SitcomD&D - S4 E19: Jennifer's Body (is full of curses)

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

Jennifer almost remembers the location of Chalice's estranged biological father, but in order for her to fully recollect it the gang will have to help Jennifer break the dozens of smaller curses that are currently plaguing her body and wreaking havoc on their plans.Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben BriggsTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Erin Keif & Sean CoyleEdited by: Sean MeagherSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. And then my whole neighborhood is fully blocked off by police. What'd you do? And I was like, oh, boy. Well, I saw the first couple of streets, and I was like, oh, it sucks to be those people that live down there. And then I go to turn down mine. I'm like, damn it. And I go, hey, I live down there. And then I go to turn down mine. I'm like, damn it. And I go, hey, I live right there.

And the guy's like, sorry, no can do. You can't go down there. There's somebody loose and we're trying to find him. And I was like, yeah, man, but I live down there and I want to go home. And the guy's like, I'll walk you to your house. I was like, this is the most embarrassing thing I could think of is that I'm putting my life on the line for a podcast. So if you guys see anything behind me, let me know.

Oh, God. I'm going to be so stressed out this whole. I don't want to think. I'm going to be looking behind you the entire episode. You guys, it's OK. They're not in your neighborhood. They're somewhere loose in mine. And if you're listening to this right now, there's no way we released an episode in which

Elizabeth gets attacked. Okay, so the good news is she's safe. If you're listening to this right now, she's fine. Anything for the pod. And if she gets replaced by somebody mid-episode, that's probably for a different reason. Mind your business. Yeah And mind your business. Yeah. Mind your business.

Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we're picking up in Bottoms Up. It's been a while, I feel like, since we picked up in Bottoms Up, but a lot has happened, and a lot happened last episode. Some huge reveals, the main one being, well, King Cicero isn't Chalice's biological father. In fact, her biological father is someone by the name of Hanson Henricks. And so with this season winding down, sand pouring out of the hourglass, proverbially. Out of the hourglass?

Is it very stupid? Sand coming out of the hourglass. These are the days of our lives. These are the days of our sands. They need to do something. They need to figure this out and quick. So the gang is in their favorite corner booth at Bottoms Up to try to figure out a way that he can get to the spot in time to break the curse.

So we'll pick up there. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling! Yay! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup. Find

Sebastian Chalice, Chip and Beef at the Noble Bottoms of. As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end

So cheers to all our family and our friends Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant And Sean Coyle as everything else Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience Chalice has a quill and is like chewing on the top of it stressfully and just writing down every guy she ever remembers meeting as a child, trying to remember if one of them is Hanson.

Beef's plane spin the bottle with a beer bottle. And when it lands on his friends he kisses their toes. Under the table? He's under the table. He's under the table kissing toes. Seb is just counting stuff on his hands and it's just

the amount of just shocking things that have happened this season. There's Roy. Whatever we found out was Beef's name. Waldo.

Waldo Einstein Tartar. Chip's looking around as everybody kind of just sits in silence doing their weird tasks, getting his toes kissed by beef. And then looks over at Chalice and wants to break the tension. Where's your dad, right? Kind of the question of the hour. Yeah. Okay. What do you think, right? Kind of the question of the hour. Yeah. Okay, what do you think, Chip?

Does Hanson Henrik sound more like a hot air balloon driver or a fencing instructor? Beef, stop. Oh, fencing, for sure. This is like finding a dad in a haystack. I can't do this. How am I supposed to do this? We have, like, I don't know, days left? I'm freaking out. What am I supposed to do this? We have like, I don't know, days left. I'm freaking out. What did you say his name was?

And Jennifer has been pacing and walked through your ink at one point. So there's little, just little rat footprints across your parchment. That's so cute. Yeah. Hanson Henricks. Oh my God. Why didn't you say that before? You know who this is?

Jennifer. Guys. Okay. Remember when we all had our individual episode earlier this season? You know, like an episode, like a mental episode we went to where you pretended to be a butler and Seb, you pretended to be a strong boy, Chip. I don't really remember what your thing was. Race car man.

Race car man, yeah. I didn't get one. Oh, that's weird. Do you know Hanson or not? So while I was a lady in waiting inside the castle, I remembered the king bragging that he banished and exiled Hanson Henricks. Oh my gosh. Okay, this is a great start.

Wait, we've been sitting here for hours. I've been sucking on these toes for hours. Chips are pruning little pinkies. Okay. Jennifer, this is great. A little annoyed you didn't tell me sooner. Hanson Henricks, this is great. Tell me everything.

What else? Yeah. He said, like, what did he say? So the king was saying, like, oh, yeah, he's a, he was a, I think he's a royal carriage driver that was like. A race car man. Yeah, yeah. And something like that. Eventually he said, yeah, so I banished his ass to some remote island.

