SitcomD&D - S4 E22: Sunset

Episode Date: January 9, 2024

The gang races back to the tree where it all began, hoping their family members show up before the curse claims their lives!Guest star: Jesse Kendall Theme Song by: Arne ParrottArtwork by: Waleed MansourStory Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean CoyleEdited by: Grace HarperSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. What are some gifts that you've gotten for yourself this Christmas? Oh. Oh, do you do that, Ben? What do you get in yourself? I do that. Yeah, I have something. Yeah, sometimes you're buying gifts and you accidentally are like, I guess I need this

too. I got a pair of shorts that say hot dog eating champion of 69. That is incredible. Is this real? Is it custom? Is this real? Yeah, man. It's from my favorite place, Fashion Brand Company.

It's where I got my Dr. Evil monologue dress. Can you show it to us? This sounds amazing. That's so cool. I want you to tell us, but I also don't want you to tell us. I want to see where the words are. The butt, probably, right? That's such a long thing to have on the butt.

It's not on the butt. It is. It's a lot of letters. It's not on the butt. It's not on the butt. It's not on the butt. Here you go, Woolied. Okay, so it's just in the corner.

Yeah. Okay, I like it. Those are sick. Those are tight. Is that like embroidered? Yeah. It looks like fancy writing. Yeah. Oh, man. That's nice. Is that like embroidered? It looks like fancy writing. Yeah.

Oh, man. That's nice. And you didn't buy five of them for some reason. Oh, man. They're pretty expensive, so. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience. Today, we're talking season finale. Whoa!

Hey! That's the reaction I'm looking for every episode. And I never get it. Slow down! Unless it's a finale. A finale. A finale. So, y'all are on the back of some Smeagols.

Some giant eagles with the heads of Gollum. I had a question that I was saving for the podcast, which is... So, they're giant eagles. Uh-huh. I understand this. What's so complicated about it? Are the heads, the Smeagol heads, Gollum and Smeagol sized, or are they, like, proportional to the body?

This is a good question. The answer is yes. So they're, like, Gollum sized, right? But they wouldn't look like big, huge Gollum heads. It's like an eagle's head in comparison to like a human is smaller to their body. So they have much bigger bodies than like golem or spiegel would have.

Right. They're huge. But their heads like kind of like the same size. Well, you're braver than me. I didn't want to know at all. Is it more or less repulsive if they have beaks?

They have to. Way more. Yeah. Well, then they do. Then they do. Yeah, they do. They have to. But y. Yeah, well, then they do. Yeah, they do. But y'all are flying over ocean through the night for actually longer than you probably would have expected

a Smeagol ride to take. They're eagerly distracted. And easily distracted. But we're going to pick up with y'all on the morning of the final day of the season. So there really is no more time for y'all to break this curse. And just to kind of bring you guys up to speed again, what has happened is you have gone on a mission to find Hansen,

Chalice's biological father, to break the curse for her. He, assumingly, was not there because he saw that episode where Chalice was found out to not have the king be her biological father. So Jennifer is now on a smiegel to go get to Hansen as quickly as she can to get him to the spot. And the rest of you don't have time but to go straight there, hoping that your families will willingly spill their blood because of love. And that is where we're going to pick up.

Quiet on set, sound speeding, and we're rolling. Duh. Duh. It was like way earlier than everyone else. Yeah, you were really ready for it. I was so embarrassed out there. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup,

find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Peaf at the Noble Bottoms Up. As step-by-step our growing pains are improving home and away, we're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different fabulous on another happy day We're in different worlds with different strokes But the good times will not end

So cheers to all our family and our friends Starring Aaron Keith as Chalice Glass Elizabeth Andrews as Beef Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy. Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant. And Sean Coyle

as everything else. Sitcom D&D is filmed in front of a fake studio audience. Ah! Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Chip, we've been up here for a while. You have to get used to it. It's been hours. How are you not hoarse? Chip, we've all adjusted, honey. I'm not scared. Oh, my God. I'm not scared.

Hours. Days, I think. Are we there? Are we there? Are we there? Are we there? Hey, hey, buddy. Hey, hey. Beef.

Yeah, it's me. Beef. It's Beef. Yes. Your chip. Yeah, yeah, and we're having a good time. Yeah. We're having a great time.

Just one of our many adventures. Yeah, don't be scared, Beef. You better believe. I'm freaking out. Someone's got to keep us all down. Have we never been in the air together before? Am I crazy? We must have been in the air.

Play that clip. It's a clip on you guys on an old Ferris wheel. And as soon as it starts to get to the top, everyone starts screaming. And then it cuts back to this moment. Of course we've been up in the air together, but we've never been up in the air together knowing we're going to die soon. Yes, that's why I'm scared. That's so negative.

I'm scared. Let's recap how this is going to go great. First of all, Seb's family and his hot mom totally all going to show up. I hope the hot mom's there. I hope. I really hope she shows up. I do too because I need to live.

Exactly. Yeah, no, same reason. Chip, we did that whole thing with your uncle and that went like so good. That went so good. Yeah, he's going to be great. He'll make it. I hope he brings some cereal.

You'll be fine. You met your grandma this year. I did, and she's lovely. I do a twirl. Whoa, careful. We're on a bird. Whoa, whoa. It's not as easy as you make it seem, Chip.

My God. And I just found out I have a dad that cares enough to come and find me. And Jennifer's not cursed anymore. We got rid of all of her curses. Wow. By midnight tonight, we'll all be having a laugh and a beer back at Bottoms Up with no

overarching conflicts. That sounds nice. Yeah, when you say it like that, Chalice, it feels like everything's going to be okay. It'll be fine. Wait, wait, wait, why'd your voice go up like that? I'm not worried. I'm not worried that that three of the four will show up

and one of the four won't or something like that. Is that possible? Oh my God, that could be a possibility. I never even thought about that. I didn't even consider it. I figured it was all or nothing. I don't think all of us are going to die, but it's possible one of us dies.

Maybe one of us dies. Oh no, I think it's me. I think it's Seb too. It could be Seb. But it's me. I think it's Seb, too. It could be Seb. But it's just like our friendships are all like, you know, conduits to each other. So if we lose one, what happens to all? If I die, you guys can eat my body. That's okay.

Yeah, I think I'll pass. Yeah. I think I'm going to put it on a raft and then, you know, shoot some flaming arrows. Whoa. Yes. I think I've talked about this before. Please give me a, what is it? A Greek?

A pirate? A Viking? Viking. Actually, give me a pirate funeral. I guess, yeah, we should talk about how we want each other to take care of. We should have written wills. This was stupid. I want you guys to prop me up in the bar.

Next to Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Yes. That's nice. Beef, what about you? Okay, I have a confession. It's time. Remember when the bar was taken over by Chucky Busters? Oh, yeah, I do remember that.

