Sh**ged Married Annoyed - Ep 8. Diplomatic Immunity

Episode Date: April 5, 2019

In this episode of Sh**ged Married Annoyed, Chris & Rosie discuss arguing tactics, eating in bed, parenting styles and the woes of recycling. They also hear from a listener who wants to thank them for invigorating his sex life, who knew? Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. https://plus.acast.com/s/sma. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit tso.ca. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm.

You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game. And you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Hello, you're listening to Shag Marad with me rosie ramsey and my darling husband who i love more than anything in the world i wouldn't change him for anything and he does not irritate me in the slightest chris ramsey hashtag sarcasm well i mean yeah thanks for that hashtag because i don't think anyone could tell. I was actually creeped out. I would rather it was just an insult.

I was like, this is weird. I was looking around as if there was people in the room. Did you like it though? It was great. Thank you. Thank you very much for listening, guys. Welcome to episode eight indeed.

And before we continue, look, can I just say, when I started this, right, when I was just a young boy from the Northeast setting out in the world of podcasting. Young boy. All those eight weeks you no look can i just say when i started this right you know when i was just a young boy from the northeast setting out in the world of podcast all those all those eight weeks ago i never thought i'd get a chance you know to work with some some products and brands that i respect and love so much and when these guys asked us to advertise i just thought you know i've got it's got to be

done i've just i couldn't live without this product. This week's sponsor is Kitchen Roll. Kitchen Roll. It's like a big toilet roll. But don't wipe your bum with it because it'll hurt. Hey. Have you... Is it... Is a tea towel just

a bit too much? Is a tissue not enough? Kitchen Roll. You're making a a tissue not enough? Kitchen roll. You're making a bacon sarnie? Kitchen roll. Why? Just for greasing that. Sorry, did I put you off?

No, it's fine. You can wet it and then wring it out like the adverts and wipe it up. Have you got an egg that you've dropped? Kitchen roll. Don't blow your nose, though, because it hurts a bit. Well, and you've already said that with wiping your bum.

Same thing, but people are stupid, so I've got to be careful. We are still looking for a sponsor just to let you know don't know what you're talking about eight weeks have gone past um they're just getting worse are you done i'm done and i am running out with them now i know can i say it this time yes play the jingle we had a fight about the jingle jingle We couldn't settle on a jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle, jingle. We hope you like the jingle, jingle. Babadoo babadoo babadoo bah. Jingle! It's actually he has the jingle, not play the jingle, so the one time you get to do it and you did it wrong. God damn it.

Hi, everyone. Hello. How are you? Do you know what? I'm good. Yeah? Yeah. Not good.

I'm good. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. More dynamite banter next week. No, I'm really good. I've just noticed, Rosie, we are sitting in our kitchen and you are doing the podcast with a little shawl on. What do you mean? You've got a little blanket on.

I'm absolutely freezing. What's wrong with you? I'm in a t-shirt. The sun's blasting in through the window. No, well, the heating goes off between like 10 in the morning and 5 at night. Oh, we'll have to change it as the clocks went. Oh, gosh, yeah. God forbid we get any more heating. It's craziness, isn't it? Why are we still doing the clocks thing? Oh, I don't know. What's going on, man?

It's for farmers. It was for farmers back in the day, but now... Everyone's drinking frigging almond milk now. You don't even need it. Absolute lunacy. How's your week been? Me week? Me few days has been good.

It was Mother's Day. Is it still Mother's Day today? No, it was yesterday. Will it be Mother's Day in the future? Sorry, it just feels like you really dragged it out for ages what mother's day oh you you flogged that horse didn't you absolutely kidding us it was one day oh you fling you had it until a minute to midnight i was running around broom up my ass like a bloody skivvy yeah i did i literally did nothing didn't i crazy full day i was designated driver when are't I? You drank. Wow. Really? Remember the nine months that I grew a human inside of us

and I didn't drink at all and I drove you everywhere? No, I don't remember them because I was pissed for the full nine months. Taxi driver. You were buzzing, weren't you? It was the best. No, Mother's Day was lovely, thank you. Got a lie in. I had to take Robin to a birthday party, actually.

