Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 53. Auntie Panky
Episode Date: February 28, 2020It's been a busy week in the Ramsey household - Rosie has another new job and Robyn has Chicken Pox. However, the couple find time to share some beefs, answer questions from the public and discuss the... pros and cons of role play. Enjoy! You can buy tickets for the Shagged Married Annoyed tour here: shaggedmarriedannoyed.com You can pre order the Shagged Married Annoyed book here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/ged-Married-Annoyed-Chris-Ramsey/dp/0241447127 Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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This Friday.
You must be very careful, Margaret.
It's a girl.
Witness the birth.
Bad things will start to happen.
Evil things.
Of evil.
It's all.
No, don't.
The first omen.
I believe the girl is to be the mother.
Mother of what?
Is the most terrifying.
Six, six, six.
It's the mark of the devil.
Movie of the year.
It's not real.
It's not real.
Who said that?
The First Omen.
In theaters Friday.
Gets it gets now.
Hello, you're listening to Shagmire Denied with me, Rosie Ramsey, and my husband, Chris Ramsey.
Oh, what? No insults? No?
No. No, there's no insults because Rosie's very excited.
She's in a very, very good mood.
It is episode 53.
Thank you so much for listening, as usual.
Like, rate and subscribe and all that stuff.
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Come on.
This week's lucrative sponsor is
the Shag Married
Annoyed
live tour
she's so excited
it's like she's
never left the house
it's like she's
never left
the house
ridiculous
do you know what it is
though Chris
do you know why
why
because my heart
lives on the stage
my heart lives on the stage
and my heart is being
filled right now
because
she's very
you're very excited we're you? We're going on tour
we're taking the smars, we're going to meet the
smars and daz, we're going to all have a
drink and it's going to be just
questions from the public
will be actually from the mouths
of the public, we're going to try and sort that out
we're going to be able to see the faces of the
public. Do you think they'll
give away as much juicy goss?
Well maybe we could do it anonymously we're going to sort that out we'll know they're in the room. Oh, do you think they'll give away as much juicy goss? Well, maybe so we could do it anonymously.
Oh.
We're going to sort
that out in here.
We'll know they're
in the room.
Yeah.
Listen, more about
it after this.
Here's the, Rosie,
I'm taking your line
because I'm that excited.
Here's the jingle.
You better not do that
in the show because
I'll be fucking livid.
Okay, so go on then.
Right, here's the jingle.
My line.
We had a fight
about the jingle,
jingle.
We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle.
So this is the jingle, jingle.
We hope you like the jingle, jingle.
Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah!
Jingle!
Hello, welcome back.
I need to calm down a little bit because I'm very, very excited.
Absolutely buzzing.
We have just announced it because we're recording this on Wednesday. It is
obviously now Friday. Tickets are available
now for the Shag Married Annoyed
live tour. Shagmarriedannoyed.com
for tickets for the tour.
Also see tickets on Ticketmaster.
Do us a favour, guys. Check
all of them before you tweet me saying it's
sold out because there's nothing
more disappointing in
it rosie no no my times i've been on a little poo or something along them lines sitting on my phone
essentially oh i wish i could have got tickets for that but it's sold out and i go oh amazing how
great am i it's sold out oh no just the one venue that that person checked is sold out one specific
ticket retailer in that person's defense i didn't know that. I know.
It's because I live in Breedon.
I'm sorry.
Why have you got to bring negativity to our tour?
Look, you're already putting your negativity on it.
Take it away.
Erase it.
Wipe it off.
Sorry.
Thanks.
We're doing eight dates.
Apologies, there's not more.
But how am I?
We've got a kid.
We've got a kid.
We're married.
Come on.
Jesus.
So we're having eight nights out
essentially
eight nights out
bring your wines
we're going to
book a hotel
we're going to
stay over
they're all going
to be plonk cast
I'll tell you that
right now
live plonk cast
plonky plonk
so exciting
so hopefully
we'll see you there
fingers crossed
it sells
just to quickly
tell you about
the Newcastle
Utility Arena
gig
this one if we sell out
that gig we will be doing the largest live podcast ever and we might get a will we get a record you
know it is in my wildest dreams i have done something and the lady or man in the little
blazer from Guinness World Records
has been standing there
and they've had
their stopwatch
or their little,
he might go around
with a little,
he or she might go around
with one of them
little clickers,
you know,
little clickers,
that doorman I forgot.
I go around and do that,
stand there on stage
and nod and we'll go,
thank you.
Can we sing
Record Breakers?
I mean,
why the hell not?
I'm so excited.
So if you come to that one,
guys,
the Newcastle Utility Arena that is literally
an attempt at a world record
so that'll be
that's going to be really special
it's the night before
the Great North Run
but you know
I'll be doing that
I mean
I mean
there was no fear
of us doing it anyway
but definitely not
the night after that
heavens above
why don't we do the gig right
get lashed
right
and then walk home
right and then get there probably at the same time as everyone who will be finishing the Great North Run Why don't we do the gig, right? Get lashed. Right. And then walk home. Right.
And then get there probably at the same time
as everyone who will be finishing the Great War.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
So walk home hungover and get overtaken.
Walk home, get overtaken by people dressed as fucking giant birds and that.
Obviously more pharaoh destroyer.
But getting like, you know,
I reckon if we walked home hungover from Newcastle,
probably arguing and
being sick yeah we
probably stopped at
the Mac he said fell
and bypass absolutely
I reckon that bloke
who does it in a
fucking diver suit I
reckon he'd beat
we're I would assume
so Colin will be there
in his big big red
dress or the big
dress guy yeah yeah
he'll smash we're
yeah we'll get
smashed but yeah we're
not gonna do the
girl phone but it's
the night before the
group run easy to
remember
huge apology for so much self-promotion But yeah, we're not going to do the growth run. But it's the night before the growth run. Easy to remember. Yay. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.
Huge apology for so much self-promotion.
Back to regular broadcast now.
And, and, and, and, obviously, because of that shameless self-promotion,
you were robbed, dear listener, you were robbed of this week's real...
No.
Looked...
Absolutely not.
Hey, hey, listen.
Listen. Listen. This week's sponsor is... I'm listening. This week's real no looked yeah absolutely not hey hey listen listen listen this week's sponsor is
this week's sponsor is this is not fair chicken pox hey think you're itchy think again chicken
pox yeah hey you want to you want to wash a towel every time you've used it get yourself some
chicken pox think you can only have them once?
It's bullshit.
Think you can only have them once?
Here they come again!
Bullshit.
Nightman strikes twice.
So Robin's got chicken pox is what I'm trying to say.
