SitcomD&D - S4 E10: Another Hoy Family Reunion

Episode Date: October 17, 2023

When nobody in Chip’s family shows up for the annual Hoy family reunion, the gang is forced to figure out why. This conspiracy may go deeper than any of them expected.Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben BriggsTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Miranda does this thing where she periodically will sleep talk during a nightmare and she will wake me up saying something absolutely terrifying and then go back to sleep. Oh, man. What was it this time? So this time she woke up, was inches from my face and went, where's the baby? Oh! Oh my god! And I jumped out

of bed and I checked all the, like, and Mara was fully asleep, sleeping ass up in the crib and just like, so scary. Does she remember when she wakes up? Is she like, good restful sleep? Oh, I had the most lovely dream. Perfect rest. Oh god, so scary. Anyways, that had the most lovely dream. Perfect rest.

Oh, God, so scary. Anyways, that was when I was chomping at the bed. I was just going to tell you how I got new jeans. Ooh! Ooh! Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. It's not like you're mad at them. Today we're picking up the bottoms up, and it's a big day.

It's always a big day at bottoms up. There's always something going on. But today's a particularly big day because y'all are hosting a party. Not just any party, the Hoy family reunion. It's that time of year again. And honestly, it's just in time because Chip's going to have some big favors to ask in the form of, can I have your blood? Do you love me? Will you be there on the day I need you to be to save my life. So I guess quite on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling.

Dice! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip and Beef at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away.

We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends. Cheers to all our family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass. Elizabeth Andrews as Beef. Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant.

And Sean Coyle as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. Okay, so it is mid-morning at Bottoms Up and y'all have the place looking pretty ready for a Hoy family reunion. Give me some descriptions on what you guys have done to prep for this big day. Chalice has mostly focused on prepping herself to look presentable. She's feeling very, very nervous. Obviously, her relationship with Chip is a little different than the last time they were here, and she is desperate to impress. Oh, it's a big day for her. Beef gave her a makeover, so she looks insane. Really good. And she has sort of fastened her wedding dress, so she still looks like formal and presentable,

but she's made it look a tiny bit more casual and hasn't helped decorate at all. I want to hear from Elizabeth. What do you think a beef makeover for Chalice in preparation for meeting her new partner's family would look like? All about the eyes. Huge lashes. Giant eyes. Screaming. He really

focused on the eyes because they're the wind of the soul and he wants everything to go well for today can't argue with that chip is shockingly chill so chill he's like you know what i got a bunch of family members coming so today's not gonna be a problem i can find one of them who loves me won't be no thing won't be no thing at all who's your money on you know i was actually thinking that maybe you know how we do the competition? What if we did the competition, but for who loves me the most? And you get to give me your blood, right?

That's what I was kind of thinking. Sounds like nobody. Seb, who's your money on? I'm taking bets. I think Pecan Sandy would be a good one. And then Famous Amos would absolutely never do it. So I'm just going to leave him out of the mix. I don't know. I'm really excited.

Are you guys looking at what I got on? I got the rainbow suspenders. Breaking out the rainbow suspenders. Whoa, the rainbow suspenders. I look like Robin Williams, his early career. So I'm feeling good. I'm feeling zany. I'm feeling hairy.

I'm feeling bing, bam, zidididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididid on the eyes. It looks awesome in here. Thank you. Yeah, did you cut up a bunch of paper plates and there's a bunch of eyes all over the wall? Yeah. Well, the eyes are the window to the soul. Also, the windows to the bottoms up. I put cartons on them.

Yeah, the windows look like big eyes now. Thank you. Thank you. I am not worried. I know you keep shouting it. Yeah, because I'm not. I know that some of you

have a limited number of family members, but I got about a bajillion and they're all coming here today. Hey, babe, I bet anyone would give you their blood. Hopefully your mom or dad would, like, definitely volunteer, but I bet they all would. They're dead, but thank you. Oh, right.

Yes. Sorry. God, I keep f***ing up today. Oh, my God. Two people you don't have to impress. That's kind of nice. You don't have to impress them. Oh, God.

I've done that, like, four times this morning. Babe, I'm scared. That's okay. Zip, zip. You guys are stressing me out. Chip, why don't you give me a perception check? Would love to. Okay. Ah,

solid four. Okay. The four, you don't really notice too much about your surroundings, but you can't help but notice what time it is. It is 45 minutes past the hour and 45 minutes past the hour and 45 minutes past the point in which they should have shown up

and they haven't shown up yet. Nobody has shown up. Well, there's traffic. What is it? The middle of a weekday? Lots of traffic in the middle of a weekday. Tons of traffic. Or maybe they ran into

to go help another citizen. You know, that's the kind of people that the Hoyes are. Maybe that's probably what's going on. Sean, can I go outside and look on the street? Like, see if they're an eye shot? Yeah. Yeah, go look. Go look.

Chip kicks his feet up even more than they were already kicked up. They're really high up. And Chas, you can give me a perception check. And then, Waleed, why don't you roll a D6 for me? Uh-oh. I rolled an 18. With an 18, when you get out to the street, you see that there is no traffic. There's not a lot of things that would get in even a big group's way of getting somewhere on time.

There doesn't seem to be any big distractions happening. And there are no signs of any hoys. There are no hoys ahoy. Chip, honey, do we have the wrong date? Are we a week early? We, let me check the invitation that I sent to them. And no. Maybe the time's wrong.

Maybe the time is, nope. It's, that's what it says. That is what it said. I'm not even worried though. Honestly, I'm not even worried they'll get here when they get here. And what did you roll on that D6? I rolled a four. Okay. That means that four hours go by. Okay!

Yeah! Yeah! And on the fourth hour, the little bell on the door goes off. Ah! Ah! Hey! Mail is here. Mail is here. Ah! Ah! Hey! Hoi! Mail is here.

No! Mail is here. No! I'm about to go into my dynamite material. Don't you fear the mail is here. Drop it and leave. Yeah, drop it and leave. Dead four. A single piece of paper floats down onto the floor.

Okay. Chip bends down and picks it up. Okay. Why don't you give me a perception check on this letter? Okay. Eight. An eight. Okay. Chip bends down and picks it up. Okay. Why don't you give me a perception check on this letter? Okay. Eight. An eight. Okay.

This kind of manic, scribble-scrabbled, scratchy letter reads as follows. We've got your entire family here. If you want to see them, you'll have to send 100 gold. And this is kind of, you notice, like a beat-up piece of paper. Rough around the edges. Looks like it's been through some shit. From what you can tell, looks like it would be hard to trace where this would come from. What's it say?

