Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 289. Mr Pointless

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

Chris and Rosie discuss Mr Pointless, Rosie's Chinese takeaway alert and how sugar is taking a back seat. They unlock some 90's nostalgia with movies and footwear and Chris gets distracted by Bagpipes. We also get another serving of Would Rosie Eat and some chip related beef. QTFP involve some nose picking and bed time accident!Email the podcast [e-mail] Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Get into the game with Monopoly DoublePlayer McDonald's. While supplies last, one in five chances to win GamePuse prizes at outset, chances to win DoublePlay prizes based on time of code entry and draw prizes based on number of entries in each draw. See rules in app. Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Noid with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. I thought you were going to make me say my own name there, I nearly jumped in and said it. What?

Chris Ramsey! Yeah, there you are. Yeah. Game show extraordinaire, Christopher Ramsey. Game show extraordinaire? How are my game show extraordinary? Mr. Pointless. Oh, I've had so many lovely... Oh my god. What? That's.... Oh, this. Mr. Pointless. Oh, I've had so many lovely.

What? That's, I love that nickname. Mr. Pointless. Hold on a second. I'll say what you've done here. Because it's also, you know, it's the program that you were on for a couple of weeks. And also.

Say what you've done and I don't like it. Don't like it, yes. No, I've had so many lovely, like just comments and, and feedback about it. I think everyone's Nana loved loved your unpointless. Well, look here, if there's a market that I'm looking to really crack into, it's everyone's nana's.

Wow. That did not know. Excuse me. Mucky jokes like that are not done by me. That was your head. That was your mucky getting your head out of the gutter. You can't say that unpointless. I wouldn't, well, no, no.

I can't say unpointless when disgusting filth bags like you are listening. What I was talking about was my new range of boiled sweets that I'm gonna launch. That is so, such a sweet in generalization. Oh. But can I just tell you now, right? Such a sweet in generalization, but what did my granda always have?

Boiled sweets. In the box, yeah. So what have you always got? When you go to your singing, I only noticed, so I've seen this so many times in our house over the past few weeks, months, years, and I only really noticed it last night. When you go to your little singing club, your little pathetic little band camp thing you do.

Oh the show is next week if anyone wants to come to the show. Next week there's still some tickets available. Pierre Pavilion, South Shields. Tell a date? It's a what I don't even know Friday so professional Friday night Saturday matinee Saturday night Friday the 11th of October and Saturday the 12th It's just look just singing don't expect too much because you know it's it's an amateur group But there's some bloody good talent in there tell you that right now And it's just if you like musicals you'll enjoy it, but you's some bloody good talent in there. I can tell you that right now. And if you like musicals, you'll enjoy it. But, you know, I go every year and I enjoy it.

Yeah, I'm taking Robin this year, so I'm looking forward to watching the first half. And then Robin is not going to sit all the way. Very much looking forward to watching the first half. They'd probably just go across the road to the arcade. So yeah, yeah, that's all about you. But like you take a fucking barrel of boiled sweets with you. Like it's massive. It's like, everyone listening, you remember you were going to a sweet shop when you were

younger and you would be like, you know, they'd be like, quartering the bonbons or whatever and they'd get the big fucking massive plastic jar from the thing. It's nearly as big as real. I've just ordered another one. No! I swear to God. Is everyone else having them as well or is it just you? It's for everyone, it's not just for me.

I wouldn't be surprised. Get, I'm not eating sugar, except for them. Oh God, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that bit of cake I had the other night. Who's not eating sugar apart from that cake you made the other day, the polos that you eat two packets a day of and boiled sweets that you're fucking inhales.

So apart from that, she's completely off the sugar. God almighty. Can I just tell you it's right? Honestly, not trying to be a dick. Oh, hang on. Watch. Oh, watch, oh, brilliant, so professional. Put it on do not disturb. So I don't know how. Brilliant. Changing me life giving up sugar sort of. Yeah. Half. Yeah. Just loads more energy honestly it's really good and once you don't have it for a while you don't crave it. So I've cut down hugely on sugar. I haven't give it up but I have cut down huge on it but it's just

again people always think when I say all protein, people are always like, oh you think you're fucking in it. I just prefer them. They've just hardly got any sugar. I mean you eat them at like 9 o'clock in the morning. I don't think you meant it. Breakfast of champions. Breakfast of champions. That's what I've had today. I just don't think you meant to finish a meal. I have me like, since I've quit sugar I don't feel like this. I used to have like my last spoonful of my meal and need something sweet immediately.

What is that? It's a pick me up. So it's like when you get, historically, if I'm right here, it's like you would eat a load of shit. You would eat a load of stodge, loads of meat, loads of bread, potatoes, loads of like a meal meal back in the day. A meal back in the, didn't mean this to be pornographic in any way shape or form. You'd eat loads of stuff back in the day and

then you'd, awful, and then you'd need a little boost. So people realize that's why dessert became a thing because people realized you have your dessert and it, and also, you know, people say it's a second stomach. They say, oh, you've got room for dessert though. It creates room, something to do with the sugar in that hit in your stomach. It creates room. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Look it up, I'm not giving you the full thing there, but something like the sugar hitting your stomach,

a full stomach after a load of starch has been there. Listen, ask me, I'm a guru. But guess what, alarm went off yesterday. Yeah, Chinese alarm. The Chinese alert, but we actually had one on Saturday. Just sorry. Sorry, anyone listening, she has an alarm in her phone to tell her to get a Chinese takeaway once a month. Just had to fix that. You can't just say, my Chinese

alert went off. That sounds so bad. So bad. I should probably change, it just says Chinese. My French alert, my Spanish alert, they're all invading. All of them. But we had one on Saturday. I put it on Instagram and a lot of people have commented, which I'm buzzing about. It was September and Saturday. This is my October alert. So I'm due one for October.

Well, yeah. So Saturday. Thanks everyone. You bunch of fucking enablers. Here we go. Enablers out there. Excellent. Guys, thank you so much for listening.

Thank you so much for being here. It's episode 289, to which Rosie said earlier. I thought it would be more than that. I just feel like we've been in the 80s for a long time. Just tells me that you don't listen when I tell you what number it is every week. You just don't listen. It's episode 289. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Please continue to listen, continue to like, rate and subscribe. Any little podcast shops, we really do appreciate it. Helps a lot. And without further ado, it's time for this week's LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL if it's something to do with autumn and people don't want to walk on leaves because there might be dog shit in the leaves

But yes, this week's sponsor is people who walk alongside the pavement on the road Hmm people who so there's normally two people walking along and one person walking on the pavement and the person with them ago Well, I just don't think this payments big enough for the two of us and they'll be in the fucking gutter of the road just walking along and the other day a car was coming towards me and I was behind some fucking prick walking along and I had to wait for the car to come past like I was overtaking a skip and he looked at us and I was like get on the fucking pavement you dick.

Yeah. However. Yeah. It is the season of dog shit in Leves. It is the season of dog shit in Leves. It is the season of dog shit in Leves. So maybe it's that. It's also the season of over shit in leaves. It is the season of dog shit in leaves. And, it's also the season of overgrown hedges. Right.

Walking along them pavements and people's hedges just poking you in the eyes. Why, why, why, why are you attacking me? Why are you on the side of this fella? I'm a drain, I'm a drain dweller. Why, yeah you're a drain dweller, I'm glad you finally admitted it. Why? I'm on his side, I do that. Don't believe this.