I think he's in the tallest tower surrounded by monsters and impossible to get to. And I actually remember him saying exactly the name of the island. I'll never forget it because it was... And then why don't you give me an Arcana check? Why? I got a 16. Seb, with a 16, you see Jennifer's face kind of go slack

and something kind of gloss over her eyes. Uh-oh. And you can tell she hasn't remembered something because of a curse. Oh my gosh. What? What is it? She's cursed. Yeah, Chalice is cursed. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Seb, that's mean. I know that Jennifer

has wanted to be cursed the whole season, but that's mean. Stop teasing her. No, no, no. A different curse. It's like a different aura from, like, us. Like, we're chill. We got, like, the chill blood curse. Something's weird with this one. It's

a curse. Well, try again. Jennifer, tell us the island. Well, I already told you it. The name of the island is... And the same look comes over her face. a glaze kind of comes over her eyes oh god wait did seb just tell you guys that i'm cursed jennifer how did you get cursed what did you do uh-oh jennifer's just cursed like you guys i guess we're all cursed now nope that's not what this is different what did you do? Oh, man. We got to figure this out, guys.

All together. Oh, my God. Oh, crap. I can't believe Jennifer got cursed too, and now we're all cursing in it together. Did you intentionally get cursed, Jennifer? So many times, Chip. What?

What does that mean? I got cursed a shit ton. Chalice lunges at Jennifer like she's about to destroy her like a dog would destroy a toy. Beef holds her back. Hold it steady. Jennifer, we don't have time. We're dealing with our own curse, okay? We have to fight sea monsters to get to him, and we're going to have to do this shit first?

Are you kidding, Jennifer? Hold her back. Hold her back. Let her go. Beef, let her go. Beef, Hold her back. Let her go. Beef, let her go. Okay. Beef, let her go. Let her loose.

She's loose. Dad, protect me. Nope. I mean, I only got cursed probably like 30 different times, Top. 30? I don't know. I can't count. Where did you even go for something like that?

Do you have to pay money? We have spent so long finding the solution to one curse. We're not going to be able to break 30 of your curses in like a day. Unless we get started right now. What were you doing? Pissing off witches? What were you doing? Yeah, anyone really giving a cursey vibe, I was really just trying to like ruin their day, you know?

Do something really spit in their eye, literally. We could probably find the name of this island another way. I'm ignoring Jennifer for a second. Let's just name a few. Way ahead of you, buddy. Beef has a huge map already out. Yeah, we pull out a map. We're circling anything that's surrounded by water.

All right, give me the history check. Okay, could be Doobie Doobie Island. Okay, a 12, a 12.obie Island. Okay, a 12. A 12. 30, 20. Whoa. Okay. I was only going to say this for a 20 or above for this difficulty check.

There are two different aisles that you think would fit the description and make sense based on everything that's been said. But they are in complete different directions on the map. One's very far north, the other's very far south. It'd be a 50-50 shot. Eeny, meeny. Really? I'd almost rather split up and potentially die than solve Jennifer's curse thing. Amen, brother.

We all feel that way. Amen, brother. But hey, you gotta roll with the hand you've been dealt. Seb, are you sure she's cursed? Does someone want to make doubly sure that someone's cursed? Oh my God. Oh my God, I thought you were in jail. I thought you were in jail and we were all happy about that.

It's the weekend, I'm off. And you were just hanging out in a trunk of clothes? Like whose trunk is this? That's mine. I was going for a wardrobe change. I just got off work. Okay, well, unless you have some sort of magical test that can test what curses are, if people have them, and how to break them, then you are of no use to us.

That's exactly what I have, Chalice. What a great leader. All right, step up to the map. Come on. Just do what you have to do. All right. Well, Jennifer, just say ah. I hate this, Chip.

I hate this, too. I hate this episode, guys. I want out of this. All right. Then I'll just take a drop of blood here. I don't want to watch this. Should we just leave? I'm just going to turn around.

He puts it into a vial. there's a big magical poof and then he puts what looks like um almost like a ph level uh ph balance tester that you'd put in a pool strip strip in there um but it has like a lot of different options on it and he pulls it out a lot of them you can tell have changed colors he unfurls a piece of old parchment that he has and compares it to this tester that he put into the vial oh my jennifer you've gotten many curses who should i be telling the results to is jennifer does she have like uh is she old enough to be like a person? I don't know how this works. Should I talk to her? We think so. Nobody's really sure how rat years work, but we think so. She hits on us and has sex with people, so I think you're okay.

That's right. Ew. I think technically Seb is her emergency contact, if that helps. Yeah, she is my ward. Maybe I'll just address the group then. Here are the list of curses that she's currently experiencing. Before you say these,

if I ever see you, can you not announce the results to a group of people? Would love if it was just a you and me thing, just as a heads up in terms of doctor-patient stuff. Yeah, well, I asked, got kind of bored by the answer, and now I'm just rolling with it. So here we go.