Wait, are you going to tell us you're a ghost? What's happening? No, no, no, you're okay. Okay. Well, you know all the prizes that I looked over? Yeah. You always said they were all yours. They were all mine, yeah. Well, when that shut down, I took all the prizes and I put them underneath the floorboards and late at night

when you all are asleep, I take it out and I play with all my toys. I'd like to be buried with those underneath the floorboards. With my glass menageries and my magazines. Can we play with the my toys. I'd like to be buried with those underneath the floorboards with my glass menageries and my magazines. Can we play with the toys, though, once you're dead? Absolutely. Oh, play with my body, too, but just make sure we're all together.

Okay, so we can hang out with Chalice's body. We can play with Beef's body. You guys can eat my body. Seb, what can we do with your body? Well, I'm glad that you asked. I don't know. What's this going to be? He's going to take out a big scroll or something. I want you to take my tummy skin and make it into a lampshade.

So whenever you turn on the- Seb, we're not going to do that. Okay. And that is fair. I'm listening. I'm listening. Do you have any other things we could do? Any other furniture pieces to build out of your bones?

Yeah, I want you to take my butt cheeks and make a wallet. I want my feet to go above the bar so it looks like I got squashed underneath it or something, like it came from the sky. That's very funny. Keep going. Keep going. I want you to put my eye

above the door with a sign that says I've got my eye on you just kidding I died long ago and I haunt this place oh I love that one it'll feel like you're always there and because I believe in using all parts of the buffalo whatever's left

just I don't know come up with a funny thing to do with it come on yeah just like make my rib cage into a xylophone something like that like okay oh man now i kind of hope one of us dies no no no well no and with that y'all just kind of fade into a comfortable, contemplative silence as you soar across the horizon. Why doesn't one of you give me a history check? Oh, I love history. Anybody good at history? I am.

I have one plus one. Yeah, I think I have negative. 15. Okay. You're headed towards Glass Castle. And Chalice with a 15, you do remember generally where the spot is with the tree that has the water that could potentially reverse the curse. Does the tree have a name or anything?

You haven't been told it. Okay. If it does have one. It's another tree we got to ask its name. And so it's not pinpoint accurate, but you indicate to the Smeagols, and they start to circle and get lower and lower. Finally, their large talons go into the earth, and you are on sweet, sweet ground,

which you haven't felt in quite some time. Chip bends down on his knees and licks the ground as much as he possibly can. Oh, my God. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Let's get moving. Okay. And as you start to get moving, just as a refresher,

you're in at a green forest, which again is very super foggy, even in this early morning light. Like it's barely past dawn, but it looks like the Pacific Northwest. It's got these deep green colors and tons of orange wildflowers everywhere. Oh, pretty. And the early morning light is kind of catching the fog here. It's kind of eerie, but it's also, yeah, kind of beautiful. And which direction are y'all going to head out in?

Give me a history check, one of you, to see if you remember exactly where it would be. Dirty 20. Oh, my. Okay, so I had that as a high difficulty check because most of you here were blindfolded. But Chalice rolled a dirty 20. So with that, there must be some sort of landmark here.

So you actually see like a tree that you used to play with when you would go as far away from Glass Castle as you could to just have some freedom and be on your own and run away and have a day to yourself as a kid. Probably would cause like a lot of the guards to be up in arms be like oh my god the princess is like exploring again this is an area that you must have played before that you have the geographical context of where the spot must be in relation to it and you start leading the group through at a green forest to the spot follow me i also think i buried a time capsule right here let's see. Hold on. What time is it? It's just sunset or sunrise.

We got plenty of time. Oh, yeah. Let me just dig this up. You guys want to get lunch? Chalice starts digging in the ground like a raccoon to try to find this time capsule. Maybe there's lunch in the time capsule. Good call. She opens like a little tin box and it's mostly snacks.

Lunch. That's amazing. and it's mostly snacks. But it's amazing. Also, a drawing of her and her three imaginary best friends that look a lot like Seb, Beef, and Chip. Who are those?

Who are they? Yeah, who are these people? Who the hell are they? And then there's a little rodent in the corner that she scratched out. I'm sorry, you used to have friends before us? What the heck?

No, these were my imaginary friends. Oh. That's kind of sad, guys. Who needs more than one imaginary friend? This is Pork. This is... Let's think of one for Seb. Sebastian. Sebastian Von Hugh Grant.

And this is Chocolate. I don't remember the rat's name. Whoa. That's so cute the rat's name. Whoa. That's so cute. Chocolate is kind of hot. Yeah, I think so, too. Anyone want any of these snacks? Oh, Beef already ate them. Yeah, sorry, guys.

Beef. It's just that, you know, when I'm hungry, I get in survival mode. No one else exists. Nothing matters. And yet you weren't excited about eating my body. Isn't that a little convenient? Follow me. And after you guys go over the time capsule of Dug It Up,

had some friendly banter, and then moved to the spot, a few hours have passed. So you're really eating into your time here. But eventually you do make it. You get to the clearing. So you move through this really dense, foggy forest into this open clearing, which you haven't, some of you haven't seen ever during the day. And it is really

breathtaking. It's an open clearing about the size of a football field that at the end of this cliff has the tree, this oak tree that has water seemingly falling from its leaves to its base, but almost like it's like a fountain where that water must be sucked up into the tree's base and then dropped out through its branches and its leaves back down in like a cyclical nature. Pretty. And it comes to this point at the end of the cliff, a football field away from you, and at the edge of the cliff, if you were to stand at the tip of it and look out, it's about a hundred foot drop into almost like a green ocean. It's just a sea of other pine green trees with like rolling hills and some mountains in the distance. And so you're struck by this beautiful view, but also incredibly relieved

to be at least all of you at the spot at the right time with at this point, some time to spare. We don't see any of our family members here perfectly waiting for us or anything. Yeah, early. Do we? Early? Do we have any early family members? Crickets. I stomp on the crickets uh yeah nobody is here yet so at this point the sun it looks like it might be early afternoon okay so you have a couple of hours here before sunset we are all standing at the edge of the cliff, like, holding each other's hands,

looking at the beautiful scenery of it all, and just, like, smelling the wind and letting the sun hit our faces, and we're just like, okay, guys, this is it. This is it. This is it. I love you guys.

Love you, too, B. I love you, too. I love you guys, too. I've got to inform you of something else. We are past noon actually why doesn't one of you give me a perception check 23 okay

Seb and Chalice while just kind of looking at each other you notice that on the tips of your fingers kind of going up into your palm the veins in your hands are starting to turn black oh my god and actually because you rolled such a high perception each of you you can't help but

notice how high up the black is running in your veins it's kind of coinciding with the afternoon sun and where the shadow is falling as far as like the sunset shadow on the football field clearing so you're starting to think that the further the sun goes down the higher the black in your veins is going to run and eventually when the sun goes all the way down so will you forever. Dead. Oh, man. Okay, well, we know he wasn't bluffing now. Yeah, everything was silly and fun until now. Oh, it's real?

