SitcomD&D - S4 E20: 420

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

The gang needs to head to Egg’s Isle to find Chalice’s biological father, but they’ll find it harder than usual to not get sidetracked because IT’S EPISODE 420 MY DOODSTheme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Well, Spotify Wraps came out today. Any surprises for you all? Ben, right out of the gate, ready to go. Ben, I was just talking about this with some people today, and I wish I had minded my own business and not clicked it, because I know I had a bad mental health year. I don't need my Spotify raps telling me that.

Who's number one, Aaron? I don't want to talk about any of those. It's hey, Riddle Riddle. It's really dark. That's so dark. I sent it to one person, Sean Marr, our editor, because I went, this is the only person who I feel like I will feel seen by and not judged. Other than that, I cannot disclose.

I don't want to talk about it. I don't want you to about it, Willian. I don't want you to look at it. Don't. Oh, please. Did I listen to like 50,000 minutes of a Scottish musical

called Islander? No. Stop asking weird questions, Willian. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we're picking up on an adventure. An adventure because y'all figured out some pretty important information over the course of the last couple episodes. You found out that King Cicero isn't Chalice's biological father.

And you found out who is. And not only that, but you found out where he resides. He's been exiled to Eggs Isle. A small island way up north that is going to definitely be a multi-day journey. Y'all know that just by looking at a map. Speaking of maps and other tangible items that would help you on an adventure, we're going to pick up with you after you've left Bottoms Up on your way to catch a ship to get to as close to exile as you possibly can. So in preparation for this trip and this adventure,

I'm going to ask you when we pick up what you're wearing and what you've brought along for this adventure. Because you're not going to be able to say, oh, and then I brought my big spyglass and pull it out of your ass. Are you looking at Ben? Are you looking at Ben when you say that? We're all looking at Ben. We're all staring at Ben. So why don't we all

just quiet down. Quiet on set. No! No! I said quiet! Sound speeding. And we're rolling! Dice! When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup

find Sebastian Chalice, Chip and Peaf at the noble bottoms up As step by step our growing pains are improving home and away We're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends. Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass. Elizabeth Andrews as Beef. Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy.

Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle as everything A. Horton, Ben Briggs, as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and Sean Coyle, as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. So, y'all are in adventure mode as you near the docks that are on the coastline here at the very tippy tip of Frasier. So, while you're on the move here

and looking to get your tickets for the ship, what are we dressed like? What do we have on our person? What did we prepare for this epic adventure? Moon boots. That's it. There was a long enough pause where that's all you get? No, no, no.

I'm kidding. All right. Mine is way too specific, but it's for that person out there who understands me completely, whoever they may be. Chalice is dressed like Nellie Forbush when she's in the sailor costume in South Pacific, the musical. So just a really oversized 1940s sailor costume. And she has trunks of snacks and clothes and then a harpoon.

Understood. Dang, she's ready. She's really ready. For the high seas. Beef's wearing a Speedo. But, you know, it could get cold. So he has a fur coat that covers his whole body. But when he's not cold, it's open and the Speedo's out.

And there's a knapsack that's filled with a lot of stuff of certain kinds of things. Way to be broad. This is super smart. This is super smart. And then also he has a picture of Chalice when she was a baby, even though Chalice should have it. Beef has it. And he's going to give it to the biologist. It's ripped in half.

Like parent trap? Yeah. And he's like, he's holding it like, don't worry, Chalice, little baby Chalice. We're going to find handsome Henrik. And he's giving it little kisses. Don't you worry. All right. Seb, that's enough.

Are you done? All right. All right. All right. Uh, that's enough. Are you done? All right. All right.

All right. So I went and saw the Thatcher and had this big net made and I'm carrying that on my back filled with all sorts of things. Moon boots, uh, really strong pants, um, jeans, three pairs of jeans. Is that four total? Jeans and then also three pairs of jeans. Yeah. Well, and strong pants. And strong pants, which is also a jean.

So it's actually five pairs of jeans. Oh yeah. Good yeah. Well, and strong pants. And strong pants, which is also a jean. So it's actually five pairs of jeans. Oh, yeah, good. Glad we asked. Smart, smart. And then finally, I'm dressed like I'm the mascot for any type of fish sticks.

So, like, I'm just wearing a knit sweater. I've got, like, the captain's cap and that's it. Nice. And jeans. I'm also wearing jeans.

So many jeans. Six pairs. Chip looks like an old, retired man who is out fishing. He has like one of those classic fisherman hats where he has just a bunch of hooks all over it.

And then he has a vest with a bunch of pockets that are just filled with so much stuff. Like a bunch of things. I was going to ask, what's your big thing carrying a bunch of generic things? There's so many things. I can't even list them all. It would be boring how many things I have in there.

Yeah. Helpful things. And then waiters. Okay. Big rubber pants. We're making so much noise as we're walking up to the ticket. Just like clinkety clankety. I'm squeaking as I move about.

