Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 285. Little Pooh

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

The kids are back to school! Chris and Rosie have concerns over the parenting after they've been schooled by their 8 eight year old! Rosie brings some yodelling to the podcast and starts thinking of what to start studying. The pair chat surveys, Chris' sore throat and an awkward encounter with a pop star. Would Rosie Eat returns AND Chris provides a new milk based quiz! Plus Beefs and a magnetic QFTP! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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gone back to school. Do you know what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's been three and a half hours since Robin left. Rafe hasn't gone back yet. He's at grandparents. It's just just been a little bit of a grandparent. It's just not here which is quite nice. It's to the half of the childcare is completely guilt free. He's back at school with all his friends. Oh, what was the song I was singing this morning that he's blatantly gonna sing to his teachers? I can't remember the tune of it. Oh shit, no idea.

I was on the trampoline with them in the garden this morning when we're- It was something like, back to school, get out me house. I was like, back to school, back to school, get out me house, get out me house. And he was like, I'm gonna tell me to teach her that. And I was like, good. Do you know yesterday, how awful are we? Yeah. Robin pulled us up on it. I was playing him the song. We got to go back, back, back to school again. And I was just dancing and he hates it. And then he sits,

he now sits in a different room to us because he watches stuff that we don't wanna watch. He watches irritating things. He watches shitey shit on the telly, right? So he sits in a separate room and it's kind of, you go check on him every now and again. And then after I'd played him the back of the school again, I went in and I was just like, hiya. And he was like, you all right?

I was like, yeah, I'm gonna miss you when you go back to school. He literally went, he went, hang on though. You've just been literally playing that song back to school, see, you can't wait for us to go back and you're gonna miss us. I don't think so. I was like, oh, psych. My main worry is how are we gonna parent our three year old without the best parent in the house here? Oh, yeah. I don't know.

Because that was not, did you put that online? You didn't, did you? I did not, no. It was unbelievable. It was really embarrassing. So last night, Rafe wouldn't eat his spaghetti bolognese. Which I had blended by the way. Oh, ridiculous. Blended in the nutribullet. However, however, when you blend mince in a bolognese sauce, when you blend it and then you taste it, to me it tastes, I know it sounds weird, tastes a bit hairy. Dusty. Yeah a bit gritty and hairy and dusty and I don't think you like it. Oh yeah it's not how I would like it but then all I get is a bit and bits and bits and it.

Well I don't know what the answer is but well Robin knows the answer because Robin apropos of nothing went and got the sticker chart out and just gave Rafe a sticker for every bit of pasta he ate. He was fucking covered in stickers by the end but he ate his dinner. Full bowl. And we just sat and watched and got, like dare I say, completely fucking schooled on parenting by an eight-year-old. I know but I'm sorry I'm not being funny right. I haven't got time to do that for every meal. Do you think Robin's gonna do it again the night after a full day at school? I doubt it. If we say come on Robin do the stick you'd be like, absolutely not I'm shattered. We're gonna have to pay him. It's gonna cost me a fortune. Fortune stick us and Robin's hourly rate oh god oh god. Anyway guys it is episode 285 thank you for

being here on our little journey little podcast journey thank you for listening. Obviously if you can like and rate and subscribe and all that shit in the podcast I just have to I just hear other people saying it I don't really understand what it means. Just, I don't know, just fucking go on. If you follow the podcast, it means that every week when there's a new one, it'll tell you. Yeah, yeah. It goes straight to the top. It does something for us as well, which is good. Does it? I don't know. Does it? Don't think so. I don't know. Oh God. But anyway, it is time, without further ado, for this week's Le-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i You're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, you're late, I should yodel by the way. Any TV program I've done. Anything I've done genuinely. Just recently filmed one.

Tried to get in there. I didn't actually get in in the end. Did you not get it in? No I couldn't. Right, okay, you tried your best though, didn't you? Tried my best. Tried my bloody best, didn't I? Throwing off shit thumb sticks.

It's time for this week's lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is, and it really pisses us off when people do it. I don't know why it annoys us, but it just does. People who put their names at the end of every text, like it's a letter. Who does that? Stop it. Like when like, like, um, older people and like sort of tradesmen or people who you're dealing with. But if you're dealing with them by text, it's

They're trying to be, but it's a text message. It's like It just really, I don't know why, but it really fucks us off. It's like, mate, I'm on my 15th reply to you now Stop writing regards Mike at the end. Okay, stop it really fucks us off. It's like, mate, I'm on my 15th reply to you now. Stop writing regards, Mike, at the end. Stop it. You're freaking us out. Your level of formality is making us nervous. Stop it. Regards, Chris.

Yeah. I never know, do you know, still, how old am I now? 38, just turned 38, thank you very much. Hi, birthday. Yeah, nice birthday, thank you. Hi, birthday. Thank you very much. I still get really flustered when it's like,

with regards, warm regards, many thanks, kind wishes. I'm like, what do I put? What do I put? When I'm, I saw back in the day when we were sort of doing houses and stuff, I spoke to our solicitor on the phone. When we were doing houses. When we were moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing houses, doing houses. I speak to the solicitor on the phone, completely normal, dead canny, lovely, normal, Northeast lady will have a good bit crack on. The emails offer.

Fucking, I don't know if I'm in trouble or not. What do you mean? That's just like mad, like, and within regards to the funds, may the monies be transferred and the blah de blah, and I assure you this, I'm just like, fuck, I'm sweating my tits off reading it. I don't know what's going on for you.

I'm getting summons to court. Do you know what else I hate? What? All my friends are teachers. Right. I fucking hate texting my mates. Oh, okay. Oh, God, I'm on a WhatsApp group writing this about.

Honestly, how many? No, let me see, right? Hang on. In this WhatsApp group, just a second, sorry. So one, two, three, four, five, six teachers, one speech and language therapist. God almighty. Yeah. One's training to be a bloody doctor. It's ridiculous, man. You're in there.

And I'm in there. And there's a couple of other nobodies in there. I'm joking. You're in there sending pictures of your shit. Did another big one everyone. Rosie stop this. I'm not doing that. But every time I text I'm like my grandma is horrendous. And I know for a fact they've probably got separate text messages being like, oh did you see how sure did you see where she put that apostrophe the duff bitch. There's probably a separate one.

What a thing. Can you call grandma please? I wouldn't be surprised. That'd be great. Clever. Clever people. Welcome to the WhatsApp group, Rosie's Mistakes. You've got four A levels or more, you are welcomed into the WhatsApp group. I realised very quickly yesterday, I was really schooled yesterday,

we did that, I added that, that, what is it man? They put it through your door and it's like a survey. They just want to know everything about everyone lives in the country. Census. Aye is that what it is? I don't know you tell you said to me you are filling something out. National statistics are some bollocks.

The office of the National Statistics. I literally did mine and then I was gonna I was like I'm not doing any more took ages right. Really. And after every bit they were like we'll get a ten pound voucher for you and your family. I was like this is not worth the ten pound voucher. And where's the voucher for? I didn't even see where it was for. Anyway, I did mine. Really, really very broad down to earth when it got to the bit about qualifications.

Really? I have no qualifications. No, you've got nothing. At all. I mean, you are. You've got Guinness World Records and you've got... Didn't ask for that. No, OK.

And you're a Sunday Times number one Bessel and all that, which is hilarious. That's quite, yeah, that's hilarious. Because it was like, what do you have any of these? And it was like GCSEs. I was like, oh yeah, I've got GCSEs. It was like A to C. And then it was like D to J. I was like, yeah, I've got some of them, got some of them. I love it. It should have a sub one of saying, did you get these the first time round or the second time round? Did you have to recieve them? Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. But then there was loads more. It was like AS levels, A levels. I've got a couple yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Do you think I could? What would you want to do it in? I don't know. No? No, not history. I did history at school.

