusting. I've got a problem. You really don't smell like garlic that much though, which is quite strange. That's because you're also eating garlic in corporate amounts. I mean I love garlic. I love garlic. Yeah.

My beef with you is, you do not clean the hob after you've used it. Never, in fact it really upsets us. What's all over the hob? Is it many bits of a really hard garlic baguette that I've had to chop through with a fucking saw? Just wipe the hob, just wipe the hob. It's really great in this now.

Okay, but there's two things I'm in control of in the kitchen. One is the cleaning of the hob because I had to buy a special thing to clean it. And the other is the cleaning of the fridge. Because you just end up using it again. Do you know how fucking long it takes to get... I get it like a mirror.

I get it like a mirror and then two minutes later you come in and do fucking noodles all over it. It's not good. Right, you just wipe it. Dettle, wipe and then use kitchen roll to buff it. Just wipe the bench after you. It's just getting on my tits. I could just cut, there's just always crumbs and shit.

I'm sorry. I'm normally too exhausted by having to chew through rock solid garlic but I have to do it. Oh my God! Get over. Just get over your garlic bread. It's actually ridiculous. I'm gonna forget putting it in the oven again. Just piss you off. Oh no, no. Don't take a back step, please. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! It's time for questions from the public! Questions from the public!

Public! Babababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababababab Yeah, actually we need to delete some. Yeah, we need to. We will. I think you can pay for more storage or something, but. What? Well, we've got to tighten my belts because the garlic bread's just gone up. Like I already pay for the cloud. Oh, pay for it. What the fuck, is it eight quid a month, you know? You pay for everything, man.

It's mad, isn't it? Have they jipped me? Am I on some sort of? No one knew, no one knew. Because I've had Spotify family for a long time and you still are on my account and you still don't. Well, I don't know how that works. So when I'm away away I can't listen to music because I know it's just gonna be. If I put Dr. Adrian in a hotel room I know it's gonna blast out through our Alexa and the kids are gonna hear it.

So yeah if I know you and I do know you yeah you've bought probably three or four times the amount of storage that you actually need and it's on another account that you're not even using but you're still paying the bill for it. Like GB. Like what? Is it gigabytes or is it garlic bread? Is it gigabytes or is it garlic bread? Try that down for Saturday night TV format. Is it Great Britain? Oh my god did you know that GB stands for that many things? Yeah. Garlic bread, Great Britain, gigabytes. Go on, do two more. Gentle beavers, society.

Put the S on, you got the S on, didn't it? What else? What else is JB? Come on, jelly beans, no. Jelly beans, no. No. Oh yeah. We've lost that. Read some, read some stuff. Okay, you ready?

Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a story from many years ago whilst I was training to be a firefighter that could also be a Rosie's mysteries. Yes, mystery, come on then. Oh, I can't remember where the mysteries bit was. Okay, we'll find out. We'll just proofread it, yeah.

All right. So in our firefighter cohort, love that word, there was about 20 of us. As you can imagine, the fire service requires a high standard of discipline, much like the military. Oh. Military, military, don't know. And some of the aspects from our training

are indeed carried over from the military. Yeah, military. Military or military. I think both work, but you see. Do you know what? I just watch a lot of American programs and now I'm like, what is the right word? Do you know what I mean?

I think military would be irritating if you said it again and again and again. So maybe like if you say military base, if you're gonna say, oh, it's a, oh, there's a military base down there. Military. Oh, fuck me. Who knows, you're questioning yourself.

Anyway, each morning, each morning, it would be expected that by 8 a.m. we would be lined up in the yard for parade. Alright. Oh! Parade? Yeah.

This would involve us standing at attention and having one of the training officers inspect our uniform, which must be nicely ironed and have shoes shined and inspection of facial hair must be totally smooth or you are given a razor. What? Why? What's this got to do with being a firefighter? In case I get singed? I don't know, I just...oh no is this...is he in the military or...oh no. Military. Right so he's a fire...why they gotta be that? I didn't know it was this strict. I had no idea.

So this is really interesting to be fair. It's interesting to me. This inspection was performed by an officer who seemed to model his behavior on the officer from the film Full Metal Jacket. Yep. I haven't seen that. Okay. Oh. There we go. Write it down. Write it down, bitch.

I don't think you'll like it. Why? Just spit, it's a bit hard work. What do you mean? It's, so I loved it. Cause I was film students guy, film study guy. What's it about? It's about Vietnam War.