I do that. Right, do us a favour, everyone listening, right? Everyone out there who doesn't pick your dog shit up, you know who you are, you don't pick it up, right? Stop pretending you do. Fuck you! Yeah, you leave the house with a bit of Play-Doh in a bag and you carry that bag around

so people think you've picked up dog shit, but you haven't. I hate you. Start letting your dog shit in the gutter, right? Cause it's better for everyone. It's not gonna be on the pavement. It's gonna get swept away by cars or street sweepers. And the only people who are gonna stand in it are them fucking wankers who don't

walk on the pavement. No don't let you, don't, no I'm sorry. Let your dog shit on the road. Oh you let your dog shit on the road and go in the drains and then we'll end up drinking your, your watered down dog shit. Oh you never heard of a water processing plant? Eh? What are you doing? You going outside to the well? Eh? You going to the rancid well at the bottom of the garden? No I'm sorry, water's fucked. Eh? Stop taking your water, it's horrible. Bare grills are sad. You said it's horrible. I don't know what I'm talking about. Bear Grylls has said, he said it's horrible. What's the point?

Again, brings us to my next one, so what's the fucking point? What's the point? Water kills you, air kills you, farting kills you, not farting kills you, don't sleep with your mouth open, don't breathe through your mouth, breathe through your nose, or tape your fucking mouth shut or you'll die. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Stop the planet, I want to get off. Oh, it's so true. That was upset. That the don't breathe. If I honestly I wake up and I realize I've been breathing through my mouth, I get anxiety. What is that now?

Why are people taping up their mouths? Is it something to do with aging or something? I've got no idea what it is. Apparently you're not like you're not don't don't when you're asleep or don't breathe through your mouth. It's bloody lovely though. Sometimes we're not going to get dry mouth. You go off slept really well.

I think I've talked about this before. But if you never had so much garlic sauce before going to bed that you've dreamt that you're like getting hosed down by a fireman? So no I haven't okay but every time we do get a Chinese takeaway I am thirsty AF. Like the thirst is unbelievable. Yeah it's ridiculous. But I love it mate I'm like oh god I just need a drink. I still remember I woke up once with the driest mouth I've ever had in my life. And it was, people would be like,

my mouth's like sandpaper. It was literally like sandpaper. On my tongue, I didn't have any saliva. I remember I had to go to the toilet and I had to turn the tap on. I just had to put my head under the tap. Oh, God. It was like wood.

Was that after garlic sauce? Oh, full night out, garlic sauce, the lot. A lot of garlic sauce. Oh, garlic sauce. I have not had like chips and garlic, chip put out, garlic sauce, the lot. I love garlic sauce. Oh, garlic sauce. I have not had like chips and garlic, a chip putty with garlic sauce. Okay, I have gravy. I haven't had that for years, you know.

Yeah, from the chippy. Oh, should we? Should we? Well, today. Set an alarm in your diary once a month. Oh my God, see. I can't live by bloody alarms, but I feel like I need it.

That's the same thing. You take your laptop into the Apple store to fix it or whatever and they look at your diary and they're like, sorry this is all just fast food alerts. What the hell's this woman's gonna die? Look at this, first of every month, chippy, Chinese, curry, what the hell's going on? Cheat yourself. Doesn't need sugar apparently though, so well done. Cheat yourself. Doesn't need sugar apparently though, so well done.

Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Marginoid which is lovely because Chris and I whilst he was sorting out all the crap on his computer, we just said... Whilst I was exporting the last file because if we record the whole thing in one go and something goes wrong, which has happened in the past, we lose the entire show. Okay. Whereas we just lose... I do it in segments. Very clever. Because we don't have a producer in the room who sits in there, pisses herself laughing at everything we say.

We just do it somewhere else. I would hate that person. That would be devastating. Because whenever I watch podcasts on your phone, the clips of it, they're just looking after someone. They're like just looking at someone. They're looking at a random producer. Random thing. The main problem would be be that person, we'd go,

oh yeah, right, yeah, Tuesday at 10 o'clock we'll start recording. They'd get here, we'd fuck on for hours. I know. They'd be sitting in their office going, what the fuck, why you, you said 10 o'clock. It's gotta be a good idea. We have just been talking very quickly that we've got loads to say because we've had a week off. We've actually, we have technically had a week off. And we've got loads to say and I've've had a week off. We've actually, we have technically had a week off. And we've got loads to say, and I've been away working quite a lot. It's been a long, very exciting project that you'll hear about very soon.

The kids have missed us, so I heard. Yeah. Have they asked for us a lot? I love that you don't tell us until I get back, which I really appreciate that. I don't tell you until I get back, and then I save some of it for, to bring up in arguments. Brilliant.

I'm totally joking. But yeah, they did miss you a lot. They love their mom. Well, I told you though, I tried. So I came home for the weekend and then I had to go back away for a little while. And I tried something because obviously we talk about these daft videos you see online where it's like, don't do this, don't do that. I watched a parenting video a little while ago and it said, you know, your mom guilt, try, you need to tell your children that you have to go to work. Because I grew up, my mom and dad were like, we go to work to put food on the table. That's what I got told. That was my upbringing. I don't know about everyone else, but it was

very much, mom and dad, we paid for this. We pay for this. And I don't, I didn't mind that. I'm kind of like. So not, you're not allowed to say that now? Apparently not. So. Fucking hell. Well, I tried it. Because this video that I watched a while ago, and it's kind of stored in my brain. I might send it to you. You probably haven't watched it.

Sorry, just stored in your brain. Do you mean you remembered it? Yeah, but why can't I say it's stored in my brain? Bit weird. Is it? Yeah. Why? Is it your fucking Android? Just stored it in my brain.

It's on the hard drive. So strange. All right, I remember this video. Do you mean stored in your brain? What's the matter? We need to store it in my brain. It's on the hard drive. So strange. All right, I remember this video. Fuck you. Do you mean storing it in your brain? What's the matter? We need to store it in your brain. And this woman was like, tell your children that-

Where was she from? America. Okay. What? Sorry, come on. Fuck, oh sorry. And she was like, I'll not do the accent. No, come on, it's good.

All right. Tell your children that mommy enjoys going to work and mommy has a good time at work and mummy deserves to have a nice time at work. And that's what it said, okay? And it was like, your children need to know that you like going to your job and that you want to go there

and you know, they have saved the blood. Anyway, so, so. I can't imagine how our kids take that very well. Obviously, Rafe, he had no idea. I tried this to Robin and Robin was like, why are you going? Why are you going away again? And I said to him, I thought, forget it, right?

This is it, this is the moment. Did you do the accent? I didn't do the accent. I went, Robin, I went, I actually really like my job, this job I'm doing. I'm having a lovely time. I really enjoy it. Oh, that did not go down well. He's too clever for that. Literally his reply was like, oh so you love your job more than us.

Hahaha here it is, oh he's good. He's got the, he has nailed the emotional manipulation early, early on. So you love your job more than us. Wow. Like no I'm trying something new. I'm going to my job to pay for everything that you have. I understand, I understand the idea behind what you've just said like not putting a negative connotation on work, like work's bad, obviously because you know you can't, I said to him the thing the other day, I said find a job you love you never work a day in your life and I was trying to explain that to him and he was like, I tried to explain, he sort of got it I think, I think it's a job you love, you never work a day in your life. And I was trying to explain that to him. And he was like, I tried to explain what it meant. He sort of got it, I think.

