SitcomD&D - S1 E14: The Comment Box

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

CLIP SHOW! CLIP SHOW! CLIP SHOW! Listen to the crew discover they are doing a clip show, SitcomDnD style, on this week's episode when the gang finally opens ... the comment box! Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben Briggs. Theme Song by Arne Parrott Artwork by Waleed Mansour Edited by Grace Harper  Like the show? Rate SitcomD&D 5 stars on Apple Podcasts and leave a review.  Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok: @SitcomDnD Advertise on SitcomD&D via Gumball.fm Support our Patreon at Patreon.com/SitcomdndSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. In fifth grade, we had different jobs, and I was a librarian. My job as the librarian was to hound people and my peers, my classmates, if they checked out a book and hadn't returned it in time. And so I would just walk around with this f***ing clipboard thinking i was just queen of the library corner narc yeah i can't believe that they weren't like okay elizabeth you're done this week you're no longer you're no longer the librarian clipboard and have her and you're like no i think it was a rotating thing but i really took uh initiative when it was my turn to really like hound people.

I'd be like, Mark, you were supposed to return the Dr. Seuss book the other day. Where is it? I'm not finished yet. Here's a ticket. Yeah. Fining people's asses. Elizabeth, I was trying to figure out what the name of it is when the group in power uses someone from the group with less power to keep the people with less power in check. Oh, there's like a word for that.

Oh, yeah. And I couldn't find it. But then they were like, are you talking about Aunt Lydia from Handmaid's Tale? And I was like, I'm not, but I am, I guess. I am the Aunt Lydia. The term you're looking for is Aunt Lydia from Handmaid's Tale. It is a typical day at Bottoms Up, and Chalice and Chip, you two are seated at the bar,

and you're in the middle of divvying up the tips from your lunch shift. And at the bar is also a customer, regular Joe. He's a guy named Joe who's a regular at the bar. And we'll pick up there. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling.

Dice! Dice! When you need a break from this crazy world To see your friends and fill a cup Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Peaf At the Noble Bottoms Up As step by step our growing pains Are improving home and away We're feeling absolutely fabulous

On another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end So cheers to all our family and our friends Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant Elizabeth Andrews as Beef. Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy.

Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. So I think it's fair if I take most of it and then you take one of it. Okay, well, you slept for about half of the shift. I don't remember that. I know. I know.

What were you dreaming about? You were kicking like a dog who was afraid of something. I was dreaming about working and it was very stressful. And I feel like I actually, I dreamt the work and that felt like work. So why shouldn't I get tipped? I'm going to be honest. It seemed like you were moving more in your sleep than you do normally during your shift. Well, that's a little rude. Well, listen here.

This is my favorite bar. And I would be remiss if you had to bicker over, you know, your tips. So here's another big tip to add to the lunch tip. It's mine. It's mine. Wait, dude, you thought that was going to help? That's the exact opposite of what's going to help. Alice's wrestling chip on the what's going to help.

It's mine. Mine, my tip. So when you guys start wrestling, you hear all of a sudden a really big crash and the sound of some glass breaking, which causes you to stop. And then you kind of are both listening and you hear a ton of chaotic noise. And why don't you guys roll perception? I rolled a seven. Two. Okay. You guys just hear a ton of noise. You don't know guys roll Perception? I rolled a seven. Two. Okay.

You guys just hear a ton of noise. You don't know where it's coming from. But it sounds like someone's breaking a ton of bottles. And it sounds pretty intense. Oh my God, was that your bones? Your last name is Glass. Was that your bones? I hope not.

It sounds like it's coming from the basement. From downstairs. Oh, very perceptive of you. What did you roll, Joe? I rolled better than you. I'm not too scared to go check it out. Whoa, whoa. Are you accusing me of being scared? No, I was just saying I'm brave enough to go down there to see what that flask is about.

I sprint. I sprint. Full sprint. Swan dives over him somehow and then goes to a full sprint. Cool. So you guys go, you then goes to a full sprint. Cool. So you guys go, you head downstairs? Oh, yeah. Cool.

So like I said, as you're getting closer, you're hearing these sounds get louder and louder. It's a lot of like breaking bottles, stuff just getting thrown about. And it kind of sounds like people are being murdered is honestly what it sounds like. Okay. Chip is scared. He's a little afraid of what he's about to run into, but he's still running full speed towards it because he wants to show up chalice.

Full speed. Chip, are your eyes closed? No, it's okay. I'll get there first. I'll get there first. Chip's eyes are closed and he's like wincing and his head is like trying to be as far away from it. My hands are in front of me making sure I don't run into anything, but I definitely

am running into a bunch of things. Breaking more bottles. Screaming. Oh no. So as you're kind of, you know, fumbling about in this, like kind of the darkness of the basement, you've noticed that there are jugs of grain alcohol that are strewn about the room. And you can tell that two shirtless figures are violently throwing each other around in the basement. Why don't you roll for perception again? Can I do better than two? We'll see.

Oh, I did a one. So that's good. Chalice is a little groggy from her nap. I did better than two. I got a three. Oh my God. What is happening? It's dark.

Okay. So your eyes are having a really tough time adjusting to the dark. And you just see that two people who must be intoxicated just judging by the jugs of grain alcohol that are around are really like going after each other and causing chaos. So what do you want to do at this point? Hey. Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. do you want to do at this point? Hey, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey. Hey, are you guys, stop.

Can you guys stop? They are not stopping. Chalice is going to join them. Okay, you're going to get in a tussle? Oh my God, she really is not scared. What's your intention here? What would you like to do? With some, like, with some animals, you just need to, like, shock them. You just do the most

confusing thing, and it shocks them long enough for them to stop. Like, getting really tall and scared of bear. Yes. Going, hey, bear! Hey, bear! Ben, I'm so confident in your camping ability. Hey, bear! Hey, bear! No, no, no, not tonight!

Not tonight! So, Chalice, I don't even no, no. Not tonight. Not tonight. So, Chalice, I don't even think you need to roll in order to enter this little scrap and surprise them. And when you do, you realize that it's seven beef and they are going at it wrestling style. I almost said, I hope this was us. And if this seems insane and like it's coming out of nowhere, this is actually a callback to a throwaway line Ben said earlier this season.

Apparently, every year Seb and Beef get drunk on grain alcohol and wrestle in the basement. So I just want to make it clear I'm going to start holding you for what you say on this thing. Oh my God, everything we say is canon? Come on, Ben! Nothing will get dropped.

