SitcomD&D - S1 E22: The Puppet King, Part 2

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

We made it to the SEASON ONE FINALE! Grab your wig from the wig wagon we’re going undercover! The gang needs to navigate around the castle without getting caught in order to defeat the evil King Palpert. If that’s not stressful enough, an unwanted guest shows up and does something that could change everything. See you soon for season two!  Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben Briggs. Guest: Hailey Palmer (as Tangerine Protumbrance) Theme Song by Arne Parrott Artwork by Waleed Mansour Edited by Sean Meagher Like the show? Rate SitcomD&D 5 stars on Apple Podcasts and leave a review.  Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok: @SitcomDnD Advertise on SitcomD&D via Gumball.fm Support our Patreon at Patreon.com/SitcomdndSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. You guys, can you believe it? It is the final episode of our first season. We did. No, I believe it. Yeah. I don't know if we've like announced this or said this or anything, but we're going to be doing 22 episode seasons and then take a month off

and then start season two four weeks later with season two episode one i hope you enjoyed listening to it and cast i hope you've enjoyed being in it i know i have can i be honest i've missed a couple episodes i'm sorry that i've not listened to two episodes Elizabeth is so mad at me she's writing me a lot I can I can see you writing your angry letter right now I wouldn't be so mad if you wouldn't have given us two stars on apple podcast I think that's the more egregious improvement yeah this is actually too loud laugh track too loud yeah the name on this account is the real Aaron Keith like what the fuck and a lot of your problems were with Chalice as a character? I'm my own critic.

Last episode, you found out that Prince Jalpert's triplet brother is a real piece of work. It sounds like he murdered Jalpert's other triplet brother and attempted to murder Jalpert in order to claim the throne at Two Tree Hill and ultimately declare war on France. In order to thwart Palpert's dastardly plans, you needed to get an official invitation to his coronation. You did just that by posing as a puppeteering troupe and winning a talent competition. So we're going to pick up as you all are making your way through the Westwood and approaching Two Tree Hill with your coronation invitations in hand. Quiet on set.

Sound speeding. And we're rolling. Dice! Dice. Finale. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup find Sebastian Chalice chip and beef at

the noble bottoms up as step by step our growing pains are improving home and away we're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day we're in different worlds with different

strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass, Elizabeth Andrews as Beef, Waleed Mansour as

Chip Ahoy, Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, Elizabeth Andrews as Beef. Waleed Mansour as Chip A. Horney. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. With my little eye, I spy something brown. Is it you? Yeah, it's you. It's still you.

You've just done you over and over again. But where on me is brown? Oh, I don't like that question. Frankly, I really dislike that question. Come on, guys. it's a fun game all right i spy with my little eye a small little guy with little eyes he's super sweet and a good friend is it that ant over there it's beef oh oh what about this little ant guy that's right here? Hello, sir. Mind your fucking business.

Oh. Oh, my God. Wow. Did not expect that. Wow. The buff arms for an ant. Huge arms. Get a lot of foot traffic, a lot of gawkers, and a lot of tourists.

I don't got time for this shit. How many times your weight can you hold? About this much. He picks you up and tosses you about six inches. Oh. Oh, so sorry to bother. Where are you heading to? We're heading to the castle, right, guys?

Yeah, no shit. Typical tourist. Well, you just about made it to Two Three Hill. And he points. And when you look up, you see that you've now entered Two Tree Hill, a sprawling city perched high above the ground, embedded in the massive trees of the Westwood. Your attention is drawn towards two absolutely enormous trees ahead of you.

They're the size of modern skyscrapersers and they kind of function in the same way. Outside each of these trees, spiraling up the trunk, are the homes of hundreds of wood elves and their respective businesses. And entrenched in the Venn diagram of the two trees' branches, rests a beautiful palace. This is gorgeous.

How much do you think this costs, you guys? I'm going to guess $9 million. Alright, $9 million. I'm going to guess $9 million. All right, $9 million. I'm going to guess $9 million and one. All right, Ant, what is it? I wasn't f***ing paying attention to what you assholes were saying. Whoa! Whoa!

What the heck? It's totally not the ant stereotype. You know, the nice, nice ant stereotype, okay? Wow, jeez. Yeah, I've never met an ant who's a dick before. Wow. Okay, that's it. He comes over to Chalice,

picks you up, and tosses you about seven inches. Ah! Oh. Oh. I keep gearing up to be thrown far, and that's not- Yeah, it kind of seemed like I was in the same boat. Yeah.

It felt like I was going to be chucked across the ocean or something. I was like barely anything. Jalper, did you see me get tossed? Yeah, that was pretty crazy.

That was so funny. I'm kind of jealous. It looked kind of fun actually. Yeah. Yeah, well, it was just kind of a Mia Chalice thing

so you can't really do it. No, okay, okay. Then Drew pulls all you guys together. Hey, listen, we need to focus up.

Coronations are a very tricky thing to try and reverse. So we'll have to try to expose Palpert and stop him before he is crowned. Not after, before. You understand? You were with us the whole time? What? What do you mean? Of course.

You were just walking with us this entire time? You never played I Spy. Did we skip over you when we were playing I Spy? You didn't guess? You didn't spy? You didn't speak a word. You didn't say a word. Beef, it was my turn like half a dozen times,

and you just screamed over me every time I tried to talk. Oh, I just figured out what it was. Beef's got a milk dud in his belly button. It's small and brown and round. Yeah, he said it right. Okay, he's just rubbing his temples as you guys go on. You approach the, you know, entrance to the Palace of Two Tree Hill, and you see just in front of you a couple armed guards checking invitations.

Normally we'd have to sneak in, but we actually have invitations. Isn't this like a refreshing change of pace for us, you guys? I guess we have to put the wig wagon away. Yeah, we can unhitch the wig wagon. We're not going to be needing this. Wait, weren't we wearing wigs? Were we wearing wigs for the show? We were.

Oh, we were. Oh no, the wig wagon. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. Oh, no, I already lit it on fire. No, Sam, why would you do that? I destroyed the evidence. We can't have people finding it.

All right, everybody grab a handful of leaves. We're going organic wigs this week. Oh, jeez. Okay, so you guys approach the armed security guards wearing organic wigs made of leaves. And he goes, invitation? First off, look at us, dripping head to toe with royalty. Sir, here is our invitation.

Okay. Oh, you guys, you won the talent competition. You're the birds. We are the birds indeed. Cock, cock, cock, cock. Cock, cock, cock, cock. Oh, amazing. My cousin Danny, he's obsessed with you guys.