It says they've been stalled. What? They got stalled. They got kidnapped. They've been stolen. They've been stalled or sold? Stalled! Stalled?

Beef? Stalled. Somebody stalled them. Okay, Chip. Stold. Somebody stole them. Okay, Chip, sit down. It's okay. It's probably, what, one gold, two gold to get them back? Probably nothing, right? It's a hundred gold.

It doesn't even say, did you say two gold for my whole family? Whoa! Way to devalue your partner's family, Chalice. One gold for all of them? I keep f***ing up today! No, no, hon, hon, hon, it's okay. Well, maybe it's just a prank and they're laughing their asses off back at home. Yeah, what's the chase that they like to prank you?

How often do they prank you? They've never pranked me. They never one time prank me. Zero percent? Oh, no. Well, who would want to take them, right? Who are their enemies? Their enemy?

I don't spend enough time with them. I don't know. I don't know. Let's just go. Let's go check on them. Let's go check on them. How about we go check on them? Hun. Let's go check on them. Let's go check on them. How about we go check on them? Han, can we go check on them?

How far away are they? Yeah, how far away are they? You guys can get there in a couple hours. Oh. Ooh. Yeah, so it looks like Beef has failed, Seb has failed, and Chip has also failed. I didn't fail. It's either a prank or they're stolen, okay?

I didn't do anything wrong. All right, Beef, pack up the decorations. We'll bring all the food. Bring the decorations. Get your eyes, Beef. You betcha. I will go get them. Leave your suspenders on. Do not take them off. I really feel like this is going to be a bummer if it did.

Leave off the suspenders! The thing about crickets! And before you guys can really prepare too much, Chip puts his ass in drive, and you guys are on your way. Whee! You're there before you know it. Again, it's only a couple-hour trip,

and they're not in really, like, any type of downtown area. It's, like, the suburbs of Frayser. And when you guys pull up to Chip's family's home, you realize that there's close to a hundred individuals, including kids, that live in a sprawling structure of a building. There's different sections that have sprouted up over time where they're constantly adding additions to the house that don't even really match the other parts. So there's like a super like gothic spiral and spire coming off of the third floor. And then there'll be a completely different type of architecture and paint

happening off of the second floor. And right over the opening double door frame, it says The Hoys. So you've made it. Is this up to code? No, no, no. Wow. Oh my God, we're at my best friend's childhood home. Wow, there's going to be secrets and stories.

Yippee, I can't wait. The Hoyes are kind of a family that takes the shoes off at the front door, so they don't like a lot of dust in there. So make sure that you're kind of cognizant of that. Well, Seb, you've been here before. I forgot. That makes so much sense. Why haven't we been here before?

I didn't realize how close it was. Yeah, because there's not any good memories here. or I forgot. That makes so much sense. Why haven't we been here before? I didn't realize how close it was. Yeah. Because there's not any good memories here. Wait, what? You're telling me there's not even a speck of good memory

in the windowsills? We walk up, we all take our shoes off, and we're standing on the front porch. Can I roll for investigation? I just want to see if there's any traps or anything

because if they got kidnapped, I'm not trying to get caught in a trap. Fair. Gotcha. Give me an investigation check. Four. Okay. Forget it. Forget I said anything. I will. You don't see any traps. Great. Ahoy, ahoy.

Surprise! And as you knock on the door, you almost fall forward, because you're not expecting the door to slightly swing open. Whoa. Uh, hello? Does your house normally have an eerie coat of air? Man, it's been a long time since I've been here, but I do remember eeriness. That is something from my childhood that does resonate with me.

I don't know. I was here like two weeks ago and it was totally... Seb, what? Yeah, just for dinner. What? I do it most Sundays. Yeah, I send my socks to get cleaned with Seb at your house. Yeah, my socks get cleaned with Seb at your house. You do your laundry at my dad's parents' house? Well, Seb does. Seb doesn't.

Yeah. Hoy! Hoy! Hoy? Mr. and Mrs. Hoy, are you here? No, hon. Fuck. Sorry, sorry. I'm blowing this and they're not even here. Beef's looking under places that no human could actually be. Like a book.

Well, we're not human, so. Why doesn't everybody give me a perception check, actually? 12. 13. 17. 11. Okay, so it's clear to everybody right away that something went down here because the place is a mess. And Seb, you've been here recently.

And Chip, you know from memory. The place isn't usually like a pigsty in any way. It's a take your shoes off at the door type of place. But it looks like it's been ransacked. The furniture has been knocked over. There are like clothes and other items strewn about the place. It really looks like people came in here and went through everything and took a lot of shit.

They're stalled. They're stalled. Oh my God, Chip. I think you might be right. This looks like something happened here. Oh my gosh. Why would you get the ransom letter and not me? That was why I thought this was a joke.

But it doesn't even say who to give the ransom to. You're right. It probably was to me. Oh, my God. Well, there's got to be a clue somewhere around here on who took your family. Yeah. We got to look for clues. We got to find clues.

Everyone start moving all the brassieres to that corner. I'll be looking through those. Well, how would you say that first, Beef? I don't know. There's just a lot of brassieres around all the floor. There's one over there. There's one on that lampshade. Oh, wait.

That's a lampshade. Beef, you're picking these up like you've never seen bras before. I have. I have. I know how to clip them in the front and the back, right? Whoa. Yeah, sure. Some of them do that. That was a brag or something.

They all kind of sexy high five, like, good for you. Oh, but Chip's family got kicked out. Yes, my family. Right, yes, we forgot what we were doing. Everybody give me an investigation check. Okay, clues, clues, clues. Yeah, I got a 15. I botched.

Ooh, a non-natural 20. A non-natural 20 for me as well. Nice. A couple dirty 20s out here. Wow. Chalice, you botched. Sort of under the radar before you said it like that, Sean. Okay.

Beef, you went off into like a second floor study, and there are lots of books in there. It seems like that's where like an office might be for one of the residents who lives there. And you see that this kind of looks untouched for the most part, but still there's still like a bunch of letters and things strewn about. And with a 15, after looking at those, it's just kind of bills and things like that. Yeah, he looks one look in there and goes, ugh.

A lot of words. Yeah, too many in one place. Freaky, freaky. And Chip, with a dirty 20 here, you see a lot of madness throughout the entire house. It really looks like people ripped through this place. Nothing stands out really as a hard clue to you that might point to a potential suspect. Okay. Guys, I think that we know that they got stolen. And we just got to figure out who did this. Figure out who did this.