Oh, God.
It's...
I feel like I've got them.
Oh, I was...
You've stolen me beef.
Right.
Because as soon as I said...
I took Robin to see the nurse,
and I was like he's
got chicken pox i swear an hour later you were like i've got an itchy ankle and i just wanted
to go oh yeah do one honestly honestly like your text is i was away yesterday and your text is
saying i've been the daughters he's got chicken pox and i am i read the word chicken pox and i
was immediately itchy all over and i feel like i've got every i woke up last night multiple times going he's give us them i've got them and i
feel like i'm itching all over the place can you just whenever can you move out for like a few days
please when one of us poorly you just go into some sort of like i can't even describe it it's just
it's absolutely ridiculous the way that you go on i might build you a little area shelter at the bottom of the garden listen i've always said in et in the
film et where they find out that et is there in the house and they build that big white dome at
the front of the house and everyone comes in in them white suits yeah i feel like everyone who
comes to your house should dress in that i feel like people coming to your front door should be
sprayed with a big disinfecting thing and they should put their arms open like like a spray tan
right count mississippi like ross from friends and get a good fucking spraying
everything sorted great honestly we would lose a lot of friends if we did that i mean i've i've
really got many to be fair a dream come true for you i fucking love it i'd love it if people stop
coming around here you love it don't you you've always said you want a house exactly like when
you were little just people come around i fucking hate people come around here honestly i lived in like an open
door house very much it was just constantly people there on a weekend would have family
round like in the summer everyone be in the back garden having a drink and yeah that's how i like
our house to be absolutely not i have hidden sometimes when people have knocked on the door
yeah i know i've seen you the doorbell rings and I'll just drop to the deck,
roll it under the windowsill
next to the radiator
and just lie there until they leave.
Oh, God.
Think he's sociable, do you?
Think he's funny on his turn?
He's a nice bloke?
He's a dick.
You wouldn't like us in real life.
I'm joking.
But yeah,
I just,
I don't know.
I don't know.
There is something nice
about people turning up unannounced.
But there's also...
Oh, I didn't say unannounced.
Oh, right, you like them booked in.
Oh, I like to know people are coming.
Unannounced? Are you kidding us?
What, do we live in the 50s?
We row too much.
We have little daft rows too much for people to be here all the time.
But that's because you're really bad at covering an argument.
I'm amazing at that.
They wouldn't know if they were.
If somebody walked in and we were mid-argument,
they would never know.
They would think we are the happiest married couple in the world.
You, give it away.
Because you cannot hide the fact that we are arguing.
And you just look at us and go,
Are you alright?
And I'm like,
Go away.
Don't look at us. Hello, are you alright? And I'm like, we're not fucking drunk. Go away. Don't look at us.
Hello, do you want a drink?
Hey, they were really happy
when I went round.
I mean, at one point,
he put his arm round her
and she elbowed him in the kidneys.
But other than that,
they were really in good spirits,
them two.
What a lovely couple.
I can still taste the disinfectant
that he sprayed on us
when I came in.
Good guy.
He's a good guy.
What have you been up to?
Getting excited about the tour.
Yeah.
Getting buzzing about another job.
Filling out my CV.
Your CV is ridiculous now.
Isn't it?
It's probably...
Podcaster.
Author.
Yes.
Live podcaster.
Yes.
Hopefully, even though I haven't done it yet.
Yes.
Yes.
What else?
Instagrammer? Instagrammer
Instagrammer
Influencer
I'm an actress
I'm a singer
I'm just wearing all these hats
And I kind of keep them on straight
Because I'm just
Jack of all trades
Master of none
That's me
Yeah
It's so exciting
I'm not
I'm just
I'm living a dream right now Chris
Yeah
And it's all because
Of me
Fuck you I thought I was going to get a thank you there a dream right now, Chris. Yeah. And it's all because of me.
Fuck you!
I thought I was going to get a thank you there.
Bloody coattail rider.
Honestly.
Mike, honestly,
my posture,
my posture
is...
Your back hurting.
It's hurting
from dragging you along
on me coattails
like you are on holiday
at the Costa del Sol
fucking water skiing
off the back
of the speedboat that is, Chris Ramsey Industries.
No, honestly.
Unbelievable.
In my head, right, I can imagine now you've got a really lovely coat, like a wedding one, but really long coat tails.
I'm on the back on a sun lounger in a lovely stripy swimming costume with a big hat on, having a cocktail.
And you're just dragging us along
and it's like
yeah
and I'm just like
hello
waving
a bit like the queen
yeah
that's it
thank you
that is exactly
what's happening
in our lives
I appreciate it though
thank you so much
you didn't have to
let us in
so
starting to regret it
I'm honest with you
no you're flipping not
well
we'll see
we'll see
we'll see when it comes
to the beef section
what fucking long lost relative of that fucker pops up today damn you
it's time for what's your beef hello chris oh god i never know which one's coming hello
no it's becky here hello hello ch I'm just ringing in. Two things, Rice.
One, you're going on tour?
Yes.
You're not coming to Liverpool?
No, sorry.
Why is that?
We'll only make Manchester.
You're going to have to bomb along the M62 if you want to come.
No.
Well, good.
Can't be doing that.
Right, well.
What's wrong with the pool?
Nothing is wrong.
Absolutely lovely Liverpool.
We couldn't get any venues.
Annoyingly, I couldn't get any venues in Liverpool working on my tour or on the shagmarinoid tour which is irritating so
i'll definitely have to try and go next year but you are banned from all venues i come to
and if you dare if you dare turn up on stage at shagmarinoid i'm gonna go mental is that
fighting talk christopher say that again sorry you slipped you slipped out of your accent slightly there.
Is that fighting talk, Christopher?
No, I am, of course, being sarcastic and joking.
All right.
I've got a new boyfriend.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right.
He's called Tyson.
Tyson?
Tyson Fury.
You're going out with... Barry, hold on.
Exclusive, Barry Beef's sister is going out with Tyson Fury.
Well, it's a secret.
Well, not anymore.
So don't tell anyone.
But yeah, we're going out together.
So you want to come and say that to me again?
My question is, I turn my mobile on a flight mode before I record the podcast.
So how are you able to ring in?
It's...
It's just...
Anyway, Barry,
just to let you know,
Barry, he's been locked up.
Right.
Oh, no way.
So I'm just ringing as well
because I need to borrow some bail.
Yeah.
And I know that you and Rosie
are good for it.
Right.
And Rosie always promised Barry
that if anything happened,
she would really look out for him.
And so we need 1,500 quid.
Sorry, 15,000 quid.
