Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 33. Popcast
Episode Date: September 27, 2019This week on the podcast Chris and Rosie discuss week one on Strictly, the train to London with Sandra the Womble, popping spots, noisy randy neighbours and there is a fishy question from Chris's bril...liant dance partner Karen Hauer. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This Friday, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl.
Witness the birth of evil.
It's all for you, no don't.
The First Omen.
I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year.
It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.
Who said that?
The First Omen.
In theaters Friday. Get tickets now.
Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?
Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for
CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental
Health to support life-saving progress
in mental health care. From May 27th
to 31st, people across Canada
will rise together and show those
living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.
So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.
Hello, you're listening to Shag Mardenoid with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Christopher Ramsey.
Something about dancing.
I'm not very well.
I'm sorry, I sound a bit nasal.
You sound basic, you do, because you're not well, bless you.
Good, because I normally sound a bit like a chipmunk, so that's good.
I'm basic as you like.
You've got your little snotty nose going on.
Yeah, we're back.
We are back. What episode is it? Come on, be professional. good. Yeah. A birthday of your like. You got your little snotty nose going on. Yeah. We're back. We are back.
What episode is it?
Come on.
Be professional.
33.
33.
Well done.
Jinx, you get punch.
I should have known before I pressed record, but you know, we're playing fast and easy.
Mate, this is the most unprofessional podcast in the world.
It is.
And everyone's used to it.
You guys are used to it.
You're not bothered, are you?
Of course not.
No.
Thank you for listening.
Welcome back.
It's episode 33.
You're not bothered, are you?
Of course not.
Thank you for listening.
Welcome back.
It's episode 33.
And before we start, a word from this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.
This week's sponsor is... Christopher.
Cracking your knuckles.
Chris.
Oh.
Hey.
What?
Want to upset everyone on the bus?
Listen, cracking your knuckles are bloody breaking the door down the aisle.
I can hear them outside cracking their knuckles.
Can you hear them all?
They are.
I can't even do
it
they're getting
ready
don't do it
it makes
don't don't
that makes people
feel ill
including me
don't do that
they're banging
the door down
the aisle
wow
look it's just
creating a lot of
admin for me
is all I'm saying
it's just creating
a lot of admin
honestly I'm
holding them back
man I'm spinning
plates I'm having
to pretend I've
got no signal
in there
they're ringing
man there's craziness honestly cracking your knuckles picking your noses there Honestly, I'm holding them back, man. I'm spinning plates. I'm having to pretend I've got no signal in that. They're ringing, man.
That's craziness.
Oh, babes.
Honestly, cracking your knuckles, picking your noses there.
Wiping your arse there, no?
No, no.
No, I think we've done them.
Having a bath that's too hot and feeling a bit ill after.
They're there.
Chris, no, no, no.
Here's the jingle, for God's sake.
Shut up.
We had a fight about the jingle. Jing the jingle we couldn't settle on a jingle
so this is the jingle we hope you like the jingle
hello welcome back episode 33 can't believe that we're still going. Can't believe we're still married, if I'm totally honest with you.
Wow.
But happy to be here.
Well, it doesn't sound like it. Brilliant. Hi.
Hi.
Hello everyone. Thank you for listening. Yes. What have you been up to?
Mate, what have I been up to?
Yeah.
What have you been up to? I've been up to not much, you know, exciting.
You have been dancing on the television
on one of the biggest programmes in the whole blooming country.
Don't ask me what I've been doing.
What have you been doing, mate?
You've been twinkling me little bloody toes, haven't I?
I know.
It's unbelievable.
Do you know what?
Honestly.
I'm going to talk on behalf of everyone.
Right.
For somebody who's never danced before,
which you have never done,
you did bloody fantastic.
Them judges.
Thank you.
Joking aside, joking aside, I did not get you upset. I. You did bloody fantastic. Them judges. Thank you. Joking aside,
joking aside,
I,
didn't I get you upset?
I got upset for a bit,
didn't I?
Oh, you're going to tell it.
I thought we were going to keep that a secret.
No, no,
because you know what I did,
I got upset afterwards
and then I was just,
you were saying it
and then I had to say it myself.
I was like,
I'm not a bloody dancer.
Like,
if they turn around and went,
oh yeah,
great tens,
I'll be like,
well,
dancing's shit.
You can pick it up in a week.
You know what I mean?
It's absolutely pointless. Well, my example to you, because it up in a week you know what I mean it's absolutely pointless
well my example to you
because you did get
a bit upset
and you were a bit
down heart
and I get that
because you're competitive
and I knew you were
competitive
and that's part of the
reason why I was like
don't be like that
when they say whatever
but my example to you
was it's like me
going on a program
with Serena Williams
right
she teaches us
how to play tennis
in two weeks
me going to Wimbledon and expecting to win.
Yeah.
How way?
It was that.
Carl Hutchinson, he phoned us after he'd watched it
and he was like, hey, they reviewed you,
like you were auditioning for the West End.
You were just, you'd finally been dancing a week.
And it was a little bit hurtful at first.
And then I was like, you know what? And you reminded reminder this thankfully and and i got it in my own head i was like
i haven't danced before never ever i've never done it and i'm honestly we've watched it back
i'm proper proud of what i did you should be i'm so proud of it i went for it i threw myself into
it timing wasn't off i didn't care what he says the rest of them absolutely bang on yes me hips
were rubbish yes my arms all over yes it was whatever the timing was on and i'll tell you how i know because when the timing's off karen sticks
her nails in my hands so hard i would have squealed on telly i would have squealed on telly i'm serious
right i bet her face doesn't move either it doesn't move no no the smile goes from like a nice smile
to sinister but without a move in any part of her face amazing she's terrifying nearly as scary as you can we just look for karen though she did bloody she looked amazing you looked amazing
you were fantastic i'm sorry i'm uh i'm sorry i've been assigned to stifle your potential and hold
you back for however many weeks um but yeah it was uh it was amazing so guys listen um i'm dancing
again this week but you can vote this week the public can vote now if you uh if you think maybe
i deserved a slightly higher score than 13,
or if you just want to see us stay in the competition long enough
to make a big name in the competition,
so that hopefully Rosie can do it next year,
then here we go.
Can you imagine if I did it next year?
People have joked about it.
Don't joke about this, guys.
You've joked about this.
That would be a dream come true.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Didn't you, when we finished on Saturday,
me and Karen
came over to say
hello to you
because you and
your mum were
in the front
yeah
gave you both a
cuddle and we're
standing talking
and you went
hold on one second
and you jumped
over the little
barrier and stood
on the strictly
dance floor and
had a little dance
for yourself
didn't you for 30
seconds
it was just lovely
just me and
my mum
I mean Sandra
loved it
do you know what
I mean
oh it was class
good times
it was really good
fun
it was class
but guys listen I need your vote this week.
I need it.
