SitcomD&D - S4 E11: The Hunt for Red Swantober

Episode Date: October 24, 2023

In order to keep up appearances, Chalice and the gang join King Cicero on the traditional hunt of the elusive and deadly red swan.Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben BriggsTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Erin Keif & Sean CoyleEdited by: Sean MeagherSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm trying to plan Ryan's bachelorette party. And I got a sash, because, you know, famously, bachelorettes have the sash. And I wanted it custom made, and I wanted it to say, Troll woman getting hitched. custom-made and i wanted to say troll woman getting hitched what i got instead in the mail was glow is 70 okay keep it no you've been blessed couldn't have gone better for you that's better they upgraded it for you for no additional cost. It's so much funnier for Glow, who just opened up a box and said

troll. And if I know anything about Glow, she thought that was an upgrade as well. And this episode is dedicated to Glow. Happy birthday, Cloud! Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Last episode, y'all solved the mystery of how and why Chip's family didn't show up to the Hoy family reunion.

But that's in the past. Today, we're picking up with the gang sitting upon blood-red cushioned seats, facing one another inside a royal carriage as it bumps down the road and approaches Glass Castle. Per the king's formal request, Chalice has begrudgingly agreed to take part in a fancy hunting excursion. Which is why you're adorned in these bright red English hunting jackets with the black hat. So you essentially look like 17th century English fancy hunters is how you're dressed in this carriage. On the way to Glass Castle. And with that, quiet on set, sound speeding,

and we're rolling! Yes! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup, find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Beef at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step-by- step our growing pains are improving home and away.

We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends.

Starring Aaron Keefe as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant And Sean Coyle as everything else Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience sitcom dnd is filmed in front of a fake studio audience um per your royal request i think they're gonna hunt us and that's the end of my 20 minute rap so cool that you didn't end on a rhyme everything else rhymes for the whole 20 minutes well seb um i really do appreciate that you did a 20 minute rap about how scared you are that we're going to be

the ones who are hunted at this. Yeah. But you know what? It is going to suck. It's going to be terrible, but luckily I don't think we're the ones being hunted. You don't think or you know we're not? Oh, it might be worse. Are we going to have to hunt someone? Please don't be me.

I'm 88% sure it's not going to be us. us beef you're safe a couple things going on here number one my dad cannot know that we know how to break the curse or else he's gonna lock us up and we're not gonna be able to go see our families he has a good point that i'm still considering this i let my dumb stupid brother come and do that charity event he needs to think that i am actually considering coming back and being royal which i'm not because it turns you crazy and you end up being evil and terrible and awful just like my stupid stupid dad so no talking about the blood stuff today no yeah everybody look at me beef's getting distracted already, beef? Look, I made a little heart on the window with the fog.

And with that, the carriage comes to a halt, and you are just outside the castle grounds of Glass Castle, and the carriage door is opened for you. And when it is opened, there is a bunch of folks there shouting and yelling questions because they are the royal press. Princess Chalice, does your attendance at this event mean you are formally rejoining the royal family? Yeah. I didn't quite get it.

And then someone else jumps over there. What's the timeline for you inheriting the throne if you are rejoining the royal family? Oh, you know, I was going to say. Chalice, you are seen entering Bottoms Up with false hero and all-around loser Chip Ahoy. Is this a fling or something more serious? Well, I don't know. We don't really talk. Also, I'm right here, press.

Okay. I do a twirl. Just so I'm f***ing here. Give me an athletics check. Okay. All right. Okay. 21.

Chip does a sick twirl. All around loser my ass. And as this big chaos starts happening, the king intercepts Chalice and kind of blocks her off from the press. I think that's quite enough for now, thank you. Hello, dearest daughter, and hello to her merry band of mental muppets. Come, all of you. Can't be mad when it's accurate. Cannot be mad when it's accurate. to her merry band of mental muppets. Come, all of you. Hello. Can't be mad when it's accurate.

Cannot be mad when it's accurate. And y'all are kind of whisked away. There is some strong boys who are putting up a security perimeter around you from the press. And y'all are headed out in the field towards the starting line of this hunting event. Chalice, goodness, I'm just so glad that you're here.

So I take it you're finally starting to come to your senses, huh? As you can see, there's a lot of press here. Are you ready to officially rejoin the family today? We can make it official. Not quite. I'm actually sort of here for you. I want to see if you are able to be normal or kind or nice or not the worst person ever and make every evil choice.

