Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 33. Popcast

Episode Date: September 27, 2019

This week on the podcast Chris and Rosie discuss week one on Strictly, the train to London with Sandra the Womble, popping spots, noisy randy neighbours and there is a fishy question from Chris's bril...liant dance partner Karen Hauer. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth of evil. It's all for you, no don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.
Starting point is 00:00:21 Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental
Starting point is 00:00:36 Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Hello, you're listening to Shag Mardenoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Something about dancing.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I'm not very well. I'm sorry, I sound a bit nasal. You sound basic, you do, because you're not well, bless you. Good, because I normally sound a bit like a chipmunk, so that's good. I'm basic as you like. You've got your little snotty nose going on. Yeah, we're back. We are back. What episode is it? Come on, be professional. good. Yeah. A birthday of your like. You got your little snotty nose going on. Yeah. We're back. We are back.
Starting point is 00:01:26 What episode is it? Come on. Be professional. 33. 33. Well done. Jinx, you get punch. I should have known before I pressed record, but you know, we're playing fast and easy.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Mate, this is the most unprofessional podcast in the world. It is. And everyone's used to it. You guys are used to it. You're not bothered, are you? Of course not. No. Thank you for listening.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Welcome back. It's episode 33. You're not bothered, are you? Of course not. Thank you for listening. Welcome back. It's episode 33. And before we start, a word from this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.
Starting point is 00:01:51 This week's sponsor is... Christopher. Cracking your knuckles. Chris. Oh. Hey. What? Want to upset everyone on the bus? Listen, cracking your knuckles are bloody breaking the door down the aisle.
Starting point is 00:02:00 I can hear them outside cracking their knuckles. Can you hear them all? They are. I can't even do it they're getting ready don't do it
Starting point is 00:02:07 it makes don't don't that makes people feel ill including me don't do that they're banging the door down
Starting point is 00:02:12 the aisle wow look it's just creating a lot of admin for me is all I'm saying it's just creating a lot of admin
Starting point is 00:02:19 honestly I'm holding them back man I'm spinning plates I'm having to pretend I've got no signal in there they're ringing
Starting point is 00:02:24 man there's craziness honestly cracking your knuckles picking your noses there Honestly, I'm holding them back, man. I'm spinning plates. I'm having to pretend I've got no signal in that. They're ringing, man. That's craziness. Oh, babes. Honestly, cracking your knuckles, picking your noses there. Wiping your arse there, no? No, no. No, I think we've done them. Having a bath that's too hot and feeling a bit ill after.
Starting point is 00:02:37 They're there. Chris, no, no, no. Here's the jingle, for God's sake. Shut up. We had a fight about the jingle. Jing the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle so this is the jingle we hope you like the jingle hello welcome back episode 33 can't believe that we're still going. Can't believe we're still married, if I'm totally honest with you. Wow.
Starting point is 00:03:09 But happy to be here. Well, it doesn't sound like it. Brilliant. Hi. Hi. Hello everyone. Thank you for listening. Yes. What have you been up to? Mate, what have I been up to? Yeah. What have you been up to? I've been up to not much, you know, exciting. You have been dancing on the television
Starting point is 00:03:26 on one of the biggest programmes in the whole blooming country. Don't ask me what I've been doing. What have you been doing, mate? You've been twinkling me little bloody toes, haven't I? I know. It's unbelievable. Do you know what? Honestly.
Starting point is 00:03:35 I'm going to talk on behalf of everyone. Right. For somebody who's never danced before, which you have never done, you did bloody fantastic. Them judges. Thank you. Joking aside, joking aside, I did not get you upset. I. You did bloody fantastic. Them judges. Thank you. Joking aside,
Starting point is 00:03:46 joking aside, I, didn't I get you upset? I got upset for a bit, didn't I? Oh, you're going to tell it. I thought we were going to keep that a secret. No, no,
Starting point is 00:03:52 because you know what I did, I got upset afterwards and then I was just, you were saying it and then I had to say it myself. I was like, I'm not a bloody dancer. Like,
Starting point is 00:03:59 if they turn around and went, oh yeah, great tens, I'll be like, well, dancing's shit. You can pick it up in a week. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:04:04 It's absolutely pointless. Well, my example to you, because it up in a week you know what I mean it's absolutely pointless well my example to you because you did get a bit upset and you were a bit down heart and I get that because you're competitive
Starting point is 00:04:11 and I knew you were competitive and that's part of the reason why I was like don't be like that when they say whatever but my example to you was it's like me
Starting point is 00:04:19 going on a program with Serena Williams right she teaches us how to play tennis in two weeks me going to Wimbledon and expecting to win. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:28 How way? It was that. Carl Hutchinson, he phoned us after he'd watched it and he was like, hey, they reviewed you, like you were auditioning for the West End. You were just, you'd finally been dancing a week. And it was a little bit hurtful at first. And then I was like, you know what? And you reminded reminder this thankfully and and i got it in my own head i was like
Starting point is 00:04:48 i haven't danced before never ever i've never done it and i'm honestly we've watched it back i'm proper proud of what i did you should be i'm so proud of it i went for it i threw myself into it timing wasn't off i didn't care what he says the rest of them absolutely bang on yes me hips were rubbish yes my arms all over yes it was whatever the timing was on and i'll tell you how i know because when the timing's off karen sticks her nails in my hands so hard i would have squealed on telly i would have squealed on telly i'm serious right i bet her face doesn't move either it doesn't move no no the smile goes from like a nice smile to sinister but without a move in any part of her face amazing she's terrifying nearly as scary as you can we just look for karen though she did bloody she looked amazing you looked amazing you were fantastic i'm sorry i'm uh i'm sorry i've been assigned to stifle your potential and hold
Starting point is 00:05:33 you back for however many weeks um but yeah it was uh it was amazing so guys listen um i'm dancing again this week but you can vote this week the public can vote now if you uh if you think maybe i deserved a slightly higher score than 13, or if you just want to see us stay in the competition long enough to make a big name in the competition, so that hopefully Rosie can do it next year, then here we go. Can you imagine if I did it next year?
Starting point is 00:05:56 People have joked about it. Don't joke about this, guys. You've joked about this. That would be a dream come true. Yeah. Oh, my God. Didn't you, when we finished on Saturday, me and Karen
Starting point is 00:06:06 came over to say hello to you because you and your mum were in the front yeah gave you both a cuddle and we're
Starting point is 00:06:09 standing talking and you went hold on one second and you jumped over the little barrier and stood on the strictly dance floor and
Starting point is 00:06:14 had a little dance for yourself didn't you for 30 seconds it was just lovely just me and my mum I mean Sandra
Starting point is 00:06:19 loved it do you know what I mean oh it was class good times it was really good fun it was class
Starting point is 00:06:24 but guys listen I need your vote this week. I need it. Wow, you are peddling. No, I am. Because if you're sitting there thinking, ah, other people will vote. No, you're voting. Please vote. You can vote three times online.