Wow, you are peddling.
No, I am.
Because if you're sitting there thinking, ah, other people will vote.
No, you're voting.
Please vote.
You can vote three times online.
You can phone up as well.
It's 15 pence or something.
I don't know what it is to vote up.
Listen, don't you worry.
We're listening a lot.
Shush.
It'll be fine.
Right.
Okay.
But I mean, you need to be good as well.
So keep practicing. But we met the dancers afterwards in the tent and stuff. That was nice. You met a load of people. Iush, it'll be fine. Right, okay. But I mean, you need to be good as well, so keep practicing.
But we met the dancers afterwards
in the tent and stuff.
That was nice.
You met a load of people.
I mean, I was a bit squiffy.
Your mother spotted Annika Rice
and sprinted across the room
and I had to chase her to go,
look, Annika, like,
this is me mother-in-law.
She's not some weirdo.
It's not some nutter.
It's on me Instagram, guys.
Sandra got a photo taken with Neil.
They look like they've won Love Island. I've not had nothing like it. It's the my Instagram, guys. Sandra got a photo taken with Neil. They look like they've won Love Island.
I've had nothing like it.
It's the most beautiful photo I've ever taken of anyone in my life.
Because Sandra looks disgustingly young,
which is extremely upsetting because people genuinely think we're sisters.
She was buzzing when people were saying that on Saturday,
that people were your sisters.
She was loving it.
Like, I love my mum so much.
I really do.
But she is so lush that it actually upsets us a little bit.
Because she's lusher than me.
Your mum should not look better than you.
She's not lusher than you.
Chris, she is.
Rosie, I'm going to tell you a little secret now.
Sandra, I know you listen as well.
You know, sometimes I look at Sandra and I think,
if that's what I've got in the future,
that's what my wife's going to like when she's 60.
Happy bloody days.
So you fancy me mum?
Are you saying that you fancy me mum? Because this is awkward.
I'm giving you both a compliment.
Although she's aged like a fine wine, you might age like vinegar.
Yeah, I'll not age that well.
You've seen me dead.
Sorry, Dex, love you.
Oh, Derek, she destroyed you there sir
just while we're talking about me
ma'am should we mention
the train antics
the ridiculousness of Sandra Winter
I'll set this up right for anyone who doesn't know
I call
Sandra
basically Rosie's entire family are the Wombles
because they will have anything
second hand fallen apart anything our ma'am is the family are the Wombles because they will have anything,
secondhand, fallen apart, anything.
Our mom is the king of the Wombles.
I have a few rules in this house.
One of them is never, ever throw anything away or have any kind of tidy out while Sandra's in the house.
Never.
There's a sofa bed in Robin's little playroom.
I've tried to throw that out three times.
She's been here every time.
Eee, no, eee, you can't be throwing.
And I put it back up
and I go
I don't even want it
I hate it
I keep putting it back up
she keeps making us do it
because she gives you the guilt
honestly
anything you're hiding it away
she'll have it
now Rosie
the stories you told me about her on Saturday
had my head spinning
tell the guys
I'll start you off at the beginning
okay so
we were on the train
I trekked with her
got her first class
so I'm going to say strictly
and you know what
we've had a little bit
of sponsors and that
I thought let's treat
ourselves right
I'm still waiting
for the money on
cracking the knuckles
so don't spend that yet
okay well I won't
so we got first class
on the train
you get free stuff
you get free drinks
and like coffees
and whatever
my mum took everything
that they offered
strawberry strawberry croissant she doesn't like she doesn't even like strawberry croissants right
she ate it she was like i don't really enjoy that why did you eat it it's free isn't it right
it's it's it's embarrassing right this is this is what happened when we were leaving the train
the woman opposite us had left an apple that she
got from the man of the trolley sandra picked it up and took it with her and we later found out
that she ate it in bed pissed that night that night she also and i don't really understand this, right?
Do you know how you can get like suit carriers
where you put your clothes in?
Yeah, yeah, it goes over the hanger.
It goes over the hanger and it keeps them nice and clean
and nice and pressed or whatever.
Get them from the dry cleaners.
Get them from the dry cleaners.
Sandra had her dress on a hanger in her bag folded up
in a bin bag.
So she'd put a bin bag over the top, in a bin bag. So she'd put a bin bag
over the top,
a white bin bag.
It had little yellow drawstrings on it.
But she'd folded it in her bag.
I have no idea why.
Just lost on us.
Oh, this is another thing
I didn't tell you.
Right.
She brought five
almost empty
tubes of foundation with her
to mix together
in a little pot
because there wasn't enough
in each of them
to have enough with her.
So she had to squeeze
the remnants
out of each one
which were all different colours
mix them together
for our foundation.
She's a lunatic.
What else happened?
Oh my gosh.
On the way back.
Oh, this is amazing. On the way back oh this is amazing
on the way back
right
just to give you
a bigger picture
me mam
I've never seen me mam
have a glass of pop
in her whole life
she hates pop
she slags me off
if I ever drink pop
I don't really like pop
because me mam hates pop
so much
for anyone around the world
who doesn't know
coke
sprite
sorry like soda
anything like that
like a carbonated fizzy drink
yeah
she hates it.
Thinks it's terrible.
She will give you the daggers
if you're drinking.
She's done it to me before.
I've had a drink of one.
She'll just go,
oh, you're drinking that.
Terrible for you.
There's not much sugars in that, Chris.
That's why I'm drinking it, Sandra.
I'm hung over the fuck.
Exactly.
Clean toilets for that stuff.
Imagine what it's doing to your stomach.
Yeah.
All right.
We were on the train on the way back.
The man came around with his trolley.
Me mam went, I'll have a Diet Coke, please.
Me and you.
What?
Eh?
Sandra?
Turns out she only wanted a Diet Coke because there were them lovely little skinny bottles.
Yeah, yeah.
She wanted to put it home in her fridge for when a guest comes round.
I said that as well.
Because she put it in her bag.
She put it in her bag.
And she went, it's just to see if I have anyone come round the house. And we were like, what? And then I said to her, I said, are well because she put it in her bag she put it in her bag and she went it's just
if I have anyone
come round the house
and we were like what
and then I said
are you only doing it
because it's the posh can
she went yeah
it's a posh skinny can
I like it
and then when he came again
she got three more
she got three more
because she got us
to get one each
she also
every time we went past
she got a cake
off the trolley
she got one of them
trickle things
every single time
we went past
and to be fair
you cut it on by the end.
He gave her some free popcorn.
Oh, aye, aye.
She just went for it, aye?
Just unbelievable.
Honestly, she's got problems.
It's incredible.
It's very, very funny to watch, though.
Do you know, I told Neil,
dancer, professional dancer Neil,
I told him to watch the pom-pom bag video.
Yes.
We were sitting around before the show
and I went,
he's seen it because he loves you and Sandra.
