SitcomD&D - S3 E6: 2 Brooms 1 Mop

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Chip and Seb are transferred to a new Chuck E Busters location where they are surprised to learn that one of their new coworkers is an old friend. Seb will have to confront some complicated feelings while they navigate the stresses of a new workplace. Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben Briggs Theme Song & Chuck E. Busters song by: Arne Parrott Artwork by: Waleed Mansour Story Concept by: Sean Coyle & Ben Briggs Edited by: Grace Harper  Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, & TikTok: @SitcomDnD Advertise on SitcomD&D via Gumball.fm Support our Patreon at Patreon.com/Sitcomdnd Like the show? Rate SitcomD&D 5 stars on Apple Podcasts and leave a review.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. It makes it easy to be inspired and entertained as part of your everyday routine without needing to set aside extra time. There's more to imagine when you listen. Listening can lead to positive change in your mood, your habits, and ultimately your overall well-being. As an Audible member, you choose one title a month to keep from their ever-growing catalog. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial and your first audiobook is free. Visit audible.ca to sign up. What movie did you guys watch last night? Great question.

The Fast and The Furious. The original? The original. Nice. I made the call, and we are going to do it all. All of them? Front to back, all of them. There's so many of them.

Yeah. Elizabeth asked me that today. She's like, how many are there? I was like, well, there's nine in the normal franchise, and then we got Hobbs and Shaw, too. Yeah. And there's CSI Miami, which is technically part of it. I started a Google Sheet.

A Google She sheet, Erin? Yeah, well, I was like, okay, if we're going to do this, we're going to be formal about our ratings. And I want to keep track of this because, I don't know, doing this for nothing felt sad. You guys can't just watch the movie. I'm going to do it for science. Enjoy it. welcome back to sitcom dnd a real play dungeons and dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience today we open up as the newly transferred chip and seb arrive at the second chucky busters that mr. Tummy manages in order

to start their first day of work at a new location. So we'll pick up as Mr. Tummy helps them with their bags as they make their way into the establishment. Quite on set, sounds speeding, and we're rolling. And we're rolling. Bye. Bye. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Beef at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away.

We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keefe as Chalice Glass,

Elizabeth Andrews as Beef, Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. All right, here you are, Chip, your canvas sack. Oh, thank you.

And this is a joke? And we're heading right back? Is that right? Yeah, it's kind of like a lesson learned. Oh, thank you. And this is a joke? And we're heading right back? Is that right? Yeah, it's kind of like a lesson learned. Oh, it's a lesson. It's a lesson. Okay, well, short episode then. Okay, on our way back.

We learned our lesson. I just spent the last 20 minutes spelling out exactly your new responsibilities in the new situation. It's not a joke. This is happening. I'm so sorry. I was not listening. It's not a joke. This is happening. I'm so sorry. I was not listening.

Seb, I'm confused. We are going... Can you help me, Mr. Tummy? Or I'll just keep drawing this out. I think we are going to... Okay. Thank God. Oh, my God.

Thank God. Okay, listen. Let me... I don't know how I can make this any more clear. The last situation was not working, okay? You, Sam, were at little one, Beef's throat, day in and day out for the past two weeks, and it wasn't working. Oh, you're just kind of at my throat. Sorry. Chip, you and Chalice were just flirting all day, and obviously that's not allowed.

I don't get why everybody keeps saying that. I'm actually in a relationship, and she's real. Right. Well, despite the will-they-won't-they nature of your relationship, it was getting in the way of work getting done, so a transfer was in order. Now, this is something that's very common today in the socioeconomic climate, where two people need to get moved to a new franchise. So here we are at Chucky Buster's number two. It's just a regular Chucky Buster's. It doesn't have a number two next to it, but that's

how I refer to it. So it makes sense. It looks the exact same. Yeah. Well, maybe on the outside. Now come on in. And he takes your bags and he pulls you through the front door where you see several families and a couple dozen kids running around playing games, eating cheese dough, and trading tickets for prizes. And when you're looking at this, it looks almost exactly like if they used footage all over again from yesterday. Where it's like, are those the same kids running the exact same way in the same direction? Almost like Twilight Zone-y. Looks very, very similar to just what a regular day is at Chucky Buster's.

So here we are. Attention, everyone. We'll keep playing if you don't work here. Otherwise, employee meeting, employee meeting. And with that, a few people start to circle up. Amongst them are two twins. And Elizabeth and Aaron, if you want to introduce your characters

and who they are and what they look like, that would be awesome. So this is Donald Do and Donald D. Same first name, different last name. You know, twins. Their mommy was obsessed with them, so they are used to getting what they want. So Donald Do and Donald D Are twin Goliath barbarians

One loves pleasure And the other loves business Oh god Do we know which one's which? Oh yeah we'll tell you right now Donald Do wears an upside down Visor and has $1000 Frosted tips

So he's the business guy. He wears Frasier flag swim trunks every day, but never goes swimming because he afraid of big water. He wears a tank that says, you mad bro? That's covered in beer stains and

blood from getting punched in the nose often. He is always looking to make a good time legendary. It's said he danced with their dead grandma at her funeral. Wait, what? Donald D loves business so much he tried to marry it.