Yes, figure out who did this. Thank you. Seb, with your Dirty 20, you find a lot of the same, but you also find a huge stockpile, I guess you could say, of scrapbooks with every Hoy's name on them for them growing up. You go through and you can see it's like they're mini murals and paintings. And they're report cards and things like that. But you don't see one with Chip's name on it. Oh my gosh, yeah. Let's see what did Chip get for superlative most likely. Yeah, report cards.

Yeah, where's mine? King Sandy. Seb, where's mine? The Keebler one. Amos Amos. It's not there? Did you take yours with you? Is it at the bar?

I mean, even Ginger Snap is in here. And that kid got kicked out of most schools for biting. Maybe look for Roy. Why? Oh, my God. Is that your name? Roy? No, no, no, no.

Roy Ahoy? Oh, my God. That's his name. Chip was a nickname. We found out at the last family reunion. His name's Roy Ahoy. His name's really Roy Ahoy? Oh my God, that's his name. Chip was a nickname we found out at the last family reunion. His name's Roy Ahoy. His name's really Roy Ahoy? Oh my God, you're dating someone named Roy Ahoy?

No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you are. No. No. Oh, it's right here. It's right here. What's in it?

Yeah. Didn't really get along very well with other kids because you were poo-pooing in diapy at age 17. Okay. Little Roy. Okay, now this is a prank. I was not poo-pooing in my diap.

Maybe this is the other Roy that's in our family. It's a picture of you from a year ago. Okay, okay. You know what? That's not a clue. Whatever that is,

it's not a clue. Well, we should keep it for evidence. Yeah, we should keep it. Okay, how about we go, maybe the neighbor saw something. I mean, you can't just kidnap 100 people and nobody knows anything. Somebody must have seen something.

Oh my God, your name is Roy. I'm Chip! They go outside while they're still doing this. Now that you guys are outside, almost in what would be the equivalent of like a cul-de-sac. There's, you know, four or five large houses on like a circular end of the street. Everybody give me a perception check once again. Five, six. I botched. What is happening? 15. She's a nervous wreck, man. Yeah, she's losing it. Okay. Chalice, you can just tell that there's way too many people in the street, but it just kind of scares you. Chip and Seb,

you guys can see that there is a block party that's getting set up for the neighborhood. Oh, fun. And Beef, what you see with the 15, not only can you tell that there's like a block party happening, but you are in full detective mode. Oh, I love that. And you see that there's like a block party happening, but you are in full detective mode. I love that. And you see that there are three people that kind of stand out to you for one reason and one reason alone.

And that's that they were clearly looking at you, like the group of you guys, the gang. Yeah. And then as soon as you made eye contact with them, they quickly averted their eyes and acted like they're just going about their business. Okay. Beef has a corncob pipe. That guy, that guy, and that guy. I want names. I want dates.

Whoa, okay. Yeah. These guys look suspicious to you? Yeah, wrangle them up. Wrangle them up and bring them in. Do you have a carrot nose, too? Never. No, that's my lunch. Okay, so the three individuals that Beef noticed.

One is a short dwarven woman who has a red bob, and she's dressed smartly in a flower dress with like an apron over it, and she is putting down a pie on one of the tables. Sounds tasty. The pie, not the lady. Yeah, the pie woman. The second individual that Beef took notice of is a dragonborn. They're wearing simple, casual, dark green garments, and they look pretty stoic.

They kind of have their arms folded. They aren't really talking to anybody else. And the third individual that caught Beef's attention is enormous. They're a goliath. And again, their bodies look as if they're like carved from mountain stone. Very physically powerful. And this hulking figure has put like their hood up

and kind of like turned away. Do I recognize any of these neighbors? Seb, do you? Chip, give me a history check with disadvantage and Seb, give me a history check with advantage. Yeah. First one with advantage. Yeah. First one is a five. Nine.

Second one is a dirty 20. Wow. Let's go. Okay, Chip, you don't recognize anybody. No one seems familiar to you. And then, Seb, you recognize all three. You recognize the dwarven woman as someone who's kind of like the captain

of the neighborhood. Big friendly smile, always seems to be like dropping off baked goods and just very happy and like everybody's friend. The dragonborn and the goliath are two individuals that for the most part keep to themselves. You know that the dragonborn has two kids. You've seen them out and about. But the goliath, you really don't know much about, except for that they live in this neighborhood. Oh, my gosh, yes. I know all of these people.

That one kind of keeps to themselves. That one, a little less so. And then that, you know, that's the pie lady. She just does the pies. Pie lady? Let's go talk to pie lady, okay? She seems a little too happy-go-lucky. Seems like a front to me.

That seems like a fake facade that she's got going on. She looks like a family kidnapper to me! Hey, hey, hey, hey. You cannot go over there with that energy. You're right, you're right. You're right, thanks. Guys, we gotta just pretend like we're a bunch of neighbors. We're just here to have a little pie.

A little banger in the mouth, okay? A little banger in the mouth? All right, stand back, stand back. They walk up to her. Hello, hello, is that, what kind of delicious pie am I, are my nostrils smelling, madame? Oh, hello, welcome. Are you, I'm sorry, are you from the neighborhood? Yes, we are.

Actually, Chip in the back there, way back. I, hey, we are. Actually, Chip in the back there, way back. I, uh, hey. Hey there. I actually, I grew up here in this house, in this big old place right here. You might recognize Seb. He's always here. Hey-o.

Okay, no, I do know. Hi, Seb. It's good to see you. It's really good to see you, too. Wait, let me guess on the smell of that pie. Is that one of your dang rhubarbs? Oh, my goodness. You know it justubarbs? Oh, my goodness. You know it just from the smell. Oh, my God, because it's in my dreams most nights.

Hi, I'm Chalice. Chip's parents are dead. Oh. And I'm beef. Okay. Well, this is kind of a, well, I wouldn't say, like, we're a very welcoming neighborhood, but this is our block party, and it's kind of, you know, just for the block. So it was nice seeing y'all.

Have a good one. We just bought the house on the end of the hill on the side. We did? Yes. Give me a deception check. Okay. 19. Why you sound upset?

Why'd you sound upset? That's good. No, I was relieved. 19. All right. 19. There you sound upset? Why'd you sound upset? That's good. No, I was relieved. Oh, okay. 19. 19. There you go. Oh, oh.