Yeah.
Well, he loves you, sorry,
and then he loves Sandra now. I said, watch the pom-pom video and I went, I literally went to the toilet and I came back you seen that because he loves you and Sandra yeah well he loves you sorry and then he loves Sandra now
I said watch the pom pom video
and I went
I literally went to the toilet
and I came back
and he was sitting like
crying and laughing
and he just
he took his earphones out
and was just like
I've just watched it now
it was amazing
I thought it was amazing
because you know
you go to someone
oh you should watch that
and they go yeah alright
one day
and then they go
oh yeah I'll watch it
and then you see them
ten weeks later
and you go
did you watch the thing
and they go
oh I haven't had a chance
he watched it there
that second
that's amazing
that's dedication
and he was buzzing when he saw it he was like pom pom bah he shouted it in our face 10 weeks later, and you go, did you watch the thing? And they go, oh, I haven't had a chance. He watched it there that second. That's amazing. That's dedication.
And he was buzzing when he saw it.
He was like,
pom-pom bag!
He shouted it in our face.
Pom-pom bag is on the highlights of my Instagram.
If you haven't seen it,
guys, check it out.
It is so funny.
Oh my God.
Well done, ma'am.
Yeah.
Just while we're on the subject,
not about me, ma'am,
something happened today.
I haven't told you about this.
It's not a major thing
i got a bit upset today oh you're gonna think i'm ridiculous i was changing the bed like the sheets
on the bed right and i genuinely no lie got a little bit upset about how little time we spend
in bed these days i thought it was gonna be so easy you miss your dick no well I got a little bit upset
like you know
once upon a time
when I was younger
I used to be in my bed all the time
just in my bedroom
ridiculous innit
on my bed
doing everything on my bed
I used to eat on my bed
sleep on my bed
get ready on my bed
chill out on my bed
listen to music on my bed
everything
now
when do we ever go in our bedroom?
Rosie,
when we first got together,
when I lived in the bungalow,
we had one day,
can you remember,
I had three meals in bed.
Yes.
One day,
just stayed in bed
watching the telly.
Breakfast,
lunch,
dinner.
It was a good day.
I think that's when
we first watched
Game of Thrones.
Yeah.
It was amazing.
I just got really upset.
Yeah.
I know what you mean.
I get genuinely
really jealous
when I'm on Instagram and I'm looking at people I follow who don't have Yeah. I know what you mean. I get genuinely really jealous. When I'm on Instagram
and I'm looking at people I follow
who don't have kids.
I know.
And I see them going,
lazy Sunday.
And they're on the sofa
and I'm just like,
I'm so angry.
Like Diane Buswell,
the dancer,
and Joe Sugg.
Genuinely one of the nicest couples
you've ever met, right?
Yeah.
On Sunday,
we were on the train.
I was going home.
I knew we were going to pick Robin up.
I was slightly hungover
and I looked
and she took a photo of him and he'd fell and fallen asleep on the sofa and i
hated them both for like 30 seconds just i know i love them but i was like i hate yous both how dare
yous just can't remember the last time i can't remember the last time that we just were in bed
together yeah i know what you mean wait the curtains in that room what a waste of money
they're lovely curtains they keep the light out though.
Well, I know,
but it's pointless.
I don't get to look at them.
Are you sad
that you don't spend
as much time in bed
as you'd like to?
Email shagbronnie,
no,
at gmail.com.
We'll discuss it with you.
Oh no,
don't email in about that.
Just questions, please.
Has anything else been happening?
What else has been happening?
No,
I got,
we did the weekend
and then we're recording now,
Monday. This is Monday night that we're recording now monday this is monday
night that we're recording the podcast i've started my next dance but it's friday now so
you'll know what it is by now um so it's charleston oh you talk about strictly again
just because what i've been doing today well i know oh sorry god's god of life goodness me
taking over your life are youalous! Are you kidding me?
Yes, I am.
I'm just grissly jealous.
Do you know how it actually pained me watching
that programme on Saturday?
Really?
I just wanted to do it.
It's like when I go
to a comedy club
and I just want to get up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm not even going to lie.
Like, I was sat there watching,
proud as punch,
loved it,
everyone was amazing.
I just wanted to get up.
I had to, like,
honest, physically
hold myself back
because I just wanted
to get up and, like,
do a dance.
Can we tell everyone
what you said to us
literally a couple of seconds
after you congratulated us
and said I was really good?
What did I say?
You said,
this is really good,
so proud of you,
it was fantastic,
you were great,
blah, blah, blah.
Bit pissed off
you didn't dance with me
like this.
Where's this man been
the seven years we've been together?
Well, yeah.
Yeah, true.
I didn't think this could backfire.
You haven't ever, ever danced?
Ever?
To the point, actually, we've had arguments at weddings
because you won't dance with us.
I'm still not getting it now
because people are going to expect it now.
I'm not going to do it.
Yeah, that's true.
I didn't think of that.
Should we renew our vows after this?
No. And we'll have a dance together? we renew our vows after this? No.
And we'll have a dance together?
No.
Karen can teach us it?
No.
Please?
Honestly, outside of the show,
I don't think we're going to afford our hourly rate.
I think just probably absolute fortunes.
Well, yous could just come and do one together
and I could just like, on the side,
do it like my freestyle.
That would be so sad.
It would be horrible. Your own wedding on the side. like my freestyle that would be so sad it would be horrible
at your own wedding
on the side
you and Robin
either side
stitching
he's like
yeah
is renewing vows
a thing you would be up
for doing like
is that a thing people do
yeah people do it
yeah
like normally you like
rich American people
but I think people do it
I would
I would do it you know
because
I think
getting married the first time
that's easy
you know
you're blissfully in love
it's meant
the second time
say like 10 years down the line
that's a bit harder
right
don't you think
that's a bit harder
like
saying it all again
you'd have a
I just think it's pointless
and I think it'd be really expensive
I think
I'd rather probably go outside
and burn loads of money
oh right
go on then
oh that's nice, isn't it?
You're not going on a Mayson holiday.
You're going to pay...
Hey, every bloody no-mark who came to my wedding, by the way,
and I paid for your meal.
Do you want to come again?
I'll pay for your meal again for a laugh.
No, you don't have to have a meal in that.
It's just a party.
Oh.
All right, then.
Why don't you just have an anniversary party, then?
Why don't you just get off my dick
and stop being such a horrible man?
What is the difference between an anniversary party and a...
It's in the name. Anniversary party or vowel.
Vowel renewal.
A-I-O-U. Done.
It's time for Watcha Beef.
There's a jingle in there.
There's a jingle.
How good you are.
How good you are.
Do you want to do yours for this week only?
Go on.
It's time for Watcha Beef.
Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Watcha Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. Beef. do yours for this week only? Go on. It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef?
What's your beef?
Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef,
bourguignon.