I got to get him over here to meet you. Oh, we're much too busy, and we're very, very, very shy. Wait, how long has he been a fan? I think for at least 24 hours, but maybe longer. Oh, better not risk it. We don't have time. Sorry. We don't do autographs, actually.

Danny! Danny, get over here! The birds! Yeah! Cover your faces. Cover your faces. Say that we're shielding it from the sun or something. Danny walks up and goes, shit.

Oh, my God. Where are they? This is them. This is the birds. Guys, introduce yourselves. We had a ton of surgery on our faces after the accident. Yeah. And if you mention it, you're rude.

Oh, you guys got into an accident? Yeah, bad one. Our wig wagon, it got hitched, there was a fire and our faces are burned. Yeah, I don't know if you can smell that right now. Oh, a recent accident. Yeah. It's just that one's similar to the one that we experienced. Right, right, right.

Whenever we experienced it. Yeah. We get in a lot of accidents every other day. It's kind of our MO. That's the birds. Caw, caw. Honestly, we're a little concerned they're not accidents,

if you know what I'm saying. I don't want to be rude. You guys, I think we're talking too much. Well, because we're lying. That's what happens when you lie. Chip. Oh, I mean. Stick it.

Well, guys, listen, I'm not going to ask about the accident or your faces. Oh, good, good. Because obviously, you know, they're not as nice as they used to be. Okay. Oh, I'm going to think about that for a while. I mean, they are.

I'm going to be thinking about that. Because they're nicer is what I meant. I think I'm talking too much because that's what you do when you're lying. Are you lying? But, oh, hey, you know what? It would just truly make my dream come true if you guys just gave me your classic catchphrase, just as a group.

This is embarrassing for you. We don't do this for free. You should feel embarrassed right now. You should feel embarrassed. We haven't even warmed up. Oh, really? Am I overstepping my bounds? my bounds come on just you are absolutely overstepping where's the ant when you need him to throw somebody you're about to go six inches and it's gonna i'm right fucking here he goes out and he grabs the guy and he tosses him oh oh okay all right now point us to the craft service table

my sirs roll for deception with advantage because you were holding your own, acting like he was overstepping his bounds, which I think plays into you guys being higher status. I like that. Okay, so I rolled twice, a 10 and a 12. So I'm going to go with a 12 plus 5. 17. Yep, 17 does it.

They nod at you and the cousin kind of pulls him aside and goes, Danny, you embarrass yourself back there. Just let him go. And then they make way for you to come in, and they show you their arms in a very regal manner, a very classy manner. Bonjour. That's us.

Bonjour, bonjour. And then it is not but seconds before you run into the Coronation Planner, a tall female wood elf. Hello, you must be the birds. Oh, hi. Yeah, we're heading towards the craft service table, if you could point it to us. Nope, no time for that because you're late. And we're walking and we're walking. Okay.

Damn it. She's taking you down a long hall towards the Great Hall. You should be performing the entire evening for the guests in the Great Hall. Let's see, what else do I need to tell you? No guests should ever be bored at any moment. Do not eat anything. She gets like low and in Beef's face. Don't eat anything.

Anything. And have a good attitude. Okay. And then just at that moment, you enter the great hall of Two Tree Hill. It's been decorated in all crimson for Palpatine's coronation. Hundreds of guests mill about

and are sipping wine and eating penises and other fruit waiting for the coronation to begin. Oh, jarring. Jarring. But worth it. Thank you. She points to a slender high elf with sunken features that looks like an evil version of Jalpert.

He's wearing a prince's crown and is surrounded by other high elves fawning over him. Make yourself known and introduce yourself to Palpert first. I think it goes without saying that he is not a man you want to disappoint. Now go on, go. Introduce yourselves. Is Jalpert with us? Jalpert is with you. So I'll say this right now.

Jalpert also made a organic wig, but his costume is a little bit more involved. He like rubbed like some more like made himself like a dirt, like a mud, like mustache beard type thing. And he's really avoiding eye contact with everyone trying to play it super discreet because a lot of people in fact most of the people here actually know Jalpert so he his disguise actually matters a lot

Jalpert maybe you should just go away no Jalpert you hang back and yeah all the way back like just get the hell out of here actually no we need him but Chalice I don't what if you get into trouble Chalice Yeah, all the way back. Just get the hell out of here, actually. No, that's even. But Chalice, I don't... What if you get into trouble, Chalice?

Then you'll have to just swoop in and save me, won't you? Plus, I'm here too, okay? I got it. Whoa, you were so close to our faces. Your breath smells really bad, Chip, and I could smell it from here. Your breath smells like a donkey died in there. You know what, guys?

I probably should lie low, but I got to at least look my brother in the eye for one second and just see if I think that he's even capable of something like this. That feels like the opposite of what you should be doing. I need to. I need to. I'm coming with you guys. No, I actually can't believe I'm agreeing with Chip here. You might blow this for us.

All right. Fine. Fine. I'll go wait by craft services. The craft services table. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Beef, I'll try to sneak you a cracker or something. I love you, Japple. Do you guys make your

way over to Palpert? We do. And that's what I say. Hey, hey, we're the birds. Oh, look everyone. It seems the entertainment has arrived. The birds are, from what I hear, quite the talented puppeteers.

Everybody bow, bow, bow, bow. Bowing, bowing, bowing. Kiss your feet, kiss your feet. Oh, it's not time for that just yet. The coronation hasn't happened. There'll be plenty of time for bowing after I'm crowned king. Why don't you do a bit of your act for us? You have our attention.

Wait, let me try something. No, we actually don't really do that before we perform. We don't actually do it. And that's actually really uncool of you to ask us to do that right now. The coronation planner looks at you and then goes, can I talk to you guys for a second? Yeah, sure. Sure.

Yeah. What's up? What the fuck are you doing? You're insulting the imminent king? That is not a man to be trifled with. If he says dance, you dance. Oh, okay. Okay, next question.

Thought it was odd at first. Now I'm getting even more weirded out. Where the fuck are your puppets? Oh, right here. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh. Oh.

Oh, ow. Beef, you're supposed to be controlling me. Oh. Wait, what? I'm sneaking my hand up my own arse. Beef, get your hand out of your ass. You got one in you and one in me. What are you doing? Okay, this seems like it's kind of like a finale type one in you and one in me what are you doing okay this seems like it's kind of like a finale type move that you guys are doing right now just know that it's

gonna be a couple of hours before the coronation so pace yourselves and please do not piss off palpert anymore please or what what would happen if we were to turns back around he'll kill you or throw you in the okay thank you yeah thank you. Yeah, no, just checking. Jalpert like backs into your group like inconspicuously. How did it go? He's hot like you, but he's bad. And then Drute walks up

and takes you all aside. I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is we need to somehow get to the dungeons. The good news is I know where we can get proof that Palpert murdered his brother. Thanks, Drude. You're really doing a lot for us here.