I'd say a lot of stuff Beef gets a ton of money every day Yeah Sean orders Erin pizza Whenever she's a little grump That's canon So anyway, back to the wrestling Chalice, you have now

Entered Now you're kind of in the middle of it. Beef and Seb, now that you're kind of in and know what you've been up to, all three of you can decide kind of what you want to do at this point. The second Chalice realizes what happened, she goes,

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. Is it gross? Is it gross? What is it? Oh my god, it's them. It's who? Your friends. Beef and Seb. Oh, oh, Beef is it? Oh my God, it's them. It's who? Your friends. Beef and Seb. Oh, oh, Beef and Seb. Oh my God, I forgot that it's Wrestle in the Basement Day. Are they wet because of the alcohol or because of sweat or something else that I don't want to know?

All three, baby. All of it. All of it. Hey, Beef, I'm big. Hey, Beef, not tonight. Hey, Beef. You're a big bear. I'm going to shoot you and skin you alive, you mother f***er.

They role play during their wrestling? They role play during their wrestling. Okay. So, Chalice, you're no longer trying to stop them, is that correct? She remembers that they put it on the calendar and fair square, so. Yeah, we pull up folding chairs. We pull up folding chairs okay bring out the popcorn yeah and then chalice has a little thermos of lemonade and she pours chips and lemonade

and pours them for herself and then they just are very happily watching the wrestling okay beef and seb you uh are going to grapple and so roll opposed strength checks to see who's going to effectively toss the other. Wow. And that's minus one? Uh-huh. Wow. Seb, what do you roll? Oh, 19.

Oh. I got a five and a 19. Oh, damn. Wow. Okay. So it looks like Beef is about to throw Seb and has Seb in a really precarious position when all of a sudden Seb rolls twice

and then digs deep and tosses Beef across the whole basement and Beef so at this point Beef slams

into some junk in the corner I assume he slams his junk into this junk all of it and what Beef slams his junk into this junk. All of it. And what Beef's junk got slammed into is junk, and it's a dusty wooden chest with a master lock on it,

a master lock that you've forgotten the combo to. Yes, the chest in question is Bottom Up's very own comment box, and as soon as Beef's junk gets thrown into it, they hit the lock at just the necessary angle to bust it, and the chest comes fully open. Oh my balls! Oh my god! Beef, that was

amazing! Oh man, just checking. One, two, three, oh, we're all here. Why was that Amazing Beef? Amazing Seb! I threw him! Beef, you, that was awesome! Oh, we're all here. Why was that amazing beef? Amazing Seb. I threw him. Beef, that was awesome. He's just a little guy. This is my one thing.

Oh, my back. Oh, my crack. Oh, my whole body. Oh, what happened? Mom? Mom? No, Seb. As you guys approach, inside you see hundreds of suggestions and comments,

and let's be honest, mostly complaints, practically spilling out of your chest. Beef, put away your lighter. We got to look at those. Beef, stop trying to burn those. Oh, God. Okay, so if you'd like, you can pick up a comment from the comment box and read it. Oh, fun. An absolute blast.

Once it's read, we will see a flashback scene from the comment box and read it. Oh, fun. An absolute blast. Once it's read, we will see a flashback scene from the day that that comment was written. Oh, very cool. So this is a fucking clip show? It's a clip show, yeah. Wow, we're already this far. Is this a fucking clip show? Is this a fucking clip show?

We gotta do one every year. I think we'll do one every season. That's awesome. Oh, this is amazing. Oh my God. So because of the initiative that you guys rolled, Seb, you pick up a comment and you're the first one to read a comment. All right, all right.

Let's see what we got here because, you know, making this place good is what we want to do. All right. Seb, are you emotionally ready for this? I feel like these could break you. I also feel like this is going to be a lot of work. Yeah.

I feel like you're going to read these and we're going to freak out and just end up burning all these like beef originally suggested. Oh, and then you're going to say it's chore day. Does that feeling like you don't want to get the blood test at the doctor because like there's nothing wrong with you until you get those results back. Mm hmm. This is,

this is my, this is my blood test. I'm going to find out what my cholesterol looks like, what my sodium's like, and I'm not looking forward to that because daddy loves his mortadella. First comment. Stop by this bar because I saw a son. I'm not going to do the voice. Stop by the bar because I.

Do the voice, Seb. Seb, do the voices. Do the voices, Seb. Do the not going to do the voice. Stop by the bar because I. No, do the voice, Seb. Seb, do the voices. Do the voices, Seb. Come on, Seb. Do the voice. We love the voices. I stopped by the bar. Yay.

Because I saw a sign for karaoke. I came in because I like karaoke. When I went to sign up, the loaded little bard on the stage told me he didn't know my song. I requested Dragon's Breath, possibly the most popular song of all time. Zero stars. Now I have to talk like this because that's what it sounded like in my writing. I'm approaching the stage now.

So Beef, you're in the middle of a set, but it is karaoke night. And there's a line of people and one of them is coming up to you and saying, hey, is it time for my song yet? You've just done three in a row. It's karaoke night. Sure, get on the list. What's your name?

Get on the list. What? You haven't done anything from the list yet. There's 20 people who signed up. The list, the list, man. The list. It controls the night. Not me, the list. Okay, well, the list, man. The list. It controls the night. Not me, the list.

Okay, well, my name is the first name on the list. There's me. What song are you singing, buds? Dragon's Breath for the fifth time. It's the most popular song. Excuse me? We don't have that song. Is there any song that you know besides originals?

No, man. It's all originals tonight. It's karaoke night. That's what the sign outside the bar says. How can it be all originals? Sean, you sound like one of the lizard people from the song Aaron's Party. Well, somebody did. Well, that's what the flyer said.

The flyer said karaoke. Yeah. I'm singing my songs karaoke style. I mean, okay. So then I'll try to sing your song karaoke then. I don't really know it. I guess you have played the same song a couple of times. Maybe I can get it by now. Who is this guy? Who is this guy? I don't come into your house and take a shit on your floor. You actually have. Honey, honey, do you hear that? I think someone just broke in.

What the fuck? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, I remember that guy. That guy was a real dick. Why did you shit on his floor the first time, though? I forget that part of it. Yeah, I didn't get that. Semantics, I'm pretty sure.

Because of semantics? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. Because of semantics? Yeah. I'm pretty sure. You're pretty sure because of semantics. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the next comment here. The service here was awful.

I guess the staff had all finished reading the same sad book. They were sobbing and couldn't get it together enough to even take my order. It's called happy hour, not sad hour, folks. Oh, and my pale ale tasted like piss. Okay, everybody, I just finished, and book club starts now. Oh, I'm sorry to sneak in here real quick,

but I'd just like a refill before. Did you read this book? Have you read Beef's Diary before? Have you read that? Are you in our book club? It's horrible. It's harrowing. It's terrible.

