SitcomD&D - S4 E4: The Infiltration | Seb's Attempt

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

In an attempt to infiltrate Glass Castle and rescue Chalice, Seb tries out to become a Royal Strong Boy (aka the crown's version of a very dispensable secret service agent). And although he's the smallest person at the try out by far, what he lacks in physical prowess, he makes up for in heart. Starring: Erin Keif, Waleed Mansour, Elizabeth Andrews, Sean Coyle, and Ben Briggs Featuring: Jesse Kendall & Hailey Palmer Theme Song by: Arne Parrott Artwork by: Waleed Mansour Story Concept by: Waleed Mansour & Sean Coyle Edited by: Grace HarperSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Lied, when you said silence, it was kind of sounded like you were taking a mutiny of this. You're like, silence! I'm silent. I can't wait for the inevitable sitcom D&D mutiny again, Sean. We're going to make him walk the plank. Oh, yeah.

Hasn't that happened? And doesn't that happen every episode we record? Basically. That's right. Good point. Not in a way that's fully satisfying. At some point, we really got to go big. Welcome back to Sitcom D&D, a real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast recorded in front of a fake studio audience previously on Sitcom D&D.

Well, Chalice has been taken against her own will by the Crown, so Seb, Beef, Jennifer, and Chip all attempted to covertly raft into the castle grounds via the aqueduct system that runs underneath Frasier, but the King was one step ahead of them and thwarted this attempt. So, Arcast has since decided that the safest, most discreet way they could try and get to Chalice is by splitting up and going through the employee entrance. Last episode, we got Chip's perspective as he raced fast and furiously

with a new crew to try to get closer to Chalice. In the episode before that, we, of course, got Beef's perspective as he attempted to get to Chalice by earning the number one butler rank in Glass Castle. Unfortunately, both Chip and Beef's attempts ended with them apprehended. But there's still hope, because today we'll be picking up in the same place and at the same time as our last two episodes, but this time around, we'll be seeing the day through Seb's perspective. Remember, we're picking up in the line for the employee's entrance to Glass Castle with Seb towards the front of the line, Chip in the middle,

and Beef somewhere towards the end of the line. And with that, Seb, you hear Jennifer yell from somewhere behind you, five gold says I find chalice first. You guys know I'm good for it. May the best rat win. And we'll pick up there. Quiet on set. Sound speeding. And we're rolling.

Bye. Bye. Bye. When you need a break from this crazy world to see your friends and fill a cup, find Sebastian, Chalice, Chip, and Beef at the Noble Bottoms of. As step-by-step our growing pains are improving home and away, we're feeling absolutely fabulous on another happy day. We're in different worlds with different strokes, but the good times will not end. So cheers to all our family and our friends.

Starring Aaron Keefe as Chalice Glass, Elizabeth Andrews as Beef, Waleed Mansour as Chip Ahoy, Ben Briggs as Sebastian Von Hugh Grant, and Sean Coyle as everything else. So, Seb, you're the closest to the front of the line. There's only like five people ahead of you at this point. Why don't you give me a perception check real quick? Plus three, so that will be 18, please. Okay, with an

18 in the middle of the line behind you, you see Chip, and then way far back, you see Beef, and they look like they don't really have a great idea yet. Idiots. Are you dressed as anything? Have you disguised yourself

at all? so i'm wearing just all black sort of thing and then i have a sort of felt puppet that looks like the sweetest chef from oh what's that called the muppets and i'm going smorg smorg smorg smorg and i'm trying to go in there puppeteering that but you can't see me because I'm in all black. Because I'm a chef. Do you want people to think that you are the puppet that you're wearing or that you're a guy who has a puppet chef? That's a really good question. And I want my lawyer here while I give an answer.

And I don't have to answer that. I mean, in a perfect world, both. But if I have to pick one? Just ask me. Okay. We can just move on. don't have to answer that i mean in a perfect world both but if i have to pick one okay we can just move on okay so you are now up next in line all right employee badge oh gosh i forgot i forgot it at home and i drop a bunch of like whisks on the ground. And there's, like, you know, a big commotion. It scared a dog. The dog is just yapping.

It's chaos. Okay. What do you want this distraction to yield you? What are you trying to do? Sympathy. They go, oh, you know what? It happens all the time. Go ahead.

Okay. Why don't you roll for persuasion, then, with disadvantage? Okay. All right. Okay. So the first one, 19, not as good, 15. Oh man, guys having a tough day. All right. Why don't you throw them gently into the moat? Yeah, that sounds good. And so they grab you and they're about to throw you into the moat. You have a couple of seconds to either make a decision or communicate something to the rest of the people on the line. It's not gonna work! He's just saying it like that or he's just falling or jumping? No, no, no. I say it like that and they don't throw me yet.

I'm not even standing there. I wouldn't even throw you yet. All right. Bon voyage. All right. So, Seb, why don't you give me an athletics check? With disadvantage because you were wearing that insane costume. You're breaking the laws of D&D, and this episode is your punishment.

I'm really going to take it to you. So, strap in. Finally. First roll was a natural 20, so that's not going to you. So strap in. Finally. First roll was a natural 20, so that's not going to work. And then the second one was a hearty two. Okay, that's more like it. So with the two,

you're just sinking to the bottom of that moat and it seems to be a little bit deeper than you remembered. It's very much a hello darkness, my old friend

type of moment here. And we fade to black. That's a serious rap on Seb. Or at least that's what you probably think as you're just about to black out underneath the water when suddenly you feel strong hands on you and you get pulled out onto solid ground and you feel warm grass and dirt beneath you. You have never been more relieved in your life. And as you spit up water on your back, you look up to see the three individuals who just pulled you out.

And would these three individuals mind describing themselves? My guy's name is Friday N. Lights. He's a furball fighter. He is 10 1⁄ half feet tall and 800 pounds. Head is shaped like a block. And he has the Charlize Theron haircut from the Fast 9 movie, if you're familiar with that. His pockets jingle from all the doorknobs he has accidentally ripped out of doors every time he walks. Okay.

And for those, you know, listeners who may be, I mean, I'm the DM. Of course. of course, I know. Can you explain what a firbolg looks like? So they're like giants, essentially. They can have different color skin and hair, but they have like grayish blue skin. Some of them have red hair, not elf ears, but like deer ears. And they're gigantic. Cool. My name is Rusty the Runt. I'm an orc fighter and I wear a jaybird blue power suit that is two sizes too small for my ginormous bussing muscles that I got. Bussing muscles up top and bottom. My body looks like a V, meaning my shoulders are extremely broad. And the more you go down my body, the smaller it gets. I'm perpetually always sweaty.

And I have two mini sundials on my wrist to tell time. And though I am a runt, that is comparison to my family, which are giants. So I'm eight feet tall, and that's it. Love it. Love it. And I am Rocky the Rock Johnson. And Rocky the Rock Johnson

is literally a large boulder. With the spirit of a certain boxer and the charisma of a certain wrestler turned movie star, Rocky is a stone cold barbarian who is always ready to roll with the punches. Plus they're hot

like a super hot sexy chiseled boulder that you are undoubtedly 100% sexually attracted to no matter what anybody else says. Also, they hate scissors and are deathly afraid of paper. Excellent. Plus, they move using telekinesis and they talk using telepathy,

just as a heads up. Okay, thank you for that. Great heads up. You answered all of my follow-up questions. Am I attracted to it? How does it talk? All right, so the three people who just saved your life and pulled you out of the moat are now staring down at you, Seb, and they're sort of blocking out the sun

as you cough up that water and stare up at them. Look, Friday, look, Rocky. It looks like a little doll. Well, well, well, look what the moat dragged in. Look what we dragged out. Friday's shaking, Seb, like he's a rag doll. Are you trying to sneak in here without a badge? These angels are punishing me for my sins. This is truly hell. Angels? Well, thank you. I mean, I'm sure you are 100% definitely attracted to me, but we're no angels. We're just trying to be strong boys, just like everybody else around here.