I think it's a bit too sort of conceptual for him. But I was like, you need to find a job that you like because what's the point? Because if you're gonna go with it, you need to make money kind of thing. So I suppose off my own back, I have sort of said that, but I don't know. I just don't think it worked in the right, it didn't work.

Like he just, he was just, he just didn't want us to go and make see. And it's like, well, it's like, well it's like, it's kind of, oh, this is gonna sound terrible because we're not like this, but imagine if you don't want your partner to go out and they're like, but I enjoy going out and not being with you. And I enjoy being looked at by other people on a night out. Adam's Dad- Yeah, he heard, see you later. Kirsty- Oh yeah, he just heard, well, I don't give a shit and I felt terrible. So, I actually, I said, I took it all back. I went, no just heard, well, I don't give a shit. And I felt terrible. So I actually, I said, I took it all back.

I went, no, I hate it when I don't wanna go. I was just trying to say that to make myself feel better. I don't wanna leave you, I hate leaving them. Yeah, like I say, don't have a negative connotation of work so they know that they've gotta have a work ethic. But also, don't. Yeah, tell your kids you're happy to leave them. Look, I love you, but I'm buzzing that I leave you

because I have a min time when I'm not with you. Yeah, I know, I didn't like it. But I tried it. And yeah, take it from me. Bullshit. That's the thing, you know, at least everything used to be regulated and ran through a group of people at least,

do you know what I mean? Like back in the day, when all you could get was stuff on the telly, at least a room full of people had to fucking- Like advice, guidance. Like I've done the one show, I've sat in the script meetings for the one show, fucking hell, if something's not on the line,

down the line, you know, three or four people go, come and say that, so we change the wording on that. This is just one fucking pillock who's had an idea, who's seen it down her phone, and enough people have liked it, so it's gone viral. Yeah. It doesn't mean it's proper advice. Yeah.

Ah, it's the world we're living in, man. Fucking hell. Everyone's a fucking expert on everything. But then I watch it Chris, and then it just shows his morning like, oh you've enjoyed. The accent helps as well. You've loved this.

The accent helps. I do find that a true crime as well. When the true crime is in this accent, it's always much more devastating. Yeah, that's true. Speaking of how clever Robin is, do you wanna hear Robin's most recent thought that he said it was in the car or nowhere?

Well, go on then. It was almost like a bit of standup. Do you wanna hear it? Yeah, go on then. It was almost like a bit of stand-up. Mm-hmm. Did you hear it? Yeah, go on. I've written it down. Why are hot dogs a thing, but hot cats aren't? Wow. And why are they called hot dogs?

Because when you buy them, they're called... This kid. Guys? And what is the deal with airline food? Like, it's so fucking Seinfeld! I fear... I do fear that we might have another like stand up comedian. Fear?

Yeah, fear. I don't, what, I'm gonna live with loads of just comics who think they're hilarious all the time. Everything's gonna be a fucking joke. I hear this, oh goodness. I'm gonna be living with three dads. Right, great. What did he say the other day?

What we're watching? I wrote it down here. Oh, it was um, we started watching Men in Black. By the way, he was terrified. Yeah, I think he might be. He was trying to be excited. I'm not scared. I was like, you're fucking dead. Because he wanted to watch Beetlejuice and I was like, you can't watch Beetlejuice. You cannot. It's terrifying. Because there's been a lot of, uh,

Because there's a new one out at the minute. ads for the new one. Fuck me, the old one, man. Because they die, don't they? They're dead. Spoiler alert, they die, the couple. Right, they're beginning, yeah, and they're living in the house. And they can't leave their house. And I remember there's a scene where they step off the porch

and they just end up in this fucking like purple desert thing. It's fucking horrifying. It's really scary. Well, it's a 12, so it's, you know. It's terrifying. I said we could reassess it when he's like 10. Sorry, it's a eight, he's 12. Oh, well, I know. I've said this a million times. So it's a 12, so it's, you know. It's terrifying. I said we could reassess it when he's like 10. Again, sorry, it's a eighties 12.

Oh, well I know. I've said this a million times. So it's a 15. An eighties 12 is a fucking easier 15 these days. Christ. Come on, I still don't understand 12, 15s and 18s. The older I get, I'm like, what? Why are you looking at us like that?

I'm just waiting for some classic rosy thoughts coming out. Because I just think, like, at 15, you can smoke. Yeah. At 16, you can smoke, you can drink, you can have sex, you can have a kid. You can... Adam's Dad- At 15. Kirsty- At 16. Adam's Dad- Right, I'm gonna...

Kirsty- You can do all these things, but you can't watch an 18 film where they're doing all of them things. Adam's Dad- Very good point. Kirsty- It's just a bit mad, isn't it? I think it should really change. I think it should be... I think it should be 12, 13, right? Then it should be 16. No, then it should be like 14, 15. Adam & Kirsty Right!

And then a 16, 17. Adam You haven't even talked about 12a. Kirsty What's that? Adam 12a is just... Kirsty It's like the PG-13. Adam You can go on your own 12 or I can take you if you have three and I think it'll be fine for him. Kirsty Yeah!

Adam Yeah! Kirsty My mom and dad would never take me to 12 years. So... They wouldn't, they just wouldn't. I was devastated. I'd be like, please if you take us I'll get in there. Was 12 years when we were? Yeah, I'm sure it was. I'm sure it just started. I remember.

Although I know maybe not much, but I think... Do you remember when...sorry, I didn't mean to cut in there. When the cinema was like huge deal. Yeah. And I remember 12 came out, it might be Norma Gannon or the Titanic or something. And I just wasn't old, but you're talking weeks. And I remember saying to my mom,

mom, if you come with me, me friends, you could argue with the person and you can show them and you can say it's only an amletter. And my mom was like, no. Yeah, your mom's not that mom. No, not at all. So I, I've just had, you've unlocked a memory, you've done it again.

Can remember The Beach, the Leonardo DiCaprio film? So my mate's mom and dad took me and me mate to see The Beach. And when that came out, I must've been 12 or 13 easily. And it was a 15. And I've gone, my God, god I remember we were walking in with me mates mom and the person went are these two 15 and she went yeah they're 15 and his mate from school was there with someone else and she wouldn't let them

in and I remember he was like so and she was like how old he is and he was like this lad he was like I'm 15, he was like, I'm 15. Like that, I'll never, oh my God, I can't believe, I'm actually excited, I can't believe I forgot this. So he's standing next to her and she held back because she knew him, she knew the kid, she was like, I might have stepped in here. How old are you?

I'm 15. Sorry, you don't look 15, I can't let you in. And he immediately pointing at the lad I was with, he went, eh, eh? He's in my class! So did you, hang on then, did you get in? So I remember, I can see it in my hair clear as day, me mate's mom turned and went, he is in his class, I can vouch for it, they are all 15 and the lass went, okay, and let win so she got

wish she was my mom yeah but it was a what excuse me I think you'll find love football toon toon Sunderland etc I am 15 I don't think you are it was fuck god it was beautiful there's no see him doing it in my head there was nothing better than getting into a film when you weren't old enough. Like honestly, the feeling. I've never been terrified. Oh yeah, absolutely shitting me pants.

What am I gonna say? What am I gonna say here? This is gonna be hell. Oh, what do you mean? Of the film? Yeah, once I got in, I was like, well, I'm not old enough to say this, so what am I about to say?

Oh no, I remember being fucking terrified. Why am I gonna walk out of here? A changed man, not boy, man. Do you know what was really hard? to see this so what what am I about to see? Oh no I remember being fucking terrified. I'm gonna walk out of here. I changed. Man. Not boy. Man. Do you know what was really hard? Us as well actually we were the youngest in the year.