So you got a couple of hours by yourself. I did, yeah. And then we went to my sister's and Robin to a birthday party actually so you got a couple of hours by yourself I did yeah and then we went to my sister's and I didn't leave the sofa that was nice for about four hours yeah

it was a good little day and you were like we get a lot of emails and we get a lot of people saying on Twitter and things that they didn't listen to podcasts until this podcast

which is lovely and amazing but you are me neither yeah you are an absolute podcast fiend on the house now. I know, I love them. It's amazing.

Really enjoying podcasts at the minute. I've got you a little ear pod things, Apple little things. Thank you. For Mother's Day. Robin got you them, technically. Yeah, he did. I might have had something to do with it.

You lost the holder for them within an hour of having them. I did, yeah. Easily. But now you're podcasting all over the house. I know. And I found the holder for them within an hour of having them. I did, yeah. Easily. But now you're podcasting all over the house. I know. And I found the holder. Thank you very much. You found it, yeah.

You lost it, but then you found it. I'm actually, I'm enjoying, even though we do like a fun podcast, I'm really enjoying the serious ones. Yeah. It's like watching an ITV drama, but you're listening to it and I can get stuff done. Absolutely. Can you say it's a bit tidier it is a

bit tidier but can i just say for me it's just lush because since you've discovered podcasts you've stopped just watching the ipad or the laptop while you're cooking or while you're in the kitchen doing something and normally it was housewives or whatever and it was just people going mental at each other constantly now i come in and there's not like people shouting and screaming and arguing it's really nice i mean there is like and then they found the body i'm like oh god i think the body was mutilated beyond recognition rosie all right that's better than you didn't come to my event oh but you didn't come to my charity event i got six houses. You watch, like, our Sky Planner is full of loads of stuff that you watch.

Alright. I've got nothing on it. I've got the UFC and that's it. I just realised the other day, can you remember we were watching Botched happened to be on. Yes. Love Botched. Now, we've had arguments before and people always email us about arguments and things. We've had arguments where you've said, oh Chris, we're just

different people. And it really sometimes upsets us because it makes it had arguments where you've said oh chris we're just different people we're just and it really sometimes upsets us because it makes it sound like you're saying like you know we're totally different and we're not meant to be together and i think we are and i think yeah in real world you know without the hashtag sarcasm should be what we're aimed for right yeah but we were watching botched and the there was a lady on and she was going talking into into the gory details about some surgery that went wrong. Yeah. And it was a beautiful moment where I realised, yes, we are different, but we should celebrate that.

Celebrate the differences. I went up to grab the Sky Remote to say the words, and I was about to say the words, this is disgusting, let's get it off. At which point you started shouting at the telly going, well, if you're going to talk about it, at least show her the bloody pictures of the surgery

it was I was about to go this is making me feel sick and you're like let it stay inside you I love the gory stuff I love the gory details and you can't bear it can you? Absolutely horrible Botched by the way is a programme on I think it's on E

or something and it's all about surgeries that have gone wrong and Dr. Nibro and Dr. Nassif fix them all I know that do you know why I know them

do you know how I got introduced to Botched because one of the doctors is married to one of the real housewives shut the this is incestuous television

that's how I got invited disgusting invited hi do you like listening to my wife incestuous television. That's how I got invited. Disgusting. Invited? Hi, do you like listening to my wife screaming and shouting in the house? Why don't you watch me cutting people's tits off? That's what he does, man.

He's a bloody animal. He fixes tits. He should be locked up. Cutting people's tits off? Wow. What podcast do you be listening to? I think I've been sort of catching some of your killer stuff by osmosis.

That's right. I'm going to write that down. It's the worst thing I've ever heard you say. Why are you writing it down? It's getting recorded. Because I'm back to my normal notepad now. So it's just to have it in.

Cutting people's tits off. Great. Chris Ramsey, what date is it today? It's April the 1st. Oh, I was April fooling you. I was April fooling you. April 1st, they were gone. Great.

It's time for What's Your Beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef? What's your beef? My's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef? What's your beef? My beef with you this week, and it's not something that's really, really upset us.

It's just sort of over time. It's getting a bit silly now, right? Right. No matter how many times I tell you or show you or explain to you, you have no idea what is recyclable and what is not recyclable. Oh, yeah, don't. It's craziness. No.