Bourguignon.
Well done.
You have that.
Thank you.
Good.
Ladies first.
What's your beef this week?
I've got five words here.
Okay.
It just says,
put your fucking shoes away.
Oh.
Put your shoes away, Ramsey.
You will quite happily walk past the shoe cupboard, take off your shoes away, Ramsey. You will quite happily walk past the shoe cupboard,
take off your shoes, put them under the radiator
and leave them there for the rest of eternity
when the shoe cupboard is behind you where the shoes live.
You also do it in the utility room
where we actually bought one of them little boot bench things
with space for shoes and you don't put your shoes in there.
Why do you do it why are you
killing us why are you making me upset all the time okay see similarly for you um every single
time you have a bath or a shower whatever you are wearing you've already done there not in the
podcast i haven't i've done it on stand-up i've never done the podcast everything you're wearing
sits there for ages why same thing tells you. Tell us your reasons. I'll tell you mine.
My reasons are,
the reason they sit there is because I know that they're going to be going in the wash.
The washing lives downstairs.
So I go upstairs and I get ready after the bath
because we're baths downstairs, everybody.
I go upstairs and I get ready
because we've designed our house,
like, not properly.
Really silly.
That's the reason why the bath is downstairs.
Next to the kitchen.
We're stupid. I'll leave them
there because I know
that they're going to
go toddle toddle
toddle into the
wash basket
which is in the
utility room
why do you leave
your shoes everywhere
I'll leave my shoes
out and accessible
because at any point
in the night
you will turn around
and ask me to go out
and get you some
fucking chocolate
from the shop
that's
oh
where are you going oh she's got some chocolate from the shop. That's, oh.
Where are you going?
Oh, she's got some chocolate in the fridge.
Are you fucking kidding us?
You've literally just gone to get some chocolate.
Some chocolate in the fridge. But why you can't eat it during the podcast, man?
Yes, I can.
Excuse me?
Whose podcast is this?
Her, her.
Whose podcast is this?
Her, her.
Tell me whose podcast it is, motherfucker.
Tell me whose podcast it is motherfucker tell me whose podcast it is
it's mine
this is my podcast
this is my podcast
what was that
it was a rap
it was a terrible rap
it was the worst rap
I've ever seen
whose podcast
is this
ours
don't eat the chocolate
while it's happening
listen they'll not even know
they will know
they won't
don't do it
been in the fridge.
That was a lovely...
I'll be honest with you,
that was a lovely noise.
That was a lovely noise.
So yeah,
so I leave my shoes out
because at any point
I have to be summoned
to go somewhere.
So they're there.
Yeah?
Quickly accessible.
Ridiculous excuse.
Or for if the house
starts being on fire.
Quickly put them on,
run outside.
Sorted.
Alright,
so you would put your shoes on
whilst escaping a burning house? Really? You'd right, so you would put your shoes on whilst escaping a burning house?
Yeah.
Really?
Of course I would.
You'd actually take the time to put your shoes on?
Of course I would.
That's stupid.
Did you not get the men, the firemen, coming to your house?
You leave everything.
You leave everything.
Why did the firemen come to your house?
You don't pick up nothing.
Or the school.
They came to the school.
They came to the school.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
Excellent.
See your daughter.
Ma'am, the house is on fire.
What?
No, it's...
Oh, sorry, I meant the school
I got them mixed
up all the time
idiot
alright man
I wasn't thinking
that brings me
to something
this is
I think about this
all the time
do you remember
when the fireman
came to school
and they told you
that if there's a fire
you've got to break
the corner of the window
yeah
just the corner
for some reason
you've got to put
your mattress
out the window and that's what you some reason you've got to put your mattress out the window
and that's what you
jump onto
right
we bought a 10 meter
mattress
it's heavy as fuck
yeah
I think about this
all the time
I don't know what
we'd do
yeah
genuinely I think
about it
I think about that
at least twice a week
really
I swear to god
I always think about
if there's a fire
how we're going to
get out
and I've like got
a little root of escape
in my head
and I always think like what would I do with Robin?
Would I just chuck him and hope for the best?
Break a couple of bones, but at least he wouldn't be burned alive.
Goodness me.
Seriously.
This is a lovely conversation.
Sorry, I know, but this is where your head goes when you're a mum.
The firemen never said that when they came to our school.
Did they not come?
They came to our school in an old fire truck with seating and a video.
Really?
Played a video.
Came to ours.
There's just one of them
come in
put some music on
started dancing
took his cup
oh hold on
no that was me house
and that was a stripper
I get them mixed up
all the time
me
now
my turn
my beef with you
oh no
you've got like
double beef there
no no no
you're like beef dipping
listen my beef don't have any chocolate while you're doing your beef right we'll move away My turn. My Beef with You. Oh, no. You've got like double beef there. No, no, no. You're like beef dipping.
Listen.
My Beef... Don't have any chocolate.
While you're doing your beef.
Right, we'll move away from the microphone.
No, because...
Stop it.
It sounds really good.
I want some.
Could I be in an advert?
Oh, that went bad.
It was horrible.
It looked like you're breathing in monkey.
It was disgusting.
People love that.
Literally, it sounded like an advert for cleaning mirrors with your breath.
My Beef with You this week.
Go on, carry on.
And I didn't realise it was you doing it until I saw it.
Right?
My Beef With You this week.
And I don't know why you've decided to start doing this.
I don't know where it came from.
What the hell are you doing?
Doing me nothing.
What you've taken a doing now is eating Dairy Lee Dunkers in the house right opening them the full way
opening them the full way so the cheese dip and the breadsticks are exposed
eating just the breadstick and then leaving on the bench in the kitchen a fucking empty breadstick
pot connected to a room temperature dairyly cheese pot
and just pissing off out for the day now i thought it was robin right i was like why is robin done
this oh he mustn't have wanted the cheese fair enough why is she not put it in the bin okay fair
enough got rid of it put in the bin the next day it happened again while he was at nursery and i
was like it's her she's eating the breadsticks and
just leaving the cheese to go room temperature on top of the bin on the on the bench i hate you
it's it's disgusting why have you noticed that because i noticed things
you're you're No, hang on.
Buy normal breadsticks?
What are you buying?
They're not breadsticks.
They're a really lovely,
salty, chivy crisp.
Oh, they're nice.
They're really nice and not breadsticks.
Tell them the cheese.
I don't like cheese.
Don't open the cheese bit.
Peel it so that the cheese bit
doesn't open.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's where the peely thing is.
At the cheese end.
The cheese end opens.
Well, get a knife
and cut them out and leave the cheese end shut because it's literally, the whole house was stinking the cheese end the cheese end well get a knife and cut them out
and leave the cheese end shut
because it's literally
the whole house
was stinking of cheese
no I will do that
well I would have put
because you can recycle
them pots
but I don't want to
touch the cheese
brilliant
so I've just left it
for you
that's ridiculous
I love you
I'm annoyed
because I do like recycling
but that is
taking the piss
well I just know that you'll empty the cheesy bit.