He's got a gray fleece zip-up vest over a light blue button down shirt. The sign of an elite business boy. The color red makes him mad like a bull. He always carries around the biggest stein of black coffee, and he always stands too close. Don't ask him to do push-ups,

because he's too busy turning money into more money. We're horny. We're loud. Together. We're the Donald Twins. I like to think that their entire lives they've never gotten that right. Not once. It has never happened.

Never. Yes. So that is Donald Do and that is Donald D. These are your co-workers. You can introduce yourselves. Hey, I'm Chip Ahoy. And I'm Kurt. Actually, I don't know why i said that my name is seb but he is kurt i yeah i'm pretty kurt it doesn't really matter what your names are because we're sort of the two big men on campus isn't that right donald totally donald we are the

hugest men on campus don't come for our turf oh really, really? I walk up to them and I... Do I look up at them? Or do I look down at them? You look up at us. Oh, no. I walk up and I put my nose into their chest and I say, oh, really? And I don't look up. Oh, really? You guys are the big guys. Because there's another big guy around town now. You like what you smell?

Yeah, what is that? Tell them, Donald. It's my armpits. It's both of our armpits. Oh. We give off a nice mustard smell. Mustard smell. Yep, that's what I was smelling.

Musky or mustard? Musty mustard smell. It's divine. Fantastic. Things are off to a hot start. There is one other employee here to introduce. Where is she? And then you see someone in a Chucky Buster's suit. You know, the costume.

Sorry I'm late. Sorry. And Chip and Seb, why don't you roll for perception? Tenor. Five. Okay. So, as this person, this human woman, takes off the Chucky Buster's head and slow-mo hair shakes. She pushes

her glasses up the brim of her nose. And Seb, you stand there blank-faced. Maybe your glasses aren't working that well because you don't recognize this person. Chip, you recognize this person, but you don't quite know how. You're like, how do I know you? So nothing's quite registering just yet. Okay, so I'm going to take my glasses off, and I'm going to do that thing with the bottom of my T-shirt, and I'm going to clean them, and can I roll again? Sure.

That's amazing. I'll allow it. And it was a 19, so I think I'm. And it was a 19. So I think I'm going to give it a 7. Wow. Seb, you are now convinced that the person you just saw is so beautiful that it steamed up your glasses. And now that you've unsteamed them, you can see that this is none other than your old friend, Gidget Bones. Gidget Bones was the maid of honor at your and JR's wedding.

She's JR's best friend. Gidget? Oh, that's, yes, I also recognized you. Hello. Whoa. Seb? Hey, can I- Chip?

Yeah. Can I hug you? What are we supposed to do? If you can get your arms around this thing, yeah. Well, just barely. Wow, what? You look great. I mean, I'm wearing a giant rat suit. I know. Yeah. Can I hug you? What are we supposed to do? If you can get your arms around this thing, yeah. Well, just barely. Wow. You look great. I mean, I'm wearing a giant rat suit.

I know. You look as good as you can. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You two know our Gidge? That's Gidget. She works here. How do you know her? Yeah, hands off.

We saw her first. Well, actually, I don't think that you did see her first, and also just weird. We go way back. We all went to high school together. Yeah, actually, I don't think that you did see her first, and also, just weird, we go way back. We all went to high school together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. We all went to this school for the proficient, and it was way high up on this mountain. You know, known colloquially as high school.

Yeah. Are you trying to make Donald and Donald feel bad about themselves? Shut up about being able to climb up a hill. Yeah, Donald and Donald don't like talk like that. Hey, guys, I told you this before. It'd probably be a lot easier if you use the D and do part to talk about yourselves, just for like new people.

Or just the first person would be nice, too. Yeah, like you could say I. Or me. Yeah, me works. Things like that. All right, Donald will try to take the note. And Donald will work on whatever he has to work on. Gidget!

How have you been? Yeah, guys, this is so... Oh, my God, it's amazing to see you two. It's been literally years. It's just really good to see you. I mean, it's... Yeah, there's so much to catch up. I mean, I have so many questions for you guys.

Yes, there's plenty that I'm sure we all want to catch up about. However, time is of the essence. You're all on the clock. And we do have a first flogging coming in. What? It's a religious rite for the god Baal. And there's a group of youngsters performing a first flogging. Oh.

Oh. Is Pastor Zach here? I hope not. Oh, you guys know Pastor Zach McKenzie? We love that guy. Right, Donald? Totally, Donald. Yeah, that makes sense.