I got an E. Yeah. But I just didn't care then. I'm much more into history now though. Okay. What can I do it in? Oh, let's, well, I'll have a think. Hair and beauty?

What? I do like it. You've got to do quite a lot of practical for that. You've got to cut people's hair and do it. Right, mint. I cut the base hair all the time. You see, is he telling me you've got time to dedicate to this?

No, I don't, but I just would, I got really embarrassed when I had no qualifications at all. I love the idea that people listen to this now are like, oh is this a thing they've already planned so they're teeing it up? No no she's just started seeing it and I'm trying my fucking hardest to make sure this doesn't happen because the minute we commit to this it's going to be a fucking nightmare. Some people my age have degrees that they just don't use but they've got them, I don't have anything. Well that just tells me they just had, they wasted a lot of fucking time.

Okay. Just would like some in, Chris. I just feel like just me and my little lonely GZS walking around without else. Yeah, but it's only when you get a census through the door that you get upset. Fair enough. Other than that, you live your life quite happily. Don't worry about it.

Do I though. Oh, my sister's just sent me... Oh no, it's not to me, it doesn't matter. What? Someone just sent a surprised face and you know when you're like what's happened? Oh my god. Sorry this intro's long let's go. Get that fucking watch off it's so unprofessional. Do you know it's only nine minutes past 12 and I've already done 8,849 steps. Oh see who these Jesus is when you've got an app watch living your fucking life for you. Dick. We had a fight about the jingle, jingle. We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle.

We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Jingle! Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of What Degree Should Rosie Get? No, no, we're not doing it. You're not starting it. It'll be a nightmare because it'll be literally, it'll be things like, I'll get the short end of the stick because it'll be like, right, you've got the pains all day today because I'm revising for my A-levels. I'm doing my B-tech.

Fucking why? Well, you've got Nut Tate and somewhere, yes, I know it's a Sunday and it's pissing down my rain, it's a Van Col de Monday tomorrow, but I've got to get me NVQ in social care. Oh, I've got me teaching assistant. What? What was it? You've got a teaching assistant. I've got level three teaching assistant. There you go.

Oh my God. And you didn't put it on the census. Sorry, did you not put it on the census? I did put it on, didn't ask. And you sent it off without putting that on? Yeah. Fucking hell, we're in trouble. Oh mate, there was loads of stuff. It was like, what's your job?

I was like, entertainer. I probably sound like some sort of like a prostitute or a stripper. I was like, what is my job? What my fucking job is? What's your company? I was like, I don't fucking know. Entertainment.

I was like, I'm gonna get someone at the door going, what do you do, Mrs. Ramsey? In a perfect world, right? Because you've got two GCSEs and you've got your own limited company. Who the fuck are you? Sound like a drug dealer. Oh my god, actually do. I would love it so much if in some scenario you actually were a prostitute and you were in a

brothel and the guy had like a menu to pick from all the prostitutes and he was like, oh this one looks nice. What's she called? Oh, Rose. Because you've gone a bit sexy with your name. Oh yeah, yeah. Oh Rose, yeah she looks nice. Oh yeah, what's the measurements Rose. Cause you've gone a bit sexy with your name. Oh yeah. Yeah. Rose. Yeah. She looks nice. Oh yeah. What's the measurements?

Oh yeah. Good pair of tits and all. Oh, fantastic. Does she, how many GCC's does she got? Sorry, what? And the madam runs the brothels like, Oh, she's got like a U and she's got an E in history. And she did have to reset my card. Absolutely not.

You are, I am not sticking my perfect penis in that failure. And I walk out of the Guinness World Record going, look. I've also got me level one teaching assistant. Level three. Too late love, too late. Level three. None of this knob for you. Chris, level three. Come back, come back. I went to college every Thursday night. Mate, it Chris level three. Come back! I went to college every Thursday night. Mate it's level three come back! Too late his loss love his loss. Titwang and that's it. That's terrible.

Oh god. Right what were you gonna say? Well I'm about to do the worst segway ever you've just said titwang and that's it and I'm going straight into hey our kids books out next week I am I'm leaving it at that I'm leaving it at that Simon and Shuster you knew who you signed up for this kids book right we can change gears that's how quick we can do it right I'm changing gears here faster than they done the one show right 12th September there's a penome in my house is out in all reputable book shops, big book shops, and independent book shops are doing as well. We're gonna do loads of PR.

Supermarkets, supermoshires, the lot. Yeah, we're gonna do loads of PR around London, loads of stuff, keep an eye on all the socials for that. And please pre-order the kids book, it would be lovely if you did. Just been really rave reviews so far, from like people who have let read it, your teacher mates in the WhatsApp,

they actually liked it. They actually really liked it. I was so nervous about you giving it to your teacher mate. Mate, I know, I was nervous. So nervous. Aye, aye. But yeah, all good man. But the editor, yeah, it was our editor, thank God, had actually looked over any sort of grammar.

Oh yeah. So the grammar's great. Yeah, she's fantastic. We wrote the words she did the grammar. But you know, genuinely, like hand on heart, I think it's pretty good. So proud of it. I think your kids will like it. I hope they'll like it.

Hope you like it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's cool. So thanks. Thanks everyone. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Gonna roll right on in here

because we have got a jam-packed show for you. Oh really, I've got a jam-packed show. Really the jam-packed show. I can't wait until we're in our 50s and we are doing a radio show. Look, we're radio. And we'll go, hey, Chris. God, still arguing. My beef with you is. I don't think we will argue when the kids are older. No, I don't think we will. I think the kids make us argue. We'll have

no content anymore. Listen, you might not have any qualifications, you might have failed quite miserably at life in the academic sphere. However, I have just knocked together a dead quick quiz for you. Yeah. And you've just got a chance to win a little bit of morale for the day. Right. Okay. Okay. No actual prize? No, no prize. Great. I was in the supermarket the other day getting my oat milk because I drink oat milk for coffees. Not really because of any kind of, I just like the taste of it better. I'm not

trying to get any sort of high and mighty or anything about it unless dairy's bad. And I'm not asked about any of that. I have normal milk in me fucking cereal. I feel like you are but. I'm not. I just like sort of high and mighty or anything about less and less. Dairy's bad. And I'm not asked about any of that. I have normal milk in me fucking cereal. I feel like you are but. I'm not. I just like the taste better, genuinely. Do you like it better because it froths better in the machine? Oh my god it froths so good.

And I don't put my, I don't put sweeteners in it. I find the sweeteners a little bit sickly. I was having to half the sweeteners, crush them with a back of a spoon like a fucking some kind of drug addict in America. You can buy it powdered. Oh dear yeah. So, all right Pablo. So just I was astonished. Right. I went to a big supermarket. I normally just go to the little one. I was astonished by the array

of non-dairy milks actually blew me fucking mind. Oh madness. Not even in the fridge, just rogue on a shelf. Yeah and I just thought and some of them I was like, I could have made these up. Right. So, true or false, which of these milks are correct? Right, is this like acorn milk and shit like that? I didn't write that, but I could have wrote that down.

Do you mean almond? I did, yeah, but acorn could be the same, I don't know. I wish I'd thought of acorn, really good idea. I don't like milk. Yeah, I know, but that's why I'm doing this for you. Yeah, so hold on wish I thought of acorn. By the way, I don't like milk. Yeah, I know. Well, that's why I'm doing this for you. Yeah. So hold on.

I've got to do the jingle for it. Right. Ready? Oh, got milk. Rosie's milk quiz. Okay. Oh my God. That was.

If you'd have seen his face. That was horrible. I'm sorry. Honestly, virgin on your cumb face. I think I spat a bit. I think I spat a bit. And I might have shipped myself. Listen.