Starting point is 00:06:34 You can phone up as well. It's 15 pence or something. I don't know what it is to vote up. Listen, don't you worry. We're listening a lot. Shush. It'll be fine. Right.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Okay. But I mean, you need to be good as well. So keep practicing. But we met the dancers afterwards in the tent and stuff. That was nice. You met a load of people. Iush, it'll be fine. Right, okay. But I mean, you need to be good as well, so keep practicing. But we met the dancers afterwards in the tent and stuff. That was nice. You met a load of people. I mean, I was a bit squiffy.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Your mother spotted Annika Rice and sprinted across the room and I had to chase her to go, look, Annika, like, this is me mother-in-law. She's not some weirdo. It's not some nutter. It's on me Instagram, guys.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Sandra got a photo taken with Neil. They look like they've won Love Island. I've not had nothing like it. It's the my Instagram, guys. Sandra got a photo taken with Neil. They look like they've won Love Island. I've had nothing like it. It's the most beautiful photo I've ever taken of anyone in my life. Because Sandra looks disgustingly young, which is extremely upsetting because people genuinely think we're sisters. She was buzzing when people were saying that on Saturday, that people were your sisters.
Starting point is 00:07:20 She was loving it. Like, I love my mum so much. I really do. But she is so lush that it actually upsets us a little bit. Because she's lusher than me. Your mum should not look better than you. She's not lusher than you. Chris, she is.
Starting point is 00:07:35 Rosie, I'm going to tell you a little secret now. Sandra, I know you listen as well. You know, sometimes I look at Sandra and I think, if that's what I've got in the future, that's what my wife's going to like when she's 60. Happy bloody days. So you fancy me mum? Are you saying that you fancy me mum? Because this is awkward.
Starting point is 00:07:50 I'm giving you both a compliment. Although she's aged like a fine wine, you might age like vinegar. Yeah, I'll not age that well. You've seen me dead. Sorry, Dex, love you. Oh, Derek, she destroyed you there sir just while we're talking about me ma'am should we mention
Starting point is 00:08:11 the train antics the ridiculousness of Sandra Winter I'll set this up right for anyone who doesn't know I call Sandra basically Rosie's entire family are the Wombles because they will have anything second hand fallen apart anything our ma'am is the family are the Wombles because they will have anything,
Starting point is 00:08:27 secondhand, fallen apart, anything. Our mom is the king of the Wombles. I have a few rules in this house. One of them is never, ever throw anything away or have any kind of tidy out while Sandra's in the house. Never. There's a sofa bed in Robin's little playroom. I've tried to throw that out three times. She's been here every time.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Eee, no, eee, you can't be throwing. And I put it back up and I go I don't even want it I hate it I keep putting it back up she keeps making us do it because she gives you the guilt
Starting point is 00:08:51 honestly anything you're hiding it away she'll have it now Rosie the stories you told me about her on Saturday had my head spinning tell the guys I'll start you off at the beginning
Starting point is 00:09:00 okay so we were on the train I trekked with her got her first class so I'm going to say strictly and you know what we've had a little bit of sponsors and that
Starting point is 00:09:08 I thought let's treat ourselves right I'm still waiting for the money on cracking the knuckles so don't spend that yet okay well I won't so we got first class
Starting point is 00:09:16 on the train you get free stuff you get free drinks and like coffees and whatever my mum took everything that they offered strawberry strawberry croissant she doesn't like she doesn't even like strawberry croissants right
Starting point is 00:09:30 she ate it she was like i don't really enjoy that why did you eat it it's free isn't it right it's it's it's embarrassing right this is this is what happened when we were leaving the train the woman opposite us had left an apple that she got from the man of the trolley sandra picked it up and took it with her and we later found out that she ate it in bed pissed that night that night she also and i don't really understand this, right? Do you know how you can get like suit carriers where you put your clothes in? Yeah, yeah, it goes over the hanger.
Starting point is 00:10:11 It goes over the hanger and it keeps them nice and clean and nice and pressed or whatever. Get them from the dry cleaners. Get them from the dry cleaners. Sandra had her dress on a hanger in her bag folded up in a bin bag. So she'd put a bin bag over the top, in a bin bag. So she'd put a bin bag over the top,
Starting point is 00:10:27 a white bin bag. It had little yellow drawstrings on it. But she'd folded it in her bag. I have no idea why. Just lost on us. Oh, this is another thing I didn't tell you. Right.
Starting point is 00:10:39 She brought five almost empty tubes of foundation with her to mix together in a little pot because there wasn't enough in each of them to have enough with her.
Starting point is 00:10:53 So she had to squeeze the remnants out of each one which were all different colours mix them together for our foundation. She's a lunatic. What else happened?
Starting point is 00:11:02 Oh my gosh. On the way back. Oh, this is amazing. On the way back oh this is amazing on the way back right just to give you a bigger picture me mam
Starting point is 00:11:08 I've never seen me mam have a glass of pop in her whole life she hates pop she slags me off if I ever drink pop I don't really like pop because me mam hates pop
Starting point is 00:11:17 so much for anyone around the world who doesn't know coke sprite sorry like soda anything like that like a carbonated fizzy drink
Starting point is 00:11:24 yeah she hates it. Thinks it's terrible. She will give you the daggers if you're drinking. She's done it to me before. I've had a drink of one. She'll just go,
Starting point is 00:11:31 oh, you're drinking that. Terrible for you. There's not much sugars in that, Chris. That's why I'm drinking it, Sandra. I'm hung over the fuck. Exactly. Clean toilets for that stuff. Imagine what it's doing to your stomach.
Starting point is 00:11:39 Yeah. All right. We were on the train on the way back. The man came around with his trolley. Me mam went, I'll have a Diet Coke, please. Me and you. What? Eh?
Starting point is 00:11:49 Sandra? Turns out she only wanted a Diet Coke because there were them lovely little skinny bottles. Yeah, yeah. She wanted to put it home in her fridge for when a guest comes round. I said that as well. Because she put it in her bag. She put it in her bag. And she went, it's just to see if I have anyone come round the house. And we were like, what? And then I said to her, I said, are well because she put it in her bag she put it in her bag and she went it's just
Starting point is 00:12:05 if I have anyone come round the house and we were like what and then I said are you only doing it because it's the posh can she went yeah it's a posh skinny can
Starting point is 00:12:12 I like it and then when he came again she got three more she got three more because she got us to get one each she also every time we went past
Starting point is 00:12:18 she got a cake off the trolley she got one of them trickle things every single time we went past and to be fair you cut it on by the end.