Yeah, what are you? Huh. No one's really asked me that. You know, I hope that when I describe myself, maybe friend is first. All right, this guy's definitely not here to try out to be a strong boy. No, I am. I could be, right? Let's see. And then Rocky is going to try to squeeze Seb's biceps with his telekinesis. Oh, my God.

There's something crazy happening. Who's doing that? Well, it was fun fishing you out of the moat, but we got to go try to be strong boys. And, uh, Seb, you're familiar with this position? Basically, strong boys for the royal family are like extra expendable secret service agents. And as far as schemes to get close to Chalice go,

this strong boy gig, you know, it sounds like a pretty good bet. Well, hey, hold on. I would die for them, too. I can try out, right? Well, hurry those little legs up, then, because we don't want to be late. They're not little, all right? Yeah, sure, I am 5'10 1⁄2", and then my legs are, they are kind of short. Wow.

No, they're actually kind of short. We are going to call you Mumbles. Come on, Mumbles. Let's are kind of short. Wow. No, they're actually kind of short. We're gonna call you Mumbles. Come on, Mumbles. Let's get out of here. Oh, nickname. New friend group. You're all walking over. Seb, you're just kind of following these three. You're almost just following, like, in their shadows. And ultimately, you make your way

to this field. And it's not much of a field because it's really just made out of clay here. And it has some odd markings on it with white chalk. There's tons of large stone tools. Eventually, it does dawn on you that this is exercise equipment used for training and getting your body in peak shape. And everyone is also putting on these, like,

old-timey leather football pads with the leatherhead football helmet included, getting ready for these strong boy tryouts. And just as you're kind of getting your bearings, you hear a loud whistle and everyone sprints to kind of get in one single file line facing out into that clay field. And there are just two figures standing there. Coming, coming. I just kind of take my time. I'd rather get there okay than get there hurt. So I am walking over. I am still walking and I am in line now.

That whole time everyone else was stand still and completely silent. And your voice really carried across. The taller individual of the two, he is wearing like most like a white robe. There's like one black strip that goes down the middle and it's almost like the bottom of his robe looks like a dirty apron. This is Perny and Tussauds, but everyone just calls him Coach. All right. Welcome, everybody. Thanks for lining up. I see a lot of familiar faces here today, trying their luck again to become a strong boy. Glad to see you. We got an awesome

turnout here. I'm not so surprised because, of course, being a strong boy pays well, and you get to live in the castle. For that alone, this makes this one of the most highly sought jobs in all of Frasier, which is why there are only three openings and about 100 of you here. By the end of the day today, we will know who's got what it takes to make the strong boys team. Your strength will be tested, your mind will be tested, and your fortitude will be tested, and your mind will be tested. All in hopes of joining the strong boy ranks. And who knows? Maybe even one of you here will be lucky enough to be a future inductee into the Strong Boys Hall of Fame.

And he nods to his assistant coach, his silent assistant coach, who must be some sort of hedge mage because he casts a major image that basically serves as like an in-memoriam montage of strong boys sacrificing themselves for a royal in the past. Somebody's like go back like hundreds of years old of someone taking an arrow to the chest while, you know, like a queen of old is sunbathing on a beach. Chalice is skipping rocks as a child and a strong boy just gets eaten alive by a bunch of eagles next to her.

Also Chalice having one of the other strong boys throw one of the strong boys onto ice to see if it's thick enough to ice skate. She's just holding her little skate. I picture like a young Chalice, I guess,

and there's like eight strong boys that are making themselves a bridge over a volcano that she's like happily skipping on top of to cross to the other side of the volcano as they melt away. And then the last one of this montage seems to be the most recent. And it looks as if this happened pretty recently because it's three strong boys and they're kind of exploding in magical green fire. Some of them, you're mostly just seeing their skeleton in order to shield Prince Milk Nip, who is crying,

but that's mostly because his ice cream cone is melting and his back is to the strong boys. Oh, man, it gets me every time. If seeing those Hall of Famers didn't inspire you, you're already dead. Now, who's ready to get these strong boy tryouts underway? I'll give it a try. All right. First things first, oil up, pop those tops and bottoms, and show us what you got. Everyone, give me a performance check as coach walks down the line,

looking at those busts and muscles. And, Seb, you're rolling with disadvantage because comparatively, you are a little puny guy. Ooh, 18. Oh, Friday, looking good. You've been working out, pal. Hey, nice job, Friday. Rocky tried to toss himself into one of those rock tumblers

to clean himself and get all shined, but he got stuck in, so he only rolled a four. How am I looking, coach? How am I looking? You look great, but your form's all off. And we'll give you a minute to get loose. Thanks, coach. 15.

Wow. So when he gets down the line to Seb, Seb, you are posing and flexing,ing like pretty impressively. There's a lot of passion and energy happening there. Hey, you look great. I'm not going to lie. And you know, in, uh, I don't know, four or five years, four or 500 pounds from now, you might have a real shot at this, but, uh, thanks for coming and showing interest. Hey, and thank you for taking the time and giving me an honest critique. I really do appreciate that. Yeah.

Grab yourself a T-shirt on the way out that said, I tried out for the Strong Boys and all I got is this awesome shirt. Oh, but I'm not done. Oh. Did I surprise you? Oh, I thought you meant you weren't done speaking. You are done with this trend.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You're too small. I'm not too small. There's plenty of good things about me, all right? Let's see. All right, well, I got to keep running. There's a hundred guys here, so I'm going to keep going down the line. But you should go.

You should go. That's fine. I can walk with you. We can walk and talk, all right? It's no problem. And what did Rusty the runt roll here? A six. Okay, Rusty is looking rusty.

Come on, Rusty. I know you're better than that. Hey, Rusty, you're looking a little tired. I have some yerba mate tea, if you would like to try some. Hey, Rusty, you're looking a little tired. I have some yerba mate tea if you would like to try some. It's quite bitter, but it really pets me up. He's so cute. Can I keep him? And Rusty picks him up and starts to comb his hair.

Oh, I love this. Coach just finishes walking down the line. All right, not a bad showing. There just may be three future strong boys amongst you here, but there's way too many of you and we only have one day to make our decision. So we're going to immediately thin the herd here and start with Prince Milk Nip's personality screening for the job. You guys get the idea. You know how it goes. And you see a line of people starting to form outside of a fancy little tent that you assume Milk Nip must be in doing his personality screening for the job.

And Seb, you actually see that the assistant coach is gesturing to you. It is time for you to enter Prince Milk Nip's fancy little tent. So you enter and you see, man, this thing is very lavish. There's more expensive things in here than the net worth of 50 people's regular homes. And this is just his little outdoor glamping tent. But he is perched on a giant pillow looking up at you. And actually, Jesse, do you want to describe what Prince Milk Nip is looking like right now? Yes, Prince Milk Nip is adorned in silk tighty reds. They're like tighty whiteities, but maroon red.

He has like a kind of billowy, burlap-y type shirt on that's open down the middle with ruffle shoulders. And a little monkey cap, like those caps that you see like small monkeys wear sometimes. He's lounging. He's feeling good. He's comfy. That's him lounging? That's his lounge wear. Oh, yeah.

Don't say a thing. Thank you for entering my tent. I hope you enjoy. Don't comment. I'm tired. So the whole reason you're here, even though you're kind of small, is because I'm trying to form a new team of strong boys.

I have three questions. I got three answers. What? It's nothing. Okay. First question. Step up. Okay.