Ah!
That went from, what the fuck's he done?
50, what's he in for?
GBH.
Right.
That's not, he's a horrible man.
No, he wasn't that serious.
No, it wasn't that serious. No, no,'t that serious. No, it wasn't that serious.
No, no, no, no.
GB, it wasn't that serious.
Are you serious?
What do you mean it wasn't that serious?
Well, he was just a scrapple.
Scrapple?
A little scribble, scrapple.
Rosie was here.
Was she now?
Yeah, it was over her.
Oh, right, right.
She's not totally right.
She's not Chris.
Oh, right, funny that, isn't it?
Funny that.
Anyway, I've got to go.
I'm really busy.
Right, okay, yeah. Rookside's on. Tell Tyson hello.wneud â'r rheswm. Iawn, iawn.
Rwy'n dweud i Tyson, heno.
A tan, da iawn am y syniad. Roedd yn wych.
Beth?
Y ffeithiau.
Beth yw'n ei sgwrs am?
Fe wnaethon ni ffwrdd ar ddydd Sadewnda. Roedd yn ffynniol.
Oedd e?
Oedd e.
Ydyn ni'n siarad am yr un Tyson?
Mae Tyson yn gweithio mewn bach? Ond mae'n wirioneddol anodd. My Tyson works in a bank But he's really hard
Right
Right okay bye
I'll send you my bank details
Just fuck off man
No fuck off
You fuck off
Come to the pool
Jesus Christ man
Do your research will you
You didn't even know
He'd had a fight on the weekend,
you useless fucker.
I hate you.
Watch your beef before I burst into tears.
Listen, listen.
Right.
My beef this week is
I got sent a lovely portrait from somebody
from my Instagram.
Yeah.
It was me, you and Robin.
Your comments upon looking on this beautiful portrait was
wow, they've really been kind to your chin. right, it was me, you and Robin. Your comments upon looking on this beautiful portrait was,
wow, they've really been kind to your chin.
Do you remember that?
Yeah.
That really hurt my feelings.
That really cut me deep.
Yeah, I'm actually going to send it away to someone so they can add some shading in.
You know I'm sensitive about my chins.
A couple of lines and a bit of shading.
Hey, look, you're going to give it, you're going to add some shading in. You know I'm sensitive about my chins. A couple of lines and a bit of shading. Hey, look, you're going to give it,
you're going to come on live too with me.
You've got to get sparring,
got to get verbal sparring.
I was thinking about getting lipo on it.
Can I just say,
I'm not having you come off stage
at the end of the gigs and go,
Chris, you took that too far.
That was nasty.
I'm not having this.
I'm not having extra
well we need to have boundaries
is there going to be no boundaries
we're going to have to have a safe word
we're going to have to have a banter safe word
this is terrible
should we make one up now
no because then everyone will know what it is
alright
let's think it through
there'll have to be something
nondescript
Oklahoma's normally a good one
what
Oklahoma
but everyone would know yeah I suppose we'll have to think about that Oklahoma's normally a good one What? Oklahoma
But everyone would know
Yeah I suppose
We'll have to think about that
Anyway stop slagging off my chin
My
Which one?
My beef with you this week is
My beef with you this week is
You
Cannot
For the life of you
And refuse to learn
How
To make me A decent cup of tea
oh really you no no no i'm serious you keep offering cups of tea recently they're going
down thank you welcome yeah but yeah but you might as well you might as well give us a cup
of toilet water it's it's going downhill they're too milky you don't like the tea bag sitting for
enough and you put too much milk in. They're too weak, right?
And listen here.
Now, if I tried to tell you,
if I said, oh, Rosie, come on,
I'll just quickly show you how to do this.
You'd be like, ah!
Don't you dare.
There we go, there we go.
Don't you dare.
Paranising bastard.
How dare you?
Right, right.
I'm not making a cup of tea in the future.
Listen here, right?
You know what I realised today?
When I make you a coffee...
You're an ungrateful arsehole.
You are full of it, right?
This is one-sided, right? Because I make you a coffee you're ungrateful also you are full of it right this is one sided
right
because I make you a coffee
I know
I know depending on
what time of day
what kind of coffee
you have
how you take it
and what fucking cup
you have it in
so maybe take a moment
to learn
how I like me tea
right
yeah
just for the listeners
in the morning
she likes it in quite
a modern cup
we've got two
we've got like a blue one
a green one she likes it in there two modern cup. We've got two. We've got a blue one and a green one.
She likes it in there. Two sweeteners.
Double espresso, shot with water, stirred.
Afternoon, more of a vintage, smaller tea cup.
Am I right? Yeah.
With a single shot of espresso, still two sweeteners, water, stirred.
Am I right?
Yeah, you're right.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Exactly.
And I know that after three o'clock or two o'clock, you won't have that.
Two o'clock.
Two o'clock.
Don't listen.
Well, brilliant.
So you like your tea. Tea bag, hot water and milk.
Yeah.
And what I don't understand, what else am I meant to do?
You've got to let the tea bag sit in it for a little bit.
The amount of times you've got, so sometimes you go-
Wait, well, tell us now, how long do I leave it to sit for?
Like a minute and a half.
That's how long I do leave it to sit for?
No, you don't.
The amount of times you've went, do you want a cup of tea?
And I go, yeah.
And it's just there straight away.
You know when you go to a restaurant and you're like,
I'll have the burger please and they go, no problem
and they bring it like
in like a suspicious amount,
like it's suspiciously quick
and you go,
well, fuck knows.
I don't know where this has been sitting.
Well, why haven't you said it before?
We've been married for years.
Why have you never said this?
Why are you waiting so long?
You used to be really good at them.
You used to be really good at cups of tea
and you've gone terrible.
Well, I'm not being funny.
I've got about seven jobs going on the go.
I've got time to make you a cup of tea and you've gone terrible. Well, I'm not being funny. I've got about seven jobs going on on the go. I've got time to make
a cup of tea.
Add tea maker
to your CV
right this second
or I'm not going on tour.
Here we go.
I'll go by myself.
Right, well,
that backfired.
That's fine.
I'll take it back.
I'm coming.
Can't get rid of
a static, sorry.
It's time for
questions from the public.
Public.
Public.
I'm on a bit of a comedown now.
Are you really?
I honestly got so excited that now I feel a bit...
Yeah.
It was such a weird morning getting ready to announce that to her.
This must be how Lionel Richie feels.
When he does his to us. Why fucking Lionel? Of all the people. I don't know be how Lionel Richie feels when he does his tours.
Why fucking Lionel?
Of all of you.
I don't know.
Why Lionel Richie?
