SitcomD&D - *BONUS PATREON* Elizabeth’s Diary, Part 1

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

---STRETCH GOAL ANNOUNCEMENT--- THE Stephen from Elizabeth's Diary came on the show and we got to interview him, laugh with him, and hear about the fingernail incident from his perspective. When we hit 750 patrons we will release the episode! If you want to help reach that goal or hear the rest of Elizabeth Diary episodes you can sign up at Patreon.com/Sitcomdnd!  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, everyone. Before the episode starts, I just wanted to pop on and announce our next Patreon stretch goal to you. In these Elizabeth Diary episodes, you're going to hear a lot about Elizabeth's high school boyfriend, Stephen. And when we reach 750 patrons, we will release the episode that Elizabeth and I recorded, Interviewing Stephen, the Stephen. It is maybe the best podcast episode I have ever been on. Stephen is so funny and so cool, and I can't wait for you all to hear it. If you want to help reach that episode or hear the rest of the diary episodes, you can go to patreon.com slash sitcom D&D or click the link in the show description. Also, just a big shout out to Elizabeth for agreeing to record these

episodes. They're so vulnerable and funny and lovely, and I hope you enjoy them as much as I have. And I can't stress to you enough, you need to hear this episode of us interviewing her high school boyfriend. It is so funny and so perfect. Okay, love you all. Talk to you later. Bye. Hey, everybody. Welcome to this week's Patreon. I'm Erin Keefe here with my best friend, Elizabeth Andrews. Elizabeth, how are you? You know, I'm pretty good.

I did drop part of my bubbler and I broke the part where you put the weed in that is the main mechanism to get you high. And I'm pissed. Did it break? Yeah, it fully broke. And it was in the stupidest way. I was pulling a bag out of a bag, which is just so stupid. I'm sorry.

The bag hit the bubbler thing. And then the little top hat. It's not a top hat, but i like to think it is came popped off and then it broke into a million little pieces and i thought to myself oh wow forgive my ignorance but are those expensive not this little part this little part I broke before and it's probably like I can't even remember now like if anything thirty dollars that's not no money that's pretty expensive I was gonna say that is kind of a lot after I said it but I also have no idea and can remember when I got it again well you're smoking all that weed. That's why your memory is

not as sharp. I thought you were gonna have to replace the whole thing, which that sounds very expensive. Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Thank God for that. That's true. Count my blessings. Honestly, my God, I was like, you got to get back in the zone, Elizabeth. You can't let this bother you. I mean, yeah, compartmentalize. So today oh that was fine good okay that was fine it was kind of busy but um how was your day Erin good I um was just at Elizabeth's last night having fun I made her to do a wig fashion show for me I'll kill who is she i'm jealous i'm jealous who is uh but i uh became this is truly i'm not being hyperbolic i think it's the best money i ever spent i became a member for the huntington garden in pasadena it's a little bit of a drive for me but i had gone a

few times and it is it's expensive to just go and so i was like i can't just keep bringing people here when they come and visit without being a member and uh it was 150 for sean and i to join but since we've been members i've gone like four times which is the cost so i've already got my money's worth and it's for a year oh my god oh my god so it was like 75 which is so expensive but now i get to go to this most beautiful place and i'm dying to take you elizabeth yes it's so beautiful we can bring a picnic our mutual friend suzanne um i think her she said her aunt works there. And so she gets in for free.

Okay, well, then we can all go together. I'm smelling a three-way picnic coming our way. Elizabeth is doing a really good job fostering the friendship between me and her best friend, Suzanne. So we're figuring it out. It's going really well. It's like two kids's like a play date. Yeah.

I'm the mom. Just trying to make connections. It's going great. I think you're doing a really good job. That's a skill of yours. And I still think that you're really working hard doing good work. I'm pissed. I'm pissed that you guys are having a great connection.

I can already see that I'm a monster and it's gonna bite me in the ass. Elizabeth, you are so torn in half, because I know that there is a big part of you that wants more than anything for all of your best friends to be best friends. But then in practice, if Suzanne and I start laughing, like literally, like a kid on a playground, put your hands on both your hips and you're like, huh, so they can make each other laugh. Huh, that's weird. Wait a minute.