Yeah it was shit. It was really shit wasn't it? Yeah. I remember my friends used to go see films and I couldn't go. There was lads in my year who by the time I was doing my driving test had fucking points on my license. Eee. That had already been banned.

Eee. Sad times. sad times. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. I didn't actually mention what Robin had said. Yes, so we'll put Men in Black. Basically because he watches utter shit on the telly. And we'll put Men in Black on. Because I'm sick of having crap on the telly.

I want to watch something that we can watch together. But sadly all of the films that we watched as kids at his age, they're just wildly inappropriate. Again, I think we talked about before, I put Indiana Jones on in the first 10 minutes. Oh, he's terrified? Someone gets impaled by some spikes. He was mortified. I really wanna watch the Goonies, but I'm just like,

I don't think I can. Terrified. It's scary, the Goonies is scary. Yeah, I think maybe 2010. There was a strange sort of darkness to 80s kids films. There was a weird. That's why we're all fucked. Yeah, maybe.

No, we are. Our generation is literally like, we're knackered. We were Robin's age watching programs like 999. Oh God. Do you know what I mean? 999. How horrendous? I've never, I've never ever.

The bees that you're scared of. Well, the bees scared us, but also the bloody metal gate. Metal gates. Metal gates. Do you not remember when there was a 999 and someone's neck got stuck on a metal gate? Oh, a spike. But they were alive on the spike. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was on the tea time. God!

Watchdog. Watchdog was another one. That was on the tea time. Yeah, let's just crack all the rapists and the murderers. Yeah, this person was shot and robbed and... Good. Eat your beans on toast! Great. So, oh, this is what he said.

The film came on and it had a warning and it said, contained smoking and swearing. And Robin literally looked at us dead face and went, I love it already. Is this kid fucking real? He's so funny. But the irony is, he was absolutely terrified. I don't know if he was terrified. He was.

He was. He was. He was just a bit he was a bit like what the hell yeah because it was yeah he's not watched stuff like that but then the worst bit so the beginning of it is it's a great opening sequence it's because you know it's about aliens but it's just shown a like a dragonfly and it's a huge scene of this dragonfly flying around the desert and he's going why is this happening for so long? It's boring, it's boring, it's boring. He came downstairs, the next morning, him and his brother were watching some fucking jerk

on YouTube playing a game that they've both played. No commentary, they were just watching a game being played that they've both played a million times. It's mad. But Men in Black, boring. Oh, oh, anyway. But in his defense, I remember when my mom used to try, or my nanny used to try to get me watching an old film and I'd be like, oh, what is this garbage?

Well, you've done it recently, this stuff. The shit you try and make them watch. You try and make them watch a sound of music. They were mortified. I'm not watching that shit. Wow. Here's another blast from the past. I thought about this the other day. When you had trainers, when you bought like new trainers, if you, you know, back in the day, did you ever have like Air Max's or anything back in the day? Well, did you wear trainers? I did wear trainers, when you bought new trainers, back in the day, did you ever have Air Maxes or anything? Back in the day? Well, did you wear trainers?

I did wear trainers. What were you wearing? Clogs, musicals, clogs, tap shoes? I had trainers, but they weren't good trainers. You know when ASICs were crap? Yeah. That's what I had. Okay.

Chris, I hate to tell you, we weren't, my dad tells us off, because anytime he listens to podcast, he's like, stop it man, we didn't have any money. I'm like, well, we fucking didn't have now. But he tells us off because anytime he listens to podcast he's like, stop it man, we didn't have any money. I'm like, well, we fucking didn't have now. Right. But he tells us off all the time because we did, we were all right, but we just didn't, my mom and dad did not have like a disposable income to buy.

It would be if we got trainers, if there were like nice trainers, it would be like we're big Christmas present. I understand. So for the rest of the year, it would kind of be like supermarket trainers or like I don't know just you know like not branded stuff. I understand. Did you have laces in them? Yes I once upon a time, is this not what we're talking about? I had them windy with laces, remember them? I was never allowed the windy ones. You didn't have the time. I think we got them for Christmas one year. Yeah, you're just like, grrr, yeah. Oh my God, they were amazing. No, there was a large portion of people,

my friends included, who would have, say for instance, Nike Air Max's when they first came out, they wouldn't tie the laces, they would just stuff the laces in the shoe. Stuff them, yeah, I used to do that. How? What do you mean? How?

Sensory wise, I have never, like literally if my socks are in the wrong bit, if I can feel a little knot on my toe, me day's ruined. I once walked around London, when I first started stand up, I went down to London, I walked around London with,

I had a pair of Converse that were just half a size too small for us. I had a migraine by the end of the day. Oh God, I'd wanna die. I thought I was gonna die. It was the worst. Yeah. I thought about the other day,

I was like, because my lace was untied, and everyone, the people just used to like, long as fuck me. I used to... Just shove them in. They used to kind of tie it on the inside. Tie them tight. No, no, no. And then tie them in. So, no. So, I used to do that. So, that's how I cheated.

So, I would tie them behind the tongue and then they would like sit on top of my feet. I'm talking about the people who would just throw the laces in and stick the foot in. And they were standing on like, standing on. Horrible. Yeah some people are mad though. Some people can just like just don't have sensory stuff. When I was a kid though in the past, Robin walked from your man's once to our old house. He got ours. It was probably 15, 20 minute walk. Shoes on the wrong feet. Oh yeah, I remember that. You didn't even realise. No, I mean, yeah, that doesn't surprise us.

Rave though, Rave's really sensory. Rave would know. He cries about tags in that one. He's like, cut this! Yeah, cut the tags out of his new slippers. Monopoly Double Play is back in McDonald's and it's easy to get into the win. First, you peel on pack. This is me winning a Universal theme park vacation!

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with free shipping Tuesdays this October. Visit CanadaPost.ca slash small business month. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. It's time for. Oh Christ. What, Rosie, eat. It's getting worse, but I can also see it as like, talking about nostalgia, like a 90s program. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like I can see it as a section on something. 100%. So yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see it, there's a section on something. 100%. So yeah, come on then. Can I just say, I don't think I'm getting enough credit for how I miraculously managed to knock out a burp while quickly doing that snuffle and truffle noise. Do you wanna do it one more time? No, because it makes it harder.

Oh, snuffle and truffle, that's nice. It makes us feel, I feel a little bit sick because I have to do the noise like, and then while I'm doing that, I have to suck in and trap it and do the burp. Honestly, I'm just, sorry. I'm just so talented. Do you want to hear something fun?

Not fun. I think I could play the bagpipes. Carry on. Oh, don't. You do not need any more hobbies. I swear to God. Please do not, do not. Oh, don't, don't.

I'm just doing something. Just talk what you want to say. Don't dare, don't you dare buy bagpipes. How much are they? Just saying, I thought I was gonna do bagpipes. No, don't don't I'm just doing something just talk what you're gonna say don't day don't you day by bagpipes how much other No, don't please I can't deal with any more hobbies and But I'm gonna say oh guess what talking about the goon 83 quid Are you listening? I will be in a minute had on so we got right had on so we got right 80 oh you can get an electronic chanter bagpipes they're about 80 quid oh had on 23 quid I'll break them straight away I'll smash them can't believe are you done I've got something really interesting

tell you okay do you know because we just would with we're talking about goonies and you just saying what did you say truffle trufflele, no. Truffle, snuffling for truffles. Well, it reminded me of the truffle shuffle. The truffle shuffle. That Chunk did in the Goonies. Do you know? Wouldn't get away with that today. Well, no.