That makes sense. Yeah. Hey, nerd, cookie, can we talk to you over here, a little sidebar? Oh, us? Yeah. Oh, I'm actually Chip, and this is my friend, Nerd. Hey, just so you know, we saw Gidget. Tell him, Donald.

Yeah, thank you, Donald. You're welcome, Donald. We saw Gidget. Are you about to say that you saw Gidget first? Donald Thank you Donald You're welcome Donald We saw Gidget Are you about to say that you saw Gidget first? Yeah we saw her first Because we just explained that we knew her years ago No you listen to us now right Donald? Yeah okay

She's in love with one of us We just know it So back off Dibs Dibs Bro code If anyone's gonna have her it's gonna be one of us We've been putting in so much time talking to her Dibs. Dibs. Bro code. If anyone's going to have her, it's going to be one of us.

We've been putting in so much time talking to her. She's like, blah, blah, blah. And we keep being like, that's so interesting. Yeah, Donald. And Donald run the numbers and he got 90%. So. You're talking about yourself? Impossible to follow. She's going to pick one of us any day now.

So bro code. Bro code. And then the Donalds start doing an intricate bro handshake. Okay, well, like, we're just friends with her, so like, this is weird, and... What? I... Seth, I'm going to be honest. I thought you two always had some chemistry between the two of you. Like, no slight at JR,

but, I don't know, I always felt like there was kind of something between you and... Wait, what are you talking... You guys were dating. Oh, that's... I mean, are you talking about felt like there was kind of something between you and... Wait, what are you talking... You guys were dating. Oh, that's... I mean, are you talking about like high school flings? That's barely even a thing. Okay, well, I married mine. Yeah, and look how that worked out. Ow.

Donald, I would never talk to you like that. I don't know. I feel like you and Gidget were funny together and you guys always made each other laugh. I don't know. I always kind of saw something there. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm wrong.

I think we just, we had a natural chemistry because we were just like. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. We had like a good understanding. We had like like interests. We were in a bunch of classes and like, you know, our parents like knew each other. Like we grew up together as friends.

Like, I mean, it doesn't matter. We were just friends. She was the maid of honor and like, I don't need to get defensive okay because it's not real okay uh donald think the lady doth protest too much high five me high five donald hey guys hey uh gidget here is anyone else gonna help me like there's a whole party here do you know what my job is yeah and me too. I explained it to both of you for 20 minutes on the way here. And I made it very clear I was not listening when we got here.

Yeah, he did say that specifically. Uh, Miss Gidget? Oh, what's up? Yeah. Uh, me and Donald each have a different question to ask you, and I'd like to go first. Yeah. What is happening? I would like to prompose to you

and ask you out to dinner after the party tonight ah and i would like to take you after the party um you gotta face it when you're talking to her donald you're staring at the wall uh hey kid you i would like to take you after that's just the hung up rat suit. She's standing to your left. Left is. And he puts up both of his fingers like an L. And he's like, left is your left. That was right. So.

What do you say, Gidget? Who of us do you choose? Oh, wow. This is a really tough choice. I know. Because there's no right answer. Um. Ketchup, weren't you saying how you and Seb actually were going on a date later?

What? What? Didn't I hear that? Wait, yeah. I thought I heard something about that. Oh my gosh. Thank you, Chip. Thank you for reminding me. Yes, thank you, Chip.

Uh, yes, I'm so sorry, but, um, Seb already asked me out on a date, so I can't go on a date tonight. Yeah. It's mostly like a catch-up. Seb, I elbow him hard in the face. Oh my god. You guys have been hitting each other a lot this episode. Roll for damage. A nine. I missed. Okay, cool. Even with your attack modifier?

Oh yeah. Wow. I rolled a two. Nicely done. So, it doesn't really hurt, but it does jostle Seb a bit. All right. Yes, we have a date, and it's highly romantic later. You're giving up all of this to go on a date with nerd? Seb. And Donald lifts up Donald's shirt to reveal a six-pack abs.

All of this? I'm so sorry, guys. I just, um, I already made plans. And also, I'm not really interested in either of you two like that. Oh. Wow. And she dated me.

You guys must feel like absolute shit. Chip, to be fair, we didn't really date. He used to, like, wear his suit of armor on game days and stuff like that. Yeah, on tourney days, I'd wear his giant suit of armor around, and it honestly was kind of more of a nuisance than anything else, but I do look back on that fondly, Chip. Honestly, it was a good time. That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.