That wasn't part of the deal. I'm sort of the funny one, so this is sort of weird. And then I have to start plotting how to gracefully get you guys to hate each other secretly. Well. It'd be a big deal. It's's gonna be hard because she's the loveliest she is quite lovely all right can i say real quick before we move on sorry my mom listens to these patreons and i just gotta say sorry about talking about smoking weed it it's okay i don't know i don't want to speak for your mom but it's okay you think she'll be okay with it sometimes i can't i'm 30 we can also cut it out 31 oh yeah cut it out yeah so don't worry about a thing baby doll baby doll i'm a doll that's a baby but But also, you've got to be you. And if you're, I had a similar, Grace or Sean, whoever is editing this, just get this part

out. But I had a similar thing with Hey Riddle Riddle where I was so worried about saying stuff that was like, oh my God, my aunt, my mom, and I can't tell these stories. And the second I let go of that, I felt like my mom started being less stressed out about what I said. Because I think the stressing about it makes them stress about it.

The non-stressing. I think my problem is when we're doing this, it feels like you're... You're like an audience member and you're in a show and someone asks you a question on the spot and your brain just can't think of anything at all yep it

feels like that almost sometimes when i'm being myself on patreon talking i'll like go blank and be like i can't think of a great like because i feel like it's like the fright of not picking the right answer. You're like, oh, no, I want to give the best answer because this is going to go out to people. And so then anyway, this is part of my brain. I think it makes total sense. I have a very similar feeling. I also because I have all those speech impediments that work together. I feel that fear

a lot when I'm recording, but it gets easier over time to not have the space between complete blankness and us going out to dinner and it being easy to talk to each other. You're going to get closer and closer to

the feeling of what it's just like for us to chat. But I know that doesn't happen overnight. And if we included this in the episode, we hope you find it interesting and not meta and boring. We're sorry. Yeah, we're sorry, but we're also trying to figure it out. We're two ladies figuring it out.

This is a little rude. Let me talk to my best friend, please. Yeah, let us talk. I'm really trying to figure it out. So, Elizabeth. Yes, Erin. We are gathered here today to talk about your diary. Yeah.

And perhaps here you read some passages from it. So, have you been a person who has journaled and kept a diary for most of your life walk me through that yeah i'm gonna tell you so this first diary i have is the very first diary i was ever give i was given it was an eighth grade my english teacher right was that what they called in middle school what was middle school writing english class i think for us it was english okay was it like humanities sometimes there's a weird name for it yeah this one was yeah the english portion and um when we graduated her name was Miss Cassidy, I believe. And she gave me a journal because she really liked my she could tell that I liked writing. And so she was being like a really nice, inspirational teacher. And she gave me this diary.

And it was an eighth grade. Yeah, eighth grade. And that was what started my journey. And I still journal today like it. But that was what started my journey. And I still journal today. But that's what sparked that. That's a very important gift. That's like a life-changing gift. Yeah.

It's really cool now because I can turn back and I can look at each diary i can now um categorize it in like okay this is my eighth grade into high school this is high school into college and then this is college leaving college this is chicago and now i have like coming back from chicago and then la they are all my thoughts how often are you journaling i tend to journal when i'm in peril um so often so all the journal entries are like oh my god help me oh god i'm gonna tell you i fell i got yeah i'm on the ground and no one's coming to get me um we'll see that a lot of these journals so another thing that's awful to do to yourself but kind of fun is to go back and read your entries and yeah that's not really what it's for yeah like journaling is for the actual getting it on the paper not for the rereading yes you're correct. Because I go back and I went,

wow, this girl is just one whiny bitch. Oh, there's that self-compassion we know and love. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think you'll read in a lot of these, it'll be like me being like, oh, man, I wish I had this and I wish I had that. Well, you said you're inspired to write when you're in turmoil.

So of course that a lot of these things are going to be you and sitting with your pain and trying to figure it out. Like you're not journaling on your good days. You've had plenty of good days and that's why you go, Ooh, look, there's a huge leap in dates. I must've been having a happy time.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I rarely ever write when I'm happy, but I would say peril slash pensive. Gotcha.