Okay. I love war stuff. All right then. It's intense. Okay. I love intense stuff. All right then, it's intense. Okay, I love intense stuff. You know me. It's Stanley Kubrick, it's nuts, but yeah, it's brilliant, it's incredible. Is that an actor?

Is that a director? Yes. Okay. He's the guy, he's the director who famously gave Tom Cruise a stomach ulcer in the Eyes Wide Shut. I haven't seen that for years. Made them do a scene. Let's watch that again.

I've never seen it. Made them do a scene again and again and again. See what I mean? Yeah, I'm sure it them do a scene. Let's watch that again. Made them, I've never seen it. Made them do a scene again and again and again. See what I mean? Yeah, is it, I'm sure it's Eyes Wide Shut. Eyes Wide Shut, you've never seen Eyes Wide Shut? Where they actually have sex. That's a real life sex scene, that one.

They actually have sex? They actually have sex, yeah. It's Tom Cruise again. God, are we just, we just love Tom Cruise. Full metal jacket. Yeah, Stanley Kubrick, Eyes Wide Shut. So, we gave him a fucking stomach ulcer because he made them do something... that they do something 40 or 80 times or something and he's stressed them out that much.

Kirsty- Well, I hope it wasn't the book and scene. Adam- Yeah. Kirsty- Full metal jacket and what else did you say? Adam- Eyes Wide Shut. Kirsty- Eyes Wide Shut. Adam- Hey, we're doing a little film. I'm sure we did this a while ago. We did a little film tour. Kirsty- I know, but we didn't... no, it didn't happen.

Have you seen Sliding Doors? Adam- Yes. Kirsty- Right. Adam- Seen Sliding Doors, Gwyneth Paltrow. Kirsty Yeah, you seen Vanilla Sky? Adam Se I don't remember Vanilla Sky, get that written down. Kirsty Okay! Let's go, let's go full... Adam Se Metal Jackets.

Kirsty...TC. Let's go Tom Cruise. Adam Se We'll go through all the actors. Adam Se Is Tom Cruise in Sliding Doors? Kirsty Yeah, no, I don't know. Adam Se I think, I think... Kirsty He's in Vanilla Sky. Adam Se Yeah, he's definitely not in Sliding Doors. Kirsty Right! Okay! We're gonna go TC everyone. Oh

It's just brought up sliding doors. How upsetting how upsetting that you Google sliding doors the movie and I've just got a load of fucking interior That's horrible Oh That's devastating. Come on. you ready to hear about this? Yeah, come on then. So the officer models his behavior on the one from Full Metal Jacket

and seemed to enjoy starting every day shouting at everyone, telling us how useless we are whilst we had to stand in attention and shout, yes sir! Okay, I don't think I could keep an erection if someone was shouting at us, but fair enough. Who said anything about erections? Stand no attention. Oh God.

E honestly. Oh God. E honestly. We got so in and we had gotten used to this treatment so it just became the morning routine until one day this all changed. Okay. So there we were, 8am, stood lined up outside, feet together, hands by our sides, chest out, facing forward receiving our usual grilling when the officer noticed one of the lads had stood lined up outside feet together hands by our sides chest out facing

forward receiving our usual grilling when the officer noticed one of the lads had a slight bit of stubble oh I thought that'll be us doing press-ups for the next five minutes while he gets sent for a shave. Good grief! What if there's a fireger in all this? Then I guess that they're going to put this stuff on and come down that pole ready to fight them fires. Swear to God, if you clip out a few words of this, we're essentially writing an erotic gay novel. Are we? Literally a few words, we're sliding down poles,

we're standing to attention, we're getting grilled at the front. There's all kinds going on here. This is erotic. Can we call it, do you know I've seen a gay poem before? Right, okay. I've seen a few, but I was once, I will not name any names, friends of mine.

There were three gay blokes and it was just me. I don't know why I was there. Looking back, there were me very good friends at the time and I think they just invited us because I was, but looking back I think I shouldn't have been there. But anyway, gay porn called Virgin No More. I can't forget, it was a catchy tune. So I think we should call it Virgin No More.

Cause every time someone came on the stage, on the stage, on the screen, it was like, Virgin No More. You wouldn't call this episode Virgin No More because of that spurious link. No, I meant this. Oh, the email. The porn that we're making.