Yeah, why are we even here? Seems like you could have just kind of handled this. Yeah, Drude. I think there's going to be stuff coming up that I can't do. Oh, okay. All right, let us know when that's the case because we're kind of just chilling right now. Okay, well, it's right now, all right? Because I don't know how to get to the dungeons, because...

Okay, listen. The palace's cleric, Mr. Pepper, the one that found Talpert dead, he's disappeared, okay? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And I have it on good authority that they're keeping him in the dungeons. If we can get to him, we may be able to prove how Talpert was murdered. The problem is, the only people who can get to the dungeons

are the guards and the people the guards are taking to the dungeons. Oh, so if one of us were to, I don't know, get thrown in the dungeon... I think it needs to be all of you. So we could all pretend to be guards somehow. You look like dungeon people, not so much guards.

Gosh, I really wish we didn't set our wig wagon on fire. Because it sounds like we really needed it. Okay, guys, I know what pisses royal people off. So I know what's going to get us thrown in the dungeon. What is it? When you eat all gross. So let's go to the table and eat like, sorry, beef. Let's eat like pigs.

Excuse me? Sorry, let's eat like pigs. Excuse me? Sorry, Beef, I love you. No, honey, you just said the phrase that unlocked this. Whee! And then Beef goes, he just makes a little dust trail because he's like a Tasmanian devil. And he goes up to the craft service and he's putting a bunch of stuff on his plate. And he's like, yeah. And he gets and he sits down and he's like unbuttons all of his shirts and his belly's just flying and he's eating and he's in heaven.

When Beef sits down, unbuttoned shirt, has a big cracker with a bunch of meat and cheese on it that's headed right for his mouth. His wrist gets grabbed. Um, what are you doing? I told you, you specifically. No eating. Well, I'm scared. You can't get mad at me. Oh my God, all of you are eating?

What are you doing? All the good stuff. You know what? I'm going to have you all escorted off the castle grounds. No, we're bad, bad, bad. We're so bad. We should be punished. What are you talking about?

And I flick her in the nose. Ow. Okay, I'm going to get some guards to escort you off the palace grounds. No, you're going to. That you trip, sir. Ow. Yeah, why don't you go get some girds to go put us in the dungeon. Yeah, some girds in the dungeon.

Can't even say guards right, you freaking stupid ass. She just takes off running and there's like tears in her eyes. It's the worst shift ever. That was too much. I think that she's not the problem here. She's an employee. I feel bad. I will apologize to her if I see her again.

We should write her a letter after all this episode's over and send it to her. Okay, so eight guards swarm on you guys. Alright, right this way. We're taking you guys off the palace grounds. No, no. I pick up some sort of pie thing from the table and

I throw it at a guard. Okay, it's a pie. It can be a pie. Chip finds a fantasy kind of pie, you know? Like a D&D pie. Filled to the brim with penises. Penis pie. Yes, I pick up a penis pie,

and I chuck the penis pie straight at the face of one of the guards. And I say, penis pie! Is Chip the only one? No, Chalice grabs a full handful of butter and softball, does the turn pitch, softball pitches it at a guard's face. Seb headbutts a table so hard that it splits in half. That's not a food fight move, Ben.

Do you know that that's not a classic? No, I know I didn't have to do that. I didn't have to do that. I don't think Ben's ever been in a food fight before. Okay, you guys, this is the finale, so we gotta be going, we gotta be up here. Seb's going hard. A beef is still eating.

He's eating. He's just eating the food. Focused mostly on inhaling the food rather than throwing it away from him. Got it. So as this commotion, I mean, pretty much all hell breaks loose. People are screaming. The guards are starting to grapple you all. And this gets the attention of Palpert, who runs over and goes,

What is the meaning of this? We're not puppeteers. We're not puppeteers. What? B throws a penis pie into his face. Take this riffraff. I don't care if they're puppeteers or not. I don't care if this is their act.

I want them right now sent to the dungeon. Yes! Oh, no. Yes! The torture area. Oh! Okay. Hey!

Not the plan! Where's Drute? You see Drute by himself over there avoiding eye contact with you. Come on! Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious, Drute? This wasn't the plan! Oh, Drute. And you serious? Are you serious, Drew? This wasn't the plan. Oh, Drew.

And you guys start to get walked by the soldiers towards the dungeons. They blindfold you and you are each, unless you want to do anything on the walk towards the dungeons. I spy with my little eye something black. Is it your blindfold? Yeah, it's my blindfold. Okay, my turn. I spy with my little eye something that is dark and pitch black and makes it so I can't see. Is it the milk dud in Beef's belly button?

Dang, you got it. Just as an update, that thing's almost gone. I've been chomping on it for a little while now. It's delicious. Is that the ant? Oh, you got it. Just as an update, that thing's almost gone. I've been chomping on it for a little while now. It's delicious. Is that the ant? Oh yeah, baby! What? They said it was a party. Come on! I love this guy!

You feel yourself get lifted off your feet and tossed hard onto stone ground and you hear a cell door close behind you guys. Chalice, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, are you okay? Oh, my God.

Oh, man, I'm so sorry. I got you wrapped up in this. This is my family BS, and now you're in a dungeon. That's okay. Yeah, this is all your fault, kind of. God, I'm so sorry, Chip. Yeah, apology not accepted until we escape, I'm so sorry, Chip. Yeah. Apology not accepted until we escape, so.

Come on, Chip. I think he gets it. Excuse me. Is that who I think it is? There's another cell. There's another person that was lying in a heap in your cell wearing dirty, tattered rags. Oh, no. Jalpert, is that you?

Oh, my God, it is you. Jalpert looks at him you? Oh my god, it is you. Jalpert looks at him. Oh my god, it's the doctor, it's the cleric. Mr. Pepper. What? Hello. And he hugs Jalpert. He goes, what are you doing in here?

Oh god, I can't believe it's come to this. Although I did think you were dead, so this is better. Who are your friends? Hi, I'm Beef. Hi. Hi, I'm Chalice. Hello. I am Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and I just remembered that we left the bar open, and

there's just Jennifer there. But we'll talk about that later. Hey, and I'm Chip, but I don't know, friend feels like a bit of a stretch. Now, why are you guys in the dungeon? That's a good question, and I will take the lead on that, my sir. We actually went up a big mountain, then there was a huge fire. Fast forward like two and a half episodes. And now we're here.