Closer. Okay. I get bored a lot. Tell me a secret. Okay, let's see. I have only had sex four times in my life, and I was married. That's so little. Yeah.

That's so little. Yeah. Were they all with the person you were married to? Yes. Oh, God. You're such a loser. Yeah. I like that. Oh. I don't want my a loser. Yeah. I like that.

Oh. I don't want my strong boys to have a body count that's higher than me. Yeah. Well, you don't have to worry about me on that one. Question two. My favorite number. Tell me a joke. Oh, okay.

What did the hat say to the other hat? I don't know. Wait right here while I go ahead. Maybe I said that wrong. No, you said it right. I understood it. No. I liked it.

Oh. That was good. I don't want you to be funny. That's my job. I like you so far. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Would you like a french fry?

I have a plate of them. Yeah, crispy and golden. Mmm, yeah, that sounds good. Question three. Do you have the ability to synthesize poison and be my taste tester? Uh, maybe. I don't know. I've never really tried.

Well, isn't that convenient? Today's your day. I want you to try this stinky, rotten, poisoned salmon. No, yeah, you're good with the jokes, though. I really, I'm kind of getting your vibe, too. This is going both ways. Don't get too ahead of yourself. You're starting to make me angry.

I don't like when people think they're comfortable in front of me. So there's awkward eye contact happening between the two of them, and Prince Milk Nip, his stare only intensifies, and Seb, you realize that it's time to eat it or get out. From out of frame, little shaky fork kind of comes up with the flaked salmon, glides over to my mouth. My tongue kind of like rolls out like a cartoon. I put it onto my tongue, and then it rolls back with it, and I swallow. All right, give me a constitution saving throw here. If you roll anything less than 10, you're definitely throwing up.

Anything less than five, it's really bad. You roll a one, it's death saving throws. What? Okay, well, it's not that because I rolled a 14. Okay, it's horrible. It's going to come out weird one way or the other, but you're managing to keep it down right now as Milk Nip just stares at you and watches you eat it.

Oh, diarrhea fuel. Oh, God. What'd you say? It's diarrhea fuel. Oh. Okay. Diarrhea is fine. As long as it doesn't kill you.

Would I be dead if it was going to? It's poison. You know how many people died today? Twelve. Oh, God. But like, is it, the kind of poison? Because, like, I knew this guy in high school. His dad got poisoned.

Okay, I know what a mild poison is. My poison is death poison, and you survived it. Jesus, okay. Ugh, all this feeding people poison stinky salmon is getting me hungry for my afternoon snack. Aw, I'll be back. is getting me hungry for my afternoon snack. Oh, I'll be back.

Okay, looks like if you're done with the personality check, we got a water break here. Make sure you guys stay hydrated. It's hot under this sun. So, yeah, get your water. Friday walks over to where, like, the animals eat and drink at, like, a trough and picks up an entire water trough and drinks it like it's like marathoners crushing those like little things of water in a race.

I feel pretty crummy, but you know, I think there's something about almost drowning that has just given me a whole new lease on life. I'm just, I'm having a hangout. Why are you guys doing this, huh? I mean, you guys could be doing anything. Look at you brawny boys. Oh my gosh, a big old rock, an orc.

You're like, I have a friend who we're kind of going through a rough patch, who's an orc, not as buff as you. Like, now I'm starting to think medically something's wrong with him. And you're so eloquent when you speak. Light, why are you doing this?

You look like you could do anything. No, actually, this is sort of the only thing that I've ever been good at, using my strong body to be between danger and people who are weaker than me. This is all we got, really.

You know, this is all people expect from us. They're never asking us to use our brains or our rock cores, depending on the species you are. We're just here to maybe take a hit or two. Plus, you know, it's pretty nice.

You get paid, and if you do lose your life, they take care of your family. They take care of all your little pebbles, which is nice. Yeah, I got a new baby at home. He's twice the size of you, by the way. Nice. And if I die at this job, he'll be set for life. And that doesn't seem like too bad of a deal. Wait, you had a baby? Yeah, I had a baby. Congratulations. That's amazing. To be honest,

I'm feeling a little scared about getting too attached to my little one because chances of something happening to me is high. Inevitable death, of course. Yeah, inevitable death. Yes. What about you, Rusty? Me? Well, lineage. One word. Oh, that's right. All your family members have died being strong boys. Isn't that right? Mm-hmm.

All of them. I saw them in that montage, Rusty. Oh, is that the part you were closing your eyes and screaming through? Yes. Yes. All right. Now, we are going to move into the next trial. This is a big one. Threat assessment. Obviously very key if you're going to be standing in the way of danger and protecting our royal

family. So everyone get in these different lines here. And now we're going to go through this as quickly as we can. And he's kind of ushering everyone into like four different lines actually seb you find yourself pretty close to the front of the line and then just kind of pushed to the front but you got your three buddies here in line behind you and what you see in front of you really what it is is that scene in men in black when they all like line up in a row and they each have like a gun and it's a set that looks like a city block and then aliens pop out and then one of them's like a little girl and so you like don't want to shoot that one so anyways it kind of looks like that so you see some employees of the crown they're kind of crouched behind these different cutouts of like the kingdom that's been like painted onto

these slats of wood and they're going to pop up with little wood signs with different things on it. This is going to test your ability to see threats before they take action. When you are in public with a member of the royal family, you have to be able to tell friend from foe and react on instinct. But we told you we were going to test you mentally as well. So first, you got to look at this distraction pattern designed to get into your brain and distract you from your objective, protecting the royal family. And you see in front of you, Seb, a swirl of colors moving in a pretty like almost like hypnotic way, trying to get in your head to distract you for this upcoming trial. So can you give me a wisdom saving throw and let me know what like Seb is thinking about or what his approach is to succeed in this? Okay, so he keeps on clearing his throat a bunch and

isn't really concentrating very hard on the colors ahead of him. And he puts a little cough drop in his mouth and thinks, wow, that's so much better. And I can really just use this peppermint and this menthol to help me concentrate. Because you know it's been linked to better cognitive abilities and everything. And I rolled a 22. Whoa. You were trying to focus on protecting the royal family, right? And not get distracted by it? Yes.

Okay. Because of the menthol. With that, give me an additional wisdom saving throw. This time with disadvantage and all will be explained before the end. Okay. 21. So 10. Okay. So with that test and the colors fading, you feel like you passed because you're still able to focus on protecting. So now it's time to actually take part in this, right? And four at a time get to go, just like men in black. This is men in black rules. And so it's actually you, Seb, and the three others. And can the three of you,

while I'm talking here, give me an actual like wisdom saving throw as well? Oh God, I botched. I'm so embarrassed. I got a three. Oh my God, Leader, are you embarrassed too? No, it's probably better than you. I botched. I'm so embarrassed. I got a three. Oh, my God. Leader, are you embarrassed, too? No, it's probably better than you. I look over. I actually got a dirty 20. Oh. Okay.

It's time for it to begin. The four of you are each at the front of your respective lines, and you each get handed a light crossbow. And this wooden set with guards, you know, crouching behind it are at the ready, too. And you hear the whistle again, and it's time. So everyone give me a perception check to see how well you do. 17.

13. 16. 21. Oh! Because the menthol actually has a lot of cognitive... Rusty sees that he's doing really well and kind of wants to try this menthol thing out. I think this doll really knows what's up.

So, yeah, what's popping up is like different monsters. You know, you'll see like a beholder and you're shooting it. You're seeing innocent civilians. You shoot them. It doesn't seem like anybody who's watching this trial really cares that much. You see some thieves. You see Chip as one of the outside. You're like, what the hell? And then a sign of milk nip pulls out. that much. You see some thieves. You see Chip as one of the cutouts. What?