No, I actually, I don't know what you're talking about. It's a harrowing journey. Take this. Take this. Okay. And read it and get back to us when you're done. Yeah, when you're done, then we'll give you some. But if you come back before that, you're going to drink our piss.

I just, whoa. I just feel like this would pair pretty nicely with a pale ale. So I would gladly read this if I could just get another drink. I'm actually looking for something. Well, Seb, you warned him. Yep. Let it pour. All right.

Did you say that this was someone's diary or is this, that's just the name of the book? It's mine. You wouldn't get it. It's Beef's diary. Oh, but everyone's crying. It's sad. It was my pick for the name of the book. It's mine. You wouldn't get it. Beef's Diary. Oh, but everyone's crying. It's sad. It was my pick for the book club this month. And it, I mean, the imagery in the first two chapters alone,

I was just like sobbing. And that's not even like, oh my God. That's not even when you get to the part where Beef eats his own mom. Oh my God, he eats his own mom. On his birthday. On his birthday. On his birthday. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. What'd you have on your birthday? I bet you had cake. I bet you had cured meats. Get out of here, man. Shoot, shoot. I'll piss on you. I'll piss on you.

We'll piss on you. Yeah, we'll piss on you. All right, I'm going to write a very strongly worded comment. Oh, too bad we don't even read those. Good luck. It's locked. We're going to put it in the basement pretty soon. Does anybody want to read their favorite quote? Their favorite

passage from the book? Yeah, I got something. Okay, sorry. Let's all turn to page 5,621. Oh, yeah. Adolescence. That's from the adoles21. Oh, yeah. Adolescence. That's from the adolescence chapter.

Beef puts on half-moon glasses. Chalice puts on her half-moon glasses. And Seb puts on his half-moon glasses. Chip lowers his half-moon glasses and begins to read. Dear Diary, spelled dairy. Of course. Of course. Happens to me every time.

Well, it happened again. I didn't get invited to prom. Turns out I don't go to school. Yeah. I wish my parents had warned me before I ate them. So today, this afternoon, I will go to every girl in town and ask her to accompany me to any prom within the local vicinity. I hope it goes well. Dot, dot, dot, dot.

It won't. Oh, oh geez beautiful reading of it too yeah really good everyone wants to um turn to page 10 um it's like halfway through the flip flip flip flip adulthood it's written backwards today i saw a bird but then the bird died. And that's the end of the passage. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. But remember page nine, though.

Let's flip forward to page nine. And of course, I killed the bird. I killed the bird. Oh, my God. You guys, now I'm just thinking about the book again. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I haven't seen that diary since that day.

Well, that guy took it and he never returned it. Yeah. I hope he's having a good laugh somewhere. Hold on. Let's dig deep into this comment box. And, oh, yeah, he pissed all over and he shoved it into the comment box. It's even sadder now. Okay.

Here we go. There's got to be a good one in here. Yeah. Here we go. Let me look for a good one. Yeah, something light. Yeah, something light.. There's got to be a good one in here. Yeah, something light. This one's nice and short. The floors were super sticky.

Hmm. Alright, it's Prohibition! But with maple syrup! I'm breaking all the barrels of maple syrup! Hey, hi, I raise you, Prohibition! Another big ol' bottle of smashing maple syrup. It's sticky, sticky, Prohibition.

It's a, it's a, it's a beef musical. Hey, guys, I just wanted to ask just one more time if I could be in your musical. It's a two-person show. I am so sorry, Chalice, but you're welcome to be my understudy, all right? If something happens... Interesting. You're understudy, and if something bad happens to you,

I get to go on for you. Yeah. So, like, for instance, like, if I were to fall down some stairs, hurt my ankle, if I came down with something, maybe I ate something poisonous, or, like... Sorry, you're talking so fast. maybe I ate something poisonous sorry you're talking so fast I just ate something poisonous if I was

I don't know hexed maybe there's like some sort of horcrux where I have to drink like dark water or something like that and that's like really poisonous that's more or less poison excuse me my feet are stuck to your floor.

Hi, sorry, we're in the middle of a dress rehearsal. Okay, should I, I'll just, I'll wait then. Yeah, what's your name? Bartholomew Mint. That's not Axer, so get out, alright? Wait, I'm sorry, what's this guy's cue? I'm working the light board. What's the, I don't know this guy's cue.

I'm trying to figure out the tech. You know what, Chip? The light board is just opening and closing the skylight, so I don't know why you's cue. I'm trying to figure out the tech. You know what, Chip? The light board is just opening and closing the skylight. So I don't know why you're so stressed out back there. I'm sorry, Chalice. Are you in the musical? Oh my God. You guys, I don't think that that's the sticky floor time that they're talking about.

There's too many times where that's a sticky floor. Couldn't have been the Prohibition musical that went very poorly because there weren't enough people in it. And you poisoned me. That's hearsay. That guy did die that night, so he couldn't have written the comment. He drank from the same drink from me and he passed away. I pee, Bartholomew.

Wait, Chalice, which time are you thinking of? Because yeah, I agree. There are several other times. Yeah, I can like literally think of a hundred right now, but I bet it was the night after the frat party. Who put all these sticks all over the floor? Okay. Okay. I remembered that one wrong and I don't think it was that one. You're right. Okay. Yeah. Because people actually, people did like that one. What, what was that one chip with you? Oh, and those like six children, the six children that you try to adopt. Oh, I remember.

That was Bubblegum Day. Bubblegum Day. Bubblegum Day. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I bet it was Bubblegum Day. I don't know how to blow a bubble. Well, that's okay. It's about trying.

And what was your name again? Jack? Yeah. Jack. I'm also Jack. You know what? How about we all wear name tags? That way we can all get to know each other.

I dare you to blow the biggest bubble ever. Just a single dare? Double, double, triple, triple. Dare. You can't build. No, that's too many. That's too big. Make a bubble bigger than my head.

That's too many. That's too many. You're gonna kill him Hey kid, I've killed a frickin dragon. I'm not gonna die from a bubble. I will not die from a bubble You shut up. You can't do it. He's our new dad. You're gonna kill him or I won't die I will never die. Quit stalling and blow the bubble Whoa, oh my gosh It's too big wait stop we're getting squished against the wall Whoa. Oh, my gosh. It is huge. It's too big. Wait, stop.