I didn't know the Jerkins had put that up for sale. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Me and the wife and the kids. Excuse me, the what now? Nothing. Who's who? My wife.

She's traveling. Yes, Beef has a wife and she is traveling. Okay. Well, then I missed my opportunity to drop off a root bar, but I usually do that day one. Well, take it now. Well, okay. Well, we're actually about to cut into some pies here in a second, and then we always do a block party pie tasting competition, so I want you guys to be friends.

Yeah, do you ever drop any pies off at my family's home? Of course. Yeah, when do you think I had them? Okay. So when's the last time you saw them, ma'am? Oh, um, maybe last week when I stopped by and dropped off some baked goods. Did they confirm that they were coming to this block party? Oh, you know what?

I don't remember. I don't recall. Interesting. As the captain of the neighborhood, you would know what their attendance would be? Right. You know what? It's just I've been so busy planning it.

You know, like I'm in charge of it, and I run the HOA around here. So you didn't get like an RSVP or anything for a hundred-person family? Well, I thought... No, you know what? I thought they were coming. I thought they said yes.

Really? Chip looks around to see if the amount of food is for the amount of people that are there or the amount of people there plus my family. Okay, give me an investigation check. Absolutely brilliant, Malid. You're the best in the game. 14. Unbelievable.

Okay. That wasn't actually a very hard DC because it's very clear that the amount of food there is not for a hundred people additionally showing up. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. That's fun to say. Huh. Huh. Yeah, it is fun to say. Okay. Well, have a good one, Miss Pocketbook. I forget your name. Oh, it's Debbie Handbag. It says on your name tag. Anyways. Stick around for the pie.

Welcome to the neighborhood. We'll see y'all soon, okay? Okay, thank you. Ta-ta. Ta-ta. Hey, I was saying ta-ta. Yeah, ta-ta. We both said ta-ta.

Ta-ta. Ta-ta. Ta-ta. Well, it's the neighborhood. Goodbye. She is scary. It was her. It was her.

For sure it was her. 100%. Don't even need to talk to the other people. It was her. I think she killed your parents. Should we? No, my parents have died. My parents died a while ago. That's my bad. I put it back in the ether.

It's okay, Chalice. Chalice's nervousness is seeping into me. And also, even if they've been sold, I think my family's, they're alive, right? Nobody does a ransom note for dead people, okay? Good point. So it's happy, actually. This is good.

This pie is so tart. It's so sweet. Seb, are you eating? I smacked the pie out of his hand. It's probably poison, Seb. Hey, the nice lady that looks like the mom from Incredibles gave that to me, all right? I wasn't even looking. Yes, you were.

Kevin, calm down. Calm down, calm down, calm down. And Chalice takes out a little notebook. Okay, what we know is that she was lying and she knew your family wouldn't be here. That is one clue that we know. I am going to write it down. She might be a murderer.

She might be a kidnapper. She felt like bad news, of course. I think we should go talk to these other people and make sure. We can't just accuse someone without talking to everybody. You're right. Thanks for keeping me rational today. I'm feeling confident after this.

I say we go straight to the big guy. All right. We go straight to big guy. Goliath. Yeah. Okay. Chip is going to disguise himself as old Granny Hoy. Okay.

See if maybe the Goliath is surprised to see one of the people that he maybe has kidnapped out in the open now. Okay. See if maybe the Goliath is surprised to see one of the people that he maybe has kidnapped out in the open now. Okay. So you approach, and because you guys aren't trying to be stealthy or anything, the Goliath sees you approaching and starts to kind of, like, walk away. Oh, sir. Excuse me, sir. They freeze with their back to you. Turn around.

Their hood is up, and they slowly start to turn. Take the hood off. They slowly take their hood off, and the Goliath is now facing you, looking down at their shoes. Okay, Chip does a dramatic turn and, like, makes eye contact. Dramatically. And the camera zooms in too. Oh, scared me. Did I? Interesting. Why did I scare you?

Sounds like Jimmy Stewart. He sounds like Jimmy Stewart. No, no reason. Everything's normal. Can I roll for insight to see if I can read his expression. Yeah. A 13. Okay. With a 13, you can tell that they're the most nervous anyone's ever been. Oh. And when they said everything's normal and fine, even with just a 13, that's clearly a lie. Ooh.

Okay. Can I use a spell? Yeah, of course. I have detect thoughts. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. Sick.

For the duration, you can read the thoughts of certain creatures. When you cast the spell, you can focus your mind on any one creature that you can see within 30 feet of you. If the creature you choose has an intelligence of three or lower, it doesn't speak any language. The creature is unaffected. Do I get a saving throw? Yeah, wisdom 14, yeah. I'm gonna, we're gonna roll for it. Exciting. Okay, they rolled a two.

Oh my God. Oh my God, don't, don't look at Beef. That's Beef. That's your hero. That is your hero. And they're standing right there, and they're asking you questions, and you're in your body, and you're safe, and you're safe, and you're okay.

But they're asking you questions, and I think they're angry. Why are they angry? Oh, stand down, boys. Stand down. What do you mean? This guy's suspicious as heck. Look at him. He's nervous. Stand down, Granny.

It's just a fan. Oh, a fan. Oh, yes. Hi, I'm Granny Ahoy. I did the thing. Oh, just a fan. Oh, a fan. Oh, yes. Hi, I'm Granny Ahoy. I did the thing. Sorry, sorry. Granny. Oh, not me. Screaming in Granny's face. Not you,

Granny. So funny. Hey, kid, what's your name? Do you want an autograph? My name's Morbither. Morbither. Cool. All right.

Do you want an autograph or something? What do you want from Beef? We got stuff to do. I didn't ask. Do you want him to sing? What did you say? I didn't ask for anything. I'm sorry.

Well, I can't sing. If you're offering, Guy, an autograph would be amazing. Yeah, sure, kid. No problem. And Beef grabs off of someone else's table, like, I don't know, a ball? A baseball? And someone else's

pen. And he writes Babe Ruth. And he writes Babe Ruth on it and tosses it to him and you see that he had been holding up a set list that he had from one of your shows that you had taped to the stage floor that he was going to have autographed

by you but then you hand him the baseball and he looks down at it and I'm going to have autographed by you, but then you hand him the baseball and he looks down at it and I'm going to roll. For what? Oh no. For what? For pleasure. Yeah, is the pleasure good? Is your roll for business or pleasure, sir? Tears start streaming down his face and he looks back up at you and goes

thank you. It's because this is way more of a true beef type of interaction and autograph than he could have ever hoped for. Oh, my God. Babe, ask him who stole my family. Oh, and did you steal any family in the last while? Or anybody.