Actually, Donald and Donald and I can't go on a date with you tonight, Gidget Because we're going on a double date with two awesome ladies who aren't brooms And they're huge They're huge brooms Well, they're huge, no, they're huge women Not brooms Yes Hey, they're going to do this for a while

We should just start walking over here Yeah, one step ahead of you. Okay, so now we're going to cut to just after that first flogging party ends. It turns out the cake is shaped like a man and it's strawberry on the inside. So all the kids flog it with their hands and eat the cake that way. Very fun. The kids love it. Is that written in the script?

No. Wait, can we add to the script that the cake screams when they cut in? And so that party has now kind of dissipated. You are all cleaning up at the end of the shift and getting ready to head out on the date. And we'll pick up there. Unrelated to what you are doing, Cookie, but be careful with that broom

because that broom may or may not have a date later. Oh, you're talking to me again. Okay. I won't even use it here. You can use it if you want to. Same with you, nerd. Give me your broom. I'm holding nothing right now.

Give it to me. It's in your hand. Look at your right hand. Donald, look down. And he looks up. Perfect. So, Seb, what And he looks up. Perfect. So, Seb, what are you two doing tonight? What are the big plans?

I think we're going to maybe, like, get a bite to eat. We're going to that... Come on, man. Stinky. Someone farted. It's the nerd. That was my mouth. It was my mouth.

Hey, Seb, I'm pretty much all cleaned up. So, did you know where we're going to go tonight? Yeah, we're going to go to some restaurant. I kind of last minute, I was trying to make a reservation, but it was Banco Giovanni's. Have you ever heard of it? Banco Giovanni's? Is that that tapas place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of fun. It makes you feel like a

giant because all the food's so small and like I don't know, like you have to like find a golden goose while you're there. It's just, it's fun. Cool. Oh, crazy ironic. We are taking the brooms to Banco Giovanni. Did I say Banco Giovanni's? I meant Taco Giobetti's. Wherever you go, we will be there.

Oh God. All right. Well, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked you in front of them. I apologize. It's fine. I am excited to catch up though. Yeah.

All right. Let me finish getting ready. Okay. Yeah. Hey, Donald's. What? I apologize. It's fine. I am excited to catch up, though. Yeah. All right. Let me finish getting ready. Okay, yeah. Hey, Donalds. Mm-hmm? What? I'm not doing anything tonight. You guys want to hang out?

Can I come with you? If you can find a third broom, I mean woman, then sure. Otherwise, you'll be fifth wheeling. Okay. Good luck, though.

Chip looks around for a cleaning product. Okay. Yeah, do a perception check. A broom, a mop. Plung for a cleaning product. Okay. Yeah, do a perception check. A broom, a mop. Plunger. A 15. Okay. So, both brooms are taken. Damn it.

However, you do see a mop in the corner. Oh. What lovely hair you have. And you did roll a 15. Perception, I do want to point out, this mop is attractive. Okay. Hey, Chip, this is gonna sound weird but uh is it gonna sound weird i just asked out a hot mop wow yeah it's quite shapely um anyways what's up i was

wondering this is so weird sometimes i don't smell good do you have like a scent or a cologne or a deodorant i mean i rub my pits with basil every morning so like i need some help man yeah this is what i have for you and i put my hand to my mouth and i blow him a little kiss and i say now you will smell good and i like look to the side like oh hopefully he doesn't realize i just lied and i catch it with my hand and i put it in my pocket and i go thanks man oh wait why am, I'm nervous about it. Like, I'm married. Like, we're just catching up.

Like, this isn't like a real date. Dude, you're married. I roll. Come on, man. It's time. Okay, well, I'm married and I don't need you to like tell me that I'm not because like that's still where my heart resides and everything. And that's, you know what?

That's fine. And you're right. And you're still wearing your ring and whatnot. All I'll say is just keep an open mind. Okay. All right? That's all I'm going to say. Keep an open mind tonight.

Right. Have fun out there, kid. Yeah, just have fun. We're just having fun. There's not two people having fun. Yeah. Going to Banco Giovanni's. That's fun.

Oh, hey. Oh, hi, Seth. Hi. I'm ready to go if you are. Hey, I'm ready too. Chip gave me a kiss. Hi. I'm ready to go if you are. Hey, I'm ready too. Chip gave me a kiss. I don't know why I'm telling you that. The Donalds come out of a closet,

but with both of their brooms. Whoa, looks like we're both ready to go on our dates. Chip quickly fashions his scarf into a tie and grabs his mop and says, I'm right with you, boys. Okay, well, we're not going together. Okay, we'll walk a couple feet behind you. Yeah.

So now we're going to cut to Bunko Giovanni's where Seb and Gidget Bones are seated at a table, a candlelit table, and not too far from that table sits another three individuals. Six. Six. Six. Six.

So when they walked in, it was a big fuss because they only wanted to give them a table for three. And it was like a 45-minute battle to give them a table for six. They called over the manager. Okay, for the last time, if it's a party of six, then we're not going to seat you until all six members are here. We're here. We're are here. We're here! We're all here. We're all here! Sir, stop yelling.