Starting point is 00:12:25 He gave her some free popcorn. Oh, aye, aye. She just went for it, aye? Just unbelievable. Honestly, she's got problems. It's incredible. It's very, very funny to watch, though. Do you know, I told Neil,
Starting point is 00:12:34 dancer, professional dancer Neil, I told him to watch the pom-pom bag video. Yes. We were sitting around before the show and I went, he's seen it because he loves you and Sandra. Yeah. Well, he loves you, sorry,
Starting point is 00:12:44 and then he loves Sandra now. I said, watch the pom-pom video and I went, I literally went to the toilet and I came back you seen that because he loves you and Sandra yeah well he loves you sorry and then he loves Sandra now I said watch the pom pom video and I went I literally went to the toilet and I came back and he was sitting like crying and laughing and he just
Starting point is 00:12:50 he took his earphones out and was just like I've just watched it now it was amazing I thought it was amazing because you know you go to someone oh you should watch that
Starting point is 00:12:56 and they go yeah alright one day and then they go oh yeah I'll watch it and then you see them ten weeks later and you go did you watch the thing
Starting point is 00:13:01 and they go oh I haven't had a chance he watched it there that second that's amazing that's dedication and he was buzzing when he saw it he was like pom pom bah he shouted it in our face 10 weeks later, and you go, did you watch the thing? And they go, oh, I haven't had a chance. He watched it there that second. That's amazing. That's dedication. And he was buzzing when he saw it.
Starting point is 00:13:06 He was like, pom-pom bag! He shouted it in our face. Pom-pom bag is on the highlights of my Instagram. If you haven't seen it, guys, check it out. It is so funny. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Well done, ma'am. Yeah. Just while we're on the subject, not about me, ma'am, something happened today. I haven't told you about this. It's not a major thing i got a bit upset today oh you're gonna think i'm ridiculous i was changing the bed like the sheets
Starting point is 00:13:31 on the bed right and i genuinely no lie got a little bit upset about how little time we spend in bed these days i thought it was gonna be so easy you miss your dick no well I got a little bit upset like you know once upon a time when I was younger I used to be in my bed all the time just in my bedroom ridiculous innit
Starting point is 00:13:54 on my bed doing everything on my bed I used to eat on my bed sleep on my bed get ready on my bed chill out on my bed listen to music on my bed everything
Starting point is 00:14:02 now when do we ever go in our bedroom? Rosie, when we first got together, when I lived in the bungalow, we had one day, can you remember, I had three meals in bed.
Starting point is 00:14:11 Yes. One day, just stayed in bed watching the telly. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. It was a good day.
Starting point is 00:14:16 I think that's when we first watched Game of Thrones. Yeah. It was amazing. I just got really upset. Yeah. I know what you mean.
Starting point is 00:14:22 I get genuinely really jealous when I'm on Instagram and I'm looking at people I follow who don't have Yeah. I know what you mean. I get genuinely really jealous. When I'm on Instagram and I'm looking at people I follow who don't have kids. I know. And I see them going, lazy Sunday.
Starting point is 00:14:30 And they're on the sofa and I'm just like, I'm so angry. Like Diane Buswell, the dancer, and Joe Sugg. Genuinely one of the nicest couples you've ever met, right?
Starting point is 00:14:39 Yeah. On Sunday, we were on the train. I was going home. I knew we were going to pick Robin up. I was slightly hungover and I looked and she took a photo of him and he'd fell and fallen asleep on the sofa and i
Starting point is 00:14:47 hated them both for like 30 seconds just i know i love them but i was like i hate yous both how dare yous just can't remember the last time i can't remember the last time that we just were in bed together yeah i know what you mean wait the curtains in that room what a waste of money they're lovely curtains they keep the light out though. Well, I know, but it's pointless. I don't get to look at them. Are you sad
Starting point is 00:15:08 that you don't spend as much time in bed as you'd like to? Email shagbronnie, no, at gmail.com. We'll discuss it with you. Oh no,
Starting point is 00:15:14 don't email in about that. Just questions, please. Has anything else been happening? What else has been happening? No, I got, we did the weekend and then we're recording now,
Starting point is 00:15:24 Monday. This is Monday night that we're recording now monday this is monday night that we're recording the podcast i've started my next dance but it's friday now so you'll know what it is by now um so it's charleston oh you talk about strictly again just because what i've been doing today well i know oh sorry god's god of life goodness me taking over your life are youalous! Are you kidding me? Yes, I am. I'm just grissly jealous. Do you know how it actually pained me watching
Starting point is 00:15:49 that programme on Saturday? Really? I just wanted to do it. It's like when I go to a comedy club and I just want to get up. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:55 I'm not even going to lie. Like, I was sat there watching, proud as punch, loved it, everyone was amazing. I just wanted to get up. I had to, like, honest, physically
Starting point is 00:16:03 hold myself back because I just wanted to get up and, like, do a dance. Can we tell everyone what you said to us literally a couple of seconds after you congratulated us
Starting point is 00:16:12 and said I was really good? What did I say? You said, this is really good, so proud of you, it was fantastic, you were great, blah, blah, blah.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Bit pissed off you didn't dance with me like this. Where's this man been the seven years we've been together? Well, yeah. Yeah, true. I didn't think this could backfire.
Starting point is 00:16:29 You haven't ever, ever danced? Ever? To the point, actually, we've had arguments at weddings because you won't dance with us. I'm still not getting it now because people are going to expect it now. I'm not going to do it. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:16:40 I didn't think of that. Should we renew our vows after this? No. And we'll have a dance together? we renew our vows after this? No. And we'll have a dance together? No. Karen can teach us it? No. Please?
Starting point is 00:16:49 Honestly, outside of the show, I don't think we're going to afford our hourly rate. I think just probably absolute fortunes. Well, yous could just come and do one together and I could just like, on the side, do it like my freestyle. That would be so sad. It would be horrible. Your own wedding on the side. like my freestyle that would be so sad it would be horrible
Starting point is 00:17:05 at your own wedding on the side you and Robin either side stitching he's like yeah is renewing vows
Starting point is 00:17:13 a thing you would be up for doing like is that a thing people do yeah people do it yeah like normally you like rich American people but I think people do it
Starting point is 00:17:20 I would I would do it you know because I think getting married the first time that's easy you know you're blissfully in love
Starting point is 00:17:28 it's meant the second time say like 10 years down the line that's a bit harder right don't you think that's a bit harder like
Starting point is 00:17:35 saying it all again you'd have a I just think it's pointless and I think it'd be really expensive I think I'd rather probably go outside and burn loads of money oh right
Starting point is 00:17:43 go on then oh that's nice, isn't it? You're not going on a Mayson holiday. You're going to pay... Hey, every bloody no-mark who came to my wedding, by the way, and I paid for your meal. Do you want to come again? I'll pay for your meal again for a laugh.
Starting point is 00:17:54 No, you don't have to have a meal in that. It's just a party. Oh. All right, then. Why don't you just have an anniversary party, then? Why don't you just get off my dick and stop being such a horrible man? What is the difference between an anniversary party and a...
Starting point is 00:18:07 It's in the name. Anniversary party or vowel. Vowel renewal. A-I-O-U. Done. It's time for Watcha Beef. There's a jingle in there. There's a jingle. How good you are. How good you are.