I haven't seen your all come face for ages. Because we have sex in the dark. Listen. I think after a certain amount of time of being together, you don't see it anymore. No. It's not like you don't look at each other as much as intently, I don't think. Yeah.

Does that make sense? Depends how pissed you are, doesn't it? Depends how pissed you are. The more pissed you are, you go back and... Look, we can talk about that forever. Listen. Are you ready? Maybe. Depends how pissed you are, don't it? Yeah. Depends how pissed you are. The more pissed you are, you go back. Look, we'll talk about that forever. Listen, are you ready? Yes. True or false? There are one, two, three, four, five, six. Very annoying number.

Six questions. I'm fine. I like six. True or false? OK. OK. Just tell us if it's a real milk or a fake milk. Right. Right. If it's either got milk or not milk. Brilliant. I need you to do the jingle again. OK, go. Got milk, not milk. Rosie's milk quiz. OK. jingle again. Okay, go. Got milk, not milk.

Rosie's milk quiz. Okay, great. Oh, sorry. Ugh. Rosie's milk quiz. Right. Is me, what's me buzzer? Just fucking say it.

Oh, right, okay. Hemp milk. Oh. Is that like tea tree? Hemp milk. Oh, am I saying whether it's real or fake? It's got milk or not milk. Not milk. False. It's got milk. It's got milk. It's or fake? It's got milk or not milk. Not milk.

False, it's got milk. It's actually milk. It's actually milk. Hemp. What's hemp? Look, this isn't a fucking cloth. You're a cloth. This is terrible. It's just true or false?

Usually on the quiz shows I have a little bit of facts with it. No, no, quit fire this one., all right, okay, sorry. But usually on the quiz shows, I have a little bit of facts with it. Nah, no, quit fire this one, quit fire. Right, okay, good, right. So the hemp milk's a thing, that's gross. Right, so you got one wrong. Right. Okay. Raisin milk.

Oh, no, not milk. Correct, that is not milk. Can't milk a raisin, it's a grape. No. Rice milk. Got milk. That is correct, it's true. Yeah.

Bean milk. Got milk. that's right so yeah trying to trick you out there noodle milk not milk that is not milk pea milk not milk that is actually milk that's the one that bred the whole quiz pea milk in out loud stood in the, I looked at it and I picked it up, I looked at it and I went, aw fuck off. Just peas? Pea milk. Don't know anything about it. Just saw pea milk.

I don't understand how it turns into milk. I think they just grind it down. Is it green? I don't know. I like peas. I didn't buy it. There you go, pea milk. Alright. But did no pea milk was a thing.

No. Absolutely astounded. Gross. So there it is. Is that it got milk, not milk. That was Rosie's milk quiz. Brilliant. There it is. So we're going to move on from that. The better. Well done, though. Well done for coming up with a new feature.

Very proud of you. Yeah, it's one one. That's it. One and done like a scratch card. Babadoo babadoo babadoo. So Rosie just asked me something off Mike there while I was exporting the files. Do you want to ask it again? Have you got a sore throat? So I have been being a brave little boy as I always am when I get injured in any kind of Jiu-Jitsu form. Oh God, what have you done?

What is it? You told me you had a sore throat. So I didn't. Well, I did. I said I had a bad throat. So what happened was on Monday, I went down to St. Helen's for TNT Sports to film Tom Aspinall's Fight Lab with Tom Aspinall, the current interim, although he has defended it and John Jones hasn't defended his title. So I would say he's the real heavyweight champion. However, it is officially interim heavyweight champion of the UFC, of the world. The world? He's the interim heavyweight champion of the world. That's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. He's the man. So, my voice does sound a little bit huskier today, a little bit more rough. Essentially, we, on the Fight Lab thing,

it's a really good show on TNT Sports. We go through different things, we talk about different fights, and he shows you, you got on the mat with him, and he shows you a couple of moves. You had this rugby guy on, and they were doing takedowns and stuff. So that's why you are so adamant to go.

Yeah, because you get to do so many of his actions. You're gonna be on telly doing BJJ? Yeah yeah. With the heavyweight champion in the world. I mean he could have folded us up and put us in the fucking glovebox. Yeah he's massive compared to you. Yeah yeah yeah. But he was you know he gave us a you know we're just basically showing moves to each other. How could I win against him? Come on. I told my mate last night and I told him about it and my throat's fucking killing him and he went I thought you were hard as fuck. I went, he's a heavyweight charming in the world, give us a fucking break. Anyway, we're throwing guillotines on each

other, a guillotine choke. It's like a front headlock on someone, right? And he got the first one he did on us. He went, all right, I'm going to do this. You got to take my leg and I'll fall back and I'll lock the guillotine up like this and I'll just squeeze. And as he squeezed, he pushed me fucking windpipe right into my throat and the two insides of my throat essentially touched each other and it hurts so much but I held off I was just like oh he was like sometimes he was like oh is that he went did I catch a windpipe but sometimes I happened sorry about that I went yeah yeah it fucking hurts so much. Is this ridiculous why have you never done

me this? Because I've just been based, I think he did out, right? I could taste blood. Shut up. Honestly, but he threw like six or seven guillotines on us after that and it never hit that sweet spot. So it was fine. Fucking hell. Why did you not tap it?

Of course I tapped, I tapped, I mean, it was too quick. It was so much, I was in agony, right? And I was like, fucking hell, I was like, you caught me through it there. And then we did loads. And then I hung around and I did the actual BJJ class in that, in Aspen or BJJ with his brother then with his dad.

But in the interim, I got a Subway delivered. I've never ate a Subway in so much pain in my entire life. Every swallow was fucking agonizing. So what if you've really hurt? It's okay now. And it's fine, it doesn't hurt anymore. But I'll tell you exactly what it is. In something inside me throat is swollen.

Oh my God. So it feels like, that's exactly what it feels in something inside me throat is swollen so it feels like it's exactly what feels like you know when you put your fingers about your throat to be sick if you've ever obviously I'm not I wish I could do you know when people get really drunk and they do it I can't do it I've never been able to make myself vomit well obviously make yourself not advertising that by not advertise make yourself very very you know Jesus don't do it but I know what it feels like if I've ever been really ill and I thought I need to be sick. My mate used to call it pushing the button.

Um, yeah. It feels like that. It feels like there's something and I'm basically fighting off being sick. All day yesterday I was fighting off being sick. Sorry, at any point of this, am I meant to feel sorry for you? Because I absolutely don't.

Am I meant to have any sort of emotion? I was injured at work. Did you get paid for it? Yes. Did you? Yeah. To go down and do the Tomas thing. Show me numbers of how much. Well, don't wow, I'm I meant to have any sort of injured you weren't did you get paid for it? Yes Did you yeah, right? Okay, we're gonna do the Thomas show me numbers of how much My fair enough yeah, don't me fingers here and Brilliant Hello

Yes, but say hello to everyone say hello See how everyone on the podcast? Yes. But say hello to everyone. Say hello. Hello. Say hi to everyone on the podcast like you mean it. Fuck's sake. Hello. Can I ring you back? Oh, I might not be able to catch you. No, I probably won't because of the manic thing. Just basically,

I can't get away till six o'clock tonight, but if I leave at six, I'll get there for like quarter past. Amazing. I'll see you there. I'll give you a text after this. Alright, love you. Hate that you're bad at work and I can't talk to you at any time, but... Me too. Whatever. Love you, bye. Bye. Imagine being at your GP. What?

And he just picks up his phone. He or she just picks up the phone and does that to their mate. What do you mean? Just how unprofessional that would be that you think it's okay to do that at work. What do you mean? Imagine sitting with your GP and they just go off, two seconds. What do you mean? Just how unprofessional that would be that you think it's okay to do that at work. What do you mean? Imagine, imagine sitting with your GP and they just go off two seconds, hiya Steph you alright? How's it going? Say hold up me patient.