So, editor, if you could add me squeaking the whole time, that'd be great. And editor, can you edit that out? All right. You're going to tell me how much as a group, how much gold y'all brought on this trip with you. You have access to a hundred gold pieces that you can take from bottoms up. Now, if you take all 100, that puts bottoms up in dire straits in the sense that if anything happens or goes wrong, they'll have no money to fix anything. There could be some real problems. If you just took 50 gold pieces, you pretty much got a good nest egg for bottoms up to run for a good while, as long as you think an adventure would take. And so it's up to you.

I'm going to give y'all's group 10 seconds to decide how much you're taking. Let's take all of it, right? No, 50. Dallas. What? You're going to throw it all at a stripper again. Did I do that? Yes.

Okay. Just because I did that once, maybe twice. What about 10 each? I think we take 50. We get 12 each. And then we give two to Jennifer. Okay. Yippee!

Yaboo! I cast give two to Jennifer. Okay. Yippee! Yaboo! I cast my vote for that. Okay. I vote still for 100, but I feel like I might get outvoted. Well, see, I'm kind of on Chalice's side. And time. So what do we decide? It sounded like two votes, and Jennifer was pretty excited about getting two gold pieces.

So I think the 50 gold won. Jennifer, what about way more than that? We've been in a bad place with money before and we always get out of it. Yeah, that's true. If you would have come to Jennifer before the time was up, maybe, but she agreed to the first thing she heard. And so it's three to two 50 gold pieces is what y'all took. Thank you,

Beef. This is bullshit. Beef, can you believe you and me are the responsible ones in the group? And Beef's putting on a little thing over his nose and a little cap on his head. He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you mean to rub any sunblock on you? I don't burn. Beef, that is not true.

I don't burn. Beef, that is canonically not true. That witch's spell was fake. She was roasting you. We'll see. So, y'all are squeaking along to a shack that looks like it's seen a lot of water. It's seen a lot of rain, perhaps, and it's probably been a while since it's gotten a makeover. But there's a charming little sign out front that says, tickets to sea.

Tickets to see what? The ocean? Chalice. No, Chalice, Chalice. S-E-A. What, I can't be funny on an adventure? Unbelievable. No, trust me, being funny is half the part of being out at sea. It is?

Are you looking to buy some tickets there? We are, sir, we are. Hey, what's cooking? We're looking for four tickets and one wrap ticket. Gotcha. Well, we've got ships leaving the docks all day, every day. Is there a certain part of land that you're looking to get to? We're trying to get to exile or anything that's close to exile. Well, I don't know if anything goes direct to exile.

It's a bit out the way. I'm surprised you even know of its existence. Thank you. I'm a bit of a cartographer enthusiast myself, so of course I would know it. And he kind of humbly gestures to all these maps that look like maybe have been drawn by hand behind him in his little shop.

Wow, were these drawn by hand? Oh, you noticed! Yes, they were. Are they at all accurate? No. No, but they're beautiful. They are stunning. Thank you. They are absolutely stunning. And a little scary too, aren't they? Yeah. A little scary.

Yeah, what is that? That's my mother-in-law. No, it's a sea dragon. Yeah, it's a sea dragon. But what's the difference? Yeah. Yeah. How much to get to Egg Isles?

Yeah, if there's no direct, we can do a layover. That's fine. Yeah, we can do a layover. I know exactly the ship that'll take you. You're going to want to go with Poppy the Sailor Man. And his ship is gorgeous. It's the SS Sweet Pea pea right on the docks down there uh he's a bit of uh how do i put this uh politely he's got his uh bugaboos about him he uh he's a superstitious sort of captain so you're gonna need a couple of things if you're going to be

able to get onto a ship sure thing list them List them off. One's a ship ticket. Another is a tropical singing bird for good luck. And a gift for the captain. Can the bird be the gift? No. Now, each ticket is ten gold pieces. Okay.

Should have done a hundred. Huh. Huh. Huh. I'm glad we took 12 at least huh okay so uh we strike a bargain can we try and like strike a bargain for the tickets yeah i mean it's dnd baby you can do whatever you want yeah how about uh a bit of a bundle can we do a little bundle deal maybe um instead of four for 40, maybe four for 25. Four for 25?

That's a massive discount. Oh, sir. And you're only buying four. What about this? What if you give us a discount and I will take one of your lovely maps? And I'm former Princess Chalice, maybe soon to be current Princess Chalice. And what if I promise to hang it in a very special part of the castle? Pretty good exposure. Yeah, your stuff could be at the

glass castle. Wow. We can get you a plaque, my guy. Don't ask us to spill it. Give me a persuasion check. I'm on it. With advantage, because he wants to get his maps out there. Ooh, 22. Oh my god.

Well, then for that, I'm willing to drop the ticket price to five gold pieces per ticket. Whoa. And then I'll throw in the map for five more pieces. And this is the hand-drawn ones that have been admitted to not being accurate? Correct. But that's fine. That's still a discount for us, right? It sounds like four for 25. Correct. I can't believe I thought of that's fine. That's still a discount for us, right? That sounds like four for 25. Correct.