She can't remember any useful information. That's definitely one of the curses she tested positive for. Okay. That must be the one we're dealing with. Can we cure that one right away? Yeah, let's just cure that one. These are more like the symptoms of curses, you know, like a curse would have this effect. She has to be home by midnight or

she turns into a pumpkin. Also, shout out to our very own Aaron Keefe for coming up with these. She can't smell anything that starts with the letter R. She will miss one word for every

100 words she hears. If she farts, she'll smell it for three days. If she does something bad, it will be done unto her within an hour. Let's leave that one. Her tears are thumbtacks. Words will fall off the pages of books if she tries to read them. If she makes eye contact with a tween, she'll turn to stone. Oh no.

Wow, I can't believe that hasn't happened yet. If she tells a secret on a windy day, everyone in town will know it. She has no sense of direction on Tuesdays and Sundays. Her firstborn son is promised to a witch. Her firstborn daughter is promised

to a witch. Her firstborn witch is promised to a witch. Her firstborn daughter is promised to a witch. Her firstborn witch is promised to a witch. Cute ass. What? Cute ass. What's that last one? Cute ass. That doesn't sound like a curse.

That sounds like a blessing. Well, to some. Let's see. Laughter sounds like screaming to her. Oh, God, Jennifer. What? This sounds horrible. Stop screaming, Chalice.

You've just been dealing with this for how long? This sounds horrible. Well, honestly, just being included makes it all worth it. You're not part of our thing, just first and foremost. Yeah, but today, our thing is my thing your tears are thumbtacks yeah don't make me cry it hurts okay well uh how do we undo the helpful uh information yes? Great question. Well, these are pretty mild curses as far as curses go.

Oh, okay. Yeah, ours is intense. But ours has no side effects, but I guess ours is death. The ultimate side effect. Yeah. Yours seems a lot more serious, if I'm being honest. Man, but I want the secret windy one where the wind picks up my secrets.

Oh, that one was fun. Yeah, I like that one. You could just tell everybody your secret, Beef. Oh, yeah. But yeah, pretty simple stuff. If Jennifer exercises 20 minutes a day, gets lots of vitamin D, and you ice an elevator, that should help a good deal with these mild curses. But the main thing for breaking these mild curses, you're going to want to just do them all just to be sure.

They're little, tiny, itty-bitty good things for your soul that will help break a curse. Almost like little snacks for your soul. So we call them idioms. Idioms. And so you'll have to complete physically these idioms. And here's a good list. And I'll hand you this piece of parchment here. Another list.

I was hoping to hit the hay early tonight with my curlers in. I have my curlers in. Just one curler on either side of his head. Okay, I guess my curlers in. Just one curler on either side of his head. Okay, I guess we're going out. Okay, Chalice, here's the list. Okay, exercise 20 minutes a day, lots of vitamin D, ice and

elevate her, beat around the bush, jump on the bandwagon, kick the bucket, cry over spilled milk, let the cat out of the bag, cross that bridge when you get to it, keep an ear to the ground, rest on your laurels, spill the bucket, cry over spilled milk, let the cat out of the bag, cross that bridge when you get to it, keep an ear to the ground, rest on your laurels, spill the beans, go on a wild... He's taking his curlers out.

Go on a wild goose chase, bite off more than you can chew, break the bank, save a horse, ride a cowboy, commit a true selfless act. This will break most curses. Ah, Jennifer! Yeah, committing a true selfless act, This will break most curses. Ah, Jennifer! Yeah, committing a true selfless act, that's going to be the best

catch-all. The bigger the selfless act, obviously, the more powerful. Oh my gosh, and Dr. Pip, are you saying that we have to all do this together as friends? Not necessarily. Oh, so Jennifer can just do all these by herself, and then we... Have a great night! Oh, that's can just do all these by herself.

No, no. Have a great tonight. Oh, that's perfect. He's putting his colors back in. Let us know, yeah. Let us know when you're done with it. You can kick a bucket on your own. That's easy, okay?

Let us know when you're done. Say hi to the laurels for us. When you remember the island name. That's going to be great. Okay, guys, you know what? This will go way faster if we help. We can knock all these out in an afternoon. You know, like, Beef, we're going to get you home in time.

All right? Beef's taking off his face mask and putting up his robe. All right, all right. Some of these are so easy. Chalice grabs a bucket that is hanging on the wall of the bar that they use to, like, mop and brings it over to Jennifer. And Charlie Brown, like, Lucy and Charlie Brown style puts it in front of her. I'm use to like mop and brings it over to Jennifer and Charlie Brown like Lucy and Charlie Brown style

puts it in front of her. I'm gonna kick it. Everybody watch. Chalice moves it out of the way. Charlie Brown style. I literally told you. Okay. Nice. It's hilarious. Sorry Jennifer. I just had to get that out of my system. I'm a little mad at you. Jennifer's gonna sprint at it

and then go to kick it. It gets that out of my system. I'm a little mad at you. Jennifer's going to sprint at it and then go to kick it. It gets moved out of the way. And we do that for 20 minutes, which is on the list because she has to exercise 20 minutes a day. Yay! Yes! All right, final time. Jennifer, you're out of breath.