There are three of you and three cleaning devices. No, they're ladies who are huge. Don't be sexist, man. Okay, we're going to get you a very small table for six. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. And bibs.

Yeah, our ladies eat real messy. So as all that time went by where they were trying to get in, they're finally now getting seated, and we're going to pick up where Seb and Gidget are getting reacquainted. Yeah, Chip, he used to really freaking fall down a hill for a long time. It was so funny. Just covered in leaves all the time. Gosh.

No one could take a fall like Chip. Those were good times. Yeah, really could pummel himself just down a mountain. But enough about Chip. I mean, what have you been up to? Like, when you graduate, you're going to take over the world. Like, not seriously, but you had, like, all these huge plans. You wanted to be a vet. You wanted to help exotic animals. Like, what have you been up to? Oh, I can't believe you remember that. Yeah. Of course. Gosh. Well, so, you know, after you and

JR got married, like pretty much immediately after high school and that wedding was a blast. And then you guys, well, you went off and did your thing when you moved to the cottage. And, well, me, I kind of tried it, I guess, in a way with animals. Well, it's kind of embarrassing, but... What's not embarrassing? What is it? I started an animal grooming business. Awesome. It failed. We had to close it up, so...

Yeah, not the most proud of that, but honestly, I'm glad I gave it a shot, though. Wait, can I just ask what the business was called? Yeah, it was called Cuts for Animals. I know. It wasn't that creative. And that was a big part of the problem, was the marketing, honestly. Yeah.

Well, I don't know if it makes you feel any better, but I failed out of a business too. I defaulted on my loans and chunky busters took over our bar and I had to beg at the feet of Mr. Tummy to be a little shit scooper. So I'm not doing so hot. Oh, you're the trash person? Yeah. Yeah, I started in that role. But if you do work hard, you can move up. I know, I mean, look at you. You're you do work hard, you can move up.

I know. I mean, look at you. You're a mascot now. That's awesome. Yeah. Sometimes I wish I could, you know, own and operate a non-failed business. Me too. It was kind of awesome.

Make my own hours, be my own boss. Totally. Oh, there's not many people who have this shared experience. It's cool to like connect on that. Yeah. Like the most fun part probably too is like, I don't know, some people think this is weird, but like I'm a druid so I can turn into animals. And so sometimes to like greet an animal,

I would turn into that animal to greet them. And that was probably like the most fun part of the job. My God, that's so charming. I tried to volunteer for a while as a wolf at the hospital, but kids don't like that, and adults don't like, nobody likes that, and yeah, I bit someone, so sometimes it's just hard. So you get transformed into animals too? Oh, all the time.

Oh my, we gotta go do bird stuff sometime. Oh my. Or fly, I guess that's an easier way to say that. Well, birds do other stuff. We could like get in a little bird bath, sing a little song, freaking eat grains. I don't know. That would be fun. Hey, Gidget, we're kissing and eating tapas over here.

Are you jealous? You got to be. Not me. I'm taking it slow. Gidget, Gidget, Gidget, Gidget, Gidget, Gidget. Oh, hey. Hi, guys. I'm glad you're enjoying your date.

You are jealous? Are you asking? You're jealous. She looks so jealous. Gidget's jealous. I'm sorry about them, Seth. No, it's totally fine. I'd say you get used to them, but you really don't.

The rack on this broom is huge. Okay. Hey, Donalds. Donalds. Yeah? Yeah? I know that you kind of have a thing for a Gidget, but I really think that these brooms like you a lot.

Shut up. You think? Yeah, actually, when you two were in the bathroom, I don't know what took you so long in there, but when you two were in the bathroom. We were combing each other's hair. Oh, okay. What'd they say?

What'd they say? Well, they actually said that. Donald's covering his brooms' ears. They were each going to like give each other like, I'll give you some time in the supply closet and then I can leave and then you can have your time in the supply closet. Donald, do you know what this means? It's monumental for us, Donald.

We're finally gonna get laid. You two have never gotten laid? Shut up. You're gonna punch Chip in the nose. Okay, do an attack roll. A 10. Okay, it misses. That shows him.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. There was a time when I also hadn't slept with anybody years ago. But, I mean, if you guys need any help, any tips or twists or whatever, I can help you out. I'd love some twists. And we're going to cut back to the conversation with Seb and Gidget as another bottle of wine gets delivered to their table. So, I also just want to say, I heard about, you know, JR, and, um, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry we're taking a break, too. But, you know, I think a lot of couples come back on the other side a little bit stronger, and... Oh. What? Uh, you're taking a break? Yeah, just a multi-year break with zero communication.

Oh, okay. So you guys are still together? Yeah. That's what you're saying? Yeah, yeah, I'm saying that. Oh. I'm saying that. Sorry.