Do you know he is like a grown man? Never. He's a lawyer and he represents child actors. Wow. That's his like full job now. Cause he was just so like exploited as a kid. Yeah. That's his like, full job now. Cause he was just so, like, exploded as a kid. Yeah. That's his full career,

just like looking after kids who act, who don't get dressed properly. That's incredible. I know. Yeah, you would never get away with a truffle shuffle now. I know. I always find that, you know what, Buzz, your girlfriend, woof,

that's a boy, you know. That's it, I think it's a director's son, dressed up as a girl. Dressed's a boy, you know. That's a, that's, I think it's a direct, that's a son dressed up as a girl. Dressed as a girl, yeah. Which, I mean, again, a whole new bag of problems at this day and age. But quite nice that they didn't just go, let's find another girl. Well, I always felt a bit terrible. The older I got, I used to watch it and think, ah, it's really awful that they're just really slagging off that little girl. Yeah, it's mad, isn't it?

I think, thankfully. But yeah, just, I'm watching a program at the minute on Disney called Child Stars. Right. And it's Demi Lovato is interviewing like Drew Barrymore, Christina Rishi, Keenan from Keenan and Kel. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which who I've always loved and I think he's great, but in the interview, he's got really dark sunglasses on inside and I'm really fucked off when I'm watching it. Can't bear it. So every time he comes on and he's doing the interview,

all I think is, why have you got your sunglasses on? Yeah, it's one of those. All I can think is he's got an eye infection. It's from one extreme to the other, innit? You've got people wearing them and then, on the Robbie Williams one, he does the whole thing and he's fucking cags. I just don't know why, why is no one set on production?

This is a TV program where people need to see the expression on your face. Can you take your sunglasses off? Is he telling horrible things or is he? No, none of it's really horrible. He's just talking about what it's like being a kid. Yeah, but I'm like, but they're like, they're really black Ray-Bans.

Right. And they're indoors and I'm like, I know what you mean. Oh, please. They do it on Real Housewives sometimes, but it's not important what they're talking about. It's just bullshit. Right. But anyway. He's doing really well. He's on SNL and everything. I anyway. He's doing really well though,

he's on SNL and everything. I know. We've talked about before how Drew Barrymore, I don't know how many people know that Drew Barrymore when she was in ET. She, the- Steven Spielberg's told her that it was real. There's a little bit about it on this, yeah.

Yeah, it's real, there's an alien they're coming to take away. So when she's losing her shit, screaming and crying when they're taking ET away, she genuinely believes ET's been taken away. It's very interesting, it's very interesting. A lot of like, the ones who she's interviewing at the minute, they've all come from sort of like,

not very great backgrounds and stuff, a lot going on. I know it's a lot better now because, not naming any names, but I know someone who has worked on a sitcom or a production or whatever, and there's been a kid as one of the main actors, and he was like, you will not fucking believe how little the kid is allowed to be. We're good.

So like the working hours and everything revolves around the kid's wellbeing. So that's fantastic to be fair. You kind of just pretend aliens are real anymore and make them and scar them for fucking life. So, you know, it's all good. We're moving on. We're moving on.

Okay, look, it's been so long and I don't want to do it because it makes me feel sick, but it's been such a gap, I'm probably gonna have to do the jingle again. Oh, yes. It's time for... Would Rosie eat? Jenny nearly bit sick there. Wasn't as good as the first one. Right. Come on then.

Again, everyone who emails these in, I fucking love you. They're so good. Hate the phrase, but you have understood the assignment 100%. I'm starving as well, so. Great. Don't expect the bar to be very high on these. Great, okay. Dave from North Shields wants to know. Hello, Dave.

Would Rosie suck a McFlurry, brackets, other brands available, nice one, Dave, through a 20 pound note found in a pub toilet? Oh. Oh, God, I'm funny with money, you know. Funny with money. No, I just, money, like, God, I'm funny with money, you know. Funny with money. No, I just, money like, really, me mom said something years ago about money.

Yeah. Said someone could have had them in their knickers. Yeah. Because I used to put like money in me mouth all the time. She'd be like, somebody could have had them in their knickers. And I was like, bleh. And it's just always made us really weird with money. So.

What a catchphrase. What a catchphrase. What a catchphrase that is. Do you know what? Be careful with this one. Why? Just I'll tell you when it tells you answer. Cause I've given up sugar, I'm not that inclined actually. Really?

Honestly. Wow. Not that desperate for it. Well well done, cause that was, if it's a 20 pound note found in a pub toilet and it's rolled into a circle, into a straw, it's being used for drugage. It's being used for drugulas.

And drugage and the like. So well done, well done. Lads, call it off. She's not a druggy. Stand down. Stand down. You all know that I've never tried it. And I'm definitely.

Mugs. I've never tried no Class A drugs ever. Sugar will be a ClassA drug soon. Listen, Hi Rosie and Chris, you are in a zombie apocalypse. Rosie looks after the kids. Quite right. And the only way Rosie can eat is if Chris goes out to scavenge, eats what he finds and has to regurgitate what he's found for Rosie. Would she eat it? Well, no, cuz I'd kill myself by now. Happy days. I'm not living through a zombie apocalypse Well, all killing myself well, well, well actually no no unalive myself. What have you got to say now? Oh god fucking I think it's cold. I think you've just got breathe through your mouth

Also in a zombie apocalypse a Jabba the Hutt looking man has possession of all of the Easter eggs left in the world. Would Rosie be the Princess Leia to his Jabba the Hutt for all the Easter eggs she can eat? Do you know what he means by that? So you've seen the beginning of Return of the Jedi, Jabba the Hutt's just just in like a bikini and and she's just got a chain around her neck and he's just like sitting there. Does she have to shag him? It's implied that just, it's never really said but he's just sitting, he's like, I'll bang her, I'll hang her.

And he's just on his big thing and she's just any sort of court, if it were, just looking. Do you know what I probably would? Where are yous? Don't know. Can I still see yous? No, you're just, right, so we've just, we've been killed by the zombies

and you've got no left, you can just be in a bikini dancing for this fella and all these places. I need something to keep us, I need something to keep us happy. So yeah, I will, I will do that. Love that. So won't eat my vomit to stay alive, but will dance in a bikini for Easter eggs till the end of time. Yes. Nice and where I stand. This one's great.

As this has just happened to me, is all it says on the email, as this has just happened to me, would Rosie eat a Percy pig that she found in her pocket with one of her child's discarded plasters stuck through it? Oh, I've been, I have been known to eat rogue little sweets at the bottom of a bag or pocket. I'm not gonna lie. I have been known also to pick bits of fluff off things and eat them. Yeah. Same as tampons. Yeah. If you're desperate for a tampon and one's opened a little bit at the end, you still gotta use it.

You gotta get an infection. No, you've still got to use it. You've got to get an infection. No, I don't want to. Maybe. So, yeah, there me been. I'd eat it. Yeah. Ah, fuck it. Bit closer to home this one. Hey, would Rosie eat McDonald's chips? I love McDonald's chips. Do you love them this much? I mean, listen, I'm going to tell you right now. I do love them.

There we are. I really do. Remember that. Right. Wedged between Chris's toes after he has been doing his mat cuddles offensive with other adults offensive. And then you have to lick the tomato sauce from the top of his foot. So my feet are in front of you. I get it.