Does that clear everything up? Not really. We need proof that Palpert killed Talpert or ate him or whatever he did to him. Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news. Oh, God. The bad news is that we'll need to get into Palpert's personal study. The good news is the proof exists. to get into Palpert's personal study. Uh, the good news is, the proof exists. Alright, it does. He raided my study,

he stole the autopsy from me, and he threw me in the dungeon. Yes, hidden away in Palpert's personal chambers is a secret chest he keeps behind a painting of himself. If he were going to hide anything, it would definitely be there. We are in a dungeon

now, though. A guard down the hallway yells, Hey, quiet! You quiet! Why don't you quiet? Why don't you shut up? Stop being mean to me! No, you get over here. My job? No one knows how hard my job is.

Come over here and tell us about it. No, you guys are just going to yell. No. What's your name? What's your name, buddy? We're fun. What's my name? Are you really asking my name? Yeah. You're really asking what's your name? You guys, if you get him to like us, maybe he'll let us out.

I was going to punch him in the face and steal the keys. Don't do that. Let's try this first. Okay. My name's Naples. Hi, Naples. I like your little nose. This is your way of making people like you? And we push Chalice forward. Good job.

Are you being sarcastic? My nose is huge and disgusting. No, I love your nose. It's so striking. I love it. I think that you're a really good person, and this is just a job for you, right? This wasn't your dream No, I did have a dream

What was your dream, Naples? It's stupid No Tell us I wanted to be a singer Naples, will you sing us something? Hello Oh, ouch A singer. Naples, will you sing us something? Oh, ouch. I don't want to kiss myself.

But if I do. Naples, I'm going to stop you right there. That sounded amazing incredible you guys know it sounded so good and your name doesn't sound like nipples at all you know what your your voice would probably sound so good in the stairwell we should all go to the stairwell to hear it chalice roll for deception plus Plus, ooh, 18 plus five. Oh, 23. So he really is buying what you're selling.

And then now you guys are asking to move to the stairwell to hear his voice better? Yeah. Okay, why don't you again roll persuasion then? 19. Okay. Ooh. Okay, honestly, my voice does sound like a bajillion times better in the stairwell.

Is that even possible? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wait. Just wait. You guys still have your hands tied, and I'm going to put the blindfolds back on you guys, okay? Okay.

For sure, because then we can hear you. We can focus on your voice. Oh, and you know what? I should just take one of you at a time. I can like handle one of you with your hands tied and blindfolded

one at a time. Okay. No, no, take us all. Take us all. Take us all. Why? Because we want to hold hands while we listen to you sing.

Yeah. That won't make my voice sound any better if you're holding hands. Yes, it will. I got it. I'll go. Let me go first

and then we'll go from there. We'll each take turns, but I got'll each take turns but i got this okay we'll start with you okay and i do a huge wink the biggest wink you've ever seen at everybody in the dungeon and that's as you're getting the blindfold as i'm getting blindfolded we're gonna die in here okay so uh naples leads you out of the cell into the stairwell. Are my hands tied behind my back or in front of my back? They are tied behind your back. Okay, they're tied behind my back. Just tell me when you're ready for me to start singing. I know you have a blindfold on, but also close your eyes.

My eyes are closed. Get after it. Okay. Go. Is there a genre of music that you like yes acid jazz baby as he's scatting i'm gonna try and uh do a dexterity check to get my arms in front of me okay by putting them like under my legs. You know what I'm talking about? Uh-huh.

A 19. Okay. You do it successfully. Whoa. Okay. Oh my God. And then. Too bad no one was there to see that sexy, sexy move.

Yeah, I did a jump and it was so cool. And Naples, he's so in the zone right now that his eyes are closed while he's singing. After I do it successfully, I look around to see if anybody saw and then I'm sad for a second i put the rope around him and i uh and i just want to knock him out i want to like strangle him till he just passes out i don't want to kill him okay i just want to put him put him asleep roll uh for strength then. We'll do a grapple. I roll a 17. I say, shh, shh, please, for the love of God, stop sinking.

He goes, you didn't like my voice, did you? You never did. And then he passes out. I lift my blindfold and I search for the keys on his body. You find them. Heck yeah. Woo! I walk back, swinging the keys around my fingers, doing a little dance.

Chip, you're really going so slow and bringing a lot of attention to yourself. Can you run? Zip-a-da-bow. Whip-a-boop. Okay. Let's see. I'll unlock the door. Unlocking.

Opening up. All right. Everybody out. Including anybody that was in here. Are there any other strangers in the dungeon that we can be letting free? Well, me, Mr. Pepper, and there was one other person. And then you notice someone uncurls who was like a bat hanging from the ceiling and was sleeping upside down. And then they go,

I'd like to leave. Maybe we should ask you some questions. I don't know. Oh, please, please. I'll only eat the really tasty people. Everybody get out. Everybody get out. Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run.

I'm running, I'm running. And I'm running, and I'm running, and I'm hurrying, and I'm running. No, no, no, run, run, run. I'm running. I'm running. And I'm running. And I'm running. And I'm hurrying. And I'm running. No, not you. I lock that guy in. I lock that guy in. Okay.

Well, can you at least leave me some fingers to suck? Oh, no. Suck. Honestly, should we drag the guard over? Oh, yeah. Let's drag the guard over. No, no, no. You wouldn't kill him, but you'll let his fingers get socked?

No. Disgusting. Ew, no. Disgusting, dude. Just asking. Just want to ask. Hey, hey, okay, give the keys to Mr. Pepper. I don't trust you.

No, no, no, no. Jesus. Why? Red flag. Bro, I got you out of this dungeon, and you're going to take the keys from me? Jesus Christ, I'm on your side. Listen, we need to get to Palpert's personal chambers. Do you know how to get there?

Well, Jalpert probably does. Yeah, I know how to get there. Anybody else? Yeah, Jalpert will lead the way. Okay, well, okay, I don't need to be in charge, but I am helping you. Yeah, but that's a real red flag. Like, there's no reason why you need to hold the keys. Trust issues much?

Jesus. Okay, let's get to Palpert hold the keys. Trust issues much? Jesus. Okay. Let's get to Palpatine's personal chambers. Me and Jalpert will lead the way. Dang, that guy really got you there. Yeah. People keep hurting my feelings today. I feel like really... Hey guys, I did this cool thing

where I jumped over my own arms. Sorry, Chip. I would love to hear about that. I'm just having a conversation with Bea. I'm having a conversation. Oh, okay. I just... Hey, you guys. You're about 30 feet behind us now.