Starting point is 00:18:20 Do you want to do yours for this week only? Go on. It's time for Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. do yours for this week only? Go on. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, bourguignon. Bourguignon.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Well done. You have that. Thank you. Good. Ladies first. What's your beef this week? I've got five words here. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:36 It just says, put your fucking shoes away. Oh. Put your shoes away, Ramsey. You will quite happily walk past the shoe cupboard, take off your shoes away, Ramsey. You will quite happily walk past the shoe cupboard, take off your shoes, put them under the radiator and leave them there for the rest of eternity when the shoe cupboard is behind you where the shoes live.
Starting point is 00:18:55 You also do it in the utility room where we actually bought one of them little boot bench things with space for shoes and you don't put your shoes in there. Why do you do it why are you killing us why are you making me upset all the time okay see similarly for you um every single time you have a bath or a shower whatever you are wearing you've already done there not in the podcast i haven't i've done it on stand-up i've never done the podcast everything you're wearing sits there for ages why same thing tells you. Tell us your reasons. I'll tell you mine.
Starting point is 00:19:26 My reasons are, the reason they sit there is because I know that they're going to be going in the wash. The washing lives downstairs. So I go upstairs and I get ready after the bath because we're baths downstairs, everybody. I go upstairs and I get ready because we've designed our house, like, not properly.
Starting point is 00:19:41 Really silly. That's the reason why the bath is downstairs. Next to the kitchen. We're stupid. I'll leave them there because I know that they're going to go toddle toddle toddle into the
Starting point is 00:19:51 wash basket which is in the utility room why do you leave your shoes everywhere I'll leave my shoes out and accessible because at any point
Starting point is 00:19:57 in the night you will turn around and ask me to go out and get you some fucking chocolate from the shop that's oh
Starting point is 00:20:02 where are you going oh she's got some chocolate from the shop. That's, oh. Where are you going? Oh, she's got some chocolate in the fridge. Are you fucking kidding us? You've literally just gone to get some chocolate. Some chocolate in the fridge. But why you can't eat it during the podcast, man? Yes, I can. Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:20:18 Whose podcast is this? Her, her. Whose podcast is this? Her, her. Tell me whose podcast it is, motherfucker. Tell me whose podcast it is motherfucker tell me whose podcast it is it's mine this is my podcast
Starting point is 00:20:27 this is my podcast what was that it was a rap it was a terrible rap it was the worst rap I've ever seen whose podcast is this
Starting point is 00:20:35 ours don't eat the chocolate while it's happening listen they'll not even know they will know they won't don't do it been in the fridge.
Starting point is 00:20:45 That was a lovely... I'll be honest with you, that was a lovely noise. That was a lovely noise. So yeah, so I leave my shoes out because at any point I have to be summoned
Starting point is 00:20:52 to go somewhere. So they're there. Yeah? Quickly accessible. Ridiculous excuse. Or for if the house starts being on fire. Quickly put them on,
Starting point is 00:21:00 run outside. Sorted. Alright, so you would put your shoes on whilst escaping a burning house? Really? You'd right, so you would put your shoes on whilst escaping a burning house? Yeah. Really? Of course I would.
Starting point is 00:21:07 You'd actually take the time to put your shoes on? Of course I would. That's stupid. Did you not get the men, the firemen, coming to your house? You leave everything. You leave everything. Why did the firemen come to your house? You don't pick up nothing.
Starting point is 00:21:18 Or the school. They came to the school. They came to the school. Brilliant. Yeah. Excellent. See your daughter. Ma'am, the house is on fire.
Starting point is 00:21:23 What? No, it's... Oh, sorry, I meant the school I got them mixed up all the time idiot alright man I wasn't thinking
Starting point is 00:21:28 that brings me to something this is I think about this all the time do you remember when the fireman came to school
Starting point is 00:21:36 and they told you that if there's a fire you've got to break the corner of the window yeah just the corner for some reason you've got to put
Starting point is 00:21:44 your mattress out the window and that's what you some reason you've got to put your mattress out the window and that's what you jump onto right we bought a 10 meter mattress it's heavy as fuck
Starting point is 00:21:50 yeah I think about this all the time I don't know what we'd do yeah genuinely I think about it
Starting point is 00:21:56 I think about that at least twice a week really I swear to god I always think about if there's a fire how we're going to get out
Starting point is 00:22:02 and I've like got a little root of escape in my head and I always think like what would I do with Robin? Would I just chuck him and hope for the best? Break a couple of bones, but at least he wouldn't be burned alive. Goodness me. Seriously.
Starting point is 00:22:11 This is a lovely conversation. Sorry, I know, but this is where your head goes when you're a mum. The firemen never said that when they came to our school. Did they not come? They came to our school in an old fire truck with seating and a video. Really? Played a video. Came to ours.
Starting point is 00:22:24 There's just one of them come in put some music on started dancing took his cup oh hold on no that was me house and that was a stripper
Starting point is 00:22:31 I get them mixed up all the time me now my turn my beef with you oh no you've got like
Starting point is 00:22:42 double beef there no no no you're like beef dipping listen my beef don't have any chocolate while you're doing your beef right we'll move away My turn. My Beef with You. Oh, no. You've got like double beef there. No, no, no. You're like beef dipping. Listen. My Beef... Don't have any chocolate. While you're doing your beef. Right, we'll move away from the microphone.
Starting point is 00:22:50 No, because... Stop it. It sounds really good. I want some. Could I be in an advert? Oh, that went bad. It was horrible. It looked like you're breathing in monkey.
Starting point is 00:22:57 It was disgusting. People love that. Literally, it sounded like an advert for cleaning mirrors with your breath. My Beef with You this week. Go on, carry on. And I didn't realise it was you doing it until I saw it. Right? My Beef With You this week.
Starting point is 00:23:12 And I don't know why you've decided to start doing this. I don't know where it came from. What the hell are you doing? Doing me nothing. What you've taken a doing now is eating Dairy Lee Dunkers in the house right opening them the full way opening them the full way so the cheese dip and the breadsticks are exposed eating just the breadstick and then leaving on the bench in the kitchen a fucking empty breadstick pot connected to a room temperature dairyly cheese pot
Starting point is 00:23:46 and just pissing off out for the day now i thought it was robin right i was like why is robin done this oh he mustn't have wanted the cheese fair enough why is she not put it in the bin okay fair enough got rid of it put in the bin the next day it happened again while he was at nursery and i was like it's her she's eating the breadsticks and just leaving the cheese to go room temperature on top of the bin on the on the bench i hate you it's it's disgusting why have you noticed that because i noticed things you're you're No, hang on. Buy normal breadsticks?
Starting point is 00:24:26 What are you buying? They're not breadsticks. They're a really lovely, salty, chivy crisp. Oh, they're nice. They're really nice and not breadsticks. Tell them the cheese. I don't like cheese.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Don't open the cheese bit. Peel it so that the cheese bit doesn't open. No, no, no, no, no. That's where the peely thing is. At the cheese end. The cheese end opens. Well, get a knife
Starting point is 00:24:44 and cut them out and leave the cheese end shut because it's literally, the whole house was stinking the cheese end the cheese end well get a knife and cut them out and leave the cheese end shut because it's literally the whole house was stinking of cheese no I will do that well I would have put because you can recycle
Starting point is 00:24:51 them pots but I don't want to touch the cheese brilliant so I've just left it for you that's ridiculous I love you
Starting point is 00:25:00 I'm annoyed because I do like recycling but that is taking the piss well I just know that you'll empty the cheesy bit. Do it with a spoon. More by the smell. Also, just leave it on there for the whole house.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Like a little poor puree cheese in the corner. Fumigate the room with it. Yeah, ref. Honestly, you're a clip. Not well. It's time for questions from the public. Questions. Is that it?