It's all fun and games until the necrosis sets in. Jesus. If it seems like no one's showing up, I'll run and I'll just become queen, I guess. I don't know if that's going to work, Chalice. I think this is it. Right, because I'm not his daughter, so maybe he doesn't even... Maybe he's just trying to kill me with this curse at this point. Oh, man.

Do we feel any other ill effects? Are we weakened or anything? At this point, you are not. You just feel like... It's almost just like a knowing. That's worse. I'd rather be sick you can just tell that it's

like it's just gonna be on a binary of oh at the end of this I will be dead or not oh man jeez dang dread so with that here's how we're gonna do this obviously all of you have some family

that you're hoping makes it to the spot in time to break the curse. Now, there's a lot of maybes or things in the way of them getting here that's making it a non-certainty. And it's actually going to be a straight luck roll for each of you to see if your family makes it. But here's the deal. We're going to make it a little

interesting. You're going to roll a d20 and it's going to be a 50-50 chance whether your family member shows up or doesn't. But here's the kicker. I know which of the numbers within the 20. I've randomly selected

10 of them. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's not like 1 through 10. Oh, my God. But you're going to roll it. I will know if they're going to show up or not. I'm scared. And then we're going to play it out as it would unfold in real time.

Oh, my God. Seb is dead. It could be all of yours showing up, and it could be none of it. Oh, my God. Seb is dead. It could be all of yours showing up, and it could be none of it. Oh, my God. Get off his ears. So, before I have each of you roll, we'll go one at a time. We're doing it now? Oh, you're doing it now.

Uh-oh. You're doing it now. I'm freaking out. I'm kind of freaking out, too. We'll start with Chip. Yeah, I can't go first. And before you do, what is Chip feeling? What's he thinking?

At first, he's kind of assessing whether he thinks Uncle Neil's going to show. He feels like that was a pretty good day. Felt like we helped him, that we all grew. And it's been nice hanging out with him every once in a while since. That's a really small part of what's on his brain. But it's mostly just regrets. He's mostly just regretting so many choices that he made in his life. Whether it was not telling Chalice how he felt about her earlier, having a hand in killing his best friend, not spending

enough time with the Hoyes. He's feeling upset. And then he looks out at his friends. And right now, that's the only thing bringing him any solace is the fact that he's cultivated such an incredible group of people in his life. This is way too sad. I'm crying already. I'm crying too. Yeah, I'm having a hard time. Okay, here's the roll. Good luck, Chip.

Good luck, Chip. Thank you. 15 seems good, but who knows? Who the fuck knows? All right, thank you. Yeah, thank you, Sean. Thank you. Oh, my God.

He's not even going to tell us right now. No. Oh, my God. Evil. So, Beef. No. No, not Beef. Skip Beef.

Beef's the best of us. What's Beef thinking? What's going through Beef's head? Beef is... Beef's scared, but he wants to be brave for his friends, so he outwardly is trying to be strong for them, like giving, like, a it's going to be okay no matter what kind of vibe,

even though deep, deep, deep down he's scared too. But he doesn't blame his grandma if she can't make it or not. He knows that she loves him regardless. And that his life felt like it never really started until he met these group of people. And if that's how it ends, too, what a good run he had. He also is going to miss eating food.

If it really comes to this, I think at the end of the day, the thing he's going to really, really miss is that first bite of the sandwich and the last bite of the sandwich. All right. Oh, my God. It's a 17. Okay.

That sounds good. It sounds good. All right. Chalice. It sounds good. All right. Chalice. Chalice is mostly feeling so guilty that she put everyone in this position.

Don't nod yet, Emily. That was active listening. Just poorly timed. Yeah, exactly. Obviously, she does feel very guilty for putting everyone in this position, but Chalice would take four years with this group of people and die now

than a lifetime of not knowing them. And when she's looking off over the canyon, she's thinking about the time when she was in that parade and she looked up

at the top, like the marquee of Bottoms Up and saw them all laughing and drinking a beer up there and how badly she wanted to be with them. And so she was imagining that.

Stop! And now I'll roll. I got a 10. Seems bad. That one, you said it and I went, uh-oh. Alright, so I guess it's Seb's turn. It's Seb's turn.

So Seb is kind of just like in manic denial right now. And it's just kind of like, you know what? You guys, what I've been thinking is we should have a buffalo chicken dip on the menu. Because we're all going to get through this. It's all going to be fine. They all put hands on Seb slowly. 17 and a 15 and a 10. Those are sexy fucking numbers.

You know, a perfect 10, a 17 out of 10, a 15 out of 10. These are good numbers, you guys. And we're going to get through this. We're going to be laughing. We'll even get a new painting of the four of us because we've had so many fun times together. We can get rid of that one where Chalice farted and it blew out the back of the bar, you know? Allegedly.

Allegedly. It was like the Kool-Aid man came out of her ass. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. And I love you guys. And we can't die because there's just too much love here, all right? And we have a cat.

We haven't even talked about the cat enough this season. We got a cat this season. We can't get... And I roll a... Eight. Eight out of ten. That's like so good. It's so good, you guys.

Eight's good. Eight's good. That's an 80%. That's a B. I'm graduating, you guys. Isn't it eight out of 20? Yeah, but 10 is good. I don't like that two of ours are even and two of ours are odd.

Oh. Yeah. That's interesting. It could just be odds and evens and we consider that. So now at this point, the sun is obviously continuing to go down behind the horizon. The shadow of essentially nightfall is creeping up the clearing. It's now about halfway to the edge of the cliff. And that also means that the black that's coursing through your veins

is now not just in your fingertips running up your hand, but running all the way up to your arm and getting to your shoulders. Family's really cutting it close there. When we said sunset, they were like, okay, be there right then. Not a moment before. Sounds good. I hope my grandma has a watch or looks at the sun. I don't even know.

As everyone's getting only increasingly anxious, you stare out at the tree line to see something move, some sort of foliage just kind of shaking and moving. And it's nothing. And that's happened to you a couple times. I'm about to start shooting arrows at these rustles. Kill all these animals that are faking us out. And the next action doesn't come from the tree line at all.

It comes from the sky. As you look up, you hear, Smeagol! Yaboo! I made it! Oh my God. Jennifer! And as the Smeagol lands right in front of you at the spot,

there's another person riding it with Jennifer, and it's Hanson. Ah! I really thought it would. I'm shocked. Oh, my God. Hey, Jennifer, who is that? Chalice knows and just runs up and gives him the biggest hug.

Oh, my God. Chalice, I didn't know. You're right on time. 70 years too late, I'm not right on time. No, you're right on time. And they just hug. You know I loved your mom, right? You did?