Can you just... Time is kind of the essence right now. Why don't one of you roll a stealth check just to... It's not too heavily guarded right now, so it won't be too difficult for you, but roll a stealth check to make sure that you're not

seen by the handful of guards that aren't um guarding the great hall and are just kind of patrolling oh i actually have a pitch i have a pitch okay go ahead should jalper change into that guards outfit is everyone cool with this idea yeah i like it okay i love this idea for you jalpert puts on the guard's uniform and looks at Chalice and goes, what do you think? Man in uniform? Holy s***. Chalice, if you leave a trail of drool, they're going to be able to track

us, so maybe if you could close your mouth. I don't know what I did to hurt your feelings, but you've been like really rude to me, Chip. Me? Yeah, Chip, actually, we're going to take a little side story step. You're being real mean to Chels. I don't know what's going on here.

Are you okay, buddy? Yeah, I'm okay. Yeah, I'm doing just fine, actually. Okay? Oh, is my brother here? I thought I heard my brother. Oh, my God. We got to hurry, you guys.

Is that the bad guy? It's the finger sucker. It's the finger sucker. Oh, it sounded just like my voice for a second. I thought it was my brother. Okay, never mind. I don't know what's going on with any of you guys, but we got to put our heads together.

We got to put all of our stuff aside. We are on a mission right now. Take it seriously, you guys! Beef's right. If you are having any emotional feelings towards anybody, leave that behind us, okay? We gotta press forward, okay? No romantic feelings at all

should be felt currently by anybody, right? That's what you're saying, Beef? You know what, pal? Yes and no, but mostly yes i think okay chip has a good is on the right track we really gotta focus now focus thank you beef i think that i think they are talking about us then they're probably right let's focus up we got to get to palpert's personal chambers okay god you're so cute it's so fun that i'm actually like seeing where you grew up

i know i love this yeah this is actually where i had my first kiss here in this dungeon no Okay, God, you're so cute. It's so fun that I'm actually like seeing where you grew up. I know. I love this. Yeah, this is actually where I had my first kiss here in this dungeon. No. Yeah. Beef, can you say something to him, please? Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you.

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get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. You've gone up several different staircases

and you are in Palpert's personal chambers. Exactly what you'd expect from a big evil dude's quarters. He's got paintings of himself and everything's like in like rich mahogany. And he's got a few like brass instruments. And right away, Mr. Pepper takes you to the painting that he was talking about, moves it over, and behind it, he takes out a box. And he hands it to Jalpert. Thanks.

Opens it up, and inside the box, he pulls out a piece of parchment with an official wax seal on it. Oh, yes, Jalper, what you're holding, that is the autopsy that I drew up after I examined your brother's body. And it says there definitively, and I'm a man who knows what he's doing and what he's about, and I know my poison. And that's exactly what has happened to your brother. He was poisoned. And I'm thinking that if you dig a little deeper into that, yes, Jalper removes a vial of poison. And it's midnight tears. So Sab knows what it is immediately. A creature that ingests this poison suffers no effect until the stroke of midnight.

If the poison has not been neutralized before then, the creature must succeed on a DC 17 constitution saving throw, taking 31 or 96 poison damage on a failed save. You've now found the autopsy saying he's poisoned and the poison itself in Palpert's chambers. So Pepper. Yes? What you're saying is this piece of parchment

that we found behind the painting in Prince Palpert's bedroom says he was poisoned? Preposterous. Sorry. This is so sad. I'm so sorry about your brother. But that was pretty good, though, right, guys? Someone's dead, Chip.

Listen, there's even something more important to tell you, Jalpert. There's even something more important to tell you, Jalpert. And then he's struggling, and it looks like he's struggling to say this next part, not just because he can't think of P words, but for emotional reasons, and he looks pretty scared, Mr. Pepper. Jalpert, in the medical tower, in my study, beneath the floorboards under my desk and then all of a sudden dark blood starts pouring out of mr pepper's nose like pouring and he like starts falling back he goes i'm so sorry i should have never hid it from you but your father he oh i'm so sorry forgive me and he dies oh and so if you want to roll another arcana check to see what the hell's going on you can i have five 12 or 13 jalper how about you give it a shot

see what the hell's going on you got any skills or are you just sitting around this is your dude jalpert uh rolls in 18 oh my god i've seen something like this before it must have been a gash you place a magical command on someone and you force it to carry out some service or refrain in this case from some action or saying something and if they do, then, well, this could happen. I don't want to jump to any conclusions, but I think he was carrying a pretty dark secret, and he was probably carrying it against his own will. Does that make sense? I get it, but I think Beef's a little confused.

I'm rolling around in the sheets of the bed. This is a nice bed okay guys I know as much as you which isn't much he wanted to tell me something and he couldn't but you know what he did tell us where the next thing we need to get is or at least for me

and honestly guys it does sound like it's kind of a personal journey I'd love to have you there by my side I could probably use the help but this one seems like it's about me. And if you don't want to... Well, I'm definitely going with you. Thank you, Chalice. And he gives you a really nice hug. Okay, I'll help. And I join in and I squeeze into the hug. That's nice. Beef, are we

sitting this one out or are we going? This has to be a Tempur-Pedic mattress. I swear to God, it's nice. It's not looking good for Beef and I going. That's what I'm getting from this right now. No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's get going. Let's go help.

Okay, so, God. And then he closes the eyes of Mr. Pepper. It's hard to leave him like this, but we've got no other choice. We could bring him back down to the dungeon and get rid of the evidence, if you know what I mean. You're going to say you're going to have him sucked dry? Oh, no. You want him sucked dry? You wanted him sucked off by the bad thing?

Let's just keep going. Let's just keep going and ignore whatever suggestion I just gave. Under the floorboards in his study under his desk okay we need to get there as quickly as we can follow me does one of you want to roll for stealth to make sure you can get there unseen 20 not natural cool okay um seb is making sure that all of you guys tiptoe uh and stay super quiet and you guys get there no problem especially because you're getting kind of further away from the great hall so not too many guards around here you guys are totally fine and you get to the medica study and the door is also locked shoot i guess that's it try the keys i guess oh we do have the keys. Sorry. Gave up so easily.

I don't know all about that. Yeah, I try all the keys. And the last one works. Jalpert has a tear in his eye and he looks at you and he goes, Mr. Pepper would have loved this. He loved keys. He's like obsessed. What's with that dead guy and keys?

Jalpert immediately goes to the floorboard, pries open a to the floorboard, pries open a loose-looking floorboard, and gets out a small chest. Opens it up and takes out some old official-looking documents.