Today, you don't hunt my friends. Chalice turns and looks at her friends and winks. Thumbs up. Thumbs up. You don't hunt my friends. And you know what? If you're good and nice, then maybe this will go okay. We'll have plenty of time to talk about this during the hunt.

It's one of the best parts of the hunt. It's getting to socialize during the chase. Ha ha! Huzzah! Guzzabah! Ha ha! Bless you. Yeah, bless you.

Thank you. My allergies are running haywire. Are you allergic to haywire? That's right. There's a ton of it out here. You guys stop at the starting line, and you notice that there are two other teams standing in their brightly colored long hunting coats. One team has a bright blue coat that they're all wearing, and the other is bright yellow. coat that they're all wearing and the other is bright yellow.

And the king keeps walking and takes his place on a small wooden box to address everyone. As you guys actually all get handed crossbows. Whoa. Whoa, nice. They're really just shoving us into this. What the heck's... Welcome everyone

to the Red Swan Hunt. Can you believe it's been 15 years? I guess time flies when you're the most powerful man in the kingdom. Blood. Chalice elbows Seb in the stomach a little. Yes, it's been 15 years since that bloodthirsty monster last visited our plane of existence. Blood.

Chalice is using her little rain boots that all the British people hunted and kicking her friends in the shins every time they mumble blood under their breath. I haven't done it yet. But you're going to, B. We know you're going to. But you're going to be. We know you're going to. A scarlet red 15-foot-tall bird of prey with razor-sharp fangs and wings, thirsty for our blood. Blood. Let us honor the brave men who lost their lives 15 years ago to this great beast in a moment of silence.

We could die during this? Sorry, I couldn't tell you guys everything or you would have not agreed to come. And I really didn't want to do this by myself. This is scarier than us getting hunted. And let us bow our heads in a moment. Do we get to eat it at the end? Okay, forget it. Their voices were echoing across the sort? Okay, forget it. Now, before I let us all Their voices were echoing

across the sort of rainy field each time. Now, before I let us all loose in the woods to take down this murderous monstrosity once and for all, a refresher on the rules.

First, crossbows only. Everyone make sure you inspect your weapon, for there are no magical attacks and no other weaponry allowed on the hunt. The team to bring down the swan wins 500 gold pieces and will get to keep the monster's carcass as a trophy. Remember, this thing can teleport, has razor-sharp teeth and wings, and can mess with your mind. No.

What? So be on guard. Chalice is avoiding eye contact with her friends because she knew all this and she knows they're probably pretty pissed. Chalice! We were hunting beef. Beef can't teleport and kill us. What the hell? I cannot.

I've tried. I've tried. I've tried. Now, you've all been given a flare wand. If you're in grave peril, point your wand to the sky and shoot your flare into the air. That is the signal for all teams to come to your aid. So if you see it, be sure to run and help. Good sir.

What? Well, I just wanted to know. And Beef's pointing the crossbow right at him. I've never used one of these before. Is this... Do not point that at me, or it will be the last thing you do. All right. Last but not least, this year I'll make a side wager of a thousand gold pieces with anyone who dares.

Whoa! That my team, the Red Team, will be the team that finally brings down the red swan and claims it. For I am joined by my very capable daughter, woman of the people, Princess Chalice. Woo! Now who's ready to hunt a monster? Huzzah! Bless you.

Hey, these f***ing hay wires. On your marks. Get set. Wait, where do we run? Go! Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you?

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And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. We pick up with you guys on the hunt and you are inside the Etta Green green forest and if you recall that's the you know whimsical potentially magical super foggy it looks like pacific northwest with

deep green colors tons of orange wildflowers everywhere type of forest and so that's what you guys are moving through now uh okay so we're hunting a giant swan. Yeah. Beef's already... Beef, it's okay. I'm freaking out. Hey, it's okay. Where is it?

We have to find it, Beef. That's what a hunt is. Well, the king probably knows. Hey, king, where is it? Well, I do not know exactly where the beast lies, but I'm very attuned to the Eddergreen Forest. I've spent many a month hunting here as a child and as an adult. Ooh, there's a spider on your shoulder.

That is a hunting badge of honor. No, it's a spider. I hate, why did it have to be spiders? We're finding out the king's true fear is spiders. Indiana Jones. Seb, when we would go hunting when I was younger, we would bring dogs with us. Seb, why don't you turn into a dog so you can start smelling the swan?