What the hell? And then a sign of milk nip pulls out and so give me a wisdom saving through everybody to see if you pull the trigger or if you can hold back and not fire. And everyone should actually have advantage on that. 16. 19. 17. 15. Alright. If you're 15

or higher, you didn't hit it so I think that's everybody. Rusty, your finger was just trembling on that trigger. I. 15. All right. If you're 15 or higher, you didn't hit it. So I think that's everybody. Rusty, your finger was just trembling on that trigger. I'm scared, man. This game is scary, man. And then you see like another goblin. You fire one off, hits it. And then, Seb, you swear at one point, real life Jennifer just popped her head up.

What the f*** is going on? And then went back down. All right. next round. And it's the next four people in line who are now up. And y'all did pretty well. So you're kind of clapping each other in the back. And, you know, the rest of you are kind of looking at Seb like, wow, he's actually not so bad.

Way to go, Mumbles. You're looking like a real strong boy. Yeah, Mumbles, you were great out there. And they're all kind of reaching out like people do for gum. We want whatever you have. Yeah, yeah, give us that stick. There's a single tear running down my eye. No one has ever asked me for a high five,

and I think that's what you're asking for. Yeah, yeah, and you're rocking it. Yeah, I'm all hand. I'm all everything. You can just slap me. That's a high five for me. We're all slapping the rock. I'm sitting there hitting it.

Watch out for my hole. I have one hole. Is it for food or is it for poop? It's for everything. Oh, God. I have one hole for everything. Ew. Do you pee, poop, and eat through the same hole?

Sorry to interrupt such an interesting convo, but does anyone else want to sit in the shade for a minute? Yes. That sounds wonderful. I love the shade. I would love some water for my hole. So, what do you do for yourself? What kind of self-care are you into? Well, I mean, everything I do is for others. That's kind of the whole point of being a strong boy. I don't really have time for myself. I mean, you boys know what I'm talking about. Yeah, what's self-care? Yeah. What's self?

Good question, Rusty. Yeah, wait. What is that? Okay, well, I don't know if we have time for something like that, but go ahead and touch your arm. Okay. Feels nice. Yeah, that's you.

Now go ahead and wrap that arm and the other Feels nice. Yeah, that's you. Now go ahead and wrap that arm and the other arm around yourself. Give yourself a big old hug. Like choking myself? But gingerly. No, not the neck. Being nice to myself? Yeah, so self-care is like

when you do something for yourself that makes you feel good, that makes you feel pride and kind of, it doesn't even have to be super complicated. You know what I like to do? What? I like to just kind of share my emotions, just kind of let them all out. Feel that breeze that we're getting right now underneath this nice tree? I just like to let them go into the breeze. Seb, why don't you give me a persuasion check to get them to share their emotions with advantage here? Because they want to, but it's definitely something you're going

to have to persuade them to do because it feels scary it feels wrong and it feels weak okay so i rolled a two and then a 16 i'm scared of getting hit by a bow and arrow something awful i'm scared i'll never live up to my family's reputation i'm scared of getting covered up by a bunch of paper. Well, that did feel good. Oh, that felt wonderful. See? I feel lighter, but somehow, and then Rusty's like looking at his hands,

stronger. Yeah. That's actually going to slide us right into a montage where after these three and Seb start sharing their emotions and are feeling a little bit more comfortable with it, they find it's making them a little bit stronger. There's a moment where arrows are coming at them. And before it starts, Friday cries about it and hugs all of his friends. And then he's less afraid. There's a paperwork part and they all are rubbing Rocky's back while he has to do it.

Yeah, we're like pointing to where he needs to sign. And you see a floating pencil and Seb freaks out that the pencil's floating, but the other two are used to it at this point. Is that the wind? What's doing that? I still don't understand. And then we're all doing an Italian cooking class. So we're just like making nachi together. And we're kind of like putting a little bit of flour on each other's noses and stuff like that,

and we're just kind of chasing each other. Yeah, Friday goes, Isn't it pronounced no-key? And they're laughing and laughing. And I'm like... Rocky takes his chef hat and puts it into his blowhole. Whoa. We see this all played in a montage,

along with seeing how far they can throw a rock, take a punch in the stomach, get across these hurdles as quickly as they can. And so everyone just give me an athletics check and everyone give me it with advantage. Except for Seb. Seb, you're used to having the ability to share your emotions and have that power you. So everybody else else this is new to you you're getting advantage right now holy smokes 24 30 20 16 oh i've got 24 too wow everyone did great seb and you're hanging in there people are really taking notice that like

truly when everyone lines up you are at their waist but you've got twice the heart in more ways than one than everybody out here combined. And you're just leaving it all on the field. Throughout this entire montage, we've seen Seb attempt the monkey bars, which was the first part of the montage that everyone just kind of flew through. And he just keeps getting on those first three bars and then dropping to the ground. And now the sun is almost starting to set. It's been a full day of these trials. And Seb, shirtless now, pouring sweat, continuing on the monkey bars. Now it's the last bar. And he grabs the other side.

And when he falls from exhaustion, everyone's there to catch him. Mom bowls. Mom bowls. Mom bowls. I'm a big boy. And with that, there's a big whistle. All right. Great stuff.

I think we're finally ready for it. He looks at his assistant coach, who's been silent this whole time, and just kind of nods back. Yeah. All right. We're going to do the final trial. And that's really as close as you're going to get to a real-life situation. Everyone get paired up into groups of four. They're already all holding hands.

Or a rock. My hole! Even though it only took you a second to hold each other's hands by the time you looked up you were standing basically last in line.

So you got a lot of time to kill before getting to go in this final trial. Mumbles, when you finished that monkey bars back there I was so proud of you.

Yeah man, that was awesome. Well I couldn't have done it without the support of you all. I feel like I'm watching you guys grow and be like, when I first saw you, I was like,

these are the weirdest looking angels I have ever seen. But now you guys, you're more than just brawny, brawny fellas, all right? You're like good people too. I really like getting to know you. I mean, we all already have like inside jokes, like the monkey bars make me want to go. A crap home. Scrap.

Well, we're working on some stuff. Well, we really appreciate you teaching us to love our, what was it? Svelve? Self. Self. Self. Yeah, I think I speak for everyone when I say when you cracked us open today, I never felt stronger than that. When you told me that I was me and that was insane.

Yeah, that was not my best one. When you told me that I have a soul and that I should pick up my paintings again and not give up trying to be a painter, that was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me, Mumbles. When you held my hair back when I was throwing up into that river, that was true friendship. When you taught me all the other uses for my hole that I had never even considered. Balloons.

Balloons. That's right. Me and Rusty and Lights, we were talking, we thought. And they're all sort of looking down at their feet, sort of shuffling. Which it's hard to tell with Rocky, but you know he is. Yeah. Yeah. We want you to take lead.

Take lead? You're our leader, yeah. That's right. Really? Yeah, you're our leader now. You're the best of us, mumbles. When I realized you weren't a doll and that you're actually a full autonomy human being with thoughts feelings and emotions you made me believe that i could be that too you showed me you're not a doll huh

you've got all those things too and he gets real shy damn dude i think i love you as friends i think i love you as friends too i think i love you all as friends. And they all hug. Okay, are you hugging us right now? I'm hugging you. That's why you're feeling a squish. That's right. That's why you're all feeling a squish. And as you wrap up your hug, everyone stays holding hands

and turns back to face the line, and you realize that the team right before you has just failed at their attempted trial. And y'all are up. It's the last team to go in the day for the final trial of getting a royal out of a dangerous situation. You guys, you're going to have the king. And he hands you a little puppet that is the king,

and it's wearing a little crown made out of sticks. And the head is kind of almost shaped like a football. And the body and all the limbs and stuff are almost like a flag, like a rag kind of coming off the bottom. It's your job to just get the king to safety. This could be a real situation where the king is appearing in public. And, you know, in some public areas, the king's not so popular. And so people might try to get to him.