Jalpert's eyes go wide, and he looks like he's about to faint, and he hands the parchment to Chalice, because he can't even read it. His hands are shaking. What does it and he hands the parchment to chalice because he can't even read it his hands are shaking what does it say chalice chalice it's clear to you right away that the documents you hold are the official birth records of the triplets created by the royal cleric it is dated the 15th day of the fading month in the year 1419. After eight hours of grueling labor, cute, the first of three is born. He is frightfully small, coming in under three pounds. He has a crescent moon-shaped scar indicating the

others may have tried to eat him in the womb. Oh my god, Joplin's the rightful heir. He's the oldest. Is that what that meant? My father must have threatened the royal cleric to lie because I was born so weak. I'm the rightful king of Two Tree Hill. Oh, man. How do you feel? Are you okay? How do you feel?

Let's talk your tab at the bar, how it stands. It's approximately 9 million in one. In the background, you hear some bugle sounding, which means that the coronation is about to begin. Oh, my God. You have to go eat your brother. You have to go eat your brother. Okay, no bad ideas.

We're brainstorming. Let's just get all of our bad ideas out. Okay. So eating your brother is a bad ideas we're just we're brainstorming let's just get all our bad ideas out okay so eating your brother is a bad idea um okay well okay my brother has to be stopped it's clear that he murdered talpert he tried to murder me when he sent those quote-unquote thieves after me if it wasn't for you guys i would be dead already he has to be stopped or else the whole kingdom's in jeopardy. Hell, Frasier's in jeopardy. Oh my God, I can't fucking do this. The one time I made a royal decision, 50 kids got eaten by dragons. Hey, look at me. Look at me. The fact that you feel bad about that and the fact that that made you not want to be king means that you'd be a great king, okay? We just need to make it so everybody knows, right? Yeah. No. We just need to make it so everybody knows, right?

Yeah, no. We just got to interrupt this coronation and make it clear what's going on. If you're worried about not having the confidence to speak in front of the crowd or anything, maybe there's a way around that. What are you saying? I'm saying yesterday we picked up some skills that maybe we could put to good use. Oh, we're going to puppet him. Okay. All right, let's do this. I'm ready to we picked up some skills that maybe we could put to good use.

Oh, we're going to puppet him. Okay. All right, let's do this. I'm ready to be puppeted. We're going to say that you guys safely make it to the Great Hall, okay? As you're going to enter, some guards kind of like see you and are like, you know, they start stirring. They're like, what the fuck are these? They were in the dungeon.

What's going on? And as the guards start stirring, Joppa goes, I was instructed to bring them back to the Great Hall. King's orders. And the guards like look confused, but aren't really stopping you. So you guys all walk into the center of the Great Hall.

It seems like the pomp and circumstance of the coronation is kind of already underway. And in the same way that a ring bearer is at a wedding, there's a crown bearer. And the crown is on a pillow, and he's a little kid. And he's about to walk it towards Palpert. And trumpets are blaring, and you guys, you know, essentially burst into the middle of the scene.

We object! Objection! Objection. We raise Jalpert's arm and are like, I object, through the sides of our mouth. I thought these freaks were thrown in the dungeon. What is the meaning of this? And then just as he's doing that, Jalpert takes off his organic wig of leaves,

rubs the dirt off his face. He was wearing that with the guard outfit? Yes. Okay, good. His brother goes, you're supposed to be dead! Yeah, but I'm not dead! No, no, no! Sorry, I...

No, that was great. Keep going. Thank you so much. I'm so nervous. I am the rightful heir! You're a murderer. You killed Talbot. I'm the firstborn, and the proof is in the pudding. And by pudding, I mean paper. I'm so sorry.

I know what your voice sounds like, and I know I'm blowing it. No, it's great, Chet. We pull the parchment out of a cup of pudding, and we show it as proof. Hey, guys, I'm the legs. Should I just start dancing? Is there anything that I can be doing right now? Yes. Probably. One, two, I'm the legs. Should I just start dancing? Can I do, is there anything that I can be doing right now? Yes. One, two, three, and

four, and one, and two, and three, and four, and one, and two, and three, and four. And then someone in like very formal robes comes forward and says, what is the meaning of this? What papers are these? Do you give the papers over? We show them, but we don't hand them over. Smart. And then he like

squints at it and he's like, I wanted to grab them and throw them in the fire. I can't make out what it says. It's covered in pudding. This is ridiculous. Then a different guy in royal robes comes over and pushes him out of the way. He goes, imbecile. He goes, it's authentic.

It's authentic what they have. And then there's like a bunch of murmuring happening in the great hall. Hello, everybody. Everybody. Everybody. Is there an echo in here? In here? No, I think I'm doing that.

That. That. You hear some people muttering to each other in the crowd. Is that supposed to be coming from Jalpert? Or is that? No, I think it's just that little guy speaking. Pretty weird, weird, weird. I guess I could just stop.

Oh, look, that worked. No one feared. Jalpert steps in and you feel like a gentle hand on your back. And he goes, if you were brave enough to do that, then I feel brave enough to say what I need to say. Hey, no problem, buddy. Good job, Beef. You crushed that.

So that's Beef's first ever use of bardic inspiration. Comes in the final episode of season one and jelper steps forward and goes it's true uh and it's it's a surprise to me as well uh what seems well that it seems like from what i can tell what has happened is that my father placed a horrible curse upon mr pepper said he wouldn't be able to tell you all the truth, which is that I was the firstborn of the triplets and I am the rightful heir. And I also believe that Palpert knew this. And being the secondborn, he not only killed the brother ahead of him, Talpert, but also tried to kill me. We have the poison and the autopsy to prove that that's true

as well. And that leads us to right now. And I look around this room and I see a lot of friends. I see a lot of family. And I see both of those things standing even closer to me right now. Friends that I now consider family. And I ask all of you to stand by me and do the hard thing, but the right thing. Take that crown from that lying son of a bitch. He points over at Palpert and he goes, so who's with me? I spy with my little eye, a very brave man. I spy with my little eye a very brave man. So, Beef, with your bardic inspiration, can you roll a d6? Six.

Okay. And that brings his persuasion score to a 24. You feel it in the room. Everyone's like, no, this needs to change another there's almost an immediate uproar and there's a few guards standing by uh palpert who are guarding him who are you know really entrenched in in his evil doing and uh palpert like he like has like some sort of metal um that he takes out of his pocket and blows into it. And all of a sudden, through one of the walls explodes a giant

undead black bear. And it roars. Oh, f*** no. Nope. Hey guys, Seb here. I'm in his pants. I've just been stinky legging this whole time. What's going on out there? Okay, there's a huge bear that's going to try to kill us. We need you to pop out of the pants.