It's the first one
that came to me.
It was literally,
basically,
all morning,
it's been essentially like,
you know that moment
where you're waiting
for the person to arrive
at the surprise party
and someone's at the door
to the function room
and someone's like,
go down and like
intercept them.
It was like,
standing at the door waiting, everyone shut the fuck up, go down and like intercept them it was like stand at the door
wait and go
everyone shut the fuck
turn the music off
lights off
it was that
for a full morning
while Robin had
chicken pox as well
at the same time
that was good
he's been a laugh
with his chicken pox
hasn't he
scabby little bugger
bless him
there is party though
and I'm not
I'm not sort of
giving it the whole
Munchausen syndrome here
but there is a
when you've got
what are you going to say?
Bear with us, don't use this
out of context. When you've got a four year old boy
who is a live wire and nuts
and runs around screaming and shouting and doesn't let you
have five seconds, there is
something, and I know I'm wrong
but there is something perversely enjoyed about
when he's a bit lethargic and he just wants to sit
and watch Italian avocado. Yeah, yeah
Do you not remember years ago when he was only bit lethargic and he just wants to sit and watch Italian avocado. Yeah. Yeah. Do you not remember
years ago
when he was only two
I'd been to see Little Me
Yeah I remember this.
And I got
disgustingly drunk
like
shocking
shockingly drunk
and it was the most
tongue over I've ever been
the next day
and Robin was really poorly
and he just sat on my knee
and we watched Disney films
all day
and it was the
honestly up
there was one of the best days of my life i swear best day of my life when my child wasn't well
ashamed of yourself you went and got us a mcdonald's i remember i ate loads of his um
what they're called them crisps oh them carrot things you used to get oh my god and the face
giant what giant what's it what are the teddy bear ones called? Pombears. Pombears. I ate loads of them.
And kind of called,
oh, the best day ever.
Sweet.
Anyway, back to the questions.
It's terrible, isn't it?
Oh, man.
But that's the thing with Robin, though.
He is basically like,
when you used to have a job,
not if you worked in a shop or whatever,
and there was no customers or nothing to do,
and your boss
would just be like
well it's quiet
so count the
coat hangers
in the stock room
and you'd be like
clean all the POS
yeah yeah
yeah like
make sure everything's
perpendicular then
because you know what
I can't have you doing
fuck all
he's like that
he watches the tape
for five minutes
and he's like
daddy I've noticed
you're not doing anything
can I have a
shredded up apple please you're like oh yeah fuck you're not doing anything can I have a shredded up apple please
you're like
oh yeah
fuck
you're not even hungry man
you just want us
to be doing shit
I know
do you know
that's
speaking of shops
one thing I hated doing
when I worked in shops
was then they used to make you
go and talk to people
ask them if they're alright
I don't want to
nobody wants to be asked
if they're alright
in a shop
nobody does
no
if you want help
you'll go and ask for it you can always kind of know when someone wants they're all right in a shop nobody does no if you want help you'll go and ask
for it you can always kind of know when someone wants like i'll stand in a shop and if i pick
something up and it's a large and i want a medium or whatever all right yeah i kind of just bob my
head around and i've just turned my head and look around and they'll always know i mean annoyingly
i walk into a shop they're fucking on you straight away you're okay do you need help just because
the show if you need anything if you need need any sizes, I'm just over here.
The minute I look up for them,
they're nowhere to be fucking seen.
Yeah, liars.
In the back room, counting coat hangers.
But yeah, oh man,
when I used to work at All Sports,
we always had to upsell.
So it was always like,
when they buy the trainers,
see if they'll buy the wax for the trainers.
And I'm standing there,
there's like a bloke buying a pair of football boots
for his kid for fucking pay
at school
and I'm like
do you want to buy the dub and wax
to rub on
it's two pounds
and it'll keep the letter
and the guys
they'd just be like
shut up
they'd just cut you
chop you off
do you want to get
into massive loads of debt
so I can win a bottle of wine
at the end of the week
is that what you said happened
yeah
all sports didn't have a store card.
Whoever got the most store cards,
this is when I worked in retail,
in clothes shops,
I'm not saying where,
but whoever got the most store cards,
whoever managed to get the most,
would get a bottle of wine at the end of the week.
I used to hate doing that.
I'd be like,
oh, I just didn't like it.
Do you still got store cards?
No, but I did for a long time and they were crazy in debt.
Oh, like my credit score, until I met you.
Yeah.
Again, coattails, you're welcome.
Thank you.
Horrific because I had store cards and honestly,
it's because I worked at that shop and I got myself one
because I wanted to win, right?
I was like one away from winning.
Shut the fuck up. That's cheating. You got yourself a store card. at that shop and I got myself one because I wanted to win right I was like one away from winning so I was like I'll get one
shut the fuck up
that's cheating
you got yourself a store card
so you can win
that's bollocks
anyway
no wonder your ma's
got so many store cards
bless her
it's all because of me
man please
I want to win
so I got it
I spent 93 quid
and I swear to god
that cost
that one shopping trip
cost me 600 quid
in late fees
it's a pity you didn't work there now because you could have got one for you
one for Barry one for his ma one for Belinda one for Becky yeah yeah they'd be buzzing there like
wouldn't you I know unbelievable right what's the what's the what's the what's the public saying hey
look it's a little bit of chat don't't worry about it. Love it. I love chatting with you. Well yeah. A little chatter. That's the only time I get to talk. Hi Rosie
and Chris, my missus has a male friend that has fancied her for the past nine years and
even told her family that one day she'll give in. Give in? That's a brilliant choice of
words. Give in. She once woke up to him rubbing himself on her feet.
What?
Eh?
What?
Apparently.
What?
She once woke up?
She once woke up to him rubbing himself,
I'm guessing nevers,
on her feet.
And when I've met him,
he has always been dismissive of me.
Well, he's just not mentioned anymore about the rubbing.
So that's all we get about the rubbing.
Ah, that's really annoying.
Do you know what?
Didn't someone send us an email kicking off
that we don't delve more deep into stuff?
That's what the tour is going to have, right?
When someone has a weird shit,
I'll get one of them massive fucking 4,000 candle power torches.
That's like a spotlight that Derren Brown has on his show.
And we'll whip a spotlight onto someone and we'll cross-examine you can't just go walk up rubbing their self and just leave
it well hang on i'll find out hang on right okay so um i've met him and he's always been dismissive
of me and mugged me off she will not talk to him about it but rather pretend it didn't happen
brilliant but stilly's friend?
She's still his friend? Yeah, apparently.
She even told her family if I had a female
friend that was like that,
she wouldn't want me to see them again.