Or anybody. Oh, I don't know. You don't know? No, I didn't steal any family. Did you see anything unusual in the neighborhood? This is the first time I've been outside of my house in a really long time. I can tell and I can smell it. All right.

Well, kid, good to get out of the house and stare at the sun for a little bit. He loved getting ribbed by you, by the way. So good. That's good, V. That's classic. Stay safe out there, huh? Thanks so much. Yeah, you're welcome.

And keep it wet. Yeah, keep it wet. V throws up his hands and makes a W with his fingers. Keep it wet! And he gives it back as he, like, walks back. Oh, wow. What do we think? Maybe? Do you think maybe that guy did it? No, not at all. No fan of

Beef would do that. Beef, I feel like you really looked like yourself there. I haven't seen you be that happy in a while. That was awesome. Yeah, he pats his belly a couple of times. Yeah, that felt good. Who's Babe Ruth? Who the hell do I know? Should we go talk to the third person? Seb is loudly

smacking and eating a funnel cake and putting a chef's hat back into his pocket. What's going on? Seb, we're doing the investigation to find my family and stuff. Sounds good. Let's do it. Way too happy.

Chip drops the disguise and goes up to the dragonborn. Okay. Can I help you? Yeah. Listen, guy. I am a human. Not that it matters. A human or a woman?

I'm sorry. I'm not human. I'm a woman. Okay. Okay. Okay. And smoke comes out of her nostrils on her dragonborn face. Oh, God. Chalice, can you just ask her where my family is?

Yeah, yeah, I got it. And why she stole them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got this. I got this. Hi. You are just the person I was looking for. Everyone says that

you are the most helpful, lovely person on the block. We are trying to find a missing kid. It seems like you have kids of your own. There's a kid missing here at the party. He's one of the hoys. Have you seen any of them? Do you know anything about the hoys? Okay. So give me a deception check. 16 plus 5, 21. Oh, nice, 21. They look a little bit like, surprise, they might have a better rep around here than they thought. I do not know of any missing child. I'm sorry.

Have you seen the Hoyes recently? You know the Hoyes, big crazy house over there. I know of them, yes. I have not seen them. Can I roll an... I do not like answering questions like this.

What do you like? I like my kids, I like my husband, and I like my privacy. Amen to that. Can I roll insight now? Yes. Let's see. 13 plus 4, 17.

Okay, with a 17, you can tell that they are hiding something. They are very uncomfortable answering your questions. Huh. Should we kidnap her, kid? I was going to say that. How about this? How about this? Seb, stop eating that beignet and get over here.

Oh, my gosh. Powdered sugar is on everything. What a day to wear a black t-shirt. You're telling me. What if I just like go toss a ball with their kids? And then you kind of like gesture to me. Kind of like those kids. You know what I mean?

Something like that. Okay. Something a little malevolent. But all I'm doing is toss a ball with this kid. Great, great, great. Go do it. Okay, okay. Chalice, when you turn back,

you see that they have walked 10 steps away from you since you guys just took a two-minute break in the conversation. Kind of like filling up a plate with food. Ah, oh my gosh. I was just about to do the same thing. You again. You know what my favorite thing about privacy is?

What? Everything. That's a good one. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. What an organic, natural thing that's happening over there. That is my guy playing catch with your adorable little kids over there. It looks like so much fun.

She takes off. Full sprint. Whoa. At Chip. We got a off. Full sprint. Whoa. At Chip. We got a runner. We got a runner. At Chip. And she's going to do an athletics check.

Whoa. Oh, no. Is she going to tackle? Yikes. Sorry. What a 24. That gets me good. Okay.

So she's going to form tackle you and grapple you. Oh, God. Sorry. And she's going to put a dagger to your throat. Quit playing games. Who are you? Why are you here? Are we playing tackle catch?

What is going on? Quit playing games. Who are you? Why are you here? I'm Chip. I'm Chip Ahoy. He's Roy Ahoy. He's Roy Ahoy.

He's Roy Ahoy. You're right to me again. I'm not wrong. You're right to me again. No, I have a nickname. It's Chip, but my real name is Roy Ahoy. Okay? I don't believe it. It's Roy Hoy. You're right to me again. I'm not wrong. You're right to me again. No, I have a nickname. It's Chip, but my real name is Roy Hoy. Okay? I don't believe it.

That's a stupid name. I know. That's why I don't go by that. Okay? I'm Chip. Okay? And my family, as I reach into my pocket and I like- Careful.

Pull out the ransom note. Look, look. My family's gone missing and there's a ransom. I don't even know who to give the ransom to. Did you know anything about this? Please. And without even looking, they've cleared you as a threat. You do not know with which powers you are missing.

This is a path you do not want to go down. You do not use my kids in any way. Do not threaten me or my family or it will be your end. No more questions. Goodbye. You don't threaten my family or whatever. Don't mumble.

She'll turn right back around and she'll tackle you. I just know it. Also, it's unbecoming. Speak clearly. With enunciation. Articulation. Can we go

and sit in Roy? Oh, God. His childhood Roy? Oh, God. His childhood room. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, my gosh. My tummy is so full of lemonade and fried dough. It is so delicious.

Seb, can you grab some for us? Like, what the heck, dude? No. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time.

Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get solved immediately by a stranger. And I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience, it's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month.

That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. So in Chip's childhood bedroom, it's kind of a race car bed. It's like a carriage bed that's painted red. On the walls, you see just there's so many pictures of cool dragons all over the place. And then you see one guy who's like, it's like a sports poster, except it's a knight. And he's like swinging his big sword but then the corner of that is folded over and behind it is a picture of a local boy band and he quickly like as soon as you guys walk into the room he quickly like puts the corner back and he tapes it back up um yeah yeah so this is where i slept as a kiddo, as Roy.

Chalice is really having a moment. She's really fallen for him, and she's touching everything and looking at everything. This is amazing. Baby Roy's room. Yeah, you even got a bed? Man, your parents must have really loved you, man. Yeah, that's, I was going to say that that's common, but we could talk about that later, how sad your life is if that's okay okay what do we know we know that that first lady was lying to us about something um very creepy

the fan i think we should let the fan slide yeah yeah let him go let him go but if he did do it i'm gonna be really pissed fair thank you Thank you. And yeah, what was that? Dragon Lady said, yeah. What did she say? We're messing with powers that we don't know of or something? I feel like she was alluding to magic of some sorts. Maybe they're all working together. Maybe it's like a collective of people.