I can't believe I thought of that. Deal. Absolutely. That's a great deal. All right. And what comes inclusive with the ship's tickets, of course, is one tropical singing bird for good luck. Oh. And a gift for the captain.

Whoa. Oh. And what's the gift? Can we open it? Well, it won't make sense to you. It's very personal. Oh. Okay.

Beef, let's just open it later. Let's just open it when we're over here. Okay. So you should be all set. It's the furthest down on the dock on the right-hand side. Thank you so much, sir. You've been very helpful. Well, thank you.

What's your name, by the way? Mine? No one's asked my name in years. Really? Really. Gosh, people are just the worst, aren't they? Nice meeting you. Bye. Bye. See ya. And you better get a hurry on.

That ship leaves in around an hour. Bye. Goodbye. Have a great adventure. And you tuck his map into your sack as well. You start making your way in a direction that he pointed. Why don't you give me a perception check? Okay.

Well, this is the easiest adventure we've had ever. Yeah, this is going to be a breeze. Ten. Natural 20. I got a 10, too. Oh, thank God you're here. Nine. Beef and Chalice are holding hands.

Yeah. Actually, whenever you don't know what Beef and Chalice are doing, we're holding hands. That actually goes for every episode in the past and future. Love it. Okay, so Chalice, Chip, Beef, all you really see is the main road. It's just a nice road that carts and things are taking with a sign at the intersection where pointing due west is a sign that says the docks seb however because you got a nat 20 that's right maybe your eyes have

shapeshifted here into that of a hawk what you can see on the horizon is where the docks are you can actually see some of the sails way out in the distance there. Maybe three quarters of a mile or a full mile away. Which, again, not that far. And you see that the road actually goes out of the way to get to the docks. And if you just cut through this field, you'd get there in half the time. Oh.

Shortcut. Huh? We want a shortcut. Wait, what? Wait, what? Well, my eyes are particularly good today, despite the glasses. And I noticed that we can just cut through this field. And then we get right there. Oh, great. Let's do it. When Seb points to the field,

Chip grabs his hand and holds his hand. What the? What the? Hey! Hey! Hey! Seb! Seb! It's nice. It's nice. He doesn't want to hold it. I thought you were kidnapping me. Seb, it's nice. It's nice. It is nice. And thought you were kidnapping me. It's nice. It is nice. And Jennifer's reaching as high as she can up in the air

next to Chip's other hand. Not even close. Hey, Chalice, I got some seasick pills. Do you want to take any before we go? Yeah, why not? Alright, here. I recommend two. Those are M&Ms that you have carved an S into.

They work. So you guys are walking through the field, and give me another perception check. 16. 11. 8. 11. Okay, beefy roll to 16?

Yeah. All right, so you're going to get the most detail here. It looks like a beautiful, open field. And again, to kind of set the scene a bit, it is a beautiful day. Hardly a cloud in the sky. Did I say cloud weird? No. No, actually.

Cloud in the sky. It is a beautiful day, like a picturesque, put it on the cover of your math book kind of day. And you are looking at this open field that is relatively just flat. And there's a bunch of beautiful flowers, almost like you would like pay to grow flowers here. And they're all pink and purple hues. And not only that, but dead ahead seems to be some fun looking little tents like, makeshift shops set up in the distance. It looks very idyllic, kind of like a day fair or fest. There's actually so many of these little tents that it creates like a street in the field.

And there's a bunch of activities going on, and all these people seem to be really enjoying themselves. People are not dressed formally at all. It doesn't seem like a business conference of any kind. People are even getting creative and seems to be, like, making clothes out of repurposed old robes and armor and fun stuff like that. A lot of people's clothing and wares are actually dyed very colorful hues. And people also have creative and experimental tattoos and piercings. Septum piercings seem to be particularly popular with this crowd, it would seem. And there's just a different kind of flow of traffic in this epicenter of activity. Nobody's in a rush. Everybody's moving at their own pace and seem to be content and happy. It's really fantastic. Now, why doesn't everybody give me one more perception check? 16. 7. 19. I botched. Okay. Particularly Chalice and Seb,

you're moving through this area and everything looks so fun and everyone's having such a good time and these tents all look pretty cool. But you realize with your perception check something about your very own perception. Something is warping the way in which you are perceiving reality

in a mostly positive way. You both are able to identify the fact that you are high. Whoa, drugs are tight. I mean... And the specific high that you're experiencing is what would be the equivalent in the real world to a marijuana-like high. Who?

Wow. Guys, what a beautiful day. There's not even a clard in the sky. Not a single clard. Guys, can I buy a magnet from the festival before we go? I'd love to buy magnets of the place that I am right now before I leave. Yeah, totally. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold. Hold. on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold. Hold. Everybody check your pulse. What's up?

What's the pulse? Mine's going. Is it supposed to go? Mine is also going. Your personal pulse. Personal? PP. Your PP.

Beef, check your PP. That thing's always pulsing if you know what I mean. I'm high. I touch my nose to indicate me too. I'm high. And I'm wee-wee. No, no. Wee-wee-wee-wee-wee.