Not the rubbing bit, that's just weird.
I now call him
feet.
Have you ever had this problem? What the hell
is happening? Right, first of all,
dude, that's from a man, yeah?
Barney.
Barney.
That's a fake name.
Nice try.
He's a big purple dinosaur.
Right.
Okay.
Good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Barney, your...
Is it wife?
Girlfriend?
Look, whatever.
She's doing it to piss you off, mate.
She's doing it to piss you off.
She's keeping you on your toes.
That man who we are talking about, in my opinion,
specifically exists to keep you on your fucking toes.
Do you think?
Oh, God, yeah.
Hey, Bonnie, Valentine's Day is coming up.
Oh, better get something.
Our fucking photosaurus there will be all over you.
Like, absolutely, in my opinion.
So Chris Rock's got an amazing routine about this.
He calls it a cock in the box.
Right.
So he says when your girlfriend or your wife's got a male friend,
it's cock in the box, break glass in case of emergency.
And it's like, if they break up, she's just got a ready-made... I want a cock in the box.
Hey!
I've not got one.
You've got Barry.
Pack it in, right?
Barry is not a real person, Chris.
Have I got a cock in the box?
Let me think
Hang on
They're all gay
Oh er
Your brother
Kev
Oh great
Yeah
Wow
Oh I made myself feel sad there
Imagine the Daily Mail comment on that
No I haven't got one
Aww
Apply within
Fuck off
Any friends
That would like to rub their nethers on my foot
Feel free Look hey Look So strange Do you know what it is I was about to say there fuck off any friends that would like to rub their nethers on my foot feel free
look hey
look
so strange
do you know what it is
I was about to say there
I was about to say
I'm not judging
I am judging
I'm specifically judging
you're allowed to judge
judge away
yeah I'm judging
Bonnie's not real
so there we go
what do you think
I
think
do you think there's any truth
in what I've said
that's just keeping them around to piss them off absolutely because you just you wouldn't's any truth in what I've said? That's just keeping him around.
Absolutely.
Because you just...
You wouldn't...
If you were in a relationship with someone
and you walk up to your friend
rubbing your foot on his private parts,
one, I'd be like,
what are you doing?
Two, I'd probably never speak to them again.
And three, I'd tell you
and then we just wouldn't speak to them together
what situation is she in
where he's there
when she wakes up
and her feet are at crotch height
where could it have been
could it have been a nap during the day
or was he somehow staying over somehow
have they fallen asleep on a trampoline
in the sun
she put her feet up on a table
during a barbecue
possibly
hey listen this might be slander look on the other side of it it might have her feet up on a table during a barbecue? Possibly.
Hey, listen,
this might be slander.
Look on the other side of it.
He might have been falling asleep on the table
during a barbecue,
put her feet up,
he might have been
leaning over to grab some ketchup
but his dick might have
touched her foot.
And he might have went,
oh, sorry,
I was trying to get the ketchup.
You know, I fancy you
but I haven't got a foot thing.
And she went,
yeah, no problem.
And then she said,
hey, Barney,
do you know where
he put his dick
in between me toes?
I just wonder,
sometimes, do you know when we read these stories and these questions,
it just always makes me think like, we have really boring life.
We have a really, really plain life.
I wouldn't use the word boring.
No one on the deathbed has gone, I haven't lived.
No one, an acquaintance has never put his knob on me feet and I have wasted my life.
None of my friends have ever rubbed their crotch on me feet.
I'm a bit embarrassed about that.
And you've got lovely feet.
Do you know what?
Bloody waste.
My feet are the best part of my whole body.
Aren't they?
They are.
Again, I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like I can't answer that.
No, you can.
No, I don't think I can trap. I feel like I can't answer that. No, you can. No, I don't.
Do you agree?
I can't.
Well, what do you think I'm going to say?
Like, what?
So you don't like my face?
Yeah.
No, I won't.
Do you like my feet?
Well, you have got lovely feet.
So what?
You don't like my face?
Fuck off.
Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.
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Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental
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That's sunrisechallenge.ca.
This Friday.
You must be very careful, Margaret.
It's a girl.
Witness the birth birth bad things will
start to happen evil things of evil it's all you know don't the first omen i believe the girl is
to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying 666 is the mark of the devil movie
of the year the first omen real. It's not real. Who said that?
The First Omen.
Only in theaters Friday.
Get tickets now.
Dear Chris and Rosie,
I have a dilemma that's been bugging me for many years now
and I don't know if I should confess or not.
Oh, this is...
Oh, pull up a chair.
Listen to this, Juicy.
Get the kettle on.
Get a packet of biscuits.
Come on!
Stop that.
I'm very good friends with two brothers who I went to school with.
Just to set the scene,
they are very family-orientated people and get quite protective.
At one of their weddings, I befriended their aunt.
She ended up finding me on the Facebook...
On the Facebook.
On the Facebook. On the Facebook.
That's what it says.
Loser.
Come on, man.
Justin Timberlake told him in the film,
lose the the, just Facebook, it's cleaner.
He told him that in the social network.
JT.
JT told him that and you're not even, the Facebook.
Crikey.
I ended up finding me on the Facebook
and we got chatting again
and I ended up coming round for a bit of rampy-pampy
a few times and all was good.
Is that what it actually says?
Yeah. What?
That auntie? The auntie.
Sorry. You're not
even listening, are you? Because you said it in court. I thought it was
a joke and I thought, so this is a bloke writing
the email. Yes. Read it again was a joke and I thought so this is a bloke writing the email yes read it
again in real English
right so this lad
lad is friends with two
brothers and he went to
one of their weddings
befriended the aunt and
had sex with the auntie
I thought you were
joking so read it exactly
what happened so from
the Facebook I ended up
going around oh sorry
she the aunt
ended up finding me on the facebook loser and we got chatting again and i ended up going around
for a bit of rumpy pumpy a few times and all was good wow that came from nowhere i know sorry i
i didn't realize you would get so shagging there shag auntie. Shagging his mates. Shagging his mates. Mate, listen. Listen.
You're getting too carried away.
I can't help it.
Reel yourself the fuck in.
I'm sorry.
Ready?
After a bit, I got a girlfriend
and we called it a day.
Okay?
So he's not shagging the auntie anymore.
Fast forward a few months
and the aunt got pissed
and told her sister
she had slept with one of her ladads friends but she wouldn't say who
the lads then suspected it was another friend of ours who unsurprisingly denied it and now they
have had a fallout oh you bastard i know now what do i do should come clean? Or is it even anyone else's business? I mean, I'm 30 now and I can't be dealing with all this drama.