Do it with a spoon.
More by the smell.
Also, just leave it on there for the whole house.
Like a little poor puree cheese in the corner.
Fumigate the room with it.
Yeah, ref.
Honestly, you're a clip.
Not well.
It's time for questions from the public.
Questions.
Is that it?
There's no puh-puh?
No?
Just that?
Well, I'm not very well.
Can I have a wee go?
Yeah, well, you know, I just thought you might have been up for that.
Public.
Public.
Public.
Knew it.
Right, let's go.
Hi, Chris and Rosie.
I have a thing for popping spots.
Boom.
Don't we all?
Lush.
Keep talking.
I know most people love doing it.
When it comes to popping spots, I actually get a watery mouth.
A watery mouth.
Not I salivate.
I get a watery mouth.
Watery mouth.
You're not a scientist, are you? Don't think she is, I get a watery mouth you're not a scientist are you
don't think she is
a watery mouth
I know that sounds disgusting
but I just get so excited
popping them
wow
so my question to you both is
is there anything such as
popping spots
that gets your mouth watering
look forward to hearing your response
and that's Kate from Kate's Head
wow
Kate I also enjoy
watching pops pop spots being popped yeah you do don't you from Kate said Kate I also enjoy watching
pops
pop
spots
being popped
yeah you do
don't you
don't like to do it
myself
no
but I like to watch
other people doing it
yeah but you like to do
blackheads
if I
the amount of times
if I'm
guys if I'm ever
brushing my teeth
with me top off
right
she will scour my back
to find if I've got a
blackhead and if I've got
one that's that
where they're for the whole night until she gets it.
But you don't let...
No, you don't let me do it.
You're such a wimp.
You're literally like...
Because it hurts.
But you do.
You still do.
You still do.
I try.
But unfortunately, you've got really good skin.
Well...
It's very disappointing.
Yeah, probably.
I mean, not on my face,
but everywhere else it seems to be okay.
No, it is.
You've got a lovely skin.
Didn't your mum have literally a job
of squeezing miners' blackheads? My mum, when she was training to be okay no it is you've got a lovely skin didn't your mom have literally a job of squeezing miners blackheads i mean mom yeah when she was training to be a nurse i think it
must have been um part of her job was where the people the lads who worked in the mine would come
in and they'd have like blackheads on the back but it was just pure like soot so she had to like
squeeze them out but she said they were like daggers so they were like massive
and she'd have to get them out and like they weren't actually it wasn't like proper blackheads
like filth it was just like a build up a load of stuff and i was like i would love that job
you would be all over that i know ban you for getting a wet mouth
yeah it should be like wet floor sign over here please both ends oh no
oh wee man
spoiled it
you know what he
signed up for
I quite like pulling
the little hairs
out of my face
my beard hairs
you do that
that's like a weird
little habit you've got
and when you do it
you
when it comes out
I'm like
I'm obsessed with
trying to get it
ingrown hair as well
and I don't always
see it you
every time I get
a tiny little spot
not trying to get one
not that I'm like desperate for an ingrown hair what's it called a bit of
trestle or whatever to get a to get a vine to go up a wall what's it called it's not like i'm that
it's not like i'm bending my hairs in it's just if i ever get a little spot in my beard i'm like
rosie i think i've got ingrown hair and you're like no it's not imagine if it was like one of
them that you see on youtube where they pull it out and it's like a full-on bunch of hair.
Yeah, they're unbelievable then.
Oh, gosh.
Unbelievable.
Do you know, here's a little fact for you,
that they tell people who've got anxiety or people who self-harm to watch spot-squeezing videos because it's like a release.
And I get that.
It's really soothing.
I used to watch them
before I went to bed.
I think Russell Howard
watches them
before he goes on stage.
Does he?
I read that in an interview
at some point
because I remember
I watched some randomly.
I was backstage
before a gig
and I had a,
I was just on my phone
and I don't know
what I was doing
but one popped up
and I remember,
popped,
and I remember looking at them
and I remember going on
and I was really weirdly
focused for the gig.
Yeah. Weirdly. There you go. yeah maybe so we should watch them before we do
this podcast oh popcast popcast so yeah kit we love we also love yeah but and there'll be people
it's weird there's some people listening now there'll be some of you who totally agree and a
lot of you who also are absolutely furious about it yeah and you know the you know, the world's full of old things for old people.
Enjoy it. Embrace it.
Babadoo, babadoo, don't. The First Omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six.
It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year.
It's not real.
It's not real.
It's not real.
Who said that?
The First Omen.
In theaters Friday.
Gets it gets now.
Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?
Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,
the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health,
to support life-saving progress in mental health care.
From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together
and show those living with mental illness and addiction
that they're not alone.
Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind.
So, who will you rise for?
Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca.
That's sunrisechallenge.ca.
Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.
Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night
on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock
hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre
in Hamilton at 7.30pm.
You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the
same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play come along for the ride and
punch your ticket to rock city at torontorock.com question for the podcast yeah is it okay to put
extra rubbish in your neighbor's bin on bin day if it's only half full
yes yeah yes without a shadow of a doubt and i won't i i honestly right this is so ridiculous
i do it all the time yeah i go out if they've been i've seen you searching down the street oh i've
gone i've gone five doors down before i've gone around the corner christmas just after christmas
i've gone out of sight of our house i've've gone up and down the street. I've gone to different streets.
If their bin is already out and it's half full
and your bin's probably full,
absolutely, I think it's fine.
Yeah?
Sometimes I even take some of their rubbish out
and just throw it back in their garden
and then pick them up.
I don't, I'm joking, I'm joking.
I'm totally joking.
But I, this is generally true, Rosie,
every single time I do it,
I fantasise about someone stopping us
and giving us a lecture about it
so I can argue with them about it.
So if you're not giving them the heads up,
would you never,
I think you should give them the heads up.
No, because the bin man's coming.
Why?
Well, they've got the heads up.
What?
Why would they need the heads up?
What, are they just like sitting there?
Because it's their bin.
People get a bit possessive over bins.
But they've gone to work or whatever.
The bin's there.
It's already full.
All they know is they're going to get back from work
or they're going to get it later on
and it's going to be empty. That's all they know right it's not like
they're like well hey well you know what they're doing that day doing an advert for the house going
storage yeah we've got some cupboards we've got a loft and we've got half a bin outside currently
like do you know i just feel like you haven't met 50 of the general public if that if you think that
everyone would be okay with that because i could name you probably about 10 people who wouldn't be okay
with that. Yeah, and send them over and I'll argue
until I'm blue in the face because I honestly, as I'm
putting it out, as I'm doing it, I see cars going past
and I see people walking past and I think, go on, say something.