Actually, waiter, yeah, we'll do another bottle of wine, actually. And I hope this doesn't make it any weird. And, like, this isn't, like, a sad thing for me to say, but, like, have you heard from her? Oh, um, I don't remember. Cool. No. Oh, you do remember.

Great. Oh, yeah. Well, hey, just wanted to say thank you so much for introducing us. I mean, that was like so awesome. Like I always like this whole life and adulthood and this relationship to you and your friendship has always been really important. But, you know, being such a cornerstone of that love and that relationship and, you know, being the catalyst to that, I just have to say thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, really? No, it's just, I know we all, like, lost touch after high school and everything, but I guess all I want to say is

it's really nice to see you again, Seb. It's really nice to see you. Yeah. And that's basically everything I know. The Donald stand-up. Oh, you guys don know. The Donald stand up. Oh, you guys don't. It's too much. So these twists will really work, huh?

As far as I'm concerned, that's all I've used. That's all that's been used on me. Let's just say. You know, honestly, if I wasn't taken right now, maybe I would take you two into the supply closet.

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And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. com slash sitcom D&D. So we cut to the end of the night. You guys have left the restaurant.

You're back at Chucky Buster's and you're headed back inside. You're about to go back up to your rooms and Seb and Gidget are saying goodnight to each other. Hey, that was like really fun. And I'm so glad that we had a chance to kind of just rehash some of the some of the glory days and like talking about high school. I mean, you and that story about how you used to put so many rocks and chips backpack and he thought that he was getting weaker and there was something really, really wrong with him. But actually he was getting much stronger because of all the weight.

Weird example there. No, we should mess with Chip more. That would be so fun. I'd prefer if you guys didn't. Oh. Good night. Good night. Oh, Chip, you can leave the mop downstairs. We're going to have to use it in the morning. Oh, my room's actually pretty wet, so. Hey, man, we'd all be way more comfortable if you let the mop downstairs. I spilled. I actually spilled. Donald opens the closet door, and him and the broom are both smoking a cigarette. Whoa, Donald.

Chip is a god, man. All right. Whoa, what was it like, Donald? Tell me one word. What was it like? Broom. I hand the other broom back to Donald Dew. Thank you.

Have some fun. Ma'am, would you like to care to take a stroll in the closet? The broom indicates no. What? Wait, what? You can't leave me like this. What do you mean your sister wants to go with you?

Whoa, whoa, ladies. What do you mean your bags are packed? You see a little dustpan next to them? It's fully packed with dust. No, was it the twists? Wait, never mind. I want Gidget to be my girlfriend again if I can't have the broom.

Wait, what? No, I want Gidget now because me no broom no more. The brooms in tandem escort each other out the front of Chucky Busters. Shania Twain starts playing as they walk out. Wait, we're going to need those tomorrow. Oh, God. Yeah, Gidget's going to be our girlfriend now. That's how it works.

Finders keepers. Well, guys, you were just in love with brooms like 30 seconds ago, okay? First off, you just need to, like, have a conversation with someone about what an actual relationship is. I show them the twists. Okay. Chip, I'm starting to remember what being in a relationship with you is like, Chip. And I think I had rose-tinted glasses. This is too much, you guys.

Or the Donalds could just eliminate their competition. Right, Donald? Wait, what? Me thinks what you say, Donald, is correct, Donald. Donald thinks the Donalds are starting to sound like Elmo. Gidget leans over to Seb and goes, okay, they're going to do this for about like eight more minutes probably, but then they're probably going to try to fight you.

Hey, hold on. And punch. Hold on. And that's a twist for you. Why don't you all roll for initiative? 18. 17. 14.

12. So Donald D., you are starting with the first attack and you're throwing the first punch. So it all works out. Who are you aiming it at? Seb? Yeah, I'm going to aim at Seb. Okay, and are you throwing a punch? Do you have a weapon or is it your fist he cuffs?

I'm going to start with fists. I'm going to punch him in the face if I can. Awesome. Why don't you roll an attack roll? D20. Oh, another 18. Seb, I assume that hits? Oh yeah, big time.

Yeah. So then do an unarmed strike. So this is a big guy. Do a D6 plus two. Four plus two is six. Whew. So Donald D just threw a haymaker that connected with Seb's jaw. Oh, pudding.

What the hell, man? Stay away from Donald's human girlfriend. What is happening right now? All right, we're just friends, okay? Friends that really get along and have a history and kind of are having a moment. Donald is wondering if you can hear yourself talk. Because you sound like an idiot.

Okay. Chip, you're up next. Chip takes out his axe. Whoa! And swings at Donald Dew. You're you're up next. Chip takes out his axe. Whoa! And swings at Donald Dew. You're coming after my friend. I was going to say best friend, but I don't know if that's accurate. Whoa.