You might want to get him out of there as quickly as possible without him getting hurt. So your objective to get the king across that last little mark all the way across the clay field before one of these other guys. And you see like maybe 10 guards who are out there and they're going to be playing essentially defense here. and they're going to be playing essentially defense here. If they stop you and if they knock you prone before you get the king over there, then you lose. But hey, guys, don't take it personal. Absolutely nobody has won this today.

No one's gotten past these 10 guys. These 10 guys are freaks. I actually might just offer the job to one of these 10 guys. They're animals. But good luck. Good luck out there. All right. We got to huddle up, you guys. Mumbles,

what's the play? Yeah, play, play. What's the play? I mean, we're all smart. We can do it. We gotta work together. We gotta flex what we know. I'm just proud of as far as we've gotten so far. Okay, this isn't helpful. Yeah, Mumbles, we

need a real plan. Okay. Alright, I will make a distraction. I will get dogpiled by all of them. While they're distracted by me, you guys make the play, all right? Mumbles, you could die. Mumbles, you'll die. You could get crushed. I could die.

Here, I'll go with you. I'll also be a distraction. No, you have a kid, all right? You're just welcomed a kid into the world. I'll go with you guys. I'll go with you guys. I'll go with you two. Yeah, and I'll hide the football in my hole. That's what we're doing.

The time has started, and you're all at the line of scrimmage waiting for Seb's call to start. Can it be raining? For sure it can be raining. What kind of rain? Cats and dogs? Just a little sprinkle. Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs. It's coming down in raining. For sure it can be raining. What kind of rain? Cats and dogs? Just a little sprinkle. Cats and dogs.

Cats and dogs. It's coming down in buckets out of nowhere. And it's filmed in HD and you can see the sweat. It's a flop. And the rain dripping down. Oh, I love this. But it's also like 40 degrees. So our breath, you see like the classic fog coming out through our helmets.

Yeah. And we're covered in that red clay from the field. This is so good. Mud. I forgot that this is the shit I'm supposed to say as a DM. And we're covered in that red clay from the field. Because it's getting all mushy and mud. I forgot that this is the shit I'm supposed to say as a DM. This is awesome. And everybody roll for initiative. Seven. Six.

17. 11. So the whistle blows. Seb, as the quarterback, the king is starting in your hands. And all these guards are moving locked in towards you, and more importantly, the king. All right, so I'm like play-actioning it. I'm sticking the ball deep into the hole,

but I'm using my body to hide that action, and I go out wide. Okay, so are you trying to make it look like you still have the king after you take a step back and put it into Rocky's hole? Yes, but I'm also trying to get their attention really, really strongly. So I'm also singing radioactive by Imagine Dragons as I do this. Okay, give me two checks here. Give me Imagine Dungeons and Dragons.

Imagine Dungeons and Dragons. Oh. Imagine Dungeons and Dragons. So give me a, you can either do sleight of hand or deception here. All right, sleight of hand, 19. So I'm sticking the ball really well into the hole. And then. Do you want to persuade them in any way to come after you specifically? Yeah, I really want to piss them off

by singing Imagine Dragons. And I roll an 18. And that was your persuasion check to get them pissed at you to come pummel you? Yes, that is. Okay. Just clarifying. Fantastic.

I'm going to roll for that, actually. Radioactive! Radioactive. Radioactive. I just rolled for 10 of these guys, and all but two are coming after Seb full speed. But the other two of you are kind of blocking for Seb. Is there anything you want to do besides block? Tickle.

Tickle's good. Tickle is good. Tickle's great. I'm going to try to throw mud into their eyes. Okay. Both of you give me an attack roll. And for Friday and lights, give me like an improvised weapon check with that mud. So just give me an attack roll with dexterity because we're going to say mud has some finesse to it.

Nat 20. Oh, shit. Okay. Damn, lights. Damn. And you're tickling and they don't know what hit them because they don't know that sensation. So we'll consider this an attack roll.

Almost like you're casting a spell, but just give me a D20 check and I'm going to have them to have to do a wisdom saving throw. Yeah, that's right. It's like a one-two punch. Like when lights throws the mud in their eyes and they fall to the ground, I start tickling them. So they just get super disoriented. The old mud and tickle.

You know, football. Every Friday night. I rolled an 18. Okay, amazing. So with the mud and the tickling, that took out, let's see, six of the eight here. And so two of them are still crunching in on Seb. And Seb, they are both grappling you and trying to knock you prone

here. So give me an opposed strength check. Okay, so as some sort of feature and trait, I have something called grappling pin, where it says you can use your action to try to pin a creature grappled by you

by making another grapple check. If you succeed... Okay, that doesn't actually help me. Cool, though. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Just for bringing up something that's on your sheet that has grapple in it, I'm so freaking proud of you, dude.

You get to roll with advantage on this strength check. Yay! Whoa! Strong boy! Strong boy! Inspiration if you bring up something on your character sheet that I didn't know about. So yeah, roll with advantage here. They also get advantage, so it's kind of just like a flat.

17. Wow, even with advantage, they actually rolled a seven. So you kind of just stiff arm these fools. And Seb, you are a couple steps away. The rain is pouring down. Now everything goes slow-mo and we see the breath coming out as you put your hand out behind you

as the other two who didn't fall for the trick early on are closing the gap as you approach the end zone. They jump out. Give me one more strength check for a grapple to see if they can knock you prone. Nine. Okay, they rolled a 13. They grab you.

You fall down, and you are an inch away from the end zone. And they all stand up and cheer and are going crazy as you roll over to reveal you're not holding the king at all. And we see Rocky standing in the end zone and just, well, you tell me, Rocky. How do you show that you actually have the king? Well, of course, I explode it out of my hole. Duh.

Bleed. Of course. Bleed. Of course. It's like a t-shirt cannon. That was another thing that I brought up is that my hole should be a t-shirt cannon. Is it straight up into the air or is it, yeah, where's the hole? And does he get destroyed?

If you're shooting him out like a t-shirt cannon, does he turn into sawdust? These are great questions, but Coach doesn't seem too concerned. As soon as the king gets revealed out of the blowhole, he comes just running onto the field in the rain screaming, You did it! You freaking wild things did it! I can't believe it. I didn't see nothing like this out of some strong boys

since I was a strong boy. I'm so sorry. I'm getting emotional. That's not allowed. No, no, no. Don't be sorry, coach. And Rusty looks at Mumbles and back to coach.

We want to see you cry. Wait, what? Yeah, it makes us all stronger we learned to f***ing love it you're not gonna cry no no you're not making me cry hey you guys you might be the strong boys but you're not gonna make me cry it's not your fault what what it's not your fault it's not your fault we all close in on him saying it's not your fault and we start tickling him it's not your fault it's not your fault. We all close in on him saying, it's not your fault. And we start tickling him. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. We cut to 18 minutes of sobbing later. I feel like I actually needed that, you know? Wow.

Well, that was really incredible, y'all. But part of the reason why I'm crying is because this decision was so freaking tough to make. There's only three open spots. And there's four of you guys. And honestly, I mean, I just know how this would look. I'm so, I'm so sorry, Mumbles, but it's got to go to these other three. They're big. It's what they expect in the crown.

Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. I was getting this chamomile tea for you. What did you say one more time? Oh, thank you. That these guys are the strong boys. Mumbles, he's saying you're out. What? You know what?