Very like, I feel like my brain's going to explode. Like yesterday, I felt like I did so much in my mind, but nothing at all physically. That's interesting. Did you write about it yesterday? No, I think I'm overdue for an entry, but I was thinking of a bunch of logistical things and then future things, and I felt like I had like a thousand thoughts before noon but i didn't really like do anything before noon totally sounds like anxiety yeah no what's you like trying to

untie a necklace in your head you know like when i love doing that yeah i know i actually do love to do that that's something i like you know like. You know the string and hoodies, if you wash and it comes all the way out? I hate that task. You like that? I like it because anything where I can sit and move my hands, but I can watch TV,

I'm in. Like, I like folding laundry. Should we get you into knitting? I think we should. I want to be a knitter. Yeah, maybe we got to get you something like a hobby that you can do with your hands while you watch TV. And you can start knitting me gigantic anxiety blankets. Yeah, what do you want?

Blankets? Yeah, scarves. What do you want? Scarves? That, I, yeah, like undoing necklaces but you you have come into my house and there's been like laundry on my bed and we'll be talking and i look over and you're just folding and i'm like elizabeth you don't have to and you were like erin i'm so i actually do have to i actually will die i think i might die if i don't start folding your laundry oh my god i would get in trouble at sleepovers as a kid i'd go over to my friend's houses and if

we weren't doing anything i'd ask politely if i could start organizing and cleaning their room because i would do that is an essential friend to have in your life because you go like this is everyone's winning here you get to blow off some steam because we know at home your room it looks perfect so you got nothing to reorganize and let this frustration out on so like i yeah i totally get it yeah love that kind of task i've learned that i need to be ask if it's okay because some people do like to live messy and no judgment. You know, that's the way you want to live.

I'm not a messy person, but I'm not a clean person. So my apartment's often like picked up. So there's not like clutter or stuff everywhere. But there's a level of grime on everything at all times. And then when elizabeth has dog sat for me i've come back and gone uh-oh i got i should call her i need to see if she's doing okay because i've never seen anything in my house like glimmer like this before this is i gotta check in on my friend i was like like, I'm sorry. I cleaned her.

Which was so lovely. But can I say something about your journaling that I think is great? Yeah. As a big fan of yours, you're the funniest person. I almost said awake. You're the funniest person who's awake right now. Who's alive right now now you're just so funny i think that you would write a fantastic book if it was like an autobiography or a book of essays

and the fact that you've journaled even though it must it's mostly times when you've been pensive or in turmoil um or in peril uh i do think that you have a pretty good historic account of at least what's going on in your life that you can piece some stuff together and remember things if you need to. Because David Starris, he journals every day and that's how he writes his books is from essays that he wrote in his journal. So one day there's a book in there and you can dedicate it to your english teacher who gave you your first letter i do have to say on that that yeah it's very interesting to see how my writing has changed and how my uh thought process has

changed um because i would say from like eighth grade to maybe somewhere in the middle of chicago my time in chicago i really had this moment of like man like i want to be writing more than just when it's negative um or i would be writing when it was negative and i would really try to like figure out a way to make it end positively um and i don't know i think the things that i talk about and i care about it's very interesting how that's changed uh through the years and what i've decided to let go of and like the things that I still hang on to. Yeah, you can track your growth. It's like a therapist's dream that you go like,

clearly I've let go of this self-sabotage behavior around like 24, but this is what I'm still working on clearly because this has been a recurring theme. Yes, yes, yes. Well, this is all very exciting. I'm very, so I assume that we're going to be hearing some passages from your eighth grade.

Yeah, we'll start with eighth grade and we'll see how this goes. Is this the one that she gave you? Yeah. Oh my gosh. So it's like a green notebook with flowers. Are they daisies on the front? Yeah, they look like daisies. A little bit of a glare. So there's three daisies on the front they look like daisies a little bit of a glare

so there's three daisies on the front it's a perfect it's very anne of green gables this is oh but there is a dr seuss thing one and thing two sticker on the back which comes out of absolutely nowhere perfect what should we do should i just like open up a page? Yeah, you could start it. I would be kind of fun to see what your opening lines were. And then I say we sort of just flip through and start reading. The first line is, okay, so this is June 8th, 2005. It says, today, you could say,

is my last day of being an eighth grader. Could you say that because it literally was? I think so, Erin. I think that's what I was trying to say. Okay, this is such a strong start. Okay, I love it. As you can tell, I am a poet yes okay i'm not gonna interrupt anymore but that was perfect okay um i'll keep going i'm overjoyed to leave that pit hole but then again i remember the lives that have touched me

and now oh that have touched me and how I have touched them hmm more will I miss Mrs. Cassidy okay so there you go my most inspirational teacher this year I loved Mr. Fulton but he wasn't there for me