Maybe the whole block. Oh my gosh. They wanted to tear down your house to build a park. This is a zoning thing. It's a park or something. This is a zoning thing. It's a zoning. This is a neighborly zoning thing. This is a zoning thing. This is a homeowners association thing.

They're all working together. We're taking them all down. I mean, there's more people in this home than there is on the rest of the block. They probably hate the hoist. And they didn't bring enough food for your family. Yes, and they knew they were coming. They didn't even bring them food. I think we should break into Lady Hand handbags home and see what she's got

hiding in there. Love it. I love that idea. And Seb is on an elliptical machine because it's very obvious that the family just uses Cheb's room

as a gym. Seb, get us funnel cakes! Can we just talk about how Seb is wearing Robin Williams old clothes? Oh my god,

I'm freaking out. A black t-shirt covered in beignet dust. It is on an elliptical. He's building to something right now, you know? Seb, are you going to come with us to break into this woman's home, or are you just going to work out? Yeah, because I got my five minutes in. Yes, I can make it now.

Your five minutes? You travel four hours to work out for five minutes? Yeah. Let's leave it and let's go, all right? You're the one who's in a hurry. As they're fighting, we all move as a group to the lady's house. So Seb knows which house is hers, and it's just two doors down from the Hoyes, and it's a picture-perfect house, all, like, nice modern wood

that has been painted white with beautiful shutters outside the home. And the yard is immaculate. And so you've identified the home, but it'll be up to y'all how you want to try to gain access. Do they have like a walkout basement or do they have a cellar doors or anything like that? I have an awesome idea if it works, Sean. I haven't gotten to do spider climb yet. Oh my God. I'm sorry, what?

I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, who? Until the spell ends, one willing creature you touch gains the ability to move up, down, and across vertical surfaces and upside down along ceilings while leaving its hands free. The target also gains climbing speed equal to its walking speed. So if there's any open windows or anything, maybe the chimney at the top. Why don't you guys give me a perception check? Five. Okay, I botch.

I got an eight. I got an eight. Okay. This was eight. Even with that, you can tell that there's no cellar doors that you see. Okay. And then there are windows. That's all you can tell.

And they're on the second floor. Ah, this house has eyes. Okay, who should we send in there? You can always touch yourself, by the way. I can. I have to go. Okay. Chalice will do it.

Chalice will do it. You got it, babe. I got this. It's all you. It's all you. Chalice gives herself a little hug and gives herself spider clump. Okay.

Holy shit. What the hell? Oh, God. All right, we got to triage our problems. We got to exorcist What the hell? Oh, God. Alright, we gotta triage our problems. We gotta exorcist Chalice. Oh, my God. She's got eight eyes. No, shh, shh, shh, shh. I got spider climb. Idiot. Come on. Shut up.

Sorry. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, I'm gonna let you guys in. Is there a back door? There is a back door. Yeah, yeah. Great. I'm gonna go in. I'm gonna unlock the back door. Okay. Excellent. And then we're gonna get in the house that way. Be safe. Chalice climbs up and goes to the first window and tries to open it. Okay. If this weren't so sad, it'd be so fun. Yeah. The first window opens. It is not locked. Oh, wow. All right. So I'm in the house

and I continue to walk around the ceiling because I don't want to. That's the right choice, Erin. Thank you. That is the right choice. Thank you. So I'm climbing on the ceiling across the house down to the back door. Chalice, why don't you give me a stealth check? Okay. Nat 20, baby. Let's go. So you got to your final destination, which is the back door,

even though one of her kids is home. A little dwarven redhead kid comes through, grabs a juice box from the cold stone, and then he heads back out the front door all while you are crawling above his head silently. Scary. And unlatching the back door. So he leaves, too, so I don't have to poison him or anything. Not that I do.

Oh my god, Erin! I was going to pick a different spell, you weirdos. That was just as exciting. I swear to you, you're an example. I didn't. You brought it up. You just spider-climbed a wall, exorcist style, and we're going to kill a kid, all right? Poison a kid, not kill a kid. I'm trying to help.

Okay, Chalice makes it to the back door. And was it even locked in the first place? We did not check. It was not. All right. And y'all were inside there together. Oh, thanks so much, Chalice. We wouldn't have done this without you.

Whatever. There was a kid in here, but he didn't see me. Did you poison him? Thank you. No, I did not. Thank you for saying that. I think the coast is clear. Let's poke around.

Two-check basement, two-check attic. All right. Chip and Chalice go up to the attic, but she's still on the ceiling, but they're holding hands. Aw. It looks like he's holding a chalice balloon essentially. That's adorable.

A scary, scary balloon. Beef and Seb grab juice boxes from the cold stone and then head down to the basement. And I'm kind of like holding Beef up like Beef is a child pretending to be Spider-Man and I'm just the happy parent. I'm scared.

I'm scared, actually. I'm scared. Too high up. Sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart. It's okay, sweetheart. It's so real. And so, Chip and Chalice, you guys are up in the attic? Yeah, we're checking the attic. Give me an investigation check.

Oh my god, a one. So, four. Ooh, a nat 20. Whoa! Yeah, so Chalice, you're. A one. So, four. Ooh. And that's one. Whoa. Yeah. So, Chalice, you're on the ceiling. I can't see. I can't see.

I'm on the ceiling. You're kind of inhaling a lot of dust, to be honest. You're having a cough fit. And fun. And fun. And, Chip, you find a bunch of cooking awards and ribbons. And fun. And fun.

Cooking awards and ribbons. And fun. And fun. Won by Debbie Handbag from like five years ago, 11 years ago, 12, 13, like that kind of thing. Hey, Chels, do you see these medals or no? Not at all. Okay.

We're going to check back in with the basement crew. You go first. I'm not. You go first. I'm not crazy. It's scary down there. And this is where the bodies would be. Yeah. Nobody makes a pie that good without putting a little bit of human flesh in it, all right?

You know what I mean? Seth, do you think that Miss Handbag is killing a hoist and putting them in pies? At the very least. I'm really freaked out, man. I'm freaked out. Is there a light down here? Why doesn't everybody give me a perception check? Ooh, 23.