Starting point is 00:25:30 There's no puh-puh? No? Just that? Well, I'm not very well. Can I have a wee go? Yeah, well, you know, I just thought you might have been up for that. Public. Public.
Starting point is 00:25:39 Public. Knew it. Right, let's go. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a thing for popping spots. Boom. Don't we all? Lush.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Keep talking. I know most people love doing it. When it comes to popping spots, I actually get a watery mouth. A watery mouth. Not I salivate. I get a watery mouth. Watery mouth. You're not a scientist, are you? Don't think she is, I get a watery mouth you're not a scientist are you
Starting point is 00:26:05 don't think she is a watery mouth I know that sounds disgusting but I just get so excited popping them wow so my question to you both is is there anything such as
Starting point is 00:26:15 popping spots that gets your mouth watering look forward to hearing your response and that's Kate from Kate's Head wow Kate I also enjoy watching pops pop spots being popped yeah you do don't you from Kate said Kate I also enjoy watching pops
Starting point is 00:26:25 pop spots being popped yeah you do don't you don't like to do it myself no
Starting point is 00:26:30 but I like to watch other people doing it yeah but you like to do blackheads if I the amount of times if I'm guys if I'm ever
Starting point is 00:26:37 brushing my teeth with me top off right she will scour my back to find if I've got a blackhead and if I've got one that's that where they're for the whole night until she gets it.
Starting point is 00:26:46 But you don't let... No, you don't let me do it. You're such a wimp. You're literally like... Because it hurts. But you do. You still do. You still do.
Starting point is 00:26:52 I try. But unfortunately, you've got really good skin. Well... It's very disappointing. Yeah, probably. I mean, not on my face, but everywhere else it seems to be okay. No, it is.
Starting point is 00:27:02 You've got a lovely skin. Didn't your mum have literally a job of squeezing miners' blackheads? My mum, when she was training to be okay no it is you've got a lovely skin didn't your mom have literally a job of squeezing miners blackheads i mean mom yeah when she was training to be a nurse i think it must have been um part of her job was where the people the lads who worked in the mine would come in and they'd have like blackheads on the back but it was just pure like soot so she had to like squeeze them out but she said they were like daggers so they were like massive and she'd have to get them out and like they weren't actually it wasn't like proper blackheads like filth it was just like a build up a load of stuff and i was like i would love that job
Starting point is 00:27:35 you would be all over that i know ban you for getting a wet mouth yeah it should be like wet floor sign over here please both ends oh no oh wee man spoiled it you know what he signed up for I quite like pulling the little hairs
Starting point is 00:27:51 out of my face my beard hairs you do that that's like a weird little habit you've got and when you do it you when it comes out
Starting point is 00:27:56 I'm like I'm obsessed with trying to get it ingrown hair as well and I don't always see it you every time I get a tiny little spot
Starting point is 00:28:03 not trying to get one not that I'm like desperate for an ingrown hair what's it called a bit of trestle or whatever to get a to get a vine to go up a wall what's it called it's not like i'm that it's not like i'm bending my hairs in it's just if i ever get a little spot in my beard i'm like rosie i think i've got ingrown hair and you're like no it's not imagine if it was like one of them that you see on youtube where they pull it out and it's like a full-on bunch of hair. Yeah, they're unbelievable then. Oh, gosh.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Unbelievable. Do you know, here's a little fact for you, that they tell people who've got anxiety or people who self-harm to watch spot-squeezing videos because it's like a release. And I get that. It's really soothing. I used to watch them before I went to bed. I think Russell Howard
Starting point is 00:28:47 watches them before he goes on stage. Does he? I read that in an interview at some point because I remember I watched some randomly. I was backstage
Starting point is 00:28:54 before a gig and I had a, I was just on my phone and I don't know what I was doing but one popped up and I remember, popped,
Starting point is 00:29:00 and I remember looking at them and I remember going on and I was really weirdly focused for the gig. Yeah. Weirdly. There you go. yeah maybe so we should watch them before we do this podcast oh popcast popcast so yeah kit we love we also love yeah but and there'll be people it's weird there's some people listening now there'll be some of you who totally agree and a lot of you who also are absolutely furious about it yeah and you know the you know, the world's full of old things for old people.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Enjoy it. Embrace it. Babadoo, babadoo, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.
Starting point is 00:29:53 It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Gets it gets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,
Starting point is 00:30:05 the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.
Starting point is 00:30:27 That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and
Starting point is 00:30:53 punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com question for the podcast yeah is it okay to put extra rubbish in your neighbor's bin on bin day if it's only half full yes yeah yes without a shadow of a doubt and i won't i i honestly right this is so ridiculous i do it all the time yeah i go out if they've been i've seen you searching down the street oh i've gone i've gone five doors down before i've gone around the corner christmas just after christmas i've gone out of sight of our house i've've gone up and down the street. I've gone to different streets. If their bin is already out and it's half full and your bin's probably full,
Starting point is 00:31:30 absolutely, I think it's fine. Yeah? Sometimes I even take some of their rubbish out and just throw it back in their garden and then pick them up. I don't, I'm joking, I'm joking. I'm totally joking. But I, this is generally true, Rosie,
Starting point is 00:31:39 every single time I do it, I fantasise about someone stopping us and giving us a lecture about it so I can argue with them about it. So if you're not giving them the heads up, would you never, I think you should give them the heads up. No, because the bin man's coming.
Starting point is 00:31:50 Why? Well, they've got the heads up. What? Why would they need the heads up? What, are they just like sitting there? Because it's their bin. People get a bit possessive over bins. But they've gone to work or whatever.
Starting point is 00:31:59 The bin's there. It's already full. All they know is they're going to get back from work or they're going to get it later on and it's going to be empty. That's all they know right it's not like they're like well hey well you know what they're doing that day doing an advert for the house going storage yeah we've got some cupboards we've got a loft and we've got half a bin outside currently like do you know i just feel like you haven't met 50 of the general public if that if you think that
Starting point is 00:32:20 everyone would be okay with that because i could name you probably about 10 people who wouldn't be okay with that. Yeah, and send them over and I'll argue until I'm blue in the face because I honestly, as I'm putting it out, as I'm doing it, I see cars going past and I see people walking past and I think, go on, say something. Go on. I get excited about it. Funny man starts on neighbors. Local mirth maker
Starting point is 00:32:40 tirade as old lady tells him that her bin is not full yet honestly I get like I get genuinely excited about the idea
Starting point is 00:32:49 of someone saying it and I'd just be like right let's argue about it because I would I would have them I would absolutely have them it's what my life has become it's what my life has become
Starting point is 00:32:56 hey listen I don't get much excitement in my life right that you've got to take the little victories when you can
Starting point is 00:33:02 I can't wait for someone to have a go at me for that I can't wait you can have have a go at me for that. I can't wait. Neither can I. It'll be fun times. Beckon me to the window. You'll be in the bath or something. I'll run back in.