when I needed him Mr. Fulton was the math teacher. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, could you say his name one more time? Because I'm feeling like white hot joy that is burning my brain and it's hard to focus. Mr. Fulton? Mr. Fulton, you're correct. Okay, so we don't have to get too personal, but what happened to you where he failed you

in the response to it? And I will say, historically, math teachers, not really, I'm not going after math teachers. Not usually your emotional support teacher that is historically not the teacher that you go and cry in their classroom too okay okay the math teacher never once not one time not even close

was i like friendly with one of my math teachers. Yeah. Never happened. I think it was because he was one of those teachers that made math easy and fun. Yeah, but Elizabeth, he wasn't there for you. He wasn't there for me. You're right. Let's not see him through rose-colored glasses here.

He failed you. He did something, and i'm pissed little me was pissed um okay i really don't know what it was i really wish i could remember um we'd love the context for that yeah i bet i'll wake up in the middle of the night knowing the answer and honestly a great reason to call me and wake me up. Perfect. Would love an actual phone call when you remember. I remembered. Okay, it's almost over. Cassidy opened up my eyes to many things

that I wouldn't have realized without a good teacher. Wow. I wish her luck and thanks for everything she has taught and done for me. I love her much. I love her much. I love her much, Elizabeth. Okay, I think I'm... Okay.

I just, my heart is exploding for 14-year-old you. Okay, wait. You're so cute. You're so serious. I'm very serious and this is another serious. I'm very serious, and this is another serious. I make very serious statements. Maybe go in order if you can, because I would love to revisit this as many times as we can.

We'll go in order. So my next entry is June 12th. So that's six days later. Okay, so you finished school way before I ever did. The earliest we ever got out was june 14th so this is interesting keep going wow well you could say that day was my last day but you couldn't fully say good point sorry i used the wrong vocabulary yeah you don't know so june 12 2005 you're gonna like this one it's hard to not like paul when he goes around saving people's lives okay now who the fuck is paul paul i had a huge

crush on this guy paul he's an eighth grader who's saving people's lives? Was he a lifeguard? Is it okay to say their full name or should we just say Paul? Can you give me a last initial? I think that's okay. S.

Paul S. Lulu, whose lives was he saving? If he wasn't a lifeguard, I am absolutely floored by this information. No way was he a lifeguard. I bet floored by this information no way was he a lifeguard no way i

just oh my god okay what was he older than you no he was using your grade he saved people's lives he was in my grade and we sat next to each other in science class and i was obsessed with vibe what was his vibe oh he was like really funny and laughing he was like the guy in the guy group that was always like laughing and making people laugh okay so he was like class clowny yeah class clowny and he definitely was like in the popular crowd but kind of like the outside popular because class clown like right like kind of in the popular crew but not this is i i totally get what you're saying if without giving out too much information do you know where he is now what no idea no idea i wonder if he's still in my home from my hometown i don't know he must look really hot let's see if i'm gonna

look him up on my instagram yeah context for where he is now i think would help a lot. Wait, did he go to high school with you? After this? Yeah. No, he. Did he go to high school? There were so there were two like huge high schools in my city. And it was like one of those things after middle school. So middle school was three.

We did middle school six, seventh and eighth. That was middle school so middle school was three we did middle school six seventh and eighth that was middle school and then you graduated and then um went to high school and it was like in that middle school it was always just like it got halved like half the people went to the one high school and the other half went to the high school I went to. Oh, wow. So you could be a whole. That's crazy. You could lose friends. You could be with a whole new group of people. Yeah.

I was with the same people from kindergarten through senior year, basically. And there was like 200 of us. So one of my best friends, Steven, moved to my town when I was a freshman. I was like, oh, thank God someone knew. Oh, God, please. Please be my friend. Just any new energy around here. The gossip must have been really, like, really good.

People lost their minds anytime we had a new person. But, like, people, like, people like also like hooking up and. Yeah. Very small pool. He's he's so cool that he doesn't have social media. OK. So he's probably dreamy. Yeah.