There's something seriously wrong with your brain. Why? It won't go in. Right, you've got no idea. The amount of times I find plastic bags and stuff and bubble wrap in the recycling, right, and stuff that's not supposed to go in, and obviously it's my job to sort it out,

so that's what I do, I re-sort it, right? But you put the paper in the cardboard bit you put paper in with your address on still which you need to stop doing I've stopped doing that that's a lie why a line

why a line 4 I took your flower box out the other day and it still had your address on it and I had to chew it up and eat it oh great because that's what you do sometimes

if you haven't got a shredder top tip guys if there's a bit of paper with your address on and there's no shredder chew it guys if there's a bit of paper you're dressed on and there's no shredder chew it up and eat it well I just wish they'd label stuff more

I wish they'd send out but not on a bit of paper or a recyclable bit of paper actually I wish they'd send out like a diagram of everything that you can recycle yeah because some stuff you can't

no they did like 15 years ago when recycling started and then everyone learnt it and I didn't did. Like 15 years ago when recycling started and then everyone learned it and God knows what you were doing. I didn't have a house 15 years ago. But you still had a duty to this planet. No, I love recycling.

And I've tried it, but then you're like, you can't recycle that. And I'm like, well, what's the point? Why do they still make stuff that you can't recycle? You know what it is? That is a good point.

Exactly. I'll tell you what wound me up. When they decided randomly that pizza you can't recycle? That's, you know what it is, that is a good point. Exactly. I'll tell you what wound me up, when they decided randomly that pizza boxes weren't recyclable anymore. Oh, I know. That's most of my output. I know. Well, it's the grease on them, isn't it? Yeah.

But they leave a little sticker on your bin, the little yellow tape of shame. They do. You put your bin out and you put your pizza box in, they open it and they have a little sniff and they look and they go, no, there's a big yellow tape ongoing this idiot doesn't know

how to recycle that was funny that was a good day wasn't it I'm going to wrap that tape all around you I'm going to mummify you in that tape because you don't know

how to recycle can I just I just want to quickly say though it's very sweet that you've ran out of actual beefs because that's pathetic I've got some more

no save them that's a terrible shot at trying to get annoyed about something. Really? Wow. Yeah, it is. You don't know how much it annoys us.

All right, okay. Does it actually? You see me at the top of the garden next to the wheelie bins, turning the air blue, right? As blue as the bin, right? The amount of crap I have to pull out. Not just that. God, we had an electrician here the other day.

The shit he put in the recycling bin. Wires, plastic bags, bits of foam. Right, I'm going to start a seminar. I'm going to start a YouTube channel of what you can recycle. And tell us what area you live in and I'll do it specifically at Eric because some places you can't recycle certain stuff.

It's a frigging minefield. Do you have time to do that? No. Then shut up. Right. Okay. My beef this week is something that we have actually talked about on numerous occasions um keep saying you're gonna stop doing it but you never actually do stop doing it will you look at this when i'm talking to you you're

not even looking wow i'm just wow wow are you kidding me who's he christopher i'm typing on my book i'm writing on me i'm busy giving me beef and you're not even looking. Sorry. There's another beef. Sorry, I was just getting my notes right. Wow. Right, well, right, okay. My beef this week.

No, I'm not starting again. I'm on a roll. My beef this week is you will argue with me, which is fine. We argue. We're a couple, right? But you will argue with me freely in front of anybody we know. Got you.

And it is Le Cringe. Got you. Right. Yeah. We've talked about this. You know that we've talked about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what you've actually done here, Rosie,

you slagging my beef off, what you've done is, you've just dipped into next week's Chris Ramsey beef, right? Because I'll tell you what you do. You have a go at me in front of other people and expect me not to fight back?

You just say something like that. You go, what are you doing that for? And then you sort of look, and I'll go, well, I'm going to fight me ground here. And you're like, there's people here. then you sort of and I'll go well I'm gonna fight me ground here and you're like there's people here I've got diplomatic immunity you haven't got diplomatic immunity

eh if you don't want to argue in front of people don't start shit eh when people are here no

no if there's guests in the house oh you're doing it again listen don't start no shit wouldn't be no shit people are listening to this and you're doing it again

right it's embarrassing they'll love it man it's embarrassing Start no shit, wouldn't be no shit. People are listening to this and you're doing it again. Right? It's embarrassing. They love it, man. It's embarrassing. Stop it. It's, right. Please, please. No, that's the beef's done.