Hiya. You know what time? Oh I'm quarter past six. Alright bye. Hate that I can't talk to you all the time bye. She's gone back to work man. Anyway Mr Ramsey. Again, sorry.

About your... All my friends are teachers and it's... Wow. But they just can't, they can't talk. I text you know, if I text something really important and it's like past half eight I don't get a reply till like one o'clock and I'm just like anyway sorry so you've hurt your throat so basically I'm fighting it's like it's like I'm constantly about to be sick right I'm gonna call it now yeah I'm gonna call

it now I guarantee you'll have done something really bad to it you're acting yes yeah I do. I'm drinking ice water to sort of... Oh my god is that why you're drinking ice water? Yeah to make it smaller. Chris! For the love of god! I probably shouldn't have stuck around and done those two classes. No you probably shouldn't have because yesterday you were asleep all afternoon and you had to go to bed at half-aid. Shout out to the blue belt by the way. I was fucking sparring with him and I went, oh yeah, Tom really hurt me through on the

thing. Everything he did was on my throat. I was like, get off me throat. Tap, tap, tap, tap. He tapped us out like six times. I was like, you know what you're doing. You're going for my weakness. You're going to kill his throat.

You know what this feels like? The only time I've ever done this in my life. And I'll never tell you about when I was a student. And you ate really hot mashed potato. And you burned the back of your throat. Oh my god, you know me so well. I do. I think it was in the book. I think we put it in the student. And you ate really hot mashed potato. There it is. Oh my God, you know me so well. I do, I think it was in the book.

I think we put it in the book. You burned your back of your throat. Yeah, I do remember things. This is exactly the same feeling. There's a big swelling up at my throat. Oh for God's sake. No, I swear to God, this is brilliant. How did your husband die?

Oh, he decided to do BJJ against the world heavyweight champion. And they accidentally hurt him and now he's dead. And here I am with these two kids. Listen, if that happens, Dana White's payout for his insurance money will be absolutely fantastic. The kids will be fine.

Everyone will be fine. If I'm gonna go, that's a no. All right, well, here's fingers crossed. Come on, get that. Stop with that ice boat. To be fair, I hope they leave it in. Cause at one point, he told me I would put the guillotine on him and I put it on him and he went, not wrong with that lad, not wrong with that.

I'm telling you he did. He actually said he'd give us another stripe on the white belt but you know, we'll get into that. We'll get into that. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. So from me showing myself up in front of UFC Heavyweight Champion to you showing yourself up in front of pop stars need I remind you, Mrs. Rosie Ramsey. I don't think I showed myself up.

I didn't show yourself up, but it was just, it was the oddest bollock. And so on Saturday night, Saturday night, my good friend, Sean and his fiance, Anna had their party, engagement party. Sean, I know you're listening, so congratulations. Congratulations. I mean, you were fucking hammered when I got there, Sean. Actually, you were a bit embarrassing, so congratulations. It was a great night. Congratulations. I mean, you were fucking hammered when I got there, Sean. Actually, you were a bit embarrassing. But no, he was fine. He was fine. He was fine. So we had it in a bar

in South Shields, which is owned by Anna's friend, Jade from Little Mix, Jade Thirl, who's a friend of ours as well. Shields Massive. Shields Massive. Now, it was one of the oddest moments of my life. I was standing talking to her. Everyone was on the dance floor dancing away and I was standing talking to Jade. Just talking to her, wasn't holding her up, wasn't like, you know what I mean? Like wasn't bothering her, we knew each other,

we were just chatting. And you came running off the dance floor, out of the crowd, grabbed a hold of her arm, pushed me away, right? Can you remember? I mean, I guess. Pushed me away and went, get away from her, it's her song, her song's on, and dragged her off. Which was fine, but it was the fact that you just, you accosted me, like I was, like I was attacking her.

Right, okay. Like I was attacking her. Because, right, in my defence, she was a lovely girl. She would have heard that a brand new single was playing. All right, all of our mates, all of our friends and family are there. She's too well-mannered. She'd have been chatting to you.

You had no fucking idea it was even her song. So she's not gonna go to you. She's not gonna go to you. Excuse me, my song's playing, I need to leave. So I thought, right, he's my husband, I don't give a fuck about his feelings. I'm gonna go get her and tell her that her song's on, because it's a really good song,

and so she can dance with all her friends and family and have a lovely time and be like, this is my song, my new song. It was just. Okay, right, okay, I just. Yo, get away, get away from her, her song is on. Hit her song. And you marched away.

It was almost exactly like that. E, honestly. I don't think she, I think inside she was going, thank fuck for that. She was pissed, I like what you said. Get me away from this man whilst my angel of my dreams. I will always want you and you don't care. It's a good song.

I like her version better. I didn't mean to do it so aggressively. I do apologize. It was very funny. It was very, very funny. A song's on! Get away! No, no, get back!

This is her song! You get away! It's so unnecessary. It was so fucking unnecessary. I love that other celebrities, when they mingle with pop stars and stuff and rock stars, they've probably got really, really cool rock story stories. And I've just got, now my wife basically fucking drop kicked us out of the way because her song was on and I was like, ridiculous.

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It's time for... ...Woodrozee Eat. Oh, Jesus. Babadoo babadoo babadoo baa! It's time for Woodrosy Eat! Oh Jesus! You are firing on old cylinders today. Should we forget about the beef then and just do this? Erm, no. Oh God. No. You get more, you don't get less. You get more.

Come on then. Okay, so thank you so much to everyone who's sending in Woodrosy Eat. There's absolutely loads of them. You're so creative and inventive, I'm absolutely buzzing with them, so good stuff. And there's also sometimes little stories attached. I'm gonna leave that one till last. Okay, so we touched on this last week, I never gonna ask you, this one is Woodrosie Eat,

all those bits of manky cheap ham, brackets because I know you like that kind the best. Yeah, the cut off ham from Morrison's. Manky cheap ham that you love, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well hang on, no. Does he mean meat crisps or...? No, no, he means like, you know, he or she means the, you know, you like cheap ham. I do like cheap ham. You like cheap ham.

Honey roast. Yeah, yeah. 100 in a pack. Yeah, yeah, 40 pence for like, you know, yeah, like a fucking full playing cards worth of it. Yeah, yeah. You love that. Would you eat that? And I had to Google this out of a strangers used, but wiped clean. There's a lot of caveats here. Used. Try and keep up. A strangers. Strangers. Stranger danger. Used, but wiped clean with a rag. Braggots not water though. Rags upsetters. Right? Rags a great word. Rags really

upset. Moon cup. Oh Jesus fucking Christ. No. So the ham is in the cup all ruffled up. No. Beautiful presentation. Beautiful presentation. And you're gonna eat the ham out of that. No. You're starving you've got no other choice. I'm eating out of a wiped clean used period moon cup of a stranger. With a rag? No, I'm not. No? No. Okay, you broke my world down, that's a first option. I mean, how hungry am I?

You feel sick. You feel absolutely sick. I'm starving. There's nothing else. You can't. Not wiped clean. Not wiped, not with a rag. Washed, I would have, but not.

I agree. And can we just, do you know how little mooncups are? Well, the hands are rolled up like little cigarettes. Okay. Okay? No, I don't think I can can. No good. If there was money attached fair enough but no not just hunger. This one's quite good and not quite as good they've already they've went in with this isn't as good as soup with a sponge great. Yeah. Not as good with soup with a sponge but it's very interesting. Okay. Noodles with a straw. Oh. You have to suck each noodle up individually through the straw. Oh, yeah. My choke, though. But yeah, I think that could that's you know,

that could end a taskmaster. You could get them all on the stage to do that. Noodles through a straw. There you go. Copyright, Shagwary annoyed. Twenty twenty four. So there we go. New TV show for us. That would be nice, nice, quiet, like nice, slow way to eat your noodles. Because I inhale noodles. I'm disgusted when I have noodles.