Oh, the porn that we're making, right, okay. Firefighters. Anyway, right, here we go. See, I would have called it Hot Stubble. Brilliant. Well done. Looking for some hot stubble. Brilliant. Well done. Looking for some hot stubble, baby, this evening. I want some hot stubble, baby, tonight.

This then led to a good minute of the officer shouting at this recruit about six inches from his face, all manner of expletives, and saliva was flying from this officer's mouth when suddenly something happened which immediately silenced the officer and horrified everyone else. Do you want to guess or not? Did he shit his pants? Well, was he shouting on him so much he shat his pants? Is that what you're gonna go with? Or did he piss himself? Was it something along them lines?

Was he sick? He was sick or he burped? He burped. He burped. There it is. He shouts so much he burps. Right. Yeah.

He did not. I can tell you that you're wrong. Okay. The officer who was getting so into his shouting had accidentally spat out his dentures. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Which, almost in slow motion, bounced off the recruits face and landed on the floor in front of him. Wow! Everyone was silent.

What should we do? I simply stood facing forwards, praying to God that my face didn't show the laughter I was desperately trying to suppress. The officer just looked at the teeth on the floor. I think he was as surprised and as horrified as we were. After what seemed like an age of a stud facing forward with our eyes looking sideways to the teeth on the floor, the poor recruit, speckled with angry spit droplets,

bent down, picked up the dentures, and offered them back to the officer. What was he thinking? The officer paused for a moment, seemingly as puzzled as we were as why this recruit was handling a stranger's monkey teeth. When he bellowed, DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY TEETH!

The young lad, shaking with fear, dropped the teeth so quickly and returned to standing like a statue, wishing for this moment to end. Without another word, the officer picked up his teeth, put them straight back in, didn't clean them, the dirty bastard, and then walked away leaving us stood outside. Changing him in this point of dirty dentures by the way. Dirty dentures. Probably better without your dentures in actually. That feels really nice. Have you ever had a teethy blow job? There's a good question for you. What? Have you ever, did I stutter? Have you ever had a teethy blowjob? Yes, yes.

Have you? Have you actually? Absolutely awful. So awful. What do you mean? Absolutely awful. Just friction in it, it's just horrible. You feel it, you've got a 24 hour SDI the next day,

it's the worst. What do you mean 24 SDI a 24-hour STI the next day, it's the worst. What do you mean 24 STI? 24-hour STI, something that just kicks in immediately. Just saw the next day, innit? Shut up. Seriously. No, Chris. See, this is weird. This is a thing you can't talk. I couldn't talk. If in stand-up, I went on stage and was like,

hey, what's it like, fellas, when you're in a toothy blow job? Be like, oh, boo, misogyny. But my wife's literally asking us what it's like, so I have to tell you. Well, cause I don't know. Yeah, that's, oh yeah, not good. Not good at all. Oh, bless you.

Not good at all. So it actually hurts? Yeah, it's a thing, yeah, yeah. Oh my goodness. Tender. Ooh, aw. I don't know. Shout out all the brothers who've been hurt

by the same affliction there. So if I'd similar. I bet you guys don't get to the blow jobs though, because they'll know what one's like. Whereas as women, we don't know. So there you go. There we go. Wow.

I always think of that when you see lesbians with really long fingernails, and you think that's just, I don't know how that works. I just think you've got a shitty ass. When someone's got really long fingernails, I just think you've got a shitty ass. You can't wipe really long fingernails, I just think you've got a shitty ass. You can't wipe your ass. Unless you've got a beady. You should have a beady.

Yeah. That's all I think. You should have a beady. I always, when I see very, very long nails, I do, I do just think of, I don't think of shit, but I think of just germs that are underneath. Yeah, you're right. Good back scratch though. Bloody good back scratch off some of them. True, true. Poor. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Hey Rosie and Chris. Just a quick story of the many I have as my time as a zookeeper.

Oh this is exciting! A zookeeper? I'm sitting up straight like a meerkat. Bet you know about them. Eee. As if we've got people who work in zoos listening to our podcast. Little old podcast. Why is certain jobs really impressive?

I don't like, it's ridiculous, it's so pathetic isn't it? It's crazy. So pathetic. I think it's because a zookeeper, that's your day out. So it's like we go family day out, you pay to go, you go to the zoo, you travel down to London or whatever, you go to Chester or whatever, and you go to Edinburgh and you go to the zoo. But then they're like, they're real people who work there and they listen to this.