This is the beef's done. Get involved with this. Does your partner, male or female, lampoon you in front of people and expect you to take it like a beached whale. Just lie there, wounded, falling apart, crushing yourself under your own weight. Or do you fight back?

Do a fight up, eh? So anyway, that's me beef. Don't want to talk about it anymore. Yeah, it's in the classic way you start an argument. Honestly. I can see your side actually but i think it's sometimes it's just when i sometimes say something and i'll go oh well yeah and then you'll be like what what and i'm like just leave it not to talk about now but that's your

ridiculousness yeah well don't start because what it is it's like it's normally let's say the person who's normally it's normally like say your mom's here your mom's here quite but say it's your mom right so you start an argument, it's normally like, say, your mam's here. Your mam's here quite a bit. Say it to your mam, right? So you start an argument, and then I can't argue back because your mam's there. Do you know what that essentially is? It's essentially punching us and running and hiding behind your mam. You pathetic.

Punching you. Okay. Maybe that beef backfired slightly. Oh, yes. Put in. Mmm, bouncy beef mmm beef's a bit chewy a bit of a gristle there

bounce back yeah you did it that beef that's that beef repeating on you is it well done you might have won this

babadoo babadoo babadoo time for my favourite part of the podcast this is questions from the gen gen pub general public general

population um guys thank you so much for getting in touch everyone still emails are flooding in shagged married annoyed at gmail.com if you want to get in touch got a weird one here right the subject is sex life so i clicked on it instantly right fingers crossed if you use this you will keep my name anonymous because my wife will kill me. He's genuinely written here. He's wrote the names and brackets.

If you use this can you use the aliases Pedro and Kate because she'll know who you're talking about but no one else will. What? The alias.

I can't tell you the real names but the alias has got to use it. Pedro and Kate. Which is great. I think they met when Kate was on holiday in Spain. I'm guessing. We started listening to your podcast and have just finished episode three.

We listen in bed. Not sure if that's weird or not, but we're just getting into the podcast listening game. Fair enough. Probably should say your podcast is mint. The point of my subject line is, after each episode we have listened to, we've ended up having absolutely amazing sex.

No offence, I don't think it's because either of us find your voices particularly erotic. Thanks, mate. It's a lie. What I do know is that I really hope you make these podcasts forever we are in our early 30s have two young kids and whatever you are doing it's effing amazing for my sexual ego what what isn't this weird do you feel like come and pause this while i go nip off and have a shower it's just horrible one person was having sex to a podcast and then now the podcast makes these have sex.

Unbelievable, eh? What are we doing? What are we talking about? I don't know what it is. All we talk about is shit. Yeah. We do talk about some disgusting stuff, yeah. Yeah.

I don't know what's going on there. But you know what? At least they're happy. At least they are happy. And to be fair, mate, if you listen to it on an iPhone, you can put it on one and a half speed if you have to have an early night.

That's so weird. Really weird, isn't it? I mean, it's just a shame that it doesn't make us want to have sex. Isn't it? But I think by the time we've finished, I'm like, oh, I'm going for a walk. I'll just go and tinker about in the shed,

have a bit of time on my own. There's nothing in that shed, you know. I'll just bang something off a wall so it sounds like I'm doing something. I'm just standing there on my phone. You're invited to an immersive listening party led by Rishi Keshe Herway, the visionary behind the groundbreaking Song Exploder podcast and Netflix series. This unmissable evening features Herway and Toronto

Symphony Orchestra music director Gustavo Gimeno in conversation. Together, they dissect the mesmerizing layers of Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring, followed by a complete soul-stirring rendition of the famously unnerving piece, Symphony Exploder. April 5th at Roy Thompson Hall. For tickets, visit TSO.ca. This Friday. You must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth.

Bad things will start to happen. Evil things. Of evil. It's all. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what?

Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. It's not real. Who said that?