You know what's better than a swan? An orangutan with big old arms and can be put on a skateboard. Can they smell really well? No. We can do that on the way back, buddy, when we're eating pancakes. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Why don't we do the dog thing for a little bit? All right, I'm going to-

Beef, why don't you just fly over the top of the woods and just find this thing from above? Oh, sir? Permission to fly? Wait, I'm going to... Beef, why don't you just fly over the top of the woods and just find this thing from above? Sir? Permission to fly? Wait, I'm doing wild shape. Which plane are we going ahead with? Definitely do wild shape so we look kind of like a picturesque hunting team. Do like a cocker spaniel

or like what are those dogs that hunt? A basset hound. Red team takes a minute to get a portrait done of them all looking... Beef's wearing his cape and Seb's the dog and we're all wearing our red thing and our hats. Give me a D4 roll to see how many hours that took to do the portrait.

Oh, three. Three hours. Holy cow. Worth it. Okay. All right. So here are some things. If you haven't done your studying ahead of time

on our prey. We didn't even know what we were supposed to be doing. We were supposed to study? Jealous. I had all the info. I just didn't give it to you. For the red swan, you should be able to see its tracks in the ground. No other bird has talons quite like it.

And it eats clumps of berries. And it eats clumps of berries. So be on the lookout for potentially scat or dung with bright red berries inside them. And ripped out branches. It tends to leave a bunch of ripped out branches in its wake. And, of course, if you do see it, remember, their hearts are at the base of their long necks. Aim for it. Otherwise, well, you know.

No, what? No. It'll kill you. And you used to do this as a kid, Chalice? Yeah, he'd drag me along to these things. It's sort of his number one dream and goal to have this red swan on the mantle. Right, Dad? What a cool dream.

Like literally drag you around? Yeah, literally. Like in a sled? Well, no, sort of. I would just be, I would go no bones and then one of the strong men would have to just drag me

on the ground behind them because I didn't want to be there. Still don't. And I don't get why you wouldn't. Only several people have died. Yeah, man, that's still, that's scary. That's scary, man.

What's your deal? Why do you need to get this swan, my dude? This is a hunting trip. It's fun. We do this for fun, but also it's a monster. It kills people. We need to take this thing out. And so you haven't been able to catch it

over the how many years you've been doing this? Well, it only appears every 15 years. Oh. Did you catch him last time? I got very close. That's a no. You could have just said no. Yeah, it's not like a no.

You guys, he's an evil king. I am not lying to you when I say that I had the beast set in my sights. I had my finger on the trigger and I released my arrow. Chalice is mouthing this along with him because he tells this story all the time that she hasn't been right. I swear my arrow made contact right in the base of its neck through its heart. I swear I saw it happen. But the next instant it had disappeared. It was gone.

Can I do a survival check to kind of establish a trail or find a sign? Yes, you can. Okay, cool. Okay, plus five. So it's a natural 20 plus five. Okay. Is that good? Is that good?

20 plus five. Huh? Huh? Seb, you basically look down and at your feet, it's like that shot in Jurassic Park where you see that you are standing in a track. Like, there's a huge bird webfoot footprint

and both your feet can fit inside it and you're standing in it. And this must be some really soft ground because it is a very clear path, at least for a while. I'm a doggie right now. And so I just like spring like, like a little cartoon.

I go like in the direction. What is it boy? All right, we're good. We're going, we're going, we're going. We,

we start down the trail or path that Seb is pointing to. Chalice is sort of just glaring at her dad. She's just so mad at him. She's so angry. There's so many things she wants to say. So she's not really paying attention too much to their surroundings. Beef, so what's your family like?

Oh, me? Yeah, Beef's looking around like he's like, it looks at Chalice. This is a trick question. Lie, lie. Lie? Lie. Yeah, Beef's looking around like he's like, it looks at Chow. It's a trick question. Why? Why? Why? My family is filled with blood. Big blood family.

Yes, yes. Big blooded family. Good, good. A strong family. Yes, blood. Big blood. Lots of blood. Anyways, does Seb smell anything?

Seb, I will say that you also notice a scent in the air that does smell like if red berries that were in the forest here and perhaps some orange flowers, you're getting some hints of that aroma, were digested by a 15-foot-tall bird and then pushed out their butt. Seb, got any poop?

Go to poop if you found poop. I found poop! He said that he found poop! Excellent, excellent. Well, let's make a beeline for it. Dad, Talos doesn't like even calling him that, the last time you got so, so close to killing the swan, how did you find it?