Yeah. You got to get your teeth and take them out between the toes. And then you know what? You don't even have to lick. You just got to use it. You got to dip it in the sauce that's on the top of your foot. Yeah, I gotta get your teeth and take them out in between the toes and then you know what you don't even have to lick You just got to use it. You got to dip it in the sauce. That's on the top of me first Yeah, no, I probably would no idea why in this scenario. I'm 100% up for this. I mean, I'm like, yeah great Yeah, what on there? Do you think I think I probably would yeah, I'm starving. Yeah You're a star. I do love McDonald's chips. Okay, that's one. They're the best like I love McDonald's to me. Honestly, just won't have a bad word said against it.

Good. Total tantamere. Last one, bit longer. This story, I didn't even finish reading it. I read the first couple of bits and I went, yes. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Well, I'm gonna say yes. No, just for how much I just love the story. It's more of a story than anything else. That's fine. Listen, this is a podcast. Good. Hi, Chris and Rosie. My boyfriend's mom works for the environment agency, specifically in their sewage department. Oh God, no, no. Stop.

She was remarking about the kind of things people put down a sewer. From a lawnmower. Eh? What? Yeah. No. Someone's put a lawnmower down the drain. A lawnmower. Eh? What? Yeah. No. Yeah. Someone's put a lawnmower down the drain. A lawnmower.

Someone's put a lawnmower down the drain. Oh God, I hate it. I hate everyone. To nappies, brackets, don't do this. Yes, don't flush nappies down the toilet. Why do people still do that? When she mentioned that they often get a lot of dentures that people have accidentally flushed down the toilet, et cetera.

Okay. Right. Dentures being first team. Yeah, I know what toilet, etc. Okay? Right. Dentures being positive. Yeah, I know what dentures are. Listen to this. Two grimace. I already-

Tra la la la la la. I- Great. I already was thinking how grim this would be until she said that people actually turn up to the sewage plants asking for their dentures. And the sewer workers pull out a bag of dentures and let people fish around. Ah! No! Let people fish around in the bag,

pulling out sets of teeth, and trying them on! Trying them on before settling on a pay to take home. Oh, I'm not even sure that that is. Settling, just settle this bit. Like a random bra. Oh, that is horrible. How fucking disgusting is that? I mean, I imagine they must be expensive or I imagine the wait must be long. is that. I mean, I imagine they must be expensive or I imagine the wait must be long. And I imagine you can't get appointments as well. I'd fucking eat soup. I'd go straight to the supermarket, I'd get a blender and I'd go to the dentist and I'd go, I need them

sorted. I would not go through a bag of fucking random sewer dentures to find my dentures. And if anyone's offended, listen to that. You can. Sewer dentures. To find my dentures. One, it's horrendous. And if anyone's offended listening to that, you can get in the fucking bin. You can get in the sewer with your dentures. One, it's horrendous that they're just going through to try dentures on anyway. Remember we did that about a care home. Was it on tour or was it on the podcast? It was on the tour.

It was on the tour. In a care home, sometimes they just have to go around trying random dentures to check that they're theirs. That's horrendous in itself. But the fact that it's literally been in the Suez. I mean, no. It's been in someone else's mouth. It's been in the Suez.

I cannot, I cannot. There's no question here. Honestly, I'm not sure I believe her, but not only did I think that you'd be interested to hear what kind of filth or couples exist in the world, but I also thought I'd ask, oh, here we are. Would Rosie eat a full roast dinner, brackets, choose all of the trimmings you like, with a pair of lightly rinsed sewer dentures?

No, absolutely not. Lightly rinsed. Rubbed with a cloth. No, no, they've gone, you know what? They've gone one up here. They've handed you a real olive branch here. They've gone one up. No, I couldn't. I couldn't one up. No, I couldn't. I couldn't in a million years. I couldn't. You could not wash them enough. You couldn't wash them enough.

You'd need a priest. You're like, I just... And surely, right, in what world, if you drop something down, unless it was like a dinner, a 10 grand bloody ring, something crazy expensive or sentimental. It'd have to be sentimental for me. Jewelry that's not in your mouth or something right. Like surely you just go oh well they're gone forever. Do you know what I mean? Oh

my god. Just before we move on that was an amazing email thank you so much and they've written and this always blows me mind. I didn't I didn't copy your name so but it says I've been listening for over five years now started during my A levels and now I'm turning 24 and do my second postgrad degree Jesus Christ yeah but Conrad Conrad what did it work was a post a doctor in dentistry. Postgrad. Hopefully. I've got no idea. Do some pro bono. I think it's like a master's or a PhD.

God knows. Well done you. Well done. And thank you for... thank you? I don't know. Awful. I'll never forget that documentary I watched years ago. I can't remember what famous person it was.

Somebody. It was somebody like a Bear Grylls type person went down into the sewers to just show you exactly what was there. There was like a grate and it just was like loads of wipes, shit obviously, loads of shit. Just random stuff. So Carl Hutchinson is obsessed with the fact that I told him once and I don't know who, wait, was it Louis Theroux? I don't think it was Louis Theroux, it was someone. I think we're talking about the same thing. Was it not Vegas? So it was the one I watched. It wasn't Louis Theroux.

Well the one I, it doesn't seem like his thing. The one I watched was Vegas. Right. It was someone going down into the sewers in Vegas and showing you that it wasn't just wipes and stuff, it was the fact that all of the really fatty food and the alcohol and all of the calories, because Vegas is literally go there

and go fucking mental for four days and then leave. You know, fuck your health, fuck everything. Grease, beer, and it all, like all the shit, like congeals. You told me this before. Yeah, and it's like, it was like, they had to get down in the sewers with like fucking high pressure water hoses and like literally blast this like congealed what stays in

Vegas what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas like greasy shit off the sides otherwise yeah it's like a real thing in Vegas they've got to go down and because everyone's just living their best life. Oh Jesus no thank you. No that wasn't the one I watched this was like a BBC documentary but it was years ago it's when I lived at home I need to find out what that was I'm gonna find out what that was. I oddly would like that what you've told us about it so many times I kinda wanna watch it was when I lived at home. I need to find out what that was. I'm gonna find out what that was. I oddly would like that, you've told us about it so many times. I kinda wanna watch it.

Dare I say it, dare I say it. Quite satisfying watching them do it. Was it? Just spraying it off. It was like, imagine brown polystyrene, it was crumbling away like brown polystyrene, they'll bring it up with a high pressure. Do you know one of my worst nightmares,

one of my worst fears, is a rat running past me. A rat? Like, yeah. Anyway. Well, in general, but like, I just think in a sewer, in the sewers and they're just running around. Like, well, people say to me all the time, would you ever do I'm a celeb?

And I'm like, absolutely not in a million years. Why? Like, that's just hell? It would have to be, like, to get me to do that show, there's no money on this earth could get me to do that show. No money on the internet. Ah well, yeah, listen. It would have to go the other way. It would have to be like, we're taking your kids off

you, or you're gonna do it. Like you would have to take things away from us to get us to do that show. Right, to get you to do it. There is money in the world. No. There'd be no point, the whole country would hate us. Everyone would be, he is a whinging fucking prick. Why has he done this? They'd get us for every challenge. Every single one of them to get me, because they'd be, look at him. Look at him in his hammock, whingeing and shrieking.

Yeah, I think you're all right now. I think the country, I mean, you know, everybody hates somebody. Probably a lot of people do hate you, but. Thanks. You know what I mean. People hate, well, people hate us in general. But you know, people do really like you as well.