No, no. I am on drugs. And I don't remember taking them. Oh. I did give you that seasick pill. Maybe they had gone bad. That was an M&M. But I

am also high. Okay. And I did not have any of those imminent. Do you have any more of those actually? Oh, yeah. Chalice is gonna sit. And with that previous perception check that y'all did, what you also notice

is that field doesn't only just have pink and purple beautiful flowers, but there are other things budding on it as well. A sticky little weed coming off the stalk that when you really concentrate hard enough, you can tell it's giving off some type of aroma or pheromone. It almost looks like in a really hot day when heat waves are coming off the summer street. It's like coming out of these flowers. And you're starting to realize that these plants, this greenery is probably getting y'all pretty high right now. I've seen these before. These are, these are, these, Am I speaking right now? You are talking.

Yeah, beef, you're talking. Beef, give me a history check. Beef, you looked over at me like you were mad that I was interrupting you during that. I got an eight. Okay. With an eight, you don't know the exact botanical term professionally for this, but you know that these aren't just flowers. This is known colloquially as just weeds.

They are weeds. And that is exactly what's getting you guys high. 420, baby. 420, baby. Season four, episode 20. 420, baby. I'm going to cast my cantrip druidcraft, and I'm going to make a flower blossom.

Aw. That's beautiful. I'm going to do firebolt. At what? Yes. Shrugs. I'm going to detect thoughts straight on chip right now. Whoa.

I probably have to do a wisdom saving throw. I think so. A 14. 14. Okay, have to do a wisdom saving throw. I think so. A 14. 14. Okay. Okay, cool. And I rolled a seven. Yes.

Got him. So what are your surface level thoughts, Chip, that Beef hears in his head? How do you spell clards? It's got to start with a K because this is different than clouds. Oh my God. Are we just in a cloud right now? Or are we in a clard right now?

Also, Beef's butt is showing so much more than usual. Should I tell him? Or is this on purpose? Let me poke him and see if he notices. And Chip pokes Beef's butt. And Beef hearing all of this still doesn't move one bit. Blinks none.

Just fully not moving. Blinks none. Chip stands up and whispers in Beef's ear, Your butt's mostly showing. Is that okay? You think it's okay? I like it. Don't tell Chalice. I won't tell her anything.

Chalice is just staring at them with her eyes sort of narrowed. Hey, you guys look like you're having a good time. Do you want to check out some of the tunes that are playing at my cart? Yes. Oh, my gosh. Cart tunes. Yeah, that's right. Cart tunes.

Oh, hell yeah. Oh, my God. Can Chalice try to find a bowl of cereal as fast as possible? Give me a perception check. Like she starts sprinting around, trying to smell one out. Maybe Neil A. Wafer's around. 19.

Oh, with a 19. You don't see Uncle Neil, but you do see a stand for Commander Crisp, his ex-lovers, new lovers cereal. So there's a very short line. If you want to grab some, you probably could. We're in line. Yeah, we're in line.

And you're next. Oh, what can I get you? I will take your very finest cereal, and I would like it to go, please. You got it. Here we go. There's a big bowl. Great.

For free? Yeah. My boss is near. He's taking a smoke break. Chalice leans over and gives him such a meaningful hug. Oh, I thought she was going to kiss him. No. I thought so, too.

Well, maybe. I'm so poking beef's butt. Enjoy. All right. Let's watch those cartoons. I'm ready now. So you get to the cartoons, and it looks like essentially a small carriage, but the wall of the carriage, because it's parked,

has become a makeshift mini stage with two curtains that part. And you see that there is a puppet show happening. But there must be some sort of minstrel or bard playing behind them or maybe even magically making the puppets move because it looks like someone's hand should be like actually inside them. They're not really marionettes, but they are dazzling to look at. The colors and the little props that they're using are fantastic. And it looks like this is a tale. It's all in the song. It's a tune. And each tune you're starting to catch on is about like six minutes long. And this song and this story, well, actually, let's see if

you guys are even coherent enough to take away something from this. Anytime that you are met with what could possibly be a distraction, I'm going to have you guys do a wisdom saving throw here. Six, 12, 18, 19. Okay. So these are the mechanics to what's about to unfold as y'all try to get to the ship. There is a scale of three different levels on this. One, baseline, y'all are high, okay? Beyond that, you could be distracted. Beyond that, you're straight up lost, okay? And you're going to be one of those three severities of high,

depending on how you roll when I throw or the world throws a distraction at you. So if you're just baseline high, you know that you need to get to the ship quick and you need everyone else to do so as well. If you are distracted, then you're not thinking about the ship as long as the distractions happen. If you are lost, you don't even remember the ship exists. Okay. When you're in a position where you want to keep things moving the way that you can keep things moving is by either spoiling the current distraction or anything besides just like a persuasion check or talking to get them to keep moving so uh if you rolled under a 10 you are now not only just high, you are

distracted. If you rolled above a 10, this is pretty cool, but in the back of your head, you're like, we gotta keep moving, because the ship's gonna leave within the hour. Do you guys ever think about that if we planted a tree on every grave, the whole world would be a forest, and the air

would be so much sweeter? And when you would breathe, you would be breathing. Excuse me, sir. Please do not talk during the show. There's a show happening. We gotta get going, all right? We gotta go to the ship. All right, Seb.