We're getting squished against the walls. Stop. I can't feel mine. Oh, yeah. Chip, when you trapped all those orphans with that big bubble that you blew, that was such a weird day. They don't count as orphans once I adopt them, Chalice. Where are they now? Where are they now? Where are they now? Well, if you recall, the bubble somehow

made its way out of the building with the kids connected to them, and they floated away. Oh, yeah, it's a missing kid's case. And why was the floor sticky, Chip? Well, you're going to have to ask Beef about that. Okay, guys, I'm going to read one. Here's a long one.

All right. Here we go. Should anybody go upstairs and check on our customer? You hear in the distance upstairs, where the f*** is someone who works here? And where's the goddamn comment box? Down here. I was here on Saturday night, and it was awesome. Oh, my God, you guys.

Oh, yeah. I was blown away. Incredible. But not God, you guys. Oh, yeah. I was blown away. Incredible. But not by what you expect. Oh, no. Gage, stop there. I could have stopped there, but the food was serviceable. Okay, that's good.

The atmosphere was fine. Nice. The music was decent. But what really sticks in my mind, though, was the bouncer. This guy was a maniac, keeping the place safe stocking beer washing glasses hauling trash and cleaning tables at the speed i didn't know was possible next thing i know he was dropping off my wings apparently he's the food runner too how does he do it uh whatever they're paying this guy wait a second it's not enough what what's going on

manager kept referring to him as a bounce star. Wait a second. And by the end of the visit. And that's the end of that. Let me grab that from you. I understand why. Hold on. He's earned that title and then some.

I'll definitely be back again soon. Go for the beer. Stay for the bouncer. And this one was signed by. It's the word chip, but then that's crossed out. And then it says chop oh chop yeah what an amazing review for you buddy wow yeah wait you think they were talking about me right oh my god definitely all of these

like uh he was the bouncer he's a a food runner. How does he do it? Oh, yeah, I do those things. Man. And then the part where he says, I deserve to get paid more. That one's, that's also true. That's crazy that the whole thing was true. Wow, I'm so jealous, man. That's such a nice review.

Good for you. Yeah, man. Congrats. Thank you so much. Should we boot back in time and see it? Or you actually don't want us to go? Yeah, maybe we should see that one. I'd love to boop back.

And you see Chip in the middle of the day and he's just at the bar making sure no one's looking, scribbling away at a piece of paper. Hey, Chip, we are so busy right now. If you could do anything. If you could just hold on one second. There is trash taller than me and it's

living. It is autonomous now, me, and it's living. It is autonomous now, all right? You need to take that outside and fight it. How do you spell bounce star? Well, that solves that mystery. We backed, and now we know that Chip wrote that review for himself. That's okay, buddy. That was hell on earth. No, no, that was chop.

Okay, let's see if we get a real good one, all right? So, like, let's see if we get a real good one. All right? Let's see if we get a real good, a real. Another real good one, yeah. A real one. Another real good one. I'm not gonna argue semantics with you right now. All right. You don't want beef to shit on the floor.

See, semantics. All right, you all were hosting a raffle where the winner would get a drink named after them. Oh, yeah. But you wouldn't let me into the raffle because I have a weird name. I'm never coming back. Anonymous. Oh, my God.

That was one of the best days of my life. We laughed so hard at that guy's weird name. Hiya. Welcome into Bottoms Up. What can I get you? I'd like to enter into the contest to have a drink named after me. Excellent.

I just need your name. I'm going to write it down right here. What is it? My name is Poopsie Schliquid. Oh, my God! You guys, run! Run! Well, what is it?

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, I tripped. What is it? What is it? Come on, come on. Oh, my God, say your name. Like, just say, uh, sure, what is it? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Oh, I tripped. What is it? What is it? You guys, you guys, you guys. Oh my god, say your name. Like, just say your... Sir, what's your name?

You're going to laugh at me. No, no, no, they're not. They're not. Well, my name is Poopsie Schliquid. Stop. You have to stop. Stop. What do you mean?

I'm not doing anything. Oh my god, can you guys... How funny would it be if this guy entered his name into the raffle competition? That's what he was trying to do. No. Guys, guys, guys. I just got here. I skinned my knee.

What's this guy's name? Okay, say it again. Say it again. Say your name. Say your name. If it's an issue, I'll go by my middle name. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

What is it? Moist. Poopsie. Moist. Schliquid. Schliquid. Okay, this is the first timeist. Poopsie. Moist. Shlikwid. Shlikwid? Okay, this is the first time I'm hearing this. What?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Let me guess. Your parents' names were Shart and Shart. No, Shart and Sharna. Oh, my God. Yeah, you would win. We can't.

Yeah, you win. I don't know. Yeah, you would win because we do our raffle by votes and everybody for sure would vote for your name just to mess with us oh so I'm in no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no powerful wizard. You don't even know. Oh, my ass. No. We can name a toilet after you. You've never heard of the powerful ancient wizard Poopsie Moist Shliquid? Ah!

Oh, God, it's so funny when he says it when you forget. That was awesome. I remember that guy. He made it snow in the bar for three weeks after that to teach us a lesson. That was the best Christmas we've ever had in the bar. It's true. Yeah, jokes on him. That was magical. Lying down the block. I dated him for a few days after that.

What? You did? That's awesome. Yeah. You were almost beef schliquid? Yeah. I thought I'd give it a chance. Did you guys ever sleep together?

Yeah, we did. Sexually? Sexually? Sexually? Yes. Okay, good. Good for you, beef. Good for you.

Hey, if you see him and you like it, you ask, right? That's true. That's nice that you ask. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need

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with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. All right, let's keep this one rolling. All right. Here's another one. I came to Bottoms Up for your trivia night. Oh, nice. Great. Boy, was that a mistake. Hmm. The bookish virgin running it. Hmm.

Uh-oh. I think he's the owner. Sorry, Seb. Was clearly making it all up. If you're going to host a trivia night, look up some actual trivia with real answers. Don't just make stuff up. What a waste of time. Oh, and also it says underneath here, P.S.

My ale tasted like piss. Huh. That's strike two for our ales tasting like piss. Three strikes and it must be piss. I think there's a lot of piss flowing through this place. Yeah, we do piss in a lot of people's ales that we're mad at, but I'm starting to wonder, does our ale just taste like piss? I'm looking at the drains down here, and I'm shocked.

The one from the bathroom is going right over to the kegs. Seb, it feels like you're stalling before we bloop back to that memory. We have all night to bloop. All right. The first category is going to be Stars of Yesteryear. All right. So get your cards ready. All right. The first category is going to be Stars of Yesteryear. All right. So get your cards ready. All right. All right. All right. So if everybody's ready. Hey, hey, nobody, nobody ask. Nobody ask. Nobody ask the bard. All right. Don't ask me. Beef knows. Beef and I came up with these. All right? So don't ask me. I know, I know. You're not getting a peep out of me. Did he say came up with these? Yeah, he said came up with these. Can you shut up? I'm trying to win this.