Yeah, yeah. I loved her before she even became a queen. What? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. You're going to have to tell me everything. Yeah. We can debrief later.

Should I save your life or whatever right now? Yeah. I was going to suggest we go walk and get a coffee, but I think we should do this first. Yeah. Cut this freak open. We don't have much time. No. Oh, okay.

Oh, I have to die? No, no, no. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. You were willing to die? Yeah. I mean, I would have. I would have No Oh, okay Oh, I have to die? No, no, no Oh, okay Oh my god, you were willing to die? Yeah, I mean I would've I would've Oh my gosh

No, just a little drop of blood in this pool of water Oh, easy Okay That's not bad Handsome Hanson What? Pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir Oh, hello

Yeah, I'm Hanson Nice to meet you Beef Beef Beef Hi, Beef. Yes. You have her eyes. You have the eyes of a hedgehog I once knew, but never mind that. Huh. Interesting.

Hi, I'm Seb. I share dreams with your daughter. Oh. Oh. Hmm. So you two must be an item, I presume. Nope. It's me and this other guy. Yeah, actually, yeah. Hi, I'm Chip Ahoy. Oh, famous liar, yeah. It made its way to exile. The rumor did.

Yeah, the Smeagols like to gossip. Oh, great. And I'm Jennifer, but you already know me. Cut this freak open. We don't have much time. Okay, we go over to the pool and I lead him there and then I have a little pocket knife and I do a little prick on his finger.

Oh, okay. And Hanson holds out his finger and it drops. And we get real close up on it and we watch it fall from his finger all the way down to hit the base of the tree where it's sitting in that puddle of water and it hits it as soon as it does red magic starts to glow and emanate from the water the tree and there is a powerful but not you know painful any way, slight blast of magical energy that shoots out from the tree. And all of your hair kind of like blows back.

And it even forces some of you to take like a step backwards. Afterwards, you're kind of looking around like, okay, that seemed good. And Chalice, why don't you give me a perception check here? A nine. Okay. You're looking at your friends more like, is everybody okay? Like there was a blast. Like, is everyone all right?

And you're kind of just also just staring at Hanson, who's your biological father. But it's Hanson who notices that the black on your arms is very quickly retreating and fading. Oh, he does love me. And it worked. You seem to be, for all intents and purposes, and you feel in your heart and that knowing that you are saved.

Yeah! That works! It works! Oh, come over here, you handsome man. I need a beefs kiss in the man on the cheeks. Oh, okay. Well, thank you. You saved her. You need a beefs kiss in the man on the cheeks. Oh, okay. Well, thank you. You saved her.

You saved the most perfect person in the whole entire world. I shake your hand, sir. I shake it hard. Thank you. Well, honestly, I feel like I did so little considering I've spent 70 70 some years away from you I mean I just I feel bad more than anything right now

Nope I'm sorry You just saved my life Are you kidding? Are you joking? And now you can come live with us at Bottoms Up And we can hang out every day Yes

Are you kidding? Oh my god thank god It's horrible in exile Yeah it seemed horrible The Smeagols just gossip about me the whole time. Oh, no. As y'all are rejoicing in Chalice being cured, why don't all of you give me another perception check?

Sean. 18. 19. 12. 1. Okay. 7, Chalice. Chalice, especially you now too, as soon as you are cured, you're suddenly met with the feeling of immense relief and joy being reunited with your biological

father that you're excited to get to know better, but also the pain of knowing, okay, I'm safe, but nobody else is. What if I'm the only one? So that kind of has you on high alert. And Seb, you're on high alert for similar reasons, but on top of it, you're also not safe. So it's both of you who are keeping an eye on the tree line that leads to the clearing. And again, the way that this is set up, there's a football field between you at the edge of this cliff with the tree to the other end of the clearing. But it's also a football field in width from the left side to the right side. And on the right side of the clearing, about halfway, you see some real major foliage shaking again. And somebody appears.

And, Chalice, since you rolled a 19, you'll recognize this person, and Seb, you will too. It is King Cicero. Oh! What the f*** was that? I thought it was going to be Seb's hot mom. I really thought it was going to be Seb's hot mom. I really thought it was going to be Sam's hot mom. I was about to yell, my hot mommy.

Like, what the f***? You still can. Well, hello, everyone. Having a party without me, huh? Boo. Boo. Boo. God.

You guys are in sync on that. Yeah. That was both Hanson and Chip doing it, too. So that was three of us. That was incredible. And as he walks into the clearing, you see that the Royal Guard is with him as well. Oh, God.

There seems to be, I don't know, three, five, ten Royal Guard in full plate armor walking out of the tree line with him. And as he starts walking, he's shouting because he's still some distance away. He's holding something up in the air and you have to squint to make it out. And it is a dug up pine cone by the name of Chris Pine. Oh no.

I told him everything. I'm so sorry. He was going to kill me. Oh God. And he removed you from right next to your lady tree. Magnolia. Maggie. I'm so sorry he was gonna kill me but oh god and he removed you from right next to your lady tree magnolia maggie i'm so sorry hey man it's okay it's okay it's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your fault it's not your fault yeah it's not your fault in fact you've been a great help and then he just casually drops chris to the ground and crunches him under his boot.

Oopsie. That's the most smartest tree in the whole entire world you just squished. I'm pretty sure the tree is, remember he could separate his essence into like multiple things, I think. Just go back and bury him again. That's fine.

Okay. Honestly, I don't give a shit either way if we're being perfectly honest. Oh my God. That wasn't nice though. The fact that you didn't know makes it so that you think you just killed somebody, and that's not nice. You're

an evil, evil whack. Whoa, B. Listen, everybody, if you think I showed up here not ready to kill some people, you are gravely mistaken, because that's exactly what I'm prepared to do. Okay. Noted. Well, you know what? Chalice is actually that's exactly what I'm prepared to do. Okay.

Noted. Well, you know what? Chalice is actually already safe. So even if she doesn't sign the contract, she'll live, okay? So she doesn't need to be queen or whatever you want her to be. So how does that feel? That's impossible. It is possible. I know the curse. Chris explained it to me. It would have to be a family

member that loves her. And newsflash, Chalice, your family doesn't love you. Hanson steps forward. Hi. You gotta be fucking kidding me. I can't believe he chose hi. That's his first thing. Sorry, I kind of wasn't expecting this guy to show up.