You know what? And Rocky slides forward a little bit and then out of his hole, he spits a jersey and lays it across the coach's desk. Is his desk in the middle of the field? Yeah, that's where it's always been the whole time. It's just sitting right in the middle of the field? Yeah, that's where it's always been the whole time. It's just sitting right in the middle of the field.

Wow, what a hazard. I want Mumbles to take my spot, Coach. And then he slides back. Rusty steps forward and presents a little sewing kit that they've been keeping hidden. And they've made a little doll jersey for Mumbles. I made this for you. You don't have to do that. That's so nice.

And so to be clear, you're saying that you would give up your spot too? Oh, no, no. I just made that for him. But I would. Oh. Okay, I changed my mind. Sure, we're all doing it. No, Russ, he's your, whatever you gotta do. No, no, no. I'm not gonna be the only one that's gonna do it. I'll do it all.

Friday's jersey is so big that it looks like it's a blanket that he's putting down. Onto the coach's desk that completely covers it like a tablecloth. Hey, coach? Yeah, buddy. This is really awesome what they're doing. Like, this kind of is a testament to how great of a person I am, how deserving I am of this post, and I think I have an idea.

All right. You know that sad sack that keeps on crying about, like like all of his friends? It's not how I would describe him, but... Okay. Shattered by the reality and the pain of memory, that guy, give him the axe. You want me to kill that guy? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just like, let him

retire. Like, with a pension. Get some counseling. Yeah, I mean, I kind of wish that after I really went through it, someone gave me a break. Well? And he looks over at him, and the guy just passes out. Yeah, you might be right. So, what do you think?

Am I looking at the four new strong boys? Yeah, you are. You are. I'm proud of you guys. All four of you are in. And he pins your employee castle badges to each of your chests to be official royal strong boys. We did it! Oh my gosh!

Mumbles, mumbles, mumbles, mumbles! Sitcom D&D is sponsored by BetterHelp. And with that said, I've got a question for you. What's the right amount, the perfect amount of socializing for you? And how do you recharge? Maybe you thrive around people or maybe you need a little alone time. Therapy can give you self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. I think before I started going to therapy, I thought it was some sort of

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That's betterhelp.com slash sitcom D&D. Now we're going to cut to the armory where they're all donning their new uniforms. You're in your strong boy leather. So picture NFL style football pads. Someone threw like a suit over it with a black tie and you're wearing black sunglasses. That's kind of the vibe. That's cool. Strong boys.

That's cool. And coach is kind of making sure that you guys know how to don it appropriately. All right. So day one starts tomorrow. Oh, but you know, I did get word the royal family needs a strong boy right now for something. I don't know. Out in the woods. You guys want to draw a straw, see who has to go and deal with that?

Yeah. Yeah. Or we could just kind of like decide on our own. Like I could go. You want to go kind of like decide on our own. Like, I could go. You want to go? It's probably dangerous. Yeah. I would be so lucky.

Let me go. You all have families, and I've taught you all that I can, and just let me go. Wow, Mumbles, that is kind. You know what? I'd really love to stare at myself in the mirror in this new uniform for an hour or two or three, so I'd really appreciate if you took the heat on this one.

Yeah. Everyone I know is dead. So there's really no point in anything. So I'll be hanging out here. Okay. What about you, rock guy? What do you think about me? What does your hole say?

Well, my hole is telling me that it's got to be you, Mumbles. It's got to be you. All right. It's got to be me. Okay. Stop looking at my hole so long. I've just never noticed the shape. It's gotta be you, Mumbles. It's gotta be you. All right. It's gotta be me. Okay, stop looking at my hole so much. I've just never noticed the shape. It's square. Hey, they need someone like now, so get going. And Coach points you in the right direction of the stable.

And so Seb's on his way to the stable, and you see that there is already the royal carriage with horses strapped in there. It looks like everything is ready to go. They were just kind of waiting on you. You're late, rookie. Come on, pick it up. I don't change my face because that's never been what motivated me. I love a good motivational mantra or something like that, but just in your face, you do this now.

You also hear the king's voice from inside the carriage. Are we ready? What is the holdup? Now I'm running. I'm running. Okay. Yeah, they're already there. We're ready to leave. The last straggler's here. He's new. We'll get him in line later. And you see that the carriage has a driver, and then there's two other strong boys who are already there who look a little bit more like veterans. And there's a little, and the carriage takes off and it starts going into the forest just outside the castle grounds. The inner ward wall opens up and you're out into the Etta Green forest. Seb, as mumbles

in your strong boy uniform, you're kind of walking alongside the carriage as it plunges into this like enchanted, very foggy forest with these deep green colors and then tons of orange wild flowers everywhere. And it's basically like the middle of the night. You can almost barely see your hand in front of your face. There is a lantern hanging from the carriage. It's kind of lighting the way. Anything you want to do on this short trip as you head over there yeah it's dark out and to prevent myself from getting too scared

I'm going to sing a song okay I will do a performance check maybe and I rolled a two so I don't sing very well, and I don't think it's very well received, but maybe, Sean, you tell me how it goes.

Shut the f*** up! I don't know where you came from. Fresh meat. The king doesn't want a tune in the air, especially not when we're on a mission such as this. Okay. I didn't say anything when you were slamming your ass with those farts earlier, but, you know, I...

Slamming my ass with those farts. Yeah, like a car door. It was crazy. And he looks over to the other strong boy, like, gives him a look that says, oh, I can't wait till this is done, and we can teach this guy a lesson kind of a thing. And I don't know if you guys have some sort of relationship romantically, but we're professionals.

Let's keep it going. Let's go. And so before you know it, you get to your destination. Seb, why don't you just give me a perception check here? Easy. Dirty 20. Okay, you're going to see a lot. The forest parts, so the starlight and the moonlight isn't really being blocked anymore.

A lot more is illuminated. And what your attention is first drawn to is that this clearing, this opening actually ends with a long, wide stone cliff that kind of comes to a point after about 50 meters. And this stone cliff overlooks more dark green forest. It's just way down below beneath it. And at the edge of this cliff, at the point, is a tree. And it looks like a pretty good-sized oak tree. And you hear the sound of running water. In fact, the closer that you get, you notice that the tree itself is sitting in like a pool or large puddle of water. And the branches from this tree, almost you would think it must be pouring rain because water is just coming off these branches into the puddle that it's sitting in. It looks like a

naturally occurring fountain. And after you're kind of gotten your bearings with the natural elements of this area, you also see that there are two dark figures with bags over their heads, on their knees, hands tied behind their backs, with an additional guard standing next to them. And with that, the carriage comes to a stop, and the carriage door opens, and the king exits. This is King Cicero. He's still tall.

He's still barrel chested. His face is just as punchable as ever. But now there's some, you know, silver stubble in his short beard that he's using to try to cover up his protrusive butt chin. And his very light blonde shoulder length hair is shoulder length. And he's adorned in armor. pair, his shoulder length. And he's adorned in armor. So he's looking extra scary but also regal.

You hear his voice as he exits the carriage and closes his pocket watch. Remove their bags! And Seb, you feel yourself nudged forward by, well, I guess they would be your superiors. They're definitely more veteran. But they're saying, you kind of do the dirty work and take the bags off the heads of these two prisoners. Oh, freaking sharp elbows. Okay. I'm going to walk towards the mysterious two and I'm

going to comply with the orders at hand. Give me a dexterity saving throw here. There's a tie on the back of these bags. I botched, so I'm not doing so hot all of a sudden. Okay. So with a botch, you are struggling getting this bag untied that's got someone's head in it. And if you remember earlier, you had been poisoned. That was a part of your trial. And so you are just breathing that hot mess right into the face of this person as you're trying to untie their bag. Eventually, it's not

the craziest tie in the world, but you took way longer than anyone thought doing it. And you also get the feeling that maybe this person was unconscious seconds before, but before you know it, the bag is removed and it is none other than Chip. And so what I'm going to have you do right now is Chip, with disadvantage, you can either do constitution or you can do performance, but you are coming out of being unconscious. And the first face that you're seeing is Seb's. So while you're getting your bearings and seeing a familiar face, give me a check you think makes sense here to try not to give yourself away or give Seb away in this moment.