Come on, let's go. Wait. What? Wait, what? Come on, Seb. Get up. Seb? Am I up?

Oh, God. And you can tell that there's kind of a climax happening. This is probably the end of the song. And it seems that a cat and a dog who weren't really getting along have been transformed and put together to be one animal. A dog cat. And they are pretty happy now here at the end of this song. And there were a lot of laughs along the way.

And the curtains then close and they prepare for the next tune. Let's get going. I got my moon boots. If we need to break those out now or I can wait until later. What's it going to be? I think hold off. Okay, putting them back into the net. Let's get going. Come one, come all. come all everyone come to david ediboros oh my god petting zoo come come and you see that it's like an entire planet almost like planet earth but this isn't planet earth but painted above and says david ediboros petting zoo and in this little corral are a bunch of very cuddly, fluffy, fantastical animals. Everyone give me a wisdom saving throw to see how this distraction strikes you. Nine. Fourteen. Twenty-one.

I rolled a six. Okay. Seb, you go back to being just high. Sweet. Beef, you just rolled a six? You are now so distracted. As long as you are at David Ediborough's petting zoo, you are not going to be thinking about getting to the ship.

No way, no how. I want to get one on one of those ponies that, to me, is a horse. Chalice, you are distracted. Chalice is going to make a beeline for the animal with the biggest eyes. If it's eyes plural, that would be one of these. It's called a day owl. Ooh. It's much smaller than a regular owl, and it loves the sun,

and it's got all white and gold feathers. Oh, my God. Okay, Chalice is sprinting over to that owl. Oh, my God. Chalice, what do you see? An owl. An owl. Wow.

I see me. With fur. And ears. And eyes. Wait, how did you get outside of me? And Beef's talking to this pony like it's him. Are you me but pony version? Who are you?

In a way, I do believe we're all connected. Whoa. No, I can tell that you think it's the pony talking. It's not. It's me. I'm David. Oh, we gotta go. Okay. Love the pony. Very cool voice it has. Beef, Chalice, we got a

mosey. But Chalice hasn't even gotten on the pony yet. You haven't ridden any of the animals yet, Chip. Beef, I have a snack in my pocket if you come with us. How dare you be so condescending to me? I don't know. In front of my pony friend.

Seb, we'll say that that counts. What snack did you have? Did you say that you brought anything in your pack? No, I just put my hand in my pocket and I was going to pretend that I had one. Okay, give me a deception check. 17. Ooh, okay, so this really looks like he's got a tasty cupcake in his pocket.

His fist is making a perfect cupcake shape. Oh, man. Okay, you know I can't say no to a frickin' cupcake. There better be a cupcake in there, Seb. I swear, on our friendship, if you don't have a cupcake in there, I'm gonna lose it. I'm gonna write about you in my diary. Oh, the stakes are so high. Chalice is trying to free the owl currently.

Please, put it back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I will. I go and I'm like, oh, I think that's perfect. That's a perfect way to get her to move on. So I help her shoo the owl away to freedom. And actually all the animals. My goal is to free all the animals and get them out of here. This way, guys.

Come on, follow us. They are penned in. Okay, how are you freeing them? Well, Seb has a cupcake in his pocket, doesn't he, Seb? It's real, your cupcake? We can use that to lure them out. Wait, can I use speak with animals to all of them? Can I just like yell in all animal?

Yeah. I'll allow it. I'll cast that. And what I'm going to say to them is go to freedom. Shoo. I'm going to jump on this bad wagon and hopefully get us going again. Okay. Is it one big pen that they're all in?

Yeah. Cool. Can I like use my pen that they're all in? Yeah. Cool. Can I like use my axe and smash the gate open? Yeah, for sure. As Seb is like shooing them to freedom. Yeah. All right. I roll a 19.

Okay. Yeah. It's just really like some makeshift kind of small wooden posts with a fencing kind of around it. That is smashed to pieces easily by your axe. And there's a huge gaping hole to freedom there. And the ones closest to getting shooed kind of take some quick steps out,

a couple little sheep with like unicorn horns and a couple other fuzzy, furry, adorable creatures. And once they take a couple steps or leaps or strides out, they kind of just stop. And you're starting to get the understanding that, like, they're pretty free. Like, they're super happy to be here. Oh. They're getting fed really well.

They already feel free? Oh, yeah. Oh. So we did nothing. Okay. I got a cupcake-y. Let's keep going. I got a cupcake.

Okay. Can't wait. You guys don't have to crawl. Beef waves to the pigs in the pig pen. He just wants to wave and acknowledge the pigs. Hey, piggies. Bye, piggies.