All right. I've gone to every single one of these that I've never won once. These are f***ing hard, man. I feel like you should win by default. There's only ever like two teams. Oh, yeah. It's not as easy.

Okay, how about you try and get it right? I'm going to try. Let's go, Seb. Let's go. Okay, I'm trying to do it. All right. Hurry up, Seb. Let's go. Come on. Okay, I'm trying to do it. All right. Hurry up, Seb. Let's go.

Dude, seriously, I am? This person was really mean to me when I saw them at the Fisherman's Wharf. They were wearing a woolen coat. Oh, I know this. Let me say that one more time for you guys. I know the answer, but I will not tell. Oh, I know this. Let me say that one more time for you guys. I know the answer, but I will not tell. Beef, come on.

The only other team there is a group of three, and they're looking around like, is this f***ing serious? Oh, that seems like hyper-specific. Okay, I'm going to repeat it one more time again. To your life, this seems hyper-specific. Oh, would you say that it's trivial? I would. Shut up and listen. Chal Oh, would you say that it's trivial? I would. Shut up and listen.

Chalice, are you listening? This could be your night. I know it. I know it. This star was really mean to me when they said my face looks like hamburger meat at the Fisherman's Wharf. They were wearing a woolen coat.

I put a hint in there. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. Chalice, Chalice buzz first. Chalice? Was it Pistachio Whaler, the haunted fisherman? Gong! You got it right. You got it right.

I was there with him. I was there too. Next category. Tiramisu or other cake. Okay, this seems like it's You know broader knowledge We might have a shot here Oh me me me

Or did we get to pick the category Was that a question to us That was the question That was the trivia question Oh that's the whole thing That's not even the category Yeah no it's both It's a genre in itself

That's the question in it Tiramisu or cake This is f***ing bulls*** Where's the comment box No no no no no What am I thinking of Tiramisu or cake? This is f***ing bulls***. Where's the comment box? No, no, no, no, no, no. What am I thinking of? Tiramisu or cake? Cake. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.

You have to buzz in. You have to buzz in. You have to buzz in. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Sorry, sir, but you did not buzz, so you can't. We are not taking cake, but Chip, you did buzz. What were you saying? Yes, Chip. Cup cake. The answer is cupcake.

Cue, cue, cue, cue. Oh, I opened the skylight and I let the winter storm in. That's winter lightning. Sorry about that. Now it's truly just so unpleasant in here. I'm sorry, she's raising her hand. I'm sorry, sir. You need to buzz if you want to speak. Chalice, you buzzed? What was that? Yes. The answer

is pie. Gong! That's right! That is right! The answer was pie. All right. Okay, what's the prize again? Can someone remind me?

I don't know if this is even worth it. Why don't you mind your business? Move over. Chalice! Okay, virgin? Virgin hosting? I have heads. Seb. Sex? Seb. What? What's up? I have had sex. What? What's up?

I mean, Seb, let's level with us here. What's up? Let's level with us here. Just level with us. It's okay. I mean, we're talking, I've had sex with one beautiful person, and it's amazing, it's great, did it once, don't have to ever do it again. You don't. You don't have to. I mean, it's okay. You don't have to.

It's okay if she didn't finish or anything. It's okay. We're not going to judge you. It's okay if you didn't finish. I was completely generous. The whole thing was tantric. It lasted seven and a half hours. We were both creaming left and right.

If you guys both didn't finish, it's okay. I don't know, seven and a half hours sounds like nobody was finishing Oh hi Jennifer Wait, are you just realizing that I'm here? Maybe I didn't say anything Yeah, were you here the whole time?

Yeah Jennifer, we're doing this like comic card thing we're just reading these comments, you can join though And just so you know Jennifer, I'm not a virgin. I'm not a virgin, Jennifer. Okay. I'll read a fun one for all of us to hear together. Here we go. I got food poisoning.

I'm going to head back upstairs. No, Jennifer, I think you should say, actually, for the rest of this one. I mean, it's about that time of year where we do your performance eval anyway, so this is a good time. Yeah, let me finish this off. I mean, it's about that time of year where we do your performance eval anyway. So this is a good time. Let me finish this off. Let me read the whole thing. I got food poisoning and I know I wasn't the only one. The staff definitely had food poisoning too.

Whoa. That must have been before I started, huh? It's dated three weeks ago. Hi, I'm your waitress, Chalice, and I feel so good and not sick yeah i'm glad you addressed it if you need to go i think not sick not sick just your waitress i am not burning in the inside on the outside um can i offer you a dance i mean water i water. I mean, hello. Um, hey. Hi, I'm Chalice. I'm going to be your waiter, and I'm feeling not sick.

And I miss, I miss you. Would you mind facing our table? You've got your back to us. Oh, I'm so sorry. How do you do? My name is Chip Ahoy. I did that thing where you get your way out of a dragon, and I brag about it.

I'm tall and I feel sick. I'm throwing up in a second and here it comes. Not on the kids, not on the kids. Chip kicks down the door of the bathroom outwards and says, Do not go in there. You broke the door. That is a push door. Oh, my God. What did you do, dude?

Oh, my. Oh, there's splinters all over these people. Oh, I'm too sick for this. Oh, gosh. I'm creaming my pants in the diarrhea way. Oh, God. We're all creaming our pants in the diarrhea way. All right.

I can see how that looks like it would be my fault. But it really had nothing to do with what I was doing in the kitchen. The bully walk meat that I must have gotten sourced must have gone bad. Okay. The what kind of bully walks? They're like, they're like big frog people. I thought that they'd be okay to eat.

Wait, they're people. Are we eating people? This is people. We're eating guys. They were dead. We didn't kill're eating? Guys, they were dead. We didn't kill them to eat them. They were dead.

Wait, what happened to our old meat guy? Did you and Ronald get into a skiff? A skiff? A small boat? Did you guys get into a small boat? Yeah, and then that's how we sourced him from the swamps. What? Let's read another one.

Let's change the subject. Let's change the subject. Read another one. I'm just so confused why we haven't read one where they're talking about how hot the staff is. Well, we read the one that was like super accurate and kind of talked about how hot I was. Chalice does a quick just keep morale up. Oh, this one. Oh, my gosh. Beef.

It's so crazy that you. That's so weird. Beef one is very hot. Seb, not a virgin for sure. Oh, I'm placated. That's weird. I'm totally placated. Yeah, Chip is so great.