Oh, f*** no. No, no, no, no, no. To be fair, it does seem like something that maybe all the guards in here could handle and we can just skedaddle. Like you said, the guards and just the general nobility are more than the few guards

that are staying by Palpert can like really handle. So it's in this moment where, what do you guys want to do? I'm going to send a firebolt. Classic chalice. Oh, absolute hit. Want to roll for damage? Nine. So a bolt of fire directly hits the bear and it like roars, and then you've got Palpert's attention,

and he looks at you for the first time with some awareness and goes, You. Of course. And then people are kind of swarming him and the bear, and he's barely fending them off, and then he just starts screaming, and he's screaming at Jalpert. You didn't even want the crown. It's all I've ever wanted. But you couldn't let me have it, could you? I deserved it, Jalpert.

Dad knew it. You knew it. And I knew it. So now I'm going to take away the one thing you've always wanted. And in the blink of an eye, Palpert aims his bow on the back of the bear and fires an arrow at Chalice. Whoa!

And in that split moment, Jalpert jumps in front of Chalice and takes the arrow in the chest. Oh my gosh! Palpert looks horrified for a moment, not meaning to hit his brother, and then turns and tries to make his escape on the back

of the undead bear this family has got some issues honestly let the guy go let him go nobody needs to lose a life if this guy's just gonna run away let him run all right so as he runs off you guys let him go uh The entire Great Hall kind of explodes in cheers, except for the people that saw that Jelper got hit. No, no, no, no, no, no. He can't die. He owes me so much money. He owes me so much money.

Oh my god. Okay, I'm gonna step, step, fix it, fix it. I go over to Jelper and I don't pull the arrow out because that's gonna make him bleed out. The arrow is like through his shirt, but there's like no blood. We're going to get you a new shirt for sure. First things first. This ruined your shirt, buddy. So she's unbuttoning his shirt and then just sort of like patting his hair back. When you open his shirt, you see that the arrow just kind of falls out of his shirt.

When you open his shirt, you see that the arrow just kind of falls out of his shirt. What you see, though, is the tip of the arrow has been flattened like it hit something hard and was blunted. And when you open his shirt, what you saw was that something stopped the arrow. Jalpert's wearing a necklace underneath his shirt with a diamond-encrusted pendant on it of the number 16. And Chalice, you immediately recognize this as the necklace you put in every gift bag at your sweet 16 party all those years ago. Well, that'll make me cry. I'll cry about that. And then Jalpert, like, coughs and, like, wakes up.

Um, so cute that you kept this necklace. He looks down and immediately gets so embarrassed. my god oh god um that's embarrassing it's not embarrassing to have abs and then drew walks up and slaps jelpert on the back and goes i knew you'd be okay i believe it's time for your coronation this is happening fast and then jelpert looks like and speaking This is happening fast. And then Jalbert looks like, and speaking of things happening fast, in my culture, it's bad luck to become a king without a queen. Well, wasn't he just about to do that?

He was just about to. It seemed like it was okay 10 minutes ago, right? Chip, Chip. What? Come over here. Come stand over here. What? He kind of shakes it off.

He's like, I'm sorry. I sprung this on you like this. I'm just caught up in the moment. I know it seems impulsive, but I've been dreaming about this for a very long time. But please, Chalice, by all means, take a minute to think about what your heart really wants. And then he kind of indicates towards a terrace that comes off the great hall that like looks out over the woods. I'm just going to go get some air. I'm so happy you're okay.

Yeah, I just need and Chalice like runs over to the door and just steps out on the balcony. So Chalice walks out onto the terrace to get some fresh air and clear her head. Chalice, you can kind of feel like a gust of wind kind of around you. But it feels, you can't really put your finger on it, but it feels other. It feels a little more whimsical than a typical gust of wind. Chalice has like a little bit of hope that it's some sort of fairy godmother energy coming to help her. She goes, all right, I know a whimsy wind. This could be a fairy godmother. Let's do this. Hello. That's right. Appearing right in front of Chalice is none other than Tangerine Protumbrance.

Tangerine, I'm just really going through it right now. And if you're here to like, make fun of me again and mess with me again, I just don't have the time. It's not about you today, princess. Okay? Prince Jalpert? Jalpert? God, that name, it hurts my mouth to say Jalpert.

Listen, if he doesn't find someone to marry with royal blood this year, it's also his 70th birthday uh he's gonna die and he doesn't know that okay i like to keep him in the dark okay wait so you're telling me that you're doing the same thing to him basically that you did to me but what you did to me was fake tangerine do you think i forgot about that you told me that that wasn't real and obviously it wasn't real because i'm still alive you just don't get it do you are you pouring yourself a drink right now while you're talking to me what are you doing yeah do you want one yeah i'm joking i'm not gonna give you a drink dang you do that i always fall

for that every time man okay all right what you think i'm always fall for that. Every time. Man, okay. All right. What? You think I'm going to fall for this again, Tangerine? Come on. Be real. Get real. Yeah. I guess it's totally up to you. You're an adult, right?

A well-functioning adult woman. You can decide what to believe, right? You don't have to believe this little witch. Okay? But the curse is real. It's very real. That Jalpert will die if he doesn't marry someone, a royal someone, this year. Do I still count as a royal someone because I left?

Let me look. Let me look in my book. You're being such a jerk. There's no book here. Give me a second. Yeah, you know what? Yes, a royal stays a royal forever. There's one spell to get you out of it,

but it's horrible, and I don't even know how to do it, okay? Do you mean it? Will he die? Oh, he'll die really hard, really fast, immediately. It'll be really quick, but very dead, yes. You know, can I just ask you something. What the f*** are you doing?

Why do you do this? You're a little weirdo. You're a little weirdo. Hey, hey, listen. It's a thing I like to do. Everyone's got their hobbies. There's a thing I like to do. And it's around 70 when you guys get all grown up.

I like to kind of see if I give a really specific, nuanced, different curse, if I can kill you, you know? It's the thing I have against the royals. You guys are stuffy, boring, and most of you are not as hot as I would hope. Okay, so it wasn't just me and Jalbert. Who the hell have you been doing this to? Oh, yeah. Did you hear about Prince Charles Fairweather a couple years ago?

I said he had to marry someone who was taller by two inches but shorter by the nose. Didn't make a lot of sense. He's dead. Oh, my God. Who else? There was a young princess fiona not the one you think um this one was complicated i said when she was a baby i said if you're not married by the

time you're 70 to someone who reminds you of your dad but not of your uncle, then you will also die. I kind of stick with death. It keeps the stakes high. And she died? She's actually happily married to a man who looks exactly like her father. And somehow her uncle died. I don't know really how. Sounds like you messed that spell up a little bit. Do you want to hear one more?