Starting point is 00:33:13 And a woman come past and just said this. You'll be like, oh, shut the door. It's happened. Oh, by the way, so do you not think it's okay? No, I think it's fine. But I think somebody would whinge about it but I wouldn't care
Starting point is 00:33:28 no I don't care you know unless it's like dog poo there was once dog poo in my bin I got a bit upset
Starting point is 00:33:34 oh when you've got an empty bin they put a yeah that's rank get your dog poo out of my bin I was once listening to Bill Burr's podcast and he was in LA where he must have lived
Starting point is 00:33:43 at the time and he said he was he had to stop the podcast because he kept checking the time and he said he was he had to stop the podcast because he kept checking if the bin men had been because he had to as soon as the bin
Starting point is 00:33:50 men had been he had to run out and get his bin straight back in through the gate because people go past with dogs and hide their dog shit in the thing and
Starting point is 00:33:57 it's LA so it was really hot so your bin would smell like hot dog shit. It stinks. But then again like what who's paying to get
Starting point is 00:34:04 their wheelie bin cleaned do all these people well I would I find it weird do you want your wheelie bin cleaned what so I can put more rubbish in it next week yeah definitely me
Starting point is 00:34:13 I know but then it's having to empty it and pull it everywhere and it stinks you know what I'm like it smells I know I know but I would get
Starting point is 00:34:20 it stays out in the rain ours is under a tree they mount a bird shit on our wheelie bin it's madness I'd get mine clean, but I'm just too, I'm too embarrassed to ask them when I've seen them.
Starting point is 00:34:29 I am. I'm like, because of that reason, I feel a bit stupid getting my wheelie bin clean, so I don't want to go to them. I know, but I just. It's their job. They're not going to go like,
Starting point is 00:34:38 I'll be the guy, right? I'm washing someone's wheelie bin. Now you come up and ask me. Hello. Excuse me. I was just wondering, seeing that you're washing wheelie bins, would you like to wash my wheelie bin? Say I can and ask me hello excuse me I was just wondering seeing that you're washing wheelie bins
Starting point is 00:34:46 would you like to wash my wheelie bin say it again love you want us to what would you like to wash my wheelie bin two seconds Steve
Starting point is 00:34:52 come here listen to this dirty slag yeah you want me to what love just give my wheelie bin a wash look at you with your scruffy wheelie bin
Starting point is 00:35:00 never gonna happen that's their job you've massively put me off now never gonna ask they're gonna rot we really been? Never going to happen. That's their job. You've massively put me off. Never going to ask. They're going to rot. Got it.
Starting point is 00:35:13 Hello, Rosie and Chris. Hello. So my friend, let's call her Hannah, had a one night stand once with someone who asked to use a spatula or a ketchup bottle on her. Sorry?
Starting point is 00:35:23 I don't know, Chris. That's just what it says. I've already got so many questions. Why both of on her sorry i don't know chris i've already got so many questions why both of them things i don't know what they're going to do with them i don't know the spatula i imagine he's hitting with a spatula but is he putting the ketchup bottle inside her what's right okay well you've read right i read this and i thought the ketchup and the spatula are going the same place so that makes much more sense that he would hit her with like hit a bum with the spatula and the ketchup bottle might go inside how thin and long is your funny that a spatula is going in there well exactly i don't know why i thought that that's why i thought it was really strange but you're right that's like the paddle and um i feel a lot better about that um anyway she wasn't
Starting point is 00:36:00 overly keen i can't imagine why vom what's the weirdest thing someone has asked you to do chris ha ha ha i'm asking you wow what's the weirdest thing anyone's asked you to do i'm guessing it's with sex um i don't know i don't i i don't think i attract people who want weird stuff done. No? No, not really. Are you just a bit embarrassed to say in front of me? No, no, not at all. Or is it the 8 million people who could possibly be listening?
Starting point is 00:36:31 You're probably the weirdest. I just don't want to tell anyone anything. I'm joking. I don't know if I tell you. This isn't dirty at all. But I don't know if I tell you. I think I met a girl on a night out. What?
Starting point is 00:36:40 And then we sort of exchanged numbers and and everything and then i think we went did we go for a drink somewhere or whatever but then the next time we're gonna go out she was like oh let's go for a curry and i was like i just found it so weird like i just going for a curry with someone who you've only seen twice it's a bit much i mean because you thought that you were gonna have sex after and you didn't want to have sex after a curry yeah that as well so you're presuming that this lady
Starting point is 00:37:08 was wanting to have sex with you straight away well she's only human wasn't she I don't know is that weird I thought I just thought
Starting point is 00:37:18 I mean you've seen me eat a curry I'm not fun when I'm eating a curry I eat it too fast I burp a lot afterwards you have to wash your hands straight away
Starting point is 00:37:24 I've brushed my hands immediately if she took a bit of eat it too fast. I burp a lot afterwards. You have to wash your hands straight away. I've brushed my hands immediately. If she took a bit of my naan bread, I'd probably put a fork through my hand. I couldn't have, no. I do agree with that. It's a bit early. You can't be going for a curry the second date. I need to know someone really well
Starting point is 00:37:34 before I go for a curry with someone. I know. Do you know what I mean? But then, this is what I get, you know, with dates, you know, when people go to the cinema and that. You're not talking. Yeah, you kind of have a bit of a crack on. Cinema is stupid.
Starting point is 00:37:44 If you're listening to this and you're going to take someone to the cinema on a date you're an idiot let's go and sit in silence for two hours do you remember do you remember though right cinema memories coming back to remember being really young going out with someone at the cinema yeah and you and you'd hold hands all the way through but your hand would be like sweaty and all you didn't even watch the film because all you were thinking about was like oh my god we're holding hands is that just me I was going out with the lad
Starting point is 00:38:07 that I did that with I think I was only about 12 but honestly I was so nervous and so like and then you sit there going
Starting point is 00:38:15 is he going to put his arm around us oh my god no because I'm holding his fucking hand well maybe he would have moved it I can't remember
Starting point is 00:38:23 imagine that he's holding your hand with a hand closer to you and then he comes down and cuddles you so he's facing the back of the cinema he's got his arm like across you and under the front of your chin and he's just weird he's just facing the wall falls asleep oh bless dear rosie and chris so i have been married to my husband for 18 years and in general it has been great he is funny and kind and still extremely handsome yeah but his nose blowing thing is another level. I can almost set my clock by it. Before breakfast, after a shower and last thing at night.
Starting point is 00:39:13 That's not what bugs me though. It's the noise. It's like a mix between a penguin squeal and an old car horn. Yes, yes. I know exactly what she's talking about. It's so loud that I have to warn overnight guests to expect a rude awakening in the morning. No way. If he doesn't blow his nose, he starts to sneeze.