And yeah, you're right, actually. They'd be, he's pathetic. They'd say you're the real, the real you. Ick, full on ick. Mr. Ick. Captain Ick. Yeah, that'll be it. Well, I love you though. And I like you as a friend. Great. And a work colleague. Yeah, well done. Oh, the colleague. Calling back the colleagues. Oh, good stuff. Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef with me? Side note, I've just tried for about 20 minutes to Google what that documentary is.

I ended with documentary Vegas Sue has grease fatty food poop. Still can't find it. Google, my Google doesn't know. I mean my computer. I went from trying to buy bagpipes to typing that in. The police are going to knock on our door one day and just go, what are you, what are you doing? Rosie, that is slander.

As annoying as bagpipes are, they are not illegal and they never will be. Don't say it again. It's really offensive to our Scottish listeners. Thank you. Just, wow. I love Scotland. Oh, I am bad tracking there,

trying to get bagpipes arrested. Unbelievable. I'm gonna go back track them there, trying to get bagpipers arrested. Unbelievable. I'm gonna go first. You keep putting cutlery in the wrong drawer and stewing me tits in. I do not. You do. You do. We've got...

Check the privilege. I do not. Check our privilege. We've got two cutlery drawers, one for breakfast bar thing and one for like the main bit of the island. There's certain kinds... The posh ones go in the island. The new ones. The thicker ones, yeah.

Thinner. There it is. No. There's certain kinds. The posh ones go in the island. The new ones. The thicker ones, yeah. Thinner. There it is. No. There it is. No. They're thinner. They're thicker. They're like round and chunky. They're round and chunky, but it's actually thinner than the flat, wide ones.

Right, okay. Well, I can tell you right now, it's me mum. Okay, well. It's not me. Don't bear with me. Because I don't put them in the wrong drawer. Okay. Well. Because I also get annoyed and I thought it was you.

Well, I thought it was. So I'm telling you right now. It's me mum. What a beautiful moment. Okay. I was ready because I was going to say, I was going to suggest that it might have been your mum. I didn't expect you to throw her under the bus so quickly there. I was going to end up going, I was fucking one of yous. No, it's me mum. Because I organised those cutlery drawers. They were my idea. It's Sandra. Okay, beef blasted. There you go. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Beef blasted, like myth busted. Beef blasted. Okay. My beef with you. Yeah. You don't know how to make chips. I do now. Well. I made the best chips the other day. You didn't the other day. I'm 38 years old. Right. Asking me how to make chips. No, you said make

some chips and I was like, sorry. I just what? What? I've never made chips before. You know, you buy them frozen in the supermarket. You buy ones in the microwave. Yeah, I know. It's a shop called the chip shop where you just get hot ones ready to eat. I just can't believe that you've gone through all of your years and you just don't know how to make chips.

Something I've never done. And I remember back in the day, it was always deep fat fryer. You can do it again to mention nine, nine, nine and that again. It was always a chip pan fire somewhere. So, we never did it. I miss chip pans so much. The chips made in a chip pan. Oh my God! My nana's chips. Yeah, my nana's are amazing. Oh, they were the best chips. We used to go every Tuesday after school

and she'd have made like chips out of the chip pan. I just remember salivating on my way, walking there thinking, she's gonna have the chip pan on! And it was just the best chips. The best chips. My mom got rid of her chip pan quite early on. Oh yeah, of course. She's quite wise to it annoyingly. She just reads papers and that. So, Tower, how do you make chips now? Are the tests ready?

You get the potato. Mm-hmm. You wash, you give your potato a little scrub, just in case. Yeah. Or just, let's just assume your potato's clean. Yeah. You chop them up. Mm-hmm.

You get them in a colander or whatever and give them a rinse under the tap. Mm-hmm. Dry them. Yeah, yeah. Hide them on the tray. Yeah. Spray some oil on them. Yeah.

Put them in the oven. Salt and pepper. Oven. Salt. Well done. Or a fryer. Yeah in the oven. Salt and pepper. Oven. Salt. Or air fryer. Yeah. Well done. There you go.

Just can't believe that you knew how to do that. I didn't. I didn't. No word of a lie. You went and took the bans upstairs, took the bans to bed. Me mate Jordan phoned us and I was doing them and I had to ask him, I was like, would you put oil on these? And he was like, aye. I was like, okay, so I put oil on them. Oh Christ on a bag.

Because you hadn't mentioned the oil, which was terrible on your part. You are so spoiled. Absolutely spoiled rotten. Disgusting. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, babadoo. It's time for Questions from the Public. Cues from the pews and the loos and the toos in the Las Vegas sewers are full of big boobs.

Ha ha ha ha. Wonderful work. Thank you. As always, if you'd like to get in touch with Shagmire denort at gmail.com. So I do have questions from the public, but sometimes when I go on the email account, I'll just, one's just come in, literally come in, oh sorry, no, it was yesterday, 1st of October, 2232, and I've just, it just said, Horrid X, and I thought I'm gonna give this a quick read. Horrid X? Literally while you were doing that there. Okay. And all it says

one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life. So what you're saying is you had some prepared. I've always got loads prepared but this has just come in. You've just seen a new one. Yeah. It's just really took us by surprise. Hey Chris and Rosie please get me anonymous. My ex-boyfriend used to pick his nose and eat it so much that when we would kiss I could taste it Oh my god. Oh my god Thanks. Oh my god. Oh My god, that's that's scarring. That's horrible. Oh Imagine that oh that's that's really

Isn't that upset? That's really upset me a little bit That's really upset me a little bit and I'm just a bit like, I've had to read that and you guys have had to hear it. I'm so sorry. Oh my word! I know. Oh, I'm really a bit speechless. I know. I know.

I'm just imagining when she worked that out, he or she worked that out of kissing and going... Actually... Oh God! what is that? Oh my God! And then there'll be a moment where they put two and two together. I think kissing's a bit gross, you know. It is weird.

It is a bit gross, isn't it? It is really strange. Like, it's fine in the most, like, but it's a bit wrong, isn't it? It's odd. Yeah, it is odd. Can you believe now that we're married, like, it's fine. I know, I don't mind kissing you and I know where you are and where you've been. But on nights out, I just kiss random people and you're like,

Adam & Kirsty Yeah. Kirsty & Kirsty Yeah. Adam & Kirsty They could have been picking their nose, they could have been doing anything. Kirsty & Kirsty Oh God! Adam & Kirsty They could have been just in the toilet sucking their own dick. Kirsty & Kirsty Wow! Adam & Kirsty You never know. Kirsty & Kirsty That's impressive.

Adam & Kirsty Could have been eating sugar. Kirsty & Kirsty Could have been licking a shoe. Adam & Kirsty Could have been licking a shoe. The list goes on. Kirsty & Kirsty Our rave was sucking Robin's shoe yesterday in the car. Adam & Kirsty It was Robin's shoe that he was sucking. Right, that makes more sense because I was like, how did he get his own shoe in his mouth? All I heard was stop sucking that shoe. Why is that a thing that I've got to...

Just stop. Don't suck it with that shoe. There are certain times when I say things, like yesterday I had to say, I was on the phone with my mate and I had to stop and go two like yesterday I had to say, I was on the phone with my mate and I had to stop and go two seconds, I had to say, Rafe, don't jump off the sofa and land on Robin, because you're gonna hurt him. He's literally just jumping off the sofa and landing

and Robin was like, stop it. And I'm like, don't jump off the sofa and land on your brother, is a sentence I have to say. Some great videos going about of like, just what it's like to be a mother of a boy toddler. It's just this person just jumping on a camera like, just every single time. It's just my life.