Chop and I were just talking about that, how great Chip is the other day. Wait, what? Chalice is also very lovable and good to her friends. Chalice, you want to roll for deception? Yes, I would love to. It's a 19. Oh, wow. Very believable.

Yay. Beef hugs himself and he's like, yay. Nice. Chip is like, oh my God, maybe Chop is real. That's amazing. And that, he never says it out loud. It just sits in the back of his head when he goes to sleep. Who is this Chop guy? That's amazing. And that, he never says it out loud. It just sits in the back of his head when he goes to sleep.

Who is this Chop guy? That is really going to come to a head in like season four. I'm just going to keep it going. I'll read another one. Let's see. Saw a sign for game night and came in because I love games. But what you all are playing is not a game anyone is familiar with. Oh, yeah. Oh, f*** this immediately.

I know exactly what they're talking about. There seems to be 10,000 different rules, most of which contradict each other. And it's impossible to understand if you're just walking in. Maybe try offering some other games that people know are at least be willing to teach the rules to customers. Unbelievable. First of all, never. We will never teach the rules to customers. Unbelievable. First of all, never. We will never teach the rules. Okay.

All other games suck. All other games suck besides our game. Yeah. That's why we don't have them. So I just, I hate to interrupt. It seems like you guys are in the 15, 14, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13, 13. All right. One, two, three. Swoop, swoop, swoop 13, 13, 13. All right. One, two, three.

Swoop, swoop, swoop. And then we run. Oh, your shoe's untied. Your shoe's untied. You have an untied shoe. Oh, my God. I don't want to be out. You're not, though.

Remember, you're back. Beef's back in. Okay. First question. What is the name of the person as a fisherman wharf who is mean to me? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I know this. I know this. I was there. Do you know? Do you know? Oh my gosh, all this pressure, I don't even remember, and this wasn't about me. And that means you win this round! Nice job, Seth!

Well, it seems like a good opportunity to jump in if you're in between rounds. Oh yeah, of course. Maybe I'll just pick it up as I go, is that? You're gonna start with six lives. Okay, sounds good. And that's a handicap. Normally we start with 15 go. You're going to start with six lives. Okay, sounds good. And that's a handicap. Normally we start with 15 lives, but you're going to start with six.

Wait, it's a handicap and I get less lives? That's right. You don't want lives. You don't want lives. You do not want lives. If I'd just said something, I would have thought the opposite. Lives are bad luck. Yeah, you're trying to take lives. Unless you trade them in for Ruples or Banuples.

And you can cash those in over there because beef is the banker, but not, it's not what you need. Okay. Like a piggy bank. But don't take my shoelaces or I'll be out. And if you have truples, you have to bury them as fast as you can. And we have a corner over there. Do you have any truples on you?

Don't tell me you have any truples. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose.

Touch your nose. Touch your nose. Touch your nose. I'm touching my nose, but I don't know what triples are. I don't know. Give me your hand. I have to cut you with this dagger. Please don't.

No. No. Maybe I'll just watch one more round. No, no, no. It's going to be way more confusing if you do that. Yeah, I'm sorry at this point. The music will stop, right? And then everyone has to find a chair.

And then you have to remember, what are the 15 names? Joseph. Joseph. Joseph one. Joseph three. Joe seven. Well, don't say all of them. Otherwise, it's like,

oh yeah, we can't help you too much because we also have to be out here taking care of ourselves. We're all playing against each other, but it is cooperative. It is a cooperative game, but it's obviously, obviously a deception game. Guys, guys, look at the clock.

Look at the clock. Look at the clock. Look at the clock. Crawfish time. Crawfish time. Crawfish time. Crawfish time. I'm a little crawfish. I like hot dogs.

I'm a little crawfish. I like hot. You got to do it. You're doing crab bars? I'll do them with you. I'm doing crab bars. Give me your hand. Give me your hand.

I have to cut you with this dagger. Oh, no, please. Actually, I'm going to head over to the bank. I will trade two lives for Banuples. Don't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. Sorry, buddy. Can't douples. Don't do that. Can't do that. Can't do that. Sorry, buddy.

Can't do that. Just so you know, you actually can do that. He's going to say that you can't, and you're going to have to fight him for it. I would rather not do that. Fight me. Fight me, bitch. It's not physical. It's an argumentative fight.

Oh, okay. Come on. It's a gentleman's fight. Is there a topic or something? Yes, daggers. I mean, that's not on us. No. Honestly, though, thank God he left because I think he was about to win.

Truly, though. Terrifying how quickly he was learning everything. He had no lives left. He was about to win. He was like a sponge. We should play again. I would love that. Oh, yeah.

Do you guys want to play tonight? Love to. Hell yeah. Hey, you guys mind sharing that lemonade that you were drinking earlier? Yeah, absolutely. A little parched down here. That is pee. Look at the pipes. Well, if everything's pee, then we've just been drinking pee and let

it be pee. Let it be pee. Let it pee. Let it pee. You know what? We're doing fine. Let's just drink pee. Alright, I'm gonna grab one. This one is the driest that I have found in here. And this one says I'm gonna do a voice. this one says, I'm going to do a voice. Before I even start, I'm going to do a voice. Yes.

I came with my family for kids eat free with good report cards night. You know. I'm sorry. I can't. But you had nothing going on that was kid-friendly, appalling, and all drinks tasted like piss. Uh-oh. Like what? Okay, we've figured this out.

We're looking at the pipes in here. Okay, so there we go. We're actually solving something. They're not saying that they don't like it or do like it they're just saying that it tastes like piss that's oh my gosh and through our own biases we're assuming that that they don't like piss yeah maybe they're just commenting right the first part of that comment was like we don't have kids stuff that's appalling right there's like the negative word used but then it's just like and the drinks taste like piss just so everybody knows we should do some unlearning

of our personal prejudices all right we have some piss prejudice this is life so um hey we're here with a couple um couples well straight a students these are my kids and jack is jack here what jack no sorry i thought i thought I saw my son. Sorry. That's one of his several sons that floated away. No, buddy. Sorry, Chip. They're still missing. They're still missing, buddy. Are you guys still doing the report? Are you honoring the report card deal? You look so much like Jack. I'm sorry.

Stay back from my son. Please don't get close to him. What's his name? Zach. Zach or sack? Zach. Okay. What, do you think that. Zach or sack? Zach. Okay. What, do you think that's a funny name? No.

No. Wait, did somebody say funny name? Oh, my God. Is there a funny name at this table? Yes. Hi, I'm Chalice. Say it, say it, say it. Well, my son's name is Zach.