Starting point is 00:39:32 No joke, like 20 times in a row, which drives me mad. I call him an attention seeker for it. Do you guys have any annoying habits that the other one is just sure they are doing for attention? Thank you, Jenny. Right. I absolutely know exactly what kind of noise she's talking about um i'll tell you exactly it's it's penguin squealing old car horn it's that one it's when they're probably like disgusting yeah it's
Starting point is 00:39:59 like a weird high-pitched noise and they're like with the nose and it goes like like that. Honestly, people who do that in public, men, it's always men who do it in public, they blow their nose so loud and I just want to run over
Starting point is 00:40:13 and smash their faces in. It's the most annoying, obnoxious noise it can make. Oh, sorry, I'm just blowing my nose. You're a fuck on a train in an airport.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Oh my God. Do you know what? I'd never blow my nose, me. No. you're a fuck on a train in an airport oh my god do you know what I never blow my nose me no unless I've got cold day to day yeah I never blow my nose
Starting point is 00:40:33 who are these people who just blow their nose every day always blow their nose can you not remember back in the day did your uncle or your grander
Starting point is 00:40:39 or no one have like a fabric hanky yeah they used to use it all the time just get it out and go and then just scrub it up and put it back in their hanky yeah needs to use it all the time just get out and go and then just scrub it up and put it by their pocket oh great that's going to be absolutely delightful
Starting point is 00:40:50 at the end of the day that is i know and now you're not washing it imagine that on one of them adverts where it has the infrared stuff the dental advert yeah yeah it's got all the dirt on it yeah it's full pockets just like a biohazard oh honestly people who blow their noses like that in public i hate them so much she's having to warn people who come and stay over. Right, so what he should do is, right, he should just empty his nostrils in the shower. If he has to blow his nose out of the shower, that's mental.
Starting point is 00:41:13 Yeah, that's what I do. I've seen you do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's awful. Ah, well, there we go. Well, there's the habit you don't like. I know. It's actually really disgusting
Starting point is 00:41:22 because I see it coming out and you're literally like do you ever I was asking I was talking to someone about this the other day do you ever right because I know you pick your nose now and then
Starting point is 00:41:32 and I pick my nose now right do you ever it happens the other day I was in a car on the way back to the hotel this is my nose so I've got cold
Starting point is 00:41:39 oh Mr Ed I was in a car I sound like a horse I was in a car I was in a car back at a hotel the other day right and I touched the outside of my nose and I felt like ooh like a little jab of pain like a sharp snot
Starting point is 00:41:54 do you ever do this you touch your nose and you feel a sharp snot and you go ooh and I genuinely got excited I was like when I get back to the hotel room I'm going to have your life mate picking it I'm going to absolutely have at you like well i mean you feel it and you go i'm gone but sometimes it feels nice and i just keep doing that there you keep pressing it i've got a cut in my nose at the minute yeah and it's a reoccurring cut
Starting point is 00:42:17 i don't think it ever heals properly no it's not it's just because it gets like dry wet and then dry and stuff and it's better you know i've got a twitch yeah so it hurts stretch it don't you i do probably what it is you probably twitch was on strictly i know mention mention strictly careful yeah your little photo by the way can i just say the photo someone took when tess was about test data was about to announce me and the cameras on the crowd and everyone in the crowd is looking kind of at the back of Tessa's head and you are looking right past that bottom corner smiling directly
Starting point is 00:42:46 at the camera like you're her co-host waiting for your line. Absolutely hilarious. They never told me not to look at the cameras, Chris.
Starting point is 00:42:56 Brilliant. That's all I'm going to say. Is it on your Insta? It's amazing. I think so. They said, you're going to be filmed. Is that okay?
Starting point is 00:43:03 I said, yeah. They did not say do not look at the camera. I'm surprised you couldn't see your lips moving while you were reading the autocue with her. Oh, another one about sex. Yes. Oh, it was awesome.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Hi, Rosie and Chris. Some advice needed for a friend. She has just had a new... For a friend. Apparently so. You don't know what it is yet. I wouldn't... Would you ever email in something
Starting point is 00:43:25 asking for advice about your friend? No. Yeah. Right, love. What's your bloody problem? Tell us. Some advice needed for a friend. Scarecrow. She has just had a new neighbour move in beside her and they are constantly
Starting point is 00:43:41 having sex. Morning, noon and night. Every every day but it's loud and she can hear every noise and spank even waking her up in the middle of the night with the moans groans and requests for it harder oh my goodness she and her partner have tried shouting through the walls to try and embarrass them but nothing nothing is working. No way. Can you believe that? That's hilarious. That's mortified. My question is, what would you do to try and get them to turn the noise down?
Starting point is 00:44:10 Thanks. Oh. See, right, I don't understand people who can live somewhere all the time and have really loud sex and not be embarrassed. Yeah. I've lived in a flat before, and I know that I can remember being with a part,
Starting point is 00:44:27 sorry, Chris, other people I've had sex with other than you. But you had sex with people before we met? Just once. You are joking. No, just this one time. Right. This one time. This is the one you're about to talk about.
Starting point is 00:44:37 Only this one time ever in my whole life that I'm going to talk about. Good. So this one time I knew that my neighbors were in upstairs and I was like, don't make a noise. So we had really quiet sex. Just that one time. It was really quiet. It wasn't very good.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I prefer it with you. Thank you. So imagine I was that insecure. You married the wrong girl. If you are. Um, yeah, I can't,
Starting point is 00:45:04 I can't I can't I would die if I thought someone could hear me having sex yeah it's really yeah you've got to be
Starting point is 00:45:10 a certain kind of person I think to know that you live somewhere where someone can hear you and still be loud it might be part of it well this is the thing
Starting point is 00:45:16 yeah it might do you've just got to be an arrogant ignorant prick the kind of person who blows their nose that loud in public well there you go
Starting point is 00:45:22 do you know what I mean oh my god it's them them kinds of people who's having loud sex morning noon and night what you did jesus morning noon and night can we just clarify that we do actually have sex we sound like yeah we do but come on man christ alive what so they've got a house right so they've moved into a house they're old enough to move into a house so at least at the very least there must be 19
Starting point is 00:45:45 yeah 19 20 if they're not students then 20 yeah and you're having sex morning noon and night and you've been with so you've been with this person long enough to move in with them you haven't just started going out and you're having sex morning noon and night i mean maybe maybe it's the move next door to a porn studio and they don't even know oh wow oh my god i mean they literally do them in back bedrooms and stuff i've seen the documentaries yeah exactly yeah maybe that's what it is oh how would you what would you do then how would you how would you answer a question what would you do to stop them honestly i really don't know like if it was that bad to the point where
Starting point is 00:46:25 it sounds like they're like keeping them up, like genuinely can't sleep because of it, you'd have to go and say something. Can you call the police on it? Well,
Starting point is 00:46:34 nah, probably not, no. I'd said I'd put a letter through the door. You'd put a letter through the door, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Because we had a similar question about this, but it was kind of like, it was about, you could see them through the window, wasn't it? Remember, ages ago on the podcast like it was about uh you could see them through the window wasn't it remember ages ago on the podcast someone said they could see people having sex through the window and they didn't want to do all right okay i would i'll probably not run the door during oh right just but every time they did it what would you say
Starting point is 00:46:57 well no i would run away i would just run every single time i heard them having sex i'd run downstairs ring the doorbell and run back in the house. Every single time. All that would happen was they would get straight back into it and you'd be like, I'll ring the door again. Oh, right, okay. I would do it the whole time. That's hilarious. That would be my life. Right. That would be it. I'd get some steps in.