You look like you are very uncomfortable. Beef's holding it this time. I promise. Does Beef try to move it out of the way? No. Are you lying to me? Because Jennifer's roll, okay, Jennifer rolled an 18 attack roll on this bucket, even thinking like, okay, you might try to move it. So that's a pretty high roll.

So if you're going to roll to move it, give me a dexterity roll to move it. An opposed dexterity check. I got a dirty 20. Oh my God. Jennifer comes so close, slow motion. Yeah, boo! And just misses the bucket. Chip grabs the bucket and hangs it up and says, let's get back to that one later.

I'm crying and it's thumbtacks. Oh, quickly spill milk. Quickly spill milk. I'm crying and it's thumbtacks. I grab milk and I spill it as quick as I possibly can. You spilled the milk. Oh, that's good. Do you feel better?

Do you feel a curse has been lifted? Yes. Island name. What's the island name? And Jennifer spins in the air slowly. Oh. As like the, ah. Oh.

Oh. Ah. Yeah, that did something. That definitely alleviated one curse. Oh. What's the name of the island? I don't know. Oh, God.

Okay. All right. We did kick the, we didn't do kick the bucket. We did cry Oh, God. Okay. All right. We did kick the... We didn't do kick the bucket. We did cry over spilled milk. Jennifer kicks it. What's the name of the island? I don't remember.

Oh, God. Let's just do a couple of these at the same time. Let's maybe just go to a bridge while your ear's on the ground and we find a cat. How about that? Throw a cat in the bag. Let the cat out of the bag. Get the bridge while you cross it with your's on the ground and we find a cat. How about that? Throw a cat in the bag, let the cat out of the bag, get the bridge while you cross it with your ear on the ground. I feel like some of these are so easy, we

can almost knock them out in a montage. Roll the footage. They point at the saloon kind of like piano player that's in the corner. He's here the whole time. I have a name!

Oh, sorry. Oh, my God. You promised you wouldn't insult me like this again. Sorry. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge?

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So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. Chalice has made little like boxing gloves. I guess just beat up the ground around this bush. beat up the ground around this bush. We're all running across this bridge and it's like in that action movie thing where it's exploding behind us.

We're going, ah! Oh my God! It just happened to be the demolition day on that bridge and we didn't know. That's cool. We land in a pond and there's a pack of geese and they got little knives and big chain necklaces

and we bump into them. We're like, oh no, sorry, sorry, sorry. And then the leader of the geese is like, I'm going to get you. And so we all have to run. Oh, we're getting chased. Oh, we're getting chased. Yeah, we're getting chased. These geese are wild!

We meant it to go the other way, Jennifer. The bridge is out! Go the other way! And in between all of these, when she does the spin thing, they are asking if he knows the name of the island. Still no. More fun. Chip looked throughout Jennifer's bedroom, these when she does the spin thing they are asking if he knows the name of the island still no more fun chip uh looked throughout jennifer's bedroom but it couldn't find anything helpful so he gets

together all of jennifer's friends named laurel and puts them in a big pile together hi gals oh excuse me laurel laurel excuse me it's so nice to see all the Laurels together again in a room, by the way. Oh, my gosh. You gals were fighting for what felt like forever. For good reason. We understand it, but I'm glad that I could. Chip, don't. I put the truth together.

I put the truth together. They actually all signed it, so they can't fight today. They can get back to it tomorrow, though. Just one day we're not fighting, okay? Laurel, you signed it, it okay and you get a kiss from seb like you asked i'm sorry what we're at miss paxy's house she's the one in the neighborhood that has the most children um to babysit and we're like j is going to babysit all of your kids

and and all the kids are crying and all over the place and then Jennifer looks to the camera and goes man I guess I bit off more than I can chew does this work nothing happens she does not spin

Chip just shoves a pizza in her face. Chip, what is the meaning of this? You bite more of it. This is pretty easy to chew. I'm going to be honest. It's going down real well. Oh, I got to find you something that's hard to chew? Jenny, beans.

All right, I can chew these. No, no, spill them. No, no, no, spill them, spill them. She knocks them over and then kicks the can. Yeah. Woo-hoo. No, no. Smell them. Smell them. Smell them. She knocks them over and then kicks the can. Yeah. Woo-hoo. Yeah. Woo.

I don't remember. We're searching bottoms up for the cat, and we have no clue where it could be. We've not seen it. Kitty, kitty, kitty. We have no clue. We don't know where it spends its time, what it likes. Kitty. Hey, Mr. Cat Guy.

Mr. The Guy. Mr. The Cat. Can I roll for animal handling? Does that work? You'd have to find an animal first. You can do a history check. I got an 18. Okay, with a history check, you know that there is a barn not too far away, and

there are a new litter of kittens and a cat that are always hanging about there. I just remembered there are cats somewhere. Who has a bag? I always have a bag. Oh, yeah. You do carry around your bag of disguises with you all the time. Can you empty that out?