Chip rolls an 18. Ooh, that's going to hit. What kind of axe chop are we looking at here? We're going uppercut. And that's a good old-fashioned uppercut chip chop. And how much damage are we looking at here? We're going uppercut. And that's a good old-fashioned uppercut. Chip chop! And how much damage are we talking? Is chop real? Everyone starts thinking,

who's chop in their heads? 13 damage. Oh! That's a good amount of damage. And Deedledoo is going to feel that in the morning. Donaldoo. It. Donaldoo. It's Donaldoo. Hey man, respect.

Can you be serious for two seconds, Sean? It's Donaldoo. Oh, they do it here too? Oh no. I kind of like this song. You must turn your face up to the sky and scream Ooh, I'm on a bus I'm on a bus Now cha-cha once Great, now let's try it together Pretend you're eating some cheese Then put your hands on your knees And then get ready to scream

Ooh, I'm on a bus Cha-cha Um, cool, stabs up Alright, I prepared spells for today, so Whoa! Oh! Druid style! A clap would be great

One god clap. God clap. All right, I'm going to be using Flaming Sphere. Duration is up to a minute. A five-foot diameter sphere of fire appears. Any creature that ends its turn within five feet of the sphere must take a dexterity saving throw. So I'm going to put it right between them. They'll both have to doity saving throw. So I'm going to put it like right between them.

They'll both have to do a saving throw. Perfect. Okay, Donald D and Donald Do, let's get a dexterity saving throw from each of you. We literally have never done anything bad to you, Seb. This is totally uncalled for. This is really hurtful, man. You just hit me really hard.

I saw it. This really hurts my feelings. And we share the same feelings. Yeah, they do. They have the exact same feelings. And guess what? I got a nat 20. Oh, f***.

And guess what? I got a 19. Whoa! Well, I got news for you. So it's a 2d6 divided by half. So it's going to still be four damage. Boom. Ow! Ouch. Yeah, still didn't feel good, huh? 36 divided by half, so it's going to still be four damage. Boom. Ow.

Ouch. Still didn't feel good, huh? They got a little toasty on their buns as they agilely, agilely? Angelina Jolie. Angelina Jolie. Oh, yes, it's Angelina. Like Tomb Raider. As they Tomb Raidered the way out of that fire sphere.

And in their place, it is revealed that it's pretty close to the ticket counter and prize counter where a lot of very flammable tickets and prizes are. And those go up in flames very quickly. Oh, this is coming out of my paycheck. Donald Do, you are up. Donald Do wants to put on his fire gloves and start hacking these flammable prizes at Chip and Seb. Okay, perfect. So he's wearing these oven mitt

gloves and tossing the flammable objects around Chucky Busters. Yeah, but at them, but really bad, because he doesn't do sports. Okay. Roll for, like, a ranged attack here. So roll a d20. A four.

Donald Dew is throwing these as hard as he can, but he didn't do sports. Okay. He wasn't even at high school. I couldn't find it. He couldn't find it. And so they're not going where he wants them to, but they're landing in different areas. And now we have a five alarm fire going on at Chucky Busters. And why don't you all roll for perception? One. Nineteen. Three. Eighteen. Okay. Donald Dew and Seb, it becomes immediately clear to you, Donald Dew, it's a big uh-oh moment that you've just burnt down Chucky Busters. Like,

it's inevitable at this point. Oh no, Donald D made a doo-doo. And Seb, that realization is upon you now too, that if you don't leave immediately, this place is going to cave in any second based on the structural damage that's happening. And as far as Donald D knows, you could stay here forever and there isn't even a fire. Okay, so I'm just going to walk over to Seb and hit him the exact same way that I did at the beginning. Exact identical punch. I rolled a 16.

Yeah, that hits. And then a D8. Ow! Oh, my God. Yeah, that hits. And then a D8. Ow! Oh, my God. Ow, that really hurt. Gidget, we got to get out of here before a freaking beam falls down or something. I know, this place is, like, coming down. Wait, let's Misty Step on out of here.

You know how to Misty Step? Of course, I'm a freaking druid. Come on. Dude, hell yeah. Okay, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. Dude, hell yeah. Okay, let's do it.

Yeah, let's do it. And so we're briefly surrounded by a silvery mist and teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that we can see. The first thing that Seb feels is some light rain on top of his head, and it had just started raining maybe a couple minutes before they teleported just outside. So now it's dark, there's some rain, and you rain and you look down and gidget bones is holding your hand and you both look down at it after coming to outside and she like lets go like a little bit embarrassed oh sorry oh yeah sorry yeah we just that was awesome um that was that was good that we got out of there. All right. Are you okay? Yeah.

Yeah. Do you think the rest of them are coming? Yeah. Chip barrels out of the building. And he was like, I was going to save somebody, but they were saving each other. So I just... And he's holding the rat costume. You know, maybe we could use another one.