Ooh, not 20. Oh. Not 10. Yeah, I got an 11. Okay. So, Beef and Seb, you do not find a light down there. It's a cellar, and it's hard to find a torch or anything down there or a magical light without light itself. And Chip and Chalice, up in the attic,

it's a little bit more ventilated, more access to the rest of the house. You hear the front door open and close. As of right now, with your nat 20 perception, you hear That the footsteps they're not going up Chip talk to beef in your head tell him to hide Okay I message beef Beef yo what's up

She's home or the kids are home somebody's home Go in the basement and hide Okay stay safe you too love you Love you too over Okay I would like to like look through the medals And see if there's any like I don't know maybe there's like a newspaper article, some sort of dramatic second place finish to the Hoyes or something

in which she was trying to get her revenge, anything. Yeah, see if she got first place anytime recently as well. There is that. Oh, yeah. Something was written up in Greg's gist in the periodical. And for the fifth time in a row, like the last four years, it's been a hoy. It's been granny hoy coming in first and her being a runner up in this neighborhood bake-off.

Sabotage. Sabotage. She stole granny and the rest of the family. Oh my gosh, she did it. So Beef and Seb, you hear footsteps coming down the cellar. We go invisible. I touch Seb and myself. Hey, hey, hey!

And just making sure we got enough spell slots for that, because I think you've cast Detect Thoughts. God, a D&D. Actually, yeah, I have three slots. Okay. So you go invisible and Seb goes invisible. Perfect. And Debbie walks down the stairs.

Oh, God, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And you see she's like walking with her usual prim and proper walk. And then as soon as the cellar door closes behind her, she lights a torch. The room illuminates and it's mostly just stone. And she just slumps. Just completely like stops putting on airs. It still looks like her.

And then she just walks into the middle of the room. And so you're going to have to avoid her to not bump into you. I'm on Seb's shoulders. And Beef is on my shoulders. We're up against the stairs of the cellar. Yeah, the north wall. If I kept going after I went down the stairs, would I run into you there? Or would you be just to the left of the stairs? Yeah, of course. Okay. She's sitting down on, like, the last stair. And she gets out a pipe and tobacco. Oh, my God. My corncob pipe.

You're starting to get the idea that this is probably her dirty little secret and her, like, time to just completely de-stress. And she lights up. And now the smoke's kind of billowing towards you guys. And give me a perception check. 17. 21. 17. 21. Ooh.

Yeah, you guys can tell. If she were to look pretty hard, the smoke is moving around you, creating a silhouette of your bodies. Oh, no. I'm going to use druidcraft to put out her pipe. Okay. Smart.

So her pipe goes out. Now, what the f*** is that about? Jesus. Nothing is going my way today. Also when you cast a spell you become un-invisible I believe. And is that a spell? It's a cantrip, yes. Okay, yeah. You fully become visible. Oh my god.

And this is why we read the whole spells. Hold on. I unzip my costume and underneath I'm in a perfect cardboard box costume. Done. Easy. Done. A cardboard box with your head sticking out of it just appeared in her cellar.

Perfect. What the f*** is going on? Who is it? What is it? And she sprints up the cellar stairs. She's so frightened. Yeah. Kicks open the door door and you just hear her screaming. And it sounds like she may have exited the house.

Oh my God. Can Chip and Chalice be at the front door as she like opens it to run out? Oh my God. And kidnap her. Yeah, let's get her. She books it out the front door and almost runs into you guys, which like sends her into more hysterics. Are they everywhere?

What the f*** is happening? Where's my family? And I'm shoving the article in her face. Where's my family? And I'm shoving the article in her face. Where's my family? I know you stole them! She's like screaming. And then like the entire block party, you know, they hear this commotion and you all, Beef and Seb, come up the cellar stairs and go out. You're all going to end up in the middle of the street in the cul-de-sac with like the tables and stuff and the buffet around you. And now there's like 30, 40, 50 people who are kind of just walking up,

creating a circle where the Dragonborn woman is now kind of like holding and consoling Debbie Handbag, who's screaming like, they're in my house. They're in my house. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, everybody just calm down. Is it true?

Were you in their house? Yes, yes. No, Chalice. She stole my family. My family is missing. Okay? I don't know what all you people are up to, and I know about the zoning,

and I know that you guys all are working together or something to kidnap my family. I'm going to die. Where are they? Everyone's just kind of silent and, like, looking around at each other. What are you talking about? Your family's fine. What are you saying?

I pull out the article and I pull out the ransom note and I say, see, see about this? Look, she's like kidnapped them because she lost or something. And she sent me this ransom note. And Debbie kind of timidly takes both and takes a big step away quickly, like still kind of scared of you guys. Okay, so fine. Fine?

Ha ha! Fine. You know what? Enough games. Of course we know where your family is and we know you know where they are as well. Did they put you up to this? What are you talking about?

Are his parents alive? No. And where's the other one? There was one more of you. One more. Me? Beef's still invisible. Oh.

I touched myself. Oh, God. Come on. Of course we know where they are. They're on a big family cruise. And yes, we knew about it. What? And yes,

we purposefully planned our neighborhood block party for when they would be out of town because we didn't want them here. So you caught us. Are you happy? They're not on a cruise. I have a reunion. I have a reunion that bottoms up every year.

I hope it's not the SS sexual cruise. That's where they are. Why didn't they tell me? They're not. They're lying. You guys stole them. Chalice to sort of soothe the group of people that Chip just yelled at and broke into their house.

She uses minor illusion to create a firework show. Just a small firework show to distract them and get them to stop. So loud bangs that sound like cannon and gunfire start going off in the middle of the day and they start screaming. I give up. Can we do an inside check on the ransom note?

Oh, let me investigate. I got great investigation. And I rolled a 19. Okay. When you look at the note itself, the letter, you notice, remember, it was like a little bit torn up. You could say that this might only be the third of a letter. It might actually just be the middle third of a letter.

Whoa. What that also gives you is that you actually more hear something. Mail is here. Mail is here. And you hear rushed footsteps. We are way too long of a route. We're two hours away. We're so far.

Oh, my God. All right, well, I got to you guys. I'm so sorry. Looks like something crazy happened where you only got a third of that letter. Oh, my God. Sorry, there's a new guy in the post office who's trying to do everything with swords and he's just making a mess. He sounds awesome. Yeah, I like this guy.

Whoever he is, we're gonna buy him a drink. We're gonna buy him a drink on us. It is hard to find good help. Well, sorry, I hope this didn't cause you guys too much concern. And he hands you two other thirds of the letter. One that lines up with the top and the bottom. Chip takes the additional two thirds of the letter and puts them together and reads it.