Oh, wow.
Love to hear your advice.
Wow.
God, I hope they don't listen because that's not really difficult to work out.
If you've got a brother and you're anti-shag one of your mates
and you're not speaking to one of them and you denied it.
It's pretty obvious, isn't it?
I mean, then again, even though we get all these questions we still are quite naive like
there might be fucking thousands of people who that's happened to well this podcast what how
many downloads we are now 18 million don't like a brag so 18 out of 18 million people there probably
is a lot of anti-fuckers out there you know i mean but you can But you can't call someone an anti-fucker. Shut your fucking face, anti-fucker.
Sorry, Mom.
Sorry, Dad.
No, not sorry.
I mean, should he come clean?
He's going to fall out with, if he comes clean,
he's going to fall out with the brothers
and he's going to fall out with the guy who he let take the fall for as well.
Do the brothers have any right, though, to be annoyed?
Two consenting adults?
I just want to know the age gap.
That's all I want to know.
Right, okay, well, we can guess that...
There's going to be loads of averages.
Your aunt is normally...
50s, 60s.
Well, normally within a few years of your mum and dad.
Yeah.
Yeah, there we go we go oh it was good
I think you should
tell them
I think you should
tell them
I don't think it's fair
that they fell out
with somebody else
yeah
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know how much
advice to give
the guy here
because I'll end up
sounding like an agony aunt
and he'll probably
come round and fuck us.
So up next, this isn't questions but I was recently doing some
work with a TV channel
promoting a show that they have
on currently. How many
jobs do you fucking have?
Listen, I don't want to
get ahead of myself honestly
honestly i feel like you're gonna pop out and fit a bathroom for someone in five minutes it's
getting ridiculous i did woodwork at school so it's not it's not wood swells when it's wet so
don't don't do wood in the bathroom well depends how much what your budget is
so i was promoting a tv program for a channel and it's about weddings right okay so i asked
my followers on instagram for some funny wedding stories yeah um obviously the smiles and daz
in their droves were amazing um couldn't couldn't use that for the channel unfortunately because i
had to keep it a bit yeah well so the sh. Yeah, well, so the Shag Married Annoyed fans
are used to a certain level of story
that isn't acceptable for when you're doing
a paid partnership with a TV channel.
Great.
So we've got the offcuts here.
So we've got the, you know...
Yes, recycled questions from the public.
Public, public, public, public, public, public.
Doing a bit for the environment.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Content sharing. The recycle. So I thought we'd... And with it being Shag Married Annoyed, public public doing a bit for the environment yeah yeah yeah yeah content sharing
we recycle
so I thought we'd
and with it being shag married annoyed
I thought it made sense
married
it's one of the words
married
bloody fantastic
so these are funny wedding day stories
this one
this one
I don't know if
this is
it's a bit strange
okay
it's not really funny
it's a bit weird
great
you ready
change the title then
funny wedding stories
well
rank wedding stories all right that's why well we're still happy guys we're still happy get in It's a bit weird. Great. Are you ready? Change the title then. Funny Wedding Stories. Well, Rank Wedding Stories.
All right.
That's why.
Well, we're still happy.
Guys, we're still happy.
Go for it.
Get in.
On my wedding day, we were running early, so my driver took a detour.
Ten minutes in and I needed the loo.
Oh, Jesus.
So I asked if he could turn around.
Combining a full bladder with a tight dress meant I got desperate quickly.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
We came across a petrol station
and my driver went in to find out if they had a toilet.
Never in the world.
Because they usually do.
You've got to get a key.
They're always disgusting.
God on it.
But you're going into a petrol station
and you have wedding dress to go for a piss.
Chris, people are around.
Listen, I've been a lot of petrol stations to the toilet.
They are disgusting.
Yeah, they're horrible
here's a little tip
for everyone
on the morning
of my wedding
I used a suppository
and I just
emptied myself
well that's lovely
that's
I mean I've
literally just
found that out now
true story
I thought you
looked thinner
I did
mate
can we just take a moment to appreciate the phrase emptied myself?
I did.
Fully emptied myself.
So, came across a petrol station.
They kindly let me use the staff toilet.
Brilliant.
That's good.
I sat having a pee whilst my dad held my dress above my head.
Once I'd finished, my dad said,
Oh, I may as well go.
So, I stood there holding my own dress above my head,
whilst my dad also had a wee.
We had such strange looks when we came out,
my dad even used the story of our escapade in his speech.
I'm sorry, what world are people
living in when they're in the same room
while the dad is having a wee?
Sorry, but
the only visualisation I've got here is
she still had the dress over her head.
Was she still sitting on the top? Did he wee in the gap?
I think he literally was doing it behind her
or between her legs.
I think he might have done it. I think he has, that's what I've
heard from that. That's just wrong.
Can you imagine?
Oh, you're excited for your day.
Oh, it's going to be great.
So on her wedding day,
she saw her dad's dick
before she saw her husband's dick.
Jesus Christ.
How do these people exist? Oh, God. on i love it me like it's great man
hey the world takes all shapes and sizes everyone's individual everyone's uh you know everyone's dad's
different um this is a wedding story here on my wedding day my nephew burned his ass on a light
laid in the ground because he was sat on it whilst wearing
a kilt. My auntie
fell off a table, broke her arm
dancing, and a couple was caught shagging
on the venue's garden.
It sounds like my stag do.
Fucking dropping people off
at A&E. He burned
his arse on a light. So there was a light
in the ground, like them lights in steps
and stuff. He sat on it and bonned his arse. He light. So there was a light in the ground, like them lights in steps and stuff. Yeah. He's on it,
Bonnie's arse.
Yeah.
Who's shagging in the gardens
at someone else's wedding?
Well,
they must have just...
Who's doing that, man?
Just took the fancy.
Phil Fags.
Our great auntie died
at the table of my auntie's wedding
just as they were serving the starters.
Oh, fuck.
So that's nice.
Oh, that's terrible.
Oh, no.
Way to make it all about you, great auntie.
That's harsh.
I'm sorry.
That's really harsh.
I've got some.
Hang on.
At my friend's wedding, the best man stood up to do his speech and during it said,
I remember the first time Bruce met Dawn Marie's fanny instead of family.