Ah! Oh, my God! I know. You have to put your name, you have to put your name on the wall. That's the funny name wall. What's the last name? Wait, what's funny name wall. What's the last name? Wait, what's the last name?

What's the last name? Well, it's our whole family last name. It's Tinkle. Zach Tinkle? Yeah. Oh my God. That's going on the funny wall. That's going on the funny wall.

You're going on the funny wall. Thank you so much. Your kid, A plus student, but even more than that, straight A, good f***ing name. All right? Awesome name. Yeah, hey, speaking of which, we got these report cards, so you guys, do you still honor that deal? It doesn't seem like there's anything kid-friendly happening here.

A child arrived just the other day. Gave it to the world in a usual way. And he was talking to the cats in the cradle. I think your children being here is actually upsetting Chip over here. Scary when Chop shows up. Could you just leave? Can you leave?

We're away from you. I'm just going to drop this in the comment box and we're out. Would you like one of our pale ales? They're award winning on your way out. That looks like piss. Okay. So is Chop real? They talked about Chop in looks like piss. Okay. Wait, so is chop real? They talked about chop in that flashback. Okay, in that memory, I said chop.

What is going on? And that's all in both of your guys' heads. Let it be known, no one has ever said out loud to anyone that chop exists. It's only in all of our heads. It's really just planting the dark seed in the dark part of your brain

okay guys okay okay here we go I'm sitting on one oh that one also is wet blowing it off you're billing this an open mic but only the staff are able to perform ridiculous

there are other people here with great material that people deserve to hear. This guy... Get him on the mic because that's hysterical. That's hilarious. This guy thinks he's funny.

Look at this. This guy, whoever wrote this, this is hilarious. Hey, I'm just, I know someone's on stage right now. I just want to know if there's an order for who goes next or where like the signup sheet is. Hey man, the list is the night. Yeah. You said that to me at the karaoke night. I don't know what that means. The list is the night. Yeah, you said that to me at karaoke night. I don't know what that means. The list rules the night.

Yeah, again, it seems like only people who work at the bar are able to go up. All right, Chip, you're up. And on deck looks like it's Sebeleb. I don't want to do this. In the window is Chalice. Okay, so get your material warm. I'm in the window. I'm sorry, which is first, window or door?

Windows first, always. Okay. So, I'm so sorry. What was your name? You're asking my name? Yeah, your name. I'm looking right at you. I feel like you're going to laugh.

No, I won't. I'm a professional. What's your name? You promise you won't laugh? I want, I'm asking you, Elizabeth. Do you think you cannot laugh if I tell you my name? Yeah, I'm more than confident. Okay.

What's your name? I'll write it down. Penis. Like the fruit? Like the fruit? Yeah, like the fruit. I knew you'd think it was silly, but a lot of people laugh. No, no, no.

Honestly, you should go check out the funny name wall. Those are funny names. Yeah. You ever been inside of a dragon and it's freaking wet in there, right? Wait, everybody shut up. I want to hear this. I want to hear this. It's moist.

It's sticky in there. And you're like, how the hell am I going to get my way out of this thing? And then you're like, oh, yeah, that's right. I have a sword on me, right? Catchphrase. Catchphrase. Do it. And then I slice him open.

Yeah. Listen, penis. This is what real work looks like. This is what real star power looks like. All right. So Chalice is on deck. Up next is Sebeleb, you're on deck always. And Waleed, you're in the window now.

Waleed is in the window? Oh, yeah, Chip. Hi, I'm Chalice. I'm going to tell some jokes for your night. Well, the other day I met this guy named Chop, and he was so handsome and interesting. And I was all like, hey, you seem familiar. And he was all, what?

That's my time. I've been Chalice Glass. Tip the drinks. Tip the drinks. Please don't tip any drinks over. Tip your drinks. Tip the drinks. Please don't tip any drinks over. Tip your drinks. That's my catchphrase. So is it my turn then? I think Waleed was up next.

Waleed's up next. Head up there. Yeah, Waleed's up next. Seb is forever on deck. Alright, Wale Lee goes up there and he takes the mic and he puts it to the side

and he says, can I please have a suggestion of anything at all? I'm going to do a little improv for everybody. Oh, no. Honestly, though, don't you guys remember

that was like one of the best improv sets you've ever seen? Yeah, it was really incredible. I remember Chop saying it was a great improv set chop is real wait you know about chop i know about chop this is all being said in our head this is all we're all just staring at each other we're just staring at each other it is silent right now all right how about we reading just a couple more and then we fix these pipes? How's that sound?

Sounds good to me. Get something productive going, okay? Because these are probably just dumb ones that I'm grabbing. Here we go. Let's see what we got. All right. The server and the doorman flirt too much. It's annoying.

Hmm. I wonder what that one's about. We're all very platonic. Like we're all, you know, cause it's like, yeah, well, because we made a rule a long time ago that we want to fall in love with each

other. So we know that that's going great. It's going really good. Unless they think that people who are like brother and sister and friends, like have no chemistry or flirting, then yeah, I guess we're flirting. What is that person in love with their brother?

Yeah, ew, yucky. I'd kiss all of my friends on the lips and I am not ashamed to say that. That's unrelated, but still so nice of you to say. You're welcome. I've only been kissed twice. Hi, excuse me. I believe your name's Chalice, my server.

We haven't even got a chance to order yet. It seems like, I don't know. It seems like you've been a little bit. Chiv, stop. Seriously, stop. Is this guy messing with you? No, stop. Is this guy messing with you?

Chiv, back. Stop. Sorry. Hey, I'm going to punch you in the face, you stupid idiot. I said Chiv. Chiv, don't. Sir, I know you're joking around, but you are massive, and it's terrifying when you put your fist up like that.

I'm going to eat you and I'm going to eat all your kids up. Chip, Chip, chase me. Run faster. I'm catching you too much. Oh my God, you're catching me again. That's crazy. Can we just like, is there a buffet we can opt into where we just get the food ourselves? Hi, sorry.

I'm Chip. No, I mean, I'm sorry. I'm Chalice. My God, you freaking wish. You made me say that chip no i mean i'm sorry i'm chalice my god you freaking wish you made me say that you goon hi i'm chalice and i'm i'm no let me do it let me do it let me do it hi i'm chalice chalice can i have some f***ing food please um i don't know normally i get served my food by a billion butlers oh my god dude i don't sound like that enough it's been an hour i'm leaving no no sorry sorry no no we're so sorry we're so sorry we're food by a billion butlers. Oh my God. Dude, I don't sound like that. All right, enough. It's been an hour.