And we'll go. Chalice, we're going to be here all day. Okay. You're right. Just have there be enough room in the bag for a cat. Let's go. Okay, so I'm going to get rid of Prince of Wales outfit and

What else? What else? Mid-sized sedan. Mid-sized sedan was in there. Holy cow. You got to be selling these backpacks, my dude. Sorry, sorry. I'm just kind of He's crying because he had to get rid these backpacks, my dude. Seb? Sorry, sorry. I'm just kind of-

He's crying because he had to get rid of the midsize sedan costume. I just really knew that one was going to come up. Seb, if you cry, then I'm going to cry, and it's thumbtacks for me. Well, that one's still there, huh? So y'all approach this barn, and it doesn't look like anybody's around. Want to give me a perception check? Nine. Sixteen. I got a sixteen too.

And beef with a sixteen. I got a sixteen as well. Oh my god. Chalice, are you seeing this? Wait, Chalice, what'd you get? Oh my gosh, we're all seeing this. Are you seeing this? No. And you guys actually are watching a couple kittens.

They are really doing something very cute. So it would be a bummer to miss it. They're like wrestling. And then one of them jumps over and kind of pounces on the other one. But the other one's head pops up. So that the other one's kind of resting on top of it as a hat. But the one on bottom doesn't even know where it went. Because it's on his head.

His brother's on his head. We need a cat, not a hat, you silly goose. What does that mean? Are you not seeing this? No, you guys keep, I keep trying to see around you, and you guys keep stepping right in front of me into my eyeline. Now, Beef, do kittens count as cats? Do cats count as kittens?

Wait, are we about to sing a song? What's going on right now? Oh, no, we're not. Okay. All right, you guys have done. That was so misleading. Do you guys walk up to the kittens and cats? Yeah, we snag the hat one because he's the cutest one in the whole bunch.

Well, as you do, the farmer who runs this barn sees you. Uh, excuse me. What are you doing grabbing animals off my property? Excuse me, sir. We just need this cat for a quick scooch, okay? Quick scooch? Is that rude? No, it's just being polite.

You're not lying. Give me a performance check because that's not how you typically talk. I think you're being polite. I think. Also, we as a podcast do not recommend matching an accent of anybody that you meet. Unless, unless,

please do not do that. Please do not do that to try to be do that. To try to be polite. Unless it seems like the polite thing to do, in which case, we give you two big thumbs up. That is an opinion of Jess, Aaron, Keefe,

not as a podcast, as a whole. Sitcom D&D will lead Elizabeth, Sean, and Ben. Aaron also. Two big thumbs up. What'd you get on that performance check here?

18. Well, at least someone has proper manners. Now, would you mind explaining yourself and what you needed for a quick scooch for? You know, sir, I know you're going to relate to this. It's for one of those idioms. We just got to let a cat out of the bag real quick. Oh, someone got cursed out of you, gang? Yes, sir.

I tell you what, I got cursed. I can still feel it in my knee. When it rains, it hurts. I got the curse of old age. Oh, sir, your delight. Have we done the cat thing yet, guys? How much longer do I have to talk to them? Jennifer, we're looking at Jennifer

who's just watching the interaction. Jennifer! Oh, sorry, sorry! But I feel like I could probably punch up that joke if, I know it's good. We start backing away slowly. My, oh my, looks like I heard the bell. Dinner time, Ma will be mad if we don't make it back

in time, right gang? Moo moo, says the cow. Let's go, we gotta go now. Run, run, run, run, run. Oh, hey, don't be strangers. Come by any time. It's lonely out here since my wife passed. Chalice, that was amazing.

When did you, when were you? I learned how to do that in an etiquette class when I was a kid. No way. The most polite thing you could do. Huh? What's next, gang? Selfless act.

Break the bank. Save a horse, ride a cowboy. Jump on the bandwagon. Oh, how about this one real quick? Chip grabs Jennifer and shoves her ear into the ground. Ew. Okay, great. Did you bite off more than you can chew yet?

I don't know. Probably give me more stuff to eat. Sir, two big hot dogs, great. Did you bite off more than you can chew yet? I don't know. Probably give me more stuff to eat. Sir, two big hot dogs, please. You got it. Coming right up. Thanks so much, man. Appreciate the hot dogs. Nice.

Very polite. Nice. Good. I seem to have forgotten my gold pieces at home. Mind if I get you back next week? Hey, for a guy as polite as you, get me back whenever you can get me back. Incredible.

One of these is for you, and Jennifer, one of these is for you. Bite off way more than you can chew, okay? And she bites all the way to the tip of your fingers. I couldn't chew it all. Oh. Nope, don't remember. All right, what's next?