The First Omen. In theaters Friday. Get tickets now. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So,

who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Another question here. Hi, Chris and Rosie. Now, this is related to last week's celebrity question. They've said, recently I had a passenger on board my bus cutting his nails. What's the most inappropriate thing you have seen or heard while travelling on public transport?

That's a good question. Now, I once was on a train from Manchester to London and someone next to us was filing their nails. Wow, alright, okay, that's not too bad. Well, the worst bit was,

and maybe I'm just being a prick here, but it was the choir coach. Right, so it was too loud for you? But they were making a noise. I wanted to go, this is the choir coach. It goes right through me, someone filing the nails. It was disgusting. There was nail dust everywhere.

I'm like, what are you filing your nails in public for, you disgusting animal? I haven't got a public transport one, but I was once in the cinema, and the man in front of me brought a Chinese with him. A full meal? A full Chinese. In the cartons.

Honest to God. Oh my God. Like, I'm talking. Right. No, I'm talking like the rice. Right. And then like the, like, I don't know what it was. It was like sweet and sour Cantonese style, like in the sauce.

You are joking. And then like mushrooms. I'm not even joking. Three containers. Three containers. How did he manage? He put the seat down next to him. Chris, this is no joke.

Who was I with? That is the worst I might have been with Steph it must have stunk it did stink but I quite like

Chinese so I was a bit like that smells alright but another thing as well so he ate his Chinese and nobody said anything who worked there

but I don't think anyone complained it was quite quiet unbelievable the next thing was he took his shoes and socks off and put his feet up on

the chair in front what i know just the weird do you know when i was young at the time as well you know when you're like that is what is going on i didn't have it it wasn't like camera phones or anything oh i really i really remember it pig absolute pig if you're listening and you've ever done that you're a pig if you take your if you take've ever done that, you're a pig. If you take your shoes off in public, you're a pig anyway. I'd love to know. It was Bolden Cinema.

I can't believe that. Are you listening? Did he have cutlery? I can't remember. He must have. Like, I... The canny fried rice with your hands.

No, he must have had... He must have brought like a fork with him. Honestly, I just remember him having the three trays because it gets dark as well, but we were literally two rows behind him. That's ridiculous.

So I could see it. And he was on his own. So he ate his Chinese. Could you eat a Chinese in the dark? It would be really difficult. I just want to get a Chinese. What's wrong with us? We can't get Chinese, can we? Why? I've got MSG intolerance. Oh, aye.

Putters on my back for three days oh it's the worst just made this up the worst bit is me moaning I have to moan about it it's great

don't I I can still get a Chinese though I might oh I might have a little Chinese cinema night tonight check the listings why

take me take me travel fork babadoo babadoo babadoo bah here's a little question I've been asked this so much on my Instagram, right? Where did we get the inspiration for Robin's name? Ah.

Hmm. Yeah. I'd like to hear your opinion on it, and then I'll tell you the truth. Excuse me? I'd like to hear your opinion on it, and then I'll tell you the truth. Opinion?

I haven't got an opinion on it. We named him Robin, so it is a truthful story. Yeah, but I'd like you to say whatever bollocks you're about to say about where it came from and then I'll tell them the truth. Oh, great.

That's a nice way to tell your wife. That's brilliant. So the reason, the legitimate reason why we called Robin Robin was because, well, firstly, Ramsey, and I wanted him or her to have an alliterated name like myself,

Rosie Ramsey. Yeah. Robin Ramsey. Okay. And then secondly, I've always quite liked the name Robin, like Robin Hood, you know what I mean, that kind of thing. And we went to view a house, do you remember? Yes.

And the gentleman who showed us around, he was like in his late 70s and he was so canny yeah and he was called robin and i didn't know many robins at all um and i was just like oh do you know what it's a really cute name for a kid and i was like it suits you when you're old as well very good point thank you and he also said that um if you had a daughter and she brought a boy around and the boy was called Robin, you would automatically be like, I bet you he's a nice boy. Yeah, that's where it came from.

Yeah. All right. Well, the real thing is, the first one you said, alliteration. You're all about the alliteration. And other names beginning with R have connotations with people in your past, whether they be whatever. But the main reason, I think genuinely to this day, and sometimes when we have an argument, I think that's the only reason you married us, was for my surname.