I'm leaving. No, sorry, sorry. No, no, we're so serious. We're so serious. We're so serious. We're so serious. We're so serious. We're so serious.

We're so serious. Okay, then can I just put in my order? What do you think, Chip? Let's see. I don't know. I don't know. What is your order? And where are you going to put it in?

I hope not. I hope not my mouth. That didn't even make any sense. It wasn't even a joke. I hope you don't put your food in my mouth. No, it would be my food then. Then you would be paying for my food if such a recurrence would take place, wouldn't it then? Yes, I guess quite it could.

Listen, you two just need to have sex or kill each other, whatever you need to do. What? And then maybe all this weird energy will dissipate and I can come back and get a meal. But until then, I'm not coming back.

I'm sorry, what is your name? My name? Yeah, what is your name? I'm also here. If I told you, you'd just laugh at me. Well, I sure hope so. Okay, I'll tell you my name then. My name's Gallagher Giuliani.

That's kind of cool. I like it. I guess it's fine. Yeah. I actually have a pretty good stand-up set prepared if you guys want to check it out. Honestly, the thing that bothers me about that comment is not that they even pointed out that we were flirting, which we're not. I think just flirting

is just being nice. But the fact that he called it annoying, that's annoying. Yeah, that is annoying to me because we were being delightful. I remember it

very clearly. You know what I hate about that comment too? I was there the entire time and I wasn't even mentioned. What is up with that?

All right. I was standing with them. I was watching. We're all being platonic friends and stuff. I was getting ready to bean tap. I don't disagree with this comment. Is that being said in Beef's head? It's like there's an echo.

Yeah. He's like, they are annoying. It's like they're one person. It's like they meld into one annoying it's like they're one person it's like they meld into one person choop choop it's really annoying and I think you know it's so distracting that by the time you know my food even gets to the table

it's like cold and probably making people sick and that's probably their fault yeah I agree Jennifer all in our head yeah we're just standing in the darkness. Beef, can you stop glaring at me? Unrelated, just changing the subject for no reason at all. Let's see.

This one's going to be nice. I feel it. Everyone blow on it for good luck. This is going to be a good one. Lucky comment. Lucky comment. Here we go. Here we go.

The food is trashier. Like, literally garbage from outside on a plate. Zero stars. Okay, heard enough. Jennifer grabs that little slip, throws it back in the comment box, slams the top down, and puts the lock back on and locks it.

Jennifer, no, no, no, Jennifer, no, no, no. Jennifer, we don't have the key. We had dozens left. We had dozens left. We had dozens left. Yeah, I think I f***ing heard all I need to hear from that box. Honestly, you know what? Yeah, this box is just negative energy that we don't need. Yeah, so what that sometimes I use garbage as food and dead people as food

and other things we didn't bring up and so I shouldn't bring up now as food. I'm sorry. That's not neither here nor there. We're all awesome and believe in this place and that's why we're great. Jennifer, I don't know about the dead people. Yeah. You assured us that wasn't what was happening.

Yeah. I promise. I'm placated. I feel placated by that. I'm fine with that. Yeah. Maybe next year we can open it again Yeah

When we're feeling like We have some tolerance to it And there'll be nicer comments When we need a good laugh Yeah That's right Because we've had a few I bet one season from now

We're going to open that box And it's all going to be Positive comments Yeah I feel like if we just Fix the piss And the ale issue I think the rest Will just fix the piss in the ale issue, I think the rest will just kind of like fix itself.

That sounds expensive, though. I'm looking at the lines now, and I think the beer is going to the toilet. Does pee normally get brought to toilets? I think, I mean, there's a closed circle. It is a mixture of both. This explains so much, because there was very recently a mutiny in the kitchen,

and I got a horrible swirly, and when I was done, I was wasted for like two days. Jennifer, that sounds awful. What happened? Swoop. All right, guys, you're going to have to all work another double because I don't feel like working today. I don't understand you. Oh, my God.

Wait, put me down. Put me down. Hey, check this out. Check this out. I'm big. I'm big. I'm the big mouse. I'm the big mouse. Yeah, it can get rough in the kitchen.

It's no joke. Sounds horrible. You know, guys. I'm the big mouse. Yeah. It can get rough in the kitchen. It's no joke. Sounds horrible. You know, guys. You're doing your best. I'm really glad we opened this box up today. It really taught me a few things. Yeah, Beef. Like what?

Like, let me think. He's scratching his balls. And as he's scratching his balls, it'll like trail up to his tummy While he's scratching and he's looking up towards the ceiling You know I think it's important It's okay if you didn't learn anything If you didn't learn anything You don't have to learn anything every day You know

It's hard You guys caught me yeah I didn't learn anything from any of this Chip chase me Chase me up the stairs Chip Go faster I keep catching you I didn't learn anything from any of this. Chip, Chip, chase me. Chip, chase me. Chase me up the stairs, Chip. Go faster. I keep catching you.

Ah, you keep catching me. Let's keep wrestling, Seb. I was here the whole time. I catch Chalice and I'm holding her and I just sit there and I think to myself, where's this f***ing chop guy? Oh man, some of those comments are rough. You guys want to go drink a toilet or two? We cut to us in the bathroom,

heads facing the toilets, and we all say, cheers! And then we stuff our heads into the toilet. Oh, that's beautiful. if any of these comments are making fun of my shoes i'm gonna be so upset do you think any of them are insults about my shoes didn't you write them you might yeah well how about we just yeah we can ignore the ones that we wrote about each other. How about that? Okay.

Oh, wait, you were in character when you said that, weren't you? You're going to get fired, Elizabeth. I can't, we can't help you. Hey, everyone. This week on the Patreon, we have part two of Chips Tips. There's a new episode every Thursday that you can find at patreon.com slash sitcom D&D. Have a great week. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and I,

as well as everyone on the Discord came up with the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing. For our LA friends, Elizabeth hosts a monthly show called the Illuminati Hour, and this month's show is on Saturday, May 21st at the Yard Theater at 9.30 p.m., and our very own Aaron Keefe will be performing improv with them as a guest. So come see some live comedy. Also, we're in the final couple weeks of the Kickstarter for my comic book Skyless, so if you haven't yet, go check that out. The story follows two best friends, Neil and Alina,

on their quest to restore the sky to a dystopian Earth. Think Game of Thrones meets The Hunger Games, a romantic coming-of-age epic that does not shy away from the harsh reality of death. With your support, this will be the thrilling second installment of the next great fantasy sci-fi epic. You can check out the artwork and get the next issue for $10 at the link in the show notes. I think that's it for now. Until next week, and thanks as always for listening.