Go on.
I get excited about it. Funny man starts
on neighbors. Local mirth maker
tirade
as old lady tells
him that her bin
is not full yet
honestly
I get like
I get genuinely excited
about the idea
of someone saying it
and I'd just be like
right let's argue about it
because I would
I would have them
I would absolutely have them
it's what my life has become
it's what my life has become
hey listen
I don't get much excitement
in my life
right
that
you've got to take
the little victories
when you can
I can't wait for someone
to have a go at me for that
I can't wait you can have have a go at me for that. I can't wait.
Neither can I.
It'll be fun times.
Beckon me to the window.
You'll be in the bath or something.
I'll run back in.
And a woman come past and just said this.
You'll be like, oh, shut the door.
It's happened.
Oh, by the way, so do you not think it's okay?
No, I think it's fine.
But I think somebody would whinge
about it
but I wouldn't care
no
I don't care
you know
unless it's like
dog poo
there was once dog poo
in my bin
I got a bit upset
oh when you've got an empty bin
they put a
yeah that's rank
get your dog poo out of my bin
I was once listening to
Bill Burr's podcast
and he was in LA
where he must have lived
at the time
and he said he was
he had to stop the podcast because he kept checking the time and he said he was he had to stop the
podcast because he
kept checking if the
bin men had been
because he had to
as soon as the bin
men had been he had
to run out and get
his bin straight back
in through the gate
because people go
past with dogs and
hide their dog shit
in the thing and
it's LA so it was
really hot so your
bin would smell like
hot dog shit.
It stinks.
But then again
like what
who's paying to get
their wheelie bin cleaned
do all these people
well I would
I find it weird
do you want your wheelie bin cleaned
what so I can put more
rubbish in it next week
yeah definitely me
I know but then it's having
to empty it
and pull it everywhere
and it stinks
you know what I'm like
it smells
I know
I know but I would get
it stays out in the rain
ours is under a tree
they mount a bird shit
on our wheelie bin
it's madness
I'd get mine clean,
but I'm just too,
I'm too embarrassed to ask them when I've seen them.
I am.
I'm like,
because of that reason,
I feel a bit stupid getting my wheelie bin clean,
so I don't want to go to them.
I know, but I just.
It's their job.
They're not going to go like,
I'll be the guy, right?
I'm washing someone's wheelie bin.
Now you come up and ask me.
Hello.
Excuse me.
I was just wondering, seeing that you're washing wheelie bins, would you like to wash my wheelie bin? Say I can and ask me hello excuse me I was just wondering
seeing that you're
washing wheelie bins
would you like to wash
my wheelie bin
say it again love
you want us to what
would you like to wash
my wheelie bin
two seconds
Steve
come here
listen to this dirty slag
yeah
you want me to what love
just give my wheelie bin
a wash
look at you
with your scruffy wheelie bin
never gonna happen
that's their job
you've massively
put me off now
never gonna ask they're gonna rot we really been? Never going to happen. That's their job. You've massively put me off.
Never going to ask.
They're going to rot.
Got it.
Hello, Rosie and Chris.
Hello.
So my friend,
let's call her Hannah,
had a one night stand once with someone
who asked to use a spatula
or a ketchup bottle on her.
Sorry?
I don't know, Chris.
That's just what it says. I've already got so many questions. Why both of on her sorry i don't know chris i've already got so many questions why both of them things i don't know what they're going to do with them i don't know the spatula i
imagine he's hitting with a spatula but is he putting the ketchup bottle inside her what's
right okay well you've read right i read this and i thought the ketchup and the spatula are going
the same place so that makes much more sense that he would hit her with like hit a bum with
the spatula and the ketchup bottle might go inside how thin and long is your funny that a spatula is going in
there well exactly i don't know why i thought that that's why i thought it was really strange
but you're right that's like the paddle and um i feel a lot better about that um anyway she wasn't
overly keen i can't imagine why vom what's the weirdest thing someone has asked you to do
chris ha ha ha i'm asking you wow what's the weirdest thing anyone's asked you to do i'm
guessing it's with sex um i don't know i don't i i don't think i attract people who want weird
stuff done.
No?
No, not really.
Are you just a bit embarrassed to say in front of me?
No, no, not at all. Or is it the 8 million people who could possibly be listening?
You're probably the weirdest.
I just don't want to tell anyone anything.
I'm joking.
I don't know if I tell you.
This isn't dirty at all.
But I don't know if I tell you.
I think I met a girl on a night out.
What?
And then we sort of exchanged numbers and and everything and then i think we went
did we go for a drink somewhere or whatever but then the next time we're gonna go out she was
like oh let's go for a curry and i was like i just found it so weird like i just going for a curry
with someone who you've only seen twice it's a bit much i mean because you thought that you were
gonna have sex after and you didn't want to have sex after a curry
yeah that as well
so you're presuming
that this lady
was wanting to have sex
with you straight away
well she's only human
wasn't she
I don't know
is that weird
I thought
I just thought
I mean you've seen me
eat a curry
I'm not fun
when I'm eating a curry
I eat it too fast
I burp a lot afterwards
you have to wash your hands
straight away
I've brushed my hands immediately if she took a bit of eat it too fast. I burp a lot afterwards. You have to wash your hands straight away.
I've brushed my hands immediately.
If she took a bit of my naan bread,
I'd probably put a fork through my hand.
I couldn't have, no.
I do agree with that.
It's a bit early.
You can't be going for a curry the second date. I need to know someone really well
before I go for a curry with someone.
I know.
Do you know what I mean?
But then, this is what I get, you know, with dates,
you know, when people go to the cinema and that.
You're not talking.
Yeah, you kind of have a bit of a crack on.
Cinema is stupid.
If you're listening to this and you're going to take someone to the
cinema on a date you're an idiot let's go and sit in silence for two hours do you remember do you
remember though right cinema memories coming back to remember being really young going out with
someone at the cinema yeah and you and you'd hold hands all the way through but your hand would be
like sweaty and all you didn't even watch the film because all you were thinking about was like oh my
god we're holding hands is that just me
I was going out
with the lad
that I did that with
I think I was only
about 12
but honestly
I was so nervous
and so like
and then you sit there
going
is he going to
put his arm around us
oh my god
no because I'm
holding his fucking hand
well maybe he
would have moved it
I can't remember
imagine that
he's holding your hand
with a hand closer to you and then he comes down and cuddles you so he's facing the back of the
cinema he's got his arm like across you and under the front of your chin and he's just weird he's just facing the wall falls asleep oh bless
dear rosie and chris so i have been married to my husband for 18 years and in general it has been
great he is funny and kind and still extremely handsome yeah but his nose blowing thing is another level.
I can almost set my clock by it.
Before breakfast, after a shower and last thing at night.
That's not what bugs me though.
It's the noise.