I got a cupcake. My friend's got a cupcake for me. Bye. They barely look at you or acknowledge you and keep on doing what they're doing. Hey, Beef, I saw that back there. Are you okay? Yeah, nothing I'm not used to.

Those pigs. Aw. Yeah, they don't get me. Yeah. Well, I'm glad you don't live with pigs anymore. Unless we're talking about Seb. Heyo, I'll take that one. Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp.

And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of situation where I would present a problem and it would get solved immediately by a stranger. And I doubted the efficacy of that. But that's not really what therapy is, at least in my experience.

therapy is, at least in my experience, it's more about slowly building a relationship with a professional that you trust so that you can be honest and vulnerable and talk these things through and get a new perspective. And with that said, if you are thinking of starting therapy, give Better Help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. So you just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sitcom D&D. As you're moving and Seb's walking back with a cupcake in his pocket, and it turns out it's not a cupcake.

And there's the disappointment there. However, you also see a sign. And on this sign, it reads very clearly, when was the last time you felt truly fulfilled? Now, everyone give me a wisdom saving check. Damn. Ten, exactly. Ooh, Chalice, why don't you give me a tiebreaker on a ten?

Three. Chalice, you were straight up lost. You don't even remember there being a ship. Great. I got a nine. Seb, you are now distracted. I got a four. Beef, you do not remember that there's a ship.

Oh, no, guys. I rolled a nat 20. Oh, thank God. Oh, my God. You sober-minded fool. Okay, with a nat 20 and just being at the high level, Chip, somehow maybe it's because you're just bigger than everybody else, or maybe you had more of a phase in college

where you were partaking in the weed a lot more often. Yeah, that was cool. You are straight up sober now. Oh, hello. Okay. With a nat 20. I didn't think it was possible, but I think a nat 20,

when you're just at the highest high level, like the, or I should say the lowest, you're straight up sober. Okay. Chip immediately checks the time. It's like less than 15 minutes before you got to be on the ship. Oh, God.

And so with that, Chip, yeah, you know that you guys really got to get there. And you're only about halfway through this row of tense and fun things happening. And everybody else, you're just staring at that sign. And it is really making you feel like you have to address this and have an existential deep talk when was the last time you felt truly fulfilled beef punches the sign that was basically my solution so that the sign flops over kind of freeing you from the distraction it's not a hard thing to top over so you guys didn't even get a chance to think about it y'all are so high that once it disappeared it's like you don't even get a chance to think about it. Y'all are so high that once it disappeared,

it's like you don't even have object permanence right now. You're like babies. All right, perfect. You're like babies. Okay, I do notice Chalice's like starting to drift in no specific direction, so I do grab her hand. Oh. Hi.

Oh, yes, this is a romantic handhold and not me directing you. Hi. Hi. I like you so much. Hi. Hi like i like you also seb i like that the two of you guys are dating thank you it's just like been really nice to see the two of you guys come together yeah finally like i didn't have to keep a secret anymore like that I knew that you two were really banging hard or wait have you guys banged yet

um um you know what there are conversations for times and this may be a different conversation for a different time beef wants to detect uh chalice's thoughts all right give a wisdom saving throw, Chalice.

And you got to beat a 14. Okay. Because Beef's like, my girl would tell me. Like, my girl would tell me. Oh. Five. Okay, so then what does Beef hear in his head of Chalice's thoughts? They haven't had sex. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- 19. 16. I botched. I would say a similar breakdown about who would maybe be excited to see fish in real life.

Yeah. It's a funny experience. Yeah. So, Chip, you were completely sober. Yeah. But with a botch, I was thinking that it moves you down, too. Yeah. So, to distracted. To distracted.

You're at distracted. Oh, no. Oh, no. Y'all, let's go see fish. Y'all are Oh, no. Y'all, let's go see fish. Y'all are looking at fish. You're in big trouble to just straight up miss this boat, if I'm being honest. Nothing should stop you except for how this show goes. Just one song, maybe.

Yeah, and then we'll go. And I love that their songs are like three hours long. It's perfect. It's perfect. Give me a perception check. Oh, I love these guys. It's perfect. It's perfect. Give me a perception check. Oh, I love these guys. 15? 17. 19. With that, the sign

does spell fish the way that you're thinking. P-H-I-S-H. Oh. In this world, that just means really cool looking fish. So it's a big tank of water filled with very colorful fish. The kind's a big tank of water filled with very colorful fish.

The kind that you might find in your dentist's office. Just swimming around, having a blast. Now is it a band playing mind-blowing music together? Not necessarily. But is it beautiful to look at? It is right now to y'all. I'm more excited about

this. This is cool. Whoa, do you see those two? Oh, I do. I think they're kissing or fighting. Isn't it the same? Whoa, that's a good way. This is not good because this one doesn't have an end. So y'all are going to be full on distracted or lost.

The only thing that can help you out of this would be a luck check. Whoa. So I'm going to let one of you give me a luck check. None of us have any advantage on it. It's just a roll of the dice. It's a roll of the dice, and it has to be a 10 or higher, and something might snap you out of it and help. I'll do it.