Well, it happened kind of like this, where we finally got it sent, and we found a pile of its excrement, and, well, before too long, it suddenly... As you all look up, you are surprised that

a red swan is the only way, I guess, to describe it, but it, to describe it, but it's 15 feet tall, and it is moving at you too quietly for how fast and big it is. Its feathers are flayed out and are bright crimson, and it is bearing fangs as it makes its way directly at you, and the closest is actually Seb in dog form by the feces.

And just as the red swan approaches to attack, right as you would feel these fangs dig into your neck, Seb, it disappears. All that is left hanging in the air is the sound of its very shrill cry that it let out and you're all left with the sense mentally that you should leave anyone want to go get some taquitos yeah let's get the hell out of here we tried we tried our best we did our best and we tried our best that was so scary hi and that's. Oh my God, that was so scary. Hi. And that's okay. Look at the shivvies. And that's all right.

We are on the right path. Can you believe? An encounter this soon. I should have had my arrow notched in my crossbow. What a fool. I was distracted trying to reconnect. Damn it. Give me a perception check.

Six. 17. 15. Six. Anyone who rolled like a 15 or above, Give me a perception check. Six. 17. 15. Six. Anyone who rolled like a 15 or above, you notice that right where the enormous red swan had just been charging you, there is a small pile of large red feathers. And then the smell of cinnamon lingers in the air right where it misty stepped or teleported. Hmm.

Can I go over and examine one of the feathers? Give me an investigation check. Okay, let's see. 18. The king's eyes narrow at Chalice as he watches her examine it. And with an 18, Chalice, you notice that once the feather is stroked in a certain way, it turns incredibly sharp. And all of it becomes like a very incredibly sharp edge. It can be like triggered. Oh, it's feathers or knives. And the king seeing you notice that

nods in approval like she does have a shrewd mind. What if we just collect enough of these feathers and build our own swan and turn it in and pretend like we caught one? Do you think we have the time? It's been over three hours and we saw it for half a second, so it might be fast to just rebuild a bird. The king goes, You, dog one, do you have the scent? We could probably use this scent to find...

No, I'm beef. That's dog. Oh, understood. We could probably use this scent to find other times where it has teleported or misty-stepped. Go on, get the scent. All right, I'm going to do another survive. No way.

Another 25. It's your lucky day. God, I could kiss you on the mouth, you dirty dog. And Beef kisses him on the mouth. And I kiss him back. Chip starts putting all the feathers in Beef's strawberry basket basket just in case you want to rebuild a brood. And as you gather these, you notice that the ones that you had gathered earlier have now faded red in color and are now mostly like just like a light pink or some of them are even turning on white. Why don't you guys roll a D12?

Sab, roll a D12. A six. With a six, that means you have found six other places where the red swan has teleported or misty stepped. Does it make an image? Yeah. Could we use like a stick on the ground and draw what we might look like from above? We use like a stick on the ground and draw what we might look like from above. You definitely can. Okay. So once you guys have taken the coordinates of where you've seen those six different spots and you map them out, it does not create an image. But what you do notice is that all these six points, they're not like equidistant from each other, but they would land on the circumference

of a perfect circle. What's the diameter of the circle? Is it like miles? The diameter would be 400 meters. It seems like if we stood in the center, as good of an idea as that is, we might be too far to be able to shoot it from 200 meters away.

So maybe we should all just essentially stand on the circumference of the circle, like maybe in a spot where we haven't found any of those six. Okay. We do that. Yeah. You guys all split up. And as soon as you step foot within the circumference, the swan appears charges you and disappears whoa okay if we take a step inside that circle it'll come attack us which is i mean that's good that's

essentially we can set a trap for it dad you want to be the trap dad show us how to make a trap we will stand in an arc outside of the edge of the perimeter with our crossbows ready, and you take a step inside the perimeter and wait for it to charge you, and then we'll all shoot him at the same time. Yeah. Including you at point blank range. All right, I'm game. Let's do this.

Let's bag this turkey. Okay, wow, he's in. He's in. Dad's in. All right, he's in. Seb, in. Dad's in. All right. Seb, do you want to go into human form so that you can actually shoot a crossbow? I think the dog can do it. Yeah. It's in my mouth and my tongue's around

the trigger. Can dogs shoot crossbows? Actually, thank you, Aaron. Okay. The FBI is at my door. Lou behind you just put a crossbow into her back pocket. Oh, yeah. Aaron, don't turn around.