Okay. I'll do performance feels like it makes more sense. So I'll do that. Okay. An 18. Okay. With an 18, you see Seb's face as you come into consciousness as the bag comes off and you realize that that

smell that smelled like death was actually just salmon breath on Seb. You're making dead eye contact with him and the two of you just stare at each other, but the moment passes. You don't give Seb up and you give the slightest indication that you're glad it's him. Now there's a second bag to remove. Oh no.

So, Seb, you probably know what's going on here. Give me another dexterity roll to see if you can get this bag off. An 18. Okay. So you get the bag off. You only breathe a little bit of hot breath right into Beef's face. Since I'm up and close with it, I'm just whispering the words, be chill, be chill, be chill, be chill, be chill.

Chip would like to support by also saying, be chill, be chill, be chill, be chill, be chill. Okay. Chip would like to support by also saying, be chill, be chill, be chill. All right. With that, Beef, in order to not give Seb away, you can do a performance with advantage here. All right. Well, Beef's coming out of his consciousness. He's literally starting at where he left off. So he says, you too, you too. And then he looks around and he's like, huh, what?

And then he sees Seth. And then he's like, wait a second. I know nobody here. All right. So since we chose to do this, I'm going to have you actually roll for deception because that is a straight up lie. Ooh, a 12 plus 6.

Okay. Your Majesty, these are the two infiltrators. There still may be more, but these two are verified. Ha ha! More. Ha ha! Ha ha! More. Ha ha!

Ha ha! Oh my God, Chip. I mean, I don't know this guy. I am Chip. My name's Chip O'Connor, and I wink at Beef, and I say, Beef, what's your, I mean, what's your name? Oh, yes. It's really nice to meet you, Chip O'Connor. I'm Eloquence.

Eloquence. That's f***ing cool. Just give it up already. Just give it up! How'd you come up with that? You thought you imbeciles could infiltrate my castle. You're a joke! Do you like my hair? And a liar.

And a fool. Are you not listening to me? He grabs you both by the jugulars. Yeah, that's more like it. Listen to me when I monologue.

When you're on a log. Your very life might depend on it. When you're on a log, monologuing. Ain't that right? I stage slap both of them.

I go, enough of you guys that I do not know. Listen up. Give me a performance check real quick, Ben. No. Alright, it's a 19, so let me be. You just see

the king gives a subtle glance to the other strong boys. Like, give this guy a chance. He might have something. Like, there might be a future for this guy. Yes. Can I do a perception check to figure out if there's a way out of this situation? Maybe break my bindings or run away or whatever? Yeah, give me a perception check to figure out if there's a way out of this situation? Maybe break my bindings or run away or whatever? Yeah, give me a perception check. A six. Okay. With a six, you can't really

tell anything else about the carriage, about the king, your surroundings, not so much but what you did take inventory of is that you're there beef is there seb is there and with that you got a kind of a situation where it would be you three versus four including the king based on the look of these guys they don't look crazy tough and you know spells now uh you are in your manacles but you think we could maybe turn the tables here. Okay. I would like to... I'll message to both my boys, actually. I'm going to message to Beef and message to Seb.

Hey, guys. I'm going to get us out of this thing. We got to go save Chalice. So you ready to go? Rocky? I don't know what that means. I'm going to cast Ice Knife on the King Cicero. Okay.

I roll a 17. As soon as Seb sees you doing this, Seb, unfortunately, something kind of takes control of your body. It's still you, but you're making a decision, and it's almost like you're in the passenger seat. You jump in front of the ice knife. What? Are you guys killing me off? What's happening? Seb, you've been reversed Manchurian Candidated. So instead of brainwashed to kill a good guy, you've been brainwashed to save a bad guy. During your test, the distraction pattern from earlier was actually a hypnotic pattern

to subliminally manipulate you to risk your life for the king. So when you were focusing on trying to save the royal family, you actually helped it hypnotize you and charm you in this very specific way. So this ice knife hits you and it hits you good. What's the damage on that bad boy? There's two damages the first one is a six piercing damage and then anyone within a five foot radius has to roll a dexterity saving throw so probably him and the king okay give us a dexterity saving throw then 15? 15 passes. The king rolls a 17.

Also passes, so they don't take that. So Seb leaps in front of the ice knife, and it hits him directly in the chest. Sebby! Okay. I'm going to get up, and I'm going to fall, and I'm going to get up again, and I'm going to fall. And I'm going to get up, and I'm going to get to him. And you roll him over, and he's still breathing, right? Seb, you're not under, right?

Oh, yeah, of course. Seb, Sebby, what's going on? Chip, why did you do that? Seb, why did you do that? I don't know why I did that. In all that chaos, you suddenly realize, you guys, you can't move anything. Not even your eyeballs. And you actually notice, only out of the periphery of your vision,

that everyone beside you is also frozen in time. Enter tangerine protumbrance. Oh, goddammit. Did you miss me? I took a season off. Did nobody notice? I'm going to unfreeze time, but just around your mouth

So you can say you missed me And yes someone Can do that I am powerful And that means I can do things Like that that are really kind of specific And so time becomes unfrozen Around the gang's mouth here No no

I didn't miss you Yeah no didn't miss you at all, sister. Oh, we are like sisters, aren't we, beef? God, she's as annoying as I have. I forgot how annoying she is. Why are you here? Can you leave and can we leave? Yeah, what are you going to do to us, huh?

Kill us? Kiss us? We don't want to kiss you or kill you. But ultimately, I suppose that decision is up to Chalice. And you hear from inside the carriage, as the door starts opening, a muffled turned into a full let me out. And Chalice flops onto the ground, had been pushing against the door the entire time.

And there's Chalice. Chalice! Chalice! Chalice was the mastermind behind all of this. Oh my gosh, guys, it was so terrible. The sheets were so soft. The room smelled like apple cider. Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see you. Oh no.

So gross. I know. Okay, happy reunion. Now that we're all here, I was thinking we could revisit an old conversation, dearest daughter. I think it's time that you hang up your poor girl boots and retake your rightful place on the throne. We just call them boots. Yeah, they don't have to be girl boots. Chalice, you've had your fun But it's time you rejoin the family

And lead this nation like you were born to do Uh, no thank you Um, can Milk Nip do it? I left, remember? So can you leave me alone and Milk Nip does it? Ha ha! Milk Nip can't do anything Milk Nip can't chew his own food Yeah, I saw it, it was really scary

That's awful A good nation is a stable nation Yeah, I saw it. It was really scary. That's awful. A good nation is a stable nation. We exist to quell chaos, Chalice. Times are challenging in the kingdom, and people don't want to work hard for no pay anymore. The crown needs a face to appease these boorish mob of lazy dissenters before they get ideas of revolution. And who better to sway them than our very own woman of the people? And with that, the king unfurls a large piece of

parchment in front of Chalice. And Chalice, as you scan this in a panic, you can tell pretty easily that you'd be signing over your life and becoming a puppet of the crown used to control the masses. The signer hereby agrees. They'll sign all over their life, ruin their life, ruin their masses. She's reading through it. She put on her little reading glasses. She's skimming it.

So fast. Is it good? Yeah, is it good? Torture. You say torture? Um, no. No thanks Torture. Did you say torture? No. No, thanks. No. Leaning no.