It's like a mix between a penguin squeal and an old car horn.
Yes, yes.
I know exactly what she's talking about.
It's so loud that I have to warn overnight guests to expect a rude awakening in the morning.
No way.
If he doesn't blow his nose, he starts to sneeze.
No joke, like 20 times in a row, which drives me mad.
I call him an attention seeker for it.
Do you guys have any annoying habits
that the other one is just sure they are doing for attention?
Thank you, Jenny.
Right.
I absolutely know exactly what kind of noise she's talking about um i'll tell you exactly it's it's
penguin squealing old car horn it's that one it's when they're probably like disgusting yeah it's
like a weird high-pitched noise and they're like with the nose and it goes like like that.
Honestly,
people who do that in public,
men,
it's always men
who do it in public,
they blow their nose so loud
and I just want to run over
and smash their faces in.
It's the most annoying,
obnoxious noise
it can make.
Oh, sorry,
I'm just blowing my nose.
You're a fuck on a train
in an airport.
Oh my God. Do you know what? I'd never blow my nose, me. No. you're a fuck on a train in an airport oh my god
do you know what
I never blow my nose me
no
unless I've got cold
day to day
yeah
I never blow my nose
who are these people
who just blow their nose
every day
always blow their nose
can you not remember
back in the day
did your uncle
or your grander
or no one
have like a
fabric hanky
yeah
they used to use it
all the time
just get it out and go and then just scrub it up and put it back in their hanky yeah needs to use it all the time just get out and go and
then just scrub it up and put it by their pocket oh great that's going to be absolutely delightful
at the end of the day that is i know and now you're not washing it imagine that on one of
them adverts where it has the infrared stuff the dental advert yeah yeah it's got all the dirt on
it yeah it's full pockets just like a biohazard oh honestly people who blow their noses like that
in public i hate them so much she's having to warn people who come and stay over.
Right, so what he should do is, right,
he should just empty his nostrils in the shower.
If he has to blow his nose out of the shower,
that's mental.
Yeah, that's what I do.
I've seen you do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's awful.
Ah, well, there we go.
Well, there's the habit you don't like.
I know.
It's actually really disgusting
because I see it coming out
and you're literally like do you ever
I was asking
I was talking to someone
about this the other day
do you ever right
because I know you
pick your nose now and then
and I pick my nose now
right
do you ever
it happens the other day
I was in a car
on the way back to the hotel
this is my nose
so I've got cold
oh
Mr Ed
I was in a car I sound like a horse I was in a car
I was in a car
back at a hotel the other day right
and I touched the outside of my nose
and I felt like ooh like a little jab of pain
like a sharp snot
do you ever do this you touch your nose and you feel a sharp snot
and you go ooh
and I genuinely got excited I was like
when I get back to the hotel room I'm going to have your life mate
picking it
I'm going to absolutely have at you like well i
mean you feel it and you go i'm gone but sometimes it feels nice and i just keep doing that there
you keep pressing it i've got a cut in my nose at the minute yeah and it's a reoccurring cut
i don't think it ever heals properly no it's not it's just because it gets like dry wet and then
dry and stuff and it's better you know i've got a twitch
yeah so it hurts stretch it don't you i do probably what it is you probably twitch was on strictly
i know mention mention strictly careful yeah your little photo by the way can i just say the photo
someone took when tess was about test data was about to announce me and the cameras on the crowd
and everyone in the crowd is looking kind of at the back of Tessa's head and you are looking right past that
bottom corner
smiling directly
at the camera
like you're her
co-host waiting
for your line.
Absolutely hilarious.
They never told me
not to look at the cameras,
Chris.
Brilliant.
That's all I'm going to say.
Is it on your Insta?
It's amazing.
I think so.
They said,
you're going to be filmed.
Is that okay?
I said, yeah.
They did not say
do not look at the camera.
I'm surprised you couldn't see your lips moving
while you were reading the autocue with her.
Oh, another one about sex.
Yes.
Oh, it was awesome.
Hi, Rosie and Chris.
Some advice needed for a friend.
She has just had a new...
For a friend.
Apparently so.
You don't know what it is yet.
I wouldn't...
Would you ever email in something
asking for advice
about your friend? No.
Yeah. Right, love. What's your
bloody problem? Tell us.
Some advice needed for a friend.
Scarecrow.
She has just had a new neighbour move in
beside her and they are constantly
having sex. Morning,
noon and night. Every every day but it's loud
and she can hear every noise and spank even waking her up in the middle of the night with the moans
groans and requests for it harder oh my goodness she and her partner have tried shouting through
the walls to try and embarrass them but nothing nothing is working. No way. Can you believe that?
That's hilarious. That's mortified.
My question is,
what would you do to try and get them to turn the noise down?
Thanks.
Oh.
See, right,
I don't understand people who can live somewhere all the time
and have really loud sex and not be embarrassed.
Yeah.
I've lived in a flat before,
and I know that I can remember being with a part,
sorry, Chris, other people I've had sex with other than you.
But you had sex with people before we met?
Just once.
You are joking.
No, just this one time.
Right.
This one time.
This is the one you're about to talk about.
Only this one time ever in my whole life that I'm going to talk about.
Good.
So this one time I knew that my neighbors were in upstairs and I was like,
don't make a noise.
So we had really quiet sex.
Just that one time.
It was really quiet.
It wasn't very good.
I prefer it with you.
Thank you.
So imagine I was that insecure.
You married the wrong girl.
If you are.
Um,
yeah,
I can't,
I can't I can't
I would die
if I thought
someone could hear me
having sex
yeah it's really
yeah
you've got to be
a certain kind of person
I think
to know that you live
somewhere
where someone can hear you
and still be loud
it might be part of it
well this is the thing
yeah it might do
you've just got to be
an arrogant
ignorant prick
the kind of person
who blows their nose
that loud in public
well there you go
do you know what I mean
oh my god
it's them
them kinds of people
who's having loud sex morning noon and night what you did jesus morning noon and night
can we just clarify that we do actually have sex we sound like yeah we do but come on man christ
alive what so they've got a house right so they've moved into a house they're old enough to move into
a house so at least at the very least there must be 19
yeah 19 20 if they're not students then 20 yeah and you're having sex morning noon and night and
you've been with so you've been with this person long enough to move in with them you haven't just
started going out and you're having sex morning noon and night i mean maybe maybe it's the move
next door to a porn studio and they don't even know oh wow oh my god
i mean they literally do them in back bedrooms and stuff i've seen the documentaries yeah exactly
yeah maybe that's what it is oh how would you what would you do then how would you how would
you answer a question what would you do to stop them honestly i really don't know like if it was
that bad to the point where
it sounds like
they're like keeping them up,
like genuinely can't sleep
because of it,
you'd have to go
and say something.
Can you call the police on it?
Well,
nah,
probably not,
no.