I'll do it. Are you sure, Chalice? I don't know. I would rather be blamed than have someone else carry the blame. Wow. Oh, my God. Have you ever thought about how fish eat food and our food? Wow.

I feel like Joe right now. So they eat themselves? Do you think fish food is made of fish? No. I guess that's the name. No. 13. Let's go.

Oh. Okay. With 13, it's actually some slight explosions happening above you that make you look away from the tank of fish. And you see beautiful, magical, illusory fireworks kind of going off in the day, which you think would be underwhelming, but they almost create a darkness around them as a backdrop and then explode in dazzling light before your very eyes.

Wow. And before you know it, y'all are kind of just walking towards those beautiful exploding lights. We all did? You all did. Something started exploding, which is going to take all your attention. Cool. Now, you're close to the end here.

There are only a few more tents and activities and things happening that could possibly distract you on the way. But as is the case, give me a wisdom saving throw to see if this next thing distracts you. Ten again. I'm going to reroll. Yep. Tiebreaker. Fourteen. Woo! Chouse, you. 10 again. I'm going to re-roll. Yep. Tiebreaker.

14. Woo. Chouse, you're just high. Fun. I rolled an eight. Oh, Chip, you are lost. Explosions. Explosions.

Uh, 15, please. Oh, Seb, you are just distracted. I got a nat 20. Oh, my God. Beef, you are just distracted. And I got a nat 20. Oh my God. Beef, you are sober. Wait, we only said that if you were just high and you rolled a nat 20. Beef, you are high.

My natural state. Okay, so to recap right now, Chalice and Beef, you are high, but you know you need to get to the ship like quick. Seb, you are distracted. Chip, you are lost. And so Seb, that just means whatever this is, you're in it till it ends. And Chip, you probably can't even comprehend

what you're looking at. What you're looking at is another cart that's been set up, but this time it's marionettes that are performing on these parted little curtains. And these marionettes that are performing when I'm just part of little curtains. And these marionettes have little weapons of their own, like a bow staff and another one has two swords. They seem to be

fighting each other. But you notice on closer inspection, they don't really have like the strings going up. You see that no one's above them. And then you see the two people are sitting in the grass in front of it, holding those like wooden X's that control a marionette in their hands. And there must be a magical tension and connection between them so that when you move, almost like a video game controller, and almost like you're playing Mortal Kombat, this is marionette combat. My turn.

My turn. Yeah, I call next. My turn. I grab it. There's no next. I grab it from whoever little kid is holding on. Give me a strength check. Can do. To see if you I grab it from whatever little kid is holding on. Give me a strength check. Can do. To see if you can steal it from this little kid.

Please. 18. Okay, yeah, that comes right out of the kid's hands. Also, he was not expecting someone to steal it, so. Hey, what the heck? Your friend better give his control to my friend right now. Oh, mom! And he runs off, and the other friend gets, like, kind of scared, too,

and puts his little marionette wooden axe down And runs Seb, Seb, Seb, Seb, Seb, Seb, Seb I sit him down if he's not sitting down And I kiss him on the cheek and I hand him the controller And I rub the controllers for a second And I just say, your turn Tight

I'm gonna kick your little butt just so you know I'm so good at this It's not even gonna to be fun for you. Y'all, I hate to do this. We got to go. I don't want to go, but we got to. That's just three. And my sweet friends, I would love that.

No, and I'm sorry. Best of five means I could. Beef is going to make an executive decision to blow up these marionettes. So he turns around and he releases Shatter. Oh, boy. Decide to blow up these marionettes So he turns around and he releases Shatter When Beef casts shatter can it explode Either mine or Seb's Marionette as if it was like a Fatality in Mortal Kombat Definitely

Like a crazy way like it takes my spine out It's so specific Beef Uses shatter and these Objects aren't going anywhere so they really don't have any defense mechanisms this thing is exploding but it's just one it just happens to be the one that seb is playing and just like ben said you like suddenly get to see inside the marionette and the marionette has bones for some reason like you're looking at an x-ray and then it like you

watch each vertebrae snap and explode and have its own mini explosion all the way to the top of its skull. Explosion. Huge wood shrapnels. Huge for the marionette. Flying everywhere. There's kids around still, right? Told you, Sep.

Absolutely told you. And then by some miracle, a pile of that wood shrapnel falls to spell flawless victory. Yes. Yes. Yes. All right, reset it. Let's go.

You broke my enchanted marionette. Listen, kid, that game was freaky anyway. I'm not a kid. I'm a guy that owns this. He does look like a kid. He really does. You're not crazy. What size of pants are you?

A lot of adults wear little hats with spinning propellers on top. Answer my question. What size of pants do you? A lot of adults wear little hats with spinning propellers on top. Answer my question. What size of pants do you wear? Answer him. 34 by 32. I got a pair of jeans for you. Thank you. Seb is down to five jeans.