Lou has a crossbow. The king is like 60 to 80 meters away and gives you a thumbs up. Like, he's going to make his move now. You got this, man. And so then the king starts looking real casual. I'm going to take a walk. I don't, I'm an easy target.

He's a terrible actor. Roll for performance. I will. Did your dad ever want to act growing up? Yeah. Isn't that sad? He rolled an eight. Not very convincing.

You can tell. Yeah. You can tell. Felt like an eight. Felt like an eight. Not very convincing. You can tell. Yeah. You can tell. Felt like an eight. Felt like an eight. And like clockwork, the red swan appears and starts charging the king. We all aim for the throat. Can you shoot it?

Go ahead and give me some attack rolls. 18. That hits. Even though its wings look pretty tough and almost metallic, it went through. That hits. Even though its wings look like pretty tough and almost like metallic, it went through. That was me. And the king gives you a big thumbs up from the side where he's kind of like cowering. Beef, what do you got? Oh, I just rolled an 18.

Another bolt goes through the swan's wing. And so like almost in rapid succession. And with that, the swan cries out and then disappears and all of a sudden reappears right next to all of you. Okay. The king is now giving a thumbs down from far away. And then all of a sudden you see that the swan's neck snaps to look towards what would be like the center of the circle.

Oh, no. And it disappears. But so do all of you. Whoa! In a heartbeat, you now immediately reappear inside of a cave. Minus the king, who was, you know, 60 meters away. But we're with the swan. The swan is actually running away from you guys back towards the end of the cave. And so now you guys have an opportunity of attack here

for Chalice and Seb. If you want to attack, you can make an attack as it's moving away. I feel bad. I'm going to freaking do it. Yeah, it's starting to feel like there's maybe babies it's protecting, though. Yeah, wait.

I hadn't gotten there yet, so I'm going to fire on it. I rolled a 15. Do I hit it? That does not hit. So your bolt goes wide as it runs off. Wait, maybe it's about babies. Seb, we already. That is so funny.

Let him have it. No, it's so true. That is when Seb. Let him have it. No, it's so true. That is when Seb would feel it. He's been through this character. Can I roll for like insight or perception? Yeah, give me an insight check. Nat 20. Whoa, okay.

So as it runs further away from you, you see that it's running towards a large amalgamation of branches. You know, presumably the ripped off branches that you saw before. Ooh, a nest? You hear the sound. Breakfast! Because eggs be a crackin'.

Oh. Oh. Wait, because babies are being born. Yes, yes. Oh, I thought you meant that the swan was cooking breakfast. I see what you're saying. Baby swans are cooking pancakes is what I am envisioning.

You know what? That's what it is now. Baby swans all have little chef's hats on. Oh, for real? Yeah, yeah. And Seb puts his chef hat back into his pocket. No, and then Beef stops him and he goes, it's time to put it on.

Okay, we are not killing this swan. He is baby. He is baby. And the red swans, its feathers smooth out and turn from their intense red coloring to like a dazzling white. And this 15 foot tall creature now looks much more like a traditional white trumpeter swan with a black beak and black shadowing around its eyes. And the swan peers into what you now know to be its nest as these three large

eggs crack open and it's little baby swans. They're very fuzzy, these guys. Oh my God, I can't believe it. It's a mom and it's little baby swans. They're very fuzzy, these guys. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. It's a mom and it's a mom dad. It's a mom dad. It's a miracle of life right in front of our very eyes. Chalice, you hear your father's voice, the king's voice from above.

Chalice, where are you? If you can hear me, shoot your flare and we'll come to you. And the swan is staring at you. And you see its feathers starting to turn a light pink again, as it has heard your father's calls. And you can feel something almost poking your waking mind, asking to be let in. Oh my gosh, was not planning on using the flare. I don't even like my dad.

No, no, no, no, no. We're not with him. We're not with him. We are not with him. You can see the swan almost like get less rigid and kind of become more relaxed. Do you let this presence that's trying to kind of poke and potentially enter your mind enter? Hell yeah.