Podge. Yeah. Well this would have been probably a shock to my system to look at his face because i haven't thought about him well i just need to know how he was saving lives yeah that's really interesting i said it's hard to not like paul when he goes around saving people's lives okay here i oh oh interesting okay i say when jesse told me jesse's one of my close friends about the party and how paul and kelty handled themselves i couldn't help but like him all over again what happened at the party oh did he like not drink yeah maybe yeah maybe he didn't drink or oh okay and jesse is from your like childhood trio yes okay it was me jesse and annie

yes okay know it love it all caught up on haven't messed i haven't met jesse i met annie loved it yes we i was the one with brown hair jesse had blonde hair and annie has red hair so that was like the fun little trio and then annie said that to me too and i went you know that that's not what what i was like i get the little kid logic but why is it that you like and elizabeth both started talking about your friendship by using this factoid like this that you're like well obviously like it was just so funny that you both that was the first thing both of you said about your friendship i was like yeah i keep hearing about this. I guess I get it. Well, I guess it was because we needed you to know how different we all were.

Right. Three white women. Three white women with different hair. Wild. With the same interests. Yeah. Oh, my God. Hard to find.

Love it. Great. Okay. Dripping in sarcasm. Okay okay let's finish this out it starts getting this is where i get oh i was such a moody little bitch i love this i just wish he would want to talk to me as badly as he wants to talk to annie m Annie M. But I guess that's just not in the cards for my life. I just want his attention but I don't think I'm going to get it.

Dot, dot, dot. Elizabeth. Don't call yourself a moody bitch because that is some classic teenage stuff. That is everyone went through that feeling. Yes. Little 14, 15 went through that feeling. Yes. Little 14,

15 year old you was so sweet and I heard those feelings were real and we will honor them. We're not making fun of her. No, we're honoring her.

We are not making fun of her. We are honoring her. We are honoring her today. Yes. Yeah, man. That is some, that is some heavy poetry it's gonna get

it's kind of heavy handed like that well I feel like this isn't actually I would recommend anyone out there I unfortunately didn't keep a diary I tried but my sweet mother who's great so don't read too much into this

would read them so I had to stop writing them but if your friend keeps a diary go through it with them and then talk about how badass younger them was because that's what's true and you go like oh how brave they were this is great i'm so glad that we're we're like responding to a younger you this is great yes perfect yeah this is gonna really inspire i don't mean to be too pompous but we're healing you keep going yeah i think i'm being healed right now um okay same month, June 26th, 2005. This is where things kind of turn. Well, I guess my life is completely different now after reading my last entry. That was two weeks ago. Honey, time moves fast in my brain.

That is only two weeks had passed. Everything's different. Keep going. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay. I have gone to acting camp and returned. No.

No. And returned. But I met someone you attacked a kip and said that your whole life is different I'm dying I'm dying okay I know why I said that though because this is where I met my first boyfriend

this is my first boyfriend great you weren't wrong your whole life is completely different I wasn't wrong I'm interrupting way too much that that's just so perfect sorry you're you have to i need you say what i need you tears immediately popped in my eye i feel like we're going down like a dark cave and you're my lantern oh that's really beautiful okay i'm back in yeah so interrupt as much as you need and want to i wonder if it was a one week long or two week long acting camp i'm gonna tell you it was two weeks okay and it was um i think the thing was we put on a production. Oh my God, this is hilarious.

You put on a show. So at the end of camp, the family comes to pick you up. You do a show and then you leave. Do you know the show? Yes, it was it was Greece. It was Greece.

Right? Yeah. Oh, okay oh okay yeah i'm with you i don't know i was looking so you had like two weeks to rehearse grease but it felt like it was like um not the actual it felt like some kind of weird adaptation like an abridged version or you're sort of doing like a greece medley yes yes it was like something like that so it wasn't like it definitely wasn't like a full like production like there was no setting there was no costumes there it was just um like singing and acting so like the parents would come in and you would just like, there was not even a stage. It was just like this big room. And on one side of it, we sang and danced. And our parents walked.

It wasn't sleep away, right? No. Great. Okay. Wait, what does that mean? Like it wasn't a sleep away camp where you sleep there too. No, it was. It was.

It was? It was. Oh, that's a huge difference. That'll change your life in three days. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. That's the most important part of this whole thing. Of course, yeah. I was like, if this is a day camp.

No, no, no, no. This was sleep away. I love it. So we were like in the woods. Got it. In the woods. You fall in love fast. You can fall in love in a day there.

Oh yeah. Time is different at camp. Keep going. Absolutely. This guy sees me. I'm a bell of the ball because I'm new. You can fall in love in a day there. Oh, yeah. Time is different at camp. Keep going. Absolutely. This guy sees me. I'm a belle of the ball because I'm new. I'm new and I'm having fun.