Let's catch that boat. Boat. We hop into Chip's arms and we put his ass in drive. Okay, that's fine. But Chip is lost, so he goes in the opposite direction. Damn it! Oh, God. Chalice gets off and then she puts her ass in drive and she's driving. Wee! My fish! As soon as you left

the field, all the feelings of euphoria from weed and everything like that have dissipated and you are, for the most part, either just a little bit high or completely sober. Okay, cool. You have now made it to the docks and you're running down the farthest dock on the right hand side and you see that the ship they're pulling up the rope ladder the bridge itself to get cargo on that's already been taken into the boat and at this point if you don't hurry you will not be able to walk on. If you're

super slow, you're going to have to jump. And if you're incredibly slow, you're going to miss it altogether. So what is the plan as you're seeing this ship start to move away from the dock? Moon boots. Can I use shape water? Yeah. Yeah, you could. Chalice is going to use shape water, and she can shape any water that fits in a five-foot cube, and she's going to shape the water that's at the very front of the boat,

and I can move it in the opposite direction. Like, I can stop it to slow down the boat a little bit for up to an hour. That's very smart. So it's sort of like delaying the boat a little. Wow. Sexy smart. Dang, that was sexy. Chalice and Beef are holding hands again.

And they're intertwined. And Chip's still poking Beef's butt. Yeah. Yeah, Beef can't feel a thing. What the heck is this water doing, man? And the boat is kind of staying in place. So at this point, there is no rope, ladder, or bridge, but the boat is right there.

You could touch it with your arm. You're just going to have to hoist yourself over. I'm assuming that's what everybody does. Yeah. I, at the beginning of this, used Misty Step, so I'm already there. I'm safe. Whoa, Seb.

Are you in the crow's nest? I like to think that you're all the way up. Ahoy! Incredible. So the rest of you kind of flop onto the main deck after going over the side. Ahoy! Welcome to me ship. I'm Poppy, the sailor man.

Oh, Captain Poppy. So glad we ran into you. We almost missed the boat. Here we have our tickets and our bird and the gift. Oh, yeah, the gift. What's the gift? Oh, thank you. I'm going to open that in private.

No, please. What? Thank you so much and welcome aboard. And he looks just like Popeye the Sailor Man, but with like really long brown hair. Poppy, before you go, I just was curious why the name of your bow is not S.S. Spinach.

I was just frankly very surprised. Spinach? You mean that stuff I freaking hate? Oh. I'm different. You're different. Oh, you're different. Oh, you're different.

Did you guys write that? This is like a real Sean and Malit, Abbott and Costello bit. And Jennifer, who has the most bloodshot eyes She's the smallest out of all y'all Must have inhaled a lot I'm so sorry for like talking the whole time you guys The whole time what?

Like this whole time we were like at the fair and all that I feel like I was just like taking up a ton of real estate Just chatting away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made some good points. Right, everybody? Yeah. Huge points.

Giant. Huge points. I can't hear anything. I'm in the crow's nest. Well, keep a sharp eye out for any icebergs. Here we go. We're off to our final destination. Let the winds may always

be at the back of our sails. I think I see a little iceberg right there. Wow! Strap in and find your bunks. It's gonna be one hell of a ride. Wow, this boat has seatbelts. That's right, safety first. They're just on the ground, though.

I'd like to say that I would want to detect Seb's thoughts But I ran out of my spell slots Because I used shatter So I guess we'll never know We'll never know Beef's like looking up at you in the crow's nest Like really squinting trying to figure you out Moon boots are for good kids and bad kids,

but moon boots are a treasure to behold. That's right. Moon boots for three payments of $19.99. That's three payments of $19.99. He's just saying this out loud. Actually, let me, I actually do need you guys to see this really quick. She's dressed like Nelly Furtado.

That's what I heard too. That's the first thing that came to my mind. Nelly Furtado. Nelly Forbush. The photo at the top of this. Oh my God. Why does it look like that? Wow, your tie is so long.

Is that a joke? It's huge. Yeah. Is this a joke? She's doing a little sketch where she's pretending to be a guy. So she's wearing this huge sailor costume. Oh, she's so funny. You would die.

She's being hilarious. No, it's like an old musical. It's not funny at all. In the musical, she's doing a bit? Yeah, she's doing like a little performance for all the sailors. You don't have any shoes, Jealous. Elizabeth. I don't have any shoes, Jealous.

Elizabeth. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Bansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Already paired with the theme song, Ben and Aaron and I worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. Y'all, I gotta tell you, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating the show that we love so hop on now for five buckaroonies that's it and you get access to over 70 hours of content instantly so sign up for a patreon at patreon.com slash sitcom dnd and get in on the fun and finally if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter

at sitcomdnd. That's sitcom and then the letters D and D. This is where you can get sneak peeks at upcoming episodes and future guests, see our favorite pull quotes from that week's episode, get hot and spicy memes relating to the show, and see new character drawings by our very own Waleed Mansour. Okay, I think that's

it for now. Until next Tuesday, and thanks, as always, for listening.