Babadoo babadoo babadoo ba. Hi Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I have a confession. This morning I did something that I'm sure makes me a terrible mother and wife. Oh my gosh. I'll be the judge of that. You will indeed. For context I'm a stay-at-home mum to my little girl. My husband works long hours and does what he can for us when he's at home but he doesn't get to spend as much time with us as he'd like to do his job. This as I'm sure Rosie can attest to means I am quite often absolutely exhausted and in desperate need of a break from my little shadow. Absolutely, I hear you.

I'm exhausted off all that work you're not doing, yeah? I must be. Don't even dare. I'm joking, I was joking. I thought I'd get further than that. No, genuinely, I've done both. I've done full-time work and I've done full-time mam, and they're both just as bad as each other, to be honest with you.

Full-time mam doesn't stop. No. Full-time mam is full-time. It's 24, 7 round the clock. The only thing I miss about being. Full-time mom doesn't stop. No. Full-time mom is full-time. It's 24-7 around the clock. The only thing I miss about being a full-time mom is the time does go because now that the kids are getting older, I'm like, oh gosh. I had so much, I didn't work for like two years when Robin was little.

So you had more. And it was gorgeous, but I was like, I'm fucking sick of this. Days are long, man. I think the only thing that I think's harder about a job is that you've got people to answer to. Yeah. That's one thing I really miss about being a full-time mom because it was exhausting. It was really hard. It was really not rewarding at all, but it didn't have...

I had no responsibilities other than like looking after my kid, but now with work, it's like emails. It's that... I do believe in the grass as I was greening around the other side. It's that. I do believe in the grass is always greener on the other side. It is. Neighbors got a new car that you wanna drive. The time is running out, you gotta stay alive. Et cetera. That's one song I do not know the words to at all.

What's the chorus? Grass is always greener on, that is the chorus. The grass is always greener on the other side. Neighbors got a new car that you wanna drive. And the time is running out, you wanna stay alive. We all live under the same sky we all will live we all will die you just ruining it? don't know there is no wrong there is no shut up there is no wrong there is no right the

circle only has one side I don't know that at all anyway right she's not good a few weeks ago I got a phone call from my mum to say that a distant relative of hers in brackets who I knew But wasn't very close to had passed away. She said I didn't have to come to the funeral, but nonetheless give me the details Initially, I thought I wouldn't go but then I thought hang on The service is over an hour away. The service itself will be about 45 minutes and then a cup of tea afterwards That's at least four hours of uninterrupted toilet breaks and sitting still. So yes, I went to a funeral for a break from my family.

Judge me all you like, I know it's bad. What's worse is, I get it, I totally get it. Is I even left a bit early in case there was traffic. I get it. And I sat in the crematorium car park and read my book for a while before the service. It was bliss.

Fucking hell. It was bliss. Fucking hell. It was bliss. Bliss. Bliss. Wow. I hear you though. The amount of things. I get it.

I do get it. I used to try and go to when I was a full time mom. I do get it. This is like, you know in the Sopranos, spoiler alert, you know the Sopranos where Carado Sopranos under house arrest and he just keeps looking in the paper to see anyone who's died.

Oh yeah, so you can go to the funeral. So you can go to the funeral. That's the only thing they'll ever do. And he just turns up at the paper to see anyone who's died. Oh yeah, so you can go to the funeral. That's the only thing they'll ever do and he just turns up at the funeral. He's just fucking scoffing and having a class time and everyone's like, who the fuck's he? That's her. I get it. I totally get it though. Do you remember when you used to come home from work and I'd had Robin for like three days on me own and you'd get in and I'd be like, I'm going to the shops.

Yeah. And I used to just go to the supermarket for like two hours. Wasn't, I wasn't at the supermarket for two hours. Yeah, I know. You're probably just outside. I was just outside on my phone. God, it was lovely. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

Are we still doing Ix? Absolutely still doing Ix. Okay, hi both. Just a quick Ix for you. Backstory for Chris. May my partner have been together for five years. We have a one-year-old and we've lived together for two years. I fucking hate it when he's doing this. So they've been together for five years. We have a one year old and we've lived together for two years. I fucking hate it when he's doing this.

So they've been together for five years. So they've been together for five years. So they've been together for three years and then moved in. Now they've lived together. After a year of moving in they had a kid. Had a baby, there you go. Right, there you go.

Oh my God. He's never before given me the ick until last night. I mean, I don't believe that at all. Cause Chris just asked to walk into a room and I've got the ick. Wonderful. Yeah, because you bought a new pair of house trainers, I see. House trainers believe that at all. Because Chris just asked to walk into a room and I've got the ick. Wonderful. Yeah, because you bought a new pair of house trainers I see. House trainers, yeah.

Yeah, bought a new pair. Yeah. Which ones? Orphans, them green ones. Green ones? You've been wearing a brand new spanking pair of trainers. Oh, I wore them out the other night, now they're not house trainers anymore.

Oh, well what happened to your other house trainers? I ran outside in them. Oh no. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah, they're me outside trainers now. They don't come in off the back step. They're me back door, back step trainers.

There's a front door trainers and then sometimes there's house trainers but then I have to run out in a hurry and then I'm like, oh, they're naked and then the whole system changes. So some of them get like promoted and some of them get demoted. Yeah. Well, it's like Nick has, isn't it?

How unbelievable. Yeah. Carnaging, yeah. Anyway, so here we go. Yeah. He's never before given me the ick until last night. Mm-hmm. He fell out of bed. As a nearly 25 year old man. He fell out of bed and he's asleep. Oh God. And just put in massive that, I love, I love icks like that. As if that's not traumatic enough, falling out of your bed, what a fright he must have got.

But then as he's like on a fright, he's like half asleep, he's like what the fuck's going on? She's like, by the way, I don't find you attractive as much as I did before you did that. Night, night. When was the last time you fell out of bed though? Don't know, it's a, he's had a nightmare. He's had a nightmare, isn't he?

I can't remember the last time I fell out of bed. He's had a nightmare, both figuratively and literally. Yeah, basically. Maybe the last time I fell out of bed, I haven't fell out of bed because we like put pillows at each side of the bed for the kids maybe. I just don't think I'm ever in that deep of a sleep and I think if I'm in that deep of a sleep, I'm not moving. I'm catatonic. True, true. Have I ever told you the time when Kate, we're younger, we used to share a room. But we weren't young, young, we must've been about 13. Like I was a teenager and she was a bit older. And it was just one of them random mornings

where we were both, it might've been like the summer holidays but my mom and dad were at work and Kev wasn't there. And we were in bed, just like chilling, doing nothing. And the doorbell went and I went and answered the door but I hadn't been up yet. And I went and answered the door but I hadn't been up yet and I went and answered the door, my legs just went, gave way and I got out of bed and I just like fell on the floor just literally I like crumpled like

Babbadoo babbadoo babbadoo ba doo doo doo doo doo doo It's been lovely to be back. It has. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shag Mound and Oar which is part of the Acast Creator Network. Yes, thank you very much. If you want to get in touch at shagmoundin'oil.gmail.com. Back in years next week. See you later. Bye. Bye. Monopoly Double Play is back in McDonald's and it's easy to get into the win. First, you peel on pack. This is me winning a universal theme park vacation. Then again in app. And me in a new Chevrolet Equinox RS. There are millions

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