All right, we got three big ones left, unfortunately. We got jump on the bandwagon, break the bank, and save a horse, ride a cowboy. I feel like the bank one's going to be the hardest because I just can't fathom the idea of breaking a bank. Good point. There's a horse over there. You want to do the horse one? Oh, look, that horse is about to jump. Jennifer, this is your chance.

Well, I got to do something. Guys, what do I do? I thought you have skills this season. I don't even know how to use them. Give me a perception check. Natural 20! Awesome. Seb, what you see

when you go over and take Jennifer to this horse, it looks like it's about to jump off of a, like there's a big canyon just outside of town here. The horse has gotten itself, like it was tied up to a post here, but it's off of it so it's kind of like free reign right now must have pulled its its own tie off and it is ready to jump into the canyon

to get back to uh its owner this might be just uh a horse with some anxious attachment but it looks like this jump is so far that it could you know really hurt itself or even even die from it okay um okay jennifer and beef sits crisscross applesauce jennifer remember when my sandwich monthly didn't show up and i was in a mood and i don't want to talk to anybody or do anything and i i locked my door and i was like i'm not coming out i don care. And you came down and you talked to me through the door and you said the sweetest, nicest things. You were empathetic. You were lovely. You were listening.

Why don't you just do some of that? All right. I'm going to try it. Hey, how about some bardic inspiration? You said it. I did. And he gives her bardic inspiration. Also, Beef, you know how Chip's always throwing you?

Throw me! Oh, excuse me, me throw you? Yes, you throw me! Beef looked behind him so violently, no one's ever asked Beef to throw them. All right, let's give it a shot. Chip was getting ready in his throwing stance, and now he's like like head down sad yeah yeah

no beef beef's good at throwing too he has really good strength me she just asked no no your strength is like so good and stuff that you should do it talus is rubbing his back thanks and i'm gonna cast on beef just to kind of help with this enhance ability ability. And I'm going to use the bull's strength. The target has advantage on strength checks and his or her carrying capacity doubles. So give me a strength check with advantage. Okay, that was a five and an 11. Okay.

Honestly, with the strength check that I was looking for only needed to be above a 10. You're just throwing a rat at a horse. Interesting. That's what I told my personal trainer. He was like, how strong do you want to get? And I was like, I just want to be able to throw a rat at a horse. Get out of this LA Fitness right now.

You can't make me. And then I went and I hid. Rat lady's back. Rat lady's been hiding in the spa for days. Oh, man. So you throw Jennifer. Yaboo! And she makes it on a perfect arc

and grabs the horse's mane as she's about to kind of go over the horse and off of it oh hi um my name's jennifer and i'm here to help you um calm down and all i know is that if you jump right now you're gonna get hurt and if you just wait then i think that the think your owner and friend will come back and everything will be okay. I'm going to have Jennifer roll a persuasion check or animal handling. And Jennifer has advantage in this because she is an animal.

Oh, that makes sense. Ooh, altogether that is a 19. Oh. The horse kind of stamps its feet. And like calms down. And then Jennifer goes, very good. Very good. Now sit.

And the horse sits like a dog. Yes. I did it. You did it, Jenny. That's only half of that, though. You have to ride a cowboy. Jennifer, you have to parlay this save into sleeping with the owner. Oh, my God.

I got to bed this cowboy? You got to bed and ride the cowboy. Oh, hey, he's coming up right now. Your hair. Fix your hair. Curlers, curlers. Curlers, curlers. Get the curlers out of your hair.

Did somebody say that my horse almost got hurt? Ooh, let's hope the voice does not match the person. Yeah. I hope it's an ogre. I ain't no person. I'm a big mouse. So a rat. No, it's a little different.

Seb, that is offensive. Oh, sorry. Moo-moo, said the cow. I'm a big mouse, and I'm a cow mouse, and I'm a boy. I'm a cowboy mouse, and that's my horse. Well, our friend Jennifer just saved his life. I can't believe she's single. And is attractive.

Well, I could see that for myself. Need help off that there, little miss? I can do it myself, thank you. And Jennifer's going to try to do a backflip off the horse and stick the landing to impress him. Why? Why now? She's doing so well.

It's a three, so she is definitely not going to land this. But this gentleman has razor quick reaction time, and right before she hits the ground into the dust, he catches her right in his arms. That would have been quite the spill, little lady. And Jennifer

looks over at you guys and blinks and goes, are you guys going to want to stick around for this or should we cut to just what happens after? Let's stick around. Yeah, I'm down to stick around. We can still cut to what happens after, but we're watching.

We are going to stay. Given the option. Camera just kind of pans over and it's just our faces as we're watching. It's just our reactions. That's how she does it. It's just our reactions. Oh! Oh! Oh, good! Oh! That's how she does it. Oh, Chalice, write that down. I will.