My confidence is high. He comes over to say hi to me. And we just kind of connect, you know? But here's the thing. Where's he from? He was from my hometown hometown, like hometown area. It was everybody. It was the acting camp.

Yeah, it was like the local theater camp. Gotcha. Gotcha. Love it. Okay. But here's the drama, Erin. Buckle your seats. He had a girlfriend.

When we met. Elizabeth, the karma. I'm frightened for you. I didn't do anything. I actually did the opposite of kissing and stuff. What is the opposite of kissing? What is Elizabeth about to say? I don't know if I want to cut this out or not, but this is how freaky I was and

weird at flirting. I dared myself to bite his fingernails off. I dared myself to bite his fingernails off. Because I thought that's intimate and wild. And who wouldn't want to be with a girl like that.

I think I think I think I think we gotta I can't I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe And I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And we decided to do this on the last day of camp.

And we were doing it down in the woods. And his girlfriend showed up to see the show. I can't breathe. And one of my childhood best friends, Melissa, came running down through the woods to tell us that his girlfriend was here. And we needed to stop what we were doing. Stop, stop, please stop. Give me a second.

Because if she found out what we were doing, I can't breathe. She would be upset. Stop talking. I am Becky. Elizabeth. I can't. Oh my god, I'm sweating. Oh my god. I have known you like seven years. How have I never heard that? Because I think I blocked it out.

I can't breathe. And that's just page three of my diary. Oh my god. Oh my god. I can't. Oh no, I'm going to get the hiccups. Oh my god, I'm't. Oh, no. I'm going to get the hiccups. Oh, my God. I'm dying.

I can't breathe. I can't. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Oh, my God. I was like, I just got to say it. I just got just gotta say it I have never loved you more I'm telling you that I didn't know I could level up and my love for you there's tears

pouring down my face I can't breathe I'm trying so hard I gotta tell you it worked no it didn't cause he broke it worked that is the type of thing that if a teenage girl did that in like the 1600s people would have been like she's a witch she burned her burn her on the stake that is the most amazing misguided thing i've ever heard in my life i can't believe you dared yourself why why because i was flirting that's not flirting that has never been a thing

that's ever happened in any piece of media who were you copying was that a thing in the northwest i don't know i think i was just like i don't know i've never heard of anyone doing this or maybe i was saying maybe i was trying to impress him and i i was impressing him telling him that i could bite my own toenails off elizabeth at one point did you buy his toenails or his fingernails his fingernails don't worry don't worry don't worry itails or his fingernails? His fingernails. Don't worry. Don't worry. Don't worry. It was just his fingernails.

You were a nail clipper to this boy? You clipped his nails? Yeah. At the last day of acting summer camp? Was this before or after the production of Grease? Before. It was in the morning. It was before all the parents showed up.

That's why when the girlfriend showed up, Melissa came running down. She's like, you have to stop. This is like looks bad. And she was right. I mean. I would give all the money I've ever made in my life. I'd give up everything. I'd give up everything.

I'd give up my identity to see footage of this. I would give everything I've ever had. And I'm going to really make this imagery worse. It's just too bad that this was there, but there was a teepee on the premises, and we were inside the teepee when I bit his fingernails off. Elizabeth. I'm gonna throw up.

Oh my God. We were in a giant teepee. Yeah. I can't breathe. That is worse. That is worse. I'm lightheaded. Okay, hold on. Oh is worse. I'm lightheaded. Okay, hold on.

Oh my God, I'm dying. He stayed with his girlfriend through the production. And when we left, he still stayed with her. But I would say like maybe a month or weeks later, he broke up with her. He cheated on her. I've never heard anything more intimate. The only other two people who have done that

in the history of the world have been people who, they were so high on drugs. But you, willingly, having it be your own idea. You were 14? You were 13? You're an August baby.

Were you 13? I guess. I was freaky, huh? Yeah, I was freaky. You were a child. You were a child. But don't you kind of agree with me that it was the opposite of kissing i forgot that that was your lead in oh my god but i gotta say everyone who's judging elizabeth it worked it worked he stayed up thinking about that for weeks and weeks and

broke up with his girlfriend because of it that's freaking right ladies take note but don't do it if you don't want to but i'm telling you men love an intimate freaky wild lady elizabeth elizabeth i'm so sorry you, this might be unlistenable audio. This is. I, yeah, you've probably stopped listening. No one is still listening. I, that, I got to tell you, that is top three things anyone's ever told me about what they did in their life. This is, this is such an important moment of my life.