Let's do it. Okay. Chalice dies midway through. Chalice's head pops off. Okay. We're at the risk. chalice dies midway through chalice's head pops off okay we're at the risk the swan begins to communicate with you

via a form of telepathy but it doesn't communicate in words it communicates with you in a series of experiences like memories that it's sharing with you and at at first, what you think, Chalice, that you're experiencing is the birth of one of these children, one of these eggs that you just saw. So it feels like a moment that, you know, you just live. It's in a cave. And then you realize

that, okay, wait, this isn't one of the babies that were just born. This is a true memory from the red swan when it was a baby. You see that it had a mother of its own. And that mother is getting them through their first 24

hours as a hatchling, as a newborn. Chalice is going to end horribly. You don't know that. What the hell? This sounds really sweet so far. What are we doing? Wake up, Ben. It's a Bambi situation. We're getting

Bambi'd real fast here. You see through the eyes of the swan as a new hatchling, feeling really scared as they hear shouts of hunters from outside while they're in the cave. And now that their mother is guiding them to the forest as quickly as possible,

and you get the sense that they want to teleport. They want to planar shift. They understand that as a concept, but they are too weak to do it. And the mother is waiting for that moment to come and the family is hiding. And you can feel that they're almost ready and are almost old enough to plane or shift and teleport off this plane. When someone who looks a lot like your father, because they are your father, makes direct eye contact, looses a bolt, and it goes straight

through the heart and the base of the neck of their mother right as they planar shift. No! By the time their head hits the ground, they are back on their upper plane of a more fantastical forest, dead, surrounded by their three new hatchlings.

Oh. An immense grief and fear and terror is felt by that child. And you come to Chalice and you see that in the eyes that you're looking in is that same child that you just were in that memory is looking back at you now grown up, trying to have children of their own that they want to keep safe. now grown up, trying to have children of their own that they want to keep safe. Chalice is like on her knees and she doesn't even realize that she's sobbing. And she's having a hard time remembering if it was the feeling of her losing her mom or the swan's feeling. She just relates to it so much that all of those feelings are getting tangled up.

And she just falls to her knees and then she looks at her friends and goes we have to protect them absolutely deal sep let me get there let me get there i didn't see shit sep loses another bolt oh it's babies never mind oh it's babies so what'd you see chalice my dad my dad killed their mom 15 years ago and um kid we can't let it happen again oh my god that's horrible did kill her let's make sure not to tell him that he did kill her good point chalice is so out of sorts emotionally she's just a complete wreck um and then she walks over to the swan and puts her hand on the swan's beak, like bill thing, and goes, thank you for showing me. We're going to protect you, okay? to communicate to you through their feelings that in order for her and her children to be able to be strong enough

to make the planar jump and planar shift, they need to be hatched for a full 24 hours. All right, we got to keep them safe for 24 hours so they can all go back to where they came from. They can misty step back or whatever. All right. Yes, ma'am. What should we do?

What is that? I think I hear them. Oh, no. Shh, shh, shh. I hear their voices. Chalice, we're coming. Stay alive. Oh, no.

Zab, go boing in the wrong direction. Go boing. So they're coming into the cave. Okay, I am, because it's about that time where I have to transform back into my human form. So I am human

and I am naked at the mouth of the cave and I go, boing, and I point that way. I go, they're that way. There's a trail. I can still smell and see it. As a person, as Seb, you're doing this? Yes. So you just turned into a naked human in front of them

and yelled the other way after they heard your voices. So give me a persuasion check with disadvantage. Okay. Or deception, I should say. Deception with disadvantage. I got a 12. So with a 12, the king goes, What? Get out of the way, boy!

And he shoves you so hard that your feet leave the ground. And they start, Where's my daughter? And they are now... There's probably, you know, let's say 11 of them. Because both teams and the king, he must have shot his flare, are there moving into the cave. And they come upon you three guarding a null white swan and her hatchlings. Beef, tell them it's a different swan. Tell them it's a different swan.

Tell them it's a different swan. This one's white. This one's white. It could maybe work. Go tell them. Okay. I'm bad at lying. You have to go do this.

You're the only one. Okay. Hey, guys. Crazy thing. Sounds like you're welcoming people back to your YouTube video. Hey,'re welcoming people back to your YouTube video make sure you subscribe

and like while you're here too funny thing we got confused this isn't actually the right bird we're looking for you're looking for a red bird and she flew out of here we scared her out of here.

She flew that way. This is just a stupid, boring guy. I didn't mean that. That feels rude. I'm sorry, bird. I'm just trying to say stuff. I think I'm done.

Okay, Beef is clearly flustered. Long paws up top. We're going to have you roll with disadvantage here. Oh, no. See, it's not easy. Oh, okay. My first roll was a 17 and my second roll was an 18. So 17 plus six.

Your worst is 23? Nice. Now, here's the thing with D&D, y'all. This was going to be a very hard check for you to pass. You're going to have to roll a 25. It's just too much of a coincidence that there's a giant wand on it. But you had to try. You had to try.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, let's be honest. Your heart wasn't in it. Well, Chip told me to do it, all right? You're blaming me? Yeah, I was a good idea. The king yells, it's gotten into their minds. It's gotten into their minds.