Let's do bandwagon next. One of you, you decide amongst yourselves. Give me a history check. I think Beef should because Beef has been in a band. So a 15. You know that once all the bars and taverns are done for the night, it's kind of like industry time where folks who work in the industry, including folks who are in bands and bards and of the like, will meet up, hang out for their after shift drinks. and they pick each other up one at a time on a wagon that stops through all of France and picks all the performers up on the bandwagon. Y'all, you guys aren't going to believe this,

but there are signs all around this neighborhood where the bandwagon picks you up and takes you to Tammy's Tavern to have a drink. Ooh, that feels easy enough. I think I heard a couple of lute singers down the creek. Maybe there's got to be a bandwagon stop just down yonder. As you start to walk close, the bandwagon kind of comes to a halt. Oh, Beef, you stay back.

Stay back, Beef. You know you are banned from the bandwagon. Did not mention that, Beef, you stay back Stay back, Beef You know you are banned from the bandwagon Did not mention that, Beef Okay, guys There was something I left out All that history stuff I was telling you back there I'm banned from the bandwagon And I really can't get into it

It's not my episode Tell them why It's not my episode I pissed shit and farted and threw up at the same time in the bandwagon. So stay back. You're not welcome. Can my

fellow traveler Jenny hop around? You mean fellow stranger that you don't even know and isn't. All of y'all stay back. All right. And we're going to come through here as quickly as we can and move right past you. Hey, but what are you talking about?

I don't know this guy. This is just me and my date. This is just me and my date. We're at the sign. We're supposed to get on. Yeah. We don't know this little guy. Did somebody say they need an Uber because I have a midsize sedan,

Toyota Corolla. And I just have two tree branches. That doesn't look like a sedan at all. This sucks. This couldn't be going worse. Well, you put your performers. This is for band members and bards only. We're performers.

Yeah. Can't you tell? I've never seen you play around town before. Oh, you know all the performers in all of the towns. Yeah, I think I do. I've been playing here for 15 years, mate. Well, I'm a

performer. We are. That's me as well. That's great. Give me a deception check. That's what doing improv with a person for a decade will do. I rolled a 21.

19. My apologies. You'll have to take the first crack at our carol as we move through France then. Here, get him a good seat, first timers. Let's go, up and away. Oh, yep. And then also my friend down here she does percussion jennifer hop jump on up here and she jumps as high as she can there's a crack and the horses start moving

and the wagon starts getting pulled and she spins and the gold encompasses her she falls back down all right let us off we were like yep go. Thanks. I'm a bar owner. Just kidding. Just kidding. We don't know music. Gotcha. You know beef too, don't you? You're all mine.

Oh yeah. And I piss shit and I fart. Chalice does too. No, get the fuck off. Get off, all of you. I really strain for a second and then I go, ah I'm just kidding, and then I get out of there. All of you, get off. Beef's never been prouder.

Never been prouder. Yeah. Well, there's one big bank in town, on the town square. Do we go there and- What about the littlest bank in town? A piggy bank. A piggy bank feels pretty easy as a solution to this thing. But, Chip, you love your piggy bank.

No, not mine. I was going to go find a kid with one. No, Chip. Don't touch mine. I know. Hey, everyone took sacrifices today. What did you do? You got a hot dog.

Yeah, but you... I mean, look at Sepp. He's losing his mind. He's holding tree branches. Yeah, Sepp's bad. Yeah. We're all aboard the Toyota Corolla. And I just been pissed on a wagon.

So did I. Yeah, but it's worse for me. No, I would have suggested if you were going to talk about my Biggie Bank. Sepp, we still need a true selfless act. That's from you. You have to do it. Jennifer, you have to do that one. You can't touch Logan.

He's got a name? Ew. Yes, he has a name and a mustache. Okay, Chip, we all know you have him on you. Are you serious? You're the only one that carries Logan on you. All of our piggy bank names are Logan. But with different facial hair.

Independently of each other. You're the only one that carries your Logan on you. But you can't judge me for what's inside. Everybody has to promise right now that you can't judge me for what's inside my piggy bank. Okay, now I'm intrigued. It better be money. Let me for what's inside. Everybody has to promise right now that you can't judge me for what's inside my piggy bank. Okay, now I'm intrigued. It better be money. Let me just take a minute. Let me just say a few words.

Hey, Logan. You're my favorite pig in the whole wide world. Grab smash! No! Okay! Everybody cool it. Don't we know, like, a repair spell? Somebody does.

Oh, yeah. I got minned. Yeah. Calm down. Oh, my God. But look what's inside. Look what was inside. Okay.

Right out of the gate, I'm seeing a smaller piggy bank. LJ. Logan Jr.? Yes, Logan Jr. That's where the extra secret stuff is What the heck is this? This says, this bar smells like pony piss Was this the first comment that Chalice left?

Yeah, well, no, yes I saved it for a memento Actually, I don't have to pretend like I don't have feelings for Chalice Yeah, I had feelings for her, I had a crush for her back then You did? Yes, I don't have to pretend like I don't have feelings for Chalice. Yeah, I had feelings for her. I had a crush for her back then. You did? Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

Wait a second. Wait a second. What? No, no, no. Let me grab that. Hold on. No, no. You don't see that.