Bruce met Dawn Marie's
Fanny
instead of family
he fucking
listen
he did that on purpose
do you think
he fucking planned that
instead of family
of course man
that was
that's great
he's played it off
the great
the best bit is
he's pretended
that that was an accident
for years
well done him
he planned that
he'd have been getting ready
that morning
looking at me
imagine I say Fanny
instead of family how class will that be I'm gonna do ready that morning imagine I say Fanny instead of family
how class will that be
I'm going to do this
and I'm going to say Fanny
I'd do that
I'd 100% do that
what a genius
you are a professional
stand up comedian
of course you would do that
yeah but
I don't think he is
I'm just jealous
of how good he is
last one here
you ready
my sister did the worm
across the dance floor
with no knickers on
she was made of honour
and insisted
they were too uncomfortable so she hid her knickers behind one of the boys and paraded her vagina to
all my guests so why is she hiding in it put them in your bag for you why are you hiding your
knickers what's wrong with everyone why are you putting them somewhere else i don't know she was
just getting rid of them wasn't she thank you, everyone, for them lovely bits of delight.
Weddings, man.
Absolutely crazy.
Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah.
Right, I've got one here for a change.
I love it when you have them.
I just randomly went on the emails the other day and I read this and I was like,
right, okay, I'm having it.
I'm having it.
So listen to this, right?
It covers some topics we might have covered
in the past as well, actually.
Brings a couple of old favourites back.
I started seeing my boyfriend about two and a half years ago he has moved in with me now from washington in the
northeast i too love a northeast accent one of the first friends he introduced me to was a doctor
who lives in newcastle he was a medical student and i found out that he studied in york my hometown
my best friend from primary school who i have known since i was five years old used to try and
get me to go to salsa dancing classes about six years ago i know this sounds ridiculous but all the
threads come together like they come together in the end like fucking broad church like it's
ridiculous um we were he loves broad church he knows i loved it great loved it we were both
single at the time and she said the guys were great i I saw salsa dancing classes as foreplay for divorced men in their 60s and weirdos.
That's offensive to professional dancers like myself, but carry on.
And me.
I never did go to the classes slash socials to find out myself.
However, her stories didn't prove me wrong.
I distinctly remember her calling me late one night as she had gone home, brackets, his house, with a man from salsa.
After going on a few dates, he went to the bathroom to freshen up.
Brackets, what does that mean, by the way?
Wash your bits in the sink, question mark.
Yes, it does.
Hang on, hang on.
Sorry.
Is she with the doctor or is she with a guy from Salsa?
All of those characters from the beginning, from the first chapter,
they will come back in.
Okay.
But who's she with now?
Who's freshening up for the poor nanny?
So this is her friend telling
a story about someone she
met at salsa. Not the guy who she went
with? Don't. Just forget about them two.
Forget about those guys. What? It'll come back.
Just, honestly.
Everyone listening, by the way, this is what it's like
watching a fucking film with Rosie.
Who's he? What's happening? What are they doing there?
Why's that happened? When's that gonna happen? Is this for... Rosie. Who's he? What's happening? What are they doing there? Why has that happened?
When's that going to happen?
Is this for... Rosie, it's the advert.
Oh.
Listen,
I was blessed with a vocal voice.
A vocal voice.
Fuck me.
A voice box.
I'm tired.
She got in her underwear
and peeled back the duvet
to find
a crusted brown stain
on the white sheets.
Ooh.
Okay.
I could not believe there would be really anything to worry about,
so she sent me a photo message.
It was a skid mark, undoubtedly.
Undoubtedly is amazing.
How could someone have a skid mark in their bed?
She left him after this.
Bracket, she still slept with him that night.
Brilliant.
On the skid mark.
I'm going to lay you down on the skid mark.
Make sweet, sweet love on the skid mark.
She then began dating again.
Sorry, but no.
I have never, ever.
Who's that desperate for sex?
To have sex on a skid mark?
Like, I couldn't.
Can you imagine how far, she must have saw it
and then whipped the bed covers back over
and he's like, let's get under the sheets.
And she's like, let's do it on top of the duvet.
Let's please.
Why? Just because, but it's cold.
I don't care. Can we do it on top of the duvet?
And I'm not going to touch your arse because.
I couldn't. I couldn't.
That would put me off stream.
Right, keep going. Is there more?
Yeah. She then began dating a guy who was very romantic with her,
sending her flowers and poems, etc.
A different guy?
A different guy.
He also had some strange sexual habits.
He role-played with her, counting down from ten when she...
Counting down from ten when she was going to climax,
or often he would pretend to her that he was a burglar in
the house or someone in the garden watching them having sex oh god or there was someone so we would
have sex and he'd be like shouting i can see the guy in the garden again he's watching while we're
doing it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so that was their role play,
that he would pretend there was someone in the garden watching them.
So he'd be having sex with her and looking out the window going,
that bloke's watching me again.
Oh my God.
What was she saying?
Like, oh shit.
Oh no.
Quickies, what?
Did she join in? I don't know. That was just his thing. Do you know what? Like, oh, shit. Oh, no. Quickies, what? Did she join in?
I don't know.
That was just his thing.
Do you know what?
I would love role play.
A bit of improvisation of an evening.
Can you imagine?
I am not having sex with any of the beefs.
So you can fucking get that out of your head right now, love.
All right?
Listen to this.
This story is ridiculous, right?
Chris, listen.
You wouldn't want Belinda on your making
Sweet sweet
Sweet sweet skid mark love
Listen right
Right
I'm excited
So this guy
So this guy who she's
Who she's
Pretending
That someone's in the garden
Yeah
She then thought it would be a good idea
To move in with the guy
After this
So she moved in with this guy right
I met the guy And he was often really in with this guy right i met the guy and
he was often really rude to me when my friend would go to the loo or they were we had moments
alone he would tell me that i am not a good person unbelievable he used to pull out the hair on his
eyebrows he would lay next to her in bed and are Are you ready? Are you ready for this?
He used to pull out the hair on his eyebrows.
Dot, dot, dot.
He would lay next to her in bed.
Yeah.
You ready?
What?
Pull out his pubic hairs and eat them.
I mean... She's moved in with this lad.
Did she stay with him?
Well, she did break up with him, thankfully,
and now she is with a lovely man who we all like.
A one who doesn't eat his pubic hair
or is nasty to her friends.
Brilliant.
Imagine that on speed dating.
First question, do you eat your pubes?
Yes, leave.
Of all the hairs to eat.
Listen to this.
No, there's not more.
Remember the beginning, right?
I told my
boyfriend this story as
it was a date in Cautionary Tale.
However, recently, the doctor friend
who lives in Newcastle that I have now met several
times, I've noticed he has photos from his stag do in his house.
In the photo, standing next to a photo of my boyfriend and the Geordie doctor was the pubie eater.
No!
The pubie eater.
No!
How amazing.
It all comes back.
I've got goosebumps.
The whole story comes back together.