This guy cursed me to not speak to the woman I loved forever and then basically killed her. What? this guy to show up. This guy cursed me to not speak to the woman I loved forever and then basically killed her. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'll tell you all about it. Holy shit. These words that I thought. I love her and I saved her, you big whack. And he has a special gauntlet on some type glove, that he just points a finger at Hansen. Oh, God. And a bright, almost you can't even look at it, streak of green magic shoots from his fingertip

straight into Hansen's chest. Ugh. And Hansen is done. What? Is dead? I don't even have a chance to block it? I mean, this was a surprise. It was the first

attack and it hits Hansen and he falls back and the life is just quickly going out of him. No! The king's gauntlet looks like it was only like a one charge type of thing because it comes off of his hand and he throws it to the ground as it starts to turn black. So now I think we're all on the same page. Chalice runs to be next to him and holds his hand and just says, I'm so sorry, over and over again. Bye. Oh, my God, Waleed.

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So find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. DLP.com slash sitcom D&D. All right, let's move in, boys. And they start crossing the clearing. And that's when you hear another voice on the opposite side of the clearing coming in through the tree line. And you hear, Seb!

Seb, Mama's here! Hot mommy! Oh my god. Wait, when she comes through the clearing, it's like slow motion, like lights. With just a towel on. Cass is feeling some of the worst grief of her life, but she still sort of tilts down. Wowie, wowie. You're somehow riding a lawnmower and looks over to see her in the towel coming out? Whoa.

What do I what do I do? I we have to prick your finger and I need to take your blood. OK, I'm coming to you. Is that the king? Run. Don't look at him. Run. And so the king, Cicero, he knows how this works now.

And it looks like he's not playing games and he's out to thwart you in the biggest way possible. Oh, no. And isn't afraid to kill you. So you hear King Cicero shout and point with his sword at Seb's mom, like about 50 yards away across the clearing. Take her down! And a few of them get crossbows ready and are taking aim. Oh my god. What the hell?

Okay, why doesn't everyone roll for initiative? Oh god, okay. It's on now. Fourteen. Eighteen. Five. Eighteen. Elizabeth and Aaron, what are your initiative scores?

Plus three. Three. Okay, so you two are tied, so you guys can, I think, choose who goes first, I think. Elizabeth, why don't you go first? Okay, I'll pickle. Beef chow, Seb chip. Got it. So now that everyone's rolled for initiative,

the king takes the first action. Oh, God. And he snags a long crossbow from the nearest guard right out of their hands, puts the sight up to his eye, takes aim at Seb's hot mom, and pulls the trigger. He rolled a five. Yes.

So the crossbow bolt sails through the air, and once Seb's mom sees that the king is taking aim at her with a crossbow, probably the number one scariest moment of her life, which is the most powerful person in her world she's never met before is now pointing a crossbow at her in an open field and taking it. She's only wearing a towel. The crossbow bolt sails through the air and she starts running. And it's a good thing that she did because the crossbow bolt impales right

where her left leg used to be in the ground. And she is now running to the edge of the cliff where y'all are at and where the tree is at. And up next is Beef. Pickle. I yell pickle. Your cape turns into the equivalent of bright yellow bat wings, and you take flight into the air.

What are you doing? I'm going straight for Seb's hot mom. Hell yeah. And when I get to her, I touch just her to make her invisible and I go, I keep running, babe. Oh, no.

Didn't mean to. Didn't mean to say. Didn't mean to. So, yeah, she goes invisible, and she heeds your advice. She is still on the move to get to the rest of the game. She is having a hell of a moment. Yeah. Gets shot by the king.

A halfling flies into her, touches her, makes her invisible, and says, keep running, babe. Chalice, you are up next. Okay. Hmm. I'll do web. The web fills a 20-foot cube from the point for the duration. Ooh.

So you have two spider powers? Yeah, I did that on purpose, remember? I'm slowly turning Chalice into Spider-Man. Yes. Each creature that starts its turn in the web must make a dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is restrained as long as it remains in the web. Okay. And it's up to an hour, so. Okay. Wow, this is huge. So,

Chalice, what does it look like when you shoot at them? She looks right at her dad and goes, f*** you, and then shoots the web. But like Spider-Man wise, you know Spider-Man hands? Yep. You guys know Spider-Man hands? Yeah, But like Spider-Man wise. You know Spider-Man hands? Yep. You guys know Spider-Man hands? Yeah, I know Spider-Man hands. Awesome. So they rolled saving throws here. That web goes and it's a ton of web. A disgusting amount of web comes out of Chalice and flies at them.

Like a normal amount. And it hits the king and the guards. The king puts up a shield in time and kind of deflects it and then rips the web around him that did get stuck to him off and is still on the move, marching solidly towards. Now, the web hits one of them, the royal guard, and they are stuck like flat to the ground. It hits another.

It takes him so off guard that it hits his sword into another one of the royal guards and the web sticks the sword into the other individual and then another one is stuck in uh oh my god all together six of them are in one lumpy web heap stuck together completely restrained. So their speed will be zero. They can't move. Their attack rolls against the creature will have advantage if you attack them.

And the creature's attack rolls against you will have disadvantage if they try to like shoot at you or anything like that. And they have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. Two of them missed the worst of the blast and are moving with the king towards you guys. Cool. Good shot, Chalice.

Although, I'll have you know, this is just the beginning. The full force of the kingdom is on its way. Boo. Seb's mom is using their dash action to go as far and as fast as they can, and they are just about to get to the group at the spot. Oh, nice. Nice, mom. I'll try to slow them down.

I'm going to cast for the ones that are still coming at us to try to trap them. I'm going to use Entangle to slow them down. Okay. So grasping weeds and vines sprout from the ground in a 20-foot square. These plants turn the ground and area into difficult terrain. A creature in the area must succeed on a strength-saving throw

or be restrained by the entangling plants until the spell ends. A creature restrained by the plants can use its action to make a strength check against your spell. On a success, it frees itself. So, vines break the earth and shoot up the legs of the three that are walking towards you, led by King Cicero. King Cicero grabs his sword and immediately decapitates the two vines

that are running up his leg and is on a beeline for you. Oh, God. What did he roll? He rolled, oh, good point. He rolled a 21. Okay, yeah. Yeah, he's strong.

And then the other two are entangled. Cool. Because they both rolled a three. Okay. So, yeah. Pathetic! Is that all you've got? I'm not stopping.

I'm coming for you all. And the king just keeps moving. Chip and his ass. So the guards, it's their turn. We know what their movement was. And a second beat. In the web, because they're like in a massed huddle, it's making it super difficult for anyone to kind of get a free hand or free up space or take a risk by using a

blade to get out. So they all rolled under 10 and that's pretty insane. Four, nine, eight, three, three, eight, seven. Kind of crazy. And then the two that were closest to the king, one rolled a 13. That is my spell, DC. So, yes, they do. Okay, so both of them that were closest to the king, on their turn, use their action to break free of Entangled. And now it is Chip's turn.

Cool. I'm going to cast Ice Knife at the king. Let's see, let's see, let's see. Does a 19 hit the king? It does. Cool. That is five piercing damage. And then are the other guards within five feet of the king currently

or has the king progressed beyond them? They're within five feet now. Okay. So then I'm going to do 2d6 damage because the ice knife goes, it hits the king and then it explodes and hits everybody within five feet. Okay. Oh my gosh. D&D is cool.