Shield your mind, Chalice. Aim for the heart. And they all start to cock their bows. Can she just use her body as a shield over the swan and demand to talk to her dad? Convince him to have a conversation with her. And beef joins. Okay. Chip joins. Jennifer?

I'm busy! What is Jennifer doing? She's playing cards with the hatchling. Fine. Seb has transformed back into a dog and he's doing that thing on his back hind legs and he's like, he's kind of and he's walking towards them. Terrifying.

And the king shouts, wait, wait, hold your fire. Chalice, it's me. It's your father. First of all, I think you were incredibly misleading when it came to this one. Did you know that this one was not evil? It's killed people, Chalice. Yeah, people who are trying to kill it. Are you sure of that? And you do see, Chalice, the swan shows you that the times that it has been violent, it's been to protect its young or itself. Its life was at risk. The swan and I basically have the exact same origin story,

okay? And you know what? I've hurt people, but it's because i got hurt first okay i've just got it so dad you're gonna have to kill your daughter if you want to kill this bird and guess what the town's not gonna like to hear that they're not gonna like to hear that the king killed his daughter and more importantly if you're trying to convince me to come back here, what if you just decide to do the right thing? I know you want this one up on your mantle, but what if it's more important to me that you don't do it? Can you be that kind of king?

Can you prove to me that we can be good? Huh? Chalice, this is what hunting is, okay? It's nature. We're at the top of the food chain and we've won just because you can kill something doesn't mean you should and they've lost lives too i know i said i wasn't gonna tell him but how about you just let this one go because you actually already did kill one you killed the one 15 years ago and that's that's that's this guy's mommy oh yeah i fucking knew it yeah i shouldn't

have told him let's go i told you pay up and the other captains of the teams start like handing him gold and that one we could tell everybody all about it and this one's this one's good this one can chill right can i try to convince him what can I roll to try to convince him? You can do a persuasion check to make one last swing for the fences appeal to your daddy. Ooh, 21. So what do you say? Okay, fine. You know what you can do? You can move the needle on me coming back. I will go to all the events for the rest of the season that you want me to go to. I'll go to all of them. I'll smile. I'll wear whatever you want.

I'll do whatever you want. I will be here with bells on. If you can show me that you can be good and you can protect something innocent. That's what this whole thing is about. That's why you want me back here in the first place is to show that we care about people. Don't you care? I care about our legacy. I tell you what.

If you come to every single event, that's one thing. That's expected. But I want to up the ante here. I want you to give me a chance to start to trust me. Just to start to trust me.

Okay? And maybe that some of the things that I do and the way that I act is for the better of our people. Can you do that? Can you start to trust me? Yeah. I think a good start would be you keeping these innocent creatures alive and using all of your men to protect them

for a full 24 hours, not just protect them for a full 24 hours not just right now a full 24 hours you help protect these swans and i will begin to trust you and we could repair our relationship and he just gives a silent nod to the people who have their crossbows pointed and they just lower their crossbows you heard heard her. All right, you're on. You're on. You guys keep post here, protect the cave for the next 24 hours and we shall bid this magical creature adieu

and start to tell the tale of the time I did bag one of these. I told you. I shouldn't have said something. Yeah. Didn't even help. Didn't even do anything. And he starts to move out of the cave.

And so does everyone else. You can just tell that there's going to be two people who are posted outside of the cave with crossbows defending it. I kind of want to stick around and play cards with Jennifer and the hatchling. Yeah, can we save for a couple more hours and play some cards? After the antagonistic people leave, the mother swan does come up to you, Chalice,

and bows its head, and you get the impression that it wants you to kind of touch foreheads um we touch foreheads and i give her a little like scritchy scratch on the head and out of her black beak she nudges you and drops from her mouth essentially one of her teeth oh oh-oh. Uh-oh. That can't be good. Are you okay? Put it back. Put it back. Put it back.

Sorry, sorry. Chalice is sort of like, she broke a vase in a fancy place. She tries to immediately make it look like it didn't even fall out. And as soon as that tooth touches your skin and you make contact with it, you immediately get the sense that

it is imbued with some power. So give me an arcana check. Okay. 19. You feel the power of this like perfectly triangular, but sharp and beautiful tooth that as long as it is on your person,

you will be able to have the sort of telepathy that this swan has, where if there is a willing creature, so they have to be willing, you can share a true and authentic memory with them, and they will feel your feelings from that memory. Whoa, that's huge. Whoa, teeth are crazy.