I think if I was called Chris Stevenson, I'd be rolling on the river, mate. I wouldn't even know you. Rosie Stevenson, is it? You wouldn't give us a second glance, mate. Wow. Yeah, all about the alliteration. Some people marry for money. She married for the initials.

No, I do love that my name's alliterated sounds like a rainbow it's very cool robin ramsey oh great right rosie i've got um some correspondence here that relates to an earlier podcast that has made me so happy and blown my mind right this is from sarah rogers i don't know if you you remember Sarah Rogers. Anyone who's binging the podcast will remember Sarah Rogers. Hi, Chris and Rosie. After my question of asking, what do I get my dad for his 60th birthday, beginning with ch,

brackets can't afford a chapel, so that was a no-no, I took the chair seriously, and after much thought, I got him a lazy boy chair. He is over the moon with. He can eat chips, chops, and chocolate while sitting on it. It's a fucking nursery rhyme.

And because the price is a bit over my budget, I'm sorted for Father's Day and at least a bit of his Christmas present. Many thanks. Wonderful. What a happy ending. Oh, I love it when a story comes together. It's just like... Still really weird.

Hey, a lazy boy chair. That is putting a few quid behind the bar that like don't worry doesn't he wow i only like things beginning with die diamonds diamonds i've just realized who her dad is it's the guy who goes to the cinema sitting in a chair eating a Chinese. Ah! Yes! We was probably having a rosy. It probably wasn't. It was probably,

it was probably chow mein. Oh, gosh. Get in. What were you watching? Charlie's Angels? It might have been. It was around that time. It was honestly around that time

okay got a question here from alice hiya chris and rosie i love the podcast i'm a student at uni and due to unforeseen circumstances i am now living with my lovely boyfriend most of the time that sounded like it was gonna be something really bad then is that the question no no um when i'm getting on his tits or vice versa we've started seeing what's your beef and it's a bloody good way to diffuse tension well i'm glad what could help oh wow however there is one thing we can't agree on how the phantom crumbs end up in bed what do you two think about eating and leaving crumbs in the bed i'm fuming it's like going to sleep on a beach with sand in all your cracks help a girl out right well as an ex bed eater myself

okay i used to think nothing of it if i'm honest but then i spent too many nights with crumbs in my bed and it was really uncomfortable. And I just thought, you know what? As enjoyable as it is, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. So I don't do it anymore. That's an ex-bed eater. But it's true.

I used to do it all the time, especially when I lived with my parents and stuff. I'd think nothing of having a bit of toast in bed, packed of crisps crackers with pickle whatever but now I wouldn't risk it I think it's since I've had Robin sleep is so precious like do you know back in the day

when you used to sleep like 11 hours and that was just the norm right do you remember them good days and I'd think if I had crumbs in my bed I'd be like oh well it's alright just give them a waft whatever I'll get back to sleep now if I'm crumbs in my bed, I'd be like, oh, well, it's all right. Just give them a waft, whatever. I'll get back to sleep.

Now, if I'm uncomfortable at all in bed, it's like the end of the world. I just... You probably... I would bet, right, this... I would bet our whole house on the fact that you have never ate in bed. I've eaten in bed, but I've never got crumbs in the bed. Okay, what have you ate? Anything. You know, if it would be like take some toast to bed or something,

or a little crumpet or whatever. They're going to take some stuff to bed when you are. Crumpets don't really have crumbs. Well, that's why I picked them. All right, okay. That's why I picked them. So how would you not get crumbs in? Because I'd hold the plate under my face and just eat it like a nose bag.

I can see that. I can see you doing it. Honestly, it's like, I don't't know i just think the idea of breakfast and bed it's always people all say oh breakfast and bed it's the it's the shittest thing breakfast and bed's the worst yeah it's not actually great it's just it's a it's a balancing act when you first woke up you need one of them trays like they've got in the films you know and they've got the little legs even them you move a bit and you're gonna get something everywhere you've got in the films, you know, when they've got their little legs. Even them. You move her a bit and you're going to get something everywhere. I actually liked...

You've got liquids, you've got hot liquids, you've got bowls and plates and clinking and you've got no room to do stuff. Yeah. You want to cut something, you've got no purchase on wanting to cut something. Imagine trying to cut a sausage or something in bed. You're just going to wiggle stuff everywhere.