I know. in their life. This is such an important moment of my life. I know. I don't think I've ever been in front of a microphone when I hear one of my favorite things. Maybe once on Hey Riddle Riddle, twice maybe. This, oh God. I'm going to think about this every day.

I'm going to think about this every day i love you so much thank you for sharing you're welcome you've made my year that was my being brave right now because you you cultivate a space where i can be so thank you i am so happy i can't contain it i want to like write a song i'm so happy keep going i'm sorry i'm sorry no no you got you have to i want to hear that song i wonder what kind of genre it would be in country keep going i was sitting on the step sitting his nails i i cannot i i'm just i like i want to like thank god and my family for getting me here male eating lady yeah someone's gonna write that uh there's one person still listening and that person is our soulmate and they're gonna write a country song you have to write this one person

uh elizabeth keep going i'm so sorry i blacked out for 10 minutes it's fine that's fine um here we go i can't stop thinking about it keep going keep going but i met someone dot dot dot someone who has a girlfriend he likes me too it's just he has decided to stay with his girlfriend huh i can't help but want him oh and cry for the life of me but dot dot dot i put on some fake face saying what am i saying but i put on some fake face saying it's fine it's okay but it's not i want him to be mine but it's not going to happen i want to hold i'm so sorry to interrupt you no please it seems like from what you're saying, there was a conversation after the nail biting thing where he had to reject you.

Yeah. And you had to pretend that it was fine. But I want the listeners to know. I'm so happy. I love you. I still bagged him in the end. I got him. I know.

I know that he ended up being your boyfriend. But this is an important part of the story. For two years, too, he was my boyfriend. That's a long time. You're right, though. I do believe there was that moment where I got a soft rejection from him and I had to accept it. This is me, I think, accepting it, but not really. I want to tell him that but that kind of

conversation is over now the conversation is over with now i must sit here and just be friends with him while he is off with his girlfriend i don't want to make him feel sad but i want to tell him what's on my mind part elizabeth i really love using dot dot dots i'm noticing drama well that adds that has some dramatic effect so this is fun so this is we're at a fun moment here because you in this moment didn't know that you would eventually get together for two years. So this is just a momentary low. Yeah, and I'm noticing here okay, so that was June 26th. I ate so much Spindrift so

fast that I'm burping and hiccuping from laughing. My body is shut down from the information that you gave me. Oh my god. I gotta say this is part of the drama though. This last entry, June 26 my next entry July 3rd

he has broken up with his girlfriend and is as confused as ever okay wait how are you two communicating is it AIM or email phone call AIM still there's been no better way to communicate since no way what was your screen name you remember okay well you've got to be brave too now okay yeah i know well one of

them was my first one i had two because um my friend julie shout out to julie who has never listened to a moment of any of my podcasts good for her good for her um uh she was embarrassed by my name and so she changed it your name yeah my screen name oh gotcha yeah because at first it was liberty 77 named after my fish liberty who is red is red, white, and blue. And she was like, you can't have your screen name be named after a fish and expect to get a boyfriend. And I went, good note. Thank you. I will change.

You know how your friends are mean when you're that age. But, I mean, I would have died without her. She protected me. And I love her. Your screen name was a fish. She was helping you out. Yeah, she was helping me out. And then it was E.Rank

because I had a crush on a hockey player. Never again. Never again. And I was like, you'll like that rank because it's Aaron K. but it's E.Rank. And then the last four digits of my phone number growing up.

What was your screen name? Mine was always ketchup 177. Yeah. You've been you the whole time. Oh, yeah. I think I've always been me. I've always. I love that you're like, what to have my screen name be?

What do I like? Ketchup. Done. Done. And I don't even know what the 177 was i have no idea because my favorite number was nine for a while which kind of wild to have a favorite number um at at such a young age i feel like nine is a great favorite number it's pretty uncommon i think that's the only person i've ever met because isn't it a bad isn't it like bad luck actually another i don't know

i really like the number nine because i like that it's three threes i think that's really nice it's so smooth too when you ride it out you're like yeah one big loop you're like straight on down my lucky number was 10 so So we were hanging out. Keep going. I'm sorry. Was that your lacrosse number? Never played lacrosse, played field hockey, but I see how you see me. I always forget that you play field hockey.