Yeah, please. Please, Tangerine. There was a princess lucy penderbottom i said if you don't stay single your whole life you will die at 70 if you've had even one real relationship that's horrible why are you like nodding like you want me to be proud of you for that i thought you'd like that one no i of course i don't like that one tangerine what do you mean you thought i'd like that one like a, of course I don't like that one. Tangerine, what do you mean you thought I'd like that one? Like a single girl's thing.

You didn't like it? No, Tangerine, I don't like that. What happened to her? Did she die? She died. She died kind of young. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Tangerine. What am I supposed to do? Not that. Okay, fine, fine. I'll marry... I'll marry Jalpert. And you promise, you swear that that will keep him alive? Can I officiate the wedding?

Tangerine! No! I've been so involved in your life, in your relationship. You know what, Tangerine? F*** you. I don't care. I'm happy to be with Jalpert. That's great. This is good. I'm not even upset. Okay, You know what, Tangerine? F*** you. I don't care. I'm happy to be with Jalpert. That's great.

This is good. Okay. I'm not even upset. Okay. You know what? I was starting to think maybe I would officiate your wedding for free, but now there's going to be a cost, okay? Tangerine, Tangerine, Tangerine, Tangerine.

Does everybody miss me? No. After she says that, she starts to go back inside and takes a deep breath after having that conversation chalice walks back into the great hall um so chalice uh looks down at her like crown ring that she got from her mom and even though her gut is screaming at her like her knowing, she just turns the ring around so she can't see it on her finger anymore,

and then she musters up a big smile, and she goes, yes, yes, of course, Jalperin, I'll marry you. Yes? Oh my God, I was just kicking myself for being such a fucking idiot and saying it the wrong, are you, yes, the answer's yes?

Yes, yes, of course, of course. What's that sound? What's that noise? Did somebody leave a kettle on? What's going on? The three of us are standing next to each other, me, Seb, and Chip, and I elbow their thighs to be like,

come on, guys, let's celebrate. Come on. Awesome. Be, come on. Awesome. Be happy for her. And also, Chalice, really good time to talk to you about your tab. This is called an invoice. So this is for all the services that we've rendered you and room and board. It comes out about to $9 million and one as well.

And so then Jalper takes your hands, Chalice, and goes, now, I know you ran away from royal life for a reason, and so did I. So while you were thinking about it, I was thinking about something. And what if we decided to live in Fraser together at Bottoms Up and take it slow? Okay, yeah, that would would be incredible if i could just stay there and be with my friends i it would i'm i mean then i'll be happy i'll be happy if i can be with my friends yes yes thank you so much oh my god i thought we were losing you for forever you're gonna move back in oh my god yes yes yes yes chalice can't make eye contact with anybody and she's like on purpose avoiding chips eye contact and we, and she's on purpose avoiding Chip's eye contact.

And we'll get married whenever it feels right. It could be, who knows, it could be three years from now. No, no, let's do it fast. What? Like a few months. Let's just get married in a few months. Why? Where's that bed planner lady that we were so mean to her?

Yes, she is. Oh, yes, I'll hire her. Hire her. Redemption. Okay, and I'm Oh, yes, I'll hire her. Hire her. Redemption. Okay, and I'm walking, and I'm walking, and I'm walking over, and I'm accepting this job offer. Yes, thank you so much. I needed a job. I'm so sorry for yelling at you earlier.

Oh, it's totally understandable. We'll pay you whatever. Drew walks over and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you're not going to become king, come on, Jal, but When you made that decision when you were young, you were young, you know? It's nothing to be scared of anymore. You're a smart, capable man now. And then Jalpert just goes, I'm not running away from the crown. It's going to be there.

And eventually, I'll be ready to be king. And hopefully, Chalice will be ready to be queen. But right now, I'm doing the opposite of running away from something. I'm running towards it. And that's towards Chalice will be ready to be queen. But right now, I'm doing the opposite of running away from something. I'm running towards it, and that's towards Chalice. And in the meantime, Drute... I can take over. No, Chip. Oh, my God. Drute, you'll be the steward of Two Tree Hill.

Okay? Well, me! Way to go, Drute! A win for Drute! Big day for Drute, yeah! High five, Drute! A lot for Drute. Big day for Drute. Yeah. High five, Drute. A lot is getting figured out right now, and I feel like at one point, Chalice, and he takes

your hands again, did you agree to marry me? I did. We're getting married. And then, well, then it feels suitable that I could give you a kiss. Can I kiss you? Yes. And then it's like, well, then it feels suitable that I could give you a kiss. Can I kiss you?

Yes. And then they kiss. And as they kiss, all of you feel in your body a tingling sensation like something's coming over you and you're leveling up. up oh my god you guys are here great party right this is insane i didn't waste it jennifer who's watching the bar what like it's my job i'm just a cook it's not like was i supposed to be watching the bar? Sean got hit in the head today by a garbage can. I don't know if you can tell by the everything in this episode. He Freaky Friday'd with a trash can can that's exactly what he did elizabeth a trash can is dming our finale part two

it's so true oh my god look outside and there's a trash cans trying to get to a recording studio. This week on the Patreon, we do some improv inspired by summer. Head over to patreon.com slash sitcom DND to check it out. Have a great week. Hello, hello. It's Elizabeth at the end of your episode. Pretty wild, right? I do have a sweet little treat for you if you're still listening.

I co-host a comedy variety hour show here in LA with my good buddy Damon Royster It's called the Illuminati Hour and our next show is July 15th at 8 p.m At the Yard Theater if you want to get a ticket early or stay up to date on our info Our ticket link is on our Instagram page and our handle is at the Illuminati hour. I hope to see you there. Bye-bye. Whoa, this balloon, it's taking me away. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Artie Parrott wrote the theme song and Sean Maher did the editing on this one. me, Sean Coyle.

Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, and Sean Maher did the editing on this one. There you have it, folks. Season 1 of Sitcom D&D has officially wrapped. And despite the general public's attempts to stop us from making any more episodes of this show, we are currently recording Season 2, which we plan to start rolling out exactly four short weeks from now. If you can't wait for more sitcom D&D content, consider joining our Patreon in the meantime. We've got tons of backlog content on there,

including over 20 bonus Patreon episodes we released weekly over the course of the season. Lots of laughs, lots of gags, lots of goofs. It's a lot of fun. Also, our Discord has been popping off and it's such a fun distraction from work, which I don't like work, and I do like our Discord. Okay, I think that's it for now.

Until four weeks from now, thanks, as always, for listening. That was a HeadGum Podcast.