I could see this coming in handy at some point. Yeah. So. Actually, I'll just put it on. And he puts it on. Donald Do is dragging out Donald D. No. Hey, where are we going?

He was fine. Where are we going? You got hit, Donald Do. We have the same feelings. We have the same feelings. Oh, that's right. I forgot you guys have the same feelings. Don't die on me, Donald.

I need you, Donald. Don't die on me, Donald. I need you, Donald. Don't die on me, Donald. I need you, Donald. Don't die. Help! Help! And you look over, you see that Mr. Tummy is dragging himself out in a panic. Part of his little sleepy pajamas, his night stocking cap, is on fire. Oh, my goodness! What? My franchise! Not my first, but my second! Oh, my other franchise!

What happened? What happened here? It's on fire and it burned down. The nerd did it. What? And the cookie helped. No. No.

You did. You started throwing all the flaming stuff around. Okay, I need someone to blame. You started throwing all the flaming stuff around. Okay, I need someone to blame. This can't fall on me, so I need to fire at least two people right now. I think it's pretty obvious who you should fire. Yeah, Mr. Man.

We forgot his name. Tummy, Mr. Tummy. Mr. Tummy, Mr. Tummy, you should fire them because I remembered your name. Mr. Tummy, you should fire them. Okay, well, what happened? It was like that when we got back. Okay. We cut to Chucky Buster's number one a day later.

And covered Chip and Seb enter back into the bar with Gidget Bones. Okay, there's been a reshifting in transfers at this point because there's really only one Chucky Busters that we're working out of. I don't run two Chucky Busters, I just run one now. At least up until the other one's up and running again after some renovations. We've also had to make a few cuts. Donald D and Donald Do. Honestly, two of not my best hires.

Let's say that. It's fair. They are no longer with the company, but hopefully we can all be one big happy family and get things going together here. Chip! Oh, Seb and Beef and Chalice run over and give him big hugs.

Oh my god, I've been missing you, miss you, and he's kissing Seb's knees. I've missed you, I've missed you Seb and Beef and Chalice run over and give him big hugs. Oh, my God. I'm missing you. I miss you. And he's kissing Seb's knees. I've missed you. I've missed you. Oh, when you were gone, I turned into a bully. No. And then my head was a crotch.

No. And then, oh, it was crazy. It was crazy, Seb. It was so crazy. He would tell you all about it. Oh, my God. I'm so glad to see you guys. Oh, wait.

Also, this is my friend, Gidget. Gidget Bones. We went to high school, and we really are good together. I'm sorry. We're just good friends. Yeah. I'm really excited to meet you guys. I've heard a lot about you on the way here, so

I'm excited to work with you. Ah, shantay, my lady. And Beef does a bow and kisses her hand. Oh, my God. Seb, you're in work with you. Ah, shantay, my lady. And Beef does a bow and kisses her hand. Oh, my God. Seb, you're in love with her. What? No. No, no, no, no, no.

No, we're, like, like I just said, we're friends. Okay, yeah. And Chalice winks a thousand times. Yeah, this girl is in love. Yeah. You said it. What is happening? Anyways, it's really good to see you,

and it's good to be back. I'm sorry. We've been at each other's throats. I luv you, dude. I luv you too, my bro. And then we headbutt. And we headbutt. And they both knock each other out.

And that's the end of the episode. Yep. Incredible. So, big deal. You're like a giant barbarian or whatever. That don't impress me. They get into a red convertible

and drive away and have the best summer of their lives. Good for them. Sweeping up dust now. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle.

Artie Parrot wrote the theme song, Ben and I worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. Y'all, I gotta tell you, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we love. So hop on now for five buckaroos and get access to over 50 hours of content instantly. And for those of you who are already subscribed to our Patreon, shout out to the kitchen rats. This week's episode

is happy hour number six. Yes, in our happy hours, the gang relaxes, enjoys some beverages in whatever style they choose. And we roll some dice that correspond with some get-to-know-you questions, and it's always a really, really fun time. This one is no exception. But that's not all. We're also releasing episodes of my comic book Skyless on the Patreon. I am so proud of this project and this sci-fi fantasy coming-of-age story that we're telling, and if for nothing else, I really think it's worth checking out for Chris Kirk's incredible artwork alone. So sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash sitcom D&D and get in on the fun.

And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang and get sneak peeks at upcoming episodes and future guests, look at quotes, the fun, funny quotes from the episodes that are premiering that week. Memes are starting to drop on there. And then amazing character drawings done by our very own Waleed Mansour. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sitcom D&D.

That's sitcom and then the letters D&D. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening. Good job, Dad! Thank you, baby! Thank you, baby!

That was a HeadGum Podcast.