That's crazy. I've never read a whole thing before. I usually just sign it right away. Yeah, I just click it. Really smart of Chalice, though, I think. I think that was a good move on her. Yeah, really smart. Chalice, look into my eyes. Look into your father's eyes and give me your answer.

One more time. No. All right. Well, you can't say I didn't try. And Prince Cicero nods to Tangerine. And Tangerine gets very focused. And suddenly three daggers. Give me a minute.

Three daggers float on their own over to the throats of Beef, Seb, and Chip. No. Too late. All three daggers move with lightning speed across the throats of Beef, Seb, and Chip. Wait, what? No. I agree. No. Now, this also broke the time stop spell that Tangerine cast, so everyone drops back down into the ground face first.

Oh, my God! I'm going to die! I'm going to die! You can't die! Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. Chalice, give me a perception check right now. 19.

So the first person you get to is Chip. And when you flip him over off the ground onto his back, you see that there is blood coming from his throat. But when you go to touch the blood just based on instinct, you find that it's actually a rather small amount. And once you wipe that blood away, you see that it's actually just a pretty shallow, aggravated, extreme paper cut looking type of wound.

Chalice is relieved, but she's also a little impressed by Tangerine. So she looks over and she does a tiny little nod of respect for her handiwork. And Tangerine does like an extremely deep bow. Her little witch hat hits the ground. Yeah, so it dawns on you and everyone's kind of feeling their throats and everyone kind of realizes that those daggers must have moved so fast and with such intentional surgical precision, not to kill you, but to draw a few drops of your blood. And as you realize this, you see the three daggers now glistening with a few drops of your blood on them,

moving to the base of that tree at the point of the cliff. And those daggers dunk themselves into the water. Now the water itself remains translucent at the base of this tree, but almost immediately turns a deep, rich red, like a red light that's been turned on at the bottom of a swimming pool. That's kind of the effect that you got going on right now. And you look over and Tangerine is no longer just bowing. She's summoning something.

I'm bowing deeply and my butt's kind of shaking in the air as I stand up. As this tree does bloom from bud, please accept this gift of blood. We add it to your sacred water to beckon back the kingdom's daughter. And with that, there's a blinding flash of dark red light and an explosion of wind that almost would put you back a full step. And when you're able to look back at the tree, the water is actually back to normal. And so is the tree. Chalice starts clapping because she's not sure if what just happened

was good or bad. That was beautiful. Did you write that? Awesome. That was stunning. Oh my gosh. Tangerine. Beef, your turn.

Yeah, you're probably wondering what just happened. Yeah, that was amazing. Yeah, that was really cool. And I hate wind. Oh, I'll make you respect wind at least. Okay, good luck. I just did some very high level magic. If any of you knew anything

about higher level spells and curses, you would be like so impressed. And you seem pretty impressed, but imagine if you weren't idiots, how impressed you would be. But here are the cliff notes of the, once again, very impressive curse I just placed on you three. Very simple-minded little

insect people. Is she talking about us? If Chalice doesn't sign the contract and rejoin the royal family, my son said on the last day of the season, you three will die. And I mean dead. Wait, do you mean like financially? Because like we're fiscally underwater.

Is this still part? Oh, this is still part of the poem? Is that what this is? I don't feel like everyone's listening very well. Sorry. If Chalice doesn't sign the contract and rejoin the family by sunset on the last day of the season, you three will die and be dead for real. Like, dead. Dead. Dead. Chip, do something.

Me? What? I'm scared. Okay, everybody just calm down. We're going to figure this out. No, everyone can calm down because as I said, it will be up to Chalice if you live or die. But we'll give you some time to think it over, dear daughter. Hell, you have an entire season to make a decision. And he just stares at

Chalice. Dad! Chalice! He just continues to stare at her, and then his brow kind of furrows, and he looks over at Tangerine. Should you maybe just curse Chalice too? Dad, are you serious? Just to be safe.

Just in case she cares about these idiots. That's so embarrassing, Chalice. Daddy issues. Oh my God, Dad. In front of my friends? Are you serious? I find it hard to believe that she actually cares about them. You know, like how could you?

So let's just be safe. Let's curse her too. Oh, sure. Oh, why not? Do you have some laundry you need me to do?'s curse her too. Oh, sure. Oh, why not? Do you have some laundry you need me to do? No, the royal- It's fine. Oh, I see what you're-

Magic's easy. I'm sorry. It's no big deal. And as they're talking about this, a needle flies from Tangerine's bag and pricks Chalice's finger and goes into the base of the tree, into the water.

Uh, big huff, big sigh. As the tree does bloom from buds, except this gift of blood we add into your sacred water to back and back the kingdom's honor to place this course I use my breath that takes over which is earned. Dusted I this plea defies all reason. You have till sunset, end of season. Didn't get all the words. Hope she works.

And you feel that wind pick up again as the water turns that translucent red again. Still hate it. Well, Chalice, you have a lot to think over. We'll leave you to it. Don't forget to write, honey.

I hope we see you soon. And he kind of beckons to the other strong boys and invites Tangerine into the carriage as well. Do you want to go do some karaoke before the end of the night? I have been working on a I Can Go the Distance. Have you heard that from Hercules? Oh, yes. Hercules did used to say, ah, I think we should. I think we should. I could use some

backup dancers. And the strong boys sound like actually very excited about this and their night has turned around. And that's kind of fading off into the distance as the carriage leaves the four of you kind of in a huddled, slightly bloody, gobsmacked heap. And as you're all sitting there,

a little woodland creature scurries up and you realize it is Jennifer. Oh my God, it actually worked. I've been following your guys' scent for so long. Okay, shut up, shut up. Listen, I found a way in. I have been posing as a lady in waiting in the castle. I worked my way up the ranks and they worship me in there, baby.

So I think I'll be able to get the chalice. No, chalice. Hi. I did it. I got you. also beef you're tickling with that mud and it's a sensation that or i'm sorry yeah beef i think i did weird beef wherever he is in that moment sort of turns and like looks behind his shoulder and then shrugs he looks right through the camera. Sitcom D&D is comprised of Elizabeth Andrews, Ben Briggs, Aaron Keefe, Waleed Bansour, and me, Sean Coyle.

Already paired with the theme song, Ben and Aaron and I worked out the story concept, and Grace Harper did the editing on this one. And we were, of course, joined by the wickedly talented Jesse Kendall as Prince Milknip and Hayley Palmer returning as Tangerine Protumbrance. Y'all, I gotta tell you, right now is a great time to check out our Patreon. The support from our patrons is what makes this show possible. It's how we pay for editors, equipment, and all the expenses that go into creating the show that we love. So hop on now for five buckaroonies, that's it, and you get access to over 70 hours of content instantly. And for those of you who are already subscribed

to our Patreon, shout out to the kitchen rats. That scared me. This week's episode is Wavelength, where Ben, Elizabeth, and I attempt to play an adapted version of Wavelength, which is a social guessing game where two teams compete to read each other's minds. If you haven't heard of this or played it before, you're going to want to give this one a listen and add it to your road trip, waiting in line, passing the time with friends arsenal. So sign up for a Patreon at patreon.com slash sitcom D&D and get in on the fun. And finally, if you want to keep up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sitcom D&D. That's sitcom and then the letters D and up with the gang, you can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at sitcomdnd. That's sitcom and then the letters D and D.

This is where you can get sneak peeks at upcoming episodes and future guests, see our favorite pull quotes from that week's episode, get hot and spicy memes relating to the show, and see new character drawings by our very own Waleed Mansour. Okay. I think that's it for now. Until next Tuesday. And thanks, as always, for listening.

That was a HeadGum Podcast.