We've got noodles for tea. You're welcome. Happy days. Hello Chris and Rosie long time listener. Second time emailer brackets don't worry it was a while ago and Rosie never read it out. Dig. Sorry. Listen to this week's episode specifically what would Rosie eat? The conversation made me email in. Me and my wife have three daughters ages 13, 11 and 9. While she was pregnant with our first two kids, weirdly not the Me and my wife have three daughters ages 13, 11 and 9. While she was pregnant with our first two kids, weirdly not the third, my wife had a different type of pregnancy craving. Bath sponges. So she would sit on the sofa and slowly nibble through a bath sponge every day. I was working

overnight at our local Tesco at the time and every morning I would have to buy a new pack of four Tesco value sponges after every shift. That can't be good for you. And extra packs to cover my days off. What, she's just eating sponges? Eating sponges. That's really, that's, that's, at what point, what? With anything on them? Not just eating sponges.

That's really not good. She ate through so many I was convinced that the girls would be born squeaky clean. Thankfully she stopped after they were born and I don't think she's done it since, at least not that I have noticed. More of the story, soup with a sponge, you can eat the sponge apparently. Don't take my word for it. I don't think you meant eat sponges. I don't think you are. But she's had two kids. Three healthy kids. Fair enough. My mom used to lick a rosine off her wrist. What is that? The shampoo, rosine, do you remember it?

Didn't she used to eat cement as well? That was your mom. My mom used to eat cement. She used to go around the back. She'll not want to tell people. Hard lines. She used to go around the back of somebody's house. Scrape cement from them between the bricks.

Something like that. And scrape like cement off the bricks and eat that. Or some sort of something. Here's a question, if you ate back the sponges, because that's me doesn't want to die, if you ate enough sponges, would you need to wipe your arse when you had a shit hole or just sort of clean? Self clean. Oh my god, like a car wash. Oh my god. Car wash! Oh and the sponge shit! Oh oh oh oh oh! You bloat though, imagine. So bloated, peel them fucking sponges.

Don't drink water. Soaking up your shit, I know. Yeah, you never piss. Would Rosie eat curry using an acrylic nail? I'd take fucking ages, but yes. Like when you see the drug dealers in films and they've got one big long pink nail and you're like, they're not like, good shit man, man it's good shit you're like oh take a masala yeah i would i would but take ages never and i like honestly cocaine just don't i can't imagine sniffing something up my nose

yeah it's horrible isn't it yeah bad enough when you get water up your nose when you fall in the sea i know uh this segment also reminded me of being in high school me and my friends used to go to asda after school and one time we bought a Vianetta ice cream slab. This is so fucking grim. We ate it all, because we had no cutlery, with the backs of our phones. Oh, what, like the phone cases? No, so this is when you could,

this is Black Breeze Nokia's, you could take the battery, they could take the cover off the back. So they ate it with the backs of the phones. That's actually not too bad, that. It's grim as fuck. I love a Vionetta. Yeah, not that much.

So would you eat a Vionetta with the back of a phone? Yes. Wow, there you go. That's not even bad. I think it's just all the like, you know, you're carrying it around, you got all the fluff and that in the back of the phone, all the little bits and, oh, nah. Oh, see, it doesn't bother me.

Oh, nah, nah. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. It's time for What's Ya Beef? What's Ya Beef, What's Ya Beef, What's Ya Beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. So my beef is due this week, I'm going straight in. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. I'm just going straight in.

I just had some, basically I've just had some hot ice water, so I just want to talk until the effects wear off. Right, okay. Apart from you making a fool of yourself in front of a pop star. You have been doing this for a while, but you've really ramped it up quite drastically at the moment. And you're going to claim it's cause I'm busy and I've got loads going on in me head. You don't listen to things I say.

And then when you realize that you haven't listened to the thing I've said, and you've got it wrong, you then bollock me like it was my fault that you didn't listen. And it's getting silly. It's getting really silly. Hmm. Yeah. I don't always trust that you're right though.

No. You do that as well. We've got a Zoom by the way at midday with everyone from Avalon, every single person from the meeting is on the Zoom. All right, okay, then no problem. Two minutes before the Zoom, you didn't tell us.

You did it just yesterday as well. Yeah? Yeah, you do as well when I'm like, is on the Zoom. All right, okay, then no problem. Two minutes before the Zoom. You didn't tell us. Had it one public hour. You did it just yesterday as well. Yeah? Yeah, you do as well when I'm like, I did tell you that and you're like, I don't remember. What was it? Was something yesterday happened? And I was like, I told you and you were like,

I don't remember. Something to do with nursery, I can't remember. Yeah. And you did it with, on Monday, you were like, I was like, my dad's coming to get the burns at nine o'clock. You were like, you said half eight. I was like, I didn't. You were like, well, I I'm not ready and then it was my fault that you hadn't listened

So big shout out. We both do that. I think I don't think you can just blame me for that. I think we both do that Yes, yes, you do more than me. No, no, right, whatever. What's yours? My beef with you is that you went to bed last night and it's getting dark It is getting darker you went to bed and you were like, me throat hurts, I didn't realize it was because you weren't a headlock, you stupid cunt that you are. So I was like, oh, he doesn't feel very well, fair enough, he's lacking, you're being to work

and I thought, right, whatever. But you went up to bed, it was what happened that day, you went up with Robin and you were like, oh, the washing's still out? And I went, oh, yeah, I went. And then you just went right by and you just literally went off to bed. So I had to get all of the washing in on my own

in the dock and I could have been attacked. Right, in Rune Garden? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to get all out, it was pitch black. And it was really, I had to put a winter coat on in me boots to get it all in. Right.

And I just thought that's a bit unfair. Okay, why's it unfair? Because you could have helped us. Right. We're like a team. When we bring the washing in on a night time we'll help each other. The last few times I've brought it in all on me own. And what have I been doing while you've been doing that? Put the kids to bed. Thank you very much. And what was I doing? You went to bed? You weren't just putting, you didn't come back downstairs, you went to bed and then when I, actually oh there was there's even more here I went up to bed and I text saying are you still up and you were like just about to go to sleep

I was like so you could have fucking help us with the washing line you prick No, I was wrong. That was a bit uncool. Well, I had put it out now, right teamwork, right? It is because you you don't want to be outside click the one click the wash on on the night on your own because you're a woman No, just it was cold and I didn't want to do it by myself. Ah, okay. You really play fast and loose with those man and woman's rules that you like to change around all the time. Oh, and you'd love to just make out like I do. But like I've got wrote down here, which I'll save for next week, but I'll bring it in this week because why the fuck not? Okay, let's dance. Let's dance. Let's dance.

Let's dance, Ramsey. Let's dance. Chris said to me yesterday, made a big thing of it, and he went, do you know what it is? I think that women can just say whatever they want to men. It's not what I said. You did? I said you can speak to us however you fancy. Your tone can be whatever the fuck you want it to be. But if my tone with you, when I'm asking you, I'm telling you something,

or answering something you've said, if I don't sound like fucking Mr. Tumble. You didn't say that. Rosie, a boobie boo. No, that's bullshit. A biddley biddley boop. Because your tone's horrendous as well. And I get pulled up on it.

You didn't say that. Yeah, and you pull me up as well? Nah, not as much as you pull me up. You fucking do. You do. Anyway though, the way I took it, I didn't think your men tone. You just said, this is how I took it.

You said women can say whatever they want and it doesn't matter. Blah dee, blah dee, blah dee. You can make whatever comment you want. And I was like, I don't think that's true. I was like, I said, you do the same to me. You've got nicknames for me, like you know what I mean, stupid stuff.

And it was 10 minutes later, I kid you not, because it was still fresh in my mind, right? I was watching one of me apps that I pay for on the telly before you were about to go to bed. And literally I was going through all of this stuff and you said, you turned me in, you looked at me and you went, I wrote it down, hang on. You said-

I was quite proud of this by the way. So just flicking through all of our housewives and all that. All of your TV programs lined up looked like a bin. Looked like you're going through a bin. That's what you said. So you've ruined the joke. I said- It wasn't funny.

It wasn't a funny joke. It was hilarious, it was hilarious what you've killed it. I said you searching through all of this, watching you search through all of this, it's the TV equivalent of watching someone go through a bin. Brilliant. That's offensive. Good joke though. So I wouldn't be able to say, but if I say anything to you about anything that you enjoy, I'm horrible. No, no, I wouldn't say that.

Yes you do. That's what you said. You were like, women can say whatever they want to men. So you were like, I can say anything to you. Adam & Adam's Mom I meant Torn. I didn't take it like that. Adam's Mom Right. But what do you say about my stuff that would offend? What are you talking about? What do you mean? Kirsty Well, if I ever say anything about BGG or golf... Adam's Mom Whoa!

Kirsty You take offense? You do? Adam's Mom Fuck this. Adam's Mom God. Kirsty Oh, he's gone. Thank God. Thank Christ. About time. Adam's Mom There's a line, love. Kirsty It'll be 60-40 with the kids. Adam's Mom I need you to stop shouting.

Oh my God, is it still hurting? Do you want to have a little look? Yes. Oh, fuck me. Come here. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! It's time for Questions from the Public! Questions from the public, public, public!

As always, if you'd like to get in touch with us, shag maridanoid at gmail.com Kids are back at school. A couple of littlearydenoyleatgmail.com. Kids are back at school. Boom. A couple of little school-related sort of things here. Fantastic. Thought why not keep it a bit on brand of the week. Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad I'm not a fool.

Back to school, back to school, to prove to Dad I'm not a fool. Is that what you're system? Big shout out to everyone who gets that reference. What is it? Who doesn't? Oh, that's embarrassing. Oh no, what is it? Call yourself a comedy fan.

Oh, I don't know what that is. Billy Madison, Adam Sandler. Have I seen it? Wow. Is that the golf one? No. No. No.

No. No. Is that Happy Gilmore? No. Is that the water one? No, no, no, no, no. That Happy Gilmore? No, yes. That the water boy? Which one? You just keep naming other films. Billy Madison. I said Billy Madison. I know, but I've never seen it. It's called Billy Madison. All right, good. Right. Hello, Chris and Rosie.

I'm actually excited to write in. I've listened for a while and written in before, but it was probably a crap story. Oh, again, again, sixty one thousand emails in there. Definitely missed one. Are you done? Needs some ice water. Oh, again, again, 61,000 emails in there. Definitely missed one. Are you done? Needs wise water. Oh no, Chris, why don't you take an ibuprofen? Took two before we started.

Shit, why do you keep doing this? Literally. Collyclo right here. I'll tell you why. Black eyes, broken ribs. Because I am having a midlife crisis and you need to back off from it. Are you actually having a midlife crisis?

I don't think so. I did look up the symptoms. I don't think I've got them. Yeah. I've got a few of them. Don't tell everyone about your test, test, test, test what? Tostesterone. Testosterone. What is it? I haven't done it. Right.

Because you can do a test. You can do a test. Yeah. To see if your testosterone levels have lowered. By the way, don't leave it on the bench anymore because everyone's come in and went, watch this. And I've had to say Chris thinks his testosterone levels are low and maybe you shouldn't have a load of fucking nosy twats around the house. All right, okay then. Well, working class South Shields people don't really understand. Right. And I think your dad was very freaked out by

it. He saw it. I think so. Now it's as you get older, they're just, so it's not like taking loads of testosterone like a steroid thing. It's just replacing the levels that drop as you get older, so you sort of stay at a level I think. But I don't think I need to. I don't think mine have gone down. I don't think I had many. I don't think yours has gone down. Oh, you've got loads of hair. You've got loads of hair? Oh, do I? Oh, thank you, as a compliment. Oh, thank you. Yes. Jesus Christ. Right, listen.

Yep. Anyway, every time I listen to Ix on here, I always think there's nothing that would actually ick me, until. Oh, really? I work in a school, and on our first day back in September, I was stood seeing all of the kids in. All the parents looked as thrilled as they usually are dropping the kids off after what feels like forever in the summer, and they were eager to get them in the gate.

Yes, thank you. I clocked one parent dropping her two kids off, and I swear to God, I finally got that ick feeling. At the top of her lungs she was saying, Who are you? They screamed their surnames. Who are you? They screamed their surname louder. How amazing are you? We are amazing! Go and fuck off. I've only ever seen this on American Disney type movies, not in North Tyneside. Aww.

Listen, I'm all for building a kid up but how way I could feel my face looking like I'd smelled shit as I was, as I watched this sorry go on and on. It's dreadful. Says what do you reckon? I'm not into stuff like that. That's dreadful. I know. No, do it in the house.

Yeah. Do it in the yard. But we don't, do we have any like, who are you? Ramsey's, who are you? Ramsey's who are you Ramsey? How amazing are you? We're amazing? It's very intense isn't it? Oh, I mean I There's part of his way I'm like, you know what like the whole you know not giving a fuck about what anyone thinks and

Bigging your kids up and you know what what a lovely little family unit there must be but Do it in the fucking garage or the garden. Do it in the car. Like do it in the car. Yeah. But I feel, I don't know, I feel a bit bad slagging it off because there was part of that's like, oh, they're a little team. But yeah. I guess it's different strokes for different folks. It is.

And again, like I say, with a lot of things, it's everyone's right to do whatever they want, but it is my right to take the piss out of it. And I'm not taking the piss out of it, but don't be surprised if any of the kids that heard that in the school on the way is my right to take the piss out of it and I'm not take the piss out of it but don't be surprised if any other kids that heard that in the school on the way in are gonna take the piss out of that during the day because I feel like they would. But maybe if you took a look behind the curtain at our family maybe we've got little weird things like that you never know. Yeah don't do it at the school yard though do we? No. We've got kids where other than Rafe holding on my hair they've never had like things which I've always been a bit upset about. Like comfort like, why don't they have comfort things? Like they haven't got like a teddy, although dummies

but he hasn't got like a favourite dummy. Teddy or a blanket. They've never had that. I just, I couldn't deal with the stress of possibly losing that thing. So I'm really glad that my kids haven't like latched onto one thing. No. Robin's favourite thing is a favourite thing for 25 minutes and he's onto something else. Kids insane.

We're the same. Yeah. You've just reminded us of something. My know, yes. Kids insane. We're the same. Yeah. You've just reminded us of something. My mate and comedian and writer, Jason Cook, he once was dropping his daughter off at school and one of the parents said something along those lines and I can't remember what it was and I'm going to ring him now and ask him what it was. Oh, will he name and chain?

Will he say it? He will say it, yeah. Okay, come on then. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Little poo. Oh, God save me. So we're doing the podcast and that was straight on,

but you basically just, did you just address me as little poo? Yes. Yes, well you are on the podcast, so yes. Rosie's just told us a story about, well someone's just emailed in with a story about how there were a parent at a school and the kids, some kids were getting dropped off

and the parent was like, who are you? As the kids were walking in, they went, who are you? And the parents, the kids chanted their surname and then the parents went, and what are you? And the kids chanted, amazing. What was that time when you were dropping your kid off at school and that dad said something to his kid like be fantastic or something. Can you remember what it was?

Oh yeah it was be wonderful or something like that. Was it do great things or something? What? Remember? Oh maybe it was do great things. It was something awful. I just remember my face when he said it. But wasn't there like a five-year-old or something, a six-year-old? Yeah, this is a long time ago. I've got a number of addiction issues Christopher. I don't think memory is something that's... Jesus Christ alive! Alright, thanks mate! Bye! Love you! Bye!

Little poo? Little poo. He's never called his little poo before. I mean that's a weird thing, he's called each other little poo. I think he's still friends with them, people he doesn't want to say it to. It was something like, do great things! He was like fucking five, they're gonna do finger painting and... Yeah but he lives in the posh part of Newcastle. So when you live in the posh part of Newcastle, you're gonna come across new age things.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hi Rosie and Chris, bit of an ick rather than a question here. We have a primary school at the end of our road, so tend to see a pretty regular stream of parents rushing their kids to school throughout the morning. Bet your parking's fun. Oh I know, ugh. But it's once they've dropped their kids off

that I've noticed a big ick. And one of that I think is pretty unisex. The parents that ride their kids' scooters on the way to their next errand. Any potential attraction goes immediately out the window upon seeing a full grown adult squeeze themselves onto a tiny scooter and scoot along as if they're a typical mode of transport. Extra points for those with unicorns on the front. Now I'm not being funny, we've got adult scooters because we are disgusting, right? And our kids love to be on scooters, so we were like,

right, well we'll scoot with them, we've got adult scooters. I would never scoot on the Baines scooter. I put it over my shoulder. Yeah, like, who's doing that though? Like one, I think you're gonna break their scooter. Yeah. And two, ugh. Yeah.

Like hunched over. One of them little three-wheeler ones as well. I've never seen an adult scooting and that would turn my stomach. Yeah. See me and Robin share the same scooter now because we're both... Because he's bigger. I got a new scooter and he was like, yeah, you can put the things up and down so I'll be our eat. But yeah, that's, yeah, that's bad. There's something pretty rank about seeing adults on scooters though, isn't there?

Yeah, well, micro scooters and that, didn't they first come about, like, for adults, when they were using them in office blocks and stuff to get around the corridors quicker and shit like that? I don't remember. I'm sure it was years ago and it was like, for a moment, I think for a split second, the try to market them as like, hey, are you a stockbroker and go-getter? Need to get from one side of the office to the other? And then I think they'd quickly backpedal to you and like, one, are you a stockbroker and go-getter, you know, need to get from one side of the office to the other, and then I think

they'd quickly backpedal to you, and like, one, you're just gonna knock coffee out with some fucker's hand. Yeah. I seen a really pissed girl when I was sat, me and Steph went to the theater a few weeks ago, and we're sat in Hibou Blanc in Newcastle, and it was about five o'clock in the afternoon, I think they'd been on a hen party or something,

and this lass got on one of the electric scooters. She was absolutely mortal drunk. She got on the scooter and then scooted out of you. And I don't know what happened to her. You know, I've thought about it quite a lot of times. I'm literally like, what happened? Because there was a road nearby. That's dangerous.

Yeah, I'm like, was she OK? Did she, did I, like, I think her friends probably just stopped her and she got off it. But you know when you're like, what happened? I've got no idea. I've had the name of no names. I've had to do that with a friend's probably just stopped there and she got off it. But you know when you're like, what happened? I've got no idea. I've had the name of no names. I've had to do that with a friend before. Have you?

Hammered, hammered, pissed, drunk, trying to get on one of the scooters. I was like, mate, you can't. You've got children. You can't do that. Just they're really not good to have around. I had the app open and was trying to send his driving license to the app thing to get registered. I know exactly who it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking idiot. I was like, no, it was Carl Jensen. I'm not going to leave app thing to get it registered or whatever. I know exactly who it is straight away. Fucking idiot.

I was like no. Was it Carl? It was Carl at Jensen, I'm not gonna leave it on here. Of course it was. We can't leave it on here. Why can't we leave it on here? Because I don't know, it just feels bad. Why?

Where did he wanna go? We're in Birmingham at a hotel, he just wanted to go around the block on it and come back. He just wanted a turn. But was he pissed? It's fucking steaming. Could he drive at this point? Yes.

Oh right, okay. Yeah, but he was steaming. Well done for stopping him. Yeah, I'm good, I do that all the time. Good for you. Why don't you want to sit like... he's not gonna get arrested. I'm just frightened that he's gonna get cancelled. He's a full-time comedian, he's not gonna lose his job, he's having it.

Yeah, fair enough, he's having it. He's not gonna get cancelled for wanting to get... I don't think it matters if you're drunk. No, no, you are, yeah, you're not allowed to drive him drunk, yeah, but he didn't drive him drunk. He tried and I stopped him. Right, okay, sorry, I didn't realise that matters if you're drunk. No, no, you are, yeah, you're not allowed to drive them drunk. But he didn't drive her drunk. He tried and I stopped him. Right, okay, sorry, I didn't realize that you weren't allowed. They're really silly.

I don't think we should give, I just don't think they should be kicking around for general use of just any footwear. Neither do I. I think they're really dangerous. I find it really strange. Yeah, when one wizards pass me, fuck them. I know. They're silent as well.

I know, really bad. Yeah, but are we just boring in the world? Yes. Yeah know. Really bad. Yeah. But are we just born and old? Yes. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba! Hi Chris and Rosie. Hope you both well. Please keep me anonymous. We are and we will. I've been listening to your podcast since I was 16 and still in school.

Sorry. So, to put into perspective how long I've been listening, I'm now 20 years old, living with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years, and at the time of writing this, pregnant with our first child. Oh my God. Yeah. It'll be like five years.

That's unbelievable. Chris, my longest job ever. From, Mm-hmm, school. That's blown my mind. From literally picking out a prom dress to buying cots. Yeah. I'm astound... I'm getting emotional. I'm gonna have some ice water. Oh god please have some ice water.

I'm astounded by that. That's absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much for listening for that long. We love you. I have a funny story about the magnet I wear in my knickers. Okay. It's not as weird as it sounds I promised. To give you some context as to why I wear a magnet in my knickers. Okay. It's not as weird as it sounds, I promise. To give you some context as to why I wear a magnet in my knickers, it's the same concept as wearing a magnetic bracelet for arthritis, but this is a set of two magnets that clip together between your knickers around your womb area

that you wear to help stop period symptoms. I've never heard of this. Wow. Perimenopause symptoms and menopause symptoms. I wear it for my periods and anxiety, anxiety, sorry. For example, since I've been wearing it, I haven't had any period cramps and I used to be bed bound each month.

Wow. My anxiety is non-existent. I don't get pre and post period moodiness and I sleep like a rock. Anyway, it's called lead balance if you wanna. And I find paper clips wherever I go. Walking along the beach is now a very lucrative, lucrative pastime. And my fanny smells like steel.

Right. So I've never ever heard of that. I'm gonna look it up though. This is amazing. After a recent frolic in the sand, I found an engagement ring and four old Roman coins. Genuinely jokes aside that's outstanding and you need that in your life. I'm gonna look into it. Yeah. I don't wanna, I can't be trusted with magnets in me fanny. Oh no definitely you'll fucking, you'll break every telly in the house. Jesus Christ, imagine.

I mean Apple Watches is a stick that we can't jump into. Can you remember when you got a telly in your mum and dad's telly in the house. Imagine. I mean, Apple Watch would just stick there and be like, jump, jump, jump. Can you remember when you got a telly and your mom and dad just tell you not to put a magnet anywhere near it? No, I wouldn't have to do. Oh, it was your mom and dad's main thing. Broke your telly apparently. Did it?

Yeah, got a little view of telly. Don't put any magnets next to it. Like I was just walking around like fucking Magneto out of X-Men, just holding magnets on everything. I used to, whenever I think of a magnet. Never ever. I swear to God, whenever I think of a magnet. I swear to God whenever I think of a magnet,

I just think don't put it next to telly. That was it. I didn't know that was a thing. New telly could keep away from it with your magnets Chris when we've always got magnets. Mama haven't got any magnets. You've got no one to fucking magnet to. No one your mama dad better tell you three times a day.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean. Remember I told you about that magnet Chris. They'll have heard about it. It's like the old wives tale, you hear one thing once and then that's the thing. Don't sit too close to the telly. I used to get that a lot. Your eyes will turn square. I used to have a machine gun, like a toy machine

gun, where you pull the trigger and it went back and forward and that used to interfere with the telly and me dad used to go off it. Did it? Yeah, yeah. In the same room, he'd point at the telly and pull the trigger and the telly would go. Really? Yeah, it was great. Oh. Get that gun out of here! Do you remember the aerial on top of the telly and having to like twiddle it and that, Jesus Christ. I've talked about before, when you say go Mega Drive, turn it on, there's two buttons on the telly you had to hammer. Just tuning it in.

Sometimes it didn't turn on when I put it on, now I couldn't get it to work. Total fucking, honestly, and he's shouting for bluey little twat. I know, I know, I know. Right, OK, listen to these magnets. Right. So, being a semi-tall girl, I'm five foot eight inches. My womb area, that's where you wear the magnet, okay, listen to these magnets. So, being a semi-tall girl, I'm five foot eight inches. My womb area, that's where you wear the magnet, okay, is the exact height of my kitchen counters. Oh.

God. Sorry about that. One day about six months ago, I was cooking dinner when the timer went off to say the food was done. So I went over the oven and took the tray out, but I put the tray too close to the edge of the counter. Oh fucking hell. One thing about this magnet is that it's very strong.

Just short of 3000 gos. G-E-U-S-S. Okay. Do you know what that magnet speak? Yes. Okay. And it's, oh wow, a fridge magnet is about 100 gos. Oh, these are really strong.

I've got a watch that can withstand a million gos. What? Just... Brilliant. Just bragging there. Alright, okay. I've got a watch that can withstand a million goals. Just bragging there. All right, okay. All I'm saying is love, you wanna bring your fanny near my wrist, no problem whatsoever. So it wouldn't pick up your watch? Wouldn't fuck my watch up.

Right, okay, good for you. So, when I walk close enough to the counter, the boiling hot tray of food magnetized to my fanny magnet. Oh my God. My instant reaction was to jump back to try and get away from the hot tray full of food racing towards my vagina but no I was too late. Chris, the tray had already attached itself to my fanny magnet. Oh no.

Which is giving it a full new meaning. Fanny magnet exactly. You know what I mean? An actual fanny magnet. My man's a fanny magnet, yeah well this one is a fanny magnet, she literally burnt her legs. For real. When I jumped back I pulled the tray off the counter and I dropped all the food on the

floor but the tray did not fall on the floor, it stayed stuck to my pubic area and burnt the shit out of my legs. As soon as I felt the heat on my legs, I screamed and pushed the tray off of me onto the floor. Luckily, I was wearing thick joggers and reacted fast enough so no damage was done. Imagine she just had shorts or something on and the tray had like slapped on her bare legs. Yep, yep, yep. Oh God. This all took place in under 10 seconds and is still one of the moments I laugh to myself about at least once a week.

If you're thinking about the food I dropped on the floor, don't worry. I am. Yeah, I want to know what it was. I'm thinking pizza the wrong way around. I'm devastated. I feel like crying. I was making pies. So when they fell, they both miraculously landed the right way up still in their cases. So we still ate them. So there you go.

There we go. God, I haven't had a pie for donkeys. Didn't like pies. Someone tried to sell me a pie yesterday. I was having none of it. Oh, I love a pie. No, I can't think, can't. Do you know what it is, right?

I like an open top chicken pie. Oh, get in the bin, dick. Really? I hate them. Oh he has your casserole with a bit of puff pastry on the top. Yeah. Get in the bin. Really? I don't what kind of pie would you like? What's your favourite pie? Like a chicken pie? I like a mint oh my god a corned beef pie. No. I'm gonna make you a pie. I must have told you that on a Saturday night. You're gonna love it. I must have told you that on a Saturday night. I must have told you on a Saturday night when I was younger. When my dad's tea on a Saturday night, every Saturday night was, and he used to say it like this, and he used to be fucking irritators. Pie, pea and chips.

And it sounded like he was having one pea. No, like listen, I'm gonna do his voice. This is how he said it. Ask us what I'm having for tea. What are you having for tea? Oh, your mom's go, oh, pie, pea and chips. Yeah, pie, pea and chips. S gone, so pie, one pea, chips. And it was horrible, it was big wedge of pie. Brown, brown. What kind of pie was it? Just brown meat and brown sauce in the middle of steak.

I said, God knows what it was. Peas and chips. But he used to say- No, your mama got it from Dixon's. She'll have walked in the nook and get it from Dixon's. She'll have walked on the news again from Dixon's. Who ate the rest of the pie? I didn't have. Did you not have any?

No, I wouldn't touch a pie. No. I'm gonna make you a pie. I love pies, mate. What are you gonna put the pie? What do you want in? You, go on. Your choice. I'll tell you exactly what I want.

Tomato. Cheese. No. Like a dough. Cheese pie is a thing. No. Tomato cheese like a dough with no crust. So, you want a pizza? Yes, please, please. Take, like a dough. Cheese pie is a thing. Nah. Tomato cheese like a dough, erm, with no crust. So you want a pizza?

Yes please, thank you. Tell me it's wrong either. Tell us what you want in your pie. I'll make you a pie tonight. I will literally go to the shop. I thought we were having noodles? Nah. Pie.

I don't want a pie! I'm not making you an open topped crust, bloody, Well. a la carte, get it in the bin pie. If you won't put the effort in, then what can you do? I like a chicken and mushroom. Right then. Creamy chicken and mushroom pie. Yes, I'll make you one. Yeah? get it in the bin pie. If you won't put the effort in, then what can you do? I like a chicken and mushroom. Right then. Creamy chicken and mushroom pie.

Yes, I'll make you one. Yeah? I've never had a pie. What other pies can you have? You can have steak pie, you can have mince pie. I've definitely made pies before. You haven't, you have not made me a pie. I've definitely have.

Can I have more than one pea with it, or do I have to stick with the one pea rule? If you're a proper Ramsay, you'll only have the one pea. I'm gonna have one massive pea the size of an apple. Yeah, of course you can. Listen, if you're wondering what else just stuck to our Fanny Magnety, here's the list. Oh god, yes. So we've got lighters. Great.

House keys. Fantastic. Someone else's house keys. Cutlery. Metal straws. Glasses. Someone else's glasses. Pack of mints.

Pack of mints. The chain bag strap on a bag. The chain bag strap on someone else's glasses, pack a mint, pack a mint. The chain bag strap on a bag, the chain bag strap on someone else's bag, hair pins, thumbtacks, tweezers, razors. I could just, you imagine going, where's my glasses? Oh, sorry, they're floating ominously in the front of me crotch, right? Magneto.

Can I have them back? I'm getting one, I'm gonna look into it. It's gonna be a fucking disaster. Thank you for listening at this week's episode of Shag Marinoid which is part of the Acast creator network. Yes thank you thank you thank you don't forget there's a poonami in my house out September 12th hope you enjoyed hope your kids enjoy it I'm sure you bloody will and we'll be back in years next week. Bye! Bye! I'm sure you bloody will and we'll be back in years next week. Bye!

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