You're right. It's terrible. If you're eating in bed and you're getting crumbs there, I mean, first of all, Alice, stand up, take the bottom sheet off for two bits, give it a waft, put it back. If there's still crumbs there, it might be sand. If not, you might have stand up take the bottom sheet off the bottom sheet off for two bits give it a waft put it back if there's still crumbs there

it might be sand if not you might have a bobbly bottom sheet get rid of it stop eating in bed you're disgusting horrible lazy

good for nothing student scruffs get a job sorry I'm just I feel really strongly about people lying in their own food

like like farmyard animals excuse me I used to do that yes and you don't anymore and that's why we're together you know what it is

i'm jealous that these have got the life where they can don't take something up to bed and they spend most of the time in bed these people and i don't because robin now when he

wakes up in the morning he has worked out that he just has to run downstairs and the alarm will go off and we have to follow him and turn the alarm off. Oh, I know, because we took the stupid gate off. I'm putting it back on.

I'm putting that gate back on. He's going to have a baby gate till he's nine. Yeah, definitely. Until he can use the oven, right, and the grill and that, there's going to be a gate on the top of there. Honestly, he'll be coming down for his 14th birthday and he'll be like,

Mum, can you open the gate? And I'll say, you could probably hop over that, but I'm glad that you still use the gate. Yes, I will open it pretty soon. You'll not know it. It'll be like when you tie a horse to a lawn chain and it doesn't know it can just fuck off. You'll have no idea.

Robin, why didn't you come out there? Why didn't you come out at the weekend? Oh, me mum had the gate shut. What, the gate that you're you're six foot tall the gate you can step over well that's not the point is it babadoo babadoo babadoo bah

okay Rosie it's that time again mucky question alert we've got a filthy question from the filthy listeners now they're all filthy they're all disgusting and filthy

but I love them this one's a bit more filthy it's this one's really right question for the podcast. Dear Chris and Rosie my mate's wife gets mega funny

about him having a wank. Alright okay. I felt weird saying that word. Why? I don't know that's why I whispered it. Sorry don't turn your podcast

having a wank. Having a wank? I felt weird. Masturbating. That's the word. I couldn't think of the word. My mate's wife gets mega funny about him having a wank. a wank masturbating that's the word I couldn't think of the word my mate's wife gets mega funny

about him having a wank he's not allowed she sees it like cheating he has to sneak a tug in in the shower or when she's at work

I think it's crazy what are your thoughts hashtag free the wank right well okay this is the first time I've heard this but he's saying cram them in right right i don't think i'd be very comfortable if we were in the house together and you were just

in another room having a wank yeah that's what's that's what's blown my mind about this question so i'm assuming the guy who sent the question lives in a house where there's some kind of extra boudoir or an extension. Like, I'm going in the toss-in concert. What he's described there, apart from that she thinks it's cheating, is a perfectly normal scenario.

Do you know what I mean? You're not going to sit at a kitchen counter doing it. I know. Like, sorry, you have to have one in the shower or when she's not about.

Yeah. Like, the person who's emailed this, what world does he live in? Like, oh love, turn the telly down, man,

you're putting us off. Well, at least face away, Tim, will you? This is the third one, the day. You put the sheeting down.

You put the plastic sheeting out. Good. That question doesn't make sense. And the fact that, I mean, it is a bit weird that she thinks that it's cheating. That she thinks that it's cheating is really strange.

That's really strange. Yeah. So, yeah, that's really weird. You know, people do it. It's another girlfriend. It's the crack. You bought your bloomin', that whore you're cheating on us with,

you bought her a new watch. That's just my watch on me hand. That's my wrist glove. You should get on, I i promise don't be jealous i've got a little question here yeah so obviously we do slag each other off quite a lot it's all in jest we do actually love each other and we are quite a solid couple um somebody has said what is your favorite thing about each other? And I know we said a while ago that we weren't going to answer this,

but I think it might be quite nice. Okay. Because, you know, we do get a bit brutal with each other on this, so it might be nice to say something nice. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. What's your favourite thing about me?