Yeah, no, I see how you see it. Okay, I see. I learned a lot about how you see me in the last 30 seconds. It's basically the same in terms of like white people, nonsense, sn oh it's the same sport gotcha um i love field hockey though i was recently someone was talking me into maybe joining a league here in la but i don't know if i i don't have the legs for it anymore it burns your legs you have the legs for it honey come on we're gonna get back to training I'm gonna wake you up at 5 30 in the morning I'm gonna be wearing a sweatsuit and we're gonna be okay I'm gonna do a training montage that has to be with you but what if I'm so bad at it and people it's so embarrassing it's not possible. Okay. Let them laugh. Whatever.

Yeah. I'm going to be scooping the ball and running and throwing. I was in a league when I was in Australia. So I've played it since high school. So it's not like too far gone, but I'd have to buy equipment again. I don't know. We'll see. Cleats?

Okay. What do you need? I need cleats. I need you to take me to the mall, Mom. Yeah. I'll take you to the mall. I'll buy you whatever you want. Cleats. OK. What do you need. I need cleats. I need you to take me to the mall mom. Yeah. I'll take you to the mall. I'll buy you whatever you want. All right.

Let's finish this out. Yeah. This will be the last one. Yes. OK. So he broke up with his girlfriend. He says he's as confused as ever. I feel bad.

I don't want to put him through this. And I can't imagine how Marisha, the ex, is taking this. I feel like I can say, do what you want as long as I'm your friend, truly now. Aww. You're super empathetic to everybody in this. That's so lovely. I guess. But when he said he would choose neither of us, I couldn't help but dot, dot, dot.

I don't know. Is sad what i'm looking for i'm waiting for him to give me a call maybe things will be better after that dot dot dot hopefully exclamation point exclamation point heart elizabeth my love you're so sweet yeah you're such a sweet i just want to like hold you in my hands and protect you oh my god you're so small oh my heart a little a really emotional middle compassionate though that's who Elizabeth is you've been that the whole time you're worried about everybody else and you want to do right by people yeah but then I'm like oh woe is me I'm so sad

that is not how I would do an impression of you oh okay good it wouldn't be oh woe is me I'm so sad you've never sounded like that um i thank you so much for sharing this i'm first of all that's the hardest i've laughed in a year so thank you for that yeah i gotta say we're kind of leaving it on a cliffhanger because there is more to this story i know but this is why we have to i would record one of these once a week and if people i'm so sorry i'm so sorry if this is not what you need but this is why we have to... I would record one of these once a week. And if people...

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry if this is not what you need, but this is what I need as a person. An excuse to talk to my friend Elizabeth about this. And hear how sweet you were. Oh my God, my heart. If you don't want to do this again, I understand. But if you feel comfortable sharing,

it would be an honor to record a part two to this. No, this is really fun. Yeah. I didn't realize that my journal started off with such a bang. I really thought it was going to be like a bunch of entries of just nonsense. But I started off with a storyline right away. This was transcendent. This was was glorious this was on another plane this oh man be careful i'm gonna just this should be cut this there should be like a trigger warning

on this for people like don't be like open up your past diaries be careful. Make sure you have a lantern, a good friend that's not going to judge you or let you judge you. Yeah. I wonder why this is. Do you feel like you would feel more vulnerable cracking open a 23-year-old journal because you're closer to that

or there's something implied that you're supposed to be w there's like something implied that you're supposed to be wiser or more mature at that age like why is it that like eighth grade feels safe to read about right now i guess because like everyone notoriously knows that middle school is like when kids hormones are insane. Like, we're all insane. Like, whoever teaches middle school... Like, chemically, there's a lot going on, yeah. Yeah, are, like, saviors.

Being amongst these kids that are, like, horny as hell and nowhere to put it. Like, I don't even know. It's very big emotions. So I get this. Yes. Yeah. I'm into big emotions, baby.

Elizabeth, thank you so much. I don't even care if we release this or not. That made me so happy. My face hurts. My stomach hurts. Everything hurts everything hurts i have the hiccup burps because i drank my little pineapple spin drip while you were telling that story and now i'm broken i'm a broken woman and i've never loved you more thank you for sharing and for being so brave