No, no. It's just a bunch of, you drew a bunch of pictures of you, but you have like 12 and 14 packs. Yeah, yeah. And I drew those when I was a little kid and not last week. They're dated a week ago today. Yeah, and they're too good to be a little kid.

It's almost weirder that they're good. And whose loose hair is all of this? This is so much loose hair. Beef, it looks like your chest hair. No, it's chalices.

It's less weird if it's chalices, actually. No, Beef, it looks a lot like your chest hair. I'd recognize that anywhere. It's less weird if it's chalices, actually. No, Beep, it looks a lot like your chest hair. I'd recognize that anywhere. It looks like there's tape on it, and like you were trying to take my chest hair and put it on your body.

Yes, Beep, that's exactly what it looks like. Okay, but you're not judging me, right? No. We promise. You guys promised. Yeah, no. I promise. You guys promised. Yeah, no. I'm in so much pain. Dang, still nothing.

What? Oh, you got to commit a selfless act, Jennifer. One last thing. How do you do that? Oh, we're f***ed. We left the hardest one for the lastest one. Yeah. Well, we kind of hoped that it would come up at some point. You know, when you spend like eight hours with somebody,

you think maybe they would do something selfless in that time. But I guess we're just stuck with Jennifer here. Damn. Slam, dude. Nice. Slam. Well, Jennifer, let's see. What's something that's so not Jennifer that would be hard for her to do?

I feel like I do selfless acts all the time. What do you think a selfless act is, Jennifer? Like when I wake up, when I brush my teeth, when I go downstairs, say hi everybody and be so cute. Jennifer, I don't think any of those count. This is something that you have to do for somebody else where you're not benefiting in any way. Have you ever done that, Jennifer? I don't think so. Blink, blink, blink, blink.

But that's making me feel like maybe I didn't do it today. I haven't been completely honest with everybody. About the curses? Because we already know about those. Yeah. Um, as soon as I successfully kicked the bucket, I remembered. No. Jennifer.

Are you serious? I just, I just wanted to spend all day with you guys, breaking the curses. And it really has been the most fun day ever. I'm sorry. I lied. And I know this means that we're done hanging out probably forever. But you deserve to know the truth. I think that's the first time Jennifer's ever know the truth.

I think that's the first time Jennifer's ever told the truth. Her nose grows. Wait, what? That's what happens? Wait, oh my God. It's just a little bit, but it's a curse, I think. Oh, it's part of the curse. If I ever tell the truth, my nose grows a little bit. I'm just, don't worry about the rest of my curses, because trust me,

there's plenty more. I'm just going to tell you it. And you guys go break your own curse, okay? But Jennifer, you'll turn into a pumpkin. Maybe I deserve it. You guys are the best friends Jenny could ever ask for.

Godspeed! The name of the isle that he was exiled to was exile oh my god yeah okay great it's an isle way up north it's a very small island that has like a big mountain on it or maybe it's even a tower i don't know but it's supposedly shaped like an egg. So it's exile. Thanks, Jennifer. Yeah. Don't worry about me and my curses. You guys go off. Go get them. Live long

lives. Don't worry about Jenny. She's backing up. Oh gosh, the thumbtacks are coming out. And then she starts to run away and then Ah! Oh, s***! And she gets picked up by her own, you know, magical swirling again. The music sounds like her voice. And she just falls into a little patch of dirt in the middle of the road.

Whoa, I think that wiped out the rest of them. That truly was a selfless act! First one ever! Put on the board! Oh my god, Jennifer! How do you feel? It feels pretty good! It kind of makes me want to do more stuff that makes me feel good. I don't know if that makes

it altruistic. Maybe I'll go hang out with that lonely guy who had that barn. That seems like a nice thing to do. Whoa. But there's a bunch of cats there and you're willing to hang out with him. That's nice. Jennifer, you're faking it. That's just you.

Yeah, he caught me. All right. Jennifer, you know what? Actually, before you go hang out with that guy, Chalice grabs a bunch of ice from behind the bar and then puts her on top of her head, like wraps her in a little scarf, puts her on top of her head. You're coming with us.

You're iced and elevated. Let's go find my real dad. Yaboo! See you next time. all i gotta tell you right now is a great time to check out our patreon the support from our patrons is what makes this show possible that's how we pay for editors equipment and all the expenses that go into creating the show that we love so hop on now for five buckaroonies and get access to over 85 hours of content instantly it's 85 different episodes of a bunch of really fun stuff. Stuff like, well, Ben's Best, where we spin the wheel and answer the corresponding questions Ben put together for the year, like, what's the best lesson you learned this year? Stuff like that. So sign up to our Patreon

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And thanks as, for listening. Shout out to the kitchen rest. Yep. That was a HeadGum Podcast.