Oh, my nose is bleeding. What's happening here? I'm joking. That is horrible. Oh, this is, I don't know. Have's happening here? I'm joking. That is horrible. Oh, this is, I don't know. Have I caught you by surprise that much? You can't randomly think of something you like about this. I've got all the beefs about you written in this massive book here,

but there is a bar mat, a beer mat somewhere with a couple of positives written on it. No, jokes aside, I love your smile. Oh, wow. And your eyes Just one thing Will be enough Because if you say more than that There we go

It'll make us feel sick It's your attention to detail Thanks for that It's cheered me up no end Right come on then Do I need to reciprocate Moving on Yes you need to reciprocate

Well I saw this And the first thing I thought was Actually well It might sound a bit weird but you know how I actually get a little bit annoyed about it but then at the same time

I quite like it like you buy something new right sorry can I just stop you there and say women summed up in one sentence

I don't want to sound sexist this is a thing I like about you but sometimes I get annoyed about it but sometimes I like it oh yeah Rubik's Cube life Chris it's called life.

Continue, though. Sorry. So, when you buy something new, you get really just, like, crazy possessive and want to talk about that new thing all the time. Yes. But then on the flip side, it's actually quite sweet. I bought you that pizza oven thing for Christmas. Yeah.

Uh-huh. And you really love it. And you always tell us every time you get out, you're like, this is the best thing that you've ever bought. And that's quite nice. So that's it. Now I've got a nosebleed. Yeah.

Well, I don't know how because mine was a lot better. Yeah, sorry. You've got nice teeth. It's time for the celebrity question. This week's celebrity question Is from the wonderful Keith Lemon He sent us around about five questions Four of them

Made no sense He sent them from the toilet Which was nice So this is the last one And he'll explain This is basically the only one we can broadcast Yes Just got one more query

and then I'm going to wipe me out and get off this toilet because I'm getting pins and needles. But you know what? Sometimes when I help my missus out

I get into more trouble for doing it wrong than I do for not even helping. So what I'm asking is do you think I should just not bother helping or try and help

and do it wrong and get into more trouble? Should I not help? Should I not help helping or try and help and do it wrong get into more trouble should I not help should I not help should I not help so so I think what he's trying to ask is is it worth actually helping yeah what do you think I mean in general um I know that if you're doing something uh and I randomly come over and try and involve myself or help, you hit the roof. Especially in cases of robbing.

If you're telling robbing off or disciplining robbing and I just sort of put my oar in, you go berserk. I know because I got that shit nailed. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You're just interfering.

Getting in the way. If you're dealing with robbing, I make it my issue just to get out of the and i'm like you can crack on but if i'm you're like micromanaging i'm like are you kidding me i do this most of the year by myself you agree don't you but i do and you know what it's i can even see myself doing it yeah i know like it's like you'll be like right no robin you're not having any sweets and i'm like they're not having any sweets and you're like why you you know i'm like you know when a rapper has got like the other rapper with them in hip-hop who just shouts the last couple of words like a hype man i try and be that and i know how you're not getting any sweets you're not going any sweets you're not going to the soft play

you're not going to the soft play no I'll wipe your bum she wipes your bum you actually are I know how I'm sorry I know how irritating it is you're an echo

you're an echo and it's infuriating oh you've still run into me beefs that's his list oh the podcast's becoming its own. It's eating itself. It is, isn't it?

Honestly, it's taken over. Skynet. That's one of my beefs. Micro Managing. Well, you cannot have it. It's always a good day, guys, when a beef has been eradicated from the list. He lives to fight another day.

He lives to fight another day. Day! That's it. We've come to the end of another episode of Shagmarian Annoid. Thank you so much for listening. We really, really appreciate all your feedback on social medias and do get in touch with us as well. If you are wanting to sponsor the podcast,

please, please get in touch because this is my only job and not getting paid for something that is your only job is a little bit soul-destroying and pointless. Yeah, thanks for listening, guys. I normally don't like to finish anything I do by begging the public for money, but there we go. Thanks very much for listening.

If you want to get in touch, shagmiredanoid at gmail.com. Please subscribe. Please put automatic downloads on because I'm absolutely sick of telling people to do that. Big love. Don't send money. She was joking. No, I'm not. of telling people to do that. Big love. Don't send money. She was joking. No, I'm not.

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