Starting point is 00:47:19 You would get your steps in. I'm a bit annoyed that our neighbours aren't at it all the time. Because that would be wonderful to watch you doing that that's a sketch isn't it babadoo babadoo
Starting point is 00:47:30 babadoo babadoo okay it is time for this week's celebrity question yeah do I do something yet do you do a jingle
Starting point is 00:47:37 no look you're not well have the week off what's the matter with us this week's celebrity question is from my dance partner the fantastic
Starting point is 00:47:44 Karen Hauer yay hey Chris and Rosie so celebrity question is from my dance partner, the fantastic Karen Hauer. Yay! Hey, Chris and Rosie. So, my question is, if you were a mermaid or a merman, which half would you have as human and why? So, let's say, would you have the face of a fish with a human body or your face with a fishy body? This is ridiculous. Tell me, tell me. Now you know what I mean, her, get on.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Thank you, Carrie. She's an absolute weirdo, just like me and you, Rose. Oh, she's absolutely gorgeous. Bless her a little bit. That's a really good question, to be fair. So, what would you be? So, you have to be, tomorrow. Tomorrow, you are getting turned into a mermaid.
Starting point is 00:48:23 Yes! And tomorrow, I'm getting turned into a merman all my dreams come true now from the waist you can go upwards or downwards so you can have waist down the fin of a fit the fin of a mermaid the fin and legs of like a fish or you can have from the waist up fish stomach love a little pair of fish titties right fish fish fins and shoulders and a fish head and human legs. I'd have to keep it old school. I'd have to
Starting point is 00:48:50 air it up. I want shell little bra. Yeah. I want lush hair that I put shells in that in. Yeah. All about the shells. With a comb you found. Disgusting, by the way. She just finds a comb and she's just... What's she call it? There's a fork even worse
Starting point is 00:49:05 don't try and quote disney wrong right sorry have you even seen the film no um you've never seen the little mermaid all the way through are you taking the mic i've never seen it the whole way oh don't are you kidding i've never seen the whole way through and now and that's weird because our doorbell is actually under the sea. It is? Under the sea. Literally, our doorbell rings and it goes... Shall I do it?
Starting point is 00:49:30 The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake. Totally not worth it. I dream about going up there. Good God. But that is a big mistake. Come on, now, just look at the world around you. Right here on the ocean floor. Such wonderful things around you.
Starting point is 00:49:46 What more is you looking for? Oh, oh. Under the sea. Under the sea. Under the sea. Under. Let me catch the chorus. Darling, it's better down where it's wetter.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Take it from me. Up on the shore. They work all day. Under the sun. They slave away. Each little snail. I knew it was a matter of time
Starting point is 00:50:06 before you didn't know the words stupid very stupid the best thing is right the fact that you know that you know the lyrics for
Starting point is 00:50:14 nothing right but the best bit is it's it's the confidence you started with it's the unbelievable you go oh yeah and like literally
Starting point is 00:50:22 sometimes three words in you're stuck but the confidence you started with has to be commended literally sometimes three words in you're stuck but the confidence you start with has to be commended I'll be honest with you. Thank you. Absolutely ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:50:30 Okay, so would you rather, all right, let's change it a second, let's change it up because Karen sort of said that what about if you just had a whole human body,
Starting point is 00:50:40 right, and a fish's head or fish legs like a real mermaid. So look like a real mermaid or look exactly like you but just you've got a fish's head or fish legs like a real fish like a real mermaid so look like a real mermaid or look exactly like you but just you've got a fish's head well i want to be a mermaid okay who wants a fish's head have you seen fish raffle i don't want a fish head it's like the work that's like the worst animal head you could ever have what you're gonna do on a night though like well if you've got a full-on fish leg what you're gonna do you're ever have. What are you going to do on a night though? What if you've got
Starting point is 00:51:05 a full on fish leg? What are you going to do? You're going to have to live in the sea. You could live on land with a full human body and just a fish's head but you're going to have
Starting point is 00:51:13 to get crutches or a wheelchair and just be thingied around. Oh what happened to you? Oh no I've got a fish legs. That's alright. Have you never seen the film
Starting point is 00:51:20 What's Her Face? Splash. Splash. Yeah. She's alright. She just has a bath salt bath yeah that what happens okay well i think i'm not having a fish head what kind of neck would you have would your head stick straight up with your mouth to the sky or would you have a little neck
Starting point is 00:51:39 and your is going outwards. Do you know what I mean, though? I don't know. Come on. Fish don't have necks, really. That goes straight forward. They're just like up. So your mouth, you'd be like, hello, how are you? And your face would be pointing up the sky.
Starting point is 00:51:59 That's stupid. You'd be in a restaurant. You'd be in a restaurant. And you'd sit there and they'd hand you the menu and you'd have to hold it over your head like you were protecting your hair from rain and every time you go yeah i'll have the plankton thank you and what you'd have to do if you wanted to talk to someone you'd have to go sideways and then like that like lie on the side to talk to them so no it's ridiculous i'd rather just be you know on a wheelchair
Starting point is 00:52:25 I think I'd be the same I think I'd have to have fish legs yeah you just learn to jump your upper body would be legendary because you'd be
Starting point is 00:52:32 carrying yourself around we'd put like barriers like banister things in every room we'd just walk around on the banisters well yeah
Starting point is 00:52:38 you'd be fine you'd get used to it cool we'll sort that out for next week can't wait lovely the end of another episode
Starting point is 00:52:45 thank you again so so much for listening we will be back next Friday with episode 34 yes thank you very much guys as always
Starting point is 00:52:53 please continue to like, rate and subscribe on all your podcast shops it really does mean the world you are genuinely bloody lovely the lot of you and that's why
Starting point is 00:53:02 you're going to vote for us this weekend aren't you thank you very much indeed online and ringing up it would be a pleasure to stay in a bit longer and hopefully learn to actually dance so yeah i agree and that's all i'm gonna ask of you this week i'm not even gonna mention me to her oh no i just mentioned it bye bye you're invited to an immersive listening party led by rishi kesh her way the visionary behind the groundbreaking song exploder podcast and netflix series this unmissable evening features
Starting point is 00:53:33 her way and toronto symphony orchestra music director gustavo jimeno in conversation together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock
Starting point is 00:54:02 hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.

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