I'd said I'd put a letter
through the door.
You'd put a letter
through the door,
yeah.
Because we had a similar
question about this,
but it was kind of like,
it was about,
you could see them
through the window, wasn't it? Remember, ages ago on the podcast like it was about uh you could see them through the window wasn't it remember ages ago on the podcast someone said they could see
people having sex through the window and they didn't want to do all right okay i would i'll
probably not run the door during oh right just but every time they did it what would you say
well no i would run away i would just run every single time i heard them having sex
i'd run downstairs ring the doorbell and run back in the house.
Every single time. All that would happen was they would get straight back into it and you'd be
like, I'll ring the door again.
Oh, right, okay.
I would do it the whole time. That's hilarious.
That would be my life. Right. That would be it.
I'd get some steps in.
You would get your steps in. I'm a bit
annoyed that our neighbours aren't at it all the time.
Because that would be
wonderful to watch
you doing that
that's a sketch
isn't it
babadoo babadoo
babadoo
babadoo
okay it is time
for this week's
celebrity question
yeah
do I do something yet
do you do a jingle
no
look you're not well
have the week off
what's the matter with us
this week's celebrity question
is from
my dance partner
the fantastic
Karen Hauer yay hey Chris and Rosie so celebrity question is from my dance partner, the fantastic Karen Hauer.
Yay!
Hey, Chris and Rosie.
So, my question is, if you were a mermaid or a merman, which half would you have as human and why?
So, let's say, would you have the face of a fish with a human body or your face with a fishy body?
This is ridiculous.
Tell me, tell me.
Now you know what I mean, her, get on.
Thank you, Carrie.
She's an absolute weirdo, just like me and you, Rose.
Oh, she's absolutely gorgeous.
Bless her a little bit.
That's a really good question, to be fair.
So, what would you be?
So, you have to be, tomorrow.
Tomorrow, you are getting turned into a mermaid.
Yes!
And tomorrow, I'm getting turned into a merman
all my dreams come true now from the waist you can go upwards or downwards so you can have
waist down the fin of a fit the fin of a mermaid the fin and legs of like a fish
or you can have from the waist up fish stomach love a little pair of fish titties right fish
fish fins and shoulders
and a fish head and human legs.
I'd have to keep it old school. I'd have to
air it up. I want shell little bra.
Yeah. I want lush hair
that I put shells in that in.
Yeah. All about the shells.
With a comb you found. Disgusting, by the way.
She just finds a comb
and she's just... What's she call it?
There's a fork even worse
don't try and quote disney wrong right sorry have you even seen the film no um you've never
seen the little mermaid all the way through are you taking the mic i've never seen it the whole
way oh don't are you kidding i've never seen the whole way through and now and that's weird because
our doorbell is actually under the sea.
It is?
Under the sea.
Literally, our doorbell rings and it goes...
Shall I do it?
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
Totally not worth it.
I dream about going up there.
Good God.
But that is a big mistake.
Come on, now, just look at the world around you.
Right here on the ocean floor.
Such wonderful things around you.
What more is you looking for?
Oh, oh.
Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Under the sea.
Under.
Let me catch the chorus.
Darling, it's better down where it's wetter.
Take it from me.
Up on the shore.
They work all day.
Under the sun.
They slave away.
Each little snail.
I knew it was a
matter of time
before you didn't
know the words
stupid
very stupid
the best thing is
right the fact that
you know that you
know the lyrics for
nothing right but
the best bit is it's
it's the confidence
you started with
it's the
unbelievable
you go oh yeah
and like literally
sometimes three words
in you're stuck
but the confidence you started with has to be commended literally sometimes three words in you're stuck but the confidence
you start with
has to be commended
I'll be honest with you.
Thank you.
Absolutely ridiculous.
Okay,
so would you rather,
all right,
let's change it a second,
let's change it up
because Karen sort of said that
what about if you just had
a whole human body,
right,
and a fish's head
or fish legs
like a real mermaid. So look like a real mermaid or look exactly like you but just you've got a fish's head or fish legs like a real fish like a real mermaid so look like a real
mermaid or look exactly like you but just you've got a fish's head well i want to be a mermaid
okay who wants a fish's head have you seen fish raffle i don't want a fish head it's like the
work that's like the worst animal head you could ever have what you're gonna do on a night though
like well if you've got a full-on fish leg what you're gonna do you're ever have. What are you going to do on a night though? What if you've got
a full on fish leg?
What are you going to do?
You're going to have to
live in the sea.
You could live on land
with a full human body
and just a fish's head
but you're going to have
to get crutches
or a wheelchair
and just be
thingied around.
Oh what happened to you?
Oh no I've got a fish legs.
That's alright.
Have you never seen the film
What's Her Face?
Splash.
Splash.
Yeah.
She's alright.
She just has a bath salt bath yeah
that what happens okay well i think i'm not having a fish head what kind of neck would you have
would your head stick straight up with your mouth to the sky or would you have a little neck
and your is going outwards. Do you know what I mean, though?
I don't know.
Come on.
Fish don't have necks, really.
That goes straight forward.
They're just like up.
So your mouth, you'd be like, hello, how are you?
And your face would be pointing up the sky.
That's stupid.
You'd be in a restaurant.
You'd be in a restaurant.
And you'd sit there and they'd hand you the menu
and you'd have to hold it over your head like you were protecting your hair from rain and every time you go yeah
i'll have the plankton thank you and what you'd have to do if you wanted to talk to someone you'd
have to go sideways and then like that like lie on the side to talk to them so no it's ridiculous
i'd rather just be you know on a wheelchair
I think I'd be the same
I think I'd have to have
fish legs
yeah
you just learn to jump
your upper body
would be legendary
because you'd be
carrying yourself around
we'd put like
barriers
like banister things
in every room
we'd just walk around
on the banisters
well yeah
you'd be fine
you'd get used to it
cool
we'll sort that out
for next week
can't wait
lovely
the end of another episode
thank you again
so so much for listening
we will be back
next Friday
with episode 34
yes
thank you very much guys
as always
please continue
to like, rate and subscribe
on all your podcast shops
it really does mean the world
you are genuinely
bloody lovely
the lot of you
and that's why
you're going to vote for us
this weekend
aren't you
thank you very much indeed online and ringing up it would be a pleasure to stay in a bit longer
and hopefully learn to actually dance so yeah i agree and that's all i'm gonna ask of you this
week i'm not even gonna mention me to her oh no i just mentioned it bye bye
you're invited to an immersive listening party led by rishi kesh her way the visionary behind
the groundbreaking song exploder podcast and netflix series this unmissable evening features
her way and toronto symphony orchestra music director gustavo jimeno in conversation together
they dissect the mesmerizing layers of stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition
of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder.
April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall.
For tickets, visit tso.ca.
Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.
Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night
on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock
hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee
the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the
ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.