How does pubie know them?
I asked the doctor how he knows him,
and he used to go to the gym with him
when they were at uni in York.
I didn't let on that I knew him.
Should I tell my boyfriend that he in fact knows this guy
who eats his own pubes,
and he has shared a hostel room with him on a stag do?
Yes, she needs to tell him.
Isn't that wonderful?
I love it when stuff like that happens.
Just comes together at the beginning.
I saw your face and I was reading it
and I'm rambling and you're going,
this is rambling,
why has he picked such a long story?
Bang!
Lord of the Rings,
eat your dick off.
Eat your pubes off.
Eat your pubes.
More like it.
Hi, Rosie and Chris.
Hello.
You were talking about people
who can't even bring up an ex's name to their partner on this week's podcast.
I think this is from a while back.
Yeah.
Because I can't remember that.
I think just to go over the topic in case anyone's not aware.
My favourite times ever are when you bring up stories about your ex and you're slagging them off.
Yeah, you love it.
Any of your exes.
Oh, you did one today and I was like, me.
I just take it as a big me party it'll be you one day oh oh brilliant huh brilliant great i'm only joking um i'm like that with my boyfriend's ex because he has her name tattooed
on his effing chest. Chest? Yeah.
Chest's bad.
Yeah.
Is it over his heart?
It's fully blown all across his chest.
Oh, never in the world. He kept it hidden for the first couple of months as well.
When we had sex, he kept his top on
and I just thought he might have body issues
or weird nipples or something.
How?
How understanding.
Oh, yeah. Or had nipples or something.
Anyway.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
I then found out that he has her name tattooed
in some shitty calligraphy on his chest.
I've been asking maybe once a month for him to get it covered up
and he still hasn't.
And we've been together for two years now.
My question is,
how do I get him to get a covered up ASAP
because it's doing my head in now
and we have a holiday coming up soon
and I can't be arsed with people asking me
if I'm Emily when my name is Hannah.
Please help.
From a quietly steaming and pissed off girlfriend.
Oh, I'm just doing it in my head.
You can't even change that into Hannah.
No.
I mean, you'd never be stupid enough to do that.
You'd have to get removed or fully covered.
Oh, I fixed it.
I fixed it.
I know exactly what you do.
Get pregnant.
Have a kid.
Call the kid Emily.
Name the kid Emily.
Boy or girl.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah.
That's the...
I don't know.
I may have just made it worse.
If she doesn't like a tattoo
of the x i don't think she's gonna want a kid named after his ex no well uh listen right i
could not have sexual relations with you if you had another woman's name tattooed on your chest
where i need to look are you whilst we are giving me are you giving me a get out of jail
freak audio wow if i never want to put if i never want to put myself through another session with
you i just need to quickly nip and will you would you accept a henna tattoo would you accept a snazzaroom Billy Stamper crack on
imagine that
no I just
I couldn't
I couldn't look at it
physically
again
I don't know
why people
are getting
until you're married
no even then Chris
even then
come on
like your mum
will always be your mum your dad will always be your dad relative will always on like your mom will always be your mom your dad
relative will always be your relative kid will always be your kid yeah don't be getting don't
be getting your partner's names tattooed on you yeah i agree well you're gonna fucking forget it
how am i i know i nearly got a tattoo years ago yeah i didn't know this oh yeah yeah yeah i would
literally went to the shop nearly got it done but i I chickened out. What shop? Oh, it was when I worked at Ponton's at Breen Sands.
You went to get one at Ponton's?
No, it wasn't in Ponton's.
It was at Breen Sands.
Right.
There was a tattoo.
What were you going to get?
I was going to get a camel on me tour.
Oh, the camel tour.
The camel tour one.
I know.
I do know this story.
I do know this story, and it's never not disappointing
when I hear that punchline.
Why?
It's always disappointing. Well, I might just get the moustache on my finger. That one as well when I hear that punchline. Why? It's always disappointing.
Well, I might just get the moustache on my finger.
That one as well.
I hate that one.
I always thought it was quite funny.
Nah.
Oh, I was just going to get my boyfriend's name at the time
across my whole chest.
I can't think of a more annoying thing,
and I don't know if this has ever happened,
and please get in touch if this has happened to you.
Can you imagine if you got a tattoo,
and you got it designed, and you got it done, and you done you got to put on and someone like a mate of yours saw it
and went oh it's class that and then the next time you saw them they had the same tattoo that'll have
happened that will that will have happened i bet it's happened a lot yeah imagine how fucking
annoying that would be furious that's up there with naming your kids the same name as someone
else's yeah in it like oh you
named your kid yeah i'll name my kid that as well two months later yeah but i'm not being funny this
is the thing right tattoos everyone's like oh want a tattoo get this get this be individual
you pick them out of a book yeah well some people people some people some people design
them some people ask for certain things but yeah i've heard the phrase and this is a real phrase
i can't get my head around I've heard the phrase before
I want a tattoo
but I don't know
what to get
guess what
I don't think
you want a tattoo
I don't think
you want one
why do you think
if you want one
you know what you want
I think you know
what you want
I think you know
what you want
so much you get it on
but people get
their fucking
full arm coloured in now
I saw a guy
in the swimming pool
the other day
with just a green arm
it looks like your forearms turned into the hook he's probably had a lot of sexual partners People get their fucking full arm coloured in now. I saw a guy in the swim pool the other day with just a green arm.
Like, it looks like your forearms turned into the hook. He's probably had a lot of sexual partners
and can't fit all the names on.
Just thought, oh, I saw this.
Notches on his bedpost.
Just one solid block of colour.
Angela, Phillip, all these names all the way down.
Mambo No. 5.
Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, bah. Mambo No. 5 Once again thank you so so much
for listening
thank you for coming back
each and every week
we appreciate it
and we love you
we love you to bits
we absolutely do
please keep sending
all of your stories
all of your stuff
you literally are
the best part of this podcast
is all of the stuff
you send us
shagmarinoid
at gmail.com and it is shagmarinoid at gmail.com
And it is shagmarinoid.com for tickets to the live tour.
We are doing Edinburgh, Glasgow, London, Newcastle, Nottingham, Birmingham, Manchester and York.
We are hitting all of those venues in September this year.
Tickets are on sale now and on the website.
It'll be a pleasure to see you there.
See you there, guys.
Love yous.
Bye.
Bye. unmissable evening features her way and toronto symphony orchestra music director gustavo jimeno
in conversation together they dissect the mesmerizing layers of stravinsky's the rite
of spring followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece
symphony exploder april 5th at roy thompson hall for tickets visit tso.ca
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