I didn't know her teeth could do that. That's cool. What kind of dentist does this swan have? Okay, well, Chalice immediately puts this onto her necklace that she also has her mother's ring on. It is upgraded to that level of security on her person. I'm not losing this. And there's just an outpouring of gratitude

that you feel from this family. Can I share with her the memory of my mom and that I have some empathy for her? Oh, yeah. So what does the swan see from you? What memory? Make the swan cry really hard. Yeah.

I basically show the swan the episode. Yeah, the episode. I send them season two, episode 20, I guess. An MP3 file? Yeah, the swan is a huge Janet Var, episode 20, I guess. An MP3 file? Yeah, this one is a huge Janet Varney fan, as we all are. Yeah. Okay, yeah, it is.

So it's just now, when it comes to it, it all happens instantaneously, but it is leveled from when Peppa couldn't speak anymore. It was just sobbing. Oh, man. Oh, Chalice. Let's head back.

They've got this under control. Let's just, we've got the presses waiting. They're going to want an answer. An answer? All right, Chalice bows, say goodbye to the swan, and then they all follow her dad. And you guys move through the forest.

The king looks at Chip. You stood by my daughter's side when she risked her life. That's just something that happened. Yeah. That happened. I don't know what else to say. Yeah. What are your thoughts on your daughter marrying not royalty?

Oh, look, the press. And you guys come out of uh the forest they think i'm a piece of they took they called me a total and complete loser beef takes an interview sure so they're all surrounding all of you um but we're going to start with the press surrounding beef beef beef oh ha we heard that chalice was in danger, that she was potentially even dead. What happened? You're alive! Well, yeah. Well, I learned something really big today. When a group of really rich people have a deep, deep-rooted tradition, it usually is a bad thing.

It is usually evil. And that Chalice is really a woman of the people. She's always looking out for the best in us and to protect the good in this world. And then Bea falls back at Tressfall. To the press? To the press. Okay, give me a performance check. If it's falls back. A trust fall. To the press? To the press. Okay, give me a performance check.

If it's over 15, they catch you. All right. A 19, baby. The press catches you and you're crowd surfing. Teeth are crazy. Along the press. Chip, did you want to? Yeah, I'll try and step in front of Chalice.

Hey, hey, what's up? What's up? What's going on? Oh, Chip, Chip. Oh, we heard everyone was in peril. We saw a flare go up. Were there any wounded or killed? Yeah, I shot the bird, okay?

I actually was the first one to strike the bird. Who's good, actually, and not, and just protecting its young? Don't kill birds. And I know I just said I was the one that hit it. My friends are not press trained at all. Oh, God, Chip. When rich people have a tradition. Don't say the same thing as me.

Don't parrot what Beef said. Don't do this. It's usually bad. Chalice steps in front of Chip to save him. Take it away. Give me a performance check. What do I have to roll above? You have to roll above a 15.

14. Oh. So you drop back to do a trust fall, and nobody catches you, and they assume you fainted from the intense situation. What a great way to find out if the press likes what you said or not. You'd have to turn around and trust fall into them. The press secretary at the White House was like, and that is all for today.

And then they turned and fall back. I love it. I love that. That's actually great. That's gotta be canon. Elizabeth, that is your next character. So yeah, you hit the deck and I go, is there a doctor?

Well, yes, there is. No, thank you. Go to jail. Go back to jail. Chip whispers to himself, I am a total and complete loser. Oh, heartbreaking. They wouldn't even talk to me.

I'm not going to owe for him. All right. And the press rushes up to Chalice and her father, the king. Oh, Chalice, Chalice, we heard you may have been in grave danger. Did your father save you? Did the king slay the monster? No, but I'm more proud of my dad today than I think I have been in a really long time. Right.

And just to clear the air, 15 years ago, I did. And he looks over at Chalice. Um, it doesn't matter what happened 15 years ago. It just matters what happened today. And today, I'm very proud of my daughter, Chalice. Chalice instinctually reaches up and touches her mom's ring and the tooth now because she feels very touched by that. That might be the first time her dad

ever made her feel safe. The press still has me! Beef! Get back here! Beef! They won't let me go! Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Aaron and I worked out the story concept, and Sean Maher did the editing on this one. And y'all, I gotta tell ya, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon.

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