A 10. 10 damage to all three of them. Oh, wow. Significant. Immediately, the king is forced to take a step back. He doesn't want to let on, clearly, that he's hurt at all, but you see a slight bit of blood and ice at the edge of his mouth. And the other two who are following right behind him in almost

like a flying V formation really are hurt. They're like down to one knee and it seems like they're bloodied. And now it is back to the top with the king himself. The king gets out a crossbow, and because he knows that Seb is the next to be saved, he's going to level his crossbow at Seb, and he's going to shoot. And it looks like it is loaded with some sort of bulkier and special arrow. Oh, God.

So does a 22 hit? Yes, absolutely. A hundred percent. Yeah. Okay., it was an arrow of slaying. It's a magic weapon meant to slay a particular kind of creature. Some are more focused than others. For example, there are both arrows of dragon slaying and arrows of blue

dragon slaying. If a creature belonging to the type racer group associated with an arrow of slaying takes damage from the arrow, the creature must make a DC 17 constitution saving throw taking an extra 6d10 piercing damage on a failed save, or half as much extra damage on a successful one. And so this arrow of slaying, he

built specifically for the bottoms up crew. So this particular arrow hits you, Seb, and you're going to take an extra 6d10 piercing damage. 6d10? Mm-hmm.

What the fuck? Oh, my God. I'm sorry, sir. Okay. The creature must make a DC 17 constitution saving throw. Unnatural 20. Oh, boy. Hell yeah.

Abby. I mean, half damage still could kill you. Yeah, I mean, it will. Okay, so total, that is going to be 15 damage. 15? Yeah, I'm going to round up. Oh, nice! That's not bad. Okay, I... You're fine. Stop complaining.

I'm actually pretty hurt. I'm not feeling so good. Beef, you're up to the top. Okay, so Beef pickles his way back to Seb's hot mom. Beef can see her footsteps in the grass so he goes, he scoops her up

and brings her to the tree where Chalice is waiting at the base of it with her pocket knife and he drops her off right there. What's happening? Don't worry baby, I just got a prick in my finger. Do I let them? Yes. I don't prick her finger. So, what do I do? Do I let them? Yes.

Yes. Okay. I don't feel so good. And so, Chalice, you prick her finger. And on her turn, she will allow her blood to drop into the base of the water. The whole roar of the battle and combat that's taking place kind of falls silent and is blocked out as this drop of blood falls from her finger into the water. And in this moment, we find out if she has love for Seb. And the water turns red and it runs up the tree

and there is a blast of magical power. And Seb, you see the black, that was actually all the way running up your neck at this point, start to fade away quickly and retreat. See, internet? We don't only make Seb's stuff sad. His mom loves him. Yay, Seb!

Yay! My mom's hot and I'm not sad. Woo! I will sub you did look cool with the black veins. You looked the coolest of the four. Yeah, I think you're going to need to get sleeves, tattoo sleeves. Or tats. Yeah, you got to get tats.

For sure. Bad boy season five. So a lot more of Glass Castle's militia and patrolmen and armed guard and royal guard are kind of pouring out of the tree line. They have caught up with the first group. And you are starting to become more and more outnumbered. Oh, God. Not only that, you can't help but feel that feeling in your heart that life is not long for the two of you that have not been saved yet.

Oh, baby. Chippy and beefy. Oh, God. And you see the sun going down, the shadow getting longer and longer on the clearing, and the black in your veins is going up your neck and is going, like, even into your jaw

and to the bottoms of your ears. And so we are really looking at minutes and not hours here. This is kind of it. And on the left side of the clearing, you see some more foliage rustle. Beef. Beef. This is it. Beef. This is it. I hope it left side of the clearing, you see some more foliage rustle. Beef. Beef. This is it.

Beef. This is it. I hope it's for you, Chip. I hope it's for you. I hope it's you. I hope it's you. We're like holding hands like we're at pageant. I hope it's you. And somebody exits the tree line into the clearing and you recognize them. You both do.

It is Prince Milknip. Oh. No! No! He is being carried on a palanquin like a little emperor, like a little prince that he is. No! And he's eating some grapes and some cupcakes, it looks like.

Grapes and cupcakes! That's such a weird combo. And he looks kind of peeved that he lost the original group that he was riding with with his dad. He's pretty peeved at the people who are carrying him, thinking that they got him lost and they've been going too slow. Palakene down. Lower the palakene. Grape. Cupcake.

Oh, God, not now. Not now, did I walk in on something? Yes. Oh, look at you two. I've seen better days on you, Chip and Beef. Oh, my God. Worst person to be seen right now. We really were hoping you were Beef's grandma.

Oh, well, sorry to let you down. Guess We really were hoping you were Beef's grandma. Oh. Well, sorry to let you down. Guess I'm a little hotter than what you expected. No. No. No. Beef's grandma's way hotter than you. Chalice, former lover, sister.

What? Don't act coy. You know we had a thing. No, we didn't! Whoa, whoa. So who'd your daddy turn out to be? What, a son of a... She just starts swinging.

He's not on the ground, you idiot! You just annoyed... Somebody help me! No! They're just sibling rattling. Got your hair! Got your hair, you idiot. Ow, ow.

Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself. Both of you, stop it. I'm not doing it. Stop it, both of you. And you realize that the king is now there at the spot as well. And a lot of the royal guard is starting to free themselves because as more and more of the troops of Glass Castle arrive, they're freeing the people who are enwebbed or entangled,

and y'all are starting to become extremely surrounded at the tree. And we're talking about the final minute, maybe? There might be a few minutes as the sun's going down. And Chip and Beef, it's safe to say that, you know, at this point, even if they did show up, would there even be enough time? Like, you might as well assume that it's safe to say that, you know, at this point, even if they did show up, would there even be enough time? Like, you might as well assume that it's not happening. Chip. Chip, you need to tell Chalice how you really feel.

Tell her everything. Tell her. Before it's too late. Okay. But first, I gotta tell you everything that I feel. I love you, bud. I don't want to die. Well, if we die, we die together and we can play up in heaven, right? I've heard about this place called heaven. Yeah, where do you want to meet? Maybe like meet at the cloud. Sandwich cloud?

Yeah. Probably a sandwich cloud, maybe a sex cloud. Okay, so you're figuring out the logistics of where to meet in heaven? Yeah. Chalice, you don't get it. We're about to die. And Chalice, I love you. Oh, boo-hoo.

Boo-hoo. This is all very touching. But time has run out. Chalice, all you had to do was sign this contract. And he takes it out and he tears it in half. But you were too selfish. Instead of just rising to your responsibilities, you put in jeopardy everything that I've worked for

and thrown the realm back into chaos. Tell her, Dad. Leaving the future in the hands of this. This, Chalice, is now the future of the kingdom. Are you pointing at me? Yes. God. Yes. God. Yes.