It's crazy. Well it's like, I would put so many jobs in that kind of category. Like just off the top of my head. B-Feeders. What? B-Feeders. Oh, they're the, the, the, the, the guys who stand outside of, yeah.

Mad job. Like what the hell? Yeah, that's nuts. Like, just do it. That is a military off shot, the winner. They're part of the military. Is it? Yeah, I'm sure. They're not just like, you don't just apply to do it.

I'm sure it's part of the military. Okay. There's another one. The army in that. That's mad. Just wild, I'm sure. They're not just like, you don't just apply to do it. I'm sure it's a part of the melody. Okay. There's another one, the army in that. It's mad, just wild jobs. Wild. Love it though. Okay. Let me preface with the fact I hate it

when a child is kicking off and a parent will see me and say, oh, oh, there's who, keep it, I'll tell you off. Actually, Carol, I'll state with complete certainty that I will not discipline your child now or ever. Well, okay, I get it. I used to have a bit of stand up about that way. When you realize the first time, you realize you were grown up. The first time you're in a supermarket or something and the kids kicking off.

And the parent picks a random stranger and goes, oh, the man's watching you. The first time I heard a mother go, look, the man will tell you off or the man's watching you, I was like, oh fuck this. Well as a parent I do that. Yeah, with staff, not just random, but yeah with staff. The lady will tell you off, the man will come and get you and you sleep-pack it in. Big shout out to the people who play along as well. Well here you go, are you ready for this? Anyway, I digress, but that does link to the story.

It was the end of the day at the zoo, and the guest services team were guiding all guests towards the exit. As I was walking back to my staff room, I saw a child having a full argument with her dad, refusing to leave. You're the worst dad! Etc, etc, as you can imagine. Oh, cool. I just wanted to stay home and eat chicken. The dad looks at me, and I look at him, and and I think don't you dare use me as a threat. Wow. Be a better parent. Well sorry we can't, it's really hard actually.

But thankfully, but also to my horror, a member of the guest services team walks over to the maybe six year old girl and tells her and I quote, you can stay if you like but in about five minutes we'll be giving our tigers the free play around the zoo time and they've not been fed the day. Whoa, that's awesome. Yes. That's awesome. The way that girl ran to her dad

and clunked the home for dear life and the guest experience lady could not have been more proud of herself. That's actually really good. I would do that. Really good. Yeah. Yeah, that's a stock. That's a stock.

She literally at that time of night every day, she runs around looking for kids kicking stock. Yeah. That's a stock. She literally at that time of night every day, she runs around looking for kids kicking off. Absolutely. That's brilliant. I was mortified for the little girl, ducked my head and walked, jogged off as quick as I could. Save to say, I've cut in and kindly helped if the parent has indicated for me to do so from then on. Oh!

So, she's actually... Nice one. ...on their side. Do you know, I don't know if I've mentioned this on here, I probably have because I felt it was quite a big thing. The day we went to London Zoo, the day after the gorillas got out, do you remember? No.

Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The gorillas got out the day after we were there? The gorillas got out, yeah. Really? Or maybe it was me and my mom and Robin.

Uh-huh. The next day, the gorillas got out and everyone... No, we all was me and my mom and Robin uh-huh the next day the gorillas got out. No we all went together when we went to London Zoo. The next day the gorillas got out and everyone had to like hide from the gorillas. I brought a padlock home as a keepsake. Right well. That I picked. Well there you go. London Zoo padlocks, good padlock. There you go. This in London Zoo is amazing by the way. I'm totally joking. them. That's terrifying. Hang on, let me just hold it. The gorillas of all people. I think this is wrong. People, the gorillas of all animals.

Fucking terrifying. It was in the news. I don't believe you. Did a gorilla escape from London Zoo? A gorilla that escaped from its enclosure at London Zoo drank five liters of undiluted blackcurrant squash before returning to his den. There it is. It did. Can it not that? Respect. Big respect to the lad. Big respect to the lad.

Can't believe like Vim to our Ivey and I didn't get on the back of that like a Robinsons. I know imagine. Had a bean a la with that. Their PR people need fucking sacked for not getting on the back of that. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Do do do do do do. Thank you for listening to this week's episode of Shag Marry Dinoid which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you very much and if you want to get in touch at shagmarrydinoid at gmail.com

and I hope you're all ready for Chris Timber. Very exciting times. Ick. Bye. Bye. This episode is sponsored by Audible. A fiery rivalry. A nemesis with benefits.

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