Dear Roy. Still getting used to that? I will never get used to that. We're so sorry we can't make it to the reunion this year. We're actually on a cruise for the rest of the season. We're having an absolute blast and we've got your entire family here. If you want to see them again, you'll have to send a hundred gold and you can join rest of the season. We're having an absolute blast, and we've got your entire family here. If you want

to see them again, you'll have to send a hundred gold and you can join us on the cruise. Sorry we didn't invite you earlier. If it helps, we also didn't invite your uncle, the hermit that lives in the woods. Love, Granny Hoy. Wow.

This is Granny's handwriting. I should have recognized it. Oh, no, Chip. I'm so sorry. They didn't even invite me. Zing, bing, bong, bing, bong. What's the thing with crickets? They got dirty feet and they make music. Seb, Seb, Seb.

I don't know. I'm just trying a little levity. Well, I guess it just goes to show if you were thinking about judging us for purposefully leaving some people out of a celebration, why don't you look at your own family first? Debbie smokes. All right, guys. Debbie smokes. She's lying.

Ken, she's lying. Check her pockets. Check her aprons. Smell her. No, Ken, she's not. We're leaving. Oh, my gosh, Chip. Maybe it's because you don't come out here that often,

and they don't feel as close to you as they do to each other. They're living on top of each other all the time. If we come out here more, you can get closer with them again. Well, and they probably think that you just, you got it. You're secure, man. You got a wonderful partner and a great business. They probably just think that they don't want to bother you. Yeah. I think they just don't want to bother you. Yeah.

I think they just don't like me very much. No, that's impossible. I think that even if they were here, none of them would love me enough for their blood to, like, count or whatever. Oh, man. It's not true. Look at me. It's not true.

Guys, I'm going to die. I thought I had this made in the shade, and I'm going to die at the end of the season. There's a hermit in the woods? Yeah, the hermit in the woods. We'll find that guy. He's like an outcast to this family. Can y'all leave?

Can you please leave? You've ruined our block party. Just like I knew the hoist would find a way. Even just one of them ruins it. Your prejudice is ugly. And your apron doesn't match your house. She's lying. Kids, she's lying. Your apron doesn't match your house. She's lying. Kim, she's lying.

Your apron doesn't match your house. It does match. And she hurries them away. And people are starting to look at you like, hey, can you please, they're like picking up stuff that got knocked over when Chalice's fireworks went crazy. There's a bunch of like pie in the road.

We're going to go. I'm just going to go. I'm going to go grab one thing. And Chip runs off to his childhood home. And he goes up into Granny Hoy's room and without anybody around, just

in case, he steals a beautiful ring from her jewelry box. And then goes down to his childhood bedroom and steals the boy band poster and throws that in his pocket. Seb is back on the elliptical. Hey! What's going on?

We're leaving. Yeah, we're leaving. Can we also run in and steal one of her recipes, make the pie, and then beat f***ing handbag? Please. So when you go to run in the second time, someone just stands in front of the door.

Like, go. Just go. What are you going to do? You're going to bake a pie in there and come back? Go. Okay, okay. It's not your house. Whatever.

Sounds like they don't even trust you or like you. Go. Whatever. I thought it was a good idea. And so the four of you start heading out of the subdivision and the point of view switches from you guys and we now see the point of view of the dragonborn woman. And she has a long bow pointed out her window at your backs.

Whoa. And it would be like a long sniper shot, and she's very concentrated and now sees that you actually are leaving and breathes a sigh of relief and puts the bow down, packs it away, and now sees that you actually are leaving, and breathes a sigh of relief, and puts the bow down, packs it away, and before closing the chest,

that looks kind of like just like an unassuming coffee table, but you see that it's actually filled with weapons, fake, like the equivalent of like a passport, and like travel papers, and this Dragonborn woman was clearly a former assassin for the DGB, which is the mafia of the Dragonborn, and is probably, you would assume, in witness protection out here. Damn.

We investigated the wrong person. Yeah, their bad thing was they smoke? Tell me why ain't nothing but a party Oh, hey, Jennifer, we're back. Hi! Big from what? So my family didn't get stolen, but they just don't love me. Yeah, it's just like cursing.

Yeah, it's just curse stuff. It's just curse stuff. I can get it! I can get it! And I was going to say curvy for a dwarf. Is that a weird word to use? Curvy? Voluptuous? Voluptuous is weird, I feel like.

Bodacious? Bodacious. I think we're going in the wrong direction. Making it worse, yeah. She's, you know, like they talk about like Pixar moms, like having like the cartoon butt and mom body. I want her to have a huge ass. Even worse. How can I say this?

Dwarf has a huge ass. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keith, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. We forgot to change the script. Okay, Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Waleed and Sean worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. And y'all, I gotta tell you, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon.

The support from our patrons is what makes the show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all of our expenses that go into creating the show that we love. So hop on now for $5 a month and get access to over 85 hours of content instantly. And for those of you who are already subscribed to our Patreon, shout out to the Kitchen Rats. This week's episode is, oh my gosh, I love this one, A Slow Tuesday, where we get to see what a day at bottoms up looks like

when there are no big plans or calls to action. We had a bunch of fun recording this one. I want to do like 100 more. It's a blast. Okay, so sign up for our Patreon at patreon.com slash sitcom dnd and get in on the fun. And for our LA listeners, I want to tell you about an event that we have coming up on October 27th that I am so excited for called Live Band Scaryoke. Sean is in a band and they have learned all these songs that a bunch of funny improvisers and incredible singers are going to be singing. It's going to be a costume event for Halloween.

It's on October 27th at the Cat's Crawl at 10 p.m. for $10. And if you can't afford that, message me. We can figure something out. I can't stress to you enough how fun this is going to be. The live band karaoke's that we did in Chicago were some of my favorite nights of my entire life. If you don't have Halloween plans, we got you. Come hang out with us.

I'm singing a song. I'm so scared. I haven't sang publicly, I think, since like 2017. So if you want to come and support all of the hard work that people are putting in, please do. We'd love to see you there. And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sitcom DND. That's sitcom, then the letters D-N-D. This is where you can find sneak peeks at upcoming episodes and future guests. You can see all of our favorite pull quotes from the week's episode,

get hot and spicy memes relating to the show, and see new character drawings by our very own lead. Okay, that's it for now. Until next Tuesday, and thanks as always for listening. This is Sean Coyle saying thank you. Bye! Bye!