Can I do like a history check and try to go back and like remember Tangerine's curse? I'm like trying to find any sort of loophole. Give me a history check to see how much you remember of it. Natural 20. Holy shit.

Thank God. You remember every word of what it took to break the curse that you were informed of from Chris Pine, which is, To save you from an early hearse, familial love can break this curse. You see a familtry, subclass E,

responds to blood from family. But if you wish to foil this fate, let blood not shed too soon too late. To save you from this act of treason, it must be sunset, end of season. That's it? Couldn't you guys, pardon me for interrupting, but couldn't you guys just do a Katniss and Peeta and Chip and Beef, just cut each other and use each other's blood? I mean, you're basically family, right? Am I right? Oh my God, you amazing idiot. It didn't say

biological family. It didn't say biological family. It didn't say biological family. We're family. Look, and then Chalice holds up the drawing of her with her imaginary friends. We're family. We're family. Chalice takes out the pocket knife and goes, Chip, this is for you. Chip, look out! No, Jennifer, Jennifer, it's okay.

It's okay. And Chalice drops her blood in the water and hands Seb the knife to do for Beef quickly. Okie doke. And I do the exact same. And I drip drip into the tree. And it has accepted the blood and all of a sudden something different happens than it happened before.

There's a blast of magical energy, but this time there's two of them and they're concurrent and the wind gust of it goes through you I'm holding Beef sheltering him from the wind because I know that it scares him yeah I don't like the wind I'll see you on the sandwich cloud

I'll see you on the sandwich cloud and you look at each other and see the black in your veins but it is fading and it is leaving your body Chip you look good you look normal again

oh my god it worked milk nip milk nip you still didn't win Chalice scoops milk nip, Seb Chip and Beef up into a big embrace as she starts to cry. They're kissing Milk Nip. Yeah, I'm kissing them up and down.

You son of a bitch. Wow. Hey, congratulations. And the king starts to clap. That just bought you 30 more seconds. I'm going to kill you. It doesn't... Everyone, take aim.

Hey, man, why? What's the point, dude? Why? Let me think. Because you four are an enormous pain in my ass. Thank you. Dang, didn't include Jennifer. Oh my god, devastating.

And you look over to see Jennifer's pricking her finger, but she's not brave enough to actually get any blood. Yeah, um, I'm not related to any of you. I owe all of you nothing. And for people who cause me any sort of discomfort, aggravation, I kill them. That's what I do. I'm in a position of power.

I can, so I do. So everyone take aim and, on my word, loose. Oh, I'm not going to want to miss this. Actually, Chalice, make eye contact with me if you don't mind. All of you, please, make eye contact with me. What about me, Dad? Just get out of the way. Okay.

What if, what if, hold on, hold on, I'm thinking. What if I go on the dish and I say to everybody, ah, so sad that he's not my biological father, but I wish him the best. He's the best guy. Me, popular chalice, endorses the king and dumb little prince milk nib. Hmm.

Um, pass. Prepare to lose. Then you hear from the clearing, wait, I don't think you're ready for your closeup yet, King Cicero. ass. Prepare to lose. Then you hear from the clearing, Wait! I don't think you're ready for your close-up yet, King Cicero. And you see it's the jackal. Who looks, for some reason, a little bit like

Jalpert today, just the way she did her hair. But it's the jackal, the PR person, who brought in the wizard and the camera crew when Prince Milked Up was at the bar. And it looks like there is a wizard who has the transistor that major image can be cast into to be projected to the dish network. So we're coming to you live.

Everyone is coming to the entire dish network live in this moment. What were you saying, King? What were you about to do? Well, we were just meeting in this very special place To make it official that Chalice is no longer part of House Glass He was trying to kill us You're killing me! It's such a shame

Look, all their arrows are pointing right at us He was gonna count down I have one of his arrows physically in me right now. We were doing a 306 crossbow salute, as is tradition with my family, as we announce the future of Glass Castle with my son, Prince Milkno. Hello.

Hello, dish. Hello, Dick. Hello, world. Okay. Everything he says is true. So close to it. So I guess we just make it official. Chalice. And he extends his hand for what would be like a handshake.

Everybody, all four of you. Here, since it's a magical document, I'm going to use the back of the ripped contract and write on it quickly and then go, we're going to actually sign a contract where he promises that he won't kill us for at least five years.

At least five? Why not just forever? I already wrote it. I feel stupid. Five years, you cannot kill us. And you can't tax bottoms up. I feel stupid. Five years, you cannot kill us. And you can't tax Bottoms Up. I hate going to the tax shop. I already wrote the contract beef.

I only said can't kill us for five years. That would have been tight. Why wouldn't you sign this on TV? Because this is so normal, right? Of course, of course. And he looks nervously over at the camera. So, and he grabs it and- You guys only wrote one year on it.

You wrote- What? I am really- But you know what? You said five, though, so maybe the people in the town will at least think five. Okay, but it's one. But we'll know one. But it is one, yes.

We'll know one. And done. And give me a perception check. Did he write Seymour Butts on it? 19. You see that he didn't sign anything. Sign it. Look.

Zoom in. Oh, my pesky hand must have been hovering just over making contact with the parchment. Here we go. And he signs his name. And the contract glows in like a golden glow, solidifying its power. Prince Mugnip is just flexing his muscles in front of the camera. Those aren't muscles.

Those aren't, we're having those looked at. I don't know what those are. Cam D, Cam D, get on my calf. Cam E, hair. Back to Cam A. All right, bottoms up crew, bring it in. Water under the bridge. And he brings you in kind of close so

that the camera can't hear him and he goes well none of you are any longer under my protection in fact quite the opposite i'll have you know you have all got my attention and i assure you my attention is not something to be desired all of you and your pathetic bar exist in my kingdom where I make the rules. And let me make something very clear. Chalice throws a snowball in his face. Spits out a little bit of snow. Let me make something very clear.

There are less obvious ways than a sword to destroy your lives. And believe me when I say that's exactly what I intend to do. Ha ha! What a glorious day! Oh, God. Beef's like picking crumbs off of Prince Milk Nip's robes

and eating them. Good beef. Good beef. Delicious. With that, we're going to cut to bottoms up. So you've all finally made it back. It sounds like magic defines family as the people who would do anything for you

and put you before themselves. And you're all languishing in this realization and the fact that you're all together and Bottoms Up is full with revelry and it's you four. And strangely, Prince Milk Nip is also there. Yeah, I was going to say he's got to be. He saved the day.

He saved the day. He can have one drink with us. And so the four of you and Jennifer are with the whole group, you know, regular Joes there. Geppetto Pinocchio is ripping the tunes. You're all toasting to Prince Milk Nip for saving the day. To my terrible baby brother. And former lover. No, no.

Yes, don't be bashful, chow. We're not siblings anymore. We can talk about it. We're still half siblings. Anyways, who, because he has no filter and says everything he thinks out loud, ended up saving the day and pointing out the fact that the five of us

Are you booing yourself? Are you booing her? I said poo. And she said five! And she said five of us! We are family and I knew that in my heart and I think you did too. So to Prince Milk Nip and to us Bottoms up. Huzzah! There was a bunch of cheers earlier to you all

surviving that the entire bar would like scream and go like Huzzah! But this time since it's to Prince Milk Nip yeah, not a lot of people like to you all surviving that the entire bar would, like, scream and go, like, huzzah! But this time, since it's two Prince Milk Nip, yeah, not a lot of people like him very much. It's a very begrudging and much quieter, like, huzzah! It's us being alive! Bonesaw! Kiss, Chalice.

No. She's, like, shoving his face. And at that point, Tom foolery runs up. Oh my gosh. By the way, I almost forgot during all the commotion and whatnot. Beef, somebody dropped something off for you. It's my magazines. No, no. And he

hands you a package. Beef shakes it. It seems like there's something like a little bit heavy in there. Maybe it weighs like a pound or something like that. Alright. He rips it open like a three-year-old on Christmas morning. He's not cute about it. He rips it up. Kind of using his mouth.

Two things fall out. One is a necklace, and it's like a locket, and it's gold and beautiful. Not too ornate or crazy fancy, but you can tell that it is quality. It's my grandma's necklace. And with it is a little note. Chip. Yeah, I got it. I got it. It says that this is your grandma's necklace.

Yeah. And it was her time. Yeah. I think your grandma passed away, Beef, and that's why she wasn't there to save you. Yeah, she did say she had those treatments she had to do oh i'm sorry it's okay she thought about me yeah yeah i think you were probably top of mind for her i gotta imagine uh because there's also this little marble here fun nope give it back. Milk never. It says that it's something that belongs to you.

And that you should swallow it. I mean, I figured you probably would have swallowed it anyway, but it does specifically say that. The small object. Yeah, I was going to say it. The first thing I thought was eat that. I mean, I trust that woman with all my heart.

So here we go. And he swallows the marble. And as soon as you swallow that marble and feel it go down your digestive tract, you feel like your insides are glowing, but in a way that's not going to kill you. You feel like there is something that you have gained. And give me just a perception check.

A two. Okay, with a two, you don't see anything on your body that would indicate that anything has changed, but you feel something. In your throat, you just feel that there's a chance that if you went to sing right now, that maybe you could. Oh, my God. Oh my God, you guys. You guys. What is it? You okay?

And then he pushes past everybody and he goes to the stage. Beef, what is it? Are you okay? We're chasing Beef. Beef, what is it? Are you choking? What's happening?

He's dying. He kisses Prince Nip on the mouth. This is some chalice. What's going on? And he gets there and he grabs the mic. And then he goes, If you need a place in this crazy world. Oh, my God.

Steve, your voice. You're singing. You're singing. Do-da-dee. Oh, Sinatra. Oh, my God. Steve, your voice. You're singing. You're singing. Do-da-dee. Oh, Sinatra. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. Tom, Tom.

What? Do you have anything for me from Uncle Neil? Oh, um, no. Hmm. Huh. But there is someone, Chip, that you recognize who just walked through the door of Bottoms Up. Uncle Neil? No, it's the onion man.

It's a small onion who's wearing glasses and shoes on and is so timidly entering, wondering if orphans and onions are now allowed at Bottoms Up. Do you have parents yet? Are you still an orphan? It doesn't know how to answer because one of you asked a question that would be a yes, one of you asked a no.

So it's just shaking. Get out of here! Get out of here! Guys, didn't we learn that it doesn't matter biologically if you have your parents and you know your parents and what situation it is? Chels goes outside and scoops up the onion man and pours him a drink. Onion man. Onion man. Onion Man. Onion Man. Onion Man.

Onion Man. If you need a place in this crazy world. Yeah. Sing us out, Milk Nip. And on the bottom side. So we had to be prepared for whoever showed up or didn't show up and save the day for our characters or not. So this is what we recorded with Mono.

Oh, Uncle Neil. Hi, hey, how are we? Oh my God. Bad, really bad. Okay, okay. Really bad. But thank you. Wait, do you like, look at my clothes

Do you like this updated wardrobe or what? It's fine, it's great Where are the ants? The ants are in my hair, check it It's really great Right now I need you to save my life If that's okay Okay, here you go, here you go

I'm sorry, go That's a spoon Oh, that's a spoon Where were you? Why are you late? Walk of shame. I was at Finkel's. Oh, Finkel's.

Yeah, it worked out. That's so great, but okay. There you go. Is that enough blood? I don't know. I think so. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Mansour, and me, Sean Coyle. Arnie Parrott wrote the theme song, Waleed and I worked out the story concept for this one,

and Grace Harper did the editing. And of course, we were joined by the wickedly talented Jesse Kendall as Prince Milkner. You can get more Jesse in your life by following him on his socials at Jesse underscore Kendall. J-E-S-S-E underscore K-E-N-D-A-L-L. I cannot recommend it enough. And since we just wrapped up season four, that means we've got a little break until we roll out season five. So if you want more content from this crazy crew, have I got some news for you. We have close to 100 episodes of content on the Patreon

ready for your listening and viewing pleasure. From one-shots like Amos' Anatomy, to in-world character-driven shows like Chip's Tips, to diary entries re-examined by Elizabeth and Aaron, to a one-shot set in the land of Frasier. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating this show that we love. So hop on now for five buckos and get access to over 90 hours of content instantly.

And for those of you who are already subscribed to our Patreon, shout out to the kitchen rats, this week's episode is the exploratory committee. Now I wasn't here for this one, but those who were there said that I have to listen, which has piqued my interest. I'm pretty sure it's Seb, Beef, and Chip up to some wild shenanigans. So you won't want to miss it. I don't want to miss it. So if you've been on the fence for a while, this is your sign. Now is a great time to check out the Patreon and see if it's for you. You can check it out at patreon.com slash sitcom D&D and get in on the fun.

And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram at sitcom D&D. That's sitcom and then the letters D and D. And finally, finally, there is just about one week left on the Kickstarter for the third installment of my sci-fi fantasy comic book series, Skyless. And we are so close to hitting our goal. So thank you to everyone who's already supported. If you're into amazing art, I recommend checking out the Kickstarter page just to see the beautiful world that our lead artist, Chris Kirk has created. And if you

haven't read the first two issues, no worries. You can get caught up and order physical or digital copies of the previously released issues as well. I'll put the link to the Kickstarter in the description of the episode here. Yeah. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening.